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1
00:00:02,435 --> 00:00:03,635
- Hello, dears.
2
00:00:03,637 --> 00:00:05,070
- Hey, ma.
- Hey.
3
00:00:05,072 --> 00:00:07,106
- Robert, have you and Amy
4
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,074
set a date
for the wedding yet?
5
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:11,543
- Here we go.
6
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:14,246
- Look, ma, we haven't even
worked up the nerve
7
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:17,116
to tell her parents
we're engaged.
8
00:00:17,118 --> 00:00:19,151
- Well, what are you
waiting for?
9
00:00:19,153 --> 00:00:20,552
- For them to die.
10
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:24,023
- Oh, Raymond, don't say that.
11
00:00:24,025 --> 00:00:27,159
That could take years.
12
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,061
- What are you watching?
13
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:30,162
- A movie.
14
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,131
- Nope.
- Uh...
15
00:00:34,100 --> 00:00:36,101
- Hi, daddy.
- Hi, daddy.
16
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:37,770
- Hey, guys!
Hey!
17
00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:39,038
Oh, tickle monster!
18
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:42,775
What's up?
19
00:00:42,777 --> 00:00:44,343
- Daddy, we're going outside,
okay?
20
00:00:44,345 --> 00:00:48,247
- All right.
don't throw rocks.
21
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:49,415
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
22
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,216
Did you two clean your room?
23
00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,751
- Daddy said
we could go outside.
24
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,254
- Oh, nice try.
25
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,156
That room is a disaster area,
26
00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,392
and I asked you two
to clean it half an hour ago.
27
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:05,397
- Maybe they go outside
28
00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:06,665
and they can finish up
a little later.
29
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:09,334
- No, ray!
What are you doing?
30
00:01:09,336 --> 00:01:11,804
You two get upstairs
and clean your room right now!
31
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:19,511
- Mommy's mean.
32
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:26,552
Ray, can I speak to you
in the kitchen for a minute?
33
00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:33,659
- Ma, can I go outside?
34
00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:39,431
- Ray, I want to talk to you.
35
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:42,334
- Hi, grandma.
Hi, grandpa.
36
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:43,635
- Hello, dear.
37
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:46,839
Oh, frank,
doesn't Ally look nice
38
00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:49,341
in her frontier girl uniform?
39
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:51,310
- Great.
When's cookie season?
40
00:01:54,347 --> 00:01:55,514
- In the spring.
41
00:01:55,516 --> 00:01:57,282
- I'll see you then.
42
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:59,518
- Have a good time, sweetheart.
43
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:00,752
- Have fun.
44
00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,321
- I'll be right there,
sweetie.
45
00:02:02,323 --> 00:02:04,756
Okay, so I guess
we'll talk later,
46
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,525
'cause I have to take Ally
to her meeting.
47
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,861
But you make sure that the boys
clean that room.
48
00:02:08,863 --> 00:02:10,596
- Oh, Debra, I'll clean up.
49
00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:14,867
In fact, I'll give
the whole upstairs a once-over.
50
00:02:14,869 --> 00:02:18,203
And then the downstairs.
51
00:02:18,205 --> 00:02:19,471
- Thank you, Marie,
52
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:21,306
but the boys can do it
themselves.
53
00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:23,175
- Boys should play.
54
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:25,777
I hardly ever used to
make Raymond tidy up.
55
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,514
- I know, Marie,
and thank you for that.
56
00:02:31,184 --> 00:02:34,386
- Yep, for Raymond, it was,
"don't worry. Go play."
57
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:37,389
What I got was,
"Robbie, dust the ceiling."
58
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,762
- So, you know,
59
00:02:43,764 --> 00:02:45,697
my mom's got it all covered,
all right?
60
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,901
- Ray, you make sure
that the boys do it themselves.
61
00:02:48,903 --> 00:02:51,870
And for once, don't be afraid
to be the bad guy.
62
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,505
- What do you mean?
63
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:55,340
- Well, I mean,
you always get to be
64
00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,409
captain goodtimes around here,
and mommy is the evil witch
65
00:02:57,411 --> 00:02:59,811
who shows up
to spoil everybody's fun.
66
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,747
- No, that's Ray's mommy.
67
00:03:04,817 --> 00:03:07,586
- Debra, when it comes
to discipline,
68
00:03:07,588 --> 00:03:09,188
it's only natural
69
00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,190
for one of the parents
to be the bad guy.
70
00:03:11,192 --> 00:03:12,591
- I was the best bad guy
71
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,427
ever to walk the streets
of lynbrook.
72
00:03:15,429 --> 00:03:17,629
These two knew
not to mess with me.
73
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,565
When they were up to
their usual monkeyshines,
74
00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,767
all I had to do
was give 'em the step.
75
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:22,801
- What's that?
76
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:30,242
- All right, just take it easy.
- All right, just relax.
77
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,379
End of monkeyshines!
78
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:36,348
- Wow.
- He was good.
79
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:37,449
- All right, listen.
80
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:38,784
Nobody has to be the bad guy
81
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,385
if you would just be
a little bit firmer
82
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,853
in setting limits for the kids.
83
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:43,522
But I know you;
You're worried that if you do,
84
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:44,923
they won't like you.
85
00:03:44,925 --> 00:03:46,291
- No, no.
- Yes.
86
00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,627
- Yes.
87
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,662
It's sad, really.
88
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:56,301
This obsession
with being liked by everyone
89
00:03:56,303 --> 00:04:00,706
has now contaminated
your child-rearing.
90
00:04:00,708 --> 00:04:02,307
- Do me a favor.
91
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:03,842
I got an air freshener
in the car.
92
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,978
Could you hang it
off your nose?
93
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,556
- You know, there's no reason
for Raymond to be the bad guy
94
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:20,759
when Debra's
so naturally good at it.
95
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,661
- I'm not good at it.
96
00:04:22,663 --> 00:04:24,997
- Oh, that was a compliment,
dear.
97
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:27,366
See, when my boys acted up,
98
00:04:27,368 --> 00:04:28,967
all I'd have to say is,
99
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,569
"wait till
your father gets home."
100
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,738
- Oh, I would love
to be able to do that,
101
00:04:32,740 --> 00:04:35,007
but whenever I say, "wait
till your father gets home,"
102
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:37,042
the twins say,
"great! He works for us."
103
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:41,480
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
104
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:44,616
- That's just
the way it goes, honey.
105
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,753
How could you ever be
the bad guy?
106
00:04:47,755 --> 00:04:49,054
- Stop it!
107
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,556
Who's the bad guy?
108
00:04:51,558 --> 00:04:53,025
Oh, we've touched a nerve.
109
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,559
- Did not.
Shut up.
110
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:55,927
- Touched a nerve.
- Get out of here.
111
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:57,629
- Hey, listen,
112
00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,464
if you'd just lay down the law
once in a while,
113
00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:01,466
maybe the twins
would respect you more.
114
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,534
- They respect me.
115
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:03,969
- Oh, they do?
When?
116
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,304
When you tell them
to get dressed
117
00:05:05,306 --> 00:05:06,605
and I find them watching TV
118
00:05:06,607 --> 00:05:09,007
with their pants
on top of their heads?
119
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,876
- I'm a fun dad.
120
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,045
- Yeah, well, you've got
the "fun" part right.
121
00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:14,980
- What's that supposed to mean?
122
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,316
- You're a lousy dad.
123
00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:20,786
- I got to take Ally
to her meeting.
124
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,387
I'll be back in a little while.
125
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:25,924
- Come on.
126
00:05:25,926 --> 00:05:28,694
You've seen me lay down the law,
right?
127
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:30,662
I've seen you lay down.
128
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:33,665
- Now roll over.
129
00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:39,638
- Aw, he's such a good boy.
130
00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,845
- Guys, what are you doing?
- Playing.
131
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,814
- You're supposed to clean up
your room.
132
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,916
- Five more minutes.
133
00:05:50,918 --> 00:05:53,985
- No.
No, not this time.
134
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,921
Not five more minutes, now.
135
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,391
Guys, I want you
to clean up your room.
136
00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,592
- Five more minutes.
137
00:06:00,594 --> 00:06:05,664
- No--
guys, I mean it.
138
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:08,533
Guys, I'm not fooling around,
okay?
139
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,503
All right, you know what?
140
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,038
You know what?
141
00:06:28,122 --> 00:06:30,455
- Listen, guys, I mean it.
142
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:33,625
Stop. Guys, I want you
to clean this room now.
143
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:35,060
Come on, guys.
I'm not fooling around!
144
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,962
Stop it.
145
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:39,097
Stop it, guys!
I'm getting annoyed now.
146
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,600
Stop this! Guys!
147
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:44,503
Okay, no TV for a month!
148
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,838
- What?
149
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,840
- You're going to clean
this room, all right?
150
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,509
And then I'm going to find
some more work for you to do,
151
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:52,744
like--like take out the trash
every day.
152
00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:54,479
That's right.
153
00:06:54,481 --> 00:06:56,648
Used to be my job.
Well, now it's yours, okay?
154
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:59,518
You want to live here,
I'm the boss.
155
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,087
I don't work for you.
You work for me.
156
00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:03,488
- What's all the yell--
157
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,024
- ah ah ah ah!
I got it!
158
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,959
- Mommy!
- Daddy's being mean!
159
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,561
- And crazy!
160
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:12,664
- Oh, I'm crazy?
I'm cr--you know what?
161
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:14,466
Forget about cleaning up
the room, because it's bedtime.
162
00:07:14,468 --> 00:07:15,834
Come on.
- Ray...
163
00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,469
- Say good night to mommy.
Go, get in bed.
164
00:07:17,471 --> 00:07:19,070
Get in bed. Come on.
Come on. Lie down.
165
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:21,039
Lie down over there.
Go. Lie down!
166
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,808
- Ray, it's noon.
167
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:25,177
- Well, that's the new bedtime!
168
00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,512
All right, I'm not kidding
around anymore!
169
00:07:27,514 --> 00:07:29,147
No more fun stuff!
170
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:30,549
And if there's any more
screwing around,
171
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:33,218
no TV, no dessert,
172
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:37,088
no Christmas, easter,
fourth of July, or Halloween!
173
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:39,791
- Ray, you're being ridiculous.
174
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:41,793
- Night-night.
Lights out.
175
00:07:43,496 --> 00:07:44,830
Just put your hands
over your eyes
176
00:07:44,832 --> 00:07:47,132
and pretend that it's dark out.
177
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,600
Come on. Come on.
Let's go. Let's go.
178
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:54,005
Sweet dreams, gentlemen.
179
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:58,610
I suggest you sleep,
180
00:07:58,612 --> 00:08:00,111
'cause I'm planning on
filling the garbage tomorrow
181
00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:02,481
with the heaviest,
heaviest garbage!
182
00:08:10,923 --> 00:08:12,791
- These two were hungry,
so I made sandwiches.
183
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:13,859
- Great.
- Hey!
184
00:08:13,861 --> 00:08:16,061
- What are you doing?
185
00:08:16,063 --> 00:08:17,629
- Nothing.
186
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:22,267
You work up an appetite
laying down the law.
187
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:23,735
- Ray just put the twins to bed
188
00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:26,004
and took away
all their holidays.
189
00:08:27,573 --> 00:08:29,207
- Hey, all right.
190
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:31,176
Did you take away
birthdays too?
191
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:32,978
- I'm saving that.
192
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:35,247
We'll see how they do
with the garbage tomorrow.
193
00:08:35,249 --> 00:08:36,781
- Very good.
- Ray, listen to me.
194
00:08:36,783 --> 00:08:38,750
I know what you were trying
to do up there,
195
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,685
but that's not exactly
what I meant by setting limits.
196
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:41,953
- Well, that is how
you set limits, okay?
197
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,154
I know exactly what I'm doing.
198
00:08:43,156 --> 00:08:44,589
- I think
maybe you went too far.
199
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,024
- I think maybe I went
just right!
200
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,058
- But don't you think
that maybe--
201
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:49,861
- yes, I screwed up!
202
00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:52,230
I don't know
what the hell I'm doing!
203
00:08:52,232 --> 00:08:53,932
Why'd you make me do that?
204
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:55,066
- What happened, Raymond?
205
00:08:55,068 --> 00:08:56,768
- I don't know!
206
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:59,571
I just started yelling,
and then I couldn't stop.
207
00:08:59,573 --> 00:09:00,805
Why can't you stay
the bad guy?
208
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,607
Can't you see I stink at it?
209
00:09:02,609 --> 00:09:04,009
- Aw.
210
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:06,945
Oh, well, sweetie,
it's just not your way.
211
00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:08,580
See, I think you should go up
212
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,249
and take back that punishment.
213
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:12,651
And then you, Debra,
214
00:09:12,653 --> 00:09:15,186
you go up
and give it out again.
215
00:09:18,190 --> 00:09:19,758
- Ray, come on.
216
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:21,226
You go up there
and you say you're sorry,
217
00:09:21,228 --> 00:09:22,661
and we'll get it all worked out.
218
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,229
Yeah.
219
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,031
- Okay.
- Okay.
220
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,336
- You're not going anywhere.
- What?
221
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:33,838
- You back down now,
you'll be their puppet.
222
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,574
You'll be a permanent
party clown
223
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:38,076
with bubbles
coming out of your behind.
224
00:09:40,813 --> 00:09:42,647
- Come on, frank,
225
00:09:42,649 --> 00:09:44,783
what ray did
was completely unfair.
226
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,651
- Unfair
is what kids remember.
227
00:09:46,653 --> 00:09:49,321
Unfair is what keeps them
on the straight and narrow.
228
00:09:49,323 --> 00:09:51,856
Remember in high school
how you used to whine
229
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:54,359
about how unfair
your 9:00 curfew was?
230
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:57,128
Well, it kept you
out of trouble, now didn't it?
231
00:09:57,130 --> 00:10:00,098
Like it or not, unfair works!
232
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:07,272
- Except that ray
would come home at 9:00,
233
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,974
wait for you to fall asleep,
234
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:11,343
and then sneak back out.
235
00:10:13,913 --> 00:10:16,214
- Raymond, is that true?
236
00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,717
- No, it is not true, Marie.
237
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:21,920
It is manure.
238
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:25,991
- And he would always brag that
he had the stairs memorized--
239
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,860
you know, which ones
would squeak, which didn't.
240
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,161
And once he got down 'em,
241
00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,963
it was out the door
for another night
242
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:35,867
of bad judgment
and questionable behavior.
243
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,404
- Baloney!
244
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,939
Ray knew what would happen
245
00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,340
if he blinked
without my permission.
246
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,776
I had him shivering
in his boots.
247
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,211
He knew if he lived
in my house,
248
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:48,213
he lived by my rules.
249
00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:51,082
Sneak out? Ha!
250
00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:55,920
- Actually, dad,
with your snoring,
251
00:10:55,922 --> 00:10:59,157
I could have marched out
of there blowing a trumpet.
252
00:11:01,394 --> 00:11:05,296
- You little punk.
253
00:11:05,298 --> 00:11:06,798
- So where would you go?
254
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:09,134
- Anywhere.
Parties, Bernie's house.
255
00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:12,003
- Well, his mother's
getting a call.
256
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,939
- Sometimes I just took
the Valiant out for a drive.
257
00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:16,408
- You took my car?
258
00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:17,976
- I'd always refill the gas
259
00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:20,378
so he'd never know
that it was gone.
260
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:23,214
- It was kind of brilliant.
- Yeah, yep.
261
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,383
And by the way,
Robert did it too.
262
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:28,353
- Never!
263
00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:30,155
- Yes, oh, yes.
264
00:11:30,157 --> 00:11:31,923
I remember once,
we snuck out
265
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,458
to go to the Jethro tull
concert,
266
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:36,094
and he stole a bottle
of peppermint schnapps
267
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,462
from your liquor cabinet.
268
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:39,998
- He's lying!
269
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,010
- Yeah, I know he is,
270
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,179
'cause I had
that cabinet padlocked.
271
00:11:54,181 --> 00:11:56,448
- Yes, that's why he had to
inch it away from the wall
272
00:11:56,450 --> 00:11:58,950
and pop out the back panel.
273
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,453
You drank?
274
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:05,023
- You popped out
the back panel?
275
00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,394
- Then after the concert,
Robert was so schnockered,
276
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,329
he wanted to fight anybody
who didn't agree
277
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:15,433
that "bungle in the jungle"
was the best song ever written.
278
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,001
- That's a great song.
279
00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,404
But this is lies!
280
00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:24,509
- Yeah, I remember
the next morning,
281
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,177
he threw up in the living room,
282
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,012
and you wanted to know why
the house smelled
283
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:29,948
like mint vomit.
284
00:12:31,884 --> 00:12:35,453
- You told me you had
a bad candy cane.
285
00:12:39,225 --> 00:12:42,460
- Oh, frank, our sons
are juvenile delinquents.
286
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,262
- Yeah, well, ray was worse.
287
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,164
You know that time
we all went up to the poconos?
288
00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:47,932
He had a girl in his room.
289
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:50,135
- Oh, yeah?
- Raymond!
290
00:12:50,137 --> 00:12:54,272
- All right, look,
first of all, I was 25.
291
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:56,141
And nothing happened.
292
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,776
- You told me
something happened.
293
00:12:57,778 --> 00:12:59,511
- That's right;
I told you something happened.
294
00:12:59,513 --> 00:13:01,813
Nothing happened.
295
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:03,248
- I knew it. You should have
sent her to my room.
296
00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,083
- Oh, yeah, like you would know
what to do.
297
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,551
- I know plenty.
298
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,553
- Yeah, you know.
You know how to throw up.
299
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:10,555
- You throw up!
300
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:12,924
"Bungle in the jungle."
301
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:14,292
- I'll fight you right now!
302
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:18,029
- Quiet!
303
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,798
Be quiet!
304
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:21,299
- He started the whole thing
with--
305
00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:32,544
- I still got it.
306
00:13:32,546 --> 00:13:36,047
- Actually, frank,
you obviously never had it.
307
00:13:36,049 --> 00:13:37,582
- What?
- Wake up!
308
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:40,952
You spent their whole childhood
being a dreadful goon,
309
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:43,588
and all it did was make them
want to sneak out of the house.
310
00:13:43,590 --> 00:13:46,925
- Maybe they wanted
to get away from you.
311
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,962
That's why
I sneak out of the house.
312
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:56,100
- don't you dare try
to turn this around.
313
00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:58,169
You insisted on being
the disciplinarian.
314
00:13:58,171 --> 00:14:00,038
You're the one who said to me,
315
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,340
"oh, don't hug them so much.
You'll make them soft."
316
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,043
Well, obviously, I should have
never stopped hugging them!
317
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,912
Oh!
318
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:11,249
I am so sorry I let
this crazy man loose on you.
319
00:14:12,351 --> 00:14:13,852
- Stop hugging them!
320
00:14:15,354 --> 00:14:16,888
- No, frank.
321
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:19,557
Love.
322
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,326
You just love 'em.
323
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,494
No matter how many
bad decisions they make,
324
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:26,064
no matter how many times
they don't listen to you,
325
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:29,601
you just keep loving
and hope that maybe someday
326
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:33,872
that love will make them realize
how much they hurt you.
327
00:14:41,914 --> 00:14:45,183
- And you wonder why
I drank the schnapps.
328
00:14:48,153 --> 00:14:49,420
- You know what?
329
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,955
I'm just gonna tell the twins
330
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,223
that they can do
whatever they want,
331
00:14:52,225 --> 00:14:53,992
because nothing works.
332
00:14:53,994 --> 00:14:56,327
- Oh, come on, ray.
It's not that simple.
333
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:57,395
- What?
334
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,997
All his rules ever did
335
00:14:58,999 --> 00:15:00,531
was make me good
at getting around 'em,
336
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,600
so maybe we don't make
so many rules.
337
00:15:02,602 --> 00:15:06,371
- Look, my parents made rules,
but they took the time
338
00:15:06,373 --> 00:15:09,507
to explain the reasons
for the rules.
339
00:15:09,509 --> 00:15:12,010
And there was mutual respect
between us,
340
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,612
and maybe that's why
I never felt the need
341
00:15:14,614 --> 00:15:19,517
to sneak out of the house
or go joyriding in their car.
342
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,419
- Yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
343
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,621
You never felt the need
to do that.
344
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:24,689
- No.
345
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,324
- But you did find the need
346
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:27,926
to go to mardi gras
when you were in college.
347
00:15:27,928 --> 00:15:29,060
- Ray.
348
00:15:29,062 --> 00:15:31,062
- And at the parade...
- Ray.
349
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,398
- You took your top off.
- Ray!
350
00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:38,403
- Oh, my god!
351
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,071
- It was nothing.
352
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:43,174
In college,
everybody's a little--
353
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,543
it was college.
I was finding myself.
354
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:48,947
- You found yourself on
page seven of the "daily news"
355
00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,148
with your boobs out.
356
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:53,217
- Ray!
357
00:15:53,219 --> 00:15:57,188
- Holy crap.
358
00:15:57,190 --> 00:16:01,092
- You mean, like, topless?
359
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,027
- In the "daily news"?
360
00:16:03,029 --> 00:16:05,229
- I was not topless.
361
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:09,600
They put a black bar
over the exposed area.
362
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:12,203
- I hate those.
363
00:16:13,672 --> 00:16:15,273
- It was spring break.
364
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:18,076
It was a momentary
youthful indiscretion.
365
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:21,212
- That ended up in the paper.
366
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:25,616
- How could you do that, Debra?
367
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,385
- Come on.
It is no big deal.
368
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,120
It was college.
369
00:16:29,122 --> 00:16:30,521
- Not a big deal?
370
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,658
Debra, in a few years,
Ally will be in college.
371
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,760
- But Ally would never do
anything like that,
372
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,562
because we will teach her
373
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:41,766
that it is not right
to do things like that, and...
374
00:16:44,103 --> 00:16:47,005
- Oh, boy.
375
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,373
- That's the thing, all right?
376
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,208
Now, what are we gonna do?
377
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:52,577
Come on, I managed to sneak out
to any party I wanted,
378
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:57,115
and I had Marie and Benito
mussolini as my parents.
379
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:02,186
And even though
you had good parents,
380
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,489
you still
whipped off your shirt
381
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,591
in front of a bunch of drunks
for a handful of beads.
382
00:17:06,593 --> 00:17:08,626
Whoo!
383
00:17:08,628 --> 00:17:09,694
Right?
384
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,162
So no matter what we tell Ally
385
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:14,365
and--and--
and the other ones,
386
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,435
aren't they just gonna do
what we did?
387
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:20,304
Or worse?
388
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:25,109
- You need to build a cage.
389
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:30,581
- Well, we need something.
390
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,216
- All right, don't panic.
391
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:33,518
- No, we gotta to have a plan
here, okay?
392
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,153
How are we gonna control
these kids?
393
00:17:35,155 --> 00:17:36,821
- I don't know.
What are you asking me for?
394
00:17:36,823 --> 00:17:38,189
- Because it's got to be you.
395
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:39,824
I can't even put their pjs on.
396
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,626
You think I'm gonna be able
to take away their beer
397
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:44,128
and their cigarettes?
398
00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:50,068
- Yesterday Ally asked me
if she could buy a miniskirt.
399
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,404
- Oh, crap.
400
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,740
- You've already lost.
401
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:57,742
- You tell Ally
the answer is no.
402
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,644
No skirts of any kind.
403
00:17:59,646 --> 00:18:01,846
Pants.
Snow pants!
404
00:18:03,849 --> 00:18:05,083
- Ah, you can't win.
405
00:18:05,085 --> 00:18:06,684
No matter what you do,
406
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:08,686
they're still gonna grab
your booze and go to a concert.
407
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,121
- No concerts.
408
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,123
Shirts can come off
at concerts too.
409
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:20,331
- I gotta start a band.
410
00:18:30,342 --> 00:18:32,610
- Guys, it's okay.
411
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,279
You can wake up now.
412
00:18:35,281 --> 00:18:37,748
Sit up, guys.
I want to talk to you.
413
00:18:37,750 --> 00:18:40,885
Michael, come over here.
Come on.
414
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:43,688
Listen, guys.
415
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:47,792
I said something before
that was pretty harsh.
416
00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:49,660
But, uh, I said it,
417
00:18:49,662 --> 00:18:52,130
and I'm sticking by it.
418
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:53,531
Okay?
You understand that?
419
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,601
I'm not backing down.
420
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,903
So if you think, you know,
:Daddy's a party clown;
421
00:18:58,905 --> 00:19:00,471
"look at the bubbles
coming out of his heinie,"
422
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:01,806
you can just forget about it.
423
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:05,309
But...
424
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:08,880
I might have a deal
for you guys.
425
00:19:08,882 --> 00:19:12,450
You want your TV back
and holidays
426
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:14,886
and staying up
until it's dark out?
427
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:19,590
Okay, well,
I can make all that happen
428
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,360
if you just promise me
one thing.
429
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,594
Okay?
430
00:19:23,596 --> 00:19:25,263
Just promise me
431
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:27,298
you'll obey everything
mommy and daddy tell you
432
00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:29,667
from now until you're...
433
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,470
60...
434
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,438
5.
65, okay?
435
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:38,442
That seems fair.
436
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:39,477
Deal?
437
00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:41,279
- Deal.
- Deal.
438
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,314
- All right, come here.
439
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:45,883
All right,
now, listen, guys.
440
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,319
I don't want you to think
that I'm an idiot
441
00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:51,756
and I really believe
that we've got a deal here.
442
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:53,591
Your mother
and I have been talking,
443
00:19:53,593 --> 00:19:55,860
and we know
that you're gonna get older
444
00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:57,595
and you're gonna do things,
445
00:19:57,597 --> 00:20:01,399
and we know there's nothing
that we can do about it.
446
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:06,337
But, guys, if you do,
make sure...
447
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:09,840
We never find out about it.
448
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:18,482
We don't want to know.
449
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,788
Listen, guys,
you know, the only reason
450
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,389
we want you to do
what we tell you
451
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:28,826
is because we love you, okay?
452
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,928
- We love you too, daddy.
453
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,333
- Can we go outside now?
454
00:20:35,335 --> 00:20:36,767
- Yeah. Okay.
455
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:38,736
No, wait.
You got to clean your room.
456
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,605
No, guys, you got to clean
your room!
457
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:41,706
Guys!
458
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,609
You got to clean the room!
459
00:20:48,480 --> 00:20:50,948
Hey, ma, you busy?
460
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,888
- I'm glad
we talked that out today.
461
00:20:57,890 --> 00:21:00,258
- Yeah, me too.
462
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:01,592
- I guess all we can do
463
00:21:01,594 --> 00:21:04,362
is love them
and set a good example.
464
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,430
- Yep.
465
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:08,532
And as far as me and you go,
466
00:21:08,534 --> 00:21:09,967
I think we need a vacation.
467
00:21:09,969 --> 00:21:12,003
- Oh, I'm all for that.
468
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:13,904
Where should we go?
469
00:21:13,906 --> 00:21:17,708
- Actually, I was thinking
about mardi gras.
470
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,649
Oh, when the saints
471
00:21:24,651 --> 00:21:27,285
come marching in
472
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:31,989
oh, when the saints come
marching in
473
00:21:31,991 --> 00:21:33,924
how I'd love to be
in that num--
33320
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