Original subtitles

♪ Daring duck of mystery Champion of right ♪

♪ Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night ♪

♪ Somewhere some villain schemes ♪

♪ But his number's up ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ When there's trouble you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Let's get dangerous ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing, Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Cloud of smoke and he appears ♪

♪ Master of surprise ♪

♪ Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? ♪

♪ Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck ♪

♪ 'Cause here comes ♪

- ♪ Darkwing Duck ♪ - ♪ Look out! ♪

♪ When there's trouble you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Let's get dangerous ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Better watch out you bad boys ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

Ha! Another felon potted by Darkwing Duck.

[yelling]

Hey, guys. Have a banana.

[all gasping]

Nothing like a side order of scrambled Eggmen.

So much for fancy schmancy tricks, Darkwing.

Oh, I'm not done yet, Steelbeak.

[grunts]

[roaring deeply]

[growling]

[both yelling, grunting]

[clearing throat] Thank you, gentlemen.

That will be quite enough.

Well, he started it.

[clears throat] I'm sure our little dramatization

has demonstrated how Darkwing Duck's unique methods

put our own SHUSH procedures to shame.

But, sir, he is unruly, undisciplined and unpredictable.

[thudding]

Darkwing Duck was just lucky.

Luck had nothing to do with it.

I bested your boys without mussing a feather.

[grunts]

I'm afraid SHUSH has become mild

in its own bureaucratic paperwork.

And so I'm assigning the retraining

of SHUSH's best agents

- to Darkwing Duck. - But, sir!

Our top agents are directly under my command.

We need new thinking Agent...

My word... uh, you see?

Who else would think of disguising himself

as a bowling, uh, ball... Or whatever. Hmm.

Oh, gee, I don't know

about training other agents, J. Gander.

I'm kinda used to working o solo mio. If you know what I mean.

But we need your special brand of genius

in the interest of world peace.

Genius, huh?

Just think, the agents you train will train others.

And they, still others. You'll be a legend, Darkwing.

A legend? Really?

Well, since world peace is at stake,

- [laughs] just call me "Professor." - [growling]

[Darkwing] So you people are SHUSH's agents, eh?

We'll see about that.

- [all] Yes, sir! - Right.

You guys have a lot of coffee this morning? Just relax.

Yes, sir!

[grunts] Dummy's all set, DW.

All right people, this is Steelbeak, FOWL's top agent.

When I say go, you have ten seconds

to render your adversary harmless.

On your mark, get set, go!

Calculate wind velocity minus circumference.

Research all strategical attack data used in last 100 years.

Measure opponent's muscle mass to ascertain exact force factor.

Check logistical planning tactics

to minimize potential dangers.

- [ringing] - Time's up.

Peachy.

What is this? Death by papercut?

What am I supposed to do? Flog him senseless with filler paper?

File him into submission in my loose-leaf notebook?

No more paperwork! I want action!

- But, sir, SHUSH procedure... - Forget SHUSH procedure!

I'm talking Darkwing Duck procedure here,

which is no procedure at all.

Just attack. Use your instincts.

Instincts are the best stinks.

Tear him limb from limb. No mercy!

Any questions?

Just do as I do, OK?

[yelling]

Gee, sir, what if the subject was wanted for questioning?

There. Now he's ready for questioning.

And so, in summary, my fledgling followers,

daring do-gooders need style, panache,

a flair for the dramatic.

In short, me amigos, you need these.

I can't tell you how anxious I am

to see the results of Darkwing's training sessions.

Yes, and I can't wait to undo all the damage

- he has inflicted upon my agents. - [tires screeching]

Why must this so-called demonstration be held here?

SHUSH headquarters would've been appropriate.

Oh, now don't be a fuddy duddy, Agent Grizzlikoff.

[woman screams]

You see? These surroundings add an element of realism

that I quite appreciate.

[Darkwing] I am the terror that flaps in the night.

I am the principal you were sent to see.

I am Darkwing Duck!

- [applause and cheering] - Thank you, thank you.

You people are beautiful, I mean it.

You were right, sir.

The realism certainly adds to the proceedings.

And now it's time to present some hot, new talents.

Destined to turn this town around.

Let's put our hands together for the Darkwing Squad.

He is the burro that kicks in the night.

Darkwing Donkey.

Here is the pup who barks when he bites.

Darkwing Dog.

She's the doe who leaps higher than kites.

Darkwing Deer.

And who's the bird that pecks at your plight?

Darkwing Dodo.

Sir, this is worse than cheap vaudevillian show.

- Oh, shush. - Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you. No, really.

And now, imagine a particularly lawless evening.

The kind of nasty night that can raise

every hair on a stray cat's fur.

Yes, dear friends, imagine if you will,

a St. Canard crawling with Eggmen.

No doubt, Darkwing Dog uses the fear of the unknown

- to surprise his adversaries. - [groaning]

Thereby creating in them

that all-important false sense of security.

This leaves them and their associates

ripe for the direct frontal attack.

Note how teamwork is important.

[shouting]

Along with the ability to use your head.

- Ow. - [shouting]

And there you have it, folks.

A dazzling display of derring-do

by the inimitable Darkwing Squad!

[applause]

- [applause stops] - It's worse than I feared.

This is absolutely the...

The most amazing display

of skill and ingenuity I've ever seen.

I'll make immediate arrangements to expand your training program

to the entire organization.

Ya hear that, Grizzi?

Or should I have J. Gander repeat it for you... slowly?

If these are the future agents of SHUSH,

then there is no future for me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Grizz! Chill a sec!

You know, J. Gander, the guy may be a stick in the mud,

but he's still a halfway decent agent. I'll stop him for you.

Agent Grizzlikoff has made his choice, Darkwing.

I'm afraid the Fiendish Organization of World Larceny

is planning a major robbery,

and FOWL doesn't stop for hurt feelings.

[Steelbeak] Oh, gracious me.

He makes us sound so callous and cruel.

Yeah, right. Like a bunch of costumed clones,

a gimp-winged group, is gonna stop us.

Heck, I don't blame Grizzi for taking a powder.

Working for SHUSH is downright embarrassing.

But hold the phone and clear the switchboard.

There is an opportunity here

way too good to pass up.

[sighs] I gave SHUSH the best years of my life,

and what thanks am I getting?

A big overweight nothing, that's what.

What have I done?

I loved that mug.

[Steelbeak] Ah, forget the knickknack, it's history.

Just like your SHUSH career. But I gotta tell ya, babe,

FOWL can offer a lot more than a cheap coffee mug.

What? Join FOWL?

Never, never, nyet.

Hey, hey. Hold the locomotive.

At least let me give you the sales pitch.

Now, with your induction to FOWL servitude,

you get your very own T-shirt, matching cap,

and fleeced-lined baseball jacket

and a hand-embroidered FOWL logo.

But hold your pants and spit out your gum,

'cause that's not all.

You'll take up residence

in FOWL's very own time-share condo

on the beaches of Maui with your delightful FOWL comrades.

Enough. There is nothing you can be offering me

that would make me join your gang of hoodlums.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how's about the job

of terminating Darkwing Duck?

Now, chicken, you are talking turkey.

Tell me more.

Gentlemen, your work with the Darkwing Squad

has impressed me terribly.

The agents have undergone a remarkable transformation.

- Ain't it the truth. - [beeping]

Well, a teacher's work is never done.

Time to check on the kids.

Oops, sorry about that, teach.

I was just practicing my entrances.

What enthusiasm.

What a headache.

[yelling]

Uh, from now on, Darkwing Dodo,

it might be a good idea to plan where you land.

But according to Darkwing procedure,

which is no procedure at all,

a daring do-gooder never plans.

What? That's the... [stammering] Well, that's true, that's true.

Uh, but, mostly true. But it's not completely true.

[coughing] What's with the smog alert?

I'm searching for a smoke color

that will set off the blush in my cheeks.

Ooh, that's sure to impress evildoers.

- [camera flashes] - Now what?

Beautiful. Fabulous.

Now, how about those pouty lips?

And just what is going on here?

Hey, babe, you can't skimp

on your eight-by-ten glossies, babe.

"Eight-by-ten glossies, babe?"

Can't disappoint the fans, babe... uh, sir.

Oh, like they're going to have fans.

They're pretty nice glossies, though.

You're eyes aren't bulging enough,

and your head should definitely be flatter.

I can't even guess what you're doing.

Just practicing more of your special techniques, sir...

Uh, amigo.

Those aren't techniques, they're accidents.

And the point is not to have them.

- [whistling] - Whoops.

You see? Much flatter.

You promised me a shot at Darkwing Duck.

[clucking] Patience, my furry friend.

That's where, ta-da, Pearl comes in.

Hey, you can't bait a mousetrap without some cheese, right?

And, ba-boom, you're looking at genuine Darkwing Gorgonzola.

That pearl must be priceless.

Yeah. Well, let's just say that FOWL high command

won't be worrying about budget cuts this year.

- [cackles] - And what of the Darkwing Squad?

Consider them just one more bag of fish bait.

- [laughs] - [shark growls]

[continues laughing]

Where did I go wrong? I worked for them, I slaved for them.

And what thanks do I get?

They've turned into a bunch

of vain, self-centered glory seekers

who are only concerned with promoting themselves.

Where did they get egos like that?

[clears throat] It's just a simple display

of my healthy self-image.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Is there?!

Boom-shaka-laka. We're bound to get noticed on these wheels.

- [door opens] - Ten-hut!

All right, squad, listen up.

It's time for me to lay down a few rules.

Things have gotten entirely too slack around here.

I want you to show a little respect to your superiors.

Starting with me. Launchpad?

Huh? Oh, all right. [clears throat]

Uh, no talking in class.

No speaking without raising your hands.

No leaving the training room. No laughing, no loud noises.

No sticking out your tongue

while making googly eyes behind the teacher's back.

What are you talking about?

Well, you can't be too careful.

- Have I made myself clear? - [all] Yes, sir.

Darkwing, you must get your squad

to the St. Canard Aquarium at once

and stop Steelbeak.

OK, squad, let's get...

...dangerous.

Looks like your squirrelly squad

is a chip off the old blockhead.

Dripwing. [cackles]

Didn't know J. Gander was a puppet leader, did ya?

- Steelbeak! - Righty-o.

Say, I hope you weren't too fond

of your puffed-up protégés,

'cause they're heading straight for my trap.

Not if I get to them first.

Happy to see me, Deadwing?

Whoa!

[humming] I do so love watching someone enjoy his work.

Oh, rats. Just when it was getting good.

Oh, well.

I wouldn't want to be late

for my date with Pearl.

Sorry, Darkwing. I hope I didn't hurt you...

...much.

Ha! Are you kidding? You barely touched me.

[laughs] Boy, DW, that was better than WrestleManiac VII.

Steelbeak had to believe I was serious

about killing you, Darkwing.

[coughing] Well, I believed you.

I just wish you weren't a method actor.

I was doing my job, but you didn't do yours.

How could you let the Darkwing Squad leave?

Let them leave? I didn't let them do anything.

Those adolescent show-offs are completely unruly,

undisciplined, unpredictable, un...

Why does that sound familiar?

Oh, well, yeah, but I was never that un...

[stammering] It was different with me, 'cause I...

[stammering] Never mind.

[muffled grunting]

Ah, ah, ah. Easy does it, boys.

We wouldn't want to scratch our precious pearl.

Now, if the Darkwing Squad

is anything like their dingy role model,

they should be making some kind of overblown entrance...

- ...right about... now. - [watch alarm rings]

[all] We are the team that fights in the night.

We are the beaters that scramble your Eggmen.

We are...

Really dumb.

[tires screeching]

[Darkwing] There's the aquarium.

We'll just barge in and see what's going on.

No!

Now we do things my way.

We need a plan.

Gee, I thought barging in was a plan.

[cackling]

[all shouting]

Ah, man, watching others suffer is what bad guys live for.

Greetings, Mr. Steelbeak. I thought, perhaps,

you would enjoy seeing Darkwing Duck decimated in person.

Do tell.

Excuse me, but this wouldn't be

some kind of sucker play, would it?

You know, one of those brilliant pieces of SHUSH strategy

that's supposed to dumbfound us poor, witless evil-doers.

[laughs] Looks like he's got us there, Grizz.

- Of course not and I will prove it! - Hey!

- [sharks growling] - Help.

- Twenty to one, this wing is fish food. - I'll take those odds.

- Count me in. - I'm in for a fin.

[all shouting]

I can't believe it.

Agent Grizzlikoff's a traitor.

- [thudding] - [grunting]

I am no traitor!

I am Vladimir Goudenov Grizzlikoff,

chief agent of SHUSH.

While they are distracted,

we are going to do things the SHUSH way.

[all] Yes, sir!

[shouting]

Watch the typos there, Agent Donkey.

[ringing]

Ouch! Leave me alone!

Yes. Excellent work on the SV/88 form.

- [all] Thank you, sir. - Now we are ready.

Yes, sir.

Uh-oh.

[blubbering]

Help!

Well, sorry, boys, but that's the game.

[groaning]

Wait a minute. We got the whole Darkwing Squad to play with.

[Grizzlikoff] There is no Darkwing Squad.

- Only the agents of SHUSH. - So it was a setup, huh?

Take 'em, boys.

Begin procedures.

[belches]

[Grizzlikoff grunts] Heave!

[grunts] Heave!

As you can see, SHUSH strategy outperforms

Darkwing Disaster every time.

Oh, no! Darkwing.

Phew, lucky for me duck feathers tickle.

[indistinct radio chatter]

You mean the whole thing was a setup?

Of course, Darkwing.

We had to be fiendishly clever to capture Steelbeak.

Besides, the idea of you

training SHUSH agents is preposterous.

- Ha! - No one could match your wit,

your ingenuity, your unpredictable methods.

- Ha! - There is only one Darkwing Duck.

And we are fortunate to have him working with us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Besides, I knew it was a setup the whole time.

Kidding.

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪