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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,077 --> 00:00:07,877 and some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting. 2 00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:10,237 WOMAN ON RADIO: The sound of Northamptonshire is... 3 00:00:10,237 --> 00:00:13,157 MAN ON RADIO: BBC Radio Northampton! 4 00:00:13,157 --> 00:00:15,677 MUSIC JINGLE 5 00:00:15,677 --> 00:00:18,357 PRESENTER: At seven o'clock with the latest BBC News 6 00:00:18,357 --> 00:00:20,637 for Northamptonshire, I'm Phil Gabbitas. 7 00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:23,957 Police are tonight searching wasteland outside Kettering 8 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:27,837 following the discovery earlier today of human remains. 9 00:00:27,837 --> 00:00:29,997 The body has yet to be formally identified, 10 00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,877 but police have indicated 11 00:00:31,877 --> 00:00:34,877 that the discovery is likely to be connected to three other murders 12 00:00:34,877 --> 00:00:37,357 in the county, thought to be the work of the so-called 13 00:00:37,357 --> 00:00:38,757 "Lonely Hearts Killer". 14 00:00:38,757 --> 00:00:41,077 A telephone number for anyone calling with information 15 00:00:41,077 --> 00:00:43,077 about the case has been released. 16 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:47,277 It's 01632 960011... 17 00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:49,037 DOOR ENTRY UNLOCKS 18 00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:56,637 SMOOCHY MUSIC 19 00:00:59,837 --> 00:01:00,877 COMPUTER CHIMES 20 00:01:00,877 --> 00:01:03,037 Oh, hello! 21 00:01:03,037 --> 00:01:04,837 Hi. 22 00:01:04,837 --> 00:01:06,517 Took me by surprise. 23 00:01:06,517 --> 00:01:08,757 I know, yeah. It's weird, isn't it? 24 00:01:08,757 --> 00:01:10,557 I... I, er... 25 00:01:10,557 --> 00:01:11,676 You go on. 26 00:01:11,676 --> 00:01:13,237 I was going to say, 27 00:01:13,237 --> 00:01:15,677 I don't know if we're allowed to say our names. 28 00:01:15,677 --> 00:01:18,277 Yeah, no, I'm not sure, erm, 29 00:01:18,277 --> 00:01:21,277 cos the email said we had to keep things anonymous, 30 00:01:21,277 --> 00:01:23,157 what with everything in the news. 31 00:01:23,157 --> 00:01:25,837 Well, statistically, you're more likely to be killed 32 00:01:25,837 --> 00:01:28,317 by someone you know than a complete stranger, 33 00:01:28,317 --> 00:01:30,717 so let's live dangerously, shall we? 34 00:01:30,717 --> 00:01:31,957 I'm Edgar. 35 00:01:34,957 --> 00:01:37,517 You don't have to tell me if you're not comfortable. 36 00:01:37,517 --> 00:01:39,477 Erm, Vicky. 37 00:01:39,477 --> 00:01:42,197 Hi, Vicky. Nice to e-meet you. 38 00:01:42,197 --> 00:01:44,836 Nice... Nice to meet you, too. 39 00:01:44,836 --> 00:01:47,517 Erm, so have you done one of these before? 40 00:01:47,517 --> 00:01:50,237 I've done one in real life where you go along a line... 41 00:01:50,237 --> 00:01:51,997 IRL. Sorry? 42 00:01:51,997 --> 00:01:54,677 Sorry, that's... erm, "in real life" is IRL. 43 00:01:54,677 --> 00:01:57,197 Yeah, where you jump along one every five minutes. 44 00:01:57,197 --> 00:01:59,637 It's like musical chairs. Exactly. 45 00:01:59,637 --> 00:02:02,437 Though mine was more like "pin the tail on the donkey". 46 00:02:02,437 --> 00:02:04,556 Anyway, nothing really came of it, 47 00:02:04,556 --> 00:02:05,836 so I thought I'd try this. 48 00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:08,197 Well. I-I'm glad you did. 49 00:02:08,197 --> 00:02:09,917 So am I. 50 00:02:09,917 --> 00:02:11,197 So, what do you do, Edgar? 51 00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:13,037 I'm a landscape gardener. 52 00:02:13,037 --> 00:02:14,957 I do designs and planting - 53 00:02:14,957 --> 00:02:18,197 basically, the kind of thing you see on the Chelsea Flower Show. 54 00:02:18,197 --> 00:02:19,757 I love that. 55 00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:23,156 I've never been, but I... I used to love watching it 56 00:02:23,156 --> 00:02:26,277 on the TV and...I've always really loved gardening. 57 00:02:26,277 --> 00:02:29,277 Really? Yeah, I put it as one of my passions. 58 00:02:29,277 --> 00:02:32,517 Well, that's a good start. What else is on that list? 59 00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:34,917 Well, that...that would be telling, wouldn't it? 60 00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:37,837 I've got to keep some of my feminine mystique! 61 00:02:37,837 --> 00:02:39,357 Absolutely right. 62 00:02:39,357 --> 00:02:42,477 So, how big's your plot? 63 00:02:43,877 --> 00:02:45,357 Sorry? 64 00:02:45,357 --> 00:02:46,837 Your garden. 65 00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:49,837 Do you want me to come round and give you a quote? 66 00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,677 Oh, it's a...small patch. 67 00:02:53,677 --> 00:02:56,597 Well, it's a window box, actually. 68 00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:58,717 Sounds great. I love a window box. 69 00:02:59,837 --> 00:03:02,117 So, how about you, Vicky? Do you work? 70 00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,197 Yeah, I'm a carer. I was... 71 00:03:04,197 --> 00:03:07,237 I was a carer, and now I just do a little bit of volunteering 72 00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:10,677 at the local charity shop, so...that's me. 73 00:03:10,677 --> 00:03:13,117 And do you have a family? What's your situation? 74 00:03:13,117 --> 00:03:16,717 Oh, I've got a brother who... moved to Canada a while ago, 75 00:03:16,717 --> 00:03:19,677 and he's got two little girls now, so I'm an auntie. 76 00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,757 Cool. Whereabouts? 77 00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:24,717 Winnipeg. Yeah, I'm going to go over there, definitely, 78 00:03:24,717 --> 00:03:27,277 once he gets settled. How long's he been there? 79 00:03:27,277 --> 00:03:28,557 Six years. 80 00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:34,757 Anyway, tell me more about you, 81 00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,117 cos I'm wittering on. 82 00:03:36,117 --> 00:03:38,397 Like I say, landscape gardener. 83 00:03:38,397 --> 00:03:40,117 I golf occasionally. 84 00:03:40,117 --> 00:03:42,917 Er, music-wise, Dire Straits, Dylan, Simply Red... 85 00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:44,637 Oh, I love them. 86 00:03:44,637 --> 00:03:46,637 What's your favourite album? 87 00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:48,317 Greatest Hits, probably. 88 00:03:49,757 --> 00:03:52,037 Anyway, Vicky, it's been lovely to meet you. 89 00:03:52,037 --> 00:03:54,117 Oh, no, we've still got a minute. 90 00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:55,797 Well, 55 seconds. 91 00:03:55,797 --> 00:03:58,997 That's...that's half a lifetime in speed dating. 92 00:03:58,997 --> 00:04:01,677 And you never know, I might be the one. 93 00:04:01,677 --> 00:04:05,877 Of course, but, erm, if you go shopping for a new sofa, 94 00:04:05,877 --> 00:04:09,877 for example, you don't just buy the first one you see, do you? 95 00:04:09,877 --> 00:04:13,197 You sit on a few first to get a feel for it. 96 00:04:13,197 --> 00:04:15,757 Some can be saggy... 97 00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:19,877 You know? And some can be sleek and...hard. 98 00:04:19,877 --> 00:04:24,317 And some can be fluffy and comfortable 99 00:04:24,317 --> 00:04:26,437 and last you a lifetime. 100 00:04:26,437 --> 00:04:27,717 True. 101 00:04:29,117 --> 00:04:31,157 Anyway, good luck. 102 00:04:31,157 --> 00:04:33,157 I hope you make it to Canada someday. 103 00:04:33,157 --> 00:04:34,917 I will. Thank...thanks, Edgar. 104 00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:37,117 It's been... It's been really nice chatting to you. 105 00:04:37,117 --> 00:04:38,597 You, too. I've really enjoyed it, 106 00:04:38,597 --> 00:04:41,117 and it's been good practice for the next one. 107 00:04:41,117 --> 00:04:42,837 SMOOCHY MUSIC 108 00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:46,957 DOOR INTERCOM BUZZES 109 00:04:50,197 --> 00:04:51,437 Hi. 110 00:04:53,357 --> 00:04:54,677 DOORBELL CHIMES 111 00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,757 I'm really glad you came. 112 00:05:00,837 --> 00:05:02,317 SMOOCHY MUSIC 113 00:05:02,317 --> 00:05:03,397 COMPUTER CHIMES 114 00:05:03,397 --> 00:05:06,277 Right, victim number two! Good evening. 115 00:05:06,277 --> 00:05:07,957 Hello there. 116 00:05:07,957 --> 00:05:09,717 This is weird, isn't it? 117 00:05:09,717 --> 00:05:11,597 Could you sit up for me, please? 118 00:05:11,597 --> 00:05:13,877 Sorry? Sit up a little, would you? 119 00:05:13,877 --> 00:05:15,797 The lighting is very poor your end. 120 00:05:15,797 --> 00:05:18,357 Is that deliberate? No. 121 00:05:18,357 --> 00:05:22,117 Erm, maybe if I tilt... the screen back? 122 00:05:22,117 --> 00:05:24,517 Is that better? Marginally. 123 00:05:24,517 --> 00:05:28,037 Now, I have a brief checklist, if you don't mind my going first. 124 00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,917 Always best to have a plan, I find. So, you are...? 125 00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:33,637 Well, I thought we were supposed to keep things anon... 126 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:34,917 Vicky. 127 00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,077 LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 128 00:05:37,077 --> 00:05:38,677 Victoria. 129 00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:41,037 Age? Well, is that...? 130 00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:42,717 A ballpark figure will do. 131 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,517 I know you fillies like to shave off half a decade if you can. 132 00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:47,236 No, I'd rather not say. 133 00:05:47,236 --> 00:05:49,997 Erm, I'm as old as my gums 134 00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,797 and a little bit older than my teeth. 135 00:05:51,797 --> 00:05:52,837 LAUGHS 136 00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:54,797 I'll...put 58. 137 00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:56,757 And location? 138 00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,117 No, I'm not comfortable telling you that at the moment... 139 00:05:59,117 --> 00:06:01,277 For goodness' sakes, do I look like an axe murderer? 140 00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:04,437 I just need to know if you have direct transport links to Kettering. 141 00:06:04,437 --> 00:06:05,637 Er, yes. 142 00:06:05,637 --> 00:06:07,037 Well, that's fine, then. 143 00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:09,037 Now, these you can answer in the order you like, 144 00:06:09,037 --> 00:06:10,597 but I'd like to know the following. 145 00:06:10,597 --> 00:06:13,317 Occupation and salary, pastimes and interests, 146 00:06:13,317 --> 00:06:15,637 family and domestic expectations. 147 00:06:15,637 --> 00:06:18,117 Oh, you're very prepared, aren't you? 148 00:06:18,117 --> 00:06:19,677 I just... 149 00:06:19,677 --> 00:06:22,157 Anyway...I'm...a carer. 150 00:06:22,157 --> 00:06:23,597 Was a carer. 151 00:06:23,597 --> 00:06:26,917 And now I just work in a charity shop locally. 152 00:06:26,917 --> 00:06:29,077 Is that a salaried position? 153 00:06:29,077 --> 00:06:32,277 No, but I do get first dibs on every new bag that comes in. 154 00:06:32,277 --> 00:06:34,037 Sorry, what... What was your name? 155 00:06:34,037 --> 00:06:36,717 Norman Jenkins. Pastimes? 156 00:06:36,717 --> 00:06:40,997 Er, I like to garden, erm, walks, cooking... 157 00:06:40,997 --> 00:06:42,757 Standard stuff. 158 00:06:42,757 --> 00:06:45,637 Family-wise, I've got a brother who lives in Canada 159 00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,236 but, apart from that, 160 00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:49,397 I'm footloose and fancy-free, so... 161 00:06:49,397 --> 00:06:51,477 Yeah. Hang on, hang on. 162 00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:52,477 "Loose..." 163 00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:55,957 ..and "free". 164 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,397 Sorry... 165 00:06:57,397 --> 00:07:00,477 ..Norman, what did you mean by "domestic expectations"? 166 00:07:02,077 --> 00:07:04,477 I've recently been cut open from here to here. 167 00:07:04,477 --> 00:07:05,957 I'm sorry to hear that. 168 00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:08,157 No, don't be sorry. It saved my life. 169 00:07:08,157 --> 00:07:11,437 I'm fitted with a pacemaker which regulates my heartbeat 170 00:07:11,437 --> 00:07:13,597 between 60 and 80bpm. 171 00:07:13,597 --> 00:07:18,477 However, my surgeon has warned me about energetic activities, 172 00:07:18,477 --> 00:07:20,797 including housework and... 173 00:07:20,797 --> 00:07:24,517 ..bedroom antics, so my enquiry about domestic expectations 174 00:07:24,517 --> 00:07:27,597 has to do with that. Is that clear? 175 00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:30,157 But I think it's a bit soon to be thinking about... 176 00:07:30,157 --> 00:07:32,677 Suffice to say, I may not be able to... 177 00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:36,637 ..deliver on certain aspects of what you might be looking for. 178 00:07:36,637 --> 00:07:40,117 That's fine. Erm, thank you for being so honest with me. 179 00:07:40,117 --> 00:07:41,997 I appreciate it. 180 00:07:41,997 --> 00:07:44,477 I... I've had some big, life-changing stuff 181 00:07:44,477 --> 00:07:46,797 going on myself. 182 00:07:46,797 --> 00:07:48,917 It's nice to talk about it, isn't it? 183 00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:51,357 I'm not lonely, if that's what you mean. 184 00:07:51,357 --> 00:07:54,117 Good. I'm pleased for you. 185 00:07:54,117 --> 00:07:55,677 I am, a bit. 186 00:07:57,037 --> 00:08:01,837 Can I turn the tables now and interrogate you? 187 00:08:01,837 --> 00:08:04,157 If you wish, yes. It's only fair. 188 00:08:04,157 --> 00:08:07,197 So, Norman, if we were going to go on a date, 189 00:08:07,197 --> 00:08:08,797 where would you take me? 190 00:08:08,797 --> 00:08:11,757 Oh. Good question. Erm... 191 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:14,517 I suppose, off the top of my head, 192 00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:17,917 it would have to be, erm, Kensington Palace Gardens, 193 00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:19,997 Peter Pan statue. 194 00:08:19,997 --> 00:08:23,037 Mother used to take me there when I was a boy, 195 00:08:23,037 --> 00:08:24,877 every Sunday, once a month, 196 00:08:24,877 --> 00:08:27,157 before I was returned to boarding school. 197 00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:29,477 She'd buy me an ice cream with strawberry sauce - 198 00:08:29,477 --> 00:08:31,517 "monkey blood" we used to call it - 199 00:08:31,517 --> 00:08:34,117 and then drop me off at the station. 200 00:08:34,117 --> 00:08:37,077 And I'd sob my little heart out all the way back to Surrey. 201 00:08:39,357 --> 00:08:41,477 That's so sad. 202 00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:42,917 Is your mother still with us? 203 00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:45,597 No, she died in 2014. 204 00:08:45,597 --> 00:08:47,277 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 205 00:08:48,797 --> 00:08:50,957 I lost my mother last year. 206 00:08:52,477 --> 00:08:55,157 It...untethers you, doesn't it? 207 00:08:55,157 --> 00:08:56,997 You... 208 00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,397 ..lose your bearings. 209 00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:02,957 Do you think that you'd maybe like to... 210 00:09:02,957 --> 00:09:05,957 ..meet for a coffee sometime and talk about it? 211 00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:08,237 Certainly not. You look nothing like her. 212 00:09:08,237 --> 00:09:09,517 SMOOCHY MUSIC 213 00:09:12,237 --> 00:09:13,797 COMPUTER CHIMES 214 00:09:13,797 --> 00:09:16,397 Oh, hello! I'm Manny. 215 00:09:16,397 --> 00:09:18,157 Erm...Vicky. 216 00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,517 You look like you've lost a shilling and found a penny! 217 00:09:20,517 --> 00:09:21,597 Am I that ugly? 218 00:09:21,597 --> 00:09:25,157 No, not at all! Sorry, no, I've, erm... 219 00:09:25,157 --> 00:09:28,077 I've just had the rudest man. 220 00:09:28,077 --> 00:09:29,997 There's some nutters on here, aren't there? 221 00:09:29,997 --> 00:09:31,877 Well, you've only got to read the papers. 222 00:09:31,877 --> 00:09:33,837 Hey, my last one didn't go to plan either. 223 00:09:33,837 --> 00:09:37,197 Really? Yeah. Screen comes up, there's nobody there. 224 00:09:37,197 --> 00:09:40,237 I just hear this voice off. "Sorry, I'm having a wee!" 225 00:09:40,237 --> 00:09:41,757 I said, "It's all right, love. 226 00:09:41,757 --> 00:09:43,477 "When you gotta go, you gotta go." 227 00:09:43,477 --> 00:09:45,197 Then she comes out of the toilet, 228 00:09:45,197 --> 00:09:46,797 starts unloading the dishwasher! 229 00:09:46,797 --> 00:09:48,637 No! I swear down! 230 00:09:48,637 --> 00:09:51,037 I said, "Are you not going to have a quick look, just in case 231 00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:52,637 "you've got Cary Grant sat here?" 232 00:09:52,637 --> 00:09:54,797 So, she comes over, puts her glasses on and goes, 233 00:09:54,797 --> 00:09:56,997 "Cary Grant? More like Russell Grant!" 234 00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,317 Then she frigs off again! 235 00:09:58,317 --> 00:09:58,317 SHE LAUGHS 236 00:09:58,317 --> 00:10:00,437 I-I like a cuddly man. 237 00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:03,917 Oh, well, you know, I go up and down, but it's hard, isn't it? 238 00:10:03,917 --> 00:10:07,717 My last date was after a mother rather than a partner. 239 00:10:07,717 --> 00:10:09,917 You never know who you're going to get, do you? 240 00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:11,557 Mm, yeah, true. 241 00:10:13,077 --> 00:10:14,957 You've got lovely eyes. 242 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,717 Thank you. 243 00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:20,557 SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 244 00:10:20,557 --> 00:10:22,277 So, do you work, Vicky? 245 00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,917 Yeah, I'm a landscape gardener. 246 00:10:23,917 --> 00:10:26,517 Really? Yeah, I do designs and planting - 247 00:10:26,517 --> 00:10:28,917 the sort of thing you see in the Chelsea Flower Show. 248 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:28,917 Wow! 249 00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,797 HE CHUCKLES 250 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,637 I was going to say something about a neat bush but I stopped meself. 251 00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:33,637 VICKY STIFLES A LAUGH 252 00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:36,117 "Don't blow it, Manny!" 253 00:10:36,117 --> 00:10:37,797 Oh, it's nice to laugh. 254 00:10:37,797 --> 00:10:39,157 I haven't laughed in ages. 255 00:10:39,157 --> 00:10:40,677 Oh, yeah. It's the best medicine. 256 00:10:40,677 --> 00:10:42,957 Even if nothing comes of these things romantically, 257 00:10:42,957 --> 00:10:45,877 I always try and have a bit of fun, but that's just me. 258 00:10:45,877 --> 00:10:48,197 You can't go wrong if you're straight up with people, 259 00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:49,557 do you know what I mean? 260 00:10:49,557 --> 00:10:51,517 Be honest. And if they like you, they like you. 261 00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:54,037 And if they don't, it's four minutes out your life. 262 00:10:54,037 --> 00:10:56,197 Yeah. 263 00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,437 You're right. 264 00:10:58,917 --> 00:11:00,437 I'm not a landscape gardener. 265 00:11:00,437 --> 00:11:02,237 I just said it. I don't know why. 266 00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:04,677 I think it's a confidence thing. 267 00:11:04,677 --> 00:11:07,557 Oh, don't be daft, I'll talk to anyone, me. 268 00:11:07,557 --> 00:11:09,357 Well, you're not a traffic warden, are you? 269 00:11:09,357 --> 00:11:09,357 BOTH LAUGH 270 00:11:09,357 --> 00:11:12,237 No. No, I'm... 271 00:11:12,237 --> 00:11:13,957 I'm nothing. 272 00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:15,997 Anyway, what do you do? 273 00:11:15,997 --> 00:11:18,917 I, Vicky, run a premium phone line for people trying 274 00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:20,677 to solve their Rubik's Cubes. 275 00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:22,237 Honestly? Swear down. 276 00:11:22,237 --> 00:11:24,477 People ring up. They've got three sides done. 277 00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:26,077 They want to know how to progress. 278 00:11:26,077 --> 00:11:28,917 Occasionally, I get the speed cubers phoning up with a DNF. 279 00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:31,077 What's that? "Did not finish". 280 00:11:31,077 --> 00:11:34,037 But, mainly, it's just taking Muggles through to self-completion 281 00:11:34,037 --> 00:11:35,477 using the Fridrich method - 282 00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:37,837 you know, starting with your basic white cross, 283 00:11:37,837 --> 00:11:40,397 then inserting pairs of corners using OLL - sorry, 284 00:11:40,397 --> 00:11:40,397 "orientation of last layer". 285 00:11:40,397 --> 00:11:42,597 HE CHUCKLES 286 00:11:42,597 --> 00:11:44,557 I do go a bit geeky when I get on the subject. 287 00:11:44,557 --> 00:11:46,197 No, it sounds fascinating. 288 00:11:46,197 --> 00:11:47,997 And, erm, how long are you on for? 289 00:11:47,997 --> 00:11:50,277 Average call time is 17 minutes. 290 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,517 £1 a minute. You do the maths. 291 00:11:52,517 --> 00:11:53,877 £17. 292 00:11:53,877 --> 00:11:56,277 Exactly. Then you throw in your internationals - 293 00:11:56,277 --> 00:11:58,117 your Chineses, your Thais... 294 00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,677 I only need to do 3-4 calls a day and I'm laughing. 295 00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:02,037 Sounds perfect. 296 00:12:02,037 --> 00:12:04,277 Well, it is. You see, I want to franchise it, 297 00:12:04,277 --> 00:12:06,077 get it on Dragons' Den. 298 00:12:06,077 --> 00:12:08,597 To me, it could be the next Trunki or Tangle Teezer, 299 00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:10,437 but I just don't think they'd get it! 300 00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:13,317 Well, the new lad they've got on - Steven - he might. 301 00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,557 You've got to get it on social media. 302 00:12:15,557 --> 00:12:18,237 You can get everything on social media nowadays, can't you? 303 00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,837 You can. 304 00:12:19,837 --> 00:12:21,957 Including someone to have a bit of fun with. 305 00:12:25,437 --> 00:12:27,117 SHE CHUCKLES 306 00:12:27,117 --> 00:12:29,277 I wish I had a hobby 307 00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,677 that I could turn into a job. 308 00:12:30,677 --> 00:12:32,357 Oh, it's the best. 309 00:12:32,357 --> 00:12:34,517 But it does make it hard to meet people, so... 310 00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:35,877 WOMAN: Manny! 311 00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:37,557 Have you seen the key to the shed? 312 00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,637 I want to get the kids' bikes out for the morning. 313 00:12:39,637 --> 00:12:41,237 Yeah, I'll be down in a bit, love. 314 00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:45,437 Who's this? No-one. 315 00:12:45,437 --> 00:12:46,957 It's just one of me cubers. 316 00:12:48,197 --> 00:12:50,437 You fuckin' liar! 317 00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,917 You're doing it again, aren't you? 318 00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:53,637 No! Listen! 319 00:12:53,637 --> 00:12:55,317 He's married, you sad cow! 320 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:56,677 Sorry, I didn't know, I... 321 00:12:56,677 --> 00:12:58,717 Keep your desperate, clammy hands off. 322 00:12:58,717 --> 00:13:01,517 If I catch you sniffing round again, I'll find out where you live 323 00:13:01,517 --> 00:13:03,357 and I'll break your ribs! Do you hear me? 324 00:13:03,357 --> 00:13:05,397 I've done it before. She has. 325 00:13:05,397 --> 00:13:08,317 Piss off and get your own man, bitch! 326 00:13:08,317 --> 00:13:09,997 SMOOCHY MUSIC 327 00:13:14,237 --> 00:13:17,197 Oh, I'm really glad you came. Come in. 328 00:13:18,837 --> 00:13:21,637 Oh, you've opened it already. 329 00:13:21,637 --> 00:13:23,597 It's a... 330 00:13:23,597 --> 00:13:26,077 ..bit of Dutch courage, I suppose. 331 00:13:26,077 --> 00:13:28,117 Er, come in, sit down. I'll pour us a glass. 332 00:13:38,797 --> 00:13:40,517 WOMAN: Hello? 333 00:13:41,637 --> 00:13:42,997 Hello? 334 00:13:44,197 --> 00:13:46,837 Oh, hello! Who have we got here? 335 00:13:48,437 --> 00:13:50,357 Oh, hi. Erm... 336 00:13:50,357 --> 00:13:53,117 Oh, don't worry. It's been happening all night. 337 00:13:53,117 --> 00:13:55,277 I think they've put me on the wrong track 338 00:13:55,277 --> 00:13:57,317 because of my name - Lesley. 339 00:13:57,317 --> 00:14:00,677 It's one of those bi...polar names, isn't it? 340 00:14:00,677 --> 00:14:03,877 Although it shouldn't be a problem in this day and age, 341 00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,397 what with all the mixing of the gender fluids. 342 00:14:06,397 --> 00:14:07,677 I suppose so, yeah. 343 00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:08,957 Anyway, I'm not a lesbian. 344 00:14:08,957 --> 00:14:11,317 I'm not even bi...curious. 345 00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:14,637 SHE LAUGHS I can't imagine anything worse. 346 00:14:14,637 --> 00:14:16,757 What's your name, lovey? 347 00:14:16,757 --> 00:14:19,237 Vicky. Aw. Vicky. 348 00:14:19,237 --> 00:14:22,317 Is that with a C-K-I, or a K-K-I? 349 00:14:22,317 --> 00:14:23,757 V-I-C-K-Y. 350 00:14:23,757 --> 00:14:25,677 ..C-K-Y. 351 00:14:25,677 --> 00:14:27,037 Lovely. 352 00:14:27,037 --> 00:14:29,237 And do you go by Vicky, or Victoria? 353 00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:31,717 Er, Vicky, mainly. Victoria's a bit... 354 00:14:31,717 --> 00:14:33,757 Old-fashioned, yes. I agree. 355 00:14:33,757 --> 00:14:37,797 Although I do have a friend my age who's called Ivy, 356 00:14:37,797 --> 00:14:41,477 and she's got tattoos and a labia ring, so go figure! 357 00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:41,477 SHE LAUGHS 358 00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:45,157 So, now...tell me, Vic, 359 00:14:45,157 --> 00:14:49,677 have you seen anyone who's Mr Right out there, 360 00:14:49,677 --> 00:14:51,317 or are they all a bit...? 361 00:14:51,317 --> 00:14:53,757 Mr Lefts, as my mother used to say. 362 00:14:53,757 --> 00:14:55,077 SHE LAUGHS 363 00:14:55,077 --> 00:14:57,237 "Mr Lefts". I like that. 364 00:14:57,237 --> 00:14:58,717 No, erm... 365 00:14:58,717 --> 00:15:01,517 Yeah, I've found a couple of potentials maybe, 366 00:15:01,517 --> 00:15:03,717 but no-one's really jumped out at me. 367 00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:05,157 Oh, well, I should hope not - 368 00:15:05,157 --> 00:15:07,917 I mean, that's the beauty about being online. 369 00:15:07,917 --> 00:15:09,997 Safety first! 370 00:15:09,997 --> 00:15:12,917 Did you hear they found another body this morning? 371 00:15:14,277 --> 00:15:16,317 Ring finger chopped off. 372 00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:16,317 SHE GASPS 373 00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:18,997 It's terrible. 374 00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:21,357 You could be talking to the Lonely Hearts Killer. 375 00:15:21,357 --> 00:15:23,197 Oh, don't say that. 376 00:15:23,197 --> 00:15:25,557 Well, you can't trust anyone these days. 377 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,877 I must tell you, though, Vic, 378 00:15:27,877 --> 00:15:30,717 I've been laughing with some of my other ladies 379 00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:33,757 about the descriptions that the guys give themselves, 380 00:15:33,757 --> 00:15:35,557 compared to what they really look like. 381 00:15:35,557 --> 00:15:36,877 Do you know what I mean? 382 00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:40,437 Yes! My last one described himself as Cary Grant. 383 00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:42,397 I thought, "More like Russell Grant." 384 00:15:42,397 --> 00:15:42,397 SHE LAUGHS 385 00:15:42,397 --> 00:15:44,877 Priceless! 386 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,117 Mind you, we're just as bad, aren't we? 387 00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:51,917 I mean, you know, we say, er, "bubbly" when we mean fat, 388 00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,797 or "homely" when we mean a frump. 389 00:15:54,797 --> 00:15:57,397 "Lives life to the full" - ie, raging alcoholic. 390 00:15:57,397 --> 00:15:58,597 SHE LAUGHS 391 00:15:58,597 --> 00:16:00,397 Or my favourite... 392 00:16:00,397 --> 00:16:02,597 .."footloose and fancy-free" - 393 00:16:02,597 --> 00:16:05,477 meaning a totally empty existence. 394 00:16:05,477 --> 00:16:07,157 SHE LAUGHS 395 00:16:07,157 --> 00:16:09,917 Now, what's your status at the moment, Vic? 396 00:16:09,917 --> 00:16:11,637 Divorced, single, 397 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,117 or are you married, looking for a bit of fun on the side? 398 00:16:14,117 --> 00:16:16,717 No. Erm, I've just never really found the time 399 00:16:16,717 --> 00:16:18,437 for a serious relationship. 400 00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:21,157 Ah, you're a career woman, like me. 401 00:16:21,157 --> 00:16:23,797 No, not really. I just, erm... 402 00:16:25,357 --> 00:16:27,917 I was worried that, if I did find a man, 403 00:16:27,917 --> 00:16:30,517 he'd have to share me with my mum. 404 00:16:30,517 --> 00:16:31,917 Sounds kinky. 405 00:16:31,917 --> 00:16:34,997 No, no, not like that. It's just, up until recently, 406 00:16:34,997 --> 00:16:37,997 I've had to put her needs first. 407 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,597 My dad walked out when we were little, 408 00:16:40,597 --> 00:16:42,277 so it was down to me, 409 00:16:42,277 --> 00:16:44,797 and that was my life... 410 00:16:44,797 --> 00:16:47,277 ..through my fingers before I knew it. 411 00:16:47,277 --> 00:16:48,957 Aw... 412 00:16:50,237 --> 00:16:53,757 So, you found solace in food. 413 00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:55,597 No, not really. 414 00:16:55,597 --> 00:17:00,277 Oh, we're so hard on ourselves sometimes, aren't we, Vic? 415 00:17:00,277 --> 00:17:03,957 I mean, how many items of clothing have you got 416 00:17:03,957 --> 00:17:06,357 that you can no longer get into? 417 00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:06,357 Oh... 418 00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:08,477 SHE CHUCKLES 419 00:17:08,477 --> 00:17:10,837 One to five, five to ten, or 11 and over? 420 00:17:12,037 --> 00:17:13,997 Five to ten probably, if I... 421 00:17:13,997 --> 00:17:17,916 Good. And, sometimes, Vic... 422 00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:20,676 ..when I'm slipping into the bath of an evening, 423 00:17:20,676 --> 00:17:23,717 I glance in the mirror and I think to myself, 424 00:17:23,717 --> 00:17:27,717 "What three words would I use to describe my body shape?" 425 00:17:27,717 --> 00:17:29,757 Do you ever think that? 426 00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,717 And if so, what would they be? 427 00:17:32,717 --> 00:17:35,477 So...what? The three words. Take your time. 428 00:17:35,477 --> 00:17:36,957 We've still got a minute left. 429 00:17:36,957 --> 00:17:38,357 Sorry, what is this? What? 430 00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:40,597 Why are you writing everything down? 431 00:17:40,597 --> 00:17:44,597 Vicky, what if I were to tell you 432 00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,837 that there is a brand-new miracle product 433 00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:50,277 that's just about to launch in the UK? 434 00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:54,037 It's a supplement, it's not food replacement, and I can... 435 00:17:54,037 --> 00:17:57,877 So, what, are you just trying to sign me up for a diet plan? 436 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,317 Oh, no, we don't call it a diet plan. No, no, no, no. 437 00:18:00,317 --> 00:18:02,677 It's a gateway to a new you. 438 00:18:02,677 --> 00:18:04,077 Have you got an email address? 439 00:18:04,077 --> 00:18:05,397 No! 440 00:18:05,397 --> 00:18:07,837 Yes. But I'm not going to give it to you. 441 00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,437 Why not, lovey? Because you've tricked me. 442 00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:13,317 I bet you deliberately put yourself down as a man, didn't you? 443 00:18:13,317 --> 00:18:15,397 Well, it is fish in a barrel. 444 00:18:15,397 --> 00:18:18,597 I mean, where else am I going to find an endless supply 445 00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,117 of ladies like you? 446 00:18:20,117 --> 00:18:22,317 What do you mean, ladies like me? 447 00:18:22,317 --> 00:18:23,637 Bubbly. 448 00:18:24,957 --> 00:18:27,797 Now, I really do need your email so that I can... 449 00:18:27,797 --> 00:18:27,797 Fuck off! 450 00:18:27,797 --> 00:18:29,557 BEEP 451 00:18:34,557 --> 00:18:35,997 COMPUTER CHIMES 452 00:18:40,237 --> 00:18:41,517 Hiya. 453 00:18:42,677 --> 00:18:44,237 Is that supposed to be funny? 454 00:18:45,437 --> 00:18:47,957 No, I'm really sorry. Erm, I've been trying to fix this 455 00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:49,677 for the past half an hour. 456 00:18:49,677 --> 00:18:53,997 I, erm, let my kids use my phone to watch LazyTown on CBeebies, 457 00:18:53,997 --> 00:18:56,317 and the next thing you know, ha... 458 00:18:57,677 --> 00:18:59,197 At least I'm not a turd. 459 00:18:59,197 --> 00:19:00,317 Ha... 460 00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:03,837 There's one that's a turd. 461 00:19:03,837 --> 00:19:05,357 Sorry. 462 00:19:06,597 --> 00:19:09,317 I can keep fidgeting with my phone to try and turn this off, 463 00:19:09,317 --> 00:19:12,797 or I can focus on talking to you properly? 464 00:19:12,797 --> 00:19:15,157 Er...or you can switch off now 465 00:19:15,157 --> 00:19:17,597 and save yourself four minutes. I wouldn't blame you. 466 00:19:17,597 --> 00:19:20,397 Do you know what? It's fine. I'm not doing anything else. 467 00:19:21,917 --> 00:19:24,437 Can I ask your name? I'd rather not say. 468 00:19:24,437 --> 00:19:25,957 Yeah, OK, I'm sorry. 469 00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,957 D-Don't keep saying sorry, 470 00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:29,877 because you sound like me. 471 00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,597 What have you got to be sorry for? 472 00:19:31,597 --> 00:19:34,797 Oh. Daring to exist, according to most people on here. 473 00:19:34,797 --> 00:19:37,037 Yeah. Not easy, is it? 474 00:19:37,037 --> 00:19:40,517 Being gazed at and picked over by half a dozen strangers. 475 00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:44,637 I've never done this before, and I don't think I'll bother again. 476 00:19:44,637 --> 00:19:47,877 Why not? It's just too painful. 477 00:19:47,877 --> 00:19:50,637 Confirms all the worst things that I think about myself. 478 00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:54,157 Well, d-don't be like that. 479 00:19:54,157 --> 00:19:56,437 I-I'm sure there's somebody out there for you. 480 00:19:57,557 --> 00:19:59,237 Are you a man or a mouse? 481 00:19:59,237 --> 00:20:00,837 Oh. 482 00:20:00,837 --> 00:20:00,837 THEY CHUCKLE 483 00:20:00,837 --> 00:20:03,397 Sorry. 484 00:20:03,397 --> 00:20:03,397 Fair enough. 485 00:20:03,397 --> 00:20:05,477 BOTH LAUGH 486 00:20:06,877 --> 00:20:08,957 It's... 487 00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,477 Cheers to us, anyway. 488 00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,397 To us. Cheers. 489 00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:20,317 HE SIGHS DEEPLY 490 00:20:22,317 --> 00:20:25,237 My name's Vicky, by the way. 491 00:20:25,237 --> 00:20:26,717 Jai, by the way. 492 00:20:27,877 --> 00:20:29,797 How old are your kids, Jai? 493 00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:31,597 11 and 12. 494 00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,517 And they still watch CBeebies? 495 00:20:33,517 --> 00:20:35,237 Yeah. 496 00:20:35,237 --> 00:20:37,317 What are their names? 497 00:20:37,317 --> 00:20:39,997 Er, Sally and Lindsay. 498 00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:42,157 Like the actress? 499 00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:43,597 I suppose, yeah. 500 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,757 I... 501 00:20:46,757 --> 00:20:49,277 ..used to sit my mum in front of CBeebies. 502 00:20:49,277 --> 00:20:52,117 She liked the colours. So... 503 00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:56,077 ..I know that LazyTown hasn't been on for...ten years. 504 00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:00,597 You put that filter on yourself, didn't you? 505 00:21:05,477 --> 00:21:06,997 I don't have kids. 506 00:21:06,997 --> 00:21:09,797 Erm...the thing is, Vicky, I've...I've got this... 507 00:21:09,797 --> 00:21:10,837 I know. 508 00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,437 When you took a drink, I saw. 509 00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:16,517 Why don't you just turn it off, and we can talk properly? 510 00:21:18,037 --> 00:21:19,677 Yeah? Mm. 511 00:21:25,957 --> 00:21:28,117 That's better. 512 00:21:28,117 --> 00:21:29,477 HE SIGHS 513 00:21:29,477 --> 00:21:32,077 So...tonight's been a bit of a wash-out, has it? 514 00:21:32,077 --> 00:21:34,477 Yeah. 515 00:21:34,477 --> 00:21:36,237 Up till now, anyway. 516 00:21:39,117 --> 00:21:42,357 I don't get to meet many women IRL. 517 00:21:42,357 --> 00:21:45,397 It's quite hard to put up with the stares and... 518 00:21:45,397 --> 00:21:48,597 Oh, tell me about it. I live on the top floor with no lift. 519 00:21:48,597 --> 00:21:50,997 No, I mean, the... No, I know what you meant. 520 00:21:50,997 --> 00:21:50,997 Oh... I was joking. 521 00:21:50,997 --> 00:21:53,877 THEY CHUCKLE 522 00:21:53,877 --> 00:21:56,077 You've got bants, Vicky's got bants. 523 00:21:56,077 --> 00:21:57,917 SHE LAUGHS 524 00:21:59,557 --> 00:22:02,757 No, people react in different ways. Erm... 525 00:22:02,757 --> 00:22:05,357 ..I'm either the Invisible Man, or the Elephant Man. 526 00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:11,917 They either can't stop looking or...they don't see me at all. 527 00:22:11,917 --> 00:22:14,077 Oh, that must be hard. 528 00:22:14,077 --> 00:22:16,277 I get overlooked as well. 529 00:22:16,277 --> 00:22:18,117 No man, no job, 530 00:22:18,117 --> 00:22:20,877 unless you count being a carer, which most people don't. 531 00:22:23,077 --> 00:22:27,157 So, this is me finally coming out into the world, like, erm, 532 00:22:27,157 --> 00:22:29,237 a flower starting to bloom, 533 00:22:29,237 --> 00:22:31,997 except no-one wants to smell me. SHE CHUCKLES 534 00:22:31,997 --> 00:22:33,397 I do. 535 00:22:35,477 --> 00:22:37,637 Sorry, I meant... That sounded weird. I mean... 536 00:22:37,637 --> 00:22:39,677 Oh, we've got 20 seconds left. 537 00:22:39,677 --> 00:22:42,837 Wh-What can you say in 20 seconds? Go! OK. Er...er... 538 00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:44,077 Hold on, wait. 539 00:22:44,077 --> 00:22:46,437 BOTH LAUGH 540 00:22:46,437 --> 00:22:48,277 Check this out! 541 00:22:48,277 --> 00:22:50,197 SHE LAUGHS 542 00:22:50,197 --> 00:22:52,437 Hope you've got a good memory, Vicky! 543 00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:52,437 Wait. 544 00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:54,357 PAPER RUSTLES 545 00:22:54,357 --> 00:22:56,357 SCRIBBLES 546 00:22:56,357 --> 00:22:59,157 SMOOCHY MUSIC 547 00:22:59,157 --> 00:23:00,477 SHE LAUGHS 548 00:23:07,397 --> 00:23:09,597 I made us a lasagne. 549 00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,597 I hope that's OK. 550 00:23:11,597 --> 00:23:14,957 Just with some salad and a bit of garlic bread. 551 00:23:14,957 --> 00:23:17,837 It's been nice having someone to cook for. 552 00:23:17,837 --> 00:23:20,117 Mum always wanted tinned stuff, 553 00:23:20,117 --> 00:23:22,877 and it became quite boring after a while. 554 00:23:26,437 --> 00:23:28,357 Cheers. 555 00:23:28,357 --> 00:23:29,957 It's nice to see you in the flesh. 556 00:23:31,237 --> 00:23:32,917 Here's to no more masks. 557 00:23:32,917 --> 00:23:34,357 No more masks. 558 00:23:37,637 --> 00:23:41,277 So, erm, how's Sally and Lindsay? 559 00:23:41,277 --> 00:23:44,277 Oh, yeah, they're tucked up in bed watching LazyTown. 560 00:23:44,277 --> 00:23:45,597 BOTH LAUGH 561 00:23:45,597 --> 00:23:47,437 I'm glad to hear it. Do you want to sit down? 562 00:23:47,437 --> 00:23:48,637 Yes, please, thank you. 563 00:23:50,917 --> 00:23:54,037 So, er, have you been working today? 564 00:23:54,037 --> 00:23:55,797 Cos I never asked you what you did. 565 00:23:55,797 --> 00:23:58,837 Yeah. So, er, I'm in investments, so, er... 566 00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:00,597 ..buying, trading, selling. 567 00:24:00,597 --> 00:24:02,517 I'm actually going to get some Bitcoin soon, 568 00:24:02,517 --> 00:24:04,077 so I'm just running the numbers. 569 00:24:04,077 --> 00:24:06,837 That sounds exciting. Yeah, it is really exciting. 570 00:24:06,837 --> 00:24:08,357 Yeah. 571 00:24:08,357 --> 00:24:10,557 That's an interesting dress you're wearing. 572 00:24:10,557 --> 00:24:13,877 You're the third person I've seen wearing it this week. 573 00:24:13,877 --> 00:24:16,117 Really? 574 00:24:16,117 --> 00:24:19,317 Must be on sale or, like, at one of them charity shops, or something. 575 00:24:20,637 --> 00:24:23,077 No. It's...quite old. 576 00:24:24,277 --> 00:24:26,317 It used to be one of my mum's, I think. 577 00:24:26,317 --> 00:24:27,677 What makes you say that? 578 00:24:28,957 --> 00:24:30,437 I've got you a present. 579 00:24:38,717 --> 00:24:40,997 It's a mouse. 580 00:24:40,997 --> 00:24:43,237 To remind you of when we first met. 581 00:24:43,237 --> 00:24:45,557 Oh, that... That's lovely. 582 00:24:45,557 --> 00:24:47,677 Can I put it on you? 583 00:24:47,677 --> 00:24:49,877 Er...yeah. 584 00:24:49,877 --> 00:24:51,277 OK. Yeah? 585 00:24:53,877 --> 00:24:55,997 Would you turn around? 586 00:24:55,997 --> 00:24:57,317 BOTH CHUCKLE QUIETLY 587 00:25:02,677 --> 00:25:05,157 HE SNIFFS 588 00:25:05,157 --> 00:25:07,397 I can smell you now. 589 00:25:07,397 --> 00:25:09,837 HE CHUCKLES 590 00:25:09,837 --> 00:25:11,037 That looks nice. 591 00:25:12,757 --> 00:25:15,037 QUIETLY: Yes... Just going to get some crisps. 592 00:25:17,437 --> 00:25:19,557 You seem nervous, Vicky. 593 00:25:19,557 --> 00:25:21,557 Do I make you nervous? No. 594 00:25:22,877 --> 00:25:24,637 Erm... 595 00:25:24,637 --> 00:25:26,997 Well, as I said, I've not been on many dates, 596 00:25:26,997 --> 00:25:29,637 because of my mother and her condition. 597 00:25:29,637 --> 00:25:33,557 But...can't be going out for a romantic meal for two. 598 00:25:33,557 --> 00:25:36,317 It's easy when your mum's bag needs emptying every four hours. 599 00:25:36,317 --> 00:25:37,797 Sounds draining. 600 00:25:37,797 --> 00:25:40,677 It was, literally. 601 00:25:40,677 --> 00:25:43,197 But she's passed, and so now 602 00:25:43,197 --> 00:25:45,397 I'm free to start a new chapter, 603 00:25:45,397 --> 00:25:47,677 so...every cloud. 604 00:25:49,797 --> 00:25:51,357 Do you still have your mother? 605 00:25:51,357 --> 00:25:54,397 How do you mean? Is she still alive? 606 00:25:54,397 --> 00:25:56,477 Yeah, I think so. 607 00:25:56,477 --> 00:25:59,357 I don't think we ever really get... 608 00:25:59,357 --> 00:26:00,997 What are you doing? Stop! 609 00:26:00,997 --> 00:26:03,717 Sorry. Sorry! We haven't even had our food! 610 00:26:03,717 --> 00:26:05,637 Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. 611 00:26:05,637 --> 00:26:08,477 I thought I could skip a few steps, and it would still be fine... 612 00:26:08,477 --> 00:26:08,477 What do you mean, steps? 613 00:26:08,477 --> 00:26:10,117 HE SIGHS 614 00:26:10,117 --> 00:26:12,757 All right, Vicky, I'm going to level with you, I've... 615 00:26:12,757 --> 00:26:15,517 I never quite knew how to get to the next step with women, 616 00:26:15,517 --> 00:26:18,397 kind of, bedroom-wise, so... 617 00:26:18,397 --> 00:26:20,517 ..I did a pick-up course. Course? 618 00:26:20,517 --> 00:26:22,037 Yeah, it gives you structure, 619 00:26:22,037 --> 00:26:24,077 tells you to demonstrate higher value - 620 00:26:24,077 --> 00:26:26,397 that's why I was, like, talking about the Bitcoin stuff. 621 00:26:26,397 --> 00:26:28,317 And then, it tells you to throw in the odd neg. 622 00:26:28,317 --> 00:26:29,797 Sor...what's a neg? 623 00:26:29,797 --> 00:26:31,837 You know, like when I said your dress was shit. 624 00:26:31,837 --> 00:26:34,477 That was to make you, like, like me more, or something. 625 00:26:34,477 --> 00:26:38,077 I don't know why. I went to the toilet in that bit. I missed it. 626 00:26:38,077 --> 00:26:39,517 Oh. 627 00:26:40,877 --> 00:26:42,917 That's... That's very disappointing. 628 00:26:44,477 --> 00:26:46,917 I think you've let yourself down, Jai. 629 00:26:46,917 --> 00:26:48,677 HE SIGHS 630 00:26:48,677 --> 00:26:50,597 So, I've wasted my money on these, then? 631 00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:54,437 And the wine. Fuck's sake! 632 00:26:54,437 --> 00:26:57,437 OVEN TIMER BEEPS 633 00:26:57,437 --> 00:26:58,637 TIMER OFF 634 00:27:02,397 --> 00:27:04,237 I think I'm just going to, er... 635 00:27:05,717 --> 00:27:07,197 I'll set the table. 636 00:27:09,637 --> 00:27:09,637 HE SIGHS 637 00:27:09,637 --> 00:27:11,917 I'm not being funny, Vicky, 638 00:27:11,917 --> 00:27:13,437 but I don't even want the lasagne. 639 00:27:13,437 --> 00:27:15,837 It's not what I came here for, you know what I mean? 640 00:27:17,357 --> 00:27:21,517 I'm surprised that people are even thinking of going on dates 641 00:27:21,517 --> 00:27:25,117 at the minute, what with all this stuff in the news. 642 00:27:25,117 --> 00:27:29,277 They must be either very brave or very stupid. 643 00:27:29,277 --> 00:27:30,677 Are you negging ME now? 644 00:27:30,677 --> 00:27:33,637 No, no, it's just, er, an observation... 645 00:27:46,357 --> 00:27:48,317 Lonely Hearts Killer. 646 00:27:50,197 --> 00:27:51,757 I hate that name. 647 00:27:54,917 --> 00:27:57,077 Cos it makes me sound like a victim. 648 00:27:58,477 --> 00:27:59,597 And that's not me. 649 00:28:01,557 --> 00:28:03,877 And I refuse to end up like my mother. 650 00:28:03,877 --> 00:28:05,517 Oh, God... 651 00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:08,357 There's so many nasty men out there. 652 00:28:10,797 --> 00:28:13,797 But there's one good thing... 653 00:28:13,797 --> 00:28:17,277 ..I've found about dating sites like these. 654 00:28:17,277 --> 00:28:19,597 If a person's not good enough for you... 655 00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:28,797 ..just...swipe left. 656 00:28:28,797 --> 00:28:30,997 SMOOCHY MUSIC 657 00:28:30,997 --> 00:28:32,037 SHE SIGHS 47181

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