All language subtitles for Velma.S02E01.1080p.WEB.h264-EDITH

Last season on Velma...

The serial killer is...

Victoria Jones?

It's not Victoria.

She told me she's been possessed

by the ghost of Dr. Edna Perdue.

I love you.

I love you too, Norville.

Norville?

Mother? Hello?

Another thing Velma
was right about.

No such thing as ghosts.

Hello?

My name
is Velma Dinkley.

And three weeks ago,

I caught my first serial killer.

Did the experience change me?

Yes.

- I'm more confident in my mystery solving.

I know someone's out there,

and if you give me six to
ten weeks to investigate,

I'll figure out who.

Though, I'm also pretty jumpy.

Ah, don't kill me!

I'm about to attend
a super cool party

and I'm not even crashing.

Velma,
relax. It's just me.

And word of advice, saying
a party is cool is not cool.

Now, come on, give me your hand.

The party's this way.

Unfortunately,
catching a serial killer

has taught me nothing
about solving the mystery

of teen romance.

Wow. So this is where the
popular kids party in the woods.

I give myself ten minutes
before I'm asked to leave.

Velma, no one's gonna
ask you to leave.

As crazy as this sounds,
you're popular now.

You saved the life
of every girl here.

I guess. Still, it
just feels weird.

I'm so glad you're here.

Me too.

Now, you go in first.

I don't want to
arrive as a couple

and then have to
spend the whole party

explaining to
people we're not...

What? But I thought...
You just held my hand.

It was romantic as hell.

No, it wasn't. It was practical.

I didn't want you stepping
on all the broken glass

and used condoms out here.

Why can't you just admit
you want to be together?

Because you told
Norville you loved him

right in front of me.

And I've told you
that was an accident,

literally seven times and
figuratively, a billion times.

It just feels so farfetched.

Norville's your best friend
and you have that special bond

from all your weird
AP nerd classes.

Yes, but you were my
first best friend, Daphne.

And best friends
trust each other.

So, I'm asking you to trust
me that I told Norville

I loved him on accident.

Nay, I'm begging you.

Oh, God! Look!

It's
Sheriff Cogburn!

What do you mean you need
to exhume my mother's body?

Seriously, I don't
know what that means.

It means, I wanna dig her up
and make sure she's truly dead.

In horror movies, killers always
return three to ten times, and I...

We're not opening up
Fred's mom's grave, Velma.

It's disrespectful and more
importantly, it's expensive.

Expensive?

Use the money you don't
pay me to do your job.

Cogburn's murder three weeks
after I caught Victoria

cannot be a coincidence.

My mom wasn't a serial killer!

She was possessed by the ghost
of Norville's grandmother.

How is that so
hard to understand?

Ugh, this is useless.

I can't believe your moms
won't dig up one stupid grave.

If Victoria's back, we're
at the top of her list.

Velma, Victoria is dead.

We saw her get impaled
by a stalactite.

I've also seen a picture of
Victoria's original nose.

She has the money
to fix anything.

And with all due
respect to your moms,

if I don't solve Cogburn's
murder, who will?

Excuse me!

- I have solved Cogburn's murder.
- What?

In my three weeks as
a spooky stuff hunter,

I have never seen
an easier case.

The ghost of Norville's
grandma has struck again.

Fortunately, this time I'm ready

'cause Freddy's partnered up

with another smoking
hot white dude.

Jesus.

And yet another reason
I have to investigate.

I can't have this town
thinking ghosts commit crimes.

You can say that again.

Ghosts committing
crimes?

That guy's a bigger fraud
than the tummy tea industry.

Thank you, mysterious stranger.

So nice to meet a
fellow rationalist.

What brings you to our
grisly crime scene?

Well, I'm Amber and I just
moved here with my mom.

She's opening an occult
bookstore in town.

A what?

Amber's our friend Thorne's kid.

They sent that pentagram note that
made us all gasp on our front stoop.

I was in a band
called The Hex Girls.

We were a real hardcore,
witchy goth act.

But now it's time to hang up the old
choker and try something more stable.

And that something
is occult books?

But you look so cool, Amber.

The universe is a
mysterious place.

And what's cooler than
helping people find answers?

The universe is not mysterious.
It's governed by physics.

- Classical or quantum?
- Both.

But the classical model
can't support quantum theory.

Okay, yes. So, technically,
that's mysterious, but...

But nothing. If physics
doesn't have all the answers,

why not at least
consider other ideas?

Wow, Amber.

I've never heard anyone
beat Velma in an argument.

She didn't beat me.

I'm just slowly
formulating a response.

You got your ass handed to you.

Okay. You know
what? Forget this.

There's been a murder and the only
person who can help me solve it

is my old faithful Norville.

Norville?

"Norville,
please respond to this."

"And if you've been ignoring me

because I told
you 'I love you, '

and then said 'It
was an accident, '

even more reason to talk.
I miss you, my friend."

Nah, delete.

Is that Mr. Swendig?
What's he doing here?

Velma, do not
embarrass yourself.

He's just a brilliant
biology teacher

who could get you an internship

at any criminology lab you want.

Mr. S? What's your
internship doing here?

I thought you weren't back from
sabbatical until internship.

- Not bad, Velma.
- Velma!

Is that you, or
have kids wised up

and started copying
your brilliant mix

of brains and bangs?

Oh, Mr. S.

- If memory
serves, this laughter can last a while,

so I'll just continue.

I'm here getting my
teaching job back,

as my sabbatical is over.

I'd actually love to
tell you about it,

and you can tell me
about all that happened

to you and your lovely mother.

We used to have
flirty conversations

about whether you
should be medicated.

Better times,
Mr. S. Better times.

But we can talk about it
in biology class tomorrow.

Internship!

Definitely should be medicated.

- You!

Just take a bite, Norville,
and he'll be gone.

Whoa! Someone has the munchies.

Totally. I'm totally
not stress eating

because I killed Fred's
mom.

Accidentally killed
Fred's mom, son.

You have to forgive yourself
and more importantly

smoke all that weed
I gave you. It helps.

Oh, I so am.

I smoke so much,

people think I'm from
Northern California.

Good. I hate
watching you suffer.

And blazing a fat one
really helps me with that.

I still can't get the blood
out of your V-neck, sweetie.

So I picked up this crew
neck T-shirt for you.

Thanks, Mom. I don't know
what I'd do without you.

Oh, crap!

Oh, you don't
know what you'd do without your mom.

Well, maybe I can
paint a picture.

Please, don't. I
get it. I'm sorry.

Because my mom's dead
because you killed her!

Wow.
Talking to yourself.

Now, I know you're high.

Now, Fredo. This holy
water will protect you

from the scaries
and the spookies.

Fred, there you are.
Why are you at a church?

Are you religious now?

I thought rich guys only
worshipped Ayn Rand and feet.

We do. But I had
to become Catholic

for my spooky stuff
hunting business.

Customers expect it.

- You have customers?
- Tons.

And in almost every
scary movie and TV show,

spooky stuff is only scared
of crosses and holy water.

And business is all about
giving people what they want.

I even got my dogs on the team.

- It's a gimmick, but it works.

- Anyway. What's up?
- I need your objective opinion.

Do you think Velma has
feelings for Norville?

Well, on the one hand, I hate
Norville for killing my mother.

- Sure.
- But on the other, under his dorky demeanor,

bad clothes and good grades,
he is objectively hot.

His bone structure is insane.

But on the third hand,
Velma's your oldest friend.

If she says she doesn't have
feelings for him, I'd trust her.

Fred, you're right.

That was shockingly thoughtful.

Maybe religion
actually suits you.

Maybe. But if you wanna make out

to get back at Velma,
I'm down for that, too.

Okay, if no one believes me that
Victoria might still be alive,

then I have to do the one
thing I swore I never would.

Manual labor.

Hello?

Who's there?

Ahh!

Where'd they go?

Their sneaker.

Oh, I got you, sucker.

You were attacked?

Yes, but now I can
pull a print off their shoe

once my mom goes to sleep.

She made me promise I wouldn't
solve mysteries anymore.

- Mysteries?

What are you talking about?

And don't cleverly
change the subject.

Okay? But did I tell
you Mr. S is back?

Oh, Mr. S?
Damn it, Velma!

Mom, please.

Solving mysteries is
not that big a deal.

I mean, you're
still writing them.

And no one's even asking you to.

Actually, I've stopped writing.

Oh, no. Why?

Because my last book almost
got your brain ripped out!

I'm sorry, but I love you too
much to let you investigate.

The cops can find
Cogburn's killer.

No more mysteries.

Seriously, I am gonna be
on you like brown on rice.

The worst kind of rice.

Okay, so, as you all know,

the Creaky Friday school
fundraiser we planned is coming up.

- Velma?
- Oh, sorry. Whoo!

Velma, come on!

Being popular isn't
just all partying

and eating yogurt
on museum steps.

There's work involved! Focus up.

Sorry, my mom is
watching my every move,

but she's about to realize

her nicotine gum
isn't in her purse,

center console or bra.

And... Go time.

Gotcha. Now, I
just need to run it

through the police database.

We can use my mom's
computer at home.

They're running to replace
Cogburn for sheriff,

so they'll be out
of the house all day

with Thorne and Amber planning
their campaign kickoff party.

Hey, what's up
with this new Amber person?

They seem super cool, but
I always feel safer going

along with y'all's
opinions of people.

Amber seemed cool at first, but
is basically a boring know-it-all.

I think we should ostracize them

until they transfer schools.

Velma's just mad because she
lost an argument to Amber.

Like, was destroyed.

No, I'm mad because when
Amber, who Daphne just met,

tells Daphne something
insane, she's amazed.

But when I, Daphne
oldest friend,

tell Daphne something
totally rational,

she's completely dismissive.

I get that. Though, Amber does have
a certain magnetism about them.

Also, you're right.

I have been dismissive.

But now I believe you don't
have feelings for Norville.

Huh?

What convinced you, Daphne?

Was it my increasingly
unhinged texts?

Because I will abuse that?

No, I just realized you're right about
friends needing to trust each other.

That's amazing.

And when we run the fingerprint
we can make us official

by picking our
cutesy couple name.

I'm thinking, Velma and Daphne.

I love it, but
come over in a bit.

I need to hide my cats
before you arrive.

While I've forgiven
you, they have not.

Everything okay?

You shouldn't be sighing like that until
you've been together at least a year.

I... I don't know.

All I've wanted is
to be with Daphne,

but now that I am,
something feels off.

Because you also told Sonia
Sotomayor that you loved her.

No, not my precious Soso.
I'm talking about...

Fred, please. I'm sorry!

Norville, I will never accept
your apology for killing my mom!

No matter how well you're
pulling off that crew neck!

-Jinx!
Staircase! To the van-mobile!

My shoe!

Fred, your dumb dog's destroyed
my one piece of hard evidence.

Oh, did they?

Well, maybe I'd be
more sympathetic

if you hadn't tried to
dig up my mom last night!

I found your shovel while kissing
her tombstone this morning.

Now, excuse me as I go find
Cogburn's actual killer

and keep you from
sullying mother's name.

- You just better pray...

the church never teaches
me attack spells.

Norville, I know you're mad at
me, but I have to follow Fred.

And maybe we can catch up?

Okay. Just promise you
won't talk about anything

that's happened to us.

Oh, uh, of course.

I have so many more interesting
things to talk about than you and me.

So, how's it going, amigo?

Are you ready for our
Espanol test manana?

Okay, sorry. I can't do this.
I have to talk about us.

Why won't you text me back?

Uh, Velma, I have
a lot going on.

I'm not really thinking
about our dynamic.

Nothing destroys a vibe like
killing your friend's mother.

But Norville, you killed
her in self-defense.

It was an accident.

Velma, I'm serious. If I talk about
this, I'll start to hallucinate.

- Mother?

Mother, why aren't you making me
walk home from my ballet recital?

Oh, right, because
Norville killed you!

Norville, watch out!

I can't! My guilt is
causing me to hallucinate!

- ♪ You killed my mom ♪
- ♪ Mom ♪

- ♪ She was the bomb ♪
- ♪ Bomb! ♪

Will laughing make them stop?

Because I'm more of a
satirist that makes you think.

No, stress eating is the
only thing that stops them.

But I don't have any snacks!

Stress eating?

Maybe there's food in
your glove compartment.

- No, Velma, stop!
- Hold, on. What's this?

Why do you have this?

This is the same kind of
shoe I found in the cemetery.

Did you attack me?

Velma, I'll explain after
you give me the snacks.

Please! We're going to die!

Norville. Can we keep him?

His name is my mom
because he's dead!

You already tried to
kill me last night.

At least, if we both die,
I can torment you in hell.

Velma, you're my best friend.
I need you to trust me.

Trust you? Ugh, you're
right. You're right.

I don't know what
I was thinking.

Here.

But why do you have this shoe?

Okay, so when I heard
Cogburn was murdered,

I also wondered if Victoria had

somehow survived and killed him.

So, I went to investigate

because if she's alive, I
can let go of all this guilt.

But when you were attacked,

I hallucinated that Fred's mom
wasn't there to fix his posture.

Mother, where are you?

- My back feels weird.

And I couldn't help
you. I'm sorry.

But I kept your
attacker's other shoe

because I thought
it might help you.

Help me feel like a jerk
for ever suspecting you?

- No, because it's a clue.
- Right. Of course.

Norville, I owe
you a huge apology

but it'll have to wait.

We just passed Fred's van.

Ugh. Guys, guys. It's okay.

Velma and I are good now.

Ugh.

Wait. Why is there an
air mattress on my floor?

And why are the vibes in
here so abnormally chill?

Oh, we're moving
in until my mom's

occult bookstore takes off,

so possibly forever.

Hope that's okay.

I'm fine with it. But
Velma is another story.

I need to text her.

-"What's your
ETA? Do I have time to, say,

throw an air mattress
out my window?"

- "Can't talk.

I'm at funeral home
with Norville."

She's with Norville again?

Yeah, they left Spooner's
together the same time we did.

Seemed intense.

Intense?

It's good your moms have been
planning this campaign party for weeks

because we got nothing
done after that.

Planning it for weeks?

But my moms found
Cogburn's body yesterday.

And before that, they
thought he was on vacation

or at a problematic rally.

Oh, that was their cover story.

Cover story?

And now I'm sensing I've said
too much, so I'm stopping.

Today was
Cogburn's funeral?

That's weird. We didn't
hear anything about it.

Someone didn't want us here.

There must be clues in the body.

Help me open the casket.

- Die evil spirit!

- Oh, God!

I fell asleep in there!

Fred? What are you
doing in there?

I was investigating
and it's exhausting.

Anyway, Cogburn's body was
missing from his own funeral.

- So now the only question is

what did your grandma's
ghost do with it, Norville?

Fred, please, for the last time,

ghosts aren't real.

Until the truth comes out

I will be on the
war path of revenge!

Oh, God. It's the ghost
of Sheriff Cogburn! Hide!

Ah, ugh.

- I'm in here with you.

Velma. It's just me.

Open up and
let me see you!

Step away from
the casket, Merle.

Merle? Who, Merle?

No! Sheriff Earl Cogburn
was my identical twin brother!

Identical?

Every man over 50
looks the same to me,

and even I know that's not true.

We're identical voice twins,

the rarest and
closest of all twins.

And I demand to see the body!

And we demand you leave.

This is official
police business.

Meaning we can sit on it for
years and keep it from the public.

No!

So Cogburn has a brother?

Yeah, I knew it wasn't a ghost.

Yeah.

Cool. Yeah, me, too.

Hey, uh, maybe not the best
time, but about the whole

"I love you" imbroglio,
as it were...

Velma, look, as much as I'd
love to stop caring for you...

No joke. It would make
my life so much better.

I just can't.

Which is why it's weird how little
sexual tension I'm feeling right now.

Huh, yeah, I also feel nothing.

Except the general weirdness
that goes with being in a coffin.

But if I'm not secretly
pining for you,

why am I suddenly doubting
my feelings for Daphne?

Was she right not to trust me?

Daphne? Uh, you didn't hear
us talking right now, did you?

Because it wasn't
me. It was a ghost!

No, but I think my moms killed
Sheriff Cogburn to take his job.

Wait. So not Victoria?

Huh. Well, at least
we have a shoe

that'll tell us for sure.

You mean, I have a shoe.

This is my case, and
I am going to prove

it's the ghost of your
grandma who did it!

No! That whistle
means drop it. Ugh.

Maybe solving mysteries
with dogs is a mistake.

So your moms killed Cogburn
in order to take his job.

But why hide his body?

No, the real question is,
how do we investigate them

without them finding out?

Their campaign kickoff
party is tomorrow.

We can look for clues at
your house while they're out.

Sure. But how do you leave the
fundraiser without Diya noticing?

Yes. As sad as we are
that Sheriff Cogburn died

the silver lining is
there's no other way

we would have this
chance to be co-sheriffs.

Politics is all luck.

I never would've become mayor if my
opponent hadn't drowned in my bathtub.

Exactly. This is
exactly like that.

You better stick close to me.

Don't you dare give me the
slip again like at Spooner's.

Oh, Mom, look! It's Mr. S!

Oh, Mr. S.

Diya, Velma said you'd be here.

She also said you spent two years
in a cave and need "it" so bad

you can't see straight.

- Velma.
- Ow.

I told you to ignore
what I say in my sleep.

Regardless, you are staying
at your father's tonight.

Now, get.

Daphne, it worked.

Yes. I can absolutely prove your
house was burned down by a ghost.

Oh. It hasn't burned yet.

The ghost is still
calculating the insurance.

Fred! Enough with your ridiculous
spooky stuff hunting business.

Our family name can only
take so much embarrassment.

Hmm.

Norville.

This is what the
pioneers smoked.

And kids who get high with their
parents always turn out great.

But I have something
I need to do.

We've looked everywhere
for evidence and found nothing.

Though, kudos. If your
moms aren't killers,

they're way better at
it than being cops.

You sure?

Because it seems like we just
caught you two acting really stupid.

Oh, God! You did kill Cogburn!

I promise we won't tell.

Though, we should consider
doing a podcast about it.

People would listen.

Velma, we didn't kill Cogburn.

We've just been trying to
protect you from the truth.

But then Amber spilled the beans

like they were making
burritos in an earthquake.

Pssh. Amber. Am I right?

It's true. We only
found Cogburn's body

in the woods yesterday,

but this is from
three weeks ago.

I am here in the Police
Department records room,

where it appears Sheriff
Cogburn was murdered.

We're not sure. There's
no body. Just this...

Oh, Donna,
sweetie, don't puke on that.

It's evidence.

You knew Cogburn was
killed three weeks ago?

Why hide that and start
planning your campaign?

You wanna be a sheriff, not
a congressman from Florida.

Velma, this case
is like recycling.

The less you actually know
about it, the happier you'll be.

Wait. Is that my
mom's cold case file?

Why is that evidence?

And where are
Dr. Perdue's journals?

They were in the file when
I gave it back to Cogburn.

Could that
be why he was killed?

Do you mean Dr. Edna Perdue?

Mr. S was just talking
about her at the fundraiser.

He's, like, obsessed with her.

What? Mr. S!

Oh, my God, Daphne.
I think we might have

pimped my mom out to
Cogburn's actual murderer.

Hey, Fred. Oh!

I'm not here to
ask you to accept my apology

for accidentally
killing your mom again.

I just want to say that my
dad doesn't get me either.

But while I agree with him that
your business is ridiculous,

you still made it a success
through pure hustle.

Oh. Wow. A nerd likes me.

Now I know what a
fanny pack feels like.

Okay. Well, I mean it.

Like, I mean it when I say I'm sorry
I accidentally killed your mom.

Fine. Apology accepted.

I forgive you, though,
mostly because I have to

on account of my new faith.

But you take the
bad with the good.

Wait. We've been
talking about your mom

and I haven't hallucinated.

You accepting my apology
must have cured them, Fred.

- So are we good?
- Good? No, we're not good.

You
killed me, Norville,

and I'll never
let you forget it.

Fred. Quick. I need a snack.

All they have are baby carrots and
even I don't hate you that much.

Mom!

Please don't be
dead or having sex.

Please don't be
dead or having sex.

Oh, God. No, Mom.

It's worse that I
thought. You're writing.

I mean, what's going on?

Where's Mr. S? Did
he try to kill you?

Kill me? I've never
felt more alive.

I'm writing again.

I know I said I was
scared to do it,

but as that perfect ass
held me in his arms,

I realized I can't live
life and be afraid of it.

Wait. So does that mean you'll
let me continue solving mysteries?

Where's Mr. S? Did
he kill Cogburn?

And if he didn't,
can we say he did?

A suspect would really
help our campaign.

I really want to say no.

But given the other
options in this town,

maybe it's best if you do
keep solving mysteries.

So, I've been thinking,
and you're right.

It wasn't an accident I
told Norville I loved him.

Okay, well, I
appreciate you telling me

and having the courage to do
it within punching distance.

No, look, I thought my
mom was overreacting

about mysteries being
dangerous but she wasn't.

If you ever got hurt because I was
solving a mystery, I'd literally die.

So you've been protecting
me this whole time.

That's so romantic.
But now what?

I'm not sure, but
I know for a fact

that whatever's brewing is
even bigger than last time.

And I know for a fact that as long
as we're together, we'll be fine.

We're soulmates.

Soulmates?

Daphne. That term was invented
by the publishing industry

to sell books about
vampires boning werewolves.

No, it wasn't.

Everyone believes in soulmates.

We're teenage girls,
not divorce lawyers.

Sure, the sentiment
of a soul is nice,

but the only immutable
essence inside of me

is Beyonce's incomparable
"If I Were a Boy."

So you just think we're what?

Intelligent meat?

Don't be reductive.

I think we're horny meat.

Yeah, well, this meat has
never been less horny.

Daphne, I'm sorry.

Can't we just be mature about
this and make out a little bit?

She took the sock off
the door, so I'm going to bed.

What? You live here now?

"What do you know
about Dr. Edna Perdue?"

"I'll tell you everything
you want to know tomorrow

if you tell your mom I'm not
looking for a relationship."

Huh? What?

Hello, dear?

If you've found a cold
sore, I can explain.

I have herpes.

Huh?

Hello?