All language subtitles for Knuckles.S01E03_[English] (SUBRIP)

Stay hidden until
I give you the signal.

Why?
'Cause I think you're
gonna freak people out.

Hi, Mom. I'm home.

Wade,
my little hamentashen!

How long has it been?

Well, I can tell you exactly
how long it's been.

Two years, three months,
and 13 days.

Not that I'm marking
my calendar.

Clearly. Uh, listen, Mom,
it's good to be home.

I-I do have something to...

'Sup, Wade?

'Sup, Wanda?
I gotta tell you.

If you're back here because
you lost your squad car again,

you wanna borrow Mom's Volvo,

mm, don't bother.

Volvo is too much car
for you anyways.

- Wanda...
- Maybe you should just stick
to embarrassing yourself

on the little baby scooter
you've been taking
on duty instead.

- Wanda!
- Know what's embarrassing?

- What?
- You wearing
a windbreaker inside.

- Oh, Wade.
- There's no wind in here.
That's insane!

I bet my whole life is insane
to a local cop like you

'cause I'm out there
breaking cases, dude.

I'm going undercover.

I'm working for
the FBI...!

What is that?
Why do you say it like that?

That's how everybody
in the FBI says it.

Then they should
reprint the jackets.

That would be so dumb,
Wade.

Why are you here?
Why is she here?

Yo! I'm here protecting
the sodototus.

Okay...

That's the Secretary of
the Department of Transportation
for the United States.

He's rolling in,
and I'm working his 'cade.

That means motorcade.

That's what we call it in
the FBI because it saves

valuable seconds
so we can save more lives.

Mm-hmm.
- Are we done?

- Mm-hmm.
- Mom, I need
to tell you something.

- I, uh, brought someone here.
- Oh.

- Oh! A friend?
- Yes... Oh, well--

- A girlfriend?
- Mm...

Is she Jewish?

Great Matriarch of
the Whipple clan.

I bow my head to you
in respect,

and I thank you for
giving us safe harbor

in our time of need.

Oh...

Probably shoulda opened with
your introduction in retrospect.

It's okay. I'm good. I'm fine.

So... he's from space.

Allegedly.

Yes.

I do apologize for fainting.
It was very rude of me.

You're my guest.
Welcome to our home.

- We will not be here long.
- Yeah, maybe just the night,

and then we'll be
outta your hair.

Yo, I don't care
who this guy is,

I'm still gonna have to
check him for weapons.

You dare draw a weapon on me?

What is this sorcery?

Wade... Wade!

You have
a metal detector on you

- even when you're not on duty?
- I'm never not on duty, bro.

- Damn, that's a good line.
- Wanda, he's a guest.

Yes, Mom.
So...

- Knuchles--
- Knuckles.

Knuckles.

- Knuchles! That's what I said.
- Knuckles.

- Knuchles. Wade...
- You're not saying that. You're
making, like, a "c-h" sound.

- You're saying "ch."
- Yeah, it's weird.

It's like--
It's not like a dessert.
- Knuchles!

Enough.
I would so love it

if you would
join us for dinner.

A ceremonial meal?

With the Chief
of the Whipple clan?

It would be my great honor.

I'll just put out
two extra places.

Wait a minute.
It's not... Is it?
Please.

Join us for Shabbat dinner.

No! No!

Let me go!

Wade, what is happening?
We gotta
get outta here.

For the last few decades,
every single Whipple family
Shabbat dinner

has been nothing but deceit,
betrayal, and violence.

So, is he Jewish?
Uh, y-yeah,
on his, uh...

- Half, I think.
- Uh, mother's side?

- I was about to say,
I think so.
- Oh good, oh good.

I don't know why it's important
that it's the mom's side,

but just say that it is.

I don't ask you about
the millions of grapes you eat.

You leave my grapes
out of this.

Mom! You made
all of my favorite foods,

even the ones from the most
obscure Jewish holidays!

Everything looks so...

- brown.
- What a feast!

I am famished,
but where are the grapes?

They're in the wine, buddy.

Ah!

Welcome, everyone. Mm.

Family members and guests.

Now... Knuchles.

I'm not sure
how much you know...

...about the traditions
of the Jewish people.

I know very little,

but I admire your tiny hats.

Ha.

And I assume
with a feast like this,

the epics must tell

of your great victories
on the battlefield.

At first glance, I thought you
to be a malnourished weakling.

- Oh.
- But when you were
cutting that meat,

I noticed your arms
are quite muscular.

- Oh.
- Like a warrior!

Oh! Well.

Thank you, Knuchles.

I do Pilates
three times a week.

Wade, I like your friend.
Okay. Weird.

Shabbat is the day of rest.

It's about home.

Every Friday,
for three hours,

the Whipple family,
whoever's here,

sits and eats together

until the Shabbat
candles burn out.

And traditionally,
the women of the home...

The women of the home
light the candles. Wanda?

- Meh.
- Wanda, if you could help me.

No way, Mom!
I'm on a work call.

Sodototus might go
to Macaroni Grill.

- Wanda.
- What?

- No phones at the table.
- It's work, Mom!

Alright. I'll do it myself.

Baruch atah Adonai,

Eloheinu melech ha'olam,

asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav...

- That's my spoon.
- Mm-mmm.

That's my spoon.
It's not your spoon.
Your spoon's over there.

No, that's Knuckles' spoon.

- That spoon in your hand
is my spoon.
- Oh.

Oh, you know what?
Sorry. That is your spoon.

Where'd it go?
Hey, Nolan Ryan,
where'd you throw it?

- It went under the little table.
- Hahaha! So fun!

It is. It's awesome.
So funny!

Ugh. It's gross.

Alright. Everyone, dig in.

So, Knuchles...

...tell me about your family.

My people were killed
by a race of giant owls.

- Owls?
- I am now the last of my tribe.

Oh.

Our tribe has been through
some tough times, too.

Minus the giant owls.

He's basically Jewish.

How's the food?
Mm!

Delectable! This soup!
Aw.

I've never seen balls so plump

and swollen with flavor.

Yo, your friend is wild.

And you say this is fish,

yet it has the consistency
of a wet sponge.

I cannot stop eating it.

Gefilte fish.

One of our planet's
greatest mysteries.

Oh, let me get you
some more, sweetie.

Now,

tell me about these owls.

Hey. How'd you get involved
with this weird alien?

Look, it's not a big deal,
but I've been working

with a secret global law
enforcement agency called GUN.

Actually, you know what?

It's a huge friggin' deal.

There's no government agency
called GUN.

- That's the fakest name
I've ever heard, Wade.
- Hm.

Plus, if they were
lookin' for people,

why would they recruit
a small-time cop like you?

Look, I can't really
talk about it,

but I happen to know a guy
who knows a guy
who knows a guy.

And I'm doing
all this work pro bono,
which means for free.

- I know.
- It's mostly
international stuff,

but it does tend to point
sometimes intergalactic.

Way above
the FBI pay grade,

so you probably
wouldn't understand.

No, I knew what it is.
I've heard of GUN.

I know what it is,
and I actually...

I actually know
a guy there, too.

You know someone from GUN?

Yeah, I do.

Mm-hmm. What guy
do you know at GUN.

Jim...

Jim Gunagent.

The GUN agent you know
is named Jim Gunagent?

Yeah. That's right.
Who do you know there?

Who's your guy?
Oh, who's your guy at GUN?

The guy I know is actually...

also named Jim, uh, Gunagent,

so I guess we probably
know the same guy.

Oh. Cool, cool, cool.
So, I guess we both know Jim.

I guess we both know Jim.
Cool, cool, cool.

Wade! Did you know

that Knuchles almost destroyed
the entire planet,

and then ended up
helping save it?

Yeah, Mom, I was there.
Oh.

And I'd gladly do it again,

should I need to protect
the Master Emerald.

Oh!
And Wade also contributed.

Thank you.

That's my son.
Ooh!
Sounds so important.

I'm just wondering, like,
what'd you do?

Like, were you
picking up coffees,

or were you dropping off
their dry cleaning?

If you must know what I did,
right at the time

that the head bad guy
was gonna attack, I said "Hey,"

and distracted him
for a split second.

- And then, Sonic really
took care of it.
- Sounds highly unlikely!

Wanda, back off.

Mom! I'm just asking what
he did on that day, okay?

And he's saying
crazy things!

I don't know why you always
have to side with him!

Oh, Wade. No, you, too.

I didn't even say anything!

Doesn't matter.
I saw it on your face.

The two of you.
Ugh. I mean, I swear.

If I could just have
a moment of peace.

Ow!

You suck. Sor--
Wade!

- Language!
- I'm sorry, Mom,
but she sucks so bad.

You suck.

Ow!

Mom! You wanna fight?
Let's do this.

Okay, let's go.

So help me God,
do not make me use

Krav Maga
in my own home!

- She's right.
- What is this Krav Maga?

She used to be an instructor.

Krav Maga,
Israeli self-defense.

Pretty hardcore stuff.

I see.
You train warriors as well.

You know what?
Wh-Whatever, Mother.

Okay, you can't threaten us
with your Jewish karate chops

because I am a federal agent!

Okay? I refuse to be
spoken to like this

from a local police officer!

Federal agent this,
federal agent that.

You know what,
sounds like to me

someone doesn't
really know Jim Gunagent.

- Uh, do you?
- Uh, no because
he doesn't exist!

I knew it! You liar!

Yeah, you knew it so much,
you walked right into it.

What did I do
to deserve this?

How many years of Shabbat
spent alone?

Now, both my children
are finally home,

and this is what I get?

I'm sorry, Mom. It's--

Oh!

Oh! Ow!

Oh, God! Oh!

Oh, I would punch you
in the face right now

if you weren't an adult woman
and I wasn't an adult man

and that is just not accepted.
Oh, I hate you!

I'm going to my room!

Of course! Just go.
Leave me here. Alone.

Just like everyone.
Just like that...

good-for-nothing schmuck!

He's not a schmuck.

He's my dad.

Well, I'm glad I came.

Another classic
Whipple family Shabbat.

At least I'm not
all alone this time.

Hey. It's me.

Round up the guys.
Got us an easy catch.

Mm-hmm.

This one's definitely
gonna run home to mama.

Um, don't come in here!

Wade? Are you injured?

I thought I heard
the quiet sobs of a child.

I know. I don't know
what you heard because
everything in here is fine.

I'm just, uh, curled up
in the fetal posish, you know?

My mental health
has never been better.

Your quarters
are fascinating.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah.

My old room.

What are these?
My posters?

I got all the greats
up there.

Stallone, Keanu,

Bryan Adams.

Gods.

Ah, yes. I see.

This is your
pantheon of heroes!

Yeah. Spent a lot of time
in here alone.

Mostly dealing with
my childhood abandonment
issues, but...

And who is this magnificent
and powerful man?

Oh, that guy?

"'Pistol' Pete Whipple." Wait.

This great bowling warrior
shares your family name!

Yeah.

That's 'cause he's my dad.

Your father is the champion?

He will be
at the tournament?

Wade Whipple, is this why
we are going to Reno?

To confront
and dethrone your father?!

This quest only grows
more glorious!

What? No--

I didn't know that--
Are you telling--

Start from the beginning
'Cause wait a minute.

My estranged father
is also gonna be at
the bowling tournament?

That is news to me.

Uh, definitely didn't
have anything to do

with my decision-making
process in the matter.

I see.

What is this?

That?

You wanna know what this is?

This is my old Discman.

- Plays music.
You wanna see something cool?
- Mm-hmm.

"Wadejammerz '99."

The single best CD
ever to be burned.

This mix is front-to-back
bangers.

I wonder if she still works.

And...

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you don't get quality
like this from the streamers.

Yeah, this is my jam.
You got to hear this.

Hm.

Ah. What does
that mean exactly?

To have a jam?

It's like, um,
your favorite song.

I don't understand.

Like... You don't have
a favorite song?

No.

A jam is like something
that pumps you up.

You know, gets you jacked.

It gives you the courage
and bravery to do things

that are
out of the ordinary.

Is it a form of magic?

It is a bit like magic.
You know,

I had a friend who, when he
listened to Alien Ant Farm,

could lift a Toyota Corolla
over his head.

- Swear to God,
on my mom's life.
- Hm...

And this mix you made,
it has jams?

Oh, yeah. "Wadejammerz '99"?
Chock full of 'em.

You listen to this mix,

I guarantee you will
be uttering the phrase,
"That's my jam."

My dad used to say
that all the time.

Your father. Is he...

- the "schmuck"
of whom your mother spoke?
- That's the guy.

And he abandoned you?

Giving not a second thought
to his own flesh and blood?

Discarding his only son
like a piece of worthless junk!

Mm, your phrasing
is rather hurtful, but yes.

Every Friday afternoon,
my dad and I

would drive to
the bowling alley,

and we'd listen to this mix...

You know, it was our thing,
until it wasn't, but.

Hm...

And who is this?

Oh. That is... nothing.

Please don't look at that.
Please don't investigate.

Now, this is a warrior.

- Who is this?
- Uh, this is actually, um,

just a cardboard cutout of, uh,

Zap from the hit morning show
American Gladiators.

Ah, yes.

She definitely belongs
in your pantheon of heroes.

Yeah, yeah, she was a beast.
I've had her since I was a kid.

I actually didn't even know
I still owned it though.

But, what are these little
indentations on her shoulders?

Uh, nothing! Definitely not
where I hugged her too hard.

Dessert!

- Dessert, everyone!
- Uh, y-you know, y-y-you
should go for dessert.

I-I'm not really feeling
like it tonight.

Wade! These marks.

They seem to be everywhere.

Okay! Enough time with Zap.
Thank you.

Okay.

I'm sorry you had to hear that.

So, I spent the next 14 days

wandering through
an alien desert.

My enemies had ambushed me
and left me for dead.

Oh, God! Well, listen.

Joshua wandered
for 40 years,

lost in the desert,
looking for the Promised Land,

so big whoop about
your 14 days.

No offense.

Is this part of
the Jewish tradition?

To eat pies of limes
that are key

- and watch old movies?
- No, no Jewish. No, no.

- God no.
- Look, I got money to spend...

But we do like a good flick.

This is a Whipple
family tradition.

Every Shabbat, after dinner,
we'd eat dessert

and then watch a movie
till the candles burned out.

It was nice.

Why has this tradition
been broken?

Who knows?

Families, they drift apart.

Time. Yeah, well,

I guess this is
what my life is now.

Empty nester.
It's pitiful.

You know, every Shabbat,
I light the candles myself.

I make the dinner,
the whole schmear.

I even make dessert!

And then, I sit back
and watch one of my old movies.

You know, even when
the kids are home,
they can't be bothered.

Hm...

I don't understand.

This young streetwalker
with a heart made of gold.

Why do the others treat her
with such disdain?

Is it so wrong
to walk the streets?

Because they are ignorant
and judgmental, Knuchles.

But, you wait.

She'll get the last laugh.

- I was in here yesterday.
You wouldn't wait on me.
- Oh...

- You work on commission, right?
- Uh, yes.

Big mistake. Big. Huge.

I have to go shopping now.

I love her.

Miss you, Dad.

Shabbat Shalom.

Well, that was a bad idea.

Ow! Why?!

You got a price
on your head, Whipple.

And I'm here to collect.

What's so funny?
Oh, nothing.

You just picked a fight
with the most dangerous
warrior in the galaxy.

And I'm
his favorite student.

That's gonna affect resale.

We've got company.

What the heck are you
supposed to be?

Your worst nightmare.
Nice chains, bro.

You look like you popped
out of a '90s video game.

Where do I put the quarter?

Smart move, genius!

You just broke
into a house full of cops.

You wanna give up now,
or you want me to give you
about 14 seconds?

- Enough!
- Ah, crap.

Fbi! Oh!

Aah!

Told you, loser.

Your move, creeps.

Mother Whipple!
Knuchles.

Protect the candles
at all costs.

Mm.

Sorry about the, uh, house.
Mm.

You okay?

- Hm.
- Are you happy?
Did I miss something?

My kids finally
came home for Shabbat.

The whole family
came together.

To protect one another,
to care for one another.

What more
could a mother want?

Thank you, Knuchles.

This... is the best damn
Shabbat dinner we ever had.

Good Shabbos, sweetie.
You, too, darling.

Thanks, Mom.
- Good Shabbos, Mom.