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00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:07,215
Previously on Velma...
2
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,426
The last place
my mom's cell phone pinged
3
00:00:09,509 --> 00:00:12,470
the night she went missing
was at Fred's house.
4
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,682
My name's Fred. Who are you?
5
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,268
They call me "The Thing."
6
00:00:20,729 --> 00:00:21,980
Oh God, my heart!
7
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,406
Did that work?
8
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:32,407
Yeah.
9
00:00:44,252 --> 00:00:46,921
Well, good luck
finding your mom.
10
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,094
What the hell just happened?
11
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,141
So, yeah,let's do this.
12
00:00:58,224 --> 00:00:59,684
I've avoided it long enough
13
00:00:59,768 --> 00:01:01,060
with winks and nods.
14
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:03,229
Let's finally talkabout only thing
15
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,940
you've ever really wantedto know about me.
16
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:09,819
- Is Velma Dinkley, ga--ga--- Velma, snap out of it!
17
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,614
You fed the cat
Sophie's prenatal vitamins.
18
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,034
Oh, sorry.
19
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:19,162
I was just thinking about mom,
and only mom.
20
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,080
She disappeared
at Fred's house. Bye.
21
00:01:25,084 --> 00:01:26,544
Huh?
22
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:31,800
Norville.
23
00:01:31,883 --> 00:01:33,134
Guess what Daphne gave me?
24
00:01:33,218 --> 00:01:34,761
Uh, is it mononucleosis?
25
00:01:34,844 --> 00:01:36,346
Because I saw
you two kiss last night.
26
00:01:36,429 --> 00:01:40,183
Daphne and me kiss, what?
Her hands on my hips, what?
27
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,685
The heat of a thousand suns
passing between us, what?
28
00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:46,022
Time both infinite
and finite -- Okay, we kissed.
But it's not a big deal.
29
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,024
You possibly being gay
is a huge deal.
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00:01:48,107 --> 00:01:50,985
For one, it reduces me
to a cliched
straight best friend.
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00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:54,697
Norville, we only kissed
because Daphne was trying
to stop a hallucination.
32
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,283
She gave me
my mom's cold-case file.
And guess what?
33
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,953
The last place
her cellphone pinged,
was Fred's house.
34
00:02:00,036 --> 00:02:02,038
Wait, Fred. That's huge.
35
00:02:02,121 --> 00:02:03,540
Though not,
"you might be gay," huge.
36
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:04,874
Okay, stop.
37
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:06,376
In this day and age,
you can't speculate
38
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,211
about someone's sexuality
unless they're famous,
39
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:09,587
or Peppermint Patty.
40
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:11,381
Wait, you didn't tell anyone,
did you?
41
00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,675
Mazel on your
first kiss, Velma.
42
00:02:13,758 --> 00:02:16,219
- You told your dad?
- He's a therapist.
43
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,054
I thought you might want
to talk to someone
44
00:02:18,137 --> 00:02:19,222
about whether you like women,
45
00:02:19,305 --> 00:02:21,558
or maybe women
and one cool guy?
46
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:23,810
Your dad is a high school
guidance counselor,
47
00:02:23,893 --> 00:02:25,478
the lowest form of therapist.
48
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:27,730
He's worse than
the free therapy app
I downloaded
49
00:02:27,814 --> 00:02:29,399
that's obviously
Russian spyware.
50
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:36,030
Okay, well,
I think you're gonna have
a little more respect
51
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:37,907
for my dad
after this morning.
52
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,284
He's running
a mental health assembly
53
00:02:39,367 --> 00:02:41,286
to help students process
the murders.
54
00:02:41,369 --> 00:02:43,830
There's gonna be
hella pamphlets.
55
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:48,501
Welcome, kids!
56
00:02:48,585 --> 00:02:50,795
I'm Nutso,
The Mental Health Squirrel.
57
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:55,466
Good morning, my students!
58
00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,427
Good morning,
Principal Rogers.
59
00:02:57,510 --> 00:02:58,428
Good morning, Mom.
60
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,054
And now my turn.
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00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,849
Good morning, my students!
62
00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:05,226
Good morning, Dad!
63
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,145
Good morning,
my beautiful boy.
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00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,480
And welcome to
the Crystal Cove High School
65
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:10,732
Mental Health Assembly.
66
00:03:10,815 --> 00:03:12,358
How y'all doing, good?
67
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:13,985
Bad, you idiot!
68
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:17,155
Two of our friends
had their brains removed
by Fred Jones.
69
00:03:17,238 --> 00:03:21,242
See, your dad is worse
for teen mental health
than waist trainers.
70
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:23,077
Well, you can talk to me
about your feelings.
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00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:24,871
My dad says
therapy is in my blood.
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00:03:24,954 --> 00:03:26,831
I just got my mom to admit
she never wanted kids.
73
00:03:26,915 --> 00:03:29,667
Norville, I don't need to talk
to anyone about anything.
74
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,628
Oh, God. Daphne is looking
right at me. Hide!
75
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:33,588
...comfortable opening up.
76
00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:37,467
So in sum, you can't spell
mental health without me.
77
00:03:37,550 --> 00:03:40,470
You can't spell "Kill me,"
without me either.
78
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:44,974
Okay, okay. That's enough.
79
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,851
Unless someone
has a topper?
80
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:50,897
No? Well, in addition
to spending three minutes
on mental health,
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00:03:50,980 --> 00:03:53,691
the school board is requiring
that all girls attend
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00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:55,985
a women's self-defense class
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00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:59,197
to protect themselves
from any future serial killers.
84
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:03,242
Uh, why don't
the boys have to take
a "Don't Murder Girls" class?
85
00:04:03,326 --> 00:04:05,995
Because I only have
$50 in the budget
86
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,957
to combat centuries
of toxic masculinity.
87
00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:12,752
Now, please welcome
your women's
self-defense class teachers.
88
00:04:12,835 --> 00:04:14,837
Moms?
89
00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:16,089
All right, ladies.
90
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:17,548
Who's ready to grab
their friends
91
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,426
and roll around on the floor
for a little bit?
92
00:04:20,510 --> 00:04:21,636
So hot.
93
00:04:21,719 --> 00:04:23,221
Oh, God. Get off your ass!
94
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,890
We're gonna talk to Fred
about my missing mom right now.
95
00:04:31,521 --> 00:04:33,147
Oh, give me
one of those tattoos
96
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:36,109
that's actually secret clues
about how to escape prison.
97
00:04:36,192 --> 00:04:38,236
I learned how to do this
while at Ole Miss.
98
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,738
I can do butterflies
and Confederate flags.
99
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,825
Jones, there's, like,
a talking meatloaf here
to see you.
100
00:04:43,908 --> 00:04:44,867
Velma?
101
00:04:46,536 --> 00:04:47,829
Norville. How do I look?
102
00:04:47,912 --> 00:04:49,580
Is it obvious I have
two bean bags in my bra?
103
00:04:49,664 --> 00:04:51,708
Wait. Are you still attracted
to Fred?
104
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:55,336
He's a convicted serial killer
who might be connected to
your mom's disappearance.
105
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,505
That's why I'm so confused
about Daphne.
106
00:04:57,588 --> 00:05:00,258
Sure, she was my first kiss,
but whenever I used to make out
with my hand,
107
00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,926
I called it Fred.
108
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:04,220
Okay, Velma,
you have to talk about this
with someone.
109
00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:05,722
I don't have time.
110
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:07,598
I have to focus on finding out
what happened to my mom.
111
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:11,185
So many mysteries,
so little time.
112
00:05:11,269 --> 00:05:14,397
-Daphne?
-Maybe another kiss will help
clear things up.
113
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:16,524
Muah!
114
00:05:16,607 --> 00:05:17,942
Oh, God. I'm hallucinating.
115
00:05:18,026 --> 00:05:20,194
Muah, muah, muah, muah, muah.
116
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:23,573
Hi.
117
00:05:25,241 --> 00:05:26,743
Velma, what do I do?
118
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:29,787
Ah!
119
00:05:29,871 --> 00:05:31,247
Should I kiss you
like Daphne did?
120
00:05:31,330 --> 00:05:32,749
Without consent,
I'll remind you.
121
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:34,000
No, don't kiss me.
122
00:05:34,083 --> 00:05:35,376
I'm already confused.
123
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:37,587
Kissing me would confuse you.
Wait, why?
124
00:05:37,670 --> 00:05:39,130
This isn't about you right now.
125
00:05:39,213 --> 00:05:41,090
Just make me laugh
like last time.
126
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:44,052
But a kiss might awaken
passions we've been
too scared to admit.
127
00:05:44,135 --> 00:05:46,304
Why deprive ourselves
that knowledge?
128
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,599
Oh, my God, that was hilarious.
129
00:05:49,682 --> 00:05:51,809
Thank you, Nor--
130
00:05:51,893 --> 00:05:54,937
Hey, get your friends off me.
131
00:05:55,021 --> 00:05:56,606
Great, if I'm banned
from prison,
132
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,150
how am I gonna question Fred
about my mom's disappearance?
133
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:01,444
Let me question Fred.
I have a plan.
134
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,780
You just need to figure out
your feelings for Daphne.
135
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,406
Also, your bean bags
are leaking.
136
00:06:06,365 --> 00:06:07,700
Uh...
137
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,287
Okay, listen up.
138
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,289
These are the skills
you need to survive.
139
00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:16,292
When a massive, burly man
springs up and attacks you,
140
00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:19,462
notice, she said,
when you get attacked,
not if.
141
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:21,047
Don't fight.
142
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:24,175
Just make like a grown man
who lightly stubbed his toe.
143
00:06:24,258 --> 00:06:26,803
Yell, fall down, and go limp.
144
00:06:26,886 --> 00:06:28,221
Now, to demonstrate.
145
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,848
We've pre-selected
our own daughter, Daphne
146
00:06:30,932 --> 00:06:33,392
to play the beautiful
but vulnerable victim,
147
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,603
while the gruff assailant
will be...
148
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:36,729
Ow.
149
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:38,272
-Velma.
-Who's calling me gruff?
150
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:39,398
I'm not gruff.
151
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,483
Wait, I'm with Daphne.
152
00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,777
Uh, I have to go
to the bathroom.
153
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,823
Uh, me too.
154
00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:55,164
- Hey.
- Hey.
155
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:58,626
So, uh, this is so stupid,
but before rolling around
on each other,
156
00:06:58,709 --> 00:07:00,336
I thought maybe we should
157
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,755
talk about our, uh, kiss.
158
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,841
Just in case you're confused.
159
00:07:04,924 --> 00:07:06,467
I am.
160
00:07:06,551 --> 00:07:08,427
I mean, hanging out
and dealing drugs
together yesterday
161
00:07:08,511 --> 00:07:11,764
made me realize
how much I've missed
our friendship.
162
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:15,226
So I guess my question is,
do you...
163
00:07:15,309 --> 00:07:17,019
-like me?
-Like you?
164
00:07:17,103 --> 00:07:18,938
I haven't really
thought about it.
165
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,524
You were dating Fred,
until he went to prison.
166
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:23,192
Do you like me?
167
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,819
I asked you first.
168
00:07:24,902 --> 00:07:27,196
Don't try to make me
the vulnerable one here.
169
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,115
Well, I mean, you kissed me.
170
00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:32,702
To stop your hallucination.
But then you kissed me,
like, whoa!
171
00:07:32,785 --> 00:07:34,787
Well, then let's just say
we kissed each other.
172
00:07:34,871 --> 00:07:37,540
Even though we both know
it was you who kissed me.
173
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:40,751
Which is impossible
because I don't like you
like that.
174
00:07:40,835 --> 00:07:41,919
I like Fred.
175
00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:44,630
Oh, good.
176
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:46,549
Because I don't like you
like that either.
177
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,384
Perfect. We're on
the same page.
178
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:50,803
Wow. I'm so glad
we resolved all our issues
179
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:52,555
before we had
to punch each other.
180
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:53,890
Me too.
181
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:56,893
And... Fight to see
who's less vulnerable.
182
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:04,567
What the hell, Daphne?
183
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,444
If I was a real attacker,
you could've hurt me.
184
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,945
You're supposed to go limp.
185
00:08:08,029 --> 00:08:10,072
And potentially let myself
get hurt by you instead?
186
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,949
My journal's
not gonna believe this.
187
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:14,202
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Cool it, ladies.
188
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,205
There is no room
for personal beef
in this class.
189
00:08:17,288 --> 00:08:19,457
We are not here
to attack each other.
190
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,417
-At least not until tomorrow.
-Why?
191
00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:24,420
What's tomorrow?
Oh, no. Is it fajita day
in the cafeteria?
192
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:26,923
Last year some kid lost an eye
fighting for guac.
193
00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:28,758
No, after mastering
194
00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:31,886
today's self defense
techniques, tomorrow
you'll be competing
195
00:08:31,969 --> 00:08:35,598
in the All Crystal Cove
Women's Self Defense
Class Tournament.
196
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:40,394
What? How will fighting girls
help us defend ourselves
against attacks from guys?
197
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:41,687
Is first prize a gun?
198
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,357
It is now. Great idea!
199
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:46,192
But the point of this
is to determine
200
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:49,570
- who was the least vulnerable girl in school.
- -Ugh!
201
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,447
Okay, but...
202
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:54,242
is the best way to prevent
an attacker really just
to become one.
203
00:08:54,325 --> 00:08:56,035
Works for Batman.
204
00:08:56,118 --> 00:08:59,997
Good luck tomorrow, girls.
And may the least
vulnerable girl win.
205
00:09:08,172 --> 00:09:10,633
Wait. You wanna give me
therapy? I don't know.
206
00:09:10,716 --> 00:09:14,553
Jones men normally bury
their emotions until they
explode on a family vacation,
207
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:19,016
Sure, but therapy isn't just
a great way for therapists
to remodel their kitchens.
208
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,977
It also helps people.
209
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:23,437
And I thought there might be
some things in your past
you'd want to discuss.
210
00:09:23,521 --> 00:09:26,148
Like, how Father stood me up
at my birthday party?
211
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:29,986
I tried to steer
the hot air balloon myself,
but I was only four.
212
00:09:30,069 --> 00:09:32,321
Huh. Yeah, you think
we should start there?
213
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,657
But I'd actually
rather talk about moms.
214
00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:37,618
Oh, I do miss my mom.
Uh, prison is cool,
215
00:09:37,702 --> 00:09:40,121
but nobody watches me pee
quite like Mother.
216
00:09:40,204 --> 00:09:43,374
Wow, another great place
to start, but...
217
00:09:43,457 --> 00:09:45,334
what do you think
about Velma's mom?
218
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,461
Diya Dinkley, she went missing
at your house.
219
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:51,215
Uh, you know,
I think visiting time's over.
I should go.
220
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:54,302
Everything okay over here,
with the guy who put me
in prison?
221
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:56,470
Look, pal.
I don't want any problems.
222
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,931
I'm just talking to my friend
on behalf of a female friend
223
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,100
who might become
more than a friend
if I play my cards right.
224
00:10:01,183 --> 00:10:02,852
You're wasting
your time, buddy.
225
00:10:02,935 --> 00:10:06,564
Romantic relationships
between old friends
rarely work out.
226
00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:07,857
It's always one-sided.
227
00:10:07,940 --> 00:10:09,025
That's not true!
228
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:11,986
Ooh!
229
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:14,030
Uh-uh.
230
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:35,217
Okay, first girl to move
the other off the mat
advances. Ready?
231
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,887
I'm going to beat
the Brazilian butt lift
out of you.
232
00:10:37,970 --> 00:10:40,556
You'll never undo
the work of Dr. Gross.
233
00:10:40,639 --> 00:10:42,016
I'm on the website.
234
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,893
And... Fight!
235
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,770
Whoo! Yes!
236
00:10:51,650 --> 00:10:53,402
Pathetic.
237
00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,446
Wow, I can't believe
I was gonna fake a limp
to get out of this.
238
00:10:57,365 --> 00:10:59,408
-That's it. Go limp.
-Wha...
239
00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:04,246
Protect my butt.
Please throw me on my face.
240
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:06,999
- Sorry, I can't tell which one's which.
- -Ah!
241
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,092
Where do you think
you're going?
242
00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,512
Kill her, honey.
I mean, go sportsmanship!
243
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:22,932
Sportsmanship her up
and teamwork out the pieces.
244
00:11:48,707 --> 00:11:50,960
I am not vulnerable.
245
00:11:51,043 --> 00:11:52,628
No one will ever hurt me.
246
00:11:56,715 --> 00:12:00,386
So he pushed me, and I said
classic transference.
247
00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:01,887
and that's the last thing
I remember.
248
00:12:01,971 --> 00:12:03,556
Guess I'm not as great
a therapist as I thought.
249
00:12:03,639 --> 00:12:05,266
Norville, stop.
250
00:12:05,349 --> 00:12:08,269
First rule of therapy,
you are as great
as you think you are.
251
00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:11,939
Unfortunately, no one
will ever take you seriously
as a therapist
252
00:12:12,022 --> 00:12:13,315
without this one little thing.
253
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:14,942
A PhD in psychology?
254
00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,694
Please.
255
00:12:16,777 --> 00:12:18,696
I never finished mine
and literally
no one's checked. No.
256
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:23,617
The only thing a therapist
really needs
is a good cardigan.
257
00:12:23,701 --> 00:12:25,995
It makes you look so dumpy
and non-threatening,
258
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,956
people instantly
feel comfortable
opening up to you.
259
00:12:29,957 --> 00:12:31,625
How do I look?
260
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:35,296
Like I want to scream
about how loud
your mom chews.
261
00:12:35,379 --> 00:12:37,715
Hey,
it's working already. Hmm.
262
00:12:41,218 --> 00:12:43,095
Daphne, this is ridiculous.
263
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,264
Are we really going
to fight instead of just
talking about what happened?
264
00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:48,184
If memory serves,
I asked you a question.
265
00:12:48,267 --> 00:12:49,935
I'm still waiting
for an answer.
266
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,854
Fine. I'll admit it.
267
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,606
I do like you like that.
268
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:57,568
What, are you scared
of having feelings for a girl?
269
00:12:57,651 --> 00:12:59,862
Velma, please.
I have two moms.
270
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,780
I was baptized
on the set of Ellen.
271
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:05,367
It's just I have
a lot more at stake than you.
272
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,702
- Huh?
- Uh.
273
00:13:06,785 --> 00:13:09,455
Daphne. Why are you talking
to that?
274
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,041
Oh, I get it.
You have more at stake,
275
00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:14,210
because I'm not
as popular as you.
276
00:13:14,293 --> 00:13:16,128
What? You're not popular
at all.
277
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,713
Well, let's see how popular
you are,
278
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,174
after I kick
your perfect ass, Daphne,
279
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:30,518
Oh, I'll give you something
to journal about.
280
00:13:30,601 --> 00:13:33,896
Dear Diary,
Gird your loins.
281
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:38,400
Wait, they pulled me
out of mosque for you?
282
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,695
Yes. I thought we could
continue your therapy.
283
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,240
What? No way.
Why would I wanna--
284
00:13:46,992 --> 00:13:48,744
Whoa, I feel funny.
285
00:13:48,827 --> 00:13:50,663
Did they drug our food again?
286
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:51,872
Hmm.
287
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:53,290
So what were we
talking about, Doc?
288
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:55,709
We were discussing
your feelings
289
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,128
about the night
Velma's mom, Diya,
went missing.
290
00:13:58,212 --> 00:14:01,090
Right, so Father had
just bought our house.
291
00:14:01,173 --> 00:14:05,177
It was a dump. And he had
this brilliant idea to burn it
for the insurance money.
292
00:14:05,261 --> 00:14:08,472
But instead of fraud,
you committed murder.
293
00:14:08,556 --> 00:14:12,059
I wish.
You can get over murder,
but this could ruin a man.
294
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,394
I'll never tell.
295
00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:19,441
So unflattering
and disarming.
296
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,443
The truth is, on the night
we were going to burn it down,
297
00:14:21,527 --> 00:14:24,196
my father stood me up,
just like on my birthday.
298
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:28,617
Only this time, Bill Gates
didn't even jump out
of a cake for me.
299
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,328
Wait, that's it?
And that's worse than murder?
300
00:14:31,412 --> 00:14:33,664
Oh, then some Indian lady
pulled up.
301
00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,291
Yes. Tell me about her.
302
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,042
Why, you into that? Respect.
303
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:39,628
- No. What was she doing there?
- I don't know.
304
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:43,465
My dad told me never
to pay attention to women
over 35.
305
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,843
Okay. This is useless.
306
00:14:45,926 --> 00:14:49,138
You clearly had nothing
to do with Diya's kidnapping.
307
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:50,639
Sorry, Doc.
308
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:53,183
You're not getting out of here
until you help me
309
00:14:53,267 --> 00:14:54,893
with my passive aggression.
310
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:57,605
But if you really wanna leave,
I guess I can just go suffer
311
00:14:57,688 --> 00:15:00,274
with the other guys
waiting to talk to you.
312
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:03,068
Oh!
313
00:15:03,152 --> 00:15:07,323
Welcome fans
of women's self-defense!
314
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:12,411
Now who's ready for some
bone-crushing empowerment?
315
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,456
In one corner,
316
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,708
weighing in at 110 pounds,
317
00:15:17,791 --> 00:15:21,670
and with a social media
reach of 12,300,
318
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,466
Daphne,
"the Ginger Jack-Hammer" Blake.
319
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,178
And in the other corner,
320
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:31,513
weighing in at "how-dare-you?"
321
00:15:31,597 --> 00:15:33,641
And with a social media
reach of,
322
00:15:33,724 --> 00:15:35,684
"she says
she's too good for it."
323
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:38,854
Velma, Indian middle name,
Dinkley.
324
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,439
Yay...
325
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:41,857
Sit down.
326
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:45,736
Now let's find out
which girl is less vulnerable.
327
00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:48,697
Hydrate up.
You're gonna need it
when you're crying later.
328
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:51,367
Wow. I haven't seen someone
this overly confident
329
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:53,035
since my moms
on election day, 2016.
330
00:15:53,118 --> 00:15:57,373
Really thought
Jill Stein had it.
Anyway. Fight!
331
00:15:57,456 --> 00:15:58,540
Ah!
332
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,042
What?
333
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,461
How's your stomach so hard?
Are you a robot?
334
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,505
Is that why you never shower
after gym?
335
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,340
No, my stomach's
like my lips,
336
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,842
soft, and a lot of weird noises
come out of it.
337
00:16:08,926 --> 00:16:10,594
What you felt was...
338
00:16:10,678 --> 00:16:12,638
- Wait, that's my journal.
- Yeah,
339
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:14,556
and I'm about to perform
the audiobook.
340
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,475
With voices and everything,
innit?
341
00:16:16,558 --> 00:16:18,435
Velma, please don't do this.
342
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:20,896
You hurt me. I hurt you.
343
00:16:20,979 --> 00:16:23,899
Hey, everyone.
So you all think that Daphne
is the perfect,
344
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:26,193
beautiful, girl-next-door,
right?
345
00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,736
Well, it's a lie.
346
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:29,363
According to her own journal,
347
00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:32,574
Daphne is so messed up
that she has a daily session
348
00:16:32,658 --> 00:16:34,743
with our school
guidance counselor, Lamont.
349
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,870
to discuss her issues.
350
00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:46,714
Guys, come on.
351
00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,299
I just made Daphne vulnerable.
I win.
352
00:16:49,383 --> 00:16:52,928
Now laugh as we watch
her precious popularity
fade away.
353
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,596
Why would we do that?
354
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:59,643
Mental health is no joke,
no matter how lame Lamont is.
355
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,895
Yeah. No matter
how lame I am.
356
00:17:03,522 --> 00:17:06,066
Daphne, Daphne!
357
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:07,776
Oh, no.
358
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:17,995
Look, Velma, the only way
you're going to avoid
suspension
359
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,038
is if you apologize
to Daphne.
360
00:17:20,122 --> 00:17:21,623
I have to apologize?
361
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,001
She kicked me so hard,
my tubes are now tied.
362
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:28,255
Yes, but you hurt her feelings,
which is way worse these days.
363
00:17:28,338 --> 00:17:30,382
Now, would you care
to tell me why?
364
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:33,552
No way. And good luck
trying to get in my head
without your cardigan, sucker.
365
00:17:33,635 --> 00:17:35,721
Yeah, Norville told me
about your little trick.
366
00:17:42,728 --> 00:17:44,688
Fine. I know I have to talk
to someone
367
00:17:44,772 --> 00:17:46,565
about my feelings
for Daphne, but...
368
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,946
But my mom is the person
I talk to when I'm confused.
369
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:54,907
and talking to anyone else
feels like a betrayal,
370
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,284
like I'm admitting
she's gone for good.
371
00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:00,370
I see that, but hasn't
not talking to someone else
372
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,748
gotten you even further
from finding her.
373
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,667
Huh.
374
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,587
Okay. That feels smart,
but it's coming from you so...
375
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,173
Yeah. No,
I surprised myself there.
376
00:18:11,256 --> 00:18:13,675
I'm really just supposed
to talk to kids about college,
377
00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:15,886
but my point is...
378
00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,763
uh...uh... Nope. Lost it.
379
00:18:17,846 --> 00:18:19,556
I think you meant that
380
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:22,059
by refusing to figure out
my feelings for Daphne
in the beginning,
381
00:18:22,142 --> 00:18:24,269
I just made this whole mess
with her instead.
382
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,480
That's it. You know,
a smart girl like you
383
00:18:26,563 --> 00:18:28,565
would be real
Smith College material.
384
00:18:28,649 --> 00:18:31,026
Okay, but do I still have
to apologize to Daphne?
385
00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:34,530
I only read her journal
because she said she was
too popular for me.
386
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:35,864
Up to you, Velma.
387
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:38,200
But sometimes
when you're being attacked,
388
00:18:38,283 --> 00:18:40,953
-the best thing to do is--
-Go limp.
389
00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:42,371
You're right.
390
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,706
I was going to say
go for the eyes!
391
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:48,043
So it looks like Fred
392
00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,462
isn't connected
to your mom's disappearance.
Good news, right?
393
00:18:50,546 --> 00:18:52,381
No, it's terrible news.
394
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:55,467
It means my big clue
is a dead end,
and Fred is probably innocent.
395
00:18:55,551 --> 00:18:57,302
Yeah, but isn't it
a little comforting
396
00:18:57,386 --> 00:18:59,721
to see a rich white guy
get wrongly convicted for once?
397
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,515
I'm too distracted to enjoy it.
398
00:19:01,598 --> 00:19:03,600
I need to make things right
with Daphne.
399
00:19:06,728 --> 00:19:08,564
Wait for me, okay?
400
00:19:08,647 --> 00:19:10,732
Unless you feel like
getting me a snow cone
and immediately coming back.
401
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:13,527
Sure. I don't have
anything else scheduled
for right now. Oh, crap!
402
00:19:25,581 --> 00:19:28,125
Well, 10-minute rule.
Norville is not coming.
403
00:19:28,208 --> 00:19:31,962
Guess I'll have to channel
my childhood trauma
into becoming a lawyer
404
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:35,257
and helping my imprisoned
brothers appeal
their convictions.
405
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:36,717
No, nobody leaves.
406
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,052
Why does everyone think
they can stand me up?
407
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,849
Okay. Riot it is.
408
00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:04,036
Hmm.
409
00:20:05,537 --> 00:20:06,955
What do you want, Velma?
410
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,624
I came to apologize.
411
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:12,169
I'm sorry I read your journal
out loud to everyone in school.
412
00:20:12,252 --> 00:20:13,795
-Velma.
-Yes, I know, I know.
413
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,547
Now you want to apologize
to me?
414
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,091
-For what?
-For saying I'm not
popular enough for you.
415
00:20:18,175 --> 00:20:20,469
-I never said that.
-Well, someone said it.
416
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:22,429
-You said it
-And I meant it.
417
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:25,015
This has nothing to do
with popularity, Velma.
418
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,309
Do you even know
why I've been talking
to Lamont?
419
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:31,104
No, honestly, I just flipped
through your journal
looking for sexy stuff.
420
00:20:31,188 --> 00:20:32,481
Bit of a snooze, IMHO.
421
00:20:32,564 --> 00:20:34,274
Okay, well, I'm talking to him
422
00:20:34,358 --> 00:20:36,026
because searching
for my birth parents
423
00:20:36,109 --> 00:20:38,570
has brought up
a lot of feelings
of abandonment for me.
424
00:20:38,654 --> 00:20:39,529
Oh.
425
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:41,531
I'm sorry.
426
00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,158
-When my mom--
-Exactly.
427
00:20:43,241 --> 00:20:45,577
When your mom went missing
you abandoned me too.
428
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,829
What? Only after you got hot
and ditched me.
429
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,623
That's not true.
You shut me out first.
430
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:52,125
I shut everyone out.
I still haven't seen
my dentist,
431
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:53,585
nor do I intend to.
432
00:20:56,421 --> 00:20:59,549
Okay, so maybe a little fault
in our falling out
lies with me?
433
00:20:59,633 --> 00:21:02,010
And then we kissed,
and it was amazing.
434
00:21:02,094 --> 00:21:05,222
But you said you didn't like me
like that and I freaked out.
435
00:21:05,305 --> 00:21:08,058
'Cause I thought you're going
to go away again.
436
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:10,644
So wait, is this an apology?
437
00:21:10,727 --> 00:21:12,354
Well, do you like me?
438
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:13,689
You know I do.
439
00:21:13,772 --> 00:21:16,441
But I'm also, kill me,
super attracted to Fred.
440
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,276
Whoa! You do need therapy.
441
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,697
Honestly, I think
what I really need is a friend.
442
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:22,698
Me, too.
443
00:21:23,281 --> 00:21:24,199
But also,
444
00:21:24,282 --> 00:21:25,867
-maybe a friend who fu--
-No.
445
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:28,537
Let's just keep it simple
and try and be friends again.
446
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,788
Yeah, you're right.
447
00:21:29,871 --> 00:21:31,665
I can only obsess
over one woman at a time.
448
00:21:31,748 --> 00:21:33,917
And right now
it has to be my mom.
449
00:21:34,001 --> 00:21:35,127
So should we hug it out?
450
00:21:35,210 --> 00:21:36,920
Friends hug, boobs touch,
no crotch.
451
00:21:37,004 --> 00:21:38,630
Boobs touch, no crotch.
452
00:21:41,049 --> 00:21:43,468
-Maybe, let's just shake. Yeah?
-Yes, love a shake.
453
00:21:43,552 --> 00:21:46,179
Just two friends,
sharing a casual handshake.
454
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,266
Good night, friend.
455
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,059
Good night, friend.
456
00:21:58,525 --> 00:22:01,153
Well, at least
my hallucinations
are back to normal.
457
00:22:01,236 --> 00:22:03,989
What the hell, Norville?
You're supposed
to drive me home.
458
00:22:04,072 --> 00:22:05,866
Now I have to walk.
459
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,952
I have literally
never been madder.
460
00:22:09,036 --> 00:22:09,953
Hi, Dad.
461
00:22:14,082 --> 00:22:17,461
Son, I hate to say it,
but you're not ready
for the cardigan.
462
00:22:17,544 --> 00:22:20,130
With medium power
comes medium responsibility.
463
00:22:20,213 --> 00:22:21,840
I know. I'm sorry.
464
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:27,471
Crystal Cove Insane Asylum?
465
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,306
Why is this in here?
466
00:22:29,389 --> 00:22:33,393
What? Oh, that.
I... I... I have a friend
who works there.
467
00:22:33,477 --> 00:22:36,521
Doctor... uh... Bad Excuse.
468
00:22:36,605 --> 00:22:37,481
Hmm.
469
00:22:40,776 --> 00:22:42,819
Why do you have this, Dad?
470
00:22:45,197 --> 00:22:47,949
Son, there's something
I need to tell you
471
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,618
about your mother.
472
00:23:02,756 --> 00:23:03,715
Hey, stranger.
473
00:23:18,396 --> 00:23:19,815
Look, a cabin.
474
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,775
We can ask directions to town.
475
00:23:21,858 --> 00:23:23,068
Ask directions?
476
00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:24,820
I thought your nickname
was The Thief,
477
00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:27,030
not The Puss.
478
00:23:27,114 --> 00:23:29,533
Fine, suit yourselves.
479
00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:32,619
Okay, now who has a phone
so I can call my driver?
480
00:23:33,912 --> 00:23:36,206
Oh, you guys want to use
one of your drivers?
481
00:23:36,289 --> 00:23:37,707
Freeze! Police!
482
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,543
Ah! Oh.
483
00:23:39,626 --> 00:23:41,253
You'll never
take me alive.
484
00:23:41,336 --> 00:23:42,587
Whoa!
485
00:23:42,671 --> 00:23:46,633
But why won't we
take you alive, Fred?
486
00:23:46,716 --> 00:23:50,011
Because I wanna look tough
to impress my father.
487
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:51,138
Aw!
488
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:26,089
Go to bed.
37472
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