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1
00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,754
{\an8}- [singing in the distance]
- [panting]
2
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:52,010
- [crowd noise in the distance]
- [grunts]
3
00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,309
{\an8}[exhales]
4
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:06,608
♪ Baby, if you thought
that I was trouble ♪
5
00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,110
♪ Then you're gonna hate
what's coming next ♪
6
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:11,988
♪ Kinda like your
worst nightmare but double ♪
7
00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,616
♪ Is that an angel?
No, it's your ex ♪
8
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,243
♪ Remember how you screwed up
when I was a brunette? ♪
9
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,370
♪ I don't think you knew
just what you'd done ♪
10
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,792
♪ Whoa, I'll fuck your life up
as a blonde... ♪
11
00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,502
[yelps]
12
00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:30,089
[gasps and chatter]
13
00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:32,050
[boy]
Get off the stage, knobhead!
14
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:35,386
[overlapping chatter]
15
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,722
[girl]
What the fuck is going on?
16
00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:40,225
- [boy 2] He looks like shit!
- [crowd boos]
17
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,644
- [boy 3] Get off!
- [crowd chants] Off! Off! Off!
18
00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:47,106
- [girl 2] Get off the stage!
- [boy 4] Don't give him the mic.
19
00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:51,694
- [boy 5] Sit down, dickhead!
- [cheering continues]
20
00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,874
- Happy graduation, honey!
- [laughs]
21
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,421
[twinkling sound]
22
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,154
Double fudge chocolate gateau
with cream.
23
00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:39,075
[pants] Shit.
24
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,203
Now, I know
what you're thinking.
25
00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,913
You're thinking
that whatever this kid
26
00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,748
with the cracked glasses
and busted-up lip
27
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:49,043
who's about to be covered in
cake and stinks like... [sniffs]
28
00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:52,338
...yeah, shit, is about to do,
29
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,675
he will regret this
for the rest of his life.
30
00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,429
[scoffs] And you know what?
You might be right.
31
00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:02,724
But here's the thing you need
to know about being in love.
32
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,851
Love is pain.
33
00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,352
Love is hurt.
34
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,397
Love is...
35
00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:12,859
♪ Sugar, spice and I'm nice,
show me what you're made of ♪
36
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,945
♪ Crazy, sexy, cool, baby,
with or without make-up ♪
37
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,281
- ♪ Got nothing to prove... ♪
- Oh!
38
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:19,782
Amelia Brown.
39
00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:22,243
- ♪ I'mma show you how I do... ♪
- Whoa!
40
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,494
That mess right there,
41
00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:25,872
that's my best friend
in the whole damn universe
42
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,416
and has been ever since the
hospital switched us at birth.
43
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,169
- Aw!
- [baby cries]
44
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,880
- True story.
- [baby groans]
45
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,259
Let's just say Amelia's mum
46
00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,053
got a bit more
than she bargained for
47
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,387
when she opened my nappy.
48
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,890
[baby laughs]
49
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,519
After that day,
our dads became best friends,
50
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:51,230
- our mums became best friends.
- Say cheese.
51
00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,277
Even our dogs
became best friends.
52
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,154
{\an8}[dog whines]
53
00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:03,159
When we were five years old,
we made a promise.
54
00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,370
- No secrets.
- No secrets.
55
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,748
And it was easy because
we told each other everything.
56
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:12,961
Well, that's not entirely true.
There was one secret
57
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:16,547
that I have wanted to tell Milly
my entire life.
58
00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,385
Three little words
that I have wanted to say to
her
59
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,012
for as long as I can remember.
60
00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,848
Amelia Elizabeth Brown.
61
00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,225
I...
62
00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,477
I...
63
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,562
- I lo...
- [car tyres screech]
64
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,607
Jesus Christ, Jules!
65
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,611
Yeah, not those three words.
66
00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,868
From the word go,
we found the same things funny.
67
00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,036
[screaming on film]
68
00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,080
[farts]
69
00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:54,043
- Did you just...?
- Fear fart?
70
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:58,089
- [farts]
- [laughs]
71
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,049
The same things sad.
72
00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,901
Always follow your heart, Mils.
73
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,903
It rarely leads you
the wrong way.
74
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,163
[soft music playing
on gramophone]
75
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,789
[Archie]
We found the same things...
76
00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,792
...strange.
77
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,049
[chain saw whirring on film]
78
00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,719
But every time I tried to tell
Amelia how I felt about her,
79
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:48,306
those three words
didn't seem to come out right.
80
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,058
I, um...
81
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,144
I need to, um...
82
00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,687
I need to...
83
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:59,567
OK. Is this big?
84
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:03,279
[chuckles]
You're, like, really sweating.
85
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,908
I... love...
86
00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,701
you... [sneezes]
87
00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:13,915
You love Yousif?
88
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:17,418
Everybody, I am gay!
89
00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,922
- Yeah, no shit.
- Sit down, Yousif.
90
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,882
[applause dies down]
91
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,261
Yeah, that was awkward
for a while.
92
00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,597
Anyway, that's just
a little context about me,
93
00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:32,308
my family, and my best...
94
00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,684
[sighs]
95
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,440
...ex-best-friend, Milly.
96
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,276
But to really understand
how I've ended up on this stage
97
00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:45,113
further away from love
than I have ever been before,
98
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,658
I need to take you back
to upper sixth, April 17th.
99
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,576
The Easter holidays were over.
100
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,912
It was our last
first day back to school ever.
101
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,042
Tonight was finally the night
102
00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,419
that I was going to tell
Amelia Brown
103
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,130
that I am,
and always have been,
104
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,007
head over heels
in love with her.
105
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,218
Hmm.
106
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,679
I have everything planned,
and this time,
107
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,181
not even the universe
is gonna get in my way.
108
00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,350
Hmm.
109
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,811
Pretty sure that had
bird shit on it. [laughs]
110
00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,729
What up, chuckle? [kisses]
111
00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,690
What up, beef cakes?
112
00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,818
- Hello, William.
- Hey.
113
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,611
- William?
- Yes, Miss Brown?
114
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,948
Could you play some kick-ass,
big-boss
115
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:33,911
- final-term music please?
- I certainly can, Miss Brown.
116
00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,872
Hold tight.
117
00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,457
♪ Wet! Wet! Wet! Wet! ♪
118
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:44,755
♪ Wet! Wet! Wet! Wet! ♪
[laughter]
119
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,050
♪ Oh, Oh, my God, hey... ♪
120
00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,137
♪ Stupid boy
think that I need him, yo ♪
121
00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,639
♪ I go cold
like changing seasons ♪
122
00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:57,643
♪ I go red hot like a demon,
I go ghost for no damn reason ♪
123
00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,562
♪ Stupid boy
think that I need him ♪
124
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,855
Yo, what's up?
125
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,481
♪ Pleasing, season, I'm spicy ♪
126
00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:04,108
♪ Hot to touch,
too much, too pricey ♪
127
00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:08,529
- ♪ Heathen, I'm in your psyche
♪
- [girls] Whoa...
128
00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,323
♪ Stupid boy
think that I need him ♪
129
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,908
♪ I go ghost for
no damn reason ♪
130
00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,993
♪ Stupid boy
think that I need him ♪
131
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,621
♪ Stupid, stupid,
you dumb, you goofy, goofy ♪
132
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,707
♪ This pussy juicy, juicy... ♪
- [boy] Archie!
133
00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,501
♪ Oh, nah, boy, you could never
cos you not clever enough ♪
134
00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:24,378
[groans]
135
00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,339
♪ I don't want you
and I don't want your homie ♪
136
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,715
{\an8}♪ Cos both of
y'all are suckers ♪
137
00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:28,799
{\an8}♪ Y'all some dumb dumbs ♪
138
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,676
{\an8}♪ I could play you straight up
out your bread ♪
139
00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,386
{\an8}♪ Now you got crumb crumbs ♪
140
00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,680
♪ I don't really need a man,
but sometimes I want one... ♪
141
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,934
Ooh! Naughty.
142
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,937
[students chatter]
143
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,024
Yeah, that wasn't us.
144
00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,361
Gonna be the best term yet.
You'll see.
145
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,655
Gonna be the worst term
of your life.
146
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,242
You'll see. [laughs]
147
00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:58,496
- I thought dipshit was expelled.
- Looks like he's back. Again.
148
00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,707
Great. Well, at least
he can't follow us to uni.
149
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:04,001
Unless they're hiring janitors.
150
00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,711
[Amelia]
Six weeks till the ball.
151
00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,423
So, who are you taking,
Cinderella?
152
00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:10,800
[gasps] Funny.
153
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,635
I say we just binge
silent-era horror movies
154
00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:13,886
and then get pissed
155
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,097
on one of my parents' dusty
bottles of champagne
156
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,723
like the rock stars that we are.
157
00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:22,270
- In our gowns, of course.
- Right. Of course.
158
00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,317
Let's do this, big boy.
159
00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,946
[engine revs]
160
00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:38,828
Huh?
161
00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,880
♪ Mississippi Queen ♪
162
00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,842
♪ If you know what I mean... ♪
163
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:57,263
- Who is that?
- Kiss my arse, universe.
164
00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,307
I know what you're trying to do,
but trust me,
165
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,935
- that is not Milly's type.
- He is so my type.
166
00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:13,070
[students chatter]
167
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,658
- Who is he, anyway?
- He's, like, 40. Jesus.
168
00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,369
He's probably a teacher
or somebody's dad.
169
00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,538
No way in hell
that guy is a student.
170
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,206
And this is
our brand-new student,
171
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,834
all the way from Hollywood
in California...
172
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,669
Billy Walsh.
173
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,589
Oh, fuck off, universe.
174
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:40,097
Hey, not quite school attire
but, er, you look cool.
175
00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:43,642
- Oh, thank you, sir.
- No, thank you.
176
00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,231
- Hey, everyone.
- [students] Hi!
177
00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,442
- Billy Walsh.
- [gasps]
178
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,445
Sit down, Yousif.
179
00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,366
My dad just moved here
for business,
180
00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,951
so I'm gonna be joining you
for the rest of the semester.
181
00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,578
I've never been
to England before,
182
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,080
but I hear
a lot of awesome things.
183
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,123
Really excited
to get to know all of you.
184
00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,417
Thank you
for such a warm welcome.
185
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:11,045
[applause]
186
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:21,680
- What a douche.
- Total douche.
187
00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:25,142
[Archie] You can tell me
if you like him.
188
00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,978
They've definitely
gotten bigger.
189
00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,397
Definitely.
190
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,069
That, or her eyebrows
have gotten smaller.
191
00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,487
[laughs]
192
00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,659
And I don't like him, OK?
I don't even know him.
193
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,494
It could be padding.
194
00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,163
That is not padding.
195
00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:49,792
[both] Padding.
196
00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,293
I told you.
Nothing to worry about.
197
00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,170
Well, easy for you to say.
198
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,381
Boys don't know what
it's like having small boobs.
199
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,966
I'd rather brain than boobs
any day.
200
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,592
It'd be like having
a small penis,
201
00:11:58,592 --> 00:11:59,885
but it's on your chest
202
00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,054
and everyone can see it
all the time.
203
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,765
- You know what I mean.
-"You?"
204
00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,475
Why the fuck did you say
"you" like that?
205
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,561
I'll have you know
I have a very developed dick.
206
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:12,440
[scoffs] OK, Mr Developed Dick.
207
00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:27,079
[exhales]
Phase one, secure her evening.
208
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:30,833
- Oh, I forgot to mention...
- It's not padding.
209
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,918
- Bitch.
- [girls laugh]
210
00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,005
I'm gonna shank her, Archie.
I'll do it, I swear to God.
211
00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:39,508
All right, Shawshank. Just take
a breath and have some juice.
212
00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:40,593
[girls laugh]
213
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,179
[girl] He looked so embarrassed.
Four-eyes.
214
00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,599
Take two. [chuckles]
215
00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:51,437
Oh, um, I forgot to mention
they're, um,
216
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,230
they're playing
Night of the Living Dead
217
00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,482
at the Savoy after school.
218
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,401
It cost me an arm and a leg
219
00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,445
- bribing this old bastard.
- [chuckles]
220
00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,155
I can't believe
they're playing our fav...
221
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,532
[smooth rock music]
222
00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:24,178
Is it just me, or does he
walk in slow motion?
223
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:27,306
Just you. Can we get back
to what's important, please?
224
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,517
That guy is very clearly
a massive dingleberry.
225
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,143
You don't know anything
about him.
226
00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,228
Trust me, I know.
227
00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,647
Oh! Sorry.
228
00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,359
- Here.
- Thanks.
229
00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:45,032
OK, that was, admittedly,
unfortunate timing,
230
00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,368
but, trust me,
Billy Walsh has bad news
231
00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,620
tattooed on his ball sack.
232
00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,413
I think somebody's
a little jealous.
233
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,957
[scoffs] You wish.
234
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,792
Check this out.
I bet my entire trust fund
235
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,294
that he sits with Tony
and the swim team.
236
00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,138
Hi.
237
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,809
Clearly I'm not crazy.
238
00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,353
I mean, you can see who this guy
is from a mile away, right?
239
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:15,563
He's a...
240
00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,869
- loner?
- [boy] He's studying.
241
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,580
Am I rich now?
242
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,208
I'm rich, bitches!
243
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,461
And now he's pretending to read.
Give me a break.
244
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:45,509
So back to phase one,
"Night of the Living Dead".
245
00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:47,052
Good evening.
246
00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,888
Thank you.
247
00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:05,237
- [Amelia] Where is everybody?
- I don't know.
248
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,451
Phase two,
pull out all the stops.
249
00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,584
[Johnny in film] I jumped out
at you from behind the tree
250
00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,961
and Grandpa got all excited
and he shook his fist at me
251
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,505
and he said, "Boy,
you'll be damned to hell!"
252
00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,174
[Barbara]
Stop it, now. I mean it.
253
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,009
[Johnny] You're still afraid.
254
00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,388
They're coming to get you,
Barbara.
255
00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,433
Remember? Remember
we had to go to Willard then?
256
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,977
[both reciting] This isn't
a passing thing, honey.
257
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:40,439
It's... it's not like just
the wind passing through.
258
00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,525
We've got to do something,
and fast.
259
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,569
[dramatic film music]
260
00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,786
- [Barbara screams]
- [farts]
261
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,496
Fear fart.
262
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:07,216
Phase three, pop the question.
263
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,468
Come on, Archie.
You can do this.
264
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,429
[breathes heavily]
265
00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,519
What's up?
266
00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:25,275
- I can't do this.
- Archie?
267
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:28,779
They're nice seats, aren't they?
Very, um...
268
00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,240
- [seat squeaks]
- Very well made, actually.
269
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,075
Velvety, almost. [chuckles]
270
00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,160
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
271
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,288
Archie-boy is always, um, OK.
[chuckles]
272
00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,749
Oh, shit. You've had
too much sugar, haven't you?
273
00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,543
- What?
- That thing's happening again.
274
00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,336
- Come on, let's walk it off.
- No, I...
275
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,756
No, sorry, um, I... [sighs]
276
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,886
I have to tell you something.
Something, um, something big.
277
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:55,806
Bigger than anything before.
Like really, really big.
278
00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:59,768
- OK. It's big, I get it.
- Yeah.
279
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,564
[exhales]
That's funny because...
280
00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,774
I have something
to tell you too.
281
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,986
Something big.
282
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:13,323
OK. Well, um...
283
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,825
Well, you go first.
284
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:17,745
No, no, no. This is your moment.
I don't want to interrupt it.
285
00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,329
No, no, honestly, you go.
286
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,248
OK.
287
00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:24,042
[background music
starts to build]
288
00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:27,379
[laughs] Whoa. I'm nervous.
289
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,466
Shit. She's gonna ask me.
290
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,885
I don't think I've ever been
nervous in front of you before.
291
00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,679
It's OK. I'm nervous too.
292
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,807
Right. I'm just gonna
come right out and say it.
293
00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,726
- OK.
- Here we go.
294
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,478
OK.
295
00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,438
[background music
builds to a climax]
296
00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,190
- I love Billy Walsh.
- I love you too.
297
00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,858
[needle scratches, music stops]
298
00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,780
To the moon and back.
299
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,990
I'm so happy for you.
Wait, what?
300
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,659
- I know. It's soon, right?
- Soon? Soon?
301
00:17:57,659 --> 00:18:00,537
- It's been ten fucking hours.
- No, I know it sounds crazy,
302
00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,540
but I've never felt this kind
of attraction to someone before.
303
00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,334
- He's such a...
- Fuckhead.
304
00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:08,587
- What?
- Did I just say that out loud?
305
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:13,842
A mystery. [chuckles]
I don't know, uh...
306
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,596
Anyway...
307
00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,683
You've taken this, like,
really badly.
308
00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,227
- Me?
- Yeah.
309
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:27,356
No! No, this is... this is...
310
00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,733
Literally the worst night
of my whole fucking...
311
00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:32,903
- Fuck, fuck, fuck you, universe!
- [zombies hiss]
312
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:36,198
Fantastic. This is fantastic.
313
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,200
I know you're worried
he'll hurt me.
314
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,536
Hurt you? You've barely
spoken a word to him.
315
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,705
You sound... [whistles] nuts.
316
00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,374
[laughs]
317
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,752
Thanks, Archie.
318
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,380
Means a lot.
319
00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,801
[Archie sighs]
320
00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,345
Well, what were you
gonna tell me?
321
00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:01,765
Mum's bought sex toys.
No idea where that came from.
322
00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:05,477
- Really?
- Yeah. Big ones.
323
00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:10,566
[♪ "Wet Dream" by Wet Leg ♪]
324
00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,359
[Amelia] Aww.
325
00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:15,863
After that night,
326
00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,615
it was like the floodgates
to Billy City had been opened.
327
00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,120
[Amelia sighs softly]
328
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,789
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
329
00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:27,624
- ♪ Count me in ♪
- ♪ Count me in ♪
330
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,418
- ♪ Three, two, one ♪
- ♪ Three, two, one ♪
331
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,503
- ♪ Let's begin ♪
- [phone chimes]
332
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,005
- ♪ Here we go ♪
- ♪ Here we go ♪
333
00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,548
- [phone chimes]
- ♪ Here we go ♪
334
00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:38,677
- ♪ Here we go, here we go ♪
- [groans]
335
00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,096
♪ I was in your wet dream
driving in my car ♪
336
00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,514
[phone vibrates]
337
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,349
♪ Saw you at the side
of the road ♪
338
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,893
♪ There's no one else around ♪
339
00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:48,896
♪ You're touching yourself,
touching yourself ♪
340
00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,231
♪ Touching your...
touching yourself ♪
341
00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,774
♪ Touching yourself ♪
342
00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:56,278
♪ You said, "Baby, do you want
to come home with me?" ♪
343
00:19:56,278 --> 00:20:00,532
♪ "I got 'Buffalo '66' on DVD"
♪
344
00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,911
♪ You said, "Baby, do you want
to come home with me?" ♪
345
00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:08,290
♪ "I got 'Buffalo '66' on DVD"
♪
346
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,917
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
347
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,752
- ♪ Count me in ♪
- ♪ Count me in ♪
348
00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,879
{\an8}-♪ Three, two, one ♪
- ♪ Three, two, one ♪
349
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,714
♪ Let's begin ♪
350
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,257
- ♪ Here we go... ♪
- [screams]
351
00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,801
- ♪ Here we go... ♪
- [laughter]
352
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,764
- [camera clicks]
- [Archie] Within a week,
353
00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,849
Billy had literally
become a health hazard.
354
00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:26,934
[bangs table]
355
00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:29,978
And she had yet to speak
a single word to him,
356
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,522
let alone tell him how she felt.
357
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:36,276
I couldn't tell Milly.
Milly couldn't tell Billy.
358
00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,111
[sighs]
Perhaps we should all just go
359
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,614
and have one big
ironic threesome.
360
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,116
[groans]
361
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:48,372
[exhales]
Nine hundred and ninety-nine.
362
00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,831
Not bad.
363
00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:53,502
- [rhythmic clattering]
- [mother moans]
364
00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,214
I know what you're thinking,
365
00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,591
but you're wrong.
They're not having sex.
366
00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:09,142
[mother] Oh! We are having sex!
367
00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:11,269
That should be me down there.
368
00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:14,439
You know what I mean.
369
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:15,565
[buzzer sounds]
370
00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,194
I told you he'd join
the swim team.
371
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:21,029
- [cheering]
- [♪ "Wet Dream" by Wet Leg ♪]
372
00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,702
♪ It's enough, it's enough ♪
373
00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,286
- ♪ It's enough, it's enough ♪
- Yes!
374
00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:32,332
♪ It's enough, it's enough,
it's enough, it's enough ♪
375
00:21:32,332 --> 00:21:34,084
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
376
00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,961
- ♪ Count me in ♪
- ♪ Count me in ♪
377
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,629
- ♪ Three, two, one ♪
- ♪ Three, two, one ♪
378
00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:39,756
♪ Let's begin ♪
379
00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:43,468
- ♪ Here we go ♪
- ♪ Here we go ♪
380
00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:46,847
♪ Here we go,
here we go, here we go ♪
381
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,765
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
- ♪ Beam me up ♪
382
00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:50,642
- ♪ Count me in ♪
- ♪ Count me in ♪
383
00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,686
- ♪ Three, two, one ♪
- ♪ Three, two, one ♪
384
00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:54,187
♪ Let's begin ♪
385
00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:56,189
[man] Yes, it was all
rather lovely, I must say.
386
00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:59,443
And the Spanish coast
is simply magnificent.
387
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,362
And the people, the Spaniards...
You tell them, honey-bunny.
388
00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:06,033
Just... [sighs]
incredibly sensual.
389
00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,951
- Hmm, hmm.
- Yeah.
390
00:22:08,368 --> 00:22:11,705
Well, you both do seem
very happy.
391
00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:15,709
Oh, uh... well, yes, we've...
392
00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:18,128
- actually never been happier.
- Yeah.
393
00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:20,380
- Have we, bunny-honey?
- [chuckles]
394
00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,219
[moans]
395
00:22:34,102 --> 00:22:35,645
[exhales]
396
00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,065
[clears throat]
397
00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:42,360
So what is the secret?
398
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,113
- Sorry, darling?
- Come on.
399
00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:48,909
You guys have been fighting
like cats and dogs for years.
400
00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:50,702
- Oh.
- What's the secret?
401
00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:54,372
Um... Well, um...
402
00:22:54,372 --> 00:22:59,419
let's just say we had some help
from a little friend.
403
00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:01,379
- Dildo!
- Huh?
404
00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:06,510
-"Little friend" equals dildo.
- No, it doesn't.
405
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:08,970
[gasps]
406
00:23:10,013 --> 00:23:13,975
Threesome. Holy shit.
Your parents are sex perverts.
407
00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:15,352
Popcorn, please.
408
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:20,857
[mother] How long's it been now?
Seven, eight years?
409
00:23:20,857 --> 00:23:23,819
Darling, we love Jules,
you know that.
410
00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:28,657
Of course we still do, but there
is a whole world out there.
411
00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:32,994
- There must be someone!
- [sighs]
412
00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:34,621
[exhales]
413
00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:37,040
- OK, there is someone.
- [both] Ooh!
414
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,377
- Potentially.
- [mother] What's her name?
415
00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:44,923
Her name is Maggie.
416
00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,343
She's my new bookkeeper.
417
00:23:48,343 --> 00:23:53,140
She's quiet but sweet, and
she makes the best cups of tea.
418
00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:55,475
My God,
she's like a human calculator.
419
00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:57,352
I mean, it's incredible, really.
420
00:23:57,352 --> 00:23:58,436
Jesus, Rupert.
421
00:23:58,436 --> 00:24:00,522
My wife's drying up
just listening to you.
422
00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:02,566
- George, stop it!
- [George] Sorry.
423
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,985
- Hmm!
- Naughty. So you like her?
424
00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:09,573
- It's been so long, you know?
- [both whisper]
425
00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:11,491
Yes, darling.
426
00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:16,580
I come into work, I know exactly
what I want to say...
427
00:24:17,914 --> 00:24:19,749
and I don't know.
428
00:24:19,749 --> 00:24:22,294
- I think we should tell him.
- [mutters quietly]
429
00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:23,628
Tell me what?
430
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,590
[clears throat]
431
00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:30,510
- Darling, can you keep a secret?
- Yeah, of course. Anything.
432
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:36,933
Well, it's no secret George and
I were on the verge of tyranny.
433
00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:38,852
Everybody knows that.
434
00:24:38,852 --> 00:24:41,104
And we tried everything,
didn't we, darling?
435
00:24:41,104 --> 00:24:43,982
Therapists.
Marriage counsellors.
436
00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:45,192
We ever tried a threesome.
437
00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:48,111
[mouths] I knew it!
438
00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:53,825
And nothing worked. Nothing.
439
00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:57,245
- That is until...
- [Rupert] Yes?
440
00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:00,624
Yes?
441
00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:04,711
Sylvie from the golf club
told us about this man
442
00:25:04,711 --> 00:25:08,882
they call the Love Doctor.
443
00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:12,844
The Love Doctor.
444
00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:15,222
- It's a one-on-one video...
- Sorry, sorry.
445
00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:17,015
How is it you think
that the Love Doctor
446
00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:19,184
is the most important part
of that story?
447
00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:21,144
My parents had a threesome.
448
00:25:22,145 --> 00:25:23,480
Kinky.
449
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,400
It's important because
if the Love Doctor
450
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,195
can literally make anyone
fall in love with you then...
451
00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:44,668
- Hiya, Billy.
- Hey.
452
00:25:45,835 --> 00:25:48,546
- What class have you got next?
- Uh, English.
453
00:25:48,546 --> 00:25:50,382
Same. Come along.
454
00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,884
- [Billy] OK.
- [boy] Billy?
455
00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:53,677
Amber?
456
00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:54,803
They looked pretty
loved up to me.
457
00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,930
I have to get in there
before he asks her to the ball.
458
00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:58,974
There's, what,
four weeks till the big night?
459
00:25:58,974 --> 00:26:00,308
The ball?
460
00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:02,394
- I thought we were gonna...
- Oh, come on, Archie!
461
00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:03,478
What can I do?
462
00:26:03,478 --> 00:26:05,480
My parents are hardly
gonna give me the details
463
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,023
- of their sex doctor.
- Love Doctor!
464
00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:08,608
Whatever.
I doubt this Love Doctor
465
00:26:08,608 --> 00:26:09,985
is gonna help some schoolgirl
466
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:13,029
bag a guy she's never spoken to
who already has a girlfriend.
467
00:26:13,029 --> 00:26:14,864
They are not official!
468
00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:20,078
Archie. Have I ever asked you
for anything?
469
00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:22,789
- Yes, literally all the time.
- Come on.
470
00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,836
This is really important to me.
471
00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:32,132
Why? What's the big deal about
Billy bloody Walsh, anyway?
472
00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:34,718
So many other people would
kill to take you to the ball.
473
00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:36,386
Like who?
474
00:26:45,895 --> 00:26:47,856
You really want to know
why it's such a big deal?
475
00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:52,652
[sighs]
476
00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:58,783
[sighs] Because I've never
had a boyfriend before.
477
00:26:58,783 --> 00:27:01,995
I mean, I'm 17 years old,
for crying out loud,
478
00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:04,831
and I haven't
even kissed anyone.
479
00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:11,296
I want to, you know, experience
things before we finish school.
480
00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:17,927
And I want those experiences
to be with Billy.
481
00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:19,929
Fuck, no!
482
00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:25,477
Look... [sighs]
can I be honest with you?
483
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,937
Always.
484
00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:30,106
We're part of an ecosystem,
Milly,
485
00:27:30,106 --> 00:27:33,735
a food chain that exists,
whether we like it or not.
486
00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:37,030
And I hate to say it,
but we are at the bottom of it.
487
00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:40,533
Popular people
go for popular people.
488
00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:42,660
Good-looking people
go for good-looking people.
489
00:27:42,660 --> 00:27:44,579
Not people like me,
and not people like you.
490
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:51,920
I... I didn't mean... Milly!
491
00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,713
Milly, I...
492
00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:00,845
Shit.
493
00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:28,081
[chuckling]
494
00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:34,963
- Hey, Ru.
- Hey. Archie.
495
00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:38,675
Who's your, um... friend?
496
00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:41,052
Oh, that's, uh, that's Maggie.
497
00:28:45,014 --> 00:28:47,016
Anyhoo,
Amelia running late again?
498
00:28:47,016 --> 00:28:49,352
Oh, no, she's gone, Arch.
She left early on her bike.
499
00:28:53,523 --> 00:28:54,691
Ah.
500
00:29:08,872 --> 00:29:11,458
[chandelier tinkles]
501
00:29:14,919 --> 00:29:16,254
[yelps] Fuck!
502
00:29:18,631 --> 00:29:19,841
[sighs]
503
00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:34,189
Bingo.
504
00:29:35,064 --> 00:29:36,357
[phone chimes]
505
00:29:43,364 --> 00:29:44,699
[phone chimes]
506
00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:46,618
Huh?
507
00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:49,579
[meowing]
508
00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,585
- [phone chimes]
- [sighs]
509
00:29:59,547 --> 00:30:01,716
- Huh?
- [bridge creaks]
510
00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:03,968
What the hell
are you doing up there?
511
00:30:03,968 --> 00:30:05,553
[screams]
512
00:30:05,553 --> 00:30:07,013
Archie!
513
00:30:08,515 --> 00:30:10,517
- I'll do it.
- Do what?
514
00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:15,188
- The Love Doctor.
- [squeals]
515
00:30:16,731 --> 00:30:20,068
[Archie breathes heavily]
516
00:30:20,068 --> 00:30:22,403
[sighs]
517
00:30:22,403 --> 00:30:25,156
I was starting to think you were
in love with me or something.
518
00:30:25,156 --> 00:30:27,659
[laughs]
519
00:30:32,872 --> 00:30:34,582
Are you?
520
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:39,712
- What?
- In love with me?
521
00:30:45,301 --> 00:30:48,930
- Ugh, gross, dude!
- I was kidding, you geek.
522
00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,473
You're the geek.
523
00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:55,103
- Well, in that case...
- [car approaches]
524
00:30:59,148 --> 00:31:02,110
- Hello, William.
- Lovely to see you, Miss Brown.
525
00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:03,945
[Amelia chuckles]
526
00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:08,283
And with the passing
of a piece of paper,
527
00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:10,410
- the love of my life was gone.
- [car door slams]
528
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,121
Hey! Hey, wait!
529
00:31:13,121 --> 00:31:15,248
- You forgot about me!
- [car horn beeps]
530
00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:17,834
And with the Love Doctor's
help,
531
00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:20,545
there'd be no stopping
her conquest of Billy.
532
00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:22,422
See you tonight, Billy.
533
00:31:22,922 --> 00:31:25,717
- See you later, boys.
- [boys] Bye, Amber.
534
00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:28,803
And, yes,
he's on the rugby team, too.
535
00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,931
- Y'all are too horny, man.
- [Tony laughs]
536
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,561
- Whoops.
- [boy] Tosser. [laughs]
537
00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:40,064
- Undeveloped dick syndrome.
- What did you say?
538
00:31:53,161 --> 00:31:54,912
[pants]
539
00:31:55,622 --> 00:32:01,544
Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou Romeo?
540
00:32:04,964 --> 00:32:09,052
Mr Quigley,
could you be our Romeo?
541
00:32:10,553 --> 00:32:11,971
Stand, boy!
542
00:32:11,971 --> 00:32:14,182
How do you expect
to defeat the mighty Tybalt
543
00:32:14,182 --> 00:32:15,808
whilst hiding in the shadows?
544
00:32:15,808 --> 00:32:17,977
- I don't expect to...
- [girls gasp]
545
00:32:22,148 --> 00:32:24,609
Geek versus Goliath.
546
00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:27,236
Miss Farthing, come along.
547
00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:38,414
Please, Romeo. Save me
from this wretched beast.
548
00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:43,336
Suck it, Trent!
549
00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:45,421
[students gasp]
550
00:32:49,842 --> 00:32:51,469
[boys groan]
551
00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,807
[students laugh]
552
00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:57,975
[Trent groans]
553
00:33:05,858 --> 00:33:06,859
[sighs]
554
00:33:06,859 --> 00:33:09,529
Bravo! Bravo, dear Romeo.
555
00:33:09,862 --> 00:33:13,491
Not exactly a classical
depiction of our Romeo,
556
00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:18,663
but behind the mask,
it could be anyone.
557
00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:21,582
- [spotlight clicks]
- It could be anyone.
558
00:33:21,582 --> 00:33:23,251
That's it!
559
00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:42,330
Whoa.
560
00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:50,630
Hmm...
561
00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:53,800
Maybe that's not quite right.
562
00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:04,727
{\an8}[gasps]
563
00:35:06,562 --> 00:35:09,649
[♪ "Weirdos" by Black Honey ♪]
564
00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:17,865
♪ This is a song
for the weirdos ♪
565
00:35:17,865 --> 00:35:19,450
♪ The anti-heroes ♪
566
00:35:19,450 --> 00:35:22,912
♪ Won't fit in if you tried ♪
567
00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:25,373
♪ A song for the freaks
and the scumbags ♪
568
00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:30,586
♪ The good kids gone bad,
live wild on the outside ♪
569
00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:34,340
♪ As heavy as Marlboro Red ♪
570
00:35:34,340 --> 00:35:38,386
♪ You're wondering
who's your friend ♪
571
00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:41,472
- Whoa! Whoo!
- ♪ This is a song for... ♪
572
00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:45,309
[mobility scooter beeps]
573
00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:03,578
[students chatter]
574
00:36:16,424 --> 00:36:18,885
What's up, buttercup?
Sniffing my panties again?
575
00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:22,638
[chuckles] Hmm.
576
00:36:22,638 --> 00:36:24,599
No, seriously,
what are you doing in my locker?
577
00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:25,850
- [Tony] Billy.
- Throw the ball.
578
00:36:25,850 --> 00:36:27,435
[Tony] Go long.
579
00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:36,819
[gasps]
580
00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:39,196
Earth to Milly.
581
00:36:40,531 --> 00:36:41,699
Weekend reading.
582
00:36:44,201 --> 00:36:47,246
- Aw.
- Hmm. [grunts]
583
00:36:47,246 --> 00:36:49,206
I need new friends.
584
00:36:57,548 --> 00:37:00,885
[chatter on TV]
585
00:37:04,931 --> 00:37:06,849
[laughter on TV]
586
00:37:17,234 --> 00:37:20,029
- [sighs]
- [phone rings]
587
00:37:32,249 --> 00:37:35,294
- [exhales] OK.
- [clears throat]
588
00:37:45,972 --> 00:37:47,473
[clears throat softly]
589
00:37:53,270 --> 00:37:54,605
I'm Amelia.
590
00:37:58,859 --> 00:37:59,860
What age...
591
00:37:59,860 --> 00:38:01,821
[voice changes] ...are you?
592
00:38:04,156 --> 00:38:07,118
- Eighteen.
- You're sure?
593
00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:11,163
- My service isn't for children.
- Yes, I'm sure.
594
00:38:17,086 --> 00:38:19,964
I want you to listen to me,
Amelia.
595
00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:22,216
This isn't for
the faint-hearted.
596
00:38:22,216 --> 00:38:23,676
It isn't for the weak,
597
00:38:23,676 --> 00:38:28,556
and it's going to require
complete and absolute trust.
598
00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:32,601
Trust in me.
Trust in my process.
599
00:38:32,601 --> 00:38:34,979
And trust in yourself.
600
00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:41,235
We are dealing with love.
601
00:38:41,819 --> 00:38:44,655
The most powerful
of all the human emotions.
602
00:38:45,614 --> 00:38:48,534
The emotion
that combines all others,
603
00:38:48,534 --> 00:38:50,161
pain,
604
00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:52,329
fear,
605
00:38:52,329 --> 00:38:54,040
sadness,
606
00:38:54,790 --> 00:38:56,125
joy...
607
00:38:57,376 --> 00:38:58,419
into one.
608
00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,925
Are you prepared
to do exactly as I say,
609
00:39:04,925 --> 00:39:09,388
to do what needs to be done
to win in the game of love?
610
00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:12,725
Yes.
611
00:39:18,481 --> 00:39:20,816
You know,
you sound a lot like...
612
00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:23,652
Good. Now, um...
613
00:39:23,652 --> 00:39:25,321
Tell me about
the young man in question
614
00:39:25,321 --> 00:39:29,492
and I'll give you all the steps
to make him fall... hard.
615
00:39:33,245 --> 00:39:34,246
Well...
616
00:39:34,663 --> 00:39:37,208
He's got this stupid
girl-slash-friend thing going on
617
00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:40,377
- with this moron called Amber.
- Tell me about her.
618
00:39:40,377 --> 00:39:41,712
My best friend Archie and I
619
00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:43,464
call her and her friends
the Eyebrow Crew
620
00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:45,299
because they have
these huge eyebrows.
621
00:39:45,299 --> 00:39:46,842
Yes, very... Yeah, yeah, good.
622
00:39:46,842 --> 00:39:50,054
This is clearly what
it will take to get noticed.
623
00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:57,269
- [girl gasps]
- [laughter]
624
00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:05,986
[laughter continues]
625
00:40:20,209 --> 00:40:22,169
Oh, my God!
626
00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:28,217
[gasps]
627
00:40:30,553 --> 00:40:32,138
[laughter continues]
628
00:40:40,729 --> 00:40:42,106
♪ Oh, dear ♪
629
00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:43,816
[phone rings]
630
00:40:48,529 --> 00:40:50,656
What the hell happened?
631
00:40:50,656 --> 00:40:54,326
I'm going viral as Batface
Girl!
I want my money back!
632
00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:56,745
- Slow down, I...
- Slow down?
633
00:40:57,830 --> 00:41:00,082
Now, you listen to me, old man.
634
00:41:00,457 --> 00:41:02,334
I have a very particular
set of skills,
635
00:41:02,334 --> 00:41:05,462
skills I have acquired
over a very long career,
636
00:41:05,462 --> 00:41:09,216
skills that make me a nightmare
for people like you.
637
00:41:09,925 --> 00:41:14,180
Are you quoting, um... oh...
638
00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:15,431
Liam Neeson?
639
00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:19,768
Didn't think
you'd have seen that one.
640
00:41:20,936 --> 00:41:23,147
But the point remains the same.
641
00:41:23,772 --> 00:41:28,444
I will hunt you down and break
your heart like you have mine,
642
00:41:28,444 --> 00:41:32,573
and it won't be metaphorical
unless you fix this.
643
00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:34,783
OK, firstly, I haven't taken
any money from you.
644
00:41:34,783 --> 00:41:37,536
This was a no-win,
no-fee situation.
645
00:41:37,536 --> 00:41:40,456
And, secondly, tell me exactly
what happened.
646
00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,625
I went into school
with my new eyebrows,
647
00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:45,920
exactly as you instructed.
648
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,047
But... [sighs]
649
00:41:50,507 --> 00:41:52,801
...everyone just laughed at me.
650
00:41:54,595 --> 00:41:56,680
And... [sighs]
651
00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,225
Penny tripped over
and spilled juice on my face
652
00:41:59,225 --> 00:42:01,185
and Billy came...
653
00:42:04,647 --> 00:42:07,399
- Billy came and saw me.
- Perfect.
654
00:42:07,399 --> 00:42:10,569
- I know... Wait, what?
- What?
655
00:42:10,569 --> 00:42:12,321
Uh, oh, um...
656
00:42:13,906 --> 00:42:19,203
Billy, um... Billy noticed you?
657
00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:22,498
Yes, but he...
658
00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:24,833
There's no such thing
as bad press, Amelia.
659
00:42:24,833 --> 00:42:28,963
Before today, Billy Walsh
didn't even know you existed.
660
00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:32,341
Your relationship with him was
entirely inside your own head.
661
00:42:32,341 --> 00:42:35,094
Now he knows exactly
who you are.
662
00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:37,304
Batface Girl.
663
00:42:37,304 --> 00:42:40,432
You're like a superhero,
664
00:42:40,432 --> 00:42:42,309
and he's never
going to forget it.
665
00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:45,646
[sighs] Yeah.
666
00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:51,986
Now that he's seen you,
it's time for you to see him.
667
00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:54,571
Eye contact is vital.
668
00:42:54,571 --> 00:43:00,119
The more you stare, the more
you will bore into his soul.
669
00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:19,305
[Amelia grunts]
670
00:43:35,154 --> 00:43:36,113
[gasps]
671
00:43:38,699 --> 00:43:39,825
Oh!
672
00:43:40,409 --> 00:43:42,494
[Archie as Love Doctor]
Make him jealous.
673
00:43:44,371 --> 00:43:48,417
- And I mean really jealous.
- [boys chatter]
674
00:43:48,959 --> 00:43:51,837
- I need to kiss you.
- I need you not to!
675
00:43:58,719 --> 00:43:59,720
[sighs]
676
00:44:00,262 --> 00:44:05,184
- [girls laugh]
- What is she even doing?
677
00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:08,103
- Can't believe it. Oh, God.
- She is so desperate.
678
00:44:08,103 --> 00:44:10,731
- Her stupid fucking trousers.
- [laughs]
679
00:44:10,731 --> 00:44:11,982
Looks like a midlife crisis.
680
00:44:11,982 --> 00:44:14,693
[Amber] Don't get me started
on the hair. What has she used?
681
00:44:14,693 --> 00:44:17,821
- Gorilla Glue?
- [girl laughs loudly]
682
00:44:18,364 --> 00:44:20,032
It's not that funny.
683
00:44:22,284 --> 00:44:25,913
So, how's it going
with you know who?
684
00:44:26,789 --> 00:44:29,249
[Amber] He's coming to mine
this weekend,
685
00:44:29,249 --> 00:44:31,919
and I plan on making it
hashtag official,
686
00:44:31,919 --> 00:44:34,254
- if you know what I mean.
- [squeals]
687
00:44:34,254 --> 00:44:37,841
- Let's go.
- [door opens]
688
00:44:49,144 --> 00:44:53,565
I wouldn't go so far as to
call myself a genius, but I am.
689
00:44:57,653 --> 00:44:59,905
♪ You want me,
I want you, baby ♪
690
00:44:59,905 --> 00:45:03,784
♪ My sugarboo, I'm levitating ♪
- What up, chuckles?
691
00:45:03,784 --> 00:45:05,411
The Love Doctor
didn't tell you to...
692
00:45:05,536 --> 00:45:07,996
- What?
- Did he tell you...?
693
00:45:07,996 --> 00:45:10,040
Well, he didn't tell me
not to do it.
694
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,167
Besides,
I feel pretty damn good.
695
00:45:12,167 --> 00:45:15,170
- Looking good, Miss Brown.
- Thank you, William.
696
00:45:15,838 --> 00:45:17,673
Bugger, bugger, bugger.
697
00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:19,466
[♪ "About Damn Time" by Lizzo ♪]
698
00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:29,768
♪ It's bad bitch o'clock,
yeah, it's thick-thirty ♪
699
00:45:29,768 --> 00:45:30,894
[boys cheering]
700
00:45:30,894 --> 00:45:35,023
♪ I've been through a lot,
but I'm still flirty ♪
701
00:45:35,023 --> 00:45:36,984
♪ Is everybody back up
in the building? ♪
702
00:45:36,984 --> 00:45:39,027
♪ It's been a minute,
tell me how you're healing ♪
703
00:45:39,027 --> 00:45:41,613
What the fuck is going on?
704
00:45:41,613 --> 00:45:44,575
♪ How you feeling?
How you feel right now? ♪
705
00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:49,371
♪ Oh, I've been so down
and under pressure ♪
706
00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,167
♪ I'm way too fine
to be this stressed, yeah ♪
707
00:45:53,542 --> 00:45:59,548
♪ Oh, I'm not the girl I was
or used to be ♪
708
00:45:59,548 --> 00:46:01,884
♪ Uh, bitch, I might be better
♪
709
00:46:01,884 --> 00:46:06,096
♪ Turn up the music,
turn down the lights ♪
710
00:46:06,096 --> 00:46:09,933
♪ I got a feeling
I'm gon' be all right ♪
711
00:46:09,933 --> 00:46:12,227
- ♪ OK ♪
- ♪ OK ♪
712
00:46:12,227 --> 00:46:14,897
♪ All right,
it's about damn time ♪
713
00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:19,526
♪ Turn up the music,
let's celebrate ♪
714
00:46:19,526 --> 00:46:22,779
♪ I got feeling I'm gon' be OK
♪
715
00:46:22,779 --> 00:46:24,323
- [boys gasp]
- ♪ OK ♪
716
00:46:24,323 --> 00:46:25,574
♪ OK ♪
717
00:46:25,574 --> 00:46:27,868
♪ All right,
it's about damn time ♪
718
00:46:27,868 --> 00:46:29,411
[boys] Oh...
719
00:46:29,411 --> 00:46:31,497
♪ In a minute, I'mma need
a sentimental man or woman ♪
720
00:46:31,497 --> 00:46:32,581
♪ To pump me up ♪
721
00:46:32,581 --> 00:46:35,167
♪ Feeling fussy,
walking in my Balenciussys... ♪
722
00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:38,670
- [car engine revs]
- [gasps]
723
00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:41,965
- [groans]
- [laughter]
724
00:46:41,965 --> 00:46:46,595
Oh, she got creamed.
Smile, Splat-Face Girl.
725
00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:48,055
[sighs]
726
00:46:51,266 --> 00:46:54,311
[students chatter]
727
00:46:55,687 --> 00:46:57,731
- Hey. You OK?
- [girl] So embarrassing.
728
00:47:06,448 --> 00:47:07,908
How many fingers
am I holding up?
729
00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:11,453
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
730
00:47:11,453 --> 00:47:13,080
It's OK.
731
00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,624
She's OK. I'll, um...
I'll take it from here.
732
00:47:15,624 --> 00:47:16,833
Thanks, big man.
733
00:47:16,833 --> 00:47:19,211
Well, I think she should
probably still see a nurse.
734
00:47:19,211 --> 00:47:21,588
- [Amelia gasps]
- Yeah, I got it.
735
00:47:22,923 --> 00:47:24,633
You forgot your pencil.
736
00:47:36,603 --> 00:47:38,313
So, Batface Girl,
737
00:47:38,313 --> 00:47:40,941
Savoy and hot dogs
or tent and fear farts?
738
00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:50,117
Do we know you?
739
00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:53,787
Uh, well...
740
00:47:54,496 --> 00:47:57,332
we have been in the same school
741
00:47:57,332 --> 00:48:03,088
and year and classes for almost
seven years now, but... no.
742
00:48:03,672 --> 00:48:06,550
- I guess not.
- Oh.
743
00:48:06,967 --> 00:48:10,554
How funny.
Didn't even know you existed.
744
00:48:12,681 --> 00:48:15,267
Or you, Alan.
745
00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:19,605
It's Archie,
but don't worry about it.
746
00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:25,068
So here's the thing.
747
00:48:27,904 --> 00:48:30,616
We saw you talking to Billy
earlier, didn't we, girls?
748
00:48:30,616 --> 00:48:32,909
[girls] Hm-hmm.
749
00:48:34,703 --> 00:48:37,456
Well, I fell and cut my knee
and he...
750
00:48:37,456 --> 00:48:38,624
Aw.
751
00:48:39,499 --> 00:48:42,753
- Poor little goose.
- [girl laughs]
752
00:48:44,921 --> 00:48:47,549
Billy's my boyfriend.
753
00:48:47,549 --> 00:48:49,468
And we're going to
the ball together.
754
00:48:50,636 --> 00:48:54,014
- He's asked you?
- Face it.
755
00:48:54,014 --> 00:48:56,600
He's out of your league.
756
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,353
Even with your vagina on show.
757
00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:02,230
[laughter]
758
00:49:10,405 --> 00:49:12,532
If I threw a stick, Amber,
would you chase it?
759
00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:17,412
Excuse me?
760
00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,249
- You heard me.
- [boy] Oh...
761
00:49:21,249 --> 00:49:24,044
Sorry, my ears
don't understand nerd.
762
00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:26,046
- [laughter]
- Well, let me be clear then.
763
00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:29,800
We value your opinion about as
much as we value a white crayon.
764
00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:31,760
[students] Ooh!
765
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,136
[girl] Oh, Amber.
766
00:49:35,097 --> 00:49:39,476
Mummy and Daddy might have all
the money in the world, Alan.
767
00:49:39,476 --> 00:49:41,853
But clearly,
it doesn't buy taste.
768
00:49:41,853 --> 00:49:43,855
[laughter]
769
00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:48,819
Look, Amber, I'm sorry.
770
00:49:49,319 --> 00:49:51,405
It's not that I don't like you,
it's just that
771
00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:53,448
if you were on life support,
I'd unplug you
772
00:49:53,448 --> 00:49:57,703
- to charge my third phone.
- [laughter]
773
00:49:58,662 --> 00:50:00,997
Why don't you spend less time
worrying about us
774
00:50:00,997 --> 00:50:03,041
and more time worrying
about your eyebrows?
775
00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:04,710
[laughter]
776
00:50:04,710 --> 00:50:06,420
[gasps]
777
00:50:08,171 --> 00:50:10,257
[students gasp]
778
00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:18,724
Come, Amelia.
We've got geography.
779
00:50:19,891 --> 00:50:21,935
And these bitches are history.
780
00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:32,154
- Mashface Girl!
- [laughter]
781
00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:41,663
- [Amelia laughs]
- Whoo!
782
00:50:41,663 --> 00:50:43,540
[laughs]
783
00:50:44,541 --> 00:50:47,169
"Stop worrying about us
784
00:50:47,169 --> 00:50:50,797
and start worrying more
about your eyebrows!"
785
00:50:51,590 --> 00:50:53,717
I may have said that one
a few times in the mirror.
786
00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:57,596
That was literally the best
thing anyone's ever done for me.
787
00:50:57,596 --> 00:51:00,557
[scoffs] Nothing
you wouldn't have done for me.
788
00:51:01,016 --> 00:51:03,310
[laughs]
789
00:51:03,852 --> 00:51:07,189
- Ugh!
- [both laugh]
790
00:51:19,367 --> 00:51:20,327
[Billy] Amelia!
791
00:51:23,246 --> 00:51:24,539
Hey.
792
00:51:26,708 --> 00:51:29,961
I'm glad I caught up with you.
Er, hey, man.
793
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,088
What you did in there
was super awesome.
794
00:51:32,088 --> 00:51:34,674
Aw, how sweet.
You can drown now.
795
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,137
It's Amelia, right?
796
00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:46,102
Listen, I know
we don't know each other,
797
00:51:46,102 --> 00:51:51,566
but I've seen you around a lot
and we've never spoken, but...
798
00:51:53,235 --> 00:51:54,903
do you want to go to
dinner sometime?
799
00:51:56,738 --> 00:51:59,491
- What about Amber?
- I always preferred the people
800
00:51:59,491 --> 00:52:01,993
that get milkshakes
thrown on them,
801
00:52:01,993 --> 00:52:04,162
rather than the ones
doing the throwing.
802
00:52:06,581 --> 00:52:09,084
- What do you say?
- Yes. Yes, definitely.
803
00:52:10,669 --> 00:52:13,296
I mean, maybe.
804
00:52:16,049 --> 00:52:18,176
Yes, I'm in.
805
00:52:19,469 --> 00:52:21,346
Cool.
806
00:52:21,346 --> 00:52:25,809
- Uh, I'll pick you up tonight.
- [chuckles] Yeah.
807
00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:29,437
See you later. Later, dude.
808
00:52:29,437 --> 00:52:31,773
Later, dickhead.
809
00:52:32,816 --> 00:52:35,569
[squeals]
810
00:52:37,571 --> 00:52:41,741
♪ I look hot in it, hot in it,
I look hot in it ♪
811
00:52:41,741 --> 00:52:43,869
♪ I'm gon' be rocking it,
dropping it ♪
812
00:52:43,869 --> 00:52:47,497
♪ Shake my ass, no stopping it,
I look hot in it, hot in it ♪
813
00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:48,874
♪ I look hot in it ♪
814
00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:51,167
♪ Tonight I'm gon' be
rocking it, dropping it ♪
815
00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:52,377
♪ Shake my ass, no stopping it
♪
816
00:52:52,377 --> 00:52:53,503
Nope.
817
00:52:53,503 --> 00:52:56,673
♪ I look hot in it, hot in it,
I look hot in it ♪
818
00:52:56,673 --> 00:52:58,800
♪ Tonight I'm gon' be
rocking it, dropping it ♪
819
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:00,385
- Yes!
- ♪ Shake my... ♪
820
00:53:00,385 --> 00:53:02,178
[sighs]
821
00:53:03,054 --> 00:53:04,556
[sighs]
822
00:53:04,556 --> 00:53:07,225
- [phone rings]
- Fuck's sake.
823
00:53:17,319 --> 00:53:18,653
[exhales]
824
00:53:18,653 --> 00:53:21,239
I'm panicking.
I need your help.
825
00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:25,493
He asked me on a date.
A date! He asked me.
826
00:53:27,495 --> 00:53:30,707
You are a genius, Love Doctor.
827
00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:34,586
[snores]
828
00:53:34,586 --> 00:53:36,212
[Amelia] Love Doctor?
829
00:53:38,256 --> 00:53:39,341
Love Doctor?
830
00:53:40,383 --> 00:53:43,386
- Love Doctor?
- A date?
831
00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:47,349
Yes, a, um...
832
00:53:48,767 --> 00:53:50,268
a date is a great idea.
833
00:53:50,268 --> 00:53:51,937
[chuckles]
834
00:53:51,937 --> 00:53:54,648
This is where you have to
put it all on the line.
835
00:53:56,399 --> 00:53:58,985
- What do you mean?
- It's not going to be easy.
836
00:53:58,985 --> 00:54:01,404
But if you truly love...
837
00:54:03,448 --> 00:54:05,909
Billy Walsh,
838
00:54:05,909 --> 00:54:08,203
I'll tell you exactly
what you need to do
839
00:54:08,203 --> 00:54:09,996
to make sure he loves you back.
840
00:54:09,996 --> 00:54:12,832
Tell me.
I'll do whatever you say.
841
00:54:12,832 --> 00:54:18,546
The meaner you treat him,
the keener you'll keep him.
842
00:54:21,174 --> 00:54:25,220
Billy Walsh will be like
putty in your hands.
843
00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:30,725
It's human nature 101.
844
00:54:40,235 --> 00:54:42,070
The meaner you are
to Billy Walsh,
845
00:54:42,070 --> 00:54:44,948
and anyone else in
the restaurant, for that matter,
846
00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:46,324
the better.
847
00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:51,538
Er...
848
00:54:53,331 --> 00:54:55,500
What is this, the 1950s?
849
00:54:56,710 --> 00:54:58,503
Take this away.
850
00:54:59,337 --> 00:55:01,297
And get me a beer!
851
00:55:13,018 --> 00:55:15,186
- So...
- So what?
852
00:55:15,186 --> 00:55:18,314
Uh... so, you like beer?
853
00:55:21,526 --> 00:55:24,320
- Love it.
- Cool.
854
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,948
I guess this doesn't matter.
855
00:55:27,824 --> 00:55:33,204
Er, so, tell me about yourself,
Billy boy.
856
00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,707
What brings you
to the United Kingdom?
857
00:55:35,707 --> 00:55:38,835
AKA England.
858
00:55:40,086 --> 00:55:43,757
Er, my father, actually.
He's a...
859
00:55:46,342 --> 00:55:47,969
Ooh.
860
00:55:47,969 --> 00:55:51,931
He's actually a... [clears
throat] importer and exporter.
861
00:55:57,645 --> 00:55:59,105
What time do you
get off tonight?
862
00:56:00,940 --> 00:56:02,192
Er...
863
00:56:05,528 --> 00:56:07,989
Around 11.
Once I've done the bins.
864
00:56:08,490 --> 00:56:11,201
Good to know, cutie.
865
00:56:11,910 --> 00:56:13,661
[chuckles awkwardly]
866
00:56:16,039 --> 00:56:19,709
Hey, you OK?
867
00:56:20,210 --> 00:56:21,711
Never better.
868
00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:25,590
[slurps]
869
00:56:26,174 --> 00:56:27,592
[gulps]
870
00:56:37,685 --> 00:56:41,564
So you're a swim team captain,
871
00:56:41,564 --> 00:56:46,444
rugby captain,
and you're an A-star student?
872
00:56:46,444 --> 00:56:49,656
What, were you made in a lab?
873
00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:52,784
I bet your parents
worship the ground
874
00:56:52,784 --> 00:56:54,786
that Golden Balls walks on.
875
00:56:54,786 --> 00:56:56,287
It's not like that.
876
00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:59,332
And to top it all off,
let me guess.
877
00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:02,585
Your parents are happily married
878
00:57:02,585 --> 00:57:05,338
and they have been since they
met at that high school dance
879
00:57:05,338 --> 00:57:07,090
35 years ago.
880
00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:10,051
[scoffs] What a cliché.
881
00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:12,137
You know what?
882
00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:17,016
Tonight was a mistake.
883
00:57:17,016 --> 00:57:18,810
You're not the person
I thought you were.
884
00:57:22,397 --> 00:57:24,149
[door opens]
885
00:57:26,985 --> 00:57:29,612
- [door opens]
- Call me!
886
00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:56,848
[groans]
887
00:58:09,485 --> 00:58:11,696
You know,
I've been judged my entire life.
888
00:58:11,696 --> 00:58:13,698
People have looked at me
and figured it must be
889
00:58:13,698 --> 00:58:15,909
the easiest thing in the world
being Billy Walsh.
890
00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:17,535
- I...
- And that it's inconceivable
891
00:58:17,535 --> 00:58:20,538
for me to somehow feel
any hardship or sadness.
892
00:58:21,122 --> 00:58:22,624
- That's not a...
- You don't know
893
00:58:22,624 --> 00:58:24,834
that I haven't shared
a conversation with my dad
894
00:58:24,834 --> 00:58:26,127
in the past five years
895
00:58:26,127 --> 00:58:29,464
about anything other than
sports or scholarships.
896
00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:31,841
And ever since my mom died,
897
00:58:31,841 --> 00:58:33,635
he has been so consumed
by his own pain
898
00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:35,637
he is completely oblivious
to mine.
899
00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:39,474
And you don't know that
because you don't know me.
900
00:58:39,474 --> 00:58:41,976
And just like everybody else,
you don't want to.
901
00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:49,817
Tonight was a mistake.
902
00:58:49,817 --> 00:58:51,527
I just wanna say...
903
00:58:54,781 --> 00:58:57,867
you have the most incredible
bone structure.
904
00:58:57,867 --> 00:58:59,410
[scoffs]
905
00:59:02,455 --> 00:59:04,666
[turns engine on]
906
00:59:15,635 --> 00:59:17,887
[indistinct chatter]
907
00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:24,352
- [sighs]
- [tannoy feedback]
908
00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:26,896
[Amelia] Hello, everyone.
909
00:59:26,896 --> 00:59:30,149
My name is
Amelia Elizabeth Brown.
910
00:59:30,149 --> 00:59:31,901
Shit.
911
00:59:31,901 --> 00:59:34,529
And last night,
I misjudged someone.
912
00:59:35,321 --> 00:59:39,284
Someone who had the bravery
to show me who they really are.
913
00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:42,412
To show me their scars, so...
914
00:59:42,412 --> 00:59:45,331
now I'm going to show you mine.
915
00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:50,169
OK, I'll start at the beginning.
916
00:59:51,421 --> 00:59:52,797
When I was three,
917
00:59:53,214 --> 00:59:56,592
we were stuck in traffic
on the way to Disneyland
918
00:59:56,592 --> 01:00:00,346
and I had to go to
the bathroom, like, now.
919
01:00:01,097 --> 01:00:03,516
My parents told me to go
on the side of the motorway,
920
01:00:03,516 --> 01:00:05,018
thinking it was just
a number one.
921
01:00:05,018 --> 01:00:06,144
[laughter]
922
01:00:06,144 --> 01:00:08,646
- So, I got out...
- Huh?
923
01:00:08,646 --> 01:00:10,732
...dutifully squatted down
924
01:00:10,732 --> 01:00:12,734
and took a huge dump
on the hard shoulder.
925
01:00:12,734 --> 01:00:15,069
[laughter]
926
01:00:16,237 --> 01:00:18,573
Amelia Brown's officially
having a mental breakdown.
927
01:00:20,241 --> 01:00:21,451
[Amelia] When I was four,
928
01:00:21,451 --> 01:00:23,619
my family and I
went to Edinburgh
929
01:00:23,619 --> 01:00:26,539
and decided to go
to the botanical gardens.
930
01:00:26,539 --> 01:00:29,292
I was drawn to these
giant lily pads.
931
01:00:29,292 --> 01:00:33,212
I had memories of watching frogs
jump on them in Disney movies
932
01:00:33,212 --> 01:00:35,089
and thought it would be
an excellent idea
933
01:00:35,089 --> 01:00:38,593
to try and hop onto one to see
if it could hold my weight.
934
01:00:38,593 --> 01:00:41,304
[sniffs]
I hate these fucking kids.
935
01:00:41,304 --> 01:00:42,889
It didn't.
936
01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:46,559
OK, this is a good one.
937
01:00:46,559 --> 01:00:48,603
When I was five,
938
01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:52,148
I stood on a wasps' nest
while playing hide and seek.
939
01:00:52,857 --> 01:00:56,486
I was wearing a skirt
and got stung on my vagina.
940
01:00:56,486 --> 01:00:57,570
[laughter]
941
01:00:57,570 --> 01:01:02,575
- Hashtag swollen lips.
- This is gold. [laughs]
942
01:01:02,575 --> 01:01:05,453
Hashtag officially ruined.
943
01:01:06,162 --> 01:01:07,538
[emojis giggle]
944
01:01:07,538 --> 01:01:10,249
[loud chatter]
945
01:01:25,681 --> 01:01:28,643
You know, when I was eight,
946
01:01:28,643 --> 01:01:31,354
my mum, she wanted me
to go to the Girl Guides.
947
01:01:31,813 --> 01:01:34,565
I really didn't want to go.
948
01:01:36,401 --> 01:01:39,278
But she took me there anyway.
949
01:01:40,613 --> 01:01:43,074
And before
I got out of the car...
950
01:01:45,159 --> 01:01:47,412
I told her that I hated her.
951
01:01:53,084 --> 01:01:56,379
A few days later, she got sick
952
01:01:57,130 --> 01:01:59,132
and was taken into hospital.
953
01:02:01,384 --> 01:02:02,969
When I was nine,
954
01:02:04,929 --> 01:02:07,682
my mum still wasn't
out of hospital.
955
01:02:13,604 --> 01:02:17,024
And when I was ten, she died.
956
01:02:17,150 --> 01:02:19,569
[cries quietly]
957
01:02:24,031 --> 01:02:26,492
When I was 11,
958
01:02:26,492 --> 01:02:29,787
my dad brought a mannequin
home from work
959
01:02:29,787 --> 01:02:32,748
and started dancing with it
in our living room.
960
01:02:32,748 --> 01:02:34,834
Milly!
961
01:02:34,834 --> 01:02:37,503
Milly, stop.
You don't have to do this.
962
01:02:46,304 --> 01:02:51,851
When I was 12, I developed a
massive crush on Justin Bieber.
963
01:02:52,852 --> 01:02:54,687
And when I was 13,
I stuck a picture of him
964
01:02:54,687 --> 01:02:56,898
- onto my dad's mannequin...
- [boy] She's in here!
965
01:02:56,898 --> 01:02:59,984
- ...and practised kissing it.
- [students laugh]
966
01:03:13,748 --> 01:03:17,835
I think it's safe to say
that now, standing here,
967
01:03:17,835 --> 01:03:19,962
watching Milly reveal
the most embarrassing,
968
01:03:19,962 --> 01:03:22,590
most horrific parts of her life,
969
01:03:22,590 --> 01:03:24,634
I may have taken this
a little too far.
970
01:03:27,094 --> 01:03:29,514
[students jeer and chatter]
971
01:03:31,265 --> 01:03:35,436
When I was 14, I started padding
my bra with tissue paper.
972
01:03:47,698 --> 01:03:51,077
I heard somewhere along the way
that if you love someone,
973
01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,538
you have to set them free.
974
01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:55,748
[sighs] It's a hard concept
to understand
975
01:03:55,748 --> 01:03:58,334
unless you've been
where I am right now.
976
01:04:03,881 --> 01:04:06,008
And when I was 15,
977
01:04:07,843 --> 01:04:10,846
I started to get worried
that I'd never been kissed.
978
01:04:10,846 --> 01:04:13,099
[Archie] But maybe that is
exactly what I have to do.
979
01:04:13,975 --> 01:04:15,476
I have to set Amelia Brown...
980
01:04:15,476 --> 01:04:18,980
- ♪ When I look into your eyes ♪
- free.
981
01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:20,439
When I was 17...
982
01:04:20,439 --> 01:04:21,899
♪ It's like watching the night ♪
983
01:04:21,899 --> 01:04:25,570
- [fire extinguisher hisses]
- [screaming]
984
01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:30,199
♪ Or a beautiful sunrise ♪
985
01:04:31,450 --> 01:04:33,411
♪ Well, there's so much
they hold ♪
986
01:04:33,411 --> 01:04:36,122
[fire alarm rings]
987
01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:42,336
♪ And just like them old stars
♪
988
01:04:42,336 --> 01:04:47,425
♪ I see that you've
come so far ♪
989
01:04:47,425 --> 01:04:51,804
♪ To be right where you are ♪
990
01:04:52,638 --> 01:04:56,809
♪ How old is your soul? ♪
991
01:04:58,227 --> 01:05:01,063
♪ Well, I won't give up on... ♪
992
01:05:01,063 --> 01:05:03,733
I'm still 17 years old.
993
01:05:03,733 --> 01:05:08,779
- ♪ Even if the skies get rough
♪
- And I'm about to graduate.
994
01:05:08,779 --> 01:05:14,076
♪ I'm giving you all my love ♪
995
01:05:14,076 --> 01:05:17,496
♪ I'm still looking up ♪
996
01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:23,669
♪ And when you're needing
your space ♪
997
01:05:24,795 --> 01:05:27,006
♪ To do some navigating ♪
998
01:05:27,006 --> 01:05:29,800
And I've still never
kissed anyone.
999
01:05:30,509 --> 01:05:35,264
♪ I'll be here
patiently waiting ♪
1000
01:05:35,264 --> 01:05:38,851
♪ To see what you find ♪
1001
01:05:38,851 --> 01:05:40,686
[gasps]
1002
01:05:40,686 --> 01:05:44,523
♪ Cos even the stars,
they burn ♪
1003
01:05:44,523 --> 01:05:45,941
[laughs]
1004
01:05:45,941 --> 01:05:51,364
♪ Some even fall to the earth ♪
1005
01:05:51,364 --> 01:05:53,157
- ♪ We got... ♪
- No!
1006
01:05:53,699 --> 01:05:56,535
Detention! Forever!
1007
01:05:56,535 --> 01:05:58,245
Perverts!
1008
01:06:08,381 --> 01:06:10,091
Don't stop, William.
1009
01:06:14,136 --> 01:06:16,972
[indistinct chatter]
1010
01:06:16,972 --> 01:06:18,974
[shouting]
1011
01:06:18,974 --> 01:06:24,438
♪ If I were you,
I would open my curtains ♪
1012
01:06:24,438 --> 01:06:28,067
[boy grunts]
No, no, no! [groans]
1013
01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:33,739
♪ If I were you,
I would have a look outside ♪
1014
01:06:33,739 --> 01:06:36,575
[mouths]
1015
01:06:37,576 --> 01:06:39,370
♪ Put on my shoes ♪
1016
01:06:39,370 --> 01:06:43,791
♪ And leave this
sunken room behind ♪
1017
01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:46,293
♪ And I would drive ♪
1018
01:06:46,293 --> 01:06:49,630
[boys chant]
1019
01:06:56,053 --> 01:07:00,891
♪ And on my way,
I would visit your mother ♪
1020
01:07:03,519 --> 01:07:05,062
Wait till you see
what I do with these.
1021
01:07:05,062 --> 01:07:10,526
♪ If I were you,
I would ask about her life ♪
1022
01:07:14,530 --> 01:07:16,449
♪ Maybe you'll find... ♪
1023
01:07:16,449 --> 01:07:18,075
[chuckles]
1024
01:07:18,075 --> 01:07:20,453
You know, I might be one of
the only people in the universe
1025
01:07:20,453 --> 01:07:23,956
who doesn't like popcorn
or milk chocolate balls.
1026
01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:26,959
- More for me.
- OK.
1027
01:07:26,959 --> 01:07:29,044
[chuckles]
1028
01:07:29,044 --> 01:07:31,088
[cheering]
1029
01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,508
This is the best part.
You don't wanna miss it!
1030
01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:38,262
- [audience gasps]
- [farts]
1031
01:07:40,890 --> 01:07:43,517
- I'm sorry.
- Did you just fart?
1032
01:07:43,517 --> 01:07:45,186
Um, no.
1033
01:07:46,020 --> 01:07:48,481
It... It was a fear fart.
1034
01:07:48,481 --> 01:07:50,816
Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed.
1035
01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:54,737
- [crashing in film]
- [cheering]
1036
01:08:15,174 --> 01:08:16,550
[phone chimes]
1037
01:08:19,762 --> 01:08:23,891
♪ Who knows how long we got? ♪
1038
01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:26,644
[phone rings]
1039
01:08:26,644 --> 01:08:31,232
♪ As long as I am breathing ♪
1040
01:08:31,899 --> 01:08:37,571
♪ Know it's not too late
to love ♪
1041
01:08:40,199 --> 01:08:42,159
[phone continues ringing]
1042
01:09:17,236 --> 01:09:19,363
- [school bell rings]
- [cheering]
1043
01:09:24,243 --> 01:09:26,120
How are you holding up?
1044
01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:28,163
I won't be needing that,
that's for sure.
1045
01:09:28,163 --> 01:09:29,540
[William grunts]
1046
01:09:34,086 --> 01:09:35,546
[sighs]
1047
01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:45,890
[Archie] Wow.
1048
01:09:47,892 --> 01:09:49,977
[gasps] Whoa.
1049
01:09:52,813 --> 01:09:55,107
[Rupert] All well out there
in the universe?
1050
01:10:02,156 --> 01:10:03,782
Ready for your big day tomorrow?
1051
01:10:09,288 --> 01:10:10,456
[Rupert sighs]
1052
01:10:19,256 --> 01:10:20,507
[Rupert groans]
1053
01:10:22,426 --> 01:10:24,094
[exhales]
1054
01:10:32,019 --> 01:10:36,774
Can I ask you something
about Mum?
1055
01:10:37,691 --> 01:10:39,068
Always.
1056
01:10:41,570 --> 01:10:45,282
How did you know that,
you know, she was the one?
1057
01:10:45,950 --> 01:10:47,952
Oh, that was easy.
1058
01:10:48,827 --> 01:10:50,913
She was the only girl
in university who wanted me.
1059
01:10:50,913 --> 01:10:52,915
- [scoffs] Dad!
- [laughs]
1060
01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:56,335
- No, I'm serious.
- [sighs]
1061
01:10:57,711 --> 01:10:59,755
OK, well, um...
1062
01:10:59,755 --> 01:11:03,467
she had this beat-up
old Volkswagen.
1063
01:11:03,467 --> 01:11:08,430
One day, she broke down right
outside the university gates.
1064
01:11:08,430 --> 01:11:10,766
And that was the first time
that I plucked up the courage
1065
01:11:10,766 --> 01:11:13,644
- to speak to her.
- What did you say?
1066
01:11:13,644 --> 01:11:16,480
Well, her head was buried
in the bonnet, but I said...
1067
01:11:17,898 --> 01:11:20,442
"Time to check that thing
into the old Volks' home,
1068
01:11:20,442 --> 01:11:21,694
don't you think?"
1069
01:11:21,694 --> 01:11:23,112
- No, you didn't.
- [laughs] Yes.
1070
01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:27,533
No, you didn't!
Oh, I hope she ran a mile!
1071
01:11:27,533 --> 01:11:29,034
Well, luckily for me,
1072
01:11:29,034 --> 01:11:32,287
your mum was new to the area,
so I did offer her a tour.
1073
01:11:32,287 --> 01:11:34,289
All the way
to the local petrol station,
1074
01:11:34,289 --> 01:11:36,208
which just happened
to be miles away,
1075
01:11:36,208 --> 01:11:41,338
and we fell in love
on that drive... as friends.
1076
01:11:43,799 --> 01:11:45,217
Friends?
1077
01:11:45,217 --> 01:11:47,928
Yeah, best friends.
1078
01:11:50,222 --> 01:11:54,810
We spent... Well, we spent
every waking moment together.
1079
01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:58,647
I mean, there was nobody
1080
01:11:58,647 --> 01:12:01,817
we would rather spend time
with than each other.
1081
01:12:02,818 --> 01:12:04,611
You know, it just...
1082
01:12:06,238 --> 01:12:08,365
it just made perfect sense.
1083
01:12:13,287 --> 01:12:15,247
If you think too loudly,
1084
01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:18,709
you'll never hear
the answer you're looking for.
1085
01:12:24,339 --> 01:12:27,593
Right, I'm gonna go to bed.
I love you, Mills.
1086
01:12:43,275 --> 01:12:46,528
[Maggie sighs, chuckles]
1087
01:12:50,074 --> 01:12:51,867
[sighs] How do I look?
1088
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:53,702
Like your mother.
1089
01:12:56,705 --> 01:12:58,582
Well, thanks for your help,
Maggie.
1090
01:12:58,582 --> 01:13:01,251
I never would have got
this dress over these bad boys.
1091
01:13:01,251 --> 01:13:04,046
[chuckles] He's one lucky boy.
1092
01:13:05,130 --> 01:13:06,924
Would you both mind
giving me a minute?
1093
01:13:07,758 --> 01:13:09,259
Of course.
1094
01:13:13,305 --> 01:13:15,641
[footsteps recede]
1095
01:13:59,643 --> 01:14:02,020
Always follow your heart, Mills.
1096
01:14:07,359 --> 01:14:09,778
It'll rarely lead you
the wrong way.
1097
01:14:10,779 --> 01:14:13,782
[motorbike approaches]
1098
01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:25,377
Hey, Billy.
1099
01:14:25,377 --> 01:14:28,922
- Good afternoon, Mr Brown.
- How are you?
1100
01:14:35,762 --> 01:14:37,097
[Billy] Milly?
1101
01:14:39,141 --> 01:14:42,352
- Hey, Milly, you in there?
- [knocking at door]
1102
01:14:42,769 --> 01:14:44,563
- Milly?
- [whispers] The window.
1103
01:14:45,439 --> 01:14:49,651
♪ I wanna see the rest of the
world the same way that you do
♪
1104
01:14:49,651 --> 01:14:52,821
♪ I wanna be the home that you
leave and you return to ♪
1105
01:14:52,821 --> 01:14:54,072
Godspeed!
1106
01:14:54,072 --> 01:14:56,575
♪ I wanna stay here in your
arms
as long as I can do ♪
1107
01:14:57,034 --> 01:14:58,702
[gasps]
1108
01:15:00,412 --> 01:15:04,082
♪ The silver hair
and golden years ♪
1109
01:15:04,082 --> 01:15:08,212
♪ That seem so far
until they're near ♪
1110
01:15:08,212 --> 01:15:13,800
♪ There's so much left
to do down here, I know ♪
1111
01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:17,221
♪ All anyone wants is just ♪
1112
01:15:17,221 --> 01:15:21,391
♪ More time, more life,
more healing ♪
1113
01:15:21,391 --> 01:15:25,812
♪ More love, more us,
more feeling, yeah ♪
1114
01:15:26,355 --> 01:15:29,483
♪ Oh, I just need,
I'm just needing ♪
1115
01:15:29,483 --> 01:15:33,570
♪ More you,
more nights for dreaming ♪
1116
01:15:33,570 --> 01:15:37,241
♪ These days go by
so fast and I... ♪
1117
01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:38,492
Huh?
1118
01:15:38,492 --> 01:15:42,996
♪ Oh, I just need,
I'm just needing more ♪
1119
01:15:42,996 --> 01:15:44,873
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
1120
01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:49,670
- ♪ Oh, I just need... ♪
- [dress rips]
1121
01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:53,006
[children shout]
1122
01:15:54,841 --> 01:15:58,887
♪ Yeah, I just need,
I'm just needing more ♪
1123
01:15:59,388 --> 01:16:00,806
♪ More ♪
1124
01:16:00,806 --> 01:16:03,141
- [Amelia screams]
- [bike bell rings]
1125
01:16:03,141 --> 01:16:05,143
♪ More healing ♪
1126
01:16:05,143 --> 01:16:09,564
♪ More love, more us,
more feeling, yeah ♪
1127
01:16:10,107 --> 01:16:13,277
♪ Oh, I just need,
I'm just needing ♪
1128
01:16:13,277 --> 01:16:15,529
♪ More you,
more nights for dreaming ♪
1129
01:16:15,529 --> 01:16:16,738
[yelps]
1130
01:16:17,531 --> 01:16:21,702
♪ These days go by so fast
and I ♪
1131
01:16:22,327 --> 01:16:26,748
♪ Oh, I just need,
I'm just needing more ♪
1132
01:16:26,748 --> 01:16:29,001
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
1133
01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,419
♪ More ♪
1134
01:16:30,419 --> 01:16:33,171
♪ Oh, I just need,
I'm just needing ♪
1135
01:16:33,171 --> 01:16:34,423
♪ More ♪
1136
01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:37,217
♪ Oh, I just need,
I'm just needing ♪
1137
01:16:37,217 --> 01:16:38,802
♪ More ♪
1138
01:16:38,802 --> 01:16:42,180
{\an8}♪ Yeah, I just need,
I'm just needing more ♪
1139
01:16:43,056 --> 01:16:45,517
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
1140
01:16:49,062 --> 01:16:53,025
William, please, just...
Can you just leave me alo...
1141
01:16:58,989 --> 01:17:02,451
- What are you doing here?
- Shut up.
1142
01:17:08,206 --> 01:17:09,583
Get dressed.
1143
01:17:11,918 --> 01:17:12,961
[Amelia sighs]
1144
01:17:13,545 --> 01:17:14,588
I need a date.
1145
01:17:15,839 --> 01:17:20,093
- What happened to Boy Wonder?
- Less questions, more dressing.
1146
01:17:20,093 --> 01:17:21,887
[sighs]
We should be drunk by now.
1147
01:17:22,596 --> 01:17:23,597
Enough.
1148
01:17:28,226 --> 01:17:30,103
We've barely spoken for weeks,
1149
01:17:30,103 --> 01:17:32,481
and now you're here in my house,
in my room,
1150
01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:33,732
asking me to drink champagne
1151
01:17:33,732 --> 01:17:35,650
and pretending
like everything's normal.
1152
01:17:35,650 --> 01:17:37,611
[sighs] Archie, I...
1153
01:17:37,611 --> 01:17:39,988
Look, if you and Billy
have had some sort of argument
1154
01:17:39,988 --> 01:17:42,366
and you've come here because
you want little old Archie
1155
01:17:42,366 --> 01:17:45,035
to pat you on the back
and tell you it will all be OK,
1156
01:17:45,035 --> 01:17:46,119
it's not gonna happen.
1157
01:17:49,164 --> 01:17:50,665
Not today.
1158
01:17:51,917 --> 01:17:53,377
Not anymore.
1159
01:17:55,003 --> 01:17:56,838
Archie, that's not why I'm here.
1160
01:17:56,838 --> 01:18:01,218
- Then why are you here?
- Because I made a mistake.
1161
01:18:01,218 --> 01:18:02,511
OK?
1162
01:18:04,012 --> 01:18:08,225
A big, fat, stupid mistake.
1163
01:18:10,102 --> 01:18:15,273
I've spent so long dreaming
of having a boyfriend
1164
01:18:15,273 --> 01:18:20,070
and falling in love
and going on romantic dates.
1165
01:18:21,279 --> 01:18:23,281
Sunset kisses.
1166
01:18:25,742 --> 01:18:28,537
When always...
1167
01:18:31,123 --> 01:18:33,375
it's been right in front of me.
1168
01:18:35,377 --> 01:18:37,045
Are you...?
1169
01:18:40,090 --> 01:18:42,717
I love you...
1170
01:18:42,717 --> 01:18:47,264
Archibald Richard
Randolph Reginald Arnold.
1171
01:18:51,977 --> 01:18:54,771
And I always have.
1172
01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:02,988
- [groans]
- [glass smashes]
1173
01:19:04,448 --> 01:19:07,159
- [clang]
- [groans] Whoa!
1174
01:19:07,826 --> 01:19:10,245
[objects rattle]
1175
01:19:12,414 --> 01:19:16,668
- How'd that go?
- Yep. Yep.
1176
01:19:16,668 --> 01:19:18,628
♪ Love is like rocket,
watch it blast off ♪
1177
01:19:18,628 --> 01:19:21,047
♪ And I'm feeling so electric,
dance my arse off ♪
1178
01:19:21,047 --> 01:19:23,300
♪ And even if I wanted to,
I can't stop ♪
1179
01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:25,719
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪
1180
01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:27,888
♪ My love is like rocket,
watch it blast off ♪
1181
01:19:27,888 --> 01:19:30,432
♪ And I'm feeling so electric,
dance my arse off ♪
1182
01:19:30,432 --> 01:19:32,893
♪ And even if I wanted to,
I can't stop ♪
1183
01:19:32,893 --> 01:19:35,437
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
♪
1184
01:19:35,437 --> 01:19:37,939
♪ You want me,
I want you, baby ♪
1185
01:19:37,939 --> 01:19:39,441
♪ My sugar boo ♪
1186
01:19:41,234 --> 01:19:42,903
[chuckles]
1187
01:19:49,159 --> 01:19:50,535
[phone chimes]
1188
01:19:58,251 --> 01:19:59,252
[sighs]
1189
01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:16,811
[phone vibrates]
1190
01:20:26,279 --> 01:20:27,531
[phone vibrates]
1191
01:20:35,539 --> 01:20:36,790
[phone vibrates]
1192
01:20:41,378 --> 01:20:42,837
- [gasps]
- Milly.
1193
01:20:42,837 --> 01:20:44,714
I'm gonna need some help.
1194
01:20:49,261 --> 01:20:50,512
What the fuck?
1195
01:20:52,556 --> 01:20:56,768
- [inhales]
- What the fuck, Archie?
1196
01:20:57,769 --> 01:20:58,895
I can explain.
1197
01:20:59,312 --> 01:21:00,897
What the fuck?
1198
01:21:01,898 --> 01:21:04,526
Amelia, wait. Please.
1199
01:21:09,197 --> 01:21:10,574
[car door opens]
1200
01:21:25,171 --> 01:21:26,423
There are moments in your life
1201
01:21:26,423 --> 01:21:28,216
where you're faced
with just two choices.
1202
01:21:28,216 --> 01:21:30,218
[car engine starts]
1203
01:21:30,218 --> 01:21:31,803
The consequences of either one
1204
01:21:31,803 --> 01:21:34,222
will shape the rest of your days
for as long as you live.
1205
01:21:34,931 --> 01:21:36,308
Sometimes you have to listen
1206
01:21:36,308 --> 01:21:38,101
to what the universe
is trying to tell you.
1207
01:21:38,685 --> 01:21:41,563
Sometimes all you can do is tell
the universe to go fuck itself
1208
01:21:41,563 --> 01:21:44,316
and do exactly what you know
in your heart is right.
1209
01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:50,822
And if there's one thing I know
now more than ever before
1210
01:21:50,822 --> 01:21:55,243
it's that Amelia Brown
is my universe.
1211
01:21:55,243 --> 01:21:56,953
[sighs] That'll do.
1212
01:22:03,585 --> 01:22:05,086
It's time for the finale.
1213
01:22:15,722 --> 01:22:16,806
[grunts]
1214
01:22:29,986 --> 01:22:32,364
- What the fuck?
- [laughs]
1215
01:22:36,910 --> 01:22:38,411
[laughs]
1216
01:22:43,541 --> 01:22:45,043
[laughs]
1217
01:22:45,502 --> 01:22:48,004
[distant music playing]
1218
01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:54,094
[Amber] You're really
impressive in class.
1219
01:22:55,887 --> 01:22:58,932
You're, like, totally right
about everything you say.
1220
01:23:01,643 --> 01:23:04,020
- [footsteps approach]
- [student] Let's get a drink.
1221
01:23:06,439 --> 01:23:09,818
- Hey.
- Hi.
1222
01:23:10,652 --> 01:23:12,737
- Can we talk?
- [clears throat]
1223
01:23:17,367 --> 01:23:19,077
You look really beautiful,
Amber.
1224
01:23:20,203 --> 01:23:21,579
I know.
1225
01:23:23,790 --> 01:23:28,044
- Photo booth.
- [girls chatter]
1226
01:23:33,133 --> 01:23:36,720
- Anyone spiked the punch yet?
- Er, yeah.
1227
01:23:37,470 --> 01:23:38,805
Excellent.
1228
01:23:44,102 --> 01:23:45,687
So, er...
1229
01:23:46,479 --> 01:23:49,232
things have been
a little... weird.
1230
01:23:50,692 --> 01:23:53,236
And I, and I think...
Well, well, no...
1231
01:23:53,236 --> 01:23:56,823
I know that's on me.
Mostly on me.
1232
01:23:58,658 --> 01:24:03,329
But for what it's worth,
I truly am sorry for...
1233
01:24:04,038 --> 01:24:06,124
well, everything.
1234
01:24:08,460 --> 01:24:12,547
And you're a great guy, Billy.
I mean that.
1235
01:24:14,924 --> 01:24:17,177
- But...
- Look, um... [clears throat]
1236
01:24:17,177 --> 01:24:19,721
I've never been
broken up with before.
1237
01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:23,767
So, is it OK if I just stop you
right there?
1238
01:24:29,814 --> 01:24:31,065
I am sorry.
1239
01:24:36,446 --> 01:24:37,864
So where is he then?
1240
01:24:41,576 --> 01:24:45,079
I think it's gonna be me,
myself and Milly for a while.
1241
01:24:46,164 --> 01:24:49,626
- Sounds chaotic.
- [chuckles]
1242
01:24:52,545 --> 01:24:55,173
Er... find me for a dance later?
1243
01:24:55,173 --> 01:24:57,842
- You can count on it.
- [Tony] Hey!
1244
01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:01,596
- Ooh!
- Where have you been?
1245
01:25:01,596 --> 01:25:03,139
Sorting out your little problem.
1246
01:25:03,139 --> 01:25:04,891
What problem
would that be exactly?
1247
01:25:05,391 --> 01:25:07,519
[laughs]
1248
01:25:09,938 --> 01:25:12,148
[pole creaks]
1249
01:25:17,445 --> 01:25:18,696
[exhales]
1250
01:25:19,531 --> 01:25:20,740
[grunts]
1251
01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:31,042
[footsteps approach]
1252
01:25:31,042 --> 01:25:32,460
Who's there?
1253
01:25:33,962 --> 01:25:37,257
Stop right there.
I've... I've got a gun!
1254
01:25:40,260 --> 01:25:44,180
No way are you rescuing me.
1255
01:25:44,889 --> 01:25:47,809
You're only a hero
if the person needs rescuing,
1256
01:25:47,809 --> 01:25:49,811
and I was perfectly fine
out here alone
1257
01:25:49,811 --> 01:25:52,105
enjoying some quality
Archibald time.
1258
01:25:52,605 --> 01:25:54,357
Yeah?
1259
01:25:54,357 --> 01:25:56,568
I see you got a haircut too.
1260
01:25:58,236 --> 01:25:59,863
[Archie groans]
1261
01:26:02,115 --> 01:26:04,200
[pants]
1262
01:26:09,247 --> 01:26:10,456
Go get her.
1263
01:26:12,959 --> 01:26:14,252
Right.
1264
01:26:15,920 --> 01:26:18,089
This doesn't mean we're friends!
1265
01:26:19,132 --> 01:26:22,468
The English. So dramatic.
1266
01:26:24,804 --> 01:26:27,265
♪ Baby, if you thought
that I was trouble ♪
1267
01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:30,226
♪ Then you're gonna hate
what's coming next ♪
1268
01:26:30,226 --> 01:26:32,812
♪ Kinda like your
worst nightmare but double ♪
1269
01:26:33,146 --> 01:26:35,607
♪ Is that an angel?
No, it's your ex ♪
1270
01:26:35,607 --> 01:26:38,276
♪ Remember how you screwed up
when I was a brunette? ♪
1271
01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:40,862
♪ I don't think you knew
just what you'd done ♪
1272
01:26:40,862 --> 01:26:42,280
[grunts]
1273
01:26:44,824 --> 01:26:48,161
[students chatter]
1274
01:26:48,161 --> 01:26:49,454
I need that microphone.
1275
01:26:49,454 --> 01:26:51,414
I think you're gonna need
a lot more than that.
1276
01:26:51,414 --> 01:26:53,708
I fucked up.
It's about a girl, and...
1277
01:26:53,708 --> 01:26:55,001
It's about a girl?
1278
01:26:55,001 --> 01:26:56,085
Why didn't you say?
1279
01:26:58,087 --> 01:27:01,341
[booing and jeering]
1280
01:27:02,842 --> 01:27:03,885
[girl] Wanker!
1281
01:27:05,470 --> 01:27:09,098
Just picture everybody naked.
Especially that one over there.
1282
01:27:09,432 --> 01:27:11,643
- Shrivelled yam bag.
- [Archie laughs]
1283
01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:12,977
[laughter in crowd]
1284
01:27:12,977 --> 01:27:15,438
- [boy 1] Don't give him the mic!
- [girl 1] What are you doing?
1285
01:27:15,438 --> 01:27:18,691
- [boy 2] You suck!
- [booing]
1286
01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:22,111
[girl 2] Get him off!
1287
01:27:22,111 --> 01:27:24,197
[girl 3]
Get off the fucking stage!
1288
01:27:24,197 --> 01:27:27,075
- [boy 3] Bell-end!
- [jeering continues]
1289
01:27:29,661 --> 01:27:32,080
- Happy graduation, honey!
- [laughs]
1290
01:27:32,413 --> 01:27:35,625
[crowd gasps]
1291
01:27:37,001 --> 01:27:39,921
- [laughter]
- [girl 4] Get off.
1292
01:27:40,964 --> 01:27:43,675
[girl 5] You're up there,
come on, at least say something.
1293
01:27:46,427 --> 01:27:47,428
[girl 6] Go home, loser!
1294
01:27:47,428 --> 01:27:49,889
- My name is...
- Cakeface Boy!
1295
01:27:49,889 --> 01:27:51,933
[laughter]
1296
01:27:51,933 --> 01:27:53,643
[booing and shouting]
1297
01:27:53,643 --> 01:27:56,229
[boy 3]
Get off the stage, four eyes!
1298
01:27:56,896 --> 01:27:59,273
- [crowd chants] Off! Off! Off!
- [groans]
1299
01:27:59,273 --> 01:28:02,318
[laughter]
1300
01:28:13,079 --> 01:28:14,914
[jeering continues]
1301
01:28:14,914 --> 01:28:17,291
For as long as I can remember...
1302
01:28:18,042 --> 01:28:20,169
I've been fascinated
by the night sky.
1303
01:28:20,169 --> 01:28:21,546
[boy] Who cares?
1304
01:28:21,546 --> 01:28:25,717
Home to over
200 billion trillion stars.
1305
01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:29,262
And much like our universe, we
were all born after a big bang.
1306
01:28:29,262 --> 01:28:32,348
- Oh. Amen.
- [laughter]
1307
01:28:33,516 --> 01:28:37,186
And just like the stars, we're
all unique in our own ways.
1308
01:28:37,729 --> 01:28:38,855
Billy.
1309
01:28:40,064 --> 01:28:43,192
You're a solar-type star,
just like Alpha Centauri.
1310
01:28:43,192 --> 01:28:45,445
You'll burn so bright
that we can all see you,
1311
01:28:45,445 --> 01:28:47,739
a gravitational pull so large
1312
01:28:47,739 --> 01:28:49,323
that others are drawn
towards it.
1313
01:28:49,323 --> 01:28:51,034
[boy] That's our Billy!
1314
01:28:51,034 --> 01:28:54,912
We have hot blue stars
that are naturally so beautiful.
1315
01:28:54,912 --> 01:28:57,749
We have super giant stars
and so many more.
1316
01:28:58,207 --> 01:29:01,461
And, all of you,
you're all your own stars.
1317
01:29:04,213 --> 01:29:06,674
I'm a binary star.
1318
01:29:06,674 --> 01:29:10,595
A star system consisting of two
stars orbiting a common centre.
1319
01:29:11,804 --> 01:29:14,390
The B star, me,
1320
01:29:14,724 --> 01:29:18,352
it shines less bright,
but its counterpart...
1321
01:29:19,937 --> 01:29:24,650
the primary star,
it burns much brighter.
1322
01:29:25,860 --> 01:29:27,236
Much hotter.
1323
01:29:30,031 --> 01:29:32,575
And I almost destroyed
my counterpart.
1324
01:29:33,868 --> 01:29:35,244
My star.
1325
01:29:39,165 --> 01:29:42,668
Never again will I lose sight
of its brilliance.
1326
01:29:42,668 --> 01:29:46,798
Never again will I be so stupid
or so selfish or so...
1327
01:29:51,636 --> 01:29:53,012
scared.
1328
01:30:02,897 --> 01:30:04,065
Milly.
1329
01:30:05,942 --> 01:30:08,361
I will never again stand
in the way of what you want
1330
01:30:08,361 --> 01:30:10,279
or what makes you happy.
1331
01:30:11,656 --> 01:30:14,033
And I'm truly sorry that I have
kept something from you
1332
01:30:14,033 --> 01:30:15,993
for as long as I can remember.
1333
01:30:16,994 --> 01:30:19,122
And I can blame it on
the universe as much as I want,
1334
01:30:19,122 --> 01:30:20,498
but the truth is...
1335
01:30:23,584 --> 01:30:25,461
I've been a coward.
1336
01:30:29,715 --> 01:30:31,717
Until now.
1337
01:30:35,304 --> 01:30:38,099
Amelia Elizabeth Brown...
1338
01:30:38,099 --> 01:30:39,517
[chuckles]
1339
01:30:39,517 --> 01:30:43,312
I love you more than I have
ever found a way to say.
1340
01:30:43,312 --> 01:30:44,897
I love you more
than I did yesterday,
1341
01:30:44,897 --> 01:30:47,316
and I will love you
more tomorrow.
1342
01:30:47,900 --> 01:30:50,236
I love you more than the
universe, more than the stars...
1343
01:30:50,236 --> 01:30:52,738
Just shut up.
1344
01:30:56,993 --> 01:30:58,995
And kiss me.
1345
01:31:14,760 --> 01:31:17,388
♪ This wasn't how
it's supposed to go ♪
1346
01:31:17,388 --> 01:31:19,348
♪ I should be the one
you're dancing with... ♪
1347
01:31:19,348 --> 01:31:21,976
Any childhood loves
I should know about?
1348
01:31:21,976 --> 01:31:24,562
- Charles Dickens.
- ♪ Everybody at my fingertips ♪
1349
01:31:24,562 --> 01:31:27,857
- He's dead, right?
- Ninth of June, 1870.
1350
01:31:27,857 --> 01:31:30,151
♪ And, baby,
you were meant to follow me ♪
1351
01:31:30,151 --> 01:31:32,278
♪ And I was gonna
act surprised ♪
1352
01:31:32,737 --> 01:31:35,323
- ♪ Even though I'd know you...
♪
- Wanna dance?
1353
01:31:36,782 --> 01:31:40,161
♪ It's not like
I've been crying ♪
1354
01:31:40,161 --> 01:31:41,412
♪ No ♪
1355
01:31:41,412 --> 01:31:45,625
♪ There's just smoke
in my eyes ♪
1356
01:31:45,625 --> 01:31:48,794
♪ Cos this ain't no
John Hughes movie ♪
1357
01:31:48,794 --> 01:31:51,547
♪ Where the girl gets the guy ♪
1358
01:31:51,547 --> 01:31:55,801
♪ You look right through me
every time you walk by ♪
1359
01:31:55,801 --> 01:31:59,388
♪ I keep waiting for
the heartbreak music ♪
1360
01:31:59,388 --> 01:32:01,641
♪ That's never gonna come ♪
1361
01:32:01,641 --> 01:32:05,436
♪ Cos if you don't want me ♪
1362
01:32:05,978 --> 01:32:07,313
♪ Then you're not the one ♪
1363
01:32:16,155 --> 01:32:18,241
♪ Sitting on a bathroom floor ♪
1364
01:32:18,783 --> 01:32:20,868
♪ Trying to get
my composure back ♪
1365
01:32:21,369 --> 01:32:23,204
♪ Think I built it up too tall
♪
1366
01:32:23,913 --> 01:32:26,207
♪ Knew I should've worn
my Adidas ♪
1367
01:32:27,416 --> 01:32:32,338
♪ It's not like
I've been crying, no ♪
1368
01:32:32,338 --> 01:32:36,259
♪ There's just smoke
in my eyes ♪
1369
01:32:36,801 --> 01:32:40,137
♪ Cos this ain't no
John Hughes movie ♪
1370
01:32:40,137 --> 01:32:42,556
♪ Where the girl gets the guy ♪
1371
01:32:42,556 --> 01:32:46,936
♪ You look right through me
every time you walk by ♪
1372
01:32:46,936 --> 01:32:50,564
♪ I keep waiting for
the heartbreak music ♪
1373
01:32:50,564 --> 01:32:52,775
♪ That's never gonna come ♪
1374
01:32:52,775 --> 01:32:56,821
♪ Cos if you don't want me ♪
1375
01:32:56,821 --> 01:32:58,322
♪ Then you're not the one ♪
1376
01:32:58,322 --> 01:33:00,324
[phone line rings]
1377
01:33:05,204 --> 01:33:06,789
Hello?
1378
01:33:06,789 --> 01:33:09,000
Yes, hello.
1379
01:33:09,000 --> 01:33:10,710
Is this the Love Doctor?
1380
01:33:10,710 --> 01:33:14,088
[♪ "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove
♪]
1381
01:33:40,573 --> 01:33:42,658
♪ Take me to
your best friend's house ♪
1382
01:33:42,658 --> 01:33:46,704
♪ Going round this roundabout,
oh, yeah ♪
1383
01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:51,042
♪ Take me to
your best friend's house ♪
1384
01:33:51,042 --> 01:33:56,756
♪ I loved you then
and I love you now, oh, yeah ♪
1385
01:33:57,506 --> 01:34:01,761
♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪
1386
01:34:01,761 --> 01:34:05,973
♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪
1387
01:34:05,973 --> 01:34:10,269
♪ Don't... ♪
1388
01:34:10,269 --> 01:34:11,687
♪ Break ♪
1389
01:34:18,611 --> 01:34:20,780
♪ Take me to
your best friend's house ♪
1390
01:34:20,780 --> 01:34:25,743
♪ Marmalade,
we're making out, oh, yeah ♪
1391
01:34:27,078 --> 01:34:29,330
♪ Take me to
your best friend's house ♪
1392
01:34:29,330 --> 01:34:35,378
♪ I loved you then
and I love you now ♪
1393
01:34:35,795 --> 01:34:40,007
♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪
1394
01:34:40,007 --> 01:34:44,261
♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪
1395
01:34:44,261 --> 01:34:48,474
♪ Don't... ♪
1396
01:34:48,474 --> 01:34:50,601
♪ Break ♪
1397
01:34:50,601 --> 01:34:52,978
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
1398
01:34:52,978 --> 01:34:57,233
♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied,
let's stay up all night ♪
1399
01:34:57,233 --> 01:35:01,487
♪ I'll get real high,
slumber party, pillow fight ♪
1400
01:35:01,487 --> 01:35:05,825
♪ My eyes on your eyes
like Peter Pan up in the sky ♪
1401
01:35:05,825 --> 01:35:07,451
♪ My best friend's
house tonight ♪
1402
01:35:07,451 --> 01:35:09,787
♪ Let's bump the beats
till beddy-bye ♪
1403
01:35:09,787 --> 01:35:13,999
♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪
1404
01:35:13,999 --> 01:35:18,212
♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪
1405
01:35:18,212 --> 01:35:22,466
♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪
1406
01:35:22,466 --> 01:35:26,762
♪ Don't kiss me goodnight ♪
1407
01:35:26,762 --> 01:35:31,267
♪ Don't... ♪
1408
01:35:37,481 --> 01:35:39,567
♪ Take me to
your best friend's house ♪
1409
01:35:39,567 --> 01:35:44,071
♪ Going round this roundabout,
oh, yeah ♪
1410
01:35:45,865 --> 01:35:47,950
♪ Take me to
your best friend's house ♪
1411
01:35:47,950 --> 01:35:53,539
♪ I loved you then
and I love you now ♪
1412
01:35:54,457 --> 01:35:58,627
♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪
1413
01:35:58,627 --> 01:36:02,840
♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪
1414
01:36:02,840 --> 01:36:07,094
♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪
1415
01:36:07,094 --> 01:36:11,348
♪ Don't... ♪
1416
01:36:11,348 --> 01:36:15,644
♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪
1417
01:36:15,644 --> 01:36:19,899
♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪
1418
01:36:19,899 --> 01:36:24,111
♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪
1419
01:36:24,111 --> 01:36:28,616
♪ Don't... ♪
1420
01:36:32,286 --> 01:36:35,539
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
1421
01:36:36,248 --> 01:36:40,044
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
1422
01:36:41,378 --> 01:36:44,673
♪ Yeah ♪
1423
01:37:05,277 --> 01:37:08,280
♪
106178
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