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Previously on Velma
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00:00:07,841 --> 00:00:11,553
She has no brain!
3
00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,388
Now, when I try to
solve a mystery,
4
00:00:13,471 --> 00:00:16,891
my guilt triggers a potentially
heart stopping hallucination.
5
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:18,852
Wait, you think I killed Brenda?
6
00:00:18,935 --> 00:00:21,938
You just said you were going
to do to me what you did to her.
7
00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:25,400
I meant pay you to
keep quiet. I'm innocent!
8
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:30,739
Uh, Velma, you should see this.
9
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:31,822
Ugh!
10
00:00:33,199 --> 00:00:34,200
Ahhh!
11
00:00:35,410 --> 00:00:37,120
Oh God, it's Krista!
12
00:00:37,203 --> 00:00:38,997
And she also has no brain.
13
00:00:45,378 --> 00:00:47,505
So, what's more surprising?
14
00:00:49,674 --> 00:00:53,136
Fred Jones being arrested for
murdering and removing the brains
15
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:55,096
of Brenda Bright
and Krista McCray
16
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,724
or that his delicate,
teen heartthrob good looks
17
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,643
stem from the fact that he
hasn't gone through puberty yet?
18
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,539
The murders.
Obviously, it's the murders.
19
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,815
It's not small, it's scared!
20
00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,484
But it just goes to show,
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00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,694
we all have secrets.
22
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,655
Velma's birthday gift!
23
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:15,116
Even the ones we least expect.
24
00:01:18,995 --> 00:01:21,164
Ahhh!
25
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,167
But as much as you
try to hide who you really are...
26
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,003
Your ass is mine, best friend.
27
00:01:27,086 --> 00:01:30,423
...Velma Dinkley always
knows the ugly truth,
28
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:33,676
Velma, have you seen
that sweater vest I bought Sophie?
29
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,428
Uh, no.
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00:01:44,354 --> 00:01:47,690
Because
without your ascot, you're naked.
31
00:01:48,942 --> 00:01:51,653
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories.
32
00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:54,072
What are you, poor?
33
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:58,368
Yes, Fred Jones, heir to the Jones
Gentlemen's Accessories fortune,
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00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,411
was arrested last night
for murder.
35
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,330
Yeah, thanks to me!
36
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,291
And according to the police, Jones
would have gotten away with it, too.
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00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,876
If it wasn't for
his classmate...
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00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,002
Say my name, say my name.
39
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,254
Vermin Dorkley.
40
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:11,214
It's Velma Dorkley!
I mean Dinkley!
41
00:02:11,297 --> 00:02:16,219
And finally only one lawyer has
agreed to represent Fred Jones.
42
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:17,929
Vermin's own father,
43
00:02:18,012 --> 00:02:19,639
- Aman Dinkley!
- What?
44
00:02:19,722 --> 00:02:22,767
Velma, winning this case
could make your father rich!
45
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,728
I already bought a baby
monitor that shoots on film.
46
00:02:25,812 --> 00:02:27,355
It just looks more real,
you know?
47
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,773
Exactly.
48
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,775
I mean, look at this
from my perspective, Velma.
49
00:02:30,859 --> 00:02:33,778
If you needed money to keep
your pregnant girlfriend happy,
50
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,447
and then you heard what
the Joneses are willing to pay,
51
00:02:36,531 --> 00:02:39,993
I'm sure you'd agree it's
possible Fred didn't do it.
52
00:02:40,076 --> 00:02:41,995
Fred's a rich white guy
with a tiny dong.
53
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,746
He did it.
Now, excuse me.
54
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,791
I have to go find
my missing mother.
55
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:49,002
You didn't mention
Fred had a tiny dong.
56
00:02:49,085 --> 00:02:50,420
Oh yeah, real baby carrot.
57
00:02:50,503 --> 00:02:53,715
And I'm going to ride it
all the way to victory!
58
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:54,798
Huh?
59
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,737
Wow, people seem to
be taking to the fact
60
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:00,281
that Fred is
a brain stealing sociopath
61
00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:02,015
- really well.
- All our classmates
62
00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:05,059
are idiots or sheep, so
let's assume they're high.
63
00:03:05,143 --> 00:03:08,897
Man, if I ever even think about
getting into 420, 420 culture,
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00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:11,608
or especially
420 related humor, kill me.
65
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,276
You know what 420 is right?
66
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:16,738
Um, yeah. It's code for
adults who still watch cartoons.
67
00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,990
Now, have you seen Daphne?
Her parents are detectives,
68
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:21,534
so I need her help to get
my mom's cold case files.
69
00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:23,554
You want me to come with in
case you have another hallucination?
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00:03:23,578 --> 00:03:26,331
Thanks. But after catching
Fred, I feel my hallucinations
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00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:28,166
are like the return of
high waisted jeans.
72
00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,585
It took a while, but we're
finally through the worst of it.
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00:03:32,545 --> 00:03:35,882
Sweetie, are you sure you don't
want to take a mental health day?
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00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,926
It's not often your boyfriend
is arrested
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00:03:38,009 --> 00:03:39,636
for removing
two of your friends' brains.
76
00:03:39,719 --> 00:03:42,388
Thank you. But if the kids
in every teen show ever
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00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:45,642
can get through a brush with a
deranged serial killer, so can I.
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00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,645
Good lord!
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00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,314
It smells like the Playboy
Jazz Festival out there.
80
00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:54,484
And a kid's eating sheet
cake at 8:00 in the morning.
81
00:03:54,567 --> 00:03:57,007
- You thinking what I'm thinking?
- Let's go get a sheet cake?
82
00:03:57,070 --> 00:03:58,070
High five!
83
00:03:59,364 --> 00:04:00,365
Hey, Daphne.
84
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:02,200
What do you want, Vermin?
85
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,786
Just to offer my
sincerest condolences
86
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:07,956
for the loss of your more popular
friends that you picked over me.
87
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:11,501
Stop! I know you think I'm a huge
bitch who ditched you to be cool.
88
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,670
What? That's so not true.
89
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:18,174
Fine.
90
00:04:18,257 --> 00:04:19,509
I need a favor.
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00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,320
I need you to get me
my mom's cold case file.
92
00:04:21,344 --> 00:04:22,345
Why would I do that?
93
00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:23,513
We're not friends anymore.
94
00:04:23,596 --> 00:04:25,431
- We're nemesises...
- Nemeses.
95
00:04:25,515 --> 00:04:27,225
- That's why.
- Okay.
96
00:04:27,308 --> 00:04:30,603
Well, I was hoping you'd get
it for me for old time's sake.
97
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:36,359
I see.
98
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:40,905
Well, for old time's sake,
I'll give you the file...
99
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,741
- Really?
- For $500.
100
00:04:43,825 --> 00:04:46,369
Five hundred dollars?
That's like, a million dollars.
101
00:04:46,452 --> 00:04:48,496
Well, like you said,
I'm a huge bitch.
102
00:04:48,579 --> 00:04:49,706
I was being sarcastic.
103
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,457
You can't read tone in graffiti.
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00:04:51,541 --> 00:04:53,376
Five hundred dollars or nothing.
105
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:54,459
Ugh.
106
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,964
Now, first, thank you
for taking my case.
107
00:04:58,047 --> 00:05:01,217
We could not be happier
you're on the team, Velma's dad.
108
00:05:03,011 --> 00:05:05,638
Sorry, what we meant to say
is that you are our last choice.
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00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,515
And if you blow this,
my family will bring
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00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:09,767
the full weight of
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories
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00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,061
and Jones Gentlemen's
Accessories for Women
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00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,312
down on your head!
113
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:16,441
Okay, uh, well, the case
won't be easy.
114
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:18,317
Of course it will.
I'm innocent.
115
00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:21,029
The only reason people think
I removed those girls' brains
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00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,281
is because I
"basically confessed"
117
00:05:23,364 --> 00:05:26,075
and have
"well documented anger issues".
118
00:05:26,159 --> 00:05:27,410
I mean, does that even mean?
119
00:05:27,493 --> 00:05:28,828
Hey! Am I on a hunger strike?
120
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,872
Where the hell are my pancakes?
121
00:05:32,915 --> 00:05:35,585
Uh, are you trying to
choke me to death?
122
00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:36,919
You forgot cutties.
123
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,088
You're embarrassing
ourself, Frederick.
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00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,798
It's bad enough
you still eat pancakes
125
00:05:40,882 --> 00:05:43,551
and drink non alcoholic
beverages like a baby!
126
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:45,887
Yes, Father.
Sorry... Sorry, Father.
127
00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:48,056
Our apologies, Aman.
128
00:05:48,139 --> 00:05:50,826
Freddie is due in court this afternoon,
and the case has everyone out of sorts.
129
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,978
No, this childishness
is actually perfect.
130
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,314
See, I feel the only way
to prove Fred's innocence
131
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:59,275
is to play up the fact
that he's a late bloomer.
132
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:04,864
I mean, the world sees
Fred Jones, teen sociopath.
133
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:09,827
So instead, let's show them
Fred Jones, innocent little boy.
134
00:06:09,911 --> 00:06:11,245
It can't miss, right?
135
00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:12,705
Please say it can't miss.
136
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,416
My girlfriend just bought
a $2,000 stroller.
137
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,085
- It hovers.
- William,
138
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:18,669
our son cannot go to prison.
139
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:21,756
He can barely survive
on the outside as is.
140
00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,469
Victoria, admitting he's a little
boy is worse than any crime.
141
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:28,054
It's embarrassing.
142
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:32,225
He is the future CEO of
Jones Gentlemen's Accessories!
143
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,726
Is he, though?
144
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,191
Well, try it your way.
145
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,735
Great. I just hope people
can actually think I'm a little kid.
146
00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:45,238
Ah, crap. I'm all syrupy.
147
00:06:45,321 --> 00:06:46,322
Bathies!
148
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,536
So, Velma,
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00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,472
what brings you to Casa Del
Norville Rogers, Blythe Rogers
150
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,665
and me, his father,
Lamont Rogers?
151
00:06:55,748 --> 00:06:58,000
Here for a Rogering,
as we might say?
152
00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,836
Oh, I was just in
the neighborhood.
153
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:02,004
No ulterior motive whatsoever.
154
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,840
Hey, that's a nice vase.
155
00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,675
Is that worth $500?
156
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,845
Oh, hey, look who's busy
not finding my missing mother.
157
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,805
Actually, Daphne's moms are here
158
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:14,350
because they think we have a
Candy Man problem at school.
159
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:17,353
And as the principal, I've
asked them to go undercover
160
00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:19,564
as high school students
to find them.
161
00:07:19,647 --> 00:07:22,525
And that's the 4-1-1,
home skillet.
162
00:07:22,608 --> 00:07:23,442
Words.
163
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,526
Candy Man?
164
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,195
I think you mean Sugar Daddy?
165
00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,405
And Sarah's 18.
166
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:28,865
Her parents are cool with it.
167
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:31,742
A Candy Man's a
drug dealer, V-Dawg.
168
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:32,869
I knew that.
169
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:34,954
So is Norville in his room?
170
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:37,206
What's going on, guys.
171
00:07:37,290 --> 00:07:39,292
So today on Norville Snacks,
our World Tour
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00:07:39,375 --> 00:07:41,460
continues East, as we say ni hao
173
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,272
to Beijing style shrimp chips.
174
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:45,214
- Norville!
- Velma! Not while I'm live.
175
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,860
I can't get banned for your thoughts
on South Asian desserts again.
176
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,969
I'm so sorry,
but this is important.
177
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,305
Daphne wants $500 for the file,
178
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:54,807
and all my money is tied
up in streaming services.
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00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:56,684
Velma, I don't have it.
180
00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:58,370
My mom's birthday is coming up,
and this year she just wants cash.
181
00:07:58,394 --> 00:08:00,146
Otherwise, you know
I'd give it to you.
182
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,064
I know, it's okay.
183
00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:05,234
Like the dessert course at an
Indian restaurant just forget it.
184
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,199
Wait in teen movies,
185
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,909
whenever a girl needs money,
186
00:08:12,992 --> 00:08:14,535
a guy sells something
187
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:16,954
and then blackmails the
girl into dating him for it.
188
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:21,083
Problematic, but effective.
And hilarious!
189
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,752
So it was not easy,
190
00:08:22,835 --> 00:08:24,587
but I got your $5.
191
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,547
I assume I-O-U's are okay?
192
00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,257
It's $500, Velma.
193
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,968
But if you don't have it, there
might be a way you can earn it.
194
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:33,095
I was thinking you could
come work for me.
195
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:35,556
Doing what?
And is the office culture cool?
196
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:36,933
Like, are there snacks?
197
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:41,646
You're the Candy Man?
198
00:08:46,734 --> 00:08:48,319
Candy Woman.
199
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,113
And I have
your sugar right here.
200
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,823
Daphne, why would you
deal drugs?
201
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,617
You're beautiful and popular.
202
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,953
Being a bad girl too
just muddles your brand.
203
00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,205
This doesn't make me a bad girl.
204
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:02,333
According to TV, it's
morally okay to deal drugs
205
00:09:02,416 --> 00:09:04,168
if your life is just
kind of crappy.
206
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:07,046
Like your kid's sick, you're
a widow with a mortgage.
207
00:09:07,129 --> 00:09:08,756
You have to live on a lake
in Missouri.
208
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,508
Those are all
white people, Daphne.
209
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:13,803
Minorities on TV can only
deal drugs to escape poverty.
210
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,513
Wait, that's it.
211
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,741
This is about you trying to
run with your fancy rich crowd.
212
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,642
Yup, that must be it.
213
00:09:19,725 --> 00:09:22,645
Because the brilliant Velma Dinkley
knows everything about everyone,
214
00:09:22,728 --> 00:09:24,397
and isn't afraid to say it.
215
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,607
Exactly. I spit truth
without a filter,
216
00:09:26,691 --> 00:09:29,235
like every comedian
before hashtag "MeToo".
217
00:09:29,318 --> 00:09:31,654
Look, are you in or are you out?
218
00:09:31,737 --> 00:09:33,072
Oh, I'm out.
219
00:09:33,155 --> 00:09:35,032
Because if you
don't give me that file,
220
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,034
I'll tell your
police officer moms
221
00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,662
their perfect daughter is...
222
00:09:39,745 --> 00:09:43,749
You. Wouldn't. Dare.
223
00:09:45,084 --> 00:09:47,169
Yeah, no, it was a dumb idea.
224
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,713
So what are we selling?
225
00:09:48,796 --> 00:09:51,924
Oh, just the usual. Zoinks,
Jeepers, Mystery Machine,
226
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:54,468
and of course,
guh-guh-guh-guh-ganja.
227
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,679
Only $80?
228
00:09:56,762 --> 00:09:59,515
But I need $500
to get a girl to date me.
229
00:09:59,598 --> 00:10:01,976
Hilarious. But no.
230
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:05,646
Huh.
231
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,982
Psst. You want to
make some real money?
232
00:10:08,065 --> 00:10:10,860
I don't have time to flip
houses, but I'll hear you out.
233
00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:13,611
Nice roller bag.
234
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,323
You selling bibles later?
235
00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,658
Nice outfit. You driving a
big rig to Bakersfield later.
236
00:10:17,742 --> 00:10:20,244
No, dummy.
This is a disguise.
237
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:22,913
Because what we're doing
is illegal.
238
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:27,043
Oh, sorry we can't all make
it rain cool shades, El Chapo.
239
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:28,446
You know what?
Let's just do this.
240
00:10:28,502 --> 00:10:30,588
Don't you want any tips
on selling?
241
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:32,548
Mmm, I think I got it.
242
00:10:32,631 --> 00:10:35,259
Drugs are like crack
to these people.
243
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:39,096
Now most cultures of the world as a
rule, wouldn't mix kiwi and whitefish.
244
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:41,390
But they don't play
by the rules in North Korea.
245
00:10:42,099 --> 00:10:43,099
Drugs here!
246
00:10:43,142 --> 00:10:44,602
Get your drugs here!
247
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:48,397
Narc, narc.
248
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,751
White girl with too much
money white girl with too much money.
249
00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:53,152
You don't know me.
I'm a white girl who's bored.
250
00:10:53,235 --> 00:10:54,528
Let's roll.
251
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,113
Yeah. Go. I don't care.
252
00:10:56,197 --> 00:11:00,034
Enjoy your slow descent
into organic farming, losers.
253
00:11:00,117 --> 00:11:01,786
Look, I know you're a genius...
254
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:03,954
- Thank you.
- Who thinks she has everyone pegged.
255
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:06,916
- Only because I do.
- But you might have more success with this
256
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,085
if you went in
just a little less judgy.
257
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,336
Wait, I'm judgy?
258
00:11:10,419 --> 00:11:11,921
You would say
something like that.
259
00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:14,673
You want your mom's
cold case file, right?
260
00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:15,841
Yes. Fine.
261
00:11:15,925 --> 00:11:18,010
I'll try. I'll try.
262
00:11:18,094 --> 00:11:20,721
If you want to
get swole, try Zoinks!
263
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,556
You'll be bouncing them
big old man boobs
264
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,558
faster than you can say,
"Who is this for?"
265
00:11:24,642 --> 00:11:25,935
Yeah, we like the sound of that.
266
00:11:26,018 --> 00:11:27,019
What'll it cost?
267
00:11:27,103 --> 00:11:28,729
Not much.
Just your dad's love
268
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,232
when you blow out your
knee and lose your scholarship.
269
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,318
I was being helpful.
270
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:36,838
The sooner he can focus on getting
his real estate license, the better.
271
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,447
Jeepers raises
your dopamine levels,
272
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:40,509
so it will definitely
help you memorize your lines.
273
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,618
- Huzzah!
- Huzzah!
274
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:43,577
Huzzah!
275
00:11:43,661 --> 00:11:45,121
Yeah. I'm sorry, Velma.
276
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:46,789
I could feel you forcing that.
277
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:48,874
Yeah. You know
what else feels forced?
278
00:11:48,958 --> 00:11:51,961
Your belief that you're the
only one sleeping with the lead.
279
00:11:54,505 --> 00:11:55,548
Oh, my God.
280
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,632
Sorry. Sorry.
281
00:11:56,715 --> 00:11:58,342
Okay. You're fired.
282
00:11:58,426 --> 00:11:59,718
What? Why?
283
00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,936
Uh, will I sell you a kidney,
284
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:12,064
to get the $500
I need to make Velma date me?
285
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,650
I mean, I'd be a fool
not to at this point, right?
286
00:12:14,733 --> 00:12:16,819
Justice for Brenda and Krista!
287
00:12:16,902 --> 00:12:20,156
It's a mob scene here
as Fred Jones arrives
288
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,657
for his day in court.
289
00:12:22,616 --> 00:12:24,285
Aman, over here.
290
00:12:24,368 --> 00:12:27,621
Aman! How could you risk
your career and entire livelihood
291
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:29,665
on the most unlikeable defendant
292
00:12:29,748 --> 00:12:32,376
since that chimpanzee
who ate a woman's face?
293
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,004
Because what you see as risk,
294
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:39,175
I see as mere... child's play.
295
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:42,636
Hewo fwends! My name is Fwed!
296
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:43,846
What's yours?
297
00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:45,764
Aw!
298
00:12:45,848 --> 00:12:49,935
Wow, I think I speak for the entire
journalistic community when I say,
299
00:12:50,019 --> 00:12:51,812
"Don't I feel like an asshole!"
300
00:12:51,896 --> 00:12:55,941
No way this scrumptious muffin
removed those girls' brains!
301
00:12:56,025 --> 00:12:57,860
T'anks, news lady!
302
00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:04,909
Stop! No pictures!
303
00:13:04,992 --> 00:13:06,619
Unless it's in portrait mode!
304
00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:07,453
Oh, God,
305
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,330
he looks like Hitler!
306
00:13:09,413 --> 00:13:11,516
And not just because we compare
everyone to Hitler these days.
307
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:13,000
Ugh, come on!
308
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,129
You couldn't keep your
opinions to yourself, could you?
309
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:19,423
I literally
had to take five Jeepers
310
00:13:19,507 --> 00:13:21,967
not to strangle you... Whoa!
311
00:13:22,051 --> 00:13:24,803
Oh, sorry, I can't just conjure
up a whole new personality
312
00:13:24,887 --> 00:13:27,056
whenever I want
like some sort of sexy witch.
313
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,557
Is that really
what you think of me?
314
00:13:29,808 --> 00:13:31,143
Hey, girlies!
315
00:13:34,605 --> 00:13:36,690
Okay, since you know so much,
316
00:13:36,774 --> 00:13:38,567
why am I selling drugs?
317
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,236
Um, easy.
318
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:41,963
You're looking to rebel against
your overprotective parents
319
00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,697
but don't have
the balls to get pregnant.
320
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,032
Wrong!
321
00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:46,955
I'm saving money
to hire a private investigator
322
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:48,911
to find my biological family.
323
00:13:48,994 --> 00:13:51,914
Yeah. Unexpected twist.
324
00:13:51,997 --> 00:13:53,207
Holy crap. Really?
325
00:13:53,290 --> 00:13:54,875
Looking for
your family is a big deal.
326
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,585
Yeah, it's just
327
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,255
you know how
different I am from my moms.
328
00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:01,882
I need to
find out who I really am.
329
00:14:01,966 --> 00:14:03,342
Where do I come from?
330
00:14:03,425 --> 00:14:05,803
And how is my hair
the color of buffalo wings?
331
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:08,222
I just always figured your
parents were Wilma Flintstone
332
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:10,182
and Daniel Dae Kim.
333
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:12,059
Freeze, person in baseball hat,
334
00:14:12,142 --> 00:14:13,936
putting drugs
in my daughter's locker
335
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:15,521
and other Oompa Loompa person!
336
00:14:15,604 --> 00:14:17,773
- We know you're the candymen!
- Linda!
337
00:14:17,856 --> 00:14:19,608
You're a cop and not a teenager?
338
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:20,859
But I love you!
339
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:22,361
What do we do?
I can't go to jail.
340
00:14:22,444 --> 00:14:23,821
- Run!
- You know I can't.
341
00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:24,904
I'd prefer jail.
342
00:14:42,881 --> 00:14:44,466
I'm trapped!
343
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:50,555
Oh, God!
344
00:15:01,609 --> 00:15:03,152
Oh, God, Daphne, no!
345
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:21,629
Aw.
346
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:23,005
Baby want sheet cake?
347
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:28,052
Hey, hurry up in there!
348
00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:29,720
Give me the money!
349
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,389
You wish, guy from that
"wanted" poster all over town,
350
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,288
All right. Don't make
me come in the bathroom.
351
00:15:38,312 --> 00:15:40,064
I'm a thief, not a perve.
352
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,024
Argh!
353
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,107
Nothing can stop me
354
00:15:43,150 --> 00:15:45,194
from buying Velma's love!
355
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:47,363
Oh, that might.
356
00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,114
Hey!
357
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:51,367
It is Norville
from Norville Snacks.
358
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,743
Like, let him go, man.
359
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:57,539
Wait, you stoners
watch Norville Snacks?
360
00:15:57,623 --> 00:16:01,335
Damn it! This is exactly what
happened to my vlog about Lil Wayne.
361
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,922
God, where is that candyman?
362
00:16:05,005 --> 00:16:07,216
I mean candyperson.
It could be anybody.
363
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,551
Even though we both
definitely know it's a man.
364
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,806
"I'm home and want to adopt
a sick cat. Where are you?"
365
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:16,266
A cat needs our love!
366
00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:17,976
Out of our way!
367
00:16:20,145 --> 00:16:22,731
Whoa, that totally
worked, Velma.
368
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,024
A lotta help.
369
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,409
Oh, sorry. I was just wiping
some garbage slime off your cheek.
370
00:16:33,492 --> 00:16:36,453
Oh. Yeah, me too. Slime.
371
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:40,499
Okay. Well, thankfully, your
moms are still hella bad detectives.
372
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,126
Yeah,
373
00:16:42,209 --> 00:16:45,546
they still think I spent $200 on
a math tutor named Coachella.
374
00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:49,133
Wait. Am I enjoying
hanging out with you again?
375
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:51,218
Or is it the high
of moderate exercise?
376
00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:54,096
I don't know. Maybe I'm not the
shallow monster you think I've become.
377
00:16:54,179 --> 00:16:55,806
Maybe you
judge people so harshly
378
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,766
because it's easier
to feel right from afar
379
00:16:57,850 --> 00:16:59,935
than risk getting
close and being wrong.
380
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,603
Okay, Easy, Dr. Phil.
381
00:17:01,687 --> 00:17:03,230
I'm the brains
of this operation.
382
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:05,607
You're just the look,
style and effortless charm.
383
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,818
We do make
a good team, don't we?
384
00:17:09,361 --> 00:17:10,696
Well,
385
00:17:10,779 --> 00:17:13,282
speaking of teams,
someone's looking to score.
386
00:17:13,365 --> 00:17:14,783
And if you want your mom's file,
387
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,827
you're going
to sell to them my way.
388
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:22,332
That's him.
The guy in the beanie.
389
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,043
It's always
the guy in the beanie.
390
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:27,296
A beanie? It's 90 degrees out!
391
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:28,714
And I'm not supposed to assume
392
00:17:28,797 --> 00:17:30,966
- he's hiding a bald spot?
- No! Less assuming!
393
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,384
More criminal behavior.
394
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:33,468
Go!
395
00:17:33,927 --> 00:17:34,970
Drugs here.
396
00:17:35,053 --> 00:17:36,430
Get your fresh hot drugs here.
397
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:38,182
Hey, do you have
anything that can
398
00:17:38,265 --> 00:17:40,809
make me feel better about
having ruined my life?
399
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:41,894
Wait, Dad?
400
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:42,978
Velma?
401
00:17:45,147 --> 00:17:47,024
Why were you selling drugs?
402
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:48,317
To make money, genius.
403
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,443
The real question is,
404
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:51,195
why were you wearing a beanie?
405
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:52,988
Those are only
for television actors
406
00:17:53,071 --> 00:17:55,008
who want you to know that
their roots are still in theater.
407
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:57,993
Wait, you don't care
that I was buying drugs?
408
00:17:58,076 --> 00:17:59,328
That makes sense.
409
00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,538
You gambled our future
on Fred Jones' innocence
410
00:18:01,622 --> 00:18:03,332
and now drugs
are the only escape.
411
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,834
But what do you possibly
need drug dealing money for?
412
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:08,837
I already buy you all the
inhalers you could ever want.
413
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,006
Oh, fine.
414
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:14,051
Daphne will give me Mom's
cold case file for $500.
415
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:19,681
Okay, look, I'll give you
the $500 for her file
416
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:22,559
if you help me
prove Fred's innocent.
417
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,144
What? Are you crazy?
418
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:26,355
Finding Fred innocent
would require me
419
00:18:26,438 --> 00:18:29,274
to admit I'd incorrectly
pre-judged someone.
420
00:18:29,358 --> 00:18:30,358
Wait.
421
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,324
Yeah. No, I was right.
422
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:39,451
Homeslice is like
Robert Durst level guilty.
423
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,496
Okay. But instead of just
staring at the evidence
424
00:18:42,579 --> 00:18:43,831
and swearing very loudly,
425
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:45,833
do you maybe want
to ask me some questions?
426
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:48,043
Yeah, I do.
Why frame me?
427
00:18:48,126 --> 00:18:50,295
Yeah, exactly.
Why would I do that?
428
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,606
Before you just started talking,
429
00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:54,383
I thought you were
our housekeeper.
430
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,552
Oh, my God,
could that be colder?
431
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,846
You know what?
Now I'm in a snit.
432
00:18:58,929 --> 00:19:01,348
Let's regroup after lunch.
433
00:19:03,851 --> 00:19:04,935
Cutties.
434
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:08,689
Holy crap.
You are innocent.
435
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,649
He is?
436
00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:14,403
Okay, here's your $500 reward.
437
00:19:14,486 --> 00:19:17,531
Good luck using it to
coerce Velma into dating you.
438
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,867
Keep it. The stoners
caught him, not me.
439
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,535
If I want Velma to like me now,
440
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,513
I'm just gonna have to do it
the old-fashioned way.
441
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,205
Bet a friend
I can make her fancy.
442
00:19:25,289 --> 00:19:28,250
Ha! That's how
we got together.
443
00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,252
Okay.
For my next witness,
444
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,462
I would like to call
the woman who caught Fred
445
00:19:32,546 --> 00:19:35,257
my own daughter, Velma Dinkley.
446
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:41,158
Velma, do you swear
to tell the truth,
447
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:42,824
the whole truth
and nothing but the truth?
448
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,975
So help me, Shonda Rhimes, I do.
449
00:19:45,058 --> 00:19:48,186
Now, Velma, how long have
you known the defendant?
450
00:19:48,270 --> 00:19:49,771
We met at lunch
in the eighth grade
451
00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,607
when he confused me
for a beanbag chair.
452
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:52,816
Classic.
453
00:19:52,900 --> 00:19:55,193
And what did you
think of my client?
454
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,446
Honestly, that he was super hot.
455
00:19:59,072 --> 00:20:01,783
But also that he was just
another entitled rich guy
456
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:04,369
who might kill someone
because he has a tiny dong.
457
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:12,294
Unfortunately,
I was wrong about Fred.
458
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,921
The way it's possible
459
00:20:14,004 --> 00:20:15,684
I might have been wrong
about other people.
460
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:19,843
Weird. It feels like
she's looking right at me.
461
00:20:19,927 --> 00:20:23,430
Why would Velma want
to send me a message, Daphne?
462
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,725
Fred Jones did not kill
those two girls.
463
00:20:28,894 --> 00:20:31,146
His whole life, Fred has
never had to lift a finger
464
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,273
to do anything.
He's been so pampered,
465
00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,818
his body hasn't even felt the need
to fully mature. I mean,
466
00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:39,071
Fred literally
can't feed himself.
467
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:41,782
Uh, that's not true.
468
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,551
No, you... You just cut
the food and put it on the...
469
00:20:43,575 --> 00:20:45,303
W... What's the dumb thing
called? A dinglehopper!
470
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,954
Great. Show us.
471
00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:02,052
Cutties.
Mother, cutties.
472
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:04,930
Oh, my God,
he is just like a little boy.
473
00:21:05,013 --> 00:21:06,348
Exactly.
474
00:21:06,431 --> 00:21:07,683
So tell me this.
475
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:10,852
How could someone
who can't even cut a steak
476
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,771
remove two girls' brains?
477
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,857
He couldn't!
Clearly Fred's innocent.
478
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,734
But at what cost
to his reputation
479
00:21:17,818 --> 00:21:19,236
and that of his
family's business?
480
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:22,531
That lump has made
a mockery of us!
481
00:21:22,614 --> 00:21:24,825
Be nice. Our son is free.
482
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,952
I'd say that lump
did quite well.
483
00:21:32,958 --> 00:21:34,084
Uh-oh.
484
00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:35,961
That's not true.
485
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:37,713
I'm a big boy.
486
00:21:37,796 --> 00:21:40,066
A big boy who could have
removed those dumb girls' brains,
487
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,758
no problem if I wanted to!
488
00:21:41,842 --> 00:21:43,635
Hear, hear!
489
00:21:44,344 --> 00:21:45,262
Guilty.
490
00:21:45,345 --> 00:21:46,805
Based on what?
491
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:48,305
Hmm.
492
00:21:50,142 --> 00:21:54,062
Wow. Blonde-haired people
have bad days, too.
493
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:56,940
Oh, my God, what have I done?
494
00:21:57,024 --> 00:21:58,066
I'm ruined.
495
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,252
They wouldn't even
let me represent
496
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:00,902
a gymnastics coach now.
497
00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:04,406
Daphne?
498
00:22:04,489 --> 00:22:06,074
What are you doing here?
499
00:22:06,158 --> 00:22:08,278
Wait. Did you
realize I stole all your Zoinks?
500
00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:10,037
- Please don't kill me.
- No, you're good.
501
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:12,247
I mean, return it or
I'll hurt you very badly,
502
00:22:12,330 --> 00:22:14,916
but I saw you on TV
and brought you this.
503
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,336
My mom's
cold case file! Thank you!
504
00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,630
Wait, do you not have
potentially fatal hallucinations
505
00:22:20,714 --> 00:22:22,591
when you try to solve
mysteries anymore?
506
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:23,967
You remember that?
507
00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:26,053
You had one of your
first ones at my house
508
00:22:26,136 --> 00:22:27,429
back before...
509
00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:30,098
Well, your fear pee stain
is still on my rug.
510
00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:31,349
Well, I think I'm fine.
511
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:32,809
Norville helped me get over them
512
00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:36,104
in the last episode
of my hallucinations.
513
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,481
Velma!
514
00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:39,566
Are you hallucinating?
I'll put down newspaper.
515
00:22:39,649 --> 00:22:40,859
No, it's a clue.
516
00:22:40,942 --> 00:22:42,986
The last place my mom's
cell phone pinged
517
00:22:43,070 --> 00:22:45,864
the night she went missing
was at Fred's house.
518
00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:47,824
Damn it! I knew
that jerk was guilty.
519
00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:50,786
Too bad
you'll never know for sure.
520
00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:53,455
Ahhh! I was wrong again!
I'm hallucinating! Help!
521
00:22:53,538 --> 00:22:56,458
No one can help you now, Velma.
522
00:22:56,541 --> 00:23:00,629
Solving mysteries
only causes pain.
523
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:03,757
Velma.
What do I do? Velma!
524
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,509
Try to make me laugh.
525
00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:07,719
Okay, I, uh, oh,
I don't know any jokes
526
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:10,472
but my moms love my
impression of my Aunt Cindy.
527
00:23:10,555 --> 00:23:13,266
I am sad my husband died.
528
00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:14,476
Anything?
529
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,645
No. Try something else.
Anything. Quick!
530
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:19,981
Oh God, my heart!
531
00:23:20,065 --> 00:23:22,150
What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do?
532
00:23:33,453 --> 00:23:35,247
Did that work?
533
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:36,331
Yeah.
534
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:44,923
Great. Now even just
being myself won't work.
535
00:23:45,006 --> 00:23:46,967
Romcoms can kiss my ass.
536
00:24:01,064 --> 00:24:03,316
My name's Fred.
Who are you?
537
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,570
They call me The Thief.
538
00:24:06,653 --> 00:24:08,697
What are you in for?
539
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,741
Thieving. But I'm innocent.
540
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:13,201
Aren't we all?
541
00:24:13,952 --> 00:24:15,328
Ooh! Bunk beds!
542
00:24:15,412 --> 00:24:16,788
Hoisties!
40253
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