Original subtitles

So he killed at least five women,

but the police only found four bodies.

- And it's ten episodes? - Mm-hmm.

And apparently, they get the sister to talk.

Yep, it's gonna be my entire weekend.

- Mm-hmm. - Hey.

Where are you all headed?

Did you see the stock's back up this week?

We should celebrate. Let's go for drinks.

Together, or in our separate homes?

There's that cool new bar lounge place

that just opened up.

Sadie, you could feed your cats, meet us there?

- Oh, I don't have cats. - Really?

What's with the whole vibe then?

- Um... - Oh, hey.

Dori, we're gonna go get drinks.

Is this, like, a mandatory work thing?

No, it's just kind of a fun team player kind of thing.

[forced laughter] - So I'm going?

Good God, we should have done this earlier.

Ooh, hey, Elliot. Hi.

We're going for drinks. You're coming.

Oh, I'd love to,

but actually my parents are in town tonight.

Yeah, I haven't seen them for a while, you know,

but they're stopping over on their way to Puerto Vallarta,

you know, so...

So I'll come for a drink. - Great.

Uh, what's going on?

- Oh, nothing. - I heard someone say "drinks."

Uh, yeah, I did.

Sick! I'm in!

Oh, I finally get to be your wingman.

It'll be an honor to watch you work.

Don't think it's gonna be that type of night.

Can you imagine the runoff this guy gets?

Even his leftovers gotta be eights or nines.

♪ Bom bom bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

[chorus vocalizing]

- Wow, this place is nice. - Ooh.

Yeah, it's trendy, but it doesn't feel like it's trying.

I like that the music isn't, you know, too loud.

Oh, excuse me, ma'am, the bus to the old folks' home

is waiting for you right outside.

Somebody give Sadie a flashlight

so she can see the menu. [laughter]

Do they serve Ensure martinis here?

Right, right.

Uh, you're lame as [bleep].

- Oh. - Nice.

I'm joking, okay? She's like a sister to me.

Come here, you big goon.

[phone buzzing] - Oh, my parents.

Probably wondering where I am. Killing the buzz, as usual.

Um, I'm gonna get us a table, and let's do some shots.

Are shots still a thing?

Is pouring alcohol in a cup still a thing?

I believe it's still being done.

Amazing. Order us a round of shots.

Whoo! [forced laughter]

- Uh, is she acting weird? - Yeah.

Her energy's off. She's, like--

- Horny. - Ew, but yeah, kind of.

Okay. How long do y'all think this is gonna go?

Because my grandmama has a birthday party tonight.

Uh, well, I'm in it to win it.

Jack, you don't have a date or anything, right?

- Nope. - Noice!

And I assume Sadie has no plans.

It's Friday night. Of course I have plans.

I am...

You could make up literally anything.

Yeah, that's what made it so hard.

- Mm. - Yeah, so just,

you know, let yourselves in, okay?

Have a little rest.

You must be pretty jetlagged

with all the traveling.

Uh, Mum, all right.

Well, let's not get too dramatic, all right?

I just saw all of you last Christmas.

Well, I think Zoom does count, actually.

One, two, three. Shots!

That's how you drink shots, by yelling "shots."

- Mmm. - Oh, Sadie's sipping.

You can't tattle on me for sipping.

I'll drink it how I want to.

No, he's right. Sack up, Sadie.

Come on. All right.

Let's each go around the horn and share something.

Cyrus, go.

Okay, um...

there's some interesting AI software

that I'm looking into licensing.

[imitates buzzer] Boring. No shop talk.

Come on. Share something about yourself.

- I really don't have anything. - Oh, come on.

We barely know each other outside of work.

Let's all say something personal,

you know, something you've never told anyone before.

Come on. - Come on.

[sighs]

I took a 23andMe, and it says

that I might have that gene for colorectal cancer.

Well, that's kind of a downer.

It's not exactly what I was looking for.

All right, Dori, save us. - Uh...

never seen "Titanic."

- No way! Me either! - What?

So seeing a movie qualifies?

You asked for something personal.

- Jack, go. - Uh...[exhales sharply]

I like blue velvet cake more than red velvet cake.

[laughter] - That's crazy!

But it's the same flavor.

What did I miss?

We're digging deep, getting to know each other.

Uh, Jack likes blue velvet more than red velvet

and Cyrus is gonna die.

All right, jump in, Elliot. Tell us about your real self.

Okay, well, here's a fun one.

When I was nine, a bully shattered my clavicle

with a croquet mallet. - Whoa.

All right, now that's the kind of thing I'm looking for.

Oh, my buddy had his clavicle removed

so he could do oral on himself.

- I think that's ribs. - No, it's--

wait, hold on.

Oh, yeah. You're probably right.

Yeah, it's ribs. It's ribs.

All right, let's get another round.

Hello... - God, shoot me.

Ooh, I'm a huge Sudokuer.

Oh, truly I'm obsessed with it.

I'm not, like, a nerd about it.

No. No, of course not. No.

Yeah, not like I'm in a league or anything.

[both laugh]

- Hey. - Hmm?

Dark bar. You should cover your drink.

Thanks.

Yeah, I've just been noticing

how wide open that drink's been.

- You have? - Mm-hmm.

How late do we need to stay at this thing?

I think we can leave whenever we want to.

I'm not gonna be the first to get up, though.

Mm-mm.

Well, we'll all get up on the count of three.

- Okay. - One, two...

all: Three.

What's up?

Cramp in my leg, so I'm stretching it out.

Don't want to get a blood clot.

[chuckles nervously]

- Chicken. - You are!

Are you guys hungry? We should get menus.

Excuse me. Hi there.

Could we get some menus, please?

- Oh, great, food. - Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry, we actually need to close you out.

We have a private event later.

- Oh, no. - Aw, rats.

- That's too bad. - What private event?

The Party Poopers of America Convention?

You know what? We should just keep this going at my house.

Yeah. - Yes, I'm in.

Your house? Tonight?

Yeah, we're just getting started.

I mean, this is gonna be fun.

I will go settle the tab.

- Thank you. - Pay that tab, homegirl.

Chug 'em if you got 'em.

My grandmama gonna be pissed if I miss her birthday.

She ain't got that many left.

Hey, wait.

Should we be worried?

Katherine has never once asked us to do anything social,

and now she's, like, desperate for us to come over?

- Is she moving? - What?

Y'all, if I miss my grandmama birthday

to help her move [bleep], I'm going to lose my mind.

Hey, you made it!

All right! Let's get this party started!

both: Hey. - What, are you moving out?

Oh, no, just Richard is. We're getting divorced.

[sighs]

You guys just gonna stand there all night?

Come on in. It's a party. Come on.

Sorry for the mess. It's usually a lot nicer

in here. Oh, yeah.

Like, you see those dents in the carpet over there?

Just picture, uh,

three chrome nesting tables stacked together.

They're great. Really anchor the... space.

- Totally makes the room. - Sounds nice.

Hello.

What is this? - Hi, Richard. Hi.

I just invited a bunch of my friends over from work.

- Tonight? - Mm-hmm, yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. Should I have run that by you?

Oh, wait. You don't live here anymore.

No, you just do whatever you want.

- Yeah. - Like you always do.

I will. I'll do that, yeah.

Oh, if this is a bad time, we can go--

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's a perfectly good time.

Richard was supposed to be done hours ago.

The fact that he's here isn't my fault,

just like his many shortcomings aren't my fault.

Oh, that's funny. Yeah, should we talk

about the things that aren't my fault?

- [laughs] - Yeah.

Her narcissism, for example, is not my fault, right?

Her clinical depression, not my fault.

- Well, this one has OCD. - That's not my fault.

[argument continues]

Feels weird to be watching this.

Yes, I believe it is basic house guest etiquette

not to stare directly at a couple

while they're actively divorcing.

Okay, while y'all figure this out, I'm just gonna slink--

- Oh, no, Cyrus, don't. - No, Cyrus.

- Cyrus, no, no, no, no. - That makes it worse.

I can't even slice a bagel correctly!

You don't cut it like a normal person.

Normal people slice it...

I don't think this is any better.

Did you know they were getting a divorce?

There's a confidentiality agreement

between a boss and an assistant.

I can't just reveal what's going on in her personal life.

- You didn't know. - No.

I would've told all of y'all. - What are you doing?

I'm not gonna make it through this night without alcohol.

- You find anything good? - Some white wine vinegar,

skin care products, and some expired hot sauce.

Wow, sorry about that. I was just working

on a couple little logistics. - Oh, no.

- What fighting? - Totally fine.

Hey, let's get this party started!

Who wants music?

Uh, I don't know. What do you guys like?

Elliot, what music do you like?

- Well, I like all music, so... - But what's your fav?

Like, what's your jam? - Uh...

just, you know, just, like, everything.

Kind of equally. Kind of, eh!

Do you not have a soul, or are you

just too frightened to have an opinion?

- Both. - Okay.

All right, we're gonna get up in the club now.

Here we go. Let's get funky.

Oh, shoot. Shoot.

Richard's the one that usually deals with the Wi-Fi speakers.

- Want me to go ask him? - Oh, no.

[scoffs] We're divorcing.

You know, kind of bad timing.

The timing, it's eh. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, sorry.

[clicking tongue]

Oh, I know. Why don't we go in the Jacuzzi?

Yes, we should totally hot tub it up.

"Hot Tub Time Machine," am I right?

Right about what? You just named a movie.

Darn it. I don't have no bathing suit.

- Uh, we don't need 'em. - Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do.

You can just borrow one of mine.

I have so many. - Mm.

That's too bad for us guys, though.

Sounds like it's gonna be a ladies night kind of thing.

I'm so jealous 'cause I really wish

that I could get in that hot tub.

But you know what? Next time,

I'ma get boozy in the Jacuzzi with you Katherine, okay?

Good night. - [laughs]

Oh, you know what? - Hmm?

Oh, there are so many bathing suits in the Goodwill box

that Richard was giving away. - Yeah?

- Let me go check. - Okay.

All right. - How about that?

You got to stop saying you want to stay at places

you don't really want to stay.

Yeah, Mum, look, I want to see you too.

It's just that I'm at the CEO's house right now.

It's kind of a big deal. Everyone's here.

I can't exactly leave.

What do you mean you're hungry?

What happened to the Stouffer's I left for you?

You microwaved it.

Okay, well, if you treat it like [bleep],

it'll taste like [bleep].

I think I've got some suits

for you to wear in the closet.

- Great. - Yeah.

Whoo! [chuckles]

How long do you think this is gonna go for?

I'm thinking 5 minutes to get changed,

20 in the tub, 12 to dry off, say goodbye.

And we're out of here in 37 minutes.

- Nice. Nice. - Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Ain't it not sanitary to wear somebody else's bathing suit?

I think it's fine.

My mama always told me to keep my underwear on

when I tried on swimsuits at the mall.

That's why I said that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes sense.

She also told me red lipstick would make me a whore.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

Hey.

- Nice suit. - Yeah.

Uh, Katherine said it was in a donate box.

But I can-- - It's all yours.

Just enjoy. - Thank you.

It's a great suit. - Mm-hmm.

It's just the right amount of pockets.

This one even has zippers, which I can put snacks--

You know what? I'm gonna take off.

[upbeat music]

♪

[bleep] damn night from hell.

Uh-uh, I...

I can't figure these jets out. I don't really use the hot tub.

I actually like how it's perfectly still.

You can really see everything.

So when did you and Richard decide to get a div--

Oh, I don't want to talk about Richard.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, no. - Yeah.

- Let's talk about other stuff. - Yeah, yeah.

[chuckles] - Yes.

So, Cyrus, so how are things progressing with the EV stuff?

I thought you said no shop talk.

I did. I did. I did.

But we could talk about it if you want to.

No, no, no, no, it's my rule. I'm sticking to it.

No shop talk.

Tonight is about bonding and fun.

[chuckles] - Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyone see that documentary about the Uyghurs?

Oh, no, I've been meaning to. Is it any good?

- I haven't seen it. - Ah.

Uh, I-I heard it's pretty sad.

Yeah, lots of people being mistreated really badly there.

- Wow. - That's pretty... sad.

[water ripples] - Oh.

Uh, jets are kicking in.

So are we just gonna keep sitting in this fart water?

As much as I've enjoyed this deranged social experiment,

I'm gonna go.

Ah, hey. all: Hey.

I just love that post-hot tub feeling.

Yeah, it's great 'cause you're not

in a hot tub anymore.

[chuckles] So what's next?

Next? Like, after now?

You know what? We should play a board game.

Do you guys like board games?

We've got Clue, Battleship...

Hey, Katherine, this has been--

- Oh, wait, what's this one? - Oh, my God.

Warhammer: Owls of Asgard,

which I think involves us painting our own pieces.

Oh, wow, look at the time.

I gotta get up early for... [mumbles]

[yawns] Yeah. It's a bit past my bedtime.

- Oh. - Ah, gotta feed the cats.

- Yeah, maybe we just call it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course. Of course, it's late.

Of course. Go home. I'm sorry. Yes, yes.

We can stay if you want us to.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, go home. Enjoy your weekend.

I've gotta catch up on my binging anyway.

See you Monday. both: Okay.

- Night-night. Thank you. - Good night. Thank you.

Such a good time. - Mm.

All right.

Who is in what tennis game tonight? [chuckles]

Katherine, you sure you're good?

Oh, yes, of course. Yeah.

No, no, I just don't know how to use remotes,

so I-I just watch my shows on this.

Night, guys. Take care.

You guys know the way out.

You know what? I think I'm gonna stay.

You know what? Me too.

You guys, it's fine.

I know how to be alone.

No, I'd rather hang out here.

Yeah, and if Jack's staying, I'm staying.

I'm not gonna go do a pub crawl by myself.

- Wasn't gonna do that. - Right, because we're staying.

My parents are probably asleep on the furniture

in my apartment, so I don't want to wake them up.

- Oh. - Night's shot to hell anyway.

Maybe we can Instacart some booze or something.

all: Yes.

You have a whole case of Pappy Van Winkle?

This is, like, six figures' worth of bourbon.

You know what? Help yourself.

There's wine. There's cigars.

There's caviar. There's gourmet cheeses.

It's like a doomsday bunker

for the most fun apocalypse ever.

Yeah, if this was the apocalypse,

it's weird to think that we'd have

to repopulate the Earth.

We could try every combo.

Uh, this is a $10,000 bottle of Château Lafite Rothschild.

It was a Christmas gift to Richard.

Well, hell, if that's how you treat a man,

I'll marry you.

Well, I am available. [laughter, chatter]

Mm-mm.

That is way too salty.

Yeah, dude, it's caviar.

So basically, this one glass of wine

is worth two brand-new iPhones? - Mm-hmm.

Worth it. Fill me up, Elliot.

Thank you. [upbeat music playing]

Hey!

Hey. How did you get it to work?

I checked the modem, and the Wi-Fi password was there,

so I searched local devices--

Right. Can I say never mind?

Yeah.

all: [chanting] Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

[cheering]

Aah!

♪ Hey, hey

[vocalizing]

♪ Uh, yeah, yeah

[vocalizing]

♪ Yeah, yeah

both: Oh!

♪ All the crazy I did tonight ♪

♪ Those'll be the best memories ♪

Suck it!

♪ I just wanna let it go for tonight ♪

♪ That will be the best therapy... ♪

- Oh! - Hey!

♪ All the crazy things I did tonight ♪

♪ Those'll be the best memories ♪

[playing Beethoven's "Fur Elise"]

♪

- What song is this? - Oh, it's an original.

- Wow, you made that up? - Yeah.

That's great.

♪ I just wanna let it go for tonight ♪

♪ That will be the best therapy for me ♪

♪ You're the best man I'll ever know ♪

♪ There's no way I could ever go ♪

♪ Darling, there's no way

♪ No, no, no, no way I'm living without you ♪

Hey, check it out.

I'm Edward Chablis-hands.

Stop, Wesley.

I have to text my grandma and tell her I can't make it

to her birthday party. She gon' be pissed.

Won't she understand if you told her

it's, like, a work emergency?

She knows I'm just an assistant.

That's not an important job.

What are you doing?

Hey, Mary, I need someone to drop off

a 2023 executive-class Palermo to, uh...

what's your grandma's address?

146 Lincoln Street.

Do the leather seats. All the options.

And write a note that says, "Sorry we needed Dori tonight.

"We couldn't run this company without her.

Happy birthday. From Payne."

"Dori will get married."

"And Dori will get married."

Yeah, I need it tonight.

Thank you, Mary.

Oh, my God. [laughs]

Thank you, Wesley.

[as Edward Scissorhands] Who's Wesley?

Thank you, Edward.

You're welcome. [chuckles]

Hey, your hands are really red.

It's really tight, actually. I need some scissors, I think.

Yeah, okay, let me get some.

Oh, God.

Yeah, Hillary Clinton gave me this one

for something woman-y. I can't remember.

- Oh, is that you and the pope? - Yes, His Holiness.

We, uh--we met a couple years ago.

- Wow. What was he like? - Gassy.

- Really? - Yeah.

That's so funny. I'd heard that before.

- Big time. - Somewhere else.

- Yeah. - And what's this one?

Oh. [chuckles]

Uh, those are the burial plots

that Richard and I bought for ourselves.

Won't be needing those anymore.

I actually have six burial plots,

two for each marriage,

and I'm gonna end up being buried alone

next to a bunch of cats.

Ooh. Like the pharaohs.

[chuckles]

You know, um,

being divorced doesn't have as much stigma anymore.

I mean, I've been divorced. - Once. Big deal.

I mean, everyone's been divorced once.

Maybe I'm just not marriage material.

Oh, no. Come on.

How about this? Here's the deal.

In 20 years' time, if we're both single,

we'll marry each other.

[chuckles]

- [sobbing] - Oh, Katherine.

Oh, hey. It's all right.

You don't have to marry me.

♪ Tear down the mountains

♪ Yell, scream, and shout

♪ You can say what you want

♪ I'm not walkin' out

Don't jump.

[both chuckle]

- Just taking in the scenery. - Yeah.

- You want to join me? - How's the water?

- Oh, it's nice. - Oh.

Oh, my God, it's freezing.

That is freezing.

Yeah, but if I told you that, you wouldn't have joined me.

No.

[sighs]

- Good moon tonight. - Mm-hmm.

I like a crescent.

The full moon, eh, it's a little braggy.

It's like, we get it.

We gonna talk about last week at some point?

Mm, you mean the sex in the car thing

or the fact that Dale wore mismatched socks twice?

[chuckles] Both of those are crazy.

I mean, I like you.

I just--I always swore

that I would never date someone that I work with.

But then I always think,

well, I'm spending so much time at work.

If I don't date someone I work with,

am I just swearing off dating altogether?

And I also think that...

[sighs]

I don't know what I think.

Well, when you decide, you know where to find me.

♪ I'm stayin'

♪ And you, and you, and you

♪ You're gonna love

♪ Oh, ah, ah, ah

[inhales deeply]

♪ Me

♪ Yeah

♪ Oh, ah

Thank you so much. Next, we're gonna

slow it down a little bit. You ready?

I love a fire.

I bet our ancestors

sat around fires just like this.

Yeah, they were always buying [bleep] from West Elm.

It's the first time I've ever used it.

And that's the irony: you work your butt off

to afford a big house,

and then you're working too hard to enjoy it.

[scoffs] - Mm.

Do you ever think about

what else you could've done with your life?

I used to want to be an architect.

- Oh, really? - At one point or another,

I think most young, gay boys do.

You know, it's probably the whole Mike Brady thing.

I sort of always wanted to go to New York

and do the fashion thing.

- Seriously? - Yeah.

Or, I don't know, become a therapist.

That seems better.

I used to want to be a pilot.

Or an athlete.

Or a detective.

Or a policeman.

Or a fireman.

Or an astronaut.

So anything a seven-year-old wants to be when he grows up.

Oh, or something with dinosaurs.

- Oh, a paleontologist. - No.

- Elliot, your turn. - Let me guess.

Haberdasher. - Cheesemonger.

Chimneysweep.

Yes, very droll, everybody. Well done.

Please continue to make hilarious jokes

about how British and effete I am.

Okay. What did you want to be?

Well, if you must know, I wanted to be a chiropodist.

- A what? - It's like a podiatrist.

Basically--essentially, I mean, it's a podiatrist.

Now why would you want to go and do something like that?

Uh, chiropodists make a lot of money.

That is the most random [bleep] thing I've ever heard.

Jack, what about you? What would your life be

if you weren't an assembly line worker that I hit with a car?

I don't know.

Like, what did you want to be when you were a kid?

You know, I never really thought about it.

I just kind of take things as they come.

You don't plan anything?

How does a person live that way?

Well, a year ago, I was a factory worker.

Now I'm sitting in front of a fire pit

outside of a mansion with a Cuban cigar in one hand

and a hundred-year-old scotch in the other,

so things just kind of work out.

But for real, was there, like,

a foot doctor in your family or something?

Like, I'm trying to wrap my head around it.

It's just--it's a recession-proof business.

It's too late to come home now. I've called you a SuperShuttle.

Oh, it takes you to the airport.

It just doesn't take you to the terminal.

You know, taxi's, like, $40.

I'm not made of money.

This is the softest blanket I've ever touched.

It's merino wool.

They wick moisture.

That's why they're good.

'Cause they wick. - Okay.

I'm gonna take mine home.

She's not gonna notice.

I love you guys.

Mm-mm.

Oh, gosh. Tonight was fun.

Did everybody have fun? - It was fun.

- It was. - [chuckles]

Good. I'm glad.

Good night.

Night.

Good night.

You guys want to be buried next to me?

- Excuse me? - Like, now?

No. No, just someday.

Oh, okay.

Great.

[chuckles] It'll be great.

I'm looking forward to that.

[groans] Night. - Good night.

[chuckles]