Original subtitles

[Telephone ringing]

[Beep]

Austin, you didn't give her the actual keys

to the trailer, did you?

I mean, that's what you said.

Look, man, she worked really hard on this, so just be nice.

[Sighs]

Alright, everybody, Joe Bob's on set.

[All cheering]

I hope I don't regret this.

Now, this is Halloween.

Whoo!

[Cheers and applause]

[Thunder crashes]

Whoo! [Laughs ]

Okay.

♪♪

♪ Hey, everybody, have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in, hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies, so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties, boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's "Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪♪

Darcy, I thought you said you were gonna bring

a few artifacts from your house.

And I did.

Where do you live? On the midway of the Kansas State Fair?

I mean, this looks like Shrek threw up on a tribe

of jungle munchkins.

Where is my chair, by the way?

Oh, yeah. We don't have room for that anymore.

Darcy! I mean, come on.

We'll get you a chair.

But can't you do the "Drive-In Totals"

standing up right now?

I guess we're gonna find out, aren't we?

Yay?You know?

I know you love this. I know you do.

[Sighs]

Actually, I kind of do. But I feel underdressed now.

Oh, we are gonna take care of that, too.

Oh, no, you're not.

Oh, I'm doing Barbie for the next movie,

and every Barbie needs her Ken.

Oh, definitely not that.

You can do Cowboy Ken. You'll love it.

I think I'll do Joe Bob,

the obnoxious redneck neighbor, okay?

Please.There will be no Kenning on this show.

Well, I'm a little discombobulated right now,

but this is Joe Bob Briggs,

and I'll be bringing you "Joe Bob's Helloween."

[Cheers and applause]Whoo!

And, as usual, I'm assisted by Darcy, the Mail Girl.

And...[Eerie music playing]

[Laughs]What was that?

My music.

Since when do you have music?

It makes everything way more fun.

[Sighs] Anyway...

Darcy, the Mail girl, will be here waiting

for your social-media posts,

your e-mails, your Instagram photos, your TikToks,

your whatever they call tweets these days.

And the movie tonight is "Demons 2."

Whoo!

Five years after we showcased the Italian classic "Dèmoni"

on the original "Last Drive-In" 24-hour marathon,

we are back with the movie that Lamberto Bava and Dario Argento

started writing the day after "Demons" premiered,

because "Demons" was a smash hit

not only in America, but in Italy,

which didn't always support its homegrown horror fare.

And we have an actual demon.

What?[Laughs]

Remember when you told me that I could book anyone

I wanted as a guest?

Yeah.I booked an actual demon.

You know, I'm not even going to ask you about that right now.

Let's just get to "Dèmoni Due,"

the movie the world was clamoring for in 1986,

clamoring so much that it premiered

just seven months after "Dèmoni Uno."

It's the sensitive story of an angst-ridden girl

who hides in her room in the middle

of the sweet-16 party and falls victim to a demon

watching her through her TV screen.

In fact, it's one of the demons from "Dèmoni 1,"

who gets reanimated when some dimwit reality-TV

investigators accidentally drip blood on a corpse

they find in the alley behind the destroyed theater

from the first movie.

I think that's what happens.

Anyway, just like the demons who came down from the movie screen

in "Demons 1," this demon pops through the girl's TV

and starts spreading the demon plague

through a German high-rise apartment building,

which was built back in the days when construction companies

were not required to make buildings demon-proof,

meaning all the electronic doors and windows

become locked whenever demon blood drips

into the gears of the security system.

It doesn't take long until disagreeable character actors

are eating half of Hamburg and creating demon hordes

that attack bodybuilders and, you know,

that are doing automotive bonfires in a parking garage.

Sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it with a flying gremlin

that pops out of a killer 10-year-old's chest

when he tries to chew up a pregnant woman?

I think not.

So let's look at those "Drive-In Totals" and get started.

[Eerie music playing]

What the hell?!

It's the new "Drive-In Totals" music.

Yay! [Groans]

[Laughs]

We have...

...driving Academy Award nominations for

Virginia Bryant as the hysterical hooker who says,

"I'm scared stiff of elevators,"

David Knight as George, the heroic cable-climbing,

demon-destroying physics student,

Nancy Brilli as Hannah,

the pregnant heroine with a craving for ridiculous desserts

so that "our son won't be born with a birthmark,"

Bobby Rhodes as the kick-ass fitness trainer,

Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni as the low-self-esteem

demon target who says, "A demon? That's crazy,"

right before becoming a slobbering, bug-eyed she-devil,

Davide Marotta as the boy demon with tusks,

whose chest contains a gremlin clam monster,

and Lamberto Bava, the writer-director

for doing things the drive-in way.

Four stars. Joe Bob says, check it out.

Yeah.Austin: Wow! Yeah.

Feel better now?

I feel like I have just been

through the home-invasion scene in

"Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer" is what I feel.

[Laughs] Drama queen.

You're going to feel so much better

when you're in your Ken outfit.

There's no Ken outfit in my future.

We'll see.

Don't trifle with me, Darcy.

Oh, I would never trifle.

What does trifle mean, exactly? I always say that.

It means don't take you seriously.

Okay, then don't take me not seriously.

Never.

I think that was a double or a triple negative.

Yeah, it was.

[Sighs]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Narrator: A terrifying centuries-old prediction

foretold the spawning of demons on Earth.

That prediction came true when spectators in a movie theater

were transformed into bloodthirsty,

fanged creatures and spread death and contagion.

Days of terror that convinced the world demons can exist.

♪♪

♪♪

[Door opens, creaks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Thank you, sir. Good evening.

You can go up.

It's Apartment 206, on the right.

I know the way.Thanks.

[Indistinct conversations]

Well, alright.

Hi, Mrs. Haller.Hello, George.

Sir.

It's too high tech for you, buddy.

[Chuckles]

Go on, sweetheart.[Laughter]

I'm scared stiff of elevators.

Hey, are you having fun?

It's not my fault the electronic system in this building stinks.

Stop it or we'll get stuck in here!

[Laughter]

Don't worry. I'll take care of you, honey.

Alright, that's enough! This is a respectable building.

Get out! Oops.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪ You're my guilty secret, not just a memory ♪

♪ You're all I ever wanted, and you belong to me ♪

♪ Listen now, my angel, my love for you can't stop ♪

Hi. I'm back.

Honey?

What are you doing?

Just giving oxygen to our baby.

That's great.

Hey, did you know Sally's having a party?

It's gonna be difficult to sleep tonight.

Right, Susan.Right.

Keep pumping, baby. Keep pumping.

You'll never get no strength in those legs.

♪ A little bit of heartache ♪

♪ A little bit of heartache never hurt anyone ♪

♪ How come I'm dying over you? ♪

♪ If a little bit of heartache ♪

♪ A little bit of heartache never hurt anyone ♪

Hey, uh, isn't there anything else to drink?

Ask Sally.

Where is Sally?I don't know.

You look great, Sally. Honest.

Not true! My hair stinks!

This dress stinks. Look!

♪ Did I ever fail you? ♪

♪ Did I lose your confidence? ♪

Look, look, the whole thing's just disgusting!

I mean, these sleeves that go back and forth!

I told you, I told you, it's just...

What am I gonna do now?

We came to celebrate you, not your dress.

I know. Well, what about this, huh?

Does this look okay? Does it look good?

No, it looks awful! It's just...

Narrator: The secret that holds the key to the demons.

Who were they? Where did they come from?

Can they happen again?

Questions we aren't afraid to ask,

questions that demand an answer.

Is it dangerous?[Chuckles] Are you kidding?

I don't care how dangerous it is,

as long as I get good pictures.

Do you mind, uh, if we do it with the television on?

Honey, we can do it any way you like.

"They will make cemeteries their cathedrals,

and the cities will be your tombs."

This was the prediction that came true.

The demons rampaged through the streets.

Fear and death were the order of the day.

Then man learned to fight back,

and the forces of evil were defeated.

Today, that seemingly endless moment of horror

is an almost-forgotten nightmare.

But the questions are still there.

Ingrid, aren't you going to eat, darling?

I'm not hungry.

Let's change channels.

Don't tell me you want to see this stuff.

Oh, leave it on.

Can it happen again?

Will we be ready next time?

What is being done to prevent it?

Is a wall enough to keep an inhuman threat at bay?

We maintain that the people have a right to know the truth.

♪♪

Faster.

That's it.

Come on.

Take my hand.

How much further?We're almost there.

The wall!

What happened to those on the other side?

What happened?

The demons got them and turned them into more demons.

Come on.

Here, this'll do. Give me the rope.

Pam, hold this.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Okay, you guys, come on up.

♪♪

The camera.Shh!

[Telephone rings]

♪♪

Hello.

No, Daddy isn't home.

Neither's Mommy.

I'm alone.

Yes. Goodbye.

So this is the forbidden zone.

That's right.

I don't feel all that good anymore.

Yeah, let's go back.

What are you afraid of? Let's go.

[Camera shutter clicks, echoes]

[Water splashing]

[Breathes deeply] It's useless.

I'll never pass this test tomorrow.

[Moans]Oh, come on!

Stop it!

Right.

Tell me the Lorentz formula

that shows the first occlusion of molecules influenced

by the moment of gravity.

X to the 1 equals X minus VT...

bracket gamma...

T to the 1 equals T minus VX over C2 bracket,

where gamma equals one fraction

square root of 1 minus V to the second.

Is that right?

You see? You know it.

Yes, but by tomorrow, I'll have forgotten everything.

Oh. I already took the physics exam,

and if I passed it...

But you didn't have to work 10 hours the day before.

But I was three months pregnant.

You're right. I'm sorry.

So, tell me the low variation of mass, hmm?

♪ Panic on the streets of London ♪

♪ Panic on the streets of Birmingham ♪

I think this looks great.Yeah.

Hey.

It's always been that.[Laughs]

♪ "Could life ever be sane... ♪

♪♪

♪♪

What are those tubes for?

It's probably part of a heating system.

Oh, shoot! This is ruining my shoes.

Hey! Hey, wait! There's something weird here.

♪♪

What is it?

Looks like a claw.

Oh my God. Look at it. Ooh!

Wow. I've never seen anything like that. God!

I bet it comes off a demon.

Our first trophy.

How -- how much do you think it's worth?

It's priceless.

You know, I read somewhere

they spread the contagion through their fingernails.

♪ I wonder to myself ♪[Telephone rings]

♪ Hopes may rise on the Grasmere ♪

Sally, telephone!

Sally! Sally!

♪ ...run down to the safety of the town ♪

Hello? What do you want?

Louder. I can't hear.

Okay. Come over.

♪ I wonder to myself ♪

Who was it?

It was Jacob.

Jacob?!

And you told him to come here?

Sally, I --To my house?!

Sorry. I thought that --You idiot!

I don't want him to come.

Otherwise, you can all leave and just get out of here!

I mean, will you all get out of here, please?

Get out!

♪ Because the music that they constantly play ♪

♪ It says nothing to me about my life ♪

Go down and stop it.

Make something up.

Just don't let him come in.

What did Jacob do to Sally?It's none of your business.

Now go on.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Wow. This place is deader than a cemetery.

I hope you're right.

[Hissing]

What the hell?[Coughing]

I can't breathe!

Come on. Let's get out of here!

[Coughing continues]

[Scratching]

Is somebody there?

[Scratching continues]

Is somebody there?

[Scratching continues]

[Dog growls][Gasps]

[Dog whimpers]Come on.

Davey, I forgot I let you out.

[Coughing]

Well, you see anything?Nothing.

Nothing in particular.

Onward.

Ouch!

What happened?I cut myself.

Let me see. It's just a scratch.

[Bang]

What was that?

[Rock music blaring][Screams]

Hey! It works!

♪♪

[Growls]

[Gasps]

Hey! Hey!

♪♪

Oh, my God. What is it?

A demon. That is a demon.

There's no danger.

Jesus! We've done it.

We found a demon.

You realize what that means?

We're probably the only people alive who've seen one.

Gee, look at those teeth. God, I got to immortalize this.

[Camera clicks]

Look at me.

Come on, Pam. I can't hold this pose all night.

Move in closer.

A little bit closer.

Ready?

[Camera clicks]

There it is. Focus on the tie, right here.

Keep the camerasteady.

Ready? Okay?

[Camera shutter clicks]

The flash is dead.

[Camera shutter clicks]The flash is dead.

And Sally's missing.Sally! Sally!

That's weird. Why isn't the flash working?

It was just now.

Let me have a look.

Well, it's charged. The red light's on.

♪♪

[Crackling]

♪♪

♪♪

That looks fine.

Let's try again and see what happens.

Okay, everybody back in line.

Oh my God! It's alive!

[Growls]It's alive!

[Screaming]

[Growls][Screams]

[Screaming]

No! [Screams]

Let's get out of here!

A demon? Hey, that's crazy.

Narrator: Blood nurtures the dormant seed of evil.

How can the demons be stopped?

Is another apocalyptical prediction about to come true?

The winds of death will sweep across the world,

and whole continents will be cast adrift

in an ocean of blood.

[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Stop! No!

No!

It can't be!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I'm locked in! Oh, let me out of here!

[Static crackling]

[Screams] Help me!

What's going on?!

Open the door!

[Loud music playing]

Now what's wrong? Huh!

You idiot! Fix you.

[Clicking]

[Growls][Screams]

Well, one thing you can say about Lamberto Bava

is he knows how to make a sequel, doesn't he?

In the first movie, demons come down off the movie screen

and infect everybody in the theater.

In the second movie, a demon comes through the TV screen

and infects Sally, the drama-queen birthday girl

so she can infect everybody in a high-rise apartment building.

Of course, that effect where the demon in the documentary

sees Sally through the screen

and then pushes his face through the screen --

that is stolen directly from David Cronenberg's "Videodrome."

And as an idea, it's not really any better than...

What the...

I told you we had a guest.

Darcy, I have never felt less in control of his show.

How else do you expect a demon to get here?

Darcy, I don't know what you're doing, but this is not funny.

This is not what we're supposed to be doing here.

[Evil laughing]

Danhausen?

[All cheering]

That's right. Danhausen's here!

And what are you here for, Danhausen?

[Coughs]

Well, I'm here

to let you know that this movie has it all wrong.

Oh, wow. It is -- It's you.

It's the very nice, very evil Danhausen,

ladies and gentlemen.Yeah!

I didn't know you were a real demon.

I am not what I seem to be,

but I'm here to tell you that was not a demon.

The demon in the movie was not a demon?

No, that was a zombie.

And, quite frankly, I'm tired of being grouped together

with these green, wet booger people.

You know, I was thinking the same thing

when I watched the movie the first time,

that the demons do seem a lot like zombies.

Well, that's because they're not demons.

They are the idea of what a person with a bad brain

thinks of a demon looks like and acts like and talks like.

And what do demons look like?

Okay. Darcy, what... [Laughs]

What did you think, Darcy, of the transformation scene?

Well, I loved it. Sorry.

Why are you sorry? You loved it.

I loved it, and I knew that you would

appreciate having an expert on demonology in the house.

An expert on demonology. Okay.

Where exactly are you from, Danhausen?

Thuringia.Thuringia?

Oh, yeah.Is Thuringia a place known for its demons?

No.

But if you're an actual demon,

you would lie to me about that no matter what I said, right?

Never.

So if I interview you,

you will probably reveal nothing about "Demons 2"

that we don't already know about demons.

Good. Do you like "Demons 2"?

Oh, yes, very much so. It's very good.

Because it spreads misinformation about demons.

You just said that. By portraying zombies as demons.

Eh, possibly.

Are you from Upper Thuringia or Lower Thuringia?

You see, you have done your research, my friend.

Ah!Yeah. You visited my people.

We have Walpurgisnacht on this show,

and they are big on Walpurgisnacht

in rural Thuringia.

Yeah, that is true.

And when you say "that is true,"

does that mean that it's false?

No. No, no, no.

Which probably means back to the movie, I just think.

Thanks for dropping in, though, Danhausen.

Yay!I mean, or pushing in or teleporting in

or whatever you did.

Did that hurt when you did that?

No, only because of the low budget.

You've done this before?

Yeah. Usually, we have CGI.

It's a much, much higher budget.

Lots of human money's involved.

[Laughter]

[Loud music playing]

♪ How rich is your surface? ♪[All cheering]

♪ How much do you care? ♪

Hey, where are the candles?

♪ Does your blue heart turn away? ♪

Come on! Let me see! I want to see!Hey, it looks great.

Do you like it?

Yeah. It's great.

[Indistinct shouting]

There you go.

Turn off the lights.But where's Sally?

Sally? Sally!Sally!

I don't know. She might be in her room.

I'll go get her.

♪ Does your blue heart turn a-- ♪

[Knock on door]Sally?

[Knock on door]Sally.

Sally!Sally, come on!Sally!

Sally.Sally, come out!

♪♪

[All cheering]

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Sally ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Sally ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

[All cheering]

[Groaning]

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, Dear Sally ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

Come on! Blow out the candles.

[All cheering]

[Groans]

[Growling]

Hey!

[Screams]

[Roars]

[Screams]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

We gotta get out of here!

[All screaming]

Let's try the service door!

The service door! Come on!

[Growls]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Why did I have to come here?

To eat like a dog just so Sally can have a party.

Do be patient. It's her birthday.

Let's just hope they don't make a mess.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

I'm enjoying this.

♪♪

♪♪

[Music playing in distance]

You didn't eat anything. Aren't you hungry?

Hmm? No.

I am.

Just listen to what fun they're having.

Do you think they've already cut the cake?

Cake? Oh, not another craving.

I'll go. No. I'll go.

You don't want our child

to be born with a birthmark, do you?

[Growling]

[Doorbell buzzes]

Sally!

♪♪

Sally?

♪♪

Sally!

[Doorbell buzzes]

[Growling]

Sally?

♪♪

♪♪

[Roars]

[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Growling]

[Blood sizzling]

Our son won't be born with a birthmark in his rear end.

I love you.

I want a piece with lots of whipped cream

and candied fruits and chocolate --

You want a cake or a whole pastry shop?

That's up to you.

[Sizzling]

Mary: It was great.

Thanks.

Call me. Sure will.

[Chuckles]

[Sizzling]What the hell is that?

More energy, Muller. More energy. Come on!

Hello.

Ahh.

Are you finished, too?

Excuse me?

Nothing.

[Sizzling]

[Sizzling]

[Screaming]

[Sizzling]

What happened?

[Vehicle approaches]

Behave, Davey. Behave.

The lights will come back soon. Don't worry.

That's a good dog.

[Switch clicking]

Where the hell is that dummy? Where is he?

♪ Power... ♪

♪ Power feeds you long, loving hours ♪

♪ I can give everlasting power ♪

♪♪

♪ Flower... ♪

♪ The world opens ♪

♪ You need simple flower ♪

♪ A feeling, a feeling all so sour ♪

[Tires screeching]

♪♪

♪ Drain me, now drain me ♪

♪ From power ♪

♪ Drain me, now drain me ♪

♪ From power ♪Hey, can't you go slower?

You're not afraid? Don't worry.

I never have an accident.

Aw, she's afraid. [Laughs]

Come on, Jacob, hit the gas.

[Laughs] Otherwise we'll all go hungry.

And there won't be any cake or anything left in Sally.

[Both laughing]

Hello? Is there anybody out there?

Get us out of here. Get us out!

Come on. Easy.

Oh, God! I knew it.

I shouldn't take elevators. No.

There's no reason to be afraid.

I can't breathe.

It's in the dark. What are we gonna do?

We got to do something!Stay calm.

Stay calm.We got to do something!

Stay calm. Stay calm.

I can't! I can't... stay calm!

The lights have gone out everywhere.

What the hell was that?

Hey! Is anyone there?!

[Door creaks]

Who is that?

It's me, Mr. Haller.

What the hell is going on?

There's blood dripping from the ceiling.

I touched it. It burns.

[Whimpers]

[Sizzling]

[Davey growling]

[Barking]

Davey! Davey!

Davey, what's the matter with you?

Come here. Come on. Good dog.

[Growling]

Okay. You know that scene at the German street fair

where Sally's parents are sitting at a table

talking about how they left the house

so she could have her party?

That's Lamberto Bava, the director, as Sally's father.

And, of course, he's a third-generation filmmaker.

His grandfather was Eugenio Bava,

who was the greatest special-effects guy

in the silent era.

He invented special effects in Italy.

And then his father was Mario Bava

of "Black Sunday" fame.

We've honored him here before.

Lamberto started out in the late '60s,

working as an assistant director on his father's films,

and if his father had lived longer,

he may never have become a director

because he was perfectly happy helping the old man.

But Mario had trouble getting work in the late '70s,

so Lamberto, who was also a writer,

reworked the movie "Shock,"

originally written by Dardano Sacchetti

to try to bring the dad back into the mainstream

and "Shock" was released as "Beyond the Door II."

And since we recently showed "Beyond the Door III,"

and I already explained

how and why none of the "Beyond the Doors"

have anything to do with the other one,

I also explained how none of the "Demons" movies

have anything to do with one another after the second one.

[Sighs]

See, we're dealing with Italian producers in the '80s,

and they use titles like most people use Kleenex.

So if one didn't work, you just got another one.

I know the filmmakers of Thuringia, Danhausen,

would never do that, right?

No, there's only two filmmakers in Thuringia,

and they are very polite.

Of course they are.

So anyway, Mario and Lamberto made "Shock" together,

and that may be the greatest performance

of Daria Nicolodi's life.

But the reason I'm talking about it is that, on certain days,

Mario would pretend to be too ill to come to the set

so that his son could take over and learn how to direct.

And so after Mario died,

Lamberto made his real solo debut

with a movie called "Macabre."

Or in Italy "Macabro,"

about the real-life case of a woman

who kept the severed head of her dead lover in her refrigerator.

But the movie had disappointing box office,

so Lamberto returned to assistant directing

for Dario Argento, and that's how Argento ended up

being the producer of "Demons" in 1985

and then "Dèmoni Due"in 1986.

What's really strange, though, is that

after the runaway success of both "Demons" movies,

Lamberto kind of faded away.

He became a TV director and never -- Well, he did --

He did a remake of "Black Sunday," his father's movie,

that attracted some minor attention, but that was it.

He never really broke out as a director on his own.

In fact, the remake of "Black Sunday"

was retitled "Demons 5."

So, yeah, my head is still spinning, though, Darcy.

What -- What exactly --

What exactly are we doing here tonight?

Well, we got pumpkins, we got ghosts.

We got unholy spirits.

Unholy spirits? What unholy spirits do we have?

Well, Danhausen.Oh!

So we are finally celebrating Halloween.

Alright. Yeah!

What -- Danhausen, what caused you

to accept Darcy's invitation to be here?

I know the two of you both have ties to AEW wrestling,

and I appreciate that you --

you came to my jamboree last year.

I appreciate that, but do you really --

Do you really love "Demons 2"?

No, but I love the idea

of looking directly into the camera

and seeing the homes that I could take over

and make love that Danhausen by hypnotizing 'em.

Of course I'm lying.

Really? So --

So in other words, the movie is true?

You could look into the camera --

Look. Look in to that camera.

Okay? What do you see?

I see three sisters in Lubbock, Texas.

[Laughter]

And you're saying you could you could go through that screen

right now and start a demon pandemic in Lubbock?

Yes, but West Texas is very bad for demon makeup.

The little red under the eyes right here --

it runs.

What do you think of these demons, Darcy?

Man, I want to go to Sally's party,

but I'm gonna wait until you become demon kin.

No, that will not be happening.

Oh, that is gonna be happening.

Could I make a suggestion?

Okay, go right ahead.

We should drink many bottles of aromatic.

What is aromatic?

Special Thuringian spice liqueur.

Consumed by demons for many, many centuries.

All we have is Lone Star. We don't have any aromatic.

Well, actually -- May I correct you?

Really? What will this --

Oh, there we go.

I've got some for you right here.

Isn't that nice? Wow.

What will that do? What is this?

Oh, well, this will create demon thoughts

and increase cinematic pleasure.

Really? Oh, yeah.

I never touch European liqueurs because...

Pretty good.Do it.

You know...

Darcy, you don't know what you're talking about.

In Europe, they put wicked herbs

aged in tree trunks and stuff.

You know, they -- they have liqueurs over there

that are used to power jet engines.

You know, this stuff is like...Do it.

...probably, like, 500 proof.Do it.

Do it, do it, do it, do it.

Alright. Yeah.

Ahh! I knew it.

Yeah, that was terrible.

Oh, okay.

I kind of liked it.

Really? Yeah.

Okay, well, have some more. That's...

Very spicy.I can't reach.

Oh, yes. There you go. I've got this.

Alright. Powerful reach.

Okay, back to the movie.

So, Danhausen,

what is the capital of Thuringia?

It is Yurfritz. It is a very beautiful city.

Are you from Erfurt?

I was born in the Thuringian Forest near Hilberg House.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Drink up.

Did you study demonology as a child or something?

What made you an expert on demonology?

Actually, I dropped out of Hilberghausen State Academy.

Thank you for asking.Oh.

Alright. Whoa! Darcy.

What?

You know what?

You went for it.

Cheers.

Uh, okay, I.

I need another one to cheers actually.

Alright. What is -- What is in this stuff?

It's actually -- It's a ancient Thuringian recipe.

Oh, yeah? It's a secret.

Alright. Pour me two more.

Let's do it.

Yeah. There you go.

It's not that bad, actually. What are we doing here?

I'm taking over your program.

Oh, you are? Cool.

[Laughter]

People, we'd better stop

since the lights are on the blink.

Right? See you tomorrow.

[Indistinct conversations]

Hey, Muller! Did you hear what I said?

And you, boy. Ah, do what you want.

See you tomorrow.

There's no lights at all here.

The elevators are blocked.

Yeah, and so are the doors.

Look, nobody can come in or go out.

No, I don't know why.

[Sizzling]

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Hello?! Shit.

[Rattling]

We better turn the TV off.

When the electricity comes back on,

who knows, it could explode.

The air conditioning is turned off.

And in this stupid building, you can't open the windows.

Double panes. Bulletproof, they say.

I feel like I'm in a sauna.

What about you?

Davey?[Davey growling]

Davey?

[Sizzling]

[Growling]

What is it?

[Barking and snarling]

You didn't lick it, did you?

[Davey growling and snarling]

[Growling and snarling continue]

What's happening?

Oh, my God.

[Crying]

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screaming continues]

♪♪

♪♪

Help me!

[No audio]

Oh! Davey!

♪♪

[Snarling]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[All growling]

Get us out! Get us out!

Can't you hear us?Shut up!

We're in here! Get us out!Shut up!

What's the matter with all of you?!

Can't you hear us?!

-Oh, God! I can't breathe! -Shut up! Shut up!

-I'm going crazy! -Stop! Stop!

[Crying]

[Grunting]

[People clamoring]

[Pounding on elevator door]

Hey, there's someone out there.

Hey, you guys! Give us a hand!

Hey, we're stuck in the elevator!

Stop! Where are you going?! Stop!

Stop! Stop! Where are you going?!

Stop! We're in here!

No! Stop! Stop! Stop!

No. Where are you going?!

Come back! We're in here!

No, no, no. Don't leave.

Don't leave. We're in here.

[Clamoring stops]

♪♪

[Demons growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Growling]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

♪♪

Mary speaks indistinctly]

They were upstairs in Sally's apartment.

What's happening here?

Hannah.

She's alone.

She's alone!

[Grunting]

[Screaming in distance]

Frank?[Phone clicking]

Frank, answer, please, will you? Oh!

Damn thing. Nothing's working.

[Groaning]

Listen, baby,

this is not the right time to come into the world, huh?

Let's both try to keep calm, okay?

[Demons growling]

[Growls]Aah!

[Demons growling]

Aaah!

Hank: What's going on?

What the hell are you doing?

[Grunts]

Let's get out of here. Let's get out of here!

Move your ass! Get out of here!

[All screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct shouting]

Stand back! Stand back!

Let me at it!

♪♪

Man: Hurry up!

Stand back! Stand back!

♪♪

♪♪

Man: Let us out of here!

Hello?! Hello?! Hello?!

It's almost broken! The line's cut off!

Everything's broken.I want to go home.

I don't want the demons to get me.

We can't get out of here.

Yes, we can. That door leads to the garage.

Now, just take it easy. There is a way out of here.

Get going!

[Indistinct shouting]

Woman: Here they come!

[Demons growling]

[All screaming]

Turn on the headlights! Get the door open!

Aah!

[Women screaming, grunting]

Hank: Move it! Move it!

There's no fucking way that's enough to keep 'em out.

I don't know. I gotta get something else in.

Take this. I'll hang on to this.

What are you doing?How the hell you use this thing?

You read the instructions.

Uh, remove the pin.

You're all muscle and no brains, boy.

It's no good. It only opens with the remote control.

Do you have a car?

Man: Hurry!

Hurry up with the seats!

Man: Pile it up over there.

Come on, move it!

Come on!

It doesn't work!

We're trapped!

[Tires squeal, screech]

[Engine revs]

[Tires squeal]

[Demon growls in distance]

[Growling continues]

[Growling continues]

[Growling intensifies]

[Soft growl]

[Whimpers]

[Whispering] You hear that? Somebody's there.

Who could it be?

[Whispering] I'll go find out.

[Telephone ringing]

[Banging on door]

[Ringing continues]

♪♪

[Ringing continues]

♪♪

[Ringing continues, demon growls softly]

[Growling]

[Whimpering]

[Ringing continues]

[Ringing continues]

[Growling, ringing continue]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Coin clinking]

[Door squeaks]

He doesn't answer.

I dialed the number 10 times.Don't worry.

No, hon, there's something wrong.

I just know there is.

The school didn't answer either.

He's probably out walking the dog.

Woman: Help!

Man: Where are you?

Man #2: We're in the elevator.

Come on! I can't get it open.

[Woman screams]

Pull, pull!

[Grunts]

Come on.Please, let us out of here.

We got to -- We got to get out of here.

Come on.

[Demons growl]Aah!

[Growling]

Hank: More seats! Keep that fire going!

[Indistinct shouting]

[Demons growling]

[Women whimpering]

Somebody is bound to try to get into the building

sooner or later.

And they'll have to give the alarm.

I wish they'd hurry up.

♪ This is an announcement ♪

♪ For the transcendental run ♪

♪ The train, now standing, leaves for higher planes ♪

♪ Due to a derailment, there will be no other train ♪

♪ So why not hop on this one? ♪[Woman laughs]

♪ Hear the porter's glad refrain ♪

♪♪

♪ Each carriage is connected ♪

[Engine revs]

Please slow down. You're gonna kill us.

I told you already.

I never had an accident.

They're coming!

[Demons growling]

[Growls]

[Gunshot]

[Growls painfully]

[Fire crackling]

[Growls]

[Demon growling]

[Gunshot]

Hey! Put out that fire! If not, we'll suffocate.

For God sakes, slow down, dear.

We're gonna get pulled over by the police.

Our son might be in danger.

Think about that. Don't think about the police.

Well, I still say you're worrying for nothing.

I can't help it if my sixth sense

tells me to worry. I just hope it's mistaken.

I tell you, he's asleep.

No, he's not, honey. I know he's not.

Man: They're coming back!

Wait, wait. Hold it! It's us.

[Indistinct shouting]

Hey! Don't shoot! Don't shoot.

Come on, come on.

Find weapons!

Get behind the cars! Block that door!

Get that car down there! Move it!

[Tires screech]

[Screeching]

Man: Come on. Oh, God.

[Indistinct shouting]

Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!

Hey! There's no one!

[Shouting quiets]

Now go search all the cars.

Take anything that can be used as a weapon.

Chains, wrenches, anything you can find.

Jacks, bottles. Fill them with gas to make bombs.

It's our only chance. Everything. Move it!

[Survivors shouting]

Woman: Oh, there's gotta -- gotta be a way to get out.

Aah![Demon growling]

[Screaming, growling continue]

Hank: Up against the outer wall. Come on, come on, come on!

Get over there!

Stay here. Don't move!

Get behind the car! Behind the car!

Get behind there. We're gonna try to smash open the gate.

Go look for a crowbar, anything heavy to use.

Go! Hurry!

[Banging on metal door]

[Muffled banging]

[Banging continues]

[Squeaking]

Look, I'm going to try to get out, Ulla.

What? Ulla, what is it?

Ted, I'm cold. Please don't leave me.

[Engine revs]

No!

[Tires screech]

Look out!

[Tires screeching]

Jacob! Are you alright, man?!

[Groaning]

Jacob. Hey, man.

Kate, just sit tight.Are you okay?

Just sit tight, huh?

[Kate groaning]

Help me! You gonna be okay.

Help me!

[Siren wailing]

[Man speaking foreign language]

Man: There's an ambulance here.

Oh, I love this part. Packs of demons, demon dogs.

Demons in the gym. Demons, demons everywhere.

Dan, you're really supposed to wait until I talk. Um...

Darcy: Let him speak, sir.

I'll be going soon. I have my eye on camera three.

What do you see on camera three?

Well, minor league baseball players

in Bluefield, West Virginia, my friend.

Oh, you targeting the Ridge Runners infield?

Oh, you know your minor league baseball, my friend.

[Laughs]Yes, I think I can use

West Virginia as my ground zero for the demon housing

apop-- elliptical housing. It's a tongue twister.

What did you put in the Thuringian liqueur?

And where could I get more of it, please?

Give me that. [Laughs]

'Cause...

Whew! Whoo!

Yeah.

Oh, one criticism of this movie

is that the main couple, George and Hannah,

the newlywed physicist students expecting their first baby,

are just too boring for this world.

I mean, George is played by David Knight.

He was one of the most famous models in the world

at the time the movie was made.

Um, you know, he did runways, magazines.

He was considered the ultimate Ken doll,

handsome specimen of manhood.

And speaking of Ken dolls,

I think it's time to go put on that blond Ken wig.

[Laughter]

I'm just gonna ignore that, Darcy,

and inform our audience that Hannah,

the pregnant woman, is played by Nancy Brilli,

a Roman actress who's still working today,

and Sally, the first character to turn demon,

is played by Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni,

who, despite the Italian name, is a New Yorker.

She was born into an opera family,

and she did some work at Second City in Chicago

before working with Lamberto,

and over the years she's been a singer

and a songwriter and a multimedia artist.

But none of that could compare with being Sally the demon.

That's what she's famous for.

And the real scene stealer in the movie

is Bobby Rhodes as Hank...Whoo!

Whoo....the fitness trainer.

He was -- He was the pimp in the first "Demons,"

and Bobby was in just about

every Italian horror or action movie

throughout the '60s, '70s, '80s and '90s.

He worked as a stuntman.

He was a heavy. He was an all-around character guy.

But for some reason he's best known to this day

for "Demons" and "Demons 2."

Hell yeah.I'm getting a little light-headed with this stuff.

So, Darcy, maybe you should finish it up.

Aww, well.There you go. Have another.

Thank you.

Well, you never talked about the demon doggie.

Oh, yeah. The demon -- The demon dog.

That was an awfully friendly canine demon.

Yes.Didn't you think?

You know, until he ate Anita Bartolucci,

another actor known almost entirely for this movie.

And I should also mention Sergio Stivaletti,

the same special-effects guy from "Demons 1,"

he worshiped Rick Baker. You can probably tell.

And so he was all about teeth and claws.

Claws and teeth, claws and teeth.

And you're looking good, Darcy.

Why, thank you.Ah, Dan has --

What did -- What did you put in the Thuringian devil juice?

The nectar of the gods.

Mmm. Ooh.

Well, which ones? Which gods? Darcy, stop hogging the nectar.

We'll be back at the next break.

You're watching "The Last Drive-Inhausen."

On Shudderhausen. [Laughs]

We're not gonna, like, consort with

the devil or anything.

Oh, hell yeah, we are.

Mmm.

Nothing kinky though, right?

Oh, it's gonna be very plain vanilla devil consortium.

Okay. That's good.

[Laughter]

[Light tapping on door]

[Light tapping on door]

[Light tapping on door]

Who is it?Boy: Please let me in.

My parents went out and I'm frightened.

Please help me. I'm frightened.

Please. Please.

Please.

Please.

Please help me. I'm frightened.

[Growling] Aah!

[Grunting]

[Screaming]

[Indistinct conversations]

Man: Hurry up.

Hank: How's it going with the bottles?

[Banging on metal door]

You guys getting anywhere?

There's not a damn thing we can do.

We've been trying everything.

Oh, shit!

[Growling continues]

♪♪

[Hannah screaming]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

Aah!

♪♪

[Creatures chittering]

♪♪

♪♪

Aaah!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cackling]

♪♪

We're all going to die! We're all going to die!

Hey, baby. Hey! Hey, baby.

We're just as scared as you are. We're still alive, baby.

And we're gonna do all we can to stay that way.

[Banging on door continues]

Mommy.

Mommy. Mommy!

Aaaah! Mommy.

[Growls]

Hank: Get away from --Girl: No!

No, Mommy! No!

Help me.

No! Helga. Helga!

Help me, please.

Help me!

Girl: No! No, no!

Please, help me!

Please.

Sorry.Girl: Mommy!

♪♪

[Demon screeching]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screeching continues]

♪♪

[Screeching continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door rattling]

No! [Sobbing]

♪♪

♪♪

Aaaah!

♪♪

[Groans]

[Gasps]

Aah!

♪♪

[Demon screeching]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Cables slapping]

No, wait. Please don't leave me here.

[Growls]

[Demon growling]

[Growls]

[Grunting]

[Growling, grunting continue]

[Growling plaintively]

[Demon chittering, screeching]

[Screeching continues]

[Screeching continues]

[Hissing]

[Screeching continues]

[Coughing]

[Demon screeching plaintively]

[Grunting]

[Metal creaks]

[Grunting]

[Demon growling]

[Demon screeching][Screaming]

Aah! George!

Hannah! No!

[Screeching continues]

Aaah!

[Demon groans]

[Screaming]

[Squishing, demon groaning]

[Demon screeching]

[Screeching stops]

[Breathing heavily]

[Thump in distance]

[Metal thumping]

[Demons growling]

They're coming! They're coming!

They're coming!

Hank: Leave the car!

Get ready. Come on. Everybody behind the car!

Defend yourself. Defend yourself!

[Demons growling]

Don't look. Don't look.Dad, I'm so afraid.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

Nobody will hurt you.

[Demons growling]

[Thumping]

[Demons growling]

[Shouts indistinctly]

[All screaming]

[Growling, screaming continue]

[Screaming]

[Tires squealing]

[Screams]

No!

No!

[Tires squealing]

♪♪

[All screaming]

Pap-- Papa!

[Demons growling]

Papa!

Papa!

[Demons growling]

[Gasps]

[Whimpering]

Papi.

[Demons growling]

Okay, Danhausen,

this whole -- this whole thing is no longer working for me.

You know, don't -- don't touch any more of that

Thuringiahausen boozehausen, Darcy.

Let me just finish these last two shots.

Alright, just -- alright.

[Laughter]

Yes. Darcyhausen has almost reached the apex of demonry.

Whoo! Demonry.Well, she can just calm the fuck downhausen

because we just watched one of the most controversial scenes

in "Demons 2,"

and okay, yeah, I know they're not gonna convene the UN

to talk about this scene, but it's the scene

where the gremlin pops out of the boy's stomach

and goes floating around the apartment,

menacing the pregnant wife of the guy

who's kicking the hooker down the elevator shaft.

And that's Virginia Bryant as the hooker, by the way.

And that's Davide Marotta as Demon Tommy,

a Neapolitan dwarf who --Yes.

He worked constantly as a body double

and a stuntman during the heyday of the Italian film industry.

Anyway, anyhow, Danhausen, you -- you have got to go now

because you're messing up the whole vibe of this show.

So I'm just gonna ask you one more question.Okay.

And we'll be done. How realistic are the demons in "Demons 2"?

These are movie demons.

What do you mean by movie demons?

They have characteristics of real demons,

but real demons will not, For example, leap through flames

or leave Asia Argento alive in the car.

They did just wander off and not kill Asia Argento, right.

She just -- She just watched mommy and daddy die,

and then she was just -- she was just left

to the rest of her post-traumatic syndrome life,

which includes starring in a Vin Diesel movie

and dating Anthony Bourdain. So, okay, Danhausen.

Yes? Pick a camera so you can, like,

slither on through it and get out of here.

Oh.Wait, wait, wait, wait, I want to go with you.

Well, dear Darcyhausen, the places I go are not suitable

for such a damselhausen as yourself.

Aww. Like what?

I'm planning on emerging at a hot tub party in Aspen.

A hot tub party in Aspen. Really?

Oh, please, I will go anywherehausen.

Darcy, get a grip. And, Danhausen... Yes?

You're not going to achieve world domination.

You couldn't even successfully hijack this

cheap streaming series on Shudder, you know?

Alright, that's it. I must curse you now.

Ha! Go for it. Darcy, come on over.

You want to get cursed with me, Darcy?

I would like to be cursed with you.Alright, go ahead.

Do the curse.Whoo!

You are both cursed. Enjoy it! Yay!

And now for the stunning conclusion of "Dèmoni Due,"

better known as "Demons 2."

Security! Come on, get this guy out of here.

Wait. Wait. No!

I'm going into the other dimension in Aspen.

Yeah, the Aspen hot tub party, right.

You were never a demon. You said you were a demon.

You temporarily made us believe you were a demon.

You knew just enough about Upper Thuringia

to make us drink the poison elixir.

But you are an imposter! You are an imposter, I say!

Yes, says the man who is dressed as Danhausen.

Yes. I was temporarily fooled.

I admit that. So was Darcy.

Oh, no. I am totally a demon now.

Alright, alright. Well, you're drunkhausen.

So, Security, remove this charlatan!

You get your hands off me! I don't know where they've been.

Don't touch me! Do you know who I am?

[Demonic laughter]

What was that?

Aww, but I wanted to go to the party in Aspen.

There was no party in Aspen, Darcy.

Don't be fooled. He was not a demon.

He w-- Hmm?

I purchased that for a human dollar.

That's not -- I mean, it's not really Aspen.

Looks like Aspen to me, man.

There's probably not -- That's not even a real hot tub.

You know, they do stuff with A.I. [Sighs]

CGI, all the I's, they do that.

[Laughter]

Well, I'm looking at one camera.

I can see a lonely television cowboy of some sort.

You want a shroom?

Uh...

Yeshausen, I think so.

♪♪

George! George, get me out of here!

Okay, but first we got to get to the roof.

God.

They're coming up.

Stay here and don't move.

I'll be right back.

Now what are you gonna do?

I've got to stop them so we can get to the roof.

George, don't leave me.

Don't worry. I won't leave you two alone.

♪♪

♪♪

[Demons growling faintly]

[Grunting]

[Growling continues]

[Grunting]

[Growling continues]

[Gas hisses]

[Demons growling]

[Hissing]

[Growling continues]

[Hissing continues]

[Demons groaning]

[Hannah screams]

Hannah!

[Hannah screams]

Hannah! Hannah!

Here I am.

Oh, George.

Honey.

We're the ones who frightened her.

Hannah: [Sobbing]

[Groans]

What is it?

It moved, but not like the other times.

I felt a terrible pain.

Just one more floor and we're on the roof.

Come on. You can make it.

[Growling]

[Screams] George!

[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

Honey, give me a hand.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Demons growling]

[Body thumps]

Ready? Will we make it, do you think?

Of course we will.

You remember the rescue courses last summer?

Uh-huh.It's exactly the same thing.

♪♪

Hold on tight.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Growls]

Aah!

♪♪

[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Groaning]

[Groans]

Hannah.The pain, it's terrible.

This way.

Let's go in there.

Hello!

Great. It looks like the place is deserted.

Maybe it's deserted because everyone's run away.

The monsters must have been here too.

[Electrical whirring, humming]

No, they haven't been here.

Just in our building. We're out of there now.

I wish I could believe you.

Where are we?

[Whirring, humming continue]

It's that video place in the building next door.

It's some kind of TV production center.

[Whirring, humming continue]

It seems like a safe enough place.

[Groans]

Yeah, that's a TV camera.

Look, that one's filming us.

[Groaning] Hannah.

Lie down.

Aah!

[Whirring, humming continue]

Baby's being born.

♪♪

Please help me.

♪♪

What can I do?

♪♪

[Groaning]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Baby crying]

[Whirring, humming continue]

Is it okay?

It's a boy.

[Crying continues]

He's beautiful. Look.

[Crying continues]

He's not beautiful.

He's gorgeous.

Could you go find me some water, please?

Sure.

[Crying continues]

[Whirring, humming continue]

George!

[Growls]

[Crying continues]

She can't see. She's blind.

[Groaning]

[Crying continues]

[Groaning continues]

[Groaning stops]

[Whirring, humming continue]

[Baby fussing]

It's over.

Yes, it's over now.

I love you.

Love you too.

[Camera beeping]

♪♪

[Demon growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Growling continues]

[Growling stops]

[Whirring, humming continue]

[Ax clanks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

["Rain" by The Cult playing]

♪♪

♪ Hot sticky scenes ♪

♪ You know what I mean ♪

♪ Like a desert sun ♪

♪ That burns my skin ♪

♪ I've been waiting ♪

♪ For her for so long ♪

♪ Open the sky ♪

♪ And let her come down ♪

♪ Here comes the rain ♪

♪ Here comes the rain ♪

♪ Here she comes again ♪

♪ Here comes the rain ♪

♪♪

♪ Hot sticky scenes ♪

♪ She know what I mean ♪

♪ Like a desert sun ♪

♪ That burns my skin, skin ♪

♪ I've been waiting ♪

♪ For her for so long ♪

♪ Open the sky ♪

♪ And let her come down ♪

♪ Here comes the rain ♪

♪ Here comes the rain ♪

♪ Here she comes again ♪

♪ Here comes the rain ♪

♪ I love the rain ♪

Darcy, you're not gonna like this --

what I'm about to tell you.

Okay.

In the original script,

the script was written by Lamberto Bava,

Dario Argento, Franco Ferrini, and the great Dardano Sacchetti,

who wrote some of the greatest Argento films

and Lucio Fulci films.

In the original script, the baby becomes a demon

and claws its way out of Hannah's body at the end.

Oh, no way.

Much better ending, right? Yes.

And more in keeping with the downbeat ending

of the first movie.

But at the last minute, they all decided

they wanted an optimistic ending.

So nevertheless, it is the first movie ever made

where somebody goes into labor while fighting demons.

Yeah.And so the MPAA gave it an X rating

and it had to go out unrated in the States.

It was still a huge hit,

especially for a flick that just cost $1.5 million to make.

But it got a lot of flak from, you know,

people who pointed out all the cheats in the plot,

like, you know, the acidic blood that goes through the floor

so people can get infected faster, like the demon dog

that didn't seem that scary.

He seemed kind of cuddly, right?

Like the gremlin that pops out of the demon child

because it looked exactly like the gremlins

in "Gremlins," you know?

But then this movie was already ripping off everybody.

"Videodrome," of course, "Shivers," "Alien," "The Thing."

And what's the point of the whole storyline

of the -- of the four punks in a car driving too fast

while the chief punk brags that he's never had an accident,

making us certain, of course,

that he's about to have a hellacious accident.

Did you like the music?

I did, but I actually liked the music

in "Demon 1" more.

Yeah, because that was more hard-core metal, right?

You know, they hired Simon Boswell

as the composer for part two,

and he went and rounded up a bunch of Brit goth,

You know?Is the thing?

Yeah, I guess -- I mean, over here,

I guess we called it New Wave,

but they called it Brit Goth over there.

So what do you think of the idea that demonic forces

can come out of the TV set?

I mean, don't they already?

I guess that's what happened here tonight.

I guess that's possible.

Anyway, thanks for bringing Danhausen.My pleasure!

I mean, at least encouraging him to pop in through the telly.

The telly?The telly.

Since we're talking about Brit goth, you know.

Have you got a final verdict on "Demons 2"?

Wow, yeah. Great kills, amazing demon makeup.

Just not a dull moment.

Okay. What's better, "Demons 1" or "Demons 2"?

I think I'm gonna have to go with "2"

since it's just nonstop action.

Alright. Because who needs exposition, right?

Fuck exposition.Exactly.

Oh, and by the way, we have mail.

Alright.Here you go.

A letter from Russell Brennan of Newburgh.

Newburgh, New York?

Actually, Newburgh, Scotland,

because I know that you love Scotland.

Yeah, I do. Cool.

What I love about the Scots is the lengths

they will go to to watch our show, stream our show.

I know.We have more fans in Scotland

than all the rest of the UK.

Well, Newburgh is a small town in Fife.

You know that?Well, I just looked it up

because I knew you were gonna ask me.

Thank you.You're welcome.

I do want to know stuff like that. Geography of Scotland.

Yes, you do.

And you don't.I don't care.

Okay, well, Fife -- Fife is on the Firth of Forth.

Say that five times. Says Fife is on the...

Fife is on the Firth of Forth.

Fife is on the Firth of Forth.

Okay.I wonder if they say that over there.

Fife is on the Firth of Forth.

Oh, someone tell us if that's a thing.

Okay.Okay.

Anyway, maybe I should just read the letter from Fife

on the Firth of Forth.That's a good call.

"Hi, Joe Bob, greetings from Scotland.

Don't get enough of your work over here.

We did get the Halloween and Christmas shows.

Shudder can be a bit weird over here.

For Christmas, we got the talking segments,

but not the films.

I'm guessing licensing issues.

Still, it's easy enough to watch the movies elsewhere

and drop in your bits.

It would be fantastic if your show came to the UK.

Hopefully I'll be able to catch it.

I chuckled through your Sawney Bean intro

to "Hills Have Eyes."

Amazing how many of my countrymen

have never even heard that story."

Sawney Bean is the notorious Scottish cannibal

from the 16th century.

He had a whole cannibal family,

and "The Hills Have Eyes" is based on that story.

"Thanks for the article. Happy Hogmanay."

Happy Hogmanay.

Russell Brennan, Newburgh, Scotland.

Okay, Darcy, you know how we're always

in search of new holidays to do marathons?

I do. I love our holiday specials.

Hogmanay, the Scottish version of New Year's.

Alright, I'm listening.

It's the Viking version of winter solstice.

Major drinking night.Whoo!

Back from the days when the Vikings landed

on the east coast of Scotland and raped and pillaged.

[Laughs] They celebrate that?

They celebrate their Viking blood.

Alright.From the rape and pillage.

Not so much the pillage.

You know, they have Viking blood from the rape.

So what do they do?

They eat haggis, neeps and tatties.

And they drink oat whiskey.

You know? Mead.Mead.

And then they throw the mead mugs over their shoulders

like a scene from a sword and sorcery movie.

Alright. I like that. But what do they eat?

They eat nothing that's edible for an American.

So we'll skip that part.

But it's haggis, neeps and tatties.

Tatties.

Scots have an extra stomach or something, I don't know.

Okay.Alright, so bottom line,

yet another international holiday we can bring to America.

We just need to deep dive the holiday,

and then we'll do a show on it.

Alright. I don't know that it's international

if it's based on Scottish history.

Because it's one country? You may be right, but...

I mean, especially rape and pillage history.

Rape and pillage. True.

But, Darcy, you know, all-night revelry.

So what is this show known for? What do we celebrate?

All-night revelry.Exactly.

You can be my -- You can be my first footer.

And I'll be your first footer.

What do you mean?

The -- The main Hogmanay tradition.

Whoever is the first person to step into your house

after midnight on New Year's Eve,

that's the first footer.Okay.

And I'll dress up in a tartan, and I'll bring coal, shortbread,

a black bun and whiskey to your door,

and you'll have good luck the rest of the year.

So you're gonna dress up in a kilt?

Yeah, we got to go whole-hog Scotland.

Sold.

[Man chanting "Hogzilla"]

Whole hog, you said.Alright. Done.

Alright, start researching the best Hogmanay movies.

Oh, you know I will.

And apparently that's it for the first half of Helloween,

because I'm getting a signal over here to stop.

So thanks to Danhausen for appearing with us tonight.

Yeah, Danhausen.

I'm Joe Bob Briggs for myself and Darcy,

the mail girl, reminding you that

when one door opens and another door closes,

you're probably in prison and the drive-in will never die.

Lord.

There's two old men -- Abe and Saul.

They're sitting on a park bench.

They're feeding the pigeons and they're talking about baseball.

And Abe turns to Saul and he says,

"Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

And Saul thinks for a minute and says, "I don't know,

but let's make a deal. If I die first, I'll come back

and tell you if there's baseball in heaven,

and if you die first, you do the same."

And so they shake on that.

And sadly, a few months later, Abe passes away.

So a little later, Saul is sitting on the park bench

and there's a voice whispering to him, "Saul, Saul, Saul!"

And he says, "Abel, is that you?"

And the voice says, "Yes, this is Abel,

and I've got good news and bad news."

And Saul says, "Give me the good news first."

And Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in heaven."

And Saul says, "That's great news.

What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"

And Abe says, "You're pitching on Friday."

[Gasps] Aww.

Come on.

That's a downer, man.

Whoa, that was awful. What a terrible joke.