All language subtitles for The Last Drive-In With Joe Bob Briggs S24E01 The Brain 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-BFM_track3_[eng]

♪♪

♪♪

-Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Oh, there you are.

Welcome.

I suppose it's time again for

"The Last Drive-In"
Christmas special,

or what we're referring
to this season

as "Joe Bob's Creepy
Christmas."

And yes, the Yule is upon us
and the chestnuts are waiting.

And soon the laughing children

will flood through the hallways
of the manse

and we will move on
to a new --

-Sir, what are you doing?
[Laughter]

-Introducing the Christmas show.

-Well, there are
no laughing children.

There are no chestnuts.
So what are you talking about?

-Darcy, I'm trying to give
the Christmas special

a little class.

Have you ever watched
"Masterpiece Theater?"

-No.
-You know, this is --

this is a literary armchair
that we have here.

This chair exudes the warmth
of Father Christmas

and the yellowed pages of
cherished Christmas archetypes.

So we're doing --
It's a PBS thing.

It's like a, you know,
it's like the BBC at Christmas.

-Okay.
-So, didn't you

just come back
from London recently?

-I mean, yeah, but there are
no armchairs exuding anything.

-Well, here, let me -- let me --
let me pour you a brandy.

-[Laughing] A brandy?

When did we start
drinking brandy?

-I mean, it goes nice.

We have a dried fruit
Christmas pudding to go with --

-Are we showing "The Brain?"
-Well, yes we are, my lass.

-My lass? Okay.

You do you, and I will be
over here

handling the social
with my brandy.

-Alright, you should do that.

And give my most generous
regards to our comrades

in Edinburgh and Dublin,
as well as the Sceptered Isle.

-Alright, I shall.

I shall send a spam email.
-Alright.

Thank you, my dear.

-I'll address it
to the Sceptered Isle.

-Alright.
I adore your saucy wit.

-Are you planning.
to do this all night, sir?

-Well, to tell you the truth,
no, I'm already getting

a little sick of it.
-Thank you.

-But you know English Christmas,
that's where it all starts.

-Yes, and American Christmas
is the one that we live in.

[Laughter]

-True.
Okay, now, does that mean

if I dump the
"Masterpiece Theater" approach,

you won't object to
the Christmas message this year?

-Anything that gets us closer
to the movie is good by me.

-Darcy, the Mail Girl,
ladies and gentlemen,

here to accept
all your missives...

-Back to the real world.
-...throughout the evening.

Message her, email her,
let her know you're out there,

and above all, have a festive
holly jolly, et cetera.

And meanwhile, we'll be having
our annual Christmas auction

throughout the evening
raising money for four,

count 'em, four charities,

and we'll also be raising money
with our Christmas premiums.

-Yeah.
-Those are courtesy of our

friends at Fright-Rags Company,

and I'll get to that
in a moment.

But right now, it is time
for the annual

Joe Bob Briggs
Christmas message.

And once again, not a good year.
-Hmm.

-Lots of war, lots of misery,
economic hardship,

natural disasters,

and perhaps the most
depressing aspect of 2023,

constant toxic exposure
to news from Florida.

-Ha!
-I actually think

the other 49 states
should get together and protest

against having to deal
with Florida news every day.

You know, Florida did this,
Florida did that.

Give the Floridians some Xanax
and let's move on, okay?

You know, I have this image
of families all over Florida.

They're telling
their six-year-old girls,

"No, darling, we're not
going to Disney this year

and you're not getting
that princess dress

because they have
a homosexual agenda."

"But I want to see the pretty
horse, Daddy," you know.

"No, sweetie pie.
That horse might be ridden

by a man dressed up
like a woman, so no."

You know, Florida says --
-Ooh.

-Florida says they're going
to fight Disney in court.

-Okay.
-Ha, ha!

Have you ever met
a Disney lawyer?

I've met a Disney lawyer.

I mean, "Your Honor, this
individual attempted

to sell a fake Mickey Mouse

plush toy at the carnival
in Waco, you know?"

"Well, okay,
but he's homeless,

and he got that Mickey
plush toy from somebody else."

"He had prior knowledge that
the plush toy was inauthentic."

I mean, do you really
want to fight Disney?

I mean, okay, representing
the state of Florida,

Willie Spencer Stevens,

former running back
for the Florida State Seminoles,

just passed his
law exam last year,

currently assistant district
attorney for Panama City.

And representing Disney,

Roderick Carlson, former
American representative to NATO,

chief prosecutor at the Serbian
war crimes trials.

I mean, Disney had
a two-year-old kid

eaten by an alligator
on their property,

and their lawyers had
that cleaned up in a week!

You know, that happens
to anybody else

your history,
your closed down, sayonara.

Disney just goes
all right back

that semi full of $100 bills
up to that family's house.

We're going to wrap this up
by sundown, and then it's over.

Alright, I'm sorry
I got off on that.

I was trying to focus --
-Merry Christmas.

-I was trying to focus
on the Christmas message.

Alright, here's what
I wanted to say.

-Okay.
-Alright.

What's Christmas about?

Christmas?
-What the...?

-Yeah, tell us.
-Christmas is about a new birth.

-Okay.
-Alright?

A birth that brings love

into the world, right?

And so usually
I base the message

on the Nativity story,
and that's --

and actually that's what
we base our charities on.

We always have
a charity for women,

charity for children,
charity for animals

and a charity
for the outcasts of the world

because that's what was going on
in that stable in Bethlehem.

But, you know, sometimes people
who are Muslim or Jewish

or Buddhist,
they think I'm leaving them

out of the Christmas message,
or atheists, you know?

So instead of basing
the Christmas message

on the Nativity story
this year,

I'm going to base it
on Shakespeare.

-Okay.
-Because -- yeah, yeah.

Because he's our
greatest writer, right?

I mean, you don't stay
number one for 450 years

without having something
to say that people trust, right?

-Okay.
-And so when people think about,

well, when they think
about happy Shakespeare,

you know, when they think
about the comedies,

you know, they think about
the comedy "As You Like It"

because they remember all the,
you know, these confused lovers

who end up marrying
the right person

and frolicking through
the Forest of Arden.

You know, at the end
of a Shakespeare comedy,

everybody is laughing
and dancing

and living happily ever after.

Except Jaques.

Remember the character
of Jaques?

Jaques is the character
in "As You Like It"

who separates himself and
observes everybody's happiness

and makes snide comments
about the happiness.

And Jaques thinks he's smarter
than everybody else,

and he enjoys
everybody's mistakes.

He's a sarcastic little fuck,

and the main reason
we remember him at all

is that he makes
that one famous speech.

All the world's a stage.

He makes that speech,
which, let's face it,

that is a fucking
depressing speech, you know?

And then at the end
of the play,

when everybody's all happy
and fulfilled and in love,

they say, come on, Jaques,

dance with us
in the Forest of Arden.

We forgive all those
snide comments.

Just join the community.

And Jaques says,
nope, don't care.

I'm going to sit over here,
be depressed as usual.

I'm not joining your club
or any club.

Jaques is a Twitter troll.

400 years before
Twitter existed,

so he gets his whole identity
from being hated and rejected.

And the implication
is that no matter

how much love and forgiveness
and charity

and community
gets introduced into the world,

there's always going to be
this one guy waiting,

waiting for it to fall apart

and loving it
when it does fall apart.

Alright, so what do we
normally say to that guy?

We say, okay, suit yourself.

Good luck with that rod
in your own private hell.

We don't care.

And what does Shakespeare say?

And by extension,
what does the birth of the baby

Jesus on Christmas
say regarding that guy?

See, we have to know
the answer to that question

because there's lots of Jaques'
in our culture these days.

We breed them like rabbits.

We have all kinds
of toxic things

that make people crave rejection
and crave ostracism

because it makes them
feel alive.

So it's easier to be Jaques
than to seek acceptance.

And so when they hear that,

go rot in your own
private hell message,

they think, yes, that's exactly
what I want to do,

and I will enjoy that.
But what does Jesus say?

He says, you're part of us,
Jaques,

you're a part of the community,
whether you like it or not,

and we know
you'll never admit it.

We know you'll never
come close to us.

We will not try to coerce
you into joining us.

But that door is always open

and the community
is always waiting for you,

even if you die
in total isolation.

If you die in total isolation,

we will mourn you
and we will love you even then.

In other words, what you're
supposed to say to Jaques

is we love you more
than we love the others

because you need the love more.

That's what you do
with Jaques at Christmas.

You save his life.

And that's what we need
to do today.

Open that door to the haters.

Tell them they can come in
whenever they feel like it,

and all of their past comments
will be instantaneously forgiven

and forgotten over
in an instant, you know?

Well, fuck.
Here, have a brandy.

-You know, just like
the world changed in an instant

when the baby Jesus was born,
so, alright.

Darcy, I didn't
completely stay on topic.

-What? I didn't notice.

-I got the Nativity story
back in there.

I was supposed to stay
on Shakespeare,

but anyway,
let me just do two things here.

-I think it was about Florida.
I don't know.

-Before we get started
on "The Brain," alright?

-Holy crap. Okay.

-The first is -- the first --
the first thing I want to do.

I'm going to introduce
the T-shirt,

because a lot of --
[Laughter]

a lot of
people cannot participate

in the auction,
because in recent years,

the bid prices
have become insane.

-And thank you for that.
-Alright.

So, and good for the --
that's good for the charities.

It's not so good
for group participation.

So that's where
Fright-Rags comes in.

They created
some collector's items

that we have way overpriced
so that we can give the money

to the same four charities
that benefit from the auction.

So for example, the official
"Joe Bob Briggs

"Creepy Christmas"
T-shirt is 50 bucks.

It's a 50-buck T-shirt,

but if you want to go higher
to the $100 level,

you get the T-shirt and
"The Last Drive-In" beanie hat.

Can we put up the beanie hat?
Can we show that?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because, Darcy,

aren't beanie hats
making a comeback.

-I mean, I don't think
they went anywhere.

-They never went anywhere?
-No.

-People have always been
wearing beanie hats?

-I feel like, yeah.
-Okay, well, you know,

well, they're big among
our fans apparently.

-For sure.
-And if you're really feeling

Christmassy, reach for that
$250 level and we'll send out

a T-shirt, a beanie
and the official

"Last Drive-In"
cooler because --

-We got one here.
-Yeah. Oh, we got a cooler here?

-Oh.
-Oh, there it is right there.

There's the beanie
and the cooler.

Hand me that beanie.
-What?

-Give me that beanie.
-I didn't know that.

-See, you can wear this
in the mutant hood.

-What?! Look at this.
-This is a cool thing.

-This is amazing.

-Everybody -- No,
I won't be wearing that.

Alright.
-Look.

And "The Drive-In" cooler,

everyone needs a cooler
in the dead of winter.

[Laughter]

Well, you know?
-You're a good salesman.

-You know what?

January 1st, everybody strips
down and jumps into the ocean

off Coney Island, right?
So you'll need a cooler.

-What?
Actually, you don't even need a

cooler for that, so...
-No.

-But you'll have one anyway,
and then at various times...

[Laughter]

I used to be able to sell
these premiums better.

So, and then at various
times tonight

we will be auctioning off stuff
that we grabbed

out of the, well,

I mean, we're priceless
movie memorabilia...

-Priceless?
-...and one of a kind vacation

experiences will be auctioned
off, and those will benefit

the following four charities.

I'm now announcing
our charities for this year.

-You did it. You got to it.
-Ready?

-Yes.
-Okay, our animal charity

is The Wildlife
Conservation Network,

which finds people
around the world

who are already trying
to protect endangered animals.

And then they funnel money
to those groups

so that they have
the resources they need.

In other words,
they go local with this.

When you give
to this organization,

you are giving
to multiple organizations

that are looking to stop
the killing off of tigers,

elephants, rhinos,
and then a lot of other animals

that aren't as famous

and they need more money
to fight the killers, alright?

Our women's charity,
Every Mother Counts.

This is an organization
that goes into

all the places
in the United States

and in other countries
that have high rates of women

and babies
dying during childbirth,

and they get rid of whatever
is contributing to that

and those high mortality rates.

In other words,
they believe childbirth

should never end
in a funeral, ever.

Okay, then our charity
for the neglected

and ignored is the
Paralyzed Veterans of America.

They have been around
since 1946,

making sure that soldiers
and sailors and Marines

who come back home
with spinal cord injuries

are able to live full lives,

and that their civil rights
are enforced.

And the -- and the reason
we're using them

is the medical research
on this is very encouraging.

They need more money
to start getting

some miracles going with this,

and they can do it
in this particular area.

And then finally,
our children's charity.

and this one is
kind of close to home

because we lost several
mutant family members

this year to cancer.

Our children's charity
is Solving Kids' Cancer,

where the motto is every kid
deserves to grow up.

Now, I'm sure you've seen
pictures of kids with cancer,

all those St. Jude's
commercials at late night.

They're about -- but those are
about helping with treatment.

You know, and St. --
and St. Jude is a great place.

But that's not what this is.
This is research.

This is getting rid
of the disease altogether.

So this is really the purest
kind of gift you can make.

What you're doing
is you're giving money

to a kid
who hasn't been born yet,

who will someday be born
without cancer,

who will never know your name.

He will never know
he benefited from your gift,

or that he even
received a gift.

It's about as anonymous
a Christmas gift

as could ever exist.

And that's why it's perfectly
in the spirit of Christmas.

Okay?
You know what time it is.

-Hmm?

-It's time to get silly
about brain movies.

-Oh, thank God.
-Alright.

-Yes!
-Do you know how many --

-Yeah.
-Alright.

I know you've been
waiting for that.

You know how many exploitation
movies there are, Darcy,

featuring disembodied
brains and killer brains

and transplanted brains
and angry brains

and brains from outer space?

-Over 100.

-How do you know that?
Where did you get that number?

-I've heard you say it
so many times

at your
"Cerebellum Night" shows.

-Oh.
-"Cerebellum Night."

That's where I got my brain hat.
-Oh, okay. Yeah.

You do come to those shows.

Alright.
-Yes.

I call it "Cerebellum Night"
when I do those live shows,

but I could call it Cerebrum
Night or Hypothalamus Night

or Medulla Oblongata Night,
or...

Nobody would know
the difference, would they?

I could -- I could name that
show after 37 different parts

of the brain
and get away with it,

because there are only about
three people in the world

who understand
how the brain works.

And I would venture to guess
that none of those

are in our audience tonight,
you know?

Neurosurgeons, as a rule,

do not watch
"The Last-Drive In."

But you see,
that's why filmmakers

have always loved the brain.

You can make up any rules
about how the brain functions

and who's going
to challenge you.

Nobody who talks to us.

And so, in fact, there are just
two body parts

that exploitation film makers

are obsessed with --
brains and boobs.

Now we're going to reserve boobs
for another show,

but, well, actually, our first
movie tonight has both in it.

I mean, in fact, we have scenes
in which the brain stem

is stimulated by boobs

to activate
the whangdoodle stem.

So I will be using technical
terms like this all night.

But the disembodied brain,
the exposed brain,

the surgically enhanced brain,
the transplanted brain,

all of these varieties
of gray matter manipulation

have been used so many times
in the movies

that usually when you
introduce a brain subplot,

you don't even have to explain
what's going on

because, remarkably,
they all tend to look alike.

You've seen it before.

Because what do you always need
in a brain movie?

First, you need a vat,
you need a bubbling vat.

The brain is always suspended
in that bubbling vat.

Second, you need
electrical current.

Electrodes are attached
to the brain,

sometimes while the brain
is still attached to the person.

So, now you would think
the combination of water

and electricity would be bad,
a bad combination.

Nevertheless, we're -- we're not
talking scientific logic.

We're talking drive in logic.
Okay?

Numero threeo,
you need a mad scientist.

You need a character determined
to preserve brains

in an oxygenated saline solution
charged with electricity.

Now, how do we know it's
an oxygenated saline solution

charged with electricity?

Because that's what
it was in the book

that started
this whole thing in 1943.

That's what it was
in "Donovan's Brain,"

the 1943 novel by the German
American writer Curt Siodmak

that's been translated
into 100 languages,

and more to the point,

was provided to
every American soldier

fighting in World War II.

So I'm going to talk more about
"Donovan's Brain"

later in the show,
but you need one more

ingredient to elevate
a brain movie

into the stratosphere
of neurological wonderment.

And that ingredient
is brain waves.

Without brainwaves,
you have nothing.

See, brainwaves --

brainwaves became very popular
in the 1940s.

And that's because
before then,

most people didn't know
brainwaves existed.

The first brainwave in a human
was detected in 1925

by a German psychiatrist
named Hans Berger,

and Hans Berger was so skeptical
of what he found

that he didn't even publish
his research for four years.

And nobody really believed him
for several years after that.

But then he invented
the electroencephalograph,

which actually
measures brainwaves,

and we now know
what brainwaves are, or --

Well, let me correct that.

Those same three people
know what brainwaves are.

You and I don't know
what they are,

but they can hook us up to
an EEG and chart our brainwaves.

I have no idea what they are
or what they do,

but I just know
they scientifically exist.

I can tell you
what they are not.

They are not telepathic
force fields that radiate out

from my brain into your brain
and mesmerize you,

or manipulate you
into murdering somebody,

or causing a girl
with giant boobs

to fall in love with you,
or some guy with ripped abs

and the guitar to fall in love
with you or whatever.

Brainwaves do things
to your body,

not to anybody else's body.

Now, fortunately for
the history of cinema,

though, movie producers
for the past 80 years said,

well, we disagree with that.

[Laughter]

We don't think
that's good enough.

We think brainwaves
do emanate from your brain

and fuck with other people.

We think brainwaves
are powerful as fuck.

We think brainwaves
are tools used by the CIA,

the Kremlin, mustachioed
villains and secret laboratories

and outer space aliens.

And the reason I mentioned
outer space aliens

is we have "The Brain" movie as
a subgenre of the horror movie,

but we also have the outer
space alien brain movie

as a sub subgenre
of the brain movie subgenre.

But here's the thing,
the brainwaves must be evil

and they must be terrifying,

because it's not the brain
itself that scares you.

It's what an angry brain
with nothing to lose can do

with its powerful brainwaves.

Because there's an unwritten
rule in every brain plot.

If you take the brain
out of its body,

or if you just fuck
with the brain too much,

it becomes pissed off
and murderous.

There is no such thing
as a nice disembodied brain.

So tonight we celebrate the high
watermark of brain sploitation,

the late '80s,
when the brain movie

had matured into a structured
mythos embraced by our culture.

That means a formula.

Ed Hunt, the writer, director
of "The Brain"

apparently expected his audience
to be extremely well informed

about brain movie tradition.

But I want you
to do me a favor

as we watch this
1988 gray matter classic.

The whole movie revolves around
a TV show called

"Independent Thinking" that is a
front for an evil brain.

And the mad scientist character,

the owner of the brain
is David Gale,

better known as Dr. Carl Hill
in "Re-Animator."

-Yeah.
-One of the few actors

in history to lose his head
halfway through the movie,

but finished the movie.

And David Gale plays Dr. Blake,

the host
of "Independent Thinking."

And I'm not spoiling anything
by telling you this,

because you learn this in the
first five minutes of the movie.

He's using this disembodied
brain to transmit brain waves

out into the public
to cause suicides, murders,

and other mayhem in the typical
American town of Meadowvale.

Now, why is he doing that?

We don't know.
[Laughter]

Where did he get the brain?

We don't know.
-We don't know.

What's
his ultimate goal?

We don't know, yet I have read
reviews saying

that the brain
comes from outer space,

that his goal
is world domination,

that the brain feeds
on fear and vulnerability,

that the whole thing
is a thinly veiled critique

of Scientology, you know?

And as far as I can tell,
none of that is in the movie.

So if you can find the answers
to any of these questions,

please message Darcy tonight
and let me know

what is the reason
for this stuff in the brain.

And yet we have all
the familiar feel good tropes

for a brain movie.
We have the bubbling vent,

we have the electrically charged
oxygenated saline solution,

we have mind manipulation
by naked boobs,

and we have a brain
that continually grows larger

and keeps sprouting
new body parts.

We have a love interest.

We have a hero struggling
valiantly to stop the brain.

We have feats
of brainwave manipulation

that reach across vast distances
and cause immense chaos.

The only thing
we never find out is how

and why does that happen
in the first place.

So I have a theory about it.
-[Chuckles]

-I have a theory.

I think the director, Ed Hunt,

assumed that we had seen
all the brain movies,

all 100 of them.

In other words,
it's a movie made just for us.

We're the only people that would
be stupid enough to do that.

So you know how writers
and directors

are always talking about
how hard it is

to do exposition scenes?

Ed Hunt beat that problem.

No exposition whatsoever.
Fuck exposition.

Just have the brain eat
somebody and move on.

-I'm down with that.
That's why I love it.

-Okay, so our kind of movie.

So okay, let's look at those
Drive-In totals and get started.

We have six breasts,
15 dead bodies,

one dead mouse,
one secret research facility,

one giant brain in a vat,

motor vehicle
crash and burn with explosion.

motor vehicle chase
with cliff plunge,

tentacle stabbing,
spinal-cord sprouting,

Science-lab Aardvarking,

elongated aggressive
brain-tongue,

Computer-screen brain nagging,
bedroom-wall squeezing,

multiple foot chases
with gunplay,

bleeding milk tanks,
Burger-bar brain wrestling,

exploding toilet, head chopping,
head chomping, body chewing,

brain-stem strangling,
Brain possessed

sports car, scissors
to the chest,

chainsaw to the crotch,
third-floor window plunging,

bleeding teddy bear,
-swirling makeup powder,

heads roll, head flies off
and secretes goo,

gratuitous beefcake photos,
scaly hand fu, superglue fu,

brainwave fu,
hypodermic fu.

Drive-In Academy Award
nominations for David Gale

as the pop psychiatrist
who says, "Your mediocre mind

cannot begin to understand
my work."

Wendy Springate as the clueless
mom who says,

"Well, Dr. Blake wouldn't be on
TV if he wasn't good."

Tom Bresnahan, as the smart ass
high school student

sent to the research institute
for his own good, who says,

"I didn't realize there were
so many

crazy people in Meadowvale."

Cyndy Preston as the girlfriend
who ends up chained

by her wrists in a rubber room
full of dead bodies.

Christine Kossak
as the naked lab assistant

who says, "This is
your hallucination, Jim.

You have a dirty mind."

George Buza as the bearded
assassin, and Ed Hunt,

the writer, director
for writing lines

like that's food for thought

after a woman
is eaten by the brain.

Four stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

Wow.

You remember that time
that I showed "The Brain"

at the Music Box Theater
in Chicago?

-I do, and -- and I wanted
to bring that up

because that's when
you actually got busted.

-I know.
-By some neuroscientists

or something.
-I know, and you were

doing the brain cosplay
like you're doing today.

-Oh, yes.
- Yeah. Alright, yeah.

I made a joke.

I did get busted.
-You got busted.

-I made a joke.
I asked if there --

I said are there any
neurosurgeons in the audience

because I'll just go ahead
and, you know,

apologize to you right now.

Two people raised their hands.

I mean, they seriously
raised their hands.

-But they were.
-There were two neurosurgeons

in the audience,

and they were from
the University of Chicago,

and they actually made
clinical notes on the movie

while it was going on.

And they brought them to me.
-They bought a little diagram.

-They gave me the whole diagram
and came to the autograph table,

and they had diagramed
how a giant man-eating brain

could happen in real life.
-Yeah.

-So, you know, I mean --
-True frickin' story.

-So if you're a medical student
at the University of Chicago,

you know, wear a helmet at all
times, these two are dangerous.

-That was amazing.
I loved it.

-You know, we -- we really
should not allow people

who know what they're talking
about to come to my shows.

I mean,
it really causes problems.

-True.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Electricity crackling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Beeping, Brain growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Cheers and applause]

-Thank you.
Oh, thank you.

Oh, what a wonderful audience.

Such enthusiasm.

[ Cheers and applause]

♪♪

-And now here's your guide
to "Independent Thinking."

Dr. Anthony Beryl Blake,

Director of the Psychological
Research Institute.

-In this complex world
that we live in,

we need all the help we can get
to make those right decisions.

That's why you independent
thinkers have made

this the number one show in
the greater metropolitan area.

[ Cheers and applause]

-Becky.

-Yeah?
-Dr. Blake's on.

Don't you want
to come down and watch him?

-No, I see him enough.

-Tonight, I would like
to address the subject

of teenage alienation.

Today's young people
lack confidence.

Drug abuse, alcoholism,

teenage suicide of all taken
an horrendous toll.

But there is an answer.

Modern science can put a stop
to this epidemic

just as it is solved
many problems of the past.

And we here at
the Psychological

Research Institute

have the answer --
independent thinking.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Screams]

[Screaming]

♪♪

[Screams]

[Electricity crackling]

[Grunting]

No!
Please help!

No!

♪♪

[House creaking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Glass shatters]

[House rumbling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Rumbling stops]

♪♪

[Door creaks]

-Becky, are you okay?

-I don't know.

-What is going on?

-I don't know.

♪♪

[Screams]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Groaning]

♪♪

[Bang on window]

♪♪

[Glass shatters]

-[Screams]

♪♪

[Screaming]

♪♪

-Just a few short months ago,

we were just another local TV
show here in Meadowvale.

But thanks to your support,

I am pleased to announce
we will be going

nationwide very soon.

Give yourselves a hand,
you independent thinkers.

[Applause]

♪♪

[Engine rattling]

[Gear shifts]

-Today's top story,

three more unexplained violent
deaths in the Meadowvale area

over the weekend.

Police have found no connection

between the rash of murders
and suicides,

which have swept our community
over the last two weeks.

Stay tuned for the latest
details on the hour

with complete local
and international news.

Now back to a bit of that hard,
hard, rocky,

depraved teenyboppers love
so much by.

♪ Gotta show me your mind♪

♪ Baby, right now everything
is going to be fine♪

♪♪

♪ Oh, I need you ♪

♪ Oh, I want you ♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine shuts off,
music stops playing]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Oh, hi, Jim.

-Hey.
-Hey, hey.

[Indistinct conversations]

-Willie.

-Ah, if it isn't his
majesty Majelewski.

-Hey, what's up?

-So, what time did you
get home last night?

-12:30.
-[Laughs]

-My old man almost killed me.
Where's Janet?

-She was looking for you.

-Hey.
-Hi.

-Hi.
-Sorry I'm late.

Um, did you do the homework?

[Paper rustling]

-How are you going
to copy it now?

-I'll do it during class.

-Jim, if you get caught,
I'll get in trouble, too.

-I thought you said
you loved me.

-I love you when you're
staying out of trouble.

-Okay. Come on.

Oh, wait.
-What?

-I'll see you in there.

-Where are you going?
-I got to go to the bathroom.

-Hurry up.
-Save my seat.

-So, what did you do last night?

Ooh.
-Hey, shut up.

-Tell me.

[Handle clicks]

[Sodium thuds]

-Hi, Mr. Sweeting.

♪♪

[Rumbling]

-[Grunts]

Majelewski.

This is one of your
stunts, isn't it?

-What?

-You just came out
of the washroom.

I think somehow you managed
to tamper with the plumbing,

and that's why I'm soaking wet.

-That's a pretty
serious accusation, sir.

You know, we're learning
in civics class

right now how you're innocent
until proven guilty.

-So you think you're
an American, do you?

-Last time I checked.

-Well, you're not.
-You're in high school.

You left this behind.

-[Sighs]

-No, I really got you,
you little punk.

-Let's go.

-Mr. and Mrs. Majelewski,

it is true that James has
one of the highest IQs

in our high school.

However, his intellect
and his energy

is primarily channeled
into causing trouble.

-Doesn't seem to be affecting
my grades, does it?

-No, but it's affecting
the students in our classrooms,

our teachers and myself.

-[Sighs] It's too bad.

-Yeah, it is too bad.

And unless we can find
some other alternative,

I may have no choice
but to suspend James.

And if I do that,
you won't graduate.

-You can't do that.
It's blackmail.

-It is not blackmail.
Not in any way, shape or form.

What we have to do is get
to the root of the problem.

I think it is your attitude
that is causing

your antisocial behavior.
-You can't

prevent me from graduating.

-James,
you're preventing yourself.

Now, I am prepared
to offer some help.

Mr. and Mrs. Majelewski,
Ms. Chisholm,

our guidance counselor,
has some tapes I think

you'll find very interesting.

[Tape player clicks]

♪♪

-Now, an important message from
the world famous psychologist,

Dr. Anthony Beryl Blake.

-Does your teenager
have a discipline problem?

Is he or she in trouble
at school?

Involved with drugs,
alcohol, sex?

At the Psychological
Research Institute

we have the answer.

Call us.

-Well, I don't have a problem
with drugs, alcohol or sex,

so I guess we're done
for today, huh?

-Sit down, James.

You have a problem
with your attitude

and your disruptive behavior.

-Dr. Blake has seen
some problem students,

and we've seen terrific results.

-I don't need to go
to this guy, Blake.

Everyone knows he's a flake.
You can't make me.

-James, you don't seem
to grasp the seriousness

of what we're discussing here

or how earnest I am
to change your behavior.

-Jim, Dr. Blake wouldn't be
on TV if he wasn't good.

-Mom, everything you see
on TV is the truth?

Come on.

-I'm sorry. I've reached
the end of my rope.

-Jim, it doesn't

look like we have
any real choice.

-Dad, what are you doing?

You're going to sell me out?

-What are you going to do
if you don't graduate?

-Fine.
Make the appointment.

-Thank you both.

[Squishes]

-Jim.

Jim, I said no.

-Janet, we've been going out
for eight months.

-I know.

We decided I'm not going to
do it until I get to college.

-What if we go
to different colleges?

-Oh, if you want to do it,
you're going to have to go

to the college I go to.
-[Chuckles]

Come on, I've had
a really hard day, okay?

-Sorry.

I'm worried about you.

What are you going to do
about Mr. Woods?

-I'm going to go see
that TV guy, Dr. Blake.

-You mean PRI?
-Yeah. Why?

-What do you think
that's a good idea?

-One place is as good
as another.

Except for some places
that are better than normal.

-Stop it.
I'm serious.

I was talking to Sally
and she said

that Becky was under treatment
from Dr. Blake.

-So what?

-So there's a lot of really
weird stuff going on lately.

[Dog barking]

[Footsteps]

♪♪

♪♪

-Alright, I agree with you.

But why don't we just talk
about that tomorrow, okay?

Just have a nice night together
alone, please?

♪♪

[Screams]

-Ahh!

Oh, God.

-[Chuckles] Scared your ass,
didn't I?

-Willie, what are you --

-Is that all you guys
know how to do? Play jokes?

-Oh, that's not all Willie
knows how to do.

-[Laughs]

-[Groans]

♪♪

[Dog barking]

♪♪

-Evening, Officer Marks.

-Alright, Majelewski.

Come on, let's move it.
It's past curfew.

-Thanks for reminding us.
-Come on, move it.

-Alright, relax.
We're going.

[Engine starts]

[Dog barking]

Jeez.
-Bye.

-See you later, Willie.

-Take it easy.

-[Sighs] I don't know.

Maybe Woods is right.
Maybe I am crazy.

-You know you're not crazy.

-Yeah, Marks needs a shrink,
but they give him a badge

and let him tell us what to do.

Could you explain that for me?

Well?
-No.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

-Yes?
-I'm here to see Dr. Blake.

-Give me those.

-I didn't realize there were
so many crazy people

in Meadowvale.

-Crazy people are that way.

Follow the white line
And fill these out.

-Have a nice day, buddy.

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, you here?

They're taken over, the aliens.

Dr. Blake's an alien.

I tell everybody,
but nobody believes me.

You believe me, don't you?

-Sure, I believe you.

-They're not going to find me

'cause I hide in my mind.

-[Chuckles] Good thinking.

-Hey. Hey, how'd you get
out again, huh?

-Hey. Relax, buddy.
He didn't do anything.

-This is none of your business.

Come on, let's go back now, huh?
Come on.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-James Majelewski?

-Uh, yeah.

You can call me Jim.

-Do you have any forms for me?

-Oh, right here.

♪♪

-Parents signed the consent
form. That's good.

We have to do
a preliminary check up.

Can you lift up your shirt,
please?

-Now?
-Yes, now.

Take a breath.

♪♪

[Squelching]

♪♪

Heartbeat's excellent.

-It's good to know.

Uh, what are those?

[Squelching, growling softly]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Dr. Blake
will explain everything.

He'll be with you
in just a moment.

-Let's get started.

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

♪♪

-Dr. Blake.
-Hi.

I've seen you on TV.

-Ah.

I want you to clear
your mind, Jim,

and I want you
to answer my questions

to the best of your ability.

-Okay.

-Keep your eye on the monitor.

♪♪

-[Growling softly]

♪♪

[Beeping]

♪♪

-What is Vivian
holding in her hand, Jim?

-An apple.

♪♪

-It is a baseball.

♪♪

-I see an apple.

[Beeping]

-Look again.

[Growling softly]

[Beeping]

♪♪

-Wait a minute.
Maybe...

♪♪

No, it's still an apple.

[Beeping]

♪♪

♪♪

-Look directly at the monitor.

♪♪

-Now, this is my kind
of therapy.

-What do you see now?

-Well, there's two of them.

-Two apples?

-No, they're not apples,
but they're round.

♪♪

[Growling softly]

[Beeping]

♪♪

-[ Moaning]

♪♪

♪♪

-Man, what's happening?

-What is it, Jim?
What do you see?

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Roars]

-You can go now.

-What the hell happen to me?

I'm not some kind of guinea pig,
you know?

You're supposed
to be helping me,

not messing with my mind!
-It's alright.

-Get off me!
-You just suffered from an

hallucination, that's all.

-Get your hands off me, buddy.

You're crazier than that guy out
in the hallway.

[Door slams]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

-Okay, before you can even
ask me the question

who is the girl playing Vivian

because that's always the first
question in the post movie Q&A,

her name is Christine Kossak
and this is her only movie.

She has two other walk on roles,
but don't bother with those

because there's no boobs
in those.

I guess she was hired
for her boobs.

So anyway, let me give you
a little background on Ed Hunt,

the writer, director.

-Ho, ho, ho!

-Aww.

[ Laughter ]

-Merry Christmas.

-What are you doing, John?

-I'm Santa Claus.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

-Yeah.
-First of all, John,

don't say ho, ho, ho.

That's what
a Salvation Army Santa Claus

says in front of Macy's.

You're supposed to chuckle
like a jar of jelly.

That's what Santa does.
-Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Stop calling him, John. You are
doing a great job, Santa.

-Thank you, Darcy.
-Santa.

-Thank you, Darcy.
-[Laughs]

-I have two special
auction items

to kick off the night here
at Christmas time.

-Yay!
-Okay, cool.

First one is really cool.

This is a screen worn shirt
from the time that you died

on the "Day of the Dead" episode

of the season final
of season five.

And look, there's blood here.
-Whoa.

-That's my shirt.
-That is your shirt.

-Bloody.
-Like, you found my shirt?

-Yeah, you didn't need it.
You were dead.

-Okay.
[Laughter]

-So that's here.

We'll leave this so you don't
take this back.

Somebody's gonna buy that?
-Okay.

Yeah, somebody's
going to buy it.

-Okay.
-And then the second item

we have, this is the best.

This happens every year,

a set visit to here
at "The Last Drive-In."

-Yeah!
-Ah, okay.

-Meet the crew, meet Joe Bob,
Darcy and Santa Claus.

-Alright, yeah.
-Ernie.

-We always have two people
come once a year,

and we pay their -- all expenses
to be on the set

for one of our shows.
-[Chuckles]

It's one of the things
that sounds --

-Way to sell it.
-It sounds good.

Yeah.
No, no, it sounds good.

-It is good.
-Okay.

-Excuse me, I'm going
to go back into this chimney

and I'll see you guys later.
-Okay, alright.

-Ho, ho, ho!
-Thank you. John.

Okay, I get it.

It's a way to do the auction.
Cute.

-Santa, Santa.

-But Santa can barely get
through that fireplace.

I don't know what that's about.
-Don't judge him.

Anyway, Ed Hunt graduated
from UCLA film school.

He started working
as a cameraman

on educational films in the
'60s.

And then he got into
editing sex films

during the days before porn
was really a thing.

I'm calling him sex films,
but in the '60s,

a sex film was anything
that had full female nudity.

Then he got a job
directing sex films,

including a film
called "Pleasure Palace"

that became very popular in
Canada thanks to a show called

"Baby Blue Movie" on Channel 79.

So Ed Hunt, his knack
was he could raise money.

For a while,
this was his ticket.

He could make movies cheap
and fast for investors,

but he made one called
"Diary of a Sinner"

that lost money.

So he pivoted out of sex movies,

moved on to action movies
and sci-fi movies.

He made one called
"Point of No Return."

He made one called
"Starship Invasions"

that's about UFOs
and underwater pyramids

filled with telepathic aliens

Featuring Christopher Lee
in a Gumby outfit.

He made a horror flick called

"Bloody Birthday"
with Robert Vaughn

about a telepathic kid
born under a solar eclipse

who's infected
with a taste for blood.

He was big on
telepathy, brainwaves.

He was big on brainwaves.

Anyway, "The Brain" was
Ed Hunt's 11th film.

And what did all his films
have in common?

Canadian tax shelter money.
[ Laughter ]

They were made during the heyday
of the Canadian tax shelter.

And in fact, Ed Hunt loved

Canadian tax shelters so much
that he moved to Canada.

And for this movie, he worked
with a special effects guy named

Greg Williams to develop
a prototype of the Brain.

Now this --
this was before the script.

They don't have any script,
they just have the title

"The Brain."

So they developed this prototype

and he went around showing the
prototype to would be producers.

And there was a video
distributor called

Live Entertainment.
-Yeah.

-And the head of
Live Entertainment,

do you remember
the Menendez brothers?

It was their dad.
It was the dad they murdered.

That was who headed
Live Entertainment.

So the Live Entertainment
guy says,

if you make a movie
with that brain,

we will put it
in 40,000 video stores.

And then another distribution
company called

Shapiro-Glickenhaus said,
if you make that movie,

we will sell that all over
the world at the film markets.

And so the result was
"The Brain" was in the black

before they even wrote it
or filmed it,

and it did indeed end up
occupying shelves

in every video store
in America.

And it did indeed play
around the world in theaters

owned by guys who went
to the Cannes film market

and saw the poster
and made deals to distribute it.

And I mean,
don't you love the '80s

that you could do stuff
like that?

Alright, before we go back
to the movie,

I want to remind you that
for this hour of the show,

we are raising money
for solving Kids' Cancer.

All cancer sucks and kids

cancer sucks more
than any other cancer.

And this organization works with
250 pediatric cancer centers

in 24 countries
developing new treatments,

looking for cures.

Solving Kids' Cancer was formed

in 2007 by two guys,
John London and Scott Kennedy.

They had both had intense
personal experiences

with children's cancer,

and the inspiration
for their efforts came

when one of those
cancer kids, Penelope London,

said to her dad I don't want
anyone to ever feel yucky.

And that's their motto,
and that's their goal.

And they're both of them
are sophisticated,

connected businessmen,

so they know how
to get things done.

And that's why we want
to get more money to them

to get the job done faster.

So go to our website,
bid on the auction items,

buy the T-shirt
and the beanie and the cooler.

And 100% of what we collect
goes directly to the charities.

Now, we return
to the Canadian thriller

"The Brain."

Roll It.

Over in Germany, they have
this TV series

called "Worst Films Ever."

They've shown "The Brain" twice.

[Laughter]

And it was so popular
that people root for the Brain.

-Brain's cool.

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

-Look, it's tail is growing.

-Spinal cord, Verna.
It's a brain, not an animal.

-Right.

-Forget Majelewski.

♪♪

[Mouse squeaking]

-I think it's hungry.
-Don't tease it.

-That thing is trying
to control us, I can feel it.

-That is your imagination.

-There's been eight deaths
since you began TV transmissions

of The Brain's hypnotic wave.
Is that my imagination, too?

-There's no connection that
can be proven scientifically.

-Resistance to The Brain's
hypnotic wave

causes hallucinations,
and you know it.

-Your mediocre mind
cannot begin

to comprehend
the importance of my work.

I suggest you look into
your own neurotic behavior,

then perhaps you will understand
your continuing negativity.

-You have to stop
this insane research.

That thing isn't satisfied
Just controlling the minds

of the people
who watch your TV show.

-It's apparent you and I

will no longer
be able to work together.

-Fine with me,
but wait till I tell people

what's really going
on around here.

Now take that thing and
bury it where it belongs.

[Brain shrieks]

[Screaming]

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

[Whimpering]

[Brain growling]

♪♪

-That's food for thought.

♪♪

♪♪

[Growling]

♪♪

[Brain grunts]

♪♪

["Jingle Bells"
playing on radio]

♪♪

[Distortion playing on radio]

♪♪

[Radio turns off]

♪♪

[Lock clicks]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine revving]

♪♪

[Pedal thumping]

♪♪

-[Grunts]

♪♪

[Grunting]

♪♪

♪♪

[Horn honking]

♪♪

Ah!

[Grunts]

[Grunting]

♪♪

[The Brain shrieking]

♪♪

[The Brain roaring]

♪♪

[Grunts]

[Tires squealing]

[Glass shatters]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Grunts]

♪♪

[Explosion]

[Birds chirping]

♪♪

♪♪

[Door creaks]

[Bell rings]

[Indistinct conversations]

-Debbie, where's Janet?

-Man, what happened to you?

-Janet!

-I got into a car accident.

-Jesus, what happened?
-I'm alright.

-Well, you're bleeding.
-I'm alright.

Can we just go
in the back and talk?

-Alright, come on.
Willie, get me a washcloth.

-Alright, here.

♪♪

-What happened?
-I totaled my car.

-How?
- I don't know.

I went to that PRI place,

and they did all
this weird shit to me.

It made me hallucinate
or something.

-What are you talking about?

-I don't know.

They did all this stuff.

There's apples and baseballs,

and Blake's assistant's blouse
just floated off

and she walked
right out of the TV.

-You better not be
joking around.

-I'm not joking, Janet.
I'm serious.

[Panting]

I don't even know what happened.

I was just driving along
and this thing

reached out and grabbed me.

-I'm taking you to the hospital.

-No, I don't want
to go to the hospital.

-Jim.
- I don't want any more doctors.

-You're bleeding.
[Door opens]

-You guys, the whole
cheerleading squad

just showed up.
Can I get some help?

Willie.

♪♪

-Janet?

-In a minute.

-Come on.

-In a minute!

-Just shut up, Debbie!

♪♪

-Okay,
I'll be back in 10 minutes.

I'm off.
Just sit down and don't move.

-Okay.

-I'll be back.

♪♪

♪♪

[Chair slides]

♪♪

-Weird story, huh?

[Indistinct conversations]

-Thank you.
-Can I help someone?

-Yeah.
Cheeseburger and fries.

♪♪

[Rumbling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Liquid hissing]

♪♪

-Can I have lettuce and cheese
on that, please?

♪♪

♪♪

-Janet, is Majelewski here?

-Why?
-I wasn't talking to you.

-Why? Is something wrong?

-This car was in an accident
down the road.

I thought he might
have come in here.

You're his girlfriend.

♪♪

[Liquid hissing]

♪♪

[Door banging]

What's going on back there?

-It's a new stock clerk.

He's knocking stuff
over all the time.

[Banging]

-Yeah.

♪♪

-[Screams]

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, real clumsy.

[Banging]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Jim!

Stop it! Stop!

Stop, Jim!
-[Grunts]

-[Screams]

♪♪

Jim, calm down.

Jim, stop it.

♪♪

No!

Jim!
Calm down.

♪♪

Jim!

♪♪

[Siren wailing]

♪♪

[Gear shifts, engine shuts off]

♪♪

♪♪

-I got him.
-Jim!

Stop it, Jim!

Stop it!

[Indistinct screaming]

♪♪

-Janet, don't let him take me!

-Stop it.
-Don't let him take me.

-What are you doing?
What are you giving him?

Stop it!
Who are you?

-I'm Nurse Verna from PRI.

He just needs
a little more treatment.

-What are you --
Where are you going?

-Janet, don't let him take me.
-Jim.

-Come on, man.

-No! What are you doing?
No!

Bring him back.
Where are you taking him?

Wait.
You can't just take them away.

-Yes, we can.

We have a release form
signed by his parents.

-Let me go with them.
-No, you don't.

-Let go with me.

Let go with me.

Jim!
[Car door closes]

Let go!

Damn it!

Willie.

[Car engine starts]

Damn.

[Tires screech]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

-Wow, The Brain in the movie
has long distance tentacles

that can control sports cars
and jump out of cardboard boxes.

-[Laughs]

-Does anybody recognize Varna,

the beefy orderly who injects
Jimmy through his sweater

and carries him out of the diner
when he goes berserk?

It's George Buza.
-Yay.

-Hardest working
character actor in Canada.

The guy who played Santa Claus
in last year's Christmas movie,

"A Christmas Horror Story."
-Yeah.

Remember the Santa Claus
who fights

with all the demonic elves
and kills them?

-Back to back George Buza
movies, man. Yay.

-Okay, in order to understand
the brain horror subgenre,

you need to know
that it all starts in 1943

with a novel
called "Donovan's Brain."

Curt Siodmak,
the author of the novel.

He's terribly underrated
as a genius of geek art.

His brother is actually
more famous, Robert Siodmak,

director of famous film noirs
and thrillers

like "Criss Cross"
and "The Killers"

and "Flesh and the Woman,"

"The Devil Strikes at Night."

And there's even one film

that the Siodmak brothers
worked on together.

Curt wrote the film,
Robert directed the film.

And of course, I'm talking
about "Son of Dracula"

with Lon Chaney Jr,
because that's the kind of movie

that Curt specialized in.

-It's one of the best
Dracula sequels.

-It is, right?

Curt also wrote "Earth vs.
the Flying Saucers."

-Nice.
-"I Walked with a Zombie,"

"The Beast with Five Fingers,"

and his biggest Hollywood
triumph was "The Wolf Man."

-Yeah.
-But in 1943,

when he wrote "Donovan's Brain,"

nobody had ever heard
of Curt Siodmak.

He was just
the little brother of Robert.

Robert was the artist.

-Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
-Oh, God.

-Chestnuts are roasting
on that open fire.

-Well, hello again, Santa.

-Hello, Joseph Robert Briggs.

-Alright, what is it now?

-Well, I have two more
auction items.

Would you like to see?

-Yeah.

-They're directly
from your private collection.

-Really?
-First up, we have --

-You went into my house
and got auction item?

-That's right.
A poster of "Basket Case."

-Oh, wow.
-Alright.

-Look at that.
[Laughter]

This is Joe Bob's
private poster.

-That was in my office.

-Well, now it's going
to a lucky mutant.

Ho, ho, ho!
-Alright.

-Is it autographed?

It is. Look at that
Frank Henenlotter right there.

-Oh, my God. Okay.

-Ho, ho, ho!

-That's generous, Joe Bob.
-You are a generous man.

-That's so nice of you.
-And if that wasn't enough...

"Basket Case 2."
-Wow.

-Oh, my God.
-Ho, ho, ho, ho!

And that's signed as well.
Look at that.

-Oh, my God.
Two.

-That's my poster.
-It's signed to you.

That's adorable.

-From Frank Henenlotter
himself.

-Oh, my God.

-Any fans of "Basket Case 2"
out there?

[Cheering]

Well, alright, bid on this

and you can have that
in your home.

I'm going through
these coals again

because you're a naughty boy.
-Really? Well --

-Get out of here.
-Thank God Frank Henenlotter

is my neighbor,
I can go ask for another.

-No, these are
priceless artifacts.

-You know, but anyway, is he
going to do that all night?

Because that's
kind of annoying.

-I think it's adorable.
It's so Christmassy.

-Okay, anyway, here's the plot
of the book

that all brain movies
are based on.

"Donovan's Brain."

An asshole,
corrupt multi-millionaire

named Donovan crashes his plane
in the Arizona desert.

He's barely alive
when the rescue team gets there.

Part of the rescue team
is this eccentric doctor

who lives nearby, Dr. Cory.

So Cory can't
keep Donovan alive,

but he's been doing this --
these weird experiments

on monkey brains,
and he thinks to himself,

I wonder if I could keep
a human brain alive.

So he essentially steals
Donovan's brain

when nobody's looking,

puts it in a glass tank
that has --

What does the glass tank
have, class?

It has an electrically charged
oxygenated saline solution.

He then starts doing
various experiments

in an attempt to communicate
with the brain.

Okay, now here's the scene.

This scene has been
in dozens of movies.

One night, Dr. Cory
starts jotting things down

while he's in a sort of half
waking, half sleeping state,

and when he looks
at his notes the next day,

it's not his handwriting,
It's Donovan's handwriting.

-Ooh.

-Donovan has sent --
You guess what he sent.

Donovan has sent...
-Brainwaves.

-Brainwaves, exactly, out into
the brain of Dr. Cory

to get him to do
some diabolical stuff.

Of course
Dr. Cory is so amazed

and excited
that he encourages the brain

to talk to him
more and more often.

And finally, Dr. Cory
becomes Donovan,

and he carries out
all the evil financial schemes

that Donovan was involved in
before the plane crash.

The brain then orders
Donovan to kill this young,

innocent girl
who's standing in his way.

But before that can happen,
the one other person

who knows about
this experiment intervenes.

Dr. Cory's assistant
is Dr. Schratt,

and Dr. Schratt is
an elderly alcoholic doctor

who has never liked
what Dr. Cory is doing.

He's the character
you always need

at the end
of any brain movie,

the character determined
to kill the brain at all costs.

And to do that, he needs to know
the vulnerability of the brain.

So the one weak spot
in the brain's

all encompassing brainwave
power, in this case,

is that the brain needs a quiet
period every day to rejuvenate.

The brain essentially
goes to sleep.

But that doesn't mean
the brain is not

dangerous while it's sleeping.

So how do you avoid
the brain's power

to hypnotize you or mesmerize
you when you come close to it?

Schratt has the answer.

He will recite a poem
over and over again

so that he blocks out
the outside brainwaves.

And that poem is,

Amidst the mists
and coldest frosts,

he thrusts his fists
against the posts

and still insists
he sees the ghosts.

Okay, you see how it just
spit all over myself doing that?

-Yes, I did.
[Laughter]

-Notice how hard
that was for me to say?

Every word in that poem
ends in STS,

and you have to expend
extra mental effort

to sound both of the S's
in those words.

So your brain
is working overtime

so that Donovan's brainwaves
can't force their way in.

So Schratt waits until

the Donovan brain's
quiescent period,

and he goes into the lab
where the bubbling vat is.

But the brain wakes up

and it orders
Schratt's heart to stop beating,

because at this point,
Donovan's powers have apparently

escalated beyond neurology
to include cardiology.

So with his last
breathing moment,

Schratt brings an axe down
on the vat,

destroys the brain
by depriving it

of electrically charged
oxygenated saline solution.

Schratt dies,
but so does the brain,

and the girl's life is saved.
-Yay!

-Okay.
-Alright.

-"Donovan's Brain" was
filmed three times,

and actually,
the first adaptation of it

was a radio play directed
by Orson Welles in 1944.

Orson Welles played
Dr. Patrick Cory,

but the first film version
was a Republic Pictures

B movie called "The Lady
and the Monster."

Also 1944,
with a lot of added plot twists,

Erich von Stroheim was
the obsessive brain researcher,

Richard Arlen
was the colleague

and Vera Ralston was the woman
they're all fighting over,

including the brain.

So Vera Ralston was
a Czechoslovakian figure

skating champion who was brought
to Hollywood by Herbert Yates,

who was head
of Republic Studios.

And Herbert Yates,
unfortunately,

was so in love with her

that he gave her
leads in 20 movies,

proving that she was
a wonderful...figure skater.

But she did
have big boobs, and she was

the very first solution...
-Yeah.

-...to the problem.

Was that a cheer
for big boobs?

-Yes.
-She was the very first

solution to the problem
of the "Donovan's Brain" novel.

It has no love interest.

Every picture,
no matter what it was about,

needed some kind
of romantic subplot.

So everybody who adapted
Donovan's brain for film

was going to have to
invent a female role.

Alright,the second version
of "Donovan's Brain"

came out in 1953,

and it was called,
surprise, "Donovan's Brain."

The veteran leading man,
Lew Ayres is the doctor,

and this time he has a wife,
Nancy Reagan.

And so Lew Ayres
hams it up

once Donovan
takes over his brain.

He starts smoking cigars,

walking with a limp,
being ruthless.

But then a news photographer

blackmails the doctor
by threatening

to tell the world that he stole
the brain of a dying man.

And the brain
doesn't like this,

and he orders a fatal car crash
for the news photographer.

Apparently, brainwaves
can be powerful enough

to screw with brake linings,

but the weakness rule
in this case

is that Donovan's brain can only
control one person at a time.

So the doctor and his wife
hatch a plot to switch off.

They go back and forth so that
the person not being controlled

by the brain
can fight the brain,

but the brain fights back
with a new strategy.

He orders people to commit
suicide to lessen the odds,

and everything gets so chaotic
that fire breaks out

in the mountain retreat home
where this is all taking place,

and the brain is destroyed,
even after it uses brain waves

to force Frank Schratt
to shoot himself.

So anyway, Schratt survives.

The doctor goes to jail for
being a brain thieving weirdo,

but the world is safe
from the angry brain.

Alright,
the third direct adaptation

was The Brain in 1962,

directed by Freddie Francis,

the great British
cinematographer.

And the big plot change
in this one

is that the Donovan character

is using his brainwaves to find
his own murderer and kill him.

Okay, these are
the three foundation films

of all brain movies.

Thank you, Curt Siodmak,
for creating "Donovan."

I know that took
a lot of time.

I'll try to be briefer
in the future.

-I don't believe you, man.

-And you probably shouldn't
believe me, but I will try.

Roll the film.

-Thank you.
-Oh, man.

By the way, I should
also mention

that if I'm doing my job
right at this point,

50% of the audience watching us
has identical brainwaves.

That's called synchronous
brain activity.

And when we start the movie,
that will go up to 70%

because of
the additional sensory

input in a motion picture image.

So there's something
about watching movies

together that just lines us up

like members
of the Manson Family.

Though beware the mutant family.

-Hell, yeah.
-[Chuckles]

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Banging]

♪♪

♪♪

[Banging continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Door creaks]

♪♪

[Door closes]

♪♪

-Let me sneak in,
you can sneak out.

They'll think I'm you.
They'll never find me in here.

♪♪

-Okay.

-Thanks.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Are you sure you want
to do this?

-Yes.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Come on.

♪♪

Hurry up.

♪♪

♪♪

Come on.
-I'm trying.

♪♪

-It's increased size.

The brainwaves we're sending out
can be even stronger.

You'll be reaching
a wider audience soon.

Soon it will be thinking
for all those morons out there.

The stronger it gets, the more
minds it needs to control.

It must expand or it will die.

-[Growls]
-Kill him.

♪♪

-Stop him!

Move!

♪♪

♪♪

[Gunshots]

♪♪

♪♪

-I got it.

-Hurry up.

♪♪

Stay close to me.

♪♪

-[Groans]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Janet, we're never going
to find him up here.

-We have to, Willie.
-What do you mean we have to?

-I don't know.

♪♪

[Gun cocks]

We can't just leave him here.
-I know, I know.

-Janet.
-Jim!

-Shh, there's two guys
after me.

We got to get the hell
out of here, come on.

-But what --
What's happening?

♪♪

-Watch out!
-Come on.

Hurry up.

♪♪

-[Growls]
-Oh, no!

♪♪

-[Screaming]

-[Growling]

♪♪

-[Indistinct shouting]

♪♪

-Willie!

-Willie! Willie!

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Roaring]

♪♪

♪♪

-Over there.
The truck.

♪♪

♪♪

-Where the hell is the key?
-I don't know.

Oh, Willie had them.

Look underneath the dash.
I think he's got a hide-a-key.

-Shit.

Oh, my God.
Here, here, here.

Go!
[Engine sputtering]

Let's go, let's go!
[Engine sputtering]

Go!

[Engine starts]
Jim, drive!

[Tires squeal]

[Gunshots]

♪♪

What the hell is going on here?

-It's that's brain monster thing
that's killing everyone.

-I heard him and Blake
talking about it.

[Tires squealing]

♪♪

[Tires screeching]

[Siren wailing]

♪♪

Jim, pull over.
It's the police.

-We can't trust them.

-We need help.
-We can't trust them!

[Tires screech]

-Hold it right there!
-Officer Marks, we got get back

to PRI.

What are you doing?
-Officer Marks.

-We got to get back to PRI.
-Put your hands out.

-Listen to us.
We saw Willie killed at PRI.

Please, we need your help.
-Officer Marks, will you listen?

-You killed Willie.
I've got a APB out on you.

-Are you crazy?!
-No! Please listen!

-There's a monster
a PRI that's killing people.

-No, listen!
-You're as crazy as he is.

-No.

-Officer Marks,
you're making a big mistake.

We got to get back to PRI!
-Stop it!

-Blake's assistant
just shot at us!

-Shut up and get in the car.
-Would you listen, please?

Get in the car!
-Hey, asshole,

We got to get the PRI.

-Get in that car.

In here! Come on!

Get in the car!

♪♪

-Jim, look.

♪♪

-I got it both of them.

-That's Blake's assistant.

-That's them in
back of the police car.

I'll take down to the station.
You can follow me.

Oh, my God.

-No.

♪♪

He's coming after us.

Jim. Oh, no.

Go! Get out!

Go!

[Glass shatters]

Go!

♪♪

[Police radio chatter]

[Panting]

-[Grunts]

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, hey!

♪♪

Majelewski killed him!

Chopped his head off!

[Dog barking]

♪♪

-We got to find
somewhere to hide.

-What about the school?

It's Saturday.
-Good thinking.

Here.

[Dog barking]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-It's very sad when
a difficult case goes wrong.

James Majelewski has trouble
dealing with reality.

Please, James,
if you hear my voice,

please turn yourself in
before you kill again.

And, ladies and gentlemen,

if you see
this poor unfortunate,

call the police.

♪♪

-Stay down. Stay down.

Wait a second.

I knew it.
Independent thinking.

-So what, Jim? Come on!

-He's gonna
brainwash everyone.

There's gonna be no one left
to believe our story.

[Vehicle approaches]

Cops.

♪♪

Stay down. Stay down.
Stay down.

♪♪

[Saw buzzing]

-How many times
have you asked your husband

to watch this show
and he has refused?

Don't let him ignore you
by ignoring me.

Be assertive. Tell him.

If he wants you...

he must watch me.

If he wants you...

he must watch me.

♪♪

[Saw buzzing]

-Stay down, stay down.
-Excuse me, sir.

Have you seen a young boy
and a blond girl?

They are wanted in connection
with three murders.

-Get down.

-Thank you very much, sir.

-Honey, wouldn't you like
to watch Dr. Blake with me?

-No. You go ahead.
I'm not interested.

-It's that asshole Woods!

-Come on!

-No.

-Please!

♪♪

[Growling]

[Saw buzzing]

-Hey. What are you doing?

Put that thing down.

That's not funny. Put it down!

Stop!

-[Growling]

Stop!

St-o-o-o-op!

[Screaming]

-[Laughing]

[Mr. Woods screaming]

-[Growling]

[Buzzing stops]

-He killed him!

Majelewski cut a man in half!

-Wow!

That wily brain
just keeps pinning

murder after murder
on poor old Jimmy,

played by Tom Bresnahan,
by the way.

I think Tom Bresnahan
does a great job

with this
very energetic performance.

He was an up-and-coming actor
at the time this movie came out.

When people recognize him today,
he has to ask them, "Well,

which cult movie
do you know me from --

'The Brain' or 'Ski School'?"

-Ooh. "Ski School."
-'Cause he was the star of both.

But at the time, he had worked
with Robert Zemeckis

on "Amazing Stories."

He had a role on "Family Ties."

He worked 22 years
in the business.

He had a lot of roles,

but he never really
broke out as a star.

And he said publicly that he got
into drinking and drugging,

and that may be
what held him back.

But he has
a new profession today.

He's helping young guys,
especially actors,

beat their addictions.

So, good for you, Tom.

Cynthia Preston, the female
lead, has had a great career.

She's been in 19 movies,
the lead in 19 movies.

She spent three years
on "General Hospital."

She did the semi-famous
lifetime movie "A Woman's Rage."

[Laughter]

But at the time this was made,
she was a local model.

They filmed this in Toronto, and
she was just getting started.

Alright, I'm gonna
dedicate this next hour

to the Paralyzed Veterans
of America,

which has chapters
all over America.

They're getting servicemembers
with spinal-cord injuries

and Lou Gehrig's Disease
and other diseases fixed up

so they can participate
in sports

and use public facilities
and have normal lives.

And the reason we're picking
them at this particular time

is they also fund research.

And the research is really,
really promising

as to getting these guys
walking again.

But it's expensive.
The equipment is expensive.

The medical care is expensive.

And you know what they spend
a lot of money on?

Everybody needs help
getting the VA

to do all the stuff
it's supposed to do!

So bid on all these items.
And --

[Twinkle!]

-Ho! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho,
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!

-Oh, God. Okay. I guess
you are gonna do this all night.

-Ho, ho, ho!
-Welcome, Santa!

-Thank you, Darcy.
Thank you so much.

-you know, John,
you can just walk over.

You don't have to
come through that thing.

-You want to see the first item
I got on this segment?

-Yeah!
-A whip!

-Yay!

It's from
the Walpurgisnacht episode.

-Oh, yeah.
-I'm gonna whip it.

What do you think?
-No, don't whip it.

Don't whip it.
The last time I whipped it,

we had to report to the union.

-Oh, no.
-[Laughs]

-Alright, so...

-We'll whip you a merry
Christmas and happy new beer!

-What?
-Joe Bob will sign this beer!

It's screen-used!
-[Laughs]

-Oh, no.

-You can auction on this
very beer and this whip!

Ho, ho, ho!
-You just took my beer away?

-That's right, Joseph Robert.

-I don't think
that beer is worth much.

-See you later,
Joe Bob and Darcy!

-Alright.
-Ho, ho, ho, ho!

-Oh, man. Is he gone?

I'm gonna push a chair up
against the mantelpiece.

-No. He likes coming in
that way.

-Okay, well,
it slows down the show.

-It's Christmas.
Don't be so impatient.

-Okay. Have I talked enough
about the brain-movie genre?

-Oh, my God, yes.
-Alright.

Have I spelled out the four
brain subgenres, though?

-Yes, you have.
No, I haven't.

-Yes, you have. Oh, my God.

-There are basically
four kinds of brain movies.

There's the "I'm in love
with the damaged brain" genre.

There's the "whoops, didn't mean
to piss off the brain" genre.

There's the "they saved
Hitler's brain" genre.

And then, of course, there's the
"brains from outer space" genre.

-Thank you.
That's fascinating.

-Alright. Well, we've already
had two of the all-time best

disembodied-brain love stories
on "The Last Drive-In."

We had "Tammy and the T-Rex."

You know, "Sure, his brain
is in a dinosaur body,

but I still love him."

-Aww. It's Paul Walker.

-And then we had
"Frankenhooker."

-Yeah!

-"Before I put her
back together,

I think I'll find a few extra
parts to make her hotter."

-Yes. Love them both.

-And then we also had the

"whoops, I didn't mean to
piss off the brain" genre

with "Re-Animator."
-Yes.

-You know, where the head
of Dr. Carl Hill

is kept alive in a tray full
of oxygenated saline solution.

But the classic in the genre --
You know what I'm going to say.

You know what the classic is.

-"Fiend Without a Face."
-Yes!

-Yeah. I mean,
I've seen your show.

-Alright. You know,
you know too much, Darcy.

Best pissed-off brain
in movie history.

The last 15 minutes
of "Fiend Without a Face"

is some of the goriest footage
ever produced anywhere.

But most of the movies
are in the

"they saved Hitler's brain"
genre,

like, um,
"The Brain That Wouldn't Die,"

which should not
be confused with

"The Thing That Couldn't Die."

"The Thing That Couldn't Die"
attempts to combine

the wild-youth teen genre with
the sword and sorcery genre.

Teenagers dig up Vincent Price's
head from the 15th century,

and they bring it back to life,
and so...

-Actually,
it's not Vincent Price's head.

It's just, like,
a Vincent Price lookalike.

-I think you're right. I think
it is a Vincent Price lookalike.

Because they couldn't afford
Vincent Price.

-Right.
I know all of Vincent's movies.

-Alright. I haven't talked about
brain-transplant movies.

There are dozens
of brain-transplant movies.

-I am sure that there are.

-Also brain-eating movies.

Remember when Ray Liotta
eats his own brain?

-Yeah. In "Hannibal," of course.

-Alright. Okay.
Back to the movie.

-Yay!

-You know who really does
believe in brainwaves, though?

Like, in real life?

No lesser expert
on the manipulation of minds

than Mark Zuckerberg.
-Ah.

-I've got this. Where did I --

Oh. I have it. I have it.

I have this quote
from Mark Zuckerberg.

-Cool.

-He says, "One day I believe
we'll be able to send

full rich thoughts to each other
directly using technology.

You'll just be able
to think of something,

and your friends
will immediately be able

to experience it, too,
if you'd like.

This would be the ultimate
communication technology."

You know...

Mark needs to watch
a few brainwave movies,

I think,
because, you know, Mark,

when they tape those sensors
to your head,

it's not because
they're about to send you

a virtual-reality stripper,
if you know what I mean.

And I think you do.

[Laughter]

[Static]

[Static]

-[Growling]

[Siren wails]

-Get down!

-Help me.
-Give me your hand.

The school's not far.
We'll be okay now.

♪♪

♪♪

-We're not gonna
be able to get in.

-Would you not worry
about it, please?

-What's that?

-Last year's metal-shop project.

-[Sighs]

Come on.

Let's get these off. Okay?

-I'll find something
in the metal shop.

There's -- There's got to
be something in there.

-Jim, I want to call my dad.
I mean, He must be worried.

-I don't think
that's such a good idea.

-Why? He could help us.
People would listen to him.

-He's one of them!

-What do you mean,
"one of them"?

-Didn't you tell me he watches
"Independent Thinking"

every week?

That he really likes Dr. Blake?

Well?

-You can't just say that.
I mean, you don't know that!

-If you call him,
he's gonna have the police

down here after you,

and then they're gonna find me.

Look. Just wait here, okay?
I'll be right back.

-Where are you going?
-Metal shop.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Line ringing]

-Hello?
-Hi. Dad?

-Janet! Where are you?!

-Daddy, I need your help.
-Where are you?

You've got yourself mixed up
with a very dangerous kid.

Majelewski's
a psychopathic killer.

-You don't understand.
Just...listen to me.

-Janet, please!
Tell me where you are.

-I can't.

-Janet, I'm not asking you.
I'm telling you!

Majelewski's a psycho!
He's liable to kill you!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-These'll work.

♪♪

♪♪

Are you alright?

♪♪

♪♪

-It's okay.
I didn't tell him where we are.

-I understand.
You had to call.

♪♪

-I wonder how many other
people this has happened to.

There have to be some
sane people left, right?

-Yeah. I guess.

Let's sit down.

We got to get back to PRI
and stop Blake somehow.

-How?
-I don't know.

But I don't think his
hypnosis thing is permanent.

If we kill the brain, everything
should go back to normal.

What was that for?

-I don't want to wait anymore.

-You sure?

-Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Hissing]

[Growling]

[Growling]

-[Gasps]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Don't take any chances.

They're guilty.

Shoot to kill.

-James Majelewski has trouble
dealing with reality,

but we here at
the Psychological
Research Institute

can still help him.

Please, James,
if you hear my voice,

please turn yourself in
before you kill again.

-Alright. You can't even
watch that for a minute.

It'll hypnotize you.

-Murderer.

You're a murderer.

-Very funny.
Don't even joke about it.

-It's the truth, isn't it?
What he said on TV.

-Janet, stop it.
-Stay away from me!

-Janet.

[Alarm ringing]

-What are you doing?!
-Stay away from me!

-This is me!
You know the truth.

-Stay away from me!

-Will you come to your senses?

-Get away from me! Murderer!

You're a murderer!

-You know the truth.
-No. I just saw the truth!

-Janet, you're not
supposed to watch that.

This is me.
-Stay away from me!

-Janet!
Murderer! Get away from me!

[Gunshot]

-No!

[Alarm ringing]

-There he is!

-Freeze!

[Gunshot]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Ringing continues]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine sputters]

[Engine starts]

[Gunshot]

♪♪

[Tires squeal]

♪♪

[Engine starts]

[Siren wails]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Uniform.
In pursuit of Majelewski.

Heading out of town
on Ray Street.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Majelewski's turned south
on Side Road number 9.

Any units south,
move to intercept.

♪♪

-Unit two,
turning on to Side Road 9

heading north to intercept.

♪♪

♪♪

[Horn blares]

♪♪

♪♪

-Majelewski's headed west
on Quarry Road.

He's headed for a dead and.

-[Laughs]

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine revs]

[Vehicle departs]

[Siren approaching]

♪♪

♪♪

[Radio chatter]

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

♪♪

-In a lot of ways, this movie
is just one long chase scene.

And good for you, Ed Hunt,
'cause that's not easy to do.

We are still collecting money

for the Paralyzed Veterans
of America,

and you're going to need
the T-shirt,

the beanie, and the cooler.

Just 250 bucks to help out
some of our fighting men

who got hosed in battle.

And while we're on the subject,

be patient when
you're dealing every day

with people in wheelchairs
and people using walkers

and people that need extra time
to get on the plane

because you have no idea
how many heroes

you have the privilege
to be traveling with.

[Twinkle!]

-Ho, ho, ho!
-Ah!

-John, do you know you can
just walk over here?

You don't need to do that.

-Ho, ho, ho!
-And stop doing that.

-"Ho, ho, ho" is not laughing.
That is not laughter.

That is what you write
on a child's greeting card.

So...
-Ho, ho, holy moly!

I have two more items
for the auction.

-Alright.

-One's a thing, and
one's an event, an experience.

-Okay.
-So let's start with the thing.

It's too big for Santa's sack.

So, my elves,
can you bring out the thing?

-The thing.
-The thing.

Oh, the thing! Yeah!

-Ohh!
-Oh, not that thing.

-That's the Last Standee.

-Oh, yeah.

-Who's that stud muffin?

-Well, well, you know, when
I worked at The Movie Channel...

-Look at that pose, man,

-When I worked
at The Movie Channel,

they, like, created these
to try to become the --

try to move up.

We were the fourth
premium channel

after HBO, Showtime,
and Cinemax.

And so they made these.
-Showing off the goods.

-And we went to five.

Yeah, we went to the fifth one
because of these.

Anyway...
-[Laughs]

-Well, anyway,
it's going to the auctioned off

to the Mutants. Alright!

Now, the next thing
is an experience.

-Oh, yeah. Okay.

-Now, this is
a very special experience.

-Not that word.

-You get -- You get to go to
a movie with Darcy and Joe Bob!

-Really?
-In person!

-Yay!
-Really? Where is this?

-Anywhere they want!
You'll go to them!

-Oh. Okay.

-And then you'll take them
to a movie.

-Okay.
-And it'll be a beautiful time

for whoever bids
on this experience!

-Okay.
-Santa, you're the best.

-Yeah. We're going to go
to the movies.

-You're the best.
-Aw, Santa.

-You're just okay.
-Thank you.

-We're going! We're going!
But it's for charity.

-Okay, and all these
are up on the website, right?

So people can bid on them
between now and Christmas?

-That's right! Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas!
Merry...Merry...

-[Laughs] Santa!

[Cheers and applause]

-So, it was funny the first
four times that he did it.

-It's still funny.

-Cover that thing up, please.

Okay, before we go to
the incredible conclusion

of "The Brain" -- and I mean
literally incredible --

I remembered one more thing

I need to say
about brain-movie history.

-Oh, of course you did.

-And when I say
there are a hundred brain movies

and I give the rules for how
they work and the subgenres,

I'm talking strictly about
"Drive-In" exploitation rules.

If you see "Brain Damage"
on the Hallmark Channel

or Lifetime, that is
an entirely different beast.

There are two types
of tearjerker brain movies

that they make
for weepy housewives.

One is the genre I'll call
"Brain Damage Rocks!"

And this is movies like

"The Theory of Everything"
and "Regarding Henry"

and "Away From Her,"
the Alzheimer's movie.

And here's the storyline.

Trauma to the brain,
followed by negative diagnosis,

followed by heroic
health-care worker

and/or family member who says,
"Fuck that negative diagnosis!"

Followed by tiny progress,
followed by a breakthrough,

followed by a new way
of looking at life.

And the moral
of all these movies is,

"I'm a better person

now that brain damage
has entered my life."

And then the other genre
I'm going to call it

"I'm in love
with a funky brain."

Like "The Vow."

Woman gets amnesia,
forgets who her husband is.

But that's a good thing because
now she gets to fall in love

with him all over again.

Um, "50 First Dates."

Her brain is damaged, so she
can't remember Adam Sandler,

but now every meeting is
a first date with Adam Sandler.

-Yay!

-"Regarding Henry."

Ruthless cold people
become warm and kind

once they get brain disease.

And the original one
of that type, by the way,

is "Dark Victory,"
starring Bette Davis

as a self-centered party girl
who gets a brain tumor.

And then before she dies,
she learns self-sacrifice,

redeeming her selfish life.

But, see,
I'm not really counting

any of these Hallmark type
movies as actual brain movies

because they don't show
the brain!

You have to expose that baby
to qualify for this show.

Alright, time for
the ultimate confrontation

between Jimmy

and the brain
that's trying to kill him

in "The Brain."

Roll it.

-Yeah.

-Did you ever see
the movie "Re-Animated"?

-I think so.
-Not "Re-Animator."

"Re-Animated."
It's a children's movie.

In fact, it's the only

brain-transplant movie
made for kids.

Kid has a terrible accident
on an amusement-park ride,

but he gets a new brain

that allows him to see
cartoon characters in real life!

So I guess they tell
little Timmy,

"You know that permanent brain
injury on the Tilt-A-Whirl?

That made your life
so much more fun!"

[Laughter]

-Jesus.

-It'd be cool, though.

[Laughter]

[Static]

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct conversation]

-I heard that story before
I don't know...

[Speaking indistinctly]

Hey, that dude looks like
the psycho on the news,

the one that got killed.
-Yeah.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-[Growling]

-In a few minutes,
10, 20 million people

are going to see our show,

and then you can transmit your
brainwaves into them directly.

Are you sure?

He won't succeed!

♪♪

♪♪

-Get him.
-Right.

And this time, don't fail.

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

[Screeching]

[Man screaming]

♪♪

-Vivian.

-This is
your hallucination, Jim.

You have a dirty mind.

-Yeah?

-Don't continue to resist.

The Brain will destroy you.

Surrender.
Join the wave of the future.

-Is this another one
of Blake's tricks?

-No, Jim.

You're the kind of person
Dr. Blake really needs.

-No.

-Jim, what if I told you
that Dr. Blake wasn't human?

But he knows what's good for us.

He's here to help you.

-Like he helped Willie?

-You can't possibly win.

You can't even control
your own mind.

-Watch me.

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Indistinct conversations]

-Jim?

Is that you?

-Ma, you to help me.

-I thought you might be dead.

-No, I'm alright.

-It's my son -- the murderer.

-[Growls]

-Ma, what are you doing?

-My son -- the psycho.

-Mom!

[All murmuring]

-He's a murderer!

-Mom, I didn't kill anybody.

-Get him!

-[Growling]

-Get him!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Jim! Jim?!

Jim, get me out of here! Jim!

-[Grunting]

-Jim, get me out of here!

Get me out of here!

♪♪

Get me out of here, please! Oh!

-[Grunts]

-Hurry up!

It's coming back! Hurry!

It needs people! I'm next!

[Thumping]

Jim! Hurry up! Please!

-[Growling]

[Thumping in distance]

-Jim!

-[Grunts]

-[Growling]

♪♪

[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Applause]

Now, all across America,
nationwide audience,

its "Independent Thinking,"
with Dr. Anthony Beryl Blake,

director of Psychological
Research Institute.

[Applause]

-Thank you. Thank you.

A wonderful audience.

So enthusiastic.

♪♪

We all deserve
to celebrate tonight...

for tonight is our first
broadcast nationwide,

and we are already
in negotiations

to go worldwide via satellite.

[Applause]

♪♪

[Applause]

You deserve the applause.

You good people of Meadowvale

who have supported our program
so loyally.

You are all
independent thinkers.

Hm?

Every one of you.

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

-But before we continue
with tonight's festivities,

there is something
I must talk about

for just a few moments.

The sad tragedy
of James Majelewski,

something that has struck
the hearts of all of us

here in Meadowvale.

He has killed several people,

and he is here in this building.

♪♪

My belief is that
he came here for help.

And we at the Psychological
Research Institute can help him.

[Door opens]

[Chuckles]

Jim. You have come for help.

[Crowd gasps]

-[Growling]

-Look at this thing!

It wasn't even human!

Dr. Blake was trying
to take over

by controlling your minds
through television!

He's the one who was responsible
for all those murders!

I never killed anyone.
I'm just a high-school student.

He tried to use me.

Just like he tried
to use all of you.

Everyone, please --
look at the TV monitor

because you know
that's the truth.

Please.
Look at the TV monitor.

He tried to use me

just like he tried
to use all of you.

The truth is that
it was him, not me!

♪♪

♪♪

Dr. Blake committed all those
murders, not Jim Majelewski.

♪♪

-Aah!

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Clanging in distance]

-Oh, I love you.
I was so scared.

-I love you, too. Oh, my God.
Let's get out of here.

♪♪

♪♪

Let's get outta here. Come on.

-[Growling]

-[Screaming]

Aah!

-[Growling]
-[Man screams]

[Screaming]

-[Growling]

[Screaming stops]

-[Growling]

-[Screaming]

[Screaming]

-[Growling]

-Jim! Help!

Jim!

Oh, God! Jim! Help, Jim!

Help! Aah! Jim!

-[Growling]

-[Screaming]

[Screaming]

-Get out!

-[Growling fades]

♪♪

-Looks like Princeton
wants you, too, Jim.

-Really?

Wow.

Well, they're just gonna
have to wait in line

like the rest of 'em.

-Too bad Mr. Woods
can't see this.

-Yeah, it is too bad.
-Hm.

[Horn honks]

-There's Janet.

-Oh. Can you take
these boxes out, Jim?

-Sure.

Okay. I'll be home late.
Don't wait up.

-Okay. Bye.
-Bye, Jim.

♪♪

-Hi.
-Hi.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Explosion]

[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Okay!

How about that warning
in the end credits

to never mix water and sodium
in your everyday life?

That is intended only
for giant-brain exploding.

And that final brain
may be the most elaborate br--

Actually, that's the
second-most elaborate brain

ever committed to film.

The most elaborate was the brain
in "Head of the Family."

But that doesn't totally count
because it's not just a brain.

It includes
the rest of the head.

The brain in the brain
grows its own eyes

and tentacles and a whole face.

Plus, by the third act,
that's a parade-float brain.

That thing -- You know,
that's the special-effects work

of Greg Williams, by the way.

He also worked on "Aliens"
and "The Fly,"

but sadly he died
at the age of 38 --

probably from exposure
to brainwaves.

Anyway, there's so much
running in this movie

that you get an actual cardio
benefit from watching the movie.

Every time George Buza
rounds a corner,

you half-expect him to keel
over from sheer exhaustion.

But apparently
it was not a happy set

because David Gale,
who plays the evil doctor

who turns out to be an android
extension of the brain itself,

said "The Brain" was,
"One of the worst experiences

I have ever had."
-Aww.

-And this was just three years

before David Gale died
at the age of 54.

He had come to film
very late in his life

after an extensive stage career,

and he collapsed on stage
during a play

at the Westwood Playhouse in LA,

and he was DOA at the hospital.

The building they used for the
Psychiatric Research Institute.

That was actually
the Xerox Research Center

in suburban Toronto.

And the circular
staircases and hallways

that they're always
running through --

that was the
Ontario Science Centre.

And once they saw the movie,
the Ontario Science Centre

never again allowed a movie
to be filmed there.

The music, which I thought
was pretty good,

was composed and performed
by Paul Zaza,

the bass player
for The 5th Dimension.

Remember The 5th Dimension?
"Up, Up and Away"?

Remember that song?

Paul Zaza ended up
doing all the music

for all of Bob Clark's movies.

Like, he did "Black Christmas,"
"A Christmas Story,"

"Murder by Decree."

"Porky's."
-Whoo!

-And, in fact, if you made
a tax-shelter movie in Canada

any time in
the '70s, '80s, and '90s,

Paul Zaza
probably did your music.

"Prom Night."
"My Bloody Valentine."

-Wow.
-"Ghostkeeper."

And you may have noticed
that "The Brain" takes place

at Christmas time.

-Christmas movie!

-That's why we're using it
as a Christmas movie.

And one of the rules for making
a Canadian tax-break movie

is that you have to be finished
with production

by December 31st,

otherwise you don't get
your government money

for another year.

And so they were right down
to the wire on this one.

They had started shooting
in late November,

and they still had a lot to go
on December 29th.

And so they set --
[Chuckles]

They set the world record
for a union film.

The last day of filming
was a 55-hour work day.

Never attempted before that.

Never allowed by any unions
since then.

[Twinkle!]

-Ho!
-Ohh!

-Ah, Santa!
-Ho! Ho!

-Okay, Santa. What?!

-Hey, everybody,
have you heard the news?

Santa's back in town!
-Yay!

-Ho ho ho!

And I have some more beautiful
Christmas auction items!

-I bet you do.
[Laughter]

-Well, the first one is

too big for Santa's sack
once again.

Can I get my elf
to bring this one out?

Ooh! Look at this
beautiful cooler!

-Another cooler?
-Okay. So, cooler.

-But this one was used on set

by one Joseph Robert Briggs.
-[Laughs]

-And guess what. Inside are
some amazing vinyl records!

-Really? Huh. Oh!

"C.H.U.D. II" --
This is my record.

"C.H.U.D. II:
Bud the C.H.U.D."

-"C.H.U.D. II" -- hell yeah.

-"Demon Wind."
-What?!

-The "Demon Wind," like, LP.

Well -- "Things"?
-"Things." Oh, Lord.

-You got the -- You took my
soundtrack from "Things"?!

-We've got Joe Bob
in a tailspin!

-We're gonna send people money.
-You know -- Oh.

-"Waxwork." Yeah. Okay.
You can have that one.

I mean...
[Laughter]

"Basket Case"?!

-These are sweet, actually.

-The original "Basket Case" one,
The "Brain Damage" one.

-Oh, I have that one.

-You been to
Frank Henenlotter's, you know...

I just like --
What is this?

"Two Thousand Maniacs"?!

You're taking
Herschell Gordon Lewis movies?!

-Herschell Gordon Lewis!
-Herschell Gordon Lewis!

-"Elves."

-"Elves."
It's apropos for the...

-"Spookies"?! Are you kidding?!
You have my "Spookies" LP?!

-It's a very...
-It's a very confusing movie.

-You know, why didn't you
just get 10 more, John?!

-Because we were
all out of stock!

-Okay.
-Now the next item.

Miss Mail Girl...
-You're giving away our secrets!

-Would it be okay...
-What? Yes.

-...if we used your mail bag
and gave that away for charity?

-Oh, my God. Of course.

-Oh, she's a saint,
ladies and gentlemen.

A saint!
Darcy the Mail Girl is a saint!

-We'll get a new one.
It's fine.

-So you could get
this beautiful mail bag!

-Yay!
-So bid on it.

Look. It says "The Last
Drive-In" and everything.

What a generous person.

Anyway, I'll see you guys later.

And, uh, merry Christmas,
a happy New Year.

[to tune of "Jingle Bells]
♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho ♪

♪ Ho, ho, ho, ho-ho ♪

-[Vocalizes]
-Can you believe this guy?

Alright.

What do you think
of "The Brain"?

-[Laughs]
Well, funny you ask.

I love it.

It's so fun, and
the brain design is super cute.

-You know, they only
had one chance

to get that exploding
brain shot?

Because they only built
three brains,

and that was
the only giant brain.

So that was a one-shot thing.

-Well, they achieved
ultimate brain destruction.

-Indeed they did. Okay.
Are we doing mail?

You got any --
You got any Christmasy mail?

-Oh.
-He took your --

-No, he left it.
Thank you, Santa.

I'll give it to you later.

-Alright.
-Here you go.

It's a very sweet letter from
Kyla Hodges of Idalou, Texas.

-Idalou, Texas. Oh, wow.
Idalou is not very big.

Go, Wildcats!

I know my Texas Panhandle.

Because my dad
was the girls' basketball coach

at Spring Lake High School,

and the Lady Wolverines
would play the Idalou Lady Cats.

-Aw. My dad was
a high-school coach, too.

-So this is cool.

"Joe Bob, how the hell are you?

I hope you and Darcy
are doing great.

First, I would like
to say thank you.

Thank you for hosting
'The Last Drive-In,'

for providing a weekly escape
from the humdrum of daily life,

even if only for a Friday night.

Like many,
if not most of your fans,

I have been faithfully watching
since "MonsterVision."

Wow. What a dish you were.

[Laughter]

And still very much are."

Good recovery.
-Aw. You saved it.

-Good recovery, Kyla. Okay.

"Initially, I watched the show

so I could get
my dose of eye candy,

but then I realized..."

-Relatable.

-"But then realized
I actually had

a love and appreciation
for horror movies.

I was raised by a single mom

and was often left to my own
devices while mom worked.

We made do as best we could

but never had a fridge
full of food

or a closet with more than a
week's worth of school clothes.

I never complained until Mom
started dating some loser

who trashed your show."
-That loser!

-"That being said,
my disgust for this person

would spark
my own Drive-In Totals --

remote to the head,

poisoned beer fu,

pepper spray
in his underwear fu,

heads roll, et cetera.

Fuck that guy!"

[Laughs]

-Merry Christmas!
-This letter.

-"Thankfully, it didn't last.

Perhaps pepper spray
in the underwear

will keep a lasting impression.
Ha!"

Kyla...
[Laughter]

I think you're saying

that you physically assaulted
this guy repeatedly

because he didn't
like "MonsterVision."

I love you. Alright.

-Aww!

[Laughter]
-Yeah!

-"Since 'The Last Drive-In'
streams on Shudder,

my husband and I catch
every Friday night lineup

where we spend our Fridays
with you and Darcy.

We sometimes play
a drinking game

to name all of the movies
we've ever seen you in.

He and I especially love
the all-night marathons,

like at Christmas
and Thanksgiving.

I know you have better,
more important things to do

than read this letter."

-Eh.
-No. I don't.

"I want you to know

that you're loved and
appreciated in this house.

We call it H3 for
Hodges' House of Horror.

We're really hoping
that Shudder will procure

'Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare,'
and you'll host it on the show.

Hopefully, you'll find your way
to our neck of the woods.

We have a three-screen drive-in,
as well as an Alamo Drafthouse."

She's talking about
the Stars & Stripes Drive-In

in Lubbock
because they do not have

a drive-in in Idalou proper.

"The Mutants here
would love to have you

and show you and Darcy some good
West Texas hospitality.

Keep on truckin', and we look
forward to seeing you again

after this season break.

The Drive-In will never die.
Kyla Hodges, Idalou, Texas.

P.S. --
I'm traveling to Ireland,

where Halloween was born.

If I can bring you something,
I will.

Just let me know."
-Aww.

-Damn, I remember when this --

I remember now
when this letter came in.

If I'd thought of it
at the time,

we could have had Kyla
bring us some official

Samhain trinkets.

-Aww. Don't call them trinkets.

[Laughter]

-Well, you know,
ceremonial Irish Halloween

tokens or something.

I mean, we got to do

Irish Halloween
one of these years.

-Yes!
-We gotta go full-bore Celtic.

Is it Celtic or Gaelic?

I never know what --
One of those.

Like that guy
in "Halloween III."

-Yes. Let's do this. For real.

-Alright. Where was he from?
The guy in "Halloween III"?

-In real life?
-Yeah.

-The Isle of Man,

which is like halfway
between Ireland and Scotland.

-Okay. Isle of Man. So both.

You got your Celtic, you got
your Gaelic, you got your druid.

You know, so let's do Halloween
on the Isle of Man.

-Yeah! I am so there!

But I can't believe
that you would just do it

because of "Halloween III."

-Well, no, I'm not doing it
because of "Halloween III."

I'm just doing it because
Samhain blood rituals

were performed
wherever that guy is from.

But they talk about where
those exploding mask makers

come from in "Halloween III,"

and it's one of those Gaelic,
Celtic, druid places.

Anyway --
-Of course.

-Thank you, Kyla.

You know, I've got to get back
to my roots in West Texas.

Loneliest place
on the planet, West Texas,

therefore friendliest place
on the planet.

And you know what?
That's it for our first movie.

I'm gonna brick in
this fireplace,

and then we will be back with

"The Gingerdead Man"...

starring Gary Busey.
-Yay!

-And in the meantime,
I'm Joe Bob Briggs,

for Darcy the Mail Girl,

reminding everybody
to drink responsibly...

which means, of course,
don't spill anything.

-Ha!

And the Drive-In will never die.

Alright. What have I got --

What have I got from Ireland?
We're talking about Ireland.

Um, a priest, a minister,
and a rabbit

walk into a pub in Dublin.

And the bartender says to the
rabbit, "What'll you have?"

And the rabbit says,
"I don't know.

I'm only here
because of autocorrect."

[Laughter]

-That's cute. It's cute.

-No? No?
I thought that was...

-It's not "ha ha." It's cute.

-Okay. Alright. Try this one.

I purchase a pint
at a pub in Dublin,

and I sit at the table
in the corner,

and there's an old man
sitting there.

And so I introduce myself,
and the guy says,

"Good evening.
My name is Paddy."

And I say, "Paddy who?"

And he says, "Well,
you see that bar over there?

I built that bar 30 years ago,

and it's the most
beautiful bar in Dublin.

But do they call me
Paddy the Bar Builder?

No, they do not."

And I say,
"So what do they call you?"

And the guy says, "See those
wooden panels on the wall?

I made those 20 years ago,

and they're made
of the finest Irish oak,

and they have been featured
in many magazines.

But do they call me
Paddy the Panel Maker?

No, they do not."

And so I say, "Well,
that's very interesting,

but what name do you go by?"

And he says, "You see
those tables and chairs?

I made those 10 years ago,

and they're the strongest tables
and chairs in the whole world.

But do they call me
Paddy the Furniture Maker?

No, they do not.

But you fuck one goat..."

[Scattered laughter]

[Laughter]