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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,438 --> 00:00:07,639 - Oh, look who's here. 2 00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,108 Guys, I got to go, okay? I'm late. 3 00:00:09,110 --> 00:00:10,175 - Okay. - I'll see you guys. 4 00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,477 - All right, bye. - Bye. 5 00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,379 - Bye, dad. - Bye. 6 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:15,214 I'm late. 7 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,216 - Yeah, ray, listen, ally drew this picture of our family, 8 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,784 And now she wants to put it up on the fridge. 9 00:00:18,786 --> 00:00:20,285 - Yeah, so? 10 00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:21,286 - Well, look at it. 11 00:00:21,288 --> 00:00:22,454 There's ally and the twins, 12 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:23,455 And there's you and me, 13 00:00:23,457 --> 00:00:26,091 And, look at your parents. 14 00:00:26,093 --> 00:00:27,359 - Oh, she made them giants. 15 00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:30,162 - Yeah. 16 00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:31,730 - With sharp teeth and claws. 17 00:00:33,767 --> 00:00:36,535 - Yeah, and they're attacking our house. 18 00:00:36,537 --> 00:00:38,070 - Stop it, I'm showing him. 19 00:00:38,072 --> 00:00:39,571 - No, this way. It goes this way. 20 00:00:39,573 --> 00:00:41,807 - She's very perceptive. 21 00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,108 - We can't put this on the fridge. 22 00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:44,610 Your parents are going to see it. 23 00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,545 - Do you like my picture, daddy? 24 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,180 - Um, yes, I do. I do, sweetie. 25 00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,748 - Honey, how come you made grandma and grandpa 26 00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:51,216 Look so scary? 27 00:00:51,218 --> 00:00:52,551 - That's not grandma and grandpa. 28 00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:55,254 Those are Halloween monsters. 29 00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,623 - Oh. - Okay. 30 00:00:57,625 --> 00:01:01,460 - Grandma and grandpa aren't monsters. 31 00:01:06,199 --> 00:01:07,699 - Ah, youth. - Yup. 32 00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:13,505 - Hi, I'm ray, and I live here in long island 33 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:16,775 With my wife debra, 34 00:01:16,777 --> 00:01:19,645 My six-year-old daughter, and twin two-year-old boys. 35 00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:20,646 Whee! 36 00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:23,582 My parents... 37 00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,484 Live across the street. 38 00:01:25,486 --> 00:01:35,594 That's right. 39 00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:45,704 That's right. 40 00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,606 - They're gonna call it, man. There's no way. 41 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,141 There's no way they're gonna get it in. 42 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,310 - So none of these are real massages? 43 00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:55,280 - Well, andy, why would a real masseuse 44 00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:57,116 Have a black bar across her eyes? 45 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,620 - You know why? The black matches her whip. 46 00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,759 - So all of this is sex? 47 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,862 - Yes, it's sex. 48 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:11,763 - Then these prices are very reasonable. 49 00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:17,503 - Press box. 50 00:02:17,505 --> 00:02:19,171 Yeah, hold on one second. 51 00:02:19,173 --> 00:02:21,206 Kevin, it's roy firestone. 52 00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:22,207 - Ooh. Roy's calling. 53 00:02:22,209 --> 00:02:23,842 - "ooh. Roy's calling. 54 00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,145 "I'm on tv with roy. 55 00:02:26,147 --> 00:02:27,746 Mmm, roy firestone." 56 00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,515 - You're not a little jealous, are you, andy? 57 00:02:29,517 --> 00:02:30,816 - No, I'm not jealous. 58 00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,285 So kevin does the play-by-play for the mets, 59 00:02:33,287 --> 00:02:36,488 And I'm just his humpbacked stat guy. 60 00:02:36,490 --> 00:02:37,656 Well, you know what? 61 00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,458 Without me, he wouldn't know what to say. 62 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:42,728 He'd open up his mouth, and meat would fall out. 63 00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:43,829 - Thanks. Yep, I'll tell him now. 64 00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:45,364 All right, roy. 65 00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:47,332 Yeah! You know who that was? 66 00:02:47,334 --> 00:02:50,235 That was roy freaking firestone. 67 00:02:50,237 --> 00:02:52,938 - Did he ask you to a sleepover? 68 00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,740 - You, my friend, are gonna be on tv. 69 00:02:54,742 --> 00:02:56,575 - Me? What are you talking about? 70 00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:58,243 - Harvey johnson's taking a vacation, 71 00:02:58,245 --> 00:02:59,511 And roy wants you to fill in with us 72 00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:01,580 On sportscall with roy firestone. 73 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:02,714 - Get out of here. 74 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:03,715 Come on, I don't-- 75 00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:04,783 I don't know tv. 76 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,251 I'm a sportswriter. 77 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:08,654 - Roy specifically asked for a newspaper guy 78 00:03:08,656 --> 00:03:11,823 Or a chinese person. 79 00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,258 - Wait a minute. 80 00:03:13,260 --> 00:03:14,626 Wait, wait, wait, that's a live tv show. 81 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:15,861 - It's 30 minutes. 82 00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,696 Come on, it's the easiest money you ever made. 83 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,431 - Easier than the 40 bucks he got 84 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:23,235 When you couldn't do seven push-ups? 85 00:03:23,237 --> 00:03:24,236 - It was ten, andy. 86 00:03:24,238 --> 00:03:26,638 I couldn't do ten push-ups. 87 00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:28,574 - It doesn't matter because you stopped after two. 88 00:03:31,477 --> 00:03:32,611 - So you're in, right? 89 00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:33,946 - I don't know. I got to-- 90 00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:35,347 Come on, I got to think it over. 91 00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:36,615 - I got to let them know tonight, ray. 92 00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:37,783 - Roy wants me? 93 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,351 Come on, he knows who I am. 94 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,519 - Everybody knows who you are. 95 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,887 You know sports, you -- 96 00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:44,289 You get to the heart, the poetry, that is sports. 97 00:03:44,291 --> 00:03:48,427 - Oh, I'm having the stomach that is nauseous. 98 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,962 - You're sure he knows me. 99 00:03:49,964 --> 00:03:51,230 - Yes! - He's read my stuff? 100 00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,764 - He knows it all. Come on! 101 00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,600 - But you think I'll do all right on there? 102 00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:55,867 - You're gonna do great, man, come on. 103 00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:56,868 - All right, I'll do it. 104 00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,403 - Yeah, that's the man I know. 105 00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,371 - Oh, man, I got to call debra. 106 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:00,872 - Yeah, look at you. 107 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,507 - Debra's gonna flip, man, when she hears this. 108 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,876 - Whoo! Tv big shot. 109 00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:06,478 - Hi. Oh, hi, michael. 110 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,579 Michael answered the phone. 111 00:04:07,581 --> 00:04:09,248 His first time. He's never done that. 112 00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,249 - Huh, first time. 113 00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:13,318 What is he, 14 now, ray? 114 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:14,453 - He's two. 115 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,388 Yeah, hi, it's daddy. 116 00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:17,856 No, I know daddy's not home. 117 00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:18,857 I'm daddy. 118 00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:20,559 No, I'm daddy! 119 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:22,327 Yeah, I-- is mommy-- 120 00:04:22,329 --> 00:04:23,328 Hello? 121 00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,364 No, don't go get daddy! 122 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,466 He dropped the phone. 123 00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:28,734 Is somebody there? 124 00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:29,968 Somebody there to pick up the phone? 125 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,370 Debra. I hear you, debra. 126 00:04:31,372 --> 00:04:32,704 You're walking right by the phone now. 127 00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:33,705 Look down. 128 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,674 Look down, debra! 129 00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:36,675 I'm in the phone! 130 00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:44,683 You know what my mother did? 131 00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:48,654 She sent flyers out all over the neighborhood. 132 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:52,324 My father told everybody at the elks. 133 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:53,425 Give me-- give me some tips, man. 134 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,626 Tell me something. 135 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:55,927 - Just make love to the camera, ray. 136 00:04:58,665 --> 00:04:59,765 Hey, what do you say, fellas? 137 00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:00,932 - Hey, roy. - Good to see you. 138 00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:03,502 - Hey, james, good to see you again. 139 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,936 - Ray, good to see you again. 140 00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,705 - You all ready for the big show? 141 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,073 - I guess so. 142 00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,808 I don't do tv much. 143 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,511 Ever. 144 00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:14,579 First time. 145 00:05:14,581 --> 00:05:16,648 Kind of got some butterflies going. 146 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,450 - Well, you know, I don't get the butterflies. 147 00:05:18,452 --> 00:05:21,753 I just throw up before every live show. 148 00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:23,522 - We're live in 30 seconds. 149 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:24,623 - Wait, I didn't throw up yet. 150 00:05:27,393 --> 00:05:28,727 How do you sit? 151 00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:30,095 Do you sit-- do you cross your legs much? 152 00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,531 - I don't, but I can't. 153 00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,733 - Okay, everybody, stand by. 154 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:38,770 In 5, 4, 3, 2... 155 00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:40,405 - Listen, can I get-- - hello again, everybody. 156 00:05:40,407 --> 00:05:41,406 I'm roy firestone, 157 00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:43,075 And this is sportscall. 158 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:44,609 Our guest all this week 159 00:05:44,611 --> 00:05:45,977 From the great laker championship team 160 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:47,479 Is mr. James worthy, 161 00:05:47,481 --> 00:05:48,680 And as always, 162 00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,349 The radio voice of the new york mets, 163 00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:51,350 Mr. Kevin daniels. 164 00:05:51,352 --> 00:05:52,451 Good to see you, kevin. 165 00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,618 - Roy. James. 166 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:55,354 How are you, folks? 167 00:05:55,356 --> 00:05:57,622 - And a brand-new face from newsday, 168 00:05:57,624 --> 00:05:59,691 A fine columnist, mr. Ray barone. 169 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,926 Good to see you, ray. 170 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:05,864 - Howdy. 171 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,865 - Our subject tonight-- 172 00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,133 Athletes and steroids. 173 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:09,434 As you might know, 174 00:06:09,436 --> 00:06:10,769 There's an increasing use of steroids 175 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:15,107 And, ray, you wrote a very interesting piece about that. 176 00:06:15,109 --> 00:06:16,641 - Ahem, yes, I did, roy. 177 00:06:18,911 --> 00:06:20,645 - Why don't you tell us about that, ray? 178 00:06:20,647 --> 00:06:22,414 - Um... 179 00:06:22,416 --> 00:06:23,515 It's a growing problem. 180 00:06:23,517 --> 00:06:25,083 It's a growing problem. 181 00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,552 Steroids is-- 182 00:06:27,554 --> 00:06:28,620 I'd say it's even-- 183 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,654 It's gotten to be a bit of a... 184 00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:32,457 - Epidemic? 185 00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:33,992 - No, no, no, 186 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,494 It's not an epidemic. It's out of control. 187 00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:39,898 It's kind of like a... 188 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:40,899 Epidemic. 189 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,435 - Yeah. 190 00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:44,736 What they did was, 191 00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,405 They took a group of olympic athletes, 192 00:06:46,407 --> 00:06:48,607 And they axed them if using steroids 193 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,575 Would guarantee you a gold medal 194 00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,411 But would also kill you in five years, 195 00:06:52,413 --> 00:06:53,712 Would you still do it? 196 00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:56,148 64% of them said yes. 197 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,482 - Wow, really? 198 00:06:57,484 --> 00:06:58,617 - That's alarming. 199 00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,424 - I really enjoyed the piece. A terrific piece. 200 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:06,625 You did a great job. 201 00:07:06,627 --> 00:07:08,093 - Oh, thanks. Thanks, roy. 202 00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:10,162 You know, when a program succeeds like that, 203 00:07:10,164 --> 00:07:12,531 A lot of that stuff just gets swept right under the rug. 204 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:13,965 - Right. - Yeah, yeah. 205 00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,600 And what's gonna happen is that 206 00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,837 It's later that these kids are gonna realize that-- 207 00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:22,073 Oh, they've made a horrible mistake, you know? 208 00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:23,608 They don't realize it at first... 209 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:28,980 But what happens is, you know, they're sacrificing what once, 210 00:07:28,982 --> 00:07:31,049 You know, was the ideal. 211 00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:34,653 The ideal dream. The american dream, you know. 212 00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:38,990 But I have to tell you this one thing... 213 00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:46,565 - Hello. 214 00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:49,468 - Hooray! - Yay! Yay! 215 00:07:49,470 --> 00:07:50,769 - What are you doing? Come on. 216 00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:53,238 - All right, come on, dad, cut it out. 217 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,106 - Great action shot! 218 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:56,675 - Oh, come on, 219 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:59,611 Let me be the first one to hug my big tv star. 220 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,779 Whoo! - It wasn't that good. 221 00:08:00,781 --> 00:08:03,148 - Hey, frank, take a picture. 222 00:08:03,150 --> 00:08:04,616 - Come on, come on, come on. 223 00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:06,718 - They should give you the show. 224 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,620 You're better than that other guy. 225 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,921 - Kevin? - No, no, the other one, 226 00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:12,591 The one who was acting like the boss. 227 00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:14,125 - Roy firestone? 228 00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:15,760 - You were the whole show! 229 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,262 - Come on. 230 00:08:24,971 --> 00:08:28,573 - Now you got television. 231 00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:29,574 Way to go. 232 00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:33,912 - Frankly, I felt a little awkward there, you know. 233 00:08:33,914 --> 00:08:35,580 - Oh, you'd never know. 234 00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:39,551 - Here's james worthy listening to you talk. 235 00:08:39,553 --> 00:08:41,052 - You took pictures of me on the television. 236 00:08:41,054 --> 00:08:42,053 - Sure. 237 00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:44,723 How often is my son on the tube? 238 00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:46,691 - I was on when we busted john gotti. 239 00:08:49,061 --> 00:08:50,762 - Yes, but you didn't have any lines, dear. 240 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,734 - So what did you think? - Oh, you were great. 241 00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:56,835 What did they say at the show? 242 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,069 - Yeah, I think they liked me. - Yeah? 243 00:08:58,071 --> 00:09:00,105 - Of course they liked you! 244 00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,841 - It was like watching joe garagiola. 245 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,845 - Look, this one is roy smiling 246 00:09:06,847 --> 00:09:08,079 At something I said right there. 247 00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:09,214 - I remember when he did that. 248 00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,583 Yeah, I saw that. That was great. 249 00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:13,018 They like you. 250 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,986 - All right, all right, come on! 251 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,955 It's a tv show. That's all it is. 252 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,056 We could blow that one up. 253 00:09:18,058 --> 00:09:20,191 That one could get blown up. 254 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,192 - Ray! 255 00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:31,937 - Hey, I was just talking to kevin-- 256 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:34,906 Ally drew another picture of our family, 257 00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,575 And she still says that these monsters 258 00:09:36,577 --> 00:09:37,809 Aren't your parents. 259 00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:40,579 - All right, so maybe... 260 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:41,313 Maybe they're not. 261 00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:42,981 - Ray, this one is bald, 262 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:44,783 And this one's carrying a covered dish. 263 00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:55,327 Someday a therapist may want to see it. 264 00:09:55,329 --> 00:09:57,829 Listen, I was just talking to kevin, 265 00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,931 And harvey johnson's gonna be out again tomorrow, 266 00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,733 So they want me to do the show again. 267 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,702 - Oh, I thought it was just a one-time deal. 268 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,270 - Yeah, well, things went pretty well there. 269 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,371 Everybody seemed to like it, 270 00:10:06,373 --> 00:10:07,806 So I figured, hey, why not? 271 00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,975 - Hey, great, great. 272 00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:11,943 Yeah, that's really great. 273 00:10:14,747 --> 00:10:16,181 - What? 274 00:10:16,183 --> 00:10:17,782 - Nothing. 275 00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,284 - Well, I mean, you're pursing your lips. 276 00:10:19,286 --> 00:10:20,719 What's wrong? 277 00:10:20,721 --> 00:10:22,053 - I'm not pursing. 278 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,294 - Puh-puh-puh! 279 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,763 - What? No, I just-- 280 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,832 Okay, it's just... 281 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:35,900 Maybe before the next show, you could... 282 00:10:35,902 --> 00:10:37,369 Just practice a few words 283 00:10:37,371 --> 00:10:39,304 You kind of had just a little bit of trouble 284 00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,305 Saying tonight. 285 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,339 - Like what-- - no, no, no. 286 00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:42,374 Don't get so excited. 287 00:10:42,376 --> 00:10:44,109 It is not a big deal. 288 00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:46,011 - Come on, I'm gonna be on television. 289 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:46,811 - Okay, look. 290 00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:51,883 "asterisk." 291 00:10:51,885 --> 00:10:54,085 You were talking about some record 292 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,420 That had an asterisk next to it. 293 00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:56,955 - Yeah? Yeah? 294 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:59,724 - Yeah. Asterisk. 295 00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:03,395 - Well, come on. Asterix. 296 00:11:03,397 --> 00:11:05,864 Asterix. 297 00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,265 I said asterix on television! 298 00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:08,333 - It's okay. 299 00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:09,701 No, no, no, no, it's okay. Just... 300 00:11:09,703 --> 00:11:11,236 Just...Asterisk. 301 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:12,704 - Asterix. - Asterisk. 302 00:11:12,706 --> 00:11:14,072 - Asterix. - Aster-- 303 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:15,974 - Oh, I know! Stop showing off! 304 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,109 - Sorry, sorry, sorry. You know what? 305 00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:20,211 Maybe it would be easier if you just break it into two parts. 306 00:11:20,213 --> 00:11:21,246 Aster, risk. 307 00:11:21,248 --> 00:11:22,981 - Aster, risk. 308 00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:23,982 - Asterisk. 309 00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:24,983 - Asterix. 310 00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,151 Ohh. 311 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:29,921 - You know, ray, nobody even cares. 312 00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:32,190 Next time that word comes up, maybe just say... 313 00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,825 Little star. 314 00:11:33,827 --> 00:11:34,959 - What else? What else? 315 00:11:34,961 --> 00:11:35,960 What other words? 316 00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,762 - Well, I mean, 317 00:11:37,764 --> 00:11:38,963 You're asking me, right? 318 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,699 - Yeah. 319 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:43,101 - You're asking me. 320 00:11:43,103 --> 00:11:44,235 - Yeah, what are you doing? 321 00:11:44,237 --> 00:11:46,104 I'm axing you. 322 00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:48,406 Oh. 323 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,340 - Yeah. "ask." 324 00:11:49,342 --> 00:11:50,709 Sometimes you say... 325 00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:51,710 - Ax. 326 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:52,711 Ax. 327 00:11:52,713 --> 00:11:54,879 Oh, man. 328 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,414 - No, no, no, honey, come on. 329 00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,283 You just got to practice those words. 330 00:11:58,285 --> 00:12:01,152 Just practice those words. 331 00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,153 - Why? 332 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,089 Why didn't you tell me this? 333 00:12:04,091 --> 00:12:05,190 You should've told me 334 00:12:05,192 --> 00:12:08,426 The first time I axed you something. 335 00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,062 - I never thought you were gonna be on television. 336 00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:12,163 You know what we could do? 337 00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:13,798 Let's put them all in a sentence. 338 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:19,170 Say, um, "I asked you to put the asterisk with the... 339 00:12:19,172 --> 00:12:21,773 Cinnamon." 340 00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:23,308 - Cinnamum? 341 00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:26,111 Cinnamum. Cinnamum. 342 00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:27,112 Oh, my god, I'm a monkey. 343 00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,050 Did I say cinnamum on the show? 344 00:12:32,052 --> 00:12:33,184 - No, no, no, no. 345 00:12:33,186 --> 00:12:34,285 It's just a good thing to know 346 00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:37,288 For when we're at the ihop. 347 00:12:37,290 --> 00:12:41,459 "I asked you to put the asterisk with the cinnamon." 348 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,094 - I asked you... - Good. Good. 349 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,263 - To put the asterisk 350 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:46,264 With the cinnamum. 351 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,800 Cinnam-- 352 00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:49,801 All right, you know what? 353 00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:50,802 No more ihop. 354 00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:54,939 - Ray, it's-- 355 00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:56,541 It's just those couple of words, that's all. 356 00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,144 We told you you were great on the show. 357 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:00,378 - Yeah, you told me. You told me. 358 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:03,047 - No, really, honey, you were terrific. 359 00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:06,084 - Oh, don't, don't! 360 00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:06,985 I'm sorry I axed. 361 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:18,963 - Hi. 362 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,031 - Oh, hi, dear. You hungry? 363 00:13:20,033 --> 00:13:21,199 - No. 364 00:13:21,201 --> 00:13:25,937 - Sit down. I'll make you a sandwich. 365 00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,372 - Oh, ally gave you one of her paintings? 366 00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:28,907 - Yeah. 367 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,141 Look how big we are 368 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:31,409 Compared to the rest of the family. 369 00:13:33,512 --> 00:13:35,280 - Yeah, that's great. 370 00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:39,384 You guys ever notice that I say certain words funny? 371 00:13:39,386 --> 00:13:40,819 - What do you mean? 372 00:13:40,821 --> 00:13:42,987 Like glockenspiel or tushy? 373 00:13:46,058 --> 00:13:47,325 - Not funny words, dad. 374 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,426 Do I mispronounce words? 375 00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,094 I'm just axing. 376 00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:52,831 - No, I think you speak beautifully, dear. 377 00:13:52,833 --> 00:13:53,832 Why? 378 00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,533 What's wrong? 379 00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,836 - Debra thought I had trouble on the show last night 380 00:13:57,838 --> 00:13:58,903 With certain words. 381 00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:00,438 - Oh, that's ridiculous. 382 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,907 It sounds like she's being a little nitpicky. 383 00:14:02,909 --> 00:14:04,375 - Yeah? 384 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,977 So you really think I was all right last night? 385 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:07,312 - Yeah. 386 00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:08,847 - Oh, good. Good, 387 00:14:08,849 --> 00:14:10,114 'cause I'm gonna do it again tonight. 388 00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,349 - They want you back? 389 00:14:14,486 --> 00:14:16,154 - What does that mean? 390 00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:17,622 - Nothing, it's just that we-- 391 00:14:17,624 --> 00:14:21,993 We thought it was over. 392 00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,261 - So you did notice the words. 393 00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:24,929 - Listen, you got bigger problems 394 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:25,997 Than your little words there. 395 00:14:28,567 --> 00:14:30,068 - Like what? 396 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:32,203 - Like scratching the microphone. 397 00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,972 Nobody could hear what the hell was going on. 398 00:14:33,974 --> 00:14:36,241 - But at least the scratching 399 00:14:36,243 --> 00:14:37,642 Kept him from waving his hands around 400 00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:39,611 Like he was landing planes. 401 00:14:39,613 --> 00:14:41,446 - The microphone was much worse. - No, no. 402 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,381 - It seemed like he'd never been on television before. 403 00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,416 - He never has been on television before, 404 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,352 But he's had his hands his whole life. 405 00:14:47,354 --> 00:14:49,120 - The microphone was much more annoying! 406 00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:52,523 Ray, which is more annoying? 407 00:14:52,525 --> 00:14:54,025 This.... 408 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,026 Or this? 409 00:14:57,264 --> 00:14:58,329 - I did that? 410 00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,231 - Yeah. Now that you mention it, 411 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,933 Your voice was kind of monotonous. 412 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,102 - I didn't mention that. 413 00:15:04,104 --> 00:15:07,939 - Well, you tended to drone on and on, dear. 414 00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:10,642 - It was very off-putting. 415 00:15:10,644 --> 00:15:12,510 - My god. 416 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,979 - You see? Like that. 417 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,181 Most people would say, "my god!" 418 00:15:21,186 --> 00:15:23,187 You got to try and make your voice 419 00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:25,323 Go up and down more, 420 00:15:25,325 --> 00:15:27,659 High and low. 421 00:15:27,661 --> 00:15:29,394 I would absolutely love 422 00:15:29,396 --> 00:15:33,598 A nice dill pickle. 423 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,667 Pickle, marie. 424 00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:36,668 - Oh, oh. 425 00:15:42,409 --> 00:15:45,343 So let me get this straight, dad. 426 00:15:45,345 --> 00:15:47,245 Everything you said after the show last night 427 00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,980 Was a lie, and behind my back, 428 00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,148 You've been talking about how bad I was. 429 00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:55,420 You think I stunk. 430 00:15:55,422 --> 00:15:56,988 You think I stunk! 431 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:59,023 - Oh, what difference does it make what we think? 432 00:15:59,025 --> 00:16:00,558 They asked you back. 433 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,660 - But keep in mind some of the things we told you, 434 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:06,197 Because I got to see people during the day. 435 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:10,501 - Oh, my god. The supermarket. 436 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:13,404 You lie to me, and you do it so well. 437 00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:15,406 How long has this been going on? 438 00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,108 - Three weeks. 439 00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:25,984 - Oh, my god, look at you. 440 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,385 Look at you. Oh, my god. 441 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:30,288 You've been lying to me my whole life, haven't you? 442 00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:32,190 "oh, raymond, you're such a great writer, 443 00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:33,758 You could've been writing poetry." 444 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,426 How about in high school, ma? 445 00:16:35,428 --> 00:16:36,561 "oh, don't worry, ray, the girls, 446 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:38,129 They don't know what they're missing." 447 00:16:38,131 --> 00:16:39,364 They knew! 448 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,132 They knew, and they didn't miss it. 449 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,133 How about this, ma? 450 00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:43,501 Were you lying when you said, 451 00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,037 Was the happiest day of our lives"? 452 00:16:46,039 --> 00:16:48,606 - No, that's true, it was. 453 00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:52,410 Don't eat that now, robert. 454 00:16:56,148 --> 00:16:57,749 - What's going on? 455 00:16:57,751 --> 00:16:59,784 - You know they've been lying to us our whole lives? 456 00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:02,487 Any time they ever tried to make us feel good about ourselves. 457 00:17:02,489 --> 00:17:03,688 - When did that happen to me? 458 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,160 - Oh, honey, I'm sure we lied to you plenty of times. 459 00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:13,131 - You got to get your own place, man. 460 00:17:13,133 --> 00:17:14,465 - Oh, don't be silly. 461 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,466 We love having you here. 462 00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,505 - Oh, my god. 463 00:17:20,507 --> 00:17:23,608 We told you you were a good writer 464 00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:26,210 So that you would think you were a good writer, see? 465 00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:28,079 Then somebody gave you a job. 466 00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:29,680 That's what parents do. 467 00:17:29,682 --> 00:17:33,518 They all lie to their kids for their own good. 468 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:35,186 - But other parents aren't lying, ma. 469 00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:36,654 They believe in their children. 470 00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,189 - No, they don't. 471 00:17:43,695 --> 00:17:44,695 - All right, that's it. 472 00:17:44,697 --> 00:17:45,797 That's it, okay? 473 00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:47,098 No more lies, all right? 474 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,599 Don't help me anymore! 475 00:17:48,601 --> 00:17:51,736 High and low. 476 00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,238 Use that on the show tonight. 477 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,339 - Oh, my god, 478 00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:56,774 I can't believe I got to do a show now. 479 00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:58,076 - You'll be wonderful, dear. 480 00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,211 - Ma, please, no more lies! 481 00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:05,817 - They say that because the pros can hit it so far 482 00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:08,686 That they should lengthen the length of all the courses, 483 00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,455 And, uh... 484 00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,690 You know, I know I'm probably droning on here, 485 00:18:12,692 --> 00:18:14,358 But, um... 486 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:15,827 But what about tradition? 487 00:18:15,829 --> 00:18:18,863 There's always tradition and history and stuff, 488 00:18:18,865 --> 00:18:22,266 And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, 489 00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,702 I support the changes in baseball, but-- 490 00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:26,204 Look, let me ax-- ax-- 491 00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:27,672 Ask you something here. 492 00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,240 Uh... 493 00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:32,810 Shouldn't a sport sometimes should adopt--adapt-- 494 00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,712 Adapt and grow, but aren't there times 495 00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,481 That a sport shouldn't adopt--adapt-- 496 00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,249 And, uh... 497 00:18:38,251 --> 00:18:39,250 And not grow? 498 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:40,251 Probably not grow. 499 00:19:07,279 --> 00:19:08,546 - Oh, hi, honey. 500 00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:11,782 That didn't go very well, did it? 501 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,189 - Not your best moment there, raymond. 502 00:19:22,461 --> 00:19:23,761 - What are you doing? 503 00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:24,929 - We're being honest. 504 00:19:24,931 --> 00:19:27,498 You said that's what you wanted. 505 00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:29,433 - I could've eaten a box of alpha-bits 506 00:19:29,435 --> 00:19:30,835 And crapped a better interview. 507 00:19:44,249 --> 00:19:46,350 - Well, what did you think? 508 00:19:46,352 --> 00:19:48,719 - Honey, I begged you to say "little star." 509 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:53,291 - It was even worse than last time. 510 00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,360 - You made me hate tv. 511 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,300 - Want me to play it back for you, raymond? 512 00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:06,204 - All right, all right. 513 00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,506 All right, come on, I wanted you to be honest, but... 514 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,942 It couldn't have been all bad. 515 00:20:10,944 --> 00:20:13,277 Dad, I made my voice go high and low like you said. 516 00:20:13,279 --> 00:20:16,347 - That didn't work. 517 00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,216 - What about my little steinbrenner joke? 518 00:20:18,218 --> 00:20:19,750 - Wasn't funny. 519 00:20:19,752 --> 00:20:21,752 It's not nice to hurt other people's feelings. 520 00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:22,987 - Well, what about this? 521 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:24,488 - This is funny. 522 00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:29,260 - All right, come on. 523 00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,361 I mean, it could've been-- 524 00:20:30,363 --> 00:20:31,729 There had to be something there. 525 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:32,930 I was-- 526 00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:34,632 I sat there, and... 527 00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,467 Come on. 528 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:38,903 Come on! 529 00:20:38,905 --> 00:20:41,839 - I thought there were a lot of good things, ray. 530 00:20:41,841 --> 00:20:42,840 - Yeah? - Yeah. 531 00:20:42,842 --> 00:20:44,375 Like, those other guys are so 532 00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,776 Polished and professional, 533 00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,712 And you were really, like, human. 534 00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,747 Yeah. 535 00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,015 - Yeah, but what about what I said, though? 536 00:20:51,017 --> 00:20:52,016 I mean, did it make sense? 537 00:20:52,018 --> 00:20:53,884 - Oh, yes. Yeah. 538 00:20:53,886 --> 00:20:57,488 I got some of it. 539 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:59,290 - So I mean, it wasn't a total disaster? 540 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,892 - Ah, no. - Not what we meant at all. 541 00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:04,495 - Well, how many total disasters are there? 542 00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,333 - Ray, the fact that you could go on live television 543 00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:10,434 With such little experience-- 544 00:21:10,436 --> 00:21:12,470 That really says a lot. 545 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:13,738 - You were great, dear. 546 00:21:13,740 --> 00:21:15,273 - At least I tried it, right? 547 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:16,274 I mean, it's better. 548 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:17,541 It's better to try than to... 549 00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:18,542 Not try. 550 00:21:18,544 --> 00:21:19,744 - Yes! 551 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,817 - Okay! 552 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:27,818 Okay. 553 00:21:30,055 --> 00:21:31,656 Thanks. 554 00:21:31,658 --> 00:21:34,392 - Better than broadway. 555 00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:35,893 - Okay. 556 00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:37,328 All right, I got some makeup on. 557 00:21:37,330 --> 00:21:38,329 I'm gonna take the makeup off, 558 00:21:38,331 --> 00:21:39,330 And then I'll come back. 559 00:21:39,332 --> 00:21:40,931 - Okay. Yeah. 560 00:21:40,933 --> 00:21:42,833 You were so good, I bet they have you back on again. 561 00:21:42,835 --> 00:21:43,934 I'm sure they will. 562 00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:44,969 - It's all about you, raymond. 563 00:21:50,342 --> 00:21:50,941 - Robert. 564 00:22:03,955 --> 00:22:07,491 - Whew. 565 00:22:07,493 --> 00:22:09,527 I don't think that was a total disaster. 566 00:22:13,532 --> 00:22:16,033 - Well, how many total disasters are there? 38238

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