Original subtitles

This programme contains some scenes which some viewers may find upsetting from the start,

some violent scenes from the start and some strong language.

There are things they don't tell you.

Things you never even think about.

They never tell you how insulting the ordinary world seems

when you get home.

How you'll feel insulted even by your own memories.

You hate everyone who doesn't understand,

but you hate yourself as well,

because you didn't understand either.

Why didn't I appreciate ordinary life?

How could I not have realised how fragile it all was?

Put down the gun.

It's all right. It's OK.

Just take it easy.

Los dos y tres conmigo.

Vente. Vamos!

It's OK.

Put the gun down.

It's going to be all right now, I promise.

Mum!

It's OK, it's over.

It's over, it's over.

Guardia Civil! Manos arriba!

No se mueve! Guardia Civil! It's OK.

OK, we're unarmed. We're unarmed. Las manos arriba!

OK, OK. Suelte el arma!

OK.

Please, senor!

Senor! Abhi!

Show me your hands! Hands up!

No se mueva nadie! Hands up! Hands up!

Quietos! Al suelo! Necesitamos un medico en la cocina, ya.

Vamos!

This way. You're going to be safe now, darling.

Once you're out, find Kimberly, Adam and Jason.

Mum, we're safe now.

I have to go.

I love you. I have to help someone. All right, go!

Por favor.

Mummy!

Miriam!

- SHE SOBS - Oh, my darling! I've got you.

Oh, my God. You're OK.

Please register your name to the police. Point A.

You're OK.

Where's...

Where's Daddy? Where's Sunil?

It was really scary!

Ben, Jo said that you had Kim and Sunil.

Yeah, um...

Yeah, we, um... We got... We got separated.

What?

Iâl-I was helping someone else, Abhi, and I...

I turned round, they'd... They'd just vanished. I'm s...

No.

I'm sorry.

It's OK. We'll all look. We'll... We'll find them.

There were buses taking people away earlier. Maybe they'll be on there.

He's right.

Abhi, you go on. Go on the bus with the boys.

Iker?

Hey.

Just let me help him.

It's OK. It's all right. You... You can go.

Stay calm, OK?

Just...

Just take it easy.

Take it easy.

He's one of them? Yes.

You need to stop him. Follow him!

I'll be fine. Take the gun.

You hold on, OK? The police are in the building. Go, go!

All right? Yeah.

Go slowly. Thanks, Abhi.

Miriam...

..if those kids are still out there,

I've got to find them.

OK? Please, be careful.

Ben?

Ben! Amara!

Where is everyone?

I've lost Kim and Sunil. I need your help.

Right, you go and look in the village.

I'm going to check the waste ground again.

I'll come back here. Yeah. I'll meet you back here.

Kimberly!

Sunil!

Kim!

Hola, have you seen two children, a boy and a girl?

A girl with long hair?

Please.

Sorry.

Kim, Sunil!

Are you OK?

Argh!

Stop!

Put your hands up.

Put your hands up above your head!

Don't move.

Ben! Ben, stay back!

You, keep your hands up!

Ben!

Ben, move to... Move to the side, Ben! What?

Look, look. No, stop! No!

Hey! No, no! Stop!

SHOUTING IN SPANISH Stop!

Oh! OK, OK.

OK.

Suelte el arma. Quieta. OK, OK.

Manos a la cabeza. OK.

Quieta. He's... He's hurt.

OK. No, he's... he's... he's hurt. Vale.

Ben.

Ben.

Ben. HE BREATHES SHAKILY

No.

Ben.

I'm here. I'm here.

Ben, it's all right.

It's OK.

Ben, I'm here.

Ben?

Hare Rama Hare Rama

Rama Rama Hare Hare

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna

Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama

Rama Rama Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama

Rama Rama Hare Hare

Hare Krishna Hare Krishna

Krishna Krishna Hare Hare

Hare Rama Hare Rama...

Oh, there is going to be dancing, right?

Oh, yeah!

I need to let my hair down

after having Jason's entire family for Christmas.

Ah, there's Ben!

Aha! Aw!

I ordered you an extra hot, double shot gingerbread...

..argh! -Caramel, vanilla and something or other. I don't know!

Well, what a great idea. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Oh, so sweet.

Ah! So, New Year's Eve, our house, going all out.

Oh, you try and stop me!

You know, I knew we could count on you!

Thank you. I'll leave you to it. OK.

See you.

Yeah, there's plenty more where that came from.

And plenty of time to practise. Ha!

See you.

Mm.

I can't wait for Christmas.

Yeah.

Shall we stay in our dressing gowns all day?

Yeah, what, gravy all down the front of mine by nightfall?

Ugh! It's like living with an old bear!

You like bears! No...

..I love bears.

Mwah! Yeah! Yeah!

There you go.

Thanks.

Kimberly and Adam were a bit clingy this morning.

That's not surprising, really.

No.

Amara wants to go back to school.

I'd like her to have a bit more time off or

at least wait for some counselling, but she seems to want

to go back to some sort of normal as soon as possible.

Um...

Home in a few weeks, maybe. That's good, isn't it?

Well...

..the physio wants to see if I'm OK with stairs first.

She wants to see me do a clear week on just the stick, you know?

Well, maybe we could get you one of those, you know, chairs that...

A fucking stairlift?

No. No, thank you.

Shame, the way things turned out, isn't it?

If they'd have got me and Abhi...

..instead of Chinar,

that would have left the field clear, wouldn't it?

What's wrong with her? I don't know.

Sorry. They wanted to call the police.

I fucked everything up.

You're a hero, Jo. Whether you like it or not.

I don't want to be one!

I don't want to be a fucking hero!

It's my fault we were even in that hotel,

and there is nothing heroic about killing that boy.

It's going to take time.

Yeah.

You were in an impossible position out there.

A lot of people, including our daughter, were in a lot of danger.

You made a call.

Personally, I'm glad you did.

Meanwhile, in Spain, investigations have continued today

into what motivated the brothers to carry out such a horrific attack,

with the revelation that their father is currently in prison

serving an eight-year term for murdering their mother

when they were ten and 12 years old.

The elder of the two was already being investigated

following allegations of theft from the hotel,

where he had apparently threatened to kill staff... Mum?

Hey... during an altercation...

No, you don't have to.

How was it?

Adam was a bit clingy. The teacher came out.

Thanks, darling.

Sorry to ask you to do that again, I just...

You know, the mums. Yeah.

They all had a good look at us.

The novelty hasn't worn off yet.

You're going to have to face them at some point.

I'm off now.

Yeah, I said I'd help Abhi out.

Chinar's things came back this morning.

You still haven't rung her.

Or Miriam.

I thought you were going to. Yeah, no, I will. I just, um...

I've been busy, so...

I left my phone on charge. I'm going to grab it and go.

A further memorial service took place today

for another British victim of the attack.

Catherine Jameson was...

DOOR OPENS, SHE GASPS Oh!

Sorry.

Made you jump, eh?

Did you tell your mum where you're off to?

Yeah. I didn't tell her you were taking me, though.

How is she?

I don't know.

She asks me how you and Abhi are, you ask me how she is.

It's just...

Yeah, I know.

I guess we're all just finding it hard in different ways.

Mum!

Kim and Sunil are... Are safe.

They're with Amara.

I saw their names on the list.

They've been taken... They've been taken to another hotel.

We can go there.

What about Ben and Chinar? Where are they?

Um...

Jason's been...

..been badly injured.

They've taken him to hospital.

Jo?

Jo?

Jo?

You know you left the front door open?

Did I?

Look at this.

What is it with holiday clothes?

I've got loads of dresses and I still bought this one.

Why don't you let me do that?

No, it's OK.

Actually...

..this is the one I need you to do.

He was so efficient, you know?

His pass code's on that sheet.

His phone's in there.

I'm going to go downstairs.

Um, I want you to open his phone and...

..delete anything I wouldn't want to see and then not tell me about it.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

There'll be photos of me on there, the boys.

I don't want to lose all that, I just...

I don't want to see anything I don't want to see.

Are you all right?

Look, um...

..I'm not sure how you're going to feel about this.

I've got some news for you.

What?

I asked if I could be the one to tell you.

Who's that?

Is that my mum? What is that?

AMARA SHOUTING UPSTAIRS Amara...

That's Chinar's phone! What's going on?

Calm down. Look, Abhi asked me to do this, OK?

Did you know? No.

I'm out of here!

Miriam?

Is everything OK? What happened?

I thought you'd be pleased.

Well, I haven't got one, and I'm still a serving officer.

What is it?

You... You don't understand. I can't accept it.

You've got no idea.

You were fucking him!

For fuck's sake, Mum! You were shagging Chinar!

No! No, that's not true. You're a liar.

She was having an affair, Dad.

I've seen the photos - you in your swimsuit.

God, it was gross! No, that wasn't... That wasn't what happened.

And I suppose he would've deleted them, but he didn't get a chance to

because he got shot dead because of you! That's enough! Amara!

You know, you two have been through so much.

Oh, God, Dad, don't patronise me, not now!

Look, I came round here to tell your mum that she's going to be

recommended for a commendation from the Chief Constable

for what she did. Oh, great, now she's getting a fucking medal!

She saved lives, Amara!

Just leave it. Yeah, jog on, Dad.

I'm going to leave you two to it.

Jo, this isn't nothing, OK?

I need a cigarette. Fuck off!

This better have been good.

Careful, it's a bit damp.

You're such a mum.

Yeah.

Most of the time.

When did it start?

December.

The four of us were in a restaurant together and, um...

..my scarf fell off the back of my chair.

Chinar picked it up and put it back.

That's it? He picked up your scarf?

Yeah.

It was about the attention.

Jason would never even notice something like that.

Hey. Hiya.

There you go.

Thanks. That should shut them up.

You look great.

Thanks.

Do you want to... come in?

Um, no. No, I'm, um... I've got to get to the supermarket so...

Right.

Listen, this, um...

This holiday plan,

are you sure it's a good idea?

It's a great idea.

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I-I love it.

I just want to see the swimsuit.

I don't... Oh, God!

It'll be fun. Let's do it.

Say hi to them for me. Mm-hm.

Mum...

..that's not a reason to be texting someone else.

Amara, we weren't sleeping together, all right?

It was...

It was texts and it was...

It was picture messages.

Whatever it was, it wasn't an affair.

OK?

You really think it doesn't count just cos you weren't fucking him?

Wanting to, Mum - that's having an affair!

Miriam knows. She saw the pictures, too.

Abhi got Miriam to do a sweep of his phone.

God.

Oh.

I'll see who it is.

Oh, dear.

I...

I know I haven't been in touch. I've been...

..meaning to call.

Abhi, I...

I wish I could take it back.

I wish I could take it all back.

I-I wasn't... thinking about you.

I wasn't thinking about anybody, and...

And I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

You know, it was... It was just...

It was just flirting.

And stupid texts.

Mm-hm. I'll have to take your word for it, won't I?

Is this why we were all on holiday together?

Ah...

How could you be so fucking selfish?

Clearly you didn't think about me. Did you think about the kids?

Abhi, I swear... Oh, I don't want to know.

I don't want to think about it every time I think of him.

He's dead and...

..next to that, what you were or weren't doing is... trivial.

I'm not here to make you feel better about it. No, I know.

I know. I...

I do.

But if I...

If I hadn't chosen that place... Listen to me.

Nobody is responsible for what happened

except the men who chose to do it, do you hear me?

I won't have this stupid hierarchy of blame and suffering.

Did you know there was going to be an attack

when you booked that hotel? No.

Take responsibility for your own actions

and nobody else's.

She's right.

But you two, you were so brave, and no-one's talking about that.

That was a split-second decision. That's not bravery.

I'm brave now, Jo.

I'm brave every morning when I wake up and remember

that I'm the single mother of three young boys.

It's the pictures, isn't it?

They just come

any time, out of the blue, when you're not even thinking about it.

Well, have a nice time without me.

See you later.

Yeah.

The thing I keep going back to is filling my water bottle

to go to the pool...

..not realising that was the last moment of our lives...

..that was normal.

Yeah, OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

I can hear him sometimes with the boys.

Then it's gone.

You want to grab the rails? Right.

Nice and slow, no rush. Yep.

That's it.

I-If the stairs are too much,

we could move you downstairs just for a...

Oh, God, no, please... few weeks. No. Next to the dining table?

No.

Mind you, it would be a talking point for the guests, I suppose.

You know, you...

You're going to have to...

To help me.

I-I won't be able to guess.

I will.

I know things haven't... haven't been good between us, but...

But I'm here.

And I'm not... I'm not going anywhere.

I know. And I appreciate that.

Honestly, I do.

I want us... to help each other get through this.

Unless, that is, you're about to tell me that you

fell for one of your nurses.

No. God, no.

She was a right battle-axe!

Mind you, one of the consultants was...

..you know.

The attack didn't stop time.

Nothing can, of course.

It always moves forward, relentlessly.

And the only option is to move with it.

However hard that might be.

Ah, Mum, you look great.

Thanks, darling.

Do you want to wait in the car? I'll be out in a minute.

Mum! Mama!

Oh, you look so smart!

Hello. Hello, ma'am. How are you doing? Good.

Certainly. Thank you, ma'am.

Let us not forget that throughout this appalling incident,

Jo Cross risked not only her own life, but those of her family.

It takes a very special kind of courage

to tackle a determined gunman.

It takes truly exceptional courage to tackle them

while knowing your own family remain at risk.

As you've just heard...

..many years ago, I was a police officer.

And I couldn't be more proud...

..to be standing here today...

..with my former colleagues.

I don't deserve this commendation.

I killed a boy...

..out of fear for...

For my life and my daughter's life.

He may have been about to shoot us both.

But we'll never know because...

Because I killed him.

A boy died.

A lot of people died that day.

Um... SHE INHALES DEEPLY

Our friend Chinar died.

Our f...

Our friend Ben.

SHE CLEARS HER THROAT Excuse me.

I'd like to acknowledge just some of the people

who should be getting this commendation alongside me.

Miriam Alderton and Abhi Lasidoshi,

who were so brave and who both lost their husbands that day.

Mateo Rodrigues, who could have escaped at the very beginning,

but stayed to help other people

even though he didn't know if his own wife was safe,

and very nearly died from his injuries.

My husband, Jason.

His bravery doesn't have anything to do with shooting a gun.

It's about getting up in the morning day in and day out.

Like everyone who was traumatised

by this horrific event.

The hotel staff.

The other guests.

There are too many people to count.

So...

Thank you.

Thank you, all. I will accept this

on behalf of those people,

all the people who don't get awards,

but really do deserve them...

..just for living with memories...

..that no-one should have to live with.

Thank you.

Thank you, ma'am.

I tried to turn down the applause,

but that just got me more applause.

Because when people have decided that you're a hero,

it turns out anything you do just makes you more heroic.

Why is there no applause for the day-to-day stuff, I wonder.

All the stuff we do all the time.

Where's the commendation for that?

Here you go. Thanks.

Adam, Gatik, can you bring some plates through, please?

One...

..two...

..three.

Done.

Come on, Miriam. Your turn.

Oh, no, um... Amara, she's cold.

No, she's not. Come on.

Hey, come here.

Mm, she's a good hugger, this one.

Thank you, darling.

Thanks for coming.

I hear your speech went down a storm.

Yeah, I, um... went off-piste a bit.

Not sure they'll want me back now.

What, you're going back to being a police officer?

Yeah, I think so.

Haven't decided yet.

Sorry.

Time to stop apologising, maybe.

You know the thing I still struggle with?

You were with Ben when he died

and I wasn't.

It hurts that it wasn't me.

Right, you lot,

plates to everyone first and then hand out the sandwiches.

Is he having a sad day today?

Yeah, darling, he is.

I'll get him some cake.

Well? Hey.

So what's the Chief Constable saying?

She wants me to go in next week for a meeting.

You've wanted to go back for years.

Yes.

It's like you said - I've got to do it for the right reasons.

Come here.

Hey. Oh, thank you, darling.

How are you feeling?

Yeah.

Yeah, OK.

There's no denying that everything's different now.

There's no such thing as getting back to normal.

But somehow, you find a way.

And, for me, that means no more excuses.