Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,077 --> 00:00:07,877
and some scenes which some
viewers may find upsetting.
2
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:10,237
WOMAN ON RADIO: The sound
of Northamptonshire is...
3
00:00:10,237 --> 00:00:13,157
MAN ON RADIO:
BBC Radio Northampton!
4
00:00:13,157 --> 00:00:15,677
MUSIC JINGLE
5
00:00:15,677 --> 00:00:18,357
PRESENTER: At seven o'clock
with the latest BBC News
6
00:00:18,357 --> 00:00:20,637
for Northamptonshire,
I'm Phil Gabbitas.
7
00:00:20,637 --> 00:00:23,957
Police are tonight searching
wasteland outside Kettering
8
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:27,837
following the discovery earlier
today of human remains.
9
00:00:27,837 --> 00:00:29,997
The body has yet to be
formally identified,
10
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:31,877
but police have indicated
11
00:00:31,877 --> 00:00:34,877
that the discovery is likely to be
connected to three other murders
12
00:00:34,877 --> 00:00:37,357
in the county, thought to be
the work of the so-called
13
00:00:37,357 --> 00:00:38,757
"Lonely Hearts Killer".
14
00:00:38,757 --> 00:00:41,077
A telephone number for anyone
calling with information
15
00:00:41,077 --> 00:00:43,077
about the case has been released.
16
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:47,277
It's 01632 960011...
17
00:00:47,277 --> 00:00:49,037
DOOR ENTRY UNLOCKS
18
00:00:54,637 --> 00:00:56,637
SMOOCHY MUSIC
19
00:00:59,837 --> 00:01:00,877
COMPUTER CHIMES
20
00:01:00,877 --> 00:01:03,037
Oh, hello!
21
00:01:03,037 --> 00:01:04,837
Hi.
22
00:01:04,837 --> 00:01:06,517
Took me by surprise.
23
00:01:06,517 --> 00:01:08,757
I know, yeah. It's weird, isn't it?
24
00:01:08,757 --> 00:01:10,557
I... I, er...
25
00:01:10,557 --> 00:01:11,676
You go on.
26
00:01:11,676 --> 00:01:13,237
I was going to say,
27
00:01:13,237 --> 00:01:15,677
I don't know if we're allowed
to say our names.
28
00:01:15,677 --> 00:01:18,277
Yeah, no, I'm not sure, erm,
29
00:01:18,277 --> 00:01:21,277
cos the email said we had
to keep things anonymous,
30
00:01:21,277 --> 00:01:23,157
what with everything in the news.
31
00:01:23,157 --> 00:01:25,837
Well, statistically,
you're more likely to be killed
32
00:01:25,837 --> 00:01:28,317
by someone you know than
a complete stranger,
33
00:01:28,317 --> 00:01:30,717
so let's live dangerously, shall we?
34
00:01:30,717 --> 00:01:31,957
I'm Edgar.
35
00:01:34,957 --> 00:01:37,517
You don't have to tell me
if you're not comfortable.
36
00:01:37,517 --> 00:01:39,477
Erm, Vicky.
37
00:01:39,477 --> 00:01:42,197
Hi, Vicky. Nice to e-meet you.
38
00:01:42,197 --> 00:01:44,836
Nice... Nice to meet you, too.
39
00:01:44,836 --> 00:01:47,517
Erm, so have you done
one of these before?
40
00:01:47,517 --> 00:01:50,237
I've done one in real life
where you go along a line...
41
00:01:50,237 --> 00:01:51,997
IRL. Sorry?
42
00:01:51,997 --> 00:01:54,677
Sorry, that's...
erm, "in real life" is IRL.
43
00:01:54,677 --> 00:01:57,197
Yeah, where you jump along
one every five minutes.
44
00:01:57,197 --> 00:01:59,637
It's like musical chairs. Exactly.
45
00:01:59,637 --> 00:02:02,437
Though mine was more like
"pin the tail on the donkey".
46
00:02:02,437 --> 00:02:04,556
Anyway, nothing really came of it,
47
00:02:04,556 --> 00:02:05,836
so I thought I'd try this.
48
00:02:05,836 --> 00:02:08,197
Well. I-I'm glad you did.
49
00:02:08,197 --> 00:02:09,917
So am I.
50
00:02:09,917 --> 00:02:11,197
So, what do you do, Edgar?
51
00:02:11,197 --> 00:02:13,037
I'm a landscape gardener.
52
00:02:13,037 --> 00:02:14,957
I do designs and planting -
53
00:02:14,957 --> 00:02:18,197
basically, the kind of thing you
see on the Chelsea Flower Show.
54
00:02:18,197 --> 00:02:19,757
I love that.
55
00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:23,156
I've never been, but I...
I used to love watching it
56
00:02:23,156 --> 00:02:26,277
on the TV and...I've always
really loved gardening.
57
00:02:26,277 --> 00:02:29,277
Really? Yeah, I put it
as one of my passions.
58
00:02:29,277 --> 00:02:32,517
Well, that's a good start.
What else is on that list?
59
00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:34,917
Well, that...that would be
telling, wouldn't it?
60
00:02:34,917 --> 00:02:37,837
I've got to keep some
of my feminine mystique!
61
00:02:37,837 --> 00:02:39,357
Absolutely right.
62
00:02:39,357 --> 00:02:42,477
So, how big's your plot?
63
00:02:43,877 --> 00:02:45,357
Sorry?
64
00:02:45,357 --> 00:02:46,837
Your garden.
65
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:49,837
Do you want me to come round
and give you a quote?
66
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:53,677
Oh, it's a...small patch.
67
00:02:53,677 --> 00:02:56,597
Well, it's a window box, actually.
68
00:02:56,597 --> 00:02:58,717
Sounds great. I love a window box.
69
00:02:59,837 --> 00:03:02,117
So, how about you, Vicky?
Do you work?
70
00:03:02,117 --> 00:03:04,197
Yeah, I'm a carer. I was...
71
00:03:04,197 --> 00:03:07,237
I was a carer, and now I just do
a little bit of volunteering
72
00:03:07,237 --> 00:03:10,677
at the local charity shop,
so...that's me.
73
00:03:10,677 --> 00:03:13,117
And do you have a family?
What's your situation?
74
00:03:13,117 --> 00:03:16,717
Oh, I've got a brother who...
moved to Canada a while ago,
75
00:03:16,717 --> 00:03:19,677
and he's got two little girls now,
so I'm an auntie.
76
00:03:19,677 --> 00:03:21,757
Cool. Whereabouts?
77
00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:24,717
Winnipeg. Yeah, I'm going to
go over there, definitely,
78
00:03:24,717 --> 00:03:27,277
once he gets settled.
How long's he been there?
79
00:03:27,277 --> 00:03:28,557
Six years.
80
00:03:32,037 --> 00:03:34,757
Anyway, tell me more about you,
81
00:03:34,757 --> 00:03:36,117
cos I'm wittering on.
82
00:03:36,117 --> 00:03:38,397
Like I say, landscape gardener.
83
00:03:38,397 --> 00:03:40,117
I golf occasionally.
84
00:03:40,117 --> 00:03:42,917
Er, music-wise, Dire Straits,
Dylan, Simply Red...
85
00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:44,637
Oh, I love them.
86
00:03:44,637 --> 00:03:46,637
What's your favourite album?
87
00:03:46,637 --> 00:03:48,317
Greatest Hits, probably.
88
00:03:49,757 --> 00:03:52,037
Anyway, Vicky,
it's been lovely to meet you.
89
00:03:52,037 --> 00:03:54,117
Oh, no, we've still got a minute.
90
00:03:54,117 --> 00:03:55,797
Well, 55 seconds.
91
00:03:55,797 --> 00:03:58,997
That's...that's half
a lifetime in speed dating.
92
00:03:58,997 --> 00:04:01,677
And you never know,
I might be the one.
93
00:04:01,677 --> 00:04:05,877
Of course, but, erm, if you
go shopping for a new sofa,
94
00:04:05,877 --> 00:04:09,877
for example, you don't just buy
the first one you see, do you?
95
00:04:09,877 --> 00:04:13,197
You sit on a few first
to get a feel for it.
96
00:04:13,197 --> 00:04:15,757
Some can be saggy...
97
00:04:15,757 --> 00:04:19,877
You know? And some can
be sleek and...hard.
98
00:04:19,877 --> 00:04:24,317
And some can be fluffy
and comfortable
99
00:04:24,317 --> 00:04:26,437
and last you a lifetime.
100
00:04:26,437 --> 00:04:27,717
True.
101
00:04:29,117 --> 00:04:31,157
Anyway, good luck.
102
00:04:31,157 --> 00:04:33,157
I hope you make it
to Canada someday.
103
00:04:33,157 --> 00:04:34,917
I will. Thank...thanks, Edgar.
104
00:04:34,917 --> 00:04:37,117
It's been... It's been really
nice chatting to you.
105
00:04:37,117 --> 00:04:38,597
You, too. I've really enjoyed it,
106
00:04:38,597 --> 00:04:41,117
and it's been good practice
for the next one.
107
00:04:41,117 --> 00:04:42,837
SMOOCHY MUSIC
108
00:04:45,197 --> 00:04:46,957
DOOR INTERCOM BUZZES
109
00:04:50,197 --> 00:04:51,437
Hi.
110
00:04:53,357 --> 00:04:54,677
DOORBELL CHIMES
111
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,757
I'm really glad you came.
112
00:05:00,837 --> 00:05:02,317
SMOOCHY MUSIC
113
00:05:02,317 --> 00:05:03,397
COMPUTER CHIMES
114
00:05:03,397 --> 00:05:06,277
Right, victim number two!
Good evening.
115
00:05:06,277 --> 00:05:07,957
Hello there.
116
00:05:07,957 --> 00:05:09,717
This is weird, isn't it?
117
00:05:09,717 --> 00:05:11,597
Could you sit up for me, please?
118
00:05:11,597 --> 00:05:13,877
Sorry? Sit up a little, would you?
119
00:05:13,877 --> 00:05:15,797
The lighting is very poor your end.
120
00:05:15,797 --> 00:05:18,357
Is that deliberate? No.
121
00:05:18,357 --> 00:05:22,117
Erm, maybe if I tilt...
the screen back?
122
00:05:22,117 --> 00:05:24,517
Is that better? Marginally.
123
00:05:24,517 --> 00:05:28,037
Now, I have a brief checklist,
if you don't mind my going first.
124
00:05:28,037 --> 00:05:30,917
Always best to have a plan,
I find. So, you are...?
125
00:05:30,917 --> 00:05:33,637
Well, I thought we were supposed
to keep things anon...
126
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:34,917
Vicky.
127
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:37,077
LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
128
00:05:37,077 --> 00:05:38,677
Victoria.
129
00:05:38,677 --> 00:05:41,037
Age? Well, is that...?
130
00:05:41,037 --> 00:05:42,717
A ballpark figure will do.
131
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:45,517
I know you fillies like to shave off
half a decade if you can.
132
00:05:45,517 --> 00:05:47,236
No, I'd rather not say.
133
00:05:47,236 --> 00:05:49,997
Erm, I'm as old as my gums
134
00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,797
and a little bit older
than my teeth.
135
00:05:51,797 --> 00:05:52,837
LAUGHS
136
00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:54,797
I'll...put 58.
137
00:05:54,797 --> 00:05:56,757
And location?
138
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:59,117
No, I'm not comfortable telling
you that at the moment...
139
00:05:59,117 --> 00:06:01,277
For goodness' sakes, do I
look like an axe murderer?
140
00:06:01,277 --> 00:06:04,437
I just need to know if you have
direct transport links to Kettering.
141
00:06:04,437 --> 00:06:05,637
Er, yes.
142
00:06:05,637 --> 00:06:07,037
Well, that's fine, then.
143
00:06:07,037 --> 00:06:09,037
Now, these you can answer
in the order you like,
144
00:06:09,037 --> 00:06:10,597
but I'd like to know the following.
145
00:06:10,597 --> 00:06:13,317
Occupation and salary,
pastimes and interests,
146
00:06:13,317 --> 00:06:15,637
family and domestic expectations.
147
00:06:15,637 --> 00:06:18,117
Oh, you're very prepared,
aren't you?
148
00:06:18,117 --> 00:06:19,677
I just...
149
00:06:19,677 --> 00:06:22,157
Anyway...I'm...a carer.
150
00:06:22,157 --> 00:06:23,597
Was a carer.
151
00:06:23,597 --> 00:06:26,917
And now I just work in
a charity shop locally.
152
00:06:26,917 --> 00:06:29,077
Is that a salaried position?
153
00:06:29,077 --> 00:06:32,277
No, but I do get first dibs on
every new bag that comes in.
154
00:06:32,277 --> 00:06:34,037
Sorry, what... What was your name?
155
00:06:34,037 --> 00:06:36,717
Norman Jenkins. Pastimes?
156
00:06:36,717 --> 00:06:40,997
Er, I like to garden,
erm, walks, cooking...
157
00:06:40,997 --> 00:06:42,757
Standard stuff.
158
00:06:42,757 --> 00:06:45,637
Family-wise, I've got
a brother who lives in Canada
159
00:06:45,637 --> 00:06:47,236
but, apart from that,
160
00:06:47,236 --> 00:06:49,397
I'm footloose and fancy-free, so...
161
00:06:49,397 --> 00:06:51,477
Yeah. Hang on, hang on.
162
00:06:51,477 --> 00:06:52,477
"Loose..."
163
00:06:54,517 --> 00:06:55,957
..and "free".
164
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,397
Sorry...
165
00:06:57,397 --> 00:07:00,477
..Norman, what did you mean
by "domestic expectations"?
166
00:07:02,077 --> 00:07:04,477
I've recently been cut open
from here to here.
167
00:07:04,477 --> 00:07:05,957
I'm sorry to hear that.
168
00:07:05,957 --> 00:07:08,157
No, don't be sorry.
It saved my life.
169
00:07:08,157 --> 00:07:11,437
I'm fitted with a pacemaker
which regulates my heartbeat
170
00:07:11,437 --> 00:07:13,597
between 60 and 80bpm.
171
00:07:13,597 --> 00:07:18,477
However, my surgeon has warned me
about energetic activities,
172
00:07:18,477 --> 00:07:20,797
including housework and...
173
00:07:20,797 --> 00:07:24,517
..bedroom antics, so my enquiry
about domestic expectations
174
00:07:24,517 --> 00:07:27,597
has to do with that. Is that clear?
175
00:07:27,597 --> 00:07:30,157
But I think it's a bit soon
to be thinking about...
176
00:07:30,157 --> 00:07:32,677
Suffice to say,
I may not be able to...
177
00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:36,637
..deliver on certain aspects of
what you might be looking for.
178
00:07:36,637 --> 00:07:40,117
That's fine. Erm, thank you
for being so honest with me.
179
00:07:40,117 --> 00:07:41,997
I appreciate it.
180
00:07:41,997 --> 00:07:44,477
I... I've had some big,
life-changing stuff
181
00:07:44,477 --> 00:07:46,797
going on myself.
182
00:07:46,797 --> 00:07:48,917
It's nice to talk about it,
isn't it?
183
00:07:48,917 --> 00:07:51,357
I'm not lonely,
if that's what you mean.
184
00:07:51,357 --> 00:07:54,117
Good. I'm pleased for you.
185
00:07:54,117 --> 00:07:55,677
I am, a bit.
186
00:07:57,037 --> 00:08:01,837
Can I turn the tables now
and interrogate you?
187
00:08:01,837 --> 00:08:04,157
If you wish, yes. It's only fair.
188
00:08:04,157 --> 00:08:07,197
So, Norman, if we were
going to go on a date,
189
00:08:07,197 --> 00:08:08,797
where would you take me?
190
00:08:08,797 --> 00:08:11,757
Oh. Good question. Erm...
191
00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:14,517
I suppose, off the top of my head,
192
00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:17,917
it would have to be, erm,
Kensington Palace Gardens,
193
00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:19,997
Peter Pan statue.
194
00:08:19,997 --> 00:08:23,037
Mother used to take me
there when I was a boy,
195
00:08:23,037 --> 00:08:24,877
every Sunday, once a month,
196
00:08:24,877 --> 00:08:27,157
before I was returned
to boarding school.
197
00:08:27,157 --> 00:08:29,477
She'd buy me an ice cream
with strawberry sauce -
198
00:08:29,477 --> 00:08:31,517
"monkey blood" we used to call it -
199
00:08:31,517 --> 00:08:34,117
and then drop me off
at the station.
200
00:08:34,117 --> 00:08:37,077
And I'd sob my little heart out
all the way back to Surrey.
201
00:08:39,357 --> 00:08:41,477
That's so sad.
202
00:08:41,477 --> 00:08:42,917
Is your mother still with us?
203
00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:45,597
No, she died in 2014.
204
00:08:45,597 --> 00:08:47,277
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
205
00:08:48,797 --> 00:08:50,957
I lost my mother last year.
206
00:08:52,477 --> 00:08:55,157
It...untethers you, doesn't it?
207
00:08:55,157 --> 00:08:56,997
You...
208
00:08:56,997 --> 00:08:58,397
..lose your bearings.
209
00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:02,957
Do you think that you'd
maybe like to...
210
00:09:02,957 --> 00:09:05,957
..meet for a coffee sometime
and talk about it?
211
00:09:05,957 --> 00:09:08,237
Certainly not.
You look nothing like her.
212
00:09:08,237 --> 00:09:09,517
SMOOCHY MUSIC
213
00:09:12,237 --> 00:09:13,797
COMPUTER CHIMES
214
00:09:13,797 --> 00:09:16,397
Oh, hello! I'm Manny.
215
00:09:16,397 --> 00:09:18,157
Erm...Vicky.
216
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:20,517
You look like you've lost
a shilling and found a penny!
217
00:09:20,517 --> 00:09:21,597
Am I that ugly?
218
00:09:21,597 --> 00:09:25,157
No, not at all!
Sorry, no, I've, erm...
219
00:09:25,157 --> 00:09:28,077
I've just had the rudest man.
220
00:09:28,077 --> 00:09:29,997
There's some nutters on here,
aren't there?
221
00:09:29,997 --> 00:09:31,877
Well, you've only got
to read the papers.
222
00:09:31,877 --> 00:09:33,837
Hey, my last one didn't
go to plan either.
223
00:09:33,837 --> 00:09:37,197
Really? Yeah. Screen comes up,
there's nobody there.
224
00:09:37,197 --> 00:09:40,237
I just hear this voice off.
"Sorry, I'm having a wee!"
225
00:09:40,237 --> 00:09:41,757
I said, "It's all right, love.
226
00:09:41,757 --> 00:09:43,477
"When you gotta go, you gotta go."
227
00:09:43,477 --> 00:09:45,197
Then she comes out of the toilet,
228
00:09:45,197 --> 00:09:46,797
starts unloading the dishwasher!
229
00:09:46,797 --> 00:09:48,637
No! I swear down!
230
00:09:48,637 --> 00:09:51,037
I said, "Are you not going to
have a quick look, just in case
231
00:09:51,037 --> 00:09:52,637
"you've got Cary Grant sat here?"
232
00:09:52,637 --> 00:09:54,797
So, she comes over,
puts her glasses on and goes,
233
00:09:54,797 --> 00:09:56,997
"Cary Grant?
More like Russell Grant!"
234
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:58,317
Then she frigs off again!
235
00:09:58,317 --> 00:09:58,317
SHE LAUGHS
236
00:09:58,317 --> 00:10:00,437
I-I like a cuddly man.
237
00:10:00,437 --> 00:10:03,917
Oh, well, you know, I go up
and down, but it's hard, isn't it?
238
00:10:03,917 --> 00:10:07,717
My last date was after a mother
rather than a partner.
239
00:10:07,717 --> 00:10:09,917
You never know who you're
going to get, do you?
240
00:10:09,917 --> 00:10:11,557
Mm, yeah, true.
241
00:10:13,077 --> 00:10:14,957
You've got lovely eyes.
242
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,717
Thank you.
243
00:10:18,717 --> 00:10:20,557
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
244
00:10:20,557 --> 00:10:22,277
So, do you work, Vicky?
245
00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:23,917
Yeah, I'm a landscape gardener.
246
00:10:23,917 --> 00:10:26,517
Really? Yeah, I do
designs and planting -
247
00:10:26,517 --> 00:10:28,917
the sort of thing you see in
the Chelsea Flower Show.
248
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:28,917
Wow!
249
00:10:28,917 --> 00:10:30,797
HE CHUCKLES
250
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,637
I was going to say something about
a neat bush but I stopped meself.
251
00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:33,637
VICKY STIFLES A LAUGH
252
00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:36,117
"Don't blow it, Manny!"
253
00:10:36,117 --> 00:10:37,797
Oh, it's nice to laugh.
254
00:10:37,797 --> 00:10:39,157
I haven't laughed in ages.
255
00:10:39,157 --> 00:10:40,677
Oh, yeah. It's the best medicine.
256
00:10:40,677 --> 00:10:42,957
Even if nothing comes
of these things romantically,
257
00:10:42,957 --> 00:10:45,877
I always try and have a bit
of fun, but that's just me.
258
00:10:45,877 --> 00:10:48,197
You can't go wrong if you're
straight up with people,
259
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:49,557
do you know what I mean?
260
00:10:49,557 --> 00:10:51,517
Be honest. And if they like you,
they like you.
261
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:54,037
And if they don't, it's four
minutes out your life.
262
00:10:54,037 --> 00:10:56,197
Yeah.
263
00:10:56,197 --> 00:10:57,437
You're right.
264
00:10:58,917 --> 00:11:00,437
I'm not a landscape gardener.
265
00:11:00,437 --> 00:11:02,237
I just said it. I don't know why.
266
00:11:02,237 --> 00:11:04,677
I think it's a confidence thing.
267
00:11:04,677 --> 00:11:07,557
Oh, don't be daft,
I'll talk to anyone, me.
268
00:11:07,557 --> 00:11:09,357
Well, you're not
a traffic warden, are you?
269
00:11:09,357 --> 00:11:09,357
BOTH LAUGH
270
00:11:09,357 --> 00:11:12,237
No. No, I'm...
271
00:11:12,237 --> 00:11:13,957
I'm nothing.
272
00:11:13,957 --> 00:11:15,997
Anyway, what do you do?
273
00:11:15,997 --> 00:11:18,917
I, Vicky, run a premium
phone line for people trying
274
00:11:18,917 --> 00:11:20,677
to solve their Rubik's Cubes.
275
00:11:20,677 --> 00:11:22,237
Honestly? Swear down.
276
00:11:22,237 --> 00:11:24,477
People ring up.
They've got three sides done.
277
00:11:24,477 --> 00:11:26,077
They want to know how to progress.
278
00:11:26,077 --> 00:11:28,917
Occasionally, I get the speed
cubers phoning up with a DNF.
279
00:11:28,917 --> 00:11:31,077
What's that? "Did not finish".
280
00:11:31,077 --> 00:11:34,037
But, mainly, it's just taking
Muggles through to self-completion
281
00:11:34,037 --> 00:11:35,477
using the Fridrich method -
282
00:11:35,477 --> 00:11:37,837
you know, starting
with your basic white cross,
283
00:11:37,837 --> 00:11:40,397
then inserting pairs of corners
using OLL - sorry,
284
00:11:40,397 --> 00:11:40,397
"orientation of last layer".
285
00:11:40,397 --> 00:11:42,597
HE CHUCKLES
286
00:11:42,597 --> 00:11:44,557
I do go a bit geeky
when I get on the subject.
287
00:11:44,557 --> 00:11:46,197
No, it sounds fascinating.
288
00:11:46,197 --> 00:11:47,997
And, erm, how long are you on for?
289
00:11:47,997 --> 00:11:50,277
Average call time is 17 minutes.
290
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,517
£1 a minute. You do the maths.
291
00:11:52,517 --> 00:11:53,877
£17.
292
00:11:53,877 --> 00:11:56,277
Exactly. Then you throw in
your internationals -
293
00:11:56,277 --> 00:11:58,117
your Chineses, your Thais...
294
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,677
I only need to do 3-4 calls a day
and I'm laughing.
295
00:12:00,677 --> 00:12:02,037
Sounds perfect.
296
00:12:02,037 --> 00:12:04,277
Well, it is. You see,
I want to franchise it,
297
00:12:04,277 --> 00:12:06,077
get it on Dragons' Den.
298
00:12:06,077 --> 00:12:08,597
To me, it could be the next
Trunki or Tangle Teezer,
299
00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:10,437
but I just don't think
they'd get it!
300
00:12:10,437 --> 00:12:13,317
Well, the new lad they've got on -
Steven - he might.
301
00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:15,557
You've got to get it
on social media.
302
00:12:15,557 --> 00:12:18,237
You can get everything on
social media nowadays, can't you?
303
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,837
You can.
304
00:12:19,837 --> 00:12:21,957
Including someone
to have a bit of fun with.
305
00:12:25,437 --> 00:12:27,117
SHE CHUCKLES
306
00:12:27,117 --> 00:12:29,277
I wish I had a hobby
307
00:12:29,277 --> 00:12:30,677
that I could turn into a job.
308
00:12:30,677 --> 00:12:32,357
Oh, it's the best.
309
00:12:32,357 --> 00:12:34,517
But it does make it hard
to meet people, so...
310
00:12:34,517 --> 00:12:35,877
WOMAN: Manny!
311
00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:37,557
Have you seen the key to the shed?
312
00:12:37,557 --> 00:12:39,637
I want to get the kids' bikes
out for the morning.
313
00:12:39,637 --> 00:12:41,237
Yeah, I'll be down in a bit, love.
314
00:12:43,637 --> 00:12:45,437
Who's this? No-one.
315
00:12:45,437 --> 00:12:46,957
It's just one of me cubers.
316
00:12:48,197 --> 00:12:50,437
You fuckin' liar!
317
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,917
You're doing it again, aren't you?
318
00:12:51,917 --> 00:12:53,637
No! Listen!
319
00:12:53,637 --> 00:12:55,317
He's married, you sad cow!
320
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:56,677
Sorry, I didn't know, I...
321
00:12:56,677 --> 00:12:58,717
Keep your desperate,
clammy hands off.
322
00:12:58,717 --> 00:13:01,517
If I catch you sniffing round again,
I'll find out where you live
323
00:13:01,517 --> 00:13:03,357
and I'll break your ribs!
Do you hear me?
324
00:13:03,357 --> 00:13:05,397
I've done it before. She has.
325
00:13:05,397 --> 00:13:08,317
Piss off and get your own man,
bitch!
326
00:13:08,317 --> 00:13:09,997
SMOOCHY MUSIC
327
00:13:14,237 --> 00:13:17,197
Oh, I'm really glad you came.
Come in.
328
00:13:18,837 --> 00:13:21,637
Oh, you've opened it already.
329
00:13:21,637 --> 00:13:23,597
It's a...
330
00:13:23,597 --> 00:13:26,077
..bit of Dutch courage, I suppose.
331
00:13:26,077 --> 00:13:28,117
Er, come in, sit down.
I'll pour us a glass.
332
00:13:38,797 --> 00:13:40,517
WOMAN: Hello?
333
00:13:41,637 --> 00:13:42,997
Hello?
334
00:13:44,197 --> 00:13:46,837
Oh, hello! Who have we got here?
335
00:13:48,437 --> 00:13:50,357
Oh, hi. Erm...
336
00:13:50,357 --> 00:13:53,117
Oh, don't worry.
It's been happening all night.
337
00:13:53,117 --> 00:13:55,277
I think they've put me
on the wrong track
338
00:13:55,277 --> 00:13:57,317
because of my name - Lesley.
339
00:13:57,317 --> 00:14:00,677
It's one of those
bi...polar names, isn't it?
340
00:14:00,677 --> 00:14:03,877
Although it shouldn't be
a problem in this day and age,
341
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:06,397
what with all the mixing
of the gender fluids.
342
00:14:06,397 --> 00:14:07,677
I suppose so, yeah.
343
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:08,957
Anyway, I'm not a lesbian.
344
00:14:08,957 --> 00:14:11,317
I'm not even bi...curious.
345
00:14:11,317 --> 00:14:14,637
SHE LAUGHS
I can't imagine anything worse.
346
00:14:14,637 --> 00:14:16,757
What's your name, lovey?
347
00:14:16,757 --> 00:14:19,237
Vicky. Aw. Vicky.
348
00:14:19,237 --> 00:14:22,317
Is that with a C-K-I, or a K-K-I?
349
00:14:22,317 --> 00:14:23,757
V-I-C-K-Y.
350
00:14:23,757 --> 00:14:25,677
..C-K-Y.
351
00:14:25,677 --> 00:14:27,037
Lovely.
352
00:14:27,037 --> 00:14:29,237
And do you go by Vicky, or Victoria?
353
00:14:29,237 --> 00:14:31,717
Er, Vicky, mainly.
Victoria's a bit...
354
00:14:31,717 --> 00:14:33,757
Old-fashioned, yes. I agree.
355
00:14:33,757 --> 00:14:37,797
Although I do have a friend
my age who's called Ivy,
356
00:14:37,797 --> 00:14:41,477
and she's got tattoos and
a labia ring, so go figure!
357
00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:41,477
SHE LAUGHS
358
00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:45,157
So, now...tell me, Vic,
359
00:14:45,157 --> 00:14:49,677
have you seen anyone who's
Mr Right out there,
360
00:14:49,677 --> 00:14:51,317
or are they all a bit...?
361
00:14:51,317 --> 00:14:53,757
Mr Lefts, as my mother used to say.
362
00:14:53,757 --> 00:14:55,077
SHE LAUGHS
363
00:14:55,077 --> 00:14:57,237
"Mr Lefts". I like that.
364
00:14:57,237 --> 00:14:58,717
No, erm...
365
00:14:58,717 --> 00:15:01,517
Yeah, I've found a couple
of potentials maybe,
366
00:15:01,517 --> 00:15:03,717
but no-one's really
jumped out at me.
367
00:15:03,717 --> 00:15:05,157
Oh, well, I should hope not -
368
00:15:05,157 --> 00:15:07,917
I mean, that's the beauty
about being online.
369
00:15:07,917 --> 00:15:09,997
Safety first!
370
00:15:09,997 --> 00:15:12,917
Did you hear they found
another body this morning?
371
00:15:14,277 --> 00:15:16,317
Ring finger chopped off.
372
00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:16,317
SHE GASPS
373
00:15:16,317 --> 00:15:18,997
It's terrible.
374
00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:21,357
You could be talking
to the Lonely Hearts Killer.
375
00:15:21,357 --> 00:15:23,197
Oh, don't say that.
376
00:15:23,197 --> 00:15:25,557
Well, you can't trust
anyone these days.
377
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:27,877
I must tell you, though, Vic,
378
00:15:27,877 --> 00:15:30,717
I've been laughing with
some of my other ladies
379
00:15:30,717 --> 00:15:33,757
about the descriptions
that the guys give themselves,
380
00:15:33,757 --> 00:15:35,557
compared to what they
really look like.
381
00:15:35,557 --> 00:15:36,877
Do you know what I mean?
382
00:15:36,877 --> 00:15:40,437
Yes! My last one described
himself as Cary Grant.
383
00:15:40,437 --> 00:15:42,397
I thought,
"More like Russell Grant."
384
00:15:42,397 --> 00:15:42,397
SHE LAUGHS
385
00:15:42,397 --> 00:15:44,877
Priceless!
386
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,117
Mind you, we're just as bad,
aren't we?
387
00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:51,917
I mean, you know, we say, er,
"bubbly" when we mean fat,
388
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:54,797
or "homely" when we mean a frump.
389
00:15:54,797 --> 00:15:57,397
"Lives life to the full" -
ie, raging alcoholic.
390
00:15:57,397 --> 00:15:58,597
SHE LAUGHS
391
00:15:58,597 --> 00:16:00,397
Or my favourite...
392
00:16:00,397 --> 00:16:02,597
.."footloose and fancy-free" -
393
00:16:02,597 --> 00:16:05,477
meaning a totally empty existence.
394
00:16:05,477 --> 00:16:07,157
SHE LAUGHS
395
00:16:07,157 --> 00:16:09,917
Now, what's your status
at the moment, Vic?
396
00:16:09,917 --> 00:16:11,637
Divorced, single,
397
00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,117
or are you married, looking for
a bit of fun on the side?
398
00:16:14,117 --> 00:16:16,717
No. Erm, I've just never
really found the time
399
00:16:16,717 --> 00:16:18,437
for a serious relationship.
400
00:16:18,437 --> 00:16:21,157
Ah, you're a career woman, like me.
401
00:16:21,157 --> 00:16:23,797
No, not really. I just, erm...
402
00:16:25,357 --> 00:16:27,917
I was worried that,
if I did find a man,
403
00:16:27,917 --> 00:16:30,517
he'd have to share me with my mum.
404
00:16:30,517 --> 00:16:31,917
Sounds kinky.
405
00:16:31,917 --> 00:16:34,997
No, no, not like that.
It's just, up until recently,
406
00:16:34,997 --> 00:16:37,997
I've had to put her needs first.
407
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,597
My dad walked out
when we were little,
408
00:16:40,597 --> 00:16:42,277
so it was down to me,
409
00:16:42,277 --> 00:16:44,797
and that was my life...
410
00:16:44,797 --> 00:16:47,277
..through my fingers
before I knew it.
411
00:16:47,277 --> 00:16:48,957
Aw...
412
00:16:50,237 --> 00:16:53,757
So, you found solace in food.
413
00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:55,597
No, not really.
414
00:16:55,597 --> 00:17:00,277
Oh, we're so hard on ourselves
sometimes, aren't we, Vic?
415
00:17:00,277 --> 00:17:03,957
I mean, how many items
of clothing have you got
416
00:17:03,957 --> 00:17:06,357
that you can no longer get into?
417
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:06,357
Oh...
418
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:08,477
SHE CHUCKLES
419
00:17:08,477 --> 00:17:10,837
One to five, five to ten,
or 11 and over?
420
00:17:12,037 --> 00:17:13,997
Five to ten probably, if I...
421
00:17:13,997 --> 00:17:17,916
Good. And, sometimes, Vic...
422
00:17:17,916 --> 00:17:20,676
..when I'm slipping into
the bath of an evening,
423
00:17:20,676 --> 00:17:23,717
I glance in the mirror
and I think to myself,
424
00:17:23,717 --> 00:17:27,717
"What three words would I use
to describe my body shape?"
425
00:17:27,717 --> 00:17:29,757
Do you ever think that?
426
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:32,717
And if so, what would they be?
427
00:17:32,717 --> 00:17:35,477
So...what? The three words.
Take your time.
428
00:17:35,477 --> 00:17:36,957
We've still got a minute left.
429
00:17:36,957 --> 00:17:38,357
Sorry, what is this? What?
430
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:40,597
Why are you writing everything down?
431
00:17:40,597 --> 00:17:44,597
Vicky, what if I were to tell you
432
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,837
that there is a
brand-new miracle product
433
00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:50,277
that's just about to
launch in the UK?
434
00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:54,037
It's a supplement, it's not food
replacement, and I can...
435
00:17:54,037 --> 00:17:57,877
So, what, are you just trying
to sign me up for a diet plan?
436
00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:00,317
Oh, no, we don't call it a
diet plan. No, no, no, no.
437
00:18:00,317 --> 00:18:02,677
It's a gateway to a new you.
438
00:18:02,677 --> 00:18:04,077
Have you got an email address?
439
00:18:04,077 --> 00:18:05,397
No!
440
00:18:05,397 --> 00:18:07,837
Yes. But I'm not going
to give it to you.
441
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:10,437
Why not, lovey?
Because you've tricked me.
442
00:18:10,437 --> 00:18:13,317
I bet you deliberately put yourself
down as a man, didn't you?
443
00:18:13,317 --> 00:18:15,397
Well, it is fish in a barrel.
444
00:18:15,397 --> 00:18:18,597
I mean, where else am I going
to find an endless supply
445
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,117
of ladies like you?
446
00:18:20,117 --> 00:18:22,317
What do you mean, ladies like me?
447
00:18:22,317 --> 00:18:23,637
Bubbly.
448
00:18:24,957 --> 00:18:27,797
Now, I really do need your
email so that I can...
449
00:18:27,797 --> 00:18:27,797
Fuck off!
450
00:18:27,797 --> 00:18:29,557
BEEP
451
00:18:34,557 --> 00:18:35,997
COMPUTER CHIMES
452
00:18:40,237 --> 00:18:41,517
Hiya.
453
00:18:42,677 --> 00:18:44,237
Is that supposed to be funny?
454
00:18:45,437 --> 00:18:47,957
No, I'm really sorry.
Erm, I've been trying to fix this
455
00:18:47,957 --> 00:18:49,677
for the past half an hour.
456
00:18:49,677 --> 00:18:53,997
I, erm, let my kids use my phone
to watch LazyTown on CBeebies,
457
00:18:53,997 --> 00:18:56,317
and the next thing you know,
ha...
458
00:18:57,677 --> 00:18:59,197
At least I'm not a turd.
459
00:18:59,197 --> 00:19:00,317
Ha...
460
00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:03,837
There's one that's a turd.
461
00:19:03,837 --> 00:19:05,357
Sorry.
462
00:19:06,597 --> 00:19:09,317
I can keep fidgeting with my phone
to try and turn this off,
463
00:19:09,317 --> 00:19:12,797
or I can focus
on talking to you properly?
464
00:19:12,797 --> 00:19:15,157
Er...or you can switch off now
465
00:19:15,157 --> 00:19:17,597
and save yourself four minutes.
I wouldn't blame you.
466
00:19:17,597 --> 00:19:20,397
Do you know what? It's fine.
I'm not doing anything else.
467
00:19:21,917 --> 00:19:24,437
Can I ask your name?
I'd rather not say.
468
00:19:24,437 --> 00:19:25,957
Yeah, OK, I'm sorry.
469
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,957
D-Don't keep saying sorry,
470
00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:29,877
because you sound like me.
471
00:19:29,877 --> 00:19:31,597
What have you got to be sorry for?
472
00:19:31,597 --> 00:19:34,797
Oh. Daring to exist,
according to most people on here.
473
00:19:34,797 --> 00:19:37,037
Yeah. Not easy, is it?
474
00:19:37,037 --> 00:19:40,517
Being gazed at and picked over
by half a dozen strangers.
475
00:19:40,517 --> 00:19:44,637
I've never done this before,
and I don't think I'll bother again.
476
00:19:44,637 --> 00:19:47,877
Why not? It's just too painful.
477
00:19:47,877 --> 00:19:50,637
Confirms all the worst things
that I think about myself.
478
00:19:52,517 --> 00:19:54,157
Well, d-don't be like that.
479
00:19:54,157 --> 00:19:56,437
I-I'm sure there's somebody
out there for you.
480
00:19:57,557 --> 00:19:59,237
Are you a man or a mouse?
481
00:19:59,237 --> 00:20:00,837
Oh.
482
00:20:00,837 --> 00:20:00,837
THEY CHUCKLE
483
00:20:00,837 --> 00:20:03,397
Sorry.
484
00:20:03,397 --> 00:20:03,397
Fair enough.
485
00:20:03,397 --> 00:20:05,477
BOTH LAUGH
486
00:20:06,877 --> 00:20:08,957
It's...
487
00:20:08,957 --> 00:20:10,477
Cheers to us, anyway.
488
00:20:10,477 --> 00:20:12,397
To us. Cheers.
489
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:20,317
HE SIGHS DEEPLY
490
00:20:22,317 --> 00:20:25,237
My name's Vicky, by the way.
491
00:20:25,237 --> 00:20:26,717
Jai, by the way.
492
00:20:27,877 --> 00:20:29,797
How old are your kids, Jai?
493
00:20:29,797 --> 00:20:31,597
11 and 12.
494
00:20:31,597 --> 00:20:33,517
And they still watch CBeebies?
495
00:20:33,517 --> 00:20:35,237
Yeah.
496
00:20:35,237 --> 00:20:37,317
What are their names?
497
00:20:37,317 --> 00:20:39,997
Er, Sally and Lindsay.
498
00:20:39,997 --> 00:20:42,157
Like the actress?
499
00:20:42,157 --> 00:20:43,597
I suppose, yeah.
500
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,757
I...
501
00:20:46,757 --> 00:20:49,277
..used to sit my mum in
front of CBeebies.
502
00:20:49,277 --> 00:20:52,117
She liked the colours. So...
503
00:20:52,117 --> 00:20:56,077
..I know that LazyTown hasn't
been on for...ten years.
504
00:20:58,157 --> 00:21:00,597
You put that filter
on yourself, didn't you?
505
00:21:05,477 --> 00:21:06,997
I don't have kids.
506
00:21:06,997 --> 00:21:09,797
Erm...the thing is, Vicky,
I've...I've got this...
507
00:21:09,797 --> 00:21:10,837
I know.
508
00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:13,437
When you took a drink, I saw.
509
00:21:13,437 --> 00:21:16,517
Why don't you just turn it off,
and we can talk properly?
510
00:21:18,037 --> 00:21:19,677
Yeah? Mm.
511
00:21:25,957 --> 00:21:28,117
That's better.
512
00:21:28,117 --> 00:21:29,477
HE SIGHS
513
00:21:29,477 --> 00:21:32,077
So...tonight's been
a bit of a wash-out, has it?
514
00:21:32,077 --> 00:21:34,477
Yeah.
515
00:21:34,477 --> 00:21:36,237
Up till now, anyway.
516
00:21:39,117 --> 00:21:42,357
I don't get to meet many women IRL.
517
00:21:42,357 --> 00:21:45,397
It's quite hard to put up
with the stares and...
518
00:21:45,397 --> 00:21:48,597
Oh, tell me about it. I live on
the top floor with no lift.
519
00:21:48,597 --> 00:21:50,997
No, I mean, the...
No, I know what you meant.
520
00:21:50,997 --> 00:21:50,997
Oh... I was joking.
521
00:21:50,997 --> 00:21:53,877
THEY CHUCKLE
522
00:21:53,877 --> 00:21:56,077
You've got bants, Vicky's got bants.
523
00:21:56,077 --> 00:21:57,917
SHE LAUGHS
524
00:21:59,557 --> 00:22:02,757
No, people react
in different ways. Erm...
525
00:22:02,757 --> 00:22:05,357
..I'm either the Invisible Man,
or the Elephant Man.
526
00:22:07,117 --> 00:22:11,917
They either can't stop looking
or...they don't see me at all.
527
00:22:11,917 --> 00:22:14,077
Oh, that must be hard.
528
00:22:14,077 --> 00:22:16,277
I get overlooked as well.
529
00:22:16,277 --> 00:22:18,117
No man, no job,
530
00:22:18,117 --> 00:22:20,877
unless you count being a carer,
which most people don't.
531
00:22:23,077 --> 00:22:27,157
So, this is me finally coming
out into the world, like, erm,
532
00:22:27,157 --> 00:22:29,237
a flower starting to bloom,
533
00:22:29,237 --> 00:22:31,997
except no-one wants to smell me.
SHE CHUCKLES
534
00:22:31,997 --> 00:22:33,397
I do.
535
00:22:35,477 --> 00:22:37,637
Sorry, I meant...
That sounded weird. I mean...
536
00:22:37,637 --> 00:22:39,677
Oh, we've got 20 seconds left.
537
00:22:39,677 --> 00:22:42,837
Wh-What can you say in 20 seconds?
Go! OK. Er...er...
538
00:22:42,837 --> 00:22:44,077
Hold on, wait.
539
00:22:44,077 --> 00:22:46,437
BOTH LAUGH
540
00:22:46,437 --> 00:22:48,277
Check this out!
541
00:22:48,277 --> 00:22:50,197
SHE LAUGHS
542
00:22:50,197 --> 00:22:52,437
Hope you've got a good memory,
Vicky!
543
00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:52,437
Wait.
544
00:22:52,437 --> 00:22:54,357
PAPER RUSTLES
545
00:22:54,357 --> 00:22:56,357
SCRIBBLES
546
00:22:56,357 --> 00:22:59,157
SMOOCHY MUSIC
547
00:22:59,157 --> 00:23:00,477
SHE LAUGHS
548
00:23:07,397 --> 00:23:09,597
I made us a lasagne.
549
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,597
I hope that's OK.
550
00:23:11,597 --> 00:23:14,957
Just with some salad
and a bit of garlic bread.
551
00:23:14,957 --> 00:23:17,837
It's been nice having someone
to cook for.
552
00:23:17,837 --> 00:23:20,117
Mum always wanted tinned stuff,
553
00:23:20,117 --> 00:23:22,877
and it became quite boring
after a while.
554
00:23:26,437 --> 00:23:28,357
Cheers.
555
00:23:28,357 --> 00:23:29,957
It's nice to see you in the flesh.
556
00:23:31,237 --> 00:23:32,917
Here's to no more masks.
557
00:23:32,917 --> 00:23:34,357
No more masks.
558
00:23:37,637 --> 00:23:41,277
So, erm, how's Sally and Lindsay?
559
00:23:41,277 --> 00:23:44,277
Oh, yeah, they're tucked up
in bed watching LazyTown.
560
00:23:44,277 --> 00:23:45,597
BOTH LAUGH
561
00:23:45,597 --> 00:23:47,437
I'm glad to hear it.
Do you want to sit down?
562
00:23:47,437 --> 00:23:48,637
Yes, please, thank you.
563
00:23:50,917 --> 00:23:54,037
So, er, have you been
working today?
564
00:23:54,037 --> 00:23:55,797
Cos I never asked you what you did.
565
00:23:55,797 --> 00:23:58,837
Yeah. So, er, I'm
in investments, so, er...
566
00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:00,597
..buying, trading, selling.
567
00:24:00,597 --> 00:24:02,517
I'm actually going to get
some Bitcoin soon,
568
00:24:02,517 --> 00:24:04,077
so I'm just running the numbers.
569
00:24:04,077 --> 00:24:06,837
That sounds exciting.
Yeah, it is really exciting.
570
00:24:06,837 --> 00:24:08,357
Yeah.
571
00:24:08,357 --> 00:24:10,557
That's an interesting dress
you're wearing.
572
00:24:10,557 --> 00:24:13,877
You're the third person
I've seen wearing it this week.
573
00:24:13,877 --> 00:24:16,117
Really?
574
00:24:16,117 --> 00:24:19,317
Must be on sale or, like, at one of
them charity shops, or something.
575
00:24:20,637 --> 00:24:23,077
No. It's...quite old.
576
00:24:24,277 --> 00:24:26,317
It used to be one of my mum's,
I think.
577
00:24:26,317 --> 00:24:27,677
What makes you say that?
578
00:24:28,957 --> 00:24:30,437
I've got you a present.
579
00:24:38,717 --> 00:24:40,997
It's a mouse.
580
00:24:40,997 --> 00:24:43,237
To remind you of when we first met.
581
00:24:43,237 --> 00:24:45,557
Oh, that... That's lovely.
582
00:24:45,557 --> 00:24:47,677
Can I put it on you?
583
00:24:47,677 --> 00:24:49,877
Er...yeah.
584
00:24:49,877 --> 00:24:51,277
OK. Yeah?
585
00:24:53,877 --> 00:24:55,997
Would you turn around?
586
00:24:55,997 --> 00:24:57,317
BOTH CHUCKLE QUIETLY
587
00:25:02,677 --> 00:25:05,157
HE SNIFFS
588
00:25:05,157 --> 00:25:07,397
I can smell you now.
589
00:25:07,397 --> 00:25:09,837
HE CHUCKLES
590
00:25:09,837 --> 00:25:11,037
That looks nice.
591
00:25:12,757 --> 00:25:15,037
QUIETLY: Yes...
Just going to get some crisps.
592
00:25:17,437 --> 00:25:19,557
You seem nervous, Vicky.
593
00:25:19,557 --> 00:25:21,557
Do I make you nervous? No.
594
00:25:22,877 --> 00:25:24,637
Erm...
595
00:25:24,637 --> 00:25:26,997
Well, as I said,
I've not been on many dates,
596
00:25:26,997 --> 00:25:29,637
because of my mother and
her condition.
597
00:25:29,637 --> 00:25:33,557
But...can't be going out for
a romantic meal for two.
598
00:25:33,557 --> 00:25:36,317
It's easy when your mum's bag needs
emptying every four hours.
599
00:25:36,317 --> 00:25:37,797
Sounds draining.
600
00:25:37,797 --> 00:25:40,677
It was, literally.
601
00:25:40,677 --> 00:25:43,197
But she's passed, and so now
602
00:25:43,197 --> 00:25:45,397
I'm free to start a new chapter,
603
00:25:45,397 --> 00:25:47,677
so...every cloud.
604
00:25:49,797 --> 00:25:51,357
Do you still have your mother?
605
00:25:51,357 --> 00:25:54,397
How do you mean?
Is she still alive?
606
00:25:54,397 --> 00:25:56,477
Yeah, I think so.
607
00:25:56,477 --> 00:25:59,357
I don't think we ever really get...
608
00:25:59,357 --> 00:26:00,997
What are you doing? Stop!
609
00:26:00,997 --> 00:26:03,717
Sorry. Sorry!
We haven't even had our food!
610
00:26:03,717 --> 00:26:05,637
Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
611
00:26:05,637 --> 00:26:08,477
I thought I could skip a few steps,
and it would still be fine...
612
00:26:08,477 --> 00:26:08,477
What do you mean, steps?
613
00:26:08,477 --> 00:26:10,117
HE SIGHS
614
00:26:10,117 --> 00:26:12,757
All right, Vicky, I'm going to
level with you, I've...
615
00:26:12,757 --> 00:26:15,517
I never quite knew how to get to
the next step with women,
616
00:26:15,517 --> 00:26:18,397
kind of, bedroom-wise, so...
617
00:26:18,397 --> 00:26:20,517
..I did a pick-up course.
Course?
618
00:26:20,517 --> 00:26:22,037
Yeah, it gives you structure,
619
00:26:22,037 --> 00:26:24,077
tells you to demonstrate
higher value -
620
00:26:24,077 --> 00:26:26,397
that's why I was, like,
talking about the Bitcoin stuff.
621
00:26:26,397 --> 00:26:28,317
And then, it tells you to
throw in the odd neg.
622
00:26:28,317 --> 00:26:29,797
Sor...what's a neg?
623
00:26:29,797 --> 00:26:31,837
You know, like when I said
your dress was shit.
624
00:26:31,837 --> 00:26:34,477
That was to make you, like,
like me more, or something.
625
00:26:34,477 --> 00:26:38,077
I don't know why. I went to
the toilet in that bit. I missed it.
626
00:26:38,077 --> 00:26:39,517
Oh.
627
00:26:40,877 --> 00:26:42,917
That's... That's very disappointing.
628
00:26:44,477 --> 00:26:46,917
I think you've
let yourself down, Jai.
629
00:26:46,917 --> 00:26:48,677
HE SIGHS
630
00:26:48,677 --> 00:26:50,597
So, I've wasted my money
on these, then?
631
00:26:51,677 --> 00:26:54,437
And the wine. Fuck's sake!
632
00:26:54,437 --> 00:26:57,437
OVEN TIMER BEEPS
633
00:26:57,437 --> 00:26:58,637
TIMER OFF
634
00:27:02,397 --> 00:27:04,237
I think I'm just going to, er...
635
00:27:05,717 --> 00:27:07,197
I'll set the table.
636
00:27:09,637 --> 00:27:09,637
HE SIGHS
637
00:27:09,637 --> 00:27:11,917
I'm not being funny, Vicky,
638
00:27:11,917 --> 00:27:13,437
but I don't even want the lasagne.
639
00:27:13,437 --> 00:27:15,837
It's not what I came here for,
you know what I mean?
640
00:27:17,357 --> 00:27:21,517
I'm surprised that people are
even thinking of going on dates
641
00:27:21,517 --> 00:27:25,117
at the minute, what with all
this stuff in the news.
642
00:27:25,117 --> 00:27:29,277
They must be either very brave
or very stupid.
643
00:27:29,277 --> 00:27:30,677
Are you negging ME now?
644
00:27:30,677 --> 00:27:33,637
No, no, it's just, er,
an observation...
645
00:27:46,357 --> 00:27:48,317
Lonely Hearts Killer.
646
00:27:50,197 --> 00:27:51,757
I hate that name.
647
00:27:54,917 --> 00:27:57,077
Cos it makes me sound
like a victim.
648
00:27:58,477 --> 00:27:59,597
And that's not me.
649
00:28:01,557 --> 00:28:03,877
And I refuse to end up
like my mother.
650
00:28:03,877 --> 00:28:05,517
Oh, God...
651
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:08,357
There's so many nasty men out there.
652
00:28:10,797 --> 00:28:13,797
But there's one good thing...
653
00:28:13,797 --> 00:28:17,277
..I've found about dating
sites like these.
654
00:28:17,277 --> 00:28:19,597
If a person's not good
enough for you...
655
00:28:25,637 --> 00:28:28,797
..just...swipe left.
656
00:28:28,797 --> 00:28:30,997
SMOOCHY MUSIC
657
00:28:30,997 --> 00:28:32,037
SHE SIGHS
47181
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.