Original subtitles

♪ Daring duck of mystery Champion of right ♪

♪ Swoops out of the shadows Darkwing owns the night ♪

♪ Somewhere some villain schemes But his number's up ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck When there's trouble you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Let's get dangerous ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing, Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Cloud of smoke and he appears ♪

♪ Master of surprise ♪

♪ Who's that cunning mind behind that shadowy disguise? ♪

♪ Nobody knows for sure But bad guys are out of luck ♪

♪ 'Cause here comes ♪

- ♪ Darkwing Duck ♪ - ♪ Look out! ♪

♪ When there's trouble you call DW ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Let's get dangerous ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Better watch out you bad boys ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

[man] Popular in the late 20th century, Darkwing Duck

was the last and most unique of all mythological heroes.

According to legend, he was a figure of great mystery,

his true origin never revealed.

Kinetic gear! Is that really Darkwing Duck's costume?

No. These are props

from an immensely successful cartoon series,

based on Darkwing's mythical exploits.

A mask the character was reputed to have worn

has never been found.

We now know that the people who watched these exploits

had much smaller brainpans than our own,

which is, no doubt, the reason they became extinct.

Gosaloid, you're not supposed to touch anything.

Just think, Darkwing Duck himself sat in these chairs.

Well, according to the museum's

analogically digital video guide,

it was just an actor portraying Darkwing Duck, the myth.

Yeah? And what if that thing's wrong,

and there really were heroes?

Hero worship reflects the worshipers' feelings

of inadequacy, insecurity, inability and...

Who are you calling inadequate, insecure and...?

[both] Whoaaa!

[Gosaloid] All right, what's going on?

Somebody get us out of here. My attorney will hear about this.

[humming upbeat song]

Hey, you missed a spot.

- [clicking] - Oh!

I always forget about that thing.

Jackpot.

Come, Honkulon, if we hurry, we can catch up with the tour.

Gosaloid, we were stuck in there for seven hours.

[sniffling]

No need to cry, kid. They'll be back when the museum opens.

Oh, thanks. But it's just my allergies.

[blowing nose]

Um... consider it a gift.

We're doomed. It'd take a hero like Darkwing Duck

to get us out of this mess.

Gosaloid, we wouldn't be in trouble

if you hadn't been so interested in that silly myth.

Silly? Myth? Am I to understand

that you don't believe in Darkwing Duck?

See? I told you he was real.

But if he was real, there'd be some record of it.

There'd be a birth certificate or something.

[scoffing]

Sonny, a piece of paper doesn't make a thing real.

Don't you know why there's no record of Darkwing's birth?

Go on, tell him why there's not.

Well... um, it's because

he wasn't born on this planet. Yeah.

Kinetic gear! I knew it had to be something like that.

Would you kids like to hear

about the secret origin of Darkwing Duck?

Would we?!

It all began on the distant planet, Zipton,

when Darkwing Duck was just a babe in swaddling clothes.

[baby cooing]

[rumbling]

- What's happening? - [baby crying]

Drake-El, what is it? Not bad news, I hope.

It's the end of the world.

Well, yes, I suppose that qualifies as bad news.

It's all my stupid brother's fault.

He built a bomb big enough to blow up the entire planet.

He threatened to destroy Zipton

if the council didn't make him grand Pooh-Bah of the world.

But surely, he didn't use it.

Well, no. Well, yes!

It seems like there was this accident with the detonator.

Ah-ha! Here's what I was looking for.

Grandfather's old army blaster.

Junior might need this on Gribblefritz.

- Gribblefritz? - [loud rumbling]

Guard this carefully, my little one.

It could come in handy someday.

Drake-El, surely you can't mean...

Yes! We shall perish!

But our son shall live.

On the new world, he shall grow and prosper

and achieve great things!

Who knows? Perhaps, in some distant time,

there shall be a cartoon series based on his mythic exploits.

[janitor] Meanwhile, on the other side of town,

the evil brother had his own problems.

Didn't I tell you it was a stupid idea.

- It wasn't my fault. - "What if it goes off?", I said.

What will you be grand Pooh-Bah of then, huh?

The grand Pooh-Bah of rubble. Oh, very impressive.

The bomb never would have gone off

if my idiot brother hadn't sat on the detonator.

[rumbling]

Was that the oven timer? You better go check your roast.

[loud rumbling]

Where do you think you're going?

To Gribblefritz. So long.

It was a nice marriage. Hate to see it end this way.

Oh, no, you don't.

Ow!

[rumbling]

[sputtering]

Oh, well, look at it this way.

Our planet's only blowing up.

On Gribblefritz, they'll have to deal with him.

Excuse me, but there's nothing in my guide

about Darkwing being born on another planet

or going to Gribblefritz.

Look, Honkulon, he said it was a secret origin.

If it was in there, it wouldn't be secret, would it?

Good point. And besides,

who says he ever made it to Gribblefritz.

As a matter of fact, the two rockets collided in space,

knocking them both off-course.

Sunday driver!

[sputtering]

And after a detour of a few zillion miles,

baby Darkwing's rocket landed on Earth in a quiet monastery.

What is all this brouhaha?

The rocket came to a rest at the feet of the Venerable One,

also known as Vinny,

who took an immediate shine to its tiny passenger.

We shall teach this child our ways.

His name shall be...

[sniffing]

...Stinky.

The wise, old, blind monk

taught young Stinky many things.

He taught him to find inner peace.

Baby needs a new pair of shoes. Come on, seven!

He taught him respect for all living things.

Hand me the jar, master.

This one will look great in my trophy case.

And how to beat people senseless.

- Hey, look, cannibals. - Huh?

I can't believe he fell for the old cannibals gag.

But, Stinky, there are cannibals.

Really? Cannibals?

Remember always what you have learned.

It could come in handy someday.

Of course, the monastery wasn't all Zen and games for Stinky.

Hey, who wants to shoot a few hoops?

Here, think quick!

- Oops. - It is time for you to leave us.

To search for the home in your heart.

Ah! But, Venerable, I have achieved perfect unity

with my soul in this place.

Besides, I get all I can eat, I don't pay rent, and I make my own hours.

Freeloader.

[janitor] And so Stinky left the monastery

in search of his destiny.

[Gosaloid] Is that when he came to St. Canard?

[janitor] Not yet.

First, he had to cross an enormous desert.

Gasp! Water!

[gasping]

Ah-ha!

[coughing and sputtering]

Who dares disturb the genie's rest?

That's what I'd like to know.

[continues coughing]

Jeep!

I'm gonna grind you into the ground something fierce.

[janitor] Fortunately, Stinky had learned the secret

of using an opponent's own size and strength against him.

- Ee-yah-ha! - Whoa! Whoa!

My sacroiliac!

I believe I get three wishes now. Am I right?

Oh, yeah, you got me there.

State your wishes.

Let's see. I am a humble man,

but I could use a Coo-Coo Cola, some snazzy new threads,

and the secret of that smoking entrance of yours.

No! Not the secret to my entrance!

Sorry, three wishes. Union rules.

Union, shmunion. All right, then, be that way.

It shall be done.

From the land beyond beyond.

From the world past hope and fear.

Hey, what's going on? You can't do that!

I bid you reappear.

Now that's an entrance.

Purple wouldn't have been my first choice,

but on the whole, not bad.

Now, since I went and gave you the secret of my secret entrance,

you take good care of how you use it.

It could come in handy someday.

Oh, boy, look at the time, would you?

I gotta pick up my RV at the shop. Good luck there, kiddo.

Hey! Hey, wait, genie! Yo, Gene! Come back here!

Is it too late to wish for a camel?!

[Gosaloid] Haven't you forgotten something?

Yeah, like telling a story that makes sense.

[sighing] Like what?

Like the other baby.

Other baby? There wasn't any other baby.

Oh! Oh, yeah, the other brother's baby.

You know, I forgot all about him.

Well... you see, what happened to him was...

...his rocket was picked up by... space pirates!

Space pirates?!

Yeah, now I remember.

And the child grew up greedy and mean-spirited.

And so then, see, when he came to Earth

and discovered his long-lost cousin,

well, his first thoughts were...

What a sap.

I better make sure mega-geek doesn't interfere

with my plans for world domination.

Strange. I've been walking across burning sands for the past 17 days,

yet I feel like I'm walking on air.

Yahhh!

Oh, boy!

[janitor] The evil cousin

decided to make Stinky an offer.

Tell you what, you help me conquer this planet,

and I'll let you breathe.

To which Stinky naturally replied:

Not on your sweet patootie, pal.

Your too good for my own good, cousin.

[screaming]

[exclaiming]

I've caught some bugs on the windshield,

but this one is for the books.

Thanks for the lift, stranger.

And by the way, who are you, stranger?

I have many names. You may call me

the Mysterious Masked Avenger of Evil!

Avenger for short.

This is my faithful sidekick and all-around nice guy,

Launchpad McQuack.

And now the question is,

who are you and what is your origin?

[inhaling deeply]

It all began on the distant planet Zipton.

[janitor] Stinky told his story,

just as I've told it to you.

[snoring]

[muttering]

And so, you see, it's up to me to stop my evil cousin

from blowing up the planet.

Hm... Alien invaders can be a handful,

especially for a rank amateur.

Let's take him back to Avenger Tower, Launchpad,

and see what we can do with him.

[Avenger] Well, this is my place.

Sure beats my old room at the monastery.

- What's that? - Coo-Coo Cola. Want?

No! No! Keep it away! Get rid of it!

- It's caffeine free. - You don't understand.

Coo-Coo Cola is the Avenger's one weakness.

One swallow would be sickening.

Two swallows would give me a migraine.

A whole can, and I'd be history, finished, kaput.

[alarm sounding]

- What's that? What's happening? - It's your evil cousin!

We don't have any time to lose. Come on!

[alarm continues sounding]

Come on, hurry up, Mr... Sorry, I don't know your name.

The monks called me Stinky.

It doesn't exactly strike terror

in the hearts of evildoers, does it?

Unless you're a bar of soap.

From now on, you shall be called Darkwing Duck.

Darkwing Duck. Yes, I like that. It's me, it's very me.

But what does it mean?

Who cares what it means as long as it sounds cool?

Remember, a crime-fighter has to look dangerous, like this:

[growling fiercely]

- Got it? - You mean like this?

- [growling unconvincingly] - Maybe a mask would help.

Thanks for the mask and cape, Avengie.

Like I always say, when in doubt, accessorize.

There he is!

Careful, don't get within range of his gun.

[Avenger] Don't worry, this craft was designed

to withstand any assault.

[all screaming]

[all screaming]

[coughing]

Oh, no, Coo-Coo Cola!

The Avenger! Where is the Avenger?!

[Avenger gasping and coughing]

Darkwing, help!

[gasping] Oh, this is... it.

This is the end.

[sobbing]

Don't say that, Avenger.

I'm... finished.

It's all over.

Oh, and one more thing.

[gasping]

Darkwing... [coughing]

...you've got to take over for me.

You've got to become a crime fighter. [gasping]

Goodbye.

There can never be another

Mysterious Masked Avenger of Evil

like the Mysterious Masked Avenger of Evil.

That's right. [gasping]

[Avenger] But there's a new hero in town,

and his name is... Darkwing Duck.

Farewell, hero.

[gasping]

She's gone.

Are you sure?

- Mm... Yeah. - No!

Now there'll never be a cartoon series

based on her mythic exploits.

And what's more, I'm out of a job.

[sniffing]

Just my allergies again.

And so Darkwing Duck discovered his destiny.

To be the terror that flaps in the night.

To fight evil and villainy and crookedness and...

And skullduggery! Can't forget skullduggery. A good one.

And evil, villainous, nasty meanness.

And bad grammar.

[Launchpad] Darkwing!

What is it? I'm working. Leave me alone.

He's back!

Come on, Launchpad.

Let's get dangerous.

Bring her in as close to his ship as you can.

[Darkwing] Thank you. That oughta do it.

As the crime fighter stalked the villain,

he thought to himself...

Hold the phone. I've never fought crime before.

I don't even know where to start.

It could come in handy someday.

Hmmm. It's worth a try.

[Darkwing] I am the terror that flaps in the night.

I am the hero that every culture in every world needs.

I am Darkwing Duck.

- Now, that is an entrance. - It's all over now.

This is the scene where good triumphs over evil.

No, this is the scene

where you bid bye-bye to your molecules.

Now, remember, a crime fighter has to look dangerous.

[growling]

Better watch out. Your face could stick that way.

It could come in handy someday.

Suck gas, evildoer!

[wheezing and coughing]

It could come in handy someday.

Now, now, cousin... [chuckling]

...you know I was only kidding around.

You know, like we used to, in the old days. Please.

- [thumping] - Ooh! Ow!

Thattaboy, Darkwing. I'm dead.

- [snoring] - [clearing throat]

Huh? What's that? Oh.

You're back.

Wake up, Honkulon and face the music.

I assume you children have a good story.

The janitor was here, and he was telling us...

We haven't had a janitor in 50 years.

All that work is performed by robots.

[blowing nose]

Young man, let me see that.

Why, it's Darkwing Duck's mask,

missing for over 200 years.

- [Honkulon] Thanks. - You're welcome.

Now, I think you children have some explaining to...

So he was just a myth, huh?

A fictional character for inadequate,

insecure hero worshippers, huh?

Um... um...

Well, I suppose every myth has some basis in reality.

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪