All language subtitles for The.Big.Door.Prize.S02E04.ATVP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb.en[cc]

["I Wanna Love You" playing]

[whispering indistinctly]

Mr. Johnson. The machine's broken.

- [sighs] I know, kids.
- [door bell chimes]

That dang thing's
been nothing but trouble.

I called a repair shop,
but I guess it's low priority for 'em.

[repairman] Sorry to keep you waiting.

I had to evict a family of mice
from a Street Fighter console,

and they did not go gently.

That's okay. You're right on time.
[chuckles]

Here, girls. Have some Nerds.

[chuckles]

You'll be back to boxing in no time,
thanks to, um...

Ian. And you must be...

General Johnson. Johnson's General.

- [chuckles]
- I mean, this is Johnson's General.

I'm Walter Johnson.

- Johnson's General was my father. [laughs]
- [laughs]

[Ian] Oh, man.

Never seen one of these before.

It's gotta be at least what, 40 years old?

Yeah, it's great, isn't it? [chuckles]

I-I think they gave a few of these out

when they were promoting
the Burly Boy dinners.

Which worked on me, I guess.

I eat so much frozen food.

[both chuckle]

They do the, uh, Strongman Stroganoff,
Mighty Meatloaf,

Manly Mac and Cheese.

The ultimate meal for the single man.

Single man? I find that hard to believe.

Look at that.
You can see why I couldn't fix this thing.

Well, that's why I'm here, Walt.

Could you hand me those bent nose pliers?

[laughs]

[chuckles]

This is a wrench.

[inhales sharply, blows]

[wires sizzle]

[Mr. Johnson] I'm so sorry
to make you come all the way back.

It's these darn kids.
I don't know what they're doing.

It's really no trouble at all.

I was hoping you'd call.

- Really?
- Well, yeah.

- I almost called the store actually.
- What?

Well, I wanted to tell you
that I tried the Strongman Stroganoff.

- Ah. Right, what did you think?
- [chuckles]

- Not great.
- [scoffs]

The stroganoff can be tricky.

The-they say to slice one hole
in the plastic. I slice two.

And if you want to get fancy,

alternate from high power
to medium power halfway through.

Oh.

[groans, smacks lips]
Hey, can you pass me the...

[both chuckle]

[Beau] Mr. Johnson.

Come on, partner. Let's get you inside.

I have to admit,
it was a bit of a wake-up call.

Not just having my heart stopped,

but remembering I'd made Izzy
my emergency contact.

I guess her being your emergency contact
was the... [chuckling] ...real emergency.

Yeah. It's very kind of you
to take me in, Beau,

seeing as you don't know me very well.

What are you talking about, Mr. J?

I've been coming
into your store my whole life.

I guess,
in spending all my time at the store,

I haven't left much room for friends.

Well, it is my pleasure to have you here.

Plus,
I get to practice my face-making skills.

- Check it out.
- [Mr. Johnson laughs]

Wow, it's like looking in a mirror.

- I used M&M's for your blue dots.
- I can see that.

I can take 'em off your hands
if sweets aren't your game.

No...

[stammers] ...I'm just a bit self-conscious.

Nothing to be embarrassed about, Mr. J.

My son, Kolton, had blue dots too.

- So does Hana, Dusty, Cass.
- Really?

Yeah, I don't think it's a big deal.

I get an itchy rash on my head
when something's bothering me.

Like the other day
when I couldn't find my Stetson.

As soon as I found it,
the rash cleared up,

which was ironic because I now had
the hat to cover the rash.

Mr. Johnson, am I getting fired?

I know the count may be off
on some of the chips and candy,

but I promise I can make it right.

No, Jacob, you did good.

In fact,
I was thinking of closing the store

for a few days until I'm back on my feet.

You deserve some time off.

Really?

I mean, you never close the store.

I'm starting to think that's part
of the problem.

Hey, Jacob.

I couldn't help but notice you brought
that thing home.

Oh, yeah. It stopped working
after the MORPHO went to the next stage,

but I decided to keep it safe
just in case.

Hey, maybe I can take a look.
See if I can get it working again.

Your old man loves a project.

What do you say, Mr. J?

I've got nothing but time.

I can't believe you invited Hana.

Why wouldn't I?

Because she's so sketchy.

She kept secrets about the machine,

and she has all those, like,
weird little blue dots.

Um, as do I.

- Yeah, but yours are chic.
- Oh.

You know that she slept with Giorgio?

- Yes.
- And he...

[chuckles]
...obviously broke things off with her,

- but she didn't fight for him, Cass.
- Oh.

Like, who, having experienced
even one erotic moment with Giorgio,

would wanna go on living without him?

And I know that you
and Giorgio almost kissed once.

- And I didn't fight for him.
- But that was different.

You were with Dusty.

- Dust... Dusty. Hey, you.
- Hey.

Uh-oh. What did I just walk into?

You two were talking about me, aren't you?

No, no.
We were talking about everyone we know.

Okay. So clearly Giorgio told Nat
about my date with Alice.

Wait. I'm sorry. What?

So, yes, I went out on a date
with Trina's teacher.

And yes, I did end the evening with a hug.

And, yes, the hug was of normal length.

That's an odd thing to clarify.

That's the whole kit and caboodle.

That's all she wrote, folks.

- Just...
- So, can we just stop talking about it?

Dusty, we're not talking about that.

Yeah,
Giorgio didn't even mention it to me.

We are both huge proponents
of the bro code.

And, uh, you and I, we had decided
to not share those kind of details. Okay?

- Yeah. No, I remember that.
- We were talking about Hana.

Oh, right.

- I-Is she coming to your book club?
- [Nat groans]

[breathes deeply] Dusty. Dusty.

For the last time,

it is not a book club.

It is a storyteller's group,
inspired by New York City's The Moth.

Okay? Everyone prepares a story
around a specific theme,

and this week's theme is
"My greatest relationship".

Yeah. Would you like to stick around
and talk about your new teacher friend?

No, I wouldn't.

[chuckles] I'll leave you to it.

I just came up to get some fizzy water

'cause I was a bit bored
of the tap water in the basement.

- [doorbell rings]
- [Dusty] But that's all right.

I'll just shake it up.

Enjoy your... reading.

- Okay.
- [groans] I'm gonna... [breathes deeply]

- Are you okay? [sighs]
- Yes. Yes.

- Okay.
- I said that we could see other people.

Didn't know it would happen that fast,

but, hey, I am meeting new people too,
just like Hana,

which is exactly why I would appreciate it

if you would please
just give her a chance.

Of course.
But if she turns out to be a psycho...

- Hey!
- What's up, girl? Yeah!

- Brought Syrah.
- Come on in.

If you don't like it, I won't be offended.

I found a whole case
in the crawl space under the bar.

[laughing] A crawl space.
I'm so glad you could make it, Hana.

[laughs]

Oh.

- Yeah, sorry. [chuckles]
- Okay. So we're gonna come this way.

[Cass] Thank you for coming.

Wow. [applause]
Look at that serving technique.

Is there a comment card?
'Cause I have a comment.

My waitress is too good at her job.

[chuckles] You know,
it's really cute that you decided

to spend your day off slowly drinking

the cheapest item on the menu
at my workplace,

but, uh, you should go do something fun.

I am doing something fun.

I'm watching you work.

That's what I always wanted to do
when we were dating but not dating.

[Trina] That's very sweet.

But now that we are dating,

we've been spending a lot of time together
at school,

- and after school, and on the weekend.
- Ah, it's too much, right?

I'm being, like... [breathes deeply, sighs]
...way too much.

Maybe a little. Just being honest.

What's up, LA Looks?
Are you distracting my staff?

Uh, no. I was just... LA Looks?

I don't trust you.

Trina, I don't trust him.

This is the kid who led my Savannah on.

- Your Savannah?
- That's right.

Stepfather Giorgio doesn't eff around.

And this eff boy
tried to out eff an eff boy.

If you eff with the jefe,
you get eff the effed up.

Wait, am I the eff boy in this situation
or you?

Don't play coy.

- I won't.
- [Giorgio] All right?

Sav and I tell each other everything.

And sometimes she leaves her phone out
and her texts pop up,

and I accidentally read them
before I realize what's happening.

So, you saw my multiple apology texts?

No.

But Savannah did say that
they weren't even that heartfelt, bro.

So, why don't you stop bothering
my girl here

and go hang out with your boys?

- Jacob doesn't really have boys.
- Hmm.

- Hey, I have boys.
- [Giorgio] A little advice, Tri.

Work life and personal affairs
are like oil and vinegar.

Sometimes they whisk together

into a beautiful combination
like our signature dressing,

Giorgio's Balsamico.

TM, eff boy.

But they're always distinct flavors.

- Got it?
- Got it.

Now, I need your help.
I'm hanging some beautiful artwork

- inspired by the love of my life.
- [cell phone rings]

Wait, it's probably her right now.

Nat, baby.

What? No!

What is she doing at Storytellers? No.

Look, it's not that I don't want you here.

- Nah, I get it.
- I just think it's good for us

to do our own things sometimes.

We don't want to end up like my parents.

- All codependent and unfulfilled.
- Totally.

Here. [coins clink] Go play in the arcade.

If you win me the Koosh ball
that's been there since the '90s,

I'll hook you up with curly fries
after I'm done.

- Challenge accepted.
- Okay.

And he got in his paddle boat,
and he paddled away.

And that was my greatest relationship.

- Ah.
- Aw.

- [Nat] Wow.
- Mmm.

- Okay, so, that is the one to beat.
- [Hawaii] Mm-hmm.

[Nat] That was so great, Ellen.

And Hana, we usually clap or snap
when somebody finishes a story.

But that's okay, you guys.
She didn't know.

Who wants a Poddy in their body?

Dusty, can we help you?

Can I help you? [chuckles]

I just decided to, uh, brew a small tray

of PoddyBean's coffee pods
for my favorite gal pals.

They're, uh, Saint Patrick's Day-themed.

Which is just good fun, you know?

So we've... we've got, uh,
"creamy and greeny".

No, you're not... Ellen doesn't...

Will we go for "less bold"?

Huh? That'll keep you awake
during all that reading.

Oh, "holy roast".

Hana, d-did you want some Poddy
in your body?

No, thanks. I'm not really in the mood
for a holiday-themed coffee.

Well, okay, well. I'll just, uh...

I'll just park these over here,

and if you guys change your mind,
you can fight over them later.

- [chuckles]
- [Nat sighs]

Not like in a catfight.

Didn't mean it that way.

Because it's not true, is it?

When women get together,
they don't always fight.

So let's end that gender stereotype today.

Here, now, women can do anything.

Always.

- You know what I think has happened here?
- Dusty.

I think that Cass told you
about my date with Alice.

- Dusty.
- [Dusty] And so can I just say,

for the record, that this now-infamous hug
wasn't even that long.

Forty seconds, tops.

And when you're in it, it's not...
It doesn't feel like...

- Could I demonstrate with you...
- No.

No, not the time for that.

- ♪ Somebody else? Who wants a hug? ♪
- No.

No. Well, for the sake of the experiment,
I shall hug myself.

- If someone has a timer.
- Okay, Dusty,

nobody cares about you or Alice,
or your weird hug.

And I can't believe I have to say this,
but can you just go to your room?

Will do.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. [chuckles]

And, uh, if any of you hotties wanna go
Poddy in your coffee,

I'll be downstairs.

That's not... That's... Oh, fuck it.

[Cass sighs]

[Jacob] It's Jacob versus machine.
This is it. It's all on the line.

And you know what? It's the national
basketball championship series.

I know literally nothing about basketball,
and this is the big final shot.

Holy shit! He scores.

What the fuck? Did anyone see that?

Hey, man.

- You reading, uh, Ulysses?
- Yep.

Any good?

Well, it's my seventh time reading it,
so yes.

It's a pretty crucial text,
even if it's a bit indulgent.

- Is that for college or...
- No, I dropped out of college.

The profs are all fucking morons

who give you an F
if you have an original idea.

Right. Yeah.

That sucks. I was hoping college
would maybe be better than high school.

It's a good thing you hate high school.
It means you have a brain.

[smacks lips] You're Trevor, right?

- You worked at the rink with my dad?
- Correct.

Beau was a good employee until he wasn't.

I was sorry to hear about your brother.

Oh... [sighs] ...thanks.

I don't have a brother,
but I know what it's like to grow up fast.

Probably why high school seems
so trivial to you.

You've actually experienced life.

[Jacob sighs]

Hey, so I actually have some time to kill
if you wanna, like, hang or whatever.

[chuckles] Aw, hanging.

I love to hang.

I'm just messing with you, man.

I'm totally down.

Sick.

Yeah, I don't know why I said "hang".

I think it's hilarious when people say
that so... [chuckles]

So, have you always been
into Western paraphernalia?

Well, my dad was really the Western guy.

- You remember my dad, the fire chief?
- Of course.

He got me into it, I guess.

We didn't have too much else in common.

Only time we ever talked about feelings
was when we were punching that bag.

You remember when you gave it to me,
Mr. J?

Because I was the only kid
to ever hit Burly Boy.

Yeah.

How the hell am I supposed
to fix this thing?

It doesn't even have all the parts.

Oh, hey.

- Oh, hey.
- [chuckles]

Wow, you have quite the collection here.

Yeah. [chuckles] I'm a bit of a hoarder.

Just kind of pick up random stuff
wherever I go,

but you never know what you might need
in the repair biz.

- What's this?
- Oh, yeah. Beats me.

Never could get it to work.

[Mr. Johnson] It's beautiful though.

Oh, the speaker looks like a butterfly.

I like butterflies.

Oh. [chuckles] Listen to me.
I like butterflies. [chuckles]

[chuckles]

I do though.

They only live for a few weeks,
but, boy, do they make the most of it.

It's yours if you want it.

That's very kind.

- What can I give you for it?
- Don't worry about it.

The truth is I've been feeling bad.

You know, for all the times
you've hired me to fix that old machine,

you could have bought a new Burly Boy.

I wouldn't have to keep coming back
here all the time.

Not that I'm complaining.

Maybe you could swing by sometime
even if nothing's broken.

I make a mean Mighty Meatloaf. [chuckles]

That sounds nice.

["A Blossom Fell" playing]

Ah, Mr. Johnson.

I have a bit of a crisis.

I thought I had 40 gifts for Dusty,
but I'm one short,

and I could get him a can of tomato soup,
and he will love that.

But I was hoping for something
a little more special, you know?

Like, hmm... Ooh.

Uh, what is that thing?

That?

It's yours if you want it,
but it... it doesn't work.

[radio static]

Magic.

Sorry, Mr. J.

I think it's busted.

Oh, that's okay.

You did your best.

You know, it might not be working now,
but maybe it served its purpose.

It got the town to the next stage.

[chuckles] What is the next stage?

[Hawaii]
It was this vision of me in the jungle,

and at first, I thought
it represented sexual wilderness,

but then the animated me arrived
at this clearing in the jungle,

and there was another me
and I realized I was the me I was seeking.

The greatest relationship I could ever
have is the one that I have with myself.

[chuckles]

So, I've only been having sex
with women who look like me,

and I masturbate six times a day.
[chuckles]

- Oh, yay. Good, good.
- Hmm.

- [Nat] That's so fun.
- [Ellen] Yay.

- Um, that's great.
- [Cass] Healthy. Wow.

[all chuckle]

Um. Argh, I was going to talk about Dusty,

but I don't even wanna think about him
right now.

- Yeah.
- So, what about Hana?

I mean, maybe she can give us a story

instead of sitting there quietly
judging us.

What? No, I'm not judging.

Hana, you know,

I think it would
put us all a little more at ease

if you would share a story
about a relationship that, I don't know,

you inexplicably let slip away

and how you could do that,
and why you regret it.

I don't have a greatest relationship.

I told you, Cass. I don't date.

I also don't have "friends".

What are "friends"?

You... You put friends in quotation marks.

No, I don't know why I did that.

I don't have friends.

My dad put me in a rich kid boarding
school when I was eight years old.

And I hated all the other rich kids,

and I hated my dad for dropping me there

and throwing money at me
and abandoning me.

And everyone hated me.

The sulky loner with a back full
of weird fucking blue dots.

And I just never connected with anybody.

- How long have you had your blue dots?
- I don't know. Like, forever.

I didn't always have this many,
but, you know, not ideal for fitting in.

So I left as soon as I could,
and I never went back to school.

I took a job in a bar.

I like bars.

I like hearing other people's stories.

I like sex. Preferably with strangers.

I don't like relationships,

I don't think they're great,

but we all have our shit
that we're trying to change,

and I'd like to be a part of something.

I'd like to try
to be a part of this weird little group.

[Cass smacks lips]

- I am going to hug you.
- [smacks lips] Me too.

- I'm coming in too.
- No, thanks.

- Yeah. You don't want it?
- [Cass] Okay.

- Okay. We were pushing it. Yeah.
- [Hawaii chuckles]

[Cass exhales sharply]

- Ultimately, our values are subject to...
- [Trina] Hey.

You ready to go?

Well, uh, actually, Trev and I
just ordered some mozzarella sticks.

Feels like they're the most crucial thing
on the menu.

[Trevor] And since you're here,

can I also have whatever
corporate sugar water

- this place serves?
- [chuckles]

I'm actually done with my shift,
but I would have said no anyway.

Um, so, text me when you're done, I guess.

Well, after this, Trev and I
were gonna hang in the cemetery.

Clean some gravestones.

- You're going to clean gravestones?
- If we don't, who will?

The family of the person who died
or, like, the rain.

Well, you said we should
do our own things, right?

I'll text you later?

Sounds good. [chuckles] Have fun, you two.

- Anyway, so...
- Yep.

[whispering] Yo. Yo, yo. Talk to me, Tri.

Can't have my staff walking around
with hound dog looks on their faces.

Well, my shift's over
and I was going to meet up with Jacob,

but I think I kind of pushed him
into the arms of a pretentious douche.

He was just being a bit clingy.

[Giorgio]
He wanted to be all up in your grill, huh?

Well, now I'm struggling to hate that kid.
I don't know if you know this about me,

but I can come off a little strong
sometimes too.

Maybe Big Spender and I should hide
our feelings a little more, you know.

Put little dimmer switches on our hearts.

No. New love is exciting and you should
express it however you want.

Hmm.

You need help hanging that? [chuckles]

- I thought your shift was over.
- Not like I have anything better to do.

Trina Hubbard, this act of kindness
will not go unnoticed.

Consider the sign you smashed paid.

I'm hereby absolving you of your debt

and reinstating you as a salaried member
of the Giorgio's wait squad.

Yo.

With this extra long mozzarella stick,

I now pronounce thee paid.

Okay.

Oh. [chuckles]

- [laughs]
- Thanks, Giorgio. [chuckles]

- [Giorgio] Yeah.
- Do I get to keep my tips?

We will discuss.

But it's gonna be a no from me, dawg.

Boop.

- [Nat] Hana... [exhales sharply]
- Hmm.

...I just wanna say that I'm so sorry
for giving you the cold shoulder earlier.

I understand why you didn't fight
for Giorgio's love now.

You're damaged from your youth,
and that's okay.

Thanks.

Your story about the boarding school
was so beautiful.

And just so you know, my all-time favorite
movie musical is Annie, so...

That's a different thing, but thanks.

[chuckles]

Hey, I'm sorry
if it felt like I was judging you guys.

It's just sorta my go-to face.

If anything, I'm actually kinda jealous
of your friendship.

You're jealous of us?

- We have been friends for 30 years.
- Well...

How did you guys meet?

- Oh. [chuckles]
- Okay. She asked for it.

Okay, so it was fifth grade.

I just moved to Deerfield.

I'm sitting all alone in social studies,

- and I see it.
- And she sees it.

A Latchkey Ladz bedazzled denim jacket
hanging on the chair right in front of me.

[chuckling]
Spoiler alert. It was my jacket.

So I tap on the girl's back, and I say,
"Hey, I love Latchkey Ladz."

- But guess what? It wasn't even Nat.
- It wasn't me.

- Jenny Benson had stolen my jacket...
- [Cass sighs]

...and not to speak ill of the dead,

- but Jenny Benson was the fucking worst.
- Mmm.

She also stole my boyfriend, Darren R,

and I wanted to die.

But then Cass got my
Latchkey Ladz jacket back.

And I knew then that we would always look
out for each other,

- and we always have.
- It's true.

[inhales deeply]

I guess you could say
Nat is my greatest relationship.

I'm sorry, but what is a Latchkey Lad?

- Oh!
- [scoffs]

Only the greatest boy band
in the history of the Earth.

- [Nat] They're from England, Hana.
- [Cass] Zed.

He was my favorite.
And that's favorite spelled with a "u".

They have this song called
"Standing in the Queue",

because in England it's not a line,
it's a queue.

So they stand in the queue. [laughs]

- Let's do it. Let's do it.
- Ready? Yeah, yeah. [gasps]

- Okay. Going right into it.
- [Cass, Nat gasping, scatting]

And back. And oh.

[Cass] Crowd goes wild.

♪ Now you, we don't stand in the queue ♪

Pelvic thrusts.

Bass kicks in.

Drums pick up.

- Y-you know it?
- [Cass] Parents get mad.

- [screams] We still got it, girl.
- [laughs]

- You know it, right?
- Girl, you don't...

You really seriously don't know
who they are?

- I don't know things.
- Ugh.

- Oh.
- Okay, okay.

- We have got to fix this immediately.
- Mm-hmm.

[in British accent] Immediately. [laughs]

[footsteps approaching]

[door opens]

[humming]

- [Cass] Oh.
- Hey.

Uh, hey.
I don't mean to invade your space.

Did you happen to see my
Latchkey Ladz box?

Yes, actually, I did see it.

Where? Yeah. Right there.

- Thanks.
- Ladz stuff.

Yeah. Thanks.

- What are you looking for?
- Nothing. I was just...

I was just, uh, keeping myself occupied
while I'm grounded in the basement.

I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to snap
at you in front of everyone.

No, it was my fault.
I was being extremely weird.

No kidding.

But, hey,
now that I know the hug isn't a big deal,

I just won't mention it.

It's not that it's not a big deal.

I mean, I was surprised

that you went on a date like...
[chuckles] ...literal seconds

after we started our self-ploration.

- Yeah.
- It took you ten days.

Ten days to even try the MORPHO machine.

I mean, you're not really a-a
dive-into-the-lake

- kinda guy.
- No, I'm not.

I mean, you've been wearing
the same plaid shirt for 20 years.

I love my plaids.

So it's hard to not think like... [chuckles]

"Is this something
that he's been planning?

Is this the person he's had an eye on?

- Like, are there genuine feelings there?"
- Cass, no.

I pushed myself to go on a date
with another person

because she was another person.

Because she looked at me differently,

which made me look at myself differently.

Which is exactly what we said
we were trying to do.

Well...

[sighs]

- Can I ask you something?
- Mm-hmm.

How do you hug someone for 40 seconds?

Uncomfortably.

[both chuckle]

[machine whirring]

[chuckles]

[MORPHO machine beeping]

[beeping continues]

[chuckles]

Ian.

[sighs]

I don't understand. Which is it?

I just wanna know i-if you liked me back.

I thought you did, but, um...

I don't know.

When you didn't show up,
I thought I must have been wrong.

Mr. J, just in time for dinner.

I got Tough Guy Turkey
and Mighty Meatloaf. What do you think?

I think I've been blaming myself
for something that wasn't my fault.

But...

I'm not gonna do that anymore,
and I just wanted to share that with you.

Mr. J,

it is a real honor
that you chose to share that with me.

I do need an answer on dinner though.

[laughs]

I'll take the turkey.

Okay.

I will say, they've come a long way
with their meatloaf.

My secret,
you eat the brownie between bites of meat.

[chuckles]

I'm gonna sleep at my own place tonight,
Beau.

Sure, if that's what you want.

I've been thinking though,

maybe I could be
your new emergency contact.

I'm pretty sure I can handle it
on top of my sheriff duties

unless you keep having heart attacks.
[chuckles]

I think I'll stop at one for now.

[Burly Boy machine dinging]

Mr. Johnson, what happened to your dots?

Ta-da.