Original subtitles

- Do you like jokes? - Love them.

My brother told me one the other day.

There's this bloke, right, and he joins the Foreign Legion.

On the first day the sergeant is, like, showing him the ropes.

And the bloke says, "You must get quite lonely out here in the middle of the desert.

"What do you do if you need a shag?"

And the sergeant just points to this camel that's tied to this tree.

And the bloke thinks, "Oh, God, right."

So anyway, a couple of weeks later, this bloke's desperate.

So one night he creeps out and he starts shagging this camel.

And this camel starts, sort of, spitting and trying to kick him and stuff

and wakes all the men up.

So all the men run out and they see him shagging this camel.

The sergeant looks at him and goes, "Oh, that's interesting.

"We normally just ride it into town to find a prostitute."

Oh, no. Well, why didn't the sergeant make it clearer?

What?

To be fair to the bloke, I mean, I would have made the same mistake.

I thought the camel was there to have sex with, from the way you said it.

Yeah, well, you're meant to.

Well, why are you having a go at the bloke for misunderstanding, then?

- I am not having a go at him. - No.

- I'm just gonna pop into the... - Okay.

If Vinnie Jones comes near me looking for a fight, I will unleash hell.

(MOBILE PHONE RINGING)

Oh, saved by the bell. Not saved. Hello?

- It's me. Can you talk? - What is it?

- I need a joke. - What?

I need a joke.

He's just told me this big long joke, and I didn't understand it,

and now he thinks I'm a tit. I need a joke.

Can you just text me it? Send me a naughty joke.

- All right. - Thanks. He's coming back. Bye.

- Anything you fancy? - Possibly.

- I meant on the menu. - Yeah, I know.

(MOBILE PHONE BEEPING)

Oh, I've just remembered, I've got a joke for you.

Okay.

This is a particular favourite of mine.

Let me just think. What is it?

Why do seagulls have wings?

I don't know. Why do seagulls have wings?

To beat the gypos to the tip.

And that's it.

To beat the what to the tip?

- Gypos. - Right.

You know "gypo" is an offensive term, right?

It's like saying "yid" or "wop" or something.

That joke was quite racist.

No, no. I didn't... No, it's not racist.

I think, I mean, if it's ridiculing anyone, it's ridiculing the seagull.

- How's that? - Well, think about it.

Gypsies, they can see something, "I'll have a bit of that, sell it on."

They're all right, they're laughing.

What's a seagull gonna do when it gets to the tip?

It's not got hands. It's got... It's got its wings, doesn't it?

You are aware Gypsies are a race. They're an ethnic group.

And historically, they've been persecuted much like the Jews.

No, no. I'm not talking about those old ones.

I'm not talking about that sort.

I'm talking about, like, the dodgy ones, the grimy ones that work at fairgrounds.

God, me? I love Gypsies. I do.

I mean, I think I actually have got a bit of Gypsy blood in me.

Like, you know, I like travelling.

I don't like paying taxes.