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1
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- Do you like jokes?
- Love them.
2
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My brother told me one the other day.
3
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There's this bloke, right,
and he joins the Foreign Legion.
4
00:00:13,616 --> 00:00:16,574
On the first day the sergeant is, like,
showing him the ropes.
5
00:00:16,656 --> 00:00:20,615
And the bloke says, "You must get quite
lonely out here in the middle of the desert.
6
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"What do you do if you need a shag?"
7
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And the sergeant just points to this camel
that's tied to this tree.
8
00:00:26,096 --> 00:00:27,450
And the bloke thinks, "Oh, God, right."
9
00:00:27,536 --> 00:00:30,050
So anyway, a couple of weeks later,
this bloke's desperate.
10
00:00:30,136 --> 00:00:33,174
So one night he creeps out
and he starts shagging this camel.
11
00:00:33,256 --> 00:00:36,806
And this camel starts, sort of, spitting
and trying to kick him and stuff
12
00:00:36,896 --> 00:00:38,216
and wakes all the men up.
13
00:00:38,296 --> 00:00:40,731
So all the men run out
and they see him shagging this camel.
14
00:00:40,816 --> 00:00:43,535
The sergeant looks at him and goes,
"Oh, that's interesting.
15
00:00:43,616 --> 00:00:46,495
"We normally just ride it into town
to find a prostitute."
16
00:00:47,696 --> 00:00:51,052
Oh, no.
Well, why didn't the sergeant make it clearer?
17
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What?
18
00:00:52,256 --> 00:00:55,089
To be fair to the bloke, I mean,
I would have made the same mistake.
19
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I thought the camel was there
to have sex with, from the way you said it.
20
00:00:58,576 --> 00:01:00,487
Yeah, well, you're meant to.
21
00:01:00,576 --> 00:01:03,409
Well, why are you having a go at the bloke
for misunderstanding, then?
22
00:01:03,496 --> 00:01:05,885
- I am not having a go at him.
- No.
23
00:01:09,256 --> 00:01:11,611
- I'm just gonna pop into the...
- Okay.
24
00:01:17,176 --> 00:01:22,615
If Vinnie Jones comes near me
looking for a fight, I will unleash hell.
25
00:01:25,256 --> 00:01:26,326
(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)
26
00:01:26,416 --> 00:01:29,056
Oh, saved by the bell. Not saved. Hello?
27
00:01:29,336 --> 00:01:31,486
- It's me. Can you talk?
- What is it?
28
00:01:31,576 --> 00:01:32,930
- I need a joke.
- What?
29
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I need a joke.
30
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He's just told me this big long joke,
and I didn't understand it,
31
00:01:37,016 --> 00:01:39,405
and now he thinks I'm a tit. I need a joke.
32
00:01:39,496 --> 00:01:42,773
Can you just text me it?
Send me a naughty joke.
33
00:01:42,856 --> 00:01:45,245
- All right.
- Thanks. He's coming back. Bye.
34
00:01:48,696 --> 00:01:52,291
- Anything you fancy?
- Possibly.
35
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- I meant on the menu.
- Yeah, I know.
36
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(MOBILE PHONE BEEPING)
37
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Oh, I've just remembered,
I've got a joke for you.
38
00:02:10,816 --> 00:02:11,806
Okay.
39
00:02:11,896 --> 00:02:14,615
This is a particular favourite of mine.
40
00:02:14,856 --> 00:02:17,086
Let me just think. What is it?
41
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Why do seagulls have wings?
42
00:02:21,656 --> 00:02:23,886
I don't know. Why do seagulls have wings?
43
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To beat the gypos to the tip.
44
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And that's it.
45
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To beat the what to the tip?
46
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- Gypos.
- Right.
47
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You know "gypo" is an offensive term, right?
48
00:02:44,856 --> 00:02:47,689
It's like saying "yid" or "wop" or something.
49
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That joke was quite racist.
50
00:02:50,696 --> 00:02:52,812
No, no. I didn't... No, it's not racist.
51
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I think, I mean, if it's ridiculing anyone,
it's ridiculing the seagull.
52
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- How's that?
- Well, think about it.
53
00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:02,047
Gypsies, they can see something,
"I'll have a bit of that, sell it on."
54
00:03:02,136 --> 00:03:03,615
They're all right, they're laughing.
55
00:03:03,696 --> 00:03:06,290
What's a seagull gonna do
when it gets to the tip?
56
00:03:06,376 --> 00:03:09,812
It's not got hands. It's got...
It's got its wings, doesn't it?
57
00:03:10,976 --> 00:03:14,606
You are aware Gypsies are a race.
They're an ethnic group.
58
00:03:14,696 --> 00:03:17,370
And historically,
they've been persecuted much like the Jews.
59
00:03:17,456 --> 00:03:20,494
No, no. I'm not talking about those old ones.
60
00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:22,169
I'm not talking about that sort.
61
00:03:22,256 --> 00:03:26,454
I'm talking about, like, the dodgy ones,
the grimy ones that work at fairgrounds.
62
00:03:26,536 --> 00:03:29,130
God, me? I love Gypsies. I do.
63
00:03:29,216 --> 00:03:32,208
I mean, I think I actually have got
a bit of Gypsy blood in me.
64
00:03:32,296 --> 00:03:34,731
Like, you know, I like travelling.
65
00:03:35,336 --> 00:03:37,612
I don't like paying taxes.
5448
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