Original subtitles

Come on!

- Yeah, yeah.

Listen, you beat me by a few strokes, okay?

That's only 'cause my back was actin' up.

- Your back. You know why that is?

'cause your nose throws you off balance.

- Ray, look at this.

Why do you tell your father when things are broken?

All he does is come over,

Bang on the thing, and then curse.

- That's--that's old-man aerobics.

- You know, he said he'd fix this stupid thing,

And now I can't even get it to light.

And it's leaking gas.

- You want me to check it out, deb?

- What--no, no, no, no. I'll look at it.

- Or you could let a professional contractor

Who's not a moron look at it.

- I-I don't wanna put you to work, gianni.

- Don't worry about it.

Man, this thing is old!

- Hey, easy. She's standin' right there.

Ha ha ha!

Yeah.

You see what I did? I took what he said--

- We need a new stove, ray.

- No. No, look, if my father said he fixed it,

He fixed it, right?

Come on.

Okay, see, this is good, 'cause you can make soup

Or go hot air ballooning.

All right.

All right, look, can you get us a replacement?

- For this? Yeah, jump in a time machine

And buy one off a pilgrim.

- You know, gianni, while we're at it,

I was thinking...

I wanted to put a microwave up here.

- W-wait, wait, wait. We got a microwave.

- No, that makes sense, deb. You get some counter space--

- That's what I was thinking. - Yeah.

It'll be a little more expensive--

- Hey! Shut up.

- Ray, don't worry. Whatever you do,

I'll get you the equipment at cost.

If you want, I'll do the job myself.

- Oh, let's do it!

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

My father--he's gonna go nuts here, okay?

He likes to fix things.

I mean... What am I gonna tell him?

- Gianni, while you're out getting a stove,

Could you pick up a spine for my husband?

- Why don't I just get you a new husband?

'cause I know this one's leaking gas.

- Hi, dears.

- Hi. - Oh, hey.

- Hi, mrs. B, mr. B.

- Oh, hi. - Hi there, gianni.

Whatcha doin'?

- I'm just...

Ray, you didn't tell him?

- Tell me what?

What's gianni doin' with the stove?

- Just tell him, ray.

- I don't understand.

Wh-what's going on?

- It is weird.

What are you moving the stove around for?

- You want me to go?

- No, no. Look... It's no biggie.

I mean, we're getting a new stove,

And gianni's helping us put it in.

- What?

- It's...It's no biggie.

It's--you know,

It's--the stove is...

Lately, this one has been...

Tryin' to kill us.

- I told you I still had to tweak it!

- I-I know, but it has a lot of problems, frank.

I mean, most of the time, I can barely use it.

- Oh, dear. Can we really blame the stove?

- Whoa, whoa.

This bill's gonna cost 2 grand?

What kind of screw job is this?

- Oh, frank...

Gianni's a good boy.

He wouldn't give us a screw job.

- Thanks, mrs. B.

And it's gonna be closer to 1,500.

- Nuts!

I can get this thing back in shape

In five minutes,

And all it'll cost you is lunch.

Chicken croquettes I like.

- Frank, if you wanna fix something,

Why don't you go fix our garage door

That I've been telling you about for six years?

- I will not do that on principle.

It would only prove nagging works.

- Fine.

Gianni, when you finish here,

Can you come look at our garage door?

- You stay away from that.

I put ten years of sweat into this house,

And this is my thanks?

You hire some outside yahoo when I'm not lookin'?

- Dad, come on.

- Excuse me. I may be a yahoo,

But I'm a licensed and bonded yahoo.

And I'm not some hardware store groupie

Like a lot of people.

- Are you calling me "a lot of people"?

- Dad, dad. Calm it-- calm it down, dad.

- What, you let him talk to me like that?

I'm the grandpa of your freakin' children!

- We know, we know! Come on, look,

There's a lot of other stuff to fix around here, huh?

Here. Look at this loose knob here, huh?

Wow, is that loose.

Get in there, man!

Aw, come on, dad.

- No, no.

Gianni's your fix-it guy now.

Call him "dad."

- That's not such a terrible offer.

- Hey. - Hey, numchuks.

What's up? My father come by at all?

- Not yet.

- Four whole days, and he's still mad at us?

- Yup.

- Can't be doin' my mother any good.

Oh, by the way, you know how you told me

That amy also wants some kitchen renovation crap?

- Yeah. - So I recommended gianni

To her. - But--

- I know, I know.

Robert's gonna get all weirded out

Because amy and gianni dated once or twice,

But... He's gotta get over it.

He's such a dope.

- You know...

I'm not sure that...

That's the only reason I wouldn't exactly...

Recommend gianni.

- What? - Well...

There's certain things that gianni kind of...

I hate him.

- What? What are you-- what are you talkin' about?

- N-not as a person, but...

As a person in my house.

- What? What are you sayin'?

He's not doing a good job?

- I'm sayin' he stinks.

- Like he smells?

- No, he stinks at his job.

And, by the way, he does smell a little.

- Well, that's a-- a manly smell

You get from working with your body.

Okay? Uh... What do you want,

A contractor that smells like a cinnamon bun?

- You know, gianni should be done by now,

And he's not because he's lazy.

I mean, half the time, he's on his phone,

And he brings his own little tv,

And it plays all day.

Look at--

You see that scuff mark on the floor?

He dragged the stove out

While he was watching "the price is right."

- All right. So, I'm sure if you told him that--

That you don't like that game show--

- It's not about the show, ray!

You know, it's been four days,

And he said he would have it done in two, tops.

- Okay, so? So it's two extra days.

- Yeah, so I can't use my kitchen

Because I have no stove!

- Well, okay, but...

It's not like van gogh lost his paintbrush.

I didn't mean it like that!

I just...Hey.

By the way, you're the one who picked gianni.

- Yes, I picked him, and I made a mistake.

It won't be the first time I pick the wrong guy.

- Come on!

He's doing this as a favor, and--

- Ray, it's not a favor if you're payin' the person.

Look, if he's not done by tomorrow,

I'm un-picking him.

- Wh-what are you talking about?

We can't fire him.

- No, you're firing him.

- What? - Yeah, 'cause he's your friend.

- That's right! So we can't fire him.

- We have to.

We have to let him go.

- Okay, so if it's "we,"

Then you need my say-so, okay?

You need my say-so if it's "we."

My say-so!

- I don't need your say-so.

- Yes, you do so!

You do so need my say-so!

Let him go.

Maybe I'll let somebody else go.

- What?

- I said maybe nothing!

- Hey, deb. - Hey, gianni.

- Hey, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, man. What's up?

Yeah. How's it goin'?

- I'm good.

What's your problem?

- No problem, no.

Quite the opposite. Just psyched, man.

Get to hang out, you know,

While you work and debra stays in there.

- Okay.

Listen, good news.

- What? - It's here.

- Oh. Oh! Wow, look at this!

- There you go!

- Yeah, that is a beauty!

I love that. - It's here.

I ended up ordering through a different guy,

So it took a little longer.

But you saved some green.

- Oh. Took a little longer...

But saved some green.

- What do you think, debra? You like it?

- Oh, it's great, gianni. Thanks.

I can't believe

Today's the day I actually get to use it.

- Yeah. This is great, man.

So, what do you say? Let's hook this bad boy up.

- Yeah. Hey, you hungry?

'cause I can go for a sandwich.

- Yeah. Me too, me too.

You know what might be a better idea?

Maybe to put the stove in first.

You know, 'cause I'm just

So damn excited to get this bad boy hooked up.

So why don't we just put this in,

And then I'll make you a steak?

A nice, hot stove steak. - Stove steak?

- Yeah. Why--what, you don't believe me?

You put the stove in, and I'll show ya.

Put the stove in.

- All right!

Sit down.

All right, here we go.

Okay. - What?

- You got a little space problem.

- Wh-what do you mean?

You measured it, right?

- Yeah. It's just a little too tight.

I guess I'm gonna have to order new cabinets.

I could probably get 'em here sometime next week.

- Next week?

- Wait, wait, wait! I'm sure it'll fit.

Maybe we just gotta-- we gotta wiggle it a little.

Grab that side, we'll wiggle it.

- Ray, you can't wiggle--

- Let's just try! Try--grab that side.

- Look, I said I'll take care of it next week.

- All right, there's not gonna be--

- No, no, no.

This is gonna fit in.

You just gotta...

You gotta...It... Here.

Aah!

- Oh, my god! You hurt your back!

Let me see. - Ow, ow, ow, ow!

- How are you feeling?

- Doctor said I gotta just stay in bed a couple days.

- Good. We're really gonna clean up on this lawsuit.

- Dad, I told you.

It's not gianni's fault.

- Hey, we're gonna win this case.

I want a camaro.

- Hush up.

Sweetie...

You should know by now

You're not a man who can lift things.

- Hi!

- Hi. - Hi, ray.

We just wanted to stop by and say hi.

- And some other things.

- Robert...

- Listen, man, what were you thinkin'

When you recommended gianni?

You know he ripped out our sink and hasn't come back?

I'm washing plates in the bathtub.

- Good, 'cause now you know what a bathtub looks like.

- Ha ha--ow, ow, ow!

Ow...It hurts when I laugh.

- Oh, really?

Hurts when you laugh, huh?

- What are you doin'?

Seriously, man.

Stop it.

Don't make me laugh.

- Who's--who's making anybody laugh?

- I mean it.

Just stop it!

Stop it!

Ow!

- I'm not doin' anything.

- Ow!

- Robert, get your face away from your brother!

- Ow!

- That's for recommending gianni!

- Hey, lunkhead,

It's your fault for hiring that clown

When you already got me!

- I thought he was a professional.

- He stinks!

Look at my little crippled boy!

- Dad.

- He's pathetic. Look at him.

That gianni's a butcher.

I'm getting me a camaro.

- What's worse, ray knew gianni stinks,

But he chose to keep it a secret, because they're friends.

- Gianni doesn't stink.

- No? Hmm.

That's interesting, because I think

The very definition of a person

Who starts a job and doesn't finish it

Is stink...Y.

Stinky.

- Robert, I know you're upset with gianni, but--

- Do you still have a thing for him?

Is that what you're saying? You got a thing?

- No!

Robert, we only went out for two weeks!

- Oh, so now it's two weeks?

- Hey. How's the world's strongest moron?

I'm sorry, I didn't know you were having a viewing.

- Hello, gianni.

- Hi, gianni.

We were just going.

Hope you feel better, ray.

- Oh. Hey, robert, good news.

I spoke to the sink people.

They said even though it's on back order,

You should have it by the end of the month.

- End of the month? - Come on, robert.

- I just wanna talk to him. - No, robert. No!

- Because he's your boyfriend!

- Come on, frank.

Raymond needs to rest.

And, gianni, don't stay too long.

- You got it, mrs. B.

- Hey, mr. B.

- See you in court.

- Is he still mad about me doing the kitchen?

- Oh...He's still mad society makes him wear pants.

- Anyway, I just came up to tell you I'm all done.

I fixed up the old stove

And put it back in like debra asked.

- Oh, thanks.

- All right, listen, uh, I'm gonna go.

Here's this. I'll let you rest.

Get to it whenever you can.

- $2,000?

- Yeah, it's a little more than I said

Just 'cause of all the extra work.

- Extra work?

- Yeah, you know. Taking the new stove back,

Putting the old one in

'cause your wife changed her mind.

By the way, I see what you mean about her.

- What? - It's just like you say--

I'm trying to work,

She interrupts every five minutes

To tell me to turn down my tv.

- Listen...

Uhh. Uhh!

Uh...

Originally, wasn't this gonna be $1,500,

And...And that included a new stove?

- Well, yeah.

But, like I said, your wife changed her mind.

- I know.

But that's 'cause the stove didn't fit.

- I know.

But I was gonna take care of it.

- I know.

But you said you couldn't get to it

Till next week.

- I know, but...

So what?

- So...We shouldn't have to pay for something

That--that wouldn't have happened

If you had measured the cabinets right in the first place

Instead of-- - wait a minute.

You think this is my fault?

- It is your fault,

And--and I'm not paying for this bill.

- Uh, yeah, you are.

- You're charging me 2,000 bucks,

And I got the same exact kitchen that I had before!

- This bill is for my time.

I was here six days.

- Six days watching "come on dow--!"

Ow!

- Six days having to deal with your whole family.

- Hey, don't you say anything about my family.

My family is totally great!

- You wouldn't pull this

With someone who wasn't your friend.

- That's right, you're my friend.

You're not supposed to screw me--ow!

- Screw you?

You're lucky your ass is in a sling, or else--

- Or what? What? You'd start a fight with me

And then not finish the job?

- You know what's incredible?

I gave you a break.

'cause that bill should be 3,000!

- Yeah? Well, you know how much it is now?

- That's it.

Don't ever call me to do anything.

Work, golf, nothin'!

- Good, fine! Fine. Debra's right, you do smell!

- What do you mean, I smell?

- You do nothing, and yet somehow you work up a smell.

- What?

- Hi, gianni.

- Don't worry.

You don't have to smell me anymore.

- We still smell ya.

We still smell ya. We can still smell you.

I still smell you.

- Why did you tell him I said that?

- Because it's true.

Look at that bill.

- What?

- That's right, "what?"

- I knew it.

When he pulled out that little tv

And I started hearing "the price is right" song

And him guessin' prices, and always over...

This just shows us,

You should never hire a friend.

- Yeah, well.

Don't worry. He's not my friend anymore.

- Oh...

- Easy, easy.

Ea--ah.

- I'm sorry, ray.

- No, I mean, it's just...

Look, whatever.

- Aw. - Ah.

- Mm. - Mm.

- I'm sure you'll work it out with him.

- Yeah, we'll see.

- I'm still your friend.

- You're a girl.

You know, I guess, uh...

I'm gonna be out of commission for a while.

- Don't worry.

It's not like van gogh lost his paintbrush.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- Listen...

I just wanted to stop by 'cause, uh...I...

- Look...Uh, it's okay.

- No, 'cause I r--

- No, you don't gotta--

- Yeah, but I-- - just forget about it.

- Okay, but I really-- - I know. Shut up.

Game's on.

- Cool.

Any score, big nose?

- Not yet...

Ass nose.

That's right.

Hey, by the way... About the bill...

- Don't worry about it.

- No. No. I'm gonna pay it.

- Hey, don't worry about it.

- Well, what about your time?

- It's fine.

I'm makin' it up on a couple other jobs.

- Ray, I wanna talk to ya. - Gotta go!

- You're next!