Original subtitles

BLACK SHEEP

I grew up in Braunschweig, then my parents sent me to study

in Salem. Totally overrated.

The world of pure finance isn't enough for me.

I have so many other interests. Medicine, architecture, art.

The principle pathogens of hepatitis A, B and C are

oysters and women!

Ernst J�nger. Ever heard of him?

The biggest hero of World War One.

Critically wounded 8 times. A decorated Samaritan.

Vogue is for me a great magazine. Their sense of tradition.

The style they have. Vogue Homme especially.

You have beautiful hands.

Thank you.

My full name is actually

Boris von Zitzewitz.

But my family dropped the von.

Yeah, this is my family crest.

People might think it is showy, but tradition is important to me.

You looked absolutely beautiful.

At the Vogue party. I've never seen anything like that.

I just simply

- I had to speak to you. - I also noticed you.

I don't normally do that.

I'm no good at it.

- How long have you been with Vogue? - For a year and a half.

They brought me in as a product manager.

Before that I was Creative Director for Young Fashion & Hype Style.

But Vogue is much more interesting of course.

- Alone the experience of being in the Paris Office is... - Understood.

But I traded a few slackers for more competent people.

My God there were some losers in that place! No balls!

Merde, alors!

But I ironed it out!

Are you OK?

Somebody do something!

Get help!

He must have swallowed something.

Do something!

Do something!!!

No, no! Put him on his back.

We have to get it out!

If he swallowed something it'll just go deeper.

He's not breathing!

Please believe me. The guest is feeling better now.

The food here is life-threatening!

Would you like an expresso? A coffee?

We've never had such an incident here.

Perhaps to apologise we can offer you a night in our King's Suite?

I'll see you in court!

Come on, Nadja.

Let me help you into the luxury suite.

Everything is at you disposal, naturally.

On the house, of course.

He said camomile tea, god-dammit!

Not caramel souffl�.

This is chamomile, the other is herbal.

- This whole situation is... - Thank you. Go now.

Feeling better now?

Are you alright?

I think

I would still be up for it.

If you wouldn't mind doing the work.

At least for the first act.

That's fine. Be right there, Sir!

Of course.

Cigarettes and condoms. For the gentleman.

- Which condoms, the fruity ones? - Whichever!

Wow! Barbarella!

You tiger!

Hey mate!

- Helga is still working for money. - What an ass!

- Morning, Charlotte! - Hi, boss.

- Everything alright? - No, not at all.

Peterjust got fired again without warning.

- Fired? Where was he working? - A natural foods shop.

Natural foods? And no warning? How's that?

I don't know either. And I'm two months late with the rent.

Volker?

Could you give me another advance please?

Charlotte

I can't. Budget deficit. Sorry.

Peter should sell some of those great paintings of his.

Who buys paintings of dead babies?

Nobody would hang such a thing on the wall.

Didn't he used to paint landscapes?

Yeah, but since he dreamed that I had an abortion

all he paints is dead babies.

Young lady...

If I were you, I'd think about aborting that boyfriend.

- Yeah? - It's your tax attorney.

Ha, ha, very funny.

- Where are you? - What?

Where are you?

- In the Trinkteufel. Can I come by? - Shit, you're drunk again!

No, Andi & Oli are also here. They're taking care of me.

You should go look for a job. - I'm not drunk.

Find a job and quit drinking. I've had enough. Understand?

- I love you. - Yeah, yeah, I love you. Fine.

How's the worker bee today?

- Working hard? - What's it look like!

Man, Julian, what do you want?

Quality is what The Agency for Wageless Work is all about.

Point 1. Senseless things will no longer be produced!

Point 2. Working without getting paid will inspire people to examine

what they really want from life.

Point 3. No stress. Ever again!

Because there will be time for everything.

Point 4: All films that are produced will be shown for free in cinemas.

Everyone will have the best cooking pots as only the best will be made.

- And these pots... - Stop talking such bullshit!

But I thought you were into this hippie stuff.

Julian! Stop getting on my nerves.

You know this is my time for meditation and gardening!

But these are revolutionaries! The revolution doesn't meditate!

I'm sitting here working peacefully

and you come and read me this trash from your magazine.

I still don't even understand what it's about.

The Agency for Wageless Work!

These guys started an agency to put losers together

to help each other with their stupid art projects.

They don't make a penny for it!

So why don't you drag your lazy ass there and sign up?

Now you're with me!

When I read it I thought: We should sign up

and get these guys to renovate our apartment.

I thought it was for 'art' projects.

It's your apartment. We've talked for years about fixing your floors.

- You know how much work that is? - How long have I known you?

17 years!

And this is what you've become:

A cynical, immoral, materialistic sack of shit!

And you're a depressive homo! Since Hans left you for that Russian Count

your life's nothing but a ball of stress.

You can't relax. You see only enemies and obstacles.

No happiness, no peace, no love!

Check out these guerrilla planting tactics! My grass in a public tree!

It's gratis. Free.

Freedom has to be free.

If people want to work for free, I'm not going to stop them.

You're taking their ideas out of context!

I'm taking nothing out of context.

I like all their points. Point 3. No stress.

What's not to like? I mean, I'm completely stress free.

One doesn't talk to trees.

One hugs them!

Trees.

Lake M�ggel. Lake M�ggel!

And it makes me laugh how you smoke so much grass and still have stress.

Every morning my dick smiles up at me. What else should I do?

It's stiff every morning, mate!

Girlies everywhere in miniskirts!

They're naked in there. Raw flesh! Are you horny or what?

I still think it's stupid to go in there.

Bunch of fucked-up German freaks! Do I look like one of them?

Forget the fucked up German freaks.

It's really going on in there. Animal positions, man!

Japanese freakazoid style.

She blows, bends over, he licks.

That's the 69! What's Japanese about that!???

- Hello. - Hello.

Hey boys. Loose your way somewhere?

We actually came for some fucking!

You want to fuck, eh?

That's nice.

What is the entrance charge?

For you champs it's gratis, of course.

We're in, boys! Gratis!

Because your little baby asses aren't getting past this spot!

Baby ass? We're 18.

Old enough to fuck something like this here.

Do you guys have an

erotic outfit?

Whadaya think this is, my man! No eyes in your head, or what?

Erotic outfit? That's baby shit!

It's cool like this! See: Erotic!

Look at this. Totally cool.

You can't be more erotic.

Just pull that up there.

Very good. Perfect.

And now get out of here. Now.

Are you messing with us, or what?

Listen up.

With those plastic tubes on, you look ready for a Bitch Festival!

My clothes are styling!

Brad Pitt has the same pants. OK?!

We don't want to argue, right?

It's a matter of taste.

It is dumb to argue about taste. That's why it's called taste.

He stuck me right in the eye.

Calm down, man.

You're not funny.

What's not funny? You're not.

I'll show you funny!

Shitty ring.

Hey.

I dreamt like an angel.

It never happens on the first date with me.

Normally I end up with posers and pretenders.

I'm so unbelievably happy!

These are the real moments. The deep and true moments.

They don't come often.

I think when we have to die, we will relive exactly these moments!

Then we're really ready to croak.

I have to go.

Yo mate!

- What's wrong with you? - Give me back my Porsche key chain!

- I don't have it. - Yes you do!

No, I don't.

- There you are. - Asshole!

- Hello, Edna! - Hello.

Did you eat all the yogurt?

It must have been Lilly.

You always blame Lilly. Then I find out it was you!

What can I do if your daughter is underhanded?

You cowardly pig!

- My God, it wasn't such a drama! - It was a drama and you're a drama!

Boris, is it so hard to follow the house rules?

- No. - That's great. Because if not, you're out of here.

I'll be good, my little tiger lily!

- I'm not your tiger lily, OK? - OK! But I have things to do!

Oh! The next CEO of IBM. Bravo!

Roger?

Roger?

- Today's the day. - For what?

- The time has come! - For what?

For it!

Here you are, folks!

Could you sit somewhere else? This is the crew table.

- Maybe down there. - We didn't see that.

- Good morning! - Two, please!

- Thank you. - Keep the change!

- Have a seat. - Thank you.

Hello?

Hello there!

Daniela!

- How funny! - It's been a long time.

This is Charlotte.

Charlotte Heinze. And this is Stephan.

- Hello. - I studied with Charlotte.

- Where are you living now? - In Munich.

No wonder we haven't seen each other.

- It's been a long time. - I have to get to the microphone.

I'll come see you at your table later.

Hey, she works here!

Shit!

And here is the Palace der Republik.

Or shall we say what's left of it.

Build in the 70's by the GDR regime as the House of the People

on the premises of the former Prussian Castle,

the Palace will be torn down

to make room for a reconstruction of the Prussian Castle.

The water really stinks here.

- It's Berlin! - But she's nice.

Yes.

- She's an ossi, right? - It's obvious!

Let's go to Natasha's.

We'll fuck Natasha!

If we both beg her enough we'll get it for free!

We'll get a volume discount! 3 for 1!

Only one of us can fuck. And that's me, mate!

Shut the fuck up!

I've got money.

My eye hurts. I need love.

Look at these chicas.

So hot.

My grandmother in Turkey uses the same stuff as bathroom carpet.

Really.

You guys are really going to M�ggel Lake, too?

- Yeah. - Yep. M�ggel Lake.

Where else!

And what will you do at M�ggel Lake?

What are you doing there?

- We're going to a Goa party. - Goa techno!

Yeah, it's about freedom. Like at the Kit Kat Klub. Freedom.

No, nothing like the Kit Kat Klub.

I would say better.

- Yeah. - Really? Better than the Kit Kat?

And what are you doing at the lake?

- Uh... - What are we doing at the lake?

Going swimming. We're swimmers.

We're even in the Neuk�ln Swimming Club.

My boy here Halil, our driver,

he's a master of the Japanese crawl stroke.

Yeah. The authentic Japanese crawl!

What's that supposed to look like?

I'll show you what it looks like!

Look here. I'll show you.

You can only do it naked.

First, you get down there in the water and then you're ready.

With a stiffy, right, because the dick crawls with you.

Stop the car.

Pull over here.

- Did you have to open your mouth? - It's not my fault!

Hello?

Hey, come in, friends!

Welcome!

Excuse the smell, but we have a stoppage problem.

Literally. I was just taking care of it.

No problem, man. We're here for the agency.

Of course. So, join me in the salon.

It won't stink so bad there.

By the way, the guy on the sofa is Steve, my business partner.

The Vice President, so to speak.

Alright, Steve. Nice to meet you. Peace!

This is Breslin, my partner. Also Vice President.

And I'm Julian, President.

You must be here because of the Zitty article.

That article was shit!

The article may have been shit,

but it made a splash!

Since it came out, we've had 400 applicants!

That's amazing.

This place was a madhouse yesterday. Thus the stoppage.

- So what do you do, actually? - We're fighting the system.

- Good so! - Well, I mean...

I'm just sick of it! Breslin and I have this space

that's kind of fucked up

where we sleep and play records.

And we want to change things. Make it bigger and better.

So we thought we'd turn it into

a kind of anti-America club office.

A place where people come together and talk.

- Listening would also be good. - Yeah, listening. Exactly.

A place where hippies, punks and university professors

come together and exchange ideas.

Like about McDonalds.

Or that TV series... 24. You know it?

You know, where...

...where the black President and

the terrorists and the... the daughter...

Man, Breslin, say something.

Um... yeah.

I think what Julian means is that we want

to make a kind of protected area

where kindred spirits can meet and discuss US hegemony

and America's influence on the world.

Not bad.

I think you're a wonderful woman.

And what you said to me

really opened my eyes.

I have to see you because there is something I must tell you.

Vogue Deutschland. Nadja Metzger, Product Management.

Leave a message after the beep and I'll call you back.

Yeah, Nadja. The message time ran out.

My God, how little time one has in life!

We really must spend more time together.

You and me. And to be honest, I really have

a lot more time... more time that I can spend with you...

Boris is a clutz!

Vogue Deutschland. Nadja Metzger, Product Management.

Leave a message after the beep and I'll call you back.

Nadja. Boris.

Well

To get to the point... I'm not a banker.

I'm a model.

I'm a... hand model.

Nadja. I did a campaign for Rolex. The guy on the fishing boat...

Fuck!

I'd like to start over with you.

Why are you lying again? You used to be a Rolex hand model.

- They haven't booked you for ages. - Asshole.

- I had a shoot a half year ago for Rolex. - A shoot?

A black and white advert in a Shanghai telephone book.

- And that was two years ago! - So what?

That means I'm still the Rolex model.

That's all over now anyway! Come!

That was great! You do that really well.

That was great! You do that really well.

- You have a great microphone voice! - Yeah.

I just do it on the side sometimes. Actually as a favour to Volker.

Really?

And out of love for Berlin.

- And how did you wind up in Munich? - I met Stephan.

At a ball at the Opera. He's a super dancer.

- You can't tell, can you? - No.

- You can't see it? - Sure. Straightaway.

Yeah, then we got married.

And where do you live?

In Berlin. Prenzlauerberg.

East or West?

- East. - Oh. - East.

But we just looked at a villa in Grunewald.

Grunewald! No way! We live in Gr�nwald!!!

Gr�nwald in Munich, Grunewald in Berlin!

Who is 'we'?

- My husband and I. - Ah, you're married?

Of course I'm married.

- What's he do? - He's a dentist.

- Does he play golf? - No, tennis.

We also play tennis!

- So lets call each other for a tennis game. - Super!

- Super! - Definitely!

- Are you good? - Me not. But he is.

- And you play for points? - Of course!

We're all about points!

Let me look after the guests for a minute.

OK. Oh, and do you have champagne?

- Of course we have champagne. - We'll have a bottle.

- Okay. Ciao. - Till soon.

Jesus, I will follow you.

Jesus, you live in me!

You give my life meaning!

Open your hearts!

- Peace - Jesus is King!

He loves you!

Peace on earth!

Peace!

Jesus, you live in me.

You give my life meaning!

Give me that!

God is dead!

Satan!

Satan rules the world!

Satan is our master!

Cool!

And what about the Kurds?

Everyone talks about the Palestinians. And the Kurds?

Everyone shits on the Kurds.

Iran shits on them. Syria shits on them.

Turkey shits on them.

Turkey shits on them pre-eminently.

It's just a matter of time before Bush also shits on them.

That's why I say Iraq has to be cut into three smaller countries.

Forget it. The Saudis will never allow it.

The Saudis, the Saudis.

They have nothing to say...

Shame on you, Leo!

You sorry little hash junky. You promised me!

What? It's after 11.

Not 11 in the morning. At night!

- You never said 11 PM. - You understood me.

I thought 11 in the morning.

She hates it when I smoke hash.

What?

And then he regrets it when the paranoia sets in.

How else am I supposed to hold up your Persian ass?

Forget my ass and concentrate on your work.

Klies called.

Klies.

Nobody showed up and he is pretty pissed off.

- What's wrong? - Klies starts his living room theatre tonight.

I promised I'd send some people by with his stage and install it.

We have time.

- Do we? - Of course we do.

We'll do our social duties later.

Where are you going? Klies' stuff is in Mitte.

A friend of Brian's gave me a toilet.

What?

Klies is worried stiff about his theatre stuff.

And you want to pick up a toilet.

You just want to fuck him.

No, you have it wrong. I want to be fucked by him.

Your ass-filling is going to have to wait another 15 minutes.

Man that is ugly!

Can you imagine how many people have shat in it?

No, and I don't want to, either.

I bet a lot.

OK, I understand.

You fell in love with some over-styled chick!

But take it slow.

See if it is really the right thing. Usually it takes you only 2 weeks.

It's different this time.

How?

What Anja said to me.

Her name was Nadja before.

Nadja. Anja. Nadja!

It doesn't matter. What she said had depth.

I'm sure it did!

As deep as a...

a puddle. A pussy puddle.

You are just primitive.

I want to start a new life.

With Nadja.

And love cannot be built on a shitty pile of lies!

Yeah. OK. Buy why begin this new honest life

with the biggest fraud you have ever committed?

Because to start a new life I have to sweep away the old one.

And for that I need money.

I will make a final sacrifice for my past life: My left hand!

Oh!

- Will you do the honours? - Of course.

But I can't drink such brine.

Excuse me! I'll pour it anyway, no?

Hey, Charlotte!

Charlotte! Tell him to stop!

Do you know him?

Prosit! Let's drink first!

Who is that guy?

He's a neighbour. Of my sister.

Peter, be a nice guy and go home!

Home!

I can't believe this.

- Charlotte! - What's wrong with him?

Zoom in on him.

- Wave now! - Hello!

I got him! I got him!

- Berlin! - That's Berlin, eh?

He's a hard-luck case.

A funny one at that!

I don't find it so funny.

Shit, the battery is dead. I can't believe it.

Here, wanna have it?

Cell phone. My gift.

Hi, mama!

Yeah, we're here on the Spree.

So you and, uh...

- You studied together, or what? - Yeah.

Do I look uneducated, or what?

- It's just you look much younger than her. - Thank you.

Take my calling card. My cell number is on the back. You can just...

We're at the Adlon tonight, right? My mother...

The Adlon's fine.

And you can send me a message

with you cell number.

And I'll call you. I'm often on business here.

Lets do it!

Excuse me. At 8?

At 8, 9, whatever!

At 8, then. 8 is fine.

Good, mama. Take care!

Go away.

We are here for Klies' stuff.

Easy, easy, tiger.

We'll just bring it out and then go.

I just don't know what to do. I am so stressed out.

He always threatened to move out, but when things got bad

I had him knock me around and then everything was fine again.

Maybe he will come back.

He probably just overshot the mark a little.

But that shot was a direct hit.

- Delicious. - Fantastic.

There is no point crying over spilled milk.

Spilled milk. I am not a kitten.

I am a caramel.

We had a great time together. Our love was like a nuclear bomb!

Listen, Caramel.

One question.

Does he have a new man already?

As far as I know he has several.

Anyway, we have to take the stuff for Klies' performance tonight.

And we are already running late.

So it is tonight.

That is what I said.

As I said, time is running out.

As I said, honey...

It is so embarrassing that you still live with your parents.

You father is a total joke with his shitty boat and big mouth.

What a show-off.

But I cannot get own apartment if I do not have a job.

And now the employment office is cutting me off

for not helping with that stupid asparagus harvest.

You know what I think?

If Satan was really so on top of things

then he would give us a little support.

And how are you so sure that the insurance will pay?

Because I am still with the Starlight agency.

And the insurance is tied to the contract with the agency.

This is pure capital.

Look, I've prepared everything.

A hand lopped off here brings about EUR 300,000.

If you hack it off up here by the elbow, there's another 60,000.

But I don't want that because it will look like shit.

And the hacked-off hand will not look like shit?

I'm not so sure. There are advantages.

I mean, if the whole lower arm is gone, you're a cripple.

But a missing hand is a sign of character.

A chic one at that!

I was thinking of something noble, but I'm not sure.

Maybe you're right. Maybe I should

just lop off three fingers.

The thumb is the most important. It brings at least 60,000.

Boris. Boris, please.

Add two fingers and you get 120,000.

I could keep my ring finger for the wedding with Nadja.

Boris.

It's Nadja. You don't have the balls to pick up?

I called Starlight for your number after your psychotic message.

They told me they sent you a pink slip 6 months ago!

Don't dare to call me at my job again, you fake little shit!

You're all the same.

I cannot do that.

I'm...

I just thought of something! Maybe I could use the flat side of the axe

and try for coverage... - Stop! Stop!

...of the essentials here. - I'm a pacifist, man!

If the axe is too brutal, then use the hedge clipper, you loser!

Charlotte.

Hello, painter of art!

- Here! - Slow, slow, slow.

- I have to tell you... - Sit down now.

And keep your mouth shut.

Or else we are through.

Understand?

I don't need the money. Go now, please.

I don't need the money. Go now, please.

What is the problem? Blow us already!

This is no small amount. These days whores are happy to make so much.

- I'll jack you off for 25. - Right - O! - Fine! - Me!

[Skipped item nr. 600]

Go now. The new workfare project has made my husband really aggressive.

But Natasha, you are a modern woman!

Understand? A modern woman.

Don't take orders from that idiot. That psychopath Horst!

You don't have to take orders. You're an emancipated woman.

That idiot with his grey dog, he's crazy!

What are you doing with that psycho!

Come on, leave it!

Hi Horst. What's up?

- Hello, Charlotte? - He's at it again!

Can you hear me? Hel-Io?

Snap snap here! Champagne!

Like for those fine prigs over there!

- Have this beer. - Who are those conservative foreskins?

- I ordered champagne, not beer! - Drink it and shut your mouth.

I have something to tell you. Something beautiful, heavenly!

Heavenly!

So...

Cheers, then!

What is with that guy? Unbelievable!

Hello.

Peter Harminsky.

- Hey, it's okay.

And who are you?

This is my girlfriend. Charlotte.

We are, you know... My little sweet!

So Peter, my friend...

We'll just go sit down calmly over there.

You're making me look like a chump!

You're not ashamed of me, are you?

He's not ashamed of his wife!

Shut your mouth. These assholes might pay our rent.

Understand? But not if you keep babbling like a drunk!

- So shut up! - Can I tell you something?

We don't need money! It's all good!

We can be open about it. Charlotte is my girlfriend.

Just ask Volker! We are going to drink here until we fall over!

Just act like he's not there!

Champagne-a-go go, baby! Chop chop!

- What are you looking at, foreskin! - Calm down, asshole!

People paid for this trip! You are making commotion, by Christ!

You have nothing to say, mate! This is not Stuttgart!

Not Stuttgart. Munich!

You have nothing to say here! Understand? This is Berlin.

Enemy territory! You are dead here, mate.

These are all my friends. Now lets have some champagne.

Pigs on the dole don't drink champagne.

- You ossi! - Shut your mouth, fuckwit!

Shut the fuck up!

Just don't look at him.

I'm Peter Harminsky.

Get away from me you shit!

I've been puked on!

Fucking shit!

You'll get one on the mouth now, asshole!

Puking on us like this!

- I have him. I have him! - This way, slowly.

- Get in there. - Hey! Ouch.

Come on, Nazis.

Shit.

Open up!

I want out.

Please excuse this minor incident.

Stay in your seats and everything will be fine.

We will go merrily on just like before.

So please don't get upset.

We'll finish the trip just fine!

I'm really sorry, Daniela.

Please excuse me.

Stop fondling me!

Charlotte, get back to work!

- Do it! - Why should I? Give me one reason?

- Who is this girl, anyway? - Just do it!

You jack off with your left hand.

What will you do without it?

Stop right now. Calm down.

Calm down!

Breathe.

- Take a deep breath and think this through. - Calm down already.

Me, calm down? I'm completely calm!

On the house, naturally.

On the house, naturally.

I don't want champagne. I want to be on land.

We're puked on and smell like pigs. We have go get off this boat.

Go back to your corner, Charlotte.

By the way...

That date you wanted won't work out.

My boyfriend locked in the toilet wouldn't like that.

Are you crazy?

I never said date. I gave you my card

so we could meet to play tennis.

You're a pathological liar!

Oh yeah? And why did you give me the card when she was on the phone?

On the phone? She was on the phone next to me!

She saw me give you the card.

- You are really a... - A scheming cunt is what you are!

...in West Berliner territory

and the President's Palace was in East Berliner territory.

In the death strip along the Berlin Wall.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I would like to say...

Stop this!

Fuck off! One last announcement!

One last announcement!

I'd like to direct your attention to that slut over there!

We had the same professor, and she blew him

for a better grade.

Do you want to know her nickname?

Analita! They called her Analita.

Because she always took it from behind!

Analita.

What are you looking at, cunt? Take a bow!

Analita.

And now she's playing the bourgeois Wessi bride.

This fake little worn-out fuck bunny!

Just look at her!

Did you ever notice how your daughter doesn't resemble you at all?

What does this have to do with my daughter?

You're a sheep.

The mother: Cafe brown.

The daughter: Black as dirt. The father: White as my ass.

I should be provoked by this?

Everyone says it! It's pathetic.

- Stop it. - You're such a poor sheep, my God!

It's genetically possible.

Genetics and Goethe's colour theory...

- What does Goethe have to do with it? - A lot.

- Nothing! - Then I'll have to be more clear.

- Be more clear then! - I will.

Think more clearly about what you want.

Remember Kenia Karl?

I am not doing it.

Kenia Karl, residence Lychener Street 79.

- The Rasta Man. - I don't know him.

What happened when you were selling tomatoes at the farmer's market?

Or were out of town?

And what is supposed to have happened?

Edna the volcano, Edna the blow-job machine!

Edna the volcano! And Kenia Karl! From morning to night like rabbits!

- Do it! - Stop it!

Do it or I'll bring out the whole truth!

Your wife had orgies with nearly every Rasta Man in the city!

And Kenia Karl was the ringleader.

And I was there, too.

- When I was drunk... - You didn't fuck her.

Of course I did!

Of course I fucked her. And those blow-job lips!

You idiot!

I said only three fingers!

Now do the whole thing!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Call a doctor!

Call a doctor!

Here comes Freddy!

- I gave it to them. - Leave me alone or lick my ass!

We still have a hen to pluck!

You should give it to him.

Go on, kick him in the balls. Show you're a man.

Show you have muscles.

Go on, yeah.

Twist his balls.

Show him!

Twist his nipples.

Bite him!

Shit.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Munich Idiot has won again!

Berlin has lost.

I would now like to bid you farewell.

Bye!

Guys, you have to take me with you.

I have to see him.

- No way, muchacho. The bus is full. - No it's not.

Julian, it is forbidden to let people ride in the back.

Why?

- Why? - Why.

Ask the police. They make the fucking rules.

Oh, fuck the police. Come on, hop in the back.

Why did you hit my other eye?

You saw one was black. Why not hit that one again? Now I've got two.

Now the stupid fucker wants to tell me which of his eyes I should hit.

3 FUCKS X 3 = 9 FUCKS.

That makes 900 Euros.

What? 900 Euros?

She liked it, mate. Tell him.

If she liked it, then it is not prostitution. It is free love.

As simple as that.

First of all, Natasha is my wife.

And if my wife fucks for money,

then she is working. That's OK.

But if my wife fucks for free

then she is a dirty scheming slut.

And that is not OK. That is not at all OK.

But because you three are just smelly little assholes,

it cannot be considered real fucking.

I will give you a special price.

3 for 1.

300 Euros by the weekend.

You are each just 1l3 of a fuck.

!!

Shut up, mate!

- What? - Accept it!

I will explain.

- What? - Sorry, I cannot accept.

I fucked her so long that she came.

I will not be called 1l3 of a fuck.

- You are a full fuck. - I am a full fuck.

I am happy to hear that.

- 900 Euros. - Victim!

Why did you have to open your mouth?

Why didn't you simply accept being 1l3 of a fuck.

300 Euros, man.

- It is not my fault you have small dicks. - Who?

What are you saying? I will put my monster in your ass.

Hanzi, you are almost out of water.

Hanzi!

Hey, grandma. Feeling fresh today?

This will be a bit cold.

Well?

And what was going on with you?

Nothing, eh? Well, it was the same for me.

Nothing has really changed. You didn't miss anything.

Hopefully your dreams are nice.

I recently had such a strange dream.

I was all alone in the Caribbean on a ship.

Me, all alone. This time I was the Captain.

The weather was nice. And when I looked to the beach

it was full of girls waving to me.

And below me was the sea. Really deep.

Then suddenly

suddenly there was

a huge wave.

And I...

I thought...

Anyway...

And then I woke up.

Don't be so messy.

That satanic troll is on the phone.

You have to help me tomorrow.

I had to fire Charlotte. You will have to read the shitty tourist text.

OK?

Yeah.

Fuck your parents! Stand up to them for once, man!

Yeah. You are right, Fred.

But it's not so easy. I'll give it a try.

You'll give it a try.

Now listen, scrotum-face.

You complain all the time about unemployment

and how you need cash to get your own place.

I discovered a ritual that will bring us power and wealth.

666. The number of the devil. Capich?

So get your fat ass over here. Pronto!

- You believe in this? - Believe in it? I know it.

Lavey is right.

Lavey is always right. After all, he is the master of all Satanists.

What exactly do we have to do?

I prepared everything already.

We just need the main ingredient.

A woman to do it with us.

Do what?

To play the sacrifice, so to speak.

But we won't be eating her heart, will we?

No... Of course not.

It is actually pretty harmless.

And where will we find a woman?

GREEDYBITCHES FROM EAST.

Yeah, send us this Natasha.

What? Huttelstra�e 7. Kleinberger's the name on the buzzer.

Thank you.

It's all right.

No, Natasha. Of course not.

You just lie naked on the altar.

And my buddy here paints a black cross on your back.

And we sing the Verse of the Bucks.

No. That sounds totally disgusting. I don't do stuff like that.

No, I am Russian Orthodox.

Come on, do us this favour.

I mean, we need your help. See it as an act of charity.

I am an emancipated woman.

I really don't think we should force a beautiful woman into something.

You shut up.

- I want to fuck, mate. - What?

You should think about where to get the 900 Euros for that notches.

He was really in jail, no kidding. The bastard is dangerous.

Fucking Horst, mate. Horst.

Hey, fellas, remember when we gave those two bitches a lift?

They went to that Goa party. They'll all be out of it by now.

They will all be drunk and totally spaced out.

- So? What do we want with all that? - What?

You said it yourself. Their pockets are full of cash.

- They are spoiled brats. - Cash? How do you know that?

They are all students. Mommy and daddy stick cash up their asses.

Jackpot! Like the old days.

- Off to the Goa party. - Let's go to the Goa party.

What do I have to do to get them?

Oh, not a lot. You just have to come up with us

and paint something nice with us.

But I have to go home soon.

No you don't. Come with us and we will have fun.

But I don't want to. And I'm not supposed to go with strangers.

We are not real strangers. We live around here.

My daddy said you have a screw loose.

And should be in a hospital.

Oh really? So who is your daddy?

What do we do now?

If only one of us had a girlfriend.

Your granny. Of course.

Why didn't I think of her in the first place?

The book says nothing about the woman's condition.

Are you out of your mind?

My grandma is in a coma.

So much the better. She won't realise a thing.

No, forget about that. Never.

Never, never, never.

Hi, this is Breslin Bostrap. From the Agency, you know.

Leo told us to give you a hand.

What hand?

Oh, that's nice.

Well, we have the set for your home theatre in our truck.

We would like to come up.

You sound like an idiot.

- Hey, handsome. - Hi.

Hi. Did you find the flat all right?

Sure. I used to live around here.

Interesting.

- I hope you still have enough power. - Sure.

When you are done I will give you some nice bee balm ice tea.

Really? Well, that sounds super!

Super? Where the hell is your brain?

Sharing your scrotum with your balls?

- Let's finish this. - Why doesn't that fag come help?

Julian!

Don't you get it?

- Bee balm ice tea! Is that gay code? - Julian!

No, man, my back is killing me. I am not a Polish moving company.

There is no living room theatre up there.

The boxes are full of personal shit.

He is using us for his fucking deliveries.

What have we got here?

Is your fucking miniscule stinking karma

coming back to bite your ass?

The boomerang hits the thrower.

- Horse and carriage in the rut. - Hey, mate!

Come on, mate. Don't bullshit me.

Well, Julian,

my words are the salt in your wounds.

- Hash? - Very funny.

But it's funny.

That's my toilet you fucking idiot.

Man, if it wasn't covered with shit

I'd kick your ass.

Do you have some paper?

What is this shit, my little sugar pie?

You stink!

- What a nice flat, Klies. - Yeah, yeah.

Well, come on.

Come on.

Now where is your gay theatre going to take place?

Oh, shit, yeah...

No theatre tonight. I had to cancel.

My nerves are totally shot.

First I have to look after my burned little sugar lump.

Hello, my baby.

Goa Party.

Try to blend in. This is a Victim Party.

- You think so? - Yeah. Goa.

Look, he's dancing with that chica.

Hell's flames have been fanned and the innermost thoughts emerge.

Open the gates to darkness.

Oh, great precursor.

Appear in this circle.

Enter through the gates of the shining trapezohedron.

For the blood has been offered.

Show your presence in humans and do not remain any...

Are you stupid?

I've told you a thousand times, it's not voodoo.

This is Satanism! It will never work like this.

Man, you...

Show your presence...

Look here, this is at least 300 Euros.

Look here, this is at least 300 Euros.

I told you. They're all high, out of it.

Their pupils are like this.

- What the hell, fatty. - We are rich.

Here's 35 for you.

To our workday!

- What is this, mate? - What is this stuff? Alcohol?

Hey, brother? What kind of alcohol is this?

Alcohol?

That's not alcohol, my dear, dear friend.

Have a good trip.

- Bon voyage. - Bon voyage, yeah.

Have a good trip.

Barkeeper, what do you call this shit?

What do you mean, shit? That's ketamine, man.

It's rhino-anaesthetic, man!

Shit. We didn't come for a rhino operation, mate.

- Ketamine? - It's too late now.

I think I am getting dizzy.

What are you doing there?

What are you doing?

Pussies!

Where are pussies? There aren't any pussies, man!

Where are pussies?

Ali, do you see pussies? There are no pussies.

What are you doing? Are you crazy?

Pussies can't fly. You victim!

Halil.

Halil, his face, look.

See that?

- Airplane. - Halil, have a look.

Man, your face.

You see that? Something is wrong with your face.

What is that there?

Halil?

You, who only ever betrayed human beings.

- Satan rules the world. - King of the dregs.

I break the law.

Some grasp it with their forehead, their feet, their claws...

Some bite suddenly without a warning.

Punishment is certain and severe.

This is the law. Are we not human?

We are humans.

Not to scratch the bark or tree, that is the law. Are we not humans?

Not to growl or roar, that is the law. Are we not humans?

Not to growl and to roar. Are we not humans?

You are not allowed to eat trees.

You have to hug them.

Wow. A Christmas tree!

But it is not Christmas.

Silent night... holy night...

We are all just dumb sheep.

- Did you steal my purse? - Purse?

Come here to snaffle or what?

- Purse. - Are you nuts? He stole my purse!

- Shit. - Her purse, Halil.

- Are you crazy? - Bastard!

Wanker!

Did you steal more? Give me my purse!

Can you feel it?

We are here for each another.

But, Barbie...

- Let's go. - I have to find my friends.

I feel them on my skin, because...

Christmas... Christmas!

- You are the only bear. - Bear!

Barbie...

There are bears in the forest.

I have to find my friends!

The sacrifice must be penetrated anally

and as a sign of blasphemy, the sperm should be

ejaculated onto the sacrifice's back.

- Could you say that again in German? - Yes.

You have to fuck your granny in the ass and splash the stuff on her back.

Are you whacked?

I can't fuck my granny in the ass.

Stop making a fuss. Follow the instructions.

Lavey is a sick bastard if he wants me to ass-fuck my granny.

Do it, if you want to get anywhere.

Are you crazy? Do it yourself.

You have to do it.

- And why me? - The effect is stronger then.

How is the effect going to be stronger

if I stick my prick into my granny's ass?

Because you are her grandson.

And that is far more blasphemous than if stranger did it. Got it?

Now, come on. Stop making such a fuss.

You can do it.

- I can't. - Yes, you can.

Let me tell you. You can do anything. You are a strong guy.

Come on, we have to do this now.

Come, now.

Here.

Implore the dark forces to give you the necessary strength.

You have to be strong now.

How can I get it up with my granny?

If it was my mother at least maybe it would work.

I will look away.

Think about power and wealth!

Great. See, it is working.

Granny!

- Granny! - Good day you, Frau Eberhard.

How is it going?

So, granny. Sausage?

Thanks. Thank you, my boy.

Why did you have me there naked

if you were trying to heal me?

Well, it was... You know, it said so in Fred's medicine book.

Then you are almost part of the family, if you saw me naked.

Yes, granny, you are right somehow.

- Is it summer already? - Yeah.

It is summer.

Where are you?

Are you crazy?

- Stop it, Charlotte. - All because of you.

Stop it!

Why should I? You deserve it.

You deserve something else!

I wanted to tell you, I won the lottery.

500,000! Understand?

That's why I came to that stupid boat.

Because I wanted to tell you!

I am really fed up with you, Charlotte.

You don't know what a lottery ticket looks like.

Here, look.

You don't have to believe me.

You see that?

This is what 5 winning numbers look like.

5 winning numbers.

Bye, Charlotte.

I don't believe a word you're saying.

You don't have to believe me. It's all right here.

Wait!

Money is not so important.

Right?

I don't know. You think so?

It's what one is inside that matters.

Sure, if you say so.

You're really a nasty, unprincipled piece of work, I must say.

Really?

And you are a failure.

What do you mean?

Now we are 1 to 1.

When will we get to the hospital?

Boris,

what you said about Edna is not true, right? You just wanted to provoke me.

Of course not.

You are clever. You know how to twist people around your finger.

You know

I am really happy right now.

Roger

I think

this is one of those few true moments in life

that fly through your head

just before you croak.

Yes.

Boris, yes.

- This one is quite good. - Yeah.

And somehow so pure

so clear.

Where are we?

Where are we?

Where are we?

Oh, my eye!

What is this place here?

Just look!

Hey, boys, how cool is this?

We spend all day running after pussy and now look at this beauty.

After pussy, after money,!!!

Just look at this! Nature.

It is always here.

Is this not cool? It is always here like it is now.

See? This is what we need now, something like this.

Hey, but it's morning again, mate.

Isn't that cool?

Oh my God.

Another stiffy, mate.

I want to fuck Natasha now.

Oh, mine is even stiffer.

But no money, mate.

So then off into the water, fellas.

Stephan, are you mad now?

Because of what she said on the boat? You don't believe it, do you?

Why not? I have to fuck your ass every night, too.

- You are my husband. - What's wrong? Is this Stuttgart?

Do you have tennis courts?

- Yes, in the gym over there. - Fine, I'll be over there then.

Do you want me to come?

Subtitles Updated & Processed by Silk Purse Enterprises, UK