All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S02E13.Civil.Wars.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,672 - Hello? 2 00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,407 Anybody home? 3 00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:12,745 - Oh. 4 00:00:12,747 --> 00:00:14,246 - Raymond? 5 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,285 Hello? 6 00:00:36,803 --> 00:00:38,437 - Hey. 7 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,472 - Raymond, what are you doing? 8 00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:41,807 - I'm--I'm playing 9 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:44,410 Hide-and-seek with the kids here. 10 00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:47,146 - Oh, hide-and-seek. Move over. 11 00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:58,457 What's this? 12 00:00:58,459 --> 00:00:59,792 - Oh, that's the invitation 13 00:00:59,794 --> 00:01:02,261 To tom and marianne's baby shower this weekend. 14 00:01:02,263 --> 00:01:05,064 Why is it addressed to both of us? 15 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:07,166 - 'cause you're invited too. It's for couples. 16 00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:12,104 - Well, since when does the guy have to go to that? 17 00:01:12,106 --> 00:01:13,105 Oh, come on. 18 00:01:13,107 --> 00:01:17,176 They're screwing with nature now. 19 00:01:17,178 --> 00:01:18,677 - Well, you know, it's their first baby. 20 00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:21,080 They're still excited. 21 00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:24,817 We hope each of our guests will make a presentation." 22 00:01:24,819 --> 00:01:26,285 - What? 23 00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:28,353 - "you can recite a poem, do a skit. 24 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:33,492 The proud parents will tape it as a tribute for the child." 25 00:01:33,494 --> 00:01:35,127 - Tribute? 26 00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:38,130 Oh, who's she's got in there, gandhi? 27 00:01:38,132 --> 00:01:39,364 - I can't go by myself. 28 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,165 You got to come with me. 29 00:01:41,368 --> 00:01:44,169 - Debra, I got the twins down, 30 00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:47,139 And I made your bed, and I hung up some clothes. 31 00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:49,508 I tell you so you won't be shocked later. 32 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,379 - What is that? 33 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,149 - Huzzah! Huzzah! 34 00:01:57,151 --> 00:01:59,618 - It's my dad and his crazy friend harry, 35 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:01,687 And they're running at our house. 36 00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:07,226 - Marie, water. 37 00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:08,794 - What are you doing, dad? 38 00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:12,397 - Attacking your house. 39 00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:14,900 - Harry got your father back into the civil war reenacting. 40 00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,635 - Damn glad I did. 41 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,237 I'm proud to lead this beautiful bastard 42 00:02:18,239 --> 00:02:20,639 Into battle. 43 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,441 - So you're one of those guys 44 00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,510 Who, like, gets dressed up in uniforms 45 00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,279 And recreates battles and... 46 00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:30,682 - I like war. 47 00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,584 - Your father's a lieutenant. 48 00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:33,819 - It's make-believe, ma. 49 00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:38,257 He could be lincoln if he wanted to. 50 00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:39,291 - Ah, miss marie. 51 00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,226 - Hello, harry. 52 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:42,327 - Please, ma'am, call me jeb. 53 00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,496 - Oh, well. 54 00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:46,698 Hello, jeb. 55 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:49,201 - You are a sight for sore eyes. 56 00:02:49,203 --> 00:02:54,173 - And mine are pretty sore. 57 00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,908 - Dad, what are you getting back into this now for? 58 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:58,544 - Next weekend is our big 25th anniversary. 59 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,811 We're reenacting our reenactment 60 00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,647 Of the battle of gettysburg. 61 00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:03,582 Clink! 62 00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:06,285 - Hey, ray, about next weekend, I was wondering-- 63 00:03:06,287 --> 00:03:09,188 - Wait a minute. Whoa, whoa. 4:00 already. 64 00:03:09,190 --> 00:03:11,423 I got to call that guy. The darn guy. Darn it. 65 00:03:11,425 --> 00:03:12,824 - What guy? 66 00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:15,661 - The darn guy about the thing with the, uh-- 67 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:16,662 The other guy. 68 00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:20,966 Get in here. 69 00:03:20,968 --> 00:03:23,569 - Good cover, ray. You're brilliant at this. 70 00:03:23,571 --> 00:03:25,470 - My father's about to ask me to go to this war thing. 71 00:03:25,472 --> 00:03:26,738 What am I gonna do? 72 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:28,874 - Well, you tell him you can't do it. 73 00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:33,312 - I can't just turn him down. Look how excited he is. 74 00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:34,780 No. No. 75 00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,316 I got to tell him I'm going somewhere else. 76 00:03:37,318 --> 00:03:38,784 - Well, you are going somewhere else. 77 00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,419 You're going to the baby shower. 78 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:44,356 - Oh, god. 79 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,391 Hey, what if I tell him 80 00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,227 I'm going to the baby shower, right? 81 00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:49,695 He goes to his thing, you go to your thing, 82 00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:54,299 And I make sure that things are good here. 83 00:03:54,301 --> 00:03:56,835 - Hey, no. 84 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,504 - Uh, hey, ray, we're gonna get going, 85 00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:02,975 But I wanted to ask you about next weekend. 86 00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:06,411 - Yeah, next weekend I'm going to a baby shower. 87 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,679 - What? 88 00:04:07,681 --> 00:04:10,515 - Yeah. It's for couples. 89 00:04:10,517 --> 00:04:14,353 - Well, I was gonna ask you, since I'm gonna be at war, 90 00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:17,256 If you wouldn't mind taking out my recyclables. 91 00:04:17,258 --> 00:04:18,790 - That's what you wanted to ask me? 92 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,559 - Yeah. 93 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:24,997 Hey, you know what my son's doing while I'm out fighting? 94 00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:27,966 He's going to a baby shower. 95 00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,668 - Oh, yeah? 96 00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:30,869 Back in civil war days, 97 00:04:30,871 --> 00:04:33,972 We had names for guys like you. 98 00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,374 They're pretty much like the names 99 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:39,678 We have for you today. 100 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,414 - All right. This house is secure. 101 00:04:42,416 --> 00:04:45,684 I want lunch! 102 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:47,919 - May I escort you across the street, miss marie? 103 00:04:47,921 --> 00:04:51,056 - Thank you, jeb. What a gentleman. 104 00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:53,392 - Hey, if you're gonna act like you're stealing her away, 105 00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,426 Don't tease me. 106 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:58,664 Steal her away! 107 00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:01,400 Have a nice shower, nancy. 108 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,540 I was thinking about what we could do 109 00:05:08,542 --> 00:05:10,542 For our presentation for the baby shower. 110 00:05:10,544 --> 00:05:11,743 - Oh, I was thinking about that too. 111 00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:12,744 - Oh, yeah? - Yeah. 112 00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,479 Here's what I was thinking. 113 00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,081 We could get up there right in front of everybody-- 114 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:22,087 And then I put an ax through my head, all right? 115 00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:24,556 Then you do the presentation by yourself 116 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,592 Because, thank god, I'm dead. 117 00:05:32,465 --> 00:05:36,001 - You know, as much as I like that, 118 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:38,804 It's gonna be tough to follow. 119 00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:40,772 - Please, don't make me go. 120 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,841 - Look, as bad as this shower might be, 121 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,577 It doesn't even compare to your dad's civil war thing. 122 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,845 Think about your poor brother. 123 00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,747 - Yeah. 124 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:51,450 Why? 125 00:05:51,452 --> 00:05:53,018 - 'cause he's going to it. 126 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,653 I mean, can you imagine being stuck in a tent 127 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:55,854 With your dad? 128 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,391 That's where you need the ax. 129 00:05:59,393 --> 00:06:00,826 - Wait a minute. Robert's going to this thing? 130 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:02,094 - Yeah. 131 00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:03,462 - My dad asked him to go? 132 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:08,133 - Uh, yeah. Your mom told me. 133 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:12,371 - What, robert's so great? 134 00:06:12,373 --> 00:06:13,372 - No, I don't think that-- 135 00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:16,541 - And I get the recycling. 136 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:17,776 He doesn't even ask me. 137 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,978 I mean, my father should ask me, shouldn't he? 138 00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:22,647 Why didn't he ask? 139 00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:23,982 - Well, would you have gone? 140 00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:27,452 - Of course not. 141 00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:30,555 But why does he want robert to go and not me? 142 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,491 What's wrong with me? 143 00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:39,631 - Ray, I didn't know that you'd be feeling so-- 144 00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:41,032 Wait a minute. 145 00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,667 You're not acting all hurt 146 00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:44,503 Just so I'll tell you you should go with your dad 147 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:48,740 So that you can get out of the baby shower, are you? 148 00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,842 - I'm not that smart. 149 00:06:57,750 --> 00:06:58,750 Hey. 150 00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,819 - Hey. - Mm. 151 00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:01,820 - Whoa, man. 152 00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:03,722 It's pretty cold out there. 153 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,490 What is that, breakfast? 154 00:07:05,492 --> 00:07:07,993 - An authentic civil war breakfast. 155 00:07:07,995 --> 00:07:09,661 - Your mother makes a hell of a jerky. 156 00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:14,766 - Yeah, you could swear this was made in 1863, huh? 157 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:16,134 - So you guys, you're really looking forward 158 00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:17,569 To this reenactment thing, huh? 159 00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,037 - Hey, can't wait. 160 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:23,175 Violence without paperwork. 161 00:07:23,177 --> 00:07:24,609 - So I guess everybody who signed up, 162 00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:25,644 What are they, 163 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:26,878 They're already signed up already? 164 00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:29,214 - Yeah. Why? 165 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,650 - I don't know. 166 00:07:31,652 --> 00:07:32,818 - What are you saying? 167 00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:35,620 You want to go to the reenactment? 168 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,489 - You asking me? 169 00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:38,690 - You want to go? 170 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:41,593 - I don't know. You asking me? 171 00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:42,961 - If I ask you, would you go? 172 00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,062 - Are you asking raymond? 173 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,131 - I don't know. Does he want to go? 174 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,466 - Why are you asking me? 175 00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:48,800 - I don't-- do you want to go? 176 00:07:48,802 --> 00:07:50,969 - All right, all right, I'll go! 177 00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:54,506 Thank you for asking. 178 00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:55,941 - All right, I got to go over to harry's 179 00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,243 And tell him we need another uniform. 180 00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,244 - Can't you call him? 181 00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:00,612 - No. 182 00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,481 In his world, the phone won't be invented 183 00:08:02,483 --> 00:08:04,649 For another 13 years. 184 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,226 - What? 185 00:08:14,228 --> 00:08:16,127 - You really want to do this, huh? 186 00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:20,065 - Well, you're going. 187 00:08:20,067 --> 00:08:21,933 - Do you have any idea what you're getting into? 188 00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,035 - Well, yeah. Yeah. 189 00:08:24,037 --> 00:08:25,637 - No bed, 190 00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:26,938 No heat, 191 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,573 No shower. 192 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:30,141 Weather report for next weekend: 193 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:32,544 Snow. 194 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:33,545 - All right. 195 00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,614 - Meals are hardtack, jerky, 196 00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:38,617 And whatever water you can wring out of your socks. 197 00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,285 - Oh, so you're this big civil war freak now 198 00:08:40,287 --> 00:08:42,020 Just 'cause dad asked you to go first, right? 199 00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:44,089 - He didn't ask me. 200 00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,090 - What? 201 00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:46,725 - He didn't ask me. 202 00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,760 Since when does dad ask us to do anything with him? 203 00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:53,598 I had to enlist. 204 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:58,603 - Oh, god, I don't believe this! 205 00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:00,906 I only did this because-- 206 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:05,110 - Because you thought he asked me and not you. 207 00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:08,046 And now you have to go. 208 00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:15,020 Hey, better bring a newspaper. 209 00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:16,922 - They had newspapers then. 210 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:18,690 - They didn't have toilet paper. 211 00:09:25,331 --> 00:09:27,832 - Debra. - Hmm? 212 00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:30,268 - "newsday" or "usa today"... 213 00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,807 Which is softer? 214 00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:42,147 - I don't know. 215 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:43,148 - I'll bring 'em both. 216 00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,716 I'll read one of 'em. 217 00:09:48,754 --> 00:09:50,655 - What's all that stuff? 218 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:54,059 I got to go over to my father's house tomorrow and get ready. 219 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:55,327 - Oh, what are you bringing? 220 00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:58,330 - Essentials. You know, stuff for war. 221 00:09:58,332 --> 00:10:00,865 - Rice krispie treats? 222 00:10:00,867 --> 00:10:03,168 I don't think they had those in the civil war. 223 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:04,836 - I never read that anywhere. 224 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,071 - Itty bitty book light? 225 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,006 - Yeah, all right. Take it easy, okay? 226 00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,240 I got to get ready. 227 00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,642 - What do you mean? It's a week away. 228 00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:12,010 I thought you were dreading this thing. 229 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,244 - I am dreading it, 230 00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:14,879 The war part. 231 00:10:14,881 --> 00:10:17,682 - The war part. What else is there? 232 00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:20,318 - Well, there's my father. 233 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:21,786 You know, it's the weirdest thing. 234 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,955 At first, I just wanted to get asked, 235 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,091 But, you know, we never did stuff together, me and him. 236 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:28,994 Now I just--I kind of want to go with him. 237 00:10:28,996 --> 00:10:30,729 - Really? - Yeah. 238 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:33,298 War makes people do crazy things. 239 00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,237 Hello? 240 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:41,272 - Hey, ray, we're down here in the basement. 241 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,774 - Yeah, come on down, ray. 242 00:10:42,776 --> 00:10:46,678 Check your skirt at the door. 243 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:48,213 - Hey, did harry drop off my uniform? 244 00:10:48,215 --> 00:10:49,881 - He's on his way over now. 245 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,416 I was just about to show robert 246 00:10:51,418 --> 00:10:53,151 How to act when you get shot. 247 00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,253 - What, like upset? 248 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:58,189 - No. No, it's got to be realistic. 249 00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,391 Here. Here, let me show you. 250 00:10:59,393 --> 00:11:01,393 Robert, make a gunshot noise. 251 00:11:01,395 --> 00:11:03,995 - What caliber, .22 or-- what are you, .45? 252 00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:05,664 - Ray. - Bang. 253 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,433 I'm hit. 254 00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:11,236 Keep fighting, men. 255 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:14,205 Kill those rebel bastards. 256 00:11:19,445 --> 00:11:20,779 Abigail. 257 00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,216 Dear abigail, 258 00:11:25,218 --> 00:11:27,185 My pretty, young, 259 00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:32,023 Non-nagging civil war wife. 260 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:34,292 Oh, abigail. 261 00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,363 See? 262 00:11:38,365 --> 00:11:40,832 Getting shot is fun. 263 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:44,736 - Not if you're watching. 264 00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,005 - Oh, here, I think I pulled everything I have. 265 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:49,340 Give me a hand. 266 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:51,076 - Come on. - There you go. 267 00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:52,277 You all right, dad? 268 00:11:52,279 --> 00:11:53,878 - Sure, sure. Thanks. 269 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,213 See? 270 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:57,782 That's what the civil war is about, 271 00:11:57,784 --> 00:12:00,285 Families coming together... 272 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,854 - To kill other families. 273 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:05,857 - Amen. 274 00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:07,225 - Hey, you know what just occurred to me? 275 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:08,960 If someone really dies, 276 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:11,963 You don't find out about it till the car ride home. 277 00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,164 - Look at this. 278 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,299 Look at this old pocket knife. 279 00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,502 Who's a.B.? 280 00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,138 - Albert barone, my father. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 281 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:21,406 - Oh, yeah? He gave that to you? 282 00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,474 - Yeah, yeah. 283 00:12:22,476 --> 00:12:23,908 - It's pretty cool. 284 00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:25,410 When? When did he give you this? 285 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:28,780 - Yeah, we were always camping, hiking, canoeing. 286 00:12:28,782 --> 00:12:31,149 Guess he gave it to me on one of those trips. 287 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:33,451 - Oh, yeah? Hey, this is history. 288 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:34,919 I can take this on the reenactment with me. 289 00:12:34,921 --> 00:12:36,488 - No, no. 290 00:12:36,490 --> 00:12:38,823 They had no knives like this during the civil war. 291 00:12:38,825 --> 00:12:40,425 Everything has to be completely authentic. 292 00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:42,260 - Yeah. - See these pants? 293 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,864 No zipper. 294 00:12:45,866 --> 00:12:49,033 - Good luck with that. 295 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,034 - Good morning, men. 296 00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:54,439 - Morning, sir! - Morning, sir! 297 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,142 - Hi. 298 00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,811 - You'll be pleased to know that the battlefield is ours. 299 00:12:59,813 --> 00:13:02,280 The carnival and the petting zoo have moved on. 300 00:13:02,282 --> 00:13:05,416 - Huzzah! - Huzzah! 301 00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,418 - Here's your uniform. 302 00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,453 - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 303 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,854 This is a different color. 304 00:13:09,856 --> 00:13:11,156 - You didn't tell him? 305 00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:12,190 - Oh, yeah. 306 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:13,925 The south's short a few guys, 307 00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,560 So you're gonna have to fight on their side. 308 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:19,998 - South? 309 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,800 Come on, I don't want to fight on the south. 310 00:13:21,802 --> 00:13:23,468 I want to be with you guys at this thing. 311 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,103 - A rebel in a union camp? 312 00:13:25,105 --> 00:13:27,272 That is out of the question, soldier. 313 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:29,174 - I'm not a rebel! 314 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:30,475 Come on. I don't know those guys. 315 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,844 I'm gonna be all shy. 316 00:13:32,846 --> 00:13:37,048 - Don't make me slap you. 317 00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:39,284 - I'm never gonna pass for a southerner, okay? 318 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,020 What if they hear me talk? 319 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:45,089 - Maybe they'll hang you as a spy. 320 00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:46,991 - Robert, want to give me a hand? 321 00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,928 I have a cannon in the trunk of my car. 322 00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,497 - Sir, yes, sir! 323 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:55,533 Robert, talk to this guy, will you? 324 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,268 Come on, I don't want to fight for the south. 325 00:13:57,270 --> 00:14:00,839 I can't eat grits and say "y'all." 326 00:14:00,841 --> 00:14:02,307 - I like you on the other side. 327 00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:04,242 It's more authentic. 328 00:14:04,244 --> 00:14:07,078 Brother against brother. 329 00:14:15,254 --> 00:14:16,955 - Oh, my feet are killing me. 330 00:14:16,957 --> 00:14:21,125 I think these boots are a size too small. 331 00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:24,996 On the bottom of my right boot? 332 00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:26,598 - "left." 333 00:14:29,435 --> 00:14:31,569 - Oh, crap. What's it say on the other one? 334 00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,872 - Guess. 335 00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:36,274 - All right, help me off with them, will you? 336 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:38,977 - Hey, dad, are you sure 337 00:14:38,979 --> 00:14:40,979 I can't be on your side at this thing? 338 00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:43,348 - I told you, the south's a few guys short. 339 00:14:43,350 --> 00:14:45,884 Look, try yanking from the heel, okay? 340 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,952 - You know, I kind of thought 341 00:14:47,954 --> 00:14:49,654 I'd be on your side on this thing, you know, 342 00:14:49,656 --> 00:14:51,456 With you. 343 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:53,057 - Look, I know what you're worried about. 344 00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,926 If we should come face-to-face out there, 345 00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:58,162 I'll just shoot you in the hand, all right? 346 00:14:58,164 --> 00:14:59,497 Aah! You're twisting. 347 00:14:59,499 --> 00:15:01,132 What's the matter with you? 348 00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:02,901 - Look, either I'm on your side on this thing, 349 00:15:02,903 --> 00:15:04,402 Or I'm not gonna go, okay? 350 00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:05,970 - You can't desert now. 351 00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:06,971 - There's no desert, dad. 352 00:15:06,973 --> 00:15:08,973 There's no war here! 353 00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,942 It's just dressing up in costumes 354 00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:11,943 Like it's Halloween, 355 00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:17,215 With your friend harry/jeb. 356 00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:20,051 - You shut up now. 357 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:22,020 This means something to us. 358 00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,022 There's camaraderie here. 359 00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:26,057 There's spirit. 360 00:15:26,059 --> 00:15:28,960 You don't understand anything about this. 361 00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:30,561 You have no idea what it feels like 362 00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,263 To stand on a battlefield 363 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:35,600 Pretending to fight for something you believe in. 364 00:15:39,138 --> 00:15:42,373 - Look, I'm not talking about that, dad, okay? 365 00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:43,675 - Then why do you want to go? 366 00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:46,044 - Believe it or not, to be with you. 367 00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,979 Why can't you do something with me for once? 368 00:15:47,981 --> 00:15:50,181 - What are you talking about? We do stuff. 369 00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,684 - What? What do we do, dad? What? What do we ever do? 370 00:15:52,686 --> 00:15:54,585 - I can't believe you're giving me all this grief 371 00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:56,721 Just because you're not on my side in this thing. 372 00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:58,957 I'm sorry I asked you to go. 373 00:15:58,959 --> 00:16:00,358 - You didn't ask me to go. 374 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:01,526 - Yes, I did. - No, you didn't. 375 00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,161 - I said, "do you want to go?" 376 00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,595 - Yeah, you said, "do you want to go?" 377 00:16:04,597 --> 00:16:07,598 Not, "do you want to go because I want you to go?" 378 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,572 - Oh, my god. 379 00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,441 You are gonna get passed around the campfire 380 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,609 Like a bag of chips. 381 00:16:22,614 --> 00:16:24,182 - All right. Forget about it, then. 382 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,616 Forget it. I won't go. 383 00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,151 All right. 384 00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:31,155 You know, I just-- I thought maybe you-- 385 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:32,590 We could do something together for once, 386 00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:34,592 You know, like you did with your father. 387 00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,427 - What are you talking about? - What do you mean? 388 00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:38,196 What do you mean what am I talking about? 389 00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,764 Didn't you just tell me he gave you the knife? 390 00:16:39,766 --> 00:16:41,566 He took you hunting and fishing and canoeing. 391 00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,201 Didn't you just tell me that, dad? 392 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,236 Or what, is that all pretend too? 393 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,115 It is. It is, isn't it? 394 00:17:01,387 --> 00:17:03,688 - Are you gonna help me off with the damn boots or what? 395 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,334 - Turn. Turn the foot, dad. 396 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,668 Turn your foot. 397 00:17:20,806 --> 00:17:25,543 - You know, 398 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:29,047 I tried to be better than him. 399 00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:32,750 - I know, dad. I know. 400 00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,353 - Look, you're good at that, aren't you, 401 00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:38,289 Doing stuff with your kids? 402 00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,558 - I'm all right. 403 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:43,428 I could be better too. 404 00:17:43,430 --> 00:17:45,563 You know, but they'll probably be better with their kids, 405 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:49,567 So we're on the right track here. 406 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:51,602 Your great, great grandchildren 407 00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:56,107 Will probably be excellent parents. 408 00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:57,708 - Yeah. 409 00:17:57,710 --> 00:18:00,478 So are you gonna come to this thing 410 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,547 With me or not? 411 00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:04,682 - All right. Stop asking. 412 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:08,219 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come here. Come here. 413 00:18:08,221 --> 00:18:10,555 I got to teach you the civil war handshake. 414 00:18:10,557 --> 00:18:11,823 - Dad. - Here, not like that. 415 00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:14,225 You got to clasp forearms like this. 416 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:15,726 - Right. - It's stronger. 417 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:17,195 - Like this here? 418 00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:18,296 - Yeah. - Okay. 419 00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:28,172 You know, you're shaking hands with a confederate here. 420 00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:31,476 - Yeah, you don't have much of a grip there, nancy. 421 00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:38,549 - Debra? Debra, you've got to see this. 422 00:18:38,551 --> 00:18:40,318 Come on. 423 00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:52,130 - We're just here to say farewell to our kinfolk. 424 00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,465 - Ray, your ride's here. 425 00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:14,652 - Listen, if I don't come back, 426 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:18,723 It's 'cause I died of embarrassment. 427 00:19:18,725 --> 00:19:20,525 well, I do declare, 428 00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:22,927 You look so very fine in your uniform. 429 00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,562 I believe I've got the vapors. 430 00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:29,200 - Where were you last night? 431 00:19:29,202 --> 00:19:30,568 - Come on. 432 00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:31,869 I don't want them to start without us. 433 00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:33,638 - That's right. 434 00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:36,641 All the good killing's in the first five minutes. 435 00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:38,509 - Hey, kids, when I come back from the war, 436 00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,378 We're gonna go to the happy zone, right? 437 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,812 - I hope you win, daddy. 438 00:19:41,814 --> 00:19:44,615 - Don't bet on it, kid. 439 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:47,318 Ray, sign this card for the baby shower. 440 00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,319 - Oh, sorry. Got to go. 441 00:19:48,321 --> 00:19:53,424 What am I gonna tell tom and marianne? 442 00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,560 - Frankly, my dear... 443 00:19:58,797 --> 00:20:00,932 I don't give a damn. 444 00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:14,345 - Idiots. 445 00:20:29,428 --> 00:20:30,428 Huzzah! 446 00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:36,534 - I can't believe you shot me, robert. 447 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:42,273 - Stop talking. You're ruining it. 448 00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,375 - I got to lie here all afternoon? 449 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,310 - It's got to be authentic. 450 00:20:46,312 --> 00:20:47,979 - What authentic? 451 00:20:47,981 --> 00:20:50,915 Stonewall jackson's wearing a beeper. 452 00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:56,520 - His wife's pregnant. 31349

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.