All language subtitles for The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs S25E01 Freeway REPACK 1080p WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-BFM_track3_[eng]

-♪ Hey, everybody,
have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town

♪ He's over at the drive-in,
hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies,
so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties,
boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time
with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with
the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪

[Static crackles]

-Hey, I'm Joe Bob Briggs,
and it's time for

"Joe Bob's Very Violent
Valentine."

A trip into the dark caverns

and crevices
of the sexual imagination.

In other words, it's time
for our annual

Valentine's Day double feature.

And to help us out
with that is the woman

who actually has a website
called Kinky Horror.

Our very own
Darcy the Mail Girl.

Come on out, Darcy.

[Cheering]

Wow, that is a Little Red
Riding Hood statement

if I've ever seen one.
All right.

Are you ready to get depraved?

-Always.
-All right.

How did you come up with
that name in the first place?

Kinky Horror?

-Oh, well, I covered sex
and horror on my site,

so it kind of made sense.

-All right, well, then
you're the expert for tonight

because we're showing
a couple of movies

that go deep into
the black hearts of people

who combine sex and violence
in extremely unhealthy ways.

The first movie should
be called "Never Trust Men",

and the second movie should
be called "Never Trust Women."

And in both cases,
it's people who get turned on

by blood, gore,
and carnal destruction.

-Ooh, you're making me
hot, baby.

-[Laughs] Okay.

I know that about you.
All right.

It's been a while
since we've done a show.

Are you keeping those orgies
organized in LA?

-[Laughs] You know it.
What you been up to?

-I watched
"Killers of the Flower Moon."

-You're just now
getting around to that?

I thought you were, like, a
really big Martin Scorsese fan.

-No, I mean,
I went on opening day,

and then the movie was finally
over yesterday, you know?

So, yeah.

-Good one.

-I mean, I admire
creative decisions,

and Scorsese is the best
when it comes to,

like, imaginative use
of violence,

but trying to do poisoning
in real time,

you know, I mean,
by the third hour

you're going, "Is she dead yet?"

You know, because
Leonardo DiCaprio is

pissing everybody off because he
can't kill his wife fast enough

to make the movie be over.
Anyway --

-So you're not a fan?
-No, no, I'm a fan.

I'm always a fan
of Scorsese's movies,

but it's one of those movies,
like, you know,

like "Gandhi"
or "Malcolm X",

you know, like like, yeah,
great movie, outstanding.

One of the outstanding
achievements in cinema.

I will never watch it again.

-[Laughs] Word.

-Okay, so I thought before
we got into the first movie,

which is a great film
called "Freeway."

-Yeah.
-From 1996.

One of the most twisted,
perverted, and beautiful

serial killer flicks
in cinematic history.

-Agreed.
-Before we get into that,

I thought we would go
over my list.

And you're the expert,
so you tell me where I'm wrong.

-Okay.
-But I have made a list

of the 10 most perverted types
of sex practiced by humankind.

This is Kink-A-Rama 2024.

And behind each of these squares
is a word,

just a single word
describing the kink

that will set
your synapses on fire.

That's why we're not revealing
the words right away.

So -- And we're not judging.
We're not judging.

-Never.
-If you're into

any of these things,

we hope you just wear
a helmet, you know?

But anyway, we're going to do
a "Last Drive In" survey

of bedroom kinks, and the only
ones I'm leaving out are

the ones so gross that you need
actual medication

from just talking about them.

And you know exactly which ones
I'm talking about, right?

-I do.
-Okay.

Now, remember when
the Boulet Brothers

were on the show?
-Yes, I do.

-We had the
Boulet Brothers on the show,

and I asked them
for the wildest thing

that ever happened
to him on stage,

and they told a story
that left everyone in shock.

[Laughs]

You remember that?
-Yes, I do.

-Okay, so none of those, none
of those particular kinks.

And I also didn't want to do
any kinks that were so dangerous

that somebody -- our audience
will do many things.

So I didn't want somebody
in our audience

trying it and ending up
like David Carradine,

you know, naked with a rope
around his whangdoodle...

-Aw!
-...hanging from a closet door

in a Bangkok hotel room
or whatever.

-That was so sad.

-Well, who knows
if it was sad.

I mean, he might
have been very happy.

You know, that's
the thing about kinks.

So safety first. All right?

-I feel like you should
have a disclaimer.

Tell people not to do that.

-No, don't do that
David Carradine thing. No.

-Yeah, no, ropes to your penis

and hang yourself
in the closet door...

-Yeah. Don't do that.
-Joe Bob says no.

-No, no penis roping.
-Okay, continue.

-But I don't want to get letters
from penis ropers. Anyway --

-It's also fine if you want to,
but we're not suggesting it.

-But don't do anything
that could cut off

the blood supply to the brain.
Let's start with that.

Or the blood supply
to the little brain.

So okay. Oh, we're already
in too deep.

-I know, man, this is not
gonna end well.

-We're going to start with an
easy one. All right?

-Okay.

-The first one is podophilia.

You're thinking pedophilia.
It's not pedophilia.

-Okay.
-Podophilia, okay?

And I've never
quite understood this one.

It was a pretty popular fetish.

And this is the foot fetish.
Okay?

You have a romantic dinner
on Valentine's Day.

You wear shoes that show
a little extra foot.

[Laughs]
-[Meows]

-And then when you
get back to the room,

you start slathering spit
on those tootsies,

if you know what I mean,
and I think you do.

So, no, so, Darcy, how weird
is this one? How weird is it?

-That is not weird at all.
It's really common.

There's even a website
called wikiFeet.

-WikiFeet?
-For this whole thing.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-What do you have to do
to get a place on Wikifeet?

-I don't know, I think people
just put your picture up

and say, "Hey, there's feet."

Because I'm on it, and I didn't
sign up for it.

-Really? Your feet have been
judged wiki wonderful

on Wikifeet?

-I mean, I guess so.

From what I understand,
it's because my second toe

is longer than my big toe,

and some people think
that's hot.

-Really? So...
-No judgment. Thank you.

-No, no, no, I'm thinking --

So the foot fans go, "Get a load
of that protruding metatarsal.

You don't see those very often."

-I mean, something like that.
Yeah.

-Okay.
-And arches.

People love arches.
-Okay.

-Whatever.
-What's the ideal way

to share your feet
if you have an admirer?

I'm assuming strappy high heels
would be at the heart of it.

-I mean, that's definitely one.
There are many ways.

Like, as many as your mind
can imagine.

-All right.
-Yeah.

-And if both of the lovers would
be into extremity worship --

Can I call it that,
extremity worship?

-Yes, you may.

-Or hell, maybe you get together
an orgy of barefoot sex maniacs

with recent pedicures, you know?

And I assume you could get into

all kinds
of interesting positions

giving access to the assorted
flippers and piggies down there.

Right?
-Flippers and piggies?

-Well, twinkle toes, whatever.

I'm imagining this dog pile
of comely arches

and practiced toe wiggles.

-I think you might have
set some people off with that.

I don't think it usually
gets that elaborate.

-Well, it should,
because this is Fetish Night

on "The Last Drive In."

We're going to
go into this stuff,

and if you want to show off
your fetish cosplay,

please do send us the photos,
because Darcy will be here

all night answering
the e-mails and tweets.

-I'm excited for this.
-TikToks.

You got to be careful
on TikTok, though,

because they're not
big on sexual stuff.

And maybe we'll share
some freaky funky

Valentine's dress up material.

-Yes, please do that.
That's awesome.

-Be sure to specify the name
of your kink, though,

because we might not
recognize it right away.

You could be practicing,
you know,

double reverse hiney strapping,
and we might mistake it

for kitchen table utensil
insertion or something.

-Wow.
-Wait a minute. Uh...

-What?

[Beeping]

Okay. Um, for many legal reasons
that I don't understand,

we do not want you sending any
kink cosplay to Shudder tonight.

Um, do not send us
any wild, kinky photos

of kinky stuff that you do.

-[Whispers] Send it.
-Don't send it.

-I was mistaken. All right.

There are literally
millions of kinks.

In fact, I would go so far
as to say there's nobody alive

who does not have a kink, right?

Even if your kink is acceptable
to the Catholic Church.

You know, and actually,
the Catholics are strange

because they invented
the term "missionary position."

You know, that comes
from Catholic teachings.

But then they're pretty much
the kinkiest of all religions.

And you know how we know that?

You know how we know
Catholics are kinky?

-Because I was raised Catholic.

-No, no, because we know that

because of those Italian
sex comedies from the '70s.

Italy was the most Catholic
country in the world

when those movies
were being made.

And there was -- in
every one of those movies,

there's a priest or a nun
or a cardinal

in every one of them.

And usually doing something
that could get you into

lifetime lock up
in the protective custody unit

of the supermax.

So, and anyway, speaking
of nasty, violent kinksters,

our first movie tonight
is everybody's favorite

sexual predator fairy tale,
Little Red Riding Hood.

-Whoo!
-Except Red is an abused,

illiterate schoolgirl
whose crack ho hooker mama

gets hauled off to prison
on the same day

that her meth head pedophile
step-dad violates his parole,

causing little Vanessa
to be threatened

with one more trip
into the foster care system,

resulting in an escape
from custody,

followed by a long trip
up Interstate 5

to find the grandma
in Stockton, in a trailer,

who doesn't know
that Vanessa exists.

Sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it
with Brooke Shields

as the Karen wife
of a serial killer

who ends up having to take care
of his colostomy bag?

I think not.

Let's look at those
Drive In totals and get started.

We have six dead bodies,
one horribly maimed body,

one radical colectomy,
prison matron strangulation

and head stomping,
self-inflicted brain blasting,

multiple Grand Theft Auto,
one step-dad beatdown,

one jerk cop beat down,

one prison mama beat down,
one drive by,

one lesbian prison makeout
session, one porno mountain.

Multiple street hookers.

Pistol whipping, guard slicing,
neighborhood assassination.

Perverted sexual predator
cartoon title sequence.

Kitchen utensil shiv making.

Naked pervert trunk stuffing.
Grandma abuse.

Gratuitous stuffed giraffes.
Pigtail fu. Upchuck fu.

Drive In Academy Award
nominations for Michael T. Weiss

as Larry, the step-dad from hell
in a spaghetti strap T-shirt,

who says, "Me and your mama

spent the whole day in line
getting rent vouchers."

Bokeem Woodbine as the gang
affiliated boyfriend

with a heart of gold.

Reese Witherspoon from the days

when she was still
doing drive in movies,

who yells, "Come on over and
ruin my life again real soon!"

to the cop who calls
Child Services.

And, "You're not even going
to speak to me,

Mr. Oink-man," to the cop
who arrests her.

And, "Look who got beat
with the ugly stick,"

to the man she shoots
in the head.

Amanda Plummer as Ramona,

the mama who propositions
an undercover cop

and has to be hogtied
in the cop car

because she can't
get her methadone.

Conchata Ferrell
as Miss Streets,

the foster care policewoman
who drives

an ugly old green station wagon
that becomes the getaway car.

Kiefer Sutherland
as Bob Wolverton,

the school counselor turned
I-5 killer

who says, "You're going
to have to trust me.

You're going to have
to let me in."

Brittany Murphy as Rhonda,
the pervy cellmate

who says, "Only the shooters
wear them orange murder suits."

Brooke Shields as the vengeance
seeking wife who says,

"My husband has been
permanently disfigured.

He's unable to have
sexual relations."

Alanna Ubach as Mesquita,

the tough cholla who leads
the prison sisterhood.

And Matthew Bright,
the writer director

for doing the best version of
Little Red Riding Hood

in the thousand year
history of fairy tales.

So four stars,
Joe Bob says check it out.

-Good job.

-You know why we have so many
kinks in modern society?

-I'm sure you're
going to tell us.

-Having sex with the TV on.

You know, you're having sex,

but you're also watching
Jerry Springer.

You know, that's going
to do things to your libido.

Or you're having sex
and you're watch --

or you're having sex
and you're watching Bugs Bunny.

You know, either one,
you can go either way.

-So your theory is that
makes us want

to have sex with Bugs Bunny?

-Not with Bugs Bunny,
but it's much more subtle

than that, Darcy.

I mean, you might start

craving Elmer Fudd's double
barreled shotgun

to be pointed at you
before you could get inspired.

You know?
-You know, no judgment.

That's -- okay.

-Probably at least, you know,
every possible object

in the world
is somebody's fetish.

-Every single object.
-Every object.

-What about this beer bottle?
-Damn, Darcy.

I mean, that is an easy one.

That is so easy.
Let's not even go there.

-All right, what about the cap
to the beer bottle?

-There's actually
a famous joke

about the cap
to the beer bottle.

[Laughs]

But we can't tell
the joke on Shudder.

And you can tell
almost any joke on Shudder.

So that should tell you
what level of perversity

the cap on the beer bottle
joke is.

-I think I've heard that joke.

-Okay, am I right?

-You're right.
-Okay.

-Most jokes
are invented in bars.

So anything that can be done
with a beer bottle has been done

with a beer bottle,
so don't even think about it.

-I'm thinking about it.
-Don't.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Okay, we've got a four-word
sentence here for you.

What is it, Vanessa?

Vanessa, come on.

-Here we go.

-The --
-The?

Um...

Ca...

-Ah.

Meow?

-Cat.

-Perfect, you got it.

Now let's continue to
the third word.

-Dren...

-Think K, kuh, followed by S.

Think kuh-S.

Think.

-Drenks?

Drinks?

-You got it. That's it.
-Drinks.

-You did it. Perfect.

-Um, the cat drinks...

...milk.

-[Laughs] That's right.
Very good.

-[Laughs]
-Great, Vanessa.

Vanessa, Chopper!

Fully rewarded now?

[Indistinct chattering]

-Hey, mister!

I've got my own place.
-Mnh-mnh.

-It's right over there
in the motel.

You can turn right here
and get in, it's cooler.

Then can I get in
the car with you?

Please, sir?
I'll go wherever you want to go.

I'll go wherever you want to go.

Come on, sir, sir!

Well, screw you, too,
fuckin' nigger.

-Mom?
What are you doin'?

-What are you
doin' home so early?

-It's not so early, Mom.

-How you doin', Ms. Lutz?

-Don't even talk to her,
Chopper!

-Vanessa, I'm out of here.

-Okay.

-Will you give your mom my
regards?

-Will do, Ms. Lutz.

-You said you weren't
gonna do this no more, Ma.

-Listen, I've had enough
crap from your father all day.

I am real stressed out --

-Larry is not my dad.

-Listen, if you're gonna
smart-ass me,

you can just go
on home right now.

Get out of my face right now.

Go on, get out.

-Fine.

Fine.

-You don't know nothing'
about nothin'!

You don't know a goddamn
thing about nothin'!

-Larry, just let me through.

-What's the magic word?

-Fuck you, you piece of shit.

-Fuck you? [Chuckles]

How was school?

-Like you really fucking care.

Asshole.

-Hey, me and your mama, we
spent the whole day in line

securin' rent vouchers,
and we could

both use a little consideration.

-You know, don't it
bother you, your own wife

bringin' off all them
strange guys for money?

-I make her use
mouthwash after.

-Oh, you like that
minty-fresh taste, huh, Larry?

-You know something,
Vanessa Lutz,

I'm gettin' ready to
take a seriously big shit

right on top of that pointy
little head of yours!

Don't be a smart-ass.

-Hey, motherfucker.

You want some company?

-Yeah.

-Oh, let me get in.

-You get the luckiest breaks.

And I mean lucky.

What else could it be?

-We interrupt
this program to go live

to LA County Sheriff's
headquarters,

where a press conference
is now in progress

regarding the grisly
find yesterday morning

along San Diego Freeway
in Torrance.

-The two females have been
identified as 19-year-old

Tempest Mueller of Downey,

and 16-year-old
Corky Poindexter of Bellflower.

Both females have extensive
arrest records for

prostitution, and we are now
considering them as victims

of the individual that
we call the I-5 Killer.

I'll take a few questions.

-I happened to be watchin'
that, Larry!

-Forget it.

-You know, you just don't
want me hearin' about

that killer out there.

What if he drove up
right this second

and snatched up Mom, huh?

What would you have to
say then, smart guy?

-First of all, your
mama would kick his ass.

[Laughs]

And second of all, that killer

is all the way up in LA, okay?

-♪ My dog's better than yours ♪

♪ My dog's better
than your dog ♪

♪ My dog's better than yours ♪

♪ My dog's better 'cause
he gets Ken-L Ration ♪

♪ My dog's better than yours ♪

-Larry, get your goddamn
hands off of my anatomy!

Or I swear to fucking God --

-What?

What are you gonna do?

-I'll tell Mom.

-Oh, yeah, like she's
really gonna believe you.

[Laughs]

-You know, I'm really not
up to your shit today, Larry.

In fact, I'm mad
as hell at you now.

-Aww, come here.

-God dammit, Larry!

Get your fuckin' hands
off me, you shithead!

-Ah!

-Ow!
-Fucker!

[Laughing]

-You hit hard!

Ow!

Ow.

-Now you just behave.

-Fuck, you hit hard.

-You know, I can't help
you if you don't tell me

what it is you want.

-Well, maybe we'd better
just forget the whole thing.

-[Laughing]
-No.

I bet you like havin' your
wiener sucked.

Hmm? Don't you?

-Yeah, I guess so.

-How come that doesn't
surprise me?

-What would a thing
like that cost?

-$30.

-Sheriff's Department.
You're under arrest.

-Let go!

Come on, guys,
I didn't do anything.

I did nothing wrong.

-Take it easy.

-Come on.

-Where do you
think you're going?

-Ow, ow, you're hurtin' me,
you're hurtin' my arm!

You're hurtin' me,
you're hurtin' my arm.

-What's your name, Miss?

-Ramona Lutz.

Bully!

-Staying at this motel?

-Yeah.

[Laughing]

I never saw that before
in my life,

and that's God's truth, sir.

-You're telling me this
brown residue isn't narcotics?

-That doesn't belong to me.

-What is that, speed?

You look like
a speedy kinda gal.

-Oh, come on, Officer,
please, listen to me, please.

My little girl,
she's home with me now,

and she just got out
of Children's Services,

and I cannot afford
to be busted again

because they'll take her away
from me.

They'll just take my baby away.

-You know this pipe
constitutes probable cause,

so we're gonna have to take
a look inside your motel room.

-Oh, you can't do that.

My husband's asleep.

-Your husband know you're
out here soliciting?

-Yeah, give us a fuckin' break.

-Your husband
own a firearm, Ramona?

-My Larry is on parole.

He hasn't had a firearm
for a long time.

-We're gonna be real
unhappy if you're

not telling us the truth.

-I am tellin' you
the truth, okay?

-Come on, let's go.

-You guys are makin' me
wish I was dead.

You fuckin' happy about that?!

Are you fuckin'
happy about that?!

-You're gonna cut that out right
now or you're gonna be hogtied!

-But if you just listen to me!

-Shut your mouth now!

Not another word!

[Woman moaning on television]

-Sheriff's Department, Larry.

-Oh, yes!

-We need to talk to
you a minute.

-Hey, hey, what the fuck?

Oh, shit!

-Who's the girl, Larry?

-Tryin' to take my baby away.

-You're diddlin' the daughter,
Larry?

-What kind of question is that?
You mean --

-Get her outta here!

-Hey, hey, hey, come on now.

She ain't my real daughter.

And besides,
nothin's goin' on, right?

Ow, ow.

-Just who is this man
to you?

-He's my stepfather.

-Take him into the other room,

and I'll talk to
the juvenile alone.

-Hey, ow! I got
a pin in my shoulder,

and if you don't cuff me
in front, I swear to God,

I'm gonna sue the fuckin'
police department

until there's no fuckin'
tomorrow!

You son of a bitch!

-What's your name, Miss?

-Vanessa Lutz.

-Well, kid, I sure don't
envy your situation here.

-My parents is just goin'
through a hard time is all,

with the finances
and everything.

-Well, I see they still
got enough money left over

to buy drugs.

-I wouldn't be comfortable
talkin' about

that sort of thing, ma'am.

-Yes, boss.

-I'm gonna ask you
a question, okay?

And don't get upset
either, it's important.

-Okay.

-Is there some sort of
sexual activity going on

between your stepfather
and yourself?

[Laughing]

-Elevator up.

-Come here, baby.

-We are so fucked.

-What are you laughin' at!

[Laughing]

-We are so fucked.

-Oh, don't take my baby away!

Oh, please!

-If you love her so
much, how come you don't

clean up around here
once in a while?

-I do clean up, sir.

It just happens that I'm
under a great deal of stress.

My sister happened to die
three months ago

in Washington, and I'm
tryin' to get off methadone!

-You're on methadone?

-Will you please
give me a cigarette?

-I told you to keep quiet.

-Please give her a cigarette.

Please.

-Are you mad at me?

Honey?

-I'm not mad, Mom.

-Please don't be mad.

Come over here,
give me a big hug.

Come on.

I ain't gonna see you
for a long time, baby.

Come on.

Oh, baby.

Oh.

I am so sorry, Pooh Bear.

I'm so sorry.

You still love me?

-I love you, Mom.

-I love you more.

-Here.

-[Laughing]

-Tell this piece of shit to
get his knee out of my neck!

-Bye, Ramona!

[Laughing]

I love you!

-[Grumbling]

I love you!

Ow! Ow, ow!
Ow, ow, ow!

-Watch her head.

[Ramona shouting]

-I'll go in the other car.

-Get her outta here.

-Bye, Ramona!

[Larry laughing]

-Children's Services
are on their way.

-Oh, that's just great.

-No offense, kid,

but anything's an improvement
over this.

Well, what do you think
we ought to do here?

Just leave you here?

-I could stay with
you for a couple weeks.

-Are you kidding?
-No, I'm serious.

I mean, I could do
all sorts of chores

while you was out
messin' people up.

-Well, we're not allowed
to do things like that.

-You're lyin'.

-No, I'm not.
-Yeah, you are.

If you don't want to,
all you had to do was

just say it straight out.

-I don't want to.

-Okay, then.

Hey, Mrs. Sheets.

Guess you heard the news.

-Hello, Vanessa.

I heard your mother might
be away for a while.

-Yeah, this is her
third arrest this year.

She's lookin' at six months
mandatory.

-We're holding the stepfather
on multiple parole violations.

-Oh, I am so sorry
about all this, Vanessa.

I can take over here now,
Officer.

-Good luck, kid.
-Yeah, right.

Come on over and ruin
my life again real soon.

-You don't have to be
so hard on the officer.

-She just took my whole
family off to jail, okay?

I hate pigs so much,
Mrs. Sheets.

-Well, come on now.

Let's go gather up some
of your things.

-You're puttin' me in foster
care again, aren't you?

-Honey, I'm willing to
consider any alternative

you'd like to suggest,
but, I don't know.

-My grandma would
be an alternative.

-This is the first
I've heard of any grandma.

-Yeah, on my father's side.

My real father.

See?

She'd take me in, most likely.

-You don't sound too sure.

-Actually, she don't
know about me yet.

-That's not gonna do us
much good for tonight.

Why haven't you been in
touch with her before now?

-Because before I was born,
there was this bad blood

between her and my mom,
and there must've been

some harsh words spoke, because
my mom' supposed to have

thrown this chemical on her face

that burned her skin
a little bit.

-Lovely.

-I tried gettin' her
on the phone once,

but she ain't listed.

If I can just get up
to that Stockton place,

I know I'd find her.

-Just like that, huh?

-Yeah.

-Vanessa, Vanessa.

Oh, my God.

-I know what I need.

Mrs. Sheets, could you come in
here and fold up my blanket?

-This one?

-Yeah, that one.

-What do you want
with this old thing?

-My mama gave it to me.

-What are you doing?

What...

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

-Shit!

Sorry.

Let me get you turned around.

-Vanessa, this is not funny!

Vanessa!

-I'm not laughin',
Mrs. Sheets, I promise.

Now, if you yell loud
enough, Mr. Wong will come

and set you free.

He's the day manager.

And I'll leave the keys
on top of the TV.

-Vanessa, don't do this!
You come back here!

Vanessa!

[Engine sputters, starts]

-Where the fuck are you,
Chopper?

-Whoa, we gonna sell this shit?

Yo, hold this for
fuckin' reals, bitch.

Huh? The fuck outta here,
you stupid --

[Horn honking]

-Chopper!

Chopper, we're fucked.

We're totally fucked.

Just after you left,
the pigs came

and pinched Mom and Larry both.

Then my parole officer showed up

like the motherfuckin'
plague to take me off

to foster care again,
just like last time.

-So how did you get here?

-I cuffed her ankle to the bed.

-That wasn't very smart,
Vanessa.

-I know, I know.

Look, I'm goin' up north,
and unless you never want to see

me again, you better get in this
car right now and come with me.

-I gotta be in court
next week for sentencing.

If I don't show,
I'm gonna get a year

at Camp Gonzalez for sure.

-I guess I'm on my own.

-Where up north are you goin'?

-My grandma's up in Stockton.

-You got any money?

-No.

-Sell that when you
get where you're going.

It's from Spain.

-I love you so much, Chopper.

-I love you, too, baby.

-Oh, here.

Take this.

-[Chuckles]

-I gotta go.

[Engine starts]

[Music playing]

Bye, Chopper,
my beloved boyfriend.

-[Speaking native language]

[Gunshots]

[Dogs barking]

-Shit!

[Groans]

[Novelty horn honking]

[Gasping]

[Dissonant music]

[Static crackles]

-Well, so much for Chopper.

The boyfriend killed
in the drive by.

One of many great
little performances

by this amazing cast.

That was Bokeem Woodbine
as Chopper.

He would go on to a huge career.

He was a Fathead Newman
in "Ray."

He got an Emmy
as a mob enforcer in "Fargo."

And then that's the very
versatile Amanda Plummer

as Ramona, Vanessa's
crack ho mom.

And that's the great
character actor

Michael T. Weiss as Larry.

And that's Conchata Ferrell as
Miss Sheets, the social worker.

She was in everything --

"Two and a Half Men",
"L.A. Law."

And of course,
that's Reese Witherspoon

long before she made
"Legally Blonde"

and became a star
and then made "Walk the Line"

and became an Oscar winner.

And I think at one time,

she was the highest paid
actress in Hollywood.

But not for this movie.

This is early in her career,

and I love the way
she plays this,

using her authentic
Nashville accent,

because that's
where she grew up.

She grew up
in a military family.

She was actually born at the
Wiesbaden army base in Germany.

So the answer to how you get
a cast like this

is you get Oliver Stone

involved in the movie
as executive producer.

Matthew Bright,
who wrote the script,

was not very well
known at the time,

except he had written
"Gun Crazy",

which was a critically
acclaimed crime picture

with Drew Barrymore,
James Le Gros.

So a friend of his
had done work for Oliver Stone

and got Oliver Stone
to read two of Bright's scripts.

And Stone just loved "Freeway",

but he didn't want
to direct it himself,

and he said, "Whoever wrote
this has to direct it

because it has
a certain sensibility

that only the writer
would understand."

So all of a sudden,

Matthew Bright becomes
a director.

He wasn't even looking
to be a director.

It just happened to him.

It was low budget,

but because
Oliver Stone was involved,

everybody showed up
at the casting office.

There was just a buzz around
this movie, around Hollywood.

And as you'll see,
every single minor character

is played by a total pro.

It's basically
a two person movie,

but the two leads are backed up
by this army of talent,

and not just on the screen.

The music for that wacky
title sequence with

the wolf chasing all
the Red Riding Hoods,

the music for the whole movie
was composed

and orchestrated
by Danny Elfman.

He did the job for a dollar.

Well, actually, it was a dollar

with the provision
that Matthew Bright,

who was his childhood friend,

would agree to do
some yard work for him.

And he actually.
-Wow.

-About a week's
worth of yard work.

The producer pitched in, and
they did the yard work together.

-Oh, my God.
-But anyway, that was huge

because Danny Elfman,
he was a big studio guy.

He had done
"Pee-Wee's Big Adventure"

and "Batman" and "Beetlejuice"
and "Darkman"

and "Scrooged"
and "Midnight Run"

and "Dick Tracy",

and all he asked for, he says,
"Give me three musicians

that I can take
into the studio

for the orchestral parts
of the score."

So anyway, I'll talk more
about Matthew Bright

as the night goes on.

But, Darcy, this film had
an impact on your life, right?

-[Laughs] I mean, that's
that's a bit much,

but I saw it when it came out
and I just hated it.

I love it now. I totally get it.

But at the time,
I thought it was just,

like way too violent and real.

Like, I didn't like
all the gun violence.

-Didn't you think
it was funny, though?

It's funny gun violence.

-I honestly back then
did not get the funny at all.

Just like all over my head.

-Okay.
-Totally lost on me.

-Well, actually,
that you were not alone

because it premiered
at Sundance,

and 30 people walked out in like
the first 15 minutes.

And the reviewer for Variety

trashed the movie
in a major way.

-I would have been one
of those walkouts back then.

-All right, well, what
Matthew Bright was trying to do

is portray what he called
the, quote,

"dysfunctional white people"

that he knew from
the streets of Hollywood,

which is where he grew up.

And he was one of those guys --

He was one of those guys,
like in the movie "Angel"

hanging around
Hollywood Boulevard, you know?

But he wanted to portray
the lowlifes in a loving way,

as they were flawed people
in and out of prison

fighting the system,
but always kind of losing,

being betrayed
by the system, petty criminals,

because life forces them
to be petty criminals.

And in this case,
she's being betrayed

repeatedly by
the foster care system.

Which, you know
about that, right?

-I have totally been there,
done that. It's all true.

-Did you ever chain
the social worker to the bed?

-No, but I should have.

-All right, well,
as we continue

with the Kink-A-Rama Countdown

on "Joe Bob's
Very Violent Valentine",

let's move on to our next kink.

We have...

coulrophilia.

Do you know this one?
Coulrophilia?

-Oh, I know all of them.

But what's the
nonscientific name?

-Sex with clowns.

-Oh, yeah, I know that one.

-Okay.
All right, here's my question.

Do you want sex with the clown

because you like clowns,
or sex with a clown

because you're afraid of clowns?

Is the thrill positive
or a negative thrill?

-I think it can work both ways.

-Like, ooh, Mr. Scary Clown,

don't get mad
if I honk your nose.

-[Laughs]
I mean, that's hot. Yeah.

[Laughter]

-Well, so my research
into coulrophilia --

Where is this?

Coulrophilia --
sex with clowns --

says the reason for it could be

that you didn't
have a childhood

so you're doing this
as a substitute.

-Nah.
-No?

Or you like the idea of not

knowing who's behind
the face paint?

-Yes. Oh, yes.

-Or you can fantasize about
the person you would like

to be behind the face paint.

-Okay.
-Or because it takes

all the seriousness out of sex.

Because everything you're doing
is to get a laugh,

including yourself having sex?

-Sure.
-[Laughter]

-Or clowns will never judge you
because they're too silly.

-I mean, it all makes sense.

I think there's maybe
one more reason.

-One more reason?

-What if they fantasized about
being killed by John Wayne Gacy?

-Ooh.

-I'm just saying.
I may have heard that.

-That that is dark.

Fantasize about being dying
while having sex with --

-No judgment.
-All right, all right.

And you were
frightened by "Freeway"?

-I've watched a few movies
since then.

All right, back to the flick.
Roll it.

You have have to introduce
John Wayne Gacy into...

[Laughs]

Oh, dare I ask, Darcy.
-I've heard it.

-Have you had sex
with a clown?

-[Laughs]

-Perhaps.

[Laughter]

-And how would you describe
that experience?

-Uh, wacky.

[Laughter]

-It should be. Sex with a clown
should be wacky.

-Wacky and zany.

-Wacky and zany, as all
clown sex should be.

-Agreed.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

[Engine revving]

♪

♪

♪

-Fucking car!

Didn't know that today
it would pass.

Fuck.

-You havin'
some kind of trouble?

-The fucking cocksucker
won't even fucking turn over!

Excuse my bad language, sir.

-It's all right.

Would you mind if I take
a look at it?

-Yeah, go for it.

-Why don't you get behind
the wheel there

and step on the gas for me.

Try it.

[Engine sputtering]

Again.

[Engine sputtering]

Well, I hate to be the one to
break the news to you,

but this car's had it.

-I knew it was only
a matter of time.

-Where you headed?

-My grandma's up in Stockton.

-Well, I'm goin' as far as LA.

You're more than welcome to
ride with me if you'd like.

-Really, mister?
-Sure.

Why don't you grab your
stuff and let's go.

-Thanks!

[Engine starts]

-I guess we oughta call
a tow truck, huh?

-Nah, Cal Trans
will take care of it.

My mom used to work part-time
for them.

So what do I call you?

-I'm sorry,
my name is Bob Wolverton.

-Hi. I'm Vanessa Lutz.

-Well, it's nice
to meet you, Vanessa.

Why don't you put on your
safety belt and we'll get goin'.

-Okay.

-Great.

-What's this all about?

-It's a psychological
manual, I use it in my work.

I'm a counselor at a school for
boys with emotional trouble.

-Just boys, huh?

No girls at all?

-I'm afraid so.

So how does your
family feel about

this trip of yours
up to Stockton?

-I don't got no family
just at the moment.

-Vanessa, everybody's
got family.

-Shows how much you know.

-You want to talk about it?

-Not really.

-I'm sorry.

It's an unfortunate
habit of mine,

sticking my nose in where
it doesn't really belong.

-That's a bad habit.

-Well, don't rub it in, okay?
It's just my work.

I see a kid who looks
like they're in trouble,

and I start askin'
all kinds of questions.

I guess it's just
become second nature.

-It's that obvious?

-What is?

-Me being in trouble.

-Look, the offer's still
open if you want it.

You know, I've always
found it amazing

how much easier it is to really

share something with
a perfect stranger,

stuff that you couldn't
even talk to

with your best friend
or your family.

-Yeah, I noticed that.
That's real funny, isn't it?

-Yeah, it is.

Most of the kids I work
with, I don't even have to

press them to
talk about themselves.

I just let them know I'm there

and that they can talk about
themselves if they want to.

-Well, I guess my biggest
problem right now is

my mama's in jail.

-Vanessa, that sounds like
a pretty bad situation.

-Yeah, but that's why
I'm goin' to see my grandma.

-Would you mind me asking
why your mother's in jail?

-It's pretty embarrassing.

-Vanessa, why would
you be embarrassed

about another person's acts?

-I don't know, it's just --

I mean, I don't feel comfortable

talkin' about stuff like
that, 'cause I mean, I think

it makes me look like
a low-type person.

-Well, I can understand that.

You know, most of
the boys I work with,

even the most troubled
ones, all they really need

is just someone to
listen to 'em.

-Yeah, but you probably
get so sick

of hearin' them sad stories
day in an day out.

-I don't.

I really love my work,
I really do.

I couldn't imagine myself
doing anything else.

Not ever.

-Guess I wouldn't mind
talkin' to someone.

I just wouldn't know
where to begin.

-Why don't you begin
with your mother?

I mean, if you want to.

-My mama's a whore.

[Crying]

Thanks, mister.

I mean Bob.

-There.

-I can't believe I'm tellin' you
all this stuff.

My mama's in jail.

It looks like my stepfather's
next parole officer

ain't even been born yet.

-Vanessa, you really
don't have anyone, do you?

That's terrible.

Oh, that's just terrible.

-My real dad was this
merchant marine out of Texas,

but he got stabbed
to death on one of them

container ships by this man
from Pakistan before I was born.

You want to see his picture?
I got it right here.

-Absolutely.

-That's my daddy.

-He looks very interesting.

-You think?

-Absolutely.

-I think so, too.

-Vanessa, your grandmother's
gonna be very proud

when she finds out

what a wonderful granddaughter
she's got.

But I have to be
honest with you.

I think given your
present situation,

maybe foster care would be the
way you should go right now.

-Oh, Bob, you don't know.

You know, sometimes
them places are okay,

but most of the time,
them people are just in it

for the check that the state
sends for your upkeep.

-I take it you've had
some bad experiences.

-The last one I was in,
there was this old man there

that everyone called Grandpa,
and he had this disease

called Wisenheimers,
I think it was,

where your brain cells
run out into your pee.

-Yes, it's a form of senility.

-Your check, sir.
-Thank you.

-Thanks, Bob.

That's the best fuckin' dinner
I've had all month.

-I wouldn't mind stretchin'
my legs for a little while

before I got behind the wheel.
Do you mind?

-[Belches]

No, sure, I got all
the time in the world.

-Great.

-So them foster parents,
the Moraleses,

I mean, you would've thought
a check from the state

would've been enough.

But no, they figured on me
helpin' out with Grandpa, too.

-You actually had to
provide care for this man?

-Get crucial.

This guy was pissin' his
sheets nearly every night.

Just bein' near him made me
want to puke my guts out.

-So what happened
when you refused?

-They just started
treatin' me like I was

the biggest bitch who'd ever
been born.

And then this one night,
just a couple weeks

after I'd been placed there,
I woke up

to see Grandpa standin' over
me with his cane in one hand

and his you-know-what
in the other.

-My God. What happened?

-I told him to
get the hell out.

-I take it he didn't.

-No, that's when
he tried to slip in

under the covers with me,
and I just went crazy on him.

-What do you mean
you went crazy?

-I was pissed off 'cause
I couldn't see my mom,

and just havin' this perv
standin' over me

waggin' his thing in my face
just was like the last straw.

-So what did you do?

-Well, I got up on my knees
and just

slapped his dentures
half out of his face,

and then I dropped
down on his chest

and just started wailin' on
him, beatin' him up so hard,

and swearin' so loud.

-My God.

-Yeah, so then the lights
went on, and Mr. Morales

showed up in his pajamas.

-Well, thank God he was there.

-Yeah, right.

Hit me so hard, I had to
have my jaw wired shut

for nearly three months.

Broke my nose, too.

That's how come it's so big.

-Vanessa.

Your nose is not big.

-It's pretty damn big.

-Was this man ever punished?

-Are you kidding?

A pillar of society
like Mr. Morales?

Nah.

But my mom got out of
rehab a couple days later

so I didn't have to
go back or nothin'.

-You were telling me
a little while ago

that your stepdad was on parole.

-Oh, yeah.

Larry's been in lots
of pens, like this one

federal place up
in Illinois, Marion.

It's just mostly for drug shit.

Manufacturing methamphetamines,
stolen property,

nothin' real, real bad.

-Vanessa, please
don't be offended

by my next question, but, uh...

did your stepfather molest you?

-Oh, my God.

You know, this lady
policewoman just asked me

that very same question
just a few hours ago.

-And how did that
make you feel?

-Like I got Daddy's Fuckhole
tattooed on my forehead.

-Maybe this is an issue
you should explore.

-I never even told my
fiancé about this stuff.

-Vanessa, if you keep something
like this

bottled up inside, it could
wreck your whole life.

-Now you're scarin' me.

-That's not my intention.

I just think you have
a very good opportunity now

to get through some of
the trauma and anguish

you've been suffering
from for such a long time.

-I do got trauma, huh?

-Let's not kid ourselves,
Vanessa.

-I've been so anguished,

I can't even remember
bein' happy.

-Vanessa, you have to
look this pain in the eye.

Otherwise it could rule over
every aspect of your life.

Now, I think I can help you,
but you're going to

have to trust me.

You're going to have
to let me in.

My God, you're cold.

-Just thinkin' about my
fucked-up life is all.

-Let's go.

-I'm sorry.

Here I am, blubberin'
like a big old baby,

and you're just
tryin' to help me.

-Vanessa, Vanessa,
just take your time.

Take your time.

-I was 11 when
Larry first held me.

-Where was your mother?

-Stupid halfway house.

-How did the abuse begin?

-With my mama gone,
I had all these extra chores

that I had to do,
like the laundry

and the groceries
and things like that.

-So in effect, you became
the woman of the house.

-Yeah.

Yeah, and I was
so proud of myself.

And then this one night,
we were just watchin' TV

after dinner like we always do,

and that's when Larry told
me that one of Mama's chores

had always been to
massage his you-know-what.

-Did Larry expose
himself to you?

-All through the show.

-Did Larry have an erection?

-That's puttin' it mildly.

-Did he ask you to
perform oral sex for him?

-At first, I mean,
he just had me

hold on to his you-know-what
durin' whatever

happened to be on TV.

He didn't get around
to the other thing

you just mentioned for a while.

I guess he figured if
he went all slow-like,

I wouldn't freak-out
and get him in trouble.

But back then, I didn't even
know that stuff we was doin'

was criminal.

-Vanessa, victims often
blame themselves.

It's a common occurrence.

-But make no mistake about
it, you are the victim.

-Really, Bob?

-Absolutely.

-I mean, I was such a baby
back then, I didn't even know

why men wanted that stuff done
to them in the first place.

-Vanessa, my God,
you were a child.

You must have been so confused.

-You know, and when
he did that thing

that you mentioned
for the first time,

I swear to Christ,
I thought he was

goin' to the bathroom
in my mouth.

-Vanessa, do I have your
absolute trust?

-I guess I trust you more
than I've ever trusted

anyone in my whole life, Bob.

And I really mean that.

-Thank you.

The reason why I'm asking,
there's this

powerful new
psychological technique

that I'd like to try on you.

I think it could
really help you.

What do you think, would
you like to give it a try?

-Yeah, sure.

-Okay, it consists of a battery
of questions that are

designed to trigger certain
elements of your subconscious.

I've got to warn you,
Vanessa, this technique,

it can be uncomfortable.

-Go for it, Bob.

I mean, if you think
it's gonna help me.

-Okay.

Okay.

Let's get started.
Are you ready?

-Mm-hmm.

-A few moments ago,
you were telling me

that you felt like
Larry had gone

to the bathroom in your mouth.

Those were your exact words.
Do you remember?

Now at that exact moment,
when Larry ejaculated

in your mouth,
did you feel as though

somehow you were
being transformed

into some kind of
a human urinal?

-What kind of fucking
questions are these, Bob?

-Vanessa, you have to
answer with the first thing

that comes into your mind.

It's very important.

-I knew I was flesh and blood.

-I understand that.

But you have to tell me
exactly how you felt.

You have to learn how to
express your feelings out loud.

-I felt just like you said.

-Say it out loud, Vanessa.

-I felt like I had been

transformed into a human urinal.

[Sighs]

-That's very good, Vanessa.

Very good.

Now tell me this, and this
is absolutely crucial.

Are you ready?

-Mm-hmm.

-Vanessa.

Did Larry try to fuck you?

-Oh, God.

He tried, later on.

-Vanessa.

Did you like it when
Larry fucked you?

-You piece of shit!

-Vanessa, I told you this
can get very uncomfortable.

-Pull on over right now!

-We're not finished yet.
-Oh, yes, we are.

We are definitely finished.
Now you pull on over.

-Vanessa, you can
suffer irreparable damage

if you break it off like this.

-I don't give a goddamn!

-Jesus Christ!

-Piece of shit!
-Son of a bitch!

-Fuckin' pervert!

[Tires squealing]

-Jesus Christ!
-Where's the door handle?

You lookin' for this?

-[Grunts]

-Now you just settle down!

-I'm gonna kill you!

-I'm gonna slit your
fuckin' throat right now.

Is that what you
want me to fuckin' do?

-Okay, okay,
I'm stoppin', okay?

-Now you get down there
on the floor

and you get my fuckin' car keys

and you put them
in the ignition.

-You know, you wouldn't
like it if someone

was doin' that to you.

-Well, you're probably right,
Vanessa, I doubt I would like it

if someone was doing this to me.

-Then stop it!

-I will stop it
if you promise to behave.

-I promise I'll behave.

Are you that guy on the news?

-I'm sorry?

-Are you the guy
that's been killin'

all them girls on
the freeway, Bob?

-[Chuckles]

-Why are you killin'
all them girls, Bob?

-'Cause I've absolutely
reached my fucking limit

with people like you, Vanessa.

-What kinda people
am I supposed to be?

-The alcoholics,
the drug addicts,

the fathers who
fuck their daughters,

the drug-addicted motherfuckin'
whores with their bastard --

-Hey, I ain't no trick baby!

-Vanessa, I call
them garbage people,

and I assure you,
you are one of them.

-I am not.
-Look at you.

You're already a master at
the manipulation of men.

-I didn't run nothin' on you.

-It's so intrinsic to
your fuckin' nature,

you're not even aware
of it when you do it.

Stupid bitch.

[Engine revs]

[Static crackles]

-All right, they have a term

in screenwriting called
the inciting incident.

And usually you want
that pretty close

to the beginning of the movie.

But in this case, Matthew Bright
goes almost 40 minutes

before we get
the inciting incident.

You just saw it
where Bob turns on her.

And they get away
with delaying the incident

because Reese Witherspoon
and Kiefer Sutherland

carry it with just words.

If this was a traditional movie,

the producers
or the studio executives

or somebody in charge would say,
"You can't just have two people

just driving in a car,
eating in a diner,

walking around, talking,
driving in the car again."

You cannot have 15 minutes of
just pure characterization

dialogue because the movie
will fall apart.

But the writing is so good,
and more importantly,

the way these two actors
sell it is so good

that you never lose interest
in this story.

The only place it seems
a little abrupt

is how quickly Vanessa says,
"Stop the car and let me out."

And that's because, and we know
this from the editor,

Maysie Hoy, the same woman

who did "Joy Luck Club"
right before this.

It's because
the MPAA kept refusing

to give "Freeway" an R rating.

It was an NC-17
all the way through the process.

They were sending it back,
making cuts,

resubmitting it,
making more cuts,

and they ended up making 53 cuts
in a 90 minute movie.

And a lot of those cuts
were dialogue.

For example,
the C-word for women.

Apparently, at the time,

if you had three of those,
you got an automatic NC-17.

You could have two
and still get an R.

-That's so weird.
-Yeah, I know, right?

But they went beyond that.

They had to cut out
entire sentences

between Vanessa and Bob.

So anyway, they were demanding
cuts not just for profanity

but for the quote,
"tone of the movie."

And any time they start bringing
up tone, you know, two things.

A -- the acting is so good that
the movie is genuinely

disturbing, and B -- they can't
tell you why they don't like it,

they just don't like it.

So there was more
coming out of Bob's mouth

and more coming out of Vanessa's
mouth before she said,

"Stop the car right now."

It got really, really bad.

But we might as well come now
to the ultimate kink

on this night where we're
discussing the dark side...

-The ultimate.
-...of the libido.

Yes.
-All right.

-Serial killing.

It's a kink all its own.

-That's what I said!

-Yeah.
-John Wayne Gacy wasn't weird.

Okay, continue.
-All right, you know,

you're right.
Someone who needs to kill

the person they're
having sex with

in order to have satisfying sex.

So a lot of what we know
about this crime

comes from Ted Bundy because,
and, by the way,

Matthew Bright's next movie,
he did a biopic of Ted Bundy.

So he knew all about Ted Bundy.

But Ted Bundy was trying
to extend his prison stay

before he got executed.

And so he was cooperating
with all the psychologists

that they sent to talk to him.

And the other guy
who taught law enforcement

a lot about serial killing
was the Green River Killer.

And in fact, Bundy helped them
catch the Green River Killer

because he felt a kinship
with the Green River Killer.

And so he understood
what turned that guy on.

What was the guy's name?

-Gary Ridgway?
-Gary Ridgway.

He and Bundy, they came from
the same place, I think, right?

-Yeah, like Washington state.
-Washington state.

And people seem so nice
up there in Washington state.

-That's why it's
the perfect environment

for a serial killer.
-Okay.

So anyway, whenever they talk
on crime shows

about why serial killers kill,

they usually say, "Look,
he took a lock of her hair

after he killed her,
he took her necklace,

he took her ID,
he wanted a trophy."

They always call it a trophy.
But that's not what it is.

We know from Bundy
and from Ridgway,

it's so the guy can relive the
killing later and masturbate,

you know, with whatever he took.

And if the police have not
discovered the body yet,

he'll even go back to where the
body is and masturbate there.

So it's a kink.
It's the worst kink.

It's the ultimate kink.

And Matthew Bright created
a perfect version of it

in Bob Wolverton.

-You know, Kiefer Sutherland
is a really good serial killer.

-He is.
-Yeah.

-And I'm surprised
he did this role, actually.

-Me too.
-It's one of those

career ending roles.

You know, like like the guy

who played the killer
in "Dirty Harry."

You know, I've had
that guy on my show,

Andrew Robinson.

I had him on the show
a couple of times,

and, I mean,
he had a great career.

He was one of the leads
in "Hellraiser."

He was Liberace
in that TV movie.

-He's cool.
-He ran the drama department

at USC for many years.

But he was always typed
as that nasty guy

who kept coming back in the
dirty Harry movie, and --

-Oliver Stone
talked Kiefer into it.

-I have heard that.

I've heard this story a couple
of different ways,

actually, but apparently,

the bank was not
going to finance this movie

unless they had an A-list actor
in the serial killer role,

and they had a list of 20 guys,
and 18 of them turned it down.

They didn't want to do it.

And then John Travolta,

they were going to give it
to John Travolta.

He said he would do it,

but the bank
wouldn't accept him.

It was before Travolta --
-Why?

-He was not, at the time,
he was --

-Oh, was it before Tarantino?

-Yeah, it was before
that had become a phenomenon.

And so they were down
to their last guy,

and that guy
was Kiefer Sutherland.

And they thought, you know,
we can't blow this.

So Oliver Stone was shooting
"Nixon" at the time.

So they had
this Oval Office set.

So Stone sets up a meeting
with Sutherland,

and Stone sits
in the president's chair

on the Oval Office set,

and he keeps telling
Kiefer Sutherland,

"You don't have the balls
to do this role.

That's why you're hesitating.

You're scared of this role."

And eventually it worked.

Kiefer Sutherland said,
"All right, I'll show you

I can do this."

And then every day on the set,
Kiefer is lamenting the fact

that he had given in to Stone,

and now he was one
of the most nasty,

unredeemable jerks
in the history of film.

But I'm really glad
that he did it.

Because I can't imagine
a better Bob,

as you will see shortly.

All right, let's get
back to the movie.

Roll the movie.

Up to this point,
we're staying pretty close

to the traditional little
Red Riding Hood story, right?

-Oh, yeah. I mean drive by
shooting, stolen cars,

breaking down the freeway,
prostitution sting operations,

everything the Brothers Grimm
put in the story.

-Okay, Darcy,
I hear your sarcasm.

Actually, the story goes
the story goes way back

before the Brothers Grimm.

We should talk about that.
-Later.

-Okay. Story is at least
a thousand years old.

-Does it have drive bys in it
from a thousand years ago?

-Darcy, sarcasm
is never attractive.

-I'm just asking.
-All right.

It's the tone
of the original story.

-You're right.
Every child should watch it.

-All right, there you go again.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

-What, you think
it's okay to do

all sorts of bad stuff
to me now?

-Well that's an open-ended
discussion, Vanessa,

dealing with deep
philosophical ramifications,

something you could
hardly grasp.

In fact, take it from me,
a professional,

Vanessa, you're an absolute
fucking moron.

-You know, maybe I ain't
smart like you,

and maybe I haven't
finished school,

but at least I ain't
a fuckin' hypocrite.

-[Chuckling]

Vanessa, please indulge me.

Tell me why I am a hypocrite.

[Chuckling]

-You act like you's all
on some sort of mission,

but all you want to do is just
get off in a sex-type way.

Are you gonna do sex to me now?

-Vanessa, I promise you, if
we get really, really intimate,

you're gonna be way
past being offended.

-What, are you gonna
fuck me when I'm dead?

-[Chuckling]

-Mister, I'm a person!

I'm a human being!

-Yeah, like that drug
addict fuckin' whore

of a mother of yours?

-I sure wouldn't want
to meet your mom, Bob.

-[Grunts]

-[Panting]

What, you can talk about my mom
but I can't talk about yours?

-We are not here to
talk about me, Vanessa!

We are here to talk about you,

so get your fuckin' pants down!

-Please just let me go, Bob.

-God dammit!

Get your fuckin' pants
down, you fuckin' cunt!

-What'd you call me?

-I said get your
fuckin' pants down, now!

-Okay!

Okay, but, look, I got
these boots and I got

all them laces and stuff,

so you're gonna have
to give me a minute.

-Hurry up.

-[Grunts]
-Ah!

Fuck!

Fucking bitch!

I'm gonna fuckin'
kill you, Vanessa.

-You just settle down, Bob.

-Okay.

-You just
settle down right now!

-Okay.

-Drop that razor
out the window.

If you try anything, I'm gonna
shoot you so many times!

You know, you should've
just let me out of the car

when I asked you to, Bob!

You see where
bad manners get ya?

You see?

-Listen Vanessa, look.
I just --

-Look, I've heard all
I'm gonna hear outta you.

-Ow, fuck!
-So there!

-Ah, Jesus Christ!

-And that's for
trickin' me into

tellin' you all them things
I never even told my fiancé!

-Ah, Jesus Christ, we're
gonna get into an accident!

-And that's for cuttin'
off all my hair, you fucker!

-Vanessa, look,
you're upset, okay?

You have every right to be.

Look, something dark
and terrible came over me.

I don't know what,
but I swear to you,

I wasn't gonna hurt you,
you got to believe that.

-Yeah, right, I'm so sure!

-I'm serious, I just
wanted to scare you.

I don't even know why.

Look, Vanessa, it's
obvious to me right now

I'm a profoundly sick man.

-You know, I won't argue with
you there.

Anyone who'd do sex
to a dead person

is definitely sick, mister.

-You see?

You just admitted it there,
I'm a sick man, you can't --

-Shut up! Shut up!

-Okay, okay, okay.

-Son of a bitch.

Vanessa?

What are you thinking right now?

-You want to hear more of my
innermost fuckin' secrets?

-No.
-Fuckin' asshole.

-No, I was just wondering what
you were planning on doing.

-I'm gonna turn you
in to the fuckin' pigs,

that's what I'm gonna do!

-You know what'll happen
then, don't you?

-Yeah, you'll end up
suckin' gas at San Quentin.

-Vanessa.
-You just might.

-Vanessa, people like me, we
don't go to the gas chamber.

-Then you'll go to
the penitentiary,

where the mighty
Aryan Brotherhood

will make you wish
you'd never been born.

-Vanessa, the likelihood
of someone like me

going to prison
is absolutely nil.

-You think they're
just gonna let you walk?

-It'll be like that time
Mr. Morales broke your jaw.

-You think so, huh?

-Absolutely.

They won't take me for a killer,
they'll let me go free.

They'll send you to some new
foster home,

probably make Mr. Morales' place

look like some
pleasant dream to you.

Unless, of course,
you want to play it smart

for the first time in your life.

-How do I go about
doin' that, Bob?

-I got some money on me.

I got an ATM card,
we can go get some more.

You can go your way,
I'll go mine.

I swear to God, you'll
never see or hear me again.

What do you say?

-I say turn off on that exit
up there!

-Jesus Christ, Vanessa, we're
in the middle of nowhere.

-Well, you want to get shot
a whole buncha times?!

Now do like I tell you, dumbass!

-Okay, okay, I'm turning.

-You think this is a game?

♪

-What are we gonna do, Vanessa?

Drive around for three or four
hours looking for a cop?

-Keep flappin' your gums, Bob.

Who cares if no one's listenin'?

Pull up on that
dirt road over there.

Now, Bob, I know there's
a lot of sick guys out there

that get all hard thinkin'
about messin' women up.

Hell, that's all you
ever see on TV.

But when a guy goes and does
that for real

like you was plannin'
on doin' to me tonight --

-Vanessa, I was just
trying to scare you.

-Look, you had your
turn to talk!

Okay, I think it's only fair
to let me get my two cents in.

-You're absolutely right.
I'm sorry, please go on.

-But when a guy goes and hurts
someone who never hurt them,

that makes him a criminal
first and a sick guy second.

It's like being sick
has to take second place

to being crooked.

And, Bob, you're crooked.

You proved that to me tonight.

-[Sobs]
-Am I making any sense?

-Yes.

There's so much
I want to tell you --

-Bob.

-Look, there's more to me
than what you saw tonight.

-Bob!

Bob.
-Please.

-The time for talk's over now.

I'm gonna ask you
a question, and it's real,

real important, okay?

-What?

-Do you accept
Jesus Christ as your Lord

and personal savior?

-Oh, my God.

Vanessa, you're
really scaring me.

-Tell me now, Bob.
I need to know.

Do you believe that Jesus Christ

is your Lord
and personal savior?

-Yes, I do.

I swear.

-Good.

That's really good.

[Gunshot]

[Insects chirping]

[Screams]

-[Groaning]

[Gagging]

Oh, God, not like this.

[Shouting]

[Gunshots]

[Gunshot]

-Oh, God.

Dear God,
that was so fuckin' bad.

But I was at a loss,
so I left it up to you.

I love you with all my heart,
and I hope you don't hate me

more than you already do.

Please bless Mama,
Larry, and Chopper.

Amen.

[Static crackles]

-One of the all time
great drive in sequences.

And that moment where she says,
"Do you accept Jesus Christ

as your Lord
and personal savior,"

and then pulls the trigger?

That is pretty much
white trash gold.

In the pantheon
of redneck heroines,

Vanessa is right up there with

Claudia Jennings
in "Gator Bait."

-Oh, let's not go that far.
-All right.

I can never tell
when you're being sarcastic.

-No, I mean, she's amazing.
She's brilliant.

-Now, I should have
pointed this out earlier,

but remember the moment
when she shows

Bob the picture of her father,

who died before she was born,
when he was bashed in the head

on a container ship
or something?

That picture she shows Bob
is actually Richard Speck,

who is sometimes --
they call him a serial killer.

He was not a serial killer.

He was a mere mass murderer.

He killed eight nurses
in a Chicago dormitory.

-Oh, no, that's awful.
-But it was all

on the same night.

Matthew Bright never
quite explained

just why he thought
Vanessa's dead father

should look like
Richard Speck.

So I'm open to interpretations.
Darcy?

-I don't know, um, implying
that she had bad genes?

-Well, but I don't know.
She's the protagonist.

So the bad genes
gave her the balls

to pull the trigger on Bob?
Maybe.

-Or that she is, like,
just has that in her,

the potential
of the serial killer.

-Okay.
-The evil.

-All right, anyway, I want to
go I want to go back

to the Kink-A-Rama chart

and reveal kink number...

well, this would be 10, 9, 8...

This would be number seven
if we're counting backwards.

-Okay.
-Or number four

if we're counting forwards.

Anyway, our new kink is...

axillism.

-[Laughs]
-You know this one?

-Probably. Yeah.

-Armpit sex.

-Oh. I do know this one.

But, you know,
feel free to explain.

-All right, it's a French thing,
and it's...

[Laughter]

Yeah, yeah.

It's the idea that you
should never shave

your armpits or wear deodorant

because it's very erotic to
smell armpits and lick armpits

and spend a lot of time
around the armpits,

and then practice --

you know what I'm about to say?

-Bagpiping.

-Bagpiping.
And why is it called bagpiping?

-[Laughs] Um, because
it's like the motion

when you play bagpipes.

-Okay. Which we all know
from our --

-Or Funky Chicken.

-From our childhoods
playing the bagpipes.

Right. Okay.

But in this case,
you're not pumping up a bag.

You're pumping up a pecker,
so to speak, right?

-Are you allowed to say pecker?
-Well, with your armpit.

-How else would you
get friction in there?

-Well, and there's
also a lateral shoulder raise.

It's like a lateral shoulder
raise with dumbbells.

Right?
So be careful in the gym.

An axillo-philiac
could be getting turned on

by your shoulder work.

-Drink it in, baby.

-So there's two aspects
to this.

Research shows
that smelling your own armpit

can give you an energy boost.

And the specific pheromone
that's found in armpit sweat

can improve your mood.

And this was proved
by three Belgian gynecologists.

-I agree with that.

But I think you need to combine
it with something else,

no matter how much
you love armpits.

-Okay.
-More than just the smell.

-Agreed. Like inner elbows,
backs of the knee.

All the hinges in your body.

-What are you talking about now?
-You could do all of them.

Axillism.
I'm talking about axillism.

The latest in our enlightening
tour through kinky fetishes.

-I think that one's
a minority fetish.

-Well, if only one person in
the world does something sexual,

is that still a fetish,
or does that --

-Yeah. Definitely.
And I want to meet that person.

What do you mean?

-I mean, I admire them
finding a new way to have sex.

-Okay, true.

-I'm just saying.
-Back to the movie.

Is that the goal?
Find new ways to have sex.

-I mean, it should be.

-We're actually studying
the opposite,

because if you're
a fetish person,

then you're so fascinated
with one way to have sex

that you don't want to plunge
into the deep purple sea.

-The deep purple sea?
-I just made that up.

-I thought so.
-But I'm trying to describe

all the multiple sexual options,

like an aquarium full
of every species of fish.

But a fetishist, you don't want
all species of fish.

He just wants alligator gar.
So...

-Okay, what does that mean?

-Or maybe he wants
black spotted puffer fish

or something.
He's just doing one thing.

-All right. I feel like
we should wind this one up.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-But if one person wants
alligator gar

and the other person,
you know,

the significant other
of that person

wants black spotted puffer fish,

this is my point,
then you're screwed.

-Okay. Good point.
-Because they both

just want one thing.

-All right.

-Check those fetishes
before taking one home.

Smell your armpit.

-Mm. Energized.

-Who's adventurous now, Darcy?
Go for it.

-I don't understand
alligator gar still.

-What's that?
-All right, obviously, Darcy,

you have never fished
in the Arkansas River.

-I have not.
-Okay.

-Bottom feeders, bottom feeders.

-Okay.

-What other show in America
teaches the public

about armpit sex?

We are like -- see,
we're like the alligator gar

of film criticism.

-Bottom feeders.
-Precisely.

We are bottom feeders.

--Where are we right now?
-Indeed. I don't know.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

[Indistinct chatter]

-I think I'll have
the Double He-Man Breakfast

and a large size cherry cola.

Okay?

What?

I must look a fright.

Got a washroom?

-Dr. Barnes, 4721.

Dr. Barnes, 4721.

Dr. Kenseno to ICU.

Dr. Kenseno to ICU.

[Man coughing]

-One moment, please.

[Glass shatters]

-Please.

Call the police.

Help me.

Call my wife, please.

[Thuds]

-Freeze, police!

-Hi, Officer. What's up?

-Let's go!

-Come on.
-Sir, I did nothin' wrong.

-Shut up.

-I did nothin' wrong!

-We got a gun!
We got a gun.

-Big wow.

-Back inside, sir.

-God, you know half the goddamn
world's got a gun.

You're gonna throw me
in the back of this --

-Enough!

-Give me a goddamn break.

What?

What, you're not even goin'
to speak to me, Mr. Oink Man?

[Snorting]

I bet you like snatching girls.

-Back it up.

-Mr. Wolverton.

Mr. Wolverton?

Mr. Wolverton's just learned
that he's gonna have to undergo

a radical colectomy.

-That's rough.

-[Bob wailing]
-Yeah?

-Jesus.

-There's a couple
of detectives here

from the sheriff's department
who need to speak to you.

-As soon as we
finish our neurologic test.

-Mr. Wolverton?

Mr. Wolverton?

Mr. Wolverton, can you hear me?

I'm Garnet Wallace from
the sheriff's department.

I know you're in a lot of pain,
but can you take a moment?

I want to show you a photograph.

Tell me if this is
the person that shot you.

Is this the person
that shot you?

-Yes!

-You're sure? This is
the person that shot you?

Okay.
You'll be all right.

-Oh, God! Please!

Give me the fuckin' morphine!

Oh, please!

-Mrs. Wolverton, your husband
gave a positive identification.

-What happens now?

-Well, you have to keep in mind,

this is a juvenile
we're talking about.

-What?

You telling me you're just
gonna let her go free?

-I didn't say we're
gonna let her free.

She can be incarcerated
up to the age of 25.

-For that? Look at him.
10 years?

My husband is in there with
God knows how many bullets

in his head and in his back.

She deliberately shot him
over and over and over again.

I want her held responsible.

-Mrs. Wolverton, I assure
you that whoever did this

isn't just gonna walk away.

-What if he dies, huh?

If he dies, I think
that she should be

put in the electric chair.

-Gas.
-What?

-We use gas in California.

-I think you know
what I mean, Detective.

I certainly hope the people
that are responsible

for prosecuting this
case can muster

just a little bit more
sensitivity for the rights

of the victims than
you appear to have.

-I didn't mean
to sound uncaring.

-I want that little
monster to pay for this.

For me.
For my husband.

For the next person out
there that she'll end up

hurting or killing if,
God forbid,

she's allowed back
on the streets again.

-[Sighs]

-Vanessa Lutz.

-Yes, sir?

-My name is Garnet Wallace,
and this is

my partner, Mike Breer.

We're with
the LA Sheriff's Department.

-You're that guy on TV,
aren't you?

-Mm-hmm.

Investigating the I-5 murders.

-Well, y'all can all just
take a big old fuckin' cruise,

'cause I took full-out
care of that piece of shit.

-Mr. Wolverton's in critical
condition, but he isn't dead.

-Oh, yeah, right.
I shot him so many times.

-Aren't you concerned about
being tried

as an adult for murder?

-Vanessa, the reason
that we're here

is to give you an opportunity
to change your story.

-Well, that would just
make me a big fat liar,

now wouldn't it?

-Look, kid, cooperate,
'cause right now,

we're the best friends
you've got.

-Yeah, I'm so sure.

-You don't believe
we're your friends?

-I believe you're
out to ruin me.

Look, I never said
I wouldn't talk.

I might not happen to say
what y'all want to hear.

So you want me to talk,
that's fine,

but you got to let me call
me fiancé right afterwards.

Okay? Okay?

-Fine.

No problem.

Now talk.

-What do you want to know?

-Did Mr. Wolverton say
he was the I-5 Killer?

-He didn't say he wasn't.

-I haven't said that
I'm the I-5 Killer.

-Yeah, and you haven't said that
you're gonna slash me dead

with a razor, and do sex
to my dead body neither.

-Mr. Wolverton
said that to you?

-Yeah, right after he
cut off all my hair.

And then he called me one
of them garbage people.

And then I asked him if
he was that I-5 killer,

and he just started
smilin' all proud-like.

-You have an opportunity
now to clear your conscience.

-I told the truth,
and truth is eternal.

-Vanessa Lutz.

You still haven't told us
why you were walking around

with a loaded pistol
in the first place.

-I was gonna sell it
to finance my trip.

-Yet you ended up
shooting some poor slob

who had the decency to
give you a ride instead.

-Yeah, except for
the decency part.

-When did you decide
to rob him?

Was it before or after
you shot him?

-Look, that perv owed me
for pain and sufferin',

so yeah, I took his money.

-Why didn't you turn him in?
-I wanted to.

But he kept sayin' that it
would be his word against mine,

and that he'd just get off
and I would go

to foster care again.

And aside from that, I just
knew that if I let him go,

he would go out
and kill some other girl,

and that would've been my fault,

and I couldn't have
lived with that.

Never.

No way.

-Why were you so convinced
we wouldn't believe you?

-'Cause I've been
in the system,

and once you've been
in the system once,

ain't no one never
gonna believe you again.

That's just how it goes.

-Tell us about your
past legal problems.

-It's all in my file.

-I want to hear it from you.

-Okay.

All right, when I was
younger, I used to have

this problem with shoplifting.

And I got caught,
and the judge sent me

to this group therapy session
for all these little girls

who are supposed to be klepto.

-How many times were you

arrested for shoplifting,
Vanessa?

-Seven times.

-What else?

-Okay, now this
is gonna sound bad,

but it's not as bad
as it seems, okay?

But I learned later that
I had this problem with anger.

But I don't have
that problem no more.

-Just answer the question.

-Back in Texas, these cops said

that I lit this shed on fire.

-You were arrested for arson?

-Yeah, but nobody got hurt.
It was no big deal.

And the judge even said
I could get it expunged

from my record if
I was to go to these

group therapy sessions
with all them teenagers

who are supposed to be
firebugs or somethin'.

But that judge got switched,
so that's why it's still there.

[Sighs]

-How many times were
you arrested for arson?

-Three times.

-Okay.

What else?

-Come on, Vanessa, tell us.

-Soliciting.

-Just doin' what
came natural, huh?

-Hey, Mike.

-What's that supposed to mean?

-Let's get
back to the questions.

-No, unh-unh.

What's that supposed to mean?

What, you think prostitution
comes natural,

like bein' a nigger?

Oh, what, you don't like
bein' called a nigger?

Well, I don't like being
called a natural-born whore.

So there.

-Sit down.
-No!

He's talkin' to me the
way that fucking guy did!

-Is that why you shot him?

Or was it because you wanted
what was in his wallet?

-I already told you
why I shot him,

you shit-skinned motherfucker.

[Grunting]

Fine, you fucking coon!

I'll kick your black ass all
over this fuckin' station!

Shithead.

-You okay, Mike?

Why'd you call him
those names, Vanessa?

-'Cause he didn't
say he was sorry,

and I knew it would
piss him off.

Now, how 'bout that phone call?

Come on, come on,
I need another quarter.

Come on!

Hey, Mrs. Wood!
Is Chopper there?

[Phone thuds]

Holy shit!

Look who got beat
with the ugly stick!

Is that you, Bob?

I can't believe such
a teeny weeny little gun

could make such
a big mess out of someone.

-Are you out of your mind?

-You are so ugly, Bob!

You know it's gonna cramp
your style big-time.

You know that, huh?

Especially with little
Miss Priss over there.

And hey, I heard you have
one of them big poop bags

that's like attached
to your body

and all your shit comes
out and lands in it.

You just a big old shit bag,
ain't you, Bob?

You just think of me
every time you empty

that motherfuckin' thing,
motherfucker!

-[Gavel banging]
-Quiet, quiet!

Stay there.

-All right.

-One more word, young lady,
and you're going to be gagged.

The People versus
Vanessa Julia Lutz.

-Your Honor, due to the heinous
nature of this crime

and the defendant's
obvious lack of remorse,

the state moves
that Vanessa Julia Lutz

be tried as an adult.

-Your Honor, my client is
an illiterate child.

One only has to look
at her to see --

-Oh, I've had my look,
counselor.

And I've been listening, too.

And I'm going to
direct Youth Authority

to prepare a report on
the defendant's suitability

to be tried as an adult.

[Gavel bangs]

♪

♪

[Alarm buzzing]

[Door closes]

-Hello there, ladies.

Welcome to Bridgewater.

I'm Mrs. Cullins,
and if you follow me,

I'll show you to your beds.

♪ Who am I, am I the type to
leave you ♪

♪ Where you're standing ♪

♪ Damn right, so watch
the way you're acting ♪

♪ Put you under a microscope
and watch you from afar ♪

♪ Rattle up your nerves
in every type of war ♪

♪ Staring out the window 'cause
you're paranoid thinkin' ♪

♪ I'm gonna get ya ♪

♪ I got your mind playin'
tricks on you ♪

-Venus, this is yours,
number eight.

And, Vanessa,

number 12.

Hello, Rhonda.

-Hey, Mrs. Cullins.

-Say hello to Vanessa.

Vanessa, this is Rhonda.

-How you doing?

-I was hoping that you could
show Vanessa

around the craft shop later.

-I can't.

See, I'm on restriction.

-Rhonda, what did
you do this time?

-Mrs. Joiner said

that I was touchin'
Wanda Z. all inappropriate.

[Mrs. Cullins laughs]

-Rhonda.

I swear.

[Laughing]

-So, who'd you kill?

-What makes you think
I killed somebody?

-'Cause they got you
wearin' one of them

orange murder suits.

Only the shooters
wear them things.

-Actually, I left him for
dead, but he pulled through.

-Ah.

I'm here for huffin' paint.

-They put you in here for that?

-Durin' the strip search,
they found this gram of tar

in my cooch.

You like tar?

-No.

Heroin's way too gnarly for me.

-I don't get how a person
could go through

their whole lives never bein'
into girls.

I just...I love girls.

-You can keep 'em.

-You don't know
what you're missing.

[Rap music playing]

-Chola alert.

-How many?

-Three.

But you only
got to worry about one.

-Oye.

Cockerbunny.

They got you to
cheat school or what?

Bitch.

I'm fuckin' talkin' to you, man.

[Vanessa screams]

-My name is Vanessa Julia Lutz!

Say it!

Cunt!

[Distant alarm blaring]

[Shouting]

-415, inmates only,
module 1700.

-Say my name before
I break your goddamn neck!

Bitch!

[All shouting]

-Stick it in her.

Stick it in her!

-Break it up!

-Let go of me!

-This isn't going to
hurt a bit, sweetie.

And afterwards, you can
have a nice little nap.

[Vanessa screaming]

We can remove those pesky
restraints now.

-[Groans] Get off!

[Door thuds]

-Hi, honey.

-Grandma?
-Here I am.

Hi, honey.

-Grandma?

Grandma?

-Vanessa.

-Grandma?

-Vanessa.

Vanessa.

[Footsteps approaching]

[Keys jingling]

-Vanessa Julia Lutz.

Inmate shows no remorse
for her crimes.

Inmate is combative.

Refuses to accept
responsibility for her actions.

Recommendations --
this inmate appears to be

a sophisticated criminal, and
an extreme danger to society,

and should be required to pay
the penalty for her actions

in a facility
for adult criminals.

Diagnosis -- antisocial
personality disorder.

Prognosis -- very poor.

Recommendations...

This individual is
probably too far gone

to benefit from corrective
behavior modification

of the kind offered in
a setting for juveniles.

♪

♪

[Door clangs]

♪

♪

Hello, Vanessa.

Do you think you can
join the rest of us now?

-If nobody gives me
no more problems.

[Static crackles]

-Just when you think "Freeway"
can't get any better,

turns into
a women in prison movie.

-Yeah.
-What have we got so far?

We got gang movie, road movie,
fairy tale, courtroom drama,

portrait of a serial killer,
cop procedural, women in prison.

And we're still not done
with genre hopping.

And of course,
that's Brittany Murphy

as the lesbian with tar
in her cooch.

[Laughter]

Yet another star turn
in a small role.

And that speech
that Vanessa makes when

Bob comes into the courtroom,
the one that starts out,

"Holy shit, look who got beat
with the ugly stick.

Is that you, Bob?"

And then it goes on
and on and on.

That is one of the funniest,
best written takedowns.

I can listen to that
over and over

and never get tired of it.

She ends it by making --
a she makes Bob one with his

colostomy bag at
the end of that speech.

And then there's that scene

where Vanessa goes nutzoid
on the cop,

who suggests that she's
a natural born whore.

You know, that actor,
Wolfgang Bodison, is that actor,

and he says he's never
been able to live down

getting beaten up by the petite
Reese Witherspoon in that movie.

When they did the scene,
he told her,

"Just go ahead
and hit me as hard as you can."

And she said, "Nope,
we will not be doing that."

And she planned out
and choreographed

every move in that fight.

They don't really
say anything about

Reese Witherspoon's Southern
accent in the movie,

but I can't help but be
reminded of lots of girls

I've known who are
just as fierce

when it comes
to messing somebody up.

-Yeah.
-You know, Southern girls.

And that's definitely
a redneck female trait.

And you're a Southern girl.
-Mm-hmm.

-Can you tussle?
-If I need to.

-Okay, I think that's a yes.

Any place you have young women
forced to live together

like that, you have got fights.

-Yes. It's facts.

-Were you a cracker bunny?

-I was not.

-I don't know what
a cracker bunny is exactly,

but apparently that's what
set her off.

-I think it just became a term
only because of this movie.

-Really?
So Matthew Bright invented

the term "cracker bunny"?
-He did.

-All right.

What else have we got in
the kinky fetish department?

We have...

Okay. Yeah, we got
to deal with this one.

-What?
-Vorare-philia.

We got to deal with this one
because it's part

of the Red Riding Hood story.

-Okay, so what is that exactly?

-Swallowing someone whole

or watching someone
be swallowed whole.

-How can you even do that one?

-Well, because remember
the original

Red Riding Hood story,
the wolf swallows the grandma

and then he swallows
little Red Riding Hood.

And, you know, academics that
write about this fairy tale,

they could just go wild
with their study

of the little
Red Riding Hood story

as the ultimate
sexual predator fairy tale.

And so the swallowing
whole thing is creepy sex

on many levels, and...

-So I can imagine
where you're going with this.

But I think
you probably shouldn't.

-No, I'm not going there.
-Okay.

-On the swallowing whole trail.

-Okay.
-But there are three versions

of the Little Red Riding Hood
story, okay?

And they all start out
the same way.

Little Red Riding Hood,

she's wearing a red cape,
and her mother gives her

a basket of cake and wine
to take to her grandma's house.

And on the way through
the forest, she meets a wolf,

and she has a conversation
with the wolf,

and she makes the naive mistake

of telling the wolf
where her grandma lives.

So the first time this story
was written down was in 1697.

Charles Perrault, the French guy
who sort of invented

the fairy tale genre,
he's telling it the way

it's been passed down
through folktales.

And so the wolf takes a shortcut
to grandma's house,

eats grandma, dresses up
in grandma's clothes, and then

when Red Riding Hood
gets there, they have that

"My what big teeth you have,
Grandma" conversation.

And eventually Red Riding Hood
gets eaten, also.

End of story. Grandma is gone.
Little Red Riding Hood is gone.

So when the Grimm brothers
come along to do their version

of the story,
150 years after that,

they decide
that's too depressing.

So they add another character,

the passing Huntsman,
and the passing Huntsman

somehow figures out
what happened,

and he cuts open
the wolf's belly,

and he releases grandma
and Red Riding Hood.

-Nah.
-They have not been

digested yet, I guess.

-That's a cop out.
-But then there's

a third version of the story.

This version is about
900 years old.

They found a reference
to this in a Nordic saga.

-In a what?
-A Nordic saga.

-All right, well,
what do you count as Nordic?

-The Nordic area, I guess.

I don't know, Denmark, Iceland.
Somewhere up there.

-Nordic.
-Yeah.

The important thing is that in
that story, grandma gets eaten.

But Red Riding Hood
is too smart for the wolf,

so she tricks him
into letting her go.

So one dead,
one alive in that version.

So but what's
the story about, really?

It's about a journey
from childhood into adulthood,

from innocence into cunning.

And the whole
passing huntsman thing,

that seems like a ridiculous way
to end the story.

You know, passing Huntsman.
-Yeah, I don't like that one.

-What's great about Vanessa
in this version of the story

is that she never
needs male assistance.

-Yeah.
-She never needs

the passing huntsman.

All her power comes
from her own inner strength.

And as we're about to find out,
the sisterhood.

It's women triumphing
over all the oafish men.

-Hell, yeah.

-Okay, and then one other
weird historical factoid

about the fairy tale.
Why is she wearing red?

-Blood?

-There's an 11th century poem
from Belgium

recorded by a priest
that mentions this story,

and it says she's wearing
a red baptism tunic,

one of those robes
they put on you

after you come up
out of the water.

But as far as I know,
baptism tunics are white.

They have always been white.

Whether you're baptized
in a baby or a 90-year-old man.

So something
in the original story

is about how they did
a special baptism for this girl.

And it kind of indicates it's
a baptism from the other side,

the witch side,
the demon side, the Satan side.

It's the color
you put on a virgin

who's going to be sacrificed,

or the color
you put on a harlot.

And, you know,
there's so many ways,

different ways
to interpret this.

But the implication
is she's a bad girl.

And you know who gets
that part of it?

Matthew Bright gets
that part of it.

Let's continue
with the system

trying to do behavior
modification on Vanessa Lutz.

But she's got a red tunic,

so, people,
it ain't going to work.

Roll the film.

What do you think of
my baptismal tunic story?

-I don't know that I fully
understand all of it.

-All right, well,
I don't either, but...

Well, the idea is,
first of all,

they had an infant baptism,
so she's a baby.

-Okay.
-But the garment is red.

So she's also a harlot.
So she's a baby harlot.

-Aw.
-I mean...

-Really, a baby harlot?

-Underage. Too much makeup,
toddler, beauty pageants.

You know,
that's what the wolf likes.

-So I think you're saying
Little Red Riding Hood

is a story about pedophiles.

-Yeah.

I think it's the scary
young girls

into not talking
to adult males,

because only
the bad girls do that.

And that's why
the bad girls get devoured.

-I always kind of like
the wolf in the story.

-You like the wolf?
Well, see, that's a problem,

because if the little red
toddler beauty pageant

harlot girl falls for the wolf,
maybe she has vorare-philia.

-And then that
would make it okay?

-No, no, no, no, no.

-Okay.
-Statutory, Darcy.

-Sorry. Got it. I understand.

-See this line?

See this line by my boot.
-Yes.

-See how close
that is to my boot?

You know, that's what
we're doing right now.

I move that boot one inch,
and we are history.

-Got it.
-Okay.

[Laughter]

[Static crackles]

-We need to put an end
to the system

that lets dangerous,
violent thugs

be prosecuted as juveniles
rather than as adults,

even when they have committed
the most vicious crimes.

-Hi. This is Janice Miller
of "Inside View."

We're here with
Mr. Robert Wolverton

and his wife Mimi Wolverton at
their home in Orange County.

Would you describe
some of the hardships

you've had to endure
since this ordeal began?

-My husband's been
permanently disfigured.

How can he ever work with
children again?

His appearance, well,
it frightens them.

He's unable to have
sexual relations.

-You're saying your
husband is no longer capable

of achieving an erection?

-That part of our
lives is over now.

What makes me so angry is
how that little monster

ridiculed us during her
preliminary hearing.

And the media.

How dare the media talk about
how horrible her life is.

What about us?

Psychopath.

She's been locked up,
9, 10 times?

Why was she ever let back
out on the streets again

in the first place?

-If the teenager who allegedly
shot your husband were here,

what do you want to say to her?

-Was it worth the $300
she stole from my husband?

-Are you bitter, Mr. Wolverton?

-[Distorted voice]
Well, Janice, after all

the wonderful letters

that we received from
across the country --

-[Imitating Bob]
My neck may not function,

but I have not lost my smile.

-No, I'm not a bitter man.

-I know there's
a lot of people looking

for some real-life heroes,
and I think I found a few.

-Their courage is
a real inspiration.

And now, stay tuned
for an unusual story

about a couple of sweltering
polar bears in Texas.

[Laughter]

[Gunshots]

[Laughter]

-Holy shit.

-Okay.

[Sighs]

-Want me to go get you
some party punch?

-[Sighs]

-No, I ain't thirsty.

-You're all wigged out, huh?

-I get all these bad nightmares
once I get out of isolation.

[Girl coughing]

-God...

I am so happy to get out.

I mean, I can't...

I can't even sleep at all,
let alone have nightmares.

-For me, it's like
I get all shrunk down.

-I don't get what you mean.

-It's like I get like
a cat or a dog or somethin'.

You can tell I'm just
like they all are.

If I get in the hole
much longer,

I'm just gonna be
like this hermit,

shunning all human contact.

Scared-like.

-It's like that
song says, Vanessa.

People need people.

-I ain't so sure
about that, Rhonda.

-What is it that you
think that you need?

-I'll tell you.

Back in the hole,
I decided all I need to live

was my will.

And a knife's good, too.

You don't feel so
at the mercy of events.

-Wow.

You made this?

-Yeah, my stepfather Larry
showed me how.

It's pretty cool, huh?

-What are you gonna do with it?

-Get the hell out of here.

-You might have to mess up
some of the staff.

-What, you really feel
sorry for them people?

You think normal people
just wake up one morning

and just decide they're
gonna work in prison?

They're perverts,
every last one of them.

Any of them fuckos
get in my way,

I'm gonna make
them wish they hadn't.

-Do you like that?

-I'll make out
with you, but no fucking.

I'm straight.

[Rhonda laughing]

-Okay, you two.

-Your Honor, it's obvious
my client is a child

and very unstable.

It says right here,
"nearly illiterate,

emotionally immature,
prone to impulsivity,

unpredictable --"

-Your Honor, she is charged
with a gruesome crime.

-Counselor, please.

Then it goes on to say she
should be tried as an adult.

-And stand trial
as an adult she will.

-Thank you, Your Honor.

-Jury selection will commence
on June 8th at 10:00 a.m.

[Gavel bangs]

-Are we leaving?

What are y'all lookin' at?

Fuck all y'all.

Fuck you, chipmunk face,
and your fuckin' skipper wife.

[Bell rings]

-I see here that
you and Vanessa

were arrested together twice
in a period of two years.

-Yeah.

We needed the money.

We thought it'd be all
grown-up turning tricks

on Warren Avenue right
outside the Snack-N-Shop.

Except we got pinched
in like five minutes.

Bitch.

-You two were engaged
in acts of prostitution

in the sixth grade?

-We was only gonna
jack 'em off is all.

-Did you ever see Vanessa
act in an overtly hostile way

to an actual human being?

-[Laughing]

You mean like blow
somebody's brains out

all over the place?

-Oh, you think that's funny?
-Yeah.

[Cherry laughing]

-What about her
boyfriend who passed away?

-It was pretty exclusive.

-Okay, Cherry, that'll be all
for now. Thank you very much.

-I know she's
blowing it over him.

-Well, what do you know?

She's a coal-burner.

-What's a coal-burner?

-It means her
boyfriend's black.

-Are you surprised?

-Aren't you?

-You know, Mike, every
kid we've spoken to

about this Lutz girl seems to
hold her in very high regard.

-Well, Wallace, look
at her friends outside.

They're the most
fucked-up bunch of kids

I've ever seen in my damn life.

Still, something just doesn't --

-What?

-I got to go back
to the crime scene.

-It's two-and-a-half
hours away.

-Wallace!

-Go, go, go.

Get it out of your system.

[Distant siren wailing]

-Go on.

Diamonds on the back, ladies.

Diamonds on the back.

-Gonna get me some jerky.

Stay in line!

-Don't forget to wash
your hands now, ladies.

-Do you think that
little guard's cute?

-I guess.

Yeah, sort of punky.

-Better watch out,
'cause it's gonna get

pretty crazy in here
in a second.

-You gonna cut up
that cute little guard?

-If he gets in my way, I will.

-You're stupid

if you think you can
get past both them two.

-What the fuck do you
care what happens to me?

-I'm here on
double murder, okay?

In two years, I'm gonna be 18.

I'm gonna be sent to Frontera
for 20 fuckin' years,

so why the hell
shouldn't I help you?

Because two heads, a lot
fuckin' better than one head.

[Knocking]

-Hurry up in there, ladies.

[Knocking]

Come on now.

-All right.

Don't you fucking breathe!

-Vanessa.

-I'm dead serious.

What did I say?

-Where'd the hack go?

-He went to get
a beef treat, Mesquita.

And he'll be right back.

-Shut up.

-You can't get
by the both of us.

-Shut up!
-Think about it.

-Shut up!

-[Gasps]

-My sister Brenda
thinks you're cute.

-I do not.
-You do, too.

-That's good.
Where's Mrs. Cullins?

-[Murmurs]

-[Grunts]

-Who told you you
could fight?

-You didn't have to kill me.

-What?

-You didn't have to kill me!

-I didn't kill you,
you dirty little pervert.

Gimme your goddamn car keys
before I cut your pecker off.

That won't feel very good,
will it?

-He sure is bloody.

-I still think he's cute.

-[Laughs]

[Grunting]

-Move the fuckin' leg, man!

Move your fuckin' face!

-Mesquita, I'd really like
to go now.

-Good night, everybody!

[Engine starts]

My homies are here, Vanessa.

-I missed you so much.

You smell the same.

What happened?

-I was playing with ketchup.

This is my little bunkie,
Vanessa.

-[Speaking Spanish]

And don't you worry, Cacahuete.
Everything gonna be all right.

-All right.

♪

-You look pretty.

-Thanks.

-So, you gonna think I sound
all feminist and shit.

It's like the one thing that
I learned in jail is that

girls got to help out
other girls, you know?

Especially convict girls 'cause

if they don't,
they ought to be fucking dead.

Know what I mean?

-I hear what you're sayin'.

-Okay.

-Need me to drop
that off anywhere?

-No.

The owner, he won't mind.

-Badass.

-You're gonna need this, girl.

-Oh, Mesquita, you already
done too much for me.

-This ain't even $20.
This bomb's a total gas hog.

Don't be stupid.

-You know what
I really need is a gun.

-You gonna give her my
[speaks Spanish]

-I'll get you another
one, pendejo.

I'll get you a cellular,
too, and a beeper.

I'll get ahold of your ass.

Watch out for the pigs, Vanessa.

-Yeah, I'm sorry for
busting your nose that time.

I was just real upset that day.

-Oh, that hurt.

I'm all trying to
work it so I can get you

to put out with me later on.

I guess I went about
it pretty dumb, huh?

-Mesquita, I'd put out for
you any day of the week.

-I only do that in lockup.

[Laughs]

Come here.

[Doorbell ringing]

-Good morning, Mrs. Wolverton.

-Well, have you found her?

-No, we haven't.

-I really don't think
you're in any danger.

-Oh, really?

Well, your life hasn't
been ruined

by this little monster, has it?

-Is your husband here
now, Mrs. Wolverton?

-No. He's at St. John's doing
his physical therapy.

Now, what the hell
are you doing here?

-Go over to the hospital
and escort

Mr. Wolverton back here, please.

-Why?

-Mrs. Wolverton, I have
a search warrant here.

-What?

-If you would
just sign anywhere.

-I'm not signing anything.

-Steve, make note that
Mrs. Wolverton

refused to sign
the search warrant.

-I don't believe this.

-So noted.

-Okay, take care
of the downstairs.

And make sure you
check out the garage,

the backyard,
everything thoroughly.

-What's this all about?

-Mrs. Wolverton, certain
evidence has come to light,

which we are duty-bound
to investigate.

-What sort of evidence?

-I would prefer to discuss it

in the presence of your
husband, if you don't mind.

-There's a storage shed out
back. I'm gonna take a look.

You wouldn't happen to
have the key, would you?

-Fuck you.

-Didn't think so.

-Robert Wolverton.

Correct, age 32.

Yeah, forensics is on its way.

Tony found some remains.

Human, animal, who knows?

-Mrs. Wolverton, were
you aware your husband

had mental problems?

-Those...

Those were...

Those were chil --

-Children?

Yes.

Just like the Lutz girl
we've been dying to see

get strapped down in
the gas chamber.

-[Moans]
-Will you ease up on her?

-Fuck her!

-[Crying]

[Gunshot]

-Jesus.

[Static crackles]

-Two more superb performances.

I just got to mention
before we move on,

and -- well, actually three,

because Brooke Shields
does a great job of setting up

that blow-your-brains-out scene

as the clueless wife
of the wolf,

but also Dan Hedaya
plays the chief detective.

Most people know him
from "Blood Simple",

where he established
his lifelong reputation

as the sleaze-meister,

one of those guys who's been
in a hundred movies

and you can't remember his name,
but the face pegs him

as a quirky and often
dangerous character actor.

And then Alanna Ubach
as Mesquita,

the Hispanic tough girl who
orchestrates the assassination

of the prison guards.

She would, of course,
reunite with Reese Witherspoon

in "Legally Blonde".

Half Puerto Rican,
half Mexican,

she was the essence
of the kind of street girl

that Matthew Bright loved
while he was growing up,

and in fact, I think
he said in an interview,

"I love cholas,"

cholas being gang girls,

affiliates of the cholos.

Okay, let's do
a quick Kink-A-Rama reveal here.

Our fetish for this break is...

formicophilia.

-Know this one?

-Sex on the kitchen counter?

-No.
[Laughs]

That would be for-mica-philia.

This is for formic-o-philia.

-Oh, my bad.
No idea then.

-Having bugs crawl around
on your genitals.

-I've not done that one.
-Okay.

Have you heard of it, though?

-I've heard of similar ones.
-Similar ones? Like what?

-Like what? You know,
like other animals.

Like, gerbils.

-Oh, yeah. Gerbils.

Everybody knows about gerbils.
-It's a big one.

-But formicophilia
is usually ants,

especially fire ants.

-Oh, my.

-You get as many of them
as possible,

you dump them between your legs,

and that tickling,
biting sensation

is what causes you to get off.

-Alright,
whatever you're into.

-Okay. Is that sarcastic?
-No, I do not judge.

-Alright. Also cockroaches --
All under the same category.

Cockroaches, bees, snails.

Anything get your attention.
-Oh, no.

I think bees is only for really
experienced fetishists.

-I hope so.

I mean, the whole thing
sounds complicated, though.

I mean, just the creature
wrangling would be a hassle,

but the scientific literature
says it's because regular sex

is associated
with some kind of trauma,

and so you need creatures
to make the sex better.

I think I'm explaining it right.

-Eh, creatures I understand.

-Well, yeah, because...
-Like, monster creatures.

-Yeah, because we have
our friends in Phoenix

who have a company
that makes sex toys

designed to represent
monster genitals,

like, not "monster"
as in large,

but, like, creatures,
creature genitals, and...

-Indeed, we do.

-...and they sell
millions of those,

and it makes cockroaches
not so strange

once you know
that people want that.

Alright, back to
the stunning conclusion --

and I do mean
stunning -- of "Freeway".

Matthew Bright -- he would be
a great guest for this show,

but he, like, has no phone

and he lives in Third World
countries all over the world,

and he was in Cambodia
for a while.

Last I saw,
he was in Chiapas.

Chiapas is the southernmost
state in Mexico,

on the border with Guatemala.

When Oliver Stone met him,

he called him
"a weird little guy, but funny."

And the producer who optioned
the script, Brad Wyman,

said it was tough
raising money for the movie

because Matthew Bright, quote,

"looked like he lived
under a bridge,"

and so and everybody
who ever works with him

ends up yelling at him

because he goes to the set
and he just lets things flow.

He's not a big planner. He never
gives the actors any direction.

And actors hate that,
or most actors hate that.

Do you like direction?
-Oh, I love direction.

-Yeah? Unless it's me
giving it, right?

-I like direction
from directors.

-[Laughs] Well, that's true.
I'm not a director,

but I might have considered it
as a profession

if you could live in Chiapas.

-What's in Chiapas?

-Jungles. Bananas.

-Bananas?
-Mayan ruins.

Iguanas.

Did you ever see
"Night of the Iguana"?

-Isn't that in
Puerto Vallarta?

-Yeah, because they were afraid
to go to Chiapas, probably.

You know?
But same idea.

Cabana boys,
sultry earth women.

-Let's go.
-Alright.

Oh, and the simojovel
hot chili pepper,

produced only in Chiapas,

believed to be hotter
than the habanero.

-Ooh, dang.
That sounds dangerous.

-You know how
I love hot peppers, right?

I mean, I've never
had a simojovel,

because it's only made
in that one little place,

but they say if you bite off
too much of it,

your brain will just seep
right out of your ears.

-Shut up. Now we have to go.
-Yeah, I know,

but we'd have
to take Aeromexico or something.

I mean...
-That's fine.

-Like, probably
one flight a week to Chiapas.

But if that's booked --
I'll tell you what.

We'll just rent a car,
cross the border,

fight our way
through the banditos,

find the simojovel
hot chili pepper.

-Worth it. Let's do it.

-Alright.

[Static crackles]

[Tires squealing]

-[Breathing heavily]

-Por favor.

Hey, ladies!
Dónde está los chicos?

-[Singing in Spanish]

-Sex-o.
Sex-o.

Yeah.
Muy buena.

-[Singing in Spanish]

-Want to score, baby.
Come on.

Fuck you, too.

Hey, babe.

Ooh, me so horny.
-Keep going.

-Yeah, what about now?

Fuck you, too.

Back again, huh?

Wanna fuck?

-How much?

-[Singing in Spanish]

-Depends on what you're into.

-Do you suck cock?

-Sure.

I can do that.

-I just want to get sucked.

-Alright.
You just find us an alley,

and I'll take care of you
right where you're sitting.

-I'll pay $25.

-I can live with that.

Let's go.

♪

-You're underage, aren't you?

-What, is that a problem?

-No.

Young people gotta live, too.

-Sure got that right.

Now get 'em all down, okay?

Makes it a whole lot easier
that way.

And gimme all your money!

All of it!

-God dammit!

[Gunshot]

Jesus! Okay!
Hey, hey, I'm sorry, okay? Okay?

-I was aimin' at your head,
mister!

-Okay, I'm sorry.

-If you get this over quick,

we'll both be
a lot happier, okay?

-My money's in my
briefcase in the back seat.

-Don't move it!

Just lean over and open
it up where it's laying.

And keep your pants where
they are, Mr. Dirty Mouth!

-O-Okay.

Okay. Okay.

-Don't swing that
motherfuckin' thing at me,

or I swear to God, you're dead!

Believe me?

-Why are you doing this?

-Because I'm pissed off
and the whole world owes me.

Now gimme your goddamn money!

Where's the rest of it?

-That's all I got.

-You was just gonna give me $5?!

-Please, please, please.

Just take it, okay?

Please?

-Get out of the goddamn car
right now,

you little pecker snot!

Right now!

No! Unh-unh!

You get all them panties off
before I get really pissed!

You think I'm kiddin'?

[Gunshots]

Now get your ass in the trunk.

[Dogs barking]

-Please. I'm claustrophobic.

-Yeah, well I get
claustrophobic

suckin' strange dick.

Get in there!

-Please, please, I got to pee.

-Well pee in there,
motherfucker!

I ain't kiddin'!

Now!

Dumbass.

-I'm sorry, sir, this
is a no-smoking restaurant.

-You really are a dear, Flo.

-Would you care for a warm-up?

-No thank you.

I'd like to order.

-Uh, w-what would you like?

-Some chicken soup,
with a fucking straw.

[Inhales deeply]

[Exhales deeply]

♪

♪

-Let me out!
I'm dying in here!

-Oh, you are?
Well, do it now.

-Will you slow down,
for Christ's sake?

You're gonna get us killed.

There. There's the exit.

♪

♪

-Grandma!

Grandma!

Grandma!

Grandma!

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Tires squealing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Let me out. Let me out!
I'm dying in here!

Hey!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

-Grandma, it's me!

It's me, Vanessa!

Hey, Grandma.

It's me, Vanessa!

Hi, Grandma.

Grandma, wake up.

It's time to wake up.

I'm your granddaughter.

I'm here to take care of you
forever and ever and ever.

Why are you hidin'?

-[Grunts]

-Here, let me see.

-[Breathing heavily]

-Them's some big ugly
fuckin' teeth you got, Bob.

-How do you like that, Vanessa?

You like how
that fuckin' feels?

-What did you do
with my grandma?

-Do you want to see
your grandma?

What do you think
of Grandma, kid?

-You fucker!
You killed my grandma!

-That's not all I did to
Grandma.

-Naomi.

Naomi, listen, I brought
you an extension cord --

[Gunshot]

[Both grunting]

[Gunshot]

-Die, you piece of shit!

Dead!

[Gunshots]

Die, you fucker!

[Gunshots]

-Back inside!

-God!
-[Grunting]

[Gunshots]

-Die, you piece of shit!

[Both grunting]

-Let's go!

[Gunshots]

-Vanessa!

-Piece of shit!

Fucking perv!

-Vanessa!

-Piece of shit!

-Vanessa!

Vanessa!

-Die!

-[Choking]

-Ah! Ah!

[Breathing heavily]

-Come on.

Oh, shit.

Get out of there.

Get out of there!

-[Sighs]

-Holy shit.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

[Birds chirping]

-Y'all got a cigarette?

-[Laughs]

[Dissonant accordion music]

-[Laughing]

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Static crackles]

-Just when you thought
this movie

had already set
the record for cool cameos,

the dead, abused, tied-up,
and naked grandma

is played by Kitty Fox,

one of the most interesting
porn actresses who ever lived.

She was a Las Vegas showgirl
who opened a topless bar

with her husband, and
the topless bar is still there.

It's Centerfolds Cabaret
on Paradise Road,

over by the UNLV basketball
arena,

and then, at the age of 48,
she made her first porn film,

and she pioneered the fetish
called "granny porn",

and she ended up
making more than 400 movies

before her death in 2006.

And I don't know
how Matthew Bright found her

and convinced her
to do that scene,

but yet another
brilliant flourish

in a film
that's just full of them.

Anyway,
as I pointed out before,

"Freeway" was not
a particularly successful movie.

It was shot in just 21 days
in August of 1995.

It debuted at Sundance
on January the 26th, 1996,

and it was considered a flop,

but then it had a run on HBO

and it started to develop
an audience and a reputation.

They would call it
gutter punk cinema,

fairy tale exploitation.

They had these various words
the critics invented,

and it was then released
in theaters after HBO,

and it did moderate business.

Matthew Bright would make
three more movies

over the next six years,
and then just disappear.

There was a "Freeway II:
Confessions of a Trickbaby",

which was based
on "Hansel and Gretel",

with Natasha Lyonne
in the Gretel role,

rocks of cocaine
instead of breadcrumbs...

[Laughter]

-...Vincent Gallo as the witch.
[Laughs]

It passed with little notice.

It had such a troubled set

that Bright canceled
the third movie in the trilogy,

which was supposed to be
based on "Three Little Pigs".

He was going to do
that one, too.

And of course,
Reese Witherspoon would go on

to make "Pleasantville",
"Cruel Intentions",

"Election", "Legally Blonde" --

that was her
breakthrough movie --

"Sweet Home Alabama" --
a huge hit --

"Walk the Line" --
Academy Award --

"Gone Girl", "Wild" --

another Oscar
nomination for that one --

and then start producing
her own movies

while becoming one
of the most respected

actresses in Hollywood.

This movie, she does not
put on her resume,

and she will rarely talk
about this movie.

I take it that it was not
a pleasant experience for her.

What do you think, Darcy?

-I think it's a really
good thing

that she did not kill that guy
that she locked in the trunk.

-I know, right?
Yeah, right?

In that scene --
She was out of bullets,

but that scene where
she turns Aileen Wuornos

and tries to kill the guy
just because he was disgusting,

you know, at that point, she
becomes a cold-blooded murderer,

and, you know,
then they can't do

a happy ending for the movie.

"Anyone have a cigarette?"

That's a much better
ending for the movie.

One of the things Matthew Bright
said in an interview

is "I want to be
the Roger Vadim of psychopaths,"

which is an interesting
thing to say,

because he made
that Ted Bundy movie.

Why wouldn't you want to be
the Steven Spielberg

of psychopaths?

Why Roger Vadim?

-Isn't that the guy
who married Brigitte Bardot

when she was underage?

-Yeah?

Well, I think
that might be your answer then.

He wanted that
pervy element.

-And he got that pervy element.
Alright.

-Alright, well, you know,
speaking of fetishes tonight...

-Who's speaking of fetishes?

-You, fucker,
for the whole night.

I have a letter

that I think you're going
to have some fun with.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-Who's it from?

-It is from our good friend
Mistress Harley.

-Really? Is this
Mistress Harley's panties

poking out of the...

-Yes, sir.
[Laughs]

-Oh, and what's this?

-That is part of her giant bra.

-This is a huge bra cup.

Does Mistress Harley
have huge bra needs?

-Yes, she does.
-Okay.

-She's very blessed.

-And inside is --

Oh, and then here's a blindfold.

There's a lot of fetish stuff.

-This is a very fetish-y --

And Valentine letter.

-it was perfect.
-If this is a letter.

-There's a letter too.

-And then furry
handcuffs.

-So many things we didn't cover.

-Alright.
Yeah, there's so many --

I mean, like I say,
there's thousands of fetishes.

So, um...

Oh, there she is.
Mistress Harley.

-Yeah, there she is.

-"Dear Joe Bob and Darcy,

happy kinky Valentine's Day.

Thank you for --"
Did you tell her we were --

-No. I swear. It's so perfect.
She did not know, no.

-Okay. "Thank you for showing
so many kinky horror movies

and inspiring generations
of kinksters,

from hypnosis
and financial domination

in 'The Love Witch'

to sadism, masochism, bondage,
and discipline

in 'Hellraiser II'."

Have we shown a lot of fetish-y
movies? I guess we have.

-I didn't think of it
that way, but yeah, right?

-"Don't forget blackmail
fetish in 'Head of the Family',

and 'Frankenhooker'
has it all --

bimbofication, mind control,

and fem-dom
and forced feminization.

What is your favorite
kinky horror movie, Joe Bob?

I bet it
involves breasts.

You count them in every movie.

If you need personal instruction

in any of
the aforementioned fetishes,

don't hesitate to call me.

Your favorite dominatrix,
Mistress Harley".

And then this is like --

You didn't tell her
we were doing this show?

-I swear
on everything in the world.

She sends you
a valentine every year,

and this is her
for this year.

And thank you, Harley.

-Okay.
-You made my job easy.

-We're actually going to --
I don't want to do a spoiler,

but we're actually
going to talk about a fetish

that I think she specializes in,
but we haven't done it yet.

-Yes. That's what made me
think of it.

-We'll talk about it later.
Okay.

Speaking of "The Love Witch"...

-What? We were?

-...you know, I've been meaning
to ask you about that.

What if we reenacted
all the witch tortures

on Walpurgisnacht this year?

-I think that would
be pretty cool.

-Alright, you be the witch...
-Okay.

-...and we'll torture you
at every break.

-Oh, you know I'm up for it.

-You know, it's annoying that
I can't even scare you anymore.

-[Laughs]

Take me to the dungeon, boss,
and watch me kick ass.

-Alright. I'm off
like a prom dress on that one.

I'm going to do that.

I think we just found our theme
for Walpurgisnacht.

What day is Walpurgisnacht?

-I think it's always
April 30th,

but the show
is on April 26th, so then.

-Okay, done. April 26th,

the night Darcy gets nailed
into the torture crypt.

-Ooh, what's a torture crypt?

-I don't know, but I'm going
to start reading up

on my torture devices
later tonight.

-Alright.
I love that enthusiasm.

-And that's it for me,
Joe Bob Briggs,

with Darcy,
the mail girl,

reminding you
that when I ask for directions,

please don't use
confusing words like "east".

[Laughter]

But the drive-in will never die.

Guy's sitting alone
in an airport lounge,

and this beautiful woman walks
in and sits down next to him,

and he decides that
because she's wearing a uniform,

she's probably
a flight attendant.

So, guy leans across to her

and he says
the British Airways motto,

"To Fly. To Serve.",

and the woman looks at him
with a blank expression.

And so, the guy thinks
for a minute,

and he leans forward again,

and he delivers
the Air France motto,

"Winning the Hearts
of the World",

and again, she just stares at
him with a puzzled expression.

But he's undeterred.
He's going to figure this out.

He's going to figure out
his opening line.

So, he tries
Malaysian Airlines --

"Going Beyond Expectations",

and the woman looks at him
sternly and she says,

"What the fuck do you want?"

And the guy says,
"Ah, Spirit Airlines."

[Laughter]

-That was cute.
[Laughs]

[Static crackles]