All language subtitles for Eureka S04E06 Momstrosity

CARTER: It was just
a normal day in Eureka.

Day's not over yet.

Yeah. Like that was
going to last.

Hello, 1947.
Confused? Let me clarify.

The five of us got
transported back in time

through some wormhole thingy
thanks to the bridge device.

We eventually found
our way back home,

but, surprise, home wasn't
exactly the way we left it.

Henry? Married.

Zane and Jo? Never dated.

But Jo's in charge
of 6d. Security.

Kevin? Different,
much to Allison's surprise.

And Fargo?
Head of global dynamics,

much to everyone's surprise.

Oh, and Dr. Old spice hitched a
ride with us back to the present,

but there's one crappy rule.

We can't tell anyone.

If people ever found out
about our trip, there'd be trouble.

And I finally kissed Allison,
63 years ago.

But that's Eureka for you.
Same town, big changes.

CARTER: Go, go, go! (Exclaims)

Did we lose her?

(Chuckles)

Yeah, man.

(Tires screeching)

(Grunts)

Everybody out! Everybody out!

CARTER: Jesus!

Go! Go!

(Sighs)

Carter!

I just found this perverted little
toaster spying on me in the shower.

Ah, that's Kevin's homework
assignment, actually.

No, not the spying part.

This is Eureka's version
of carrying an egg around

to show you know how to parent.

SARAH: Actually, sheriff Carter,

the emo is a highly sophisticated
emotional attachment robot

designed to develop a
genuine bond with its caregiver.

I don't care what it's for.

It's got video of me showering
embedded in its little emo brain.

No doubt for Kevin's
viewing pleasure.

Get rid of it.

(Chuckling) Oh,
come on. He's awfully cute.

For an instrument of
wrongdoing. I'll talk to Allison.

You called, sheriff?

Uh, no. Talk to Lupo.

How may I be
of service, miss Lupo?

Like I haven't had enough
of you robots this morning.

(Sighs)

What do you mean, "you robots"?

SARAH:
Good morning, deputy Andy.

Hey there, Sarah.
I'm a mite puzzled.

I'm positive I received
a call from this location.

Perhaps there's a
glitch in your software.

May I link you to the global dynamics
mainframe computer for a diagnostic?

Gee, that'd be super, Sarah.

Um, that's not it.

Oops. Beg pardon.

If Kevin sent a robot to spy
on a beautiful girl in the shower,

I'm guessing he's
curious about something

he didn't want to discuss
with his mom.

He knows that he can come
to me. I'm a medical doctor.

No. You're his mom.

But Henry, Fargo and I
are planning a camping trip.

You think Kevin might
want to tag along?

That sounds
suspiciously like a reward.

No. I just think some guy
time might pave the way

or make it easier for
him to talk about girl stuff.

(Chuckles) Girl stuff?

Yeah.

Come on. I want to help. I've
been through this. Let me help.

Okay. Thanks, Carter.

You're welcome.

Hey, there,
fellow adventure-seeker!

Ready to test your mettle
against the great unknown?

This is going to be fun.
I'm going to go pack.

Meet you at the
rendezvous point.

Great.

Now while I'm in country,
you'll be acting director

with all the perks
and privileges.

I've put together
a detailed brief.

Fargo, this was my job five
minutes ago. I know what to do.

Right.

If anything pops up, just ask
Larry. He's here to do your bidding.

Actually, I am working on some
tomographic imaging research,

and I could use a volunteer.

Great. Fargo, have you seen

a little robot around
here, about yay high?

(Sighs)

(People chattering)

Hey, Henry. We're going to have
an addition to our camping trip

and a subtraction.
I'm going to...

Yes, yes. I'm going to stay and
help grace with a project of hers.

Great. Well, no, no.

This may be the strangest
thing I've ever said,

but I am think I'm falling
in love with my wife.

(Both laughing)

That's not even in the top ten of
the strangest things you've ever said.

And what about you?

What about me?

Well, oh, come on.

I've seen the way you've been
looking at Allison since we got back.

No, no, no. You
cannot seriously tell me

you're going to let Charles Grant
sweep her out from under you.

Of course not.

Then you're gonna...

I'm gonna...

Procrasti Nate.

Probably. Yes. Most likely.

As usual. Yes. Yes.

What is wrong with you?

I... I got a plan.

What? It's a long-term plan.

How long?

(Thudding)

(Bleeping)

So the idea is to access
my short-term memory?

Exactly.

The retrieval system could
help people with Alzheimer's

recover lost memories.

Uh-huh. So what do I have to do?

Just sit there looking pretty.

Ah, what I do best.

I am going to program a feeling.

So let's go with
something fun like elation.

Mmm-hmm.

The ai. System will
access your memories

to find a powerful
association for you.

Hmm.

(Laughs)

How'd I do?

(Laughs)

That we”, huh?

Okay. Okay. Okay.

A few weeks ago

I traveled back in time and
returned to an alternate reality,

this reality, to find myself

married to you.

(Chuckles)

Okay, Henry, the key to a good
practical joke lies in its plausibility.

Grace, I'm not joking.

That machine you've seen
me working on in the garage

is a re-fabrication
of Einstein's bridge.

Uh, sloppy premise, Henry.

The bridge was based
on impossible theories

that never amounted to anything.

Yes, they didn't amount
to anything until last month.

I promise you. I
promise you. It worked.

You're really
going to keep this up.

Founder's day,

Jack, Allison, Jo, Fargo and I

were transported through
a wormhole back to 1947.

We returned to a reality

almost identical
to the one we'd left.

Almost.

In the reality that I knew,

you and I had barely met.

Grace, I'm so sorry. I
wanted to tell you this...

Henry, just stop. Stop.

Grace...

(Grunting)

You sure you're okay?

I've been better.

GRACE: There was a
power surge in the sensors

but my system's programmed
to put safety above all else.

There must be a flaw
in the ai. Upgrade.

I guess you can't take anything
for granted around here anymore.

(Beeping)

Possible security breach
on loading dock "b."

I'm sure you two will figure
out what's going on here.

Okay, then.

I'll figure it out on my own.

MAN: So I'm giving tiny there a final
inspection before she ships off to NASA,

and I find an unauthorized stowaway
in one of her internal containment bins.

You have got to be kidding me.

Mmm-hmm.

So, any questions? Andy? Andy?

The list of stuff I just went
through. Any questions?

One, sheriff.

When first wooing a woman,

do you find it best to come bearing flowers,
poetry, or a small pet of some kind?

On second thought, if anything
related to law comes up, you just call Jo.

Fantastic idea. I'll do that.

All right.

Hey, forget something?

You can't keep neglecting your
emo and expect to get a good grade.

So I'll lower my expectations.

Come here.

Mom, really?

Help. Please, help.

Okay. I think it's time that
the men folk got out of town.

Room for one more?

Allison told me
you're taking Kevin camping.

If there's one or two things I
know, it's about the great outdoors.

Besides, a weekend away
with the boys sounds like fun.

That's not really
what I had in mind.

Well, that's a shame.

Well, in that case, you got
any plans this weekend?

(Stuttering) Wow.

Look, there seems to be
plenty of room in Fargo's car.

Why don't you jump in with him?

All right, you boys, play nice.

Not likely.

Come on, bud.

(Panting)

Yeah, this is good.
This is perfect.

GRANT: Tired already?

You should try traversing the
bavarian mountains in December, sport.

Now, there's a hike.

FARGO: That's great,
but check this out.

Behold. The latest in g.D.
Sporting goods technology.

We call it the mu-tent,
patent pending.

Care for a tour?

Yeah.

Oh, very compe-tent.

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Hello, Douglas.

Are you enjoying
your camping experience?

Aces, Buffy.

Buffy?

Biomechanical un-folding
fully-automated yurt.

I just downloaded
her new a.I. This morning.

Man, I could get used to
camping Dr. Fargo-style.

Kevin, this isn't camping.

I call it glamping.

CARTER: No, no, no. You're
going to thank me, guys.

We're going to camp the way
camping is supposed to be camped.

That's a lot of...

All right, Grant,
you're up. What's your...

Never mind. Kevin?

You're gonna have to
give up the game thingy.

(Sighs) Man, what are we
supposed to do out here

so we don't die of boredom?

Well, only
a million things, Kevin.

We can hunt, we can fish,

we can hike, we can climb trees,

or just sit here and
appreciate the beauty of nature.

Dude.

Or you want to talk about the
stunt you pulled this morning?

What stunt? It's okay.

I used to be 13.

You're curious
about the female form

and what it does to your form...

Dude, stop.

You know, sport, I'm
really with Kevin on this one.

I think some things men
should discover for themselves.

I disagree. I think it's
okay to talk about it.

In fact, I think
you're showing your age.

No. He's showing he has a pair.

What happened to you, Jack?
You used to be cool.

When'd you turn into my mom?

Hey, kid, you like fire?

Who doesn't?

Come on. Let's get out of here.

GRANT: Now, the secret to a
good fire, Kevin, is dry hands.

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Neurological mapping complete.

This is really fascinating.

Larry, any chance
you get frequent headaches?

No. Why?

It's a tumor, isn't it?

No. No.

But I hope you plan on leaving
your body to science when you go.

A dissection would do
wonders for neural research.

I'll keep that in mind, thanks.

Preparing for brain dissection.

Excuse me?

No. No. No brain dissection.

I just want the image enhanced.

Huh?

Computer, abort
brain dissection!

Computer, release the patient.

Computer, shut down!

Larry, you're fine. Your hair's just
singed on one side of your head.

You consider this fine?

No worries, bud.

We'll have this machine
up and running in no time.

Then, we can even out
that haircut for you, huh?

Can I go now?

Please.

(Laughs)

(Clears throat)

Uh, right.

Okay, this is weird. Your system
is trying to assist with your research

by harvesting Larry's brain.

Yeah, against my
explicit orders to stop.

How is that possible?

Maybe something
you did triggered it.

No. This system doesn't
have the capability

of prioritizing my
research over human life.

There is an independent
subroutine here that I don't recognize.

That's bizarre.

Dr. Monroe asked me to look at
strange code on her system, too.

How long will it take you to
figure out what happened here?

Couple of hours
once I get to it.

Counting Dr. Monroe I've got

eight people already asking me
to troubleshoot their equipment.

I mean, that's a glitchy
day, even by g.D. Standards.

Well, the machine that
just tried to kill someone

has just moved to the
top of your to-do list.

Wow. Boss for a day
and already with the attitude.

Ilike it.

(Cell phone ringing)

Lupo. Hey, Jo, deputy Andy here.

I could use your company
down at cafe diem.

We have a situation.

That's Kale.

So, I ordered the double-cheddar
Kobe burger with bacon.

Look at the man. It's like
a heart attack on a plate.

Virtual Vincent is refusing
to take any unhealthy orders.

He's supposed to be the
cutting edge in al. Technology.

Unfortunately,
he's a little too much "a"

and not enough if you ask me.

You called me
down here for this?

No. I called you
down here for this.

I call it "ode to Jo."

(Clearing throat)

"I think that I shall never
know a creature lovely as my Jo

"this morning's breath
I smell so sweet

"with hints of cheese
and last night's meat"

Andy, what the hell is
wrong with you?

Can love ever be wrong, Jo?

Okay, look,
I dated a robot once.

It didn't end well.

I have work to do.

Is this what
heartbreak feels like?

Andy, you're ai.
And acting weird.

And he's ai. And acting weird.

Has anyone ever told you your
ph levels are perfectly balanced?

Come with me.

Okay.

Grace.

You okay?

Would you be?

Are you in love with me?

No. Of course not.

You don't even know me.

I was getting to know you.

Getting to know me?

Grace, I'm sorry.

By lying to me?
I didn't handle this well.

By impersonating my husband?

There are time travel
protocols just for...

Are you serious right now?

Protocols?

I couldn't risk
putting you in danger

but I couldn't keep
lying to you.

I wanted to give us a chance.

There is no us.

You're a stranger, so please
just open up another wormhole,

jump right back through it,
and give me my Henry back.

I wish I could.

My Henry's gone.

(Sniffling)

(Door closes)

This is taking forever, man.

Just a little Patience, Kevin.

Handy little gadget.

Found it in Fargo's man-cave.

Not exactly playing fair,
are you, sport?

Well, I've reconsidered
my position.

I figured why pretend
like we're in the 1940s

when things are
so much better now?

I downloaded that game you were
talking about, zombie test pilot.

(Chuckles) Oh.

Go nuts, buddy.

I hate to say it but
I think you may be

overstepping your
authority there, pal-o.

I had drinks last night with
Allison... well, drinks, a date.

You could call it a date.

She made it quite clear she didn't
want Kevin to play with a new game

until he finishes
his emo assignment.

I think that Allison would
trust my judgment on this,

as she's trusted my
judgment on so many things.

Long history of
judgment-trusting with Allison.

Yeah. She told me
last night on our date

aboutyour remarkably
chaste relationship you have.

How you're friends
but without the benefits.

You know what you are, pal-o?

A distraction.

(Chuckles) A distraction?

Is that what the kids
call boyfriends these days?

It's only a matter of time before
Allison sees you for what you really are,

which is a smug,
selfish, Einstein wannabe

with no moral compass and
only one functioning kidney.

Both my kidneys
function fine. Thank you.

Well, day's not over, is it?

(Laughs) You want
a piece of me, sport?

Say the word.

The...

Word. Where's Kevin? Kevin?

Hey, buddy?

(Sighs)

(Groans)

I loathe Kale.

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Where are you going, Douglas?

Out.

The woods can be dangerous.

You should stay inside me.

Tempting,
but I'm going to risk it.

(Grunting)

Guys! Little help! Anyone?

What did you find, Zane?

This is crazy, but all
level six a.I. Systems

have been infected with
the same foreign subroutine.

Which does what exactly?

Well, it doesn't exactly
have an exactly.

It's some kind of
emotion-generating program

which could produce
any number of behaviors

depending on the system
running it.

Your m.R.I. Machine,
virtual Vincent...

Yeah. Grace's memory
retrieval system.

And our robotic Romeo here.

Yeah. Their feelings are
overriding their programming.

A.i. Systems control everything
from the speed of the elevators

to the temperature in the labs.

Can you remove the subroutine?

Well, yeah, but not without
that uncorrupted source code,

and I have no idea
where this thing came from.

Okay, well, then
we need to shut down

every level six
a.I. System in Eureka

before this thing
gets out of control.

On it.

Oh, don't tell me
she's level six.

She's already
on her way to NASA.

Who?

Tiny.

No answer from tiny's driver,

but the truck was located
on the road out of town.

My team's mobilizing
as we speak.

(Cell phone rings)

Sarah, bad ti me.

Jo, have you by any chance
seen deputy Andy today?

He's right here.
No. Don't put him on.

I was just wondering.
Has he mentioned me at all?

What? Why... why would he...

Sarah, I got to go.

Zane, did all level six
a.I.'S need to be plugged

into the mainframe
to be infected?

Yeah.

Andy, when did you
start liking me?

8:27 this morning.

Sarah, what did you do?

SARAH: You seem to be
quite agitated.

Perhaps you and Zane
should relax

with some herbal tea
in the kitchen

while I keep Andy company
out here.

Sarah, you infected Andy
with some kind of emotional...

I didn't infect him,
I improved him.

Andy, I know we got off
to a rocky start

with me terminating you and all.

Twice, actually.

I was confused,
but now I see that

you're charming
and sophisticated.

And I know it's shallow,

but I love your new
adorable little face.

And well, I really like you.

Wow.

Butyoulack the
programming to reciprocate,

unlike some newer a.I.'S.

That perverted little robot?

You used the emo's
attachment program on Andy?

Sarah, you called me
here this morning?

Yeah, and she slipped you
an emo download, dude.

(Laughs)

I'm sorry. I just
wanted you to like me.

Sorry?

That's the first romantic thing
anyone's ever done for me.

Sarah, your attachment patch
affected all of the a.I.'S in g.D.

Including an escaped
titan rover.

You need to fix this.

I didn't create the program,
I only copied it,

but I'll do whatever
I can to help.

All right, Sarah, justjump your
firewall and show me your code.

I'll take it from there.

You understand why I did it,
don't you, Jo?

It's hard not having
someone of your own.

Just get it fixed.

(Police siren blaring)

Your weapon, ma'am.

Why would tiny
take off like that?

Well, she's leaving on a
six-year mission to titan.

Maybe she got cold feet.

There's a 10-mile security
perimeter set up on our current location

in case she moves on us.

Our e.M. Pulse rifles
should short out her system.

Well, just don't miss. You
may not get a second shot.

She's armed with a laser drill

that can cut through
a small planet.

I'll track tiny's beacon
and direct you from here.

Hey, Allison, you okay?

Kevin's camping in the perimeter

and no one is
answering their phone.

I just got him back
and now, I could lose him.

Hey, don't worry. I never miss.

(Sighs)

Come on, Carter, answer
the phone this time. Please.

(Cell phone ringing)

Hey! I'm here! I'm
just... don't hang up!

GRANT: Kevin,
where are you, buddy?

It's going to be dark soon.
And by the way,

his running off
is totally your fault.

Why? Because he didn't
want to see me embarrass you?

No. Because you were
talking about his mom.

If you were bragging about
going on a date with my mom,

I'd run off into the woods, too.

Then I'll be sure never
to tell you about it.

Don't push me.

I shouldn't have let you come.

Well, it wouldn't have happened

if you'd invited me
in the first place.

What?

Listen, Jack,

being a man out of time,
not as much fun as it sounds.

And whose fault is that?

Forget it. Let's find the kid.

Kevin?

(Indistinct chattering)

(Bleeping)

Jo, any sign of her?

JO: Negative on tiny.

Jo, please find her before
she finds anyone else.

Copy that.

GRANT: We're circling
back to the camp.

CARTER: Let me guess, you
can pinpoint our exact location

by staring at the stars.

Yeah. Something like that.

You made that out of dry
leaves and moose droppings?

Well, no.

(Shushing) Wait.

CARTER: Kevin! Oh, god.

You... you had me... look,
I know that you're mad.

Normally, I don't
condone violence,

but if you want me to
hold Grant down, then I...

How long have you been
into my mom, Jack? Hmm?

You gonna lie to me about it?

I mean, I thought we were
friends. You should have told me.

Yes and no.
I mean, you're right.

I didn't think about
how you'd feel,

but the truth is, uh...

I do like her a lot.

But if you don't want me to see
her... I don't want you to see her.

You can take a moment
to mull that over if you want.

Are you in love with her?

(Scoffs)

That's what I thought, man.

Where's the campsite?
GRANT: Just down there.

Excuse me.

Hey, sport, look
on the bright side.

You get to keep your friendship,

and Kevin isn't so bothered by
the idea of me dating his mom.

So, all's fair in love and war.

FARGO: What is that?

Fargo! What the...

(Whispering) Shh. I
saw something in the woods.

(Leaves rustling)

There.

Holy frack, the titan rover.

She has a laser.

I know. We have a history.
Grant, can I have your knife?

Thank you.

Without making any
sudden movements,

can you get to the
phones and call g.D.?

Here you go.

Hey, tiny,

what are you doing in the woods?

You lost, girl?

Now, I know we've had our
disagreements in the past,

but we're good. Right?

(Roars)

New plan! Run!

FARGO: Aah!

(Kevin panting)

(Kevin grunting) Carter: Kevin!

Shh. You okay?

Never better.

Why is tiny trying to kill us?

That's totally
against her programming.

Don't move. I'll distract her.

When she starts chasing me,
you get Kevin, you go to the cars.

We're not leaving you.

It's okay.

I'm right behind you.

Hey big titan! Roar!

Huh? Yeah! With the
unnecessarily creepy design!

(Bleeping)

Run!

(Car engine starting)

FARGO: Uh-oh.

(Grunts)

Not again!

KEVIN: Fargo, there's Jack!

(Tires screeching)

Come with me
if you want to live!

Go! Go!

This car have a phone?

Hands-free. Crystal clear.

Great. Just call Allison.

Carter for Allison.

Carter, there's
a volatile titan rover

under the influence

of an emotional attachment
patch in your vicinity.

(Shattering)

(Grunts)

You don't say.

I'm going to upload our location
into the GPS in Fargo's car.

Lead tiny down the mountain.

Jo and her team
will do the rest.

Okay.

Carter, is Kevin safe?

I'm fine.

But I am never going
camping again.

Did we lose her?

You're one heck of
a wheelman, Douglas.

KEVIN: Yeah, man.

(Carter screams)

Jo, they're coming!
What's your e.T.A.?

Moving as fast as we can.

CARTER: Almost
to the finish line.

Does this thing have airbags?

Standard. Okay.

Everybody out! Everybody out!

Jesus! Go! Go!

(Screams)

Kevin! Mom!

Jo, stop!

Don't shoot. If you shoot
up, she'll collapse on Kevin.

Weapons tight.

Kevin.

Mom!

Mom!

Mom! Mom, please, get me loose!

(Grunting)

Get away from him, you bitch!

ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Get away from him, you bitch!

(Beeping)

The attachment patch!

Tiny wants emo. Give her emo!

Oh, Kevin!

Oh, baby. Om

Nothing like being pinned by a killer
robot to make you want your mom.

We're lucky you were here.

Thank you. Glad to help.

What did I miss?

Nothing much.

(Unhaung)

I really love your new
scent, Sarah. Very citrusy.

I was hoping you'd notice.

Okay. All the hardwired
a.I. Systems are clean.

It's your turn, big guy.

Plug it in.

You want to remove my emotions?

Not particularly, but
in their infinite wisdom,

the powers that be don't
usually defer to my judgment.

I have yet to see you buckle to
the whims of authority, Mr. Donovan.

Hmm.

Could always use a friend
in law enforcement.

I'll tell you what, you
leave it out of your report,

and I'll leave it
out of mine, hmm?

Piece of advice, let her
do most of the talking.

In fact, you don't even
have to really listen.

Okay. Mmm-hmm.

Henry,

I was just about to
come to the garage.

You didn't take
your asthma medication

or your pillow,
or food for later.

So, I made you a care package.

Thanks.

Grace,

I was naive to think
I could just

jump into this marriage.

If this is all some
elaborate practical joke,

now would be a great
time to say, "gotcha!"

I wish I could.

You know what? Grace...

You were right.

I'm not your Henry.

Not yet.

SARAH: Isn't it just the loveliest
of mornings, sheriff Carter?

Uh, yeah, it is. No thanks
on the coffee, Sarah.

I'm going to grab an Espresso.

Hey, Jo?

None for me either. I got to...

(Exhales deeply)

Oh, I don't know...

Morning, miss Lupo.

Sheriff.

Hey, Kevin.

So, what are we doing this
weekend, huh? Slaying dragons?

Yeah, I guess camping
wasn't the best of ideas.

But you have to admit
it wasn't boring.

Yeah.

And I'm sorry if I made
you uncomfortable out there.

Just know that if you want
to talk, my door's open.

And if not, that's cool, too.

Okay. Thanks.

And, uh...

About the other thing
you asked me about,

I do love your mom.

Well, in that case,

I guess she could do worse.

Yes, she could. And I
appreciate the thumbs up.

Yeah, just don't
screw it up, Jack,

because if you
break her heart...

Yeah, you'll break
my legs. I got it.

I'll see you later.

Okay.

Hey, Grant?

Just so you know, don't
plan the wedding just yet.

What wedding?

Okay, sport?

Good luck with that.

May the best man win.