Original subtitles

Martin, I'm -- I'm just so sorry.

Colonel.

Ellingham.

I was just mending the chicken coop,

and I Went over on my ankle.

I see. And you'd call that an emergency, would you'?

Didn't say it was an emergency, Martin.

I just asked you to look at it.

You're sweating.

I had to walk here.

My car's still in the garage.

Fresh air will do you good.

Well, there's nothing broken. It's just sprained.

But you will need to rest it.

- I said Keep off it. -Ohhhh!

Ah. Ellingham.

Ah, yeah.

Hi, Joanie.

10:30 Time for a cuppa.

Well, I would get up, but apparently I'm an invalid.

-is that loaded?

Oh, don't worry, old man. I'm a professional.

It's for protection.

Uh, not for me, you understand.

For the choughs.

Who are the chuffs'?

Well, they're birds, old man.

- Oh. Extremely rare birds.

And they're nesting on the cliffs

for the first time for many years.

Luckily, word hasn't spread.

It's still on a need-to-know basis.

We don't want a bunch of gawpers disturbing the nesting site.

I thought that shooting bird Watchers

was generally frowned upon.

Oh, wise up, man.

Rare birds' eggs are Worth a fortune on the black market.

What's that, then?

Uh...nothing.

- Bert'? -Oh. Almost done.

I just got to get a new part. I'll be back in an hour.

Why haven't you finished it'? You've been here over a week.

Well, you can't rush it.

I mean, do you want a proper job or a job done quickly?

I'm beginning to wonder if you're capable of doing either.

Oh, grumpy grumps.

That was close.

Now, you keep this info about the birds on the Q.T.,

uh, Ellingham.

Doctor-patient confidentiality. You understand?

The birds aren't my patients.

Who's he going to tell, anyway?

Well, a couple of warning shots across his bow

should do the trick.

Like Robert Finn.

Well, uh, that was an accident.

- you shot him in the back. -Yeah, b-but it was dark.

And anyway, I --

L, uh -- I thought he...

I-I...

I thought he was a wild boar!

Well, it wasn't permanent.

Can't think What the fuss is all about. What?

Oh, that's reassuring.

Well, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I have a long walk ahead of me.

Auntie Joan, in future, unless it is a real emerg--

My God!

You've killed her!

Auntie Joan?

You bloody, bloody fool!

Why, I-l didn't do it on purpose.

COLONEL: It wasn't my fault. This one's entirely down to you.

Well, I'm not the one who left a loaded gun lying around!

COLONEL: Perfectly safe in my hands.

Oh, I'm so sorry. ls my bleeding bothering you'?

That'd be because of the gunshot wound.

It's just a few pellets. The bulk of it missed you.

COLONEL: It's all right, dear.

He -- He -- He just winged you, Joanie.

Well, I think we've all learned a lesson

about carrying around loaded guns.

JOAN: Yes -- Keep them away from you!

Oh'?

Spanner slipped.

Mixer seized up again. Got blood all over the bakery.

- Bet that hurts. -The doc busy'?

He's on a house call. He'll be back in a minute.

Have a seat and try not to bleed.

Like a doughnut'?

They're not mine.

Supermarkets are gonna do me in.

And I'm not exactly getting rich standing around here

waiting for the doc.

Calm down. It's just a doughnut.

COLONEL: You -- You'll be all right, Joanie, dear.

Yes, yes. I'll be fine.

If it's all the same to you, I, uh --

I think we should keep this whole thing to ourselves, hmm'?

I mean, t-there's no point in anybody getting a, uh --

a reputation for this kind of thing.

-Gilbert, leave it.

Ah, yes. Well, all right.

There's -- There's no point in lugging it around.

I'll -- I'll, um -- I'll pick it up tomorrow, huh'?

Uh, goodbye, Joanie, dear.

Goodbye.

Right. I'll, uh, check in on you tomorrow.

There'll be some bruising and tenderness.

But, uh, you'll be fine.

Apology accepted.

Can I trust you to take that thing with you

and drop it off with PC. Mylovv'?

No, I --

I don't want Gilbert stalking the cliffs with it.

No. No, I suppose not.

Um, how do you find the safety switch on this'?

I'd feel much happier if you weren't playing around with it.

I'm not playing around with it. I'm just trying...

Fine. I'll give it to Mylovv.

And mind you don't shoot anybody on the Way home.

Yes.

BAKER: Third time the mixer's gone down this week.

Can't afford to buy a new one.

The doc gonna be back soon'?

Just don't fancy bleeding to death, that's all.

He should have been here by now.

I'll take care of it.

Come this way, please.

Are you sure'?

Shush.

If you'd like to sit down there.

I might just wait.

It's fine. I don't need the doc.

I'm his loco.

As long as you know what you're doing.

There is nothing to worry about.

I'm almost a trained nurse.

Well, in three years or so.

If a university accepts me.

Mmh.

I really don't think you should be doing this.

- I've worked here for ages.

- I'm a medical professional.

Aah! Ooh!

What the hell's going on'?

I knew he wouldn't like it.

It's a superficial laceration.

No, it isn't.

Pauline, you don't acquire medical knowledge

simply by sitting in the next room to a doctor.

Couldn't go off by accident or anything, could it'?

No. Course not.

Call, uh, PC. Mylovv, would you, and have him come and get it.

PAULINE: Mark's on his honeymoon.

Hawaii. Alone.

How depressing.

Could you get a move on, Doc'? I need to get back to the shop.

All right. Hold that.

Aah! Oh!

Oh, God.

Stop whining.

You're not hemorrhaging. Your life isn't in danger.

You have a minor wound.

- Ohh. -Shush.

Can I help you'?

Your doctor has a unique Way of dealing with his patients.

Don't you agree'?

Do you have an appointment?

I'm here to see the doctor on a private matter.

You'll still need to make an appointment.

Uh, I'll come back later.

BERT: So...

Right, then.

Something bothering you, Bert?

Oh, no. No.

These birds...

- Which birds? -Chough birds.

They're valuable, aren't they?

Oh, I wouldn't know about that, Bert.

I'm gonna feed the chickens.

Right.

The hardest bit was Writing something about myself.

I had to sum myself up in a paragraph.

Do you think three pages is too long for a paragraph?

It's gonna be weird, you not being here.

They have this great invention called a phone, you know?

Yeah, I know, but...

Well, be a little different, Won't it'?

Maybe I Won't even get accepted.

Nah. Of course you will.

You got your GCSEs, didn't you'?

Like metalwork and woodwork and P.E.

Don't mess with me, Al Large.

Want me to post it for you'? I go right past the postbox.

Thank you.

Yeah? See you later.

Oh, Doc!

Mrs. Tishell, I was just --

I was just thinking about you.

In the latest issue of the MHRA,

there's a fascinating article on elephantiasis.

- Um... -Time for a cup of tea'?

I ordered some antiseptic wipes.

Yes. That's right.

- And'? - Yes'?

- Have they arrived yet'? -Oh. No, not yet.

- I have biscuits. -I see.

You look like a Hobnob sort of man.

I need a tube of tolnaftate cream on my personal account.

Is it for yourself, Doctor?

Yes, it is.

Is it athlete's foot or the...dhobi's itch?

Just the feet.

Right.

Yes. Sorry.

Sorry.

How long have you had it'? Is it in both feet'?

I've got just the thing.

It's an aerosol. Combination spray.

It'll clear it up in no time.

I'm sure I'll survive.

Well, I'll express order it.

- Morning. -Morning, Dennis.

Ah, Louisa.

Were you following me'?

No. I Wasn't.

I'm -- I-|-I'd been to see Mrs. Tishell.

Well, I'd hate to accuse you of stalking.

'Cause I know what it's like to be accused

of being something that you're not.

Like, oh, I don't know, a certain doctor claiming

that I suffered from delusional romantic attachments.

L-- Well, perhaps when I said that, I was being --

Rude?

I hadn't thought through the diagnosis.

And that's your apology.

I didn't apologize.

Here. Um...

What's this'?

It's a card.

Hmm. Martin.

Happy birthday.

Joan put you up to this, did she'?

DOC MARTIN: It's a birthday card.

LOUISA: Oh, I see. Thank you.

And, um, I was wondering,

perhaps, if you weren't doing anything later,

you might like to have, um, dinner with me.

I don't believe it.

Dad?

Well, What are you doing here'?

-you should have called.

Oh! It Wouldn't have been a surprise, then, would it'?

- Ah, you look beautiful. -Oh, no, I don't.

Yes, you do. Just like your mother.

Terry, this is Dr. Ellingham. Uh, this is my dad.

- I thought He was dead. -I Never said that.

Oh, I must have dreamt it.

What happened to old Doc Sim, then?

Uh, he -- he is dead.

WOMAN: Tosser!

Uh, don't worry. That was meant for me.

Local dialect for "Welcome back."

Uh, well, I-I-I have to go. Yeah.

Thank you.

I'll bet he's the life and soul of the party.

No, Martin's all right.

He's just, you know -- He's just different.

I'm sorry -- I'm just a little bit surprised to see you.

Especially here.

I thought it was time to pay you a visit.

Couldn't forget your birthday.

Why? You usually do.

Turned over a new leaf.

So you staying in the village or...

Oh. Well, come on.

I wish I wasn't empty-handed.

I saw this lovely dress in a shop in London.

All flowers.

Would look beautiful on you, really.

I Went in. They said, "Wholesale only."

LOUISA: Yeah, school's fine.

And I got a promotion.

Headmistress.

- No. -Yep.

Well, that's great.

I'd better behave myself, then.

I think you're a little bit old for detention.

Not that you'd ever turn up.

Can't get higher than that, can you'?

Head of school. What's the pay like'?

Why'?

I was just -- I'm interested.

Look, Louisa, don't worry.

I didn't come back here to try and borrow money off you,

if that's What you're thinking.

No, it Wasn't. So Why are you back?

I missed you.

I knew you'd be on school holidays.

I hoped to see you.

Oh.

Cup of tea'?

You always change the subject, don't you'?

No, I don't. I just wanted a cup of tea.

I know what it's like down here.

Listen hard, you can hear the curtains twitching.

Can't have been easy for you,

putting up with What people said about me.

No, it Wasn't.

And I know I'm not gonna win a father-of-the-year award.

But, well...

I'm not getting any younger.

I thought we could spend a bit of time together.

What?

Well, when people say that, they usually follow it up with,

And I've only got

No, no. I'm not dying.

I just missed my daughter.

I tell you what...

Why don't you sit down'?

I'll make you a special birthday dinner.

Uh, well, the thing is,

I'm supposed to be meeting up with some people in the pub.

- That's all right. -No, no, no.

It doesn't matter because it's not definite.

And -- And I would love that.

Oh, great.

Just two questions.

Do you have beans? Do you have toast?

In the cupboard.

BAKER: All very well, you saying things will get better.

You don't have an ex-wife who wants you destitute, do you'?

And you're not competing with that supermarket in Delabole.

Well, you got to make your ovvn luck, don't you'?

Taken half my customers, it has.

I mean, who wants a sausage roll from me

when you can get light bulbs and toilet roll in the next aisle'?

Here. You take a look at this, right'?

Here. Chough birds, eh'?

Now, just think of this, eh'?

All those rare-bird fanatics

that go up and down the land in search of them,

and we got them right here.

That doesn't help me none.

Well, you got to think about it, right'?

Now, I made some phone calls, and I told them twitohers,

You pack your throw, missus,

Tomorrow the place will be teeming with them.

And that's when I can do my bird-Watching tours, see'?

- They rare, then? -Oh, the Colonel thinks so.

He thinks those eggs are Worth thousands.

The only trouble is he's not letting anybody near them.

It's a bugger for my tours.

You...

You know what you need to do, don't you'?

You need to make some of those bird-shaped pasties.

They'd fly off the shelves.

Don't think that's gonna solve my financial problems.

They'd fly off the shelves.

Oh, don't worry.

Things are looking right up, my friend.

Things are looking right up.

Morning, Doc.

Ah. Hello again.

I thought I'd catch you before the morning rush.

Gavin Peters. I'm a doctor's friend.

You're what?

I work as a liaison between practitioners

and the local medical committee.

I assist colleagues with complaints.

It's part of the Cause for Concern initiative.

There are certain issues

that have been brought to our attention

regarding your patient care.

Right.

Oh.

Oh, that's -- that's good luck.

I got it.

Right.

Yeah, we've had a few complaints about your manner,

the Way you deal with patients.

I don't want to go into specifics,

just to say that certain people felt you're a little brusque.

- Can I come in'? -Brusque'?

Yeah, first of all, I want to assure you

that nobody's in any trouble here.

But patient care

isn't just about the right diagnosis, is it'?

We have a pastoral duty, as Well.

What do you think is a doctor's greatest tool'?

Hmm'? Take a guess.

A thermometer.

No. It's these.

When we listen -- really listen to patients --

we let them know we're here.

Can I just stop you there?

Sure.

Doc, can I have a word'?

- not now. -it's quite important.

What?

Ah! Ellingham!

Now, what did I tell you'?

Not to broadcast it around the village!

Broadcast What around the village'?

You told the baker about the choughs, didn't you'?

Hmm'?

Now that man can't keep his trap shut, either.

He probably told the butcher and Lord knows who else.

Now people know there are ohoughs nesting on the cliffs.

- There are chuffs on the cliffs'? -Uh...

I don't care where the choughs are nesting or who knows it.

Well, you're obviously not aware

of how common the theft of rare birds' eggs is.

Not aware, don't care.

Unless you have a medical problem, please leave.

Doc, about that word'?

Can't help you.

All I need is to borrow your boat

for an hour or two on Wednesday.

There's 50 quid in it for you.

And where'd you get the money, eh'?

Don't start with that.

£60.

I don't need your money.

Fellas!

Listen, fellas.

Can you help me out'?

What are you doing'?

Hello, boy.

Another feather in your dad's cap.

- That's the police car. -I know.

PC. Mylovv asked me to look after it while he was away.

Yeah, I don't think he meant turn it into a tour bus.

Tours of what, anyway'?

- you Ever heard of Chough birds? -Nope.

What we have here is a real money spinner.

Here, don't go spreading it about, but...

Are we gonna do any work today'?

- you Having a problem? -No.

- Troubles with your girl'?

Well, whatever it is, you can be sure of one thing --

At the end of the day, it'll all be your fault.

I mean, that's the Way their mind works.

Come on. Lend us a hand.

You see, the thing is, it's just easier to apologize.

It gets you off the hook, and before you know it,

she's cooking you something tasty for your tea

and you're watching Match of the Day.

Result.

You remember that conversation we had

about some things I don't want you interfering in'?

This is one of them things?

Yeah.

All right.

Lend us a hand with the other side.

Come on.

Like I said, all you have to do is apologize.

What about a nice bunch of flowers?

Always worked for me. Nice bunch of flowers.

Did your mom send you a card'?

What do you think?

Oh, you know what she's like. She was never good at dates.

I know.

I'm not sure this is a good idea.

Come on. It's just a drink. It's gonna be fine.

I mean, some people will probably make the odd comment,

talk about us behind our backs.

But, you know, that's just villages for you.

It's not that that I'm worried about.

It's when they grab the flaming torches and the pitchforks.

Still, you've always believed in me.

Terry! Hey!

Hey!

There you are.

Jonathan'?

I didn't expect to see you here.

Surprise.

Uh, this is my friend Jonathan.

This is my daughter, Louisa.

Pleased.

Good to meet you.

We have to talk.

Sure. Later.

I'm taking my daughter for a drink.

Mmh, great. I'm parched.

What'?

What, I can't join you for a drink, Terry'?

Sure you can.

Garage has returned your car.

Can I sit down'?

No.

What I am about to say is gonna come as a shock.

Ah, this is really hard.

Okay.

Okay. Now, we've been through a lot, you and me.

I mean, I don't want to leave you in the lurch.

I know you've come to rely on me.

What are you talking about?

I'm going to university.

To train as a nurse.

I'm leaving.

Goodbye.

Not straightaway.

I'll help you find my replacement.

Not that it will ever be the same.

I know.

I am gonna miss you.

Thanks, Doc.

And -- And don't bother about my reference.

I've already written one for you.

Okay.

You never said you had a friend coming.

He's my lodger.

He said he'd say hello if he was in the area.

What was that about him having to talk'?

He seemed upset.

Probably nothing.

I never thought I'd miss this place.

Same old decor.

Yeah, it's the same old bird, too.

You knovv, uh, the government are making a camera

that can go into the eyes of birds.

Really'? -Mm-Hmm.

It's a very miniature thing.

It's, uh, nanotechnology for, um, you know, surveillance.

Don't ask where they put the battery pack.

LOUISA: Painful.

Everyone is watching me.

Give me some money to put in the box.

- No, they're not looking at you. -Yeah, they are.

No, they're looking at me.

I left Portvvenn under a bit of a cloud.

Wish they'd mind their own bloody business.

Yeah, well, they better stop.

- Like elephants, this lot. -lgnorant old sods.

Don't worry about it. It's not worth it.

L...

I don't like this. I don't --

There's too much coverage here, Terry.

I don't like this at all.

Keep calm. Finish your drink.

You should be ashamed of yourselves, you know?

My dad is a good man.

He doesn't deserve to be treated like this.

It didn't have anything to do with him.

And it is because of people like you that --

Look, I know that my father is innocent.

- I'm onto you, you know. JERRY: Jonathan.

LOUISA: ...disgusting, the Way that he's...

No. There's no point pretending.

- I know you're watching me. -bird: give us a kiss.

Don't make fun out of me. All right?

-Are you'?!

TERRY: That's it!

Come on.

I-I-I just wanted to say that. Right. That's all.

And that had nothing to do with my father.

His friend just doesn't like parrots.

-WOMAN: What's got into her'?

-Come.

What do you want'?

Just a chat.

Then chat with the receptionist. I'm busy.

Dr. Ellingham...

May I call you Martin?

No.

There have been complaints about your attitude towards patients.

Have there?

They always complain.

That's What patients do, isn't it?

Yes.

Well, What I'm here to do is to make a report --

talk to people, find out what's What.

Nothing to worry about.

Send me a copy when you've finished.

Well, this is an official matter.

I'd appreciate your cooperation. I have a job to do.

So do I.

Ideally, We'd like to resolve this issue

without it going to a screening panel.

The practice is clean.

My medical knowledge is current.

Patients with urgent medical needs

can consult with me immediately, and I work within budget.

There is no problem here.

That's not for you to decide.

The medical committee will decide

whether the G.P. should have to undergo training or...

Are you saying that my position is in jeopardy here'?

I urge you to help me to help you.

Indeed.

I'll get the door.

Very Well.

Unfortunately, you leave me with little choice

but to set up a review panel to look into your conduct.

You will be required to attend.

- Morning. -Morning.

Which Way to the choughs'?

Up to the top of the hill and turn right.

Thanks, mate.

A right's gonna take us over the cliff.

You mean left, don't you'?

Right.

I had no idea that bird watching was so popular.

Now, look here.

If you're going to take those ghastly tvvitchers up there,

you better make sure they don't get too close to the choughs.

Right.

But I thought it'd be nice for you to meet like-minded folk.

Aah.

This Way for the Large Tours!

We are the best ornithological tour operator in town!

Come and see the amazing birds!

Hey, Al.

Oh'?

Open it.

PAULINE; Oh!

Dinner. At your place.

- That's romantic. -Maybe.

Wait.

You're not gonna dump me, are you'?

What?

I know the signs.

No, Pauline, I'm not gonna dump you.

Well, of course not. Why would you'? I'm great.

- AL: See you then, yeah? -Yeah.

- Morning, Doc. -Yeah.

Next patient, please?

I'm next.

It'll be a lot easier if you let me explain it.

-Take a seat.

Sit down. Take a seat.

There you go.

He needs lithium.

400 milligrams is the usual dosage.

Is it'? That's not how it works.

I'm just trying to save you a bit of time.

I'm not in the habit of Writing prescriptions to save time.

JONATHAN'. I'm fine.

I'm just here because he is annoyed with me.

He doesn't want me here. He didn't want me on this job.

Jonathan!

Surname?

Crozier with a zed.

G.P.'s name?

I don't, um -- I don't remember.

He smells like soup, though.

Trust me.

You'll give them to him in the end.

Mr. Glasson, don't tell me how to be a doctor,

I won't tell you how to be an absentee parent.

There's a couple of tests I need you to do

before I hand out any prescriptions.

Tests?

L, uh, don't like tests.

Sadness -- Choose from is a strong word.

He's not in trouble, is he'?

Well, "trouble" is another strong word.

Well...

Of course.

Anything you want to know, just ask.

Much appreciated. Makes my job easier.

You talk to his patients. They talk to you.

Excuse me.

Dr. Ellingham is a wonderful man!

Warm.

Caring. Even charming.

We are truly blessed

to have such a giant of a man in our small village.

That's my professional opinion.

- I see. -I'm a scientist.

But if anyone has healing hands, it's our doc.

Big hands.

Big heart.

Fascinating.

That's not quite the impression that I have, but I suppose --

Mr. Crozier'?

Right.

TERRY: Thank you.

Doc'? Sweetheart.

MRS. TISHELL: Isn't he just'?

Ohh.

And anyone who says otherwise is a tooty liar!

Wow. She was a looker.

Will you shut up'?

Take one of these.

It'll make you feel a lot better.

You'd like that, Wouldn't you'?

I told you not to come down here.

I told you I wanted to collect it myself.

What part of that don't you understand?

You're hurting my hand.

It's just that you never...

You never tell me anything.

You take that pill, I'll tell you.

The boat arrives tomorrow at 12:00.

And when I get the package off it, we'll leave town, head home.

Is that clear enough for you'?

Good boy.

What on earth are you doing, Auntie Joan?

You shouldn't be exerting yourself.

Oh, shouldn't I, now'?

Does that mean you're going to pitch in

and help around here, Marty'?

Um...

Well...

JOAN; Oh!

The more you rest, the shorter your healing process will be.

I Wouldn't need the healing process

if someone hadn't shot me.

Now, nobody actually shot you, did they'?

You just got shot.

- What am I doing'? -Eggs.

Right.

Colonel is feeling very guilty about the whole thing.

Yes. So he should be.

Oh.

Entirely his fault.

Shoo.

Shoo.

Running around the cliffs with a loaded gun.

He's paranoid.

Yes, he is. But he could have a point there.

He thinks he saw someone on the cliffs the other night,

trying to steal the eggs.

Yes, of course he thinks he saw someone on the cliffs.

The man's a nutcake.

And Terry Glasson is back in town.

I certainly Wouldn't put it past him.

- What, Louisa's father? -Oh, have you met him'?

Yeah. Thoroughly disagreeable.

Does that makes him an egg thief?

Oh, you obviously haven't heard Why he left in the first place.

There was an incident involving money

for Charity for the Lifeboat that Went missing.

Quite a large amount.

That must have been embarrassing for Louisa.

She didn't believe it.

But he was prosecuted?

Um, no.

Oh, I see.

Oh, you all must have been so disappointed

when they stopped burning Witches around here.

Martin, I caught him red-handed. He took the money.

You should have called the police.

Yes, I know, but I couldn't do that to her.

Louisa is the only one you'll find around here

who still thinks he innocent.

That's the funny thing about families, Marty.

Loyalty is but a step away from delusion.

For an extra fiver,

you can travel shotgun up front with me, love.

Bert.

- Terry Glasson. -How are you'?

- Busy. -So I see.

Listen, you still got that old dinghy of yours?

What's it got to do with you, then?

Well, I'd like to borrovv it for a couple of hours tomorrow.

You don't borrow, Terry. You take.

I'll give you 60 quid.

70.

No.

Look, I'm not asking you to do me a favor.

I'm giving you money.

80 quid. Final offer.

Where'd you get that money from, then?

Won it on a horse.

Whistling Beau. 6-to-1.

No. And I'll tell you the reason Why.

It's a poor man who steals from his friends.

Look, Bert, I'm giving you 80 quid

for two hours on your dinghy.

You're a man of principle. I respect that.

But you'd be an idiot to turn down an offer like this.

- I'm not an idiot. -Then Take the money.

Good to see you.

I'll drop by at 11:00 tomorrow.

Right!

Let's be having you!

Gonna have to hurry you along, Doc.

Not long before I need to -- you know -- again.

How are your bowel movements?

Not pleasant. Not pleasant at all.

- Any pain'?

Mmh.

I'll need to take a stool sample and have it analyzed.

Don't envy you on that one.

I'll get you a container.

Oh.

In the meantime, it would be a good idea

to take some time off work.

Chance would be a fine thing.

Got a couple of hundred pasties to bake

for the eating competition tomorrow.

Biggest earner of the year. Interested in taking part'?

I warn you -- Bert's won it five years in a row.

No. Cancel it.

No, Doc.

In all probability, you have a stomach infection.

Until I can find out What it is,

I don't want you spreading it around the village.

It's a tradition, our contest.

Oh, yes, the tradition of mass food poisoning

and the complications that ensue.

Cancel it.

BERT: Afternoon, Colonel.

Which Way to the birds?

West of Germany, I'm afraid, old man.

What?

Yeah, the birds have flown the nest, literally.

You've got to be joking.

Probably disturbed by all the attention they've been getting.

Well, What am I gonna do with my customers?

Well, with your well-known charm and personality,

no doubt you'll sort everyone out, right'?

Yeah. Good.

Aye.

Uh, excuse me.

I've just been informed by my learned co-associate

that the birds have unfortunately flown away.

-But don't worry.

There are plenty more rare bird types

for you to do your observations.

We just might have to drive around for a bit

until we find them.

Now, if anybody sees a rare bird type,

just give me a holler directly.

Right. In we get. Lovely.

There we are.

And the next one. Thank you.

Oh, you'll be glad to know -- no extra charge.

Thanks. Cheers.

Louisa.

Martin.

Ice cream.

Oh, no. It hurts my teeth.

Dad always used to take us for ice cream every Weekend,

He said that up to the age of 6 my arteries vvere made of ice.

That sounds fun.

Mmh.

Said you had a bit of difficulty at the surgery yesterday.

Uh, no. Not really.

He said he practically had to force you

to give his friend some medication.

I told him that was just how you liked to welcome new patients.

It's not. There are procedures.

Blood out of a stone. That's What he said.

Well, at least I'm not a thief.

Martin, I was just teasing you.

And I Wouldn't have thought that you, of all people,

would join in with local gossip.

I'm not.

All this time, you keep your distance from everyone.

And when you finally decide to show some community spirit,

it's to join in with malicious rumors about my father.

But they're not rumors. Ask Joan.

She said she caught him red-handed, stealing money.

Louisa --

Ah.

You've received your official notification

about the review tomorrow?

Yes, I did.

Then I expect I'll see you there?

Do I have a choice?

Martin, this isn't personal.

I don't bear any ill will towards you,

as I'm sure you don't towards me.

Take your hand off me,

you unctuous, platitudinizing eunuch.

- You have ice cream -- -I know.