All language subtitles for s2-13

- Market is about to open.
- What's the price?

55.13.

So we only need to get it up
three points

by the end of the day. Easy.

3.01.

If we're at 58.14
by the end of the day,

we all keep our jobs.
58.13, we're all fired.

We're gonna make it.

All of Wall Street
watches this show.

We just gotta hit
the talking points.

Right, $10,000 Pika
is the most affordable car

in its class.

It's available
for pre-order starting today.

And if they ask why
we're selling direct...

How about,
"The dealers hated it so much,

they refused to sell it."

No, not that one.

The Pika is a car
for the people,

so why not offer it
directly to the people?

Wow, I almost believed that,
and I know you're lying.

And if you get asked a
question that you can't handle,

just say, "I feel positive
and confident about it."

I've done a lot of TV, Sade.
I'm a pro.

They won't even need
to edit me.

Well, it's live,
so they can't.

Wait, what?

What if I say something
I'm not supposed to

and there's not take backs.

Like, what if I suddenly
just start shouting "penis."

Why would you start
shouting "penis"?

'Cause I'm not supposed to.

Wesley, just breathe,

and remember,
"I'm positive and confident."

Positive and confident.
Positive and confident.

Okay, that helps.

You know, it's funny now that
Wesley said the word "penis"

it's all I can think about.
- [sighs]

Penis. Penis. Penis. Penis.

Penis.

♪ Bom bom
bom-bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

♪ Buh buh bom-bom-bom
buh bom-bom-bom-bom ♪

[chorus vocalizing]

Making another
interest rate hike by the Fed

all but certain.

The Payne Pika
launches this morning.

We'll talk about it
after the break.

And we're clear.
Two minutes.

Positive and confident.
Positive and confident.

You guys will be seated here,
Katherine in the middle,

Wesley on the end.

Dan Abbas,
glad you could make it.

Katherine Hastings.
Thanks for having us.

- Positive and confident.
- Hi.

- Wesley.
- Oh, uh, sorry.

Wesley Penis. Pleasure.

[clears throat]

Positive and confident.
- [chuckles]

Positive and confident.

You said I'd be answering
questions about the car.

You didn't say
I'd be standing next to it

on national television.

Okay, You hate the Pika.
I get it.

You do? 'Cause I thought
I was being subtle.

Look, all our jobs depend
on you selling this thing.

So can you please just
try to act excited about it?

Helen Mirren couldn't act
excited about this turd.

Fine.

I'm excited about the Pika.

Ten seconds until live.

Oh, I've got all this saliva
in my mouth.

There's like, a ton of it.
What do I do?

Do I spit it out?
- Just swallow it.

Just swallow it.
- Okay.

Just swallow it.

It's too much, too much.
I can't.

- Swallow it.
- I can't.

The Pika,
Payne's new $10,000 car,

starts taking
pre-orders today.

Here to talk about it
are Payne Motors CEO

Katherine Hastings...
- Great to be here, Dan.

And also investor and Payne
family member Wesley Payne.

Hi, Dan. Oh.

- Ugh, God.
- Oh, oh.

You all right over there?

Sorry.

I got some bad
saliva advice earlier.

I think--you know,
I think we're just

all salivating over the sales
that are projected

for the Pika.
- Nice recovery.

Auto companies are always
racing to add features

to their cars.
- Yes.

But you've gone
in a different direction.

Yeah, you know, Dan,
the Pika has two features

that other cars don't.

Why is he just staring
into the camera like that?

Is he having a stroke?

Nah, his face would be
drooping to one side by now.

He's probably
[bleep] his pants though.

Now, Cyrus,
you designed the Pika.

What can you tell us about

reducing cost without
sacrificing safety or function?

Dan, I gotta tell you,

this is one hell of a car
we have for you today.

Whoo-hoo! Wow!

She's a beaut!

I mean, from the roofs
to the wheels,

these cars are steals.

And you can only get it
at one place.

That's www.paynepika.com.

- He's coming on a bit strong.
- Yeah, it's a lot.

♪ We've got Payne Pikas
in Detroit city ♪

♪ That's a capital P,
and that rhymes with C ♪

♪ And that stands for cool

- [sighs]
- Uh... sounds like he's a fan.

Yeah, well,
I know the enthusiasm

might seem like a lot
or maybe even too much,

but we're all just so excited
about what's happening

over at Payne.

We're turning a corner,

and we have watched
our profit margins grow

very steadily
over the last two quarters.

Guys, we're surging.

- Really?
- Yeah, we're already up

almost two points. Look.

I think we're gonna make it.
- Oh, boy.

What? Uh-uh. What--
what's oh, boy?

Dan,
there's a breaking news story.

Um, is it a good
breaking news story?

Since when has there been
a good breaking news story?

And, you know,
the glory days are back.

I feel--
- I'm so sorry to interrupt,

Katherine, but we are getting
a story out of China.

The Port of Shanghai
has been shut down

due to Typhoon Meilin.

The markets are
already reacting

given that the port...
- Oh, we're dropping.

- The whole market's dropping.
- Come on, baby.

I need you to go up.
Go up.

Yeah, I don't think
that's gonna save it.

Looks like the Nasdaq has
already taken a major slump,

and the Dow
is in near freefall.

And who knows how much lower
it could go?

Oh, or higher.
Or higher, right?

Or how much higher will it go,

you know,
for companies like ours

that are so well-positioned
for a, uh, um, uh,

a typhoon, yeah.

I feel positive and confident
about it.

We will continue
our discussion

in what is shaping up to be
a brutal day for the markets

after the break.

Oh, penis, penis, penis,
penis, penis, penis.

Oh, I was scared
I was gonna say it.

And we're clear.

[bell ringing]

Thanks for coming.

Kind of makes you miss
the fire.

Yeah, I think that went well.

Yeah.

I mean,
the whole market's down, right?

It's not just us.

They can't fire us
for a hurricane surely.

Please, Soren hates me
so much he probably started

the [bleep] hurricane
just to get rid of me.

- It's a typhoon.
- What's the difference?

There isn't one, really.
It's basically the same thing.

Definitely worth
correcting me then.

It was just bad luck.

There's literally
nothing we could've done

that would've made
any difference whatsoever.

Mm, screaming "penis"
a bunch of times

probably didn't help us.
- But it didn't hurt us.

Guys, this isn't over.
We still have five hours.

We just need a plan.

Is there anything we could do
with, like,

moving them numbers around
on paper to make it look like

we're worth more
than we really are?

Right. Can anyone beat
Jack's accounting fraud plan?

Ooh, what about that guy
from Morgan Stanley

that everyone listens to?

- John Hampton?
- Yeah.

He's had us as a sell
ever since I started.

What if we got him
to make us a buy?

I've tried to get a meeting
with him; he says no.

Well there's something
you all should know about me.

I don't take no for an answer.

- I actually did know that.
- Hey, driver, change of plans.

We're going to Morgan Stanley.

Wait, so we're all just
gonna ambush him at his office?

Mm, good point.

Uh, driver, just pull over.

Elliot, Sadie, come with me.

Everyone else, you can just
go back to the office.

You're just gonna kick us out
on the side of the road?

Look, guys,
I know things look tough, okay,

but I don't give up.

So what are we gonna do?

Get that stock up.

- No.
- Take an Uber home?

- No, that's not--
- Trust ourselves

and know that teamwork can--

Not--not give up.

I--what I literally just said, okay?

What are we gonna do?

[together]
Not give up.

Not gonna give up.

Oh, it just sounds awkward.

All right,
what are we not gonna do?

[together]
Give up.

Now it sort of sounds like
we're chanting "give up."

Showing up unannounced
to his office

just feels a touch aggressive.

Oh,
it's extremely aggressive.

You can't be too aggressive.

It's great,
because it's inappropriate.

It's almost unhinged.
He'll never see it coming.

Hi, we need to speak
to John Hampton.

Oh, I'm sorry.
He can't today.

Oh,
I think that he can today.

You tell him
it's Katherine Hastings,

it's urgent, and I won't
take no for an answer.

John was rushed
to the hospital this morning

after his appendix burst.

Okay,
this feels really aggressive.

Cannot be too aggressive.

Look, guys,
we can't give up.

Katherine's not giving up.

There's got to be something
simple we're not thinking of.

Right, something simple
that adds five points

to our stock price
in the next four hours.

Hmm, oh,

why don't we just up
Warren Buffett

and see if he'll invest
a few hundred mil?

Jack, you have him
on speed dial, right?

Ha-ha, good one, Cyrus.

You should be
the chief sarcastic officer.

I mean,
theoretically if we just said

Warren Buffett was investing,
other people would follow.

By the time they found out
we were lying,

the markets would be closed.

- Period.
- Yeah.

that would be a fun story
to tell the other inmates

while you're begging
for redemption at Shawshank.

Okay, hey, hey, hey.

What if we didn't say
he was investing,

but we just implied it,

like, we took a photo of him
meeting with us

and leaked it online?

And how do we lure him here, exactly,

put out milk and cookies
and hope he climbs

down the chimney?

Ooh, what if we got
an impersonator, right?

We had a Michael Jackson lookalike

for my nephew's birthday party,
and the kids loved him.

This was
before the documentary.

Or hey,
why even bother with that?

Let's just stick the janitor
into a business suit

and pretend like
he's Warren Buffett, right?

[laughs]

That's funny, right?

Hi. Knock-knock.

Hey, John.

Hi. Katherine Hastings,
Payne Motors.

This is our CCO, Sadie Ryan.

Hey, I left you
a couple voice mails.

Elliot Chisholm,
our chief counsel.

Gotcha a little pick-me-up
from the gift shop.

W-why are you just
standing there?

I don't like all the germs,
fluids, and that.

- Give him the bear.
- Yeah, all right.

Here you go.

Enjoy it in good health.

Okay, thank you.

John, I know the timing's
not ideal,

but I'd love to share with you

some of our financial forecasts
for next year.

Sadie, can you, um, help him?

Oh, you mean, just--
yeah, sure.

Here we go.

- [groans]
- Sorry, John.

Yeah, I think you're really
gonna like

what you see here, John.

- [coughs]
- [bleep] me.

Just put on a mask, mate.

Is this--which is more?

It's not that difficult.

He totally looks like
Warren Buffett.

Mm, not really.

Hey, it fits great.
Thanks, Robert.

Okay, Bronislaw, you just
sit there and act impressed.

As far as
the camera's concerned,

you are Warren Buffett.

I'm Warren Buffett, yes.

Hey, hey, hey, guys,

I'm gonna take a picture
through the glass

so it looks like a sneaky photo

of a secret meeting
or something.

Love it.

Maybe we should lose
the Fritos.

Why can't I eat Fritos.

You're Warren Buffett.

He's rich.

He can eat whatever he wants.

So what exactly do you want
me to pitch to ol' Warren?

Oh, well, you just sit there
like you're in the meeting,

and I'll do the pitch.

- Oh, good.
- Hey, guys.

What if I shoot it
through a plant?

Okay, sure.

Ooh, it looks like
"Jurassic Park."

Mm.

I'll just go ahead and do it
if you need me to.

I mean,
I'm the chief designer.

Oh, yeah, well,
it's a fake photo,

so it doesn't really matter.

I agree.
This is all pointless.

- So I'll just do it.
- Great, I can do it.

Or I'll do it.

- Well, that makes no sense.
- I'll do it.

We got a toilet overflow
in the men's room on six.

I can't do it right now.
I'm Warren Buffett.

What?

I said I'm Warren Buffett
right now.

Turn that off.
Turn that off.

[walkie-talkie beeps]

Our valuation multiple
is 11.2 times earnings,

and our projected revenue
is up 9% year-over-year.

- My stitches hurt.
- What's that?

What did you say, John?

He said his stitches hurt.

We ready for some more
pain meds?

- We're not quite done here.
- Excuse me.

We need about two more
minutes if that's okay.

- No.
- I don't think so.

Just need two minutes here.

He seems to really need
the meds, so...

Oh, okay.

Well, I mean,
I'll tell you what,

you can really get addicted
to that stuff.

I ran a pharmaceutical company.
I know what I'm talking about.

[groans]

You're stepping
on his catheter.

- Oh, God.
- You all need to leave.

- We're going.
- Okay.

John, the Pika launch
is perfectly timed for a--

- Ow!
- Catheter, catheter, catheter.

Pika's really--
it's just a game-changer.

Payne is in a totally different
position than it's been--

Get well soon, John.
Thank you, nurse.

I think you want
to reframe...

We're out.

It's really in terms
of optics...

If you look at last
quarter's financial numbers.

Just keep your gaze
focused here, you know.

[both chattering
simultaneously]

What are you guys doing?

Who's he?

I'm Warren Buffett.

That pretty much covers it.

So how'd it go
with the analyst?

Oh.
[blows raspberry]

Bust.
Sorry, guys.

I really tried my best.

Hey, Dori,
will you bring me my Crocs?

Furry rim.

Wait, you're giving up?

I thought you never give up.

Yeah, I guess I--I need
to change that expression.

Sometimes I give up.

But--no, no, no, but there--

there's always something left
to do.

Eh.

Katherine, you have
that photoshoot

with the Pika later.
Do you want me to cancel it?

Oh, God.

No, I guess
I'll just get it over with.

Probably need new photos
for my LinkedIn page.

[quirky music]

Bronislaw, you can clean
all this up, right?

I can't believe we're really
gonna lose our jobs.

I haven't looked for a new job
in, like, a decade.

If I lose my job,

I might not be able
to stay in America.

So am I gonna be okay?
- I don't know.

What the hell?
Just say yes.

- But I don't actually know.
- Okay.

So pretty soon we might not
be working together anymore.

We might not be.

Yeah, duh, that's what
we were just talking about

for the last five minutes.

I'm taking you out
for a drink tonight.

- You are, are you?
- Mm-hmm.

That's what's happening.

Oh, and something
you should know about me.

I don't take no for an answer.

[chuckles]
Well, all right.

Wow, you just,
like, went for it.

That was incredible.

Guys, I think I know a way
to fix all of this,

but, Sadie, I need your help.

Let's go.
- Oh, okay.

Good luck.

You just, like, went for it.

I'm telling you
this is not a good idea.

Trust me.

[in silly voice]
I heard someone got a boo-boo.

Hey.

Oh, God.
[groans]

Wesley Payne,
not my real voice.

How are you?

Yeah, that looks great.

Just a little more attitude.

Maybe a hand on the hip,

or could you smile
a little more?

Yeah, we're--we're happy.

You ever see
those hostage videos

where they claim
they're not being tortured?

Great, yeah.

Look at me, Katherine.
Look at me.

Oh, my God.

I'm stuck in a house.
I'm stuck in a house.

I'm stuck in a house.
- Can we take a break?

I just need a second.
- Sure.

Take your time.
- Oh, God.

I can't even fake a smile.

And I am great at faking
a smile, like, world-class.

[scoffs]

Man, that is an ugly car.

Well, for all we know,
we could be the ugly ones,

and it's actually pretty,

like in that "Twilight Zone"
with the bandaged lady.

Who cares if the car is ugly, right?

No one drives a car and thinks,
like, "Oh, my God.

This is ugly."

They're thinking, "This is
way faster than walking."

And you made that.

Yeah, I guess I did have
a little to do with it.

Mm-mm, no, no, no, no, no.
It was all you.

[chuckles]

It's not so bad.

I mean,
it looks like a car, right?

If I saw that on the street
I'd think,

"Yep, that's a car."

Hey, Cyrus,
is this thing road-ready?

I mean,
as much as any of them are.

What do you say
we go for a drive?

John,
Payne is like a rocket ship,

but right now,
you're the asteroid.

Why are you doing this to me?

I tried to stop him.
He wouldn't listen.

But, John, you have the power
to be part of the solution.

If you--what are you doing?

John, no, don't call the nurse.

Put this down, John.
- Wesley, it is over.

- Wait, no. Please, please.
- Let's go.

Hey, hey,
I'm literally begging.

I'm begging here, man, okay?

Please change your rating.

Just change it.
What do you want me to do?

I'll do anything.
- Can you stop talking?

- I'll eat [bleep].
- Please don't.

I will eat [bleep].
Where's the bedpan?

I will literally
eat your [bleep].

Give me your [bleep].
I'll put it in my mouth.

That's how much this company
means to me.

Come on. Let's go.

We'll talk another time.

No, there is no other time.

After today Katherine's gone.

Wait, what?
Hastings is out?

- No, I didn't say that.
- No, he doesn't mean that.

No, no, I didn't mean gone.
I just--

You said that.
I didn't say that.

What's going on? Why do you
keep pestering this man?

I don't know.

We just--we just do.

- Out.
- Yeah.

Okay.
I'm taking the bear.

You can't turn me down'
and keep the bear.

It doesn't make sense.

[quirky music]

Katherine,
I think it's cool.

This is gonna be a lot
of people's first car.

So for the rest of their lives,

even when they can afford
nicer ones,

they're always gonna remember
the Pika.

I mean,
it's not a luxury car,

but it drives okay.
It's decent.

And to think a year
and a half ago you were like,

"Let's build a car."

And look at us.
We sitting in it.

- [chuckles]
- You made this bitch.

Yeah, you're right.
I did.

Hey, look at this car.
I made this car!

That's right, Katherine. Live.

I mean, come on, Cyrus,
we made a car. Be proud.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I guess we did.

[laughs]
No, say it. Come on.

We made this bitch.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We made this bitch!

Yeah, okay.

all: We made this bitch!

You made me make this bitch.

- We made this bitch.
- We made this.

- We made this.
- We made it.

In a rare phenomenon,
the typhoon combined

with Typhoon Shayla
to create a super typhoon.

I don't have any regrets.

I made a good car,
a few friends.

I wouldn't have done
anything differently.

- Maybe not the fire, though.
- Other than the fire.

Yeah, I was gonna say that.

With Wall Street
responding in kind

as stocks hit a ten-year low.

You guys think we'll all
still hang out after this?

I'll probably get a coffee
with Sadie in six months.

And we'll say, "Let's not wait
another six months

to do this again."

But we will,
and that'll be fine.

There are currently
rumors circulating...

- Hey, look.
- That Katherine Hastings

will be out
as CEO of Payne Motors...

How the hell
do they know about that?

- Uh, okay--
- I bet that Soren

leaked it
to the press probably.

- Totally.
- God, I hate that guy.

I wish he would get caught
in a hurricane.

- Typhoon.
- Really?

At least the stock price
is going up, though.

Wait, the price is going up
because I'm leaving?

No, come on, stock goes up
for a lot of reasons.

You can't just assume that--
assume that...

Hastings' exit causing
the share price to surge.

- That that's the reason.
- Wow, it is really going up.

[scoffs]
I get it. I'm terrible.

No, I mean,
it's really going up.

Changes ahead for Payne...

- How--how far away are we?
- Three points.

The market closes
in 17 minutes.

- Okay, is this even possible?
- Maybe.

- Okay, keep going.
- Climb, climb.

- Keep going.
- Up, up.

- Okay, baby.
- Come on!

57.75.

57.77.
- Mama needs this!

- 57.90.
- Oh!

If I sold my shares right now
I'd make so much money.

Shut up, Wesley.
If you jinx this I'll kill you.

- 58.13.
- Do you believe in miracles?

[bell dinging]

[all cheering]

Oh, my God!

[all cheering]

♪ Ready for more,
are you ready? ♪

♪ Ready for me

[upbeat music]

♪ Are you ready?

[knocks]

- Hey.
- Hey.

So looks like we'll still be
working with each other

after all, huh?

Uh, looks like we will be.

Guess we will have to put
a pin in those drinks.

- You want to cancel.
- What?

No, no.

I thought--
I figured since you--

We are still on, my friend.

Oh, and there's something
you should know about me.

I don't take no for an answer.

[chuckles]

Well,
I guess I can't say no then.

I guess you can't.

- Good night, Bronislaw.
- Good work today, dude.

- I am Warren Buffett.
- Okay.

You know, I'm gonna stop
seeing my psychic.

She was wrong about everything
she predicted today.

I mean, in fairness to her,

it was a pretty insane day
to predict.

Still, that's her job.

You guys will never guess
how much money I made today.

Don't even try.
Okay, guess, guess.

$100.

Oh, my God, dude,
you're way off.

Ah, if feels good
to be on top.

Guys,
don't get too excited.

As soon as it get out
that I'm still here,

there's gonna be
a massive sell-off.

Sorry to be the boner-killer
at the party.

Who cares
what the haters think?

A win's a win.
- I know.

I don't need Wall Street to
tell me that I am a good CEO.

I mean, just because some
dumb analyst decided to put...

- Wait.
- A bull's-eye--

Wait. Wait.
You've got to see this.

You've got to see this.

It's unbelievable.
Oh, my goodness.

This is unreal.
- Did he always run like that?

He's like the BFG.

But he's not fast.
The BFG was fast.

[gasping, laughs]
[coughs]

Sorry, one second.
- Oh.

Sorry,
I ran a really long way.

Check it out.

People love the Pika.
Look at these pre-orders.

There were so many people
on the web site it crashed.

200,000 orders in a day?

- How?
- Check your news feeds.

We're everywhere.
- "Less is more.

The bare-bones appeal
of the Pika."

"At a time when drivers
are overwhelmed

"by new technologies,

"the Pika's simplicity
is refreshing.

Sometimes you just want to get
from point A to point B."

I have, like,
200 emails here from reporters

that want interviews.
- Twitter loves us.

"Finally a tech-free car
that won't read my thoughts

and try to turn me gay."

Well, mm, well,
a sale's a sale.

Okay, well,
from "Motor Trend,"

"The Pika's a lo-fi antidote
to our stressed out,

tech'd out lifestyles."

Exactly.
That was the vision.

Andy Richter DM'd me.

"Trying to get a Pika.

Anything you can do
to help out a friend?"

A friend.
- Oh, my God.

Soren left a voice mail.
- What did he say?

He's freaking out.

Okay, this tweet.

"Finally a car
from simpler times...

before we had
a president from Kenya."

Come on, Twitter.
- It's a hit.

The car I created
is a [bleep] damn hit.

[laughter]
- I designed it, so...

I'm a good CEO.

- Yes.
- I'm a good CEO.

- Yes.
- I'm a good CEO!

[all cheer]

And you know what this means, right?

We are done scrambling.

We have power now.

- And money.
- Yes.

- We just sold a lot of cars.
- Yes, power and money.

And you know what you can do
when you have power and money?

Anything you want.
- Space travel.

Yeah--uh, maybe, maybe not.

That's a while from now.

All I know is, I am done.

We are done playing defense,
all right?

It is our turn
to make some moves.

Yes.
[all cheer]

Somebody call me an Uber!

[upbeat music]

Ow!