Original subtitles

[♪]

MAN: Extra! Read all about it!

[NEWS VENDORS SHOUTING]

[TYPEWRITER CLACKING]

Where are those pictures of that movie star?

I have those new photographers on the job, Mr. Wilson.

Yeah? What's their names?

Click, Clack, and Cluck.

What'd you send them for? Well, sir, you--

I didn't say anything of the kind!

Yes, sir.

Click, Clack, and Cluck.

Just one! Just one!

[GRUNTING] Oh!

Oh, my public.

Darling. Sweetheart.

Have you forgotten all your other wives?

Completely. Except on alimony day.

But this is Weddingsday.

Ah.

[MOE GRUNTS] Ooh!

[LARRY GRUNTS]

Oh, darling, this is the supreme moment.

Oh!

[MRS. DE PUYSTER SCREAMS]

Aah! What is it? What--?

It's a man!

[STOOGES SCREAM, CRASH]

PERCIVAL: I was gonna faint.

Ow! Hey!

What is this? Put the lights on!

Put the lights-- Where am I? What's happening? What is this? Put the lights on!

Put the lights-- Where am I? What's happening?

Hey! Help!

Aah! Help!

Help!

Nitwit. What happened?

Oh, Percival, you think of everything.

Ha-ha. Just a little surprise, dear.

I hope you like it.

Ohh!

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck...

Hold it.

I got it. Nyuck, nyuck!

Why--

Thanks.

You missed me, nyah!

[MUFFLED GRUNTING]

[GROANS]

How long has that been in the soup, froghead?

About, uh-- Hey.

What's the idea of the three watches?

That's the way I tell time. How do you tell the time?

This one runs 10 minutes slow every two hours.

This runs 20 minutes fast every four hours.

The one in the middle is broken and stopped at 2:00.

Well, how do you tell the time?

I take the 10 minutes on this one,

and subtract it from the 20 minutes on that one. Heh.

Then I divide by two in the middle.

Well, what time is it now?

Oh, uh, 10 minutes to 4.

Mm, so it is.

Ooh! Ooh!

[WHINING]

[BARKS]

Ohh!

Hey, wait a minute. I can't find the negative.

How about the positive?

I'm positive about the negative,

but I'm a little negative about the positive.

Oh, negative, eh?

No, I'm positive the negative is in the developer.

Your brains need developing.

Ooh! Ooh!

[GURGLING]

Ooh. Hey, fellas, I'm lost.

Why, you numskull.

[YELLING]

[GASPING]

What happened?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Hey, what's holding up that picture?

MOE: Here we come.

There you are, boss. What a picture.

We always bring them back alive.

What is this?

Hm. Six for the price of one.

You dimwit. You forgot to turn the winder. How?

Like this. Ooh!

WILSON: Clear out of here. You're fired!

Wait, boss. Every photographer we've sent to Vulgaria

to get a picture has been shot. So what?

What can we lose if we send them?

Say, I think you got something there.

I've changed my mind.

There's a boat leaves for Vulgaria at 6:00,

and you're gonna be on it.

Vulgaria! Vulgaria!

[CHANTING] Viva Vulgaria!

A-veevo! A-vyevoe! A-veevo-vyevoe-vum!

Bum kitta ratka Pitta patta kat kat!

Rah rah rah, Vulgaria! Yahoo!

Whoo! Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Take your picture, mister?

No, no, no! Read the sign. Read the sign.

We ain't gonna park here. We just wanna take pictures.

Hold it. Aah!

Oh, camera shy. Hm.

What's the matter with everybody in this town?

I think we better take a pan shot of the buildings

or get something around here.

And for taking pictures in Vulgaria,

you are sentenced to be shot.

Hut!

What are you doing?

Ohh! Mmm!

Oh, boy. A parade.

Let's get some pictures of it.

Wait a minute, buddy. We wanna shoot a picture.

You look important. Stand in the middle. What?

You're covering the fella.

What are you doing? Wait.

Tilt your head. You're shading your face.

I got an idea. Put this gun to his head.

LARRY: Hold it. Oh, no.

That man shoot pictures. Now we shoot him. LARRY: Hold it. Oh, no.

That man shoot pictures. Now we shoot him.

An execution.

Can we shoot a picture of it? Yeah.

You shoot the picture, and we shoot you.

Thanks.

STOOGES: Nyuh-uh-uh!

[SOLDIERS GRUNTING]

ALL: Nyah!

Aah! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey, buddy, open this, will you?

Attention!

You got nothing to worry about, boys.

They can't shoot us.

SERGEANT: Aim! Fire!

CURLY: Mm!

Ah, ah. Wait a minute.

This ain't according to rule 27 of international law.

LARRY: We're supposed to have a last request.

Yeah, this is request night.

What do you request?

How about a last smoke?

All right. But when the smoke is finished, so are you.

MOE: Gee, thanks.

[GASPS]

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

[SOLDIERS SNORING]

[SNORING]

[CURLY COOS]

Attention!

Attention! Attention!

Attention!

Ready,

aim...

MOE: Hey, wait a minute!

Come on. What did you go to sleep for?

Mm! Come on, come on.

[BOTH PUFFING AIR]

Ha-ha-ha! Stop it. I'm ticklish.

A fine time to get ticklish.

MOE: Come on. LARRY: Puff harder.

BOTH [IN UNISON]: Heave ho. Heave ho.

Heave ho! Heave ho...

[GAGGING]

Hey, fellas, I swallowed it.

When? On the "ho."

Well, heave! Oh!

Heave! Oh! MOE: Heave!

Ready...

Aim, fire.

Oh, fire. Fire some more. Fire.

Oh, look.

[GUNSHOTS]

[STOOGES YELLING]

Colonel, this is our new invisible ray.

We can point it at any gun, and the gun goes off. Poof!

Well, proceed with the poofing.

Yes, sir.

With that poofer,

we can shoot the enemy before they shoot us.

Colonel, there are three spies

taking pictures on the grounds.

Spies?

[DOOR CLOSES]

Nobody in here. Come on.

Hey, look at the tricky gun.

If we only had our cameras, we could take a picture of it.

Oh. Look at that big camera.

Get in front of the gun, and I'll take your picture.

Okay.

[CURLY CHUCKLES]

What a tricky camera. But I'll get it.

Smile, fellas.

Be sure to get us in.

Stand close together. Ready?

Let her go.

Watch the birdie.

What happened?

"What happened?" I'll murder you. No!

I'm gonna tear you limb from limb.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

You ain't got time. I hear footprints.

Nyuh-uh-uh.

[CRASHING]

I thought the shots came from here.

There's no one here now.

Maybe I can get a report on the radio.

[PUFFS]

This radio must be dead.

Maybe a tube's burned out. Look in the back.

SOLDIER: It's funny. It worked all right a minute ago.

[PLAYING POLKA MUSIC]

[TEMPO QUICKENS]

We must have a foreign station.

[IMITATES XYLOPHONE]

[IMITATES HARP]

Stop that music.

Yes, sir.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

It's on every station.

Get the news.

Yes, sir.

CURLY [IN DEEP VOICE]: Calling all cars. Calling all cars.

Be on the lookout for three photographers.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] They ain't in here.

I wonder where they are.

CURLY: Well, pal, you got me.

The last time I saw them,

they were running east on Main Street,

or maybe it was west.

For that matter, I'm not sure it was Main Street.

It might have been three other guys.

[CHUCKLES]

You know, I'm a stranger here in town,

and I-- Hah-cha-cha!

Nyuh-uh-uh! Arf!

There he goes. There he is.

[ALL SHOUTING]

[IMITATES XYLOPHONE]

Aah!

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck-- Uh.

Hm.

[GROWLS, BARKS]

Aah!

[RINGING] Mm!

Hey, eats. What are we waiting for?

I ain't waiting.

[CRASH, MAN GRUNTS]

Hm! Ha-ha.

Get out of the way.

Today we got raw oyster stew. What'll you have?

Oyster stew. Ha-ha.

Hm. Nyuck, Nyuck, nyuck.

Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

Aah, aah, aah!

Mm.

[LIQUID SLOSHING]

[YELLS]

Yowwww!

[BARKS]

[TEETH CLANKING]

[HUMS]

[LAUGHING]

Yaah! Aah!

[WHINES]

[POP]

[LIQUID FIZZING]

That's all--

[YELLING]

Hm!

There you are.

Are these oysters fresh?

We just dropped them in.

Oh, thank you.

Nyuh-uh!

Hm.

Eeeyah! Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Aah!

Hm!

[GROWLS]

Hm!

[CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

[HUMMING]

[WHINES]

Heh.

[HUMMING]

[WHINING]

Mm.

Heh? Ha?

[CHUCKLES]

Aah! Mm!

[BARKING]

[WHINING]

[WHINING]

Oh! Aah!

[WHINING]

[SNAPS] Hm!

Nyuck, Nyuck, nyuck.

[CHUCKLES]

[OYSTER SNAPS] [LAUGHING]

[GRUNTING]

Nyuh-uh-uh-uh!

Hm.

Oh.

Pepper. Ha-ha-ha.

[LAUGHS]

CURLY: Nyuck, nyuck. [OYSTER SNEEZES]

Gesundheit. [OYSTER GROANING]

Nyuck, nyuck-- Ergh!

[WHINING]

Hey! Cut that out, you!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Hey, stop that!

Cut that out!

[GUNSHOTS NEARBY]

[MEN SHOUTING NEARBY]

That's them.

MOE: Let us down out of here.

LARRY: Take it easy. CURLY: Nyuh-uh-uh-uh!

Woo, woo, woo!

Hey, look out with that knife there.

[♪]