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1
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Come on.
2
00:03:51,566 --> 00:03:53,735
Hello, this is Beth.
3
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Oh, hey.
4
00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:01,175
How are you doing tonight?
5
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Um, I'm okay.
6
00:04:03,978 --> 00:04:06,948
I just wanted to talk,if that's okay.
7
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No sleep?
8
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Yeah...
9
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I'm a bit off.
10
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I don't know.
11
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Just haven't foundmy rhythm yet.
12
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What do you mean?
13
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Well...
14
00:04:22,597 --> 00:04:24,364
uh, you know,
15
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,067
I got out of prison last year.
16
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Oh.
17
00:04:27,334 --> 00:04:28,569
Congratulations.
18
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,972
Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
19
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Thank you.
20
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,975
So...
21
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:35,543
big adjustment.
22
00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:37,178
Yeah!
23
00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:38,746
Yes, ma'am.
24
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:42,750
First, I was sleepingall of the time,
25
00:04:42,817 --> 00:04:46,854
like too much stimulation,you know?
26
00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:49,957
I was like a puppyat the dog park.
27
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:54,128
Like, as soon as I got home,I just... I needed sleep.
28
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I can imagine.
29
00:04:55,730 --> 00:04:58,566
But it's all good. I'm blessed.
30
00:04:58,633 --> 00:05:00,168
I'm so happy for you.
31
00:05:00,234 --> 00:05:02,469
Yeah, thank you.
32
00:05:02,537 --> 00:05:03,905
You're welcome.
33
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:07,241
Wait, am I saying thankstoo much?
34
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,876
Don't worry about it.
35
00:05:08,943 --> 00:05:11,646
You don't need to thank me,
but it's fine.
36
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,815
You're doing great.
37
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:16,083
So, uh...
38
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,253
You-- You work--You work nights?
39
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,788
Sometimes I'll do a day shift,
40
00:05:20,855 --> 00:05:24,192
but nights
is when most people call.
41
00:05:24,258 --> 00:05:25,593
Hmm.
42
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,831
You been doing it a long time?
43
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:31,032
A few years.
44
00:05:32,233 --> 00:05:34,802
This is my last month, actually.
45
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,505
At least for a while.
46
00:05:37,572 --> 00:05:39,273
You gotta rechargethe batteries, or...?
47
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,908
You could say that.
48
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,280
The last year
has been pretty intense.
49
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,016
Yeah, I can imagine.
50
00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:51,085
You know, it's-- It's funny.
51
00:05:51,152 --> 00:05:55,656
I-I-I've been out six weekswhen the 'rona went off.
52
00:05:55,723 --> 00:05:57,124
Everybody was bitching about
53
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,392
having to stay homeand I was like,
54
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,029
"Bro, you're telling meI can eat what I want
55
00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:05,666
"and sleep when I wantand wear what I want?
56
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,735
That's supposed to be hard?"
57
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,337
That's funny.
58
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,771
I mean, I don't...
59
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,640
Sorry, I don't mean funny,
I just mean...
60
00:06:12,707 --> 00:06:14,108
Oh, it's okay.
61
00:06:14,175 --> 00:06:16,210
I'm the one who saidit was funny.
62
00:06:16,277 --> 00:06:18,179
Right.
63
00:06:18,246 --> 00:06:21,816
You know,to tell you the truth, it...
64
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,417
It was good for me.
65
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:26,419
Was it?
Yeah.
66
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,688
In prison, you know,
67
00:06:27,755 --> 00:06:29,724
they got thesetransition units.
68
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:32,193
They give you a little bitmore freedom,
69
00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:34,795
a little bit of time,you know, so you don't...
70
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:36,731
You start getting used to it.
71
00:06:36,797 --> 00:06:38,699
I-I-I didn't go through that.
72
00:06:38,766 --> 00:06:41,168
I went straightfrom the shoe to the street.
73
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,372
You know, it's probably goodthat I got--
74
00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:47,375
I got some time to adjust,right?
75
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:49,343
Yeah, I get it.
Yeah, I was--
76
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:54,447
I was sitting with my grandmaone night and she said, uh...
77
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,617
"Michael, it's so weird.
78
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,986
"The day is so slow,but then at the end,
79
00:06:59,053 --> 00:07:01,789
it feels likeit lasted a minute."
80
00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,724
I know, right?
81
00:07:03,791 --> 00:07:07,595
You know, I told her,"That's prison time."
82
00:07:07,662 --> 00:07:09,797
The day is slowbecause nothing happens.
83
00:07:09,864 --> 00:07:12,099
And when it's gone,
84
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:14,201
it feels like it nevereven started, you know?
85
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:18,306
You don't even remember nothingbecause nothing happened.
86
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,141
Wow.
87
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,410
That's deep, Michael.
88
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:23,945
You know what was weird,though?
89
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:26,213
What's that?
90
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,449
Wearing a mask in a store.
91
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:32,720
I-I couldn't even get a mask.
92
00:07:32,787 --> 00:07:34,288
I mean, first time,
93
00:07:34,355 --> 00:07:37,291
I had to use this bandannamy sister gave me.
94
00:07:37,358 --> 00:07:39,994
And I was like,"I don't know about this."
95
00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:42,563
I mean, because last timeI entered a store
96
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,532
with a bandanna on, I got shot.
97
00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:47,467
I mean, shot and arrested.
98
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:49,704
She was like,"Never mind that
99
00:07:49,770 --> 00:07:52,506
because now they won't evenlet you in without a mask."
100
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:56,077
So I go shoppingwith this bandanna on.
101
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,878
I mean, I alwayshad this feeling
102
00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,947
that people check me out.
103
00:08:00,014 --> 00:08:03,250
I mean, I know they can tellI've been inside, so...
104
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:06,754
I think that's probably
just in your head though, no?
105
00:08:06,821 --> 00:08:08,656
Mm, no, it isn't.
106
00:08:08,723 --> 00:08:10,324
Trust me.
107
00:08:10,391 --> 00:08:13,461
I mean, even if they don't knowwhat it is exactly,
108
00:08:13,527 --> 00:08:16,263
they can tell there's somethingdifferent about me.
109
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,200
It's like they can smell it.
110
00:08:20,401 --> 00:08:22,503
I don't mean literally.
111
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:27,641
I smell real nice these days,believe that.
112
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,176
I believe it.
113
00:08:31,178 --> 00:08:36,851
Anyways, I'm alreadystressing out
114
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,586
about being around people,
115
00:08:38,652 --> 00:08:39,954
and now I got to weara bandanna
116
00:08:40,021 --> 00:08:43,858
like I'm robbing the place.
117
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,160
The guy at the cash register,
118
00:08:46,227 --> 00:08:48,996
I'm thinking he's gonna pulla shotgun any second.
119
00:08:49,063 --> 00:08:51,899
So I start sweating, you know,and my heartbeat's up.
120
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:57,304
And he rings me up and he goes,
121
00:08:57,371 --> 00:09:00,007
"Did you find everythingyou were looking for?"
122
00:09:00,074 --> 00:09:01,809
And I'm like, "What?"
123
00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:03,444
I don't understandthe question,
124
00:09:03,512 --> 00:09:05,179
which I actually didn'tbecause I'm spaced out
125
00:09:05,246 --> 00:09:07,148
and I gota fucking bandanna on,
126
00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:09,750
and I'm not even used tohearing this kind of question.
127
00:09:09,817 --> 00:09:11,919
So he repeats the question.
128
00:09:11,986 --> 00:09:15,356
And I'm like, "Uh, yes, sir."
129
00:09:15,423 --> 00:09:19,160
And then I skip a beat,and then I go, "Thanks."
130
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,265
And then what happened?
131
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,467
Nothing. Nothing.
132
00:09:26,535 --> 00:09:27,668
You know what he said?
133
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,970
"Have a good night."
134
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:33,107
And then I walk out,and then I realize...
135
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:35,976
Damn.
136
00:09:36,043 --> 00:09:39,647
No, I-I didn't findeverything I was looking for.
137
00:09:41,550 --> 00:09:43,784
I was in such a rushto get out of there
138
00:09:43,851 --> 00:09:46,287
that I forgot like half of it.
139
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,723
That happens to me
all the time.
140
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,226
Yeah?
141
00:09:52,293 --> 00:09:53,260
Oh, yeah.
142
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:54,862
Unless I have
a written-down list,
143
00:09:54,929 --> 00:09:56,297
I'm always gonna
forget something.
144
00:09:56,363 --> 00:09:59,033
I can't retain
that kind of information.
145
00:10:00,968 --> 00:10:02,970
Yeah, I got used to it, though.
146
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,807
You know, the, uh...
147
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,676
The mask, I mean.
148
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,611
That's good.
149
00:10:12,413 --> 00:10:14,181
People can thinkwhatever they want.
150
00:10:14,248 --> 00:10:16,150
You know, they can't see me.
151
00:10:16,217 --> 00:10:17,952
You know, I don't carewhat they think.
152
00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:21,655
Right.
153
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,096
I'm not a bad person.
154
00:10:31,098 --> 00:10:32,366
I know.
155
00:10:34,368 --> 00:10:35,803
How-- How do you know?
156
00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:37,371
Well, I guess I just mean
157
00:10:37,438 --> 00:10:40,074
that I don't have any reason
to think otherwise.
158
00:10:43,144 --> 00:10:46,647
My father, he went to the penwhen I was 6.
159
00:10:54,889 --> 00:10:57,626
You know, he just diedlike three years ago.
160
00:10:57,691 --> 00:11:00,127
Hmm. Sorry to hear that.
161
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:04,098
We never had a relationship.
162
00:11:04,165 --> 00:11:07,368
I-I was raised by my grandma.
163
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:11,939
My mom, after he got arrested,you know, she said to me,
164
00:11:12,006 --> 00:11:14,975
"Look, I can handleyour sisters, but you?
165
00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:16,810
You got to move inwith your grandma."
166
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,748
She, like, shipped me offlike baggage.
167
00:11:21,815 --> 00:11:23,518
That's rough. You were only 6?
168
00:11:23,585 --> 00:11:26,287
Yeah, I was, like,just about to start school.
169
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,122
I didn't have any friends.
170
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:31,292
I walked back alone every day.
171
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,028
And then like after a month,
172
00:11:34,094 --> 00:11:35,729
I started takinga different way.
173
00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:39,033
I cut through this alleywhere these homeboys hung out.
174
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,035
And they startedjoking with me.
175
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,803
And that's actually--
176
00:11:42,870 --> 00:11:45,339
Yeah, that's actually whenI started noticing stuff.
177
00:11:45,406 --> 00:11:47,708
What-- What do you mean?
What stuff?
178
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:50,844
Like, uh, the tattoos.
179
00:11:51,845 --> 00:11:53,447
The graffiti.
180
00:11:53,515 --> 00:11:56,283
Like, I've been seeing themmy whole life,
181
00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:58,219
but I never...
182
00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:00,721
Never really paid attention.
183
00:12:02,256 --> 00:12:03,857
And now...
184
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:07,795
Now they were speaking to me.
185
00:12:09,230 --> 00:12:12,466
Like, I finally understoodthe language.
186
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,105
Wow.
187
00:12:18,172 --> 00:12:20,508
You know, that was it for me.
188
00:12:20,575 --> 00:12:23,377
Yeah, I just--
I just saw the whole picture.
189
00:12:25,079 --> 00:12:27,147
Thank you for that.
190
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,217
Yeah, you're welcome.
191
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,289
So...
192
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:39,960
is there anything
that you need from me?
193
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,497
Anything that
I can help you with?
194
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:46,834
I don't know.
195
00:12:46,900 --> 00:12:49,336
I'm a little bit worried,I guess.
196
00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:51,138
Hmm. What about?
197
00:12:52,106 --> 00:12:54,074
Just-- Just stuff out there.
198
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,110
I don't have a lot of skills.
199
00:12:56,176 --> 00:12:59,079
I had this jobat this auto glass repair,
200
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:01,750
but it went out of business.
201
00:13:01,815 --> 00:13:05,119
It wasn't the greatest jobin the world, but, you know...
202
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:09,624
Well, I can give you a number
for financial assistance
203
00:13:09,691 --> 00:13:11,325
if you need that.
204
00:13:11,392 --> 00:13:14,461
No, no, I'm--I'm already doing all that.
205
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,197
Okay.
206
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:23,003
Hey, look,worse comes to worse,
207
00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:25,306
I got the bandanna, right?
208
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,107
Uh, that--That was a joke.
209
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,576
I know.
210
00:13:28,643 --> 00:13:32,346
Wait, you're not tracingthese calls, are you?
211
00:13:33,715 --> 00:13:35,215
Not tracing, not recording.
212
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:37,851
I'm just sitting here
at home talking to you.
213
00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,587
Oh, okay. Sorry.
214
00:13:39,654 --> 00:13:41,756
So listen, I think
that you should check out
215
00:13:41,822 --> 00:13:44,024
this group HandUp.
216
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,927
It's like as opposed to Handout.
217
00:13:46,994 --> 00:13:48,362
Anyways, it's an organization
218
00:13:48,429 --> 00:13:50,064
run by formerly
incarcerated folks
219
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,333
that can help
with jobs, housing...
220
00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:55,202
Yeah, yeah. Is one of the guysnamed Jackson?
221
00:13:55,269 --> 00:13:57,338
Well, that I don't know,
222
00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:00,107
but let me just give
you the number.
223
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,375
No, it's all right.
224
00:14:01,442 --> 00:14:03,611
It's all right, I'll find it.
225
00:14:03,678 --> 00:14:05,346
It's okay.
226
00:14:05,412 --> 00:14:07,448
Okay.
You know, I just...
227
00:14:09,283 --> 00:14:11,885
I just-- I just needed to talk,that's it.
228
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,723
Of course. Anytime.
229
00:14:14,789 --> 00:14:17,958
That was a jokeabout the bandanna, you know.
230
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,360
I'm...
231
00:14:19,426 --> 00:14:21,763
I'm not gonna rob nobody.
I know.
232
00:14:49,657 --> 00:14:52,393
Hello. This is Beth.
233
00:14:52,459 --> 00:14:53,661
Hi.
234
00:14:53,728 --> 00:14:55,830
Hey, listen, um...
235
00:14:55,896 --> 00:14:57,532
could you come out?
236
00:14:57,599 --> 00:14:59,266
What do you mean?
237
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:03,036
I mean, can you come out hereand talk to my wife?
238
00:15:03,103 --> 00:15:04,271
Oh, sorry.
239
00:15:04,338 --> 00:15:06,039
I can't come there.
240
00:15:06,106 --> 00:15:08,409
But if you put her on the phone,
I can talk to her.
241
00:15:08,475 --> 00:15:10,444
No, she's not gonna do that.
242
00:15:11,713 --> 00:15:14,783
I can talk to you both
together or separately,
243
00:15:14,849 --> 00:15:15,983
whatever works for you.
244
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,585
I just can't do it in person.
245
00:15:17,652 --> 00:15:20,254
But if this is an emergency,
I can give you--
246
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,524
It's not that kindof emergency.
247
00:15:24,692 --> 00:15:26,393
Okay.
248
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:30,998
What's going on?
249
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,702
I just told her that, um...
250
00:15:34,769 --> 00:15:36,437
That I don't love her anymore.
251
00:15:37,672 --> 00:15:39,006
I see.
252
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:41,008
Now I'm not sure what to do.
253
00:15:42,644 --> 00:15:44,011
What did she say?
254
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:46,447
Well, she just went and lockedherself in the bedroom.
255
00:15:47,849 --> 00:15:49,183
Is she okay?
256
00:15:51,318 --> 00:15:53,788
Are you worried
she might do something?
257
00:15:53,855 --> 00:15:56,290
Oh, no, no.I told you, it's not...
258
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,125
She would never do...
259
00:15:58,192 --> 00:15:59,727
You know, we have kids.
260
00:16:01,361 --> 00:16:02,530
Okay.
261
00:16:04,198 --> 00:16:05,900
I didn't even want this,you know?
262
00:16:05,966 --> 00:16:07,367
I mean, I didn't even--
263
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:09,203
I don't even understand it.
264
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:11,305
What the fuck happened?
265
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,637
Hello. This is Beth.
266
00:16:42,704 --> 00:16:44,338
Oh, hi.
267
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,540
Hi.
268
00:16:45,607 --> 00:16:46,941
How are you tonight?
269
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,943
Like always, I guess.
270
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,044
Is that good?
271
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:54,047
You know when someonesays something
272
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:56,918
annoying or even hurtful,
273
00:16:56,985 --> 00:16:59,052
and you just suck it up,
274
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:02,857
and you go home and replaythe moment in your head
275
00:17:02,924 --> 00:17:05,760
and come upwith a perfect comeback.
276
00:17:05,827 --> 00:17:07,862
The exact thingyou should have said.
277
00:17:07,929 --> 00:17:09,096
Mm-hmm.
278
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,198
Oh, yeah.
279
00:17:11,265 --> 00:17:13,133
Well, that's my life.
280
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,737
A day late and a dollar short.
281
00:17:15,803 --> 00:17:18,907
Hey, I think we all feel
like that sometimes.
282
00:17:18,973 --> 00:17:20,140
Yeah.
283
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,043
I feel like that all the time.
284
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:26,446
Besides, I don't think Oprahfeels like that.
285
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:29,283
Or Jeff Zuckerberg.
286
00:17:31,819 --> 00:17:33,487
Right?
287
00:17:33,555 --> 00:17:34,889
Maybe not.
288
00:17:34,956 --> 00:17:37,959
Not the "dollar short" part.
289
00:17:38,026 --> 00:17:40,528
What do you even dowith all that money?
290
00:17:40,595 --> 00:17:42,296
Hmm.
291
00:17:43,665 --> 00:17:46,300
Meanwhile, my husbandgot his hours cut.
292
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,902
That's rough.
293
00:17:47,969 --> 00:17:49,637
Our daughter has special needs.
294
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:52,941
I'm a full-time support system.
295
00:17:53,007 --> 00:17:56,844
I can't even take a break,ever.
296
00:17:56,911 --> 00:17:59,179
If I got sick, I...
297
00:18:00,748 --> 00:18:02,917
What's gonna happen to herwhen I'm gone?
298
00:18:02,984 --> 00:18:04,953
I just...
299
00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,486
Just...
300
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,424
I'm sorry.
301
00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,660
It's absolutely fine.
302
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,431
I don't usually do this.
303
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:19,601
It's okay. Don't worry about it.
304
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:22,604
Please let it all out.
That's what I'm here for.
305
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,107
Hello?
306
00:18:27,174 --> 00:18:28,576
Hello?
307
00:18:28,643 --> 00:18:29,811
Hi there.
308
00:18:29,877 --> 00:18:32,013
You sound old.
309
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:35,349
Oh, I'm not so young, I guess.
310
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,351
You sound young, though.
311
00:18:37,417 --> 00:18:38,987
I just turned 19.
312
00:18:39,053 --> 00:18:40,955
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
313
00:18:41,022 --> 00:18:42,389
I hate birthdays.
314
00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,291
Wait till you get to my age.
315
00:18:44,358 --> 00:18:46,393
Yeah, that's not gonna happen.
316
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,128
Why do you say that?
317
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:49,329
I... It's--
318
00:18:49,396 --> 00:18:50,832
Whatever. I just--
319
00:18:50,898 --> 00:18:53,133
I've never reallyhad a good birthday,
320
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:55,837
except maybe three years ago,I guess, when I ran away.
321
00:18:55,903 --> 00:18:58,806
That was like my birthdaypresent to myself.
322
00:18:59,907 --> 00:19:01,375
Where do you live now?
323
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,779
In a very cozy two-person tent.
324
00:19:04,846 --> 00:19:06,246
I see.
325
00:19:07,849 --> 00:19:09,182
Do you have a caseworker?
326
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:10,818
No, not anymore.
327
00:19:10,885 --> 00:19:14,254
My, uh, boyfriend sort of hada falling out with him.
328
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:16,390
He's kind of an asshole.
329
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:18,726
How long have you two
been together?
330
00:19:18,793 --> 00:19:19,994
Since I left home.
331
00:19:20,061 --> 00:19:21,763
Did you meet on the street?
332
00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:23,330
Yeah, I, uh...
333
00:19:23,397 --> 00:19:25,232
I left my hometownwith another friend,
334
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,869
but they chickened outafter like two nights.
335
00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:31,471
So I ended up hooking upwith these guys.
336
00:19:31,539 --> 00:19:36,176
Uh, they had guitarsand weed and a dog.
337
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,780
I loved that dog.
338
00:19:40,247 --> 00:19:42,917
He, uh died a month ago.
339
00:19:42,984 --> 00:19:44,619
Sorry.
340
00:19:44,686 --> 00:19:46,319
Yeah.
341
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:49,524
Uh, Justin's not doingtoo great either.
342
00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:51,559
Justin's your boyfriend?
343
00:19:51,626 --> 00:19:53,427
For lack of a better word.
344
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,096
What's wrong with him?
345
00:19:55,163 --> 00:19:57,330
I don't know. I...
346
00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:58,933
Like, it's not COVID,
347
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,002
because he got thatand it wasn't that bad.
348
00:20:01,069 --> 00:20:04,204
But I... I think he mighthave hep or something.
349
00:20:05,106 --> 00:20:06,339
Did he go to a doctor?
350
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:07,742
Yeah, no.
351
00:20:07,809 --> 00:20:09,510
No. He, uh...
352
00:20:09,577 --> 00:20:11,713
He gets really paranoidaround doctors.
353
00:20:11,779 --> 00:20:16,084
So I'm not even gonna ask.He, like, flips out.
354
00:20:16,150 --> 00:20:18,853
He's got major anger issues.
355
00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:20,387
That's no good.
356
00:20:20,454 --> 00:20:23,423
Yeah, I told you, he's--He's a fucking asshole.
357
00:20:24,759 --> 00:20:27,795
He thinks that I shouldmake him money now.
358
00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:29,764
What do you mean?
359
00:20:29,831 --> 00:20:32,934
Like, he wants to bemy fucking pimp.
360
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,771
Like, fuck that shit.
361
00:20:36,838 --> 00:20:39,272
Where's Justin right now?
I don't know.
362
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:42,543
He's probably outwith his buddies somewhere.
363
00:20:44,178 --> 00:20:47,081
Sounds like maybe you shouldn't
be seeing this guy.
364
00:20:47,148 --> 00:20:48,983
Yeah, no shit.
365
00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:50,383
So?
366
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:54,254
So it's not that simple.
367
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:56,657
Why not?
368
00:20:57,525 --> 00:20:59,127
It's just not.
369
00:20:59,193 --> 00:21:03,231
Like, do you think that I wantto be out here alone,
370
00:21:03,296 --> 00:21:07,235
or that I can just get onsome fucking homeless Tinder
371
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,669
and find myself a better dude?
372
00:21:08,736 --> 00:21:10,705
Like, it's not like
373
00:21:10,772 --> 00:21:12,874
I don't have my own issues too.
374
00:21:16,177 --> 00:21:20,413
Okay, I'm gonna give you
a number for social services,
375
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,250
but I want to give you
this guy's direct line.
376
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:23,985
He's the best.
377
00:21:24,051 --> 00:21:25,219
Shit!
What?
378
00:21:27,789 --> 00:21:29,891
I think he's back.
379
00:21:29,957 --> 00:21:31,859
Yup, that's-- That's him.He's coming up the street.
380
00:21:31,926 --> 00:21:33,628
I got to go. If he hearsI'm talking to you--
381
00:21:33,694 --> 00:21:35,163
Can you write
this number down first?
382
00:21:35,229 --> 00:21:37,297
Fuck, he looks fucking wasted.
383
00:21:37,364 --> 00:21:38,733
Here's the number.
384
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:40,201
Look, I'm gonna callyou back, okay?
385
00:21:40,268 --> 00:21:41,936
Are you gonna be okay?
386
00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:43,604
Fucking test me!
387
00:22:41,329 --> 00:22:43,430
Hello, this is Beth.
388
00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:45,099
Beth!
389
00:22:45,166 --> 00:22:48,002
That your real name?
390
00:22:48,069 --> 00:22:50,872
Actually, we aren't allowed
to use real names.
391
00:22:50,938 --> 00:22:52,540
Yeah, that's what I thought.
392
00:22:54,374 --> 00:22:56,077
Call me Kratos then.
393
00:22:57,278 --> 00:22:59,847
Call me fucking Solid Snake.
394
00:22:59,914 --> 00:23:02,550
That might be a little awkward,
don't you think?
395
00:23:02,617 --> 00:23:03,818
Whatever.
396
00:23:03,885 --> 00:23:05,753
Call me whatever you want.
397
00:23:05,820 --> 00:23:08,656
You can call me Ellis.That's my real name.
398
00:23:08,723 --> 00:23:10,691
How are you tonight, Ellis?
399
00:23:10,758 --> 00:23:13,728
Great. Fantastic.
400
00:23:13,794 --> 00:23:16,597
That's obviouslywhy I'm calling, right?
401
00:23:17,899 --> 00:23:20,134
I suppose not.
402
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:21,702
Want to talk about it?
403
00:23:25,773 --> 00:23:27,575
You don't have to.
404
00:23:27,642 --> 00:23:30,745
I've just fucking had it.
405
00:23:30,811 --> 00:23:33,915
I'm so done with it.
406
00:23:33,981 --> 00:23:35,116
With what?
407
00:23:35,182 --> 00:23:38,519
Just the rejection.
408
00:23:38,586 --> 00:23:41,322
The contempt.
409
00:23:41,389 --> 00:23:43,456
From whom?
Take a guess.
410
00:23:43,524 --> 00:23:44,926
Women?
411
00:23:44,992 --> 00:23:46,294
You think I'm a freak,don't you?
412
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:47,695
I don't.
413
00:23:47,762 --> 00:23:49,563
I wouldn't. Just met you.
414
00:23:49,630 --> 00:23:51,866
I've been dealingwith this shit my whole life.
415
00:23:51,933 --> 00:23:54,302
I understand.
No. No, you don't.
416
00:23:54,368 --> 00:23:55,970
You don't understand.
417
00:23:56,037 --> 00:23:58,105
You can't becauseyou're not wired that way.
418
00:23:58,172 --> 00:24:02,176
Genetically programmed to needsomething you can't have.
419
00:24:02,243 --> 00:24:06,280
It's like, I don't even knowhow to explain it.
420
00:24:06,347 --> 00:24:08,182
It's fucked up.
421
00:24:08,249 --> 00:24:10,618
You can't not need it.
422
00:24:10,685 --> 00:24:12,787
Nature makes you need it.
423
00:24:12,853 --> 00:24:17,490
Society, it tells youyou must have it.
424
00:24:17,558 --> 00:24:21,162
And then you're denied,rejected.
425
00:24:21,228 --> 00:24:22,663
The only choice you have
426
00:24:22,730 --> 00:24:26,801
is whether to hate yourselfor hate them.
427
00:24:26,867 --> 00:24:28,302
All the fucking guys,
428
00:24:28,369 --> 00:24:30,771
whoever made you feel likea piece of shit,
429
00:24:30,838 --> 00:24:34,041
all the girls who mocked you,avoided you,
430
00:24:34,108 --> 00:24:37,111
looked right through youlike you were nothing,
431
00:24:37,178 --> 00:24:40,014
and threw themselvesat those idiots
432
00:24:40,081 --> 00:24:41,949
who just happened to havethe right look,
433
00:24:42,016 --> 00:24:44,484
the fucking jacket,the fucking car,
434
00:24:44,552 --> 00:24:46,988
the fucking hair.
435
00:24:47,054 --> 00:24:50,524
Of course, you always end uphating both,
436
00:24:50,591 --> 00:24:52,927
yourself and them.
437
00:24:52,994 --> 00:24:55,730
Well, maybe hate isn't the way.
438
00:24:55,796 --> 00:24:57,365
Maybe--
You don't...
439
00:24:57,431 --> 00:24:59,499
You don't thinkI've tried the other way?
440
00:24:59,567 --> 00:25:02,403
Samantha fucking Robinson.I would have bled for her.
441
00:25:02,470 --> 00:25:04,572
I would have taken a bullet.
442
00:25:04,638 --> 00:25:06,140
She made me watch.
443
00:25:06,207 --> 00:25:08,376
She kissed that assholeright in front of me
444
00:25:08,442 --> 00:25:11,212
knowing I was watching,knowing how I felt.
445
00:25:14,415 --> 00:25:16,017
I had my revenge, though.
446
00:25:17,485 --> 00:25:18,886
I found this porno.
447
00:25:18,953 --> 00:25:22,189
The girl had the sameexact body as her.
448
00:25:22,256 --> 00:25:24,892
I deep-fakedSamantha's face on it...
449
00:25:26,327 --> 00:25:28,896
and I sent it to everyone.
450
00:25:28,963 --> 00:25:31,399
She had to moveto a different school.
451
00:25:35,903 --> 00:25:37,705
You judge me yet?
452
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:40,975
Go ahead.
453
00:25:42,109 --> 00:25:43,210
Tell me.
454
00:25:43,277 --> 00:25:46,515
I don't like the action
you described.
455
00:25:46,580 --> 00:25:51,285
Yeah, well, it's not eventhe worst thing I've done.
456
00:25:52,486 --> 00:25:55,022
I made another film.
457
00:25:55,089 --> 00:25:58,359
Pulled two hours worthof footage from CCTV cameras
458
00:25:58,426 --> 00:25:59,827
all around the world.
459
00:25:59,894 --> 00:26:02,296
Only the goriest shit.
460
00:26:02,363 --> 00:26:03,631
Sick as fuck.
461
00:26:03,697 --> 00:26:05,966
Splattered children.
462
00:26:06,033 --> 00:26:09,070
I cut it togetherto Disney music.
463
00:26:09,136 --> 00:26:11,639
I put it on 300 schoolwebsites.
464
00:26:13,908 --> 00:26:16,477
People went nuts.
465
00:26:16,545 --> 00:26:17,711
Oh, man!
466
00:26:20,781 --> 00:26:23,084
I don't expect youto understand.
467
00:26:24,652 --> 00:26:27,855
Maybe if you had to endureall the rejection I have,
468
00:26:27,922 --> 00:26:29,356
you would get it.
469
00:26:30,491 --> 00:26:31,959
If you were a man
470
00:26:32,026 --> 00:26:34,195
who's not allowedto feel like a man,
471
00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:37,598
you're too short, too soft,too chubby...
472
00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:41,469
whatever society has deemedinadequate about you...
473
00:26:43,270 --> 00:26:44,738
...too little hairon your head,
474
00:26:44,805 --> 00:26:48,209
too broke to buy nice clothes.
475
00:26:48,275 --> 00:26:51,312
But you can't even imagine,can you?
476
00:26:53,447 --> 00:26:55,149
What do you even look like?
477
00:26:56,283 --> 00:26:57,552
What do I look like?
478
00:26:57,618 --> 00:26:59,053
That's what I asked.
479
00:27:01,422 --> 00:27:02,857
Just average.
480
00:27:02,923 --> 00:27:05,292
That's not very informative.
481
00:27:05,359 --> 00:27:08,028
What, are you shy?
482
00:27:09,564 --> 00:27:11,332
I don't care if you're chubby.
483
00:27:11,398 --> 00:27:12,700
I mean...
484
00:27:12,766 --> 00:27:15,169
I'm hideous.
485
00:27:16,505 --> 00:27:18,105
I bet you're not.
486
00:27:18,172 --> 00:27:20,174
I'm sorry,
I don't want to talk about that.
487
00:27:20,241 --> 00:27:21,976
I thought the whole pointof this line
488
00:27:22,042 --> 00:27:24,145
was to talk to real people.
489
00:27:24,211 --> 00:27:25,547
That's right.
490
00:27:25,614 --> 00:27:27,715
So be real.
491
00:27:29,316 --> 00:27:32,286
Can you even relateto anything that I'm saying?
492
00:27:32,353 --> 00:27:33,854
Sure.
493
00:27:33,921 --> 00:27:35,756
I was a misfit.
494
00:27:37,491 --> 00:27:38,692
I didn't have nice clothes.
495
00:27:38,759 --> 00:27:40,961
Your family was broke?
496
00:27:41,028 --> 00:27:44,098
Well, I wouldn't say broke,
but struggling.
497
00:27:45,099 --> 00:27:46,967
You had your assets, though.
498
00:27:48,469 --> 00:27:50,004
You could trade on looks.
499
00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:54,643
You were good-looking.I can tell from your voice.
500
00:27:54,708 --> 00:27:56,477
You probably still are.
501
00:27:56,545 --> 00:27:58,179
Am I right?
502
00:27:58,245 --> 00:28:00,649
I'm not comfortable
talking about that.
503
00:28:00,714 --> 00:28:01,949
Why?
504
00:28:02,016 --> 00:28:03,518
Did I freak you outwith the porn?
505
00:28:03,585 --> 00:28:05,052
I...
506
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,021
I don't evenwatch porn anymore.
507
00:28:07,087 --> 00:28:09,223
It's too freaking painful.
508
00:28:11,058 --> 00:28:13,160
Oh, I'll-- I'll get them.
509
00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:14,461
Sorry?
510
00:28:16,463 --> 00:28:18,899
I'm just tired.
511
00:28:20,602 --> 00:28:24,539
I'm going through lifelike this, and it's...
512
00:28:24,606 --> 00:28:25,906
I'm an evolutionary failure.
513
00:28:25,973 --> 00:28:30,010
This unloved,unwanted piece of shit.
514
00:28:31,879 --> 00:28:33,914
Okay, listen.
515
00:28:33,981 --> 00:28:36,050
You can't think like that.
516
00:28:36,116 --> 00:28:37,251
Okay?
517
00:28:37,318 --> 00:28:38,385
I promise you,
518
00:28:38,452 --> 00:28:40,988
you will feel differently
at some point.
519
00:28:43,057 --> 00:28:45,192
Can I ask you
what you do for a living?
520
00:28:47,394 --> 00:28:48,762
I work in IT.
521
00:28:50,030 --> 00:28:52,433
I used to bea community analyst.
522
00:28:52,499 --> 00:28:53,635
You know what that is?
523
00:28:53,702 --> 00:28:55,169
I don't think so.
524
00:28:55,236 --> 00:28:56,770
Basically,you sit at a computer
525
00:28:56,837 --> 00:29:00,508
and you screen outall the sick shit people post.
526
00:29:00,575 --> 00:29:02,409
I did it for about a year,
527
00:29:02,476 --> 00:29:06,548
then they accused meof posting sick shit myself.
528
00:29:06,615 --> 00:29:08,782
I guess they didn'tget the joke.
529
00:29:09,850 --> 00:29:12,820
So now I just fix network shit.
530
00:29:12,886 --> 00:29:14,488
Okay.
531
00:29:14,556 --> 00:29:17,157
Well, so... you're smart.
532
00:29:17,224 --> 00:29:18,560
What's your point?
533
00:29:18,627 --> 00:29:21,395
My point is,
534
00:29:21,462 --> 00:29:23,497
that's a very big asset.
535
00:29:23,565 --> 00:29:25,933
Now I think that the anger
works against you,
536
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,334
but you can change that.
537
00:29:27,401 --> 00:29:30,070
Backtrack.Say that first part again.
538
00:29:30,137 --> 00:29:31,506
What do you mean?
After "you're smart."
539
00:29:31,573 --> 00:29:33,642
What-- What--What was that you said?
540
00:29:33,708 --> 00:29:35,610
I said that's very good.
No, no, no.
541
00:29:35,677 --> 00:29:37,011
That's not what you said.
542
00:29:37,077 --> 00:29:38,647
Just say itlike you said it before.
543
00:29:38,713 --> 00:29:39,847
I don't understand.
544
00:29:39,913 --> 00:29:41,415
Will you please just repeat
545
00:29:41,482 --> 00:29:42,983
exactly what you said?
546
00:29:43,050 --> 00:29:46,688
I think I said
that's a very big asset.
547
00:29:46,755 --> 00:29:48,523
Okay. Yeah, yes.
548
00:29:49,890 --> 00:29:51,325
That was it.
549
00:29:51,392 --> 00:29:53,994
Okay.
Keep talking.
550
00:29:54,061 --> 00:29:56,497
Well, I think that
you're in a cloud right now,
551
00:29:56,564 --> 00:29:58,533
but that cloud will pass.
552
00:30:01,770 --> 00:30:02,970
Okay?
553
00:30:03,037 --> 00:30:05,172
You have a nice voice.
Thank you.
554
00:30:05,239 --> 00:30:07,676
Can you keep talking?
555
00:30:07,742 --> 00:30:09,977
What else can I tell you?
556
00:30:10,044 --> 00:30:11,879
Well, what-- What...
557
00:30:14,848 --> 00:30:16,317
What are you wearing right now?
558
00:30:16,383 --> 00:30:18,852
Oh, sorry.
I'm not playing that game.
559
00:30:18,919 --> 00:30:21,656
Just say that thing again.
560
00:30:21,723 --> 00:30:23,090
I don't think so.
561
00:30:23,157 --> 00:30:25,192
Okay, just...Just breathe then.
562
00:30:25,259 --> 00:30:27,696
Please just breatheinto the receiver for me--
563
00:30:27,762 --> 00:30:29,296
Have a good night.
564
00:30:29,363 --> 00:30:30,831
Yeah, you know what?Fuck you too--
565
00:30:47,981 --> 00:30:49,116
Hello?
566
00:30:49,183 --> 00:30:50,984
Hello there. I'm Beth.
567
00:30:51,051 --> 00:30:53,722
I'm mentally ill.Let's get that out of the way.
568
00:30:53,788 --> 00:30:55,889
All right? I'm mental.
569
00:30:55,956 --> 00:30:57,958
So there you go.
570
00:30:58,025 --> 00:31:00,227
I used to hate that word.Now I'm like, "Fuck it."
571
00:31:00,294 --> 00:31:02,096
Like, it's a cool word,you know?
572
00:31:02,162 --> 00:31:05,032
"Mental." It's like, it's cool.It's like cigarettes.
573
00:31:05,899 --> 00:31:07,267
When you say mental...
574
00:31:07,334 --> 00:31:09,269
Borderline and bipolarpsychotic episodes.
575
00:31:09,336 --> 00:31:12,439
Mainly, I'm just on edge,kind of like...
576
00:31:12,507 --> 00:31:14,509
if you're alonein a dark parking structure
577
00:31:14,576 --> 00:31:17,177
and you just have this feelingthat you shouldn't be there.
578
00:31:17,244 --> 00:31:18,912
Like, that something bad'sabout to happen?
579
00:31:18,979 --> 00:31:20,214
It's like that.
580
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,216
I see.
I have it right now.
581
00:31:22,282 --> 00:31:24,184
I'm at home,and I have a feeling
582
00:31:24,251 --> 00:31:26,387
like I shouldn't be here.
583
00:31:26,453 --> 00:31:29,591
I'm probably talking too fast,right?
584
00:31:29,657 --> 00:31:31,693
That's the other thing.
585
00:31:31,760 --> 00:31:33,360
Words, they just roll out.
586
00:31:35,362 --> 00:31:36,930
Are you taking medication?
587
00:31:36,997 --> 00:31:38,633
Do you know anythingabout magnetrons?
588
00:31:38,700 --> 00:31:39,834
What?
589
00:31:39,900 --> 00:31:41,435
The thingies inside microwaves?
590
00:31:41,503 --> 00:31:44,739
I just warmed up a plateand I left the spoon in,
591
00:31:44,806 --> 00:31:47,241
and then the microwave,it got all sparky.
592
00:31:47,307 --> 00:31:49,611
And I think I might havedamaged the magnetron
593
00:31:49,677 --> 00:31:51,613
because they haveberyllium inside,
594
00:31:51,679 --> 00:31:53,681
which if you inhaleeven a tiny spec,
595
00:31:53,748 --> 00:31:54,883
like, you're done.
596
00:31:54,948 --> 00:31:56,283
It's like weapon-grade shit.
597
00:31:58,185 --> 00:32:00,254
I'm afraid I don't know
much about it.
598
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,423
I don't use the microwave
very often.
599
00:32:02,489 --> 00:32:04,091
Gas can be dangerous too,you know.
600
00:32:04,158 --> 00:32:06,026
Slow leak,you won't even smell it.
601
00:32:06,093 --> 00:32:07,695
That's true.
602
00:32:07,762 --> 00:32:09,531
I'm not taking anything.
603
00:32:09,597 --> 00:32:11,064
Oh.
604
00:32:11,131 --> 00:32:12,767
How come?
605
00:32:12,834 --> 00:32:14,168
I lost my health insurance.
606
00:32:14,234 --> 00:32:16,871
It's with the socks now.
607
00:32:16,937 --> 00:32:18,439
I'm sorry?
608
00:32:19,674 --> 00:32:21,810
You know, when you lose a sock,
609
00:32:21,876 --> 00:32:24,411
just one sock.
610
00:32:24,478 --> 00:32:26,714
The other's still there,but one sock,
611
00:32:26,781 --> 00:32:28,716
every six pairs or soit's just like
612
00:32:28,783 --> 00:32:30,083
it always disappears, right?
613
00:32:30,150 --> 00:32:31,786
It doesn't matterwhere you live.
614
00:32:31,853 --> 00:32:33,655
Doesn't matterwhere you do your laundry.
615
00:32:33,721 --> 00:32:37,525
There is a placesocks just like to go.
616
00:32:37,592 --> 00:32:40,628
I liked this guy once.
617
00:32:40,695 --> 00:32:42,296
He was a comedian.
618
00:32:42,362 --> 00:32:45,600
I thought he was funny,but then one day he bombed
619
00:32:45,667 --> 00:32:48,202
and then he just neverwent on stage again.
620
00:32:49,637 --> 00:32:51,706
How long ago--?
He said he lost his mojo.
621
00:32:51,773 --> 00:32:53,307
He became depressed
622
00:32:53,373 --> 00:32:55,142
and he couldn't dealwith my shit anymore.
623
00:32:55,209 --> 00:32:57,177
And that was it.So he lost his mojo,
624
00:32:57,244 --> 00:32:58,713
and I lost him.
625
00:32:58,780 --> 00:33:02,316
I bet he's wearingmy socks right now.
626
00:33:02,382 --> 00:33:04,051
I bet he got fat.
627
00:33:04,117 --> 00:33:06,320
I lost 10 pounds.I bet he found them.
628
00:33:07,956 --> 00:33:09,490
When did you lose
your insurance?
629
00:33:09,557 --> 00:33:12,527
Six months ago.I don't know, maybe seven.
630
00:33:14,328 --> 00:33:16,831
So are you not seeing a doctor?
631
00:33:16,898 --> 00:33:18,867
Oh, yeah. I am, sure.
632
00:33:18,933 --> 00:33:20,300
Whenever I go out,
633
00:33:20,367 --> 00:33:23,303
there is probablya doctor somewhere.
634
00:33:23,370 --> 00:33:25,005
I meant--
I'm kidding!
635
00:33:25,072 --> 00:33:26,641
No!
636
00:33:27,775 --> 00:33:29,176
I was for a while,
637
00:33:29,243 --> 00:33:31,245
but he moved out of state.
638
00:33:31,311 --> 00:33:34,081
So no meds, no doctor,
639
00:33:34,147 --> 00:33:35,817
no insurance.
640
00:33:35,884 --> 00:33:38,520
Welcome to America, right?
641
00:33:38,586 --> 00:33:40,187
I hear you.
642
00:33:40,254 --> 00:33:43,190
I didn't much like him,to tell you the truth.
643
00:33:43,257 --> 00:33:44,893
I can put you in touch
with someone--
644
00:33:44,959 --> 00:33:47,361
Uh-uh. Don't even, okay?
645
00:33:47,427 --> 00:33:49,964
I'm not in the fucking moodfor that shit.
646
00:33:50,030 --> 00:33:54,501
The last thing I need is to besent to some shitty hospital
647
00:33:54,569 --> 00:33:57,104
with shitty nurseswho just look down on you.
648
00:33:57,170 --> 00:33:58,806
You know, they don't help you.
649
00:33:58,873 --> 00:34:01,776
All they do is fill formsand talk shit behind your back.
650
00:34:01,843 --> 00:34:03,878
And then they bill you for it.
651
00:34:03,945 --> 00:34:05,780
Yeah, I understand.
652
00:34:05,847 --> 00:34:07,114
Well, maybe we can--
653
00:34:07,180 --> 00:34:09,316
I feel weird.
How so?
654
00:34:09,383 --> 00:34:13,021
I feel like my boneshave turned to snakes.
655
00:34:13,086 --> 00:34:14,488
What do you mean?
656
00:34:14,556 --> 00:34:18,325
I mean, I have snakesfor bones.
657
00:34:18,392 --> 00:34:20,929
Okay? They make my body,like, move funny.
658
00:34:20,995 --> 00:34:22,329
I think I'm just--
659
00:34:22,396 --> 00:34:24,498
Uh, I think I'm havingan episode.
660
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:27,769
Knock, knock.
661
00:34:30,304 --> 00:34:33,073
Who's there?
I have no fucking idea.
662
00:34:33,140 --> 00:34:34,542
Okay.
663
00:34:36,109 --> 00:34:38,046
Listen, I'll stay on the phone.
664
00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:39,246
Okay?
665
00:34:39,313 --> 00:34:40,582
I'll be right here with you,
666
00:34:40,648 --> 00:34:42,349
but I think that maybe
we should call--
667
00:34:42,416 --> 00:34:45,587
You know, I don't hear voices.
668
00:34:46,921 --> 00:34:48,957
Everybody always asks that,you know?
669
00:34:49,023 --> 00:34:50,792
No, I don't!
670
00:34:51,993 --> 00:34:53,460
I see them.
671
00:34:55,228 --> 00:34:56,798
You see them?
672
00:34:56,864 --> 00:34:58,298
Like, your voice.
673
00:34:58,365 --> 00:35:00,568
I can see it right now.
674
00:35:00,635 --> 00:35:03,571
It's blue.It's got a little green in it.
675
00:35:04,539 --> 00:35:06,774
And I can smell it too.
676
00:35:06,841 --> 00:35:10,678
I can smell youthrough the phone.
677
00:35:12,379 --> 00:35:14,214
You smell nice, like...
678
00:35:14,281 --> 00:35:17,150
You smell like a fluffy cloud.
679
00:35:20,688 --> 00:35:22,456
I mean, I got you there,didn't I?
680
00:35:22,523 --> 00:35:25,158
Yeah, you sure did.
681
00:35:25,225 --> 00:35:28,630
Seriously, though, I can.
682
00:35:30,497 --> 00:35:31,833
Do you believe me?
683
00:35:31,899 --> 00:35:33,034
I...
684
00:35:33,101 --> 00:35:34,234
I'm confused now.
685
00:35:34,301 --> 00:35:35,903
There you go! Do you get it?
686
00:35:35,970 --> 00:35:38,372
Get what?
That's how it works.
687
00:35:38,438 --> 00:35:39,941
You don't know what to believe,
688
00:35:40,008 --> 00:35:42,242
except that it's allin your own head.
689
00:35:42,309 --> 00:35:47,548
Like you don't knowwhen you can believe yourself.
690
00:35:47,615 --> 00:35:49,249
But they do have medication
for that.
691
00:35:49,316 --> 00:35:50,785
I don't do wellwith meds, okay?
692
00:35:50,852 --> 00:35:52,352
Okay.
I can't moderate.
693
00:35:52,419 --> 00:35:54,187
Either I don't take them,
694
00:35:54,254 --> 00:35:55,723
or I just takethe whole bottle.
695
00:35:55,790 --> 00:35:57,091
So they're all shit anyways.
696
00:35:57,157 --> 00:35:58,526
I mean, they don't work.
697
00:35:58,593 --> 00:36:00,061
If they work,they make you lethargic.
698
00:36:00,128 --> 00:36:01,796
You don't ever wantto have sex again.
699
00:36:01,863 --> 00:36:03,397
Drugs are a lie.
700
00:36:03,463 --> 00:36:05,667
They just want you on drugsso you don't know anything.
701
00:36:05,733 --> 00:36:07,334
You don't care about anything.
702
00:36:07,401 --> 00:36:08,903
All the shit happeningin the world.
703
00:36:08,970 --> 00:36:12,305
COVID-19, killer hornets,computer viruses.
704
00:36:12,372 --> 00:36:14,274
They spy on youand no one cares.
705
00:36:14,341 --> 00:36:17,277
Secret prisons, child porn,killer clowns,
706
00:36:17,344 --> 00:36:18,913
fucking ISIS, dioxins,
707
00:36:18,980 --> 00:36:21,314
Epstein, ethnic cleansing,leaking implants,
708
00:36:21,381 --> 00:36:25,086
honor killings, overbilling,toxic sludge, man on ledge.
709
00:36:25,153 --> 00:36:26,888
No one cares!
710
00:36:29,222 --> 00:36:30,825
No one cares.
711
00:36:35,129 --> 00:36:37,098
Wow.
712
00:36:37,165 --> 00:36:38,800
I'm sorry.
713
00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:40,668
Brian goes offlike that sometimes.
714
00:36:40,735 --> 00:36:41,669
Brian?
715
00:36:41,736 --> 00:36:43,071
That's what I call my brain:
716
00:36:43,137 --> 00:36:44,271
Brian.
717
00:36:44,337 --> 00:36:46,206
Because it's scrambled.
718
00:36:47,407 --> 00:36:48,609
I'm not even talking right now.
719
00:36:48,676 --> 00:36:50,178
Like, I'm not the one talking.
720
00:36:50,243 --> 00:36:52,312
Like, the thoughts,they have their own mind.
721
00:36:52,379 --> 00:36:53,581
Like, they talkright through me.
722
00:36:53,648 --> 00:36:55,049
I can read your thoughts.
723
00:36:55,116 --> 00:36:56,651
I can read the fine print.
724
00:36:56,718 --> 00:36:59,687
But the thoughtsthat come out of my mouth?
725
00:36:59,754 --> 00:37:01,689
I don't know themuntil they're out.
726
00:37:01,756 --> 00:37:04,025
Hmm. That must be really tough.
727
00:37:04,092 --> 00:37:06,994
Yeah, well, I can't playsociety's game,
728
00:37:07,061 --> 00:37:08,696
that's for sure.
729
00:37:08,763 --> 00:37:11,199
I mean, whenever someone triesthat shit on me,
730
00:37:11,264 --> 00:37:13,634
Brian's just like, "Fuck you."
731
00:37:13,701 --> 00:37:15,770
I will lookinto the horse's mouth, okay?
732
00:37:15,837 --> 00:37:17,471
I will make mountainsout of molehills,
733
00:37:17,538 --> 00:37:19,607
and I will put all my eggsin one basket,
734
00:37:19,674 --> 00:37:21,509
and I will teach grandmothershow to suck them.
735
00:37:21,576 --> 00:37:22,877
I will catch a falling knife,
736
00:37:22,944 --> 00:37:24,645
I will take that knifeto the gunfight,
737
00:37:24,712 --> 00:37:26,413
and I will cut my noseto spite my face.
738
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:27,815
How about that?
739
00:37:27,882 --> 00:37:29,751
And I will crossthat fucking bridge
740
00:37:29,817 --> 00:37:32,754
before I get to it becausethat's how I roll, baby.
741
00:37:36,356 --> 00:37:37,491
What?
742
00:37:37,558 --> 00:37:38,893
I didn't say anything.
743
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,327
I can smell it.
744
00:37:42,462 --> 00:37:44,364
Oh, I was just thinking.
745
00:37:47,235 --> 00:37:49,269
You know you have a gift, right?
746
00:37:49,336 --> 00:37:51,038
A gift?
747
00:37:51,105 --> 00:37:52,774
I mean, you're...
748
00:37:52,840 --> 00:37:54,776
You're kind of like a poet,
749
00:37:54,842 --> 00:37:58,345
the way that your mind
makes connections.
750
00:37:58,411 --> 00:38:02,382
I don't know, I know you're
maybe just imagining things,
751
00:38:02,449 --> 00:38:04,719
but isn't that what poetry does?
752
00:38:04,786 --> 00:38:09,023
Sort of looks at things sideways
or differently?
753
00:38:09,090 --> 00:38:10,525
I don't know.
754
00:38:10,591 --> 00:38:13,561
I don't mean to romanticize it.
I just, uh...
755
00:38:15,328 --> 00:38:17,532
I just think you're talented.
756
00:38:20,367 --> 00:38:21,836
I like rap.
757
00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:27,675
You should write some lyrics.
758
00:38:29,043 --> 00:38:30,545
Like a-- Like a song?
759
00:38:30,611 --> 00:38:34,081
Like a song or a poem.
760
00:38:34,148 --> 00:38:36,316
Whatever comes out.
761
00:38:38,186 --> 00:38:40,353
Okay. I'm gonna go now.
762
00:39:17,457 --> 00:39:19,927
Hello. This is Beth.
763
00:39:19,994 --> 00:39:21,762
Yeah, hi.
764
00:39:23,164 --> 00:39:24,632
I'm Ray.
765
00:39:24,699 --> 00:39:26,968
Nice to meet you, Ray.
766
00:39:27,034 --> 00:39:28,501
How are you tonight?
767
00:39:28,569 --> 00:39:30,605
How am I?
768
00:39:30,671 --> 00:39:33,473
Well, let's see.
769
00:39:33,541 --> 00:39:36,443
Had a few drinksbefore I went to sleep.
770
00:39:36,510 --> 00:39:38,713
Then I had a fucking nightmare.
771
00:39:38,779 --> 00:39:42,717
So now, I'm havinganother drink.
772
00:39:44,518 --> 00:39:46,621
Want to talk about it?
773
00:39:46,687 --> 00:39:49,489
What? The drinkor the nightmare?
774
00:39:49,557 --> 00:39:51,726
Either. Both.
775
00:39:51,792 --> 00:39:53,861
No. I'm drinking scotch
776
00:39:53,928 --> 00:39:58,332
and the nightmare is a boot.
777
00:39:58,398 --> 00:40:00,101
A boot?
778
00:40:00,167 --> 00:40:01,302
Yeah.
779
00:40:01,369 --> 00:40:03,436
Like a cowboy boot?
780
00:40:03,504 --> 00:40:05,039
Military.
781
00:40:05,106 --> 00:40:06,574
Are you in the Army?
782
00:40:06,641 --> 00:40:08,342
Nah, Marines.
783
00:40:08,408 --> 00:40:09,744
I was.
784
00:40:09,810 --> 00:40:11,312
I don't like to callthe vet lines,
785
00:40:11,379 --> 00:40:14,081
if that's whatyou're about to suggest.
786
00:40:14,148 --> 00:40:15,283
That's fine.
787
00:40:15,349 --> 00:40:16,751
They just follow their scripts
788
00:40:16,817 --> 00:40:18,286
and make you feel likeyou're talking
789
00:40:18,352 --> 00:40:19,486
to what's her name?
790
00:40:19,553 --> 00:40:20,888
The robot lady?
791
00:40:20,955 --> 00:40:22,123
Siri?
792
00:40:22,189 --> 00:40:24,258
That's right.
793
00:40:24,325 --> 00:40:27,094
You're always welcome
to call this line.
794
00:40:27,161 --> 00:40:29,864
You sound likethis officer I know.
795
00:40:30,965 --> 00:40:32,867
She was tough.
796
00:40:32,934 --> 00:40:35,136
Once she overhearda dude call her a Marine
797
00:40:35,202 --> 00:40:38,873
and put him on latrine dutyfor a month.
798
00:40:38,940 --> 00:40:40,608
She was cool with me, though.
799
00:40:41,474 --> 00:40:43,144
Where was that?
800
00:40:43,210 --> 00:40:46,047
Afghanistan, Hindu Kush.
801
00:40:47,648 --> 00:40:50,284
Hmm, Hindu Kush.
802
00:40:50,351 --> 00:40:51,484
Hindu Kush.
803
00:40:51,552 --> 00:40:54,989
Baby, I dream of your...
804
00:40:55,056 --> 00:40:57,825
Do you know whatthey call an Afghan
805
00:40:57,892 --> 00:41:00,895
who owns a camel and a goat?
806
00:41:00,962 --> 00:41:02,196
What?
807
00:41:02,263 --> 00:41:03,431
Bisexual.
808
00:41:06,701 --> 00:41:08,970
I know. I know. That's racist.
809
00:41:09,036 --> 00:41:12,006
What can I say?War zones ain't safe zones.
810
00:41:15,409 --> 00:41:16,811
So...
811
00:41:18,312 --> 00:41:19,947
what's up with the boot?
812
00:41:21,148 --> 00:41:22,550
That was Iraq.
813
00:41:23,417 --> 00:41:25,386
Iraq.
814
00:41:25,453 --> 00:41:27,388
That's where I got messed up.
815
00:41:27,455 --> 00:41:31,325
I was about three monthsin the first time I got shot.
816
00:41:31,392 --> 00:41:32,860
What happened?
817
00:41:32,927 --> 00:41:35,029
I don't really remember it.
818
00:41:36,297 --> 00:41:38,432
I was in this house.Someone shot me.
819
00:41:38,498 --> 00:41:40,668
I fell down the stairwell.
820
00:41:40,735 --> 00:41:44,271
Ended up in the hospital,then back home.
821
00:41:45,639 --> 00:41:47,408
Didn't feel like home, though.
822
00:41:47,475 --> 00:41:49,510
How so?
823
00:41:50,711 --> 00:41:52,513
It's funny.
824
00:41:52,580 --> 00:41:54,548
You miss your bed so much...
825
00:41:56,384 --> 00:41:57,918
and then you're in your bed
826
00:41:57,985 --> 00:41:59,887
and it's dead quiet.
827
00:42:01,856 --> 00:42:03,724
And you can't sleep for shit.
828
00:42:04,925 --> 00:42:07,161
Try to explain thatto the missus.
829
00:42:09,497 --> 00:42:10,698
How much you miss sleeping
830
00:42:10,765 --> 00:42:12,767
in a room fullof dudes and guns.
831
00:42:16,270 --> 00:42:17,772
So...
832
00:42:19,140 --> 00:42:20,541
what about the boot?
833
00:42:22,143 --> 00:42:26,113
Well, after I recovered,I got redeployed.
834
00:42:27,748 --> 00:42:30,017
One night,we drove to this farm.
835
00:42:30,084 --> 00:42:32,853
We were supposedto arrest two guys.
836
00:42:34,755 --> 00:42:37,625
The whole placewas booby-trapped.
837
00:42:37,691 --> 00:42:39,660
Rodriguez got blown up.
838
00:42:41,462 --> 00:42:44,465
Finally, we startclearing the buildings.
839
00:42:44,533 --> 00:42:47,301
I'm pretty jumpy.
840
00:42:47,368 --> 00:42:49,837
When I see this guy
841
00:42:49,904 --> 00:42:52,773
kind of come up to meout of nowhere,
842
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,109
I just squeezed the trigger.
843
00:42:58,012 --> 00:43:00,681
It was a 40-year-old woman.
844
00:43:03,784 --> 00:43:06,020
She had five children.
845
00:43:08,389 --> 00:43:11,258
All at once,it was to be a Jedi.
846
00:43:12,326 --> 00:43:14,895
I'm sorry?
847
00:43:14,962 --> 00:43:16,565
Sure, I mean, you know,have your country.
848
00:43:16,630 --> 00:43:18,032
You know, yadda, yadda.
849
00:43:19,834 --> 00:43:21,602
And you want the paycheck.
850
00:43:23,003 --> 00:43:25,906
But honestly,I just wanted to learn stuff.
851
00:43:27,509 --> 00:43:29,310
The secret stuff.
852
00:43:30,811 --> 00:43:33,347
I wanted to bethat guy in the bar.
853
00:43:34,748 --> 00:43:36,450
The guy with the cool tattoos
854
00:43:36,518 --> 00:43:38,819
and the cool stories.
855
00:43:41,689 --> 00:43:43,224
Guess what I learned?
856
00:43:44,526 --> 00:43:46,260
What's that?
857
00:43:47,461 --> 00:43:49,296
I learned what bodiessmell like
858
00:43:49,363 --> 00:43:52,066
after they've beenin the sun three days.
859
00:43:55,369 --> 00:43:57,938
I can look at someoneon the street,
860
00:43:58,005 --> 00:44:00,207
I know whatthey'd look like dead.
861
00:44:04,111 --> 00:44:06,413
What do you dowith that knowledge?
862
00:44:10,619 --> 00:44:12,486
I killed four guys.
863
00:44:12,554 --> 00:44:14,021
One of them I can't...
864
00:44:14,088 --> 00:44:16,558
I can't be sure.
865
00:44:16,625 --> 00:44:19,860
So maybe just three.
866
00:44:21,662 --> 00:44:23,697
I'm sure they were combatants.
867
00:44:26,767 --> 00:44:28,335
But then there was her.
868
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,375
They don't teach youhow to live with that.
869
00:44:36,545 --> 00:44:38,078
I'm sorry.
870
00:44:42,316 --> 00:44:44,018
I came back.
871
00:44:45,286 --> 00:44:47,721
They had this bigwelcome party.
872
00:44:49,089 --> 00:44:54,295
People buying me beers,calling me a hero.
873
00:44:54,361 --> 00:44:57,431
No one evermentioned her again.
874
00:44:57,498 --> 00:44:59,934
The report cleared me.No further question.
875
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:04,338
Everything is forgivenexcept...
876
00:45:05,773 --> 00:45:07,875
You sit alone at night.
877
00:45:11,412 --> 00:45:13,914
Do you want to tell me
about the boot?
878
00:45:15,650 --> 00:45:16,984
Right.
879
00:45:17,985 --> 00:45:19,220
Basically,
880
00:45:19,286 --> 00:45:22,323
10 minutesafter I killed her,
881
00:45:22,389 --> 00:45:25,292
I stepped onto an IED.
882
00:45:25,359 --> 00:45:29,129
I was lucky, I mean--I mean, compared to many,
883
00:45:29,196 --> 00:45:33,000
the bomb just took my footclean off, boot and all.
884
00:45:34,001 --> 00:45:35,402
No one could find it.
885
00:45:35,469 --> 00:45:37,838
Jesus.
886
00:45:37,905 --> 00:45:39,440
Didn't see that coming.
887
00:45:39,507 --> 00:45:41,909
Yeah. Me neither.
888
00:45:45,479 --> 00:45:47,848
Anyway, in the dream...
889
00:45:49,618 --> 00:45:51,218
she brings me my boot.
890
00:45:54,355 --> 00:45:55,489
Um...
891
00:45:59,193 --> 00:46:01,529
I think I need some Advil.
892
00:46:01,596 --> 00:46:02,731
Thanks for your time.
893
00:46:02,796 --> 00:46:04,064
Wait.
894
00:46:04,131 --> 00:46:05,933
Can I ask you a question?
895
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,135
Shoot.
896
00:46:08,202 --> 00:46:11,606
If she's just bringing
you your boot,
897
00:46:11,673 --> 00:46:13,407
why is it a nightmare?
898
00:46:13,474 --> 00:46:16,977
Because up to that point,I have both feet.
899
00:46:18,613 --> 00:46:20,114
When she holds up the boot,
900
00:46:20,180 --> 00:46:22,783
that's when I realizemy foot is gone.
901
00:46:24,118 --> 00:46:25,252
Oh.
902
00:46:26,688 --> 00:46:28,623
You know...
903
00:46:28,690 --> 00:46:33,762
modern people think that dreams
are about things that happened.
904
00:46:33,827 --> 00:46:35,664
The ancients,
they thought the dreams
905
00:46:35,730 --> 00:46:37,064
were about the future.
906
00:46:37,998 --> 00:46:42,903
Like prophecies or advice.
907
00:46:43,772 --> 00:46:45,172
What are you saying?
908
00:46:46,140 --> 00:46:47,676
Well, I'm no analyst,
909
00:46:47,742 --> 00:46:51,045
but... a boot?
910
00:46:52,012 --> 00:46:53,347
What about it?
911
00:46:55,015 --> 00:46:57,384
It's like you're stuck there.
912
00:46:57,451 --> 00:46:59,887
In your heart,
you're still there.
913
00:47:01,055 --> 00:47:02,389
Oh, shit.
914
00:47:02,456 --> 00:47:05,326
Maybe she's telling you
you can walk away.
915
00:47:09,129 --> 00:47:11,298
You think so?
916
00:47:11,365 --> 00:47:12,833
I do.
917
00:47:13,768 --> 00:47:15,235
Hmm.
918
00:47:20,441 --> 00:47:22,443
I'm gonna haveto think about that.
919
00:47:23,511 --> 00:47:24,945
Good.
920
00:47:28,516 --> 00:47:31,251
Maybe you should try
to get some sleep.
921
00:47:32,119 --> 00:47:34,622
Yeah. Good idea.
922
00:47:36,156 --> 00:47:37,625
Good night then.
923
00:47:37,692 --> 00:47:39,761
Good night.
924
00:48:12,761 --> 00:48:14,094
Here you go.
925
00:49:33,006 --> 00:49:35,008
Hello, this is Beth.
926
00:49:38,078 --> 00:49:41,215
Hello? This is Beth.
927
00:49:43,751 --> 00:49:45,620
How are you tonight?
928
00:49:51,158 --> 00:49:53,126
Take your time.
929
00:49:53,193 --> 00:49:55,028
Whenever you're ready.
930
00:49:56,263 --> 00:49:57,599
Okay.
931
00:50:07,341 --> 00:50:09,644
I know this can be difficult.
932
00:50:44,746 --> 00:50:47,882
And everybody just plays along.
933
00:50:47,949 --> 00:50:52,119
They all see everyone elsefor what they are.
934
00:50:52,185 --> 00:50:55,623
Wannabes, name-droppers,fucking...
935
00:50:56,758 --> 00:50:58,760
the crevice dwellers.
936
00:50:58,826 --> 00:51:02,296
But they all tell themselvesthey're different.
937
00:51:02,362 --> 00:51:04,498
Well, I am-- I am done.
938
00:51:04,566 --> 00:51:07,702
I had my lastfucking humiliation.
939
00:51:08,770 --> 00:51:09,904
I'm sorry.
940
00:51:09,971 --> 00:51:11,371
Oh! So get this.
941
00:51:11,438 --> 00:51:14,441
So I auditionfor a student film.
942
00:51:14,509 --> 00:51:19,279
That's right,auditioned for a student film.
943
00:51:19,346 --> 00:51:21,348
And I didn't get it.
944
00:51:21,415 --> 00:51:23,985
I don't even knowhow I lasted this long.
945
00:51:24,052 --> 00:51:26,721
I hate them all so much.
946
00:51:26,788 --> 00:51:28,623
Like the sharksand the liars
947
00:51:28,690 --> 00:51:30,525
and the suckerswho fall for them,
948
00:51:30,592 --> 00:51:32,326
taking selfieson the red carpet.
949
00:51:32,392 --> 00:51:33,962
It's so fucking desperate.
950
00:51:34,028 --> 00:51:35,495
It's so thirsty.
951
00:51:35,563 --> 00:51:37,966
To, like, sneak backstageinto the VIP room,
952
00:51:38,032 --> 00:51:41,335
that secret party whereit will all finally happen.
953
00:51:41,401 --> 00:51:43,571
Where some famous someonewill discover them
954
00:51:43,638 --> 00:51:45,640
and everything will change.
955
00:51:45,707 --> 00:51:47,575
And the more the dream fades,
956
00:51:47,642 --> 00:51:50,912
the more desperate they getto maintain the illusion,
957
00:51:50,979 --> 00:51:53,548
to look good, to stay fit,to score the invitation,
958
00:51:53,615 --> 00:51:55,449
to get the fucking likes,
959
00:51:55,516 --> 00:51:58,285
and the whole town's in on it!
960
00:52:00,521 --> 00:52:02,657
Hello, this is Beth.
961
00:52:03,725 --> 00:52:05,425
Angela?
962
00:52:05,492 --> 00:52:06,861
Beth.
963
00:52:06,928 --> 00:52:08,428
Where's Angela?
964
00:52:08,495 --> 00:52:10,865
I don't know an Angela.
965
00:52:10,932 --> 00:52:13,467
Did you ask for her
at the switchboard?
966
00:52:13,534 --> 00:52:15,302
Speak up, sweetie.I can't hear you.
967
00:52:15,369 --> 00:52:18,472
When you called,
did you ask for Angela?
968
00:52:19,473 --> 00:52:20,808
Are you with Angela?
969
00:52:20,875 --> 00:52:22,677
No, I'm not with Angela.
970
00:52:22,744 --> 00:52:23,978
Jesus Christ.
971
00:52:24,045 --> 00:52:25,880
What the fuck are youwasting my time for?
972
00:52:27,649 --> 00:52:29,383
Nice.
973
00:52:36,156 --> 00:52:37,324
Hi.
974
00:52:37,391 --> 00:52:38,926
Hello.
975
00:52:40,094 --> 00:52:41,596
What do I call you?
976
00:52:41,663 --> 00:52:42,830
Oh, sorry.
977
00:52:42,897 --> 00:52:44,532
You can call me Beth.
978
00:52:46,067 --> 00:52:48,301
You can call me Chris.
979
00:52:50,170 --> 00:52:51,873
Nice to meet you, Chris.
980
00:52:53,074 --> 00:52:55,109
You lay cops?
981
00:52:55,175 --> 00:52:56,744
No.
982
00:52:56,811 --> 00:52:58,913
Because a lot of people dothese days.
983
00:52:58,980 --> 00:53:00,615
Are you a cop?
984
00:53:01,816 --> 00:53:04,418
Yeah. Sheriff.
985
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:07,655
It's what I'm calling about.
986
00:53:09,090 --> 00:53:10,725
We have psychologists.
987
00:53:10,792 --> 00:53:12,894
I just don't wantto be seen anywhere near them.
988
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,829
Word gets out you're seeinga psychologist,
989
00:53:14,896 --> 00:53:17,364
and suddenly everyone thinksyou're a basket case.
990
00:53:17,431 --> 00:53:19,433
Hmm. I understand.
991
00:53:28,475 --> 00:53:30,210
Do you want to talk about it?
992
00:53:35,149 --> 00:53:36,751
Here's the deal.
993
00:53:36,818 --> 00:53:40,220
Last year,I was involved in an incident.
994
00:53:41,689 --> 00:53:44,025
I wasn't directly involved,
995
00:53:44,092 --> 00:53:46,393
but I saw the whole thing.
996
00:53:47,528 --> 00:53:49,630
I can't get into the details.
997
00:53:49,697 --> 00:53:52,900
Suffice it to say,there was a review.
998
00:53:52,967 --> 00:53:57,905
Final word was,the incident was in policy.
999
00:53:59,540 --> 00:54:01,109
Officer issued a command,
1000
00:54:01,175 --> 00:54:03,611
suspect didn't comply.
1001
00:54:03,678 --> 00:54:07,081
Officer attemptedto arrest the suspect.
1002
00:54:07,148 --> 00:54:09,851
Suspect resisted arrest.
1003
00:54:09,917 --> 00:54:13,420
Officer appliedreasonable force.
1004
00:54:13,487 --> 00:54:17,290
The suspect wasunintentionally injured...
1005
00:54:18,559 --> 00:54:23,765
and acquireda permanent disability.
1006
00:54:26,701 --> 00:54:31,205
Thing is, and I can'tget into the details,
1007
00:54:31,271 --> 00:54:35,342
but, well, put it this way.
1008
00:54:37,145 --> 00:54:38,679
When this stuff happens,
1009
00:54:38,746 --> 00:54:40,280
you're not supposedto work out the story
1010
00:54:40,347 --> 00:54:42,683
with your other officers.
1011
00:54:42,750 --> 00:54:45,153
But, of course, we do talk.
1012
00:54:45,219 --> 00:54:46,721
We talk among ourselves.
1013
00:54:46,788 --> 00:54:51,993
We talk with legal counsel,and the union rep.
1014
00:54:52,059 --> 00:54:54,629
And that's how you end upwith certain, uh...
1015
00:54:55,730 --> 00:54:58,966
adjustments to a story.
1016
00:55:01,401 --> 00:55:03,805
But what if I told you
1017
00:55:03,871 --> 00:55:06,439
the officer used the N-word?
1018
00:55:08,375 --> 00:55:12,547
What if I told youhe's been doing it for years?
1019
00:55:13,915 --> 00:55:17,952
What if I told youhe's in a fucking gang?
1020
00:55:19,954 --> 00:55:21,722
Do you knowwhat I'm talking about?
1021
00:55:22,790 --> 00:55:24,424
I think so.
1022
00:55:24,491 --> 00:55:25,960
What do you know?
1023
00:55:26,027 --> 00:55:30,631
Well, sheriffs have gangs,
regulators, executioners,
1024
00:55:30,698 --> 00:55:33,400
grim reapers, a bunch more.
1025
00:55:35,169 --> 00:55:36,304
Whatever.
1026
00:55:36,369 --> 00:55:40,373
I mean, I'm no snowflake.
1027
00:55:41,408 --> 00:55:42,977
The truth is,
1028
00:55:43,044 --> 00:55:46,413
we deal with maniacsevery fucking day.
1029
00:55:48,249 --> 00:55:50,551
And sometimes you havea split second to decide
1030
00:55:50,618 --> 00:55:52,186
whether to use force.
1031
00:55:52,253 --> 00:55:55,323
If you don't use it,the bad guy might.
1032
00:55:55,388 --> 00:55:57,658
So shit happens.
1033
00:55:57,725 --> 00:55:59,193
There's no one in the world
1034
00:55:59,260 --> 00:56:00,695
that's gonna makethe right decision
1035
00:56:00,761 --> 00:56:02,395
100 percent of the time.
1036
00:56:02,462 --> 00:56:03,798
No genius, no saint,
1037
00:56:03,865 --> 00:56:06,067
and certainlyno judge or lawyer.
1038
00:56:07,201 --> 00:56:08,836
Shit is going to happen.
1039
00:56:10,071 --> 00:56:11,404
Period.
1040
00:56:13,241 --> 00:56:19,547
Sometimes it really didn'tneed to happen.
1041
00:56:21,381 --> 00:56:24,417
Sometimes it's just fucked up.
1042
00:56:27,755 --> 00:56:30,091
And how are you feeling
about that?
1043
00:56:32,660 --> 00:56:34,427
Not great.
1044
00:56:36,297 --> 00:56:37,865
Not great.
1045
00:56:39,767 --> 00:56:41,969
Pretty depressing.
1046
00:56:42,036 --> 00:56:44,772
It's an impossible situation.
1047
00:56:44,839 --> 00:56:46,240
How so?
1048
00:56:46,307 --> 00:56:47,875
I mean...
1049
00:56:47,942 --> 00:56:50,845
I can either saywhat I gotta say
1050
00:56:50,912 --> 00:56:54,348
and destroy another cop's life,
1051
00:56:54,414 --> 00:56:56,517
or I can keep my mouth shut
1052
00:56:56,584 --> 00:57:00,154
and let it eat away at me.
1053
00:57:01,389 --> 00:57:04,825
Either way, I'm kind of fucked.
1054
00:57:04,892 --> 00:57:08,396
Yeah, but one way seems like
the right way, don't you think?
1055
00:57:08,461 --> 00:57:10,497
I'd be a snitch.
1056
00:57:11,966 --> 00:57:13,701
A traitor.
1057
00:57:13,768 --> 00:57:15,703
My family could be in danger.
1058
00:57:17,338 --> 00:57:19,373
No one! To myself.
1059
00:57:19,439 --> 00:57:20,775
Come to bed.
1060
00:57:20,841 --> 00:57:22,276
In a minute.
1061
00:57:25,980 --> 00:57:26,981
I gotta go.
1062
00:57:27,048 --> 00:57:28,683
Can I--?
I don't think so.
1063
00:57:51,005 --> 00:57:52,139
Hello.
1064
00:57:52,206 --> 00:57:53,908
This is Beth.
1065
00:57:56,010 --> 00:57:57,545
Hello?
1066
00:58:00,781 --> 00:58:02,249
How are you?
1067
00:58:04,518 --> 00:58:06,921
I'm good. Thanks.
1068
00:58:08,356 --> 00:58:09,757
How are you?
1069
00:58:11,359 --> 00:58:13,127
Busy night?
1070
00:58:13,194 --> 00:58:14,996
They always are.
1071
00:58:16,364 --> 00:58:17,497
Is that right?
1072
00:58:17,565 --> 00:58:18,933
Pretty much.
1073
00:58:19,000 --> 00:58:22,670
In fact, it's busier than ever.
1074
00:58:23,704 --> 00:58:26,374
Hmm. More calls?
1075
00:58:26,440 --> 00:58:27,875
Yes.
1076
00:58:29,110 --> 00:58:31,112
How long have you beendoing this?
1077
00:58:31,178 --> 00:58:33,147
A few years.
1078
00:58:33,214 --> 00:58:34,648
Mm-hmm.
1079
00:58:36,350 --> 00:58:39,987
What's your deal,if you don't mind my asking?
1080
00:58:41,055 --> 00:58:43,791
My deal?
1081
00:58:43,858 --> 00:58:46,394
Yeah. This is supposed to bea peer baseline, right?
1082
00:58:46,460 --> 00:58:50,931
What do you call it?A peer mentorship?
1083
00:58:50,998 --> 00:58:52,199
Yes.
1084
00:58:54,769 --> 00:58:56,337
Kind of like A.A.
1085
00:58:57,905 --> 00:58:59,040
Right.
1086
00:59:00,441 --> 00:59:02,176
So you're supposed to have
1087
00:59:02,243 --> 00:59:04,311
lived experience.
1088
00:59:04,378 --> 00:59:05,846
Right.
1089
00:59:05,913 --> 00:59:07,415
That's what I thought.
1090
00:59:07,481 --> 00:59:09,917
So, what's the experience?
1091
00:59:11,352 --> 00:59:12,787
Oh, well...
1092
00:59:15,856 --> 00:59:17,258
You need more time?
1093
00:59:17,324 --> 00:59:18,959
No, it's just...
1094
00:59:19,026 --> 00:59:21,862
It's unusual for me
to be asked.
1095
00:59:23,230 --> 00:59:25,833
It feels a little like
a job interview.
1096
00:59:27,134 --> 00:59:28,402
Maybe it is.
1097
00:59:28,469 --> 00:59:30,104
What do you mean?
1098
00:59:32,006 --> 00:59:35,076
I'm sorry if I made youuncomfortable.
1099
00:59:35,142 --> 00:59:36,844
No.
1100
00:59:38,045 --> 00:59:39,647
I used to teach sociology.
1101
00:59:39,713 --> 00:59:41,715
We ask a lot of questions.
1102
00:59:43,451 --> 00:59:44,985
I see.
1103
00:59:48,557 --> 00:59:49,890
Well...
1104
00:59:51,892 --> 00:59:55,129
I'm not supposed
to go into personal details.
1105
00:59:56,430 --> 00:59:58,599
It's against policy.
1106
00:59:58,666 --> 01:00:00,668
I will tell you this.
1107
01:00:01,570 --> 01:00:03,804
I've done my share of...
1108
01:00:03,871 --> 01:00:05,873
drinking and drugging.
1109
01:00:07,108 --> 01:00:08,976
And I've been to jail.
1110
01:00:10,344 --> 01:00:11,912
Have you?
1111
01:00:12,813 --> 01:00:14,915
Unfortunately, yeah.
1112
01:00:14,982 --> 01:00:20,821
Not for a long time,
but I have a rap sheet...
1113
01:00:20,888 --> 01:00:22,890
that would probably scare off
a few neighbors
1114
01:00:22,957 --> 01:00:24,658
if they knew about it.
1115
01:00:26,093 --> 01:00:28,829
So now you're tryingto share the wisdom?
1116
01:00:28,896 --> 01:00:32,534
Well, I don't know
that I have much wisdom,
1117
01:00:32,601 --> 01:00:36,137
but something like that.
1118
01:00:42,443 --> 01:00:43,844
Is it hard?
1119
01:00:43,911 --> 01:00:47,148
I don't mean difficult,I mean...
1120
01:00:47,214 --> 01:00:49,083
Oh, you know--You know what I mean.
1121
01:00:50,151 --> 01:00:52,153
Yes. Sometimes.
1122
01:00:55,055 --> 01:00:57,491
What's the hardest thingabout it?
1123
01:00:57,559 --> 01:00:59,660
When the caller hangs up.
1124
01:01:01,462 --> 01:01:04,198
Not always,
but sometimes you just...
1125
01:01:05,366 --> 01:01:07,468
wanted to keep talking.
1126
01:01:07,536 --> 01:01:11,272
And you can't call them back,
so you just wonder,
1127
01:01:11,338 --> 01:01:14,108
"Did I upset them?
Did I fail them?"
1128
01:01:15,809 --> 01:01:17,978
That they were already hurting.
1129
01:01:18,045 --> 01:01:19,246
Yes.
1130
01:01:20,515 --> 01:01:22,183
So it was already hard.
1131
01:01:23,317 --> 01:01:24,451
Yes.
1132
01:01:26,387 --> 01:01:27,855
Does it make you cry?
1133
01:01:32,159 --> 01:01:33,394
Sometimes.
1134
01:01:35,530 --> 01:01:37,798
But the fact is,
I'm just hearing their stories.
1135
01:01:37,865 --> 01:01:39,266
They're the ones living them.
1136
01:01:39,333 --> 01:01:43,837
So for me to cry, it feels like,
I don't know,
1137
01:01:43,904 --> 01:01:46,740
a bit of a self-indulgence.
1138
01:01:48,209 --> 01:01:50,811
It isn't about me, I'm...
1139
01:01:51,745 --> 01:01:53,314
I'm just here to listen.
1140
01:01:56,784 --> 01:01:58,219
Does it work?
1141
01:01:59,320 --> 01:02:01,989
I hope so.
1142
01:02:02,056 --> 01:02:04,458
They either kill themselvesor they don't.
1143
01:02:05,993 --> 01:02:08,462
That's not the only reason
people call.
1144
01:02:10,331 --> 01:02:12,166
Oh. What else?
1145
01:02:15,704 --> 01:02:17,037
Anxiety.
1146
01:02:18,205 --> 01:02:19,674
Boredom.
1147
01:02:19,740 --> 01:02:21,710
Can't sleep.
1148
01:02:21,775 --> 01:02:24,812
Loneliness, of course.
1149
01:02:24,878 --> 01:02:26,514
Right.
1150
01:02:26,581 --> 01:02:28,115
It is amazing, isn't it,
1151
01:02:28,182 --> 01:02:32,886
how we crammed so many peopleinto giant cities,
1152
01:02:32,953 --> 01:02:36,924
connected everyoneto the entire planet,
1153
01:02:36,991 --> 01:02:39,793
and everyoneis lonelier than ever?
1154
01:02:41,730 --> 01:02:43,931
What else?
1155
01:02:43,998 --> 01:02:45,833
Well, sometimes
it's just to let me know
1156
01:02:45,899 --> 01:02:48,936
how they are
if we spoke before.
1157
01:02:49,003 --> 01:02:51,706
And sometimes it's pranks.
1158
01:02:51,772 --> 01:02:55,042
Or we call them...
1159
01:02:55,909 --> 01:02:57,444
strokers.
1160
01:02:57,512 --> 01:02:58,879
Uh-oh, does that--
1161
01:02:58,946 --> 01:03:00,814
Does that meanwhat I think it means?
1162
01:03:02,316 --> 01:03:03,284
Yup.
1163
01:03:03,350 --> 01:03:05,452
You're serious?
1164
01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:08,355
People call a helplineto masturbate?
1165
01:03:08,422 --> 01:03:11,225
I'm afraid so.
Jesus!
1166
01:03:11,292 --> 01:03:13,894
It kind of makes you despairabout the human race.
1167
01:03:15,195 --> 01:03:18,198
Well, that is notwhy I'm calling.
1168
01:03:18,265 --> 01:03:20,200
Well, good.
1169
01:03:22,136 --> 01:03:23,804
Don't be so sure.
1170
01:03:27,841 --> 01:03:29,511
Are you gonna ask me?
1171
01:03:29,577 --> 01:03:31,045
Why I'm calling?
1172
01:03:32,313 --> 01:03:33,548
I...
1173
01:03:35,049 --> 01:03:36,383
usually don't.
1174
01:03:38,720 --> 01:03:40,087
Why not?
1175
01:03:41,288 --> 01:03:43,490
It tends to come out on its own.
1176
01:03:44,892 --> 01:03:46,226
I may ask...
1177
01:03:47,394 --> 01:03:48,929
"How can I help?"
1178
01:03:48,996 --> 01:03:50,431
Uh-huh.
1179
01:03:51,498 --> 01:03:53,033
I was a professor.
1180
01:03:54,001 --> 01:03:55,436
They kicked me out.
1181
01:03:55,502 --> 01:03:57,037
What happened?
1182
01:03:57,104 --> 01:03:59,607
They said I was traumatizingthe students.
1183
01:03:59,674 --> 01:04:01,875
Traumatizing them how?
1184
01:04:01,942 --> 01:04:03,645
By telling them the truth.
1185
01:04:03,712 --> 01:04:05,814
About?
About their lives.
1186
01:04:05,879 --> 01:04:07,448
I'm not a good liar.
1187
01:04:07,515 --> 01:04:09,183
I'm not gonna tell them,"You'll be fine."
1188
01:04:09,249 --> 01:04:10,518
When the truth is,
1189
01:04:10,585 --> 01:04:12,386
the degree will notget them a job,
1190
01:04:12,453 --> 01:04:15,690
and they'll still be in debt15 years from now,
1191
01:04:15,757 --> 01:04:19,493
and most of them won't be ableto afford a house or a child.
1192
01:04:19,561 --> 01:04:22,797
And none of it matters anywaybecause the planet's fucked.
1193
01:04:22,863 --> 01:04:24,465
By the way, it's not likeI said all that,
1194
01:04:24,532 --> 01:04:26,367
I just told themthey will have problems,
1195
01:04:26,433 --> 01:04:28,102
problems that might notbe solvable,
1196
01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:30,237
which is just a fact.
1197
01:04:30,304 --> 01:04:32,674
It's not like I want themto despair.
1198
01:04:32,741 --> 01:04:33,907
And then what happened?
1199
01:04:33,974 --> 01:04:35,744
Someone complains.
1200
01:04:35,810 --> 01:04:36,944
Dean calls me in,
1201
01:04:37,010 --> 01:04:38,312
he tells me it's wrong of me
1202
01:04:38,379 --> 01:04:40,381
to impose my politicson students.
1203
01:04:40,447 --> 01:04:43,752
My politics.You believe that shit?
1204
01:04:43,818 --> 01:04:45,252
He never liked me.
1205
01:04:45,319 --> 01:04:47,054
He had it for mefrom minute one.
1206
01:04:47,121 --> 01:04:49,423
So I told him to getthe fuck off my back.
1207
01:04:49,490 --> 01:04:52,594
But he kept talkingand I just...
1208
01:04:52,660 --> 01:04:54,596
I just snapped.
1209
01:04:56,865 --> 01:04:59,734
I punched him in the mouth
1210
01:04:59,801 --> 01:05:01,636
and ended up getting fired.
1211
01:05:01,703 --> 01:05:04,171
Yeah.
Yeah, it was pretty bad timing.
1212
01:05:04,238 --> 01:05:06,841
My divorce had justbeen finalized.
1213
01:05:06,907 --> 01:05:10,344
Part of the reasonI was at the end of my rope.
1214
01:05:10,411 --> 01:05:14,081
So here I am, twice discarded,unemployed and divorced.
1215
01:05:14,148 --> 01:05:17,084
No children, no savings.
1216
01:05:17,151 --> 01:05:19,554
No friends, really.
1217
01:05:21,388 --> 01:05:26,093
I don't have an urgeto kill myself.
1218
01:05:26,160 --> 01:05:28,996
I'm just lookingat it objectively.
1219
01:05:32,499 --> 01:05:33,635
I...
1220
01:05:35,202 --> 01:05:37,304
understand how you feel.
1221
01:05:37,371 --> 01:05:38,972
Yeah, but it's notabout feelings.
1222
01:05:39,039 --> 01:05:41,408
It's about a rational outlook.
1223
01:05:41,475 --> 01:05:44,044
Are you a religious person?
1224
01:05:44,111 --> 01:05:46,413
Not in the conventional sense.
1225
01:05:46,480 --> 01:05:48,550
What does that mean?
1226
01:05:50,752 --> 01:05:52,486
Well...
1227
01:05:52,554 --> 01:05:55,155
I don't worship.
1228
01:05:55,222 --> 01:05:56,957
I don't take religion literally.
1229
01:05:57,024 --> 01:06:00,961
But I guess
I embrace the mystery.
1230
01:06:01,028 --> 01:06:02,597
I find certitude boring.
1231
01:06:02,664 --> 01:06:06,400
That includes this certitude
that God doesn't exist.
1232
01:06:06,467 --> 01:06:08,268
I used to believe in God.
1233
01:06:08,335 --> 01:06:13,407
Over the years, He just startedto look so incompetent.
1234
01:06:13,474 --> 01:06:17,010
I mean, it's eitherincompetent or evil, right?
1235
01:06:17,077 --> 01:06:20,447
Allowing so much wrongness.
1236
01:06:20,515 --> 01:06:22,717
Except...
Except what?
1237
01:06:22,784 --> 01:06:26,955
Well, isn't a universe
in which wrong things can happen
1238
01:06:27,020 --> 01:06:29,490
the only possible
moral universe?
1239
01:06:29,557 --> 01:06:32,760
Mm, you could reverse that.
1240
01:06:32,827 --> 01:06:36,163
Isn't a universewhere wrong things are routine
1241
01:06:36,230 --> 01:06:38,700
fundamentally immoral?
1242
01:06:38,766 --> 01:06:40,167
Moral choice still exists.
1243
01:06:40,234 --> 01:06:41,870
No one chooses to suffer.
1244
01:06:41,936 --> 01:06:44,338
It's random and meaninglessand fucking inevitable.
1245
01:06:44,404 --> 01:06:49,142
But isn't suffering just
the other side of happiness?
1246
01:06:49,209 --> 01:06:52,045
Isn't loss
just the other side of love?
1247
01:06:52,112 --> 01:06:55,449
You could say that loss
1248
01:06:55,517 --> 01:06:57,819
is the exact measure of love.
1249
01:06:57,886 --> 01:07:01,556
You could say that suffering
makes happiness possible.
1250
01:07:02,857 --> 01:07:05,225
Or you could sayit makes it a fraud.
1251
01:07:07,127 --> 01:07:10,264
Anyway, like I said,
1252
01:07:10,330 --> 01:07:13,300
I look at itas a practical question.
1253
01:07:14,602 --> 01:07:16,538
Sometimes, the energyrequired to live
1254
01:07:16,604 --> 01:07:18,773
simply exceeds the benefit.
1255
01:07:20,675 --> 01:07:23,110
The truth is,there is no rational argument
1256
01:07:23,176 --> 01:07:24,913
against ending your life.
1257
01:07:24,979 --> 01:07:26,280
I'm not sure about that.
1258
01:07:26,346 --> 01:07:28,148
Come on. Think.
1259
01:07:29,383 --> 01:07:31,953
Why do religious peopleobject to it?
1260
01:07:32,020 --> 01:07:33,555
They consider it a sin.
1261
01:07:33,621 --> 01:07:36,891
And yet they worship martyrs
1262
01:07:36,958 --> 01:07:40,795
because they believedreal life comes after.
1263
01:07:40,862 --> 01:07:43,631
So Christians would dareRomans to kill them,
1264
01:07:43,698 --> 01:07:47,067
like suicide by copon a mass scale,
1265
01:07:48,302 --> 01:07:50,203
Then they becamethe dominant religion.
1266
01:07:50,270 --> 01:07:51,639
And the priests realized
1267
01:07:51,706 --> 01:07:53,875
they better startcondemning suicide,
1268
01:07:53,942 --> 01:07:57,645
or Christianity would becomea giant death cult.
1269
01:07:57,712 --> 01:07:59,781
And they would allbe expected to die...
1270
01:07:59,847 --> 01:08:01,883
Religious people--
...horribly.
1271
01:08:01,950 --> 01:08:03,283
I'm sorry, what?
1272
01:08:03,350 --> 01:08:05,385
Religious people
aren't the only ones
1273
01:08:05,452 --> 01:08:07,120
who commit suicide.
1274
01:08:07,187 --> 01:08:10,123
Well, the secular argumentjust replaced sin with crime.
1275
01:08:10,190 --> 01:08:11,526
It's still a fallacy
1276
01:08:11,593 --> 01:08:13,260
because if you can bethe victim
1277
01:08:13,327 --> 01:08:14,996
and the culpritat the same time,
1278
01:08:15,063 --> 01:08:18,231
the concept of crimedoesn't make any sense.
1279
01:08:19,534 --> 01:08:21,002
The only waythat taking your life
1280
01:08:21,069 --> 01:08:24,672
can be considered criminalor even unethical
1281
01:08:24,739 --> 01:08:28,275
is if one assumesthat the life you're taking
1282
01:08:28,342 --> 01:08:30,845
is not actually yours.
1283
01:08:30,912 --> 01:08:35,315
It belongs to God,to the king, to society,
1284
01:08:35,382 --> 01:08:38,151
to your parents, your children,
1285
01:08:38,218 --> 01:08:42,523
the ones you're working for,responsible for.
1286
01:08:42,590 --> 01:08:45,927
But if I am not mine,
1287
01:08:45,994 --> 01:08:48,295
is there such a thing as I?
1288
01:08:49,631 --> 01:08:51,198
You know, in fact,that train of thought
1289
01:08:51,264 --> 01:08:52,967
just ends up validating suicide
1290
01:08:53,034 --> 01:08:55,937
because the only way to reclaimyour life as yours
1291
01:08:56,004 --> 01:08:57,538
is to actually end it.
1292
01:08:59,107 --> 01:09:01,141
I don't necessarily wantto reclaim anything.
1293
01:09:01,208 --> 01:09:04,545
I'm just-- Just suggestingthere's no rational argument
1294
01:09:04,612 --> 01:09:06,380
against killing yourself.
1295
01:09:06,446 --> 01:09:08,583
That's not an argument for it.
1296
01:09:08,650 --> 01:09:10,785
Yeah, you don't needan argument for it.
1297
01:09:10,852 --> 01:09:12,820
Just the realizationthat you don't want
1298
01:09:12,887 --> 01:09:15,422
to do this anymore.
1299
01:09:15,489 --> 01:09:17,792
You don't even knowhow to do it.
1300
01:09:20,128 --> 01:09:23,263
It happened over a long time,day by day,
1301
01:09:23,330 --> 01:09:25,933
without drums and trumpets.
1302
01:09:27,501 --> 01:09:29,771
The unhappinessjust grabbed up on you
1303
01:09:29,837 --> 01:09:32,439
like a shadowever so slowly
1304
01:09:32,507 --> 01:09:35,409
until every corner of your lifewas in the dark
1305
01:09:35,475 --> 01:09:37,945
and your whole lifestylefeeling like a--
1306
01:09:38,012 --> 01:09:40,313
Like a pantomime.
1307
01:09:40,380 --> 01:09:43,151
You play the part.Stick to the script.
1308
01:09:43,216 --> 01:09:45,252
You smile whenyou're smiled to.
1309
01:09:45,318 --> 01:09:47,955
But eventually, you can't helpcatching yourself.
1310
01:09:48,022 --> 01:09:49,389
This...
1311
01:09:49,456 --> 01:09:52,927
This person,this character, it's...
1312
01:09:54,095 --> 01:09:56,030
It's not you.
1313
01:09:56,097 --> 01:09:57,832
Never was.
1314
01:09:57,899 --> 01:09:59,199
Someone else wrote it.
1315
01:09:59,266 --> 01:10:00,434
You were just castin the role
1316
01:10:00,500 --> 01:10:01,903
without even asking for it,
1317
01:10:01,969 --> 01:10:04,038
and the costume got stuckto your skin.
1318
01:10:04,105 --> 01:10:08,776
You just want to rip it off,the costume, the mask.
1319
01:10:08,843 --> 01:10:11,713
But underneath,there's just another mask
1320
01:10:11,779 --> 01:10:14,949
because the unhappinessis always ashamed of itself.
1321
01:10:16,349 --> 01:10:18,086
I understand.
1322
01:10:18,152 --> 01:10:19,554
Do you?
1323
01:10:20,722 --> 01:10:22,422
I think so.
1324
01:10:22,489 --> 01:10:24,357
So you agree?
1325
01:10:24,424 --> 01:10:26,527
I didn't say that.
1326
01:10:26,594 --> 01:10:28,495
Well, give me a reason.
1327
01:10:30,531 --> 01:10:32,332
Do you need one now?
1328
01:10:32,399 --> 01:10:34,301
What do you think?
1329
01:10:36,571 --> 01:10:39,941
I'm sorry, let me ask this
more directly.
1330
01:10:40,007 --> 01:10:42,944
Have you made a plan
to commit suicide?
1331
01:10:43,010 --> 01:10:45,113
Oh, boy, did I ever.
1332
01:10:45,179 --> 01:10:47,314
Today?
Why not?
1333
01:10:49,784 --> 01:10:51,451
Did you take any steps?
Stop.
1334
01:10:51,519 --> 01:10:53,621
I know the drill.Let me save you the time.
1335
01:10:53,688 --> 01:10:55,322
I'm not gonna callanyone else,
1336
01:10:55,388 --> 01:10:57,390
especially at a placethat's gonna trace my call
1337
01:10:57,457 --> 01:10:58,826
and send someone here.
1338
01:10:58,893 --> 01:11:01,361
So let's just keep thishypothetical.
1339
01:11:01,428 --> 01:11:03,197
Maybe I did.
1340
01:11:03,263 --> 01:11:05,398
Maybe I didn't.
1341
01:11:05,465 --> 01:11:07,201
But if I did,
1342
01:11:07,267 --> 01:11:08,836
what would you tell me?
1343
01:11:10,571 --> 01:11:12,774
I would urge you to call--
I'm asking you.
1344
01:11:12,840 --> 01:11:15,943
What reasonwould you give me?
1345
01:11:22,884 --> 01:11:25,620
Tick, tock.
1346
01:11:30,258 --> 01:11:32,026
I guess I would just say that...
1347
01:11:34,562 --> 01:11:37,165
Just say that everything
means something.
1348
01:11:39,667 --> 01:11:43,037
Oh, boy,everything means something.
1349
01:11:45,106 --> 01:11:46,774
No, that's a self-contradictingstatement
1350
01:11:46,841 --> 01:11:49,442
because it doesn't actuallymean anything.
1351
01:11:49,510 --> 01:11:53,514
I just mean
whatever you care about,
1352
01:11:53,581 --> 01:11:56,316
a friend, a pet, that they--
1353
01:11:56,383 --> 01:11:58,152
I have neither.
1354
01:11:58,219 --> 01:12:00,453
Well, then...
1355
01:12:00,521 --> 01:12:02,757
politics, art.
1356
01:12:03,891 --> 01:12:04,859
Yoga. Food.
1357
01:12:04,926 --> 01:12:07,094
Whatever it is,
it means something.
1358
01:12:07,161 --> 01:12:08,896
It's worth something.
1359
01:12:08,963 --> 01:12:10,932
Whether it's inherently worthy
1360
01:12:10,998 --> 01:12:13,801
or made worthy
by your investment.
1361
01:12:13,868 --> 01:12:15,970
Your active caring,
that could be debated.
1362
01:12:16,037 --> 01:12:20,340
The point is, if that thing
has value, life does.
1363
01:12:23,611 --> 01:12:26,113
The earth will burstinto flames.
1364
01:12:26,180 --> 01:12:31,052
Cities will turn to ashesor be swept away by oceans.
1365
01:12:31,118 --> 01:12:34,421
Civilization will tumbleinto darkness.
1366
01:12:36,591 --> 01:12:39,694
It's when, not if.
1367
01:12:41,461 --> 01:12:43,463
Well, you obviously
care about that,
1368
01:12:43,531 --> 01:12:45,666
so that's one thing.
1369
01:12:45,733 --> 01:12:48,536
Mm, yeah, one thingI can do nothing about.
1370
01:12:50,972 --> 01:12:55,209
The entire human racehas already committed suicide.
1371
01:12:55,276 --> 01:12:58,546
The poison is workingits way through the system.
1372
01:12:58,613 --> 01:13:01,381
Some peoplejust don't know it yet.
1373
01:13:01,448 --> 01:13:03,017
Maybe.
1374
01:13:03,084 --> 01:13:06,687
Maybe it is when, not if.
1375
01:13:06,754 --> 01:13:09,924
But isn't 2000 years
better than 100?
1376
01:13:09,991 --> 01:13:13,928
To be honest, I'm not sure.
1377
01:13:16,931 --> 01:13:18,866
You want to know a story?
1378
01:13:23,070 --> 01:13:24,404
Yeah.
1379
01:13:26,374 --> 01:13:28,175
There was this man.
1380
01:13:28,242 --> 01:13:29,476
Friend of a friend.
1381
01:13:29,543 --> 01:13:32,580
Um, his name was Tom.
1382
01:13:35,116 --> 01:13:37,018
He lived alone.
1383
01:13:37,084 --> 01:13:40,821
Apparently,he had developed a ritual.
1384
01:13:42,390 --> 01:13:45,293
When he felt down,he would fix himself a drink,
1385
01:13:45,359 --> 01:13:47,762
take out his revolver.
1386
01:13:47,828 --> 01:13:49,163
Then he would sip his drink
1387
01:13:49,230 --> 01:13:51,431
and thinkof all the reasons he had
1388
01:13:51,498 --> 01:13:53,801
to not kill himself.
1389
01:13:53,868 --> 01:13:56,304
For every reasonhe could think of,
1390
01:13:56,370 --> 01:13:59,941
he would take out a bulletuntil the drum was empty,
1391
01:14:00,007 --> 01:14:03,476
then go to bed and reloadthe gun in the morning.
1392
01:14:04,879 --> 01:14:06,647
And he did that for years...
1393
01:14:08,549 --> 01:14:10,952
until he ran out of reasons.
1394
01:14:14,789 --> 01:14:16,791
There is no free will.
1395
01:14:16,857 --> 01:14:18,559
It's just an illusion.
1396
01:14:19,961 --> 01:14:21,629
Every choicehas already been made.
1397
01:14:21,696 --> 01:14:23,764
Everything we think,everything we feel,
1398
01:14:23,831 --> 01:14:26,801
everything we do is baked in.
1399
01:14:26,867 --> 01:14:29,804
We behave in the exact waywe're meant to.
1400
01:14:31,005 --> 01:14:33,874
I know this sounds, um,dispiriting.
1401
01:14:35,576 --> 01:14:38,646
But the irony is that we areprogrammed to hate the idea
1402
01:14:38,713 --> 01:14:40,414
that we're programmed,
1403
01:14:40,480 --> 01:14:44,318
to preserve the illusionthat we master our destiny,
1404
01:14:44,385 --> 01:14:47,555
that we earn our fortune,
1405
01:14:47,621 --> 01:14:50,758
that we can deserve happiness.
1406
01:14:53,294 --> 01:14:54,729
We master nothing.
1407
01:14:54,795 --> 01:14:56,831
Fortune is random.
1408
01:14:56,897 --> 01:14:59,867
All souls are happy,good people are miserable.
1409
01:14:59,934 --> 01:15:01,969
There's no rhyme.There's no reason.
1410
01:15:02,036 --> 01:15:03,371
There's no God's plan.
1411
01:15:03,437 --> 01:15:04,772
And there's no fucking escape
1412
01:15:04,839 --> 01:15:07,108
other than... you know.
1413
01:15:09,410 --> 01:15:11,045
Escape.
1414
01:15:17,418 --> 01:15:19,020
Can I ask your name?
1415
01:15:20,554 --> 01:15:22,056
Yeah.
1416
01:15:23,524 --> 01:15:25,092
Well?
1417
01:15:26,627 --> 01:15:27,995
Laura.
1418
01:15:33,634 --> 01:15:35,770
Nice to meet you, Laura.
1419
01:15:40,307 --> 01:15:41,809
Yeah, you too.
1420
01:15:43,844 --> 01:15:46,080
You asked what my deal was.
1421
01:15:50,017 --> 01:15:51,585
I did.
1422
01:15:51,652 --> 01:15:54,555
My answer was evasive.
1423
01:15:56,123 --> 01:15:57,858
How so?
1424
01:15:58,793 --> 01:16:00,795
It's weird.
1425
01:16:00,861 --> 01:16:02,930
Keeping a secret is a burden.
1426
01:16:02,997 --> 01:16:05,132
Being forced to talk about it
is just as bad.
1427
01:16:05,199 --> 01:16:08,569
So I find the only freedom
I can enjoy in the matter
1428
01:16:08,636 --> 01:16:12,273
is to sometimes
volunteer the information
1429
01:16:12,339 --> 01:16:15,843
and sometimes withhold it.
1430
01:16:17,812 --> 01:16:20,081
The suspense builds.
1431
01:16:23,217 --> 01:16:28,055
My stepbrother committed suicide
five years ago.
1432
01:16:29,423 --> 01:16:31,058
He was 25.
1433
01:16:33,060 --> 01:16:34,495
I didn't call him back
that night.
1434
01:16:34,563 --> 01:16:39,733
He tried me a few times,
but I just turned the phone off.
1435
01:16:43,471 --> 01:16:45,272
Did he used to call a lot?
1436
01:16:45,339 --> 01:16:48,742
There were periods
when he would call every day.
1437
01:16:50,344 --> 01:16:51,779
It was pretty hard.
1438
01:16:52,680 --> 01:16:55,216
We had a difficult relationship.
1439
01:16:58,185 --> 01:17:01,021
And he was chronically
depressed.
1440
01:17:02,923 --> 01:17:08,129
We grew up
in a bad family environment.
1441
01:17:10,764 --> 01:17:13,334
The thing is,
1442
01:17:13,400 --> 01:17:16,804
my stepfather...
1443
01:17:21,275 --> 01:17:22,877
He, uh...
1444
01:17:23,777 --> 01:17:25,045
I understand.
1445
01:17:25,112 --> 01:17:27,314
Oh, it's more complicated
than that.
1446
01:17:27,381 --> 01:17:30,851
You see, my stepbrother
looked just like him.
1447
01:17:30,918 --> 01:17:33,387
He even sounded like him.
1448
01:17:34,688 --> 01:17:35,923
So when he grew up,
1449
01:17:35,990 --> 01:17:38,792
dealing with him
brought everything back,
1450
01:17:38,859 --> 01:17:42,863
and not dealing with him
was a relief.
1451
01:17:43,998 --> 01:17:45,299
So now you talkto other people
1452
01:17:45,366 --> 01:17:47,434
because you didn't takethat call.
1453
01:17:49,904 --> 01:17:51,405
That's part of it.
1454
01:17:53,107 --> 01:17:54,241
Go on.
1455
01:17:55,577 --> 01:17:57,678
Well...
1456
01:17:57,745 --> 01:18:00,047
I struggled
with depression myself.
1457
01:18:03,184 --> 01:18:05,219
If your own...
1458
01:18:06,287 --> 01:18:07,421
parent...
1459
01:18:09,857 --> 01:18:12,860
Uh, anyways,
I fell into drugs
1460
01:18:12,927 --> 01:18:17,698
and fucked-up
relationships and...
1461
01:18:20,701 --> 01:18:22,303
Then the guilt.
1462
01:18:22,369 --> 01:18:25,873
What I'm trying to say
is that I was there.
1463
01:18:25,940 --> 01:18:28,309
I had run out of reasons.
1464
01:18:29,176 --> 01:18:30,645
I didn't have a plan.
1465
01:18:30,711 --> 01:18:33,347
I was just gonna let it happen.
1466
01:18:33,414 --> 01:18:37,251
I don't know, I guess I thought
I was bound to overdose,
1467
01:18:37,318 --> 01:18:40,522
or to drown,
or to get run over by a truck.
1468
01:18:40,589 --> 01:18:42,256
I just didn't care.
1469
01:18:43,324 --> 01:18:44,526
And then one day,
1470
01:18:44,593 --> 01:18:47,261
I ran into this old man.
1471
01:18:48,530 --> 01:18:50,130
He was walking a dog.
1472
01:18:50,197 --> 01:18:52,967
He passed me by
and I heard the dog barking,
1473
01:18:53,033 --> 01:18:56,770
and I realized
the man had fallen.
1474
01:18:56,837 --> 01:18:59,106
So I helped him up
and I walked him home.
1475
01:18:59,173 --> 01:19:03,244
He invited me inside and offered
to make me a cup of tea,
1476
01:19:03,310 --> 01:19:06,747
and I said, "No, thanks,"
but he insisted.
1477
01:19:09,551 --> 01:19:11,586
His name was Jacob.
1478
01:19:11,653 --> 01:19:13,053
He's dead now.
1479
01:19:14,522 --> 01:19:19,393
He lived in this small house,
and the house was stuffy.
1480
01:19:19,460 --> 01:19:24,398
I mean, typical old-man house,
but it was extraordinary.
1481
01:19:26,668 --> 01:19:30,538
Books and paintings and strange
objects from all over the world.
1482
01:19:30,605 --> 01:19:36,745
He had this framed
emperor scorpion from Africa,
1483
01:19:36,810 --> 01:19:39,780
hand-blown glass from Venice,
1484
01:19:39,847 --> 01:19:42,783
an ancient chess set
from Russia.
1485
01:19:43,884 --> 01:19:45,654
The man had been everywhere,
1486
01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:47,054
first with the Navy,
1487
01:19:47,121 --> 01:19:48,789
then with the Merchant Marine.
1488
01:19:48,856 --> 01:19:53,193
Anyways, he started telling
me all of these amazing stories,
1489
01:19:53,260 --> 01:19:57,464
and the next day I came back
to hear more stories.
1490
01:19:58,866 --> 01:20:00,000
And after a while,
1491
01:20:00,067 --> 01:20:04,204
I realized I had a reason.
1492
01:20:05,573 --> 01:20:07,007
And then...
1493
01:20:08,743 --> 01:20:10,811
I just kept finding more.
1494
01:20:12,714 --> 01:20:14,381
"Beth," you said.
1495
01:20:16,417 --> 01:20:17,552
Yes?
1496
01:20:18,787 --> 01:20:20,054
Yes.
1497
01:20:20,120 --> 01:20:23,658
Short for Elizabeth, I suppose.
1498
01:20:23,725 --> 01:20:26,026
Sure.
1499
01:20:26,093 --> 01:20:27,529
You don't sound sure.
1500
01:20:28,996 --> 01:20:30,864
It's actually not my real name.
1501
01:20:30,931 --> 01:20:32,299
Ah.
1502
01:20:32,366 --> 01:20:34,268
Why do you use a fake name?
1503
01:20:34,335 --> 01:20:37,071
It's mainly a privacy thing,
1504
01:20:37,137 --> 01:20:41,041
but also we're supposed
to keep the job separate.
1505
01:20:41,108 --> 01:20:43,277
If I do this under
a different name,
1506
01:20:43,344 --> 01:20:45,412
it's supposed to help.
1507
01:20:45,479 --> 01:20:46,614
Does it?
1508
01:20:48,550 --> 01:20:49,883
Not really.
1509
01:20:51,318 --> 01:20:53,454
So, what keeps you coming back?
1510
01:20:55,824 --> 01:20:57,291
I suppose...
1511
01:20:58,593 --> 01:21:01,563
when I'm on a shift,
I'm focused.
1512
01:21:03,964 --> 01:21:05,265
I'm not multitasking.
1513
01:21:05,332 --> 01:21:08,570
I'm not going through
my to-do list.
1514
01:21:08,636 --> 01:21:12,072
I am 100 percent focused
1515
01:21:12,139 --> 01:21:14,642
on the person
that I'm speaking to.
1516
01:21:14,709 --> 01:21:16,745
And...
1517
01:21:16,811 --> 01:21:18,312
I don't know.
1518
01:21:20,948 --> 01:21:22,383
I care.
1519
01:21:23,651 --> 01:21:25,018
I can see that.
1520
01:21:26,086 --> 01:21:27,689
You know something?
1521
01:21:27,756 --> 01:21:29,189
What's that?
1522
01:21:29,256 --> 01:21:32,393
I have a feeling you would be
very good at this.
1523
01:21:36,765 --> 01:21:40,033
That might be the funniestthing I ever heard.
1524
01:21:40,100 --> 01:21:42,202
I mean it.
You're serious?
1525
01:21:42,269 --> 01:21:45,472
You think I should be hostingthe Lonely Hearts Club?
1526
01:21:45,540 --> 01:21:50,645
Well, I don't call it that,
but yeah.
1527
01:21:50,712 --> 01:21:53,180
It's a pretty interesting club.
1528
01:21:54,181 --> 01:21:55,916
All kinds of people.
1529
01:21:55,983 --> 01:21:59,386
Loneliness is a big slut.
1530
01:22:01,523 --> 01:22:02,923
Yes.
1531
01:22:04,258 --> 01:22:06,093
I think I'm gonna steal that.
1532
01:22:06,160 --> 01:22:07,595
Be my guest.
1533
01:22:13,066 --> 01:22:16,336
It's Maggie, by the way.
1534
01:22:16,403 --> 01:22:18,540
Oh.
1535
01:22:18,606 --> 01:22:21,074
I kind of liked "Beth."
1536
01:22:21,141 --> 01:22:23,177
I know. Me too, right?
1537
01:22:24,512 --> 01:22:27,414
Well, this has beenan interesting talk.
1538
01:22:28,716 --> 01:22:30,384
Good night, Maggie.
1539
01:22:31,452 --> 01:22:32,587
Wait.
1540
01:22:33,788 --> 01:22:36,591
No. Not tonight.
1541
01:22:38,158 --> 01:22:40,027
Shit, I'd probablybotch it now.
1542
01:22:40,093 --> 01:22:43,297
Nothing more patheticthan a failed suicide attempt.
1543
01:22:43,363 --> 01:22:44,866
And then havingto tell yourself,
1544
01:22:44,933 --> 01:22:47,501
"Don't give up, try again."
1545
01:22:49,303 --> 01:22:50,839
I'm joking.
1546
01:22:50,905 --> 01:22:52,072
Yes.
1547
01:22:52,139 --> 01:22:54,374
Okay. Good.
1548
01:22:55,610 --> 01:22:56,744
Good.
1549
01:22:58,947 --> 01:23:02,282
Well, call back if...
1550
01:23:04,251 --> 01:23:07,622
Well, anytime, really.
1551
01:23:07,689 --> 01:23:09,256
For anything.
1552
01:23:11,158 --> 01:23:12,760
Ask for Beth.
1553
01:23:14,194 --> 01:23:15,630
I might do that.
1554
01:23:17,030 --> 01:23:19,299
Good night, Beth.
1555
01:23:21,803 --> 01:23:23,170
Good night.
1556
01:25:21,856 --> 01:25:23,558
Beth?
1557
01:25:23,625 --> 01:25:25,125
Yeah?
1558
01:25:25,192 --> 01:25:28,630
It's Sharon from earlier.
1559
01:25:29,697 --> 01:25:31,899
Yes. Hi, Sharon.
1560
01:25:33,300 --> 01:25:34,902
I wrote one.
1561
01:25:36,604 --> 01:25:39,707
A song, or a poem,or whatever.
1562
01:25:39,774 --> 01:25:40,975
Right.
1563
01:25:41,042 --> 01:25:43,011
It's not finished, but, um...
1564
01:25:43,077 --> 01:25:45,913
I just wanted to get to youbefore your shift ends.
1565
01:25:47,447 --> 01:25:49,517
Is that okay?
1566
01:25:49,584 --> 01:25:50,952
Sure.
1567
01:25:51,019 --> 01:25:52,687
You ready?
1568
01:25:54,154 --> 01:25:55,957
Hmm.
1569
01:25:56,024 --> 01:25:57,424
Here it is.
1570
01:25:59,560 --> 01:26:01,562
Illusion, delusion.
1571
01:26:05,499 --> 01:26:07,501
Illusion, delusion, confusion
1572
01:26:07,568 --> 01:26:09,771
Draw your freaking conclusion
1573
01:26:09,837 --> 01:26:12,974
They feed you conspiraciesThey prey on your miseries
1574
01:26:13,041 --> 01:26:16,343
They rewrite historyMake their crimes mysteries
1575
01:26:16,410 --> 01:26:18,713
The secret keepersThe promise breakers
1576
01:26:18,780 --> 01:26:21,115
The fake believersThe silent takers
1577
01:26:21,181 --> 01:26:24,118
They call your fight treasonThey call their lives reason
1578
01:26:24,184 --> 01:26:26,721
It's all a mind prisonCan't trust your own eyes
1579
01:26:26,788 --> 01:26:29,057
Can't tell truth from liesChemtrails in the sky
1580
01:26:29,123 --> 01:26:31,959
Crisis actors on siteTheir smiles, more lies
1581
01:26:32,026 --> 01:26:33,561
Their knives in disguise
1582
01:26:33,628 --> 01:26:36,097
Another day diesAnother night cries
1583
01:26:36,164 --> 01:26:38,800
All you got is your rageAll you got is this song
1584
01:26:38,866 --> 01:26:41,636
All you got is a cageBecause all you got is a bomb
1585
01:26:41,703 --> 01:26:44,005
All you are is aloneBecause your head is all wrong
1586
01:26:44,072 --> 01:26:46,641
But your heart is still strongAnd the light is still on
1587
01:26:46,708 --> 01:26:50,511
No one has very longSo keep on writing this song.
1588
01:26:54,949 --> 01:26:57,752
So that's as far as I got.I don't know.
1589
01:26:57,819 --> 01:26:59,921
Yeah, I don't know.Maybe it's finished.
1590
01:26:59,987 --> 01:27:01,321
It's...
1591
01:27:02,456 --> 01:27:03,958
It's amazing.
1592
01:27:07,394 --> 01:27:08,863
You think so?
1593
01:27:09,931 --> 01:27:11,264
I really do.
1594
01:27:15,469 --> 01:27:17,270
Thank you.
1595
01:27:19,006 --> 01:27:20,440
Thank you.
1596
01:27:24,377 --> 01:27:25,680
All right,I'll let you go now.
1597
01:27:25,747 --> 01:27:27,615
No, I can stay. It's no problem.
1598
01:27:27,682 --> 01:27:31,586
No, no, no, no. You got--You got better things to do.
1599
01:27:33,487 --> 01:27:35,255
Have a great day.
1600
01:27:36,657 --> 01:27:38,291
You too.
1601
01:28:14,427 --> 01:28:16,429
I know, I know.
1602
01:28:30,645 --> 01:28:33,346
Hey, good morning.
1603
01:28:34,682 --> 01:28:36,483
I didn't wake you, did I?
1604
01:28:37,350 --> 01:28:38,719
Yeah, I know.
1605
01:28:38,786 --> 01:28:40,755
I know you wake up early.
That's why I...
1606
01:28:42,990 --> 01:28:44,192
Nothing.
1607
01:28:44,258 --> 01:28:48,328
I was just wondering
if you wanted to get breakfast,
1608
01:28:48,395 --> 01:28:50,231
maybe at that place
that you mentioned?
1609
01:28:50,298 --> 01:28:52,300
What was it called?
1610
01:28:52,365 --> 01:28:54,669
Oh. No, no, no. No problem.
1611
01:28:54,735 --> 01:28:57,839
It was just
a spur-of-the-moment thing.
1612
01:28:59,472 --> 01:29:01,209
I understand.
1613
01:29:01,275 --> 01:29:03,277
No worries.
1614
01:29:03,343 --> 01:29:05,746
Yes, absolutely.
1615
01:29:05,813 --> 01:29:07,347
Some other time.
1616
01:29:09,150 --> 01:29:10,918
You too.
1617
01:29:10,985 --> 01:29:12,352
Bye-bye.
1618
01:29:46,020 --> 01:29:47,454
Okay.
120811
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