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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:43,752 --> 00:00:45,754 {\an8}- [singing in the distance] - [panting] 2 00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:52,010 - [crowd noise in the distance] - [grunts] 3 00:00:57,307 --> 00:00:59,309 {\an8}[exhales] 4 00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:06,608 ♪ Baby, if you thought that I was trouble ♪ 5 00:01:06,608 --> 00:01:09,110 ♪ Then you're gonna hate what's coming next ♪ 6 00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:11,988 ♪ Kinda like your worst nightmare but double ♪ 7 00:01:11,988 --> 00:01:14,616 ♪ Is that an angel? No, it's your ex ♪ 8 00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:17,243 ♪ Remember how you screwed up when I was a brunette? ♪ 9 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,370 ♪ I don't think you knew just what you'd done ♪ 10 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:23,792 ♪ Whoa, I'll fuck your life up as a blonde... ♪ 11 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:25,502 [yelps] 12 00:01:26,586 --> 00:01:30,089 [gasps and chatter] 13 00:01:30,089 --> 00:01:32,050 [boy] Get off the stage, knobhead! 14 00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:35,386 [overlapping chatter] 15 00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,722 [girl] What the fuck is going on? 16 00:01:37,722 --> 00:01:40,225 - [boy 2] He looks like shit! - [crowd boos] 17 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,644 - [boy 3] Get off! - [crowd chants] Off! Off! Off! 18 00:01:42,644 --> 00:01:47,106 - [girl 2] Get off the stage! - [boy 4] Don't give him the mic. 19 00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:51,694 - [boy 5] Sit down, dickhead! - [cheering continues] 20 00:02:01,454 --> 00:02:04,874 - Happy graduation, honey! - [laughs] 21 00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,421 [twinkling sound] 22 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,154 Double fudge chocolate gateau with cream. 23 00:02:35,154 --> 00:02:39,075 [pants] Shit. 24 00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:42,203 Now, I know what you're thinking. 25 00:02:42,203 --> 00:02:43,913 You're thinking that whatever this kid 26 00:02:43,913 --> 00:02:45,748 with the cracked glasses and busted-up lip 27 00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:49,043 who's about to be covered in cake and stinks like... [sniffs] 28 00:02:49,043 --> 00:02:52,338 ...yeah, shit, is about to do, 29 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:55,675 he will regret this for the rest of his life. 30 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:59,429 [scoffs] And you know what? You might be right. 31 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:02,724 But here's the thing you need to know about being in love. 32 00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,851 Love is pain. 33 00:03:04,851 --> 00:03:06,352 Love is hurt. 34 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:09,397 Love is... 35 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:12,859 ♪ Sugar, spice and I'm nice, show me what you're made of ♪ 36 00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,945 ♪ Crazy, sexy, cool, baby, with or without make-up ♪ 37 00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:18,281 - ♪ Got nothing to prove... ♪ - Oh! 38 00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:19,782 Amelia Brown. 39 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:22,243 - ♪ I'mma show you how I do... ♪ - Whoa! 40 00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:23,494 That mess right there, 41 00:03:23,494 --> 00:03:25,872 that's my best friend in the whole damn universe 42 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:28,416 and has been ever since the hospital switched us at birth. 43 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,169 - Aw! - [baby cries] 44 00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:33,880 - True story. - [baby groans] 45 00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,259 Let's just say Amelia's mum 46 00:03:38,259 --> 00:03:40,053 got a bit more than she bargained for 47 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,387 when she opened my nappy. 48 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:43,890 [baby laughs] 49 00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,519 After that day, our dads became best friends, 50 00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:51,230 - our mums became best friends. - Say cheese. 51 00:03:54,108 --> 00:03:56,277 Even our dogs became best friends. 52 00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:58,154 {\an8}[dog whines] 53 00:03:59,197 --> 00:04:03,159 When we were five years old, we made a promise. 54 00:04:03,159 --> 00:04:05,370 - No secrets. - No secrets. 55 00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:08,748 And it was easy because we told each other everything. 56 00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:12,961 Well, that's not entirely true. There was one secret 57 00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:16,547 that I have wanted to tell Milly my entire life. 58 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,385 Three little words that I have wanted to say to her 59 00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,012 for as long as I can remember. 60 00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,848 Amelia Elizabeth Brown. 61 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,225 I... 62 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,477 I... 63 00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,562 - I lo... - [car tyres screech] 64 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,607 Jesus Christ, Jules! 65 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:38,611 Yeah, not those three words. 66 00:04:43,032 --> 00:04:45,868 From the word go, we found the same things funny. 67 00:04:45,868 --> 00:04:47,036 [screaming on film] 68 00:04:47,704 --> 00:04:49,080 [farts] 69 00:04:50,248 --> 00:04:54,043 - Did you just...? - Fear fart? 70 00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:58,089 - [farts] - [laughs] 71 00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,049 The same things sad. 72 00:05:16,190 --> 00:05:18,901 Always follow your heart, Mils. 73 00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,903 It rarely leads you the wrong way. 74 00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:30,163 [soft music playing on gramophone] 75 00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:31,789 [Archie] We found the same things... 76 00:05:32,623 --> 00:05:34,792 ...strange. 77 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:41,049 [chain saw whirring on film] 78 00:05:41,758 --> 00:05:44,719 But every time I tried to tell Amelia how I felt about her, 79 00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:48,306 those three words didn't seem to come out right. 80 00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:50,058 I, um... 81 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,144 I need to, um... 82 00:05:53,144 --> 00:05:54,687 I need to... 83 00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:59,567 OK. Is this big? 84 00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:03,279 [chuckles] You're, like, really sweating. 85 00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:06,908 I... love... 86 00:06:06,908 --> 00:06:08,701 you... [sneezes] 87 00:06:12,121 --> 00:06:13,915 You love Yousif? 88 00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:17,418 Everybody, I am gay! 89 00:06:17,418 --> 00:06:20,922 - Yeah, no shit. - Sit down, Yousif. 90 00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,882 [applause dies down] 91 00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,261 Yeah, that was awkward for a while. 92 00:06:27,637 --> 00:06:29,597 Anyway, that's just a little context about me, 93 00:06:29,597 --> 00:06:32,308 my family, and my best... 94 00:06:32,308 --> 00:06:33,684 [sighs] 95 00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:39,440 ...ex-best-friend, Milly. 96 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,276 But to really understand how I've ended up on this stage 97 00:06:42,276 --> 00:06:45,113 further away from love than I have ever been before, 98 00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,658 I need to take you back to upper sixth, April 17th. 99 00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,576 The Easter holidays were over. 100 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:52,912 It was our last first day back to school ever. 101 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,042 Tonight was finally the night 102 00:06:58,042 --> 00:07:00,419 that I was going to tell Amelia Brown 103 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,130 that I am, and always have been, 104 00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:05,007 head over heels in love with her. 105 00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,218 Hmm. 106 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:09,679 I have everything planned, and this time, 107 00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:12,181 not even the universe is gonna get in my way. 108 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,350 Hmm. 109 00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:16,811 Pretty sure that had bird shit on it. [laughs] 110 00:07:16,811 --> 00:07:18,729 What up, chuckle? [kisses] 111 00:07:18,729 --> 00:07:20,690 What up, beef cakes? 112 00:07:20,690 --> 00:07:23,818 - Hello, William. - Hey. 113 00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:25,611 - William? - Yes, Miss Brown? 114 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:28,948 Could you play some kick-ass, big-boss 115 00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:33,911 - final-term music please? - I certainly can, Miss Brown. 116 00:07:33,911 --> 00:07:35,872 Hold tight. 117 00:07:35,872 --> 00:07:38,457 ♪ Wet! Wet! Wet! Wet! ♪ 118 00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:44,755 ♪ Wet! Wet! Wet! Wet! ♪ [laughter] 119 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:48,050 ♪ Oh, Oh, my God, hey... ♪ 120 00:07:48,050 --> 00:07:51,137 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him, yo ♪ 121 00:07:51,137 --> 00:07:53,639 ♪ I go cold like changing seasons ♪ 122 00:07:54,432 --> 00:07:57,643 ♪ I go red hot like a demon, I go ghost for no damn reason ♪ 123 00:07:57,643 --> 00:07:59,562 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him ♪ 124 00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:00,855 Yo, what's up? 125 00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,481 ♪ Pleasing, season, I'm spicy ♪ 126 00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:04,108 ♪ Hot to touch, too much, too pricey ♪ 127 00:08:04,108 --> 00:08:08,529 - ♪ Heathen, I'm in your psyche ♪ - [girls] Whoa... 128 00:08:08,529 --> 00:08:10,323 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him ♪ 129 00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,908 ♪ I go ghost for no damn reason ♪ 130 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:13,993 ♪ Stupid boy think that I need him ♪ 131 00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,621 ♪ Stupid, stupid, you dumb, you goofy, goofy ♪ 132 00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:19,707 ♪ This pussy juicy, juicy... ♪ - [boy] Archie! 133 00:08:19,707 --> 00:08:22,501 ♪ Oh, nah, boy, you could never cos you not clever enough ♪ 134 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:24,378 [groans] 135 00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:26,339 ♪ I don't want you and I don't want your homie ♪ 136 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,715 {\an8}♪ Cos both of y'all are suckers ♪ 137 00:08:27,715 --> 00:08:28,799 {\an8}♪ Y'all some dumb dumbs ♪ 138 00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:30,676 {\an8}♪ I could play you straight up out your bread ♪ 139 00:08:30,676 --> 00:08:32,386 {\an8}♪ Now you got crumb crumbs ♪ 140 00:08:32,386 --> 00:08:34,680 ♪ I don't really need a man, but sometimes I want one... ♪ 141 00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,934 Ooh! Naughty. 142 00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:40,937 [students chatter] 143 00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:45,024 Yeah, that wasn't us. 144 00:08:45,024 --> 00:08:48,361 Gonna be the best term yet. You'll see. 145 00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,655 Gonna be the worst term of your life. 146 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:54,242 You'll see. [laughs] 147 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:58,496 - I thought dipshit was expelled. - Looks like he's back. Again. 148 00:08:58,496 --> 00:09:01,707 Great. Well, at least he can't follow us to uni. 149 00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:04,001 Unless they're hiring janitors. 150 00:09:04,001 --> 00:09:05,711 [Amelia] Six weeks till the ball. 151 00:09:06,462 --> 00:09:09,423 So, who are you taking, Cinderella? 152 00:09:09,423 --> 00:09:10,800 [gasps] Funny. 153 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,635 I say we just binge silent-era horror movies 154 00:09:12,635 --> 00:09:13,886 and then get pissed 155 00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,097 on one of my parents' dusty bottles of champagne 156 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,723 like the rock stars that we are. 157 00:09:17,723 --> 00:09:22,270 - In our gowns, of course. - Right. Of course. 158 00:09:26,107 --> 00:09:28,317 Let's do this, big boy. 159 00:09:30,152 --> 00:09:31,946 [engine revs] 160 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:38,828 Huh? 161 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,880 ♪ Mississippi Queen ♪ 162 00:09:50,506 --> 00:09:52,842 ♪ If you know what I mean... ♪ 163 00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:57,263 - Who is that? - Kiss my arse, universe. 164 00:09:57,263 --> 00:09:59,307 I know what you're trying to do, but trust me, 165 00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:02,935 - that is not Milly's type. - He is so my type. 166 00:10:10,026 --> 00:10:13,070 [students chatter] 167 00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,658 - Who is he, anyway? - He's, like, 40. Jesus. 168 00:10:17,658 --> 00:10:20,369 He's probably a teacher or somebody's dad. 169 00:10:20,369 --> 00:10:22,538 No way in hell that guy is a student. 170 00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,206 And this is our brand-new student, 171 00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,834 all the way from Hollywood in California... 172 00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:28,669 Billy Walsh. 173 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:31,589 Oh, fuck off, universe. 174 00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:40,097 Hey, not quite school attire but, er, you look cool. 175 00:10:40,097 --> 00:10:43,642 - Oh, thank you, sir. - No, thank you. 176 00:10:47,813 --> 00:10:49,231 - Hey, everyone. - [students] Hi! 177 00:10:49,231 --> 00:10:51,442 - Billy Walsh. - [gasps] 178 00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:54,445 Sit down, Yousif. 179 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,366 My dad just moved here for business, 180 00:10:58,366 --> 00:11:00,951 so I'm gonna be joining you for the rest of the semester. 181 00:11:00,951 --> 00:11:02,578 I've never been to England before, 182 00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,080 but I hear a lot of awesome things. 183 00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,123 Really excited to get to know all of you. 184 00:11:06,123 --> 00:11:08,417 Thank you for such a warm welcome. 185 00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:11,045 [applause] 186 00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:21,680 - What a douche. - Total douche. 187 00:11:23,432 --> 00:11:25,142 [Archie] You can tell me if you like him. 188 00:11:25,142 --> 00:11:27,978 They've definitely gotten bigger. 189 00:11:27,978 --> 00:11:29,397 Definitely. 190 00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:35,069 That, or her eyebrows have gotten smaller. 191 00:11:35,069 --> 00:11:36,487 [laughs] 192 00:11:37,988 --> 00:11:41,659 And I don't like him, OK? I don't even know him. 193 00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:43,494 It could be padding. 194 00:11:44,537 --> 00:11:46,163 That is not padding. 195 00:11:48,749 --> 00:11:49,792 [both] Padding. 196 00:11:49,792 --> 00:11:51,293 I told you. Nothing to worry about. 197 00:11:51,293 --> 00:11:53,170 Well, easy for you to say. 198 00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,381 Boys don't know what it's like having small boobs. 199 00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:56,966 I'd rather brain than boobs any day. 200 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,592 It'd be like having a small penis, 201 00:11:58,592 --> 00:11:59,885 but it's on your chest 202 00:11:59,885 --> 00:12:02,054 and everyone can see it all the time. 203 00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,765 - You know what I mean. -"You?" 204 00:12:04,765 --> 00:12:06,475 Why the fuck did you say "you" like that? 205 00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,561 I'll have you know I have a very developed dick. 206 00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:12,440 [scoffs] OK, Mr Developed Dick. 207 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:27,079 [exhales] Phase one, secure her evening. 208 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:30,833 - Oh, I forgot to mention... - It's not padding. 209 00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:32,918 - Bitch. - [girls laugh] 210 00:12:33,836 --> 00:12:36,005 I'm gonna shank her, Archie. I'll do it, I swear to God. 211 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:39,508 All right, Shawshank. Just take a breath and have some juice. 212 00:12:39,508 --> 00:12:40,593 [girls laugh] 213 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,179 [girl] He looked so embarrassed. Four-eyes. 214 00:12:44,680 --> 00:12:46,599 Take two. [chuckles] 215 00:12:48,517 --> 00:12:51,437 Oh, um, I forgot to mention they're, um, 216 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,230 they're playing Night of the Living Dead 217 00:12:53,230 --> 00:12:54,482 at the Savoy after school. 218 00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:57,401 It cost me an arm and a leg 219 00:12:57,401 --> 00:12:59,445 - bribing this old bastard. - [chuckles] 220 00:12:59,445 --> 00:13:01,155 I can't believe they're playing our fav... 221 00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,532 [smooth rock music] 222 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:24,178 Is it just me, or does he walk in slow motion? 223 00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:27,306 Just you. Can we get back to what's important, please? 224 00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,517 That guy is very clearly a massive dingleberry. 225 00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,143 You don't know anything about him. 226 00:13:31,143 --> 00:13:32,228 Trust me, I know. 227 00:13:33,062 --> 00:13:34,647 Oh! Sorry. 228 00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,359 - Here. - Thanks. 229 00:13:42,321 --> 00:13:45,032 OK, that was, admittedly, unfortunate timing, 230 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,368 but, trust me, Billy Walsh has bad news 231 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,620 tattooed on his ball sack. 232 00:13:49,620 --> 00:13:51,413 I think somebody's a little jealous. 233 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,957 [scoffs] You wish. 234 00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:54,792 Check this out. I bet my entire trust fund 235 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,294 that he sits with Tony and the swim team. 236 00:14:07,096 --> 00:14:08,138 Hi. 237 00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:11,809 Clearly I'm not crazy. 238 00:14:11,809 --> 00:14:14,353 I mean, you can see who this guy is from a mile away, right? 239 00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:15,563 He's a... 240 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:30,869 - loner? - [boy] He's studying. 241 00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:32,580 Am I rich now? 242 00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:36,208 I'm rich, bitches! 243 00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,461 And now he's pretending to read. Give me a break. 244 00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:45,509 So back to phase one, "Night of the Living Dead". 245 00:14:45,509 --> 00:14:47,052 Good evening. 246 00:14:48,512 --> 00:14:49,888 Thank you. 247 00:15:01,650 --> 00:15:05,237 - [Amelia] Where is everybody? - I don't know. 248 00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,451 Phase two, pull out all the stops. 249 00:15:16,415 --> 00:15:18,584 [Johnny in film] I jumped out at you from behind the tree 250 00:15:18,584 --> 00:15:20,961 and Grandpa got all excited and he shook his fist at me 251 00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:23,505 and he said, "Boy, you'll be damned to hell!" 252 00:15:23,505 --> 00:15:25,174 [Barbara] Stop it, now. I mean it. 253 00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,009 [Johnny] You're still afraid. 254 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,388 They're coming to get you, Barbara. 255 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:34,433 Remember? Remember we had to go to Willard then? 256 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:36,977 [both reciting] This isn't a passing thing, honey. 257 00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:40,439 It's... it's not like just the wind passing through. 258 00:15:40,439 --> 00:15:43,525 We've got to do something, and fast. 259 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,569 [dramatic film music] 260 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:53,786 - [Barbara screams] - [farts] 261 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,496 Fear fart. 262 00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:07,216 Phase three, pop the question. 263 00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,468 Come on, Archie. You can do this. 264 00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,429 [breathes heavily] 265 00:16:17,017 --> 00:16:18,519 What's up? 266 00:16:21,146 --> 00:16:25,275 - I can't do this. - Archie? 267 00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:28,779 They're nice seats, aren't they? Very, um... 268 00:16:28,779 --> 00:16:31,240 - [seat squeaks] - Very well made, actually. 269 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,075 Velvety, almost. [chuckles] 270 00:16:33,075 --> 00:16:35,160 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 271 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:38,288 Archie-boy is always, um, OK. [chuckles] 272 00:16:38,288 --> 00:16:40,749 Oh, shit. You've had too much sugar, haven't you? 273 00:16:40,749 --> 00:16:42,543 - What? - That thing's happening again. 274 00:16:42,543 --> 00:16:44,336 - Come on, let's walk it off. - No, I... 275 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,756 No, sorry, um, I... [sighs] 276 00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:52,886 I have to tell you something. Something, um, something big. 277 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:55,806 Bigger than anything before. Like really, really big. 278 00:16:55,806 --> 00:16:59,768 - OK. It's big, I get it. - Yeah. 279 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:03,564 [exhales] That's funny because... 280 00:17:04,106 --> 00:17:05,774 I have something to tell you too. 281 00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:08,986 Something big. 282 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:13,323 OK. Well, um... 283 00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,825 Well, you go first. 284 00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:17,745 No, no, no. This is your moment. I don't want to interrupt it. 285 00:17:17,745 --> 00:17:19,329 No, no, honestly, you go. 286 00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,248 OK. 287 00:17:21,248 --> 00:17:24,042 [background music starts to build] 288 00:17:24,042 --> 00:17:27,379 [laughs] Whoa. I'm nervous. 289 00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:30,466 Shit. She's gonna ask me. 290 00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,885 I don't think I've ever been nervous in front of you before. 291 00:17:32,885 --> 00:17:35,679 It's OK. I'm nervous too. 292 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,807 Right. I'm just gonna come right out and say it. 293 00:17:38,807 --> 00:17:40,726 - OK. - Here we go. 294 00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,478 OK. 295 00:17:42,478 --> 00:17:44,438 [background music builds to a climax] 296 00:17:44,438 --> 00:17:46,190 - I love Billy Walsh. - I love you too. 297 00:17:46,190 --> 00:17:47,858 [needle scratches, music stops] 298 00:17:51,487 --> 00:17:52,780 To the moon and back. 299 00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:54,990 I'm so happy for you. Wait, what? 300 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,659 - I know. It's soon, right? - Soon? Soon? 301 00:17:57,659 --> 00:18:00,537 - It's been ten fucking hours. - No, I know it sounds crazy, 302 00:18:00,662 --> 00:18:03,540 but I've never felt this kind of attraction to someone before. 303 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:05,334 - He's such a... - Fuckhead. 304 00:18:05,459 --> 00:18:08,587 - What? - Did I just say that out loud? 305 00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:13,842 A mystery. [chuckles] I don't know, uh... 306 00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:17,596 Anyway... 307 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,683 You've taken this, like, really badly. 308 00:18:21,683 --> 00:18:23,227 - Me? - Yeah. 309 00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:27,356 No! No, this is... this is... 310 00:18:27,356 --> 00:18:29,733 Literally the worst night of my whole fucking... 311 00:18:29,733 --> 00:18:32,903 - Fuck, fuck, fuck you, universe! - [zombies hiss] 312 00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:36,198 Fantastic. This is fantastic. 313 00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,200 I know you're worried he'll hurt me. 314 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:40,536 Hurt you? You've barely spoken a word to him. 315 00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:43,705 You sound... [whistles] nuts. 316 00:18:43,705 --> 00:18:45,374 [laughs] 317 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,752 Thanks, Archie. 318 00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:51,380 Means a lot. 319 00:18:54,424 --> 00:18:55,801 [Archie sighs] 320 00:18:55,801 --> 00:18:58,345 Well, what were you gonna tell me? 321 00:18:58,345 --> 00:19:01,765 Mum's bought sex toys. No idea where that came from. 322 00:19:01,765 --> 00:19:05,477 - Really? - Yeah. Big ones. 323 00:19:07,145 --> 00:19:10,566 [♪ "Wet Dream" by Wet Leg ] 324 00:19:10,566 --> 00:19:12,359 [Amelia] Aww. 325 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:15,863 After that night, 326 00:19:15,863 --> 00:19:18,615 it was like the floodgates to Billy City had been opened. 327 00:19:21,618 --> 00:19:23,120 [Amelia sighs softly] 328 00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,789 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 329 00:19:25,789 --> 00:19:27,624 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 330 00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,418 - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 331 00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,503 - ♪ Let's begin ♪ - [phone chimes] 332 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,005 - ♪ Here we go ♪ - ♪ Here we go ♪ 333 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:34,548 - [phone chimes] - ♪ Here we go ♪ 334 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:38,677 - ♪ Here we go, here we go ♪ - [groans] 335 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:41,096 ♪ I was in your wet dream driving in my car ♪ 336 00:19:41,096 --> 00:19:42,514 [phone vibrates] 337 00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,349 ♪ Saw you at the side of the road ♪ 338 00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:45,893 ♪ There's no one else around ♪ 339 00:19:45,893 --> 00:19:48,896 ♪ You're touching yourself, touching yourself ♪ 340 00:19:48,896 --> 00:19:51,231 ♪ Touching your... touching yourself ♪ 341 00:19:51,231 --> 00:19:52,774 ♪ Touching yourself ♪ 342 00:19:52,774 --> 00:19:56,278 ♪ You said, "Baby, do you want to come home with me?" ♪ 343 00:19:56,278 --> 00:20:00,532 ♪ "I got 'Buffalo '66' on DVD" ♪ 344 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:03,911 ♪ You said, "Baby, do you want to come home with me?" ♪ 345 00:20:03,911 --> 00:20:08,290 ♪ "I got 'Buffalo '66' on DVD" ♪ 346 00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:09,917 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 347 00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,752 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 348 00:20:11,752 --> 00:20:13,879 {\an8}-♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 349 00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:15,714 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 350 00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:17,257 - ♪ Here we go... ♪ - [screams] 351 00:20:17,257 --> 00:20:19,801 - ♪ Here we go... ♪ - [laughter] 352 00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:23,764 - [camera clicks] - [Archie] Within a week, 353 00:20:23,764 --> 00:20:25,849 Billy had literally become a health hazard. 354 00:20:25,849 --> 00:20:26,934 [bangs table] 355 00:20:28,143 --> 00:20:29,978 And she had yet to speak a single word to him, 356 00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:32,522 let alone tell him how she felt. 357 00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:36,276 I couldn't tell Milly. Milly couldn't tell Billy. 358 00:20:36,276 --> 00:20:38,111 [sighs] Perhaps we should all just go 359 00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,614 and have one big ironic threesome. 360 00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:43,116 [groans] 361 00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:48,372 [exhales] Nine hundred and ninety-nine. 362 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:49,831 Not bad. 363 00:20:49,831 --> 00:20:53,502 - [rhythmic clattering] - [mother moans] 364 00:20:55,796 --> 00:20:57,214 I know what you're thinking, 365 00:20:57,214 --> 00:20:59,591 but you're wrong. They're not having sex. 366 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:09,142 [mother] Oh! We are having sex! 367 00:21:09,142 --> 00:21:11,269 That should be me down there. 368 00:21:12,270 --> 00:21:14,439 You know what I mean. 369 00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:15,565 [buzzer sounds] 370 00:21:17,693 --> 00:21:19,194 I told you he'd join the swim team. 371 00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:21,029 - [cheering] - [♪ "Wet Dream" by Wet Leg ] 372 00:21:24,408 --> 00:21:26,702 ♪ It's enough, it's enough ♪ 373 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:28,286 - ♪ It's enough, it's enough ♪ - Yes! 374 00:21:28,286 --> 00:21:32,332 ♪ It's enough, it's enough, it's enough, it's enough ♪ 375 00:21:32,332 --> 00:21:34,084 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 376 00:21:34,084 --> 00:21:35,961 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 377 00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:37,629 - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 378 00:21:37,629 --> 00:21:39,756 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 379 00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:43,468 - ♪ Here we go ♪ - ♪ Here we go ♪ 380 00:21:43,468 --> 00:21:46,847 ♪ Here we go, here we go, here we go ♪ 381 00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,765 - ♪ Beam me up ♪ - ♪ Beam me up ♪ 382 00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:50,642 - ♪ Count me in ♪ - ♪ Count me in ♪ 383 00:21:50,642 --> 00:21:52,686 - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ - ♪ Three, two, one ♪ 384 00:21:52,686 --> 00:21:54,187 ♪ Let's begin ♪ 385 00:21:54,187 --> 00:21:56,189 [man] Yes, it was all rather lovely, I must say. 386 00:21:56,189 --> 00:21:59,443 And the Spanish coast is simply magnificent. 387 00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:02,362 And the people, the Spaniards... You tell them, honey-bunny. 388 00:22:02,362 --> 00:22:06,033 Just... [sighs] incredibly sensual. 389 00:22:06,033 --> 00:22:07,951 - Hmm, hmm. - Yeah. 390 00:22:08,368 --> 00:22:11,705 Well, you both do seem very happy. 391 00:22:11,705 --> 00:22:15,709 Oh, uh... well, yes, we've... 392 00:22:15,709 --> 00:22:18,128 - actually never been happier. - Yeah. 393 00:22:18,128 --> 00:22:20,380 - Have we, bunny-honey? - [chuckles] 394 00:22:24,092 --> 00:22:26,219 [moans] 395 00:22:34,102 --> 00:22:35,645 [exhales] 396 00:22:36,521 --> 00:22:38,065 [clears throat] 397 00:22:41,068 --> 00:22:42,360 So what is the secret? 398 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,113 - Sorry, darling? - Come on. 399 00:22:45,113 --> 00:22:48,909 You guys have been fighting like cats and dogs for years. 400 00:22:48,909 --> 00:22:50,702 - Oh. - What's the secret? 401 00:22:50,702 --> 00:22:54,372 Um... Well, um... 402 00:22:54,372 --> 00:22:59,419 let's just say we had some help from a little friend. 403 00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:01,379 - Dildo! - Huh? 404 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:06,510 -"Little friend" equals dildo. - No, it doesn't. 405 00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:08,970 [gasps] 406 00:23:10,013 --> 00:23:13,975 Threesome. Holy shit. Your parents are sex perverts. 407 00:23:13,975 --> 00:23:15,352 Popcorn, please. 408 00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:20,857 [mother] How long's it been now? Seven, eight years? 409 00:23:20,857 --> 00:23:23,819 Darling, we love Jules, you know that. 410 00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:28,657 Of course we still do, but there is a whole world out there. 411 00:23:28,657 --> 00:23:32,994 - There must be someone! - [sighs] 412 00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:34,621 [exhales] 413 00:23:34,621 --> 00:23:37,040 - OK, there is someone. - [both] Ooh! 414 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,377 - Potentially. - [mother] What's her name? 415 00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:44,923 Her name is Maggie. 416 00:23:46,550 --> 00:23:48,343 She's my new bookkeeper. 417 00:23:48,343 --> 00:23:53,140 She's quiet but sweet, and she makes the best cups of tea. 418 00:23:53,140 --> 00:23:55,475 My God, she's like a human calculator. 419 00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:57,352 I mean, it's incredible, really. 420 00:23:57,352 --> 00:23:58,436 Jesus, Rupert. 421 00:23:58,436 --> 00:24:00,522 My wife's drying up just listening to you. 422 00:24:00,522 --> 00:24:02,566 - George, stop it! - [George] Sorry. 423 00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,985 - Hmm! - Naughty. So you like her? 424 00:24:06,528 --> 00:24:09,573 - It's been so long, you know? - [both whisper] 425 00:24:09,573 --> 00:24:11,491 Yes, darling. 426 00:24:11,825 --> 00:24:16,580 I come into work, I know exactly what I want to say... 427 00:24:17,914 --> 00:24:19,749 and I don't know. 428 00:24:19,749 --> 00:24:22,294 - I think we should tell him. - [mutters quietly] 429 00:24:22,294 --> 00:24:23,628 Tell me what? 430 00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,590 [clears throat] 431 00:24:27,340 --> 00:24:30,510 - Darling, can you keep a secret? - Yeah, of course. Anything. 432 00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:36,933 Well, it's no secret George and I were on the verge of tyranny. 433 00:24:36,933 --> 00:24:38,852 Everybody knows that. 434 00:24:38,852 --> 00:24:41,104 And we tried everything, didn't we, darling? 435 00:24:41,104 --> 00:24:43,982 Therapists. Marriage counsellors. 436 00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:45,192 We ever tried a threesome. 437 00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:48,111 [mouths] I knew it! 438 00:24:51,072 --> 00:24:53,825 And nothing worked. Nothing. 439 00:24:53,825 --> 00:24:57,245 - That is until... - [Rupert] Yes? 440 00:24:59,623 --> 00:25:00,624 Yes? 441 00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:04,711 Sylvie from the golf club told us about this man 442 00:25:04,711 --> 00:25:08,882 they call the Love Doctor. 443 00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:12,844 The Love Doctor. 444 00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:15,222 - It's a one-on-one video... - Sorry, sorry. 445 00:25:15,222 --> 00:25:17,015 How is it you think that the Love Doctor 446 00:25:17,015 --> 00:25:19,184 is the most important part of that story? 447 00:25:19,184 --> 00:25:21,144 My parents had a threesome. 448 00:25:22,145 --> 00:25:23,480 Kinky. 449 00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,400 It's important because if the Love Doctor 450 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,195 can literally make anyone fall in love with you then... 451 00:25:43,416 --> 00:25:44,668 - Hiya, Billy. - Hey. 452 00:25:45,835 --> 00:25:48,546 - What class have you got next? - Uh, English. 453 00:25:48,546 --> 00:25:50,382 Same. Come along. 454 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:52,884 - [Billy] OK. - [boy] Billy? 455 00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:53,677 Amber? 456 00:25:53,677 --> 00:25:54,803 They looked pretty loved up to me. 457 00:25:54,803 --> 00:25:56,930 I have to get in there before he asks her to the ball. 458 00:25:56,930 --> 00:25:58,974 There's, what, four weeks till the big night? 459 00:25:58,974 --> 00:26:00,308 The ball? 460 00:26:00,308 --> 00:26:02,394 - I thought we were gonna... - Oh, come on, Archie! 461 00:26:02,394 --> 00:26:03,478 What can I do? 462 00:26:03,478 --> 00:26:05,480 My parents are hardly gonna give me the details 463 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,023 - of their sex doctor. - Love Doctor! 464 00:26:07,023 --> 00:26:08,608 Whatever. I doubt this Love Doctor 465 00:26:08,608 --> 00:26:09,985 is gonna help some schoolgirl 466 00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:13,029 bag a guy she's never spoken to who already has a girlfriend. 467 00:26:13,029 --> 00:26:14,864 They are not official! 468 00:26:16,533 --> 00:26:20,078 Archie. Have I ever asked you for anything? 469 00:26:20,078 --> 00:26:22,789 - Yes, literally all the time. - Come on. 470 00:26:25,750 --> 00:26:27,836 This is really important to me. 471 00:26:27,836 --> 00:26:32,132 Why? What's the big deal about Billy bloody Walsh, anyway? 472 00:26:32,132 --> 00:26:34,718 So many other people would kill to take you to the ball. 473 00:26:34,718 --> 00:26:36,386 Like who? 474 00:26:45,895 --> 00:26:47,856 You really want to know why it's such a big deal? 475 00:26:51,318 --> 00:26:52,652 [sighs] 476 00:26:55,363 --> 00:26:58,783 [sighs] Because I've never had a boyfriend before. 477 00:26:58,783 --> 00:27:01,995 I mean, I'm 17 years old, for crying out loud, 478 00:27:01,995 --> 00:27:04,831 and I haven't even kissed anyone. 479 00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:11,296 I want to, you know, experience things before we finish school. 480 00:27:15,008 --> 00:27:17,927 And I want those experiences to be with Billy. 481 00:27:18,386 --> 00:27:19,929 Fuck, no! 482 00:27:22,974 --> 00:27:25,477 Look... [sighs] can I be honest with you? 483 00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,937 Always. 484 00:27:28,313 --> 00:27:30,106 We're part of an ecosystem, Milly, 485 00:27:30,106 --> 00:27:33,735 a food chain that exists, whether we like it or not. 486 00:27:33,735 --> 00:27:37,030 And I hate to say it, but we are at the bottom of it. 487 00:27:38,782 --> 00:27:40,533 Popular people go for popular people. 488 00:27:40,533 --> 00:27:42,660 Good-looking people go for good-looking people. 489 00:27:42,660 --> 00:27:44,579 Not people like me, and not people like you. 490 00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:51,920 I... I didn't mean... Milly! 491 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:53,713 Milly, I... 492 00:27:59,761 --> 00:28:00,845 Shit. 493 00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:28,081 [chuckling] 494 00:28:31,751 --> 00:28:34,963 - Hey, Ru. - Hey. Archie. 495 00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:38,675 Who's your, um... friend? 496 00:28:39,300 --> 00:28:41,052 Oh, that's, uh, that's Maggie. 497 00:28:45,014 --> 00:28:47,016 Anyhoo, Amelia running late again? 498 00:28:47,016 --> 00:28:49,352 Oh, no, she's gone, Arch. She left early on her bike. 499 00:28:53,523 --> 00:28:54,691 Ah. 500 00:29:08,872 --> 00:29:11,458 [chandelier tinkles] 501 00:29:14,919 --> 00:29:16,254 [yelps] Fuck! 502 00:29:18,631 --> 00:29:19,841 [sighs] 503 00:29:33,021 --> 00:29:34,189 Bingo. 504 00:29:35,064 --> 00:29:36,357 [phone chimes] 505 00:29:43,364 --> 00:29:44,699 [phone chimes] 506 00:29:45,450 --> 00:29:46,618 Huh? 507 00:29:47,827 --> 00:29:49,579 [meowing] 508 00:29:53,333 --> 00:29:55,585 - [phone chimes] - [sighs] 509 00:29:59,547 --> 00:30:01,716 - Huh? - [bridge creaks] 510 00:30:02,300 --> 00:30:03,968 What the hell are you doing up there? 511 00:30:03,968 --> 00:30:05,553 [screams] 512 00:30:05,553 --> 00:30:07,013 Archie! 513 00:30:08,515 --> 00:30:10,517 - I'll do it. - Do what? 514 00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:15,188 - The Love Doctor. - [squeals] 515 00:30:16,731 --> 00:30:20,068 [Archie breathes heavily] 516 00:30:20,068 --> 00:30:22,403 [sighs] 517 00:30:22,403 --> 00:30:25,156 I was starting to think you were in love with me or something. 518 00:30:25,156 --> 00:30:27,659 [laughs] 519 00:30:32,872 --> 00:30:34,582 Are you? 520 00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:39,712 - What? - In love with me? 521 00:30:45,301 --> 00:30:48,930 - Ugh, gross, dude! - I was kidding, you geek. 522 00:30:48,930 --> 00:30:50,473 You're the geek. 523 00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:55,103 - Well, in that case... - [car approaches] 524 00:30:59,148 --> 00:31:02,110 - Hello, William. - Lovely to see you, Miss Brown. 525 00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:03,945 [Amelia chuckles] 526 00:31:05,572 --> 00:31:08,283 And with the passing of a piece of paper, 527 00:31:08,283 --> 00:31:10,410 - the love of my life was gone. - [car door slams] 528 00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:13,121 Hey! Hey, wait! 529 00:31:13,121 --> 00:31:15,248 - You forgot about me! - [car horn beeps] 530 00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:17,834 And with the Love Doctor's help, 531 00:31:17,834 --> 00:31:20,545 there'd be no stopping her conquest of Billy. 532 00:31:20,545 --> 00:31:22,422 See you tonight, Billy. 533 00:31:22,922 --> 00:31:25,717 - See you later, boys. - [boys] Bye, Amber. 534 00:31:25,717 --> 00:31:28,803 And, yes, he's on the rugby team, too. 535 00:31:29,429 --> 00:31:31,931 - Y'all are too horny, man. - [Tony laughs] 536 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,561 - Whoops. - [boy] Tosser. [laughs] 537 00:31:36,561 --> 00:31:40,064 - Undeveloped dick syndrome. - What did you say? 538 00:31:53,161 --> 00:31:54,912 [pants] 539 00:31:55,622 --> 00:32:01,544 Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? 540 00:32:04,964 --> 00:32:09,052 Mr Quigley, could you be our Romeo? 541 00:32:10,553 --> 00:32:11,971 Stand, boy! 542 00:32:11,971 --> 00:32:14,182 How do you expect to defeat the mighty Tybalt 543 00:32:14,182 --> 00:32:15,808 whilst hiding in the shadows? 544 00:32:15,808 --> 00:32:17,977 - I don't expect to... - [girls gasp] 545 00:32:22,148 --> 00:32:24,609 Geek versus Goliath. 546 00:32:24,609 --> 00:32:27,236 Miss Farthing, come along. 547 00:32:33,534 --> 00:32:38,414 Please, Romeo. Save me from this wretched beast. 548 00:32:41,626 --> 00:32:43,336 Suck it, Trent! 549 00:32:43,753 --> 00:32:45,421 [students gasp] 550 00:32:49,842 --> 00:32:51,469 [boys groan] 551 00:32:54,097 --> 00:32:55,807 [students laugh] 552 00:32:56,599 --> 00:32:57,975 [Trent groans] 553 00:33:05,858 --> 00:33:06,859 [sighs] 554 00:33:06,859 --> 00:33:09,529 Bravo! Bravo, dear Romeo. 555 00:33:09,862 --> 00:33:13,491 Not exactly a classical depiction of our Romeo, 556 00:33:13,491 --> 00:33:18,663 but behind the mask, it could be anyone. 557 00:33:18,663 --> 00:33:21,582 - [spotlight clicks] - It could be anyone. 558 00:33:21,582 --> 00:33:23,251 That's it! 559 00:34:41,037 --> 00:34:42,330 Whoa. 560 00:34:49,504 --> 00:34:50,630 Hmm... 561 00:34:50,630 --> 00:34:53,800 Maybe that's not quite right. 562 00:35:03,267 --> 00:35:04,727 {\an8}[gasps] 563 00:35:06,562 --> 00:35:09,649 [♪ "Weirdos" by Black Honey ] 564 00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:17,865 ♪ This is a song for the weirdos ♪ 565 00:35:17,865 --> 00:35:19,450 ♪ The anti-heroes ♪ 566 00:35:19,450 --> 00:35:22,912 ♪ Won't fit in if you tried ♪ 567 00:35:22,912 --> 00:35:25,373 ♪ A song for the freaks and the scumbags ♪ 568 00:35:25,373 --> 00:35:30,586 ♪ The good kids gone bad, live wild on the outside ♪ 569 00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:34,340 ♪ As heavy as Marlboro Red ♪ 570 00:35:34,340 --> 00:35:38,386 ♪ You're wondering who's your friend ♪ 571 00:35:38,386 --> 00:35:41,472 - Whoa! Whoo! - ♪ This is a song for... ♪ 572 00:35:41,472 --> 00:35:45,309 [mobility scooter beeps] 573 00:36:01,117 --> 00:36:03,578 [students chatter] 574 00:36:16,424 --> 00:36:18,885 What's up, buttercup? Sniffing my panties again? 575 00:36:18,885 --> 00:36:22,638 [chuckles] Hmm. 576 00:36:22,638 --> 00:36:24,599 No, seriously, what are you doing in my locker? 577 00:36:24,599 --> 00:36:25,850 - [Tony] Billy. - Throw the ball. 578 00:36:25,850 --> 00:36:27,435 [Tony] Go long. 579 00:36:35,526 --> 00:36:36,819 [gasps] 580 00:36:38,029 --> 00:36:39,196 Earth to Milly. 581 00:36:40,531 --> 00:36:41,699 Weekend reading. 582 00:36:44,201 --> 00:36:47,246 - Aw. - Hmm. [grunts] 583 00:36:47,246 --> 00:36:49,206 I need new friends. 584 00:36:57,548 --> 00:37:00,885 [chatter on TV] 585 00:37:04,931 --> 00:37:06,849 [laughter on TV] 586 00:37:17,234 --> 00:37:20,029 - [sighs] - [phone rings] 587 00:37:32,249 --> 00:37:35,294 - [exhales] OK. - [clears throat] 588 00:37:45,972 --> 00:37:47,473 [clears throat softly] 589 00:37:53,270 --> 00:37:54,605 I'm Amelia. 590 00:37:58,859 --> 00:37:59,860 What age... 591 00:37:59,860 --> 00:38:01,821 [voice changes] ...are you? 592 00:38:04,156 --> 00:38:07,118 - Eighteen. - You're sure? 593 00:38:07,118 --> 00:38:11,163 - My service isn't for children. - Yes, I'm sure. 594 00:38:17,086 --> 00:38:19,964 I want you to listen to me, Amelia. 595 00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:22,216 This isn't for the faint-hearted. 596 00:38:22,216 --> 00:38:23,676 It isn't for the weak, 597 00:38:23,676 --> 00:38:28,556 and it's going to require complete and absolute trust. 598 00:38:29,015 --> 00:38:32,601 Trust in me. Trust in my process. 599 00:38:32,601 --> 00:38:34,979 And trust in yourself. 600 00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:41,235 We are dealing with love. 601 00:38:41,819 --> 00:38:44,655 The most powerful of all the human emotions. 602 00:38:45,614 --> 00:38:48,534 The emotion that combines all others, 603 00:38:48,534 --> 00:38:50,161 pain, 604 00:38:50,161 --> 00:38:52,329 fear, 605 00:38:52,329 --> 00:38:54,040 sadness, 606 00:38:54,790 --> 00:38:56,125 joy... 607 00:38:57,376 --> 00:38:58,419 into one. 608 00:39:02,590 --> 00:39:04,925 Are you prepared to do exactly as I say, 609 00:39:04,925 --> 00:39:09,388 to do what needs to be done to win in the game of love? 610 00:39:11,265 --> 00:39:12,725 Yes. 611 00:39:18,481 --> 00:39:20,816 You know, you sound a lot like... 612 00:39:20,816 --> 00:39:23,652 Good. Now, um... 613 00:39:23,652 --> 00:39:25,321 Tell me about the young man in question 614 00:39:25,321 --> 00:39:29,492 and I'll give you all the steps to make him fall... hard. 615 00:39:33,245 --> 00:39:34,246 Well... 616 00:39:34,663 --> 00:39:37,208 He's got this stupid girl-slash-friend thing going on 617 00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:40,377 - with this moron called Amber. - Tell me about her. 618 00:39:40,377 --> 00:39:41,712 My best friend Archie and I 619 00:39:41,712 --> 00:39:43,464 call her and her friends the Eyebrow Crew 620 00:39:43,464 --> 00:39:45,299 because they have these huge eyebrows. 621 00:39:45,299 --> 00:39:46,842 Yes, very... Yeah, yeah, good. 622 00:39:46,842 --> 00:39:50,054 This is clearly what it will take to get noticed. 623 00:39:54,225 --> 00:39:57,269 - [girl gasps] - [laughter] 624 00:40:03,984 --> 00:40:05,986 [laughter continues] 625 00:40:20,209 --> 00:40:22,169 Oh, my God! 626 00:40:26,715 --> 00:40:28,217 [gasps] 627 00:40:30,553 --> 00:40:32,138 [laughter continues] 628 00:40:40,729 --> 00:40:42,106 ♪ Oh, dear ♪ 629 00:40:42,106 --> 00:40:43,816 [phone rings] 630 00:40:48,529 --> 00:40:50,656 What the hell happened? 631 00:40:50,656 --> 00:40:54,326 I'm going viral as Batface Girl! I want my money back! 632 00:40:54,326 --> 00:40:56,745 - Slow down, I... - Slow down? 633 00:40:57,830 --> 00:41:00,082 Now, you listen to me, old man. 634 00:41:00,457 --> 00:41:02,334 I have a very particular set of skills, 635 00:41:02,334 --> 00:41:05,462 skills I have acquired over a very long career, 636 00:41:05,462 --> 00:41:09,216 skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. 637 00:41:09,925 --> 00:41:14,180 Are you quoting, um... oh... 638 00:41:14,180 --> 00:41:15,431 Liam Neeson? 639 00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:19,768 Didn't think you'd have seen that one. 640 00:41:20,936 --> 00:41:23,147 But the point remains the same. 641 00:41:23,772 --> 00:41:28,444 I will hunt you down and break your heart like you have mine, 642 00:41:28,444 --> 00:41:32,573 and it won't be metaphorical unless you fix this. 643 00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:34,783 OK, firstly, I haven't taken any money from you. 644 00:41:34,783 --> 00:41:37,536 This was a no-win, no-fee situation. 645 00:41:37,536 --> 00:41:40,456 And, secondly, tell me exactly what happened. 646 00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,625 I went into school with my new eyebrows, 647 00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:45,920 exactly as you instructed. 648 00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,047 But... [sighs] 649 00:41:50,507 --> 00:41:52,801 ...everyone just laughed at me. 650 00:41:54,595 --> 00:41:56,680 And... [sighs] 651 00:41:56,680 --> 00:41:59,225 Penny tripped over and spilled juice on my face 652 00:41:59,225 --> 00:42:01,185 and Billy came... 653 00:42:04,647 --> 00:42:07,399 - Billy came and saw me. - Perfect. 654 00:42:07,399 --> 00:42:10,569 - I know... Wait, what? - What? 655 00:42:10,569 --> 00:42:12,321 Uh, oh, um... 656 00:42:13,906 --> 00:42:19,203 Billy, um... Billy noticed you? 657 00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:22,498 Yes, but he... 658 00:42:22,498 --> 00:42:24,833 There's no such thing as bad press, Amelia. 659 00:42:24,833 --> 00:42:28,963 Before today, Billy Walsh didn't even know you existed. 660 00:42:28,963 --> 00:42:32,341 Your relationship with him was entirely inside your own head. 661 00:42:32,341 --> 00:42:35,094 Now he knows exactly who you are. 662 00:42:35,094 --> 00:42:37,304 Batface Girl. 663 00:42:37,304 --> 00:42:40,432 You're like a superhero, 664 00:42:40,432 --> 00:42:42,309 and he's never going to forget it. 665 00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:45,646 [sighs] Yeah. 666 00:42:47,356 --> 00:42:51,986 Now that he's seen you, it's time for you to see him. 667 00:42:51,986 --> 00:42:54,571 Eye contact is vital. 668 00:42:54,571 --> 00:43:00,119 The more you stare, the more you will bore into his soul. 669 00:43:17,052 --> 00:43:19,305 [Amelia grunts] 670 00:43:35,154 --> 00:43:36,113 [gasps] 671 00:43:38,699 --> 00:43:39,825 Oh! 672 00:43:40,409 --> 00:43:42,494 [Archie as Love Doctor] Make him jealous. 673 00:43:44,371 --> 00:43:48,417 - And I mean really jealous. - [boys chatter] 674 00:43:48,959 --> 00:43:51,837 - I need to kiss you. - I need you not to! 675 00:43:58,719 --> 00:43:59,720 [sighs] 676 00:44:00,262 --> 00:44:05,184 - [girls laugh] - What is she even doing? 677 00:44:05,184 --> 00:44:08,103 - Can't believe it. Oh, God. - She is so desperate. 678 00:44:08,103 --> 00:44:10,731 - Her stupid fucking trousers. - [laughs] 679 00:44:10,731 --> 00:44:11,982 Looks like a midlife crisis. 680 00:44:11,982 --> 00:44:14,693 [Amber] Don't get me started on the hair. What has she used? 681 00:44:14,693 --> 00:44:17,821 - Gorilla Glue? - [girl laughs loudly] 682 00:44:18,364 --> 00:44:20,032 It's not that funny. 683 00:44:22,284 --> 00:44:25,913 So, how's it going with you know who? 684 00:44:26,789 --> 00:44:29,249 [Amber] He's coming to mine this weekend, 685 00:44:29,249 --> 00:44:31,919 and I plan on making it hashtag official, 686 00:44:31,919 --> 00:44:34,254 - if you know what I mean. - [squeals] 687 00:44:34,254 --> 00:44:37,841 - Let's go. - [door opens] 688 00:44:49,144 --> 00:44:53,565 I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a genius, but I am. 689 00:44:57,653 --> 00:44:59,905 ♪ You want me, I want you, baby ♪ 690 00:44:59,905 --> 00:45:03,784 ♪ My sugarboo, I'm levitating ♪ - What up, chuckles? 691 00:45:03,784 --> 00:45:05,411 The Love Doctor didn't tell you to... 692 00:45:05,536 --> 00:45:07,996 - What? - Did he tell you...? 693 00:45:07,996 --> 00:45:10,040 Well, he didn't tell me not to do it. 694 00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,167 Besides, I feel pretty damn good. 695 00:45:12,167 --> 00:45:15,170 - Looking good, Miss Brown. - Thank you, William. 696 00:45:15,838 --> 00:45:17,673 Bugger, bugger, bugger. 697 00:45:17,673 --> 00:45:19,466 [♪ "About Damn Time" by Lizzo ♪] 698 00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:29,768 ♪ It's bad bitch o'clock, yeah, it's thick-thirty ♪ 699 00:45:29,768 --> 00:45:30,894 [boys cheering] 700 00:45:30,894 --> 00:45:35,023 ♪ I've been through a lot, but I'm still flirty ♪ 701 00:45:35,023 --> 00:45:36,984 ♪ Is everybody back up in the building? ♪ 702 00:45:36,984 --> 00:45:39,027 ♪ It's been a minute, tell me how you're healing ♪ 703 00:45:39,027 --> 00:45:41,613 What the fuck is going on? 704 00:45:41,613 --> 00:45:44,575 ♪ How you feeling? How you feel right now? ♪ 705 00:45:44,575 --> 00:45:49,371 ♪ Oh, I've been so down and under pressure ♪ 706 00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:53,167 ♪ I'm way too fine to be this stressed, yeah ♪ 707 00:45:53,542 --> 00:45:59,548 ♪ Oh, I'm not the girl I was or used to be ♪ 708 00:45:59,548 --> 00:46:01,884 ♪ Uh, bitch, I might be better ♪ 709 00:46:01,884 --> 00:46:06,096 ♪ Turn up the music, turn down the lights ♪ 710 00:46:06,096 --> 00:46:09,933 ♪ I got a feeling I'm gon' be all right ♪ 711 00:46:09,933 --> 00:46:12,227 - ♪ OK ♪ - ♪ OK ♪ 712 00:46:12,227 --> 00:46:14,897 ♪ All right, it's about damn time ♪ 713 00:46:14,897 --> 00:46:19,526 ♪ Turn up the music, let's celebrate ♪ 714 00:46:19,526 --> 00:46:22,779 ♪ I got feeling I'm gon' be OK ♪ 715 00:46:22,779 --> 00:46:24,323 - [boys gasp] - ♪ OK ♪ 716 00:46:24,323 --> 00:46:25,574 ♪ OK ♪ 717 00:46:25,574 --> 00:46:27,868 ♪ All right, it's about damn time ♪ 718 00:46:27,868 --> 00:46:29,411 [boys] Oh... 719 00:46:29,411 --> 00:46:31,497 ♪ In a minute, I'mma need a sentimental man or woman ♪ 720 00:46:31,497 --> 00:46:32,581 ♪ To pump me up ♪ 721 00:46:32,581 --> 00:46:35,167 ♪ Feeling fussy, walking in my Balenciussys... ♪ 722 00:46:35,167 --> 00:46:38,670 - [car engine revs] - [gasps] 723 00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:41,965 - [groans] - [laughter] 724 00:46:41,965 --> 00:46:46,595 Oh, she got creamed. Smile, Splat-Face Girl. 725 00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:48,055 [sighs] 726 00:46:51,266 --> 00:46:54,311 [students chatter] 727 00:46:55,687 --> 00:46:57,731 - Hey. You OK? - [girl] So embarrassing. 728 00:47:06,448 --> 00:47:07,908 How many fingers am I holding up? 729 00:47:08,700 --> 00:47:11,453 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 730 00:47:11,453 --> 00:47:13,080 It's OK. 731 00:47:13,080 --> 00:47:15,624 She's OK. I'll, um... I'll take it from here. 732 00:47:15,624 --> 00:47:16,833 Thanks, big man. 733 00:47:16,833 --> 00:47:19,211 Well, I think she should probably still see a nurse. 734 00:47:19,211 --> 00:47:21,588 - [Amelia gasps] - Yeah, I got it. 735 00:47:22,923 --> 00:47:24,633 You forgot your pencil. 736 00:47:36,603 --> 00:47:38,313 So, Batface Girl, 737 00:47:38,313 --> 00:47:40,941 Savoy and hot dogs or tent and fear farts? 738 00:47:48,407 --> 00:47:50,117 Do we know you? 739 00:47:51,660 --> 00:47:53,787 Uh, well... 740 00:47:54,496 --> 00:47:57,332 we have been in the same school 741 00:47:57,332 --> 00:48:03,088 and year and classes for almost seven years now, but... no. 742 00:48:03,672 --> 00:48:06,550 - I guess not. - Oh. 743 00:48:06,967 --> 00:48:10,554 How funny. Didn't even know you existed. 744 00:48:12,681 --> 00:48:15,267 Or you, Alan. 745 00:48:16,268 --> 00:48:19,605 It's Archie, but don't worry about it. 746 00:48:23,650 --> 00:48:25,068 So here's the thing. 747 00:48:27,904 --> 00:48:30,616 We saw you talking to Billy earlier, didn't we, girls? 748 00:48:30,616 --> 00:48:32,909 [girls] Hm-hmm. 749 00:48:34,703 --> 00:48:37,456 Well, I fell and cut my knee and he... 750 00:48:37,456 --> 00:48:38,624 Aw. 751 00:48:39,499 --> 00:48:42,753 - Poor little goose. - [girl laughs] 752 00:48:44,921 --> 00:48:47,549 Billy's my boyfriend. 753 00:48:47,549 --> 00:48:49,468 And we're going to the ball together. 754 00:48:50,636 --> 00:48:54,014 - He's asked you? - Face it. 755 00:48:54,014 --> 00:48:56,600 He's out of your league. 756 00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,353 Even with your vagina on show. 757 00:48:59,353 --> 00:49:02,230 [laughter] 758 00:49:10,405 --> 00:49:12,532 If I threw a stick, Amber, would you chase it? 759 00:49:16,036 --> 00:49:17,412 Excuse me? 760 00:49:18,038 --> 00:49:21,249 - You heard me. - [boy] Oh... 761 00:49:21,249 --> 00:49:24,044 Sorry, my ears don't understand nerd. 762 00:49:24,044 --> 00:49:26,046 - [laughter] - Well, let me be clear then. 763 00:49:26,046 --> 00:49:29,800 We value your opinion about as much as we value a white crayon. 764 00:49:29,800 --> 00:49:31,760 [students] Ooh! 765 00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,136 [girl] Oh, Amber. 766 00:49:35,097 --> 00:49:39,476 Mummy and Daddy might have all the money in the world, Alan. 767 00:49:39,476 --> 00:49:41,853 But clearly, it doesn't buy taste. 768 00:49:41,853 --> 00:49:43,855 [laughter] 769 00:49:46,358 --> 00:49:48,819 Look, Amber, I'm sorry. 770 00:49:49,319 --> 00:49:51,405 It's not that I don't like you, it's just that 771 00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:53,448 if you were on life support, I'd unplug you 772 00:49:53,448 --> 00:49:57,703 - to charge my third phone. - [laughter] 773 00:49:58,662 --> 00:50:00,997 Why don't you spend less time worrying about us 774 00:50:00,997 --> 00:50:03,041 and more time worrying about your eyebrows? 775 00:50:03,041 --> 00:50:04,710 [laughter] 776 00:50:04,710 --> 00:50:06,420 [gasps] 777 00:50:08,171 --> 00:50:10,257 [students gasp] 778 00:50:16,179 --> 00:50:18,724 Come, Amelia. We've got geography. 779 00:50:19,891 --> 00:50:21,935 And these bitches are history. 780 00:50:28,817 --> 00:50:32,154 - Mashface Girl! - [laughter] 781 00:50:38,285 --> 00:50:41,663 - [Amelia laughs] - Whoo! 782 00:50:41,663 --> 00:50:43,540 [laughs] 783 00:50:44,541 --> 00:50:47,169 "Stop worrying about us 784 00:50:47,169 --> 00:50:50,797 and start worrying more about your eyebrows!" 785 00:50:51,590 --> 00:50:53,717 I may have said that one a few times in the mirror. 786 00:50:54,593 --> 00:50:57,596 That was literally the best thing anyone's ever done for me. 787 00:50:57,596 --> 00:51:00,557 [scoffs] Nothing you wouldn't have done for me. 788 00:51:01,016 --> 00:51:03,310 [laughs] 789 00:51:03,852 --> 00:51:07,189 - Ugh! - [both laugh] 790 00:51:19,367 --> 00:51:20,327 [Billy] Amelia! 791 00:51:23,246 --> 00:51:24,539 Hey. 792 00:51:26,708 --> 00:51:29,961 I'm glad I caught up with you. Er, hey, man. 793 00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,088 What you did in there was super awesome. 794 00:51:32,088 --> 00:51:34,674 Aw, how sweet. You can drown now. 795 00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,137 It's Amelia, right? 796 00:51:41,515 --> 00:51:46,102 Listen, I know we don't know each other, 797 00:51:46,102 --> 00:51:51,566 but I've seen you around a lot and we've never spoken, but... 798 00:51:53,235 --> 00:51:54,903 do you want to go to dinner sometime? 799 00:51:56,738 --> 00:51:59,491 - What about Amber? - I always preferred the people 800 00:51:59,491 --> 00:52:01,993 that get milkshakes thrown on them, 801 00:52:01,993 --> 00:52:04,162 rather than the ones doing the throwing. 802 00:52:06,581 --> 00:52:09,084 - What do you say? - Yes. Yes, definitely. 803 00:52:10,669 --> 00:52:13,296 I mean, maybe. 804 00:52:16,049 --> 00:52:18,176 Yes, I'm in. 805 00:52:19,469 --> 00:52:21,346 Cool. 806 00:52:21,346 --> 00:52:25,809 - Uh, I'll pick you up tonight. - [chuckles] Yeah. 807 00:52:26,810 --> 00:52:29,437 See you later. Later, dude. 808 00:52:29,437 --> 00:52:31,773 Later, dickhead. 809 00:52:32,816 --> 00:52:35,569 [squeals] 810 00:52:37,571 --> 00:52:41,741 ♪ I look hot in it, hot in it, I look hot in it ♪ 811 00:52:41,741 --> 00:52:43,869 ♪ I'm gon' be rocking it, dropping it ♪ 812 00:52:43,869 --> 00:52:47,497 ♪ Shake my ass, no stopping it, I look hot in it, hot in it ♪ 813 00:52:47,497 --> 00:52:48,874 ♪ I look hot in it ♪ 814 00:52:48,999 --> 00:52:51,167 ♪ Tonight I'm gon' be rocking it, dropping it ♪ 815 00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:52,377 ♪ Shake my ass, no stopping it ♪ 816 00:52:52,377 --> 00:52:53,503 Nope. 817 00:52:53,503 --> 00:52:56,673 ♪ I look hot in it, hot in it, I look hot in it ♪ 818 00:52:56,673 --> 00:52:58,800 ♪ Tonight I'm gon' be rocking it, dropping it ♪ 819 00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:00,385 - Yes! - ♪ Shake my... ♪ 820 00:53:00,385 --> 00:53:02,178 [sighs] 821 00:53:03,054 --> 00:53:04,556 [sighs] 822 00:53:04,556 --> 00:53:07,225 - [phone rings] - Fuck's sake. 823 00:53:17,319 --> 00:53:18,653 [exhales] 824 00:53:18,653 --> 00:53:21,239 I'm panicking. I need your help. 825 00:53:21,239 --> 00:53:25,493 He asked me on a date. A date! He asked me. 826 00:53:27,495 --> 00:53:30,707 You are a genius, Love Doctor. 827 00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:34,586 [snores] 828 00:53:34,586 --> 00:53:36,212 [Amelia] Love Doctor? 829 00:53:38,256 --> 00:53:39,341 Love Doctor? 830 00:53:40,383 --> 00:53:43,386 - Love Doctor? - A date? 831 00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:47,349 Yes, a, um... 832 00:53:48,767 --> 00:53:50,268 a date is a great idea. 833 00:53:50,268 --> 00:53:51,937 [chuckles] 834 00:53:51,937 --> 00:53:54,648 This is where you have to put it all on the line. 835 00:53:56,399 --> 00:53:58,985 - What do you mean? - It's not going to be easy. 836 00:53:58,985 --> 00:54:01,404 But if you truly love... 837 00:54:03,448 --> 00:54:05,909 Billy Walsh, 838 00:54:05,909 --> 00:54:08,203 I'll tell you exactly what you need to do 839 00:54:08,203 --> 00:54:09,996 to make sure he loves you back. 840 00:54:09,996 --> 00:54:12,832 Tell me. I'll do whatever you say. 841 00:54:12,832 --> 00:54:18,546 The meaner you treat him, the keener you'll keep him. 842 00:54:21,174 --> 00:54:25,220 Billy Walsh will be like putty in your hands. 843 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:30,725 It's human nature 101. 844 00:54:40,235 --> 00:54:42,070 The meaner you are to Billy Walsh, 845 00:54:42,070 --> 00:54:44,948 and anyone else in the restaurant, for that matter, 846 00:54:44,948 --> 00:54:46,324 the better. 847 00:54:50,120 --> 00:54:51,538 Er... 848 00:54:53,331 --> 00:54:55,500 What is this, the 1950s? 849 00:54:56,710 --> 00:54:58,503 Take this away. 850 00:54:59,337 --> 00:55:01,297 And get me a beer! 851 00:55:13,018 --> 00:55:15,186 - So... - So what? 852 00:55:15,186 --> 00:55:18,314 Uh... so, you like beer? 853 00:55:21,526 --> 00:55:24,320 - Love it. - Cool. 854 00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:26,948 I guess this doesn't matter. 855 00:55:27,824 --> 00:55:33,204 Er, so, tell me about yourself, Billy boy. 856 00:55:33,204 --> 00:55:35,707 What brings you to the United Kingdom? 857 00:55:35,707 --> 00:55:38,835 AKA England. 858 00:55:40,086 --> 00:55:43,757 Er, my father, actually. He's a... 859 00:55:46,342 --> 00:55:47,969 Ooh. 860 00:55:47,969 --> 00:55:51,931 He's actually a... [clears throat] importer and exporter. 861 00:55:57,645 --> 00:55:59,105 What time do you get off tonight? 862 00:56:00,940 --> 00:56:02,192 Er... 863 00:56:05,528 --> 00:56:07,989 Around 11. Once I've done the bins. 864 00:56:08,490 --> 00:56:11,201 Good to know, cutie. 865 00:56:11,910 --> 00:56:13,661 [chuckles awkwardly] 866 00:56:16,039 --> 00:56:19,709 Hey, you OK? 867 00:56:20,210 --> 00:56:21,711 Never better. 868 00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:25,590 [slurps] 869 00:56:26,174 --> 00:56:27,592 [gulps] 870 00:56:37,685 --> 00:56:41,564 So you're a swim team captain, 871 00:56:41,564 --> 00:56:46,444 rugby captain, and you're an A-star student? 872 00:56:46,444 --> 00:56:49,656 What, were you made in a lab? 873 00:56:50,448 --> 00:56:52,784 I bet your parents worship the ground 874 00:56:52,784 --> 00:56:54,786 that Golden Balls walks on. 875 00:56:54,786 --> 00:56:56,287 It's not like that. 876 00:56:56,788 --> 00:56:59,332 And to top it all off, let me guess. 877 00:57:00,166 --> 00:57:02,585 Your parents are happily married 878 00:57:02,585 --> 00:57:05,338 and they have been since they met at that high school dance 879 00:57:05,338 --> 00:57:07,090 35 years ago. 880 00:57:07,090 --> 00:57:10,051 [scoffs] What a cliché. 881 00:57:10,760 --> 00:57:12,137 You know what? 882 00:57:15,640 --> 00:57:17,016 Tonight was a mistake. 883 00:57:17,016 --> 00:57:18,810 You're not the person I thought you were. 884 00:57:22,397 --> 00:57:24,149 [door opens] 885 00:57:26,985 --> 00:57:29,612 - [door opens] - Call me! 886 00:57:55,513 --> 00:57:56,848 [groans] 887 00:58:09,485 --> 00:58:11,696 You know, I've been judged my entire life. 888 00:58:11,696 --> 00:58:13,698 People have looked at me and figured it must be 889 00:58:13,698 --> 00:58:15,909 the easiest thing in the world being Billy Walsh. 890 00:58:15,909 --> 00:58:17,535 - I... - And that it's inconceivable 891 00:58:17,535 --> 00:58:20,538 for me to somehow feel any hardship or sadness. 892 00:58:21,122 --> 00:58:22,624 - That's not a... - You don't know 893 00:58:22,624 --> 00:58:24,834 that I haven't shared a conversation with my dad 894 00:58:24,834 --> 00:58:26,127 in the past five years 895 00:58:26,127 --> 00:58:29,464 about anything other than sports or scholarships. 896 00:58:30,673 --> 00:58:31,841 And ever since my mom died, 897 00:58:31,841 --> 00:58:33,635 he has been so consumed by his own pain 898 00:58:33,635 --> 00:58:35,637 he is completely oblivious to mine. 899 00:58:36,346 --> 00:58:39,474 And you don't know that because you don't know me. 900 00:58:39,474 --> 00:58:41,976 And just like everybody else, you don't want to. 901 00:58:47,607 --> 00:58:49,817 Tonight was a mistake. 902 00:58:49,817 --> 00:58:51,527 I just wanna say... 903 00:58:54,781 --> 00:58:57,867 you have the most incredible bone structure. 904 00:58:57,867 --> 00:58:59,410 [scoffs] 905 00:59:02,455 --> 00:59:04,666 [turns engine on] 906 00:59:15,635 --> 00:59:17,887 [indistinct chatter] 907 00:59:22,433 --> 00:59:24,352 - [sighs] - [tannoy feedback] 908 00:59:24,352 --> 00:59:26,896 [Amelia] Hello, everyone. 909 00:59:26,896 --> 00:59:30,149 My name is Amelia Elizabeth Brown. 910 00:59:30,149 --> 00:59:31,901 Shit. 911 00:59:31,901 --> 00:59:34,529 And last night, I misjudged someone. 912 00:59:35,321 --> 00:59:39,284 Someone who had the bravery to show me who they really are. 913 00:59:39,284 --> 00:59:42,412 To show me their scars, so... 914 00:59:42,412 --> 00:59:45,331 now I'm going to show you mine. 915 00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:50,169 OK, I'll start at the beginning. 916 00:59:51,421 --> 00:59:52,797 When I was three, 917 00:59:53,214 --> 00:59:56,592 we were stuck in traffic on the way to Disneyland 918 00:59:56,592 --> 01:00:00,346 and I had to go to the bathroom, like, now. 919 01:00:01,097 --> 01:00:03,516 My parents told me to go on the side of the motorway, 920 01:00:03,516 --> 01:00:05,018 thinking it was just a number one. 921 01:00:05,018 --> 01:00:06,144 [laughter] 922 01:00:06,144 --> 01:00:08,646 - So, I got out... - Huh? 923 01:00:08,646 --> 01:00:10,732 ...dutifully squatted down 924 01:00:10,732 --> 01:00:12,734 and took a huge dump on the hard shoulder. 925 01:00:12,734 --> 01:00:15,069 [laughter] 926 01:00:16,237 --> 01:00:18,573 Amelia Brown's officially having a mental breakdown. 927 01:00:20,241 --> 01:00:21,451 [Amelia] When I was four, 928 01:00:21,451 --> 01:00:23,619 my family and I went to Edinburgh 929 01:00:23,619 --> 01:00:26,539 and decided to go to the botanical gardens. 930 01:00:26,539 --> 01:00:29,292 I was drawn to these giant lily pads. 931 01:00:29,292 --> 01:00:33,212 I had memories of watching frogs jump on them in Disney movies 932 01:00:33,212 --> 01:00:35,089 and thought it would be an excellent idea 933 01:00:35,089 --> 01:00:38,593 to try and hop onto one to see if it could hold my weight. 934 01:00:38,593 --> 01:00:41,304 [sniffs] I hate these fucking kids. 935 01:00:41,304 --> 01:00:42,889 It didn't. 936 01:00:43,973 --> 01:00:46,559 OK, this is a good one. 937 01:00:46,559 --> 01:00:48,603 When I was five, 938 01:00:48,603 --> 01:00:52,148 I stood on a wasps' nest while playing hide and seek. 939 01:00:52,857 --> 01:00:56,486 I was wearing a skirt and got stung on my vagina. 940 01:00:56,486 --> 01:00:57,570 [laughter] 941 01:00:57,570 --> 01:01:02,575 - Hashtag swollen lips. - This is gold. [laughs] 942 01:01:02,575 --> 01:01:05,453 Hashtag officially ruined. 943 01:01:06,162 --> 01:01:07,538 [emojis giggle] 944 01:01:07,538 --> 01:01:10,249 [loud chatter] 945 01:01:25,681 --> 01:01:28,643 You know, when I was eight, 946 01:01:28,643 --> 01:01:31,354 my mum, she wanted me to go to the Girl Guides. 947 01:01:31,813 --> 01:01:34,565 I really didn't want to go. 948 01:01:36,401 --> 01:01:39,278 But she took me there anyway. 949 01:01:40,613 --> 01:01:43,074 And before I got out of the car... 950 01:01:45,159 --> 01:01:47,412 I told her that I hated her. 951 01:01:53,084 --> 01:01:56,379 A few days later, she got sick 952 01:01:57,130 --> 01:01:59,132 and was taken into hospital. 953 01:02:01,384 --> 01:02:02,969 When I was nine, 954 01:02:04,929 --> 01:02:07,682 my mum still wasn't out of hospital. 955 01:02:13,604 --> 01:02:17,024 And when I was ten, she died. 956 01:02:17,150 --> 01:02:19,569 [cries quietly] 957 01:02:24,031 --> 01:02:26,492 When I was 11, 958 01:02:26,492 --> 01:02:29,787 my dad brought a mannequin home from work 959 01:02:29,787 --> 01:02:32,748 and started dancing with it in our living room. 960 01:02:32,748 --> 01:02:34,834 Milly! 961 01:02:34,834 --> 01:02:37,503 Milly, stop. You don't have to do this. 962 01:02:46,304 --> 01:02:51,851 When I was 12, I developed a massive crush on Justin Bieber. 963 01:02:52,852 --> 01:02:54,687 And when I was 13, I stuck a picture of him 964 01:02:54,687 --> 01:02:56,898 - onto my dad's mannequin... - [boy] She's in here! 965 01:02:56,898 --> 01:02:59,984 - ...and practised kissing it. - [students laugh] 966 01:03:13,748 --> 01:03:17,835 I think it's safe to say that now, standing here, 967 01:03:17,835 --> 01:03:19,962 watching Milly reveal the most embarrassing, 968 01:03:19,962 --> 01:03:22,590 most horrific parts of her life, 969 01:03:22,590 --> 01:03:24,634 I may have taken this a little too far. 970 01:03:27,094 --> 01:03:29,514 [students jeer and chatter] 971 01:03:31,265 --> 01:03:35,436 When I was 14, I started padding my bra with tissue paper. 972 01:03:47,698 --> 01:03:51,077 I heard somewhere along the way that if you love someone, 973 01:03:51,077 --> 01:03:53,538 you have to set them free. 974 01:03:53,538 --> 01:03:55,748 [sighs] It's a hard concept to understand 975 01:03:55,748 --> 01:03:58,334 unless you've been where I am right now. 976 01:04:03,881 --> 01:04:06,008 And when I was 15, 977 01:04:07,843 --> 01:04:10,846 I started to get worried that I'd never been kissed. 978 01:04:10,846 --> 01:04:13,099 [Archie] But maybe that is exactly what I have to do. 979 01:04:13,975 --> 01:04:15,476 I have to set Amelia Brown... 980 01:04:15,476 --> 01:04:18,980 - ♪ When I look into your eyes ♪ - free. 981 01:04:18,980 --> 01:04:20,439 When I was 17... 982 01:04:20,439 --> 01:04:21,899 ♪ It's like watching the night ♪ 983 01:04:21,899 --> 01:04:25,570 - [fire extinguisher hisses] - [screaming] 984 01:04:26,070 --> 01:04:30,199 ♪ Or a beautiful sunrise ♪ 985 01:04:31,450 --> 01:04:33,411 ♪ Well, there's so much they hold ♪ 986 01:04:33,411 --> 01:04:36,122 [fire alarm rings] 987 01:04:37,123 --> 01:04:42,336 ♪ And just like them old stars ♪ 988 01:04:42,336 --> 01:04:47,425 ♪ I see that you've come so far ♪ 989 01:04:47,425 --> 01:04:51,804 ♪ To be right where you are ♪ 990 01:04:52,638 --> 01:04:56,809 ♪ How old is your soul? ♪ 991 01:04:58,227 --> 01:05:01,063 ♪ Well, I won't give up on... ♪ 992 01:05:01,063 --> 01:05:03,733 I'm still 17 years old. 993 01:05:03,733 --> 01:05:08,779 - ♪ Even if the skies get rough ♪ - And I'm about to graduate. 994 01:05:08,779 --> 01:05:14,076 ♪ I'm giving you all my love ♪ 995 01:05:14,076 --> 01:05:17,496 ♪ I'm still looking up ♪ 996 01:05:19,457 --> 01:05:23,669 ♪ And when you're needing your space ♪ 997 01:05:24,795 --> 01:05:27,006 ♪ To do some navigating ♪ 998 01:05:27,006 --> 01:05:29,800 And I've still never kissed anyone. 999 01:05:30,509 --> 01:05:35,264 ♪ I'll be here patiently waiting ♪ 1000 01:05:35,264 --> 01:05:38,851 ♪ To see what you find ♪ 1001 01:05:38,851 --> 01:05:40,686 [gasps] 1002 01:05:40,686 --> 01:05:44,523 ♪ Cos even the stars, they burn ♪ 1003 01:05:44,523 --> 01:05:45,941 [laughs] 1004 01:05:45,941 --> 01:05:51,364 ♪ Some even fall to the earth ♪ 1005 01:05:51,364 --> 01:05:53,157 - ♪ We got... ♪ - No! 1006 01:05:53,699 --> 01:05:56,535 Detention! Forever! 1007 01:05:56,535 --> 01:05:58,245 Perverts! 1008 01:06:08,381 --> 01:06:10,091 Don't stop, William. 1009 01:06:14,136 --> 01:06:16,972 [indistinct chatter] 1010 01:06:16,972 --> 01:06:18,974 [shouting] 1011 01:06:18,974 --> 01:06:24,438 ♪ If I were you, I would open my curtains ♪ 1012 01:06:24,438 --> 01:06:28,067 [boy grunts] No, no, no! [groans] 1013 01:06:28,067 --> 01:06:33,739 ♪ If I were you, I would have a look outside ♪ 1014 01:06:33,739 --> 01:06:36,575 [mouths] 1015 01:06:37,576 --> 01:06:39,370 ♪ Put on my shoes ♪ 1016 01:06:39,370 --> 01:06:43,791 ♪ And leave this sunken room behind ♪ 1017 01:06:43,791 --> 01:06:46,293 ♪ And I would drive ♪ 1018 01:06:46,293 --> 01:06:49,630 [boys chant] 1019 01:06:56,053 --> 01:07:00,891 ♪ And on my way, I would visit your mother ♪ 1020 01:07:03,519 --> 01:07:05,062 Wait till you see what I do with these. 1021 01:07:05,062 --> 01:07:10,526 ♪ If I were you, I would ask about her life ♪ 1022 01:07:14,530 --> 01:07:16,449 ♪ Maybe you'll find... ♪ 1023 01:07:16,449 --> 01:07:18,075 [chuckles] 1024 01:07:18,075 --> 01:07:20,453 You know, I might be one of the only people in the universe 1025 01:07:20,453 --> 01:07:23,956 who doesn't like popcorn or milk chocolate balls. 1026 01:07:24,749 --> 01:07:26,959 - More for me. - OK. 1027 01:07:26,959 --> 01:07:29,044 [chuckles] 1028 01:07:29,044 --> 01:07:31,088 [cheering] 1029 01:07:32,590 --> 01:07:34,508 This is the best part. You don't wanna miss it! 1030 01:07:36,302 --> 01:07:38,262 - [audience gasps] - [farts] 1031 01:07:40,890 --> 01:07:43,517 - I'm sorry. - Did you just fart? 1032 01:07:43,517 --> 01:07:45,186 Um, no. 1033 01:07:46,020 --> 01:07:48,481 It... It was a fear fart. 1034 01:07:48,481 --> 01:07:50,816 Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. 1035 01:07:51,609 --> 01:07:54,737 - [crashing in film] - [cheering] 1036 01:08:15,174 --> 01:08:16,550 [phone chimes] 1037 01:08:19,762 --> 01:08:23,891 ♪ Who knows how long we got? ♪ 1038 01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:26,644 [phone rings] 1039 01:08:26,644 --> 01:08:31,232 ♪ As long as I am breathing ♪ 1040 01:08:31,899 --> 01:08:37,571 ♪ Know it's not too late to love ♪ 1041 01:08:40,199 --> 01:08:42,159 [phone continues ringing] 1042 01:09:17,236 --> 01:09:19,363 - [school bell rings] - [cheering] 1043 01:09:24,243 --> 01:09:26,120 How are you holding up? 1044 01:09:26,120 --> 01:09:28,163 I won't be needing that, that's for sure. 1045 01:09:28,163 --> 01:09:29,540 [William grunts] 1046 01:09:34,086 --> 01:09:35,546 [sighs] 1047 01:09:44,680 --> 01:09:45,890 [Archie] Wow. 1048 01:09:47,892 --> 01:09:49,977 [gasps] Whoa. 1049 01:09:52,813 --> 01:09:55,107 [Rupert] All well out there in the universe? 1050 01:10:02,156 --> 01:10:03,782 Ready for your big day tomorrow? 1051 01:10:09,288 --> 01:10:10,456 [Rupert sighs] 1052 01:10:19,256 --> 01:10:20,507 [Rupert groans] 1053 01:10:22,426 --> 01:10:24,094 [exhales] 1054 01:10:32,019 --> 01:10:36,774 Can I ask you something about Mum? 1055 01:10:37,691 --> 01:10:39,068 Always. 1056 01:10:41,570 --> 01:10:45,282 How did you know that, you know, she was the one? 1057 01:10:45,950 --> 01:10:47,952 Oh, that was easy. 1058 01:10:48,827 --> 01:10:50,913 She was the only girl in university who wanted me. 1059 01:10:50,913 --> 01:10:52,915 - [scoffs] Dad! - [laughs] 1060 01:10:52,915 --> 01:10:56,335 - No, I'm serious. - [sighs] 1061 01:10:57,711 --> 01:10:59,755 OK, well, um... 1062 01:10:59,755 --> 01:11:03,467 she had this beat-up old Volkswagen. 1063 01:11:03,467 --> 01:11:08,430 One day, she broke down right outside the university gates. 1064 01:11:08,430 --> 01:11:10,766 And that was the first time that I plucked up the courage 1065 01:11:10,766 --> 01:11:13,644 - to speak to her. - What did you say? 1066 01:11:13,644 --> 01:11:16,480 Well, her head was buried in the bonnet, but I said... 1067 01:11:17,898 --> 01:11:20,442 "Time to check that thing into the old Volks' home, 1068 01:11:20,442 --> 01:11:21,694 don't you think?" 1069 01:11:21,694 --> 01:11:23,112 - No, you didn't. - [laughs] Yes. 1070 01:11:23,112 --> 01:11:27,533 No, you didn't! Oh, I hope she ran a mile! 1071 01:11:27,533 --> 01:11:29,034 Well, luckily for me, 1072 01:11:29,034 --> 01:11:32,287 your mum was new to the area, so I did offer her a tour. 1073 01:11:32,287 --> 01:11:34,289 All the way to the local petrol station, 1074 01:11:34,289 --> 01:11:36,208 which just happened to be miles away, 1075 01:11:36,208 --> 01:11:41,338 and we fell in love on that drive... as friends. 1076 01:11:43,799 --> 01:11:45,217 Friends? 1077 01:11:45,217 --> 01:11:47,928 Yeah, best friends. 1078 01:11:50,222 --> 01:11:54,810 We spent... Well, we spent every waking moment together. 1079 01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:58,647 I mean, there was nobody 1080 01:11:58,647 --> 01:12:01,817 we would rather spend time with than each other. 1081 01:12:02,818 --> 01:12:04,611 You know, it just... 1082 01:12:06,238 --> 01:12:08,365 it just made perfect sense. 1083 01:12:13,287 --> 01:12:15,247 If you think too loudly, 1084 01:12:16,206 --> 01:12:18,709 you'll never hear the answer you're looking for. 1085 01:12:24,339 --> 01:12:27,593 Right, I'm gonna go to bed. I love you, Mills. 1086 01:12:43,275 --> 01:12:46,528 [Maggie sighs, chuckles] 1087 01:12:50,074 --> 01:12:51,867 [sighs] How do I look? 1088 01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:53,702 Like your mother. 1089 01:12:56,705 --> 01:12:58,582 Well, thanks for your help, Maggie. 1090 01:12:58,582 --> 01:13:01,251 I never would have got this dress over these bad boys. 1091 01:13:01,251 --> 01:13:04,046 [chuckles] He's one lucky boy. 1092 01:13:05,130 --> 01:13:06,924 Would you both mind giving me a minute? 1093 01:13:07,758 --> 01:13:09,259 Of course. 1094 01:13:13,305 --> 01:13:15,641 [footsteps recede] 1095 01:13:59,643 --> 01:14:02,020 Always follow your heart, Mills. 1096 01:14:07,359 --> 01:14:09,778 It'll rarely lead you the wrong way. 1097 01:14:10,779 --> 01:14:13,782 [motorbike approaches] 1098 01:14:23,750 --> 01:14:25,377 Hey, Billy. 1099 01:14:25,377 --> 01:14:28,922 - Good afternoon, Mr Brown. - How are you? 1100 01:14:35,762 --> 01:14:37,097 [Billy] Milly? 1101 01:14:39,141 --> 01:14:42,352 - Hey, Milly, you in there? - [knocking at door] 1102 01:14:42,769 --> 01:14:44,563 - Milly? - [whispers] The window. 1103 01:14:45,439 --> 01:14:49,651 ♪ I wanna see the rest of the world the same way that you do ♪ 1104 01:14:49,651 --> 01:14:52,821 ♪ I wanna be the home that you leave and you return to ♪ 1105 01:14:52,821 --> 01:14:54,072 Godspeed! 1106 01:14:54,072 --> 01:14:56,575 ♪ I wanna stay here in your arms as long as I can do ♪ 1107 01:14:57,034 --> 01:14:58,702 [gasps] 1108 01:15:00,412 --> 01:15:04,082 ♪ The silver hair and golden years ♪ 1109 01:15:04,082 --> 01:15:08,212 ♪ That seem so far until they're near ♪ 1110 01:15:08,212 --> 01:15:13,800 ♪ There's so much left to do down here, I know ♪ 1111 01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:17,221 ♪ All anyone wants is just ♪ 1112 01:15:17,221 --> 01:15:21,391 ♪ More time, more life, more healing ♪ 1113 01:15:21,391 --> 01:15:25,812 ♪ More love, more us, more feeling, yeah ♪ 1114 01:15:26,355 --> 01:15:29,483 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1115 01:15:29,483 --> 01:15:33,570 ♪ More you, more nights for dreaming ♪ 1116 01:15:33,570 --> 01:15:37,241 ♪ These days go by so fast and I... ♪ 1117 01:15:37,241 --> 01:15:38,492 Huh? 1118 01:15:38,492 --> 01:15:42,996 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1119 01:15:42,996 --> 01:15:44,873 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1120 01:15:46,625 --> 01:15:49,670 - ♪ Oh, I just need... ♪ - [dress rips] 1121 01:15:49,670 --> 01:15:53,006 [children shout] 1122 01:15:54,841 --> 01:15:58,887 ♪ Yeah, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1123 01:15:59,388 --> 01:16:00,806 ♪ More ♪ 1124 01:16:00,806 --> 01:16:03,141 - [Amelia screams] - [bike bell rings] 1125 01:16:03,141 --> 01:16:05,143 ♪ More healing ♪ 1126 01:16:05,143 --> 01:16:09,564 ♪ More love, more us, more feeling, yeah ♪ 1127 01:16:10,107 --> 01:16:13,277 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1128 01:16:13,277 --> 01:16:15,529 ♪ More you, more nights for dreaming ♪ 1129 01:16:15,529 --> 01:16:16,738 [yelps] 1130 01:16:17,531 --> 01:16:21,702 ♪ These days go by so fast and I ♪ 1131 01:16:22,327 --> 01:16:26,748 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1132 01:16:26,748 --> 01:16:29,001 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1133 01:16:29,001 --> 01:16:30,419 ♪ More ♪ 1134 01:16:30,419 --> 01:16:33,171 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1135 01:16:33,171 --> 01:16:34,423 ♪ More ♪ 1136 01:16:34,423 --> 01:16:37,217 ♪ Oh, I just need, I'm just needing ♪ 1137 01:16:37,217 --> 01:16:38,802 ♪ More ♪ 1138 01:16:38,802 --> 01:16:42,180 {\an8}♪ Yeah, I just need, I'm just needing more ♪ 1139 01:16:43,056 --> 01:16:45,517 ♪ Oh, yeah ♪ 1140 01:16:49,062 --> 01:16:53,025 William, please, just... Can you just leave me alo... 1141 01:16:58,989 --> 01:17:02,451 - What are you doing here? - Shut up. 1142 01:17:08,206 --> 01:17:09,583 Get dressed. 1143 01:17:11,918 --> 01:17:12,961 [Amelia sighs] 1144 01:17:13,545 --> 01:17:14,588 I need a date. 1145 01:17:15,839 --> 01:17:20,093 - What happened to Boy Wonder? - Less questions, more dressing. 1146 01:17:20,093 --> 01:17:21,887 [sighs] We should be drunk by now. 1147 01:17:22,596 --> 01:17:23,597 Enough. 1148 01:17:28,226 --> 01:17:30,103 We've barely spoken for weeks, 1149 01:17:30,103 --> 01:17:32,481 and now you're here in my house, in my room, 1150 01:17:32,481 --> 01:17:33,732 asking me to drink champagne 1151 01:17:33,732 --> 01:17:35,650 and pretending like everything's normal. 1152 01:17:35,650 --> 01:17:37,611 [sighs] Archie, I... 1153 01:17:37,611 --> 01:17:39,988 Look, if you and Billy have had some sort of argument 1154 01:17:39,988 --> 01:17:42,366 and you've come here because you want little old Archie 1155 01:17:42,366 --> 01:17:45,035 to pat you on the back and tell you it will all be OK, 1156 01:17:45,035 --> 01:17:46,119 it's not gonna happen. 1157 01:17:49,164 --> 01:17:50,665 Not today. 1158 01:17:51,917 --> 01:17:53,377 Not anymore. 1159 01:17:55,003 --> 01:17:56,838 Archie, that's not why I'm here. 1160 01:17:56,838 --> 01:18:01,218 - Then why are you here? - Because I made a mistake. 1161 01:18:01,218 --> 01:18:02,511 OK? 1162 01:18:04,012 --> 01:18:08,225 A big, fat, stupid mistake. 1163 01:18:10,102 --> 01:18:15,273 I've spent so long dreaming of having a boyfriend 1164 01:18:15,273 --> 01:18:20,070 and falling in love and going on romantic dates. 1165 01:18:21,279 --> 01:18:23,281 Sunset kisses. 1166 01:18:25,742 --> 01:18:28,537 When always... 1167 01:18:31,123 --> 01:18:33,375 it's been right in front of me. 1168 01:18:35,377 --> 01:18:37,045 Are you...? 1169 01:18:40,090 --> 01:18:42,717 I love you... 1170 01:18:42,717 --> 01:18:47,264 Archibald Richard Randolph Reginald Arnold. 1171 01:18:51,977 --> 01:18:54,771 And I always have. 1172 01:19:01,570 --> 01:19:02,988 - [groans] - [glass smashes] 1173 01:19:04,448 --> 01:19:07,159 - [clang] - [groans] Whoa! 1174 01:19:07,826 --> 01:19:10,245 [objects rattle] 1175 01:19:12,414 --> 01:19:16,668 - How'd that go? - Yep. Yep. 1176 01:19:16,668 --> 01:19:18,628 ♪ Love is like rocket, watch it blast off ♪ 1177 01:19:18,628 --> 01:19:21,047 ♪ And I'm feeling so electric, dance my arse off ♪ 1178 01:19:21,047 --> 01:19:23,300 ♪ And even if I wanted to, I can't stop ♪ 1179 01:19:23,300 --> 01:19:25,719 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1180 01:19:25,719 --> 01:19:27,888 ♪ My love is like rocket, watch it blast off ♪ 1181 01:19:27,888 --> 01:19:30,432 ♪ And I'm feeling so electric, dance my arse off ♪ 1182 01:19:30,432 --> 01:19:32,893 ♪ And even if I wanted to, I can't stop ♪ 1183 01:19:32,893 --> 01:19:35,437 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1184 01:19:35,437 --> 01:19:37,939 ♪ You want me, I want you, baby ♪ 1185 01:19:37,939 --> 01:19:39,441 ♪ My sugar boo ♪ 1186 01:19:41,234 --> 01:19:42,903 [chuckles] 1187 01:19:49,159 --> 01:19:50,535 [phone chimes] 1188 01:19:58,251 --> 01:19:59,252 [sighs] 1189 01:20:15,644 --> 01:20:16,811 [phone vibrates] 1190 01:20:26,279 --> 01:20:27,531 [phone vibrates] 1191 01:20:35,539 --> 01:20:36,790 [phone vibrates] 1192 01:20:41,378 --> 01:20:42,837 - [gasps] - Milly. 1193 01:20:42,837 --> 01:20:44,714 I'm gonna need some help. 1194 01:20:49,261 --> 01:20:50,512 What the fuck? 1195 01:20:52,556 --> 01:20:56,768 - [inhales] - What the fuck, Archie? 1196 01:20:57,769 --> 01:20:58,895 I can explain. 1197 01:20:59,312 --> 01:21:00,897 What the fuck? 1198 01:21:01,898 --> 01:21:04,526 Amelia, wait. Please. 1199 01:21:09,197 --> 01:21:10,574 [car door opens] 1200 01:21:25,171 --> 01:21:26,423 There are moments in your life 1201 01:21:26,423 --> 01:21:28,216 where you're faced with just two choices. 1202 01:21:28,216 --> 01:21:30,218 [car engine starts] 1203 01:21:30,218 --> 01:21:31,803 The consequences of either one 1204 01:21:31,803 --> 01:21:34,222 will shape the rest of your days for as long as you live. 1205 01:21:34,931 --> 01:21:36,308 Sometimes you have to listen 1206 01:21:36,308 --> 01:21:38,101 to what the universe is trying to tell you. 1207 01:21:38,685 --> 01:21:41,563 Sometimes all you can do is tell the universe to go fuck itself 1208 01:21:41,563 --> 01:21:44,316 and do exactly what you know in your heart is right. 1209 01:21:47,986 --> 01:21:50,822 And if there's one thing I know now more than ever before 1210 01:21:50,822 --> 01:21:55,243 it's that Amelia Brown is my universe. 1211 01:21:55,243 --> 01:21:56,953 [sighs] That'll do. 1212 01:22:03,585 --> 01:22:05,086 It's time for the finale. 1213 01:22:15,722 --> 01:22:16,806 [grunts] 1214 01:22:29,986 --> 01:22:32,364 - What the fuck? - [laughs] 1215 01:22:36,910 --> 01:22:38,411 [laughs] 1216 01:22:43,541 --> 01:22:45,043 [laughs] 1217 01:22:45,502 --> 01:22:48,004 [distant music playing] 1218 01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:54,094 [Amber] You're really impressive in class. 1219 01:22:55,887 --> 01:22:58,932 You're, like, totally right about everything you say. 1220 01:23:01,643 --> 01:23:04,020 - [footsteps approach] - [student] Let's get a drink. 1221 01:23:06,439 --> 01:23:09,818 - Hey. - Hi. 1222 01:23:10,652 --> 01:23:12,737 - Can we talk? - [clears throat] 1223 01:23:17,367 --> 01:23:19,077 You look really beautiful, Amber. 1224 01:23:20,203 --> 01:23:21,579 I know. 1225 01:23:23,790 --> 01:23:28,044 - Photo booth. - [girls chatter] 1226 01:23:33,133 --> 01:23:36,720 - Anyone spiked the punch yet? - Er, yeah. 1227 01:23:37,470 --> 01:23:38,805 Excellent. 1228 01:23:44,102 --> 01:23:45,687 So, er... 1229 01:23:46,479 --> 01:23:49,232 things have been a little... weird. 1230 01:23:50,692 --> 01:23:53,236 And I, and I think... Well, well, no... 1231 01:23:53,236 --> 01:23:56,823 I know that's on me. Mostly on me. 1232 01:23:58,658 --> 01:24:03,329 But for what it's worth, I truly am sorry for... 1233 01:24:04,038 --> 01:24:06,124 well, everything. 1234 01:24:08,460 --> 01:24:12,547 And you're a great guy, Billy. I mean that. 1235 01:24:14,924 --> 01:24:17,177 - But... - Look, um... [clears throat] 1236 01:24:17,177 --> 01:24:19,721 I've never been broken up with before. 1237 01:24:20,889 --> 01:24:23,767 So, is it OK if I just stop you right there? 1238 01:24:29,814 --> 01:24:31,065 I am sorry. 1239 01:24:36,446 --> 01:24:37,864 So where is he then? 1240 01:24:41,576 --> 01:24:45,079 I think it's gonna be me, myself and Milly for a while. 1241 01:24:46,164 --> 01:24:49,626 - Sounds chaotic. - [chuckles] 1242 01:24:52,545 --> 01:24:55,173 Er... find me for a dance later? 1243 01:24:55,173 --> 01:24:57,842 - You can count on it. - [Tony] Hey! 1244 01:24:59,511 --> 01:25:01,596 - Ooh! - Where have you been? 1245 01:25:01,596 --> 01:25:03,139 Sorting out your little problem. 1246 01:25:03,139 --> 01:25:04,891 What problem would that be exactly? 1247 01:25:05,391 --> 01:25:07,519 [laughs] 1248 01:25:09,938 --> 01:25:12,148 [pole creaks] 1249 01:25:17,445 --> 01:25:18,696 [exhales] 1250 01:25:19,531 --> 01:25:20,740 [grunts] 1251 01:25:28,373 --> 01:25:31,042 [footsteps approach] 1252 01:25:31,042 --> 01:25:32,460 Who's there? 1253 01:25:33,962 --> 01:25:37,257 Stop right there. I've... I've got a gun! 1254 01:25:40,260 --> 01:25:44,180 No way are you rescuing me. 1255 01:25:44,889 --> 01:25:47,809 You're only a hero if the person needs rescuing, 1256 01:25:47,809 --> 01:25:49,811 and I was perfectly fine out here alone 1257 01:25:49,811 --> 01:25:52,105 enjoying some quality Archibald time. 1258 01:25:52,605 --> 01:25:54,357 Yeah? 1259 01:25:54,357 --> 01:25:56,568 I see you got a haircut too. 1260 01:25:58,236 --> 01:25:59,863 [Archie groans] 1261 01:26:02,115 --> 01:26:04,200 [pants] 1262 01:26:09,247 --> 01:26:10,456 Go get her. 1263 01:26:12,959 --> 01:26:14,252 Right. 1264 01:26:15,920 --> 01:26:18,089 This doesn't mean we're friends! 1265 01:26:19,132 --> 01:26:22,468 The English. So dramatic. 1266 01:26:24,804 --> 01:26:27,265 ♪ Baby, if you thought that I was trouble ♪ 1267 01:26:27,640 --> 01:26:30,226 ♪ Then you're gonna hate what's coming next ♪ 1268 01:26:30,226 --> 01:26:32,812 ♪ Kinda like your worst nightmare but double ♪ 1269 01:26:33,146 --> 01:26:35,607 ♪ Is that an angel? No, it's your ex ♪ 1270 01:26:35,607 --> 01:26:38,276 ♪ Remember how you screwed up when I was a brunette? ♪ 1271 01:26:38,276 --> 01:26:40,862 ♪ I don't think you knew just what you'd done ♪ 1272 01:26:40,862 --> 01:26:42,280 [grunts] 1273 01:26:44,824 --> 01:26:48,161 [students chatter] 1274 01:26:48,161 --> 01:26:49,454 I need that microphone. 1275 01:26:49,454 --> 01:26:51,414 I think you're gonna need a lot more than that. 1276 01:26:51,414 --> 01:26:53,708 I fucked up. It's about a girl, and... 1277 01:26:53,708 --> 01:26:55,001 It's about a girl? 1278 01:26:55,001 --> 01:26:56,085 Why didn't you say? 1279 01:26:58,087 --> 01:27:01,341 [booing and jeering] 1280 01:27:02,842 --> 01:27:03,885 [girl] Wanker! 1281 01:27:05,470 --> 01:27:09,098 Just picture everybody naked. Especially that one over there. 1282 01:27:09,432 --> 01:27:11,643 - Shrivelled yam bag. - [Archie laughs] 1283 01:27:11,643 --> 01:27:12,977 [laughter in crowd] 1284 01:27:12,977 --> 01:27:15,438 - [boy 1] Don't give him the mic! - [girl 1] What are you doing? 1285 01:27:15,438 --> 01:27:18,691 - [boy 2] You suck! - [booing] 1286 01:27:20,902 --> 01:27:22,111 [girl 2] Get him off! 1287 01:27:22,111 --> 01:27:24,197 [girl 3] Get off the fucking stage! 1288 01:27:24,197 --> 01:27:27,075 - [boy 3] Bell-end! - [jeering continues] 1289 01:27:29,661 --> 01:27:32,080 - Happy graduation, honey! - [laughs] 1290 01:27:32,413 --> 01:27:35,625 [crowd gasps] 1291 01:27:37,001 --> 01:27:39,921 - [laughter] - [girl 4] Get off. 1292 01:27:40,964 --> 01:27:43,675 [girl 5] You're up there, come on, at least say something. 1293 01:27:46,427 --> 01:27:47,428 [girl 6] Go home, loser! 1294 01:27:47,428 --> 01:27:49,889 - My name is... - Cakeface Boy! 1295 01:27:49,889 --> 01:27:51,933 [laughter] 1296 01:27:51,933 --> 01:27:53,643 [booing and shouting] 1297 01:27:53,643 --> 01:27:56,229 [boy 3] Get off the stage, four eyes! 1298 01:27:56,896 --> 01:27:59,273 - [crowd chants] Off! Off! Off! - [groans] 1299 01:27:59,273 --> 01:28:02,318 [laughter] 1300 01:28:13,079 --> 01:28:14,914 [jeering continues] 1301 01:28:14,914 --> 01:28:17,291 For as long as I can remember... 1302 01:28:18,042 --> 01:28:20,169 I've been fascinated by the night sky. 1303 01:28:20,169 --> 01:28:21,546 [boy] Who cares? 1304 01:28:21,546 --> 01:28:25,717 Home to over 200 billion trillion stars. 1305 01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:29,262 And much like our universe, we were all born after a big bang. 1306 01:28:29,262 --> 01:28:32,348 - Oh. Amen. - [laughter] 1307 01:28:33,516 --> 01:28:37,186 And just like the stars, we're all unique in our own ways. 1308 01:28:37,729 --> 01:28:38,855 Billy. 1309 01:28:40,064 --> 01:28:43,192 You're a solar-type star, just like Alpha Centauri. 1310 01:28:43,192 --> 01:28:45,445 You'll burn so bright that we can all see you, 1311 01:28:45,445 --> 01:28:47,739 a gravitational pull so large 1312 01:28:47,739 --> 01:28:49,323 that others are drawn towards it. 1313 01:28:49,323 --> 01:28:51,034 [boy] That's our Billy! 1314 01:28:51,034 --> 01:28:54,912 We have hot blue stars that are naturally so beautiful. 1315 01:28:54,912 --> 01:28:57,749 We have super giant stars and so many more. 1316 01:28:58,207 --> 01:29:01,461 And, all of you, you're all your own stars. 1317 01:29:04,213 --> 01:29:06,674 I'm a binary star. 1318 01:29:06,674 --> 01:29:10,595 A star system consisting of two stars orbiting a common centre. 1319 01:29:11,804 --> 01:29:14,390 The B star, me, 1320 01:29:14,724 --> 01:29:18,352 it shines less bright, but its counterpart... 1321 01:29:19,937 --> 01:29:24,650 the primary star, it burns much brighter. 1322 01:29:25,860 --> 01:29:27,236 Much hotter. 1323 01:29:30,031 --> 01:29:32,575 And I almost destroyed my counterpart. 1324 01:29:33,868 --> 01:29:35,244 My star. 1325 01:29:39,165 --> 01:29:42,668 Never again will I lose sight of its brilliance. 1326 01:29:42,668 --> 01:29:46,798 Never again will I be so stupid or so selfish or so... 1327 01:29:51,636 --> 01:29:53,012 scared. 1328 01:30:02,897 --> 01:30:04,065 Milly. 1329 01:30:05,942 --> 01:30:08,361 I will never again stand in the way of what you want 1330 01:30:08,361 --> 01:30:10,279 or what makes you happy. 1331 01:30:11,656 --> 01:30:14,033 And I'm truly sorry that I have kept something from you 1332 01:30:14,033 --> 01:30:15,993 for as long as I can remember. 1333 01:30:16,994 --> 01:30:19,122 And I can blame it on the universe as much as I want, 1334 01:30:19,122 --> 01:30:20,498 but the truth is... 1335 01:30:23,584 --> 01:30:25,461 I've been a coward. 1336 01:30:29,715 --> 01:30:31,717 Until now. 1337 01:30:35,304 --> 01:30:38,099 Amelia Elizabeth Brown... 1338 01:30:38,099 --> 01:30:39,517 [chuckles] 1339 01:30:39,517 --> 01:30:43,312 I love you more than I have ever found a way to say. 1340 01:30:43,312 --> 01:30:44,897 I love you more than I did yesterday, 1341 01:30:44,897 --> 01:30:47,316 and I will love you more tomorrow. 1342 01:30:47,900 --> 01:30:50,236 I love you more than the universe, more than the stars... 1343 01:30:50,236 --> 01:30:52,738 Just shut up. 1344 01:30:56,993 --> 01:30:58,995 And kiss me. 1345 01:31:14,760 --> 01:31:17,388 ♪ This wasn't how it's supposed to go ♪ 1346 01:31:17,388 --> 01:31:19,348 ♪ I should be the one you're dancing with... ♪ 1347 01:31:19,348 --> 01:31:21,976 Any childhood loves I should know about? 1348 01:31:21,976 --> 01:31:24,562 - Charles Dickens. - ♪ Everybody at my fingertips ♪ 1349 01:31:24,562 --> 01:31:27,857 - He's dead, right? - Ninth of June, 1870. 1350 01:31:27,857 --> 01:31:30,151 ♪ And, baby, you were meant to follow me ♪ 1351 01:31:30,151 --> 01:31:32,278 ♪ And I was gonna act surprised ♪ 1352 01:31:32,737 --> 01:31:35,323 - ♪ Even though I'd know you... ♪ - Wanna dance? 1353 01:31:36,782 --> 01:31:40,161 ♪ It's not like I've been crying ♪ 1354 01:31:40,161 --> 01:31:41,412 ♪ No ♪ 1355 01:31:41,412 --> 01:31:45,625 ♪ There's just smoke in my eyes ♪ 1356 01:31:45,625 --> 01:31:48,794 ♪ Cos this ain't no John Hughes movie ♪ 1357 01:31:48,794 --> 01:31:51,547 ♪ Where the girl gets the guy ♪ 1358 01:31:51,547 --> 01:31:55,801 ♪ You look right through me every time you walk by ♪ 1359 01:31:55,801 --> 01:31:59,388 ♪ I keep waiting for the heartbreak music ♪ 1360 01:31:59,388 --> 01:32:01,641 ♪ That's never gonna come ♪ 1361 01:32:01,641 --> 01:32:05,436 ♪ Cos if you don't want me ♪ 1362 01:32:05,978 --> 01:32:07,313 ♪ Then you're not the one ♪ 1363 01:32:16,155 --> 01:32:18,241 ♪ Sitting on a bathroom floor ♪ 1364 01:32:18,783 --> 01:32:20,868 ♪ Trying to get my composure back ♪ 1365 01:32:21,369 --> 01:32:23,204 ♪ Think I built it up too tall ♪ 1366 01:32:23,913 --> 01:32:26,207 ♪ Knew I should've worn my Adidas ♪ 1367 01:32:27,416 --> 01:32:32,338 ♪ It's not like I've been crying, no ♪ 1368 01:32:32,338 --> 01:32:36,259 ♪ There's just smoke in my eyes ♪ 1369 01:32:36,801 --> 01:32:40,137 ♪ Cos this ain't no John Hughes movie ♪ 1370 01:32:40,137 --> 01:32:42,556 ♪ Where the girl gets the guy ♪ 1371 01:32:42,556 --> 01:32:46,936 ♪ You look right through me every time you walk by ♪ 1372 01:32:46,936 --> 01:32:50,564 ♪ I keep waiting for the heartbreak music ♪ 1373 01:32:50,564 --> 01:32:52,775 ♪ That's never gonna come ♪ 1374 01:32:52,775 --> 01:32:56,821 ♪ Cos if you don't want me ♪ 1375 01:32:56,821 --> 01:32:58,322 ♪ Then you're not the one ♪ 1376 01:32:58,322 --> 01:33:00,324 [phone line rings] 1377 01:33:05,204 --> 01:33:06,789 Hello? 1378 01:33:06,789 --> 01:33:09,000 Yes, hello. 1379 01:33:09,000 --> 01:33:10,710 Is this the Love Doctor? 1380 01:33:10,710 --> 01:33:14,088 [♪ "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove ♪] 1381 01:33:40,573 --> 01:33:42,658 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1382 01:33:42,658 --> 01:33:46,704 ♪ Going round this roundabout, oh, yeah ♪ 1383 01:33:49,040 --> 01:33:51,042 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1384 01:33:51,042 --> 01:33:56,756 ♪ I loved you then and I love you now, oh, yeah ♪ 1385 01:33:57,506 --> 01:34:01,761 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1386 01:34:01,761 --> 01:34:05,973 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1387 01:34:05,973 --> 01:34:10,269 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1388 01:34:10,269 --> 01:34:11,687 ♪ Break ♪ 1389 01:34:18,611 --> 01:34:20,780 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1390 01:34:20,780 --> 01:34:25,743 ♪ Marmalade, we're making out, oh, yeah ♪ 1391 01:34:27,078 --> 01:34:29,330 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1392 01:34:29,330 --> 01:34:35,378 ♪ I loved you then and I love you now ♪ 1393 01:34:35,795 --> 01:34:40,007 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1394 01:34:40,007 --> 01:34:44,261 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1395 01:34:44,261 --> 01:34:48,474 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1396 01:34:48,474 --> 01:34:50,601 ♪ Break ♪ 1397 01:34:50,601 --> 01:34:52,978 ♪ One, two, three, four ♪ 1398 01:34:52,978 --> 01:34:57,233 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied, let's stay up all night ♪ 1399 01:34:57,233 --> 01:35:01,487 ♪ I'll get real high, slumber party, pillow fight ♪ 1400 01:35:01,487 --> 01:35:05,825 ♪ My eyes on your eyes like Peter Pan up in the sky ♪ 1401 01:35:05,825 --> 01:35:07,451 ♪ My best friend's house tonight ♪ 1402 01:35:07,451 --> 01:35:09,787 ♪ Let's bump the beats till beddy-bye ♪ 1403 01:35:09,787 --> 01:35:13,999 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1404 01:35:13,999 --> 01:35:18,212 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1405 01:35:18,212 --> 01:35:22,466 ♪ Don't take me tongue-tied ♪ 1406 01:35:22,466 --> 01:35:26,762 ♪ Don't kiss me goodnight ♪ 1407 01:35:26,762 --> 01:35:31,267 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1408 01:35:37,481 --> 01:35:39,567 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1409 01:35:39,567 --> 01:35:44,071 ♪ Going round this roundabout, oh, yeah ♪ 1410 01:35:45,865 --> 01:35:47,950 ♪ Take me to your best friend's house ♪ 1411 01:35:47,950 --> 01:35:53,539 ♪ I loved you then and I love you now ♪ 1412 01:35:54,457 --> 01:35:58,627 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1413 01:35:58,627 --> 01:36:02,840 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1414 01:36:02,840 --> 01:36:07,094 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1415 01:36:07,094 --> 01:36:11,348 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1416 01:36:11,348 --> 01:36:15,644 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1417 01:36:15,644 --> 01:36:19,899 ♪ Don't wave no goodbye ♪ 1418 01:36:19,899 --> 01:36:24,111 ♪ Don't leave me tongue-tied ♪ 1419 01:36:24,111 --> 01:36:28,616 ♪ Don't... ♪ 1420 01:36:32,286 --> 01:36:35,539 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪ 1421 01:36:36,248 --> 01:36:40,044 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 1422 01:36:41,378 --> 01:36:44,673 ♪ Yeah ♪ 1423 01:37:05,277 --> 01:37:08,280 ♪ 106178

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