All language subtitles for The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs S23E02 All Hallows Eve REPACK 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-BFM_track3_[eng]

-You know, Darcy,
it's hard to talk about this

when you're wearing the official
Cowboy Ken costume.

I only put this on because you
said you were Demon Barbie.

What's Demon Barbie
about this?

-I am. I have a little red
around the eyes.

-Oh, okay.
So anyway, do you know

that Samhain marks the end
of the harvest season,

the beginning of winter,
the Celtic New Year, and death,

death, death
and more death?

Because the spirits
of all the dead people

in the history of the world
are visiting us.

And by the way, do you know
how many of those there are?

-How many what?

-How many dead people there are?

-You mean the number of all

the dead people
in all of history?

-117 billion dead spirits
out there...

-Oh.
-...waiting for the night

when they can cross over
and fuck with us.

And there are only
8 billion of us

living on the earth right now.

So the ghosts outnumber us
15 to 1.

-I love that.
-And so tonight,

I appreciate that you brought
a real demon

to the first movie.
-Yeah.

-That was good.
Actually, our second movie

has demons as well,
not to mention people

going back and forth between
reality and a TV screen.

So we should call this
Demonic TV Screen Night.

-Yeah.
-But welcome back, everybody,

to "Joe Bob's Helloween"
with Darcy the Mail Girl

standing by
to field your messages

and post your Halloween
costume pictures

and deal with your TikToks

and your Instas
and your Musk-a-Messages.

But you know what's needed
to properly celebrate

the night that's halfway
between the autumnal equinox

and the winter solstice,
when the druids

would open
the ancient burial mounds

and create portals for the dead
to visit the earth?

Do you know
what modern ceremony

corresponds to that sacred
Halloween moment?

-Costume contest
and Halloween song dance party.

-No, Darcy,
not costume contest

and Halloween song dance party.

Who would even think of that?
That's not what I was thinking.

-That is what we should be
doing.

The whole crew in costumes,
everybody dancing, and that's --

-No.
-Very Halloween.

-I'm talking
about poppers, Darcy.

-Poppers?
-Poppers.

-Like amyl nitrate kind of
poppers?

I mean, yeah, we can do that.

-No, not amyl ni--
Y-You mean a sex drug?

-I don't know.
-No. Darcy, it's Halloween.

We're not doing orgies.
-I mean, we should be.

-We do that on Walpurgisnacht.

-Yeah, we do.
-Alright, listen to me.

When the druids open
the burial mounds,

the dead people
pop up out of the ground

and join the living,
and the ritualistic implement

used to commemorate the moment

when they pop up out of
the ground is called a popper.

-I've never heard this before.

-It's a spring launch
jumping toy that,

thanks to American ingenuity,
allows us to understand

better the traditions
of our Gaelic ancestors.

Voila. Poppers.

-Oh, my God.
-Yeah.

-You mean the little plastic
dudes from the drug store?

Oh, my God. Me and my sisters
used to play with these

for, like, hours, yes.
-Exactly.

Because even though
the druid priests

knew that the dead could join
the living on Samhain,

they were never certain
that the roaming spirits

would choose to appear,

And they certainly didn't know
when they would appear.

And so it was always
a frightening moment

when the dead visitor
would rocket up into the air.

-Oh, it's a jump scare.
-Yeah, literally.

So you know
how to play this game?

-Oh, yeah. I know everything
about this game.

-Alright, So should we go

with the traditional ghost
versus pumpkin?

-Well, I always thought
it was ghost versus bat,

but sure, go ahead.

-Do you want ghost or pumpkin?

-Pumpkin.
-Alright.

-Thank you. Alright, you ready?
-Wait a minute.

No, Let me get the ghost.
Alright?

-Okay.
-Alright.

So we're gonna set
the triggers on three.

-Okay.
-Alright. One, two, three.

And while we're waiting
on the results of this.

-Whoo!
-Whoa, look at that.

I'll set these other poppers
here because, Darcy,

we're gonna see
just how much delirious

Halloween fun we can.
-[Laughs]

[Shouts]
-Along with the cultural lesson

about what happens
to dead bodies in the cemetery,

of course. Okay.
-Okay.

And ghost wins, as you saw.
-Pumpkin wins.

-No. Did you see
how high the ghost popped?

-But pumpkin went off first.

-No, it's not when one
goes off first,

it's when -- when one --
it's the one that stays

unlaunched the longest
that counts as the, uh --

-No, it's not.
Whoever goes off first wins.

-No, no.
That's only if you catch it.

You have to catch it.
-You don't have to catch it.

You can't catch these guys.

-Okay, Darcy, I don't know
what weird, modern,

ahistorical Samhain rites
were introduced into the wilds

of South Carolina
where you grew up,

but the popper that goes last
is the proper popper.

-You obviously do not know how
to play ghost versus pumpkin,

which should be ghost
versus bat.

-Darcy, I researched this.

I've been through
all the ancient texts,

preserved by the Irish monks...
-Whoo!

-...when the Vikings were raping
the village women, and um...

-I'm sorry, what does that
have to do with anything?

-Well, the Vikings,
they were pillagers.

They would have destroyed
the proper procedures,

were it not for the Irish clergy

preserving them
in their proper form.

-Okay.
I don't know where you went,

but just come on back
to Earth with us. Poppers.

-Alright. Yeah, well,
you're right. Maybe pumpkin won.

I think --
-Pumpkin won!

-Alright.
[Crew cheering]

-Stick around, Darcy, though.

We're gonna do every
Halloween tradition tonight.

-Including the costume contest
and Halloween song dance party.

-Alright,
including costume contest

and Halloween song dance party.
-Yay!

-You know, I'm looking
at this eyeball popper.

What is this?
I never saw this before.

-That's some Art the Clown
type shit.

-Oh, yeah.
Okay.

And thanks for reminding me.
Alright.

-Yes, Yes. [Laughs]
-You go --

go ahead and do the poppers.
I'm gonna introduce the movie

"All Hallows Eve"
is tonight's movie,

and it's our concluding
Halloween movie.

And it's the sensitive story
of a babysitter

on Halloween night who has to
deal with a mysterious videotape

that a kid brings home
from trick or treating.

Unfortunately,
it turns out to be

a Damien Leone anthology film,

and as we all know,
Damien Leone can't make any film

without putting
Art the Clown in it.

And Art the Clown
specializes in murdering

and dismembering
innocent people,

including children,
while honking a bicycle horn,

grinning, dancing,
and wielding a hacksaw.

Sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it
with an alien invasion subplot,

a satanic death cult,
and a dismemberment laboratory?

I think not.

So let's look
at those "Drive-In" totals

and get started.
We have...

"Drive-In" Academy Award
nominations for...

Katie Maguire
as the babysitter

who says, "Some pervert could
have put that in your bag."

Sydney Freihofer is the girl
who says, "It can't be worse

than the stuff we see
on the Internet every day."

Kayla Lian as Casey,

the screaming, kidnapped girl
in chains who sobs,

"Why is he keeping us here?

Why doesn't he just
kill us already?"

Mike Giannelli as Art the Clown
with the burning eyes

who can crawl up out of
the earth when he needs to.

And Damien Leone, for taking
the old babysitter

on Halloween story
and making it a lot grosser.

Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

You got a whole army of poppers
waiting to go off, Darcy.

-[Laughs] I wish.

-You know what you said
about American ingenuity?

-[Laughs] I don't.
-Actually, I said it, right?

-One of us
was talking about that.

-I noticed that these
were made in China.

But that makes sense because

there's a big Samhain culture
over in China.

-Not really. I don't think
they really do Samhain.

-Yeah, they do. They do.
-No.

But hopping vampires,
they've got those.

-Same thing.
This stuff is universal.

-It's not really --
-Samhain, hopping vampires.

-No.
-Ghost versus pumpkin

is the classic matchup, though.

-Whatever. Let's do eyeball
versus Frankenstein head.

-Oh, they have that?
-Yeah. Look.

-Wow. Okay. Hell yes.
-Yeah.

-Alright, you do the head.
-1, 2, 3. Ready?

-I'll do the eyeball.

-Ooh! Oh.

I guess --
-Frankenstein wins.

It's whoever goes last.
-By my rules -- by my rules.

-The rules --
-Frankenstein wins.

By the classic rules.
-How arbitrary. [Laughs]

-Frankenstein wins. You just
said the first popper wins.

-It changes depending on which
one you're using,

is how I understand it.

-No!

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Dissonant music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Thunder rumbling]

[Wind howling]

[Thunder crashing]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

-Alright, kitty cats.

You ready to carve
the pumpkins or what?

-Hey, I was watching that.

-Sorry.

-He wasn't watching that.

You weren't watching that.

-Yes, I was.

-All right then, what was it?

-A monster movie.

-Fine, I'll put it back on.

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

Hey, Miss Witch, why don't you
give those fingers a rest

and go wash your face.
-I will.

What time are my parents
coming home?

-Uh, I don't know. 1:00?
Hopefully sooner.

-I get to stay up till 1:00?

-No, bedtime's at 11:00.

And stop eating all that candy.

You're gonna be up
until tomorrow morning.

Very cute.

Your parents owe me
for this one.

-You could slap him if you want.

I won't tell.
-Oh, really?

I'll keep that in mind.

-What time is it?

-Oh, it's 10:50.

-All right, seriously, pumpkin
carving in 10 minutes.

I wanna get this over with.

-Yeah, come on, Timmy.
Get the hell up.

-I'm not done counting my candy,
loser.

-Can we just bury him
in the backyard

and tell my parents we lost him
trick-or-treating?

♪♪

Hey, look what I got.

[Ominous music plays]

-What is that?

-It's a videotape.
-Where did you get that?

-Fell out of my bag.

-Let me see it.

♪♪

-Who gave this to you?
-I don't know.

-You don't remember
who put it in your bag?

-No.
-That's creepy.

♪♪

-What's it say?

-It doesn't say anything.

-Let's watch it.
-Oh, absolutely not.

-Why?
-Why?

Because God knows
what's on this, that's why.

-Only one way to find out.

-Timmy, you're not watching it.
-Yes, I am.

-Timmy, stop being
such an asshole.

-Hey! I said no.

-It's my tape. I can do
what I want with it.

-Yeah, well,
I'm in charge of you,

and you have to listen to me.

Let your parents watch it.

If they say it's okay,
you'll watch it tomorrow.

-No, I wanna watch it now.

-No, you're not watching it.

-Fine.
Let's put it to a vote.

I vote we watch it right now.

Tia?

-Put it to a vote?

What is this?
The town hall?

-I vote we watch it, too.

-Little traitor.
Now you're on his side?

-What? I just wanna see
what's on the tape.

-Two against one.

We win, put it on.

Do you understand
this is creepy?

Some pervert could have put it
in your bag.

Who knows what's on this?

-It's probably
just a scary movie.

If it's that bad,
you can turn it off.

We won't tell our parents.

-It can't be worse
than the stuff

we see on the Internet
every day.

-Jesus Christ,
you're 10 years old.

What do you watch
on the Internet?

You know what?
I don't wanna know.

-Please.

We won't make you carve
the pumpkin.

♪♪

-Fine, but you have
to go in the other room.

-Yes!
-I need to see

what's on it first.

You, too.

-Ugh, this is retarded.

♪♪

♪♪

-Well, what is it?

-Well, give me a second!

♪♪

[Static]

-Anything?

-I don't see anything.

Looks like you got hosed, Timmy.

-Oh, wait a minute.

-What is it?

[Dramatic music plays]

-Uh, I don't know.

[Metal clanking]

♪♪

[Clanking continues]

♪♪

[Electricity buzzing]

♪♪

-This is stupid.
Come on.

-Um, excuse me.

Who said the two of you
can come back in here?

♪♪

[Woman screaming in distance]

♪♪

-[Screams]

[Train passing]

-See?
It's just a scary movie.

Let's watch it.

♪♪

-Wait for the gate agent

to give your
boarding announcement.

Check your monitors.

Thank you kindly.

♪♪

-Fine, but if it gets out
of control, I'm turning it off.

-Yeah, yeah.

[Buzzer, indistinct
announcements over PA]

[Girl laughing]

-Oh, my God, that's great.

Um, girl,

do you know
what time the train comes?

-Uh, it should be about
10 minutes or so.

-[Chuckles]
Uh, do you have a cigarette?

-No, sorry.

-Yeah, thanks.

Well, happy Halloween.

Come on, let's go.
I need a fucking cigarette.

Come on.

-[Laughs]

-Passengers,
southbound train is delayed.

Please stand by
for further information.

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Rustling]

♪♪

[Honks]

[Honking]

-Please stop.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Silent]

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

What are you doing?!
Let me go!

Help! Help!

[Screaming] No!

♪♪

No!

♪♪

[Breathing heavily] Help!
Help! Help! Help! Help!

[Hyperventilating]

♪♪

[Breathing heavily]

♪♪

[Distorted music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

-[Hyperventilating]

Help!

Some help, would you please?

Come on!

Somebody answer me!

[Whimpering]

Please!
Look!

♪♪

[Footsteps approaching]

Who's there?

♪♪

Where am I?

What's happening?

♪♪

Would someone talk to me?

-Please stop screaming.

-What's happening to us?
-This is where he keeps us.

There were three of us.

There was another girl.

-What happened to her?

-She was dragged down
into that tunnel.

They're pulling us down
by our chains one at a time.

♪♪

-Why are you two
just sitting there?

Why aren't you trying to escape?

-We've tried everything.
There's no way out.

♪♪

-[Retching]

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Coughs]

♪♪

Why is he keeping us here?

Why doesn't he just
kill us already?

♪♪

Why are you doing this?

Let us go!

Please!

[Indistinct
station announcements]

♪♪

[Chains rattling]

♪♪

-Don't cry.

♪♪

-We're gonna die down here.

-Don't say that.

We're gonna get out of here.

♪♪

-I don't want to die.
-Shut up!

Just shut up!

-Kristen!
-I can't take it anymore.

I can't -- I can't keep
listening to this.

She's just scared.
Okay?

Help her realize --
-I'm sorry.

-We can't fall apart
on each other now.

We're all we've got.

♪♪

What's your name?

-Casey.

-I'm Sarah.

That's Kristen.

♪♪

-There has to be
a way out of here.

-I told you, there isn't.

-Then we have to go down
into that tunnel.

-What?
-We can't just stay here.

-Going into that tunnel
is suicide.

-Oh, and staying here isn't?

-What do you know?!

You didn't see what happened
to that girl. We did.

We watched her getting dragged
down into that tunnel,

and she was screaming
for her life,

and we were trying
to hold on to her,

but he just -- he pulled her
right out of our hands.

We're not strong enough.

-There's three of us now.

If we go together,
we might have a chance.

-We don't even know how many
of them are down there.

-What do you suppose we do?

-The only thing we can do
is just wait here and hope

that somebody finds us.

-She's right, Kristen.

There's no other way.

-No, Sarah.

Please.
You know I'm right.

-Don't listen to her.

She's dead already.

-Don't go!

-I'm sorry.

There's no other choice.

-Don't leave me here alone!

He's gonna kill you.

-Kristen, we have to.

We can't just wait here
to see who's gonna be --

[All screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

-[Screaming]

Oh, God! Oh!

-Oh, my God.
-Listen to me!

Kristen, we have to go now.

You hear me?
We have to go down there.

-I -- I can't, I'm so scared.

-I know you are, and so am I,
but right now

I'm thinking about my family.

I'm gonna get out of here
and I'm gonna see them again,

and everything's gonna be
like it was before.

I know you feel the same,

but we're
never gonna see them again

if we don't try
to get out of here.

I can't stay here anymore,
Kristen.

I can't wait here to die.

♪♪

I just can't.
We're gonna make it.

Do you understand me?

We're gonna be all right.

Just stay close, and...

be quiet.

♪♪

[Static]

-How long are you supposed
to wait before you --

Oh, okay. How long
are you supposed to wait

before it becomes
a faulty popper?

-Oh, they can, like --
they can take, like,

ten minutes to go off.
-Oh, dang.

-Yeah.
-Well, you have just witnessed

the first appearance
and the first scene

of Art The Clown...
-Yay!

-...who would go on to
international fame

in the "Terrifier" films.

The first sequence
on the mysterious videotape

is actually a short film
made by Damien Leone in 2006.

Now you'll see it reported
as 2008, 2009

because they didn't want you
to know how old it was,

because this movie
didn't come out until 2013.

But it was a short film
called "The Ninth Circle,"

and it's a different
Art the Clown.

It was Damien Leone's
good friend,

Mike Giannelli,
who was one of the few people

who would agree to have
that makeup applied every day.

The original idea was a woman
is on a bus alone,

and at the next
to the last stop,

a guy in a clown costume
gets on the bus,

and he's creepy and annoying.

And so they couldn't
get permission to shoot

on an actual bus,
and they ended up

using the old abandoned
Seaview Hospital

on Staten Island.

Seaview Hospital was the biggest
tuberculosis hospital

on the East Coast,
built in 1905,

and then it closed down
in the '50s,

but they left
all the buildings.

And any kid who grew up
on Staten Island has spent

at least one night poking
around in those buildings.

And the ghost legend that
came out of Seaview Hospital

is the Cropsey legend.
-Oh.

-And this kind of
is the Cropsey legend,

because Cropsey
would kidnap children

and take them into
the underground tunnel system

of Seaview Hospital
and do horrible things to them.

"Madman," which we've
had on this show,

is based on the Cropsey legend.
-Yeah.

-So is "The Burning."

And the difference here
is you can't really look

at Art the Clown without
thinking of John Wayne Gacy.

Right?
-Mm-hmm.

-Anyway, I'll talk more
about Damien Leone

as the movie goes on.

And he claims, by the way,
that the way he got the name

"Damien" is that his mother
was a fan of "The Omen."

But right now,
we're gonna do

what the children
in the movie didn't get to do --

we're gonna paint a pumpkin
to look like Art the Clown.

So go for that, Darcy.

-I'm working on it.
-Oh, good work.

Okay, already on it.

-But we're still doing
the costume contest, right?

-I don't think Shudder crews
bring costumes

just because they're doing
the Halloween show.

-Oh, man. I am -- I'm sure
we can figure something out.

Don't we have, like,
a prop room or something?

-A props room, ha!

Ooh, have you confused us
with a real TV show, Darcy?

[Laughter]
-We need costumes.

-Alright. By the way,
tell me again why --

why am I cowboy Ken?

-Because I'm Demon Barbie, duh.
-Alright.

Isn't Ken the evil guy
in the "Barbie" movie?

-I mean, he's not evil.

He just represents
the patriarchy.

-Okay.
-Perfect for you.

-You know, I-I don't really know
what people mean

when they say the patriarchy.

-Why don't you just go read
one of your own books?

[Laughter]
-Oh, really?

Act 2, Darcy. Alright.

-You know, Damien Leone
gets called a misogynist

for having all these female
victims in his movies,

so he's considered
part of the patriarchy.

-He only has three
female victims so far.

-And the movie's 18 minutes
old and has a baby sitter,

so do the math.

-Alright, let's get back
to the movie.

Roll it.
-Yeah.

-There's actually
a sub-sub-genre of horror

called Staten Island horror,

and all the movies
are based on Cropsey.

They have one legend
on Staten Island,

and they stick to that legend.
[Laughter]

-When were you
in Staten Island?

-I've been to Staten Island
many times.

-Yeah?
-It's where all

the New York City cops
and firefighters live.

And it's New Yorkers who go
on vacation in New Jersey.

That's how hardcore they are.

-Why does that
make them hardcore?

-Well, you know, they support
the patriarchy there.

You know, that's like their --
-Okay.

You know, if you took a vote,
the patriarchy would win

by a sizable margin
over the feminist Barbie.

And also, when did Barbie
become a feminist?

Weren't the feminists
always criticizing Barbie

and complaining
for like a hundred years

that she was a bad influence
on young girls,

gave them a bad body image?

You know, there was this big
feminist thing about Barbie.

When did that change?

-I mean, I think the movie
changed all that.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-So now it's okay to aspire
to be Barbie?

-It's complicated.

-Darcy, Barbie is
not complicated.

-It's complicated.
-Well...

You make a mean Demon Barbie,
I'll say that.

-Why, thank you.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

[Ominous music plays]

[CHAINS CLANKING]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-This is where it ends.
-[Whimpers]

-Alright, stay here.

♪♪

[Clanking]

♪♪

-[Grunting]
-Oh, God! Look, look, look!

Use it on the chains.

♪♪

I think it's big enough.

[CHAIN CLANKING]

-Come on. [Grunting]
I think it's working.

♪♪

-[Growls]
-[Screams]

-[Screams]

[Both screaming]

[Both whimpering]

-[Growls]

[Both screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Squelching, chains clanking]

♪♪

-[Growls]

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Screams]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

♪♪

♪♪

[Whimpering] Hey!

Help me, help me please.

There's something down there.

We have to get out of here.

Come on!

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

-[Screams]

-[Screaming]

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Liquid bubbling]

♪♪

-[Hissing]

♪♪

No!

♪♪

[Liquid bubbling]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Whimpering]

♪♪

-Please. Please.

♪♪

Stop!

Please!

♪♪

Please, please stop!

♪♪

Please stop.

♪♪

Stop.

Don't hurt my baby!

-[Whimpering]

-[Screams]

[Both women screaming]

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Whimpering]

♪♪

♪♪

[Evil laughter]

[Whimpering]

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

[Crying]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Honking]

♪♪

-That was sick!

-Okay, that is enough
for tonight.

-Hey, what're you doing?

-I'm turning it off.

It's too violent
for the two of you.

-No, it's not.
We've seen way worse.

-Then you should be punished.

You're too young to be watching
a baby cut out

of someone's stomach.

Come on, let's go.
It's bedtime.

-Bedtime?
-Yes, bedtime.

Tia, go wash your face.

And I want the both of you
to brush your teeth.

-Man, it was just getting good.

-Aw.
-I know.

I liked the clown.
-Yeah, he was great.

I liked when he honked his horn
at the lady.

-[Laughs] That was so funny.

-Yeah, that was hysterical.

I'm gonna be up to check
on you guys in 10 minutes.

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Rustling]

[Cellphone vibrating]

-Hey, what's up?
-Hey, just calling to make sure

you're not dead.

-[Chuckles] What is that
supposed to mean?

-Babysitting
on Halloween night --

that's just asking for trouble.

-Yeah, tell me about it.
It's already been quite

an eventful evening.

-Why? What happened?

-Some creep slipped a videotape
into Timmy's candy bag

while we were trick or treating.

-A videotape?

-Yeah, like a 1982 VHS.

-That's very twisted.

-Yeah, well, you should see
what's on it.

-Oh, God! What did you subject
those kids to?

I don't know, it's this...
fucked up short film

with a clown
and the devil raping this woman.

-Sounds like my kinda movie.

-No, seriously,
what kind of sick bastard

puts that in a kid's candy bag?

-Probably some loser who still
lives in his parents' garage.

- Probably.

-Don't sweat it.
Those kids have seen way worse.

-Yeah, that's what
Timmy and Tia said.

[Water running]
-Move away.

-I have to spit.
-I was here first.

Get out!
-[Muffled] You better move.

-No!
-That's it.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

-Timmy, don't even!
-Okay.

-[Spits]
-Timmy!

-Hold on a minute, Dee.

What's going on up there?

-Sarah, Timmy spit in my hair!

-It was an accident!

-Cut it out
or I'm calling your parents.

-...reconsidering having
children at this point.

-Couldn't you think of anything
better to do tonight?

How did Barbara ever
talk you into this?

-She never asks me
for anything.

What was I supposed to say,
no?

-You're a good friend.

-Yes, I am.

Speak--
[Thud]

Speaking of good friends,
join me for a drink after this?

-Yeah, I can totally do that.

-Alright, perfect.
I need one.

I'll text you when I'm leaving?
-Cool.

Oh, Sarah --
-Yeah?

Don't get killed.
-Funny.

-Bye.
-Bye.

[Thud]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Gasps]

[Kids giggling]

Little shit!

♪♪

[Breathing heavily]

♪♪

[Vehicle passing]

♪♪

[Metal clanking]

-All right, let's go.

-Is my tape in there?

-No.
-Where is it?

-Downstairs.

-Can I have it, please?
-[Chuckles] No.

I don't know why you're making
such a big deal out of this.

My parents are just gonna
give it to me in the morning.

-Alright then, the faster
you get your little butt to bed,

the faster you'll get your tape.

-You suck, Sarah.

Goodnight.

[Door closes]

[Ominous music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Hinges creaking]

♪♪

[Knock at door]
-[Gasps]

-Lights out, kiddo.

♪♪

Alright.
Under the covers.

- Are you gonna tell my parents
that Timmy spit in my hair?

-Well, it depends.
Is he gonna get in trouble?

-Yeah.
-Then absolutely.

-[Chuckles] Cool.

-Did you have a good Halloween?
-Yeah.

-Did you get enough candy?

-I guess so.

-You guess so?

Look at that bag.
It looks like you were trying

to find the golden ticket.

[Both chuckle]

-Do you think
that clown was real?

-See?

Ugh, I knew this was gonna
come back to bite me.

No, it's just make-believe.

Demons, witches, monsters,
that -- that doesn't exist.

-But he wasn't really a monster,
if you think about it,

like a vampire or a werewolf.

He was just a man in a costume.

Someone like that
could really exist, right?

Like a serial killer, I mean.

-What do you know
about serial killers?

See, you watch so much stuff
on that computer,

it's gonna rot your brain.

[Chuckles]
I sound like my grandmother.

Listen to me, the clown's only
on the video, right?

So if you don't watch it,
he can't hurt you.

And even if he could,
I wouldn't let him.

-You swear?
-I cross my heart.

-Okay.

-Time to go to bed.

-Wait, Sarah.
-Do you want me to leave it on?

Alright, sweetie.

If you need me,
I'll be downstairs.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Sweet dreams.

-Goodnight.
-Goodnight, sweetie.

♪♪

Sleep tight.

[Door closes]

♪♪

[Static]

-Yeah, Little Tia obviously

made that John Wayne Gacy
connection, didn't she?

Alright.
I-I missed my bolo.

I had to put my bolo on,
even though it's Cowboy Ken.

Plus, you know, patriarchy.

Okay, Darcy,
let's talk about the Celts.

-Do we have to?

-The Celts chose
the humble apple

as their symbolic fruit
on Samhain,

which was also known
as the Feast of Apples.

And apples were known
as the fruit of the gods.

So tonight, we're bringing
back bobbing for apples

as a venerated
Halloween tradition.

So here, I wanna bind your
wrists so that you can't cheat.

-Is that really necessary?
-No.

Just keep your hands
behind your back, okay?

Are you ready?
-Yeah.

-You go first.

-Okay.
We're gonna go on three.

-Alright.
-One, two, three.

-Okay.
-You know, bobbing for apples

can take hours sometimes,

because in order to get the --

-Mmh!

-Oh, okay.
[Cheers and applause]

Well.

-[Muffled] Yeah!
-Nailed it.

-Really? That means
you'll give birth this year.

-What? I don't wanna
give birth this year.

-Oh, well, it's not up to you,

because that was
a fertility ritual.

And so you are --
you are fertile now.

-Oh, I am not gonna
get pregnant, baby.

-Alright, well,
we'll see, won't we?

That's why a lot of women
went for nuts instead of apples,

because you can substitute nuts.
We didn't really do that right.

You need --
See, you need lots of virgins

to all be bobbing
for the same apple.

They're trying to get a husband,

get married, and get pregnant
all at the same time.

-Yeah, I've been there,
done that.

-Alright.
And speaking of childbirth,

what did you think
of all the demons

getting the blood from the fetus
and feeding it to Satan?

-Oh, my God. Awesome.

If this was Damien Leone's
first movie,

you can already see how talented
he is.

-'Cause he does things
like that.

You know,
it was his first movie,

and in fact, as a short film,

it's kind of what made
Art the Clown famous

on YouTube,
because the first two

Art the Clown movies got
circulated a lot on YouTube.

And then a producer
asked Damien Leone

if he could use one of them
in an anthology film,

and Damien Leone talked him
into letting him

do "All Hallow's Eve"
all by himself.

So it's interesting, though,

that he uses the Catholic name
for Halloween.

He should have used
the druid name,

Allhallowtide, where they honor
the God of Death.

And in fact, I think the name
of the God of Death is Samhain.

-You know, it's
pronounced "sow-win," right?

-Yes. But I refuse to say
"Sow-win."

-Why?
-Because it annoys you.

So back to the movie.

-I mean, I'm fine with it.

-It's Halloween.
We have to do annoying things.

-True.
-People, you know --

People concentrate
on the treat too much.

They forget about the trick.

-I think we should sing
the "Halloween III" song

at the party that you promised
we're gonna have.

-That would be too annoying,
Darcy.

-It's Halloween.

-Yeah, the Silver Shamrock song?

-Exactly.

-No, that song is annoying.
The idea is annoying.

Everything about
that is annoying.

-Great. So we have to do it.
Whoo!

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

[Dramatic music plays]

-Does anyone up there know
why we're being attacked?

-Whatever it is,
it isn't just happening here.

It's some kind of mass murder.
It's going on everywhere.

The radio said to stay inside.
-Radio?

-The radio upstairs.
I heard a news bulletin.

-There's a radio upstairs

and you boarded us in
down here?

-I know what I'm doing.

-What did it say?
-Nothing. Nothing.

They don't know anything yet.

But there's mass murder
everywhere, and --

and people are supposed to look
for a safe place to hide.

-Take the boards off that door.

-We are staying down here,
Helen.

-Harry, that radio is at least
some kind of communication.

If the authorities know
what's happening,

well, they'll send people
for us.

So they'll tell us what to do.

How are we gonna know
what's going on if we lock

Ourselves in this dungeon?

♪♪

[Crickets chirping]

[Door creaks]

♪♪

-Timmy?

What do you want?

Can I sleep in here
with you tonight?

-Are you serious?

Why?

The clown scared you, didn't he?

I thought he was "so funny."

Fine.

[Door closes]

-Don't hog all the blankets,
all right?

-It's my bed.
I'll hog them if I want.

-First eyewitness accounts
of this grizzly development

came from people who were
understandably frightened,

almost incoherent.

Officials and newsmen at first
discounted --

[Static]

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

-You know what we saw
on our property this afternoon?

-What?
-A deer.

-Get out of here!
-I'm not kidding.

It was only ten feet away
and it was really beautiful.

-Oh, that's so cute!

-I know, isn't it?

-That is a sign.

Deer symbolize peace

and the beginning
of new adventure.

I think things are really gonna
work out great for you guys.

-God, I hope so.

You know, the hardest part

is just gonna be adjusting
to this new lifestyle.

It's just estrange not hearing
an ambulance

or a bus every two minutes.

I'm standing by my window,
you know what I hear

outside right now?
Listen...

You hear that?
-No, what is it?

-It's nothing.

It's absolutely nothing.
-[Chuckles]

-You could hear a pin drop,
that's how quiet it is here.

You know what 8:00
in the city sounds like?

-Like stress?
-Exactly.

And at least here,
I can just clear my head,

and John can focus on his work.

-How is John, by the way?
-He's good.

He has his first exhibition
coming up in a couple of weeks,

So I'm just hoping
that it goes really well.

-That's really great, Caroline

I'm gonna have to get my hands
on one of his paintings

before he gets too famous.

-Ugh, I wish you'd buy
his latest painting

so I can get it the hell
out of this house.

Thing gives me the creeps.

-What is it?

It's a face.

Just a horrible face.
Honestly, I just --

I can't even be in the same room
as this thing.

I put a sheet over it.

-I didn't know John
painted things like that.

-He doesn't.

According to him, he doesn't
even remember painting it.

-He doesn't remember
painting it?

-No, he swears he was in some
sort of trance or something.

And...

all he remembers is waking up
from this terrible nightmare...

with this image in his head.

And the next morning,
there's this painting

in the living room.

-That's really strange.

-Yeah, well, you know
how artists are.

I've been with John for 6 years
and I still can't figure out

how his mind works.

The owner of the gallery thinks
that it's gonna be

one of his best sellers.

-Well, I hope everything
works out for you guys.

I'm really looking forward
to seeing the house.

-Yeah, you know,
when we get settled here,

maybe you and Bob
could come up for a weekend.

-Sounds like a plan!
-Okay, Mary,

I'll talk to you later.
-Bye.

-Alright, bye.

♪♪

♪♪

[Crickets chirping]

[Clanking]

[Game tone playing]

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

[Dissonant music plays]

♪♪

[Rumbling]

♪♪

Ugh!
[Glass shatters]

♪♪

Shit.

♪♪

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Fuck!

♪♪

♪♪

Come on.

♪♪

[Cellphone beeping]

-We're sorry, your call cannot
be completed as dialed.

-Oh, fuck!

♪♪

[Rattling]

[Soft hissing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Creaking]

Fuck this.

♪♪

♪♪

[Sighs] Okay.

[Keys jangling]

[Engine sputtering]

Are you kidding me?

You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Come on.

Start!

Fucking car, start!
Fuck!

[Panting]

Are you fucking kidding me?!

[Panting]

Oh, my God.

It's okay.

It's just a meteor, right?

It's just a meteor.

It's just like the one
in Russia.

It's fine.

It's totally fine.

The electricity goes out,
nothing works.

You're gonna be fine.
It's okay.

Calm down.
Calm down.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-Wow, Darcy. Looks exactly
like Art the Clown.

-[Laughs] I did my best.

-We are now officially in the
part that drags in the middle.

This second short film
is the only one that was made

especially
for "All Hallows Eve."

The other two were preexisting
Art the Clown movies,

and this one has gotten
a lot of criticism on the web,

but I love it.

I love the goofy direction
that we're about to go in.

And I love the fact
that he creates so much tension

just with noises
and lights and stuff.

Damien Leone is one of
the few special effects artists

turned directors.

I mean, famous guys
like Tom Savini

have gotten directing jobs
later in life,

but Damien Leone,

he went to a "Chiller Theater"
convention in New Jersey

when he was 11 years old
just to meet Tom Savini

and buy some stage blood
and one of those machetes

with the half circle cut out
of it so he could go home

and start making gore movies
with a camcorder.

And then he became one of
those guys who he starts

with the effects scene
that he wants to see,

and then he works backwards
to figure out the story,

and it totally works.
He knows what he's doing.

And he should get credit
for these sequences

that are not based
on special effects.

He knows how to
create atmosphere as well.

So what else can we do,
Darcy?

You know, I'm trying
to make you happy.

-Thank you.

-You know, I'm trying
to hit on

every single
Halloween tradition.

We haven't sacrificed
a virgin yet.

-Still time.
[Laughter]

-You even realize Halloween --

Halloween is a wicked,
wicked holiday.

A very dark holiday.
-Yeah.

-Alright. And yet
it's directed at children.

-Oh, man, those little
monsters need to learn early.

-Alright.

Pope Gregory III,
he's the one who created

All Saints Day on November 1st
as a way to kind of turn

Halloween away
from the death theme.

-And he totally failed.
-He did.

One thing you would like,
in the ancient times,

Samhain lasted three
full days and nights,

and that whole time,
you had a bonfire.

And in fact, we don't really do
the bonfire thing anymore.

Let's do a bonfire
at the next break.

-Yeah.
-Because --

-No, no, not in my studio.
-Aww.

-This is a trailer park,
Austin.

Jeez.
I mean, we could go outside,

burn up one of the old
"Walking Dead" sets.

That'd be fun.
-Nope.

-So I guess we won't be burning
any agricultural products

or cattle in the bonfire
this year, but --

-Austin.
-Yeah?

-What would it take
to dress the crew in costumes

and have John Brennan play
the "Halloween III" song?

-Hmm...

What about a royalty-free
sound alike?

-I will take that, sir.
-Okay.

-Cool.
-Alright. I'd rather dance

in the bonfire,
to tell you the truth.

But back to the movie.
-Do you though?

-You know, there's another
Halloween ritual that

we don't do anymore
called the Dumb Supper.

Have you heard of that?
The way it works is you open

all the doors and windows
in your house

and you put out a big meal

and you invite
all your ancestral spirits,

all the dead people
to come eat that food.

And then after a while,
you go in yourself

and you dine with them
and you have conversations

with your dead grandparents
or Elvis

or whoever you invited
to your dinner party.

So while you're
eating the food

and then then the spirits leave
and you go, "Phew,

thank God they're gone.
Nobody got hurt."

You know, like -- like,
who would you invite

to your dead person party,
Darcy?

-It's not like
a relative or something?

-No, no, no. No relatives.

Who would you invite
as a dead person?

-Harry Anderson.

-Harry Anderson.
-Yeah. Or Vincent Price.

-Well, I mean Vincent Price,
I totally get.

But you mean the actor on
"Night Court?"

-Ugh?
-The Harry Anderson?

You want -- You want --
[Laughs]

You want Harry Anderson as your
dead person Halloween dinner?

-He's so much more than
the dude from "Night Court."

I just -- I thought
he was super cool,

and I'm really sad
I never got to meet him.

I loved his magic
and his, like, con artistry.

-He was a magician, right?
-Yeah.

-But you love the fact
that he --

he had street smarts.
-Harry the Hat, baby, yeah.

-That he would fleece people
on the streets

back when he had no money.

And he was a --
he was a hustler.

-I admire that.
[Laughter]

-You know, I occasionally see
guys playing three-card monte

in the streets to this day.

You know, I think that game
has been going on

for like 700 years now,
and there are still

people out there
who don't know how it works.

So what would be really great
is if Harry Anderson

came to your death dinner

and he made
all the food disappear

and then he stole
everybody's money.

-That would be amazing. Yes.
-[Laughs]

Oh, man. Millions of people,
if asked what dead person

they could share a meal, would
of course say Harry Anderson.

-I agree.
-Not a strange answer at all.

-He was really, really cool.

-And he can do card tricks.

Every Samhain dinner
needs card tricks.

Agreed.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

[Door slams shut]

-[Sobbing]
What the fuck is that?

♪♪

[Rustling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cellphone ringing]
[Gasps]

God damn it.

John!

-Hey, there you are.
-Where are you?

-I'm headed back now.
I tried calling the house,

but I couldn't get through.
Is everything okay?

-No!
Something landed by the house.

-What do you mean
"something landed?"

-Something landed by the house.

I don't know,
just a few minutes ago.

It was just so loud,

I thought it was gonna
crash into the kitchen.

-Was it a plane?
-I don't know.

I thought it was a plane or --
or a helicopter,

but it was glowing.
-Glowing?

You mean you can actually see
it from the house?

-Yes! It was only a hundred feet
away from the house.

-Did you call the police?
-I couldn't.

My phone wasn't working
until you called me.

-Call them, and whatever
you do, stay in the house.

-[Sobbing] Okay, I will.

♪♪

John, I'm really, really scared.

I think there's somebody
in the house.

-Okay, calm down.
There's no one in the house.

You're just getting spooked.
Listen, you'll be fine.

Call the police and then
call me right back.

-I don't want you to go.
-You have to call them.

You'll feel 100 times better
knowing they're on their way.

-No, no.
What if I get off the phone

and then I can't get in touch
with you again?

-Then I'll call the police.

Worst case scenario,
just get in the car

and drive it to town.

You can stay at the Red Lion
until the power comes back on.

-I can't.
The car's dead.

-What do you mean
the car's dead?

-I told you,
nothing's working, John.

There's something really strange
going on around here.

[John's voice cutting out]
John?

John, are you there?

God damn it!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Rustling]

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

-[Hissing]

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screams]

[Metal clanking]

[Screaming]

[Metal clanking]

♪♪

[Screams, whimpers]

[Knife clattering]

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Door slams shut]

[Sobbing hysterically]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Whimpering]

♪♪

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Cellphone beeping]

-We're sorry, your call cannot
be...

♪♪

♪♪

[Whimpering]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Hissing]

♪♪

[Click]

♪♪

[Stuttering tone plays]

♪♪

[Alarm blaring]

-[Gasps]

♪♪

[Caroline screaming]

[Tone stops]

[Screaming continues]

[Screaming stops]

[Stairs creaking]

[Crying]

[Thudding]

[Screaming]

[Tank hissing]

♪♪

[Alien screaming]

♪♪

[Tank hissing]

♪♪

[Crickets chirping]

[Alien warbling]

[Clattering]

[Tank hissing]

[Clattering]

[Cellphone ringing]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

[Ringing stops]

-John!
-Caroline, what's wrong?

-[Whimpering incoherently]
-Caroline!

Caroline, listen to me!
-It's at the door.

Help me, please!
-Caroline, hang on, hang on!

-[Screaming]

-Caroline!

[Caroline screaming]

-Caroline, can you hear me?

The police are coming.

-[Screaming]
-Caroline!

♪♪

-Caroline!
-No! John!

Help me, John.

[Sobbing]

[Screaming]

John!
No!

No!
John, help me!

John, help!
[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

Help!
Help me, please, John!

Somebody help me!

♪♪

[Dissonant music playing]

♪♪

-Who makes this shit?

Why am I watching it?

Where are they?

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

Tia, Timmy, I told the both
of you to go to bed.

Don't pretend like
you're sleeping.

I told you to go to bed.

-We are in bed.

-Oh, really?

So it must have been
someone else's

little mischievous feet
running up the stairs.

What are you doing in here?

-She had a nightmare.

-I didn't have a nightmare.

I heard a noise.

-You heard a noise?

What kind of noise?

-I don't know.

-You can't describe the noise?

Well, where did it come from?

-My closet.

-Your closet?

You always hear noises
coming from your closet?

-Yeah, she does.
This happens all the time.

-Shut up, Timmy.
It was real.

There was someone in there.

-Maybe it's the clown.

-Timmy, stop it!

-Shh, listen!

I think I just heard his horn.

-Stop it.

-He's gonna drug you
and take you to the witches.

-Timmy, knock it off.

Tia, listen to me,
we've talked about this before.

There's nothing in your closet,
not a clown, not anyone.

Now, your parents are gonna be
home any minute.

I want both of you
to go to bed.

-Maybe we could if you'd stop
checking in on us

every five minutes.

-What are you talking about?

-I heard you creeping around
outside the door

and turning the handle.

-Just go to bed.

[Ominous music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Metal clinking]

Hello?

♪♪

"Hello."
Right, Sarah. [Laughs]

You've been watching
too many scary movies.

[Static]

-[Laughs] You're good.

Wow.

♪♪

-Yeah, that was
Catherine Callahan

playing Caroline --

Long Island native,
New York City actress,

does a lot of TV.

And while we're identifying
people, that's Katie Maguire

as Sarah the babysitter.
Also grew up on Long Island,

New York City actress,
does a lot of theater.

Katie Maguire is in all
the "Terrifier" movies.

I find her
to be very believable.

It's easy to overact
that babysitter role,

and she keeps it under control.

So, uh --
So, Darcy, candy corn?

-Well, no, thank you.

-Uh, yeah, I'm not a fan
of candy corn either, but...

-Oh, no, I love candy corn.

I just can't eat it anymore.
-Why?

-Vegan.
-Candy corn is not --

Candy corn is vegan?
It's not vegan.

-No. It's not vegan.
That's the problem.

-Oh, wow.
-If somebody has vegan candy.

-Alright. How about a, um,
Day of the Dead sugar skull

lollipop ring?

-Um...
-You want one of those?

-No, I'm good.
-I can't tempt you? A Dum Dum?

-I'm good.
-Spooky spider?

Witch's brew Kit Kat?
I'm trying to give you

every single Halloween
experience in one night.

-Just put it all into
a plastic pumpkin.

I'll take it back to my kid.

-Oh, okay.
-Thank you.

-Alright.
Art the Clown -- would you say

Art the Clown is
the opposite of Pennywise?

Would you agree
with me on that?

-Maybe not the opposite,
but very different.

-Yeah, because Art the Clown
is black and white,

and Pennywise is colorful.

And Art the Clown never speaks,
and Pennywise does speak.

And Art the Clown
is always happy,

especially when he's killing
somebody or cutting somebody up.

And the makeup is just --

I don't know what it is exactly
about that Art the Clown makeup,

but it just instantly sells
that character as evil.

And I think partly it's because
Art looks like a mime.

I guess he is a mime,
isn't he?

He is a mime.
-Oh, yeah.

-'Cause he never speaks.
And so everyone hates mimes.

So if you hate clowns
and you hate mimes,

Art is the monster
of your dreams.

Okay, we're getting
to the part of the movie

that launched the whole
"Terrifier" franchise.

So let's behold
the wonder --

Art the Clown at his scariest
and clowniest.

-[Laughs] Yeah.
-The two always go together.

Um, roll the flick.

Didn't clowns come from France?
Isn't it a French thing?

It feels like a French thing,
-I think Italy.

-Italy?
-I think.

-Are you sure?
-I'd say yes.

-Well, the Italians have a have
a better sense of humor

than the French,
but "pierrot" and "harlequin" --

aren't those the two
original clowns?

-Yeah. And those are Italian.

-Really?
-Yeah.

-"Pierrot" doesn't sound
Italian.

-Well, he is.
-Sounds French.

-Whoo!
-Do you know a lot of clowns?

-[Laughs] Oh, yeah.

-We have some candy
clown-oodles.

You want some of those?
-Uh, I don't eat clown.

-Oh, okay.
[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

-[Sighs]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Ugh, this is ridiculous.

How can I convince
a little girl not to be scared

when I can't even
convince myself.

[Click, TV turns on]

[Static]

[Piano music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Happy Halloween ♪

♪ Happy Halloween ♪

♪ Happy Halloween ♪

♪ Happy Halloween ♪

♪ Happy Halloween ♪

♪♪

[Wolf howls, thunder crashes]

-[Speaking indistinctly]
You're listening to WORW 970.

It's one minute past
the witching hour.

Halloween is officially here.

Lock your doors,
bolt your windows,

and make sure the little ones
are nestled safely

in their beds.

This Levi T. Miller.
Stick with me after the break

and I'll be joined by...
-Perfect.

[Horn honking]

[Engine turns off]

Hello?

Anybody there?

Need some gas.

[Thudding]
-[Gasps]

-Get the fuck out of here, man!

[Distorted music playing]

Are you out
of your fucking mind?

Seriously, you think it's funny?
Think you can just piss all over

the place and smear your shit
on the walls?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

I'm giving you 10 seconds
or I'm gonna call the cops.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey!

I mean it.

♪♪

[Rustling]

[Dissonant music plays]

♪♪

So, what can I get you?
-Um, filled up.

Regular. Cash.

So that guy really just did that
to your bathroom?

-Uh, not my bathroom.

And I don't care
if they fire me,

I'm not picking up
someone else's shit.

-Why didn't you just
call the cops?

-[Chuckles] What's the point?
He's already gone.

I'm just gonna have to
fill out paperwork.

Supposed to be off in an hour.

-Yeah,
but what if he comes back?

-Uh, I've got enough blunt
objects I can bludgeon him with.

He's lucky I didn't
fucking break his legs.

God, you really were low, huh?

-Yeah, good thing
I saw your sign when I did.

I'm actually kind of lost.

-Oh.
Well, where are you headed?

-Um, New York.

I'm just trying to get back
to the interstate.

-Um, you got a pen and paper?

I can give you directions.
It's not far.

-Oh, yeah. Sure.
[Chuckles]

[Car dinging]

-Where are you coming from?

-Um, Albrightsville.

I was up on a movie shoot there.

-Oh, you're in the movies?

-Trying to be, you know.
Independents, mostly.

Couple of commercials.

-Is there anything
I would have seen you in?

-Oh, I'm not an actress.

I'm a costume designer.

-Oh, I've never met
a costume designer before.

-Well, now you have.

-All right.
Uh...

What you wanna do is get
back onto the 94.

-Mm-hm.
-You're gonna go about 6 miles.

You're gonna see a bridge --
[Thud]

-What was that?

-Uh, hang on a second.

I'll be right back.

[Tense music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Door opening]

-Hey, sir?

Hello?

[Sawing]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Retches]

[Car dings, engine starts]

♪♪

[Tires squealing]

♪♪

♪♪

Come on, you piece of shit!

-Emergency.
What is the problem?

-Yes. Please.

You have to help me.
There's been a murder.

Please hurry.
[Static]

-What's your location?
-There's been a murder!

The old gas station over on 94.

Send help!

♪♪

[Static]

There's --

♪♪

That's impossible.

That's fucking impossible!

♪♪

Please!

The killer's out here!
He's following me.

♪♪

Hello?

Hello?!
[Call drops]

♪♪

No, no, no.
Please, God.

[Horn blaring]

Oh, shit!

[Tires squealing]

♪♪

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Sniffles]

[Crying]

This can't be real.

This can't be real.

[Screaming]

[Dramatic music plays]

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Carnival music playing]
This can't be happening!

♪♪

♪♪

[Dramatic music plays]

Yes. Oh, my God.

♪♪

[Tapping on window]
Hello?

Please, you gotta help me.

Hello!

[Handle clicks]

-[Groaning]
-[Screaming]

♪♪

-[Rasping]

♪♪

-[Screaming]

-[Choking]

♪♪

[Tires squealing]

♪♪

Please, God!
Help me!

♪♪

Please pick up. Please.
[Line ringing]

♪♪

-Hello?
-Nick!

Please, call the police!

Somebody
is trying to kill me.

My phone's gonna die any second.

I'm on Route 94, heading home.

Baby, I'm so scared.

♪♪

Nick?

Nick!

Fuck!

♪♪

[Tires squealing]

[Gasping]

♪♪

[Tires screeching]

♪♪

[Gasping]

♪♪

[Tires squeal]

♪♪

Ugh.

[Panting]

[Footsteps approaching]

[Footsteps approaching]

[Rattling]

[Thudding]

[Footsteps receding]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-Was she listening
to the "Halloween III" song

on her car radio?

-I think so. It sounded like it.

-It was some kind of
Happy Halloween song.

-Which we will all be singing as
soon as the movie's over, right?

-Alright, Darcy, the crew
is not going to go

along with that, I don't think.

-Oh, I've been
making the rounds. Austin?

-Yeah, we're
about ready for that.

-Ha ha ha.
-Oh, my God.

Okay, but no "Silver Shamrock."
We're not doing that, alright?

-♪ Two more weeks to Halloween,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

♪ Two more weeks to Halloween ♪
-My world is spinning out

of control.
This is ridiculous.

-Yeah, it is.
-Okay.

The actress in the segment
that we're watching,

which was originally
a short film called "Terrifier,"

the first film ever called
"Terrifier," is Marie Maser,

and this is pretty
much her only credit.

She was a one-shot wonder,

and I think she does
a remarkable job.

And here we are, finally,
with a fully realized

Art the Clown stalking
sequence of the kind

he would become world famous
for.

But a big question,
Darcy --

I know you were at the huge
premiere of "Terrifier 2"

last year at Fantastic Fest
in Austin, right?

-Huge.
-And "Terrifier 2"

has made millions of dollars.

So at this point,
is Art the Clown

now the equal of Jason
and Michael Myers?

-Oh, no, not equal yet.
He's still like a baby icon,

but I know he's going
to get there eventually.

And they're already shooting
"Terrifier 3."

-Really? Baby icon.
-Baby icon.

-That is a great way to put it.
-He's growing.

-Alright. Something tells me
that the costume designer

is going to need more
than that big barn door

to keep
Art the Clown away from her.

So let's get back to the double
conclusion to "All Hallows Eve."

Roll it.

I honestly don't know
why this movie

doesn't get more love
from the hardcore fans,

including the hardcore
Art the Clown fans.

You know, they always say
they hate the alien sequence,

the one in the middle.

And then there are
those who say,

"Why does Art the Clown
only pick on women?"

But that's like saying, why does
Jason only pick on campers?

Or why does Michael Myers
only kill people in Haddonfield?

You know, it's based on whatever
the original brain disease

the serial killer has,
right?

And Art the Clown obviously
had some bad experiences

with women, right, Darcy?

-I mean, it doesn't bother me
one way or the other,

but he does kill men, too.

-Yeah, but I think he does
like carving up women

a little bit more than men.

And we have -- actually we have
lots of American serial killers,

you know, that back up
that particular

psychological profile.
-Yes, we do.

-There's almost never an equal
opportunity sadistic killer.

You know, they always
concentrate on one demographic.

-Demographic?

-Well, yeah -- I mean,
yeah, demographic.

I mean, if you look
at the Facebook profiles

of the victims,
you would get a sense

of the killer's inner
demographic

of who he wants to kill.

-Why do we want that?

-Well, Amazon would want that,
you know,

to sell things
to serial killers.

So sell them implements
or something.

-I feel like Art kills
with every kind of implement.

-True. And it makes Art a master
of his trade,

and it makes it difficult
for Amazon to target him.

So he's going to get
chainsaw pop-ups

and he's going to get
handgun pop-ups, you know,

because he's one
of the more versatile

crazed serial killers.
-Yeah, he is.

-But on a baby level.

-Agreed.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Static]

[Crickets chirping]

[Creaking]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

Come on!

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Grunts]

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts]

♪♪

[Sobbing]

♪♪

Ah!

[Crying]

[Vehicle approaching]

Stop.

Stop!

Please!
Help me!

Help me!

-Hey, are-- are you okay?

Have you been in an accident?
-Just drive!

Get out of here.

[Bleeping]

[Sobbing]
There's somebody after me.

-Who's after you?

-Some man.

He's in a clown costume.

He's trying to kill me.

-[Laughs]

This isn't some sort
of Halloween prank, is it?

I suppose not.

How bad are you hurt?

-[Crying]

I don't know.

T-There's a police station
a few miles up ahead.

Just hang in there, okay?

Everything's gonna be fine.

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

[Horn honking]

-Oh, God!
-What?

-That's him!
-What's wrong?

-What?
[Honking continues]

-Get out of here! Hurry!
-What's wrong? Why?

♪♪

[Gun cocks]

[Gunshot]

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

[Tires squealing]

[Screaming]

[Crash]

[Tense music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Flies buzzing]

♪♪

♪♪

[Gasping]

♪♪

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

[Crying]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

-[Sighs]

♪♪

[Telephone ringing]

♪♪

-Hello?
-No! Please!

You have to help me.
There's been a murder.

Please hurry.
-Who is this?

-There's been a murder!

The old gas station over on 94.

Send help!
-Dee?

-[Crying]
-This isn't funny.

Who is this?
-Please!

The killer's out here,
he's following me.

-Who's following you?

-Some man.

He's in a clown costume.

He's trying to kill me.

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

[Distorted speaking]

♪♪

[Woman screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Dissonant music playing]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Glass squeaking]

♪♪

♪♪

[Thud]
[Gasps]

-[Laughing]

[Remote clicking]

[Thudding on screen]

[Gasps]

♪♪

[Gasps]

♪♪

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Honks]

♪♪

♪♪

Fuck!

♪♪

[Sobbing]

[Breathing heavily]

♪♪

[Tia screaming]

-Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!

♪♪

[Panting]

[Dissonant music playing]

♪♪

[Sobbing]

♪♪

[Sobbing] Oh, no.

♪♪

♪♪

No.

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

No!

-Do you think that clown
was real?

♪♪

Someone like that
could really exist, right?

♪♪

-[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

[Static]

[Dramatic music plays]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-So no happy endings
in Art the Clown films.

Damien Leone has done
something very interesting --

he's done a new twist
on the old check on the children

urban myth,
because in the classic version,

the babysitter keeps getting
these creepy phone calls

saying she should check
on the children.

And so she keeps going upstairs
to check on the children.

And then halfway
through the story,

she realizes the caller is
phoning from inside the house.

And in this case,
Art truly is inside the house,

but he gets there...

well, I'm not sure exactly
how he gets from the tape

to the TV screen

to Sarah's couch
to the upstairs bedroom.

But anyway, he makes it clear

that she should have checked
on the children.

And by the way,
that rope that Art uses

to beat
on the costume designer,

it's actually the accumulated
hair of all Art's victims,

braided together
with the weapons

that he used to kill each one
braided into the rope.

And I'm only mentioning that
because the people who said

"Why are all Art's victims
female?"

should --
should know the answer --

so he --
so he can weaponize their hair,

long hair, among other things.
-Hm.

-Art is one weird dude,
and we love that, right, Darcy?

-Yeah, we do.

As I said,
I think he's a baby icon

and that he's going to be
a teenage icon soon.

But I think we have time
for one letter

before our Halloween
dance party.

-Oh, God. Okay.

-Yeah.
Or maybe I should say

our "Halloween III" dance party.
-No, you promised

not to do that,
so please don't.

-Here you go.

It is a letter from Adam Davis
of Lexington, Tennessee.

-Okay.
"Dear Joe Bob" --

Oh, wow. Long letter.

"The season five finale
was awesome.

I watched it with an old friend
I hadn't seen in a while

who also happens to be a mutant.
We had a great time.

It was my first time
watching 'Day of the Dead,'

and it immediately became
one of my favorite movies.

All the Tom Savini gore
was cool,

but it was sad that your guts
got ripped out at the end.

I hate when the line
between fiction and reality

gets blurred like that."
-What?

-Anyway -- I don't know.
-[Laughs] Okay.

"If you didn't read it
on the envelope,

my name is Adam Davis and I'm
from Lexington, Tennessee.

I just finished
my bachelor's degree

and I'm spending some time
at home this summer

while I work on
getting into med school.

I became inspired
to pursue medicine

after watching 'Re-Animator...'"
-Ooh.

-"...on your 2018 marathon,

so I wanted to thank you
for introducing me

to my role model, Herbert West."
-Alright.

-Wow. Somebody needs
to watch this guy.

Aren't all the doctors in
"Re-Animator" stark raving mad?

You know, seriously, though.
Okay, so seriously, though.

-Aww.
-"The Last Drive-In

means a lot to me, and this
letter is an attempt to express

that I don't have
much of a story to tell,

but I can say
that your show has changed

the way I watch movies,
and movies influenced

the way I see the world,

even though you're -- even
though you're only

cheap horror hosts..."

-[Laughs] Thank you.

-"I think there's something
really special

about 'The Last Drive-in.'

It isn't just the information
about the movies

or the Drive-In Totals that
inspire my love for the show,

though those things are awesome.
I can't fully explain it,

but there's something
deeply comforting

in the way
you talk about horror.

To me, the show conveys
an attitude of acceptance

and ultimate peace
with the world" --

Peace with the world?

"And the other people in it."
-Go with it.

-"Horror movies
make me feel better,

able to accept
and affirm all of life,

including the nasty parts,

and 'The Last Drive-In' seems to
embody that aspect of horror."

I assume the nasty parts.

"I really love the speech
at the end of 'Nightbreed'

and this year's July 4th
message.

The zero tolerance rant
before "Hello, Mary Lou" ripped,

and so did the intro
to "House of the Devil"

when you talked about hell. But
there's too many good rants..."

See how much he likes the rants?
"...to mention all of them.

And this letter is already
getting pretty long-winded."

Yes, it is.
"So I'll stop.

I also appreciate how you make
occasional references

to Christianity without any
of the Bible-thumping

Baptist preacher bullshit."

Darcy. [Laughs] Darcy.

Alright, here's your part,
Darcy.

-Hi.
-"Darcy, if you're reading this,

I wanna mention that
your presence adds a lot

to the show."
-Aww, thank you.

-"The banter with Joe Bob
is always fun,

and you have some...
interesting..."

like "dot, dot, dot,
interesting"

"...opinions about
horror movies."

-That means amazing opinions.

-"I have to admit,
I don't really care

for 'Ice Cream Man.'"
-[Gasps]

-"...But 'Halloween III'
is sick.

Though I'm not very active" --
-That's why I got this letter.

-What?

-That's why you're
reading this letter.

"Halloween III" is sick.

-"Well, I'm not very active
on social media.

I think it's real" --
He means sick in a good way.

-Thank you.
"I'm not very active

on social media.
I think it's really cool

how you helped to create
a sense of community

among the mutants.

Whenever I'm watching the show
live, I always check

your Twitter several times
to see what y'all are saying."

-Aww.
-"Well, thanks for reading

all this." Oh boy.
"If you did in fact, read it."

Yeah, I read it. "And thanks
for another great season.

I like the variety in the movie
selections this time around.

'The Babadook' and 'The Mothers'
was an insane pairing.

An animation night
was a cool idea.

At some point,
I'd love to make it

to one of those conventions
to meet y'all in person

and get my 'Frankenhooker'
Blu-ray signed or something.

Until then, stay sick
and disgusting.

Sincerely, Adam Davis,
Lexington, Tennessee.

P.S. In a couple of weeks,

they're showing "Christine"
and "Friday the 13th"

at the Stardust Drive-In
in Watertown, Tennessee,

proof that the drive-in
will never die."

This is an exceptionally nice
letter for a Halloween letter,

because normally the Halloween
letter comes from somebody

with borderline
personality disorder.

-I thought it summed up
a lot of last season

and a lot of people felt
that way.

-Now...
-Yes.

-For what we're about
to do here...

-Yes.
-Do I need a helmet for this?

-Yes, you do. Hit it, John!

[Laughter]

[Cheers]
-That's not John Brennan.

That's Art the Clown's cousin,

Fart the Clown.

[Laughter]

[Farting]

♪♪

-♪ Everyone loves Halloween,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

♪ Everyone loves Halloween ♪

-♪ Have a popper ♪

[Farting and music continues]

♪♪

♪ Everyone loves skeletons ♪

♪ Rotting bones, broken bits ♪

♪ Ghouls, they come
and celebrate ♪

♪ It's our time now ♪

♪ Everyone loves Halloween,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

♪ Everyone loves Halloween ♪

♪ Put your mask on ♪

No, thank you.

♪♪

-♪ Art the Clown
is watching us ♪

♪ Slicing us, dicing us ♪

♪ Art the Clown is slinging
blood, but we love him ♪

-♪ Everyone loves Halloween,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

♪ Everyone loves Halloween,
even Joe Bob ♪

♪♪

-May I venture a verse?
-♪ Yay ♪

-Okay.

♪ Darcy loves a bad movie,
"Halloween III" ♪

♪ It's responsible
for this crappy sing-song ♪

-♪ Everyone loves Halloween,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

-♪ Everyone loves Halloween,
let's scare Austin ♪

♪♪

-May I venture a verse?
-♪ Yay ♪

-♪ Joe Bob loves to heckle me ♪

♪ He dislikes number three ♪

♪ But Tom Atkins said to me ♪

♪ He can't suck it ♪

-♪ Everyone loves Halloween,
Halloween, Halloween ♪

-♪ Everyone loves
Halloweeeeeen ♪

[Fart]

-[Muffled]
♪ At "The Last Drive-in" ♪

♪♪

[Closing theme plays]

-♪ We are drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ Drive-in mutants ♪

-♪ We are not like
other people ♪

♪ We are sick ♪
-♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting ♪
-♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in,
we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

♪ We'd be off the scale ♪
-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in
remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like
jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪