Original subtitles

Stop What?

We said we were gonna go easy on the butter and the cheese

and look at us Look what we're doing

You're right This is too much

We should blot

The most amazing thing is happening in my apartment right now

Somebody actually stayed till the morning?

Show me hateful!

My son Elliot is on the phone

asking a girl out for the very first time ever

Ohh...someone's a proud papa

Oh, I remember the first time I asked a girl out

Well, not a girl so much as my cousin Robert

I remember calling girls for dates

I was so nervous, you know that they might... say yes

- Hi - Hey!

- What happened? - How'd it go?

Randy Varner already asked her to the dance

so she's going with him

- Sorry, Elliot - At least you tried

That little tartlet!

You know, Elliot, if this girl turned you down

it just means that there's an even better girl

out there for you and now you'll find her

You're young enough to buy that, aren't you?

I'm going to finish my homework

Hey. Hey, you know maybe later

if you're not doing anything

we could do something together, you know?

Like, um...

wave at sailors

I think he means baseball

Baseball. Sure Fun. Great. Yeah

Poor kid

I can't believe she turned him down

Just make sure you do something fun with him that night

Like when I'd stay home from a dance my mom and I would bake ginger snaps

and watch "Little House on the Prairie." (60��뿡 �濵�� �̱� ���� ��� �ѱ������� 80��뿡 �濵����)

God, I was so gay

No. no, no Don't listen to him

Elliot has to go to that dance

This is a very tender time for him and if he doesn't bounce back

this sort of disappointment can leave a deep emotional scar

- What was his name? - Alan Finkelman

He took me to my first boy-girl dance

He was so gorgeous like a Jewish Scott Baio

We had two great dances, and I knew that a slow one was coming

so I ran into the bathroom to reapply my Bonnie Belle Dr. Pepper lipsmacker

And when I came back out

he was dancing with that snooty Sandy Simons

I was heartbroken

I remember that story Will and I read it in your diary

You read my diary?

Hey, I just showed him where it was

He picked the lock with his bobby pin

�� & �׷��̽� 4���� ���Ǽҵ� 3 Crouching Father Hidden Husband

Will & Grace Season 4

Karen, my office called and said it was some kind of emergency

What's up?

Oh, uh--honey, could you get that paper out of the fax?

- I got a little jammy-jam - Sure. What's the emergency?

Paper in the fax got a little jammy-jam

what You--You called me out of a business lunch to fix your fax?

Yeah

You do realize it's not my job?

I see where you're going with this

Here you go

Karen, I can't take this

knowing that somewhere a traffic cop is gonna go unbribed

Look... I'm a lawyer which means that unlike you

I have passed a bar

- My job, essentially, is - Honey. Honey, I often ask a lot of people

on my staff to do different things

Cook sometimes cleans Cleaner sometimes cooks

Driver sometimes provides an alibi

We all pitch in!

Right... but the difference is that those people live in the palace

and serve only the evil queen

Whereas Lawyer works not only for her but for many of the villagers as well

You understand why I don't have time to fix your fax machine?

No. Why?

Let me try to explain this in terms you'll understand

I'm tequila

Oh, I'm liking this story better already!

These are my friends gin, vodka, and scotch

Hello, Karen!

Hiya, kids

Now. You got an emergency You want a bloody mary

You've poured yourself a thimble of tomato juice

Who you gonna call? Me? Tequila?

What is this crazy talk? I want my vodka!

Exactly. So from now on you only call tequila

when you have a legal problem

Ok, I get it now

You're comin' in loud and queer!

Karen, who are we gonna get? I mean, this is my son

His date should be stylish, special, beautiful

A non-smoker who loves to laugh

Wait a minute

You've got someone special, stylish, beautiful?

No. But how about Grace?

She's got big feet

And you know what they say about girls with big feet

- Well, how about Grace? - How about Grace what?

How about Grace be Elliott's date to his school dance tomorrow night?

How much fun?

Are you kidding me? He's 12. I'm 30-- Not 12

Come on, Grace It's hard enough having me as a dad

I'm a celebrity

And also... I'm gay

It's been a big week for him

and if I could just make it so he had a really great time

at this dance, I'd be... Superdad Please, Grace?

Ohh, I don't know. I mean I know that it would be very painful

to miss your seventh grade dance, but isn't there something else that we could

- Alan Finkelman - Have him ready at 7:00

- Hello - Hi, Grace

Could I talk to Will?

Karen, this is Will

Listen, I've got an emergency

You've gotta get over to the manse, tout-de-suite

An emergency, huh? You sure vodka can't handle this?

Oh, it's doin' its part, honey

But I need you, too! The I.N.S. is here

They're taking my Rosario away

Karen, this better not-- Hello? Y-yes, I'm Mrs. Walker's attorney

b-b-but all that paperwork was taken-

I see

I'll be right there

I'm approaching

Oh, Will Thank God you're here

You've got nothing to worry about

Just 'cause Rosario and Jack are divorced does not mean

they can take away her green card

Oh, honey, could you open this for me?

Sure where are the I.N.S. guys?

Oh, gone I took care of it

What do you mean you took care of it?

Well, all right you caught me

I just wanted you to open up that jar of olives

You what? What-- What-- I talked to an I.N.S. agent

Oh, honey, that was gardener

He used to be on "Dark Shadows." He's good, huh?

But--but--

Why are you doing this to me?

Well... The first time I did it

I did it because I really needed somebody to help me

but this time I just did it for entertainment!

What happened? Did your cable go out?

Did you lose the stick you use to poke bears at the zoo?

No, honey, it's right here

Ok. Ok, you-- You've had your little laugh

But this is the last time you are ever gonna trick me

into doing anything for you

Ok. Could you get the lights?

Sure Damn it!

It's so fes-tive

The cr?e paper and the punch bowl

Boys and girls dancing together

A little hard to get my mind around that last one

but I guess times have changed

Are you sure I'm not too dressed up?

Yeah. You know what would bring it down a notch?

Some Hawaiian Punch and a chocolate cigarette

Ok, Elliott, this is the deal I want you to have fun tonight

so whatever you want is fine with-- Eyes up, young man

They didn't have any chocolate cigarettes

but I got you a carrot stick

Just hold it like this

- Hi, Elliot - Oh. Hey, Nancy

Where's Randy?

Oh, he accidentally ate a peanut and his throat closed up

- Well... Bye - Bye

- That was her! - Yeah. That's Nancy

What are you waiting for?

She's alone, she's vulnerable Go get her

- Yeah, but-- - No buts! Go get her!

Excuse me I have a very big but

Well, you should have worn a long coat

Come on, Elliot this is your chance

Elliot is here with me

Don't you want to teach your son to honor his commitments?

Yes, I do, unless someone hotter and younger comes along

- Now. Shoo, boy! Score big! - No, no, no

You are not going anywhere

You know the rule You dance with the one who brung ya

Do not listen to her

Go out there and make your papa proud

I am not gonna be left alone at another seventh grade dance!

Well, this isn't about you

Yes, it is! It's always about me!

Wow

That was not a good color on me, was it?

No worse than the one you got on, Peggy Sue

Now, we are not here to work out some childhood trauma of yours

We are here to get my kid some tail

You're right You're absolutely right

Thank you

This reminds me of the time I was eight years old and my cousin

Ok, thank you

How come you're so weird? It doesn't matter, ok?

She's already dancing with somebody else

Nicely done

And to think I was gonna let him go to second with you

This is so unfair I feel like I'm being banished

That's because you are being banished

Now, you will sit here on the freak bench with the other weirdos

No offense, girls

Today's weirdos are tomorrow's daytime talk show hosts

and sensitive singer-songwriters

Don't worry

I know what you guys are going through

and I can promise it's not always gonna be this hard

I'd like to tell you the story of a plucky young girl

who went through the hell of adolescence

came out the other side stronger

self-possessed

with a damn good head of hair if I do say so myself

Felicity? (���Felicity�� ���ΰ�. �����ϴ� ���ڸ� �i�� �����븦 ���� �������� ã�ư�)

No, you weirdo! Me!

Oh! Look at that

Tom and Penelope

Well... someone will buy it

Mrs. Walker?

I'm Agent Korn and this is Agent Pembleton

Oh, thank god I've been fighting with my lawyer

Can you open this?

Mrs. Walker, I don't think you understand

We're from the FBI

Oh. I've been telling Grace

she's gonna get arrested one of these days

for assault with a deadly wardrobe

Ma'am, we're investigating your husband Stanley Walker

and we'd like to ask you a few questions

Stan? My Stan?

Oh, look at that Tom and Penelope

Well, somebody'll buy it

- Will Truman - Will, it's me

There are two men from the FBI here

Well... one man and a mannish woman

Honey, they're asking me about Stanley

I don't know what to say

The FBI, huh? I'll be right over

just as soon as I make a gun out of cheese

Hello. And welcome to MoviePhone!

- Will, I'm serious! I need - In a planet turned upside down

one woman holds the key to the planet's survival

Charlize Theron is-- Leave me alone!

What's the big deal, Elliot? Just ask her to dance

I don't want to, ok? She's not my date

So you didn't make the kill

That doesn't mean you can't feed on the carcass

I can't do it

I was crazy to think she'd even go out with me

Why?

'Cause I'm a geek, ok?

Well, look how good she dances

I can't dance like that I don't have it in me

Not in you? You got me as a parent

That's like saying

Chastity Bono can't wear Bob Mackey

So I guess somehow it got out that I like to French

Anyway, we're on the dance floor

and we're at that part of "Bette Davis Eyes"

where Kim Carnes starts to talk

when suddenly his tongue comes at me like the shark in Jaws

By the way, Jaws 3D Dennis Quaid, no shirt--

worth the rental

- So where was I? - You were about to get dumped

Now, just listen to the music

and let it move through you, ok?

Now, we'll start with the head...

And we bop, bop, bop the head and we bop, bop, bop the head

Good. And now the shoulders are moving

Very good Very good

And here come the arms They don't want to be left out

They're coming out of the barn

Ok

So, anyway we're having an ok time

I'm wearin' my good leather

I'm laughing, there's some serious hair-tossing going on

In short, he's getting the green light

When suddenly this chick breezes by

This town-and-country lockjaw bitch...

And he gets up to talk to her for 20 minutes

I mean, what is that?

My brother once flushed a turtle down the toilet and we had to get it

out with a spatula

That's what I'm talking about

Men need to be programmed

Am I the flattest one here?

Here we go

Oh, my god I love this song!

- Here are the Polina files - Thanks, Connie

Do you want anything else?

I had a dream about you last night

We were on the beach and you weren't wearing a shirt

Oh, my god, I can't believe

I told you that I'm so embarrassed

Connie, you don't have to be embarrassed

- I was breast-feeding you - That's embarrassing

Excuse me, uh... pardon me we're looking for Will Truman

Excuse me, Mr. Truman We're from the FBI

We have a warrant to search the Walker home

Mrs. Walker requests that you be there

I'm Agent Korn This is Agent Pembleton

Agent Korn Agent Pembleton

My name is Agent Poopy Pants

Excuse me?

Did Karen put you up to this?

Ooh, badges

Get those in cub scouts?

I myself will never know the joy of scouting

because I like to kiss other boys

What are you, actors?

My God, the lengths this woman will go to entertain herself

- Sir, we're not actors - Oh, come on. Sure you are

In fact, I think I saw you in a commercial for, uh

anti-anxiety medicine

You couldn't leave the house? Now you're the life of the party

- Sir, this is serious - Yeah, I know, I know

You're "FBI agents." But come on

I mean, would actual feds be this ticklish?

For the last 11 months

we've been conducting an investigation into

Stanley Walker's financial affairs

We've discovered several discrepancies

which have led us to believe...

Please!

Sir, maybe we haven't impressed upon you

the gravity of the situation

I'm aware of the gravity, Agent Korn

I mean, without gravity could my pants do this?

I'm allowed one phone call You don't mind if I make it with my ass?

Will! Will Stan's been arrested

Oh, for God's sake put your pants on

You're my lawyer not my dentist!

All right, enough is enough I'm not buying it

Honey, it's all over the news

Oh, really? Well, what is

"...Stanley Walker being taken into custody on charges of tax evasion"

"Federal authorities apprehended Mr. Walker at his home in Manhattan..."

If you have any questions for Mrs. Walker

you can address them to me

Her attorney

I screwed up

Who am I kidding? I'm no one's father

Hey

You embarrassed your kid at a school dance

I think that makes you a father

You know, I can remember this one time

when my father chaperoned the Winter Sing

And he dumped you

No, he didn't dump me He was my father

Although emotionally he did turn his back on me in college....

I was moving into my freshman dorm and we were going-

Enough of the stories! Write 'em down! You're killing us!

- Hey - Hi

So, was that your dad?

Sort of

Wow, he got up and danced in front of everyone

You were great

Yeah. Thanks

At least he's good

How did he learn to do that?

I don't know

Maybe 'cause he's gay

He is?

One of my moms is gay

Really?

Yeah, but she's not a good dancer

She built our house, though

I should probably go get Elliott and take him home

Uh, I think you might need to wait

There's my boy Dancing with a girl

You want to dance with a girl?

Sure Do you?

Sure