Original subtitles

What?

What? Tell me Is it bad?

It's good?

Very good?

Sex?

Oh, please, God, tell me you've lost the power of speech

No

What is the best thing that could ever possibly happen?

World peace?

Better

I got a job at Barney's!

Where are the cashmere V-neck sweaters?

On the second floor And how do I know?

Because I got a job at Barney's!!

So what happened to the job at Banana Republic?

Have you abandoned the Banana?

So unlike you

The Banana is dead to me

Too gay Bad for my image

Got fired?

A little bit

This is the catalog

They gave it to me to familiarize myself myself with the inventory

Meow

Wouldn't you love to look like that?

Well

What do you mean "well"?

Nothing, I just-- I don't know--

Somebody at work yesterday asked me if I'd, ahem

if I'd ever done any modeling

Ok, I'm just gonna have to put you on hold real quick just a second

Ok, I'm back What were you saying?

I don't know what's happening

Maybe I'm growing into my looks or something, but--

but people are paying a lot of attention, you know?

They're staring

Well, you're strange looking

You have an odd kind of shellacked look about you

I don't know, Jack Think I might be purdy

Will & Grace 4 season episode 05 Loose Lips Sink Relationships

It's to you, Karen

Gin

We're playing poker

I know what we're playing I was ordering

Now, come on Mama's dry!

Well, we did it

I was terrified at first, but it turned out that there was this little prick

a little pain, and then it was over

You know, he's standing right behind you

We had our HIV tests today

I had an ahi salad

Aren't you guys a little behind the times?

I mean, some of us have been getting tested

since Frankie went to Hollywood

Why now?

Well, we figured since we're not sleeping with anyone else--

We're not? When did that start?

Love the jokes about you not being faithful, sweetie

They slay me

Anyway...

Anyway, we get the results in a few days

but in the meantime they said we should be prepared

to make a list of all our sexual partners

I made my list once

Just for fun

A veritable who's whom of the entertainment industry

Don't you mean a veritable who's that of the entertainment industry?

Hey, let's do it

Let's make our lists of our sexual partners

Come on, it's fun

Gin!

Ok, but on this list what counts as sex?

hh, poor thing

We have been over this so many times

Well, let's say by whatever means we lost our virginity

That's sex

Ok, everyone, start counting now

Uh, I had sex with 23 people Does that seem like a lot or a little?

- A lot - A little

Oh, honey

Everything I say about you behind your back is true

Hey, no, no, no No judgments

We're just having a healthy discussion

We're not here to shame anyone Sweetie, what was your number?

Five

Oh, my god how embarrassing

Ohh, Jackie, I'm so proud of you You're a salesgirl at Barney's

Hand cream?

Would you like to try some new hand cream?

Do not look at him, Karen!

The hand cream guy is the lowest form of life here at Barney's

Get away from us!

Go now!

Oh, poodle, I miss Stan

Oh, what made you think of him?

How's he doin'? Is prison awful?

It's been really rough on him

He lives for that one phone call to the house every day at noon

If it weren't for that I don't think he could go on

Well, it's noon now

Yeah

Ooh, here comes my manager

She's a little witchy-poo so you're going to have to skidooch

Ok

If you need me I'll be in women's shoes

One day, I hope to say the same thing

Hey, Dorleen You're looking pretty

No

I wrote up your schedule for this week

Oh, great I did the same thing

- Hmm.... I don't think so - Hmm.... I don't think so

Excuse me?

Well, look, um...

Thrilled to be here Love you. Love everything about you

Thinking about being you for Halloween but... I'm gonna need Friday off

No!

Please!

My acting class is doing a showcase and I absolutely cannot miss it

Every casting director in town is gonna be there to see me

do selected scenes from "Caroline in the City."

Let me tell you something, mister

Do you know how lucky you are to be working here

at Barney's New York, in New York?

If you ever ask mefor another Friday night off

I'll go ape on your ass

I'm serious I will scratch your eyes out

Ok, so, yes, maybe

Well, look at you all dressed up...

In my new suit

I'm proud of you, Jack

You're here for my employee discount

A little bit

And what are you doin' later on?

You are gross

Oh, my god, Dorleen's watching Quick, act like a customer

What are you-- Jack. Hey! You just touched it!

Would you relax?

I'm a professional It's like an elbow to me

Come on Stop it!

Jack!

Thanks a lot, Will! Hey, Dorleen

Who's that you're talking to?

I swear I don't know him

Too bad He's hot

Oh. Oh. Sure. Yeah That's my dear friend Will

Introduce me I'll owe you one

Introduce you... To Will?

But he's gay-ained like a pound or two

Um, but, you know he still looks great

So?

Well, I don't know I mean, I could, but

uh, I don't know if my new shedule permits me much time

Oh, I get it

You're working me I like that. I respond to that

Ok. mister. You get me a date with your friend Will

and I'll give you Friday night off

to embarrass yourself at that stupid little skit show

Oh, but that's so sweet Thank you, Dorleen

No!

Don't ever come inside this place

Great Thank you

Well, I'm HIV-free, herpes-free wart-freeand nine more negative tests

I get a free prostate exam

So, we're both clean

Want to get dirty?

Sweetie, I hope you don't feel weird thatI've had a lot more sex than you

I just want you to know that you are very special to me

Oh, I know

Well, just because you've had more partners doesn't necessarily mean

you've had more sex

What are you saying?

Well, I'm not saying anything Who cares who's had more sex?

- I don't - I don't either

Just for fun, let's add it up

Why?

'Cause it's fun Math is fun

Oh, yeah We don't do enough math

Just remember

this is not a competition It's just a fun activity

where we add up the number of times we've had sex and see who's the winner

Go

Maureen--

Three years, two times a day New Year's Eve, planes, trains, bicycle

That one hurt...

I guess it was just once with that guy

What the hell was his name? Dindy? Indy? Oh..Steve!!

- Carry the three... - Borrow the one...

282

Wow

See?

3,105

Hand cream? Would you like to try--

Sssss! Get away, creep

Ok

I'm here to take you to lunch

No, no, no, no I'm taking you to lunch

But I'm still paying

Of course

Hey you these just came for Dorleen

Could you do me a favor and hand them to her?

What?

Yeah, she's in her office I'm just-- I'm swamped, ok?

Just go in and hand them to her

and I'll finish up out here

And then we'll go up to uh, Fred's for lunch, ok?

Great. Thanks. I'm just-- I'm sorry I would, except I'm busy-- Busy bee

Can I help you? Where you going?

Come in

Hi, Dorleen Uh, I'm Will, Jack's friend

Oh, right Like I don't know who you are

Hi, Will

Hi. Heh

Uh, these--these are for you

Oh, wow

I wonder what I'll do to deserve this

Should I read the card?

I guess you should if you want to

I thought I was the only one who felt like this

Well, I guess not

You guess not

Ok So... bye

- What is going on? - What do you mean?

With your boss

Why does she keep looking at me like she's Carnie Wilson

and I'm two ounces of chicken?

I, um... I can't tell you

Jack

All right Dorleen is an up-and-comer in--

Dorleen is an up-and-comer in the corporation

and one of her jobs is to scout the real-people models for the catalog

And she thinks- God, this is hard- You would be a great model

Why?

She-- She thinks I'd be a great model?

Yeah I know it's hard to believe

Really?

Karen...

I want to ask you something

but it's really personal and I'm afraid you're gonna be insensitive

Oh, honey

that makes me feel bad

Try me

Ok

Do you think it's weird that I've had more partners

but less actual sex than Nathan?

No. No, honey

That just means that

people like having sex with Nathan and they don't like having sex with you

I can't believe I hesitated to ask you about that

Oh, relax honey, I didn't mean it like that

Of course I didn't

Listen to me

I just meant that people don't like having sex with you, ok?

Better? Better?

Much

Oh, my God

What if you're right? What if he's lost interest in me sexually?

What if I'm like Space Mountain?

You know, how, once you've been on it you never feel the need to ride it again?

Well, Grace, you have to work to keep men interested in sex

How do you keep Stan interested?

Oh, I exercise

I've never once seen you exercise

Oh, it's not in any place you can see

What? What kind of exercise-, Oh?

Yeah

I'm doing 'em right now

I am not gonna let Nathan lose interest in me

I am not letting him slip away

Honey, that's what the exercises are for

Tonight...

I'm gonna give him the hottest sex he's had in his life

He's not just going to Space Mountain

He's going on every ride in the park

Ooh, I think I just did one

Come in

Hi. Dorleen, I--I just... I want to say that, uh...

Jack told me what you were thinking

Oh, god! I'm so embarrassed I feel like I threw up a little bit

Oh, no, no. That's ok. I just-- I wanted to tell you that I--

you know I could be interested in--

You hear that? He's interested

Oh, wow!

Well, um, I'm interested, too

Yeah?

Uh... Well, great! We'll talk later

Oh, I--I should tell you that, um...

When I blow my hair dry totally different look

Oh. Well, ok Great

- Hi

Doing your exercises?

How'd you know?

Well, I do my own version I can lift an encyclopedia

Ohh

Well, aren't you a smartie?

Is Grace around? I just came over to smooch on her

Oh, it's funny you should say that

She was just talking about having sex with you

Yeah

Bragging about it?

More like complaining about it

Oh, man

I knew that number freaked her out and I left off, like, a thousand

You think it says something about me that I like to have sex that much?

I mean, you think it's weird?

Honey, of course not

It's not weird

It just means that you're not that interesting

and sex is really all you have to offer

What?

Come on Oh, wait a minute

Now, don't take it like that

Come here Come here

Listen to me

I just meant that

Maybe you're right I mean, it does seem like women want to

have sex with me a few hundred times and leave

and go on to something else

Well, I'm not going to let that happen with Grace

We're gonna talk

About books, childhood memories and family pets

And until that happens

we're not going to have sex tonight tomorrow night, or any other night

Ooh! I think I just did one

Is Jack around?

Oh, he's in the back Bgetting ready for his showcase

I told him he could leave a couple of hours early

Oh, good. Well, that gives him ten minutes to get dressed

and an hour and 50 minutes to learn how to act

You know, I was actually hoping to run into you

Really? Yeah. Me, too

I've been thinking about you all day

Hi

Hi

The reason I came by is, uh... I--I--I'm not really very aggressive

but I'm trying to be the kind of guy who just goes for what he wants

so I'm just-- I'm just going to say it

Oh, my God I can't breathe

Dorleen...

Yeah?

I've got the slim hips and broad shoulders

that a sweater dreams about

I can carry a man purse and still look masculine

I feel that my fat-to-muscle ratio is right on target

but I'm willing to bulk up

Do you want to see me walk?

For starters, yeah

Walk into my office

Ahem. Hi

Monday through Friday he's a corporate lawyer

but on the weekend the suit comes off

and he is ready to rock 'n' ro--Aah!

What are you doing?!

I thought we were being aggressive

I thought I was auditioning

To be a model?

Ok, I'm outta here Hasta menorah

What are you doing here? Why are you naked?

Hand cream? Want to try hand cream?

Hand cream? Hand-- Hand cream?

Grace?

I'm over here

What are you doing?

Waiting for you You wanna f-

What?

Let's f-- Water

Now, why are you smoking?

'Cause it's sexy

Doesn't get much hotter than that

Grace, you know I've been thinking

there's a lot of things I haven't shared with you

Well, why don't we start sharing?

Uh, no, no, no I'm serious

Like, I have a weak side a vulnerable side

How about your front side?

Oh! No

It's really important that we share something other than--

I want to have sex

I want to talk!

Come on! Don't you want me?

No! I want to tell you about my pets Snork and Chairman Meow!

Take me!

I'm not a piece of meat! Talk to me!

I don't want to talk!

I don't want to have sex!

I don't want you in my living room!

Get out!

Have your sex in the gym like normal people

Will, you don't understand Karen told me he's losing interest

Yeah, well, Karen told me that sex is all I have to offer

And Karen told me that

Christmas celebrates the birth of our lord Cartier

I mean, come on Karen?

You don't take relationship advice from Karen

You get advice on-- I don't know-- what wine goes with mood stabilizers

You're fine together Your relationship is fine

I feel kind of...

So do I

Do you want to go talk? About Snork and Chairman Meow?

Hell, no

Straight people are so crazy

Hello!