Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,220 --> 00:00:04,810
♪{\i1} It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,830 --> 00:00:08,060
♪{\i1} Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,230 --> 00:00:11,670
♪{\i1} But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,820 --> 00:00:14,680
♪{\i1} On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,830 --> 00:00:18,240
♪{\i1} Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,260 --> 00:00:21,330
♪{\i1} Lucky there's a man who
positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,020
♪{\i1} All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:24,330
♪{\i1} Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,430 --> 00:00:30,230
- ♪{\i1} - He's... a...
- Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:38,180
{\i1} Good evening. Coming up,
a major Hollywood movie
11
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,930
{\i1} is set to film in Quahog.
12
00:00:39,940 --> 00:00:41,540
{\i1} But first,
whoever recorded me
13
00:00:41,690 --> 00:00:43,600
{\i1} cursing at
that freeway off-ramp veteran,
14
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:45,710
{\i1} please don't post that,
all right, seriously.
15
00:00:45,860 --> 00:00:47,450
{\i1} We all have bad days.
16
00:00:47,530 --> 00:00:49,950
{\i1}Our top story:
the latest Brad Pitt film
17
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,380
{\i1} will be shot
right here in Quahog.
18
00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:53,770
{\i1} Pitt will play
former New Jersey governor
19
00:00:53,870 --> 00:00:54,720
{\i1} Chris Christie.
20
00:00:54,940 --> 00:00:57,110
Brad Pitt is playing
Chris Christie?!
21
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,200
It should be a fat guy
playing that role!
22
00:00:59,220 --> 00:01:02,610
Chris Christie didn't eat
10,000 Jersey Mike's subs
23
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,710
just to be played
by a Hollywood pretty boy.
24
00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:07,800
That's offensive, and I,
for one, will not stand for it.
25
00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:10,790
Although that's mostly
due to cardiovascular disease.
26
00:01:10,810 --> 00:01:12,070
I got to sit down.
27
00:01:12,220 --> 00:01:14,230
Peter, you know, you've
actually got a valid point.
28
00:01:14,390 --> 00:01:16,220
Oh, boy. Here comes the soapbox.
29
00:01:16,390 --> 00:01:18,960
It's shameful Hollywood would
pass over the many talented
30
00:01:19,060 --> 00:01:21,740
plus-sized actors who are
much more deserving of the role.
31
00:01:21,890 --> 00:01:23,320
-Name two.
-Jonah Hill?
32
00:01:23,470 --> 00:01:24,990
-He's thin now.
-Uh, Fat Albert?
33
00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:26,560
-Not real.
-James Corden?
34
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,230
He's been canceled
for sending eggs back.
35
00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:30,830
Well, it's just another example
of Hollywood's history
36
00:01:30,980 --> 00:01:32,480
of exclusionary casting,
37
00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:35,410
-whitewashing and thin-washing.
-Exactly.
38
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:37,980
Like Mike Myers playing
an Indian man in The Love Guru.
39
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,170
Or Marlon and Shawn Wayans
40
00:01:40,250 --> 00:01:42,320
playing White Chicks.
41
00:01:42,340 --> 00:01:44,410
Or Mickey Rooney playing
an offensive stereotype
42
00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,490
of an Asian man
in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
43
00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:48,680
I don't know that movie,
but I like breakfast.
44
00:01:48,770 --> 00:01:50,330
Oh, come on, you two.
45
00:01:50,350 --> 00:01:52,500
You're really offended that
one of the biggest movie stars
46
00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:56,020
on the planet is coming to
our crap town to shoot a movie?
47
00:01:56,170 --> 00:01:57,850
I mean, Brad Pitt could put it
anywhere,
48
00:01:58,010 --> 00:01:59,840
-with any of us.
-Facts.
49
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,780
I mean, when was the last time
a celebrity visited Quahog?
50
00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:04,840
-Uh, Jared Fogle.
-Who?
51
00:02:04,860 --> 00:02:06,030
The Subway Guy. Remember?
52
00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:07,530
He was here
for a public appearance.
53
00:02:07,610 --> 00:02:08,860
Took a shine to Chris
for some reason.
54
00:02:09,020 --> 00:02:10,120
Took him camping.
55
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,110
Had these weird candies
he'd only let Chris eat.
56
00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:14,370
How come I don't remember
any of this?
57
00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,200
Ah, too many video games,
buddy.
58
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,780
They're rotting your brains.
59
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:20,040
Get your hands off me, Jared!
60
00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:22,120
You're really gonna complain
about Brad Pitt?
61
00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:24,210
Who cares what role
he's playing?!
62
00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,620
Well, that's easy
for you to say, Lois.
63
00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:28,480
Women have no idea
what it's like for us men,
64
00:02:28,630 --> 00:02:30,460
being held up to
impossible standards of beauty
65
00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:31,600
in the media.
66
00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:33,870
Ooh, Jennifer Lawrence has
a new movie.
67
00:02:33,890 --> 00:02:35,370
Eh! Too old. Next.
68
00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:37,040
Peter, I think
you're right to protest.
69
00:02:37,060 --> 00:02:38,710
-I'll even join you.
-Thanks, Brian.
70
00:02:38,730 --> 00:02:41,470
Sometimes you just got
to stand up for what's right.
71
00:02:41,490 --> 00:02:43,490
That's why I stood up
to Kanye West.
72
00:02:43,640 --> 00:02:46,400
Dinosaurs were created
by the Illuminati.
73
00:02:46,550 --> 00:02:49,160
The government hides secrets
in SpaghettiOs.
74
00:02:49,310 --> 00:02:50,810
And Hitler would've
won Wimbledon
75
00:02:50,910 --> 00:02:52,570
if he played tennis, bro.
76
00:02:52,730 --> 00:02:54,410
Sir, sir, sir.
77
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,170
We do not wear shoes
in this house.
78
00:02:58,570 --> 00:03:02,050
Thank you. Now please
continue about Wimbledon.
79
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:06,010
Overweight is overdue!
80
00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,180
Overweight is overdue!
81
00:03:07,330 --> 00:03:09,180
Wow, I'm impressed, Peter.
82
00:03:09,330 --> 00:03:10,850
Yeah, it's going great.
83
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,690
News trucks even showed up
to cover it.
84
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:15,340
I-I think... I think those
are just food trucks.
85
00:03:15,430 --> 00:03:18,080
Come on, you know you want some.
86
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:19,340
Hi, fellas.
87
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,590
Oh, hey. Thanks for coming out
to support us.
88
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,070
"Dangerous Curves Ahead."
89
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:27,930
- Oh...
- Right?
90
00:03:27,950 --> 00:03:30,040
Oh, that is good.
91
00:03:30,190 --> 00:03:31,930
You get it.
92
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,690
That... that is clever.
93
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:35,710
Am I right?
94
00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:39,440
That, that's good.
That's good.
95
00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:41,770
- Isn't it, though?
- Yeah, yeah.
96
00:03:41,790 --> 00:03:44,550
Brian, can you
explain that shirt to me later?
97
00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:50,220
{\i1} Protesters were on hand today
at the set of
98
00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:52,970
{\i1} the new Chris Christie biopic
being filmed in Quahog.
99
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:56,120
{\i1}They were protesting the casting
of Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt
100
00:03:56,210 --> 00:03:58,970
{\i1} in the lead role
and not a person of heft.
101
00:03:59,130 --> 00:04:01,140
Well, Peter, I'm just glad
you're on the news
102
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:04,550
for something other than sitting
on a hamster at a school event.
103
00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:09,130
Hey, they said they weren't
gonna put that!
104
00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:12,900
Mr. Griffin, hi.
105
00:04:12,990 --> 00:04:14,750
I'm Josh Universal
from the movie.
106
00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:17,310
I'm taking a break
from my horrific cocaine habit
107
00:04:17,330 --> 00:04:19,250
to ask you
to sit down with our producers
108
00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:22,500
for a "listening session"
to hear your concerns.
109
00:04:22,650 --> 00:04:25,260
And, on an unrelated note,
can I use your bathroom,
110
00:04:25,490 --> 00:04:27,410
and does anyone have
a rolled-up bill?
111
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,650
Oh, of course. I got
a special five just for that.
112
00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:34,250
All right, let's get
zapped and go see a play!
113
00:04:38,850 --> 00:04:40,980
Hmm. That's odd.
114
00:04:46,260 --> 00:04:48,510
Mr. Griffin, thank you
for meeting with us.
115
00:04:48,530 --> 00:04:49,670
Have a seat.
116
00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:51,180
Not on my lap!
117
00:04:51,270 --> 00:04:52,770
Sorry.
I'm a little nervous.
118
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,460
Peter Griffin,
please meet Brad Pitt.
119
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:01,350
George Clooney's boyfriend?
120
00:05:01,370 --> 00:05:04,040
No, no. A few years ago,
he was cast in a marriage.
121
00:05:04,190 --> 00:05:05,950
Mr. Griffin,
we've asked you here
122
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:07,620
because we understand
you have an issue
123
00:05:07,710 --> 00:05:09,540
with Brad playing the lead role
in our movie.
124
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:13,290
We want to make sure we hear
and ignore all your concerns.
125
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,980
Look, I know Brad Pitt is
a big star and all,
126
00:05:16,130 --> 00:05:17,980
but he's playing Chris Christie,
who's a fat guy.
127
00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:20,800
It seems unfair that
the role didn't go to a fat guy.
128
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:21,980
It only makes sense.
129
00:05:22,210 --> 00:05:24,320
Don't you think
we should cast the best actor,
130
00:05:24,470 --> 00:05:25,640
letting them interpret the role,
131
00:05:25,730 --> 00:05:27,490
rather than depending
on physical traits?
132
00:05:27,710 --> 00:05:29,990
Not if you're taking the role
away from a fat guy.
133
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:32,900
But, Mr. Griffin, Brad Pitt is
a highly skilled actor
134
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,070
who's won an Oscar and lots
of garbage Golden Globes.
135
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,500
You're not hearing my concerns.
136
00:05:37,650 --> 00:05:39,500
You don't know
the challenges fat guys face.
137
00:05:39,670 --> 00:05:41,670
What it's like
to have to rock multiple times
138
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,230
to get off the couch,
or how it feels to have to poke
139
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:46,010
a new hole in your belt
with a nail,
140
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,080
only to realize
the end no longer
141
00:05:48,160 --> 00:05:49,400
tucks into the little loop,
142
00:05:49,490 --> 00:05:50,920
or the shame
of getting thrown out
143
00:05:51,070 --> 00:05:52,300
of a strip club for touching.
144
00:05:52,410 --> 00:05:54,410
That last thing doesn't seem
like a weight issue.
145
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,170
You sound just like the judge!
146
00:05:56,260 --> 00:05:59,080
Look, the casting of this movie
is offensive to fat people,
147
00:05:59,170 --> 00:06:01,610
and I won't rest
until it gets shut down.
148
00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,270
Mr. Griffin, look,
149
00:06:04,420 --> 00:06:07,860
what if we made you our
"official fat guy consultant"?
150
00:06:08,090 --> 00:06:09,530
Do you think I'm an idiot?
151
00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,350
Yes! What if I told you
152
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:14,180
we'll give you a P.A. who will
get you anything you want?
153
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,090
Deal. 20 Happy Meals, please.
154
00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:18,260
He's actually Judd Apatow's
nephew Zack.
155
00:06:18,280 --> 00:06:19,760
You can't tell him what to do.
156
00:06:19,930 --> 00:06:21,270
In fact, you work for him.
157
00:06:21,270 --> 00:06:22,530
I want you to get me this thing,
158
00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:25,050
and I can't remember
what it is or where I saw it.
159
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,090
Wow, I'm gonna learn so much
from his last name.
160
00:06:37,410 --> 00:06:39,630
The new season of White Lotus
is weird.
161
00:06:39,790 --> 00:06:42,230
Griffins, you are looking at
the Chris Christie movie's
162
00:06:42,380 --> 00:06:44,400
official fat guy consultant.
163
00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:47,230
Boy, that's a garbage title
if I ever heard one.
164
00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,240
What? Wait a minute,
so instead of demanding
165
00:06:49,460 --> 00:06:51,410
they cast a plus-sized actor,
you caved
166
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,240
when they offered you
a meaningless title?
167
00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:55,740
-What about
everything you fought for?
-Don't you see, Brian?
168
00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:58,970
Now I can work the system
from the inside with dignity.
169
00:06:58,990 --> 00:07:01,530
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew?
170
00:07:02,570 --> 00:07:04,750
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew.
171
00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:08,310
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew.
172
00:07:08,330 --> 00:07:10,670
What does a fat guy consultant
even do?
173
00:07:10,820 --> 00:07:13,320
I'm the personal
weight-gain coach for Brad Pitt.
174
00:07:13,410 --> 00:07:15,100
Wou-Would we get to meet him?
175
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:17,170
Sure. My job is
to teach him how to think,
176
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,100
eat and live like a fat guy.
177
00:07:19,250 --> 00:07:20,830
So, just like that,
you're giving up?
178
00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:22,100
Brian, I'm a fat guy.
179
00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:23,510
I got all fired up
about something,
180
00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,480
and now I'm tired
and I'd like some custard.
181
00:07:30,090 --> 00:07:33,100
Guys, I'd like you to meet
my new friend Brad Pitt.
182
00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:35,600
-Oh, my God!
-Whoa, nice to meet you.
183
00:07:35,690 --> 00:07:38,120
-Who's this now?
-He's a very famous actor.
184
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,030
He's like
the white Morris Chestnut.
185
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,940
-Oh, damn!
-Wow!
186
00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:44,270
I can't believe I'm sitting here
with Brad Pitt.
187
00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:45,610
I've got so many questions.
188
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:48,110
Like, what are the other rules
of Fight Club?
189
00:07:48,130 --> 00:07:49,690
Well, the first rule is--
190
00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:51,210
No, I'm clear on the first rule.
191
00:07:51,300 --> 00:07:54,030
And I know the second rule is
just repeating the first.
192
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,380
But there's got to be
loads more.
193
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:58,790
Like, I got to think
"no sack attacks" is on there.
194
00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,050
Hey, Brad.
Any chance I could get
195
00:08:00,140 --> 00:08:01,880
Jennifer Aniston's number
from you?
196
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:03,140
I know she's got to be
a nightmare,
197
00:08:03,370 --> 00:08:05,700
but she keeps it
so freakin' tight.
198
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:06,720
Okay, enough small talk.
199
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,220
Let's do
what I brought him here for:
200
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,060
to break the Internet
with a group
201
00:08:10,150 --> 00:08:12,820
head-smushed-together selfie.
202
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,990
Kevin Spacey?
Get out of here.
203
00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:19,220
You're not allowed to be
in head-smushed-together photos
204
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,330
after what you did.
205
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,050
Not guilty
on all British counts.
206
00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:25,540
Oh, that rascal.
207
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,570
Hi, you must be Peter's wife.
I'm Brad.
208
00:08:37,070 --> 00:08:40,070
- Oh, I know who you are.
- I'm--
209
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,000
Hi, I'm--
210
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,420
Stewart. Charmed.
211
00:08:43,580 --> 00:08:45,240
I know you dump people
when they're 40,
212
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:48,020
but that still gives us
39 good years.
213
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:50,170
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Pitt.
214
00:08:50,270 --> 00:08:52,340
Um, when you did
that movie Snatch,
215
00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,510
did you know
that also means something else?
216
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,180
Because it very much does.
217
00:08:56,270 --> 00:08:58,760
That's a sticky handshake
you got there, Chris.
218
00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,760
Peter, I was wondering
if I could spend some time
219
00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:03,280
with you and your family,
observing how you live
220
00:09:03,430 --> 00:09:05,710
and how you eat,
to prepare for the role.
221
00:09:05,860 --> 00:09:07,120
Sure, I'd be glad to help.
222
00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:09,600
Wow, I ain't had a celebrity
ask me for a favor
223
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,120
since Jeremy Renner asked me
to shovel out his driveway.
224
00:09:12,210 --> 00:09:16,030
Uh, Jeremy, in light of
recent events, uh...
225
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:18,550
could ol' Pete borrow your skis?
226
00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:24,130
Okay, Brad, I'm gonna teach you
to be a fat guy.
227
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,300
For starters,
this is where we eat.
228
00:09:26,450 --> 00:09:29,400
Um, excuse me, Mr. Pitt,
but would you mind
229
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,310
if I FaceTime my friends
with you here?
230
00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:33,720
Oh, my God, they'll go crazy!
231
00:09:33,810 --> 00:09:35,240
Sure, Meg, it'd be my pleasure.
232
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:49,080
Oh, boy.
233
00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,460
Oh, this-this is sad.
234
00:09:53,980 --> 00:09:57,420
Oh, this-this is just... Oh...
235
00:09:57,650 --> 00:10:00,000
Why don't I just take this,
dear.
236
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:08,420
Okay, Brad, now,
another fat guy rule is that
237
00:10:08,510 --> 00:10:10,590
when you're out at restaurants,
always act like
238
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,110
you're on the fence
about dessert.
239
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:14,330
So, folks, we thinking dessert?
240
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:16,110
Seriously? You must be joking.
241
00:10:16,340 --> 00:10:19,110
I cannot move.
No, sir. No way.
242
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:20,860
Absolutely stuffed to the gills.
243
00:10:21,010 --> 00:10:22,260
Gonna have to take a rain check.
244
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,510
Although... No, no,
I can't even suggest it.
245
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:28,010
We are done. Done-a-roo.
Check, please.
246
00:10:28,030 --> 00:10:29,440
Although... just thinking,
247
00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:31,110
I don't know when
we'll be back here.
248
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:32,960
I read about
the award-winning pastry chef--
249
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:34,780
Wait, what am I saying? No! No.
250
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,130
Stop me, please,
someone, please.
251
00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:37,860
Bring the check now.
252
00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:40,120
Okay, you know what, we'll get
one order and we'll all share.
253
00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:42,140
One dessert, one dish,
five spoons.
254
00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:43,700
Whoever wants can have some.
255
00:10:43,710 --> 00:10:45,640
One plate. One of everything.
My plate.
256
00:10:45,790 --> 00:10:47,720
One spoon. No share.
257
00:10:50,460 --> 00:10:52,310
Now, Brad, if you're gonna
play a fat guy on camera,
258
00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:55,190
you got to learn
how to do the rope swing.
259
00:10:57,470 --> 00:10:59,190
Okay, let me show you
how it's done.
260
00:11:04,570 --> 00:11:06,810
900,000 views.
261
00:11:06,830 --> 00:11:09,050
-I'm learning so much.
-That's great.
262
00:11:09,150 --> 00:11:11,060
Hey, can you click
on a porn site for me?
263
00:11:11,070 --> 00:11:12,570
Otherwise I got to
peck it with my nose
264
00:11:12,730 --> 00:11:14,630
like a tic-tac-toe chicken.
265
00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,920
Here you go.
266
00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:24,510
Thanks so much, Mrs. Griffin.
267
00:11:24,740 --> 00:11:26,090
I love a home-cooked meal.
268
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,830
Well, we are
so happy to have you.
269
00:11:28,850 --> 00:11:30,260
-How's Shiloh?
-Who?
270
00:11:30,410 --> 00:11:31,830
-How's Maddox?
-Who?
271
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,500
-How's Zahara?
-Who?
272
00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:34,850
-How's Pax?
-Who?
273
00:11:35,010 --> 00:11:36,230
-How's Vivienne?
-Who?
274
00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:37,510
-How's Knox?
-Who?
275
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,360
Ignore her,
she can be so annoying.
276
00:11:39,510 --> 00:11:41,270
Sometimes I wish
I had a private plane
277
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,410
just so I could choke her on it.
278
00:11:47,090 --> 00:11:48,430
Hey, can I get you anything?
279
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,610
Another pork-n-Cheetos sandwich
or a buffalo latte?
280
00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:53,020
I'm good, Peter, thanks.
281
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,450
Brad, you're up!
282
00:11:58,210 --> 00:12:00,290
- Ah!
- Brad? Are you okay?
283
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:03,030
My back. I threw out my back.
I can't move.
284
00:12:03,050 --> 00:12:04,780
Hey, since you can't
really move right now,
285
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:06,540
this is probably
a good time to ask,
286
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,390
what's Juliette Lewis
really like?
287
00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:11,540
Nice. Talented. Professional.
288
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,350
-A little shrill.
-Yeah, a little shrill.
Yeah, that sounds right.
289
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:20,220
I don't think I can walk.
290
00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:22,310
We can't push back our schedule
any more.
291
00:12:22,390 --> 00:12:24,070
If Brad's injured,
what are we gonna do?
292
00:12:24,150 --> 00:12:25,800
We'll need a new Chris Christie.
293
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:29,200
But who could possibly play
that role on such short notice?
294
00:12:30,730 --> 00:12:31,990
I can play that role.
295
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:34,230
Griffin,
you're not even an actor.
296
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:36,820
No, but what I am is
a real fat guy.
297
00:12:36,980 --> 00:12:38,570
Brad Pitt was never
the right choice.
298
00:12:38,590 --> 00:12:41,570
This role calls for
real-life fat guy authenticity.
299
00:12:41,650 --> 00:12:43,480
I mean, would Transparent
have been as good
300
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:45,170
if they just put a guy
in a dress?
301
00:12:45,260 --> 00:12:47,080
Would Neil Patrick Harris
have been as funny
302
00:12:47,170 --> 00:12:48,740
on How I Met Your Mother
if he wasn't
303
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,750
a known heterosexual horndog?
304
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,510
Would Tropic Thunder
have been as authentic
305
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:56,060
if Robert Downey Jr. wasn't
a dignified Black man?
306
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,920
We're in a jam.
What do you think?
307
00:12:59,090 --> 00:13:00,760
I don't think
we have any other choice.
308
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,170
All right, Griffin,
you got the part.
309
00:13:03,260 --> 00:13:05,020
Awesome! I'm gonna
FaceTime my friends.
310
00:13:05,100 --> 00:13:06,850
They're gonna be
so excited for me.
311
00:13:12,950 --> 00:13:14,620
Oh, boy.
312
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,620
Oh, this-this is sad.
313
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:25,630
{\i1} We now return to
a steamy business drama
314
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:27,880
{\i1} where no one understands
what's happening.
315
00:13:28,030 --> 00:13:30,620
{\i1} Are you saying we should forge
the EBITDA projections
316
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:32,210
{\i1}- for the quarterlies?
- No.
317
00:13:32,310 --> 00:13:33,640
{\i1} I'm saying
we declare a revenue-miss
318
00:13:33,790 --> 00:13:35,290
{\i1}while issuing additional shares
319
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:37,720
{\i1} based on reduced
capitalization estimates.
320
00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:39,960
{\i1} Jim, you're in grave danger
321
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:41,560
{\i1} of violating
the Glass-Steagall Act.
322
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:44,210
They haven't shown a bare ass
in three weeks!
323
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:45,890
{\i1} Show me your ass, Jim.
324
00:13:46,050 --> 00:13:47,140
And I'm back.
325
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,050
Griffins,
you are looking at the new lead
326
00:13:50,140 --> 00:13:51,900
in the Chris Christie movie.
327
00:13:51,980 --> 00:13:54,490
You? Wh-What happened
to Brad Pitt?
328
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,720
It's what I've been saying
all along, Lois.
329
00:13:56,810 --> 00:13:58,060
He can't do what I do.
330
00:13:58,070 --> 00:14:00,110
He doesn't bring
the fat guy authenticity.
331
00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:02,230
His sweat doesn't smell
like french fries.
332
00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:04,250
He doesn't bring
the sky-high blood pressure
333
00:14:04,340 --> 00:14:05,900
or the jolting sleep apnea.
334
00:14:05,990 --> 00:14:07,840
I have that gift.
That's why.
335
00:14:07,990 --> 00:14:09,900
Peter, this is ridiculous.
336
00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,510
You can't play Chris Christie.
337
00:14:11,660 --> 00:14:13,500
You're not even an actor.
338
00:14:13,570 --> 00:14:14,740
Oh, no?
339
00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,580
Yes, Lois! Yes! Yes! Oh!
340
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,000
Sound familiar?
341
00:14:20,020 --> 00:14:22,080
-But how do you...?
-Squirt gun full of Ivory.
342
00:14:22,170 --> 00:14:25,530
Sorry, Lunchables, I'm afraid
I've lost my appetite.
343
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,090
Peter, I'm proud of you.
344
00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:28,440
You're actually making
important strides
345
00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:31,010
on behalf of inclusivity
and cultural sensitivity.
346
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,200
Yeah, I'm all for that stuff.
347
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:33,850
As long as we don't
got to take down
348
00:14:33,870 --> 00:14:35,280
the Confederate statue
in the yard.
349
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:37,260
That's for history and learning.
350
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,710
Even if they did
come in second place
351
00:14:38,860 --> 00:14:40,280
out of two armies in a war.
352
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,430
-So, how'd we do?
-Second place, baby.
353
00:14:43,530 --> 00:14:44,940
Hey, not bad.
354
00:14:45,030 --> 00:14:47,460
Silver medal. Whoo!
355
00:14:51,050 --> 00:14:53,330
Okay, Peter,
so, in this next scene,
356
00:14:53,390 --> 00:14:56,370
Christie would probably struggle
in the heat and sun
357
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,370
on the George Washington Bridge.
358
00:14:58,390 --> 00:15:00,880
You presume to lecture me
what it's like?
359
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,140
How dare you thinsplain to me?
360
00:15:03,290 --> 00:15:05,900
Talk to me
when your BMI is over 35.
361
00:15:06,050 --> 00:15:07,880
Wow, a real live movie set.
362
00:15:07,900 --> 00:15:10,050
So cool to be here
for the magic.
363
00:15:10,070 --> 00:15:11,800
Yeah, and look,
there's a child star
364
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:13,070
who's getting an hour of school.
365
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,890
Okay, Billy, now,
what color is this?
366
00:15:15,970 --> 00:15:17,560
-Blue?
-Close enough.
367
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:18,820
Now get back out there
368
00:15:18,970 --> 00:15:21,640
and be the most distracting
part of any film.
369
00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:24,750
♪{\i1} Making a movie ♪
370
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:28,150
♪{\i1} Not as glamorous as it seems ♪
371
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,650
♪{\i1} Standing around ♪
372
00:15:29,670 --> 00:15:32,150
♪{\i1} For three hours
just to move a light ♪
373
00:15:32,170 --> 00:15:35,700
♪{\i1} Tripping over thick cables
everywhere ♪
374
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:41,180
♪{\i1} Spending all day shooting
one ten-second scene, yeah ♪
375
00:15:41,330 --> 00:15:45,190
♪{\i1} Waving flies
off the craft service table ♪
376
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,330
♪{\i1} Making a movie ♪
377
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:51,670
♪{\i1} Way more tedious
than it seems ♪
378
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,450
♪{\i1} The most important job
is the editor ♪
379
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,450
♪{\i1} Staring at a frame
for 18 hours straight ♪
380
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,700
♪{\i1} Most of them snap
and go crazy ♪
381
00:16:02,790 --> 00:16:07,790
♪{\i1} Even a dumb cartoon like this
takes 18 months ♪
382
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:12,420
♪{\i1} What are we all doing? ♪
383
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:20,720
Oh, Peter,
your big movie premiere.
384
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,530
This is so exciting!
385
00:16:22,630 --> 00:16:25,390
Did Dr. Hartman bring a woman
in a coma as his date?
386
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,630
Hey, guys, big night, huh?
See you in there.
387
00:16:30,710 --> 00:16:33,970
Oh, God, here come those
mindless entertainment reporters
388
00:16:33,990 --> 00:16:35,900
who only want to know,
"Who are you wearing?"
389
00:16:35,990 --> 00:16:37,720
-Stewie!
-Stewie.
-Over here, Stewie.
390
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:40,220
How do you respond to those
who accuse your show
391
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:42,240
of trafficking in
decades of misogyny,
392
00:16:42,390 --> 00:16:45,060
homophobia and racially
insensitive stereotyping?
393
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,650
Uh... Thom Browne, thank you.
394
00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:49,000
Go, Brian. Go, go, go, go, go.
395
00:16:49,230 --> 00:16:51,750
And here's the star of the film,
Peter Griffin.
396
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,340
What are you wearing tonight,
Peter?
397
00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:56,160
Well, Tom, the shirt is actually
two shirts sewn together.
398
00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:58,510
The jacket is stolen
from a steak house maître d',
399
00:16:58,660 --> 00:17:00,240
and the pants are a towel.
400
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:02,760
You know, I hear you were
quite the prankster on set.
401
00:17:02,910 --> 00:17:03,920
Well, it wasn't so much pranks
402
00:17:04,020 --> 00:17:05,260
as yelling
and shouting at women.
403
00:17:05,410 --> 00:17:06,760
Yeah, a lot of 'em aren't here
tonight.
404
00:17:06,910 --> 00:17:09,260
They're doing some town hall
meeting with Gloria Allred.
405
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:11,150
Ah, we'll see what happens.
406
00:17:16,350 --> 00:17:17,590
The after-party's at a Panera
407
00:17:17,610 --> 00:17:20,200
that's still open
to normal customers.
408
00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:24,020
Thank you all for coming.
409
00:17:24,190 --> 00:17:26,260
- Giggity.
- It was a lot of hard work.
410
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:29,210
- Giggity.
- And thanks to the unnecessarily long writers' strike,
411
00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:32,360
we were unable to write
a third joke for this speech.
412
00:17:34,050 --> 00:17:35,940
-Hey!
-Ow!
413
00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:37,230
That's your father's movie
up there.
414
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,940
Pay attention, you dope.
415
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:47,450
Repeat after me.
416
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:50,290
-I's am governor.
-I's am governor.
417
00:17:50,310 --> 00:17:52,960
-Youse are not.
-Youse are not.
418
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,640
Big Pussy didn't deserve
to die like that
419
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:56,900
in The Sopranos.
420
00:17:57,050 --> 00:17:58,480
But he was a freakin' rat!
421
00:17:58,570 --> 00:18:00,980
Congratulations, you are
the governor of New Jersey.
422
00:18:01,130 --> 00:18:03,230
Now let's all root
for the Jets and the Mets
423
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:04,990
like the idiots we are.
424
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:17,320
Lord, please protect us
from this coming hurricane.
425
00:18:17,410 --> 00:18:20,170
It's bad enough you gave me
the same first and last name.
426
00:18:20,260 --> 00:18:22,820
Please don't let me be killed
by a Sandy.
427
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:26,660
The fellas at the Y would never
let me hear the end of it. Amen.
428
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,330
Oh, Chris, you're dying.
429
00:18:33,420 --> 00:18:35,830
Don't remember me like this.
430
00:18:35,930 --> 00:18:37,940
Remember me stuffed
like a sausage
431
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,780
into that NYPD softball uniform.
432
00:18:40,930 --> 00:18:43,930
♪{\i1} But I would walk 500 miles ♪
433
00:18:43,950 --> 00:18:47,410
♪{\i1} And I would walk 500. ♪
434
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,440
Hey, that was terrific.
435
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:52,960
Oh, what an achievement.
436
00:18:53,110 --> 00:18:54,540
You really did it, buddy.
437
00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:56,520
What are you guys
talking about? I stunk.
438
00:18:56,610 --> 00:18:57,610
I can't act at all.
439
00:18:57,710 --> 00:18:59,010
No...
440
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:02,190
You were, uh,
very believably fat.
441
00:19:02,210 --> 00:19:03,950
Didn't you notice half the time
442
00:19:03,970 --> 00:19:05,300
I was staring
right into the camera?
443
00:19:05,460 --> 00:19:08,050
They had to use peanut butter
to get me on my mark.
444
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,220
Yeah, but you've done
a great thing
445
00:19:09,370 --> 00:19:11,220
for authenticity
and inclusivity.
446
00:19:11,370 --> 00:19:12,550
I don't even know
what those words mean,
447
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:14,890
I just like to see your tail wag
when you say 'em.
448
00:19:14,980 --> 00:19:17,480
Peter, you're giving
the marginalized a voice.
449
00:19:17,710 --> 00:19:18,890
How are they marginalized?
450
00:19:18,990 --> 00:19:21,140
The whole country's full
of dumb, fat.
451
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:24,570
Now more than ever, we need
authenticity and inclusivity.
452
00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:26,830
No, Brian.
What we need is good actors.
453
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:28,720
I don't care if they're Black,
white, tall,
454
00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:30,000
short, thin, fat.
455
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:31,500
Gay, straight--
you forgot those ones.
456
00:19:31,720 --> 00:19:33,830
Look, I-I admit
I thought acting was easy.
457
00:19:34,060 --> 00:19:36,000
And maybe I was blinded
by all the praise I got
458
00:19:36,230 --> 00:19:37,730
from Harvey Weinstein.
459
00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:40,730
Peter, Harvey Weinstein hasn't
had clout for like six years.
460
00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:43,080
Oh, boy. Then I may have done
some things I'll regret.
461
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:46,240
I don't know, I guess,
as a fat guy, I-I got offended
462
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,420
that Chris Christie wasn't
played by a fat guy.
463
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,850
But turns out it just needed
to be a good actor.
464
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,000
Maybe we should all
spend less time judging
465
00:19:53,020 --> 00:19:54,260
and more time enjoying
466
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,250
what different actors
bring to different roles.
467
00:19:56,380 --> 00:19:58,670
That's the magic
of movies and TV.
468
00:19:58,770 --> 00:20:00,100
And stepson porn.
469
00:20:00,270 --> 00:20:02,590
Chris, you don't have
to join every conversation.
470
00:20:05,110 --> 00:20:06,270
Okay, look, look, I understand
471
00:20:06,430 --> 00:20:08,350
not everyone will agree
on this issue,
472
00:20:08,370 --> 00:20:10,370
but let's discuss it
in a civilized manner
473
00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,960
by making death threats
from our individual homes
474
00:20:13,020 --> 00:20:14,710
to one another on the Internet.
475
00:20:19,270 --> 00:20:20,550
Right back at you, buddy.
476
00:20:26,450 --> 00:20:29,220
Well, I'm sorry your movie
didn't go over well, Peter.
477
00:20:29,450 --> 00:20:30,950
Yeah, the money was good,
but I got tired of
478
00:20:30,970 --> 00:20:32,060
all the one-night stands.
479
00:20:32,210 --> 00:20:33,060
-What?
-Huh?
480
00:20:33,210 --> 00:20:34,640
Sorry, my ears have been clogged
481
00:20:34,790 --> 00:20:36,710
since I made out with that guy
from the film crew.
482
00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:37,880
-What?
-Huh?
483
00:20:37,900 --> 00:20:39,140
Well, I got to say, Bri,
484
00:20:39,290 --> 00:20:40,230
it might not have worked out
for Dad,
485
00:20:40,380 --> 00:20:42,720
but I sure got bit
by the acting bug.
486
00:20:42,740 --> 00:20:43,980
Really? You want to be an actor?
487
00:20:44,150 --> 00:20:46,630
Oh, yeah. I'd be great
in Streetcar.
488
00:20:46,650 --> 00:20:50,240
Stella! Stella!
489
00:20:50,390 --> 00:20:51,730
What?!
490
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:54,040
Is Aidan home?
37684
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
