All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S01E10.Captain.Nemo.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

- What are you doing?

- Oh, I'm emptying
the dishwasher.

I got that game tonight.

I didn't want to leave you
with everything.

- Aw, honey, that's sweet.

These are all dirty.

Thanks for trying.
- All right.

- Yeah.
Go, have a good time.

- Aw, why did you
have to go say that?

- All I said was,
"have a good time."

- Yeah, "have a good time."

You don't think I know
what that means?

I know wh--
I have to go to my game tonight.

- Yes, I understand.

- Oh, you are relentless!

What, you think
I want to go?

I want to stay home with you,
you and the kids.

Last thing I want to do

Is go to an elementary school
gym tonight.

- Opening the paint.

- Oh, he sees zone.

Forget the pick, lady.

Barone, barone!

- Don't bring that trash
in here.

Oh, you should know
better than that.

I don't even have to jump.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Honey, I'll be home
as soon as I can.

Hi, I'm ray,

And I live here in long island
with my wife, debra.

She's great with the kids,
the house, everything.

Oh, I don't know
how she does it.

We've got a daughter, ally,

And twin two-year-old boys.

It's not really
about the kids.

My parents live
across the street.

That's right.

And my brother lives with them.

Now, not every family
would go by

On a conveyer belt for you,

But mine would, because--

- Everybody loves raymond.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- They're killing us.

Where's the escape hatch?

- I just don't know.

- It's like playing
the globetrotters.

I'm waiting for meadowlark
to pull my pants down.

- Hey, guys.
Come on. Come on.

Hey, uh, no drinks.

Let's go. Come on.
Sit down.

Why don't we--come on.
Grab some pine. Come on.

Shake it up!
Come on!

You guys blow.

How could we be losing
to bed bath & beyond?

They shouldn't even be
in the pizza league!

I'll tell you, if we don't
pick it up in the second half,

It's arrivederci, play-offs.

- Hey, kevin, know
what I'd love to try once?

Getting into a game.

- Hey, you know
what we got to do, kevin?

We got to go to a zone.

- No, no, no, no.

- Kevin, you'll like
the zone.

You will not have to run, hmm?

- No, no zone.
No zone.

As long as I'm nemo's captain,
what I say goes.

- That's right.
He's right.

We need a new captain.
Who wants the job?

Hey, I do!

- All right!
Fine, fine.

Good luck finding someone
with my leadership abilities,

My patience, my people skills,

You candy-ass morons.

- Hey, how about ray
as captain?

- Yeah, ray, ray, raygella.
Sure.

- All right, sure, sure.
Hey, I'll do it.

I'd like
to give it a shot.

I think I can do it.

Why don't we open it up
to a little discussion?

- Okay, how about robert?

- Yes, robert!
He's tall!

- Hold on.
What about discussing it?

- You--you guys
really want me?

- Sure, you're tall!

Look how friggin' tall
you are!

- So robert it is.

- Robert, you sure
you're up to this?

'cause I--you know,
I'll do it.

If you don't want to,
I'll do it.

- Come on, ray.
Share his joy.

- All right,
no, robert's one way to go

If you want to go with robert.

Obviously, we all want
to go with robert, okay.

- Second half.
What's the line-up, captain?

Robert! Robert! Robert!

Robert! Robert! Robert!

- All right, all right,
all right, okay!

Starting the second half,

It's going to be me,
you, you, you--

And you.

Let's go.
All right!

- Ho, whoa, what about me?
I'm not starting?

How could I not start
the second half?

- I don't want to be accused
of nepotism.

Catch the fever!

- Oh, okay.

- Hi.

- Listen, ray just got home.

Yeah, that'll be great, shelly.

Thanks.
Okay, bye.

Listen, shelly's having
a birthday party for sam

Saturday,
at the happy zone.

We're all invited.

- Oh, that's great.
The happy zone.

- What's the matter, honey?
Did you lose?

- No, we won.

- I see.

And you're sad
for the other team?

- I didn't play
the whole second half.

Robert got elected captain,
and he didn't put me in.

- That's great.

- What's great?

- Well, you know,
that robert gets to be captain.

And listen,
if he doesn't play you,

Then maybe you won't
have to go so much

And you can spend
some more time with us.

See, it's good news.

- It's all good news for me.

- Well, what's the matter?

Don't you want to spend
more time with us?

- I do.
You know I do.

- Aren't you happy that robert
got elected captain?

- Yes, I'm--
I'm happy.

Everything's working out great
for me.

- Oh, my god.
You want to be captain.

You want to be captain!

- No, I don't!

- Yes, you do!
- I do not.

- Look at you.
- I don't want to be captain.

It's a stupid pizza league.

Those guys--those guys
don't have a life.

I have a big life.

- You really want this bad,
don't you?

- No.
No, I have you.

I have you. I have ally.
I have michael, geoffrey.

That's everybody, right?

- Yeah, should be.

Listen, ray,
you know, I don't get this.

I mean, you work
all the time,

And when you come back,
you run off and play.

And now
you've got to be captain.

- Listen, I've been playing
with these guys

Since high school,

And we've never come close
to winning a championship.

This time, we're close.

And if I can be captain,
I know we can--

We can go all the way.

- And winning
is more important

Than spending time
with your family?

- Apples and oranges.

- No, no, no, ray.

Apples or oranges.

You know, I gave up some stuff
when we had kids.

- I know.

Did it have to be sex?

Listen, I'm just trying
to do it all; that's all.

- Okay, you go ahead
and try to do it all.

I just think that
you're choosing quantity

Over quality.

Myself, obviously,
representing quality.

- Well, quality is job one.

- That's right.

- Okay, quality,
you know what?

Robert doesn't want
to play me,

And they don't want me
as captain.

Then who needs them?

I can't get out of
tomorrow's game,

But I'm going
to blow off Saturday's.

Take me to the happy zone.

Let me at that whack-a-mole.

- Hey, hey, there he is,
there he is.

Come on. Come on.

Ray, that was
a great thing you did.

- Not lock the door?

- You stepped aside
and let your brother be captain.

Look at him,
captain robert barone.

- Dad, don't call me that.

I'm the same robert
I've always been.

- Hey, congratulations,
robert.

We're really happy for you.

Isn't that right, ray?

- I share his joy.

- Come on. Come on.
Come on.

Get up. Get up.
Come on. Come on.

The barone boys,

Continuing a long legacy
of athletic excellence.

- Well, I couldn't have done it
without ray.

- Well, always glad to help.

- Hey, no fatty foods!

We got games tomorrow
and Saturday.

I want the team to be
lean and mean,

Not soft and gushy.

- All right, don't--
don't touch my gush.

- Let's hear it
for my firstborn,

A leader of men,

And my second son,

A loyal follower.

- Yeah!
Whoo hoo hoo! Yeah!

- Oh, my god.
You were in there.

- Did you see me jam?

Believe me,
that was a jam.

- Gentlemen?
Gentlemen.

That was a disgrace.

I'm embarrassed to be

In the same children's
locker room with you.

- Robert, we won.

- Yeah, we were lucky.

I consider this a moral defeat.

And I'll tell you
something else.

Nemo's pizzeria
should have destroyed

Wo hop's chinese takeout.

- Whoa, robert.
Just take it easy, all right?

- Yeah, calm down,
paul bunyan.

- Hey, smokestack?

- Hmm?
- Come here.

- Hmm?
- Come here. Come here.

Yeah.
Give me that, heh?

Want to see what I think
of your lung rocket?

Look at that, huh?

- Ooh, look what he did
to my cigarette.

- You ain't smoking now,
are you, chum?

- He's a maniac!

- You ought to see him
with a birthday cake.

- Okay, that's enough
out of you too, raymond.

I didn't see you helping
out there tonight.

- Well, I only played
for two minutes.

- Yeah, and we won.

Ooh.

- Hey, robert,

You know,
I come here to play, okay?

I got three kids.

If I'm not going to play,
I could be home

Pulling a waffle
out of the vcr.

- At least when I was captain,
it was fun.

Yeah.

- Uh-huh, okay.

Are you guys unhappy with me?

- You scare me.

- Okay, all right.

Well, I just guess
I'm the target

Of some backstage grumblings.

- Robert, you're letting
the captain thing

Go to your head.

That's all you care about,
is captain.

Captain nemo.

I got to tell you, really,
nobody likes you this way.

Maybe the captain thing
is just too much.

- Et tu, raymond?

- Come on, don't do that.

Don't do that stuff.

- I quit.

Aw!

- Don't quit, rob.
Don't quit.

Come on, robert.
We need you.

We need you.
You--you're--

- You're so friggin' huge!

- Hi.
- Hey, how'd it go?

- Robert quit the team.

- That is terrible.

- Yeah, well, he got
a little drunk with power,

And the guys turned on him.

- Oh.

- He kind of left
in a bad way.

- Oh, poor robert.

- So that kind of affects
our trip

To the happy zone Saturday.

- We don't have to take robert
with us, do we?

- No, but we can't take me
with us either.

- What?
Ray, come on.

I thought you said

You were going to blow off
the game on Saturday.

- That was when
I wasn't playing.

- Well, who says
you have to play?

- The new captain.
- Who's he?

- Hey.

Ah!

Ah.

Oh, why?

Oh!
Ah.

- Oh, my god,
what happened?

- Oh, not a good game.

- Oh.

- This is my new job.
I'm a coaster now.

- Where does it hurt?

- Ah, I think I pulled a liver.

- Here, come on.

- Easy.
Slow, slow, slower.

- Yeah.
I'm trying.

- Easy, nurse ratchet.

Move the pillows.

- All right.
Well, did you win at least?

- No.
It was awful.

- Oh.

- Never mind.
How was your day?

- Oh, gosh, ray,

The kids were so cute
at the happy zone.

We had a great time.

- Where are they?
Are they sleeping?

- Yeah.
- Oh, I missed them?

- Yeah. Oh, god,
you should've seen them.

They were in the ball pit,

And this big 7-year-old kid
comes over,

And he starts throwing balls
at the twins.

And ally says,
"those are my brothers!"

And she runs over,
and she knocks the kid down.

- A boy? Ally?
She knocked down a boy?

- She, like, gave him this
hip check like mark messier.

I had to go in there,
'cause I thought

She was going to pull
his shirt over his head,

Like, start wailing on him.

She was so cute!

- Oh, god.
Well, did you film it?

- No, 'cause, I mean,
you're the video guy.

- Oh, well, I was busy
dry heaving.

What else?
What else did I miss?

- Double chocolate
fudge cake.

- Oh!

- Oh, and--

I hate to tell you this, ray,

But michael said
his first word today.

- Come on.
No!

- Yeah, well, we were driving
along the expressway,

And this truck cuts us off.

And, well, you know
what you always say

When that happens to you?

- He said that?

- Clear as a bell.

- Oh, god.

Well, how did he say it?

Did he punch it out
like I do?

- Ray, it was as if
you were in the car.

- Oh, god, I can't believe
I missed that.

- Well, you're very busy
having it all.

You are bound
to miss some things.

But I'll tell you what.

Tomorrow if we all want
to go together--

- Oh, I--tomorrow,
I can't tomorrow.

- What?

- I got the playoffs
tomorrow.

- Oh, get--
playoffs now, right?

You know,
this stuff never ends.

- Look, this is why--

This is why I became
the captain:

To lead us through
the playoffs

So we can win it.

- Win what?

I mean, what are you
actually winning?

- Maybe you'll understand
when you see

A big trophy
sitting right over there.

- Oh, my god, the trophy.

You're right.
I forgot about the trophy.

Is it shiny?

- Come on.
Don't worry.

I'll make it up to you, okay?

Everything's going to be okay.

I'm the captain.

- You are some brother.

- Hi, ma.

- Don't "ma" me.

I finally got it
out of robert.

He's been sitting over there
for two days

Depressed, moping,
not talking to anyone.

And you know why?

- 'cause he's robert?

- Because his brother
sold him down the river

For his own glory.

- Hey, ma, you want to hear
what michael said today?

- I think you're about
to hear it again, ray.

- Ma, look,
I didn't do anything.

- Oh?

You dethroned him
and then you took his crown!

You're like richard iii

Or that guy on
"young and the restless"!

- Ma, he did it to himself,
all right?

The team was right.

- You would put
a basketball team

Before your family?

- You don't understand.
He was out of control.

He was yelling,
he wouldn't listen to anybody,

And he screamed,
and then he stormed out.

- That's nonsense!

Who the hell in this family
acts like that?

You better get over there

And make your brother
feel better,

Or the next time
I come over,

I won't be so nice.

Well, somebody needs a trip
to the happy zone.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Is mom here?

- She's upstairs
hitting my speed bag.

How's the team?

- Well, we--we really missed you
out there, rob.

- Oh?

- Yeah.
Yeah, you ought to come back.

- You--you guys want me back?

- Yeah, sure.

Come on; you're the best player
out there.

We need you.

- So you're asking me
to be captain?

- No, no.

I'm still going to be captain.

- You are a piece of work.

- Look, come on.
Don't you see?

It's still in the family.

It's just like you're captain,

Only I'm captain.

- Won't that be cozy?

You come back, and you help us
win the championship.

The whole team will be happy.

And you won't be mad anymore,
so mom will be happy.

And you can help me.

You can help me with some of

The lesser captaining
responsibilities,

And I can spend more time
with my family.

Then they'll be happy.

- So once again,
you get everything.

- No, no,
that's not everything.

That's, like, four things.

- Well, thanks for thinking
of me, raymond,

But I'm just going to
have to pass.

- What, pass?
You can't pass, robert.

We can't do it without you.

Come on,
you're the missing link.

- I've heard that before.

- Come on; I tell you what.

Just come back,
come back for the playoffs,

And next year I'll make sure
you're captain.

I promise.

- Well, I appreciate it,

But I'm just going to have
to pursue another option.

- Another option?

With who?

- Wo hop's chinese takeout.

They put a very lovely offer
on the table.

Kung pao?

- Morning, mommy.

- Hi, honey.
Where's daddy?

- He's in the shower,
singing.

He's terrible.

- Hey.
Oh, look, it's daddy's posse.

- Morning.

- Morning, debra.
Where's the captain?

- Yeah, we got a lot
of problems.

- No kidding.

Yeah, ray will be down
in a minute.

- Hey, boys.

Hey, you, uh,
going to finish this?

- Hey, hey, hey.
Kev, come on.

Do you mind?
It's his breakfast.

- He's not eating it.

Look, he spit it all out.

- You know, ray will be down
in a second, okay?

Ray?

- Oh. I'm sorry.

Can I have some juice,
please?

- Can't believe
you're not married, andy.

- Well, you know,
I just haven't met miss right.

Know anybody?

I'll let 'em all know
that you're looking.

Ray?

- Mommy, that man's smoking.

- Narc.

- Come on, dave.
What are you doing?

- Sorry, debra,
where are my manners?

Would you like one?

- Ray! Ray!

Hey, you know what?

Why don't you guys
just go on up?

I'm sure ray will be happy
to see you.

After all, he's your captain.

- Hey, debra,
how's your sister doing?

- Yeah, just go.

- All right,
thanks a lot.

- Ally, honey--

Do you want to talk about
what you just saw?

- camptown ladies,
sing that song

Doo dah, doo dah

Camptown ladies,
sing that song

- Hey, what do you got going
in there?

- What are you doing?
- We need to talk to you.

- We?

oh, no, who's in my shower?

- Get out of here!

- "get out of here!"

- Ray, tartar control.

Kudos.

- What are you doing?
What do you want?

- You screwed up the orders
for the playoff uniforms.

- What style number
did you order?

- I don't know,
I don't know. 17.

- I told you number 70!

- All right,
so what's the difference?

- Oh, nothing.

- Give me a towel.

- Hey, ray, am I going to
play tonight?

I need to know,
because I was thinking

About bringing a girl
to the game.

- Yeah, all right, all right.
I'll play you.

- Okay, then I'm telling her
not to come.

- Come on, this is why you guys
are up here bothering me?

- Yeah, what do you think?

We just came up here
to watch you buff yourself

To a high sheen?

- Funny, funny.
All right.

I'll take care of everything.

Now do me a favor
and get out of here!

- Hey, nice nipples!

- Ray, these come in chewable.

- Get out of here.
Come on.

- Hey, don't forget
the uniforms.

- Yeah.
- Who's starting tonight?

- The guys who aren't
in my bathroom.

- "in my bathroom."

- Yeah, all right,
you're funny, kevin.

You're real--hey, kevin,
come on, huh?

What, are you crazy?

Weirdoes.

- Want some more
french toast, honey?

- Yes. Thank you, mommy.
- You're welcome.

- What did you send in
the stooges to the shower for?

Bunch of idiots.

They can't handle anything.

- You okay, honey?

- Yeah, yeah.

Listen, I screwed up
the uniforms.

I got to go do the uniforms,

And then I got to make sure
the gym's open.

All the big important things
a captain's got to do.

So I'll see you later,
all right?

- See you.
- Bye, daddy.

- Bye, cutie.

Bye.

Michael, don't say anything
dirty until I get back.

- Bye.

Can you get that?
You want some help?

Here, let me spread that
for you.

Ooh, look at
all that syrup.

Is syrup your favorite thing?

Hmm? You like that?

What's your favorite breakfast?

- Syrup and french toast.

- Mm-hmm, that's what I thought.

What are you doing?

- I just retired.

- What about the team?

- Don't worry about the team.

I'll tell them there's a better
offer on the table.

Any more french toast?

- I'd love some.

Thank you, captain.

- Yeah, I'm a born leader.

Wow.

- Wasn't that better
than basketball?

- You know, I think I sweat
about the same.

Oh, I wonder how the guys
are doing right now.

- All right, guys.

As your captain,
I just want to say,

Look, don't get too down
on yourselves, all right?

We did the best we could,

But for whatever reason,

We just didn't
match up tonight.

- Two, four, six, eight.

Who do we appreciate?

Nemo's! Nemo's!

Yay, nemo's!