Original subtitles

- HONEY, YOU UP? - HMM?

- OH! I HAD A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

HEY, THERE'S NO KIDS IN BED WITH US, FOR A CHANGE.

HOW ABOUT A LITTLE-- - OH, GOD, I DON'T FEEL SO WELL.

- [sighs]

HEY, YOU USUALLY DON'T SAY THAT UNTIL AFTER.

- NO, I MEAN IT, RAY. STAY AWAY FROM ME.

OH, GOD, I'M SO HOT. [groans]

- WELL, I DON'T--

I'M GETTING ALL THESE MIXED SIGNALS.

[babies crying] - AW, HONEY, THE KIDS.

- I KNOW, THEY'RE FINE. THEY'RE FINE.

- OH, RAY, COULD YOU GET THE KIDS, PLEASE?

- [groaning]

ALL THIS DISCUSSION. WE COULD HAVE BEEN DONE BY NOW.

HI, I'M RAY,

AND I LIVE HERE IN LONG ISLAND

WITH MY WIFE, DEBRA.

SHE'S GREAT WITH THE KIDS,

THE HOUSE, EVERYTHING.

OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW SHE DOES IT.

WE'VE GOT A DAUGHTER, ALLY,

AND TWIN TWO-YEAR-OLD BOYS.

IT'S NOT REALLY ABOUT THE KIDS.

MY PARENTS LIVE ACROSS THE STREET.

THAT'S RIGHT.

AND MY BROTHER LIVES WITH THEM.

NOW, NOT EVERY FAMILY

WOULD GO BY ON A CONVEYER BELT FOR YOU,

BUT MINE WOULD, BECAUSE--

- EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND.

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

MOMMY'S NOT FEELING TOO GOOD.

- WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?

- NOTHING. BELIEVE ME, NOTHING.

- I THINK MOMMY'S GOT THE FLU, SWEETIE.

RAY, I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HELP ME TODAY.

- ALL RIGHT. I'LL--

OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

MY TERRY BRADSHAW MEETING.

- OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY.

- I--OH, NO!

IF I GET TO GHOSTWRITE HIS BOOK,

I CAN AFFORD TO GET YOU ROUND-THE-CLOCK NURSING CARE.

- I'LL TAKE CARE OF YOU, MOMMY.

- OH, THANK YOU, HONEY.

- OH, SEE, LOOK AT HER. ISN'T SHE SWEET?

DON'T KIDS JUST CHEER YOU RIGHT UP?

- YEAH.

- YOU'RE LOOKING A LOT PEPPIER RIGHT NOW.

- RAY, LISTEN,

I'M STARTING TO GET CHILLS NOW, SWEETIE.

YOU BETTER GET THAT THERMOSCAN.

- THERMOSCAN?

- THE THERMOMETER,

SO WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE.

- "KNOW WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH?"

THAT'S HOSPITAL TALK.

STOP. THINK POSITIVE.

THINK POSITIVE.

STOP THAT HOSPITAL-- KITCHEN TALK.

LIKE, WHAT WOULD RAY WANT FOR BREAKFAST

BEFORE HIS BIG MEETING?

- ALLY, ALLY, THE JUMPING IS MAKING MOMMY SICK, HONEY.

- STOP, ALLY. THAT'S ENOUGH. THAT'S ENOUGH.

HERE, LOOK, READ THIS.

WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S VICTORIA'S SECRETS.

THAT'S DADDY'S.

HERE, READ THIS.

THIS IS THE THERMOMETER?

- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, SHOULD I SET IT TO "STUN"?

- NO, HERE, GIVE IT TO ME.

- WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT?

WHERE DO YOU PUT THAT?

- YOU PUT IT IN YOUR EAR.

- THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN MY THIRD GUESS.

- OH, HONEY, LOOK, IT'S ALMOST 103.

- NO. 103. - YEAH.

- IT'S A SCALE. THAT'S WHAT YOUR HEAD WEIGHS.

IT'S NOT.

COME ON, JUST LAUGH.

LAUGH, A LITTLE LAUGH.

LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

A PRIEST AND A RABBI ARE LEG-WRESTLING--

- RAY.

FACE IT. I'M SICK, HONEY.

- BUT, OH, THIS IS MY ONE SHOT WITH TERRY BRADSHAW.

HEY, CAN'T YOU WALK IT OFF?

- WALK IT OFF?

- THAT'S WHAT MY FATHER ALWAYS TOLD ME.

THAT, AND RUB SOME DIRT ON IT.

- RAY, LISTEN, COME ON, I'M SICK.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO HELP ME.

- I KNOW. OF COURSE, I KNOW.

I'M JUST--

PANICKING!

ALL RIGHT, REST. LOOK, JUST YOU REST.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF SO THIS NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN.

I'LL DO--I'LL START THE BREAKFAST.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON, ALLY, COME ON.

- HERE. - MOMMY'S NOT FEELING GOOD.

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE BREAKFAST.

COME ON, GUYS.

YOU JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

I GOT IT ALL UNDER CONTROL.

A LITTLE EASY ON THE THROAT, ALLY.

HEY, LOOK, YOU'RE UP. YOU'RE FEELING BETTER.

- NO.

I JUST GOT WORRIED ABOUT YOU DOWN HERE UNSUPERVISED.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH ALLY?

- ALL I DID WAS GIVE HER BREAKFAST.

THAT'S ALL I DID.

THE NEXT THING I KNOW, SHE'S BURNING UP.

SHE'S HOT. SHE'S LIKE YOU. SHE'S SICK.

- OH, COME HERE, HONEY.

- OKAY.

- NOT YOU. ALLY.

- I'M HERE. DON'T WORRY.

OH, GOD, LOOK AT YOU, DEBRA. UGH.

- GOOD MORNING, MARIE.

WELL, RAY, YOUR MOM'S HERE.

- I--I THOUGHT SHE COULD COME BY,

AND SHE COULD HELP YOU WITH THE KIDS

WHILE I'M AT MY BIG MEETING.

WASN'T THAT A GOOD IDEA?

- AH, YEAH, I HAVE AN IDEA.

HOW ABOUT IF I BITE YOUR NOSE REALLY HARD?

- THAT'S THE NYQUIL TALKING.

- RAY, LISTEN, ALLY'S GOT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR.

NOW, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO HERE?

- OH, WAIT A MINUTE.

- MICHAEL'S HOT TOO. - WHAT?

- OH, THAT'S WHAT COMES FROM VITAMINS

SHAPED LIKE CARTOON CHARACTERS.

- GEOFFREY'S FINE.

- NO, THAT'S NOT HOW YOU DO IT.

COME HERE, BABY.

YEAH, HE'S FINE. OKAY.

NOW--NOW--

NOW, YOU HAVE TO TAKE MICHAEL AND ALLY

TO THE DOCTOR RIGHT NOW,

AND I'LL STAY HERE WITH DEBRA AND GEOFFREY.

- OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, DON'T DO THAT.

I DON'T WANT YOU-- GETTING SICK.

- OH, I DON'T GET SICK, DEAR.

- MOM'S MORE OF A CARRIER.

- GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD.

GO GET DRESSED AND TAKE THE KIDS TO THE DOCTOR.

- ALL RIGHT, COME ON. ALLY, COME ON, GO, GO UP.

OH, MY TERRY BRADSHAW MEETING!

I CAN'T JUST BLOW HIM OFF.

- WHO'S THAT?

- THE FOOTBALL PLAYER.

HE'S VERY FAMOUS.

HE'S IN THE HALL OF FAME.

HE WON FOUR SUPER BOWLS.

- I NEVER HEARD OF HIM.

- I HAVE A BIG MEETING WITH HIM!

ALL RIGHT. FORG--

DON'T WORRY. LOOK, I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT.

- YEAH, WOULD YOU JUST CALL HAMMOND?

- HAMMOND?

- DR. HAMMOND, THE KIDS' DOCTOR.

- RIGHT, DR. HAMMOND, THE GUY WITH THE GOOD LOLLIPOPS.

OKAY. I'LL CALL HIM.

- YEAH. HIS NUMBER--

HIS NUMBER'S IN THE BOOK, HONEY.

- ALL RIGHT.

- IN THE KITCHEN.

IN THE DRAWER.

BY THE REFRIGERATOR.

- YEAH, YOU GOT NOTHING NOW.

- COME HERE.

COME HERE, LET ME TAKE YOUR TEMPERATURE.

- NO, I THINK I'M FINE. NO, PLEASE, DON'T.

- 103.

- WHOA. - OH, YEAH.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW LONG THIS IS TAKING.

I'M SUPPOSED TO MEET TERRY BRADSHAW RIGHT NOW.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

- I WAS UP ALL NIGHT

CLEANING VOMIT OFF AN ANTIQUE QUILT.

- OKAY, IT'S A BAD DAY FOR ALL OF US.

HOW OLD IS HE? LET ME GUESS: TEN MONTHS.

- YEAH. - YEAH.

HE'S GOT A NICE SHAPED HEAD.

WAS HE-- STILL GOT THOSE SOFT SPOTS?

- YEAH.

- YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS GOT TO CHECK THOSE WHEN THEY'RE BORN.

MAKE SURE THAT SPOT GOES IN, YOU KNOW,

BECAUSE IF IT COMES OUT,

THAT MEANS THEY'VE BEEN TAMPERED WITH.

LOOK, MICHAEL, LOOK OVER THERE.

LOOK AT THAT PRETTY LITTLE GIRL.

- HE'S A BOY. - OH, SORRY, SORRY.

I GOT THROWN BY ALL THE PINK.

AND THE EARRINGS.

- DADDY, I DON'T FEEL SO GOOD.

- I KNOW. I KNOW, HONEY. HERE, HERE.

LET'S TRY AND TAKE YOUR MIND OFF IT, OKAY?

LET'S LOOK AT THIS.

OH, HERE, LOOK AT THIS PAGE.

"WHAT DOESN'T BELONG?"

PUPPY, KITTEN,

CHIPMUNK, BIRD,

FROG...

TERRY BRADSHAW.

- RAY BARONE?

- HEY, HI. HI, TERRY.

HOW ARE YOU?

- THIS IS WHERE YOU WANT ME TO MEET YOU?

- WELL--YEAH, I--

LISTEN, I KNEW YOU HAD A PLANE TO CATCH,

AND I REALLY WANTED US TO GET TOGETHER.

AND THEN THIS-- THIS THING CAME UP,

AND I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE AS GOOD A PLACE AS ANY

AS LONG AS YOU DON'T PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR MOUTH.

HONEY, COME HERE. HONEY, COME HERE.

LOOK, THIS IS TERRY BRADSHAW.

THIS IS THE MAN DADDY'S GOING TO TALK TO

ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK.

- HELLO!

- HELLO.

- YO, TERRY! HEY, HEY.

STEELERS RULE, MAN!

- HEY, LISTEN, RAY, I'M SORRY.

I MEAN, I READ YOUR COLUMN, MAN.

I LOVE YOUR COLUMN, BUT, I MEAN,

I JUST DON'T THINK THIS THING IS GOING TO WORK OUT.

- TERRY, I UNDERSTAND.

LOOK, I KNOW THIS IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY,

BUT THERE WAS NO WAY AROUND THIS.

I REALLY THINK IT CAN WORK OUT.

WE CAN JUST--

LOOK, WE'LL JUST TALK FOR FIVE MINUTES.

HERE, HERE, SIT HERE.

I'LL SIT HERE. HONEY, SIT DOWN.

I'M GOING TO TALK TO THE MAN.

- [clears throat]

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

- [laughing] I CAN'T--I CAN'T DO THIS.

- ALL RIGHT. WE DON'T HAVE TO.

WE DON'T HAVE TO SIT. WE'LL JUST TALK.

- LISTEN, I JUST DON'T--

I JUST DON'T THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

I MEAN, I DON'T NORMALLY DO BUSINESS LIKE THIS.

- I KNOW. OF COURSE YOU DON'T. YOU DON'T. I KNOW, I KNOW.

AND, LOOK, I WOULDN'T HAVE-- I WOULDN'T HAVE DONE THIS

IF I DIDN'T THINK IT WAS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY

FOR ME AND FOR YOU.

I GOT SOME GREAT IDEAS, REALLY.

REAL QUICKLY, I THINK THE BOOK SHOULD ANSWER QUESTIONS

THE PUBLIC HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK.

- CAN I TOUCH YOUR HEAD?

- HEY, GIRL, LOOK AT THIS.

[blows raspberry]

- [whining]

- OKAY, ALL YOU KIDS.

- RAY, RAY, RAY.

HEY, LOOK, YOU KNOW,

I CAN SEE YOU'VE GOT YOUR HANDS FULL HERE.

- I KNOW. I KNOW I DO.

BUT I STILL THINK WE CAN JUST TALK FOR A LITTLE WHILE.

- MR. BARONE, YOU WANT TO BRING ALLY AND MICHAEL IN NOW, PLEASE.

- HEY, HEY, NICE MEETING YOU, RAY.

- THANKS, I THINK WE DID SOMETHING HERE.

- RAY, I'M SORRY, MAN.

- ALL RIGHT. WE HAD A GOOD MEETING.

WE LAID A LITTLE FOUNDATION.

I'LL HAVE MY PEOPLE CALL YOUR PEOPLE.

- YOU DO THAT! - OKAY.

WHO AM I KIDDING?

THIS IS MY PEOPLE.

- I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THE CHILDREN GOT SO SICK.

I MEAN, YOU DO PUT COATS ON THEM, DON'T YOU?

- NO, MARIE, I SEND THEM OUT

STRAIGHT FROM THE TUB BUCK NAKED.

YES, OF COURSE THEY WEAR COATS.

- WHAT COATS?

- THE COATS THAT YOU BOUGHT THEM.

- I NEVER SEE THEM WEARING THEM.

NOW, I KNOW YOU NEVER LIKED THOSE COATS,

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S WORTH

ENDANGERING YOUR CHILDREN'S HEALTH

JUST TO SEND ME A MESSAGE.

- THEY WEAR THE COATS. [coughing]

- HERE, HERE.

YOU KNOW, THEY ARE VERY EXPENSIVE COATS.

- THEY'RE GOOD.

THEY'RE GOOD, WARM COATS.

- YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

I BOUGHT BAD COATS.

- NO, THEY'RE-- THEY'RE FINE, MARIE.

I JUST NEED TO REST NOW.

- HERE, HERE, BLOW.

YOU KNOW, I BOUGHT THOSE COATS FROM FRANK'S FRIEND LEON.

HE SAID IT WAS A DEAL, THAT CROOK.

HE SOLD ME PAPER COATS!

- IF I COULD JUST MAKE IT TO THE PHONE.

- OH, I SHOULD NEVER LISTEN TO FRANK.

"BUY FROM LEON," HE SAID.

"LEON HAS QUALITY MERCHANDISE."

WHAT HE DOESN'T SAY

IS THAT LEON WANTS TO KILL MY GRANDCHILDREN.

- WHERE'S THE KETCHUP IN THIS HOUSE?

- OH, MY GOD. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- LOOKING FOR KETCHUP.

- THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT?

IT'S YOUR FAULT THAT DEBRA AND THE KIDS ARE SICK.

- WHAT?

- YOUR FRIEND LEON WITH HIS CHEAP COATS.

- THOSE COATS WERE VERY EXPENSIVE!

- HE MADE EVERYONE SICK.

- PLEASE, MY HEAD.

- OR HOW ABOUT THOSE $9 SLACKS?

- YOU LOVED THE COLOR! - THEY RIPPED THE FIRST DAY!

- I DIDN'T READ THE THING!

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO SIT IN THEM.

THEY'RE NOT SIT-DOWN SLACKS.

- OH, PLEASE, YOU ARE ACTUALLY KILLING ME.

- SEE? YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO HER?

SHHH. GO, GO, GO, GO, PLEASE.

SHE NEEDS HER REST.

- SHE SHOULD BE UP AND MOVING AROUND.

SHE SHOULD WALK IT OFF!

- YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,

YOU AND YOUR CHEAP COATS.

I KNOW WHAT SICK PEOPLE NEED.

THEY NEED REST AND PEACE AND QUIET.

- ALL RIGHT. I KNOW WHERE THE KETCHUP IS.

UPPER LEFT, REFRIGERATOR DOOR.

UPPER LEFT.

- THAT'S ALL I NEEDED TO KNOW.

FEEL BETTER, SWEETHEART.

- KETCHUP!

- IT'S GREAT TO SEE YOU AGAIN, MR. BARONE.

IT'S BEEN QUITE A WHILE.

- THAT'S 'CAUSE DEBRA LOVES THIS PART OF BEING A PARENT.

DO YOU KNOW, DOES THIS PHONE DIAL OUT?

- WHY, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

- YEAH, YEAH.

I WAS JUST THINKING OF CALLING THE GUY

WHO LEFT WITH MY... CAREER.

YOU KNOW WHAT, THOUGH?

IT DOESN'T MATTER. IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I JUST WANT THE KIDS TO GET BETTER, THAT'S ALL.

DON'T WORRY. DADDY'S HERE. OKAY?

- WELL, THAT'S GOOD, 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,

SOMETIMES I NEED A LITTLE HELP

RESTRAINING THE CHILDREN WHEN I'M EXAMINING THEM.

- RESTRAINING THE CHILDREN?

YOU ARE A REAL DOCTOR, RIGHT?

- HOW YOU FEELIN', ALLY?

- CRUMMY.

- OH, SHE UPGRADED HERSELF.

THIS MORNING SHE WAS ICKY.

- WHAT'S SHE BEEN EATING LATELY?

- OH, UH--

GOOD THINGS.

YEAH. LOTS OF--

LOTS OF GREEN STUFF.

SOMETIMES HOT AND SOMETIMES COLD.

DEBRA--

DEBRA--DEBRA DOES THAT, MOSTLY.

- WHAT ABOUT HER SLEEPING HABITS?

- OH, THAT I KNOW.

I KNOW THAT 'CAUSE I READ HER A BOOK

AND I TUCK HER IN RIGHT ABOUT 8:00.

WELL, IF I'M NOT AT THE GAME--

WORKING, WORKING.

I'M A SPORTS WRITER, YOU KNOW.

- OH, THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S RIGHT. I REMEMBER.

NO, WHAT I MEANT WAS,

DOES SHE WAKE UP A LOT DURING THE NIGHT?

- I'M--I'M A PRETTY HEAVY SLEEPER, YOU KNOW, SO--

I--IT'S KIND OF LIKE THAT TREE FALLING IN THE FOREST THING,

YOU KNOW?

BUT I READ HER THE BOOKS,

AND I SING HER THE DUCK SONG, RIGHT, HONEY?

* LITTLE DUCKS

* BIG DUCKS

* LOTS OF

* SWINGIN' DUCKS

- YOU HAVE A LOVELY VOICE.

DEEP BREATH.

- [wheezing]

- SHE BEEN AROUND A LOT OF CHILDREN WHO ARE SICK?

- YES. IN YOUR WAITING ROOM.

OH, GOD, IT'S LIKE A HOT ZONE OUT THERE,

I'LL TELL YOU.

- I MEAN THE CHILDREN SHE PLAYS WITH.

- WELL, UH, DEBRA, SHE ARRANGES THE PLAY DATES,

BUT THEN I GO AND I PICK HER UP.

RIGHT, SOMETIMES?

- WHEN YOU'RE HOME.

- YOU SOUND LIKE A TYPICAL DAD.

- NO, NO. I'M A VERY GOOD DAD.

YEAH, I GO ON THE ROAD A LOT,

BUT THEN, WHEN I COME HOME,

THEN THEY'RE ALL MINE, RIGHT?

LIKE WHAT'D WE DO LAST WEEK?

WHAT'D WE DO?

WE WENT TO THE VIDEO STORE, AND WE GOT YOUR FAVORITE VIDEO.

THAT'S WHY THEY LIKE IT WHEN IT'S DADDY'S DAY.

LIKE MY WIFE ONLY LETS THEM WATCH IT ONCE, YOU KNOW.

I'LL LET 'EM WATCH THAT AS MANY TIMES AS THEY WANT.

THEY LOVE IT. OH, IT'S GREAT.

MAN, THEY CAN SIT IN FRONT OF THAT THING FOR HOURS.

OHH.

RIGHT?

WE HAVE FUN, DON'T WE?

AND-- AND ALLY'S FAVORITE VIDEO--

THE LITTLE MERMAID.

- NO. BEAUTY AND THE BEAST.

- RIGHT!

[chuckles]

IT'S THE SAME THING.

- ALLY, HONEY, I'M GOING TO TAKE A LOOK IN YOUR EARS NOW, OKAY?

- OKAY. - CAN YOU HOLD HER FOR ME?

- YEAH.

IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW.

- [whimpering]

- OKAY.

DOCTOR'S MAKING ME DO THIS.

THIS IS THE DOCTOR'S FAULT, OKAY?

DADDY IS STILL A GREAT MAN.

- THERE WE GO.

THAT'S IT. ALL DONE.

GO GET YOURSELF A LOLLIPOP.

ALLY SEEMS TO HAVE A TOUCH OF THE FLU.

- YEAH.

- LET'S SEE HOW LITTLE MICHAEL'S DOING.

- I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S GOING TO BE THE SAME THING TOO.

HE'S GOT THAT SAME FEVER,

SAME SNIFFLES, SAME CRUMMINESS.

OH, BELIEVE ME, I KNOW THESE KIDS.

- MR. BARONE, MICHAEL SEEMS FINE TO ME.

- I THINK THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

- NO, I'M TELLING YOU,

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT CHILD.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THIS MORNING...

- FEELING BETTER, HONEY?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW, I THINK THAT GARLIC ACTUALLY HELPS.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,

I THOUGHT THAT WAS AN OLD WIVES' TALE.

- LOOK WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO.

- HONEY, BUTTON UP YOUR SWEATER.

LET'S CLOSE YOUR ROBE.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO CATCH A CHILL.

NOW, IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE I CAN GET FOR YOU?

- WELL, MAYBE I'LL GO UPSTAIRS FOR A WHILE.

- NO, YOU STAY RIGHT HERE.

I'LL GO STRAIGHTEN OUT THE COVERS.

- OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

- I KNOW.

I'VE BEEN ORDERING YOU AROUND A LOT TODAY, BUT--

WHEN ONE OF YOUR OWN IS SICK,

YOU HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT WINNING A POPULARITY CONTEST.

- YOU'RE IN NO DANGER.

- OHH!

THE IMPORTANT THING IS THAT YOU GET BETTER.

- THANKS, MARIE.

IT'S NICE TO BE TAKEN CARE OF FOR A CHANGE.

THANK YOU.

- WELL, WE'RE BOTH MOTHERS.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S NOT MUCH DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US.

ISN'T THAT RIGHT?

- I DON'T WANT TO SAY THE WRONG THING.

- WE'RE THE SAME, AREN'T WE, FRANK?

- OH, YEAH. YOU'RE EXACTLY THE SAME.

LIKE ME AND FABIO.

- [laughing]

- YOU SEE, FRANK THINKS SO TOO.

- OKAY.

- OH. - HI.

- I'M BACK WITH ALL THE RIGHT CHILDREN.

- HOW ARE THE KIDS?

- DADDY SAID WE COULD WATCH TV

UNTIL WE GET BETTER.

- DR. HAMMOND SAID THEY'LL BE FINE IN ABOUT 24 HOURS.

AND HE WAS AMAZED AT HOW IDENTICAL THESE TWINS ARE.

YOU KNOW, IF THEY EVER NEED X-RAYS,

I BET WE ONLY HAVE TO BRING IN ONE.

IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.

- YEAH, LIKE FATHER KNOWS BEST.

- YOU BROUGHT THE WRONG KID.

[laughter]

- I KNOW! I KNOW!

- WELL, I NEVER MIXED UP YOU AND ROBERT.

- YES, YOU DID, DAD.

- OH, RIGHT.

- HEY, HEY, HOW YOU FEELIN'?

- YEAH, MUCH BETTER, THANKS.

- OH, GOOD, GOOD.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SHIRT?

- OH, I WAS GIVING THE KIDS THEIR MEDICINE.

THEY LOVE THAT STUFF.

[telephone rings]

- HELLO.

OH, YES, HE IS. JUST A MINUTE, PLEASE.

IT'S TERRY BRADSHAW.

- COME ON. - YEAH.

- HI. TERRY, YEAH.

WELL, I'M--

I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS AFTERNOON.

YEAH.

WELL, YOU KNOW, BEING A PARENT IS THE TOUGHEST THING.

DON'T YOU THINK?

NO, I NEVER HAD TO SEE MEAN JOE GREEN NAKED.

YEAH, YEAH. WELL--

WELL, YOU KNOW, THANKS,

BUT MY KID'S STILL A LITTLE SICK AND MY WIFE'S STILL SICK,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I DON'T THINK SO.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, THANKS.

OKAY, TERRY, BYE.

- WHAT DID YOU DO?

- HIS PLANE WAS DELAYED A FEW HOURS,

AND HE WANTED ME TO COME VISIT HIM AT THE HOTEL,

AND I TOLD HIM, UH, YOU KNOW--

- WHAT?

- I TOLD HIM.

I TOLD HIM WHAT WAS IMPORTANT.

- YOU TOLD HIM TO FORGET IT?

- I TOLD HIM I CAN'T MEET HIM TONIGHT.

I'M GOING TO HELP YOU.

- WHAT, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

YOU'RE GOING TO PASS THIS UP?

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I'M HERE.

I'M HELPING YOU WITH THE KIDS, WITH THE MEDICINE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

NOT THE MEDICINE, BUT, UH--

- GET TERRY BACK ON THE PHONE BEFORE HE HIRES SOMEBODY ELSE.

- IS THIS A TEST?

IS THIS A--

YEAH.

YEAH! THIS IS LIKE THE TIME YOU TOLD ME

I COULD GO TO BERNIE'S BACHELOR PARTY.

- IT'S NOT LIKE TERRY BRADSHAW'S

GOING TO GIVE YOU A LAP DANCE, RAY.

- I'M JUST SAYING, I DON'T GET YOU.

DON'T YOU-- AREN'T YOU UPSET

THAT I DON'T KNOW THE KIDS AS WELL AS YOU?

- NO, RAY.

I MEAN, LOOK, YOU DID YOUR BEST.

I NEEDED YOU THIS MORNING, AND YOU WERE THERE FOR ME,

AND NOW I NEED YOU TONIGHT TO GO MAKE THE MONEY.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I'LL CALL HIM.

BUT AM I A BAD FATHER

BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHO THE KIDS' DOCTOR IS

OR WHAT ALLY HAS FOR LUNCH

OR HOW LONG YOU BREAST-FED THE TWINS FOR?

BY THE WAY, I TOLD THE DOCTOR YOU STOPPED, RIGHT?

- YEAH, SIX MONTHS AGO.

- RIGHT.

I THOUGHT IT WAS A LITTLE LESS CROWDED AROUND THERE.

- RAY, COME HERE.

I MEAN, LOOK, HONEY,

SO YOU DON'T KNOW SOME THINGS, YOU KNOW?

BUT--BUT YOU'RE TRYING,

AND YOU CARE, AND YOU WORK HARD,

AND, YEAH, I MEAN, YOUR JOB TAKES YOU AWAY A LOT,

BUT IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR JOB

YOU WERE ABLE TO PAY THE DOCTOR TODAY.

- I WAS SUPPOSED TO PAY HIM TODAY, RIGHT?

- YEAH.

COME HERE. TAKE MY TEMPERATURE.

- HEY, YOU'RE FEELING A LOT COOLER.

- YEAH.

- I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A LITTLE

"DOCTOR AND THE PATIENT."

- RAY.

- OH, MRS. BARONE,

WHY ARE YOU TAKING YOUR CLOTHES OFF?

I'M THE DENTIST.

- RAY.

COME ON.

COME ON, RAY.

- WHAT?

- 'CAUSE I'M BETTER, BUT I'M TIRED.

- OH.

WELL, HOW TIRED ARE YOU?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO MUCH.

- [laughing] I'M TIRED.

GO AWAY.

- ALL RIGHT.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

I'LL WALK IT OFF.

- YEAH, OR RUB SOME DIRT ON IT.

- I'M GLAD WE FINALLY GOT SOME TIME TO DO THIS.

I KNOW WE'VE BOTH BEEN VERY BUSY.

OKAY, SO--

SO TELL ME--

OF ALL THE PLACES YOU'VE PLAYED,

WHERE WOULD YOU SAY IS YOUR FAVORITE?

- IN MY ROOM.

- ROOM. OKAY.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN MOMMY KISS THE CABLE MAN?