Original subtitles

- Guys, guys, how loud do you need that?

Come on, that's old man volume.

Hey--hey, where are the batteries?

- Ally put them in her cd player.

- Wha--

Gotta do this manually? I'm like a cave man now.

Ally!

Where's ally?

- You took her over to the spencers' last night.

- I wouldn't have took her

If I knew she had my batteries.

Come on. Where's my batteries?

Why do we have a thousand packets of ketchup?

- I guess nobody likes ketchup.

- All right, you know what? This remote stays with me.

I hope you like that channel,

'cause that's the one you're watching

For the rest of your life.

- Okay. Ray, I'm...

Ray?

We're out of milk, so I'm going to the store.

- All right, deb, I'm gonna go...

Deb, I'm gonna go buy batteries!

- Hey. - Hey.

- What are you doing here?

- I'm gettin' batteries. Ha ha. This is funny.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Ha ha.

Well, what are you-- what are you getting?

- Everything else.

Hey, you wanna shop with me?

- All right.

Remember that time I put you in the cart,

And started pushing you around?

- Oh, yeah.

- I picked you up in the hot babe section.

- That wasn't really shopping. That was...

- Falling in love.

- All right. Come on, shop with me.

I like having you here.

- Okay. All right. Well, get in.

- No! What are you doing? - Yeah. Come on.

- We're in the middle of the store.

- Price check!

I need a price check on a piece of cheesecake!

- Put me down-- don't put me in the cart.

- Raymond. - Oh, hi, marie.

- Hey.

- There's something I can't do.

- That's not all you can't do.

- So...This is funny--

First ray, now you guys.

It's kinda like a reunion.

- Hey, give me some of that, dad.

Oh, this is good stuff. We gotta get some of this.

- Okay. Sure. - Yeah, it's really good.

- Where are the kids?

- Oh, my god, the boys, you left them?

- No, y-you did!

- No, you did. - Oh, my god!

- Ray, damn it, I told you I was going to the store!

- I told you!

- How could you tell me when I'm not there?

- Why are you standing here?

- Go, go, go, go, go!

- Come on, frank. Come on. Hurry.

- Hey, kid, this cereal is good.

Take a handful and put it back.

- Michael, geoffrey! - Oh, mike, geoff.

- Oh, my god. Are you okay? - Okay. You're okay.

All right. You're okay. This one's okay.

- Is he okay? - Gimme that one.

Gimme him again. Gimme him again.

- Oh, my god. They seem okay.

- Okay. Yeah, they're okay.

Oh, it's okay, boys.

Mommy didn't mean to leave you.

- Ray! - What?

They need reassurance.

- Oh, my poor angels. Oh.

Oh, it's okay. Oh.

- They're okay, marie.

- Oh, I'm never leaving you again.

- Marie, they're fine.

- They're okay. You're fine, right, boys?

- Look, daddy, pancakes.

- Shaped like bunnies.

- You made pancakes?

- Oh, my god!

They could've burned the house down.

- Who told you you could make pancakes?

- I smell pancakes.

- Do you know how dangerous it is

To be playing with a stove?

- Where are the pancakes?

- You want a pancake, grandpa?

- What the hell have I been saying here?

- Ally, when did you get here?

- The spencers dropped me off a little while ago.

- So you were alone here with the boys?

You made the pancakes?

- Yeah. The boys were hungry, so I fed them.

- Oh.

- Oh. Oh, well...

Well, look at everything. It looks fine.

Well...You did a good job.

Well, that's great!

You're daddy's big girl, aren't you, honey?

Gimme a pancake.

- Gimme three pancakes.

- I only had a couple left, grandpa,

And they came out kind of ugly.

- This stomach knows not ugly.

- Aw, ally, honey, if it wasn't for you...

- Your mother could be facing criminal charges.

- Not if everybody keeps their mouth shut.

-- Listen, marie,y keeverything is fine.T.

It's not what you think.

- You think I wanna think these things?

I don't.

But then I look around, and, uh, huh...

- And every time I look around, you know what I see?

- Hey! Hey! Try one of these.

Look, it's a bunny. Hi, I'm a bunny.

Oh, the bottom of a cow, huh?

- Delicious. I'm done.

Bye.

Come on, marie, make me lunch.

- Honey, listen, I'll get that.

- I can do it.

- No, honey, you've helped mommy out enough.

- Yes, you have, dear, and thank god for you.

You have learned responsibility and cooking

Against all odds.

It would have to happen right in front of her.

- Yeah.

But if you think about it,

Everything we do happens right in front of her.

- Are we terrible parents?

- Probably.

But you know what?

I mean, how bad could we be? Look.

Look at her. She did great.

She took care of everything.

We must be doing something right.

We raised a kid who's raising the rest of the kids.

- I'm not sure that's how it's supposed to be.

- Would you like another pancake, daddy?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm starvin'.

- Look, I made you a football.

- Oh, you're-- you're like an artist--

A pancake artist.

That's the kind of art that daddy appreciates.

- I like doing this stuff.

Is there anything else I could do?

You mean you want to do more stuff around the house?

- Sure. It was fun.

- Of course it's fun.

It's fun to help mommy.

- Listen, I mean, I would be thrilled

To get some more help around here.

There's cleaning and laundry and--

- Cooking.

- Well, maybe some time when you guys go out,

I can babysit for real.

- Oh, I don't know, honey.

- But you said I did a good job with the boys.

- It's true...Right?

Twins alive, house--house not on fire,

Pancakes in stomach.

- Well, a lot of girls her age do babysit.

- And cook.

In some countries,

She'd be married and running her own farm.

- I don't know.

It still makes me a little nervous.

- Yeah. You know, to tell you the truth, honey,

When it comes to babysitting,

We kinda leave that up to grandma.

- You know what, honey?

Why don't you babysit for us tomorrow?

- I can babysit? - Wait, wait, wait. No, no.

- You can babysit! - Yes!

Boys, mom and dad say I'm in charge of you!

- Well...

Okay, but wait a minute now.

You're not cutting my mother out entirely.

- This could be the beginning.

- No, no. No, no, listen.

- You wanted ally to help.

- No, no, no. I just like pancakes.

- You said it-- ally is growing up.

She's mature. She's responsible.

She wants to help out.

- Okay. All right. But my mother--

- It's the perfect system--

Ally will be helping me a lot.

- Wait a minute.

- Good-bye, marie.

Whoo-hoo!

- So did you tell ma that ally's gonna baby-sit tonight?

- No. What, are you stupid?

Ally, what do you say if grandma calls tonight?

- You're in the bathroom.

- Atta-girl.

How 'bout that grilled cheese?

Isn't that great grilled cheese?

- It's amazing.

I'm telling you, ray, she's great at that griddle.

Hey, you know, ally, we're gonna sell

A whole line of griddles with your face on them.

- What's she got going today?

- Grilled cheese.

- I'm in.

Throw some ham on one of them.

- Hey, what are you doing?

Don't worry, I'll give you half of mine.

- All right. - Sucker.

- So amy says we should just meet her at the movie theater.

- All right. Great. - All right.

- Hey, debra, look at you.

- What?

- Oh, nothing. It's just...Look at you.

You're lookin' good.

- Oh, well, thank you, robert.

- What are you doing?

- No, I'm just saying she's lookin' good,

You know, all glowy and happy.

- Yeah, yeah, you are lookin' good.

Well, what's going on?

- Nothing. I don't know.

I just feel good. I don't know what it is.

- Oh, ally.

Ally, honey...

You dropped a sock.

You might wanna get the boys started on bedtime.

- Okay, mommy.

Michael, geoffrey, pajamas!

- Hey, ally, sweetie, uh,

I think my grilled cheese is burning.

- Okay, grandpa.

- Hey, while you're at it,

How 'bout one more for the old man?

- Okay, daddy.

- And one more for the handsome man.

- Well, thank you, dad, but you should have one too.

Sorry, dad. You're the handsome man.

- You know what makes this sandwich so great?.

Doesn't come with a side of marie.

- Frank.

- Somebody screwed up your order.

- Frank, what are you doing?

Lee and stan are coming over for dinner

In a half an hour.

- I'm loosening up.

- Hey, ma, would you like ally to make you

One of these grilled cheese sandwiches?

I swear, they're the best I ever ta--

- ♪ ta...Ake me out to the ball game ♪

♪ take me out to the crowd ♪

♪ buy me some peanuts and cracker jack ♪

- All right. That's enough.

Oh, honey,

You're doing that all wrong.

Let grandma show you how to do that.

- Hey, butt out, she's busy.

- Fine. We have to go anyway.

I don't wanna be late for lee and stan.

- Oh, yeah. Mom and dad,

You guys should probably get going too.

- Oh, yeah, ray. You know, she's right.

Come on. We gotta be there by 8:00.

wait.

You're all going out?

- Uh...

Not out, in.

In--into the living room. We wanna be there by 8:00.

Yeah.

- Ray, ray...

Relax. We can tell her.

- Well, ha...

All right. Okay.

But you're cuttin' it close, you know?

Uh, I'm gonna meet you by the couch.

- I'll be at the coffee table.

- Wait, wait, wait a minute. Tell me what?

- Guys, guys, come on. Marie will understand.

We're going out tonight,

And we've asked ally to babysit.

- Oh, I understand...

You're insane.

- It's okay, grandma.

I babysat the last two nights.

- Ally, sweetie, uh...

That laundry's not gonna fold itself.

Come on.

- Marie, ally will be fine.

I used to babysit when I was her age.

- And you used to smoke too, didn't you?

- I did not smoke.

- Well, your parents were very liberal, weren't they?

- Yes, but...

- They were hippies.

- They were not hippies.

I'm not gonna have this discussion.

We're going to the movies.

- Yes. To the movies we go. - Yeah. Let's go to the movies.

- Well, I'm staying right here.

- Okay, good night.

- I thought you were having guests over.

- It was just lee and stan. Enough with them already.

- All right. Bye-bye.

- Well, then, I guess I'm the only one

Who thinks the children are important.

- Ray, get back in here.

Marie, I think I know what's best for my kids.

- Oh, really?

By making your daughter cook and clean?

Look at the poor little thing.

She's too young to be folding grown-up underwear.

What's next? You gonna have her sweep the chimney?

- Ma, come on. She's not snow white.

- Cinderella. - Shut up.

- Marie, look, we're just trying to tell ally

That we trust her enough to take on more responsibility.

- By making her into a slave?

- She's not a slave. - Yeah.

Come on, this is nothing compared to what

Dad made us do when we were kids.

- That's true. Talk about slaves.

- I beg your freakin' pardon.

- Come on.

Uh, uh,

"rake those leaves. Shovel that snow."

- "change that tire. Lift that piano."

- Hey, I only asked you two bozos to do stuff

So you could feel that you weren't worthless.

It's called being a good father.

Yeah. Ha.

- Hey, what are you laughing at?

I even paid you.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. One nickel.

One time.

- And we had to share it.

- Hey, hey, remember the time

We--we put our nickel together

And bought nothing?

- Okay, so, uh, how much are you paying

Your little helper?

- Well, actually...

We haven't gotten into any specifics yet.

Yeah. We're crunching the numbers.

- Ally, come in here.

- Uh, all right. What are you doin'?

- You wanna crunch numbers? Let's crunch.

I understand you do not receive compensation.

- What?

- They're not paying you.

- Okay. All right. Dad, we get it.

- No. I'm glad you pointed out what a bad father I was.

I would hate to see you make the same mistake.

- How does $10 an hour grab you?

- Frank.

- Excuse me. I'm talking to my client.

You like nice things, don't you?

Party shoes, taffy...

Dolls that pee.

- Frank,

We give ally all that she needs.

- That is management talking.

- I think this whole topic is inappropriate.

Ally should not be paid

Because the child shouldn't be working.

She should be out chasing butterflies

And hopping scotch.

- Okay. Here are her demands--

$10 per hour, bedtime of her choosing,

An assortment of sugary breakfast cereals...

- Ohh, lucky charms just added a new marshmallow shape.

Rainbows.

- Uh, she also wants a bucket of chicken,

And her grandmother should take a long vacation.

That's my commission.

- Dad, look, we're not gonna play your stupid game.

- Game? You think this is a game?

Walk away.

- What?

- Walk away from the table.

- Where am I going?

- Nowhere, honey.

- Yes, you are. You're going on strike!

We're shuttin' you down!

- I'm available, if you need me.

And it won't cost you anything.

- Yo, scab, you like your kneecaps?

- Okay, uh, you know, I...

I--I've had enough of this.

Frank, marie, it's time for you to leave.

Now that ally is at a point

Where she can do more around the house,

We won't be needing as much...Outside help.

- Well, debra, that sounds

Like you don't want me here at all.

- Uh, no, no.

No, we welcome you and your delightful way.

- No, debra's never been comfortable accepting my help.

And I think now you're...

Trying to use this situation to shut me out altogether.

- Marie, you think I have time to sit around

And come up with schemes to get you out of my life?

- Yeah, ma, come on. That's not all she does.

Sometimes she reads.

- Marie, look, we are doing this

Because this is what ally wants.

- What ally wants!

- Ever since we let her take on more responsibility,

She's blossomed.

- Like a chrysanthemum.

- She's more confident, she's independent,

And she's happy.

And isn't that what we all want,

For ally to be happy?

- I guess.

- So, sweetie, do you like baby-sitting?

Does it make you happy? - Yeah.

- But not for free.

Ally, you're killing me here.

Look at the napkin--

I was working our way up to pony.

- All right. Just stop it, dad, okay?

Ally is happy, and that's all we care about--

Making ally happy.

- Really? - Yes, of course, honey.

- Oh...Because...

Molly invited me over tonight, and I kinda wanted to go,

But I told her I couldn't because I was babysitting.

- Well, honey, you should do what makes you happy.

- So I can go to molly's? - Well, what about the movies?

- Sure, honey, you can go to molly's.

Right, daddy?

- Well, uh...Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we only care about your happiness.

- Great.

Oh, and were you serious about the money?

'cause I did do a lot of laundry.

- Oh. Oh, yeah. Okay. Yeah, sure.

Oh. I only got a 20.

- That's good. - Wh--

- Here you go, honey.

- Thank you, grandpa.

- That's my girl.

- Well, can we still go to the movies?

- Okay, marie...You win.

You can babysit.

- Oh, I'd love to.

But I can't.

See, I'm entertaining my dear friends lee and stan.

Come on, frank.

- Well, well, wait a minute,

Dad, what about you?

- Oh, you can't afford me.

- If you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna go see a movie with amy

And then have no children.

Whoa.

Well, um ...

There's no reason both of us shouldn't go to the movies.

Oh, wait. Yeah, there's a reason right there.

That's one reason.

This is my favorite part of babysitting.

Hey, whoa, you're home early.

- Did you have fun at molly's?

- Yeah. How are things here?

Any problem with the twins?

- No. They were great.

- What time did they go down?

- About a half an hour ago.

- That's pretty late.

What, did you let them have chocolate or something?

- No.

- Yeah, I did.

- I think she smelled the beer on my breath.