Original subtitles

Hey, should we learn how to swing?

What do you mean "swing"?

- Dance - Then no

Anyway, don't forget Saturday is Nathan's birthday

Guess what I got him...

and keep in mind that the three things he loves most are

zen, art, and motorcycle maintenance

Oh, my god... I love this game!

Is it...is it..is...I'm out

A signed, first edition of

"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance!"

Isn't that perfect?

I mean, can you just imagine the look on his face when he sees this?

- He's gonna go nuts - An amazing book

It articulates an entirely new philosophy for living

- It changed my life - You never read that book

No, but without it, I would have had a table that went like this--

I'm so sorry I'm late The meeting ran a little long

What meeting?

In that room down the hall

No idea what they're yammering about but they had cinnabons and coffee

It was good

We got a lot done

Who was that?

Kevin Wolchek

Can you believe that? He's working here now

- The Kevin Wolchek? - The Kevin Wolchek

The Kevin Wolchek? Who's Kevin Wolchek?

The creep who bullied Will all through elementary school

his archenemy, his nemesis

Yes, I'll never forget the time

he and his evil sidekick Prunehead tried to send me to the eighth dimension

He's just a bully

Just a bully? He was awful!

He used to dump Will in the cafeteria garbage can

if he didn't do his homework

Well, I, too was bullied as a child

I went through a lot but I'm proud to say

no one ever forced me to do their homework

That was probably because they never assigned a history paper

on the rise of the leg warmer

Yeah, I went to a crappy school

Will, I can't believe how casual you're being about this

I mean, this is the guy

who changed the name on your locker from "Will Truman" to "Will Woman."

Wow, that's brill

The best I ever came up with was "Will Trumpetman."

I gotta go back to the drawing board

I'll give you a little sample of what I'm working on

How about "Dill Truman"? It's supposed to be "Will."

Sweetie, are you gonna be ok?

You sure you don't want me to stick around in case Kevin comes back?

You know I'm a good biter

I once bit a jump rope in half

Why?

What do you mean, "why"?!

Ok, thank you

No. Don't worry, honey It was a million years ago

You know, we're all grownups now

�� & �׷��̽� 4���� ���Ǽҵ� 02. ���ſ� ���� (Past And Presents)

Will & Grace Season 4

I am so excited to give Nathan his birthday present

He's gonna freak-- wait for it-- out

Oh, honey, come on He doesn't care about a present

He's a man Just flash him a little boob

Oh, I'm sorry, honey That was mean

Congratulations

I see they're finally giving out medals for evil

Another bad job interview

I don't know what I'm doing wrong

Have I got a classy boyfriend or what?

Come here

Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Come on This is a place of business

so unless you're gonna charge him for that, take it outside

Come on, Karen, like you never got a little at the office?

Well, at least she had the decency to be by herself

A-ha ha... a-ha ha ha...

It's funny 'cause it's true

So what are you doing here?

Well, you know I was just sitting at home

thinking the highlight of my day is a kiss from my girlfriend

and I'm not waiting till 6:00 for that

You are such a liar

It's just 'cause you couldn't find the birthday present at the apartment?

I tore the place apart

I--I even looked through your underwear drawer

I found where you hide my...

competition

Ha ha ha... Ha ha ha ha....

It's funny 'cause it's sad

I also found a stack of white shirts wrapped in blue paper

Is that my present?

Will's laundry

Oh, shoot I already returned it

Well, I gotta go

I have an appointment for a small business loan

You gotta admit that is a cute guy

Yeah. I would do him nice and good

Ha ha ha...

It's funny 'cause it'll never happen

Hey, Will I'm gonna need you to--

Hey!

- Catch you at a bad time, or-- - No! No, I was just, uh--

You were lotioning

That's nice You know, I'm sure a lot of guys do that

For your information I was not lotioning

Yes, I was lotioning

but I happen to have a prescription from my doctor

Well, which doctor would that be? Your gyno?

You here for a reason?

Yeah, actually, I need you to draft a contract for my meeting

with D.T. Petersen

Peterson the meat guy? He's not my client

Yeah, I know, but

I'm taking this chick out to dinner tonight, so...

So?

So... make it about ten pages and use plenty of big words

Wait. Wait a minute! Whoa

Are you kidding me with this?! I'm not gonna do your homework for you

I think you will

- No, I won't - Yeah, you will

- But-- - Just do it

Or what?

You're gonna-- you're gonna beat me up at 3:15 at the flagpole?

Come on. What-- That might have worked on me when I was in fourth grade

but I'm an adult now

You know, I--I wear suits and stuff

I'm not scared of you

Boo!

All right, where is it? Come on

Ok, ok, ok

At the risk of tooting my own horn

which I don't have to do anymore since I have you in my life

I think I really outdid myself

Oh, I want to give my gift! I want to give mine!

Girls, please, I don't want to see you fight over me

unless you take your tops off and cover yourself in mud

Oh, lord! Did I just guess my gift?

Ok, ok, Karen, you go first I'll be the big finish

Ok, now, Nathaniel

I just got you a little something 'cause I didn't really have a lot of time

So you're gonna have to forgive me

Sorry Oh, Salesman

Oh, my god!!

Oh, my god A motorcycle

You got him a motorcycle?!

Happy birthday Thank you, Salesman

You... You got me a Ducati Monster S4?

Is it ok?

Is it-- I just-- I never-- Oh ho!

What are you doing?

My happy dance!

Otherwise known as my Ducati Monster S4 dance

Karen, this is the greatest gift I've ever gotten in my life

Thank you so much!

Yay! More presents!

Come on, Grace Come on. Give him yours

Um, no, um, I think, you know I'm just gonna wait till later

No, come on. Don't be silly Give it to him now

Yeah, baby

Ok, ok. Ok

Um... Happy birthday

Cool

"Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance."

Oh, I get it

Because Karen got me the motorcycle

Oh! Thank you, gracious

Vroom! Vroom!

Uh, well, that's just-- that's just really-- that's part one of my present

and wait till you see part two

You're just gonna-- You're gonna--Aah!

Um, not--not today It's a Jewish thing

You know how we like to stretch out the gifts

Oh. You jews are great

Except for that circumcision thing

Hey, you mind if I take it for a test spin?

No, honey! Go ahead!

You were right Birthday's are fun!

You know, next year I think I'll get him a sidecar

Do they still make sidecars or do they--

Honey, you're a little close

I'm going to kick your ass

Well, why, honey? What did I do??

You trumped my gift... The first gift...

The gift he'll always remember And because of that

I'm going to kick your ass

Honey, you're scaring me a little bit

I'm a little scared, too, Karen

'cause I have never been so overwhelmed with the desire to

kick your ass

Look, honey it's an attractive gay man!

What are you doing here? I have people coming over

Woke up this morning with a--with a-- in my, um...

In your what?

Nothing. I just-- I have a bit of a-- and I-- my stomach hurts

Oh, dear

- I think you may have a touch of S.C.S - What's that?

That would be "scaredy-cat syndrome."

It's a strain of the fraidy-cat virus was going around last summer

Jack--

You may need a Kevin-Wolchek-oscopy

I'm sick, ok? I have a cough, and my tummy hurts

Now, make me a grilled cheese sandwich and roll the TV in here

I want to watch my stories

Hey, fellas

Ah, there's nothing like hopping on your hog first thing in the morning

and riding it till your butt gets tired

You're preaching to the choir, ok?

Hey, what are you doing home? I got people coming over

Will's pretending he's sick

'cause he's afraid he's gonna get beat up by Kevin Wolchek

Oh, right, that bully guy. Yeah

Grace told me about "Will Woman."

Which I didn't laugh at

Hang in there, man

Look at you I am very disappointed in you

You are?!

Well, you think I like feeling like this... Again?!

You know, by the time I got to the fourth grade

the guy had made me such a nervous wreck that

I ate lunch every day with the janitor

Always left there feeling better, though

Probably 'cause I was swigging kahlua out of Mr. Pang's thermos

Then why don't you do something about it?!

Fight back!

Put on your pink boxing gloves and start crying

I'm not a fighter, ok? I--I--I bruise like a summer fruit

Well, if you're not gonna do it for yourself, then do it for me

And, Will, do it for every loser geek, weakling, homo, ethnic, fatty

smarty sitting alone under the jungle-gym petrified

that they're gonna get beat up for being different

You're right Why am I putting up with this?

I mean, I-I'm not a boy

- I'm a man - Attaboy!

So here's what you're gonna do You're gonna get up

You're gonna go into that office

and you're gonna beat the crap outta that guy

You hear me? Come on! Get mad!

- I am! I'm mad! - Good, so what are you gonna do?!

I'm gonna beat the crap out of him

Don't say it like that Say it like this...

I'm gonna beat the crap outta that guy!

Say it! Believe it! Who we going after?!

Kevin Wolchek!

- What are you gonna do?! - Beat the crap out of him!

- And what are you gonna wear?! - Jeans! No! Khakis!

Morning, Grace

Morning

Whatcha doing?

Just getting some coffee

Karen, tell Bodyguard he can go I no longer plan to kick your ass

Ok. Down, number five!

Listen, uh, why don't you head home and stand guard over the prime rib

This morning I saw Rosario giving it the glad eye

Little tip for Bodyguard...

Someone needs to reunite him with his estranged brother...

Right Guard

So what are you doing there, honey?

I am wrapping a present for Nathan

trying to undo what you did to me

Refresh my drink What did I do again?

You bought Nathan a motorcycle!

I'm the girlfriend

I'm the one who's supposed to give the best gift

and now, thanks to four credit cards 100,000 frequent-flyer Miles

and an application to sell Will's sperm on the Internet, I do

Well, honey, if it's that big a problem I could just take the motorcycle back

No, no, no, no. No need

'Cause now I have a present that's better than yours

Oh, that's great Who wrote it?

It's not a book

It's a watch a very expensive diving watch

So that if Nathan ever finds himself two,000 feet under water

And needs to know what time it is he ain't gonna be looking at a motorcycle

Well, honey, I... I hope you don't feel like you have to compete with me

I don't I'm not competing

But if I were I'd be winning, so pfft!

Why, Grace Alden I can't believe what I'm hearing

Adler

My last name is Adler

Oh, that's pretty

Yeah, I love my new bike

I've been riding it up and down the footpath in Central Park

and I'll tell ya people don't like that

- Are you ready to go to dinner? - Uh, yeah. Yeah

we should get going Oh, by the way, Nathan, what time is it?

I don't know I don't have a watch on

Really? No watch on

- Nope - Really?

'Cause you left it at home?

No, I actually I don't own a watch

Really?

But if you did, you'd probably wear it all the time, right?

No, I hate watches

Reall-- What?!

Hey!

Where you been, Woman? I need that contract right now

Well, good news I got five contracts

One, two, three, four, five

Maybe you didn't hear me It's go time

Do you actually have your dukes up?

Oh, yeah. Let me tell you something these dukes are your hazard

- All right, let's do it - Aah! Wait! Wait, wait. Ok

I can't do this I--I don't want to fight you, ok?

You're right I am a woman

I'm not even as tough as a woman

You know, I once tried using an Epilady and I had to see a specialist

There's your contract. I did it So just leave me alone, ok?

You know, you did the right thing, Will you know, and look at the bright side

You know that chick I took out last night?

Nailed her

Hey, listen, maybe after dinner I'll take you for a ride on my new bike

They say it's a chick magnet

but it's also a pigeon-crap magnet and a dog-whiz magnet

Ok, ok, ok, ok

I get it

You love the damn bike Why don't you just marry it?

Well, I would, but I'm afraid of what our kids would look like

Are you ok? You seem a little weird

You want to know what's wrong with me??

Karen's gift meant more to you than mine

Hers got this huge reaction and what did mine get?

Well, Grace, it was a book

How excited could I get without looking like a geek?

Perfect So you hated it

No, no, I loved it It's just--

Grace...

I can't read

Oh, my god. I didn't-- I should have known. That is so--

I can read You've seen me read

Look, I love the book

and I'm gonna love part two of my gift, whatever it is

Where is it?

There is no part two

I--I got you a watch and you hate watches

So, luckily, it fits me

but that's it I got nothing

All I got for part two is-- is I love you

That's my gift

It's not very fast

it doesn't require a helmet but it's pretty powerful

and I hope you like it

What are you doing?

The happy dance That's the best gift I've ever gotten

It is?

Yes. What more do I need?

You are a very sweet man...

In clingy pants with no underwear on

Please sit down

Ok, Mr. Petersen, here's the final draft of the merger agreement

I think you'll find that everything's in order

"Pursuant to standard legal codes"

"the party of the first part D.T. Petersen President"

and Chief Executive Officer of Petersen Meats"

Incorporated, will hereafter be referred to as 'The Big Wiener.'"

Excuse me?

What the hell is this about?

Uh--

"Upon completion of the merger"

"the base of operation for the new corporation will now"

"be located one foot inside my big, pimply ass."

Uh...

"Kevin Wolchek has not done his own homework since he was eight years old"

"One can only assume he received his law degree"

"after consensual soft kissing with his torts professor."

Uh, ok, uh, can you just pardon me for, uh, one moment?