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1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,833
Come on, I've got to get her something.
2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:06,672
- What'll I get her?
- Get her a giant dildo.
3
00:00:06,760 --> 00:00:09,320
I think she's probably got one. Look at that.
4
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,631
Don't give Gordon Ramsay any more money.
He gets enough money from being a cook.
5
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,154
He's more than just a cook, though.
6
00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,437
Why? He's a cook. He cooks stuff.
My mum used to cook stuff everyday.
7
00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:21,229
I ate it, I didn't die. If it was a bit bland,
I put some salt on it. Easy.
8
00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:23,470
No, but it's more than that.
I mean, look at him.
9
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,951
He's got a sort of something about him,
doesn't he? He's a kind of a hard man.
10
00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,032
Why is he hard? Because he shouts
at people who work in kitchens.
11
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,829
Who works in kitchens?
The French, women and gays. Oh, he's hard.
12
00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:37,197
And why does he shout at them?
Is it a matter of life and death? No.
13
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,920
Have they failed to advance
on an enemy bunker? No.
14
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,435
Their soufflé turned out
slightly disappointing.
15
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,079
- Get a life!
- Look at you.
16
00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:46,674
What is... Oh, God. What is that?
17
00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,756
What is that? He's tied up in pasta.
"I've suffered for my tagliatelli."
18
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,956
Looks like an Amnesty International poster.
19
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:54,519
What? Who is this aimed at?
20
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:56,352
Menopausal women who want
to get a glimpse of him
21
00:00:56,440 --> 00:00:58,397
with his shirt off cooking pork chops.
22
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:03,031
Put it down if it's making you angry.
Come on, put it away. Don't look.
23
00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,111
- Look at his face.
- Great. Help me.
24
00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,435
Look at these. Is that a wee bit much?
25
00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:12,833
- Just get her that.
- No.
26
00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,390
I want to get something that she'll really like.
I just can't get any old rubbish.
27
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,154
Why? You don't even know her.
You're gonna spend ages here.
28
00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:21,117
20 quid in a gift. 15 quid in a cab.
29
00:01:21,200 --> 00:01:23,589
What reaction do you expect?
And you're not gonna get it.
30
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,320
You're gonna give it to her, she's gonna go,
"Thanks," and put it down.
31
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,993
She's pissed up. She's with her mates.
32
00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:30,879
The reaction per pound spent
is not going to be good enough.
33
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,157
What, so, by that logic, you don't ever buy
a present for anyone ever?
34
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,835
No. People who appreciate it.
Orphans, widowers, people with nothing.
35
00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:40,514
They're just happy to have
something to unwrap. But not her.
36
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,559
Like Goran, that foreign fellow off the film.
37
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,076
Yeah. Wife's been murdered.
38
00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,959
Get him 10 quid's worth of tat,
and he's gonna be going,
39
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,316
"This is best gift I ever had."
40
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,040
That's what you should do.
You should get him a present.
41
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,599
Thank him for getting you the line.
42
00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:59,399
If he's forgotten about the line,
he'll be looking at you and going,
43
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,314
"Oh, I must remember
to get some line for the kind man."
44
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:05,471
Now you're doing something to help me.
45
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:08,235
It's difficult, innit, with him?
What do you get him?
46
00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,836
I know.
Something light-hearted, cheer him up a bit.
47
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:13,831
Yeah. Something light-hearted.
48
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:17,470
It's just that
I've never bought something light-hearted
49
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,234
to cheer up a man
who's wife's been brutally slaughtered.
50
00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:22,357
- What do you suggest?
- I don't know.
51
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,673
How about Flubber?
52
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,075
Brilliant.
4656
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