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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,665 --> 00:00:03,947 Yo, dude! What up? 2 00:00:05,202 --> 00:00:06,761 Just follow my lead. 3 00:00:07,594 --> 00:00:09,807 Oh... This is awesome. 4 00:00:10,361 --> 00:00:14,524 Just a little surf shack, where I keep my board, beer and brother. 5 00:00:16,261 --> 00:00:18,553 How are they breaking today, broheim? 6 00:00:20,236 --> 00:00:21,709 How are what breaking? 7 00:00:22,176 --> 00:00:24,927 Dude smokes way too much weed. 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,321 The waves, Poindexter! 9 00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:32,079 Oh, the waves, the uh... the waves are... 10 00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:34,665 early? 11 00:00:36,223 --> 00:00:38,081 Alright! Let's hit it! 12 00:00:38,407 --> 00:00:40,513 Oh, I intend to. 13 00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,519 Why don't you head out, I'll throw on my suit and meet you there. 14 00:00:44,561 --> 00:00:45,914 Awesome! 15 00:00:49,101 --> 00:00:52,591 Hmm, bodacious and tubular. 16 00:00:54,599 --> 00:00:57,584 Uh, excuse me, moon doggie, 17 00:00:57,652 --> 00:00:58,685 quick question. 18 00:00:58,687 --> 00:00:59,446 Yeah? 19 00:00:59,457 --> 00:01:01,051 You don't surf, do you? 20 00:01:01,059 --> 00:01:02,569 Not a bit. 21 00:01:02,902 --> 00:01:06,609 Well how did Gidget get the idea you are the big Kahuna? 22 00:01:06,627 --> 00:01:10,008 I told her I hang ten, and I guess she misunderstood. 23 00:01:10,712 --> 00:01:12,456 You're going to hell, you know? 24 00:01:12,468 --> 00:01:16,157 I don't think so, I believe in a loving God who forgives little fibs 25 00:01:16,158 --> 00:01:18,967 as long as they lead to recreational sex. 26 00:01:19,549 --> 00:01:21,721 You really want to drag God into this? 27 00:01:21,726 --> 00:01:23,868 He gave me the penis, Alan. 28 00:01:25,736 --> 00:01:27,624 Since when do you have a wetsuit? 29 00:01:27,656 --> 00:01:32,206 Since I moved to the beach, and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. 30 00:01:35,098 --> 00:01:39,974 If I lived next to Jellystone Park, I'd have a bear suit and a pic-a-nic basket. 31 00:01:41,696 --> 00:01:43,257 Would you get the door? 32 00:01:47,544 --> 00:01:48,957 Oopsie... 33 00:01:49,105 --> 00:01:52,759 Smooth. So... just out of curiosity, 34 00:01:53,643 --> 00:01:55,769 how exactly do you plan to pull this off? 35 00:01:55,788 --> 00:01:56,953 Simple... 36 00:01:57,625 --> 00:02:00,613 Paddle out, yell "shark", and paddle in. 37 00:02:00,641 --> 00:02:01,771 So you thought this through? 38 00:02:01,781 --> 00:02:03,976 I'm not an idiot. 39 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:08,700 Oopsie. 40 00:02:10,662 --> 00:02:12,333 Over here. 41 00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:13,948 Careful. 42 00:02:13,970 --> 00:02:15,575 What happened? 43 00:02:15,578 --> 00:02:16,881 I don't know! 44 00:02:16,884 --> 00:02:19,152 This tiny wave came at us, I let it go, 45 00:02:19,158 --> 00:02:22,236 he screamed like a girl and fell off his board. 46 00:02:22,753 --> 00:02:26,032 I had to give him mouth to mouth, he swallowed a lot of water. 47 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,028 He's gonna be okay? 48 00:02:28,034 --> 00:02:31,451 I think so, he tried slipping me the tongue. 49 00:02:31,773 --> 00:02:34,452 Charlie, can you hear me? 50 00:02:36,315 --> 00:02:37,803 Sha... 51 00:02:37,804 --> 00:02:38,816 What? 52 00:02:39,085 --> 00:02:40,675 Shaa... 53 00:02:40,811 --> 00:02:43,080 I think he's trying to say "shark". 54 00:02:45,488 --> 00:02:48,167 Episode 4x03 "The Sea is a Harsh Mistress" 55 00:02:56,373 --> 00:02:57,794 Want something to drink? 56 00:02:57,806 --> 00:02:59,712 Oh, yeah... 57 00:03:06,748 --> 00:03:07,834 What is this? 58 00:03:07,835 --> 00:03:09,004 Water. 59 00:03:09,015 --> 00:03:12,374 You're crazy? I almost drowned in that stuff! 60 00:03:16,774 --> 00:03:18,480 Where is my little hard body? 61 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:20,807 He took off with that girl you brought home. 62 00:03:23,856 --> 00:03:26,356 Other than that, your plan worked like a charm. 63 00:03:26,427 --> 00:03:29,081 Fine, go ahead and mock me, 64 00:03:29,213 --> 00:03:30,673 but I could have died out there. 65 00:03:30,687 --> 00:03:33,455 Well, the Sea is a harsh mistress, 66 00:03:34,095 --> 00:03:35,306 and... 67 00:03:35,313 --> 00:03:36,732 you're a moron. 68 00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,247 What? You said to mock you. 69 00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:41,971 It's no joke, Alan. 70 00:03:41,985 --> 00:03:45,266 Oh, come on! You try to scam your way into a surfbunny shorts, 71 00:03:45,267 --> 00:03:48,621 and ended up french-kissing a handsome young life-guard. 72 00:03:49,476 --> 00:03:51,450 How is that not a joke? 73 00:03:52,771 --> 00:03:55,232 It's not a joke, because... 74 00:03:56,649 --> 00:03:58,025 Something... 75 00:03:58,036 --> 00:04:00,093 happened out there while I was drowning. 76 00:04:00,114 --> 00:04:04,491 What? Did your entire, sordid, degenerate life flash before your eyes? 77 00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:05,993 I wish... 78 00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:10,370 No! No, no, it was... 79 00:04:11,043 --> 00:04:12,838 ah, you're not gonna believe me. 80 00:04:12,937 --> 00:04:14,287 Try me. 81 00:04:16,458 --> 00:04:17,991 I saw Dad. 82 00:04:18,007 --> 00:04:19,847 Oh baloney. 83 00:04:20,905 --> 00:04:22,503 You know what? Just forget it. 84 00:04:22,509 --> 00:04:26,494 Oh, come on! It was probably just a hallucination caused by, you know, 85 00:04:26,501 --> 00:04:28,187 brain cells dying. 86 00:04:30,181 --> 00:04:32,371 No, I'm used to that. 87 00:04:34,086 --> 00:04:36,832 This, was no hallucination. 88 00:04:36,869 --> 00:04:39,220 Dad was right there in the water with me. 89 00:04:39,579 --> 00:04:41,672 Alright, for the sake of argument, 90 00:04:41,674 --> 00:04:45,851 let's assume that you saw the spirit of our dead father, what did he do, 91 00:04:45,865 --> 00:04:48,426 reach a hand out to guide you to the great beyond? 92 00:04:48,427 --> 00:04:50,501 Don't be ridiculous... 93 00:04:51,628 --> 00:04:53,896 He didn't have hands. 94 00:04:55,238 --> 00:05:00,039 It was just his head, kinda... floating there, like... 95 00:05:00,051 --> 00:05:03,021 the great powerful Oz. 96 00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:07,035 Or one of the Pep Boys. 97 00:05:10,338 --> 00:05:11,944 Manny, Moe or Jack? 98 00:05:11,953 --> 00:05:13,441 Manny. 99 00:05:16,977 --> 00:05:18,290 And he spoke to me... 100 00:05:18,304 --> 00:05:22,524 Oh! You were able to hear him, under water? How weird. 101 00:05:22,536 --> 00:05:25,023 Oh that's the part that bumps you? 102 00:05:25,636 --> 00:05:27,505 I'm just saying that you were able to hear him 103 00:05:27,522 --> 00:05:29,631 because you were imagining him, it was in your head. 104 00:05:29,632 --> 00:05:31,321 No, oh no... 105 00:05:31,676 --> 00:05:35,397 In a million years, my mind could not have made up what he said to me. 106 00:05:35,398 --> 00:05:36,773 What did he say? 107 00:05:38,006 --> 00:05:41,382 Something that made my blood run cold. 108 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,700 What? 109 00:05:44,464 --> 00:05:46,132 Never mind, I probably heard him wrong. 110 00:05:46,145 --> 00:05:48,755 -Charlie! -Please don't make me say it! 111 00:05:48,756 --> 00:05:52,015 Come on Charlie, I am your brother. Whatever it was, 112 00:05:52,041 --> 00:05:54,049 we'll deal with it together. 113 00:05:55,961 --> 00:05:57,575 He said: 114 00:05:57,973 --> 00:06:01,447 "Take care of your mother." 115 00:06:06,445 --> 00:06:08,471 Well good luck with that. 116 00:06:14,473 --> 00:06:15,811 Hey. 117 00:06:15,898 --> 00:06:17,147 Hey. 118 00:06:17,149 --> 00:06:19,332 Dad said you almost drowned today. 119 00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:21,087 Yep... 120 00:06:21,231 --> 00:06:22,847 Are you okay now? 121 00:06:22,874 --> 00:06:24,253 I'm fine. 122 00:06:24,619 --> 00:06:26,449 Can I ask you a question? 123 00:06:26,589 --> 00:06:27,696 Sure. 124 00:06:27,697 --> 00:06:29,917 It's about what happens when you die. 125 00:06:29,961 --> 00:06:31,307 OK. 126 00:06:31,465 --> 00:06:33,232 Who gets your car? 127 00:06:36,151 --> 00:06:37,820 Go away. 128 00:06:38,718 --> 00:06:41,305 You're right, it's not a good time to ask. 129 00:06:42,987 --> 00:06:44,465 So... 130 00:06:44,729 --> 00:06:46,071 what 'you doing? 131 00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:49,059 Thinking about Dad. 132 00:06:49,621 --> 00:06:50,815 Yeah... 133 00:06:50,865 --> 00:06:51,955 About that, 134 00:06:51,981 --> 00:06:53,489 I was wondering, 135 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:54,925 when you saw him, 136 00:06:54,941 --> 00:06:56,980 assuming you saw him... 137 00:06:57,027 --> 00:06:58,217 Did he... 138 00:06:58,615 --> 00:07:00,090 ask about me? 139 00:07:00,862 --> 00:07:01,952 No. 140 00:07:01,956 --> 00:07:04,638 He just said: "Take care of your mother". 141 00:07:04,654 --> 00:07:05,824 Huh... 142 00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:07,562 Didn't... didn't mention me at all? 143 00:07:07,588 --> 00:07:08,864 No... 144 00:07:08,865 --> 00:07:10,414 Typical. 145 00:07:11,829 --> 00:07:13,028 Oh here we go. 146 00:07:13,030 --> 00:07:15,553 I'm just saying, the guy doesn't get in touch for 30 years, 147 00:07:15,559 --> 00:07:18,514 it wouldn't kill him to throw in a quick "Hello Alan!" 148 00:07:18,765 --> 00:07:21,004 Dead or alive, that's just rude. 149 00:07:21,098 --> 00:07:22,299 I'll tell you what... 150 00:07:22,308 --> 00:07:23,763 Why don't you go fill up the tub, 151 00:07:23,771 --> 00:07:25,949 I'll hold your head under the water until the bubbles stop, 152 00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:28,989 and then you can tell him how offended you are. 153 00:07:29,308 --> 00:07:32,025 Oh no, I have nothing to say to him now. 154 00:07:36,187 --> 00:07:38,980 How does he expect me to take care of her? 155 00:07:39,002 --> 00:07:42,404 I don't know, why don't you try treating her like a human being? 156 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:45,287 Nah, that can't be it. 157 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,596 What if I put her in an assisted living facility? 158 00:07:48,937 --> 00:07:50,828 That's ridiculous, she's a healthy woman. 159 00:07:50,829 --> 00:07:53,527 I'm not saying she wouldn't put up a fight... 160 00:07:53,543 --> 00:07:55,792 But hey, crumble up a few Xanax in her mermosa, 161 00:07:55,797 --> 00:07:59,433 and we could probably coax her into a cave full of bats. 162 00:08:00,337 --> 00:08:02,647 I don't think that's what Dad meant. 163 00:08:02,747 --> 00:08:03,776 How do you know? 164 00:08:03,780 --> 00:08:07,070 Did he talk to you? No! He talked to me. 165 00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,338 Sure, rub my nose in it. 166 00:08:09,805 --> 00:08:11,005 How about this... 167 00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:14,866 When was the last time you called her, just to see how she was doing? 168 00:08:14,901 --> 00:08:16,415 Uh... 169 00:08:16,446 --> 00:08:18,040 What's today, Sunday? 170 00:08:18,041 --> 00:08:20,014 Then... never. 171 00:08:20,659 --> 00:08:22,209 Why don't you start with that? 172 00:08:23,947 --> 00:08:26,198 OK, fine. 173 00:08:26,645 --> 00:08:28,344 Remember her number? 174 00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:30,315 I've got it on speed dial... 175 00:08:30,345 --> 00:08:32,715 666. 176 00:08:33,020 --> 00:08:34,634 Cute, uh? 177 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,961 Hey Mom, it's Charlie. 178 00:08:39,591 --> 00:08:42,788 Nothing's the matter, I just called to see how you're doing. 179 00:08:43,464 --> 00:08:48,171 No, I'm not drunk, I was just thinking about you and thought I'd call. 180 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:51,508 I swear to God, I'm not drunk! 181 00:08:51,515 --> 00:08:55,211 Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers! Are you happy? 182 00:08:56,018 --> 00:08:59,033 So, what's going on? I haven't talked to you in a while... 183 00:08:59,477 --> 00:09:02,596 Well, I'm talking to you now! 184 00:09:04,432 --> 00:09:07,735 OK, OK, OK. 185 00:09:07,826 --> 00:09:09,938 OK, excuse me? 186 00:09:10,413 --> 00:09:13,729 OK, OK, OK... 187 00:09:14,442 --> 00:09:15,666 So... 188 00:09:16,067 --> 00:09:17,907 Everything OK? 189 00:09:19,366 --> 00:09:21,524 I'm taking her to lunch tomorrow. 190 00:09:21,835 --> 00:09:23,662 Voluntarily? 191 00:09:23,912 --> 00:09:27,378 Wow, you must have really had a spiritual experience out there... 192 00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:30,007 Let's face it Alan. When Dad was alive, 193 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,623 I was a rotten son. 194 00:09:31,632 --> 00:09:34,029 Oh, you sure were, you were horrible. 195 00:09:34,045 --> 00:09:37,162 -Boy, I remember the time... -The point is... 196 00:09:37,324 --> 00:09:40,077 Maybe I've got a chance to make up for it now. 197 00:09:40,475 --> 00:09:44,417 He wants me to take care of mom, then... that's what we're gonna do. 198 00:09:44,539 --> 00:09:47,492 Well, that's... Wait a minute, did you say "we"? 199 00:09:48,258 --> 00:09:50,394 -I'm not going. -Fine. 200 00:09:50,425 --> 00:09:54,787 Next time I see our father's floating head, I'm gonna tell him you refused to help. 201 00:09:55,026 --> 00:09:58,621 I'm gonna tell him, I'm gonna tell him... God, you're such a child... 202 00:09:58,647 --> 00:10:00,953 -So you're coming? -Yeah... 203 00:10:03,627 --> 00:10:08,357 I can't tell you what a treat it is to have lunch with my two favorite sons! 204 00:10:08,386 --> 00:10:09,975 You have others? 205 00:10:10,481 --> 00:10:12,355 It's an expression, Charlie... 206 00:10:12,654 --> 00:10:15,305 Although I do sponsor a little boy in Africa. 207 00:10:15,313 --> 00:10:18,548 -No kidding? -Oh yes, little Mabutu! 208 00:10:19,506 --> 00:10:23,371 He's in a middle of a civil war, and I still hear from him more than you. 209 00:10:24,734 --> 00:10:27,939 Hey Alan, tell mom what that little rascal Jake's been up to. 210 00:10:29,042 --> 00:10:31,701 He hasn't been up to anything. 211 00:10:35,359 --> 00:10:37,928 OK... So... 212 00:10:40,355 --> 00:10:42,118 I think I'll go to the bathroom. 213 00:10:42,156 --> 00:10:43,435 Why? 214 00:10:43,593 --> 00:10:45,496 What do you mean "why"? I have to go. 215 00:10:45,497 --> 00:10:48,040 When was the last time you had a prostate exam? 216 00:10:48,053 --> 00:10:49,948 It feels like I'm having one now. 217 00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:53,811 I'm just expressing concern for your health, you don't have to get snippy. 218 00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:55,623 I'm not being snippy. 219 00:10:55,638 --> 00:10:58,472 Is it just me or is he snippy? 220 00:10:59,127 --> 00:11:00,610 Try living with him. 221 00:11:00,617 --> 00:11:01,999 Charming. 222 00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:04,025 Alright, what's going on? 223 00:11:04,092 --> 00:11:06,222 What makes you think something's going on? 224 00:11:06,324 --> 00:11:10,627 When one of my sons calls me for no reason and agrees to take me to lunch, 225 00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,607 something heinous is going on. 226 00:11:12,623 --> 00:11:16,392 Hey, I took you to lunch two weeks ago for no reason other than I love you. 227 00:11:16,393 --> 00:11:19,339 Oh yes, the tacky little chain restaurant in the valley, 228 00:11:19,351 --> 00:11:22,505 That fish shot out of me like there was a fire drill. 229 00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:27,035 The point is, I love you. 230 00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:30,387 The point is, I lost 4 pounds in 2 days. 231 00:11:31,767 --> 00:11:33,068 Well, you do look thinner. 232 00:11:33,076 --> 00:11:38,032 It's too late for flattery darling, now what is going on with your brother? 233 00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:40,634 I don't think he'd be very happy with me if I told you. 234 00:11:40,645 --> 00:11:44,254 Sweetheart, you're not his favorite person now... 235 00:11:45,174 --> 00:11:46,186 OK. 236 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,586 Here's the thing... 237 00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:50,398 Charlie almost drowned yesterday. 238 00:11:50,418 --> 00:11:54,047 Oh, dear Lord, I told him over and over again. 239 00:11:54,111 --> 00:11:56,201 2 drinks max in the hot tub. 240 00:11:56,255 --> 00:11:57,544 No, he was surfing. 241 00:11:57,579 --> 00:11:59,612 -In the hot tub? -In the ocean. 242 00:11:59,637 --> 00:12:01,209 Start again. 243 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:03,780 He was trying to impress some girl... 244 00:12:03,782 --> 00:12:05,166 Oh, OK. 245 00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:07,840 Like the time he broke his nose playing taboo. 246 00:12:07,868 --> 00:12:09,131 Exactly. 247 00:12:09,134 --> 00:12:13,522 Anyway... He was convinced he was near death, and... 248 00:12:14,117 --> 00:12:15,826 that he saw dad. 249 00:12:16,504 --> 00:12:17,993 He saw your father? 250 00:12:19,253 --> 00:12:20,553 Wow... 251 00:12:21,781 --> 00:12:23,242 How did he look? 252 00:12:23,512 --> 00:12:25,588 He was just kind of a floating head. 253 00:12:25,596 --> 00:12:28,132 Yeah, that's pretty much how I remember him. 254 00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,340 Fairly useless from the neck down. 255 00:12:30,343 --> 00:12:31,679 Anyway... 256 00:12:31,689 --> 00:12:35,263 Dad told Charlie to take care of you. 257 00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:38,600 Really? 258 00:12:40,512 --> 00:12:41,593 Anything else? 259 00:12:41,609 --> 00:12:44,190 No that's it, just for him to take care of you. 260 00:12:44,194 --> 00:12:46,435 It's like I might as well not even exist. 261 00:12:46,446 --> 00:12:52,585 Oh Alan, you can't take that personally. First of all, Charlie was a planned baby. 262 00:12:52,785 --> 00:12:54,414 What was I? 263 00:12:54,424 --> 00:12:58,533 Well dear, you were a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom. 264 00:13:01,922 --> 00:13:06,083 I had a nice solid stream of urine, thank you very much. 265 00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,055 What? 266 00:13:07,081 --> 00:13:11,102 -My prostate is fine. -What kind of table talk is that? 267 00:13:11,113 --> 00:13:12,294 You're the one that brought it up! 268 00:13:12,299 --> 00:13:16,286 It doesn't matter who brought it up, I don't want to hear about it while I'm eating! 269 00:13:16,959 --> 00:13:19,443 You know what, this lunch was a bad idea... 270 00:13:19,469 --> 00:13:22,593 No, don't say that darling, it was a wonderful idea. 271 00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:25,418 If I'm being ungracious, I apologize. 272 00:13:25,426 --> 00:13:28,352 Alright, let's call it "ungracious". 273 00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,628 Now we all know what we're thinking. 274 00:13:31,408 --> 00:13:34,612 I guess... I'm just a little edgy because... 275 00:13:34,623 --> 00:13:35,729 well... 276 00:13:37,879 --> 00:13:38,967 Never mind. 277 00:13:38,968 --> 00:13:39,833 What? 278 00:13:39,835 --> 00:13:42,895 Forget it, my problems are my problems. 279 00:13:42,911 --> 00:13:44,851 I don't expect you to... 280 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,842 take care of me. 281 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:50,535 Mom, 282 00:13:50,551 --> 00:13:52,242 just for the sake of argument, 283 00:13:52,245 --> 00:13:56,527 let's say that I wanted to take care of you, what's going on? 284 00:13:56,562 --> 00:13:58,300 Nothing. 285 00:13:58,397 --> 00:14:01,260 I'm just having a little minor surgery tomorrow. 286 00:14:01,270 --> 00:14:02,540 What kind of surgery? 287 00:14:02,546 --> 00:14:03,841 It's a woman thing... 288 00:14:03,857 --> 00:14:05,541 Is there anything I can do? 289 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:08,520 Just keep me in your prayers. 290 00:14:09,008 --> 00:14:10,459 No, no, no... 291 00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:13,854 I will drive you there, and then take you back to my place so you can recuperate. 292 00:14:13,855 --> 00:14:17,815 Oh sweetheart, that's very generous, but I don't want to be a burden. 293 00:14:17,830 --> 00:14:19,654 Mom please... 294 00:14:19,657 --> 00:14:21,950 That ship has sailed. 295 00:14:22,878 --> 00:14:25,528 Well then, I accept. 296 00:14:25,547 --> 00:14:26,948 Thank you. 297 00:14:30,885 --> 00:14:33,711 Who buys condoms at a gas station! 298 00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:42,167 Watch your step here... 299 00:14:52,303 --> 00:14:54,037 Thank you darling. 300 00:15:01,385 --> 00:15:02,651 What happened to your mouth? 301 00:15:02,664 --> 00:15:05,090 I just had a little procedure. 302 00:15:05,692 --> 00:15:06,891 What kind of procedure? 303 00:15:06,894 --> 00:15:10,655 They sucked some fat out of her ass, and shot it into her lips. 304 00:15:13,550 --> 00:15:16,203 What did they do, use the whole ass? 305 00:15:18,322 --> 00:15:21,534 They're just a little swollen, in 2 days they'll be plump, 306 00:15:21,539 --> 00:15:24,158 luscious and ready for action. 307 00:15:24,935 --> 00:15:27,653 What boy doesn't like hearing that from his mother? 308 00:15:28,482 --> 00:15:31,006 Charlie, I need to sit down. 309 00:15:31,011 --> 00:15:32,459 I got you covered. 310 00:15:32,477 --> 00:15:35,072 I thought you said it was a woman thing? 311 00:15:35,079 --> 00:15:37,773 You know any guys dumb enough to do this? 312 00:15:39,447 --> 00:15:41,190 Good Lord! 313 00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,918 What did you do, fellate a bee hive? 314 00:15:45,619 --> 00:15:46,988 Fellate? 315 00:15:47,002 --> 00:15:49,570 I read, I can conjugate. 316 00:15:50,696 --> 00:15:55,958 Man the last time I saw a mouth like that, it was "tourné Jacques Cousteau." 317 00:16:02,578 --> 00:16:04,011 There you go, Mom. 318 00:16:04,025 --> 00:16:07,290 -Nice bite size pieces. -Thank you, darling. 319 00:16:07,464 --> 00:16:10,637 Dad says you got your butt in your lips. 320 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,235 Just eat your dinner. 321 00:16:17,236 --> 00:16:18,391 Hang on... 322 00:16:18,393 --> 00:16:22,075 So, if you burp now, it'd really be a fart, right? 323 00:16:27,088 --> 00:16:28,358 Eat. 324 00:16:30,877 --> 00:16:34,762 Charlie, my donut's too soft. 325 00:16:36,264 --> 00:16:40,159 So Jake, has your mother succeeded in turning you against me yet? 326 00:16:40,175 --> 00:16:41,475 Mom... 327 00:16:41,518 --> 00:16:43,717 What... You don't think she talks? 328 00:16:43,719 --> 00:16:46,240 You don't think he listens? Trust me Alan, 329 00:16:46,317 --> 00:16:50,638 even the mind of a dull child can be forced in by a malicious parent. 330 00:16:50,639 --> 00:16:52,459 Can we just please change the subject? 331 00:16:52,460 --> 00:16:53,947 Although I must say, 332 00:16:53,965 --> 00:16:59,344 I prefer your mother to that post-pubescent knucklehead your father replaced her with. 333 00:16:59,348 --> 00:17:00,858 OK, OK, that's it. 334 00:17:00,874 --> 00:17:02,442 What, I changed the subject! 335 00:17:02,443 --> 00:17:03,702 Come on Jake, we're going to the movies. 336 00:17:03,703 --> 00:17:04,744 On a school night? 337 00:17:04,745 --> 00:17:06,901 Why not, you're flunking anyway. 338 00:17:07,061 --> 00:17:08,987 Wait, wait, you're just leaving me? 339 00:17:08,988 --> 00:17:11,155 You're taking care of Mom, remember? 340 00:17:11,168 --> 00:17:12,312 That's not fair. 341 00:17:12,316 --> 00:17:14,930 You got a complaint? Take it to the floating head. 342 00:17:21,525 --> 00:17:22,979 So how is work? 343 00:17:23,324 --> 00:17:24,234 Fine. 344 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,093 Are you seeing anybody special? 345 00:17:26,106 --> 00:17:27,199 Nope. 346 00:17:28,459 --> 00:17:31,256 Charlie, did you ever stop to think 347 00:17:31,278 --> 00:17:36,388 that our relationship is strained because you won't let me, you won't share. 348 00:17:36,396 --> 00:17:38,332 You know why I won't share with you, Mom? 349 00:17:38,339 --> 00:17:40,763 Because anything I say will be used against me. 350 00:17:40,764 --> 00:17:41,957 Oh please... 351 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:45,087 I have to go to the bathroom, maybe I have a prostate problem. 352 00:17:45,088 --> 00:17:49,108 I buy a new Mercedes, you call it a Nazi phallic symbol. 353 00:17:49,374 --> 00:17:54,115 I'm seeing someone new, you ask if I'm paying her by the hour, or per schtup! 354 00:17:54,713 --> 00:17:57,642 Charlie, when I say those things, it's because I want to help you. 355 00:17:57,643 --> 00:18:01,508 You're my son, I want you to be the best you can be. 356 00:18:01,509 --> 00:18:04,019 I appreciate that, but you can stop worrying, 357 00:18:04,023 --> 00:18:07,899 I'm doing fine. I am the best I can be. 358 00:18:08,236 --> 00:18:11,412 Oh darling, that just breaks my heart. 359 00:18:20,815 --> 00:18:23,000 Why would he do this to me? 360 00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:25,434 Take care of your mother... 361 00:18:25,806 --> 00:18:27,911 Not like she ever took care of him. 362 00:18:27,987 --> 00:18:32,579 She nagged him, humiliated him, emasculated him. 363 00:18:32,954 --> 00:18:36,580 Maybe the reason he died so young is because he wanted to. 364 00:18:37,276 --> 00:18:40,775 Charlie! My donut's soft again! 365 00:18:40,865 --> 00:18:42,513 Be right there! 366 00:18:43,941 --> 00:18:45,061 Why? 367 00:18:45,087 --> 00:18:47,549 Why do you want me to take care of her? 368 00:18:47,550 --> 00:18:48,968 Charlie! 369 00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,702 I'm coming! 370 00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:55,246 Come on, talk to me! Give me a sign! 371 00:18:55,247 --> 00:18:59,216 * Marry that cute girl down the beach. * 372 00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:01,435 Rose... 373 00:19:01,436 --> 00:19:04,000 * Yes, that's her name. * 374 00:19:06,171 --> 00:19:07,280 You know what, 375 00:19:07,281 --> 00:19:08,333 you can tell me in person, 376 00:19:08,350 --> 00:19:12,110 because I am this close to sticking my tongue in a light socket. 377 00:19:13,083 --> 00:19:16,571 * Why don't you stick your tongue in my mouth instead? * 378 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:20,522 * I mean, Rose's mouth. * 379 00:19:29,430 --> 00:19:30,446 What are you watching? 380 00:19:30,448 --> 00:19:32,648 Some old gangster movie. 381 00:19:35,329 --> 00:19:36,478 Any good? 382 00:19:36,936 --> 00:19:38,058 Not really. 383 00:19:38,824 --> 00:19:40,474 It just gives me a warm feeling 384 00:19:40,478 --> 00:19:44,990 to know that all those young, beautiful actors are now dead. 385 00:19:46,548 --> 00:19:48,538 "Dana knows too much." 386 00:19:48,594 --> 00:19:50,641 "You want I should take care of her, boss?" 387 00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:58,124 "Yeah, take care of her." 388 00:19:58,151 --> 00:20:00,442 "But make it look like an accident." 389 00:20:02,871 --> 00:20:04,637 "Don't worry about a thing." 390 00:20:04,649 --> 00:20:06,439 "I'll take care of her." 391 00:20:07,922 --> 00:20:08,822 Sorry. 392 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:10,711 I misunderstood. 393 00:20:13,452 --> 00:20:15,426 What's that, dear? 394 00:20:15,858 --> 00:20:17,128 Nothing. 395 00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:32,527 Hi. 396 00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,574 Hello. 397 00:20:35,450 --> 00:20:36,794 I don't know if you remember me, 398 00:20:36,796 --> 00:20:39,109 but I'm the one who pulled you out of the ocean the other day. 399 00:20:39,127 --> 00:20:40,965 Oh, right! Right, right... 400 00:20:41,066 --> 00:20:41,615 Thanks! 401 00:20:41,623 --> 00:20:43,355 It's OK, it's my job. 402 00:20:43,536 --> 00:20:45,691 Well, I'm-I'm... glad you did it! 403 00:20:45,798 --> 00:20:48,755 Anyway, I was just checking in on you, see how you're doing. 404 00:20:48,788 --> 00:20:49,897 I'm doing fine. 405 00:20:49,914 --> 00:20:51,000 Good... 406 00:20:52,198 --> 00:20:53,378 So... 407 00:20:53,555 --> 00:20:55,474 you want to walk down to the pier? 408 00:20:55,492 --> 00:20:57,686 Maybe grab a cup of coffee... 409 00:21:05,937 --> 00:21:08,193 Gee, I don't know... 410 00:21:08,194 --> 00:21:12,591 Charlie, it's time to change my butt dressing. 411 00:21:15,025 --> 00:21:16,862 Eh, what the hell, let's go. 29266

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