All language subtitles for How to Date Billy Walsh 2024-EngCP

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese Download
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:31,050 Get off the stage, knobhead! 2 00:01:34,804 --> 00:01:36,722 What the fuck is going on? 3 00:01:36,806 --> 00:01:39,225 He looks like shit! 4 00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,644 - Get off! - Off! Off! Off! 5 00:01:41,727 --> 00:01:46,106 - Get off the stage! - Don't give him the mic. 6 00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:50,694 Sit down, dickhead! 7 00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:03,874 Happy graduation, honey! 8 00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:34,154 Double fudge chocolate gateau with cream. 9 00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:38,075 Shit. 10 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,203 Now, I know what you're thinking. 11 00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:42,913 You're thinking that whatever this kid 12 00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:44,748 with the cracked glasses and busted-up lip 13 00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:48,043 who's about to be covered in cake and stinks like... 14 00:02:48,127 --> 00:02:51,338 yeah, shit, is about to do, 15 00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:54,675 he will regret this for the rest of his life. 16 00:02:54,758 --> 00:02:58,429 And you know what? You might be right. 17 00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:01,724 But here's the thing you need to know about being in love. 18 00:03:01,807 --> 00:03:03,851 Love is pain. 19 00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:05,352 Love is hurt. 20 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,397 Love is... 21 00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:17,281 Oh! 22 00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:18,782 Amelia Brown. 23 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,243 Whoa! 24 00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:22,494 That mess right there, 25 00:03:22,578 --> 00:03:24,872 that's my best friend in the whole damn universe 26 00:03:24,955 --> 00:03:27,416 and has been ever since the hospital switched us at birth. 27 00:03:27,708 --> 00:03:30,169 Aw! 28 00:03:30,252 --> 00:03:32,880 True story. 29 00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:37,259 Let's just say Amelia's mum 30 00:03:37,343 --> 00:03:39,053 got a bit more than she bargained for 31 00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,387 when she opened my nappy. 32 00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:47,519 After that day, our dads became best friends, 33 00:03:47,603 --> 00:03:50,230 - our mums became best friends. - Say cheese. 34 00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:55,277 Even our dogs became best friends. 35 00:03:58,197 --> 00:04:02,159 When we were five years old, we made a promise. 36 00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,370 - No secrets. - No secrets. 37 00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:07,748 And it was easy because we told each other everything. 38 00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:11,961 Well, that's not entirely true. There was one secret 39 00:04:12,044 --> 00:04:15,547 that I have wanted to tell Milly my entire life. 40 00:04:16,382 --> 00:04:19,385 Three little words that I have wanted to say to her 41 00:04:19,468 --> 00:04:22,012 for as long as I can remember. 42 00:04:22,096 --> 00:04:24,848 Amelia Elizabeth Brown. 43 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,225 I... 44 00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:28,477 I... 45 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,562 I lo... 46 00:04:30,646 --> 00:04:33,607 Jesus Christ, Jules! 47 00:04:34,733 --> 00:04:37,611 Yeah, not those three words. 48 00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:44,868 From the word go, we found the same things funny. 49 00:04:49,248 --> 00:04:53,043 - Did you just...? - Fear fart? 50 00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:59,049 The same things sad. 51 00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:17,901 Always follow your heart, Mils. 52 00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,903 It rarely leads you the wrong way. 53 00:05:29,246 --> 00:05:30,789 We found the same things... 54 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:33,792 strange. 55 00:05:40,758 --> 00:05:43,719 But every time I tried to tell Amelia how I felt about her, 56 00:05:43,802 --> 00:05:47,306 those three words didn't seem to come out right. 57 00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,058 I, um... 58 00:05:50,142 --> 00:05:52,144 I need to, um... 59 00:05:52,227 --> 00:05:53,687 I need to... 60 00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:58,567 OK. Is this big? 61 00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:02,279 You're, like, really sweating. 62 00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:05,908 I... love... 63 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,701 you... 64 00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,915 You love Yousif? 65 00:06:12,998 --> 00:06:16,418 Everybody, I am gay! 66 00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:19,922 - Yeah, no shit. - Sit down, Yousif. 67 00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,261 Yeah, that was awkward for a while. 68 00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,597 Anyway, that's just a little context about me, 69 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,308 my family, and my best... 70 00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:38,440 ex-best-friend, Milly. 71 00:06:38,524 --> 00:06:41,276 But to really understand how I've ended up on this stage 72 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,113 further away from love than I have ever been before, 73 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:47,658 I need to take you back to upper sixth, April 17th. 74 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,576 The Easter holidays were over. 75 00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,912 It was our last first day back to school ever. 76 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:57,042 Tonight was finally the night 77 00:06:57,126 --> 00:06:59,419 that I was going to tell Amelia Brown 78 00:06:59,503 --> 00:07:01,130 that I am, and always have been, 79 00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,007 head over heels in love with her. 80 00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,218 Hmm. 81 00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,679 I have everything planned, and this time, 82 00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,181 not even the universe is gonna get in my way. 83 00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,350 Hmm. 84 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,811 Pretty sure that had bird shit on it. 85 00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,729 What up, chuckle? 86 00:07:17,813 --> 00:07:19,690 What up, beef cakes? 87 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,818 - Hello, William. - Hey. 88 00:07:22,901 --> 00:07:24,611 - William? - Yes, Miss Brown? 89 00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:27,948 Could you play some kick-ass, big-boss 90 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:32,911 - final-term music please? - I certainly can, Miss Brown. 91 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,872 Hold tight. 92 00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,855 Yo, what's up? 93 00:08:03,192 --> 00:08:07,529 Whoa... 94 00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:18,707 Archie! 95 00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,934 Ooh! Naughty. 96 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:44,024 Yeah, that wasn't us. 97 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:47,361 Gonna be the best term yet. You'll see. 98 00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:49,655 Gonna be the worst term of your life. 99 00:08:49,738 --> 00:08:53,242 You'll see. 100 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:57,496 - I thought dipshit was expelled. - Looks like he's back. Again. 101 00:08:57,579 --> 00:09:00,707 Great. Well, at least he can't follow us to uni. 102 00:09:00,791 --> 00:09:03,001 Unless they're hiring janitors. 103 00:09:03,085 --> 00:09:04,711 Six weeks till the ball. 104 00:09:05,462 --> 00:09:08,423 So, who are you taking, Cinderella? 105 00:09:08,507 --> 00:09:09,800 Funny. 106 00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,635 I say we just binge silent-era horror movies 107 00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,886 and then get pissed 108 00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,097 on one of my parents' dusty bottles of champagne 109 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,723 like the rock stars that we are. 110 00:09:16,807 --> 00:09:21,270 - In our gowns, of course. - Right. Of course. 111 00:09:25,107 --> 00:09:27,317 Let's do this, big boy. 112 00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:37,828 Huh? 113 00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:56,263 - Who is that? - Kiss my arse, universe. 114 00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:58,307 I know what you're trying to do, but trust me, 115 00:09:58,390 --> 00:10:01,935 - that is not Milly's type. - He is so my type. 116 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:16,658 - Who is he, anyway? - He's, like, 40. Jesus. 117 00:10:16,742 --> 00:10:19,369 He's probably a teacher or somebody's dad. 118 00:10:19,453 --> 00:10:21,538 No way in hell that guy is a student. 119 00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,206 And this is our brand-new student, 120 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:25,834 all the way from Hollywood in California... 121 00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,669 Billy Walsh. 122 00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,589 Oh, fuck off, universe. 123 00:10:35,218 --> 00:10:39,097 Hey, not quite school attire but, er, you look cool. 124 00:10:39,181 --> 00:10:42,642 - Oh, thank you, sir. - No, thank you. 125 00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,231 - Hey, everyone. - Hi! 126 00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:50,442 Billy Walsh. 127 00:10:51,026 --> 00:10:53,445 Sit down, Yousif. 128 00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,366 My dad just moved here for business, 129 00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,951 so I'm gonna be joining you for the rest of the semester. 130 00:11:00,035 --> 00:11:01,578 I've never been to England before, 131 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,080 but I hear a lot of awesome things. 132 00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,123 Really excited to get to know all of you. 133 00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:07,417 Thank you for such a warm welcome. 134 00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:20,680 - What a douche. - Total douche. 135 00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,142 You can tell me if you like him. 136 00:11:24,226 --> 00:11:26,978 They've definitely gotten bigger. 137 00:11:27,062 --> 00:11:28,397 Definitely. 138 00:11:32,275 --> 00:11:34,069 That, or her eyebrows have gotten smaller. 139 00:11:36,988 --> 00:11:40,659 And I don't like him, OK? I don't even know him. 140 00:11:40,742 --> 00:11:42,494 It could be padding. 141 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,163 That is not padding. 142 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:48,792 Padding. 143 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,293 I told you. Nothing to worry about. 144 00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,170 Well, easy for you to say. 145 00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:54,381 Boys don't know what it's like having small boobs. 146 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,966 I'd rather brain than boobs any day. 147 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,592 It'd be like having a small penis, 148 00:11:57,676 --> 00:11:58,885 but it's on your chest 149 00:11:58,969 --> 00:12:01,054 and everyone can see it all the time. 150 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,765 - You know what I mean. - "You?" 151 00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:05,475 Why the fuck did you say "you" like that? 152 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:07,561 I'll have you know I have a very developed dick. 153 00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:11,440 OK, Mr Developed Dick. 154 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:26,079 Phase one, secure her evening. 155 00:12:26,204 --> 00:12:29,833 - Oh, I forgot to mention... - It's not padding. 156 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:31,918 Bitch. 157 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,036 I'm gonna shank her, Archie. I'll do it, I swear to God. 158 00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:38,508 All right, Shawshank. Just take a breath and have some juice. 159 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,179 He looked so embarrassed. Four-eyes. 160 00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,599 Take two. 161 00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:50,437 Oh, um, I forgot to mention they're, um, 162 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,230 they're playing Night of the Living Dead 163 00:12:52,314 --> 00:12:53,482 at the Savoy after school. 164 00:12:55,192 --> 00:12:56,401 It cost me an arm and a leg 165 00:12:56,485 --> 00:12:58,445 bribing this old bastard. 166 00:12:58,528 --> 00:13:00,168 I can't believe they're playing our fav... 167 00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:23,178 Is it just me, or does he walk in slow motion? 168 00:13:23,261 --> 00:13:26,306 Just you. Can we get back to what's important, please? 169 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,517 That guy is very clearly a massive dingleberry. 170 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,143 You don't know anything about him. 171 00:13:30,227 --> 00:13:31,228 Trust me, I know. 172 00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:33,647 Oh! Sorry. 173 00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:37,359 - Here. - Thanks. 174 00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:44,032 OK, that was, admittedly, unfortunate timing, 175 00:13:44,115 --> 00:13:46,368 but, trust me, Billy Walsh has bad news 176 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:48,620 tattooed on his ball sack. 177 00:13:48,703 --> 00:13:50,413 I think somebody's a little jealous. 178 00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:51,957 You wish. 179 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,792 Check this out. I bet my entire trust fund 180 00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:56,294 that he sits with Tony and the swim team. 181 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,138 Hi. 182 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,809 Clearly I'm not crazy. 183 00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:13,353 I mean, you can see who this guy is from a mile away, right? 184 00:14:13,436 --> 00:14:14,563 He's a... 185 00:14:27,659 --> 00:14:29,869 - Loner? - He's studying. 186 00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,580 Am I rich now? 187 00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:35,208 I'm rich, bitches! 188 00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,461 And now he's pretending to read. Give me a break. 189 00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:44,509 So back to phase one, "Night of the Living Dead". 190 00:14:44,593 --> 00:14:46,052 Good evening. 191 00:14:47,512 --> 00:14:48,888 Thank you. 192 00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:04,237 - Where is everybody? - I don't know. 193 00:15:06,323 --> 00:15:09,451 Phase two, pull out all the stops. 194 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,643 I jumped out at you from behind the tree 195 00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,961 and Grandpa got all excited and he shook his fist at me 196 00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,505 and he said, "Boy, you'll be damned to hell!" 197 00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,174 Stop it, now. I mean it. 198 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,009 You're still afraid. 199 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,388 They're coming to get you, Barbara. 200 00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:33,433 Remember? Remember we had to go to Willard then? 201 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:35,977 This isn't a passing thing, honey. 202 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:39,439 It's... it's not like just the wind passing through. 203 00:15:39,522 --> 00:15:42,525 We've got to do something, and fast. 204 00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:54,496 Fear fart. 205 00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:06,216 Phase three, pop the question. 206 00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,468 Come on, Archie. You can do this. 207 00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:17,519 What's up? 208 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:24,275 - I can't do this. - Archie? 209 00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:27,779 They're nice seats, aren't they? Very, um... 210 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,240 Very well made, actually. 211 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,075 Velvety, almost. 212 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:34,160 - Are you OK? - Yeah. 213 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:37,288 Archie-boy is always, um, OK. 214 00:16:37,372 --> 00:16:39,749 Oh, shit. You've had too much sugar, haven't you? 215 00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:41,543 - What? - That thing's happening again. 216 00:16:41,626 --> 00:16:43,336 - Come on, let's walk it off. - No, I... 217 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:46,756 No, sorry, um, I... 218 00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:51,886 I have to tell you something. Something, um, something big. 219 00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:54,806 Bigger than anything before. Like really, really big. 220 00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:58,768 - OK. It's big, I get it. - Yeah. 221 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,564 That's funny because... 222 00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:04,774 I have something to tell you too. 223 00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,986 Something big. 224 00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:12,323 OK. Well, um... 225 00:17:12,407 --> 00:17:13,825 Well, you go first. 226 00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:16,745 No, no, no. This is your moment. I don't want to interrupt it. 227 00:17:16,828 --> 00:17:18,329 No, no, honestly, you go. 228 00:17:18,830 --> 00:17:20,248 OK. 229 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:26,379 Whoa. I'm nervous. 230 00:17:26,463 --> 00:17:29,466 Shit. She's gonna ask me. 231 00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:31,909 I don't think I've ever been nervous in front of you before. 232 00:17:31,968 --> 00:17:34,679 It's OK. I'm nervous too. 233 00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:37,807 Right. I'm just gonna come right out and say it. 234 00:17:37,891 --> 00:17:39,726 - OK. - Here we go. 235 00:17:40,059 --> 00:17:41,478 OK. 236 00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:45,190 - I love Billy Walsh. - I love you too. 237 00:17:50,487 --> 00:17:51,780 To the moon and back. 238 00:17:51,863 --> 00:17:53,990 I'm so happy for you. Wait, what? 239 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,659 - I know. It's soon, right? - Soon? Soon? 240 00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:59,537 - It's been ten fucking hours. - No, I know it sounds crazy, 241 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:02,540 but I've never felt this kind of attraction to someone before. 242 00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,334 - He's such a... - Fuckhead. 243 00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:07,587 - What? - Did I just say that out loud? 244 00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,842 A mystery. I don't know, uh... 245 00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,596 Anyway... 246 00:18:18,681 --> 00:18:20,683 You've taken this, like, really badly. 247 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,227 - Me? - Yeah. 248 00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:26,356 No! No, this is... this is... 249 00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,733 Literally the worst night of my whole fucking... 250 00:18:28,817 --> 00:18:31,903 Fuck, fuck, fuck you, universe! 251 00:18:31,986 --> 00:18:35,198 Fantastic. This is fantastic. 252 00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,200 I know you're worried he'll hurt me. 253 00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:39,536 Hurt you? You've barely spoken a word to him. 254 00:18:39,619 --> 00:18:42,705 You sound... nuts. 255 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,752 Thanks, Archie. 256 00:18:49,379 --> 00:18:50,380 Means a lot. 257 00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:57,345 Well, what were you gonna tell me? 258 00:18:57,428 --> 00:19:00,765 Mum's bought sex toys. No idea where that came from. 259 00:19:00,849 --> 00:19:04,477 - Really? - Yeah. Big ones. 260 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,359 Aww. 261 00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:14,863 After that night, 262 00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:17,615 it was like the floodgates to Billy City had been opened. 263 00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:22,764 Within a week, 264 00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:24,849 Billy had literally become a health hazard. 265 00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:28,978 And she had yet to speak a single word to him, 266 00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:31,522 let alone tell him how she felt. 267 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:35,276 I couldn't tell Milly. Milly couldn't tell Billy. 268 00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,111 Perhaps we should all just go 269 00:20:37,195 --> 00:20:39,614 and have one big ironic threesome. 270 00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:47,372 Nine hundred and ninety-nine. 271 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:48,831 Not bad. 272 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:56,214 I know what you're thinking, 273 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:58,591 but you're wrong. They're not having sex. 274 00:21:04,222 --> 00:21:08,142 Oh! We are having sex! 275 00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:10,269 That should be me down there. 276 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:13,439 You know what I mean. 277 00:21:16,693 --> 00:21:18,194 I told you he'd join the swim team. 278 00:21:25,785 --> 00:21:27,286 Yes! 279 00:21:53,271 --> 00:21:55,189 Yes, it was all rather lovely, I must say. 280 00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:58,443 And the Spanish coast is simply magnificent. 281 00:21:58,526 --> 00:22:01,362 And the people, the Spaniards... You tell them, honey-bunny. 282 00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:05,033 Just... incredibly sensual. 283 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:06,951 - Hmm, hmm. - Yeah. 284 00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:10,705 Well, you both do seem very happy. 285 00:22:10,788 --> 00:22:14,709 Oh, uh... well, yes, we've... 286 00:22:14,792 --> 00:22:17,128 - actually never been happier. - Yeah. 287 00:22:17,211 --> 00:22:19,380 Have we, bunny-honey? 288 00:22:40,068 --> 00:22:41,360 So what is the secret? 289 00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,113 - Sorry, darling? - Come on. 290 00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:47,909 You guys have been fighting like cats and dogs for years. 291 00:22:47,992 --> 00:22:49,702 - Oh. - What's the secret? 292 00:22:49,786 --> 00:22:53,372 Um... Well, um... 293 00:22:53,456 --> 00:22:58,419 let's just say we had some help from a little friend. 294 00:22:58,503 --> 00:23:00,379 - Dildo! - Huh? 295 00:23:01,214 --> 00:23:05,510 - "Little friend" equals dildo. - No, it doesn't. 296 00:23:09,013 --> 00:23:12,975 Threesome. Holy shit. Your parents are sex perverts. 297 00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:14,352 Popcorn, please. 298 00:23:16,270 --> 00:23:19,857 How long's it been now? Seven, eight years? 299 00:23:19,941 --> 00:23:22,819 Darling, we love Jules, you know that. 300 00:23:22,902 --> 00:23:27,657 Of course we still do, but there is a whole world out there. 301 00:23:27,740 --> 00:23:31,994 There must be someone! 302 00:23:33,704 --> 00:23:36,040 - OK, there is someone. - Ooh! 303 00:23:36,124 --> 00:23:39,377 - Potentially. - What's her name? 304 00:23:39,460 --> 00:23:43,923 Her name is Maggie. 305 00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:47,343 She's my new bookkeeper. 306 00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:52,140 She's quiet but sweet, and she makes the best cups of tea. 307 00:23:52,223 --> 00:23:54,475 My God, she's like a human calculator. 308 00:23:54,559 --> 00:23:56,352 I mean, it's incredible, really. 309 00:23:56,435 --> 00:23:57,436 Jesus, Rupert. 310 00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,522 My wife's drying up just listening to you. 311 00:23:59,605 --> 00:24:01,566 - George, stop it! - Sorry. 312 00:24:01,649 --> 00:24:03,985 - Hmm! - Naughty. So you like her? 313 00:24:05,528 --> 00:24:08,573 It's been so long, you know? 314 00:24:08,656 --> 00:24:10,491 Yes, darling. 315 00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:15,580 I come into work, I know exactly what I want to say... 316 00:24:16,914 --> 00:24:18,749 and I don't know. 317 00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:21,294 I think we should tell him. 318 00:24:21,377 --> 00:24:22,628 Tell me what? 319 00:24:26,340 --> 00:24:29,510 - Darling, can you keep a secret? - Yeah, of course. Anything. 320 00:24:30,970 --> 00:24:35,933 Well, it's no secret George and I were on the verge of tyranny. 321 00:24:36,017 --> 00:24:37,852 Everybody knows that. 322 00:24:37,935 --> 00:24:40,104 And we tried everything, didn't we, darling? 323 00:24:40,188 --> 00:24:42,982 Therapists. Marriage counsellors. 324 00:24:43,065 --> 00:24:44,192 We ever tried a threesome. 325 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:47,111 I knew it! 326 00:24:50,072 --> 00:24:52,825 And nothing worked. Nothing. 327 00:24:52,909 --> 00:24:56,245 - That is until... - Yes? 328 00:24:58,623 --> 00:24:59,624 Yes? 329 00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:03,711 Sylvie from the golf club told us about this man 330 00:25:03,794 --> 00:25:07,882 they call the Love Doctor. 331 00:25:10,301 --> 00:25:11,844 The Love Doctor. 332 00:25:11,928 --> 00:25:14,222 - It's a one-on-one video... - Sorry, sorry. 333 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:16,015 How is it you think that the Love Doctor 334 00:25:16,098 --> 00:25:18,184 is the most important part of that story? 335 00:25:18,267 --> 00:25:20,144 My parents had a threesome. 336 00:25:21,145 --> 00:25:22,480 Kinky. 337 00:25:24,357 --> 00:25:26,400 It's important because if the Love Doctor 338 00:25:26,484 --> 00:25:29,195 can literally make anyone fall in love with you then... 339 00:25:42,416 --> 00:25:43,668 - Hiya, Billy. - Hey. 340 00:25:44,835 --> 00:25:47,546 - What class have you got next? - Uh, English. 341 00:25:47,630 --> 00:25:49,382 Same. Come along. 342 00:25:49,465 --> 00:25:51,884 - OK. - Billy? 343 00:25:51,968 --> 00:25:52,677 Amber? 344 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:53,862 They looked pretty loved up to me. 345 00:25:53,886 --> 00:25:55,989 I have to get in there before he asks her to the ball. 346 00:25:56,013 --> 00:25:57,974 There's, what, four weeks till the big night? 347 00:25:58,057 --> 00:25:59,308 The ball? 348 00:25:59,392 --> 00:26:01,394 - I thought we were gonna... - Oh, come on, Archie! 349 00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:02,478 What can I do? 350 00:26:02,561 --> 00:26:04,480 My parents are hardly gonna give me the details 351 00:26:04,563 --> 00:26:06,023 - of their sex doctor. - Love Doctor! 352 00:26:06,107 --> 00:26:07,608 Whatever. I doubt this Love Doctor 353 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:08,985 is gonna help some schoolgirl 354 00:26:09,068 --> 00:26:12,029 bag a guy she's never spoken to who already has a girlfriend. 355 00:26:12,113 --> 00:26:13,864 They are not official! 356 00:26:15,533 --> 00:26:19,078 Archie. Have I ever asked you for anything? 357 00:26:19,161 --> 00:26:21,789 - Yes, literally all the time. - Come on. 358 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,836 This is really important to me. 359 00:26:26,919 --> 00:26:31,132 Why? What's the big deal about Billy bloody Walsh, anyway? 360 00:26:31,215 --> 00:26:33,718 So many other people would kill to take you to the ball. 361 00:26:33,801 --> 00:26:35,386 Like who? 362 00:26:44,895 --> 00:26:46,856 You really want to know why it's such a big deal? 363 00:26:54,363 --> 00:26:57,783 Because I've never had a boyfriend before. 364 00:26:57,867 --> 00:27:00,995 I mean, I'm 17 years old, for crying out loud, 365 00:27:01,078 --> 00:27:03,831 and I haven't even kissed anyone. 366 00:27:04,874 --> 00:27:10,296 I want to, you know, experience things before we finish school. 367 00:27:14,008 --> 00:27:16,927 And I want those experiences to be with Billy. 368 00:27:17,386 --> 00:27:18,929 Fuck, no! 369 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:24,477 Look... can I be honest with you? 370 00:27:25,311 --> 00:27:26,937 Always. 371 00:27:27,313 --> 00:27:29,106 We're part of an ecosystem, Milly, 372 00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:32,735 a food chain that exists, whether we like it or not. 373 00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:36,030 And I hate to say it, but we are at the bottom of it. 374 00:27:37,782 --> 00:27:39,533 Popular people go for popular people. 375 00:27:39,617 --> 00:27:41,660 Good-looking people go for good-looking people. 376 00:27:41,744 --> 00:27:43,579 Not people like me, and not people like you. 377 00:27:48,042 --> 00:27:50,920 I... I didn't mean... Milly! 378 00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:52,713 Milly, I... 379 00:27:58,761 --> 00:27:59,845 Shit. 380 00:28:30,751 --> 00:28:33,963 - Hey, Ru. - Hey. Archie. 381 00:28:34,046 --> 00:28:37,675 Who's your, um... friend? 382 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:40,052 Oh, that's, uh, that's Maggie. 383 00:28:44,014 --> 00:28:46,016 Anyhoo, Amelia running late again? 384 00:28:46,100 --> 00:28:48,352 Oh, no, she's gone, Arch. She left early on her bike. 385 00:28:52,523 --> 00:28:53,691 Ah. 386 00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:15,254 Fuck! 387 00:29:32,021 --> 00:29:33,189 Bingo. 388 00:29:44,450 --> 00:29:45,618 Huh? 389 00:29:58,547 --> 00:30:00,716 Huh? 390 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:02,968 What the hell are you doing up there? 391 00:30:04,637 --> 00:30:06,013 Archie! 392 00:30:07,515 --> 00:30:09,517 - I'll do it. - Do what? 393 00:30:11,143 --> 00:30:14,188 The Love Doctor. 394 00:30:21,487 --> 00:30:24,156 I was starting to think you were in love with me or something. 395 00:30:31,872 --> 00:30:33,582 Are you? 396 00:30:35,251 --> 00:30:38,712 - What? - In love with me? 397 00:30:44,301 --> 00:30:47,930 - Ugh, gross, dude! - I was kidding, you geek. 398 00:30:48,013 --> 00:30:49,473 You're the geek. 399 00:30:50,641 --> 00:30:54,103 Well, in that case... 400 00:30:58,148 --> 00:31:01,110 - Hello, William. - Lovely to see you, Miss Brown. 401 00:31:04,572 --> 00:31:07,283 And with the passing of a piece of paper, 402 00:31:07,366 --> 00:31:09,410 the love of my life was gone. 403 00:31:10,411 --> 00:31:12,121 Hey! Hey, wait! 404 00:31:12,204 --> 00:31:14,248 You forgot about me! 405 00:31:15,499 --> 00:31:16,834 And with the Love Doctor's help, 406 00:31:16,917 --> 00:31:19,545 there'd be no stopping her conquest of Billy. 407 00:31:19,628 --> 00:31:21,422 See you tonight, Billy. 408 00:31:21,922 --> 00:31:24,717 - See you later, boys. - Bye, Amber. 409 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,803 And, yes, he's on the rugby team, too. 410 00:31:28,429 --> 00:31:30,931 Y'all are too horny, man. 411 00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:35,561 - Whoops. - Tosser. 412 00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:39,064 - Undeveloped dick syndrome. - What did you say? 413 00:31:54,622 --> 00:32:00,544 Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? 414 00:32:03,964 --> 00:32:08,052 Mr Quigley, could you be our Romeo? 415 00:32:09,553 --> 00:32:10,971 Stand, boy! 416 00:32:11,055 --> 00:32:13,182 How do you expect to defeat the mighty Tybalt 417 00:32:13,265 --> 00:32:14,808 whilst hiding in the shadows? 418 00:32:14,892 --> 00:32:16,977 I don't expect to... 419 00:32:21,148 --> 00:32:23,609 Geek versus Goliath. 420 00:32:23,692 --> 00:32:26,236 Miss Farthing, come along. 421 00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:37,414 Please, Romeo. Save me from this wretched beast. 422 00:32:40,626 --> 00:32:42,336 Suck it, Trent! 423 00:33:05,943 --> 00:33:08,529 Bravo! Bravo, dear Romeo. 424 00:33:08,862 --> 00:33:12,491 Not exactly a classical depiction of our Romeo, 425 00:33:12,574 --> 00:33:17,663 but behind the mask, it could be anyone. 426 00:33:17,746 --> 00:33:20,582 It could be anyone. 427 00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:22,251 That's it! 428 00:34:40,037 --> 00:34:41,330 Whoa. 429 00:34:48,504 --> 00:34:49,630 Hmm... 430 00:34:49,713 --> 00:34:52,800 Maybe that's not quite right. 431 00:35:37,469 --> 00:35:40,472 Whoa! Whoo! 432 00:36:15,424 --> 00:36:17,885 What's up, buttercup? Sniffing my panties again? 433 00:36:17,968 --> 00:36:21,638 Hmm. 434 00:36:21,722 --> 00:36:23,599 No, seriously, what are you doing in my locker? 435 00:36:23,682 --> 00:36:24,882 - Billy. - Throw the ball. 436 00:36:24,933 --> 00:36:26,435 Go long. 437 00:36:37,029 --> 00:36:38,196 Earth to Milly. 438 00:36:39,531 --> 00:36:40,699 Weekend reading. 439 00:36:43,201 --> 00:36:46,246 - Aw. - Hmm. 440 00:36:46,330 --> 00:36:48,206 I need new friends. 441 00:37:31,249 --> 00:37:34,294 OK. 442 00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:53,605 I'm Amelia. 443 00:37:57,859 --> 00:37:58,860 What age... 444 00:37:58,944 --> 00:38:00,821 are you? 445 00:38:03,156 --> 00:38:06,118 - Eighteen. - You're sure? 446 00:38:06,201 --> 00:38:10,163 - My service isn't for children. - Yes, I'm sure. 447 00:38:16,086 --> 00:38:18,964 I want you to listen to me, Amelia. 448 00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:21,216 This isn't for the faint-hearted. 449 00:38:21,299 --> 00:38:22,676 It isn't for the weak, 450 00:38:22,759 --> 00:38:27,556 and it's going to require complete and absolute trust. 451 00:38:28,015 --> 00:38:31,601 Trust in me. Trust in my process. 452 00:38:31,685 --> 00:38:33,979 And trust in yourself. 453 00:38:37,858 --> 00:38:40,235 We are dealing with love. 454 00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:43,655 The most powerful of all the human emotions. 455 00:38:44,614 --> 00:38:47,534 The emotion that combines all others, 456 00:38:47,617 --> 00:38:49,161 pain, 457 00:38:49,244 --> 00:38:51,329 fear, 458 00:38:51,413 --> 00:38:53,040 sadness, 459 00:38:53,790 --> 00:38:55,125 joy... 460 00:38:56,376 --> 00:38:57,419 into one. 461 00:39:01,590 --> 00:39:03,925 Are you prepared to do exactly as I say, 462 00:39:04,009 --> 00:39:08,388 to do what needs to be done to win in the game of love? 463 00:39:10,265 --> 00:39:11,725 Yes. 464 00:39:17,481 --> 00:39:19,816 You know, you sound a lot like... 465 00:39:19,900 --> 00:39:22,652 Good. Now, um... 466 00:39:22,736 --> 00:39:24,321 Tell me about the young man in question 467 00:39:24,404 --> 00:39:28,492 and I'll give you all the steps to make him fall... hard. 468 00:39:32,245 --> 00:39:33,246 Well... 469 00:39:33,663 --> 00:39:36,208 He's got this stupid girl-slash-friend thing going on 470 00:39:36,249 --> 00:39:39,377 - with this moron called Amber. - Tell me about her. 471 00:39:39,461 --> 00:39:40,712 My best friend Archie and I 472 00:39:40,796 --> 00:39:42,464 call her and her friends the Eyebrow Crew 473 00:39:42,547 --> 00:39:44,299 because they have these huge eyebrows. 474 00:39:44,382 --> 00:39:45,842 Yes, very... Yeah, yeah, good. 475 00:39:45,926 --> 00:39:49,054 This is clearly what it will take to get noticed. 476 00:40:19,209 --> 00:40:21,169 Oh, my God! 477 00:40:47,529 --> 00:40:49,656 What the hell happened? 478 00:40:49,739 --> 00:40:53,326 I'm going viral as Batface Girl! I want my money back! 479 00:40:53,410 --> 00:40:55,745 - Slow down, I... - Slow down? 480 00:40:56,830 --> 00:40:59,082 Now, you listen to me, old man. 481 00:40:59,457 --> 00:41:01,334 I have a very particular set of skills, 482 00:41:01,418 --> 00:41:04,462 skills I have acquired over a very long career, 483 00:41:04,546 --> 00:41:08,216 skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. 484 00:41:08,925 --> 00:41:13,180 Are you quoting, um... oh... 485 00:41:13,263 --> 00:41:14,431 Liam Neeson? 486 00:41:16,725 --> 00:41:18,768 Didn't think you'd have seen that one. 487 00:41:19,936 --> 00:41:22,147 But the point remains the same. 488 00:41:22,772 --> 00:41:27,444 I will hunt you down and break your heart like you have mine, 489 00:41:27,527 --> 00:41:31,573 and it won't be metaphorical unless you fix this. 490 00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:33,783 OK, firstly, I haven't taken any money from you. 491 00:41:33,867 --> 00:41:36,536 This was a no-win, no-fee situation. 492 00:41:36,620 --> 00:41:39,456 And, secondly, tell me exactly what happened. 493 00:41:39,539 --> 00:41:41,625 I went into school with my new eyebrows, 494 00:41:41,708 --> 00:41:44,920 exactly as you instructed. 495 00:41:45,003 --> 00:41:47,047 But... 496 00:41:49,507 --> 00:41:51,801 everyone just laughed at me. 497 00:41:53,595 --> 00:41:55,680 And... 498 00:41:55,764 --> 00:41:58,225 Penny tripped over and spilled juice on my face 499 00:41:58,308 --> 00:42:00,185 and Billy came... 500 00:42:03,647 --> 00:42:06,399 - Billy came and saw me. - Perfect. 501 00:42:06,483 --> 00:42:09,569 - I know... Wait, what? - What? 502 00:42:09,653 --> 00:42:11,321 Uh, oh, um... 503 00:42:12,906 --> 00:42:18,203 Billy, um... Billy noticed you? 504 00:42:20,121 --> 00:42:21,498 Yes, but he... 505 00:42:21,581 --> 00:42:23,833 There's no such thing as bad press, Amelia. 506 00:42:23,917 --> 00:42:27,963 Before today, Billy Walsh didn't even know you existed. 507 00:42:28,046 --> 00:42:31,341 Your relationship with him was entirely inside your own head. 508 00:42:31,424 --> 00:42:34,094 Now he knows exactly who you are. 509 00:42:34,177 --> 00:42:36,304 Batface Girl. 510 00:42:36,388 --> 00:42:39,432 You're like a superhero, 511 00:42:39,516 --> 00:42:41,309 and he's never going to forget it. 512 00:42:43,144 --> 00:42:44,646 Yeah. 513 00:42:46,356 --> 00:42:50,986 Now that he's seen you, it's time for you to see him. 514 00:42:51,069 --> 00:42:53,571 Eye contact is vital. 515 00:42:53,655 --> 00:42:59,119 The more you stare, the more you will bore into his soul. 516 00:43:37,699 --> 00:43:38,825 Oh! 517 00:43:39,409 --> 00:43:41,494 Make him jealous. 518 00:43:43,371 --> 00:43:47,417 And I mean really jealous. 519 00:43:47,959 --> 00:43:50,837 - I need to kiss you. - I need you not to! 520 00:43:59,262 --> 00:44:04,184 What is she even doing? 521 00:44:04,267 --> 00:44:07,103 - Can't believe it. Oh, God. - She is so desperate. 522 00:44:07,187 --> 00:44:09,731 Her stupid fucking trousers. 523 00:44:09,814 --> 00:44:10,982 Looks like a midlife crisis. 524 00:44:11,066 --> 00:44:13,693 Don't get me started on the hair. What has she used? 525 00:44:13,777 --> 00:44:16,821 Gorilla Glue? 526 00:44:17,364 --> 00:44:19,032 It's not that funny. 527 00:44:21,284 --> 00:44:24,913 So, how's it going with you know who? 528 00:44:25,789 --> 00:44:28,249 He's coming to mine this weekend, 529 00:44:28,333 --> 00:44:30,919 and I plan on making it hashtag official, 530 00:44:31,002 --> 00:44:33,254 if you know what I mean. 531 00:44:33,338 --> 00:44:36,841 Let's go. 532 00:44:48,144 --> 00:44:52,565 I wouldn't go so far as to call myself a genius, but I am. 533 00:44:58,988 --> 00:45:02,784 What up, chuckles? 534 00:45:02,867 --> 00:45:04,411 The Love Doctor didn't tell you to... 535 00:45:04,536 --> 00:45:06,996 - What? - Did he tell you...? 536 00:45:07,080 --> 00:45:09,040 Well, he didn't tell me not to do it. 537 00:45:09,082 --> 00:45:11,167 Besides, I feel pretty damn good. 538 00:45:11,251 --> 00:45:14,170 - Looking good, Miss Brown. - Thank you, William. 539 00:45:14,838 --> 00:45:16,673 Bugger, bugger, bugger. 540 00:45:38,111 --> 00:45:40,613 What the fuck is going on? 541 00:46:26,951 --> 00:46:28,411 Oh... 542 00:46:41,049 --> 00:46:45,595 Oh, she got creamed. Smile, Splat-Face Girl. 543 00:46:54,687 --> 00:46:56,731 - Hey. You OK? - So embarrassing. 544 00:47:05,448 --> 00:47:06,908 How many fingers am I holding up? 545 00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,453 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 546 00:47:10,537 --> 00:47:12,080 It's OK. 547 00:47:12,163 --> 00:47:14,624 She's OK. I'll, um... I'll take it from here. 548 00:47:14,707 --> 00:47:15,833 Thanks, big man. 549 00:47:15,917 --> 00:47:18,211 Well, I think she should probably still see a nurse. 550 00:47:18,294 --> 00:47:20,588 Yeah, I got it. 551 00:47:21,923 --> 00:47:23,633 You forgot your pencil. 552 00:47:35,603 --> 00:47:37,313 So, Batface Girl, 553 00:47:37,397 --> 00:47:39,941 Savoy and hot dogs or tent and fear farts? 554 00:47:47,407 --> 00:47:49,117 Do we know you? 555 00:47:50,660 --> 00:47:52,787 Uh, well... 556 00:47:53,496 --> 00:47:56,332 we have been in the same school 557 00:47:56,416 --> 00:48:02,088 and year and classes for almost seven years now, but... no. 558 00:48:02,672 --> 00:48:05,550 - I guess not. - Oh. 559 00:48:05,967 --> 00:48:09,554 How funny. Didn't even know you existed. 560 00:48:11,681 --> 00:48:14,267 Or you, Alan. 561 00:48:15,268 --> 00:48:18,605 It's Archie, but don't worry about it. 562 00:48:22,650 --> 00:48:24,068 So here's the thing. 563 00:48:26,904 --> 00:48:29,616 We saw you talking to Billy earlier, didn't we, girls? 564 00:48:29,699 --> 00:48:31,909 Hm-hmm. 565 00:48:33,703 --> 00:48:36,456 Well, I fell and cut my knee and he... 566 00:48:36,539 --> 00:48:37,624 Aw. 567 00:48:38,499 --> 00:48:41,753 Poor little goose. 568 00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:46,549 Billy's my boyfriend. 569 00:48:46,633 --> 00:48:48,468 And we're going to the ball together. 570 00:48:49,636 --> 00:48:53,014 - He's asked you? - Face it. 571 00:48:53,097 --> 00:48:55,600 He's out of your league. 572 00:48:55,683 --> 00:48:58,353 Even with your vagina on show. 573 00:49:09,405 --> 00:49:11,532 If I threw a stick, Amber, would you chase it? 574 00:49:15,036 --> 00:49:16,412 Excuse me? 575 00:49:17,038 --> 00:49:20,249 - You heard me. - Oh... 576 00:49:20,333 --> 00:49:23,044 Sorry, my ears don't understand nerd. 577 00:49:23,127 --> 00:49:25,046 Well, let me be clear then. 578 00:49:25,129 --> 00:49:28,800 We value your opinion about as much as we value a white crayon. 579 00:49:28,883 --> 00:49:30,760 Ooh! 580 00:49:30,843 --> 00:49:32,136 Oh, Amber. 581 00:49:34,097 --> 00:49:38,476 Mummy and Daddy might have all the money in the world, Alan. 582 00:49:38,559 --> 00:49:40,853 But clearly, it doesn't buy taste. 583 00:49:45,358 --> 00:49:47,819 Look, Amber, I'm sorry. 584 00:49:48,319 --> 00:49:50,405 It's not that I don't like you, it's just that 585 00:49:50,488 --> 00:49:52,448 if you were on life support, I'd unplug you 586 00:49:52,532 --> 00:49:56,703 to charge my third phone. 587 00:49:57,662 --> 00:49:59,997 Why don't you spend less time worrying about us 588 00:50:00,081 --> 00:50:02,041 and more time worrying about your eyebrows? 589 00:50:15,179 --> 00:50:17,724 Come, Amelia. We've got geography. 590 00:50:18,891 --> 00:50:20,935 And these bitches are history. 591 00:50:27,817 --> 00:50:31,154 Mashface Girl! 592 00:50:37,285 --> 00:50:40,663 Whoo! 593 00:50:43,541 --> 00:50:46,169 "Stop worrying about us 594 00:50:46,252 --> 00:50:49,797 and start worrying more about your eyebrows!" 595 00:50:50,590 --> 00:50:52,717 I may have said that one a few times in the mirror. 596 00:50:53,593 --> 00:50:56,596 That was literally the best thing anyone's ever done for me. 597 00:50:56,679 --> 00:50:59,557 Nothing you wouldn't have done for me. 598 00:51:02,852 --> 00:51:06,189 Ugh! 599 00:51:18,367 --> 00:51:19,367 Amelia! 600 00:51:22,246 --> 00:51:23,539 Hey. 601 00:51:25,708 --> 00:51:28,961 I'm glad I caught up with you. Er, hey, man. 602 00:51:29,045 --> 00:51:31,088 What you did in there was super awesome. 603 00:51:31,172 --> 00:51:33,674 Aw, how sweet. You can drown now. 604 00:51:36,344 --> 00:51:38,137 It's Amelia, right? 605 00:51:40,515 --> 00:51:45,102 Listen, I know we don't know each other, 606 00:51:45,186 --> 00:51:50,566 but I've seen you around a lot and we've never spoken, but... 607 00:51:52,235 --> 00:51:53,903 do you want to go to dinner sometime? 608 00:51:55,738 --> 00:51:58,491 - What about Amber? - I always preferred the people 609 00:51:58,574 --> 00:52:00,993 that get milkshakes thrown on them, 610 00:52:01,077 --> 00:52:03,162 rather than the ones doing the throwing. 611 00:52:05,581 --> 00:52:08,084 - What do you say? - Yes. Yes, definitely. 612 00:52:09,669 --> 00:52:12,296 I mean, maybe. 613 00:52:15,049 --> 00:52:17,176 Yes, I'm in. 614 00:52:18,469 --> 00:52:20,346 Cool. 615 00:52:20,429 --> 00:52:24,809 - Uh, I'll pick you up tonight. - Yeah. 616 00:52:25,810 --> 00:52:28,437 See you later. Later, dude. 617 00:52:28,521 --> 00:52:30,773 Later, dickhead. 618 00:52:51,460 --> 00:52:52,503 Nope. 619 00:52:57,884 --> 00:52:59,385 Yes! 620 00:53:03,639 --> 00:53:06,225 Fuck's sake. 621 00:53:17,737 --> 00:53:20,239 I'm panicking. I need your help. 622 00:53:20,323 --> 00:53:24,493 He asked me on a date. A date! He asked me. 623 00:53:26,495 --> 00:53:29,707 You are a genius, Love Doctor. 624 00:53:33,669 --> 00:53:35,212 Love Doctor? 625 00:53:37,256 --> 00:53:38,341 Love Doctor? 626 00:53:39,383 --> 00:53:42,386 - Love Doctor? - A date? 627 00:53:44,472 --> 00:53:46,349 Yes, a, um... 628 00:53:47,767 --> 00:53:49,268 a date is a great idea. 629 00:53:51,020 --> 00:53:53,648 This is where you have to put it all on the line. 630 00:53:55,399 --> 00:53:57,985 - What do you mean? - It's not going to be easy. 631 00:53:58,069 --> 00:54:00,404 But if you truly love... 632 00:54:02,448 --> 00:54:04,909 Billy Walsh, 633 00:54:04,992 --> 00:54:07,203 I'll tell you exactly what you need to do 634 00:54:07,286 --> 00:54:08,996 to make sure he loves you back. 635 00:54:09,080 --> 00:54:11,832 Tell me. I'll do whatever you say. 636 00:54:11,916 --> 00:54:17,546 The meaner you treat him, the keener you'll keep him. 637 00:54:20,174 --> 00:54:24,220 Billy Walsh will be like putty in your hands. 638 00:54:26,514 --> 00:54:29,725 It's human nature 101. 639 00:54:39,235 --> 00:54:41,070 The meaner you are to Billy Walsh, 640 00:54:41,153 --> 00:54:43,948 and anyone else in the restaurant, for that matter, 641 00:54:44,031 --> 00:54:45,324 the better. 642 00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:50,538 Er... 643 00:54:52,331 --> 00:54:54,500 What is this, the 1950s? 644 00:54:55,710 --> 00:54:57,503 Take this away. 645 00:54:58,337 --> 00:55:00,297 And get me a beer! 646 00:55:12,018 --> 00:55:14,186 - So... - So what? 647 00:55:14,270 --> 00:55:17,314 Uh... so, you like beer? 648 00:55:20,526 --> 00:55:23,320 - Love it. - Cool. 649 00:55:23,404 --> 00:55:25,948 I guess this doesn't matter. 650 00:55:26,824 --> 00:55:32,204 Er, so, tell me about yourself, Billy boy. 651 00:55:32,288 --> 00:55:34,707 What brings you to the United Kingdom? 652 00:55:34,790 --> 00:55:37,835 AKA England. 653 00:55:39,086 --> 00:55:42,757 Er, my father, actually. He's a... 654 00:55:45,342 --> 00:55:46,969 Ooh. 655 00:55:47,053 --> 00:55:50,931 He's actually a... importer and exporter. 656 00:55:56,645 --> 00:55:58,105 What time do you get off tonight? 657 00:55:59,940 --> 00:56:01,192 Er... 658 00:56:04,528 --> 00:56:06,989 Around 11. Once I've done the bins. 659 00:56:07,490 --> 00:56:10,201 Good to know, cutie. 660 00:56:15,039 --> 00:56:18,709 Hey, you OK? 661 00:56:19,210 --> 00:56:20,711 Never better. 662 00:56:36,685 --> 00:56:40,564 So you're a swim team captain, 663 00:56:40,648 --> 00:56:45,444 rugby captain, and you're an A-star student? 664 00:56:45,528 --> 00:56:48,656 What, were you made in a lab? 665 00:56:49,448 --> 00:56:51,784 I bet your parents worship the ground 666 00:56:51,867 --> 00:56:53,786 that Golden Balls walks on. 667 00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:55,287 It's not like that. 668 00:56:55,788 --> 00:56:58,332 And to top it all off, let me guess. 669 00:56:59,166 --> 00:57:01,585 Your parents are happily married 670 00:57:01,669 --> 00:57:04,338 and they have been since they met at that high school dance 671 00:57:04,421 --> 00:57:06,090 35 years ago. 672 00:57:06,173 --> 00:57:09,051 What a cliché. 673 00:57:09,760 --> 00:57:11,137 You know what? 674 00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:16,016 Tonight was a mistake. 675 00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:17,810 You're not the person I thought you were. 676 00:57:25,985 --> 00:57:28,612 Call me! 677 00:58:08,485 --> 00:58:10,696 You know, I've been judged my entire life. 678 00:58:10,779 --> 00:58:12,698 People have looked at me and figured it must be 679 00:58:12,781 --> 00:58:14,909 the easiest thing in the world being Billy Walsh. 680 00:58:14,992 --> 00:58:16,535 - I... - And that it's inconceivable 681 00:58:16,619 --> 00:58:19,538 for me to somehow feel any hardship or sadness. 682 00:58:20,122 --> 00:58:21,624 - That's not a... - You don't know 683 00:58:21,707 --> 00:58:23,834 that I haven't shared a conversation with my dad 684 00:58:23,918 --> 00:58:25,127 in the past five years 685 00:58:25,211 --> 00:58:28,464 about anything other than sports or scholarships. 686 00:58:29,673 --> 00:58:30,841 And ever since my mom died, 687 00:58:30,925 --> 00:58:32,635 he has been so consumed by his own pain 688 00:58:32,718 --> 00:58:34,637 he is completely oblivious to mine. 689 00:58:35,346 --> 00:58:38,474 And you don't know that because you don't know me. 690 00:58:38,557 --> 00:58:40,976 And just like everybody else, you don't want to. 691 00:58:46,607 --> 00:58:48,817 Tonight was a mistake. 692 00:58:48,901 --> 00:58:50,527 I just wanna say... 693 00:58:53,781 --> 00:58:56,867 you have the most incredible bone structure. 694 00:59:23,435 --> 00:59:25,896 Hello, everyone. 695 00:59:25,980 --> 00:59:29,149 My name is Amelia Elizabeth Brown. 696 00:59:29,233 --> 00:59:30,901 Shit. 697 00:59:30,985 --> 00:59:33,529 And last night, I misjudged someone. 698 00:59:34,321 --> 00:59:38,284 Someone who had the bravery to show me who they really are. 699 00:59:38,367 --> 00:59:41,412 To show me their scars, so... 700 00:59:41,495 --> 00:59:44,331 now I'm going to show you mine. 701 00:59:45,916 --> 00:59:49,169 OK, I'll start at the beginning. 702 00:59:50,421 --> 00:59:51,797 When I was three, 703 00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:55,592 we were stuck in traffic on the way to Disneyland 704 00:59:55,676 --> 00:59:59,346 and I had to go to the bathroom, like, now. 705 01:00:00,097 --> 01:00:02,516 My parents told me to go on the side of the motorway, 706 01:00:02,599 --> 01:00:04,018 thinking it was just a number one. 707 01:00:05,227 --> 01:00:07,646 - So, I got out... - Huh? 708 01:00:07,730 --> 01:00:09,732 Dutifully squatted down 709 01:00:09,815 --> 01:00:11,734 and took a huge dump on the hard shoulder. 710 01:00:15,237 --> 01:00:17,573 Amelia Brown's officially having a mental breakdown. 711 01:00:19,241 --> 01:00:20,451 When I was four, 712 01:00:20,534 --> 01:00:22,619 my family and I went to Edinburgh 713 01:00:22,703 --> 01:00:25,539 and decided to go to the botanical gardens. 714 01:00:25,581 --> 01:00:28,292 I was drawn to these giant lily pads. 715 01:00:28,375 --> 01:00:32,212 I had memories of watching frogs jump on them in Disney movies 716 01:00:32,296 --> 01:00:34,089 and thought it would be an excellent idea 717 01:00:34,173 --> 01:00:37,593 to try and hop onto one to see if it could hold my weight. 718 01:00:37,676 --> 01:00:40,304 I hate these fucking kids. 719 01:00:40,387 --> 01:00:41,889 It didn't. 720 01:00:42,973 --> 01:00:45,559 OK, this is a good one. 721 01:00:45,642 --> 01:00:47,603 When I was five, 722 01:00:47,686 --> 01:00:51,148 I stood on a wasps' nest while playing hide and seek. 723 01:00:51,857 --> 01:00:55,486 I was wearing a skirt and got stung on my vagina. 724 01:00:56,653 --> 01:01:01,575 - Hashtag swollen lips. - This is gold. 725 01:01:01,658 --> 01:01:04,453 Hashtag officially ruined. 726 01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:27,643 You know, when I was eight, 727 01:01:27,726 --> 01:01:30,354 my mum, she wanted me to go to the Girl Guides. 728 01:01:30,813 --> 01:01:33,565 I really didn't want to go. 729 01:01:35,401 --> 01:01:38,278 But she took me there anyway. 730 01:01:39,613 --> 01:01:42,074 And before I got out of the car... 731 01:01:44,159 --> 01:01:46,412 I told her that I hated her. 732 01:01:52,084 --> 01:01:55,379 A few days later, she got sick 733 01:01:56,130 --> 01:01:58,132 and was taken into hospital. 734 01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:01,969 When I was nine, 735 01:02:03,929 --> 01:02:06,682 my mum still wasn't out of hospital. 736 01:02:12,604 --> 01:02:16,024 And when I was ten, she died. 737 01:02:23,031 --> 01:02:25,492 When I was 11, 738 01:02:25,576 --> 01:02:28,787 my dad brought a mannequin home from work 739 01:02:28,871 --> 01:02:31,748 and started dancing with it in our living room. 740 01:02:31,832 --> 01:02:33,834 Milly! 741 01:02:33,917 --> 01:02:36,503 Milly, stop. You don't have to do this. 742 01:02:45,304 --> 01:02:50,851 When I was 12, I developed a massive crush on Justin Bieber. 743 01:02:51,852 --> 01:02:53,687 And when I was 13, I stuck a picture of him 744 01:02:53,770 --> 01:02:55,898 - onto my dad's mannequin... - She's in here! 745 01:02:55,981 --> 01:02:58,984 And practised kissing it. 746 01:03:12,748 --> 01:03:16,835 I think it's safe to say that now, standing here, 747 01:03:16,919 --> 01:03:18,962 watching Milly reveal the most embarrassing, 748 01:03:19,046 --> 01:03:21,590 most horrific parts of her life, 749 01:03:21,673 --> 01:03:23,634 I may have taken this a little too far. 750 01:03:30,265 --> 01:03:34,436 When I was 14, I started padding my bra with tissue paper. 751 01:03:46,698 --> 01:03:50,077 I heard somewhere along the way that if you love someone, 752 01:03:50,160 --> 01:03:52,538 you have to set them free. 753 01:03:52,621 --> 01:03:54,748 It's a hard concept to understand 754 01:03:54,831 --> 01:03:57,334 unless you've been where I am right now. 755 01:04:02,881 --> 01:04:05,008 And when I was 15, 756 01:04:06,843 --> 01:04:09,846 I started to get worried that I'd never been kissed. 757 01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:12,099 But maybe that is exactly what I have to do. 758 01:04:12,975 --> 01:04:14,476 I have to set Amelia Brown... 759 01:04:14,560 --> 01:04:17,980 free. 760 01:04:18,063 --> 01:04:19,439 When I was 17... 761 01:05:00,147 --> 01:05:02,733 I'm still 17 years old. 762 01:05:02,816 --> 01:05:07,779 And I'm about to graduate. 763 01:05:26,089 --> 01:05:28,800 And I've still never kissed anyone. 764 01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:52,157 No! 765 01:05:52,699 --> 01:05:55,535 Detention! Forever! 766 01:05:55,619 --> 01:05:57,245 Perverts! 767 01:06:07,381 --> 01:06:09,091 Don't stop, William. 768 01:06:23,522 --> 01:06:27,067 No, no, no! 769 01:07:02,519 --> 01:07:04,062 Wait till you see what I do with these. 770 01:07:17,159 --> 01:07:19,479 You know, I might be one of the only people in the universe 771 01:07:19,536 --> 01:07:22,956 who doesn't like popcorn or milk chocolate balls. 772 01:07:23,749 --> 01:07:25,959 - More for me. - OK. 773 01:07:31,590 --> 01:07:33,508 This is the best part. You don't wanna miss it! 774 01:07:39,890 --> 01:07:42,517 - I'm sorry. - Did you just fart? 775 01:07:42,601 --> 01:07:44,186 Um, no. 776 01:07:45,020 --> 01:07:47,481 It... It was a fear fart. 777 01:07:47,564 --> 01:07:49,816 Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed. 778 01:09:23,243 --> 01:09:25,120 How are you holding up? 779 01:09:25,203 --> 01:09:27,163 I won't be needing that, that's for sure. 780 01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:44,890 Wow. 781 01:09:46,892 --> 01:09:48,977 Whoa. 782 01:09:51,813 --> 01:09:54,107 All well out there in the universe? 783 01:10:01,156 --> 01:10:02,782 Ready for your big day tomorrow? 784 01:10:31,019 --> 01:10:35,774 Can I ask you something about Mum? 785 01:10:36,691 --> 01:10:38,068 Always. 786 01:10:40,570 --> 01:10:44,282 How did you know that, you know, she was the one? 787 01:10:44,950 --> 01:10:46,952 Oh, that was easy. 788 01:10:47,827 --> 01:10:49,913 She was the only girl in university who wanted me. 789 01:10:49,996 --> 01:10:51,915 Dad! 790 01:10:51,998 --> 01:10:55,335 No, I'm serious. 791 01:10:56,711 --> 01:10:58,755 OK, well, um... 792 01:10:58,838 --> 01:11:02,467 she had this beat-up old Volkswagen. 793 01:11:02,550 --> 01:11:07,430 One day, she broke down right outside the university gates. 794 01:11:07,514 --> 01:11:09,766 And that was the first time that I plucked up the courage 795 01:11:09,849 --> 01:11:12,644 - to speak to her. - What did you say? 796 01:11:12,727 --> 01:11:15,480 Well, her head was buried in the bonnet, but I said... 797 01:11:16,898 --> 01:11:19,442 "Time to check that thing into the old Volks' home, 798 01:11:19,526 --> 01:11:20,694 don't you think?" 799 01:11:20,777 --> 01:11:22,112 - No, you didn't. - Yes. 800 01:11:22,195 --> 01:11:26,533 No, you didn't! Oh, I hope she ran a mile! 801 01:11:26,616 --> 01:11:28,034 Well, luckily for me, 802 01:11:28,118 --> 01:11:31,287 your mum was new to the area, so I did offer her a tour. 803 01:11:31,371 --> 01:11:33,289 All the way to the local petrol station, 804 01:11:33,373 --> 01:11:35,208 which just happened to be miles away, 805 01:11:35,291 --> 01:11:40,338 and we fell in love on that drive... as friends. 806 01:11:42,799 --> 01:11:44,217 Friends? 807 01:11:44,300 --> 01:11:46,928 Yeah, best friends. 808 01:11:49,222 --> 01:11:53,810 We spent... Well, we spent every waking moment together. 809 01:11:55,729 --> 01:11:57,647 I mean, there was nobody 810 01:11:57,731 --> 01:12:00,817 we would rather spend time with than each other. 811 01:12:01,818 --> 01:12:03,611 You know, it just... 812 01:12:05,238 --> 01:12:07,365 it just made perfect sense. 813 01:12:12,287 --> 01:12:14,247 If you think too loudly, 814 01:12:15,206 --> 01:12:17,709 you'll never hear the answer you're looking for. 815 01:12:23,339 --> 01:12:26,593 Right, I'm gonna go to bed. I love you, Mills. 816 01:12:49,074 --> 01:12:50,867 How do I look? 817 01:12:51,201 --> 01:12:52,702 Like your mother. 818 01:12:55,705 --> 01:12:57,582 Well, thanks for your help, Maggie. 819 01:12:57,665 --> 01:13:00,251 I never would have got this dress over these bad boys. 820 01:13:00,335 --> 01:13:03,046 He's one lucky boy. 821 01:13:04,130 --> 01:13:05,924 Would you both mind giving me a minute? 822 01:13:06,758 --> 01:13:08,259 Of course. 823 01:13:58,643 --> 01:14:01,020 Always follow your heart, Mills. 824 01:14:06,359 --> 01:14:08,778 It'll rarely lead you the wrong way. 825 01:14:22,750 --> 01:14:24,377 Hey, Billy. 826 01:14:24,460 --> 01:14:27,922 - Good afternoon, Mr Brown. - How are you? 827 01:14:34,762 --> 01:14:36,097 Milly? 828 01:14:38,141 --> 01:14:41,352 Hey, Milly, you in there? 829 01:14:41,769 --> 01:14:43,563 - Milly? - The window. 830 01:14:51,905 --> 01:14:53,072 Godspeed! 831 01:15:36,324 --> 01:15:37,492 Huh? 832 01:16:48,062 --> 01:16:52,025 William, please, just... Can you just leave me alo... 833 01:16:57,989 --> 01:17:01,451 - What are you doing here? - Shut up. 834 01:17:07,206 --> 01:17:08,583 Get dressed. 835 01:17:12,545 --> 01:17:13,588 I need a date. 836 01:17:14,839 --> 01:17:19,093 - What happened to Boy Wonder? - Less questions, more dressing. 837 01:17:19,177 --> 01:17:20,887 We should be drunk by now. 838 01:17:21,596 --> 01:17:22,597 Enough. 839 01:17:27,226 --> 01:17:29,103 We've barely spoken for weeks, 840 01:17:29,187 --> 01:17:31,481 and now you're here in my house, in my room, 841 01:17:31,564 --> 01:17:32,732 asking me to drink champagne 842 01:17:32,815 --> 01:17:34,650 and pretending like everything's normal. 843 01:17:34,734 --> 01:17:36,611 Archie, I... 844 01:17:36,694 --> 01:17:38,988 Look, if you and Billy have had some sort of argument 845 01:17:39,072 --> 01:17:41,366 and you've come here because you want little old Archie 846 01:17:41,449 --> 01:17:44,035 to pat you on the back and tell you it will all be OK, 847 01:17:44,118 --> 01:17:45,119 it's not gonna happen. 848 01:17:48,164 --> 01:17:49,665 Not today. 849 01:17:50,917 --> 01:17:52,377 Not anymore. 850 01:17:54,003 --> 01:17:55,838 Archie, that's not why I'm here. 851 01:17:55,922 --> 01:18:00,218 - Then why are you here? - Because I made a mistake. 852 01:18:00,301 --> 01:18:01,511 OK? 853 01:18:03,012 --> 01:18:07,225 A big, fat, stupid mistake. 854 01:18:09,102 --> 01:18:14,273 I've spent so long dreaming of having a boyfriend 855 01:18:14,357 --> 01:18:19,070 and falling in love and going on romantic dates. 856 01:18:20,279 --> 01:18:22,281 Sunset kisses. 857 01:18:24,742 --> 01:18:27,537 When always... 858 01:18:30,123 --> 01:18:32,375 it's been right in front of me. 859 01:18:34,377 --> 01:18:36,045 Are you...? 860 01:18:39,090 --> 01:18:41,717 I love you... 861 01:18:41,801 --> 01:18:46,264 Archibald Richard Randolph Reginald Arnold. 862 01:18:50,977 --> 01:18:53,771 And I always have. 863 01:19:03,448 --> 01:19:06,159 Whoa! 864 01:19:11,414 --> 01:19:15,668 - How'd that go? - Yep. Yep. 865 01:20:40,378 --> 01:20:41,837 Milly. 866 01:20:41,921 --> 01:20:43,714 I'm gonna need some help. 867 01:20:48,261 --> 01:20:49,512 What the fuck? 868 01:20:51,556 --> 01:20:55,768 What the fuck, Archie? 869 01:20:56,769 --> 01:20:57,895 I can explain. 870 01:20:58,312 --> 01:20:59,897 What the fuck? 871 01:21:00,898 --> 01:21:03,526 Amelia, wait. Please. 872 01:21:24,171 --> 01:21:25,423 There are moments in your life 873 01:21:25,506 --> 01:21:27,216 where you're faced with just two choices. 874 01:21:29,302 --> 01:21:30,803 The consequences of either one 875 01:21:30,886 --> 01:21:33,222 will shape the rest of your days for as long as you live. 876 01:21:33,931 --> 01:21:35,308 Sometimes you have to listen 877 01:21:35,391 --> 01:21:37,101 to what the universe is trying to tell you. 878 01:21:37,685 --> 01:21:40,563 Sometimes all you can do is tell the universe to go fuck itself 879 01:21:40,646 --> 01:21:43,316 and do exactly what you know in your heart is right. 880 01:21:46,986 --> 01:21:49,822 And if there's one thing I know now more than ever before 881 01:21:49,905 --> 01:21:54,243 it's that Amelia Brown is my universe. 882 01:21:54,327 --> 01:21:55,953 That'll do. 883 01:22:02,585 --> 01:22:04,086 It's time for the finale. 884 01:22:28,986 --> 01:22:31,364 What the fuck? 885 01:22:49,840 --> 01:22:53,094 You're really impressive in class. 886 01:22:54,887 --> 01:22:57,932 You're, like, totally right about everything you say. 887 01:23:00,643 --> 01:23:03,020 Let's get a drink. 888 01:23:05,439 --> 01:23:08,818 - Hey. - Hi. 889 01:23:09,652 --> 01:23:11,737 Can we talk? 890 01:23:16,367 --> 01:23:18,077 You look really beautiful, Amber. 891 01:23:19,203 --> 01:23:20,579 I know. 892 01:23:22,790 --> 01:23:27,044 Photo booth. 893 01:23:32,133 --> 01:23:35,720 - Anyone spiked the punch yet? - Er, yeah. 894 01:23:36,470 --> 01:23:37,805 Excellent. 895 01:23:43,102 --> 01:23:44,687 So, er... 896 01:23:45,479 --> 01:23:48,232 things have been a little... weird. 897 01:23:49,692 --> 01:23:52,236 And I, and I think... Well, well, no... 898 01:23:52,319 --> 01:23:55,823 I know that's on me. Mostly on me. 899 01:23:57,658 --> 01:24:02,329 But for what it's worth, I truly am sorry for... 900 01:24:03,038 --> 01:24:05,124 well, everything. 901 01:24:07,460 --> 01:24:11,547 And you're a great guy, Billy. I mean that. 902 01:24:13,924 --> 01:24:16,177 - But... - Look, um... 903 01:24:16,260 --> 01:24:18,721 I've never been broken up with before. 904 01:24:19,889 --> 01:24:22,767 So, is it OK if I just stop you right there? 905 01:24:28,814 --> 01:24:30,065 I am sorry. 906 01:24:35,446 --> 01:24:36,864 So where is he then? 907 01:24:40,576 --> 01:24:44,079 I think it's gonna be me, myself and Milly for a while. 908 01:24:45,164 --> 01:24:48,626 Sounds chaotic. 909 01:24:51,545 --> 01:24:54,173 Er... find me for a dance later? 910 01:24:54,256 --> 01:24:56,842 - You can count on it. - Hey! 911 01:24:58,511 --> 01:25:00,596 - Ooh! - Where have you been? 912 01:25:00,679 --> 01:25:02,139 Sorting out your little problem. 913 01:25:02,223 --> 01:25:03,891 What problem would that be exactly? 914 01:25:30,125 --> 01:25:31,460 Who's there? 915 01:25:32,962 --> 01:25:36,257 Stop right there. I've... I've got a gun! 916 01:25:39,260 --> 01:25:43,180 No way are you rescuing me. 917 01:25:43,889 --> 01:25:46,809 You're only a hero if the person needs rescuing, 918 01:25:46,892 --> 01:25:48,811 and I was perfectly fine out here alone 919 01:25:48,894 --> 01:25:51,105 enjoying some quality Archibald time. 920 01:25:51,605 --> 01:25:53,357 Yeah? 921 01:25:53,440 --> 01:25:55,568 I see you got a haircut too. 922 01:26:08,247 --> 01:26:09,456 Go get her. 923 01:26:11,959 --> 01:26:13,252 Right. 924 01:26:14,920 --> 01:26:17,089 This doesn't mean we're friends! 925 01:26:18,132 --> 01:26:21,468 The English. So dramatic. 926 01:26:47,244 --> 01:26:48,454 I need that microphone. 927 01:26:48,537 --> 01:26:50,414 I think you're gonna need a lot more than that. 928 01:26:50,497 --> 01:26:52,708 I fucked up. It's about a girl, and... 929 01:26:52,791 --> 01:26:54,001 It's about a girl? 930 01:26:54,084 --> 01:26:55,085 Why didn't you say? 931 01:27:01,842 --> 01:27:02,885 Wanker! 932 01:27:04,470 --> 01:27:08,098 Just picture everybody naked. Especially that one over there. 933 01:27:08,432 --> 01:27:10,643 Shrivelled yam bag. 934 01:27:12,061 --> 01:27:14,497 - Don't give him the mic! - What are you doing? 935 01:27:14,521 --> 01:27:17,691 You suck! 936 01:27:19,902 --> 01:27:21,111 Get him off! 937 01:27:21,195 --> 01:27:23,197 Get off the fucking stage! 938 01:27:23,280 --> 01:27:26,075 Bell-end! 939 01:27:28,661 --> 01:27:31,080 Happy graduation, honey! 940 01:27:36,001 --> 01:27:38,921 Get off. 941 01:27:39,964 --> 01:27:42,675 You're up there, come on, at least say something. 942 01:27:45,427 --> 01:27:46,428 Go home, loser! 943 01:27:46,512 --> 01:27:48,889 - My name is... - Cakeface Boy! 944 01:27:52,726 --> 01:27:55,229 Get off the stage, four eyes! 945 01:27:55,896 --> 01:27:58,273 Off! Off! Off! 946 01:28:13,998 --> 01:28:16,291 For as long as I can remember... 947 01:28:17,042 --> 01:28:19,169 I've been fascinated by the night sky. 948 01:28:19,253 --> 01:28:20,546 Who cares? 949 01:28:20,629 --> 01:28:24,717 Home to over 200 billion trillion stars. 950 01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:28,262 And much like our universe, we were all born after a big bang. 951 01:28:28,345 --> 01:28:31,348 Oh. Amen. 952 01:28:32,516 --> 01:28:36,186 And just like the stars, we're all unique in our own ways. 953 01:28:36,729 --> 01:28:37,855 Billy. 954 01:28:39,064 --> 01:28:42,192 You're a solar-type star, just like Alpha Centauri. 955 01:28:42,276 --> 01:28:44,445 You'll burn so bright that we can all see you, 956 01:28:44,528 --> 01:28:46,739 a gravitational pull so large 957 01:28:46,822 --> 01:28:48,323 that others are drawn towards it. 958 01:28:48,407 --> 01:28:50,034 That's our Billy! 959 01:28:50,117 --> 01:28:53,912 We have hot blue stars that are naturally so beautiful. 960 01:28:53,954 --> 01:28:56,749 We have super giant stars and so many more. 961 01:28:57,207 --> 01:29:00,461 And, all of you, you're all your own stars. 962 01:29:03,213 --> 01:29:05,674 I'm a binary star. 963 01:29:05,758 --> 01:29:09,595 A star system consisting of two stars orbiting a common centre. 964 01:29:10,804 --> 01:29:13,390 The B star, me, 965 01:29:13,724 --> 01:29:17,352 it shines less bright, but its counterpart... 966 01:29:18,937 --> 01:29:23,650 the primary star, it burns much brighter. 967 01:29:24,860 --> 01:29:26,236 Much hotter. 968 01:29:29,031 --> 01:29:31,575 And I almost destroyed my counterpart. 969 01:29:32,868 --> 01:29:34,244 My star. 970 01:29:38,165 --> 01:29:41,668 Never again will I lose sight of its brilliance. 971 01:29:41,752 --> 01:29:45,798 Never again will I be so stupid or so selfish or so... 972 01:29:50,636 --> 01:29:52,012 scared. 973 01:30:01,897 --> 01:30:03,065 Milly. 974 01:30:04,942 --> 01:30:07,361 I will never again stand in the way of what you want 975 01:30:07,444 --> 01:30:09,279 or what makes you happy. 976 01:30:10,656 --> 01:30:13,033 And I'm truly sorry that I have kept something from you 977 01:30:13,117 --> 01:30:14,993 for as long as I can remember. 978 01:30:15,994 --> 01:30:18,122 And I can blame it on the universe as much as I want, 979 01:30:18,205 --> 01:30:19,498 but the truth is... 980 01:30:22,584 --> 01:30:24,461 I've been a coward. 981 01:30:28,715 --> 01:30:30,717 Until now. 982 01:30:34,304 --> 01:30:37,099 Amelia Elizabeth Brown... 983 01:30:38,600 --> 01:30:42,312 I love you more than I have ever found a way to say. 984 01:30:42,396 --> 01:30:43,897 I love you more than I did yesterday, 985 01:30:43,981 --> 01:30:46,316 and I will love you more tomorrow. 986 01:30:46,900 --> 01:30:49,236 I love you more than the universe, more than the stars... 987 01:30:49,319 --> 01:30:51,738 Just shut up. 988 01:30:55,993 --> 01:30:57,995 And kiss me. 989 01:31:18,432 --> 01:31:20,976 Any childhood loves I should know about? 990 01:31:21,059 --> 01:31:23,562 Charles Dickens. 991 01:31:23,645 --> 01:31:26,857 - He's dead, right? - Ninth of June, 1870. 992 01:31:31,737 --> 01:31:34,323 Wanna dance? 993 01:33:04,204 --> 01:33:05,789 Hello? 994 01:33:05,872 --> 01:33:08,000 Yes, hello. 995 01:33:08,083 --> 01:33:09,710 Is this the Love Doctor? 71222

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.