Original subtitles

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And King peoples,anting,

Their promise to cylinder

In my prevailing

money is the

strength is self

And they will surprise

We are all

belongs to

November the 23rd.

And a week when, thanks to my skill and enthusiasm, our immortality has been assured.

When my name and that of my friends has been writ large in the great history of this nation of ours.

Not of course that they appreciated it.

Who? Certainly not at first.

And I have other things to do.

But boring things, Badger. Boring things.

Necessary things. Necessary things are boring things.

And I thought you'd given up that ridiculous motorbike.

I have given up that ridiculous. It was not ridiculous, but I have given up that ridiculous.

Badger, what are you talking about?

Your cap's on back to front.

My ca-oh.

Yes, yes, Badger. That's how we film makers. We're our caps.

So that we can see through the...

There's a thing which you can see through, you see.

Which in this case is you?

Exactly.

I can see through you, Toad.

I can see another craze, twitching and bubbling and boiling inside you.

My film making is not a craze.

I have at last found a career worthy of my talents, of my imagination of my creative instincts.

A career?

A nine days wonder.

Badger.

Not me, Toad.

Find someone else to start in your movie and picture.

I'm far too busy.

Star?

I wasn't asking you to start.

I mean, to say we have a star.

Yes, don't tell me.

Let me guess.

It's...

Oh.

All right, then I'll just get someone else.

Sure.

And it is absolutely monom

the only thing.

Oh, yes.

Yes, I'm sure it is.

Nine millimetres into sprockets, you know?

Goodness.

And it has a governor, a thing in the, you know, the what's it?

Oh, my.

Oh, yes.

Just loading the film.

And you peer through the, the you, find us, and then you crank the handle.

Action!

Can't!

I'm sorry, Toad.

I didn't quite see what, um, the other thing.

I didn't quite see what, um...

What?

What, what?

What do you want me to do?

No one's you to do anything.

Or cut.

What?

No, no, no.

Not you, not that.

No, that's what we film makers say when we start filming, you see?

This is we shout.

Action!

Goodness.

Yes.

And then when we want to stop, you see, you have to say...

CUT!

Toad.

Yes?

Why do you have to shout?

Shout!

Well, because...

Because...

Well, it's, it's what we do, so...

I see.

Anyway, you'll be in it.

Oh, Toadie, I, I, I can't.

What?

No, no, I, I can't really.

I mean, I, I've got other things to do.

I think to do, yes.

Well, I have to be ready for winter.

Oh, poo to the winter.

But toad.

And poo to you too.

Never mind, I shall get someone else.

Hello, Toad.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, there I am.

It's not stopping.

I'm in a short, short, short, short, short, short, short, short.

It was of that noble tree.

See?

I was filming.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, there I am.

I might as well stop now in a short, short, short, short.

What was the short, Toad?

It was of that noble tree.

See? I was filming.

I was filming its, its nobility.

Oh, it doesn't seem to be doing very much.

Doing them?

Of course it isn't doing that.

It's a tree.

Ah, you're waiting for the wind.

Yeah, no, I am not waiting for the wind.

Why should I be waiting for the wind?

Well, I thought the idea of moving pictures was to have pictures that move.

No.

Ha ha ha ha.

How very nice.

Peaches and...

Well, it's my rotten, so-called friends had agreed to be my film.

I would have had pictures that move.

Oh, sorry, Toad, but we all have a lot to do before the winter sets in.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

I mean, if you'd asked us in spring, we'd have been glad to help.

No, brilliant.

Wonderful.

I didn't have a camera in the spring, did I?

Anyway, it really doesn't matter.

I've got a cast now.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, no.

Well, I didn't want to say too much at this stage, but...

Oh, God, Heather.

Stars of the West End.

Well, not necessarily.

But big names.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, my.

Oh, Toad.

Oh, yes.

Mr. Toad, what we hear, Mr. Toad?

Oh, look, really, I don't think that...

Really, too, rehearse, Mr. Toad.

Yes.

Oh, shut up.

I never spoke.

Oh, by the way, Toad.

Yes.

You've got your hat on back to front.

I have not got my hat on back to front.

I have not got my hat on back to home.

So, have we got it quite clear now?

Um, yes, it's quite clear now. Thank you.

Alice is the poor orphan girl, and I am the wicked landlord who is going to throw her out into the snow.

Mr. Toad?

Yes.

I thought you were the handsome hero who comes to her rescue.

Yes, I am the handsome hero who I was coming to that.

Yes, Mr. Toad.

Thank you.

Now, I am the...

Sorry, Mr. Toad.

I am the villain and the hero.

What we call doubling in the acting business.

And, of course, I have the director and the cameraman.

Oh, yes, indeed.

You, Alice, are the trembling heroine.

Yes, Mr. Toad.

And you really are the assistant to the cameraman, the property man stage manager,

she poured a head of lighting and anything else that's too boring.

That, uh, mean I am too busy to manage, right?

Um, I don't know, Mr. Toad.

Yes, of course you do.

Now, let's get on with it.

Scene 1.

Little orphaned patience is cast out of her home by the wicked landlord.

Yes.

Come on.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Now, you go into the house and when I shout,

Action! You come out of the house, you're weeping,

and I follow telling you to leave at once.

You got it?

Yes, Mr. Toad.

Hmm.

Good.

Good.

Right, Billy.

You may start to crank the camera as we film makers say.

One thousand, two thousand, three thousand, right?

Right, Mr. Toad.

Good.

Here goes it.

Turn over.

One thousand, two thousand, three thousand.

Here I come, Ellie.

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Oh!

Action!

Five thousand!

Oh!

Leave this house forever!

Oh, I say into the cold, cold snow.

Please, Mr. Toad.

Go!

There isn't any snow, Mr. Toad.

I know there it go.

Cat, cat, cat, cat!

Oh, I say, out into the cold!

Cold!

Cold!

No, no, Alice!

You're supposed to run off over come by emotion.

You look like someone's panning in hot water.

Cut, cut!

Look, let's try again.

Alice?

Alice, Alice, look!

There's no need.

Oh!

Alice!

Oh!

Tret!

Out, I say, out into the cold, cold!

Cold!

Cut!

Not bad, Billy.

I suppose.

How was that for the camera?

Oh, no!

We didn't have a camera man!

Actually, I wish you had a camera.

I wish you had a camera man.

I wish you had a camera man.

I wish you had a camera man.

I wish you had a camera man.

No, we didn't have a camera man.

That's what I'd be trying to do, Mr. Toad.

Oh, yes, yes, Billy.

Yes, but you wouldn't listen.

Yes, yes, thank you, Billy.

So I worked the camera and someone else would have to be patient, Mr. Toad.

No, I'll work the camera and someone else will have to play the Wicked Landlord.

But I don't like wearing a frock.

Well, you Johnny will have to cause this no one else you can.

Where am I going to find a Wicked Landlord?

Hello, Mr. Toad.

Chief!

Hand your assistant!

Oh, well, well, well, well, well.

And I'm only telling you what I heard, Badger.

Extraordinary.

Still, I can't think of anyone better to play the villain than the Chief Weasel.

No, no, he does have the qualifications.

But that awful henchman has the little orphan girl.

I say Badger.

How are your preparations for winter coming on?

Oh, just about done.

I think I'm ready for the worst.

Why?

Well, I've all but done too.

And no, virtuous fellow, finished last week.

Oh.

Oh, yes.

So you're suggesting that we should...

Take a look at the filmmaker at work.

Yes.

Oh, I say.

Do let's...

Right.

Stand by.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Action.

Oh, what is the matter with them?

What are they?

Hello.

Hello.

Action.

And here's another.

Right, Chief.

Ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

He's shouting action again.

Well, he's getting action anyway.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

I think he's coming.

Alright, I'll be there.

Right, sir.

Go on, scobber.

Hello.

Ha ha ha ha.

How would you shout action?

Mr Toad.

Of course I'd say action.

I've been shouting myself blue in the face.

Oh.

Oh, we didn't hear you, Mr Toad.

Very sorry, Mr Toad.

Yeah, very sorry, Mr Toad.

We was absorbed in our work.

Huh, won't we?

Absarmed.

Yes.

Oh.

Shall we try again?

Back inside police.

Would you mind saying within, Mr Toad?

I have a dislike of the word inside.

Mm?

Alright.

Back within police.

Yeah.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Right, stand by me.

Right, Mr Toad.

Stand by, Cass.

Stand, Evie Boy.

Claire, Rick.

One thousand, two thousand.

And action.

Hello, Toad.

Hi, Toad.

Hi, Toad.

Look, look, look.

Ready to ruin my picture.

Well, we've got something for you.

I don't want anything.

I just...

That you're a molar coming.

They've got you a weasel.

Aye.

A weasel.

And the weasel has a barrow.

Yeah, and the barrow toad is full of, erm, swag.

A barrow?

He said he was a property man toad for the film.

But it's stolen property, toad.

Why, you, the bono.

How do you...

Mr Toad, do you want us or no?

Oh, yes, Chief Weasel, you're certainly wanted.

Mr Badger.

Oh, oh, Rick.

Oh, Coughton.

Action!

Gah, gah!

Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Yeah, he's flipping every cow.

Hurry up, hurry up!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Aah!

Coughton!

Orcow!

Action!

Action!

Oh!

Oh!

So I thought you see, Badger, that I'd make a scream by just slapping a coat of white paint on the old family portrait.

I watch.

Yes, yes.

Oh, make a jolly good scream.

Oh, Toad, you can't.

Toad, I forbid you to...

Your father.

Toad, you're right.

What's the matter with the fella?

It was a joke, Badger.

No, no, no.

I knew you'd get all aerated.

Oh, Todie.

Who wouldn't dream of painting it?

Oh, Toad.

I know, I know.

Jolly, good weeds.

But what are you going to make a scream from, Toad?

Oh, I'm going to hang a sheet over the dear old chap.

Paint it white.

You should've seen all these, Badger.

And so, in conclusion...

Go back, Simon.

Oh.

In conclusion, I invite you to watch one of the miracles of our age unfold before your eyes.

You're here, the piano ready?

More than red.

Good than the lights.

Music.

And...

Action.

Oh, no.

Oh, I see.

I'll give you the cold, cold, cold.

Oh, no.

Oh, no.

I'll give you the cold, cold, cold.

I am an orphan.

Spare me.

Oh, read.

Oh, that's not supposed to mean it.

Oh, crap!

Oh!

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, da-da!

Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Oh, no, you don't.

And the war will be mine.

No, foresee where my loved one comes.

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Oh, da-da, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Oh, no!

You know, Mo, for all his failings,

Toad has worked a little magic here tonight.

It's wonderful, strange to think that when we're gone,

we'll be preserved forever on a little strip of film,

that little of who we were and what we did,

and who we'll be remembered when we have gone.

Oh, oh, oh, oh!

Ha, ha, ha!

But never made that Oxford no war was to be new,

but none of them no half as much intelligent Mr. Joe.

The animals have hit the armpits,

and tears in torrents of load.

Who was it said there's land ahead?

Miss detail!

The world has held eight heroes as his people's head of jail,

but never a name went down to fame compared with that of Toad.

Intelligent Mr. Joe encouraging Mr. Joe.