Original subtitles

♪ Daring duck of mystery

♪ Champion of right

♪ Swoops out of the shadows

♪ Darkwing owns the night

♪ Somewhere some villain schemes

♪ But his number's up

♪ 3-2-1

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ When there's trouble, you call DW

♪ Darkwing Duck

Let's get dangerous.

♪ Darkwing Duck

Darkwing... duck!

♪ Cloud of smoke and he appears

♪ A master of surprise

♪ Who's that cunning mind behind

♪ That shadowy disguise?

♪ Nobody knows for sure

♪ Bad guys are out of luck

♪ 'Cause here comes

♪ Darkwing Duck Look out!

♪ When there's trouble, you call DW

♪ Darkwing Duck

Let's get dangerous.

♪ Darkwing Duck

Better watch out, you bad boys!

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪

(woman) All right, all right. Move it, Flex.

We're almost done. Come on, come on.

Clearly, the crafty criminals committing the crime wave.

Ow! Ooh!

Stop dancing around and hoist me so I can heist it.

(clanking)

The feather's all the boss wants.

Ah, the feather, Slim? Why is this little feather all he wants, huh?

Simple, you nit! It's the tail feather of Mel the Conqueror,

greatest hero of all time.

Right, Slim, right. I knew that.

And what do we do next, Slim, huh? What, huh?

How about a stretch in the state pen?

I am the terror that flaps in the night.

I am the metal key on the sardine can of justice.

I am...

(both) Darkwing Duck!

So, my reputation exceeds me.

Eradicate him, Flex.

Ooh! Whoa!

Why'd you go and throw away the goods, you nit?

I love this.

Oh, DW!

Uh-oh, Launchpad's in imminent danger,

and my strict moral code dictates

that a sidekick's life takes precedent.

Besides, good help is hard to find.

I don't like to throw my weight around,

but here's your daily requirement of iron, hero.

I'll save yo-ooou!

Come on, Flex. Let's go while the going's good, doll.

Uh, wouldn't happen to have a backup plan, would you, DW?

A true hero always has a great backup plan.

But sometimes they don't work.

(crash)

They escaped! Split, flew, hightailed it, got away clean.

However, as every crime-fighter knows,

the crook always leaves some clue behind.

And I haven't got the slightest idea where it is.

Uh, DW, you're closer than you think.

It's the barbell that barbarous baboon bashed me with!

I recognize that!

It's from Jock Newbody's

Hale and Hearty House of Health.

I think I'll pay the physically fit felons a visit...

undercover, in the guise of...

...Drake Mallard,

an average Joe looking to lose a few pounds.

Can't even risk taking along Launchpad.

No one, but no one, can know about my trip

to the Hale and Hearty House of Health.

(woman) Ooh, don't worry, Drake. Your secret's safe with us.

(Drake) The Muddlefoots.

Although it's no disgrace to want to get back into shape,

is it, Herb, dear?

Personally... (inhales)

...I wouldn't be caught dead at one of those flab-o-ramas.

But the little lady here...

Found this lovely three-for-one coupon.

Why, the deal we'll get is positively criminal.

Finish loading the luggage, Herb.

Yes, dear.

Oh, it's so nice of you to include us

on this wonderful idea, Drake.

All right, quiet, you nit! You wanna make him mad?

The man's 122 years old, right?

Well, we don't want to make him cranky, do we?

Now wake him up the way your mother used to.

Gently, caressingly.

OK, Slim. I can do that. Honest, yeah.

Wake up!!

What's the idea?!

You know I need 17 hours in my avocado and kiwi fruit bath!

Easy, Jock. One second of anger

takes ten minutes off your life.

(inhales/exhales) Peace in, anger out.

Boss, we got everything on your list.

Wonderful. At last I can begin.

So is it ready, Boss?

Yeah, Boss, is it ready? Huh, is it?

Not quite! I've waited years to complete this.

I've tried everything to extend my life,

and now I almost have it!

An elixir for immortality. A fountain of youth.

And it will be mine, as soon as I get one final ingredient.

What's that, Boss?

A single solitary feather from a true and pure hero.

Give me the feathered headdress from the museum.

Uh, uh... he couldn't get it! Couldn't get it?!

I'm all wrinkles, and you couldn't get me a simple little feather?!

I hate wrinkles!!

It wasn't our fault. Darkwing Duck was waiting for us.

Darkwing Duck?

Yeah, he seemed to know every move we were making.

I wouldn't be surprised if he followed us right here.

Really? Well, now that's different.

It is?

Certainly!

A feather from any hero will do, even a hero named Darkwing Duck!

How about a little song? (clears throat)

♪ 99 bottles of milk on the wall

♪ 99 bottles of milk...

I gotta find a new line of work.

Now, our son, Tank, he's always taking after his grandfather.

Here's a picture of the little guy, just six months old,

taking after his grandfather.

Good thing we got that hacksaw from him.

Gramps never did find his wooden leg.

(truck horn honking)

(Drake) Aah!

(Binkie) ♪ 98 bottles... 99 bottles of... ♪

Yeah, but, Slim, we're the bad guys.

Darkwing Duck's supposed to find us.

I know, I know! But if we don't get him for the boss,

we'll end up in a stew of our own. Now keep your eyes open.

He'll probably be in disguise.

And until such time as we know who he is,

we run the place normal-like. You get it?

(inhales deeply)

Oh, well, breathe that mountain air.

(inhales/snorts)

Yeah! It's not nearly so chunky as we got back home.

I didn't think it was possible, Flex,

but this butterball's at least as fat as you are stupid.

Ha-ha-ha. Yeah.

Ooh, you must be one of those pleasant little attendants

we read about in the brochure.

All right, you mealy-mouthed soggy sacks of birdseed,

fall in!

Maybe you should get a different brochure.

Come on, you slugs!

You people would give Moby Dick a run for his blubber.

Ooh, isn't this delightful, Herb, dear?

And aren't these the cutest wrist weights?

(grunting)

Whoo! Half a push-up, and I'm ready for a nice brisk nap.

See you back at the room, Binkster.

Oh! Rule number one!

Unauthorized cessation of exercise is strictly prohibited.

And I do mean strictly.

How we gonna figure out which one of these ducks is Darkwing Duck, Slim?

How? How?

By making sure everybody's where they oughta be

when they oughta be there.

And whoever ain't there is Darkwing.

One last joker to check on. Muddlefoot, Herb.

No, that's Duck. Darkwing Duck.

Darkwing... Duck? It's him!

Oh, oh, oh!

He's the one the boss said to get the feather from, ain't he, Slim?

Boss, eh? I didn't think you two were self-employed.

Incapacitate him, Flex!

Hate to beat and run,

but I think I'll pay your boss a visit.

Come on, Flex. We gotta get that feather.

Drat! I forgot to take off these stupid wrist weights.

No time now.

Where'd he go?

Over there!

But that's Muddlefoot, Herb.

Ow!

Darkwing Duck's a master of disguise, you nit. Let's get him.

A body can take only so much punishment.

I'm busting out of this joint.

(Flex) I've got him! I've got him!

(Slim) Ouch! That was me, you nit!

(Herb) Hey, what's the big...? Ouch!

Come on, Flex. Let's give this to the boss pronto-like!

Are these guys strict, or what? I've got to get outta here!

Hey, Slim, the boss is gonna be really happy when he sees this.

The boss, eh?

Now my investigation is nearly complete.

They'll lead me straight to him.

Geronimo!

Unless I get sidetracked by some stumbling suburbanite.

(screams)

(thud)

(growling)

Did I call that one? Hah! I did, didn't I?

Easy, boy. Easy!

Oops!

Hmm, guard dog.

Judging from its bared teeth and copious saliva flow,

he doesn't like being called d-u-m-b.

Hey! Watch where you're... The wrist weights.

The electric fence must have welded them together! We're stuck!

(snarling)

(barking)

Gaah!

Move it, Mr. Muddlefoot.

Never was too good at climbin'.

Back home, Binkie does the ladder work.

Later, Muddlefoot, later!

Come on, just get...

(dog bites) Yeow!

(screams)

(dog barking)

Hey, I'm not dead. It's a miracle!

I've waited a long time for this moment.

Now, finally, eternal youth will be mine!

(gulping)

Feel any younger, Boss?

(hiccups)

Ah, I feel like...

I feel like bowling.

You fools! You idiots!

You brought me the wrong feather!

Quickly! Get me that antidote!

I can't take another second in a body like this!

Whoo-ooh-ooh!

Get out there and get me the right feather!

So, anyway, it's election night at the lodge, you know,

and I'm running for president, see?

So, naturally I vote for myself...

12 times!

And still, I come in third.

Politics. Go figure.

Oh, have I mentioned my family yet - Binkie, Tank and Honker?

About 20 times in the last 2 minutes.

Oh, good. Well, then you're gonna love this story.

See, what it is...

Yeah, that's it, boy. Get their scent.

That's right.

(barks)

...and then one time, Binkie used double-coupons

and got three free cans of mackerel.

(dog growling) What was that?

Mackerel, it's a fish, sort of.

No, no, no, it's dogs. They've set the dogs loose on us!

We'll have to make a run for it.

I hope my little Binkie's OK.

She's probably worried sick about me.

Oh, my! Isn't this just wonderful?

Why, I haven't had a manicure since...

ooh, why, come to think of it...

(giggles)

...I've never had a manicure.

Having just survived one of the more nightmarish days of my entire life,

I feel I'm entitled to know...

what's going on here?!

You're about to find out. Slim, the feather.

Hey, what are you...? (screams)

Watch it, pal.

That's private property, and I do mean private.

Thank you, Darkwing Duck. This is just what I wanted.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'd kind of grown attached to it myself.

I'm sorry you had to know about this.

Of course, you'll have to die now.

No offense, Gramps,

but I can beat you with one of these tied behind my back.

Oh?

Ha! That's supposed to impress me, Jocko?

Ow! Whoo-hoo! Ow!

That stuff available over the counter?

You were saying something about beating me up?

Gaa, who, me? Ha-ha. Didn't quack a word.

I truly am sorry I have to kill you.

I'm not exactly thrilled about the prospect myself.

I do hope you understand.

You know about my youth elixir,

and I don't want anybody after it.

Not even my faithful retainers.

(Slim and Flex yelling)

You have a few last moments.

This bomb has a timer so I can load up the elixir and clear out.

This is madness, you know! You'll never get away with it!

Technically, he's already gotten away with it,

but I felt compelled to say something.

Oh, poor Binkie. Getting blown up

will put a real damper on her day.

(bomb ticking)

It doesn't have to happen, Herb. If you can do a sit-up,

I'll be able to reach the ropes.

A sit-up!

I couldn't do a sit-up if my life depended on it!

I case you've forgotten... it does!!!

Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.

(grunting)

Oh!

I was wrong! It does too hurt to try.

Just look at your stomach

and pretend you're reaching for a big, fat...

Bad choice of words.

Make that nice juicy hamburger!

Ugh! Sorry!

I'm no use to you, no use to Binkie.

No use to anybody!

Herb, think about Binkie. Do that sit-up for Binkie!

Binkie! I can't let Binkie down!

(grunts)

I did it!

And I hope I never have to do it again.

Come on, we've got to stop that old - young geezer!

Ha-ha! There's enough here to last me a lifetime!

Which, considering I'm now immortal,

could be quite a while!

Not so fast!

What?! I thought you were dead!

(laughs)

Oh, well, you're too late, boys. You can't stop me now!

Just watch me!

Hai-yahooey!

You forget, I'm not as old as I used to be!

Oh, this isn't quite what I had in mind.

Hey! Leave him alone!

Uh, Herb...

Whoa!

(coughs)

You great big meany, look what you did!

Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah!

That's what you get for goofing around with nature.

Yeah, and we're telling! (raspberry)

Keen gear! I'm free!

Now I'll fix you, you big bully!

(growls)

Ow! No fair! No fair! (sobs)

The whatchamacallit! The antidote.

I gotta get the antidote!

As soon as I drink this, I'll change back,

and then you'll be in big trouble, Duck!

How'd you get out of that locker?

I knew the combination, but it wont be so easy for you!

Don't worry about him. We'll get him later.

That elixir's ours now!

Cho-choo-choo-choo!

Comin' through!

My youth elixir, gone!

(cries)

It's no chocolate-malted, but drink this, Muddlefoot.

Someone's been a very naughty boy.

I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

I didn't! I didn't do it! I didn't do it!

Maybe by the time you're out,

you'll be old enough to vote... again.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Well, I just wanted to say...

Well, after that bit with the bomb there...

(stammers)

Well, uh, what I'm getting at is... (clears throat)

Thank you for saving my life, Herb.

"Thanks, Herb?" Darkwing Duck said thank you to me,

ordinary old Herb Muddlefoot?

Has a nice ring to it, don't it?

Ha-ha! Wait till Binkie hears this one. She'll never believe -

Oh! In all the excitement, I hope she's all right.

Pardon me, Miss, but I was looking for my...

Binkie?

Why, Binkie, you're purtier than

a four-cheese pizza at the Bowl 'n' Brie.

Oh, Herb. The things you say.

Ahem, we have company.

Mallard! Where you been, spud?

You're never gonna believe what happened to me today,

but we got a nice 13-hour drive ahead of us.

Herb... I can give every last detail.

Yeah! Boy, you can't begin to imagine what all went on.

See, it started out like this...

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck

♪ Darkwing Duck ♪