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1
00:00:01,665 --> 00:00:03,947
Yo, dude!
What up?
2
00:00:05,202 --> 00:00:06,761
Just follow my lead.
3
00:00:07,594 --> 00:00:09,807
Oh... This is awesome.
4
00:00:10,361 --> 00:00:14,524
Just a little surf shack,
where I keep my board, beer and brother.
5
00:00:16,261 --> 00:00:18,553
How are they breaking today, broheim?
6
00:00:20,236 --> 00:00:21,709
How are what breaking?
7
00:00:22,176 --> 00:00:24,927
Dude smokes way too much weed.
8
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,321
The waves, Poindexter!
9
00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:32,079
Oh, the waves, the uh...
the waves are...
10
00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:34,665
early?
11
00:00:36,223 --> 00:00:38,081
Alright!
Let's hit it!
12
00:00:38,407 --> 00:00:40,513
Oh, I intend to.
13
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,519
Why don't you head out,
I'll throw on my suit and meet you there.
14
00:00:44,561 --> 00:00:45,914
Awesome!
15
00:00:49,101 --> 00:00:52,591
Hmm, bodacious and tubular.
16
00:00:54,599 --> 00:00:57,584
Uh, excuse me,
moon doggie,
17
00:00:57,652 --> 00:00:58,685
quick question.
18
00:00:58,687 --> 00:00:59,446
Yeah?
19
00:00:59,457 --> 00:01:01,051
You don't surf, do you?
20
00:01:01,059 --> 00:01:02,569
Not a bit.
21
00:01:02,902 --> 00:01:06,609
Well how did Gidget get the idea
you are the big Kahuna?
22
00:01:06,627 --> 00:01:10,008
I told her I hang ten,
and I guess she misunderstood.
23
00:01:10,712 --> 00:01:12,456
You're going to hell, you know?
24
00:01:12,468 --> 00:01:16,157
I don't think so, I believe in a loving
God who forgives little fibs
25
00:01:16,158 --> 00:01:18,967
as long as they lead to recreational sex.
26
00:01:19,549 --> 00:01:21,721
You really want to drag God into this?
27
00:01:21,726 --> 00:01:23,868
He gave me the penis, Alan.
28
00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,624
Since when do you have a wetsuit?
29
00:01:27,656 --> 00:01:32,206
Since I moved to the beach,
and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks.
30
00:01:35,098 --> 00:01:39,974
If I lived next to Jellystone Park,
I'd have a bear suit and a pic-a-nic basket.
31
00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:43,257
Would you get the door?
32
00:01:47,544 --> 00:01:48,957
Oopsie...
33
00:01:49,105 --> 00:01:52,759
Smooth. So...
just out of curiosity,
34
00:01:53,643 --> 00:01:55,769
how exactly do you plan
to pull this off?
35
00:01:55,788 --> 00:01:56,953
Simple...
36
00:01:57,625 --> 00:02:00,613
Paddle out, yell "shark", and paddle in.
37
00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:01,771
So you thought this through?
38
00:02:01,781 --> 00:02:03,976
I'm not an idiot.
39
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:08,700
Oopsie.
40
00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:12,333
Over here.
41
00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:13,948
Careful.
42
00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:15,575
What happened?
43
00:02:15,578 --> 00:02:16,881
I don't know!
44
00:02:16,884 --> 00:02:19,152
This tiny wave came at us,
I let it go,
45
00:02:19,158 --> 00:02:22,236
he screamed like a girl
and fell off his board.
46
00:02:22,753 --> 00:02:26,032
I had to give him mouth to mouth,
he swallowed a lot of water.
47
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,028
He's gonna be okay?
48
00:02:28,034 --> 00:02:31,451
I think so,
he tried slipping me the tongue.
49
00:02:31,773 --> 00:02:34,452
Charlie, can you hear me?
50
00:02:36,315 --> 00:02:37,803
Sha...
51
00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:38,816
What?
52
00:02:39,085 --> 00:02:40,675
Shaa...
53
00:02:40,811 --> 00:02:43,080
I think he's trying to say "shark".
54
00:02:45,488 --> 00:02:48,167
Episode 4x03
"The Sea is a Harsh Mistress"
55
00:02:56,373 --> 00:02:57,794
Want something to drink?
56
00:02:57,806 --> 00:02:59,712
Oh, yeah...
57
00:03:06,748 --> 00:03:07,834
What is this?
58
00:03:07,835 --> 00:03:09,004
Water.
59
00:03:09,015 --> 00:03:12,374
You're crazy?
I almost drowned in that stuff!
60
00:03:16,774 --> 00:03:18,480
Where is my little hard body?
61
00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,807
He took off with
that girl you brought home.
62
00:03:23,856 --> 00:03:26,356
Other than that,
your plan worked like a charm.
63
00:03:26,427 --> 00:03:29,081
Fine, go ahead and mock me,
64
00:03:29,213 --> 00:03:30,673
but I could have died out there.
65
00:03:30,687 --> 00:03:33,455
Well, the Sea is a harsh mistress,
66
00:03:34,095 --> 00:03:35,306
and...
67
00:03:35,313 --> 00:03:36,732
you're a moron.
68
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,247
What? You said to mock you.
69
00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:41,971
It's no joke, Alan.
70
00:03:41,985 --> 00:03:45,266
Oh, come on! You try to scam
your way into a surfbunny shorts,
71
00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:48,621
and ended up french-kissing
a handsome young life-guard.
72
00:03:49,476 --> 00:03:51,450
How is that not a joke?
73
00:03:52,771 --> 00:03:55,232
It's not a joke, because...
74
00:03:56,649 --> 00:03:58,025
Something...
75
00:03:58,036 --> 00:04:00,093
happened out there
while I was drowning.
76
00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:04,491
What? Did your entire, sordid,
degenerate life flash before your eyes?
77
00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:05,993
I wish...
78
00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:10,370
No! No, no, it was...
79
00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,838
ah, you're not gonna believe me.
80
00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:14,287
Try me.
81
00:04:16,458 --> 00:04:17,991
I saw Dad.
82
00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:19,847
Oh baloney.
83
00:04:20,905 --> 00:04:22,503
You know what?
Just forget it.
84
00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:26,494
Oh, come on! It was probably just
a hallucination caused by, you know,
85
00:04:26,501 --> 00:04:28,187
brain cells dying.
86
00:04:30,181 --> 00:04:32,371
No, I'm used to that.
87
00:04:34,086 --> 00:04:36,832
This, was no hallucination.
88
00:04:36,869 --> 00:04:39,220
Dad was right there
in the water with me.
89
00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,672
Alright, for the sake of argument,
90
00:04:41,674 --> 00:04:45,851
let's assume that you saw the spirit of
our dead father, what did he do,
91
00:04:45,865 --> 00:04:48,426
reach a hand out
to guide you to the great beyond?
92
00:04:48,427 --> 00:04:50,501
Don't be ridiculous...
93
00:04:51,628 --> 00:04:53,896
He didn't have hands.
94
00:04:55,238 --> 00:05:00,039
It was just his head, kinda...
floating there, like...
95
00:05:00,051 --> 00:05:03,021
the great powerful Oz.
96
00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:07,035
Or one of the Pep Boys.
97
00:05:10,338 --> 00:05:11,944
Manny, Moe or Jack?
98
00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:13,441
Manny.
99
00:05:16,977 --> 00:05:18,290
And he spoke to me...
100
00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:22,524
Oh! You were able to hear him,
under water? How weird.
101
00:05:22,536 --> 00:05:25,023
Oh that's the part that bumps you?
102
00:05:25,636 --> 00:05:27,505
I'm just saying that
you were able to hear him
103
00:05:27,522 --> 00:05:29,631
because you were imagining him,
it was in your head.
104
00:05:29,632 --> 00:05:31,321
No, oh no...
105
00:05:31,676 --> 00:05:35,397
In a million years, my mind could not
have made up what he said to me.
106
00:05:35,398 --> 00:05:36,773
What did he say?
107
00:05:38,006 --> 00:05:41,382
Something that made my blood run cold.
108
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,700
What?
109
00:05:44,464 --> 00:05:46,132
Never mind, I probably heard him wrong.
110
00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:48,755
-Charlie!
-Please don't make me say it!
111
00:05:48,756 --> 00:05:52,015
Come on Charlie, I am your brother.
Whatever it was,
112
00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:54,049
we'll deal with it together.
113
00:05:55,961 --> 00:05:57,575
He said:
114
00:05:57,973 --> 00:06:01,447
"Take care of your mother."
115
00:06:06,445 --> 00:06:08,471
Well good luck with that.
116
00:06:14,473 --> 00:06:15,811
Hey.
117
00:06:15,898 --> 00:06:17,147
Hey.
118
00:06:17,149 --> 00:06:19,332
Dad said you almost drowned today.
119
00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:21,087
Yep...
120
00:06:21,231 --> 00:06:22,847
Are you okay now?
121
00:06:22,874 --> 00:06:24,253
I'm fine.
122
00:06:24,619 --> 00:06:26,449
Can I ask you a question?
123
00:06:26,589 --> 00:06:27,696
Sure.
124
00:06:27,697 --> 00:06:29,917
It's about what happens when you die.
125
00:06:29,961 --> 00:06:31,307
OK.
126
00:06:31,465 --> 00:06:33,232
Who gets your car?
127
00:06:36,151 --> 00:06:37,820
Go away.
128
00:06:38,718 --> 00:06:41,305
You're right,
it's not a good time to ask.
129
00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:44,465
So...
130
00:06:44,729 --> 00:06:46,071
what 'you doing?
131
00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:49,059
Thinking about Dad.
132
00:06:49,621 --> 00:06:50,815
Yeah...
133
00:06:50,865 --> 00:06:51,955
About that,
134
00:06:51,981 --> 00:06:53,489
I was wondering,
135
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:54,925
when you saw him,
136
00:06:54,941 --> 00:06:56,980
assuming you saw him...
137
00:06:57,027 --> 00:06:58,217
Did he...
138
00:06:58,615 --> 00:07:00,090
ask about me?
139
00:07:00,862 --> 00:07:01,952
No.
140
00:07:01,956 --> 00:07:04,638
He just said:
"Take care of your mother".
141
00:07:04,654 --> 00:07:05,824
Huh...
142
00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:07,562
Didn't... didn't mention me at all?
143
00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:08,864
No...
144
00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,414
Typical.
145
00:07:11,829 --> 00:07:13,028
Oh here we go.
146
00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:15,553
I'm just saying, the guy
doesn't get in touch for 30 years,
147
00:07:15,559 --> 00:07:18,514
it wouldn't kill him
to throw in a quick "Hello Alan!"
148
00:07:18,765 --> 00:07:21,004
Dead or alive,
that's just rude.
149
00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,299
I'll tell you what...
150
00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:23,763
Why don't you go fill up the tub,
151
00:07:23,771 --> 00:07:25,949
I'll hold your head under the water
until the bubbles stop,
152
00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:28,989
and then you can tell him
how offended you are.
153
00:07:29,308 --> 00:07:32,025
Oh no, I have nothing
to say to him now.
154
00:07:36,187 --> 00:07:38,980
How does he expect me
to take care of her?
155
00:07:39,002 --> 00:07:42,404
I don't know, why don't you try
treating her like a human being?
156
00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,287
Nah, that can't be it.
157
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,596
What if I put her in
an assisted living facility?
158
00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:50,828
That's ridiculous,
she's a healthy woman.
159
00:07:50,829 --> 00:07:53,527
I'm not saying she wouldn't put up a fight...
160
00:07:53,543 --> 00:07:55,792
But hey, crumble up
a few Xanax in her mermosa,
161
00:07:55,797 --> 00:07:59,433
and we could probably coax her
into a cave full of bats.
162
00:08:00,337 --> 00:08:02,647
I don't think that's what Dad meant.
163
00:08:02,747 --> 00:08:03,776
How do you know?
164
00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:07,070
Did he talk to you?
No! He talked to me.
165
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,338
Sure, rub my nose in it.
166
00:08:09,805 --> 00:08:11,005
How about this...
167
00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:14,866
When was the last time you called her,
just to see how she was doing?
168
00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:16,415
Uh...
169
00:08:16,446 --> 00:08:18,040
What's today, Sunday?
170
00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:20,014
Then... never.
171
00:08:20,659 --> 00:08:22,209
Why don't you start with that?
172
00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:26,198
OK, fine.
173
00:08:26,645 --> 00:08:28,344
Remember her number?
174
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,315
I've got it on speed dial...
175
00:08:30,345 --> 00:08:32,715
666.
176
00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:34,634
Cute, uh?
177
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,961
Hey Mom, it's Charlie.
178
00:08:39,591 --> 00:08:42,788
Nothing's the matter,
I just called to see how you're doing.
179
00:08:43,464 --> 00:08:48,171
No, I'm not drunk, I was just thinking
about you and thought I'd call.
180
00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,508
I swear to God,
I'm not drunk!
181
00:08:51,515 --> 00:08:55,211
Peter Piper picked a peck of
pickled peppers! Are you happy?
182
00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:59,033
So, what's going on?
I haven't talked to you in a while...
183
00:08:59,477 --> 00:09:02,596
Well, I'm talking to you now!
184
00:09:04,432 --> 00:09:07,735
OK, OK, OK.
185
00:09:07,826 --> 00:09:09,938
OK, excuse me?
186
00:09:10,413 --> 00:09:13,729
OK, OK, OK...
187
00:09:14,442 --> 00:09:15,666
So...
188
00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,907
Everything OK?
189
00:09:19,366 --> 00:09:21,524
I'm taking her to lunch tomorrow.
190
00:09:21,835 --> 00:09:23,662
Voluntarily?
191
00:09:23,912 --> 00:09:27,378
Wow, you must have really had
a spiritual experience out there...
192
00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:30,007
Let's face it Alan.
When Dad was alive,
193
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,623
I was a rotten son.
194
00:09:31,632 --> 00:09:34,029
Oh, you sure were,
you were horrible.
195
00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:37,162
-Boy, I remember the time...
-The point is...
196
00:09:37,324 --> 00:09:40,077
Maybe I've got a chance
to make up for it now.
197
00:09:40,475 --> 00:09:44,417
He wants me to take care of mom,
then... that's what we're gonna do.
198
00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:47,492
Well, that's...
Wait a minute, did you say "we"?
199
00:09:48,258 --> 00:09:50,394
-I'm not going.
-Fine.
200
00:09:50,425 --> 00:09:54,787
Next time I see our father's floating head,
I'm gonna tell him you refused to help.
201
00:09:55,026 --> 00:09:58,621
I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna tell him...
God, you're such a child...
202
00:09:58,647 --> 00:10:00,953
-So you're coming?
-Yeah...
203
00:10:03,627 --> 00:10:08,357
I can't tell you what a treat it is
to have lunch with my two favorite sons!
204
00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:09,975
You have others?
205
00:10:10,481 --> 00:10:12,355
It's an expression, Charlie...
206
00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,305
Although I do sponsor
a little boy in Africa.
207
00:10:15,313 --> 00:10:18,548
-No kidding?
-Oh yes, little Mabutu!
208
00:10:19,506 --> 00:10:23,371
He's in a middle of a civil war,
and I still hear from him more than you.
209
00:10:24,734 --> 00:10:27,939
Hey Alan, tell mom what that
little rascal Jake's been up to.
210
00:10:29,042 --> 00:10:31,701
He hasn't been up to anything.
211
00:10:35,359 --> 00:10:37,928
OK... So...
212
00:10:40,355 --> 00:10:42,118
I think I'll go to the bathroom.
213
00:10:42,156 --> 00:10:43,435
Why?
214
00:10:43,593 --> 00:10:45,496
What do you mean "why"?
I have to go.
215
00:10:45,497 --> 00:10:48,040
When was the last time
you had a prostate exam?
216
00:10:48,053 --> 00:10:49,948
It feels like I'm having one now.
217
00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:53,811
I'm just expressing concern for
your health, you don't have to get snippy.
218
00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:55,623
I'm not being snippy.
219
00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:58,472
Is it just me or is he snippy?
220
00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:00,610
Try living with him.
221
00:11:00,617 --> 00:11:01,999
Charming.
222
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:04,025
Alright, what's going on?
223
00:11:04,092 --> 00:11:06,222
What makes you think
something's going on?
224
00:11:06,324 --> 00:11:10,627
When one of my sons calls me for
no reason and agrees to take me to lunch,
225
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,607
something heinous is going on.
226
00:11:12,623 --> 00:11:16,392
Hey, I took you to lunch two weeks ago
for no reason other than I love you.
227
00:11:16,393 --> 00:11:19,339
Oh yes, the tacky little
chain restaurant in the valley,
228
00:11:19,351 --> 00:11:22,505
That fish shot out of me
like there was a fire drill.
229
00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:27,035
The point is, I love you.
230
00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:30,387
The point is, I lost 4 pounds in 2 days.
231
00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,068
Well, you do look thinner.
232
00:11:33,076 --> 00:11:38,032
It's too late for flattery darling,
now what is going on with your brother?
233
00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:40,634
I don't think he'd be very happy
with me if I told you.
234
00:11:40,645 --> 00:11:44,254
Sweetheart, you're not
his favorite person now...
235
00:11:45,174 --> 00:11:46,186
OK.
236
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,586
Here's the thing...
237
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:50,398
Charlie almost drowned yesterday.
238
00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:54,047
Oh, dear Lord,
I told him over and over again.
239
00:11:54,111 --> 00:11:56,201
2 drinks max in the hot tub.
240
00:11:56,255 --> 00:11:57,544
No, he was surfing.
241
00:11:57,579 --> 00:11:59,612
-In the hot tub?
-In the ocean.
242
00:11:59,637 --> 00:12:01,209
Start again.
243
00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,780
He was trying to impress some girl...
244
00:12:03,782 --> 00:12:05,166
Oh, OK.
245
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:07,840
Like the time he broke
his nose playing taboo.
246
00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,131
Exactly.
247
00:12:09,134 --> 00:12:13,522
Anyway... He was convinced
he was near death, and...
248
00:12:14,117 --> 00:12:15,826
that he saw dad.
249
00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:17,993
He saw your father?
250
00:12:19,253 --> 00:12:20,553
Wow...
251
00:12:21,781 --> 00:12:23,242
How did he look?
252
00:12:23,512 --> 00:12:25,588
He was just kind of a floating head.
253
00:12:25,596 --> 00:12:28,132
Yeah, that's pretty much
how I remember him.
254
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,340
Fairly useless from the neck down.
255
00:12:30,343 --> 00:12:31,679
Anyway...
256
00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:35,263
Dad told Charlie to take care of you.
257
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,600
Really?
258
00:12:40,512 --> 00:12:41,593
Anything else?
259
00:12:41,609 --> 00:12:44,190
No that's it,
just for him to take care of you.
260
00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:46,435
It's like I might as well not even exist.
261
00:12:46,446 --> 00:12:52,585
Oh Alan, you can't take that personally.
First of all, Charlie was a planned baby.
262
00:12:52,785 --> 00:12:54,414
What was I?
263
00:12:54,424 --> 00:12:58,533
Well dear, you were a pitcher of
margaritas and a gas station condom.
264
00:13:01,922 --> 00:13:06,083
I had a nice solid stream of urine,
thank you very much.
265
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,055
What?
266
00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:11,102
-My prostate is fine.
-What kind of table talk is that?
267
00:13:11,113 --> 00:13:12,294
You're the one that brought it up!
268
00:13:12,299 --> 00:13:16,286
It doesn't matter who brought it up, I don't
want to hear about it while I'm eating!
269
00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:19,443
You know what,
this lunch was a bad idea...
270
00:13:19,469 --> 00:13:22,593
No, don't say that darling,
it was a wonderful idea.
271
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:25,418
If I'm being ungracious, I apologize.
272
00:13:25,426 --> 00:13:28,352
Alright, let's call it "ungracious".
273
00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,628
Now we all know what we're thinking.
274
00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:34,612
I guess... I'm just a little edgy because...
275
00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:35,729
well...
276
00:13:37,879 --> 00:13:38,967
Never mind.
277
00:13:38,968 --> 00:13:39,833
What?
278
00:13:39,835 --> 00:13:42,895
Forget it, my problems are my problems.
279
00:13:42,911 --> 00:13:44,851
I don't expect you to...
280
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,842
take care of me.
281
00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,535
Mom,
282
00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:52,242
just for the sake of argument,
283
00:13:52,245 --> 00:13:56,527
let's say that I wanted
to take care of you, what's going on?
284
00:13:56,562 --> 00:13:58,300
Nothing.
285
00:13:58,397 --> 00:14:01,260
I'm just having a little
minor surgery tomorrow.
286
00:14:01,270 --> 00:14:02,540
What kind of surgery?
287
00:14:02,546 --> 00:14:03,841
It's a woman thing...
288
00:14:03,857 --> 00:14:05,541
Is there anything I can do?
289
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,520
Just keep me in your prayers.
290
00:14:09,008 --> 00:14:10,459
No, no, no...
291
00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:13,854
I will drive you there, and then take you
back to my place so you can recuperate.
292
00:14:13,855 --> 00:14:17,815
Oh sweetheart, that's very generous,
but I don't want to be a burden.
293
00:14:17,830 --> 00:14:19,654
Mom please...
294
00:14:19,657 --> 00:14:21,950
That ship has sailed.
295
00:14:22,878 --> 00:14:25,528
Well then, I accept.
296
00:14:25,547 --> 00:14:26,948
Thank you.
297
00:14:30,885 --> 00:14:33,711
Who buys condoms at a gas station!
298
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,167
Watch your step here...
299
00:14:52,303 --> 00:14:54,037
Thank you darling.
300
00:15:01,385 --> 00:15:02,651
What happened to your mouth?
301
00:15:02,664 --> 00:15:05,090
I just had a little procedure.
302
00:15:05,692 --> 00:15:06,891
What kind of procedure?
303
00:15:06,894 --> 00:15:10,655
They sucked some fat out of her ass,
and shot it into her lips.
304
00:15:13,550 --> 00:15:16,203
What did they do,
use the whole ass?
305
00:15:18,322 --> 00:15:21,534
They're just a little swollen,
in 2 days they'll be plump,
306
00:15:21,539 --> 00:15:24,158
luscious and ready for action.
307
00:15:24,935 --> 00:15:27,653
What boy doesn't like
hearing that from his mother?
308
00:15:28,482 --> 00:15:31,006
Charlie, I need to sit down.
309
00:15:31,011 --> 00:15:32,459
I got you covered.
310
00:15:32,477 --> 00:15:35,072
I thought you said
it was a woman thing?
311
00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:37,773
You know any guys
dumb enough to do this?
312
00:15:39,447 --> 00:15:41,190
Good Lord!
313
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,918
What did you do,
fellate a bee hive?
314
00:15:45,619 --> 00:15:46,988
Fellate?
315
00:15:47,002 --> 00:15:49,570
I read, I can conjugate.
316
00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:55,958
Man the last time I saw a mouth like that,
it was "tourné Jacques Cousteau."
317
00:16:02,578 --> 00:16:04,011
There you go, Mom.
318
00:16:04,025 --> 00:16:07,290
-Nice bite size pieces.
-Thank you, darling.
319
00:16:07,464 --> 00:16:10,637
Dad says you got your butt in your lips.
320
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,235
Just eat your dinner.
321
00:16:17,236 --> 00:16:18,391
Hang on...
322
00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:22,075
So, if you burp now,
it'd really be a fart, right?
323
00:16:27,088 --> 00:16:28,358
Eat.
324
00:16:30,877 --> 00:16:34,762
Charlie, my donut's too soft.
325
00:16:36,264 --> 00:16:40,159
So Jake, has your mother succeeded
in turning you against me yet?
326
00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:41,475
Mom...
327
00:16:41,518 --> 00:16:43,717
What...
You don't think she talks?
328
00:16:43,719 --> 00:16:46,240
You don't think he listens?
Trust me Alan,
329
00:16:46,317 --> 00:16:50,638
even the mind of a dull child
can be forced in by a malicious parent.
330
00:16:50,639 --> 00:16:52,459
Can we just please change the subject?
331
00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:53,947
Although I must say,
332
00:16:53,965 --> 00:16:59,344
I prefer your mother to that post-pubescent
knucklehead your father replaced her with.
333
00:16:59,348 --> 00:17:00,858
OK, OK, that's it.
334
00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:02,442
What, I changed the subject!
335
00:17:02,443 --> 00:17:03,702
Come on Jake, we're going to the movies.
336
00:17:03,703 --> 00:17:04,744
On a school night?
337
00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:06,901
Why not, you're flunking anyway.
338
00:17:07,061 --> 00:17:08,987
Wait, wait,
you're just leaving me?
339
00:17:08,988 --> 00:17:11,155
You're taking care of Mom, remember?
340
00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:12,312
That's not fair.
341
00:17:12,316 --> 00:17:14,930
You got a complaint?
Take it to the floating head.
342
00:17:21,525 --> 00:17:22,979
So how is work?
343
00:17:23,324 --> 00:17:24,234
Fine.
344
00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,093
Are you seeing anybody special?
345
00:17:26,106 --> 00:17:27,199
Nope.
346
00:17:28,459 --> 00:17:31,256
Charlie, did you ever stop to think
347
00:17:31,278 --> 00:17:36,388
that our relationship is strained
because you won't let me, you won't share.
348
00:17:36,396 --> 00:17:38,332
You know why I won't share with you, Mom?
349
00:17:38,339 --> 00:17:40,763
Because anything I say
will be used against me.
350
00:17:40,764 --> 00:17:41,957
Oh please...
351
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:45,087
I have to go to the bathroom,
maybe I have a prostate problem.
352
00:17:45,088 --> 00:17:49,108
I buy a new Mercedes,
you call it a Nazi phallic symbol.
353
00:17:49,374 --> 00:17:54,115
I'm seeing someone new, you ask if I'm
paying her by the hour, or per schtup!
354
00:17:54,713 --> 00:17:57,642
Charlie, when I say those things,
it's because I want to help you.
355
00:17:57,643 --> 00:18:01,508
You're my son, I want you
to be the best you can be.
356
00:18:01,509 --> 00:18:04,019
I appreciate that,
but you can stop worrying,
357
00:18:04,023 --> 00:18:07,899
I'm doing fine.
I am the best I can be.
358
00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:11,412
Oh darling, that just breaks my heart.
359
00:18:20,815 --> 00:18:23,000
Why would he do this to me?
360
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:25,434
Take care of your mother...
361
00:18:25,806 --> 00:18:27,911
Not like she ever took care of him.
362
00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:32,579
She nagged him,
humiliated him, emasculated him.
363
00:18:32,954 --> 00:18:36,580
Maybe the reason he died so young
is because he wanted to.
364
00:18:37,276 --> 00:18:40,775
Charlie! My donut's soft again!
365
00:18:40,865 --> 00:18:42,513
Be right there!
366
00:18:43,941 --> 00:18:45,061
Why?
367
00:18:45,087 --> 00:18:47,549
Why do you want me
to take care of her?
368
00:18:47,550 --> 00:18:48,968
Charlie!
369
00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,702
I'm coming!
370
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:55,246
Come on, talk to me!
Give me a sign!
371
00:18:55,247 --> 00:18:59,216
* Marry that cute girl down the beach. *
372
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:01,435
Rose...
373
00:19:01,436 --> 00:19:04,000
* Yes, that's her name. *
374
00:19:06,171 --> 00:19:07,280
You know what,
375
00:19:07,281 --> 00:19:08,333
you can tell me in person,
376
00:19:08,350 --> 00:19:12,110
because I am this close
to sticking my tongue in a light socket.
377
00:19:13,083 --> 00:19:16,571
* Why don't you stick
your tongue in my mouth instead? *
378
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:20,522
* I mean, Rose's mouth. *
379
00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:30,446
What are you watching?
380
00:19:30,448 --> 00:19:32,648
Some old gangster movie.
381
00:19:35,329 --> 00:19:36,478
Any good?
382
00:19:36,936 --> 00:19:38,058
Not really.
383
00:19:38,824 --> 00:19:40,474
It just gives me a warm feeling
384
00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:44,990
to know that all those young,
beautiful actors are now dead.
385
00:19:46,548 --> 00:19:48,538
"Dana knows too much."
386
00:19:48,594 --> 00:19:50,641
"You want I should
take care of her, boss?"
387
00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:58,124
"Yeah, take care of her."
388
00:19:58,151 --> 00:20:00,442
"But make it look like an accident."
389
00:20:02,871 --> 00:20:04,637
"Don't worry about a thing."
390
00:20:04,649 --> 00:20:06,439
"I'll take care of her."
391
00:20:07,922 --> 00:20:08,822
Sorry.
392
00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,711
I misunderstood.
393
00:20:13,452 --> 00:20:15,426
What's that, dear?
394
00:20:15,858 --> 00:20:17,128
Nothing.
395
00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:32,527
Hi.
396
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,574
Hello.
397
00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:36,794
I don't know if you remember me,
398
00:20:36,796 --> 00:20:39,109
but I'm the one who pulled you out
of the ocean the other day.
399
00:20:39,127 --> 00:20:40,965
Oh, right! Right, right...
400
00:20:41,066 --> 00:20:41,615
Thanks!
401
00:20:41,623 --> 00:20:43,355
It's OK, it's my job.
402
00:20:43,536 --> 00:20:45,691
Well, I'm-I'm... glad you did it!
403
00:20:45,798 --> 00:20:48,755
Anyway, I was just checking in on you,
see how you're doing.
404
00:20:48,788 --> 00:20:49,897
I'm doing fine.
405
00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:51,000
Good...
406
00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:53,378
So...
407
00:20:53,555 --> 00:20:55,474
you want to walk down to the pier?
408
00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:57,686
Maybe grab a cup of coffee...
409
00:21:05,937 --> 00:21:08,193
Gee, I don't know...
410
00:21:08,194 --> 00:21:12,591
Charlie, it's time
to change my butt dressing.
411
00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:16,862
Eh, what the hell,
let's go.
29266
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