All language subtitles for Ghosts CBS S03E06 Hello, Brother (2024)

Hey, babe? The Millers
left this in their room.

It's a bag of stuff from
the Natural History Museum.

Aww.

It's a little T-Rex and a
pop-up book about dinosaurs.

I'll mail it to them.

My, how far we've fallen
that museums

have stooped to trafficking
in fantastical creations.

Wait. Isaac, do you not know
that dinosaurs were real?

What? Samantha,

much like that green cardigan
you wore last Monday,

japery doesn't
look good on you.

Interesting.

Dinosaurs weren't
discovered until the 1800s.

So, the Founding Fathers

wouldn't have even
known about them.

You mean to tell me
that ferocious creatures

the size of houses
once roamed this earth?

Did you know about this?

Yes, but only because
I pay attention.

Oh. Hi.

Hello!

Welcome to Woodstone Mansion.

Holy crap.

Uh, I have a reservation
under Jeremy Lefkowitz.

My baby bro.

Oh, God, there's another.

Jeremy Lefkowitz.Wait, you're Trevor's brother.

W-We held his memorial here
last year.

Yeah, I wanted
to come, but...

I just think I wasn't ready
to really accept the fact

that Trevor was really gone.

It was just too painful.

It's okay, buddy.

Aww, he's still sad you're dead.
That's nice.

Who cares?
Monsters are real?

You know, I always
held out hope

that maybe he just
made a boatload

and took some hottie
to the Maldives

and set up some
sort of tax dodge.

That's a nice thought.

But I wouldn't bring a babe,
then you're stuck with her.

Tell him that, Sam.

Tell him you don't
bring sand to the beach.

Hey, Jeremy, can I interest you

in signing up for
our Woodstone Rewards program?

Oh, I'm actually
already a member.

Are you sure?
Because it's free to join and...

Oh. Wait a minute.
I don't have to do that.

Okay, let me show you
to your room.Great. Thank you.

What about unicorns?

Very real.

I knew it.

♪ ♪

There you are,
Pete.

Want to take a stroll
around the grounds,

put those young calves to work?

You know what?
I-I'm good.

The calves and I are just
watching a little Bake Off.

Was your skin
always this taut?

Yep. P-Pretty much.

Well, see you around.

Seems like Carol desire
intercourse with Pete.

Yeah, it's nuts.

That woman has been after me
like I'm a Tuesday flight

and she's a traveler
on a budget.

Historically the
cheapest day to fly.

It's because she saw you
stand up for yourself.

And learned that you were loyal,

even in death. Also...

Pete does have
very shapely calves.

He monster with
arrow through neck,

so we often forget that.

Just tell her
you're not interested, Pete.

I mean, you're not, right?

Well, it's not that simple.

I'm dealing with some
powerful temptations.

I mean, Carol and I would
fight like dogs all day,

but at night...
we made music.

Loud music.

Pete, this woman cheated on you
with your best friend.

You can't get back
with her.

I know, I know,
you're right.

Also, we share a room

and I cannot watch you two
play hide-the-arrow, all right?

I will throw up.

If ghosts can throw up.

Thank you. That is exactly
what I needed to hear.

I mean, not the part
where the idea of me

being sexually active
repulsed you,

but the rest of it.

Don't worry. I'll be strong.

He's here for the weekend?

He certainly
doesn't pack light.

I once saw you pack
12 steamer trunks

for a week in Newport.

One of them
crushed a footman.

Oh, I was so worried about
the china in that trunk.

Thankfully, the footman
softened the blow.

He did not die in vain.

Hey, Jeremy.

As a valued
Woodstone Rewards member,

I brought you
some fresh towels.

So, how you settling in? Great.

You know, I'm glad
I finally made the trip.

Oh, my parents, they raved
about the memorial, by the way.

Especially my dad,

especially getting
to meet Tara Reid.

Oh, yeah, I remember.

He gave her his business card.

How'd that work out for him?

I think they're
actually texting now.

Lenny Lefkowitz.

For an alter kaker
in wholesale lighting supplies,

the guy's got game.

Wow, well, tell your dad
I said hello.

Um, actually, um...

we're not really
speaking at the moment.

Uh...

He kind of fired me.

What? Dad fired you?

But it's for the best.

I'd been there 15 years,

we were just butting heads
by the end,

so it was--
it was just time to go.

Wait, why would Dad fire J-Dog?

That doesn't make any sense.

Oh, God, I wish I could
just talk to him.

I'm sure Jay has some sort
of meaningful follow-up.

Well, let us know
if you need anything else.

Come on.Come on!

Really? Oh, you know what?

Actually, I'm gonna
get some lunch.

I'll take the bone-in ribeye
please and...

Oh, I'll take a-a bottle
of your 2010 Château Ausone.

Wow. Okay. We'll get that
right up to you.

He's unemployed,
yet he's ordering

the most expensive items
on the menu.

Something stinks in here.

Sort of like
your steamer trunk

by the time
you got back from Newport.

Mm, you really must scape
the footman off immediately.

Carol.

What are you doing here?

You've been hiding from me.

I think you should leave.

Pete, I just found out I died.

I'm surrounded by strangers.

Could you please
just sit with me?

Sure, Carol. Oi yoi yoi.

I know how hard
this transition can be.

Thank you, Pete.

I feel better already.

Carol. What is your hand
doing on my knee?

Oh, sorry. Old habits.

Wow.

No clicking.

Your cartilage, it's
still so bountiful.

Okay, this was a mistake.
I'm leaving.

I have a butterscotch candy
in my purse.

Butterscotch?

That's great, Carol, but
as soon as you give it to me,

it's just going to zap back
into your purse.

I-I won't even be able
to enjoy it.

No, actually, Sass and Hetty
had this wacky idea,

that if I hold onto it,
you can suck on it.

But you'll also have

to suck my fingers a little.

It's been a while since
I've had a butterscotch.

In fact, it's been so long
since I tasted anything,

I should probably
just take a look.

Have a taste.

Oh!

You're so powerful.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Wow, look at that.

Is this an old
Funyo gaming console?

You play Super Mega Bowl?

I recognize almost
none of those words.

It's a classic eight-bit
football video game.

Yeah, I love
Super Mega Bowl.

Trevor and I used to play.

Boom!

You just got sacked
by T-Money.

Whatever.

I still have time
to kick this field goal

and win the Lefkowitz
Family Championship.

You're gonna choke, Jeremy.

Just like you choked

in the Camp Ramah gaga finals

in front of Rachel Horowitz.

Hey! No fair!
You wet-willied me!

T-Money!

I beat him all the time.

I beat him all the time.Hey, Jeremy.

Sorry to interrupt, I'm sure
it was just a mistake,

but the credit card
you gave us was declined.

Break his thumbs, Sam.

Yeah, sorry, I-I should've
mentioned that

I'm gonna use Woodstone
Rewards points to pay for it.

Food, room,

the whole thing. Unfortunately,

there's no way you've
earned that many points yet.

Uh-huh. Well, you know how
you get a hundred points

when you sign up
for the mailing list?

Yeah, I created
the program.

I know how it works.

Right, well, usually there's
something in the rules

limiting how many
emails you can register,

but not in yours.

So, I registered 10,000
dummy email accounts

and now I got a million points!

This kid's a genius!

He's gonna do
big things one day.

He's older than my father
was when he died of old age.

Very shameful way to die.

Okay, so you tricked us
into a free weekend.

Congratulations.

Well, it's actually
gonna be, uh,

a little longer
than a weekend.

See, um, I'm having
a great time,

and I'm currently a little
cashflow "negativo,"

so I went online,
extended my reservation...

Where's this headed?

...and I'm gonna live here
for the next year,

and pay for it all
with the points.

Oh, God.

Yes! Lefkowitz boys ride again!

Well, I just got off the phone
with the lawyer.

He says that if we don't
honor the rewards points,

we're opening ourselves up
to legal action.

Great. So it's settled.
J-Dog stays.

So, this guy is just
bleeding us dry for a year?

How are we gonna get rid of him?

A meteor got rid
of the dinosaurs.How is that helpful?

It's not.
I just thought it was neat.

Elias and I once owned
a tenement building

that we thought would
make a wonderful factory.

But what to do about the
families who lived there

and were refusing
to move out?

Well, we brought in rats
and how they scurried.

The people, not the rats.

Okay, Hetty had a
very disturbing story,

but I think there's
an actionable takeaway.

What if we just make things
so uncomfortable for Jeremy

that he wants to leave?

That's a great idea.
We smoke him out.

Come on.

I've missed out on 25 years
of my brother's life.

I don't even know who
he's dated, where he's lived,

if he's a boob
or a butt guy.

Trevor, we can't afford
someone just living here

mooching and spending us
into oblivion.

This is so unfair.

Question. So you were just stuck
with a building full of rats?

It was a sausage factory,
so the problem solved itself.

Great news, everyone.

Carol and I are back together.

And he stayed strong
for almost a whole hour.

Congrats.
But she break
your heart before.

I-I know, but that
was in the past.

Things are gonna be
different this time.

There you are.

I thought we were
going for a walk.

It's almost 6:00.

Well, it's 5:40,
my sugarplum.

That's not almost 6:00.

Well, I'm sorry, I thought
maybe we would leave early

so we could enjoy
the sunset together.

Fine. Let's
go on a walk now.

We'll probably be done
before 6:00,

and the rest of the night
will be chaos.

But whatever, let's go
enjoy a beautiful sunset.

What is your problem?

You're embarrassing me
in front of my friends!

Well, they seem like
they're off to a good start.

"...but the
Pachycephalosaurus fights back,

using its thick domed skull
as a battering ram."

Using its thick domed skull
as a battering ram...

He wants you
to make it move.

Oh, right, sorry.

Sam, I am freezing.

Well, if we are freezing,
then Jeremy's freezing.

He won't be able to put up
with this for very long.

First the Wi-Fi
goes out,

then the hot water.

Now the heat?Yeah, sorry.

Probably not the kind of place

you want to stay
for a whole year.

Oh, I don't mind.

I survived Fyre Fest.

Not only that, I was last one
to leave the island

'cause I was
loving it so much.

I don't know
what he's talking about,

but I love his confidence.

Just fill his room with rats
and be done with it.

Jeremy, we're
a small business.

We can't afford
to be providing

goods and services
to a non-paying customer

with no end in sight.

Sam, can we get
the pay-per-view fight?

It's only $79.99.

All right,
I do appreciate

that you're in a tough
situation here,

which is why I'd like
to tip you both

2,000 rewards points.

Okay, screw it.
How about this, Jeremy?

You and me play one game
of Super Mega Bowl.

That sounds like something

a brachiosaur would
drink water from.

I quip. Now, turn the page.

If I win,

you pack up and leave today.

If you win,

I'll double your rewards points.

Jay, what are you doing?

I'm getting us out of this mess.

I'm gonna run through you

like Bo Jackson ran through
the Indianapolis defense.

Number one, you're on.

Yes.Number two,

since 2017,

I've been the world record
holder at Super Mega Bowl.

I beat the computer
155 to zero.

Boom! My brother's gonna
wipe your butt.

Ew. What?

You know what I mean.

Uh-oh.

Well, great work, Jay.

Now Jeremy's gonna
have two million points,

and we're gonna be
stuck with him for years.

I've got him
right where I want him.What?

Playing the game he's
the best in the world at?

We're gonna use
the ghosts to cheat.

Hamilton cheated
on his wife,

and then got extorted
by his mistress.

Not important, but funny.

How are the ghosts
gonna help?

The only one
who knows anything

about Super Mega Bowl,
or football

for that matter,
is Trevor.

And I don't see him
helping out in this scheme.

They just need to tell you
what play number's being called.

It doesn't require any actual
knowledge of football.

Football is a brutal sport.

Now, pedestrianism,
that's where it's at.

Two combatants,
walking really far,

for a really long time.

But what if Trevor
catches us cheating?

He'll surely intervene
on his brother's behalf.

We're not gonna let him see.

Who?Trevor.

Won't let him see what?

Jay, why don't we just
do the thing

where I work it out
with the ghosts

and I fill you in afterward?

I'll go on my phone.Great.

Have you guys seen Pete?

Nope.Well, if you see him,
tell him I'm looking for him.

It's foot-rub o'clock.
My bunions are barking.

Okay, no problem.

Thank you for providing
all that context.

Hey, Viking.

You look a little
like Hulk Hogan.

He was a wrestler
in the '80s.

Quite a specimen.

Poor Pete.

That lady is
so mean to him.

She also look at Thor
most lasciviously.

Like a hungry warrior
returned from battle,

and Thor is bowl
of sour rams' testicles.

Yeah, she did seem
into you.

Maybe we can use this.

We know the thing Pete
hates most in the world

is that Carol
cheated on him.

So, what if we did
a loyalty test?

It's this thing on TikTok
that I've seen Jay watch.

So someone asks a friend

to hit on their boyfriend
or girlfriend,

to see if they're into it.

And if they are,
boom, busted.

So you're saying we see
if Carol stay loyal to Pete.

Exactly.

So you hit on Carol,

and if she says
she's open to it,

then we tell Pete,
and he'll have no choice

but to break up with her.

Thor accept mission.

Pete's wife,
prepare to be tested.

Loyalty tested.

Uh, just to really
clarify, you know that

"hitting on" has nothing to do
with actual hitting.

Maybe best we go over plan
in slightly more detail.

Yes!

How am I losing?
This makes no sense.

Whatever.

There's still time.
Let's see how you like this.

Oh, come on!Come on!

There's six plays.
You pick mine every time.

I guess you're just
really predictable.

That's impossible.

No one can guess right
that many times.

That isimpossible.
What's going on?

What the hell?
Are you cheating?

No. I swear.

I was just
picking my nose.

I don't even think
we have boogers.

This stops now.

Good luck cheating now,
cheaters.

- Hey.
- Hmm?

You gonna pick a play?

Yes, I am.
I'm just... thinking.

Trevor, you stop this at once.

You can't make me.

But I can.

Pachycephalosaurus charge!

He moved?

Oh.

Sorry.

It's just me now.

What?Nothing.

Let's dance.

Hey, buddy.

We wanted to tell you something,
and it may be hard to hear,

but you're our friend,

and we wanted to make sure
you weren't gonna make

the same mistake
in your afterlife

as you did in
your life-life.

So we set up
loyalty test,

to see if Carol
really changed,

but, unfortunately...
she not changed.

I-I don't understand.

What are you guys
trying to say?

So Thor made
a pass at her,

hoping that she would
tell him to get lost,

but instead, she
threw herself at him.

Right, Thor?Yes.

Carol very into Thor.

I'm sorry.

But it's good to know this,
right, Pete?

Well, I mean, that
doesn't prove anything.

She was probably
just being polite.

If anything, it was just
a little harmless flirting.

No, it was much more
than flirting.

Thor and Carol
have sex.

Wait, what?Oh, God!

What did you do with my wife?

You want Thor to be
specific?

Okay, well, first,
we start off

with backwards ram,
then...

Pete, I did not know that
he slept with her, okay?

He was just supposed to see
if she would cheat.

Which is exactly
what I do.

Why is everyone so angry?

Because you slept
with my wife!

I did this for you.

For friendship.

You think it was fun
for Thor?

I guess it was,

but there's nothing wrong
with enjoying your job.

This is not what
you're supposed to do...What is the matter with you?

And what is wrong with you, too?
You're the one

that roped him into this?

For you!What's all
the hubbub about?

You had sex with Thor?

You told him?

That's it, Carol.
We are through.

You can rub your own
damn feet from now on.

And you!

You're a terrible friend.

Okay. Calm down,
little buddy.

I'm not your
little buddy!

And don't you forget it.

Yeah!
That's how you do it.

Oh, my God,
this is tense.

Jay is up two points
with one minute to go.

Is this more exciting
than watching walking?

It is debatable.

You know, I got to say,
you gave me

a pretty good scare
there, Jay.

Isn't it?

All I got to do is get
in field goal position,

where I am automatic.

My little brother's
about to wipe your butt.

That's right,
I'm sticking with it.

I'm making it a thing.

You know, there was
a minute there

where I thought
I was actually gonna have

to take over
my dad's company,

but now I can just
keep living here.Wait, what?

Sam, what's he
talking about?

I thought you said
you were fired?JEREMY: Yeah.

For refusing
to take over his company.

I think Lenny was
just trying to motivate me

or something.I don't understand.

Why wouldn't you want
to take over the company?

You don't love
the lighting business?JEREMY: Oh, no.

I freaking love lights.

When you find
that perfect grouping

and fill a room
with that magical glow,

it's a godlike feeling.

So, then what's
the problem?

Because my dad's just
doing it to be nice.

I'm not cut out
to run anything.

Trevor was the one
with the head for business.

I'd probably
just screw it up.

No, you wouldn't.
You're a smart kid.

You learned your haftarah
in, like, a week.

That was an exterior wall.

I fell two stories.

I mean, I know
we can't get hurt,

but why didn't anyone come
looking for me?

What'd I miss?

All right,
ten seconds to go.

Time to kick
this field goal and end it.

No.

It's time for you to
grow up, little brother.

No!

I won!Huzzah!

Huzzah!

What the hell
just happened?

Your big brother just
shoved you out of the nest.

T-Money.

Nice work, Trevor.

Is what I would say if
Jay's name were Trevor,

which is a name that we've
discussed a lot this weekend,

hence the mix-up.

Stop talking.

Hold up, Pete punched Thor?That's right.

And there's a lot more
where that came from--Peter.

Yes?

We must speak.

I think we're about
to see some innards.

Do we have innards?Shh.

That punch pretty painful.

Uh-huh.

But Thor respect that you
finally solve problem

through physical violence.

Thor...

apologize.

Apology accepted.

And I guess, in some kind
of messed up way,

you did save me
from continuing to make

a huge mistake.

Let us never speak
of this further.

Thor is hero.
You're welcome.

Time to say goodbye
to the J-Dog, Sam.

I'm gonna miss you,
little brother.

Now, you go out there,
and you make our dad proud.

Good luck
on the new endeavor, Jeremy.

Yeah, we'll see, uh...

I just hope I have
what it takes.

Sam, you tell him any time
he's doubting himself,

remember, he's the one
who found the loophole

in the Woodstone
Rewards program.

Bro, you're the one
who found the loophole

in the Woodstone
Rewards program.

Yes. And that took
no small amount of genius.

Well, it was a pretty
glaring error.

And yet, no one else found it.

I get the sense not a lot
of people are looking for it.

You know, I mean,
I didn't see another guest

the whole time
I was here.

And, you know,

how much traffic
does your website get?

Thanks for coming, Jeremy.

All right.

Gonna miss you, buddy.

And with that, he's gone.

Just like those terrible lizards
they called dinosaurs.

What? They were big.

It's interesting.