Original subtitles

[♪]

MAN: Let me get my hands on you! You get out of here!

STOOGES: Whoooa!

MAN: Now beat it!

And you mugs don't get your stuff

till you pay up your back rent!

He can't do that to us

just because we're eight months behind.

But he did.

I'm going back and getting my other shirt.

Get my other pair of socks. They're behind the stove.

Right. Yeah, but he won't let us in.

Hey, listen to this:

"Man collects $30,000 damages from hotel.

Slips on cake of soap in lobby and gets huge judgment."

All we need is a cake of soap and we're in business.

Let's go up and get one.

Wait a minute. He won't let us in.

Oh, he won't, eh?

[BARKS]

Feel that muscle. Very good.

I'll tear him limb from limb. I'll chop him to ribbons.

I'll wreck him. I'll crush him.

I'll give him the-- I'll give--

Believe me. Come on.

[ALL WHIMPERING]

ALL: Whoooa.

Ow! Oh. Oh.

Look: soap.

Just what we're looking for. Oh, boy. Let's go.

Boy, this is it: a hotel.

I can feel the money jingling in my pocket now.

Start slipping. We start suing.

Keep your eyes peeled for anybody. Go ahead.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Hey. Why don't you mind your own business?

[BARKS, IMITATES MACHINE GUN]

The nerve of some people. He came outta nowhere.

Now, you work with me,

I'll see that you're put in a tub and nobody uses you.

[PANTS]

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

Why, you dummy.

Don't you dare hit me in the head.

You know I'm not normal. Oh! Why...

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

[GRUNTING]

See that?

Oh!

Now, why don't you do things right?

I've been trying. But the soap is too big.

"Soap is too big." Get your leg up here.

[GRUNTS]

Here. Now do things right.

Hey, porcupine.

[WHISTLES] [GRUNTS]

Hmmm.

[SNORTS]

[BURPS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Hey, you. Quit eating your lunch.

We got some things--

[DINGING]

A tourist.

Good afternoon, Mr. Scroggins. Won't you come in?

Never mind the formality.

What about the interest on your note?

Well, here's $52, Mr. Scroggins. It's all I have.

[SOBBING] You know, business has been very bad,

but I'm doing the very best I can.

I haven't time to listen to your excuses.

You have the rest in 10 days, or I'm taking this dump over.

But people won't stop here unless the place is fixed up,

and I haven't any money to do it with.

We gotta help that poor old lady.

Come on.

Wait a minute, shylock. She'll have the money on time.

Yeah, and I'll see that you get it too.

Me, myself, I, personally. I'll guarantee it, see?

SCROGGINS: And who are you? Who is he?

Why, he's one of the biggest steelmen in the country. SCROGGINS: And who are you? Who is he?

Why, he's one of the biggest steelmen in the country.

He'd "steal" anything--

I mean, his steel is known from coast to coast.

Willy Steel. And how. I mean, his steel is known from coast to coast.

Willy Steel. And how.

Is that your hat? Yes.

Why don't you get your head simonized?

[WHISTLES]

[WATER SPLASHES]

[SPUTTERING]

Just for that, I'll dispossess you.

[LAUGHING]

Oh, boys. Now, don't worry, Mom.

He can't dispossess you for 30 days.

And by that time, we'll have you on easy street.

Oh, how can I ever thank you? Don't try.

By the way, here's $52 I just found in my hand.

Why, that's the amount I gave Mr. Scroggins.

Now, ain't that a coincidence? Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

We'll take care of everything. You go see a movie.

Oh, thank you. Single feature.

Say, did you notice

the beautiful watch Scroggins had on? Say, did you notice

the beautiful watch Scroggins had on?

Notice it? I got it. Nyuck, nyuck.

This will buy paint and wallpaper.

I won't need this soap anymore. Come on, fellas, let's go.

I got the whole thing-- Oh! Oh! Oh!

Hey. Hey, kid. Are you hurt?

Yeah, but I don't care.

[LAUGHS WILDLY]

Come on. [LAUGHS WILDLY]

Come on.

Get a move on. Okay, okay.

♪ Swim the creek With the boys and girls ♪

Hurry up with that board. Ooh!

Sorry. Give me that, nitwit.

[HUMMING]

Knock it off.

♪ Gone away, far away ♪

[INDISTINCT SINGING]

♪ See two buoys ♪

♪ The beautiful water-- ♪

Wait a minute, you dimwit.

Don't you know nothing about driving nails?

Are you that dumb?

Can you see where that nail is pointing?

That nail is for the opposite wall.

Come on. [GROANING]

Now, get busy. Oh!

That nail don't belong--

Hey. What are you going to sleep now for?

You know-- Hey, Moe. Hey, Moe. What happened? What happened?

Say a few syllables.

I'll annihilate you. I'll murder you.

Wrong syllables. Oh.

Get busy over there.

And stop using left-handed nails.

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

Start nailing.

[GROANING]

Wait a minute, turniphead.

[GROANING]

Oh. Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Three, four.

Company... halt.

[ALL SHOUTING]

ALL: Ow! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!

Come on. Get busy and lay this stuff.

Ready? Go.

That's that. [ALL WHIMPERING]

[FRUSTRATED WHINE] Come on. Roll it back.

[ALL YELPING] [FRUSTRATED WHINE]

I gotta figure out a way to fix this.

I'll fix it.

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

Well, would it be possible for--?

I don't think it would be possible.

[FRUSTRATED GRUNTING]

Get back. Get back. Mmph!

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[FRUSTRATED WHINING]

[BLOWS]

[GROANING]

[SOBBING]

Hey, hey, hey. What are you playing around for?

You know we've got work to do.

It double-crossed me. It's "sabotoogie," I tell you.

I'll "sabotoogie" you.

Get that weight. Hold that roll.

Lift that barge. Tote that bale.

Zoop.

What am I doing?

Pull that back there. Now, hold the last piece.

Got it on? Right.

You, lay across all three of them.

You in there? LARRY: Right.

Let's go.

Hurry up, you guys.

This floor is hard, and I can't hold-- Whoa!

Now, what we gotta do is figure out a way to--

BOTH: Ow! Ow!

[FRUSTRATED GRUNT] That settles it.

We get rid of this linoleum and paint the floor.

Come on. Pitch it outta here.

One...

two...

three.

[SPUTTERING]

[SOFT PIANO PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS, LAUGHTER]

This looks screwy enough to be good.

Come on, let's look 'em over. This looks screwy enough to be good.

Come on, let's look 'em over.

Look, boys. See who's coming.

Look. Waldo Twitchell.

This ought to be good for a couple laughs anyway. Look. Waldo Twitchell.

This ought to be good for a couple laughs anyway.

If he gives it a good write-up, the place is made.

But if he knocks the place, Mrs. Brown will lose her hotel.

You get him seated, we'll get the show started.

It better be good. Let's go.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

I hope you'll enjoy our new place, Mr. Twitchell.

Thank you.

Good evening, friends. I would call you ladies and gentlemen,

but you know what you are.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

Whew. Tough audience.

We have a request. From the busboy.

Yes. To execute a song entitled "She Was Bred in Old Kentucky,

But She's Just a Crumb Up Here." Heh-heh!

Maestro.

[PLAYS INTRODUCTION]

[REPEATS INTRODUCTION]

[EXTENDS INTRODUCTION]

[GRUNTS]

Play.

♪ Oh ♪

♪ The cows were flying about ♪

♪ As the wife Made sauerkraut ♪

♪ So we-- ♪ [YELLS]

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

That settles it. Hmph!

That settles it. I quit.

[BARKING, FRUSTRATED GRUNT]

Heh-heh! Part of the routine. I'll murder him.

How do you like that audience?

Hitting me with a tomato.

And Major Bowes said I had talent.

Heh-heh! A tomato?

Yeah, a cowardly tomato. One that hits you and runs.

Wait till I get out there, brother. I'll wow 'em.

[COUGHING]

[YELPING]

What's the idea? Get out on that stage.

Oh, I'm all ready.

I wasn't talking to you, Balbo.

Relax. I'll call you when I want you.

Come here, blubberhead. Haven't you got more brains

than to walk off a stage when you're entertaining?

Besides, we gotta help the old lady.

Now get out there and mingle with the guests.

Listen, you -- Mingle, or I'll mangle.

Oh, that's different.

He don't know the show must go on. Well.

Go out there and mingle with the guests.

Maybe we can overcome a bad start.

Wait on 'em. Dance with 'em.

Go on out in the kitchen and get busy. Come on.

[FRUSTRATED GRUNT]

[GRUNTS, FRUSTRATED GRUNTING]

[BARKS]

[UPBEAT JAZZ PLAYING]

Do you mind if I cut in? Not at all.

If you dance like you act, I know I'll get home early.

Aw, thank you. Hee-hee-hee-hee!

Yes, thank you.

Come on, shorty, don't be no deadpan.

Smile. Come on, give in.

[CHUCKLING]

Oh, that's better. We're in the groove now.

[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHTER]

Try to keep up.

What are you looking at me for?

[BOTH LAUGHING] What are you looking at me for?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Ah-ha-ha-ha! Missed you, huh?

[MOUTHED SPEECH]

[UPBEAT JAZZ CONTINUES PLAYING]

Come on, fly. Ungh!

[SOBBING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[LAUGHTER]

[MUSIC STOPS]

For a fat man, you're quite a dancer.

Hee!

Oh, thank you.

Oh, Jasper, I want you to meet Miss Stampindale.

How do you do? Nyuck, nyuck.

Oh.

[MAN LAUGHING]

[BIG BAND MUSIC PLAYING]

Fresh.

Come on, let's finish our dance, toots.

Oh, waiter, do you have, uh, pâté de foie gras?

I'll see if the band can play it.

[LAUGHS]

[WHIMPERING]

Hmmm.

[GASPS]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Pardon me, pardon me. Will you let me through?

[SLURRING] My, my, my, my, my, my.

Here you are, sir.

Oh-ho, boy. Ha-ha! Food at last.

Give me some food.

Whoo! Lovely food.

[WHIMPERING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

[GIGGLING]

[HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]

Keep it up. You're a riot.

[SNAPPING, POPPING FINGERS]

Oh.

Ooh. Mice. Mice.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

Get away! Get away!

[SCREAMING]

Get out.

[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMS]

[WHIMPERING]

[LAUGHTER]

[SCREAMS]

[YELLS]

Hold it, hold it.

I'll get it. I'll get it.

[LAUGHING]

[CHUCKLES]

[WHIMPERS, FRUSTRATED GRUNT]

[FRUSTRATED WHINE]

[HUMMING]

[WHIMPERING]

[ALL GROAN]

[♪]