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00:00:04,352 --> 00:00:06,789
- Ukraine pleaded for more
military aid and vehicles,
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00:00:06,832 --> 00:00:08,051
saying, "We are desperate,"
3
00:00:08,095 --> 00:00:09,487
but when Katherine
Hastings offered
4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:11,620
to ship them a
thousand Payne Hydras,
5
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:13,796
Zelenskyy replied,
"Not that desperate."
6
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:16,755
I'm not laughing at the joke.
7
00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:18,472
It's just Zelenskyy's
a funny-sounding name.
8
00:00:18,496 --> 00:00:20,083
- I didn't even do that.
- Yeah, it's like
9
00:00:20,107 --> 00:00:21,412
they just say stuff to be funny.
10
00:00:21,456 --> 00:00:22,650
- Can you guys
set this straight?
11
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,043
- You want me to release
a statement saying
12
00:00:24,067 --> 00:00:25,373
we aren't trying to aid Ukraine?
13
00:00:25,416 --> 00:00:27,853
- The fire is out, no one
got hurt by the pawls,
14
00:00:27,897 --> 00:00:30,378
but Preppy McChipmunk won't
get his hand out of my skirt.
15
00:00:30,421 --> 00:00:31,770
- It's not just Seth.
16
00:00:31,814 --> 00:00:33,226
It's Fallon, it's Kimmel,
"The View," "The Talk."
17
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:34,338
- John Oliver did a full
18
00:00:34,382 --> 00:00:36,166
20-minute segment
on you on Sunday.
19
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:37,752
- Let me guess, it was
smug and reductive.
20
00:00:37,776 --> 00:00:39,213
- It was, actually.
21
00:00:39,256 --> 00:00:41,147
- You know what, I should
have just taken the payout.
22
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,366
I could be on a beach right now
23
00:00:42,390 --> 00:00:43,521
with my husband, but no.
24
00:00:43,565 --> 00:00:44,716
Instead, we're
fighting all the time,
25
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,109
and everyone hates
me, and all because
26
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:47,525
I had to risk everything just
27
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:48,633
to save your jobs.
- "Save your jobs"
28
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:50,267
- We remember.
- So selfless.
29
00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,181
- Katherine, this
just came for you.
30
00:00:51,225 --> 00:00:52,400
- For me?
- Mm-hmm.
31
00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:54,271
- It looks like someone
doesn't hate you.
32
00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,491
- Uh, we... we scan
for mail bombs, right?
33
00:00:56,534 --> 00:00:58,232
- Mm-hmm. They
got two dogs now.
34
00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:00,799
- You want Sadie and me to work
on some image rehab ideas or...
35
00:01:00,843 --> 00:01:02,497
- Uh, yeah, I guess so.
36
00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,282
I mean, look, I'm not some,
like, insecure little girl
37
00:01:05,325 --> 00:01:06,762
who needs everybody to like me.
38
00:01:06,805 --> 00:01:08,218
It's just, I can't be
an effective leader
39
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:09,634
if I'm a national joke.
40
00:01:09,678 --> 00:01:11,419
Ew, what is this
packing material?
41
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,551
Oh! Oh! Oh!
42
00:01:14,596 --> 00:01:15,747
That's a pube! That's a pube!
43
00:01:15,771 --> 00:01:17,338
That's
a box of pubes!
44
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:18,600
That's a box of pubes!
45
00:01:18,643 --> 00:01:20,428
- The AC's sucking 'em
up. They're airborne.
46
00:01:23,605 --> 00:01:25,476
- ♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
47
00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:27,478
♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪
48
00:01:30,351 --> 00:01:32,918
- Whatever happened to
just sending anthrax
49
00:01:32,962 --> 00:01:34,094
when you hated someone?
50
00:01:34,137 --> 00:01:35,356
When did that go out of style?
51
00:01:35,399 --> 00:01:36,878
- Isn't a box full
of pubes better
52
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:37,943
than a box full of anthrax?
53
00:01:37,967 --> 00:01:39,316
- I honestly don't know.
54
00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:40,467
- They're sweeping
up all the evidence.
55
00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:42,145
We should be sending these pubes
56
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:43,146
to the lab and
catching this guy.
57
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:44,146
- Or girl.
58
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:45,322
- Jack, come on.
59
00:01:45,366 --> 00:01:46,604
Girls don't even
have pubes anymore,
60
00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:49,805
and if they did, not
these kind of pubes.
61
00:01:49,848 --> 00:01:51,589
- Just from looking at it,
62
00:01:51,633 --> 00:01:53,852
seemed like it came
from multiple people.
63
00:01:53,896 --> 00:01:55,941
- They say those
little hairs really got
64
00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:57,136
hooked into your carpet fiber,
65
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,640
so they gotta dig 'em out.
66
00:01:58,683 --> 00:02:01,208
- Listen, Ian says that I
have to use social media more
67
00:02:01,251 --> 00:02:02,600
so people see my human side.
68
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:03,795
What... what do you
think of this tweet?
69
00:02:03,819 --> 00:02:05,690
- "Today's a great
day to buy a car
70
00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:07,277
from your local Payne
Motor dealership."
71
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:08,954
"Hashtag car."
72
00:02:08,997 --> 00:02:10,193
- You don't spell the hashtag.
73
00:02:10,217 --> 00:02:12,219
- God, I hate this stuff.
74
00:02:12,262 --> 00:02:14,221
I spent an hour trying
to write a funny tweet
75
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:16,136
about why the Flintstones
carried their cars
76
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:17,243
when they were just running.
77
00:02:17,267 --> 00:02:18,703
But when you break
down that show,
78
00:02:18,747 --> 00:02:19,985
that's just one of the things
that doesn't make sense.
79
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,378
- But you know, you
don't have to be funny.
80
00:02:21,402 --> 00:02:22,814
You just have to be
real and authentic
81
00:02:22,838 --> 00:02:23,621
and true to who you are.
82
00:02:23,665 --> 00:02:24,970
- I love that.
- Mm-hmm.
83
00:02:25,014 --> 00:02:26,581
- Great. Um, great.
84
00:02:26,624 --> 00:02:29,279
So why don't you be authentic
and real and all that for me?
85
00:02:29,323 --> 00:02:30,715
- You want me to
pretend to be you?
86
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,281
- Yeah, well, I
mean, just to tweet.
87
00:02:32,326 --> 00:02:33,912
You don't
have to wear a skin suit
88
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:35,067
and my husband.
89
00:02:35,111 --> 00:02:36,199
All right, username is
90
00:02:36,243 --> 00:02:37,591
"Katherine Hastings."
- Mm-hmm.
91
00:02:37,635 --> 00:02:40,595
- Okay, what if we
make her the victim...
92
00:02:40,638 --> 00:02:42,007
- Right.
- Rough her up a little bit,
93
00:02:42,031 --> 00:02:44,293
make it seem like an angry
customer attacked her?
94
00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:45,817
- So you want to
Tonya Harding her?
95
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:48,429
- Yes. That's a good
way of putting it, yes.
96
00:02:48,472 --> 00:02:50,779
- What if we put out a
video of her apologizing,
97
00:02:50,822 --> 00:02:52,954
like, in her house
with her family?
98
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:55,131
People see her as, like,
a wife and a mother
99
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,500
who's truly sorry
for what happened.
100
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:58,613
- Mm, so it would be like, um...
101
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,136
"I'm so sorry.
102
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:01,572
"Please love me
103
00:03:01,616 --> 00:03:04,662
and stop sending me
your pubic hairs."
104
00:03:04,706 --> 00:03:07,709
- Yeah, s... so
no video. Mm-kay.
105
00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:09,493
- She has you tweeting for her?
106
00:03:09,537 --> 00:03:10,688
- Yeah, she was having
trouble coming up
107
00:03:10,712 --> 00:03:12,583
with something
personal and authentic.
108
00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:15,847
- Yeah, robots do have a tough
time simulating human emotion,
109
00:03:15,891 --> 00:03:18,372
but the technology's
improving every day, so...
110
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,808
- Okay, so which
one should I post?
111
00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:21,679
- Mm, God, I'd love to
keep figuring this out,
112
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:23,507
but sadly we've
arrived at my office,
113
00:03:23,551 --> 00:03:25,006
and I'm sure you have work...
- It's okay, I got time.
114
00:03:25,030 --> 00:03:26,815
Would you think she
would post Taylor Swift,
115
00:03:26,858 --> 00:03:29,078
or you think she'd wanna
quote that "Lean In" lady?
116
00:03:29,121 --> 00:03:31,254
Is that more her jam?
117
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:32,690
Taylor Swift.
118
00:03:33,343 --> 00:03:34,581
- Ooh, another idea
would be having you do
119
00:03:34,605 --> 00:03:35,954
a tree-planting campaign.
120
00:03:35,998 --> 00:03:38,043
- Mm. Nature stuff's
so played out.
121
00:03:38,087 --> 00:03:39,828
What else?
- Okay. Uh, ooh.
122
00:03:39,871 --> 00:03:41,893
We think we could get you
on "Dancing with the Stars."
123
00:03:41,917 --> 00:03:45,616
- Guys, I am not Jake
from State Farm, okay?
124
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:49,228
I'm looking for ideas that are
simple and timeless and real.
125
00:03:49,272 --> 00:03:51,796
- What about an apology video?
126
00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:53,537
- Apology video?
- Yeah, hear me out.
127
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:56,192
You at home being
sincere with your family
128
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:57,585
talking about how bad you feel,
129
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,587
leaning into the image
of you as a mother.
130
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:01,066
- What do you think, Sadie?
131
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,730
What do I think of
an apology video?
132
00:04:04,766 --> 00:04:06,811
- Yeah.
- That's a great question.
133
00:04:06,855 --> 00:04:08,726
Um... maybe I said...
134
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:10,467
It doesn't matter
who thought of that,
135
00:04:10,511 --> 00:04:11,773
'cause we were brainstorming.
136
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:14,036
Yeah, maybe that's
a good... maybe.
137
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:15,405
- Maybe we should just
switch you to a simple
138
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:16,821
thumbs-up or thumbs-down system.
139
00:04:16,865 --> 00:04:18,736
Nice work, Ian.
- Thank you.
140
00:04:18,779 --> 00:04:19,930
- Okay, well, what about this?
141
00:04:19,954 --> 00:04:21,391
What about if I write,
142
00:04:21,435 --> 00:04:23,567
"Why do we stop chewing
grape gum when we get older?
143
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:25,482
Grape gum is fire."
144
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:26,831
And then I put the fire emoji.
145
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,616
- Not sure you want
to reference fire
146
00:04:28,659 --> 00:04:30,357
after the literal
fire we caused.
147
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,749
- See, that's good. See?
148
00:04:31,793 --> 00:04:33,664
See, that's why you
here, 'cause you smart.
149
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,580
Okay, how about "@TacoBell,
bring back those waffle tacos,
150
00:04:36,624 --> 00:04:38,408
you cowards. #livemás"?
151
00:04:38,452 --> 00:04:39,801
- It all sounds good.
152
00:04:39,844 --> 00:04:41,585
I appreciate... I appreciate it.
153
00:04:41,629 --> 00:04:42,780
All right, yeah.
- Sorry, what are...
154
00:04:42,804 --> 00:04:45,110
- Come on in. Come
on in. No. Thank you.
155
00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:46,740
I'm sorry. There's so
much stuff going on,
156
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,026
and I don't have an office.
157
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,767
I hope this is okay.
158
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:52,248
- Uh... yeah, sure.
159
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,728
Mm-kay. Yeah.
160
00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:56,600
I actually... I wanted to
talk to you about something.
161
00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:58,515
- Go for it.
- It's not a big deal,
162
00:04:58,558 --> 00:05:01,518
but, um, when I suggested
that we do that video,
163
00:05:01,562 --> 00:05:04,434
you were... I thought
that you were against it.
164
00:05:04,478 --> 00:05:06,262
But then, like, you
pitched it to Katherine
165
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,960
kind of like it was your idea,
and I'm sure that was just,
166
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:10,135
like, a misunderstanding.
167
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:11,441
- No, it wasn't.
168
00:05:11,485 --> 00:05:13,443
- What?
- Taking your idea.
169
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:14,551
I'm trying to take your job.
170
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,054
Do you want an M&M?
171
00:05:16,098 --> 00:05:19,144
- No, thank you. No,
they're... they're my M&Ms.
172
00:05:19,188 --> 00:05:21,146
What do you mean, you're
trying to take my job?
173
00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:22,452
- Okay, listen, don't judge,
174
00:05:22,496 --> 00:05:24,038
but I realized for the
price of my L.A. condo,
175
00:05:24,062 --> 00:05:25,803
here I could be
like a land baron.
176
00:05:25,847 --> 00:05:28,719
So I figure, get you
fired, take your job,
177
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:30,895
start looking at,
uh, open houses.
178
00:05:30,939 --> 00:05:32,244
What the?
179
00:05:32,288 --> 00:05:33,787
- Hey, I said don't
judge, and you're judging.
180
00:05:33,811 --> 00:05:36,336
- Well, of course
I'm, uh, judging you.
181
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:37,554
You're a psychopath.
182
00:05:37,598 --> 00:05:39,991
- Technically diagnosed
as a cluster B,
183
00:05:40,034 --> 00:05:43,255
Axis II narcissist with
psychopathic tendencies.
184
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,997
Usually I'm so good at
mimicking human emotion,
185
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:47,521
no one has any idea.
186
00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:48,870
- Wait, what?
187
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,654
- Wait, what?
188
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:52,526
Anyway, hey, I
gotta return a call.
189
00:05:52,569 --> 00:05:54,155
Could you close the
door on your way out?
190
00:05:54,179 --> 00:05:55,267
- On my w...
191
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,486
- Hey.
- This is my o...
192
00:05:56,530 --> 00:05:58,401
- Andrew. Ian Osofsky.
193
00:05:58,445 --> 00:06:00,664
Buddy, making a
video for a client.
194
00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,710
I could use your
help. What do you got?
195
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:07,279
- I mean, he just
seems so normal.
196
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:10,021
- I read that, like, 10% of
executives are psychopaths.
197
00:06:10,065 --> 00:06:11,738
It's what makes them
such effective leaders.
198
00:06:11,762 --> 00:06:14,025
- Well, you can't just
sit back like some simp
199
00:06:14,069 --> 00:06:15,505
and let him take your job, okay?
200
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:16,811
To beat a psycho,
201
00:06:16,854 --> 00:06:18,334
you need to think like a psycho.
202
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,510
Blood.
203
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:21,642
"Helter Skelter."
204
00:06:21,685 --> 00:06:23,034
Uh, Jack the Ripper.
205
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:24,471
- How does this help me?
- Shh.
206
00:06:24,514 --> 00:06:25,559
Uh, Jeffrey Dahmer.
207
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:26,821
Mark Cuban.
208
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:27,865
Daymond John.
209
00:06:27,909 --> 00:06:29,214
Lori Greiner.
210
00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:30,757
- These are just people
from "Shark Tank."
211
00:06:30,781 --> 00:06:31,869
Right?
- Yeah.
212
00:06:31,913 --> 00:06:34,306
- The Payne fire is a tragedy
213
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:35,630
that never should have happened.
214
00:06:35,656 --> 00:06:37,571
- Okay, can we do
something about the girl?
215
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:39,877
She looks like someone
disabled her Instagram account.
216
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:42,271
- Well, it's your video, bro.
217
00:06:42,314 --> 00:06:43,446
- Why are you being weird?
218
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:44,360
- I'm being weird?
219
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:46,101
You're trying to get me fired.
220
00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:47,798
- I told you that
is not personal.
221
00:06:47,842 --> 00:06:49,234
It's a medical condition.
222
00:06:49,278 --> 00:06:51,193
Would you be mad at a
blind man who can't see?
223
00:06:51,236 --> 00:06:53,195
No, you would not.
224
00:06:53,238 --> 00:06:55,371
I might be a psychopath,
225
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:57,068
but you're a not-nice person.
226
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,376
- Damn it!
227
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,117
What are you doing?
228
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:03,945
We're trying to make
Twitter accounts,
229
00:07:03,988 --> 00:07:05,139
but I keep failing
the CAPTCHA tests,
230
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:07,035
and I'm starting
to question, like,
231
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,297
am I a robot?
232
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:09,883
- It doesn't matter
what I tweet, Cyrus.
233
00:07:09,907 --> 00:07:11,058
Katherine's got no followers.
234
00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:12,301
And no one's gonna follow her
235
00:07:12,344 --> 00:07:13,650
unless other people retweet her.
236
00:07:13,694 --> 00:07:15,609
But there's no one to
retweet her... why?
237
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:17,045
'Cause she ain't
got no followers.
238
00:07:17,088 --> 00:07:19,439
- Ah, so the fake
accounts follow Katherine
239
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:21,092
so it looks like she has buzz.
240
00:07:21,136 --> 00:07:22,659
- Aha.
- Congrats.
241
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,487
You've launched a
Russian troll farm.
242
00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:25,880
- I found all the
traffic lights.
243
00:07:25,923 --> 00:07:27,403
There are no more
traffic lights.
244
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,970
- Won't it look a
little suspicious
245
00:07:29,013 --> 00:07:31,035
that all of Katherine's
followers signed up for Twitter
246
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,713
on the same day,
followed no one but her,
247
00:07:32,756 --> 00:07:34,062
and have no other interests?
248
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:35,474
- You think a detective's
on this or something?
249
00:07:35,498 --> 00:07:37,195
We're just trying to
trick a few idiots.
250
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:39,130
- If you want this to look
like they're real people,
251
00:07:39,154 --> 00:07:40,851
you need to give them depth.
252
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:43,027
Okay? Slide over. Slide over.
253
00:07:43,071 --> 00:07:45,639
Let a maestro do
his maestro thing.
254
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,815
- Okay.
255
00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,294
- Is a motorcycle a bike?
256
00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:51,383
Do you see
what I'm dealing with?
257
00:07:51,427 --> 00:07:53,473
- There is nothing
more important
258
00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:55,431
than the safety of your family.
259
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,955
And I say that
not just as a CEO,
260
00:07:57,999 --> 00:07:59,304
but as a mother...
261
00:07:59,348 --> 00:08:00,741
- Stepmother.
- A stepmother...
262
00:08:00,784 --> 00:08:02,525
Maddie, honey.
263
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,484
Can we... can we take ten?
- On a ten!
264
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:05,702
- Maddie...
- Thank God.
265
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:07,158
- I swear to God.
- Richard, would you talk
266
00:08:07,182 --> 00:08:08,638
to your daughter?
- I can... I can talk to her.
267
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:09,924
- I'll talk to her.
268
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,273
- I'm closer to her age.
269
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,511
- Well, I'm better
at this stuff.
270
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:13,947
- Dude, why are you
trying to be alone
271
00:08:13,971 --> 00:08:14,972
with a teenage girl?
272
00:08:15,016 --> 00:08:16,539
It's creepy.
273
00:08:16,582 --> 00:08:18,106
- I'll handle it.
274
00:08:20,543 --> 00:08:22,545
Gosh, this is so
basic.
275
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,112
Like, I knew it
was gonna be lit,
276
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:27,637
but it's almost, like... cheugy.
277
00:08:27,681 --> 00:08:30,292
- Thank you for speaking to me
in a lingo I can identify with.
278
00:08:30,335 --> 00:08:31,989
I feel truly seen.
279
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:35,078
- Sarcasm, yep.
280
00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,299
Can you just be cool
for five minutes
281
00:08:37,342 --> 00:08:38,648
so that we can get out of here?
282
00:08:38,692 --> 00:08:39,562
Like, that's all we want.
283
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,172
We just want to get this done
284
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,044
and leave.
285
00:08:43,087 --> 00:08:44,131
- Okay.
286
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:45,525
Let's just get this over with.
287
00:08:45,568 --> 00:08:46,874
- Right?
288
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,528
Same page. Up high.
289
00:08:48,571 --> 00:08:50,181
- Nope. I'm not
gonna high-five you.
290
00:08:52,053 --> 00:08:53,184
Hey.
291
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:55,143
Listen, do not listen to her.
292
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,361
I do not agree.
293
00:08:56,405 --> 00:08:57,711
I think she's the one acting
294
00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:58,842
like a spoiled.
295
00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:00,540
- She said that about me?
296
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:02,126
- Yeah, in a group
chat just a second ago.
297
00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,847
But look, I tried to
defend you and said,
298
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:06,676
Sadie, it's not cool to call a
young girl a spoiled.
299
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,025
It's not right.
300
00:09:08,069 --> 00:09:09,461
- Hey, I worked it
out with Maddie.
301
00:09:09,505 --> 00:09:10,656
- Oh, Sadie, you're amazing.
- Good, thank you.
302
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,160
- All right,
everyone, let's roll.
303
00:09:12,203 --> 00:09:13,441
- We're back,
everyone. Back in five.
304
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:14,597
- Now.
- Now! Ready now!
305
00:09:14,641 --> 00:09:17,121
- everyone.
- I'm leaving.
306
00:09:17,165 --> 00:09:19,123
Who's the now,?
307
00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:20,603
- Hey, Maddie.
308
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:21,909
Maddie, wait.
309
00:09:21,952 --> 00:09:24,389
- What did you say to her?
310
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:26,435
- I present Matthew Rollins, Jr.
311
00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:28,350
Matthew is a libertarian atheist
312
00:09:28,393 --> 00:09:31,005
doing his engineering
post-grad at San Diego State.
313
00:09:31,048 --> 00:09:32,223
Go Aztecs.
314
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:34,486
And he's a volunteer
mountain rescuer.
315
00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:36,706
He's also the guy
that just asked,
316
00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:41,232
"If you were an animated
car in that Pixar movie,
317
00:09:41,276 --> 00:09:43,583
what car would you be?"
318
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:47,935
And got a reply from
Payne Motors CEO,
319
00:09:47,978 --> 00:09:49,632
Katherine Hastings.
320
00:09:49,676 --> 00:09:51,112
And thus,
321
00:09:51,155 --> 00:09:52,809
a conversation has begun.
322
00:09:52,853 --> 00:09:54,570
- Oh, and you know who loves to
comment on all things Disney?
323
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,551
- Who? Give me a good name.
324
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:56,726
- Uh, Sasha.
- Who is she?
325
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:58,032
- A single mother of two,
326
00:09:58,075 --> 00:09:59,250
colorblindness survivor,
327
00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:01,513
and Minnie Mouse fanatic.
- I love it.
328
00:10:01,557 --> 00:10:04,908
- And there could be a
guy named, like, Boomer.
329
00:10:04,952 --> 00:10:05,996
Yeah.
330
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,278
- What were you
saying? Sasha...
331
00:10:07,302 --> 00:10:08,216
- Sasha, yeah.
- Okay.
332
00:10:08,259 --> 00:10:09,652
- Single mother of two.
333
00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:11,436
- Nope. She's not
at her mom's either.
334
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:12,655
- She's 17, Richard.
335
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:14,241
She's probably at an
arcade or something.
336
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,503
- You know, there's
no arcades anymore.
337
00:10:15,527 --> 00:10:17,399
- Yeah, it's all
oxycodone-fueled
338
00:10:17,442 --> 00:10:18,922
sex parties, like "Euphoria."
339
00:10:18,966 --> 00:10:20,683
- Hey, look, I can have another
girl here in 30 minutes.
340
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:22,709
- You wanna recast her daughter?
341
00:10:22,752 --> 00:10:24,232
- We never say
it's her daughter.
342
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:25,775
If people assume the
girl sitting next to her
343
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:28,062
is her daughter, then
isn't that on them?
344
00:10:28,105 --> 00:10:29,367
- I mean, that's true.
- Wait,
345
00:10:29,411 --> 00:10:31,500
you're actually considering
replacing Maddie?
346
00:10:31,543 --> 00:10:32,719
- Well, as an option.
347
00:10:32,762 --> 00:10:34,459
- How fake can you be?
348
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:35,765
I mean, come on.
349
00:10:35,809 --> 00:10:36,897
This is the most time
350
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:38,420
that you and I have
spent together...
351
00:10:38,463 --> 00:10:39,745
- Okay, we don't need to...
- In, like, maybe all year.
352
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:41,684
And it's in this house
that isn't our house.
353
00:10:41,728 --> 00:10:43,468
- Richard...
- And we're making some stupid
354
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,557
video about how real you are.
355
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:46,558
- I never said this would...
- You... you know what?
356
00:10:46,602 --> 00:10:47,623
You like the fake house so much,
357
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:48,952
why don't you just live here,
358
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,974
'cause I'm done, and I'm
going back to our house...
359
00:10:50,998 --> 00:10:52,173
Our actual house.
360
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:56,283
- Hey, look, I hope you
don't blame Sadie for this.
361
00:10:56,307 --> 00:10:57,700
She did the best she could.
362
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,011
- The safety of your family
means everything to me.
363
00:11:04,054 --> 00:11:06,535
Does it?
364
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,885
Does it really?
365
00:11:08,929 --> 00:11:10,495
I can't help thinking
something feels
366
00:11:10,539 --> 00:11:12,236
a little inauthentic
about that apology.
367
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,890
Why is that? Oh, right.
368
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:16,284
It's because that's
not her house.
369
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:20,331
It's a set where they shot
a T-Mobile commercial.
370
00:11:21,637 --> 00:11:23,639
- T-Mobile, not gonna lie,
371
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,032
that one kind of stings.
372
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:26,400
- Okay, you know what,
I wanted to shoot it
373
00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:27,924
in a different location...
- Actually, I think that
374
00:11:27,948 --> 00:11:29,403
you wanted to shoot there.
- I don't think it's really
375
00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:30,840
important who said what, Sadie.
- I'm gonna go vape
376
00:11:30,864 --> 00:11:32,735
until I'm numb, and
when I get back,
377
00:11:32,779 --> 00:11:34,432
I need a new list of ideas,
378
00:11:34,476 --> 00:11:37,522
ideally ones that don't make me
into a national embarrassment.
379
00:11:37,566 --> 00:11:38,872
Okay?
380
00:11:38,915 --> 00:11:40,874
- Gavin Marvin Pendergrass.
381
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,092
- Ooh.
- He's erudite...
382
00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:44,094
- Ah.
- Sophisticated, super likable.
383
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:45,617
You know, he's an intellectual,
384
00:11:45,661 --> 00:11:47,837
but he also owns a jet ski.
385
00:11:47,881 --> 00:11:48,795
I should
buy a jet ski.
386
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:50,013
- Okay, I see your Gavin,
387
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,928
and I raise you Kiana George.
- Who?
388
00:11:51,972 --> 00:11:53,210
- You see, she's a
fierce Black woman
389
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,757
who loves sushi
and cozy mysteries.
390
00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:56,735
And she got IBS, but she
don't let that define her.
391
00:11:56,759 --> 00:11:57,847
- Wow.
- Mm-hmm.
392
00:11:57,891 --> 00:11:58,848
- What are you guys doing?
- Ooh,
393
00:11:58,892 --> 00:11:59,956
working on your Twitter account.
394
00:11:59,980 --> 00:12:01,416
- It's not just an
account anymore.
395
00:12:01,459 --> 00:12:04,724
It's a whole Katherine
Hastings Cinematic Universe.
396
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:05,788
- You wanna read some of these?
397
00:12:05,812 --> 00:12:07,204
- Uh, no. I get it.
398
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:09,250
Emojicons, eggplants.
We're good.
399
00:12:09,293 --> 00:12:11,513
- Okay.
- Carry on.
400
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:13,384
- If I'm being honest,
the Katherine character
401
00:12:13,428 --> 00:12:15,386
is becoming my least favorite.
402
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:17,388
- Central characters
are always boring.
403
00:12:17,432 --> 00:12:19,956
She's just a giant
piece of flavorless meat
404
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,089
with no seasoning.
405
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:26,069
- You're not pitching anything?
406
00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:27,572
- Nope, 'cause I know Katherine.
407
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:29,574
She'll wanna take a
beat and reassess.
408
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,012
She doesn't wanna jump
into another bad decision.
409
00:12:32,055 --> 00:12:34,492
- Hm.
- So what have we come up with?
410
00:12:34,536 --> 00:12:35,948
- You know what, I think it's
important at a time like this
411
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,495
to take a beat,
you know, reassess.
412
00:12:37,539 --> 00:12:39,540
We don't want to rush
into another bad decision
413
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:40,910
where it could blow
up in our faces.
414
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:42,805
- No. I hate just waiting.
415
00:12:42,849 --> 00:12:45,242
This isn't the time to
sit around doing nothing,
416
00:12:45,286 --> 00:12:47,984
like a condom in
Nick Cannon's wallet.
417
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,770
- I totally agree, and I've
been trying to tell him that.
418
00:12:50,813 --> 00:12:52,075
We need to be proactive.
419
00:12:52,119 --> 00:12:55,818
I thought maybe we could
get you on "Seth Meyers"
420
00:12:55,862 --> 00:12:57,994
and just, like, show that
you're in on the joke.
421
00:12:58,038 --> 00:12:59,691
- Sit down with
my biggest critic?
422
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:00,867
That's, uh...
- Stupid.
423
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,694
- Ballsy. If people
see us joking around
424
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:04,629
like old pals, I mean,
then it's okay to like me.
425
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:06,849
- You know, I'm just... I'm
just worried about, you know,
426
00:13:06,873 --> 00:13:08,439
not seeming like
a serious person.
427
00:13:08,483 --> 00:13:10,461
And plus, it'd take months
to get booked on that show.
428
00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:12,792
- Well, I actually, uh...
I got a slot on Thursday,
429
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:13,923
if you want.
430
00:13:13,967 --> 00:13:15,533
- Really? Book it.
431
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:16,970
Nice work, Sadie.
432
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,841
Oh, and book me really
good hair and makeup.
433
00:13:18,885 --> 00:13:19,929
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
434
00:13:23,498 --> 00:13:25,282
- So I hear we're both
from New Hampshire.
435
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:26,980
- Uh, well, we moved
when I was six,
436
00:13:27,023 --> 00:13:29,156
but I still got
some Hampsha' in me.
437
00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:30,829
- All right, pop quiz:
the thing in the wall
438
00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:32,091
you drink water from,
what's that called?
439
00:13:32,115 --> 00:13:33,856
- Oh, that's a... That's
a "bubblah," yeah.
440
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,225
That's a bubbler, yeah,
441
00:13:35,249 --> 00:13:36,269
we got some wicked
good water in those.
442
00:13:36,293 --> 00:13:37,314
- We got wicked good watah.
443
00:13:37,338 --> 00:13:38,818
- It's going really well, huh?
444
00:13:38,861 --> 00:13:40,297
It's fine.
445
00:13:40,341 --> 00:13:41,255
- We gotta head up to the, uh...
446
00:13:41,298 --> 00:13:42,386
To the White Mountains...
447
00:13:42,430 --> 00:13:43,450
- The light's
catching her great,
448
00:13:43,474 --> 00:13:45,215
hitting all the curves.
- Mm.
449
00:13:45,259 --> 00:13:46,651
- So Benny and Natasha,
450
00:13:46,695 --> 00:13:48,368
they're tweeting snarky
comments at each other
451
00:13:48,392 --> 00:13:49,979
about Trump, right,
going back and forth.
452
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,874
But if you put the
politics aside,
453
00:13:51,918 --> 00:13:53,093
they're not so different.
454
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:54,810
- Ooh, what about if
later on down the line
455
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,445
we have them realize that,
and then they start a romance?
456
00:13:57,488 --> 00:13:58,726
- We should do that.
Let's workshop it,
457
00:13:58,750 --> 00:13:59,989
'cause it's important.
- Political, sexy...
458
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,666
- Y'all are wild.
459
00:14:01,710 --> 00:14:02,929
- What?
- As of this morning,
460
00:14:02,972 --> 00:14:04,210
Katherine has over ten
thousand followers.
461
00:14:04,234 --> 00:14:05,670
- Right! Go us!
- It's catching on.
462
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:07,518
All right. But who is your
favorite character, Jack?
463
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:10,588
See, I bet it was TJ, right,
'cause TJ comes to play.
464
00:14:10,632 --> 00:14:12,503
Right, TJ's an
amalgam of characters
465
00:14:12,547 --> 00:14:14,636
that I've experienced
in my own life...
466
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,986
- TJ is cool, but I got
to go with Anita, man.
467
00:14:17,030 --> 00:14:18,074
- Ooh! She's one of mine.
468
00:14:18,118 --> 00:14:19,510
I love Anita. That's me.
469
00:14:19,554 --> 00:14:20,661
- Well, actually, we
came up with her together
470
00:14:20,685 --> 00:14:22,426
I said nurse...
- The stuff Anita says
471
00:14:22,470 --> 00:14:24,167
is so specific.
- Aww.
472
00:14:24,211 --> 00:14:25,362
- Girl, you need to be a writer.
473
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:26,474
Yeah, I honestly
474
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,954
couldn't even tell
Anita was fake.
475
00:14:27,997 --> 00:14:30,217
- You couldn't tell a
motorcycle from a bike, Jack.
476
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:32,935
Next time we're back,
477
00:14:32,959 --> 00:14:34,023
we're gonna take the beater,
478
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:35,352
we're gonna go for a packie run,
479
00:14:35,396 --> 00:14:36,876
you know, I'll...
I'll bang a U-ie,
480
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:38,418
and then, uh, we'll go
fishing for some hornpout.
481
00:14:38,442 --> 00:14:40,357
- All right, that
sounds like a plan.
482
00:14:40,401 --> 00:14:41,750
We'll be right back with more
483
00:14:41,793 --> 00:14:43,883
from Katherine
Hastings after this.
484
00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:54,241
I'm such
a big fan, by the way.
485
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:55,764
- Thank you.
486
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,133
- All the jokes you've
been doing about me,
487
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,114
they're so funny.
488
00:14:58,158 --> 00:14:59,289
You know, they sting,
489
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:00,397
but you know, it's
in a good way.
490
00:15:00,421 --> 00:15:02,075
It's in a good way.
I appreciate it.
491
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:04,009
I just think it's nice that we
can show people that we're...
492
00:15:04,033 --> 00:15:06,818
- Um, look, uh,
I don't like you.
493
00:15:06,862 --> 00:15:08,908
I mean, you endangered
people's lives.
494
00:15:08,951 --> 00:15:12,085
And, uh, I didn't wanna have
you on the show tonight.
495
00:15:12,128 --> 00:15:13,410
It's just that the
network thought
496
00:15:13,434 --> 00:15:14,914
you would be good ratings.
497
00:15:14,957 --> 00:15:18,221
But don't pretend this is
some sort of showbiz rivalry,
498
00:15:18,265 --> 00:15:21,921
because I hope you go to prison.
499
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:23,444
- Huh.
500
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:27,927
- So you've been
having a tough month.
501
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:28,991
- "Fortune" magazine named you
502
00:15:29,015 --> 00:15:31,365
the "Most Hated
CEO in America."
503
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:32,768
I mean, that's gotta sting.
- Yeah.
504
00:15:32,801 --> 00:15:34,281
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
505
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,346
Well, I'm just glad that they
named me at all, you know?
506
00:15:36,370 --> 00:15:39,329
"The Journal" just calls me
"She Who Must Not Be Named."
507
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:42,289
You know, like, um, Voldemort.
508
00:15:42,332 --> 00:15:44,987
- Yeah, yeah, "Harry
Potter." Yeah, we get it.
509
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:47,163
- Yike-sters. Why is
she being so thirsty?
510
00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:48,686
- I don't know.
Something's off.
511
00:15:48,730 --> 00:15:50,664
Set fire
to the Quidditch pitch.
512
00:15:50,688 --> 00:15:52,429
- Cringe city. I am so glad
513
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:55,519
I'm not the one that
suggested she do this.
514
00:15:55,563 --> 00:15:58,783
- Dori, what is Eliza gonna do
about that snake in her toilet?
515
00:15:58,827 --> 00:16:00,481
- Only Eliza knows
the answer to that.
516
00:16:00,524 --> 00:16:02,700
I let my characters tell
me what they wanna do.
517
00:16:02,744 --> 00:16:03,701
I just write it down.
518
00:16:03,745 --> 00:16:06,095
- So Eliza wanted you
519
00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:08,054
to tweet about her
favorite mixology bar,
520
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,578
even though she's a devout
Mormon that doesn't drink?
521
00:16:10,621 --> 00:16:11,971
Seems inconsistent.
522
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,929
- People are
inconsistent, Cyrus.
523
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:16,888
Inconsistencies are what
give my characters depth.
524
00:16:16,932 --> 00:16:18,890
- Personally, I thought it added
525
00:16:18,934 --> 00:16:20,085
a whole new dimension to her...
526
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:21,676
- I just think that
you're so focused
527
00:16:21,719 --> 00:16:23,156
on being funny and controversial
528
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:25,506
that you're sacrificing rich
character development...
529
00:16:25,549 --> 00:16:28,639
- Cyrus, I have taken up
too much of your time.
530
00:16:28,683 --> 00:16:31,425
Really, I have. And I know
you've got work to do.
531
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:35,037
- Well, I'm taking
my accounts with me.
532
00:16:35,081 --> 00:16:37,953
- Oh, no, what'll I ever do
without all the characters
533
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:40,303
you clearly stole
from "Our Town"?
534
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:41,783
Yeah, you think I didn't notice?
535
00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,437
- That got intense fast.
536
00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:46,353
- Some people don't handle
other people's success well.
537
00:16:46,396 --> 00:16:48,355
- Well, Seth, um, you've
been going after me
538
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:49,965
pretty hard, um, lately.
539
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:53,229
So in fact, I snuck
into your writer's room,
540
00:16:53,273 --> 00:16:55,753
um, and I, uh, grabbed
some of the jokes
541
00:16:55,797 --> 00:16:59,583
that you were going to be doing
about me tomorrow on the show.
542
00:16:59,627 --> 00:17:01,908
- Gosh, you know, I think it's
going really, really badly.
543
00:17:01,933 --> 00:17:04,284
- Hey, Hannibal Lector, no
one asked for your opinion.
544
00:17:04,327 --> 00:17:05,825
- Okay, you know,
Hannibal's a problematic
545
00:17:05,849 --> 00:17:07,200
character in our community.
546
00:17:07,242 --> 00:17:08,829
They should have had one
of us play the role, but...
547
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,768
Hollywood.
548
00:17:10,811 --> 00:17:12,509
- "According to a poll,
549
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:16,644
92% of Americans dislike
Katherine Hastings."
550
00:17:16,686 --> 00:17:17,732
Oh.
551
00:17:17,775 --> 00:17:19,516
"While the other
8% were run over
552
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,606
by their Hydras and couldn't
respond to the survey."
553
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:23,781
Oh.
554
00:17:23,825 --> 00:17:24,868
That one was harsh.
- Yeah.
555
00:17:24,913 --> 00:17:26,193
- You're gonna find another job.
556
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:27,761
I... I can recommend you
to an escort service,
557
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,154
and I think you'd do great
while you're young and still,
558
00:17:29,178 --> 00:17:30,440
you know, kind of pretty.
559
00:17:30,484 --> 00:17:31,441
- Lay off her, man.
560
00:17:31,485 --> 00:17:32,616
- Wesley, it's fine.
561
00:17:32,660 --> 00:17:34,029
- No, I... I'm sick of
him coming after you.
562
00:17:34,053 --> 00:17:38,274
This woman, this beautiful,
kind, classy woman,
563
00:17:38,318 --> 00:17:40,276
she would crush as an escort.
564
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,278
- Okay, that's not...
- No, it's... it's true.
565
00:17:42,322 --> 00:17:43,647
You would, I swear to God.
- Wesley, don't help.
566
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:45,673
Don't help.
567
00:17:45,716 --> 00:17:47,849
- You'd be very good.
568
00:17:47,892 --> 00:17:49,285
- Thanks.
569
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:53,724
I'm cracking myself up.
570
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,557
Y'all, I made Katherine
a conspiracy nut.
571
00:18:00,601 --> 00:18:02,472
- What?
- I have this character, Kyle,
572
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:05,127
who's a crazy QAnon guy, and
I was doing this whole run
573
00:18:05,171 --> 00:18:07,651
about UFOs and, like, Tom
Hank's butthole and stuff.
574
00:18:07,695 --> 00:18:10,263
And I realized I was
on Katherine's account.
575
00:18:10,306 --> 00:18:11,481
- No.
- Wait, can't you just
576
00:18:11,525 --> 00:18:12,850
delete the tweets?
- Yeah, 'cause that's
577
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:14,460
how the Internet works.
You just delete stuff,
578
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:15,920
and no one ever
digs it up again.
579
00:18:15,964 --> 00:18:17,246
- Well, what if we
say she was hacked?
580
00:18:17,270 --> 00:18:18,836
Right, that happens
all the time.
581
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,031
Like, we could start
posting a bunch
582
00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:21,796
of racist, homophobic stuff.
583
00:18:21,839 --> 00:18:23,319
Quick, Jack, get me
some pics.
584
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:24,383
- You talking about
from the Internet,
585
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:25,843
or you... you talking
about from me?
586
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,367
- It's your call, baby.
587
00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,630
- There's some crazy stuff
on here though, yo, really.
588
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:33,764
- "Payne reportedly
considered firing Hastings,
589
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:37,855
"but Ford offered her a
job as a crash test dummy.
590
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:42,773
"I'm not saying she's
dumb, just that she's fake
591
00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:45,559
and a lot of people want to
see her drive into a wall."
592
00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:49,345
A lot here about how
much everyone hates me.
593
00:18:49,389 --> 00:18:51,217
Don't feel like there's
a lot of variety.
594
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,140
Hey, I don't
come to your workplace
595
00:18:53,175 --> 00:18:55,090
and tell you how to
cover up defective cars.
596
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:56,961
Well, yeah,
597
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,746
a lot of, um... A
lot of these are...
598
00:18:58,789 --> 00:19:01,618
Are pretty real actually, yeah.
599
00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:04,926
I mean, people hate me.
600
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:05,990
Try to pretend it
doesn't bother me,
601
00:19:06,014 --> 00:19:09,322
but it does.
602
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:11,802
- Well, look, you know,
thanks for being a good sport.
603
00:19:11,846 --> 00:19:12,953
Thank you for
being here. Kath...
604
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:13,891
- Do you know that
someone literally
605
00:19:13,935 --> 00:19:15,980
sent me a box of pubes?
606
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:17,547
It was... it was a big box,
607
00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,288
like what a toaster
would come in.
608
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,421
I mean, more... More
pubes than really one...
609
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,486
One person could make, unless
they were storing them up.
610
00:19:23,510 --> 00:19:25,947
But you know what,
I don't blame 'em.
611
00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,645
I'd probably send me
a box of pubes, too.
612
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:31,735
I messed up, you know?
613
00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:36,392
No apology video or... or talk
show appearance can make up
614
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:39,352
for what I did, and you
know, I can't fix it.
615
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:41,223
But what I can do is promise
616
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:44,531
that it will never happen again.
617
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,017
- Amen to that. Katherine
Hastings, everybody.
618
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:54,454
We'll be right back.
619
00:19:59,285 --> 00:20:00,436
I can't believe I'm saying this,
620
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:03,027
but that was actually
pretty great.
621
00:20:03,071 --> 00:20:04,614
You know what, go
yourself, Seth.
622
00:20:04,638 --> 00:20:06,683
Next time, I'm
going on "Kimmel."
623
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:07,945
- Can't blame you.
624
00:20:09,817 --> 00:20:11,601
- Did you see Seth's face?
625
00:20:11,645 --> 00:20:13,342
I mean, I think he
actually felt bad.
626
00:20:13,386 --> 00:20:14,517
- Mm-hmm.
- And maybe
627
00:20:14,561 --> 00:20:15,866
a little in love with me.
- Mm.
628
00:20:15,910 --> 00:20:17,583
I think anyone who sees
that is gonna love you.
629
00:20:17,607 --> 00:20:19,870
- And red America
loves the QAnon tweets,
630
00:20:19,914 --> 00:20:21,152
so you're hitting all the demos.
631
00:20:21,176 --> 00:20:22,133
- Wait, what QAnon tweets?
632
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:23,396
- It's a long story.
633
00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:24,547
- You know, I knew
you'd pull it off.
634
00:20:24,571 --> 00:20:25,983
I kept saying, believe
in Katherine...
635
00:20:26,007 --> 00:20:27,269
- He's a liar.
636
00:20:27,313 --> 00:20:28,618
- I don't lie.
- Yes, you do.
637
00:20:28,662 --> 00:20:30,316
Yes, you do. You
lie all the time.
638
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,231
He lies all the
time. And he's trying
639
00:20:32,274 --> 00:20:34,165
to steal Sadie's job and
take credit for her ideas.
640
00:20:34,189 --> 00:20:36,147
And he's a psychopath.
And he's a bully.
641
00:20:36,191 --> 00:20:38,019
And he's mean. And I hate him.
642
00:20:38,672 --> 00:20:40,326
- Hey.
643
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:42,284
- Okay. Well, I'm, um...
644
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:44,460
I'm sorry that he
was mean to you.
645
00:20:44,504 --> 00:20:46,767
But, um, his job here is done,
646
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:49,117
so you really won't
have to see him anymore.
647
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,206
- Oh.
648
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,295
Okay, oh, yeah.
Yeah, of course.
649
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,166
You know, now that I've
resolved this issue,
650
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:57,212
I guess Mary Poppins
just moves on
651
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,755
to some more children
that need me to help them.
652
00:20:58,779 --> 00:21:01,129
- Okay? You feel better now?
653
00:21:01,172 --> 00:21:02,957
- Uh-huh.
- Bye, Mary.
654
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,567
It's been a pleasure.
655
00:21:10,007 --> 00:21:11,487
- How gross was that?
- Yeah.
656
00:21:11,531 --> 00:21:14,577
- "Katherine, Ian's
being mean to Sadie."
657
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:16,840
- I can handle my
own problems, Wesley.
658
00:21:16,884 --> 00:21:18,494
- I hate a tattletale.
659
00:21:18,538 --> 00:21:20,322
It's, like, just so
hard to respect a person
660
00:21:20,366 --> 00:21:21,517
when they're being a whiny
little bitch, you know?
661
00:21:21,541 --> 00:21:23,717
- Totally. It's
not a good look.
49031
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