Original subtitles

Sweetie?

Ugh. No, no. nooo.

Light's too bright.

Look, I know you're still upset about you and Nathan, but I think I've got something that's gonna cheer you up.

Italian Fashion magazine!

You know, we can go through the models and draw in the facial hair where they've airbrushed it out.

You know, if you listen to pigeons long enough, they start to sound like they're saying "loser." Looossserrr.

I just--I think if you got up and got dressed, you'd feel better.

Come on, I'll pick you out an outfit. Let's see what we got here.

Uh... Oh! How about this? Little crop top, little miniskirt, and platform wedges.

There we go.

Ohh, pretty! And the pi�ce de resistance...

Un petit chapeau, huh?

Oh, look at that! Who's my gorgeous girl? Who's gorgeous?

Will, I look like I've been flattened by a steamroller.

The steamroller of cuteness!

And I think the world should see how cute you look, so come on, Gracie Adler,

we're getting up out of bed, and we are going out that door, and we're gonna greet the new day with a breath of fire.

Are you with me? Ok, let's go! Yeah!

Good night, Grace.

Good night.

How is she? I came as soon as I heard.

I called you three days ago.

Uh, hello! I got a life.

Your mole is smeared.

So how is she since the big man dumped her?

Would you try to be a little more sensitive?

So how is she since the hot big man dumped her?

She's a mess.

Sleeping all the time, not eating. Thank God she hasn't broken out the slides yet.

Ugh. Thank God is right!

You know about the slides?

No. I just assumed it had something to do with her womanity, so I thought we'd just skate right past it.

No. Slides of Grace as a kid.

You know, whenever she hits a real low point, she breaks out the slide projector

and spends a few days trying to figure out "where it all went wrong."

I'd say it was the day she became a gay man and fell in love with you.

Ok.

I'm going down to the market, pick up some doughnuts and dental floss.

Ok, "doughnuts and dental floss."

Why don't you just make an announcement? "I'm sleeping alone tonight."

Just do me a favor and please don't go in her room. I think I'm really close to getting her out.

Ok.

I mean it, Jack. Do not go in that room.

I heard you, mother.

Ok, I know you're just standing on the other side of the door,

and I think it's pretty rotten that you don't trust your best friend.

Sucker!

Grace. Are you sleeping?

I was.

Well, now that you're up... Hi!

Jack, I--I really wanted to be by myself.

I know. Me, too.

Anyway, you know, sometimes my mom would take to her bed for weeks, and I was the only one who could help.

She'd say, "Jackie, sing me a song," and I would.

She'd say, "Cuddle with me, Jackie," and I would.

I do believe that that may have been the root of me becoming an entertainer.

Either that or it was the root of you becoming a big 'mo.

You're funny when you're devastated.

Anyway, I find that the one thing that really makes people smile is my music.

Or my oddly long tongue, your choice.

Music.

Grace, I finally figured out how to make Jack 2001 different than Jack 2000.

You're gonna get an audience?

No. I'm gonna sing a medley of songs with the word "one" in them.

Yeah! So let the healing begin. Hit it!

You're still the one I want to talk to in bed. Hey! Still the one that turns my head.

You're still having fun and you're still...

The one singular sensation, every little step she takes.

One thrilling combination. Every move that she makes...

One less bell to answer.

One less egg to fry.

One less man to pick up after.

I should be happy but all I do is cry.

Oh, Grace. Are you crying?

Oh, is it because of my song?

I can't believe I made you cry.

It's ok.

Ok? It's great!

I did it! I finally moved someone to tears with my art!

Jack?

Come on, cry! Cry, damn it!

Jack!

What the hell are you doing?!

Will, please make it stop. Shake a can of pennies at it.

Will, a marvelous thing has happened. I've reached someone,

and I realize that I can do it over and over and over again!

Jack, that's fantastic! Come here, you!

I'm sorry, sweetie. Come here.

Oh, Will. How did this happen?

I wanted to marry Nathan, and he wanted to break up with me. How could I not have known that?

Don't make it worse.

Hi, girls. How's Grace?

Bad.

How bad?

Mariah Carey in Glitter.

Hi, honey. What you doing?

Just reading some old letters Nathan wrote me.

Oh.

Listen to this one. It's beautiful.

"We... We need milk."

I mean, how sweet is it to remind me to get milk?

Well, I've never understood the mating rituals of the poor, but...

But it-- It sounds nice.

This should've worked out, Karen.

Oh, coulda, shoulda, Prada, honey!

Listen, I know what your problem is.

You have all of this unfinished business with Nathan.

I do. There's so much that I never got to say to him.

Well, say it to me, honey! Come on, we'll role-play.

Yeah, I did something like this with Rosario when Stan went to prison, and it really helped.

Yeah, I'm moving on, I'm-- I'm firing people again, I'm having fun!

Well, I guess it couldn't make me feel worse. Ok.

First of all, Nathan, I need to know what made you change your mind.

I don't know. Sometimes... things just don't work out.

But we were perfect together.

Well, you know, it just... didn't... feel right.

How can you say that? I mean, we had such an incredible connection.

I mean, when in your life have you had sex like that?

Oh. Uh... Actually... Never.

Didn't you love having sex with me?

I did.

Wasn't it amazing?

Yeah, it... It was, it... It was amazing.

I miss having sex with you.

I miss having sex with you, too.

And I miss everything else about you.

I miss everything else about you, too.

I love you, Nathan.

I love you, Grace!

Ok. I gotta go.

Come on, Wilma. Dance with us. It'll make you feel better.

I'm worried about Grace. I don't feel like dancing.

Oh, who am I kidding? I'm gay. I can worry while I'm dancing.

We've been so worried!

Oh, honey!

How are you?!

Hi.

Hi! it's good to have you back, and you look fantastic.

I do like your hair like that, honey. What do you call that style?

Psycho chic.

It's the same look Anne Heche had when they picked her up in Fresno.

Ooh! Oh, that's my first clever banter in three days. I should've stretched first.

Oh, it's a little chilly in here, huh?

I'll get your blankey.

I'll get the drugs from the bathroom.

I'll get some money from Will's wallet.

Hi. It's Will and Grace. Will you Grace us with your message?

I told you to stay away from that answering machine!

Hi. It's Joanie over at Hoffman Travel calling for Nathan.

I'm booking his trip to the Bahamas, and I need to know how Suzie spells her last name.

Suzie?

By the way, I got you guys upgraded to a suite. It's so romantic.

Stellar views, and it's so lovely. It's so private, you can walk around naked if you want to.

Anyway, call me. For now, I'll just give Suzie your last name.

That was close.

Sweetie, how are you?

I'm ok.

Where are you?

I'm under the bed.

Ok. I think I'll just take the tweezers so we don't have a repeat of the

"If I don't have Danny, I don't deserve eyebrows" incident.

And I think you know what else I need.

No.

Come on, Grace.

No.

Give me the slides.

No!

If you don't, I'll have to call your mom.

Good girl.

Like I'd give these puppies up.

Well, it's gotten worse. She's under the bed bumming out the boogeyman.

Who you calling?

Honey, the only way we're gonna get Grace out of that bed is with a big strong man.

Rosario, get over here!

Good idea, maybe she can scrub the hurt and anger out of Grace's knits and fine washables.

Finally, you're here!

You know, if you're gonna leave me in the limo for five hours, the least you could do is crack a window.

What, and let you start yapping out at all the other maids so that they can come over and jump on the car?

I don't think so.

You better watch it, lady,

because the next time you take a bath it'll be rub-a-dub-dub, I drop the blender in the tub.

Ohh... You're the best.

Now get your ass in there and get that girl out of bed.

Okey dokey. Where's the hose?

Hose!

Sorry, I don't have a hose.

Actually, it's the reason I almost didn't take this apartment.

I'll make do.

Does she really hose you out of bed every morning?

I don't know, honey.

I get a lot of cold water coming at me real fast. I don't really know where it comes from.

Maybe I should go in there with her.

Will, don't go in there. It could get ugly.

And this is me as a little girl.

Look at that big goofy smile.

Stupid idiot, open your eyes! No one's ever gonna love you!

This is me with my little dog tokey.

He got run over by a car.

Lucky bastard.

Wow, my bat mitzvah.

"Today I'm a woman. Borechu et adonai I'm gonna die alone!"

I'm saying it's not a long movie.

We can go, see it, and then come back. She'll never know we're gone.

No.

We have to be here for Grace.

Call and see if there's a 9:30 show.

What's going on? Where's Grace?

Did you mistake her for some of my jewelry and stuff her down your pants?

Suck it.

I'm going out for some Pop Secret. When I watch a slide show, I like a snack.

Slides?

Damn it!

Really, this is not gonna help.

I'm not ready. It's not time.

It's for your own good!

I just saw Grace's boob.

You don't understand.

He dumped me and found someone new in four days.

Karen, take her pants off.

You know, after what happened earlier, I think I'll just wash her feet.

I am not taking my clothes off.

Fine, leave them on. Jack, get the water.

Aah! Oh, guys, I don't like this!

You think I like it?

I'm in a shower with three other people and it's not even the seventies!

Everybody, grab a soap and start scrubbing.

Guys...

Oh, my gosh, girls have such soft backs.

Jack, get your hand off my ass.

Relax, I'm a certified nurse.

Guys...

Guys...

All right, stop. I said stop!

Look, I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you all are.

I wish that I were, but I'm not.

Will, your lover of seven years left you, and you have to live every day knowing that he's out there loving someone else.

I couldn't do that. I would die.

And, Karen, your husband's in prison, the rock of your life, and you don't know when you're gonna see him again.

If I were you, I'd be a total wreck.

And, Jack... You're so resilient.

You're a 32-year-old actor-singer who gets involved in a million different relationships

and never gets invested in any of them.

I wish that I could do that, but I can't.

I'm not like any of you.

I just handle things differently so please, just let me go back to bed and deal with things the only way that I know how.

You know what?

You're right.

I've deluded myself this whole time into thinking that I'm ok, but the truth is...

I haven't been able to have a good relationship since Michael.

Maybe you're right to stay in bed and deal with it. I mean...

Maybe I'm the one who got out of bed too early.

Honey... You were right.

I don't know when Stan's coming back. I mean,

for all I know, it could be years.

I gotta stop lying to myself, Grace.

I'm really lonely. I...

I miss him.

When you said...

I'm an actor-singer who jumps from one relationship to another it made me realize...

You didn't say dancer.

And I've always felt in my heart that the dance is my strong point.

That's so depressing.

This is me doing a split jump on the trampoline