Original subtitles

[Cheers and applause]

♪

-The Drive-In will never die!

[Cheers and applause]

♪

-Okay. Welcome back to the third annual

World Drive-In Movie Festival and Jamboree!

[Cheers and applause]

And do you know what I think it's time to do?

I think it's time for some bimbos in chains...

-Whoo!

...some arms ripped out of sockets on camera,

some heads hacked off with pickaxes,

a few blond pork chops getting attacked

by gorillas with leprosy,

maybe some sumo-wrestler pig heads

pummeling skulls with sledgehammers,

a bunch of spears through the kidneys,

some, uh, house pets eating human fingers,

and a guy who gets hooked up to four horses

while everybody makes a wish!

[Cheers and applause]

I don't know, Darcy. I'm just in that kind of mood.

That's just kind of the movie that I want to see.

And you know what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about "Deathstalker."

-Yeah!

-A movie that never really got the respect it deserved

when it came out in 1983.

What do you think about "Deathstalker," Darcy?

-Um, that would be a "hell yeah."

-Okay. Alright. Because --

Now, I had two or three reasons for picking this movie

out of all the hundreds of movies

that we could have shown,

um, as the Roger Corman second feature.

And first of all, um, I wanted to do sword and sorcery --

or what was called sword and sorcery

at the time this was made.

I don't think they use that term anymore.

But, um, Robert E. Howard, uh, the great Texas writer

who committed suicide at the age of 30,

but before that, he had already created

"Conan the Barbarian" and many other stories,

um, was discovered very late in the game.

Because he wrote those stories in the 1920s,

but they weren't really popular until the '60s,

and then Hollywood didn't discover him until the '80s,

when they paired his books with Arnold Schwarzenegger

and started the craze called sword and sorcery.

Um, I called it barbarian porn. I like that genre name better.

Either way, it was a thing at the time,

and Roger Corman was on top of that.

He released "The Sword and the Sorcerer,"

uh, several months before "Conan the Barbarian" came out,

and he made a fortune on "Sword and the Sorcerer."

Um, Roger was big on female barbarians,

uh, mostly using Lana Clarkson as his barbarian numero uno.

Uh, Lana Clarkson, uh, who would unfortunately be remembered

as the woman murdered by Phil Spector

when she was just 40 years old.

I think it's awful that she's remembered more

as Phil Spector's victim than as the barbarian queen,

which is the way we should celebrate her.

Anyhow, the second reason that I wanted to show "Deathstalker"

is that I wanted to show

how Roger used foreign countries throughout his life

to make movies that would not otherwise be made.

He made movies in Mexico, in the Philippines,

in Romania, in Bulgaria, and, in this case, Argentina.

And what he would do is he would discover a country

that had a mature film industry, meaning they had the studios

and they had the technicians and they had the infrastructure,

but it would be a country that has fallen on hard times,

and so they needed cash to keep their film industry going.

So that's what was happening in Argentina in the early '80s.

They had gotten rid of a brutal military dictatorship,

but the economy was suffering from hyperinflation,

and the film studios were in danger

of going out of business entirely.

And the most prestigious of all those studios

in Argentina was Aries Films in Buenos Aires.

And it was run by a very elegant,

sophisticated filmmaker named Héctor Olivera.

And Roger befriended Héctor,

and, um, he made him the following deal.

"I will make 10 movies at your studio

using your sets,

using your backlot, using your actors,

using your technicians, using your crews.

I will create the jobs that will keep your business alive.

Just give me all the infrastructure for free."

And Héctor Olivera took that deal,

and "Deathstalker" was born.

It was the first of the 10 movies

that Roger made in Argentina.

Now, this is an example of movies

that would never have been made at all had Roger Corman

not been there to gauge all the economic factors,

put them together, form a package that would work.

Okay, and then I have a third reason

for showing "Deathstalker."

And that is -- every time we show a movie

that has a lot of naked women in it,

which this one does,

you point out the dearth of naked men.

-Yes, I do.

Sorry. Yes, I do. -Well --

Okay, so, this movie.

This movie is loincloth city.

There are a lot of men in this movie.

Maximum male buttocks. Right?

That counts, right? And male buttocks.

-I mean, a man's butt is not the same as a naked woman.

It's just -- It's just not.

-Darcy, in 1983, it would have been impossible

to put a whangdoodle on screen, alright?

-Would it have been, though?

Because, like, they could just do it.

-No. Call it unfair. Call it backwards.

But I think this movie, for 1983,

this is pretty much a feast of beefcake.

This was about as far as they could go.

-I'll take it. -Alright. Yay!

Okay. You know?

I used to -- A loincloth, you know?

Come on. I used to wear a loincloth when I was --

I'm talking about -- I was in the Order of the Arrow

in the Boy Scouts.

-I remember you telling me about that.

-Alright. We talked about it before.

You know, loincloth and moccasins.

That's all I had on.

I was the dying brave in our Native American dancing.

-We still need to find video of this.

-No, there's no video of this.

But I was in Quapaw Lodge,

Order of the Arrow, Little Rock, Arkansas.

And I think the only time we performed for the general public

was we did perform one time on a PBS station

in Conway, Arkansas, so...

-Then video exists! -No.

-Yes. Yes. -There's no video.

This was the dark ages when you didn't have to record

every single goldarn thing that ever happened.

And, besides, it would be a profane use of the ceremony

of the dying brave to post that online

just so you can see a bunch of men wearing loincloths.

You know?

-I promised I would treat it very respectfully.

-Well, the Quapaw tribe probably wouldn't like it

because we were doing their sacred dances, so...

-I'm finding it.

-Is this another Hogzilla thing? Because --

-Hogzilla! Hogzilla! Hogzilla! Hogzilla!

Hogzilla! Hogzilla! -Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Okay.

I mean, I should never say that word, but...

-Do you at least have a picture of this?

-No. It was a secret ceremony.

You know, we did it out in the middle of the woods.

There was no photos.

-There are photos, and there's video.

And I'm finding it.

-I do not like the look in your eye

when you talk about this, you know.

-Loincloth! Loincloth!

Loincloth! Loincloth! Loincloth!

Oh, it's happening. -Okay, okay, okay.

I'm officially changing the subject to something else,

namely "Deathstalker."

This is -- [Cheers and applause]

This is the sensitive story of a pumped-up blond barbarian

with surfer hair blowing around his face like he's just been,

uh, aerosol'd at a beauty salon or something.

But he's definitely put in some nautilus time,

and he looks a little like Miles O'Keeffe.

Does anybody remember Miles O'Keeffe?

Only his -- Well, his stomach is not caved in like Miles' was

in "Ator, the Fighting Eagle," if you remember that movie.

But -- So this is -- That's the Deathstalker.

And he's on a journey to recover the king's lands

from Munkar the Magician

while sleeping with every woman in the cast --

and believe me, it's a cast of thousands --

and encountering lepers and prophets and harems.

And there's rape and there's pillage

and there's magic swords and there's castles

and there's peasant hordes, and there's an ugly warrior

who transforms on camera into Barbi Benton,

complete with huge breasts

emerging from his chest in a very painful way.

And, um, sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it with an eyeball-eating mascot

in a basket?

I think not.

So let's look at those Drive-In Totals

and get started.

We have 22 dead bodies, 30 breasts,

24 buttocks, 6 quarts of blood.

Some of it a little thin. I have to admit.

9 beasts, including little Howard,

the household pet in a basket.

Bimbos in chains, limb ripping,

pickax head-removal,

sledgehammers to the skull,

spears through the gizzards,

human wishbone tied to four horses.

Dagger hurling. Ancient female mud wrestling.

Heads roll. Arms roll. Leprosy fu. Sword fu.

Mace fu. Dagger fu.

Drive-In Academy Award nominations

for Barbi Benton

for going full frontal and doing the whole movie

without speaking a single word,

if I'm not mistaken.

Rick Hill in the title role,

for following up his Georgia Tech football career

with the line, "I'm an outlaw.

I steal and kill to stay alive."

Bernard Ehrhard as Munkar the Magician

for shaving all his hair

and painting a spider on his skull

before that was cool.

Lana Clarkson as Kaira in her first of many barbarian roles.

And Howard R. Cohen, the writer --

and, by the way, one of my editors

at Playboymagazine in the '90s.

Howard, I didn't even know you did this.

For doing things the Argentine Drive-In way.

Four stars! Joe Bob says check it out.

[Cheers and applause]

And I should point out -- here's our mailbag

if anybody wants to bring up any --

any mail for the Mailbag segment.

Just leave it there on the front of the stage.

Okay.

The loincloths in this movie are --

I want to point out they're fancy loincloths,

you know, uh, because they were

at a big studio in Buenos Aires.

But, um, see, in the Order of the Arrow,

you're not allowed to use anything in a costume

that's not, "A," handmade by yourself.

You have to make all the stuff you're wearing.

And, "B," it has to be materials that are Native American.

So you know what that means

you cannot use in a Native American dance costume?

-No idea.

-Jockstrap. And the reason --

And, see, when there's no jockstraps

and you're wearing a loincloth

and you're leaping over a three-foot log fire

in the middle of the dance circle...

-It's kind of dangerous? -Yeah.

-Yeah, I mean, you don't want to get singed,

so what you have to do is you have to shave.

-With an authentic Native American razor?

-Actually use a Gillette, but, you know...

-Oh. Why is that allowed? -Well, we observed

all the Native American traditions, Darcy,

but we weren't stupid. -[Laughs] I see.

-Authenticity stops at the gonads.

-I get it.

[Cheers and applause]

♪

[Static]

[Dramatic music]

♪

♪

[Slow dramatic music]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-No, no.

♪

[Woman crying]

♪

♪

♪

[Dramatic music]

♪

♪

-No! No! No!

[Crying]

♪

[Warrior growling]

♪

♪

♪

[Warrior grunting]

♪

♪

-That's my horse.

[Warriors grunting]

[Slow music]

♪

♪

-Our fight is not with you.

♪

♪

[Dramatic music]

[Warrior groaning]

♪

[Swords clanking]

♪

[Warrior groaning]

♪

♪

[Warrior screaming]

♪

[Warrior grunts]

[Slow music]

-I've taken some treasure here.

And a girl from the valley. I'll share them with you.

-The one who lives here won't be very pleased.

-Let him fight for it, then.

-[Gasps]

-Take it all. It -- It's yours.

Take it!

-I intend to.

[Dramatic music]

♪

[Man groaning]

♪

-This just isn't your day, is it?

[Slow music]

♪

♪

[Woman gasps]

♪

♪

-Hm...

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-What do you want?!

-Your name.

♪

-Outside. Wait for me there.

[Sighs]

This isn't my day, either.

[mid-tempo music]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

Get any poorer, you're gonna have to eat that dog.

[Dog growling] -I hope it'll be as tasty

as the one you're enjoying.

-Real kings live in castles.

Like Lord Munkar.

-Munkar was my magician.

That castle was mine and will be again.

-It is said that once an entire army marched against him.

A real army.

Munkar waved his hand and turned the whole army

into a flock of sheep.

-An army isn't the way.

A brave man could get inside Munkar's castle and kill him!

-You need a fool.

-No. A hero.

[Dramatic music]

♪

-Heroes and fools are the same thing.

-I'll offer you anything you like!

-Even all this isn't worth much to a sheep.

-I'll give you position!

You can stop living like an outlaw.

-An outlaw is free.

-He's taken my daughter from me!

In olden times, there were great heroes --

men who'd ride off to save a maiden

with never a thought to their own lives.

-Well, those days are gone.

I steal and kill to stay alive.

Not for the luxury of glory.

[Slow dramatic music]

♪

[Eerie music]

♪

[Woman screaming]

♪

-Things have changed since your father's reign,

haven't they, Princess?

♪

♪

♪

♪

-[Grunting]

♪

[Dramatic music]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Man grunting]

♪

♪

♪

-I want the sword!

♪

I am Kang, general of the great Lord Munkar.

It's your duty to give up the sword.

-Be on your way! I will not give you the sword!

-My Lord!

-Transform stick to serpent.

-Hyah! Hyah!

-Taste of my magic, Kang!

♪

-Hyah!

♪

[Men yelling]

♪

♪

[Man grunting]

♪

[Man yelling]

-Your powers are nothing without the sword, Kang!

Or is it Munkar?

[Kang groaning]

-With this amulet, the life blood of generations,

I change my form and slip your grasp.

[Kang laughing evilly]

♪

♪

-Get the amulet. He is helpless without it.

Hurry!

[Bird screeches]

-Lord Munkar's sorcery reaches even here.

♪

-What was that amulet?

-It is one of the three powers of creation.

Munkar controls two powers.

He came here as Kang to get the sword.

-The sword?

-Join three things separate to be the power.

♪

More powerful than Munkar.

-Toralva, don't talk to me in riddles.

-Just as the amulet is the key to life,

so the sword is the instrument of justice.

I will tell you how to find it.

With your strength and courage, Deathstalker,

you can use the power in the sword to get the amulet.

He who wears it cannot die.

With sword and amulet, you can take the chalice

and reunite the three powers of creation.

Look. Let me show you.

[Slow dramatic music]

♪

Munkar already holds the first two powers --

the amulet of life and the chalice of magic.

[Munkar laughing evilly]

♪

-You are very close now to the power, Deathstalker.

But it will not be yours for long.

♪

-The power will come to he who becomes a child.

-Toralva, you're sending me into battle against sorcery.

Would you stop talking to me in riddles?

-Power is nothing if it is given to you!

Go! Reunite the three powers!

-And after they're together?

-You can do anything.

You will bethe power!

♪

♪

♪

-Deathstalker!

Your thirst should be only for the first power.

-Enough riddles. I'll just take my chances with my sword.

-Look behind you.

Salmaron waits there,

the keeper of the sword of justice.

-Why didn't you just...

say so?

♪

♪

[Deathstalker grunting]

♪

Ow.

♪

[Blowing]

♪

♪

♪

Salmaron?

♪

I was sent by Toralva.

She gave you something to safeguard for me.

-I live in this damp cave, trapped,

eating mice, moss, bugs.

And you come here looking for gifts?!

♪

[Ogre grunting]

♪

Move it! Move it, rats! Cockroaches got 'em.

♪

Stalker! Stalker!

Catch!

♪

[Salmaron laughing]

-The third power.

[Salmaron laughing]

[Ogre growling]

-Uh-uh-uh!

[Ogre grunts]

-You don't have anything to eat, do you?

No, I didn't think so.

-It cut through stone.

-You must take me with you.

-I don't think so.

-I'm a victim of Munkar's curse.

I was once a man like you. A warrior.

Brave, dashing.

Every spell carries with it a way out...

that is no way out.

-[Scoffs] Your riddles remind me of Toralva.

-I can only be led to freedom by a boy who is not a boy.

With the power in this sword, you can set me free.

♪

♪

[Mid-tempo music with vocalization]

♪

♪

-You know, I'm -- I'm not accustomed to the light.

Been in this cave for 30 years. Oh, it's bright. Mnh.

♪

Take my hand. I-I can't see anything.

Ah. That's better.

Kid. Kid. Where are you? Oh, oh. Oh, oh!

-Dashing and handsome?

-Are in the eye of the beholder.

What will you do with it?

-Reunite the three powers.

And I will bethe power.

[Triumphant music with vocalization]

♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

-Wow! Now...

Do you see what I mean about Roger Corman

getting $1 million worth of production value for free?

I mean, dozens of extras, all in period costume,

landscapes, vistas, atmosphere out the wazoo,

a whole lot of plot getting in the way of the story.

But basically, Deathstalker has to get --

He has to get three things --

the sword, the chalice, and the amulet.

-Okay. -And he already has the sword.

And then he'll be king of the world or something,

then he can defeat the evil Munkar.

And the Weird Beard King will get his kingdom back.

And meanwhile, people are appearing and disappearing

and aging 30 years in a flash of light,

and so there's magic all over the place.

And in case you didn't notice, there's plenty of naked babes.

And, uh, now, there are

two loincloth beefcake warriors

setting off on some kind of adventure

among the scantily clad babes.

And so nonstop action, though, right?

I mean, the very first scene is an attempted rape

followed by a spear through the neck,

followed by some swordplay, followed by the Stalker

taking the rescued woman by force.

And was that a sexual assault, by the way,

when the Stalker took her by force?

I'm not sure, you know?

And then the scenes with the king and the prophet woman

to set up the basic arc of the story,

which is that Deathstalker must journey with this

other jacked dude to the land of Munkar

because Munkar has the needed merchandise.

But you have to be careful because he once turned an army

into a flock of sheep, right?

Does that about sum it up, Darcy?

-I believe it does.

-Okay. So...

Rick Hill is Deathstalker,

former running back for the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets,

a hardworking TV actor and eventually motivational speaker.

He's in great demand these days as the guy you hire

to inspire people at the, uh, convention

or the training session or the locker room.

And interestingly, though, he does not put "Deathstalker"

on his professional résumé as an inspirational speaker.

Although, I think he's great. He's great in this.

He's the perfect sword-and-sorcery conquering hero

who stops occasionally to have sex and party.

But, um, but also we have Oghris, the sidekick warrior.

Deathstalker just rescued Oghris from the cave, right,

after 30 years of suspended animation or whatever.

That actor that plays Oghris is Richard Brooker,

who, um, you probably don't recognize in this movie,

but he was the first Jason.

Oh, not the first Jason. I'm sorry.

The first Jason to wear the hockey mask

in "Friday the 13th Part III."

And he was primarily a stuntman, which is what they needed

for all the fighting sequences that are coming up.

And Richard Brooker was also a, um --

Well, he's a Brit. Um... -[Laughs] Okay.

-I mean, he was originally a trapeze artist.

Um, he would later become a director.

He was the director of, uh, "Bill Nye the Science Guy."

[Cheers and applause]

And after that, he was a sports producer for Fox.

And then, even more amazing, he won an Emmy.

Listen to this.

He won an Emmy for inventing the Vid-Wave Boxx,

which is something called a wave shaper.

What is a wave shaper, Darcy? Because I have no idea.

What is a wave shaper?

-I think it's something that they use in music?

-Yes! -Really? Is that what it is?

-Thank you. -Well, whatever they use it for,

he got a -- he got an engineering Emmy.

They give those. But that was long after

he was the boy warrior Oghris in "Deathstalker."

And I do believe that we'll be seeing his buttocks, Darcy.

Or at least we'll get really close to that.

-Yeah, baby. -Alright.

So let's get back to "Deathstalker."

Uh, I am, by the way, one of the few defenders of this movie.

-Me too.

-The critical establishment is not high on "Deathstalker."

-Fuck the critical establishment.

-Well, yeah. -Fuck that.

[Cheers and applause]

-Yeah, I mean, we always say that,

but I'm not -- In this case,

I'm not talking about The New York Times.

I mean, even the genre press, the so-called genre press,

they are not that fond of "Deathstalker."

-We make our own rules. -Okay. Yeah, we do.

-And "Deathstalker" rules.

-It does rule. -Yes.

-It was a modest financial success.

It was not a big hit, not exactly a hit.

It made money, but it actually --

It did not make money in Argentina, where it was filmed.

It only -- It mostly made money in America.

-I am surprised by that.

-And I'm very surprised by that

because there's about a million extras in it.

If every extra bought a ticket to it, it would be a hit.

And if every extra brought one friend,

it'd be number one in the world. -True.

-So I don't know why it didn't do well in Argentina.

I think the entire population of Argentina

is in this movie, you know?

You know, no wonder they couldn't win the Falklands War.

You know, they were all making "Deathstalker."

-Too soon.

[Laughter]

[Cheers and applause]

♪

[Static]

-Munkar will set many traps for you.

Choose your allies well.

♪

[Woman screaming]

-Get down. Somebody's coming!

[Woman crying]

♪

-I'll be right back!

-Hey. Come on. Get me.

-Yah. Come on.

-Get him. Get him. Ahh.

♪

♪

[Woman screaming]

[Man grunting]

[Woman screaming]

♪

[Man grunting]

-Damn! -Hyah!

[Man groaning]

-I don't know who you are, but your timing's perfect!

-Hyah!

♪

♪

[Shouts]

[Horse snorts]

♪

-Circle him. He can't fight us all.

[Woman crying]

♪

[Man groaning]

♪

♪

[Man groaning]

♪

♪

[Horse snorts]

♪

[Man groaning]

♪

-I owe you my life.

My name is Oghris.

-Stalker.

-No! No!

-Just running past on my way to Munkar's castle.

-If I'd known your allegiance was with Munkar,

I'd have let them kill you.

-It's not loyalty that takes me there, but fighting.

This has the makings of the greatest tournament ever.

I don't know a warrior in the land that's not bound for it.

-The tournament?

-Never fought for a prize like this before.

To be made Munkar's heir. Think of it.

-That doesn't sound like much of a prize to me.

Inheriting everything from a sorcerer who never dies.

♪

-No one's time lasts forever.

-I'll ride with you to this tournament.

♪

♪

-30 years of frogs and toadstools and spiders

and things I don't even know what they were.

-That's a magnificent sword.

May I see it?

[Horse whinnies]

Spirits.

-Spirits don't make noise.

♪

♪

-Come out and show yourself like a man!

Whoever you are.

♪

♪

-Kill him, and you'll die before his eyes are closed.

♪

Show yourself.

-I'll take his hood off for him. And his head.

♪

-I had a dream we would meet two men on the road.

I didn't think it meant anything, but now...

♪

-Two men, huh?

-Dreams are not what they used to be.

-I may be a woman.

My sword has cut down greater men than you.

-And I've dealt with better women with a different sword.

-Enough.

Save your boasting and your sword for the tournament.

What are you doing here?

-I'm Kaira.

I'm on my way to Munkar's tournament, as well.

-Alone?

-You ride the rest of the way with us.

-I'll join you until the contest begins.

Then I'll stand by no one.

-Then it would be my pleasure to be the one you stand against.

-Be wary, my friend.

-Of what? A dream?

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Women laughing]

♪

♪

-Where's mine?!

[Wind howling]

[Fly buzzing]

-[Growls]

-Deathstalker is camped outside the city, my lord.

♪

-Very good.

♪

♪

-Hm?

♪

-[Moans softly]

-Hm...

[Kaira moaning]

[Both moaning]

-Ohh!

[Moaning]

-Hm!

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

♪

-Hey! Darcy! Whoo!

-Well!

[Cheers and applause]

Salmaron likes to watch, I guess. Um...

And that's, of course, Lana Clarkson as Kaira.

But, um, I'm sorry. I fucked up in the last segment.

I got my Argentinian warriors mixed up.

Obviously, Richard Brooker is the third warrior in the trio.

He's not Salmaron, who is an Argentinian actor.

He's Oghris, the one who fights side by side

with Deathstalker as they interrupt yet another gang rape.

[Crowd booing]

Salmaron was Augusto Larreta,

a famous Argentinian leading man.

So it was Oghris who invented the wave shaper.

And our lives are all better

because we have wave shapers, right, Darcy?

-I think that anything that shapes

is probably a good thing. Yeah.

-Okay, so...

But how about that eyeball-eating, uh, pet

and the voluptuous Princess Codille?

Now, the actress who plays Princess Codille, of course,

is the infamous Barbi Benton.

-Infamous. -Yeah.

She was a very popular model in the '70s.

She was Hugh Hefner's girlfriend for nine years.

Um, she was a regular on talk shows,

which is ironic because in this movie,

she does not talk.

She does no talking.

She was considered sort of the ultimate Playboy Playmate.

And, uh, having her in the film

was a big part of Roger Corman's marketing strategy.

Barbi Benton was one of those Hollywood personalities

pretty much loved by everybody,

even though she wasn't really an actress,

she wasn't a filmmaker or anything.

She was like -- She was like a reality-TV star

before reality TV existed.

She just went on shows as herself and, uh, was cute

and occasionally got naked for photo shoots.

And everybody regarded her as the hot, sweet girl next door.

And she was the kind of actress that they wanted.

You know, she was a kind of actress

you would hire for "Hollywood Squares,"

and she became a regular on "Hollywood Squares."

So, now, um, this may come as a surprise to you,

but the Argentine film industry

did not think "Deathstalker" helped their image very much.

Um, there were quite a few articles in the Argentine press

about, "Why are we making these gol-dern exploitation flicks

for America?

And why are they being made in Argentina

when they could be made anywhere?"

And so even though Roger Corman saved Aries Studios

and may possibly have saved other studios in Argentina --

But he never got much credit for it in Argentina.

He made "Deathstalker." He made "Barbarian Queen."

He made "Deathstalker II." "Wizards of the Lost Kingdom."

You're a big fan of that, right? -Yes, I am.

-Um, he made, um --

He made "The Warrior and the Sorceress."

He made a movie called "Cocaine Wars."

He made "Play Murder for Me," erotic thriller.

Um, he made "Two to Tango," which was an action movie.

Oh. He made "Stormquest" in Argentina.

That's -- That's the great one about a world run by women,

and men are just kept for breeding.

-Ha ha ha ha! Yeah! -Alright.

Thought you would like that one. Alright.

-You were right.

-Anyway, um, here's -- here's the difference

between most countries and the U.S.

Nobody in the U.S. thinks,

"Hey, this foreign company came over here and started making

movies about us that don't make us look good!"

I mean, did the Italians --

When the Italians came over to make movies in America,

did they ever make us look good?

No. never. You know? And we don't care.

But apparently the Argentina film community thought that,

"Well, if Roger Corman is going to do

co-productions in Buenos Aires,

he should be making pro-Argentina films."

Well, Roger didn't want to make pro-Argentina films.

He didn't want to make anti-Argentina films.

He just wanted to make films!

And, uh, so that's what he did.

Alright. Back to the movie.

Just something I don't understand.

-Loincloth! Loincloth! -Oh, no.

-Loincloth! Loincloth! -Oh, God.

-Loincloth! Loincloth! -[Laughs]

-You know, you like those Amazon women, though, right?

-Yes, I do. -Because we, uh -- I mean --

-Like Wonder Woman, right? Like, I love her.

-Of course you like her. You named yourself after her, right?

-Yes, I did. -Okay.

-So, what do you like about Wonder Woman anyway?

I never asked you that. -Pbht. I don't know.

She's, like, the original badass.

And I love that she has the Lasso of Truth.

-The Lasso of Truth? -Mm-hmm.

-Alright. Do you like -- -I like that.

-Do you like Gal Gadot?

-Ooh. She -- She's good.

[Laughter]

-Wow! Darcy! Okay! Really?

Oh. Okay. We won't go farther with that.

[Cheers and applause]

[Laughter]

♪

[Static]

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

♪

[Gasps]

♪

-Hm. Perfect! [Chuckles]

You should put a sparkle in Munkar's eye.

♪

Ah, yes.

♪

Come on. To the castle.

♪

♪

[Laughter]

[Woman screaming]

♪

[Woman screaming]

♪

♪

[Women screaming]

♪

[Laughter]

♪

-Yes!

♪

[Laughter]

♪

-More wine! More wine!

♪

[Woman screaming]

♪

[Laughter]

♪

♪

♪

[Laughter]

-Hm!

♪

-Gotcha! [Laughs]

♪

[Women screaming]

♪

♪

[Laughter]

♪

♪

-I think she likes you.

♪

[Woman screaming]

♪

[Laughter]

♪

♪

♪

[Rumbling]

[Glass shatters]

[Wind howling]

-I bid you welcome to my kingdom.

I have ruled longer than most of you have lived.

Now I'm old. My time is near.

But only the strongest will take my place.

We shall see in the battles of the next two days

who will claim my kingdom

and whether good...

or evil will rule.

-Evil!

-So I expect.

But the tests begin tomorrow.

Tonight you are my guests.

And all that I have is yours to share.

Food, drink...

women.

And in honor of this occasion,

the first appearance of my newest prize.

♪

♪

♪

♪

Who will stand for the court in this most pleasant bout?

-Me! -Me!

-Me! -Let me do it!

-Me! -Me!

-[Growls] Me!

-Yes. You are perfect.

-[Growling]

-Hey! -Hey!

[Crowd yelling]

♪

-[Growling]

♪

-No! Please!

No! Please, somebody!

Stop him, please! Stop him, please!

♪

-I'll help you! -Please, stop him!

-[Growling]

♪

♪

♪

[Men grunting]

♪

♪

-Hey, hey. [Laughs]

♪

Oh, oh, oh, oh. [Laughs]

♪

[Man groaning]

♪

♪

[Men grunting]

♪

♪

[Man screaming]

♪

[Woman screaming]

♪

-Please! Stop!

[Man groaning]

Please!

♪

[Men grunting]

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Were you planning to take her with you?

-For the night, anyway.

-She is mine, you know.

But I think she fancies you.

I'll have her sent to your chamber

when the...excitement is over.

♪

[Man grunting]

♪

♪

[Laughter]

-Ohh!

♪

♪

-Hello again. -Thank you.

[Men grunting]

♪

♪

[Man screaming]

♪

♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

♪

-It's Jamboree! Ha! Yeah!

-Okay, so, Darcy, did we just watch about 12 minutes

of brawling in a harem caused by a pig-faced warrior

trying to rape, uh, Barbi Benton --

or Munkar's bride --

uh, while the Deathstalker and his new girlfriend,

Lana Clarkson, kind of chuckle along with the action

before they decide to save Princess Codille

but only after the king says

that he'll send his bride up to Deathstalker's

bed chamber later on tonight as a welcome gift?

Is that what happened in that scene?

-I think so. Okay.

-Would you say this movie is a little rapey?

-This movie is veryrapey. -Alright, but

every attempted rape gets interrupted by a brawl,

indicating that the warriors

are conflicted about rape and pillage.

They're okay with pillage. They're not so sure about rape.

They're -- They're not sold on chattel.

-Chattel? -You know, women as chattel.

Women as property.

Because Munkar, the evil Munkar,

owns all these women,

and he's doling them out to his guests

the same way he's doling out wine and food, right?

-So it's kind of a "women in prison" movie.

-It is. It kind of is a "women in prison" movie.

Yeah, and Lana Clarkson is the female warrior

who can break the chattel out of their slavery.

Uh, this is during the years

when Roger was really camping up the breast counts.

I mean, he was --

Every other woman in the movie is naked from the waist up.

-And we are okay with that.

-Well, I'm okay with that. You know I'm okay with that.

-I just think that we should see more male...equipment, as well.

Equality. -Alright.

We're seeing quite a bit of male flesh.

-Whangdoodles.

-Well, between Rick Hill and Richard Brooker,

we got rippling deltoids and we got bulging biceps.

We got your favorite -- buttocks.

-Buttocks is not my favorite.

-Well, we're not gonna -- Well, I -- Once again,

we're not going any farther in 1983.

-Or 2023.

-True. I mean, what are you saying?

You want to -- I mean, you're Miss Free the Nipple.

You want to go beyond free the nipple to free the whangdoodle?

-Yeah, I do.

-You compare a whangdoodle to a nipple?

-I'm -- Sure. Let's do it. Free the whangdoodle.

-Well, I'm sure -- Okay. I'm sure -- civilization --

-Yes! New movement!

-Civilization will get there soon enough. Okay.

-Well, I, for one, am tired of waiting.

-Alright. Let's -- Alright.

We'll make a Drive-In movie with whangdoodles, alright?

-Okay. I'm there. -Alright. Back to the movie.

-Loincloth! Loincloth! -Loincloth! Loincloth!

-I feel like whangdoodles should be one.

-Whangdoodle! Whangdoodle! Whangdoodle!

-You know, I don't know

why "Deathstalker" doesn't get more attention.

Because there is not a dull moment in this movie.

This is nonstop action. -I agree.

-And they do stunts in this movie

that would cost thousands of dollars in the United States

because they do stunts that could potentially paralyze you.

They do all these stunts that are, like, amazing.

And they do a lot of them.

-I guess stunts were cheap in Argentina.

-Well, they were cheap in the Philippines, too,

but they didn't do stunts like this.

I mean, uh, no wonder Roger loved

this country, you know, because --

"Hey, uh, Antonio, come over here.

I need you to jump off this 25-foot parapet

onto the back of this pig

and then do a backflip onto this guy

wearing a spiked helmet and wrestle him to the ground

and then get bashed in the head with a sledgehammer.

And we'll give you $5."

And Antonio goes, "Yes, boss. I'm gonna do it."

I mean, this movie is crazy with that kind of stuff!

-Yep.

[Cheers and applause]

♪

[Static]

♪

♪

♪

♪

-[Moans softly]

♪

♪

-Not again.

♪

[Wind howling]

-[Snorting]

-[Laughing]

-My lord, Deathstalker is alone in his room.

Ah. Little Howard.

Here, kitty, kitty! Oh!

Guh! Oh!

-Deathstalker will not live to compete in the tournament.

-Good. I would hate to see him win and become your heir.

-You cretin.

There will be no winner.

And when the contest is over,

there will be no warrior alive strong enough to oppose me.

-Ah. You will kill the winner. -Yes.

And you will kill Deathstalker. Tonight.

-I will take 10 of my best men.

-You will go alone.

With this.

Someone he won't suspect must kill him.

-He won't suspect me?

-He won't suspect Princess Codille.

-But she would never --

Wait! I-I know what you're thinking. Don't! No!

Oh. What?

♪

It -- It's gone!

♪

No, my lord!

Ohh! Uh...

♪

♪

♪

Ohh...

♪

Oh, my lord.

This is very uncomfortable.

-Then finish it quickly, my princess.

♪

But you must do it when the sword is not in his hand.

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Come in.

♪

♪

We have plenty of time.

Until the guards have gone to sleep.

♪

♪

-It's cold.

-We'll fix that.

♪

♪

-[Grunting]

[Slap]

♪

-Who are you? -I'm Princess Codille.

♪

♪

♪

No!

♪

♪

[Codille grunting]

♪

-Yes!

-Who -- What the hell are you?

Get out of here.

Go on!

-Shh.

-What?

-Let's get you something to wear and get you out of here.

-[Grunting]

-What's wrong with you?

[Man grunts]

[Grunts]

♪

-Careful! If you're hurt, you won't be as much fun later.

♪

♪

[Groans]

♪

♪

-Stalker!

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Static]

♪

[Cheers and applause]

♪

-Whoo!

♪

-Okay! Um...

All I can say about this last sequence

is they do not make 'em like that anymore.

Let's talk transformation scenes.

Um, I know I once said that there would never be

a transformation scene to compare to that kid

who got changed into a giant katydid in "The Beast Within."

But then I saw the dude get transformed

into Barbi Benton in "Deathstalker."

And, dang!

You know, that transformation is so painful.

The guy grabs his chest, starts screaming

when the garbanzos start to pop out, you know?

I mean, you know, that's happening.

But then he grabs his whangdoodle,

and you start to realize just how bad it would be

to change into Barbi Benton in two minutes.

So, then the Barbi Benton lookalike takes that dagger

and goes to the Stalker's bedroom.

And the Stalker is more than ready for business,

but something tells him all the equipment

is not working properly,

and something in his whangdoodle says,

"Whoa, there, buddy. Back the fuck out of this."

And, um, gets rid of the fake Barbi Benton

before something happens that could make us all throw up.

So, as I said, um, they do not write 'em like that anymore.

One thing I haven't talked about yet

on this "Tribute to Roger Corman" night

is the whole history of New World Pictures,

which made this masterpiece possible.

Uh, in 1970, Roger was just exhausted

from his directing career,

and he decided to go into film distribution instead.

And he was actually going into film distribution at a time

when a lot of the big independent companies

were getting out of distribution.

And I guess that's how he saw an opportunity there.

And the first movie that was released by New World Pictures

was "Angels Die Hard,"

which was a William Smith biker film.

And then over the next two years,

he just released hit after hit after hit.

The first breakthrough film was "The Student Nurses,"

and that started a whole subgenre called nurse movies.

He followed that with all those "women in prison" movies.

Many of them were made in the Philippines.

He followed that up with, uh,

redneck action movies like "Smokey Bites the Dust"

and, uh, low-budget sci-fi movies,

rock-and-roll movies, slumber-party movies,

sorority-house movies.

Roger created a half-dozen new subgenres at the same time

that he was launching the careers of Jonathan Demme,

Martin Scorsese, Joe Dante, Jonathan Kaplan,

Ron Howard, Paul Bartel...

and at the same time that he was picking up foreign films

made by great directors like Ingmar Bergman

and Akira Kurosawa and Federico Fellini.

And he was distributing those not just in indoor theaters,

but as he pointed out, he was putting them in drive-ins

as well.

And so for about 15 years,

New World Pictures was theindie film company.

It was a powerful force in the industry

that was making dozens of movies year after year,

without any big movie-star names.

He never hired stars. With very low budgets.

And he did it all from a converted lumber yard

on Venice Boulevard.

And on the outside,

it still looked like a lumber yard.

He never took down the sign or move the random lumber

that was -- that was on the street.

And so, um, inside that lumber yard,

he had two or three standing sets.

I remember he had a spaceship set,

you know, a control room for a spaceship.

He had a strip-club set.

And I think he had one other one.

And then he had some makeshift sets that could be changed

to whatever they were doing that day.

Um, and then he had a set for miniatures

because he was always blowing stuff up.

And he had a special-effects department

that could build creatures and put things in outer space.

And the main thing that he had was editing facilities.

If you wanted to be a director in the Roger Corman system,

you first had to be an editor because he believed,

and he still believes,

that great editing was the key to great movies.

So if you didn't understand how to cut a movie,

he would never let you direct a movie.

Roger probably would have continued

with New World for many more years,

but in 1983, he got an offer he couldn't refuse.

The company had become so valuable,

he was offered a life-changing amount of money,

so he kept his film library, but he sold the company itself.

And then the next day, he went right across the street,

formed a new company, Concorde Pictures.

And later he sold that one.

A few years after that, he sold Concorde,

formed another company, New Concorde.

So he made --

He had a company called, uh, New Horizons.

So, uh, he has continued to make movies to this day,

sometimes producing, sometimes distributing,

sometimes executive producing,

usually doing all of the above.

And, um, the alumni of New World Pictures

are the movers and shakers of modern Hollywood.

If you see the logo for New World,

New Horizons, Concorde or New Concorde,

that is probably a Roger Corman movie.

Uh, alright.

We now return to one of his most bizarre creations.

He didn't write it or direct it, but he made it possible.

We now return to the nonstop fantasy action

sword-and-sorcery classic "Deathstalker."

-Yay! [Cheers and applause]

-Do you have a favorite New World Roger Corman movie?

-Actually, my favorite is a Julie Corman movie.

-What? -"Sorority House Massacre II."

-Yeah! -Yes!

-What do you like about "Sorority House Massacre II"?

-Pbht. I mean -- Yes! What's not to like?

It's fun and -- Yeah. -Well, is it more fun

than the original -- "Sorority House Massacre I"?

-Oh, yeah. The first one is just kind of blah.

And it doesn't have that many boobs. Let's be real.

You know, not much of a, you know, intriguing story,

but "Sorority House Massacre II" has an awesome back story,

and it has way more boobs.

And it's just -- it's just better, man.

-Are you telling me it's all about the boobs?

-It's not allthe number of boobs, but...

But life's more fun with boobs. You know?

-Oh, okay. -And whangdoodles.

-On that fact, we do agree, Darcy.

We do agree about -- -On the whangdoodles?

-Well... -I got you!

-Whangdoodle! Whangdoodle! Whangdoodle!

Loincloth! Loincloth!

[Cheers and applause]

[Static]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Let the tournament begin.

[Dramatic music]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Crowd jeering]

♪

♪

[Slow dramatic music]

♪

♪

♪

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Man groaning]

♪

♪

♪

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

-Oghris!

♪

♪

[Slow dramatic music]

♪

♪

♪

♪

-What are you about?! -Ooh!

-Whoa! Whoa!

♪

[Man gasping]

[Man screaming]

[Women laughing]

-I've been waiting 30 years for this!

[Laughter]

♪

-I trust you're comfortable.

-I am not!

And this is no way to treat the man

who brought you Deathstalker!

♪

You could have ordered them to be a little more gentle.

[Munkar chuckles]

-I want him dead.

-Well, I can do it.

-Hm. Not so easily.

With that sword in his hand, he can't be harmed.

-Then I'll get it away from him.

-Ohh.

-[Scoffs]

After all, my lord...

I am his friend.

-Do it then.

[Slow dramatic music]

♪

♪

-Munkar plans to kill you tonight.

Forget the tournament. Leave.

[Both grunting]

[Dramatic music]

♪

[Both grunting]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Goodbye, my friend.

[Bones cracking]

♪

-[Gasping]

♪

-[Grunts]

♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

♪

Yes!

-Hey!

-Ahh. That was kind of sad.

Deathstalker has to kill his best friend

because he's working for Munkar.

And his best friend is kind of half-hearted

about the fighting, right?

He knows he deserves to have his neck snapped.

So... goodbye, Richard Brooker.

Goodbye, Lana Clarkson. She's -- She's gone, too.

You're really not likely to get hired for the sequel

if you're in a "Deathstalker" movie.

The body count on these things is awesome.

Uh, what I don't get about this particular movie, though,

is using the tournament idea as a way to resolve it,

because this is supposed to be set in the Dark Ages.

That's the era of "Conan the Barbarian"

and all barbarian movies,

which is the years from about 400 to 1100.

But the Arthurian tournament, which is what that is,

that's a later thing.

That would have been starting in the age of chivalry,

which -- maybe 1300 to 1500.

So I don't think this movie is really historically accurate.

[Laughter]

And, uh...

-Really? -What?

-Did you just question

the historical accuracy of "Deathstalker"?

-Well, I'm -- -Just saying, man.

-Well, I just think -- I just think

if you're making a barbarian movie,

make a goldern barbarian movie.

Don't make a King Arthur movie disguised as a barbarian movie.

-Didn't you say that your friend wrote this one?

-Well, he wasn't exactly my friend.

He was working at Playboywhen I was writing for Playboy.

-So you should ask him why he mixed barbarians and knights.

-Well, I can't ask him. He died. -Aww.

-He died about 20 years ago. So...

-I'm sorry. -[Chuckles]

-I guess we'll never know then. -No, we won't.

Howard -- Howard made that choice.

And now that's part of his legacy forever, so...

-If his legacy is writer of "Deathstalker,"

then he should be very proud.

-Yes, he should be. Okay. Alright.

I'll take that. Back to the movie.

But you don't think historical movies should be accurate?

I mean, you know --

-I mean, I doubt that barbarian magicians had fancy harems,

but do we give a shit?

-Well, really -- -No, we don't.

-Actually, I thought maybe they did.

That's kind of disappointing. The harem scenes --

The harem scenes are my favorite parts of the movie.

-Mine too. -Really?

-And the fight-to-the-death scenes.

-Well, yeah. Sex and violence. So sex and violence.

The two Roger Corman basic food groups.

Sex and violence. -You know it.

-Yeah. He's a genius, isn't he? -He really is.

-Okay.

-Loincloth! Loincloth!

-Loincloth! Loincloth! Loincloth! Loincloth!

Loincloth! -Loincloth!

[Cheers and applause]

[Static]

♪

[Indistinct conversations]

♪

♪

♪

♪

-When the sun sets tonight,

one man will stand the greatest warrior of all!

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

♪

-[Growling]

♪

♪

♪

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Now watch the man you thought might help you.

♪

♪

[Crowd cheering]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-The chalice.

The amulet. The power.

You can bethe power!

♪

-All the power comes from me.

♪

The chalice, the amulet, and now the sword.

♪

♪

♪

-Alert the troops! Search everywhere!

I want Stalker dead!

[Women screaming]

[Man grunting]

[Man yelling]

[Man grunting]

[Women screaming]

[Man groaning]

-Ha!

[Chuckles]

[Men grunting]

♪

♪

♪

-Behold. The amulet.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Man yelling]

♪

[Grunting]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Dramatic music plays]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Static]

[Cheers and applause]

♪

-Alright. And yet another head rolls.

I mean, we are going to paint Argentina red here

in the last few minutes of "Deathstalker."

And, um, by the way, if you have a letter for the mailbag,

uh, write it out on a box of Milk Duds

or whatever you have and, uh, dump it into the mailbag.

Last chance, um, here at the front of the stage.

But I ask you, has there ever been an armed battle

that could compare to Deathstalker vs. Pig-Face

in the arena?

Was that great or what? That was some major stunts.

What does Rick -- What --

Does Rick Hill put that on his résumé?

He does not. You know, he's not proud of that.

How can you do that fight and -- and --

and not be the most famous stuntman in the world?

-I agree. It's amazing.

-I want to give credit where credit is due, though.

Uh, José Luis Arévalo, uh, plays Pig-Face, and he did it --

He did all those athletic moves

while he was wearing the Pig-Face makeup

and the appliances and everything.

It will probably surprise no one to know

that he was a professional wrestler.

-Whoo! -So, uh, great work, José.

Uh, I think this is the first time

any critic has called -- called out José by name.

Uh, but the Pig-Face fight

is one of the most memorable moments

in sword and sorcery history, in my opinion.

José Luis Arévalo.

Wherever you are, José, our hats are off to you.

[Cheers and applause]

-[Chanting] Pig-Face, Pig-Face, Pig-Face,

Pig-Face, Pig-Face. -Pig-Face.

-Yeah. -We should chant for Pig-Face.

-Alright. Cool. -[Chanting] Pig-Face!

Pig-Face! Pig-Face! -Pig-Face!

-Alright. And now we're going back --

Now we're going back to the movie

for the amazing conclusion.

Talk about your your -- your stunt work.

Um, the incredible conclusion to "Deathstalker."

So roll the film. [Audience cheering]

You know what we should do?

We should go down to Buenos Aires

and find Pig-Face and interview him.

-Let's go! -Yes, let's go.

-I mean, if anybody is watching this in Argentina --

I know we have a lot of foreign viewers --

you know, please do let us know

if José Luis Arévalo is still around

'cause we want him for "The Last Drive-In."

We want Pig-Face, right? -Yeah, we do.

[Chanting] Pig-Face. Pig-face. Pig-Face.

Pig-Face. -Pig-Face.

Hogzilla! Hogzilla! Hogzilla!

-Pig-Face. -Hogzilla. Pig-Face.

-[Chanting] Roger Corman. Roger Corman.

Bruce Dern. Bruce... -Bruce Dern.

Chanting!

-Too much chanting tonight.

-No such thing. [Cheers and applause]

-[Chanting] Chanting. Chanting.

[Cheers and applause continues]

[Static]

-Munkar.

♪

Munkar!

[Slow dramatic music plays]

♪

-I am here, Deathstalker.

I've been waiting for you.

♪

[Explosion]

♪

[Fire crackling]

♪

♪

All the power comes to me.

-All the power comes to me.

-All the power comes to me.

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Laughter]

♪

-Yah!

Yah!

[Laughter continues] Yaaaaah!

Yah!

Yah! Yah!

♪

♪

[Munkar laughing]

♪

♪

♪

[Munkar laughing]

♪

♪

-[Breathes sharply]

♪

-You have no defense against me.

-He does!

Deathstalker, do not allow illusion to become fear.

Embrace the power.

Take the chalice.

Deathstalker!

[Screams]

♪

-The power is still mine.

[Dramatic music plays]

♪

-I don't want your power.

But I want this world rid of you.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

These powers controlled men too long.

♪

♪

-No!

You don't know what you're doing!

[Crowd gasping]

You fool.

♪

You've ruined everything.

♪

-Kill him! [Crowd laughing]

♪

-Get!

[Indistinct shouting]

-Kill him!

[Dramatic music plays]

[Crowd yelling]

♪

♪

♪

[Munkar yelling]

♪

[Indistinct shouting]

♪

♪

[Munkar screaming]

♪

♪

-All the powers of creation and chaos.

I destroy you.

[Crowd yelling]

♪

[Electricity crackling]

[Triumphant music with vocalization plays]

♪

♪

[Dramatic music plays]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Static]

-Alright. [Cheers and applause]

Oh, man. Has there ever been a greater ending than that?

I mean, Munkar gets ripped apart by horses in the town square,

and the villagers are triumphant over the evil sorcerer.

But best of all, Deathstalker turns out to be a Buddhist.

You know, violence is not the way.

These powers must not be used ever again.

"I want to destroy Munkar, but I refuse to accept the powers."

Deathstalker is basically the Jimmy Carter of barbarians,

you know? So I love that ending.

So, what did you think, Darcy?

-I'm not super sure about the ending,

but I love the movie as a whole.

-Okay, well, there were three sequels.

I don't think any of them were as good as the first one.

-Oh. Can't --

"Deathstalker II" rules, man. [Cheers and applause]

-Really? -Yeah.

-Alright. Well... -Other people, too.

-Alright. Anyway, it was great watching it

under the stars out here,

like God intended, with all "The Drive-In" faithful.

Alright. Did we get some mail bag

from the -- from the crowd?

-We did. And thank you guys so much for that.

-Okay. Why'd you give me so much mail?

-'Cause there were so many good ones.

And you guys said I could only pick four, so you get four.

-Really? We're doing four? Alright, alright.

-There were a lot more.

Thank you. -Here we go.

"Joe Bob, 'Deathstalker' is amazing.

Great choice. Everyone should

watch 'Deathstalker II,' the superior flick."

[Audience cheering] -Thank you.

-Of course you would choose that one.

-It was an important one.

-Question -- "What underappreciated

Roger Corman movie needs 'The Last Drive-In' treatment?

Uh, Cameron Lucy from North Carolina."

Um... -Cameron!

-Yeah, Cameron!

-"Nashville Girl" is the one -- -North Carolina!

-"Nashville Girl" is the one I would pick.

-Oh, yeah. "Nashville Girl."

-I don't think it's ever been on TV.

-Oh, my God, can we really show "Nashville Girl"?

-Probably not.

I mean, it's so politically incorrect.

-You all write in to Shudder

and sat you really want to see "Nashville Girl."

-That's the one I would do. Very underappreciated.

Um, from Christie and Steven from Cleveland, Ohio.

"Joe Bob and Darcy...

if you could have a clay-covered corpse of anybody,

who would it be, and why? We love you, Joe and Darcy.

And the drive-in will never die." A clay-covered...

Now, does that mean somebody you admire or somebody you hate?

Or somebody you want to kill? Clay-covered corpse.

'Cause, like, it's a reference to "Bucket of Blood."

-Right.

I don't know. -[Laughs]

Who would you want in your living room as a statue?

-Um... -[Chanting] Yuki! Yu--

-Yuki? That seems mean. -Yuki? No.

-I don't want a statue of Yuki.

-Poor Yuki. [Laughter]

-Um... -Pig-Face?

-Pig-Face?

-The first thing that popped in my head was Bela Lugosi.

I don't know. -Bela Lugosi.

But you like Bela Lugosi.

-Yeah, but I don't know if it's, like, a statue or being mean.

You're, like, really blowing my mind with that.

Like, I thought they meant, like, a statue.

But then... [Woman shouts indistinctly]

-What? -But then he would be dead, man.

I don't want that.

-Okay, here's one

from Victoria in Blacksburg, Virginia.

"Joe Bob, I have another joke for you.

Sorry, Darcy." -Oh, yay.

-It must be a blond joke. -That's starting out well.

-Alright.

"Why did the two blonds freeze to death at the drive-in?

They went to see 'Closed for the Winter.'"

[Light laughter]

-Okay, I picked that because it took me a second.

I was trying to remember what "closed for the winter" was.

And I was like, "Oh." -Okay.

So it's a highly appropriate blond joke. Alright.

-Shut up, man.

That's a we joke. -Alright.

This is from, um, Grace and Nick of Boise, Idaho.

"Uh, one year ago tomorrow, we got married."

-Yay! -We celebrated

by watching 'Sleepaway Camp II'

with our family, friends, and wedding party.

Today we celebrate one wonderful year of love and marriage

with 1 million mutants at the drive-in the way

God intended." -1 million? [Laughs]

-Oh, yeah. That's how many we have tonight.

1 million. "We just want to thank you,

Joe Bob and Darcy, for everything you do.

Thanks for bringing all these sick people together.

And thank you for 'The Last Drive-In.'

Our love of these movies turned into finding our true love.

Just wanted you to know that you played a part in that.

Grace and Nick, Boise, Idaho." -Aww!

-But tonight, because of the fact

that we talked so much about,

um, the Hells Angels movie and "The Trip," the LSD movie,

uh, we are going to show "The Wild Angels"

as soon as this is over,

and we are going to show "The Trip"

as soon as "The Wild Angels" is over.

Anyway, so stick around.

It's like it's Roger Corman wall to wall.

Um, and, um, that's about it

for this edition of "The Last Drive-In."

If you're watching this live from your car,

uh, we have lots more Roger Corman tonight.

If you're watching it as the first episode of Season 6,

that's what this is... [Cheers and applause]

...then... -Yeah.

-...um, then, uh, that's it for me.

Joe Bob Briggs and Darcy the Mail Girl,

reminding you that sometimes someone unexpected

comes into your life out of nowhere

and makes your heart race and changes you forever.

We call those people cops. [Laughter]

And the drive-in will never die.

[Cheers and applause]

Alright.

So, uh, two guys are on their way to work,

Fred and Jimbo. Okay?

Fred says, "Why are you so down this morning, Jimbo?"

And Jimbo says, "I really messed up this morning."

And Fred says, "What did you do to mess up?"

And Jimbo says,

"Yeah, I was having coffee with my wife this morning.

And what I meant to say was, 'Honey, please pass the sugar.'"

And Fred says, "And what did you say?"

And he says, "I said, um,

'honey, you ruined my fucking life.'"

[Laughter]

You didn't like that one?

-Uh, I feel like it was too long for me

to remember what you were talking about.

-Alright, alright, alright.

-I think it was funny, though. People laughed.

-Alright, alright, alright, alright.

Listen. -One more.

-Yeah. -One more short one.

-Three guys show up at the gates of heaven at the same time.

But there's only one place left in heaven.

So St. Peter says, "Whoever had the worst death today

gets into heaven." So the first guy says,

"Well, I thought my wife was having an affair.

So I got home early to surprise her,

and I found her in the bathroom with a towel around her,

so I knew she wasn't having a shower.

And I searched the apartment

and I found 10 fingers hanging from the windowsill.

So I started bashing away at those fingers

and I finally got the guy. I got the guy,

and he started falling several stories to the ground.

But God must have loved this guy

because he was still alive when he hit the ground.

And I was so mad that I threw the refrigerator at him.

But after all the excitement, I died of a heart attack."

[Laughter]

And St. Peter says, "That's horrific."

And he asks the second man, "How did you die?"

And he says, "Well, imagine this.

I was -- I was riding one of those stationary bikes

on the top of an apartment building...

-Oh, God. Is it shorter?

-On the top of an apartment building.

But it malfunctioned and I fell off,

and I grabbed somebody's windowsill,

and then some idiot started bashing my fingers,

and so I fell to the ground.

But God must have loved me because I survived.

But then a refrigerator plunged down and killed me."

And St. Peter says, "That -- That is just too horrific."

And he asks the third man, "How did you die?"

And the third man says, "Well, I was naked in a refrigerator."

[Laughter]

-Yay!

[Cheers and applause]

Loved that one.

-We are drive-in mutants.

We are not like other people.

We are sick. We are disgusting.

♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

Come on, let's do it the fast way.

Let's do it the fast way. Come on.

Hit us, Jimmy. Let's go. -Jimmy!

-I really don't know what's happening.

And that's awesome.

-♪ We are drive-in mutants! -Ohh!

-♪ We are not like other people ♪

♪ We are sick, we are disgusting ♪

♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ If life had a vomit meter, we'd be off the scale ♪

♪ As long as one drive-In remains ♪

♪ On the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like jungle animals ♪

♪ You can boogie till you puke ♪

♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ You can boogie till you puke ♪

♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We believe in blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-Whoo!

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

Joe Bob!

Darcy! [Music ends]

Yeah! -John Brennan and Yuki!

Fucking everybody here.

-Mutant Family! -Yeah!

[Cheers and applause]

-Yeah! Come on!

[Chanting] Joe Bob! Joe Bob! Joe Bob!

-[Chanting] Joe Bob! Joe Bob!

-Made. In Georgia.