Original subtitles

♪ Daring duck of mystery

♪ Champion of right

♪ Swoops out of the shadows

♪ Darkwing owns the night

♪ Somewhere some villain schemes

♪ But his number's up

♪ 3-2-1

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ When there's trouble, you call DW

♪ Darkwing Duck

Let's get dangerous.

♪ Darkwing Duck

Darkwing... duck!

♪ Cloud of smoke and he appears

♪ A master of surprise

♪ Who's that cunning mind behind

♪ That shadowy disguise?

♪ Nobody knows for sure

♪ Bad guys are out of luck

♪ 'Cause here comes

♪ Darkwing Duck Look out!

♪ When there's trouble, you call DW

♪ Darkwing Duck

Let's get dangerous.

♪ Darkwing Duck

Better watch out, you bad boys!

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

(Steelbeak) Come on, boys, move it, will ya?

Ah, Agent Steelbeak, what have you to report?

Yo-ho, High Command, how ya doin'?

Hey, listen, we're in the Quacky Rubber Duck Warehouse

hustlin' up duckies, as planned.

Carry on.

Gotcha. Agent Steelbeak, over and out.

(squeak)

You're out, all right. Out of luck.

Wow, look what the cat dragged in - Dimwit Duck.

Very clever. Now submit or suck gas.

(gibberish)

Greetings, life forms.

Take me to your champion.

(squeak)

Ahem.

♪ Ho-ho ♪

Greetings. Heh-heh-heh.

Uh... take me to your champion.

Whoa, pretty neat costume, eh, DW?

Um, excuse me, bizarre-looking alien monstrosity.

We've gotta crush these criminal culprits, then we'll be right with ya.

Criminals?

♪ Oh-ho ♪

I am a crime-fighter myself.

I am Comet Guy,

champion of the planet Mertz.

Let me assist you in foiling these scofflaws.

Get ready, evildoers. It's comet time.

Oopsie.

Good thing there's a fire alarm, huh?

(rings)

Yeah. (coughs) Real good.

Th-That-That-That sound. My one weakness.

(gibberish)

(whimpers)

It makes me - It makes me...

...dance.

Hmm, interesting.

I mean, usually superheroes are so reserved.

Ha-ha-ha. Some crime-fighter.

Aah! I'm soiled.

Come on, boys. We gotta get this suit to the dry cleaners and fast.

Not so fast, Steelbeak. You could - Whoa!

(screams) Easy there, big fella.

Oh, hey!

Virtue triumphs again.

Oh, no.

Yeow! Why, you...

(blows)

Oopsie.

Uh, I guess I should've warned you.

When I hear a bell, I can't stop dancing until I hear a whistle.

Thank you for sharing.

Uhh... Well, boys,

I think we've had our comedy relief for today.

Now listen, bub.

You've just enabled an envoy of evil to escape

with a passel of potentially perilous rubber duckies!

What kind of crime-fighter are you, anyway?

(bawling) A lousy one.

I'm the worst champion the planet Mertz has ever had.

That's why they sent me here.

I'm supposed to study with this planet's champion,

a crime-fighter renown-ed throughout the galaxy.

Yeah, yeah, well, seek no further,

peculiar-looking thing from another world,

for I am he.

(blows)

♪ Oh-ho ♪

When can we start training?

Right now. If we don't get you trained soon,

I won't have a city left to protect.

(bird squawks)

Well, DW, there sure isn't much damage he can do here.

Sure isn't much to train with, either.

That's where you're wrong, Comet Guy.

This is, in reality, a secret SHUSH training camp.

SHUSH?

It's your basic super-secret

international espionage agency.

Aah!

Wrong cactus.

Wow, what will they think of next?

OK, let's start your training

with a little physical conditioning.

You just swing across like this.

Think you can manage that without wreaking havoc?

Why not just walk across?

Because you'd get wet, see?

No. I mean walk on the water.

You can walk on water?

Sure. I just freeze it with my icy comet vision.

♪ Oh-ho ♪

Hey, pretty nifty trick, eh, DW?

DW!

Oopsie.

OK, let's just try a simple little rope climb, shall we?

Take it easy. No fires, no tornadoes, no ice.

Easy on the catastrophe, OK?

Do you understand, comprendo, capisce?

I promise, absolutely no capiscing.

Oopsie.

I can't even climb a rope right.

I'm worthless.

A zero, a washout.

Hey, come on. Take it easy, big guy.

A champion never gives up, right, DW?

Right, although there may be times when he considers it.

So, this is what you do on patrol,

flyin' around looking for trouble, huh?

On my planet, that's what the crooks do.

♪ Ho-ho ♪

My comet sense has picked up a crime in progress

right down there.

Launchpad, take her down.

Look, it's that round tank.

Ach, Steelbeak again.

OK, time for a lesson in crime-fighting.

I have a plan. LP, you wait outside and stop any escaping egg men.

Comet Guy, you stick with me and do exactly as I do.

Yo there, Falcon Man,

we are in Bob's Office Supply Hutch,

nabbing all the erasers and rubber bands as ordered.

Over and out of here.

Come on, boys, make it snappy.

The only thing that's going to snap

is the twisted framework of your evil plot.

Psst, how am I doin' so far?

Get him, boys.

All right, Steelbeak, put up your hands

and come qui - (screams)

(gibberish)

(yodels)

(stammers)

You... are... hopeless.

I couldn't teach you to be a doorstop.

You're through, finito, kaputski.

What's your point?

Just go home. Leave me alone!

You flunked out!

But now what'll I do?

(sobbing)

(weakly) Heh-heh-heh...

(Comet Guy sobs)

Oh, there must be someone

who can train me to be a champion.

Hmm...

I can't go home as a flunky.

Now I must wander the universe forever...

alone and untrained.

Perhaps I can be of some assistance.

Who are you?

I'm, uh... I'm... Oh, yeah, yeah -

Steelwing Cluck, caped cruncher of crooks

and champeen trainer extraordinaire.

♪ Ho-ho ♪

A champion trainer? What a lucky coincidence.

Could you train me?

Pally, you got a deal. Heh-heh-heh-heh.

Now, you see that big metal vat?

It's full of melted rubber.

Uh, right. Well, uh, you heard of plastic explosives, right?

OK, this is, uh... this is rubber explosives.

Sure, that's it, and we gotta get it back to my hideout

and defuse it.

Okey-doke.

Comet Guy? What are you doing here?

Oh, hello, former trainer.

Humph. Party crashers.

Plan B, just like I told youse.

Who's the joker in the tin hat?

This is my new trainer - Steelwing Cluck.

Steelwing Cluck?

Hold the phone. That's Steelbeak.

Pay no attention to him. He's one of the bad guy's android duplicates.

Gaah.

Ha-ha. I should've known you weren't the real Darkwing Duck.

Just look at that phony beak.

B-But it's my beak.

Launchpad, tell him I'm me.

Gee, DW, I don't know. They all look like you.

But shame on you all for posing as a crime-fighter.

Mayhaps you should teach these disrespectful androids

a lesson about imitating heroes, huh?

Starting with this one.

Gulp. Comet Guy...

it's me, the terror that flaps - Hello.

That'll teach ya to look like Darkwing Duck.

Now, let's get this vat of explosives back to the hideout.

♪ Ha-ha ♪

Onward!

Hey, what about the rest of these androi- Uh-oh.

All right, you, take off that mask.

Ow! Launchpad, it's me.

Oopsie.

Ooh, now how are we going to find Steelbeak?

Uh, well, uh, we could follow

this trail of latex that leaked out of the tank, DW.

Unless, of course,

we follow this trail of latex that leaked out of the tank.

Whoa, that guy's amazing.

Uh, excuse me, Professor Steelwing?

Uh, it's not that I don't trust you, but are you sure

this is how you defuse explosives?

Oh, sure. It's what you call your...

uh, meltdown procedure.

OK, boys, it's, uh, defused!

Now, soon as that cools off a bit,

I have got a little surprise for you, Comet Guy.

♪ Ho-ho ♪

I love surprises.

Surprise.

Behold, one felonious fake.

Gasp! I've been duped.

Why, you... I oughta pinch your head flat.

Go ahead and try.

(dings)

(gibberish)

Oh, no!

Th-Th-That sound.

(gibberish)

(both whistle)

(ding ding ding ding)

(whistles)

(ding ding ding ding)

(Darkwing whistles)

(ding ding ding ding)

Fortunately, I was prepared for this eventuality.

Face the wrath of... the lemon launcher!

(unable to whistle)

(ding ding ding ding)

Oh, you... All right, now I'm mad.

Now, before my egg men slice and dice you into tiny, bite-size chunks,

here is a word from my sponsors.

Greetings, Darkwing.

We of the F.O.W.L. High Command

would like to introduce you

to our latest weapon of mass destruction -

the F.O.W.L. ball,

60 tons of solid rubber

with a remote control.

Now, Agent Steelbeak, you must destroy the city.

Once the world has witnessed the awesome might

of a F.O.W.L. ball,

it will fall at our feet like an overripe fruit.

Yo-ho-ho, I'm outta here.

And take off that ridiculous towel.

You'll never get away with this.

Ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Wrong-o, Dweebwing.

Boys, grind 'em into duck burgers.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Uh, slice and dice, men. Slice and dice.

(both gulp)

Duh, should we slice 'em and then dice 'em?

Or should we dice 'em and then slice 'em?

Whatever you do, just please, please,

don't smother us in molten rubber.

(whispering)

OK, molten rubber it is, then.

Turn on the heat.

(whistles)

♪ Ha-ha ♪

Uh-oh, where's the bell?

You can't make an omelet

without pounding the living daylights out of a few eggs.

Ha-ha-ha.

Comet Guy, it's time for your final exam.

OK, St. Canard,

it's time to play ball.

Comet Guy, you're the only one who can stop that ball now.

But I flunked out, remember? I'm hopeless.

Oh, phooey. A champion never gives up.

But you gave up on me.

Well, he's got you there, DW.

Well, yeah, and look what happened.

Good point. Right.

Use your comet vision.

♪ Ho ♪

Hey, I did it. Ha-ha. But look...

the bad guy's getting away.

Throw this rope up to the helicopter

and climb it just like you did the tower in the desert.

Remember, turn a weakness into a strength.

(groans)

♪ Ho-ho ♪

We have you now, you-you-you not-so-nice person.

Guess again, Comatose Guy.

(chiming) Midnight.

Oopsie.

(gibberish)

Oh, oh, that-that-that sound.

Never give up, remember?

(gibberish)

(stammers) Hey, buddy, back off.

Ah-ah-ah-ah.

Nah-ah-ah-ah. Oof!

Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. (screams)

(whistles weakly)

♪ Ho-ho ♪

♪ A-cha-cha, dooby-dooby-do

♪ A-doobah-doobah-doobah

♪ A-cha-cha-cha

♪ A-bom-bom, a-yub-too-chubah

♪ A-yah-ta-chubah ♪

You can stop dancing now, Launchpad.

Hmm? Oh, sure thing, DW. Heh-heh-heh.

And so, in recognition

of your boundless fortitude and dexterity

in saving St. Canard from devastation,

I, Darkwing Duck,

am pleased to confer upon you

the highly coveted degree of Doctor of Championology.

♪ Ho-ho ♪ I'm so proud.

A diploma from the famous champion of the planet Floog.

Floog? This isn't the planet Floog.

It isn't?

Ho-ho. I knew I should've taken that left turn

at Andromeda.

(grunts) Well, Professor Darkwing,

not that I don't appreciate it,

(voice increases in pitch) but I've got to get to Floog in a hurry.

(high-pitched) Bye, guys.

Whoa.

Oopsie.

(both) ♪ Ho-ho ♪

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪