All language subtitles for Ghosts CBS S03E09 The Traveling Agent (2024)

Ah, so you guys are

looking to plan a honeymoon
in the Hudson Valley, huh?

Specifically,
on this property

to which we are
all bound, yes.

Great choice.
And you've come

to the right travel
agent, my friends.

Because I believe
I can get you

into the most
exclusive suite

on the whole property--
Sam and Jay's room.

Well, that's intriguing.
Yeah.

Now, we'd have to wait
until next month

when they're out of town, but...

Hold on, is that a bee?

Ugh! What is happening?

They fly right
through us, Peter.

But hot honey mustard,
he won't leave me alone!

Ah!

I think it's gone.

What?

Is it on my arrow?

Peter...

...you've crossed
the ghost boundary.

Wha...

M-Maybe the boundary changed?

Holy Toledo.

I can cross the ghost boundary.

Is that my ghost power?

And I still have
the fart thing.

Pete, this is incredible!

Hold up. So you're
telling me in all this time

you've never tried
to leave the property?

When I died,
I was told we couldn't.

And I'm one of those guys,

you tell me I can't do
something, I say, "Okay."

This is a game changer.
You could go anywhere.

Pizza Hut, Domino's...

You can go to exotic,
far-off lands,

like whatever is
west of Michigan.

Oh, the places I'd go,
the people I'd meet.

You'd never see
old Higgintoot again.

Hello...

Oh!
If I didn't have

everything I need
right here at Woodstone.

You know what? I'm good.

I don't really need
to go anywhere.

Pete, what are you
talking about?

You've been given this gift
and you're not gonna use it?

Don't you want to get
out of here?

I like it here.
I'm comfortable.

And we don't even know the rules
with this new power.

I mean, what if I get amnesia
when I cross a state line?

Or grow a second head?
A mean head?

Peter, get ahold
of yourself.

How can this
super cool power

make him seem
even more lame?

Don't you want
to see your daughter

or your-your grandson?

Of course,
if I was to go anywhere,

that'd be the first place
I'd go.

But they're all the way out
in Philadelphia.

I mean, I am not
going that far.

They're actually not there
right now anyway.

According to the latest
Martino family newsletter,

they just left for a two-week
trip to Saint Lucia.

Wow. Good for Laura.

And smart to book
in the offseason.

I bet she got a great rate.
That's my girl.

Hey, hon,
I'm going to Deal Mart

to get those cheap tiny soaps
that we tell the guests

- are fancy tiny soaps.
- Guess what?

Pete discovered
his ghost power.

He can leave the property.

Pete! My man.
Is he out the door already?

He actually
doesn't want to leave.

He says he likes it here.

Oh, I see
what's happening here.

We got a Shawshank
situation.

Is there any circumstance

to which Jay will not
apply that movie?

It's like his Talmud.

Pete's been
institutionalized, babe.

He's been here so long,

he's afraid
of the outside world.

Yeah, Jay gets it.

He's not saying that
as a good thing, Pete.

Why don't we start you small?

You can go to Deal Mart
- with Jay.
Great idea.

I'd love to spend the day

with my favorite
- invisible bro.
- I don't know...

You're afraid
of running errands?

You sound like my butler

during the consumption
outbreak of '84.

Come on, Peter.
Don't be a dork.

Am I using that
pejorative correctly?

Oof, when Nigel's
slamming you...

Okay, fine.
I'll go. Okay? Happy?

Let's go run some
errands. Whoop-de-do!

Yes!
He's in, Jay.

All right, great.
Come on, Pete.

Here we go.
Come on, buddy!

Dude, we're not pets.

Oh, man,

you two look really
happy to be reunited.

It's like my heart find
its missing piece.

And loins also find
their missing piece.

Aw. Big ole softie.

I'm gonna go smell
Jay's spice rack.

It's what I missed
second-most

while I was in the well.

- Owls.
- Owls.

It's just so deeply weird.

Thor, you okay?

Thor feel guilty about
something he not tell Flower.

Is it that you slept
with Pete's widow Carol?

Hmm. Should probably
mention that, too.

Even though that was
hero move to help Pete.

Where is Carol?
I haven't seen her in a while.

Oh, I heard
she moved downstairs

and is getting busy
with one of the basement ghosts.

No, no, no.
You're way behind.

She has since moved
to the shed

and is now shacking up with,
wait for it-- Baxter.

- The fife guy?
- Oh.

Ooh, she is tearing her way
through Woodstone.

Wait a second, Thor.
If it's not about Carol,

what are you feeling
guilty about?

As you know,

Thor thought
Flower sucked off.

So for a moon or so,

Thor been...

laying with...

...Nancy.

Potato sack Nancy?

A basement ghost, huh?

I'm not gonna lie,
I've thought about it.

They're all nuts,

and you know what they say
about crazy chicks.

They possessed
by Fenrir, yes.

- Huh?
- Thor,

you have to come clean
to your girl.

No.
Deny, deny, deny.

Listen, as someone who's been
lied to by an ex,

honesty is
the best policy.

Thor trust Alberta's brain

more than Thor trusts
Trevor's brain,

even though Alberta's brain
covered in ugly hat.

Really don't like
taking hat flack

from a guy who
wore a metal one

in a lightning storm.

Thor tell Flower everything.

Now, so you all
wondering why

Thor keep fling
with basement ghost secret...

- - No need.
- No, no.
- Oh, no.

You don't have
to explain that one.

It makes sense.
Complete sense.

Welcome to Deal Mart, Pete.

You are gonna love it here.

Everything you can imagine,

and in quantities
only doomsday preppers

or youth centers
could ever need.

Good grape juice!
This place is huge.

This is like JCPenney
on steroids.

I bet the pharmacy aisle
blew your mind. Oof.

There've been
a lot of innovations

in cold medication
since your time.

And yet, nothing for adults
in bubblegum flavor.

Still.

Bluetooth.

Oh.

Man alive,
I feel like Sam.

Hold the phone.

Five blades in one razor?

There's literally no way
you could have more--

Oh, my gosh, six!

Okay, you've got
to be a ghost.

How did you--
Oh, right. The arrow.

I was murdered
by a little girl.

Where?
In Sporting Goods?

I haven't seen
any paramedics yet.

Did it just happen?

Oh, no, no, no.
I-I died back in '85.

But bless your heart.

Just love that I can pass
for newly dead.

I'm so confused.
How are you here?

Oh, right.
I guess I better get

pretty used to explaining this.

I just found out
my ghost power is

I can roam wherever I want.

Wow, that's
incredible.

My ghost power is
making people forget

why they walked
into an aisle.

Oh.

I'm Mike, by the way.
And this here's Gloria.

We were trampled to death
on Black Friday in 2005.

We both went for
the last big screen TV.

I got it.

Well, I'm Pete Martino.

Anywho, nice to meet you,
but I got to make sure

I stick with my ride.

Jay?

Jay!

I got this.

Wait...

What do I need
in this aisle?

Got her.

There is something Thor need
to get off chest.

Besides armor.

- Small joke to begin.
- Wait.

There's something
I need to tell you, too.

Thor, my time in the well...

...it was cold,
dark and lonely.

Must have been
hard for Flower.

It was hard.

There were times
I was ready to give up hope.

But do you know
what gave me strength?

Leg squats?

Thor's been watching a lot of
Hard Knocks recently.

You, Thor.

I remembered that you would
never give up on me,

and when I finally got out,
you would be here, waiting,

ready to resume
our beautiful relationship.

Mm-hmm.

But, as alone as I felt,

I know you must have felt
just as alone.

Now what did you
want to tell me?

Okay. Thor...

want to tell you...

that...

Jay make cheesecake
last Tuesday.

It's like regular cake
but with cheese, yes.

Mm.

Thor, this is something
you can just

kind of casually
drop in a conversation.

It doesn't really need
all the buildup.

We're back!

See? That wasn't so bad,
was it, Pete?

Uh, Pete's not in this car.

Oh, and no need to tell Sam
about that stop sign

that I accidentally
ran through.

Come on, buddy.
Let's get inside.

Oh, my God,
he lost Pete.

What do you mean
Pete isn't with me?

Where is he?

I don't know, Jay.
You're the one who lost him.

- I can't see him!
- Oh, I'm panicking.

Pete's too soft
for this world.

He must be so scared
right now.

And to think Alberta
talked him into this.

We were all on board!

You were sort
of driving the train.

Okay. Let's not panic.

We'll just go back
to Deal Mart.

He's probably still there.

Right. Or, um,
one of several other places.

Wait, how many places
did you go?

Well, I started at Deal Mart.
Then the gas station.

And then the comic book store,
which was on the way to Sonic.

You went to Sonic?

Yes. And then I went
to a second Sonic

because the first one's
milkshake machine was broken.

Great. So we've narrowed
down Pete's location

to the entire
Hudson Valley.

All right,
we need to get moving.

Okay, but fair warning,

when you go to the car,
there's some trash from Wendy's.

That is from yesterday.

That has nothing to do
with Pete.

In retrospect,
perhaps it was wrong

to place all our trust
in this man.

And let history not forget

the role Alberta played
in all of this.

You really want to talk
about history, Isaac?

C-certain parts.

Oh, God. It's almost time
to smell dinner!

They're coming back
for me, right?

Sure they are, kid.

What--
What's going on?

I was hoping
you'd be gone by now.

Store's closed, Pete.

Deal Mart after dark.
It's a whole nother store.

- Huh?
- So, it's true?

We got fresh meat?

I appreciate you appear
to be a butcher

and you're making a meat pun,

but I'm getting
kind of scared.

When the lights
go out, they fight.

I don't want to fight.

New fish has to fight.

I'm not fish or-or meat.

Although, right now I am
feeling kind of chicken.

Just try
to prove yourself, Pete.

Otherwise, they'll keep
ripping you into pieces

and letting you
reform over

- and over again.
- I don't like that.

New fish. New fish.

- New fish.
- Just run Pete.

- I'll block them.
- But where will I go?

Anywhere but
here. Just go!

Thank you.

New fish. New fish.

Not again.

New fish. New--

So, what did you want
to talk to me about, Thor?

As you know,
my girlfriend Flower's

back from the well,
so... this, uh... Yeah.

...it must end.

And, uh,
should be easy

since this mean nothing
to both of us.

Totally.

I mean, I can't read,

- but same page.
- And, furthermore,

it would be nice if, uh,
you not tell anyone about,

uh, us. Thor think

that it might hurt
Flower's feelings

if she find out that

I seek solace in the arms of

- basement dweller.
- Sure.

Wouldn't want anyone's
feelings to get hurt.

Great. And, uh,

good talk.

Well, here's the deal.

You want me to keep silent

about our bone fest,

it's gonna cost you.

Cost Thor how?

Oh...

You'll see.

You'll see.

I actually need to go this way.

Okay, I just need
to get my bearings

and figure out where I am.

I know this town.

Heck, I grew up here.

Barack Obama Ave.
and Eli Manning Way?

Who are they?!

What are you?

Wait, stop following me.

Stop following me,
you R2-D2 from hell!

All right, Thor.

It's your TV time.

Which episode of Vikings
will we be enjoying tonight?

Thor want to watch...
This Old House.

Really?

Yes, there is episode
where they focus

on water heater repair,

which Thor...
enjoy very much.

That sounds good.

Great choice, Thor.

Wish I had
a seat, though.

Okay.
Take mine. Yes.

Why are you being so nice
to that basement dweller?

Thor is nice.

Is main thing
about Thor.

Really? 'Cause you mainly talk
about beheading people

and ripping
their throats out.

Quick death is its own form
of kindness.

Well, we retraced Jay's steps,
and still no Pete.

Oh, no, poor Pete.
Did you look everywhere?

Yes. We went to six stores,
one gas station,

and a previously
undisclosed Sonic.

That location
is good for fries.

They all have
different strengths.

You are a chef, sir.

This guy's living
my best life.

I'm sorry, everyone.
I didn't mean to lose him.

I-I do think it's worth
noting one last time

that I cannot see him

because it still seems
very germane.

Well, I'm back.

Pete!

- Oh, my God! Jay, Pete's back.
- What? Seriously?

Oh!
Get away from me.

Pete.

I told you all
I didn't want to venture

out of the house, and none
of you respected that.

You bullied me into leaving,
and guess what? I was right.

But, on the bright side,
you did make it back.

Barely. You guys have no idea
what I went through.

This was the worst night
of my life.

Oh... Oh,

and thanks for telling me
the robots have taken over, Sam.

Real helpful.

It's just so good
to have you back, bud.

See? Everything worked out, Sam.

High five.

What is that delectable aroma?

Pete's still refusing
to talk to us,

so we're having Jay lay down
a scent trap for him.

Is that him? Is he in here?

Yeah, Jay,
she just told Pete

that Pete's refusing
to talk to us.

Come on, Jay.
Context clues.

Sometimes, I think
he doesn't even try.

Mmm...

Oh, is that a little
nose poking through?

That's it. We got s'mores
for you to smell.

I'm still mad,

but me turning down
a gooey marshmallow sniff

isn't helping anybody.

Oh, that's toasty.

Pete, what happened
to you out there?

Deal Mart After Dark
is what happened.

I mean, when the lights are on,

it's all low, low prices
and free samples,

but then, it takes a turn,

and Gloria's getting trampled
so I don't have to fight

a butcher with a cleaver
in his head.

What's happening?

It's honestly hard to say.

I found myself alone and scared

and being chased
by some sort of droid

that smelled like burritos.

So how did you get home?

Well, luckily, from my
alive days, I remembered

that the bus station was
at the north end of town,

so I used the stars
to guide me there.

Then, I mapped out a bus route

with the fewest transfers
and lowest fares.

Why the
lowest fare?

Because I was already stealing,

I didn't want
to make things worse.

Sam, could you actually send

the transit authority $1.25
when you get a chance?

Peter,
don't you see?

You used your scouting
and travel agent skills--

two things that,
up until this moment,

seemed completely worthless--
to get yourself home.

Now, that's remarkable.

Yeah, I-I know you were scared,

but no one else could do that.

I mean, I could
probably have done it.

Describe a bus.

Give me a minute.

Bus...

Pete, maybe there's a reason
you were given this power.

Think about it,
you were a travel agent

that never traveled anywhere.

- That's kind of weird.
- Well, I was always busy

planning travel
for other people.

Plus, looking at a pamphlet

can be just as good
as going somewhere.

You wouldn't believe

this brochure for Bali
I saw one time.

All of the sights
without the sunburn,

jet lag, or aggressive monkeys.

Peter, it seems like
you never traveled

because you were afraid.

Of the monkeys? Of course I was.

They bite and steal sunglasses.

No, afraid
of living.

When you were alive, you
were always playing it safe,

and still ended up
with an arrow in the neck,

but now, you're being
given another chance.

At the very least, do it for us.
We can't go anywhere exotic.

For God's sake, Nigel and Isaac
are planning to honeymoon

- in Samantha and Jay's room.
- What?

Think about all the amazing
experiences you get to have.

I know I for one
can't wait to hear

all your stories
when you get back.

I guess there is some place
I'd like to go.

Got it. Bus is the big
red one with the hose.

- That's a firetruck, man.
- Damn it.

Flower, uh,

Thor have something
Thor want to tell you,

and want Nancyto hear.

Okay.

While you were
away in well,

Thor seek solace
in arms of Nancy

and also in...

loins of Nancy.

Oh... what are you doing, Thor?

Taking back power.

So, Flower,

what you say?

Well, you did think
I was gone forever, I guess.

Yes! Is very
important point.

Well said.
Yeah.

And I am glad
you were sexually sated,

so thank you
for that, Nancy.

Yes.

You are one cool chick.

Oh, Thor, you got yourself
a good one.

And don't worry,

it was completely
meaningless for both of us.

No feelings
on either side.

I don't know about
completely meaningless.

What are you saying, Nancy?

Well, I'm saying I was happy

that you got rescued,

but, if we're being
totally honest,

I was having fun with Thor,

and it didn't feel great
when he asked me

to act like none of this
had happened,

like I didn't even count.

Thor, you said that to her?

I can't believe you.

That is so rude to Nancy.

Why you mad at Thor?
She's the one blackmailing me.

Because I was hurt.

Yeah,

I dress in
a potato sack,

but I have feelings.

If you cut me,
do I not bleed?

Well, I don't.
I mean, none of us do,

but you get what I'm saying.

Okay, Thor not want it
to come to this, but...

...Thor apologize,

which, as we all know, solve
everything with no consequence.

I don't think so,
Thor.

So what does that mean for us?

I don't know.

I have to think
about it.

Flower?

So, how did
everything go?

Well, I stopped the car,
I waited for a bit,

and I'm fairly confident
that he got out.

Scary. Feels like
sending a kid off to college.

Is it weird that
I miss him already?

The house feels so empty
without him.

Yeah. So quiet.

I do hope everything
goes okay for Pete.

This is gonna be good for him.

Now boarding,
Flight 709 to Saint Lucia.

I'm going to meet
my family.

Trip of a lifetime.

I know you can't hear me,
but I'm just so excited.

Um, e-excuse me, sir.
I-I don't have a ticket,

but a woman named Samantha
has promised me

she'll send you $500.

Have a nice day.
Thanks for the ride.

Thor, we have
a proposal for you.

Okay.

As you know,
I care about you,

and I know
you care about me.

Is true.

But Nancy also
cares about you,

and I think you might
care about her, too.

At least on a superficial
boning level?

Will allow. Sure.

Furthermore, you know
that I have an extensive history

with polyamorous
relationships.

I think I know
where this is going.

So, what I'm
thinking is,

the three of us--
you, me, and Nancy--

all form a throuple.

And before you answer,

just know that I am deeply in.

She's a
beautiful soul.

I'm a team player.

And as far as us just being
in two-person thing?

Not currently
on the table.

Okay.

Well, I guess we are...

throuple now.

Yay!
Yeah.

Okay. Uh, yeah, you g--

- And then I'll... Yeah, okay.
- Right there. Uh-huh.

And then I'll do... Yeah.

Oh. Ooh. Yeah.

This is gonna be a train wreck.

Full disclosure, I also slept
with Pete's widow Carol.

Me, too.