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1
00:00:00,773 --> 00:00:02,439
Today is the day.
2
00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:03,865
Isn't that always true, sir?
3
00:00:03,950 --> 00:00:06,782
Our sister city mayors
start arriving this morning.
4
00:00:06,866 --> 00:00:08,611
Hey, Jayden, I appreciate
5
00:00:08,696 --> 00:00:11,010
that you listened when I said,
"Try to look nice."
6
00:00:11,095 --> 00:00:12,969
Oh, can you tell
it's from a magician's costume?
7
00:00:13,053 --> 00:00:14,710
I think the coat and tie
is plenty.
8
00:00:14,794 --> 00:00:16,364
- Oh.
- Okay, this visit
9
00:00:16,448 --> 00:00:18,932
isn't just about
pleasantries and goodwill.
10
00:00:19,016 --> 00:00:22,588
We have a chance to do
real things for the city here.
11
00:00:22,672 --> 00:00:24,894
I mean, Nagoya, Japan,
has a bullet train
12
00:00:24,978 --> 00:00:27,462
that could get you
to San Diego in an hour.
13
00:00:27,546 --> 00:00:30,073
To protest the navy's
secret dolphin programs.
14
00:00:30,157 --> 00:00:31,379
And I want to set up
a cultural exchange
15
00:00:31,463 --> 00:00:32,946
with the mayor of Giza.
16
00:00:33,030 --> 00:00:35,557
The treasures of the pyramids
in exchange for some
17
00:00:35,641 --> 00:00:36,819
of our cultural artifacts,
18
00:00:36,903 --> 00:00:38,604
like Kevin Hart's
watch collection.
19
00:00:38,688 --> 00:00:40,301
Kevin Hart
lives in my building.
20
00:00:40,385 --> 00:00:41,433
Jayden, we've been over this.
21
00:00:41,517 --> 00:00:43,086
That's a precocious
Black child.
22
00:00:43,170 --> 00:00:44,610
- [mouthing words]
- And fingers crossed,
23
00:00:44,694 --> 00:00:47,787
the mayor of Auckland could be
our connection to finally
24
00:00:47,871 --> 00:00:51,094
getting some chlamydia-free
koalas for the LA Zoo.
25
00:00:51,178 --> 00:00:52,618
Oh!
[applause]
26
00:00:52,702 --> 00:00:55,403
So this event
was Jayden's brainchild,
27
00:00:55,487 --> 00:00:59,102
so he will have the honor of
picking the mayors up from LAX.
28
00:00:59,186 --> 00:01:00,040
This is gonna be amazing.
29
00:01:00,125 --> 00:01:02,105
I finally get to do
what I'm good at.
30
00:01:02,189 --> 00:01:05,065
- Keeping it tight?
- Negotiating face-to-face,
31
00:01:05,149 --> 00:01:07,023
turning on the charm,
making deals,
32
00:01:07,107 --> 00:01:08,764
cutting through red tape.
33
00:01:08,848 --> 00:01:10,592
I mean, the bureaucracy here...
34
00:01:10,676 --> 00:01:13,291
I'm still waiting for approval
to remove that bust
35
00:01:13,375 --> 00:01:14,595
of OJ Simpson.
36
00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,511
But today it's just me
in a room working my magic.
37
00:01:17,596 --> 00:01:18,829
Oh, if you need a cape.
38
00:01:18,914 --> 00:01:21,821
Last Father's Day,
Orly gave me a mug that says,
39
00:01:21,905 --> 00:01:24,998
"You got the same hours
in a day as Beyoncé."
40
00:01:25,082 --> 00:01:28,567
Well, today I'm getting more
done than she ever dreamed of.
41
00:01:28,651 --> 00:01:30,395
- You can't say that.
- Take it back.
42
00:01:30,479 --> 00:01:32,092
Both: The hive
is always listening.
43
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,486
[bright music]
44
00:01:33,570 --> 00:01:35,570
*MR.MAYOR.
Season 02 Episode 05
45
00:01:35,654 --> 00:01:37,655
Episode Title: "Sister Cities"
Aired on: April 12, 2022.
46
00:01:37,739 --> 00:01:39,478
[♪]
47
00:01:41,185 --> 00:01:42,407
Good weekend?
48
00:01:42,491 --> 00:01:44,626
Fantastic.
My downstairs neighbor
49
00:01:44,710 --> 00:01:46,280
parked me in,
so I couldn't leave the house.
50
00:01:46,364 --> 00:01:48,587
It was a great opportunity for
me to have cereal nine times.
51
00:01:48,671 --> 00:01:50,502
Oh, you should've called me.
I love cereal.
52
00:01:50,586 --> 00:01:52,460
Oh, are we calling each other
53
00:01:52,544 --> 00:01:54,854
like we interact
outside of business hours?
54
00:01:54,938 --> 00:01:57,157
Yeah, you're right.
Seems risky.
55
00:01:58,637 --> 00:02:01,295
Ooh, was that flirting?
56
00:02:01,379 --> 00:02:02,557
Well, let me go get a plate,
57
00:02:02,641 --> 00:02:04,429
'cause I need some
of that dish, girlfriend.
58
00:02:04,513 --> 00:02:06,169
What? No. Go away.
59
00:02:06,253 --> 00:02:07,519
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
60
00:02:07,603 --> 00:02:09,477
Do you really think
he was flirting?
61
00:02:09,561 --> 00:02:10,522
Let's just say
that over the years,
62
00:02:10,606 --> 00:02:12,567
I have observed
a lot of romance.
63
00:02:12,651 --> 00:02:14,221
- I'm my mom's wing man.
- What?
64
00:02:14,305 --> 00:02:16,049
Okay, well, there's nothing
going on between me and James.
65
00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:17,877
He and I are colleagues,
so please don't share
66
00:02:17,961 --> 00:02:19,966
your observations
with anyone else, okay?
67
00:02:20,050 --> 00:02:22,185
No problem,
as long as I never experience
68
00:02:22,269 --> 00:02:25,885
a lull in conversations,
'cause I can't handle silences.
69
00:02:25,969 --> 00:02:27,060
Like this one.
70
00:02:27,144 --> 00:02:29,062
Oh, God, Mikaela,
please say something.
71
00:02:29,146 --> 00:02:30,150
Fill the silence.
72
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:32,500
I give my cat a bath
by licking it!
73
00:02:32,584 --> 00:02:34,633
[♪]
74
00:02:34,717 --> 00:02:38,463
Okay, Orly, pretend
you're the mayor of Nagoya.
75
00:02:38,547 --> 00:02:40,508
You want me to pretend
to be Japanese?
76
00:02:40,592 --> 00:02:41,727
That's appropriation.
77
00:02:41,811 --> 00:02:44,469
[sighs]
Fine, you can do Athens.
78
00:02:44,553 --> 00:02:46,209
Hi, I'm the mayor of Athens.
79
00:02:46,293 --> 00:02:47,907
You know, if you're just
gonna phone it in...
80
00:02:47,991 --> 00:02:48,995
[explosions]
81
00:02:49,079 --> 00:02:51,563
- Is that gunfire?
- I can't die today.
82
00:02:51,647 --> 00:02:53,478
My dried flower arrangements
are out there.
83
00:02:53,562 --> 00:02:55,131
They're Kelly Clarks on
for Way fair!
84
00:02:55,215 --> 00:02:56,959
[explosion, bell rings]
85
00:02:57,043 --> 00:03:00,920
Okay, back to one, people.
Resetting the pyro.
86
00:03:01,004 --> 00:03:03,096
Excuse me.
Is this a film set?
87
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:05,751
It's a movie.
Megan Fox is playing a senator.
88
00:03:05,835 --> 00:03:06,969
Okay, you're gonna need
to shut this down.
89
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,710
The mayor is throwing
a party next door.
90
00:03:08,794 --> 00:03:11,887
And we've got permits
from the mayor's office.
91
00:03:11,971 --> 00:03:14,499
"The Town 2, colon,
Town and Out"?
92
00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:15,935
You're shooting LA
for Boston?
93
00:03:16,019 --> 00:03:17,110
They're gonna change
the palm trees
94
00:03:17,194 --> 00:03:19,155
to statues of John Adams.
It'll be fine.
95
00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:20,766
But the mayors are coming
in an hour.
96
00:03:20,850 --> 00:03:23,029
This is so important to my boss
and therefore to me.
97
00:03:23,113 --> 00:03:25,771
If only the exposition in
"The Town 2" were that subtle.
98
00:03:25,855 --> 00:03:27,294
We're breaking for lunch
in an hour,
99
00:03:27,378 --> 00:03:28,945
so today's your lucky day.
100
00:03:30,056 --> 00:03:33,605
Okay, so "hello" in Greek
is "yassas."
101
00:03:33,689 --> 00:03:35,868
"Yes-ass"?
I'm not saying that.
102
00:03:35,952 --> 00:03:37,304
Sir,
about the commotion outside.
103
00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:39,915
Yeah, why does anyone
live on the east side?
104
00:03:39,999 --> 00:03:41,830
It's loud, there's no ocean,
105
00:03:41,914 --> 00:03:43,963
and every restaurant
has to have a concept.
106
00:03:44,047 --> 00:03:47,096
- Here's a concept: Italian.
- Well observed, sir.
107
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,931
Anyway, the headline is:
I took care of it.
108
00:03:50,016 --> 00:03:52,326
Well, thank you, Tommy.
You're a lifesaver.
109
00:03:52,664 --> 00:03:54,800
[gasps]
Well, yeah,
110
00:03:54,884 --> 00:03:56,149
I know how important today is,
111
00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:59,457
so I flexed some muscle
and was a real buff boy.
112
00:03:59,541 --> 00:04:01,720
Oh, well, great job.
113
00:04:01,804 --> 00:04:03,893
I don't know what the city
would do without you.
114
00:04:06,591 --> 00:04:08,335
- [yelps]
- A little birdie told me
115
00:04:08,419 --> 00:04:10,729
you want to make babies
with that I-Team boombalottie.
116
00:04:10,813 --> 00:04:12,295
Damn it, Jayden.
117
00:04:12,379 --> 00:04:14,297
My blood sugar drops
right before lunch
118
00:04:14,381 --> 00:04:15,647
and I get kind of quiet,
119
00:04:15,731 --> 00:04:18,040
and that boy just
has to fill the silence.
120
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:19,607
Okay, well, look,
I know what you're gonna say,
121
00:04:19,691 --> 00:04:20,956
but don't bother.
122
00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:22,784
There is nothing going on
between me and James.
123
00:04:22,868 --> 00:04:25,352
Okay,
and what was I gonna say?
124
00:04:25,436 --> 00:04:28,355
Uh, dating your coworkers
is a terrible idea.
125
00:04:28,439 --> 00:04:29,922
Wrong.
126
00:04:30,006 --> 00:04:32,490
This life of ours doesn't leave
a lot of room for love,
127
00:04:32,574 --> 00:04:34,187
so you got to get your jollies
128
00:04:34,271 --> 00:04:37,364
whenever the Jolly Rancher
rolls through town.
129
00:04:37,448 --> 00:04:38,974
And when I was your age,
130
00:04:39,058 --> 00:04:40,672
there was a young man
I worked with.
131
00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:43,457
Name was Yitzhak Schimmel,
132
00:04:43,541 --> 00:04:45,067
Councilman Yitzhak Schimmel.
133
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:46,373
Damn, Arpi.
134
00:04:46,457 --> 00:04:48,854
You say his name
the way I say Regé-Jean Page.
135
00:04:48,938 --> 00:04:51,160
He was a whole snack,
that one.
136
00:04:51,244 --> 00:04:53,815
Chest hairs sprouting
like onion grass,
137
00:04:53,899 --> 00:04:56,209
payos blowing in the wind.
138
00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:57,819
We had a real connection.
139
00:04:57,903 --> 00:04:59,647
How come I've never heard you
talk about him?
140
00:04:59,731 --> 00:05:00,996
Because nothing happened.
141
00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,042
I figured I wasn't his type.
142
00:05:03,126 --> 00:05:05,392
Then he ended up marrying
David Spade's stunt woman,
143
00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:06,915
so that's how wrong I was.
144
00:05:06,999 --> 00:05:08,177
I don't want that for you.
145
00:05:08,261 --> 00:05:10,136
Yeah, I don't want
any of that for me.
146
00:05:10,220 --> 00:05:11,398
So take your shot.
147
00:05:11,482 --> 00:05:13,356
Yeah, okay.
148
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,358
I mean, I haven't had to make
the first move with anyone
149
00:05:15,442 --> 00:05:17,491
since my aesthetician
separated my eyebrows,
150
00:05:17,575 --> 00:05:20,625
but I can do this, right?
151
00:05:20,709 --> 00:05:22,757
I'm not used
to playing the BFF role,
152
00:05:22,841 --> 00:05:25,412
so I looked up some
girl power quotes online.
153
00:05:25,496 --> 00:05:29,547
"Being in the Spice Girls
was an insane experience."
154
00:05:29,631 --> 00:05:32,462
- Melanie Chisholm.
- Yeah, it was.
155
00:05:32,546 --> 00:05:33,812
Okay, I got this.
156
00:05:33,896 --> 00:05:35,640
But remember,
per human resources,
157
00:05:35,724 --> 00:05:39,078
you only get to ask once,
so don't blow it.
158
00:05:39,162 --> 00:05:40,688
Oh, yeah, okay.
159
00:05:40,772 --> 00:05:42,081
If he wants to be your lover,
160
00:05:42,165 --> 00:05:43,430
he's got to get
with your friends.
161
00:05:43,514 --> 00:05:45,266
That's a good one, Arpi.
162
00:05:45,406 --> 00:05:49,828
♪ Oh, picking up mayors,
rhyming with "mayors" ♪
163
00:05:49,912 --> 00:05:51,830
♪ Some horses are mares
164
00:05:51,914 --> 00:05:53,916
♪ What else rhymes
with "mayors" ♪
165
00:06:00,244 --> 00:06:02,812
Uh, no, son.
166
00:06:04,311 --> 00:06:09,841
[♪]
167
00:06:10,159 --> 00:06:13,122
I'm coming, mayors!
168
00:06:13,370 --> 00:06:15,244
Okay, that's lunch.
169
00:06:15,328 --> 00:06:17,896
Catering is in
that old house on Irving.
170
00:06:19,768 --> 00:06:21,468
Where is
the farthest bathroom?
171
00:06:21,552 --> 00:06:23,209
Raj, as far as I'm concerned,
172
00:06:23,293 --> 00:06:24,990
you don't exist
till after lunch.
173
00:06:28,037 --> 00:06:30,259
All right,
is there lunch is at?
174
00:06:30,343 --> 00:06:31,957
It most certainly is,
your excellency.
175
00:06:32,041 --> 00:06:33,782
- Right this way.
- Oh.
176
00:06:34,565 --> 00:06:39,225
[♪]
177
00:06:39,309 --> 00:06:42,489
Welcome.
What an honor this is.
178
00:06:42,573 --> 00:06:43,969
Please come in, come in.
179
00:06:44,053 --> 00:06:45,971
Where is
your farthest bathroom?
180
00:06:46,055 --> 00:06:48,887
Far... up the stairs,
last door on the left.
181
00:06:48,971 --> 00:06:50,320
Yeah.
[chuckles]
182
00:06:52,191 --> 00:06:54,803
"Yes-ass."
[chuckles]
183
00:06:56,454 --> 00:06:57,890
[chuckles]
184
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,504
Oh, okay.
185
00:07:01,182 --> 00:07:02,831
Thank you
for coming straight here.
186
00:07:02,939 --> 00:07:04,059
I hope you're not too tired.
187
00:07:04,143 --> 00:07:06,684
No, I took some of my
stepson's ADHD medication,
188
00:07:06,845 --> 00:07:09,111
so I am flying.
[chuckles]
189
00:07:09,453 --> 00:07:10,759
Ooh.
190
00:07:12,564 --> 00:07:15,057
Some of these guys
do not match
191
00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:16,472
the pictures you printed out.
192
00:07:16,557 --> 00:07:18,401
Oh, profile pics
never match reality, sir.
193
00:07:18,468 --> 00:07:19,820
Mine, very misleading.
194
00:07:19,904 --> 00:07:22,170
Well, time to make
some deals.
195
00:07:22,254 --> 00:07:23,824
Watch and learn, Tommy.
196
00:07:23,908 --> 00:07:25,347
This'll be like watching
Michael Jordan
197
00:07:25,431 --> 00:07:27,045
jump up and throw the ball
198
00:07:27,129 --> 00:07:28,133
and it goes through a ring
and then...
199
00:07:28,217 --> 00:07:30,480
Stay in your lane, buddy.
[laughs]
200
00:07:31,568 --> 00:07:34,792
The cryptocurrency I'm really
into is called Batman coin.
201
00:07:34,876 --> 00:07:36,054
And if you're looking
to buy some,
202
00:07:36,138 --> 00:07:37,882
I'm looking to sell
all of mine.
203
00:07:37,966 --> 00:07:40,490
Well, it sounds wonderful.
204
00:07:41,099 --> 00:07:43,061
Boy, I don't know
how you do your day job
205
00:07:43,145 --> 00:07:45,150
and take care
of all these birds.
206
00:07:45,234 --> 00:07:48,980
- They have machine feeders.
- Oh, look at that.
207
00:07:49,064 --> 00:07:51,896
I always change my shoes
at lunch for energy.
208
00:07:51,980 --> 00:07:54,550
If all your shoes are brown,
you won't affect continuity.
209
00:07:54,634 --> 00:07:57,379
What a beautiful proverb.
210
00:07:57,463 --> 00:07:59,248
Oh, here we go.
211
00:08:01,163 --> 00:08:03,995
What's up?
Working for the weekend?
212
00:08:04,079 --> 00:08:05,953
I am actually doing
that Buzzfeed quiz you sent me,
213
00:08:06,037 --> 00:08:08,521
and the Buzzfeed quiz
I'm most like is
214
00:08:08,605 --> 00:08:09,783
the one where you find out
215
00:08:09,867 --> 00:08:10,871
which Buzzfeed quiz
you're most like.
216
00:08:10,955 --> 00:08:12,394
Wow, I'm caught in a vortex.
217
00:08:12,478 --> 00:08:15,310
Totally.
Anyways, uh...
218
00:08:15,394 --> 00:08:16,746
[with mobster voice]
I's only got one chance
219
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,052
to make this count,
220
00:08:18,136 --> 00:08:20,228
so listen good to what
I'm telling ya, capisce?
221
00:08:20,312 --> 00:08:23,579
[normally] Guys like
"The Sopranos," whatever.
222
00:08:23,663 --> 00:08:27,105
Hold on, you have
something...
223
00:08:27,189 --> 00:08:29,281
- Is that a Breathe Right strip?
- Oh.
224
00:08:29,365 --> 00:08:30,848
Oh, okay, we're gonna have
to cut that out.
225
00:08:30,932 --> 00:08:32,197
No, I can get it later.
226
00:08:32,281 --> 00:08:36,810
Um, but weekend,
what are you doing during it?
227
00:08:36,894 --> 00:08:38,725
I was gonna go see
my friend's play,
228
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:40,596
but then I realized
I would rather
229
00:08:40,680 --> 00:08:42,120
- lose that person as a friend.
- [laughs]
230
00:08:42,204 --> 00:08:45,036
[phone buzzing]
Oh, sorry.
231
00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:50,041
It's just, I'm also free
Saturday for once,
232
00:08:50,125 --> 00:08:51,869
so I thought maybe you...
[phone buzzing]
233
00:08:51,953 --> 00:08:55,263
And I could, um...
234
00:08:55,347 --> 00:08:57,570
- This better be an emergency.
- It is.
235
00:08:57,654 --> 00:09:00,834
There's been a murder,
because I'm killing it.
236
00:09:00,918 --> 00:09:02,662
Now, that's what I call
job security.
237
00:09:02,746 --> 00:09:05,056
Oh, my God, Tommy,
I don't care.
238
00:09:05,140 --> 00:09:06,709
Neil said that the city
was lucky to have me,
239
00:09:06,793 --> 00:09:10,365
and I just want to assure you
that I don't want your job.
240
00:09:10,449 --> 00:09:11,976
Uh, yeah,
I'm not worried about that.
241
00:09:12,060 --> 00:09:13,629
Why are you never
threatened by me?
242
00:09:13,713 --> 00:09:16,328
I'm smart and I'm ambitious
and I am working on my posture.
243
00:09:16,412 --> 00:09:18,678
I got to handle this.
Someone at DWP clicked
244
00:09:18,762 --> 00:09:19,897
a bad link,
and now there's sewage
245
00:09:19,981 --> 00:09:21,289
coming up people's toilets.
246
00:09:21,373 --> 00:09:23,248
Oh.
[chuckles]
247
00:09:23,332 --> 00:09:25,685
Wait, was that my shot?
248
00:09:25,769 --> 00:09:27,078
That wasn't my shot.
249
00:09:27,162 --> 00:09:29,819
That wasn't it.
Arpi?
250
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,909
[glass clinks]
251
00:09:31,993 --> 00:09:36,522
I just want to thank all
of you for being here today.
252
00:09:36,606 --> 00:09:38,350
I always wanted
to have a sister,
253
00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:41,614
and now I've got six.
254
00:09:41,698 --> 00:09:45,009
[laughs]
255
00:09:45,093 --> 00:09:46,532
Right.
256
00:09:46,616 --> 00:09:48,751
I want to talk about
how we can help each other.
257
00:09:48,835 --> 00:09:51,363
Oh, so true.
I mean, think about it.
258
00:09:51,447 --> 00:09:53,365
Me and this guy, same height,
259
00:09:53,449 --> 00:09:55,889
doesn't mean we're going out
for the same things.
260
00:09:55,973 --> 00:09:58,413
Mate, you ever need a reader,
I'm here for you.
261
00:09:58,497 --> 00:09:59,849
[applause]
262
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,329
Yeah, exactly.
263
00:10:01,413 --> 00:10:04,637
There's no reason we shouldn't
be sharing resources.
264
00:10:04,721 --> 00:10:06,944
Let's talk
about transportation.
265
00:10:07,028 --> 00:10:08,815
Don't get me started
on transpo.
266
00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:13,428
[laughter]
267
00:10:13,512 --> 00:10:16,692
You know, there is a project
I'm really excited
268
00:10:16,776 --> 00:10:19,130
to help develop,
and that's the bullet train.
269
00:10:19,214 --> 00:10:22,307
The "Bullet Train"?
The Brad Pitt movie?
270
00:10:22,391 --> 00:10:23,917
It's out already.
271
00:10:24,001 --> 00:10:25,484
This guy's crazy.
272
00:10:25,568 --> 00:10:28,832
I know you guys have honed
that technology in Japan.
273
00:10:29,702 --> 00:10:34,406
Oh, my God, is this real?
I'm six days sober.
274
00:10:34,490 --> 00:10:36,582
Oh, my... oh, I am so sorry.
275
00:10:36,666 --> 00:10:37,887
Tommy, don't let him leave.
276
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,846
We got to be part
of this bullet train thing.
277
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:42,066
It's too late.
That project's over.
278
00:10:42,150 --> 00:10:43,284
It is?
279
00:10:43,368 --> 00:10:45,069
Yeah, you got to read
the blogs, guy.
280
00:10:45,153 --> 00:10:47,027
Susan,
thank you for seeing us.
281
00:10:47,111 --> 00:10:49,508
I am well aware
of the one-ask policy
282
00:10:49,592 --> 00:10:50,857
for interoffice romance.
283
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,077
I respect it.
I respect you.
284
00:10:53,161 --> 00:10:54,992
Okay, what happened?
285
00:10:55,076 --> 00:10:57,081
Okay, so you know
who James Aniobi is, right?
286
00:10:57,165 --> 00:10:58,473
Good face, skin like silk,
287
00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,258
hard to tell under the suit
but the bod seems tight.
288
00:11:00,342 --> 00:11:02,260
Not okay,
but I know who you mean.
289
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:04,044
Okay, so I went
to ask him out once,
290
00:11:04,128 --> 00:11:06,003
but I only got, like,
3/4 of the way through
291
00:11:06,087 --> 00:11:07,134
and we got interrupted.
292
00:11:07,218 --> 00:11:08,918
I never actually finished
the question,
293
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,877
so that doesn't count
as my ask, right?
294
00:11:10,961 --> 00:11:12,748
Hmm.
Interesting.
295
00:11:12,832 --> 00:11:14,098
It was a checked swing,
Susan.
296
00:11:14,182 --> 00:11:16,056
Her bat did not
cross the plate.
297
00:11:16,140 --> 00:11:18,624
- Ball one.
- What exactly did you say?
298
00:11:18,708 --> 00:11:21,235
I said,
"I'm also free Saturday,
299
00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:24,369
and maybe you and I could,"
and then I got cut off.
300
00:11:24,453 --> 00:11:25,457
How's that a question?
301
00:11:25,541 --> 00:11:26,806
Her voice didn't go up
at the end.
302
00:11:26,890 --> 00:11:28,982
Well, you definitely started
asking him out.
303
00:11:29,066 --> 00:11:30,244
But she could've been
about to say anything.
304
00:11:30,328 --> 00:11:32,290
"Maybe you and I
could not go to dinner."
305
00:11:32,374 --> 00:11:33,943
"Maybe you and I
could each contribute
306
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,380
"to my nephew's
school fundraiser.
307
00:11:35,464 --> 00:11:37,121
The arts budget
has been slashed."
308
00:11:37,205 --> 00:11:39,210
[sighs]
309
00:11:39,294 --> 00:11:41,951
Ms. Shaw, your language
was vague.
310
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,389
And since the other case
on my desk is a guy
311
00:11:44,473 --> 00:11:46,434
who was photographing
his female coworkers' bellies
312
00:11:46,518 --> 00:11:48,523
under a conference table
and ranking them,
313
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:52,397
I am desperate for any example
of positive human interaction.
314
00:11:52,481 --> 00:11:54,529
So you get one more ask.
315
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,006
- Yes.
- Rock and roll.
316
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,621
Was I on that tummy list?
317
00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:00,753
You won your age group.
318
00:12:00,837 --> 00:12:02,012
Oh!
319
00:12:04,101 --> 00:12:05,888
Hey, keep people
out of there.
320
00:12:05,972 --> 00:12:07,412
The mayor of Nagoya
is either taking a shower
321
00:12:07,496 --> 00:12:09,283
or running the shower
to mask something worse.
322
00:12:09,367 --> 00:12:10,850
[phone buzzing]
323
00:12:10,934 --> 00:12:12,199
Yeah, Jayden,
the mayors are weird.
324
00:12:12,283 --> 00:12:13,679
What did you do?
325
00:12:13,763 --> 00:12:15,942
Well, they seem normal to me,
but you know mayors.
326
00:12:16,026 --> 00:12:17,813
Look, I'm sorry I haven't
gotten them there yet.
327
00:12:17,897 --> 00:12:20,164
Turns out, this vehicle
isn't allowed on the highway,
328
00:12:20,248 --> 00:12:21,861
but I did get to meet
a motorcycle police lady.
329
00:12:21,945 --> 00:12:23,254
Wait,
what are you talking about?
330
00:12:23,338 --> 00:12:24,777
I'm saying that
I had to take side streets,
331
00:12:24,861 --> 00:12:26,126
which means turning,
332
00:12:26,210 --> 00:12:28,520
and this is more
of a go-straight car.
333
00:12:28,604 --> 00:12:30,783
But the mayors are here.
334
00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:34,003
Did he just... what the...
335
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:35,918
Ah, chlamydia's not so bad.
336
00:12:36,002 --> 00:12:37,355
What you should be
worried about is the fact
337
00:12:37,439 --> 00:12:40,227
that Y2K did happen
and this is all a simulation.
338
00:12:40,311 --> 00:12:42,664
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God,
Jayden, get them here now.
339
00:12:42,748 --> 00:12:44,057
Okay,
but if I drive too fast,
340
00:12:44,141 --> 00:12:45,821
the water's gonna
spill out of the hot tub.
341
00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,455
You know,
I can cry on command
342
00:12:50,539 --> 00:12:52,193
just like Anne Hathaway.
343
00:12:53,759 --> 00:12:56,893
[both crying]
344
00:12:58,633 --> 00:13:01,595
[dramatic music]
345
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,424
[♪]
346
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,933
Boy, you know, that mayor
looks a lot like the guy
347
00:13:07,018 --> 00:13:08,440
from the background
of "Riverdale," you know,
348
00:13:08,524 --> 00:13:11,025
who became a meme
'cause he did so much pointing.
349
00:13:11,109 --> 00:13:12,838
Okay, Orly, we have
a little situation here.
350
00:13:12,923 --> 00:13:13,924
These aren't mayors.
351
00:13:14,009 --> 00:13:15,682
They are...
How do you say it in English...
352
00:13:15,766 --> 00:13:17,553
Randos,
and your father doesn't know,
353
00:13:17,637 --> 00:13:19,120
- so you have to tell him.
- No way.
354
00:13:19,204 --> 00:13:20,164
He'll get all embarrassed,
355
00:13:20,248 --> 00:13:21,339
and then he'll be
in a bad mood.
356
00:13:21,423 --> 00:13:22,732
And I need him to sign
a permission slip
357
00:13:22,816 --> 00:13:25,430
so I can go on
a school field trip to Ibiza.
358
00:13:25,514 --> 00:13:27,215
- Veda's dad is Diplo, so...
- Okay, well, I need this
359
00:13:27,299 --> 00:13:29,391
to go well so I'll get a 15%
raise at the end of the year
360
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,088
because I cannot live
within my means, Orly.
361
00:13:31,172 --> 00:13:32,263
Okay,
but what are we gonna do?
362
00:13:32,347 --> 00:13:33,613
I mean, he's gonna
find out eventually.
363
00:13:33,697 --> 00:13:36,006
Would I crack
your back for you?
364
00:13:36,090 --> 00:13:38,052
- Please?
- I guess.
365
00:13:38,136 --> 00:13:39,575
Here you go.
366
00:13:39,659 --> 00:13:41,055
Okay, we need to stall
until the real mayors get here.
367
00:13:41,139 --> 00:13:43,448
If I learned anything
interning for Lindsey Graham,
368
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:44,580
it's that you never tell
the boss about the problem
369
00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:45,973
until you have a solution,
370
00:13:46,057 --> 00:13:47,583
unless you like getting put
in the naughty closet.
371
00:13:47,667 --> 00:13:50,452
Where is
your farthest bathroom?
372
00:13:51,323 --> 00:13:53,371
Sir, how would you like to be
upgraded to a speaking role?
373
00:13:53,455 --> 00:13:54,547
I'm in the union.
374
00:13:54,631 --> 00:13:55,765
Yeah, yeah,
I'll pay your rate.
375
00:13:55,849 --> 00:13:57,158
It's $1,030.
376
00:13:57,242 --> 00:13:59,247
Fine, I'll Venmo you.
377
00:13:59,331 --> 00:14:00,422
Call my last number
and ask Jayden
378
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,466
what the hell's
taking him so long.
379
00:14:01,550 --> 00:14:02,642
- Follow me.
- I really need the...
380
00:14:02,726 --> 00:14:04,121
I will take you
to the bathroom.
381
00:14:04,205 --> 00:14:05,296
Okay.
[phone buzzes]
382
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:07,255
What up,
Tommy from another mommy?
383
00:14:07,339 --> 00:14:09,213
Jayden, it's Orly Bremer.
384
00:14:09,297 --> 00:14:10,388
Why do you
have Tommy's phone?
385
00:14:10,472 --> 00:14:12,608
[gasps]
You "Freaky Friday-ed."
386
00:14:12,692 --> 00:14:14,262
I believe you,
and I'm here to help.
387
00:14:14,346 --> 00:14:16,960
No, I'm just using his phone.
Look, where are you guys?
388
00:14:17,044 --> 00:14:18,309
Okay, full disclosure,
389
00:14:18,393 --> 00:14:19,920
the ride is taking longer
than planned,
390
00:14:20,004 --> 00:14:22,575
so I stopped for the mayors
to get out and bathroom.
391
00:14:22,659 --> 00:14:25,534
ETA is in flux
because I don't know
392
00:14:25,618 --> 00:14:27,754
how I got in this spot.
393
00:14:27,838 --> 00:14:29,407
I think somebody moved a wall.
394
00:14:29,491 --> 00:14:32,280
Okay, I feel like Tommy would
tell me to yell at you now.
395
00:14:32,364 --> 00:14:34,108
So... Jayden!
396
00:14:34,192 --> 00:14:36,458
I know.
I'm sorry, ma'am.
397
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:39,635
[cries]
How did this happen?
398
00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:41,115
Okay, last question.
399
00:14:41,199 --> 00:14:44,727
Am I playing this
like I really am the mayor,
400
00:14:44,811 --> 00:14:49,123
or am I a guy convincing him
I am the mayor?
401
00:14:49,207 --> 00:14:50,385
Do you really think
you're skilled enough
402
00:14:50,469 --> 00:14:51,299
that those layers
are gonna show?
403
00:14:51,383 --> 00:14:52,514
Get in there.
404
00:14:54,778 --> 00:14:56,347
Ho!
There's my buddy.
405
00:14:56,431 --> 00:14:59,002
Ti kanes.
[laughter]
406
00:14:59,086 --> 00:15:00,218
You enjoying yourself?
407
00:15:00,914 --> 00:15:03,659
Yes and no.
I have some problems.
408
00:15:03,743 --> 00:15:06,137
- Oh, you do?
- I'm just kidding.
409
00:15:07,355 --> 00:15:10,532
I love you.
I brought you this gift.
410
00:15:11,272 --> 00:15:12,886
- Open it.
- Oh, God.
411
00:15:12,970 --> 00:15:14,235
He's giving him
an imaginary box.
412
00:15:14,319 --> 00:15:16,846
Oh, oh, oh,
I get it.
413
00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:19,457
This is a symbol that
what we're giving each other
414
00:15:19,541 --> 00:15:20,937
is intangible.
415
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:23,984
Please, accept my box.
416
00:15:24,068 --> 00:15:25,376
That's not a box.
417
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:27,074
Maybe I'm talking too much.
418
00:15:27,158 --> 00:15:28,466
You tell me,
419
00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:31,121
how can we be helpful
to the people of Athens?
420
00:15:31,205 --> 00:15:32,601
Give me the codes.
421
00:15:32,685 --> 00:15:33,994
No, I'm sorry.
The codes?
422
00:15:34,078 --> 00:15:35,560
- I need the codes.
- The codes.
423
00:15:35,644 --> 00:15:36,736
I don't have much time.
424
00:15:36,820 --> 00:15:38,128
Do you maybe mean
telephone number?
425
00:15:38,212 --> 00:15:40,304
'Cause I'm happy to give you
my direct line.
426
00:15:40,388 --> 00:15:41,697
Nope, sir, I wouldn't.
427
00:15:41,781 --> 00:15:45,701
You think you can seduce me
with this life?
428
00:15:45,785 --> 00:15:48,922
The shrimp, the champagne,
the wallpaper,
429
00:15:49,006 --> 00:15:52,534
the chairs, the banister,
the other chair,
430
00:15:52,618 --> 00:15:54,663
all the shrimp?
431
00:15:55,882 --> 00:15:59,193
Everything I do is for you
and your sister.
432
00:15:59,277 --> 00:16:00,673
- Yes, yes...
- No.
433
00:16:00,757 --> 00:16:03,023
No, no,
we are all sisters, yes.
434
00:16:03,107 --> 00:16:05,242
I agree with...
No, please, don't...
435
00:16:05,326 --> 00:16:06,501
Oh, God!
436
00:16:08,416 --> 00:16:09,594
What just happened?
437
00:16:09,678 --> 00:16:12,554
- I don't know.
- Bye, Dad, love you.
438
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,425
I don't get this.
439
00:16:14,509 --> 00:16:18,429
I... I'm great in a room,
but I just...
440
00:16:18,513 --> 00:16:21,215
I have made two of these guys
storm out.
441
00:16:21,299 --> 00:16:25,001
And the mayor from Makati,
she started to Face Time her dog
442
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:28,265
when I tried to engage her
about cybersecurity.
443
00:16:28,349 --> 00:16:30,746
Have I lost my touch?
444
00:16:30,830 --> 00:16:33,140
No, sir,
you didn't do anything wrong.
445
00:16:33,224 --> 00:16:36,491
I did, and I didn't want
to tell you before I fixed it.
446
00:16:36,575 --> 00:16:38,841
These people
aren't really mayors.
447
00:16:38,925 --> 00:16:42,105
What?
Well, then who are they?
448
00:16:42,189 --> 00:16:43,498
There you are.
449
00:16:43,582 --> 00:16:45,500
Adnan, Bryce, Harvey,
the rest of you,
450
00:16:45,584 --> 00:16:46,762
I need you on set.
451
00:16:46,846 --> 00:16:47,981
Grandpa Tall Guy, let's go.
452
00:16:48,065 --> 00:16:50,635
No, no, no,
I'm the mayor.
453
00:16:50,719 --> 00:16:52,072
Nice try.
454
00:16:52,156 --> 00:16:53,595
The mayor doesn't work
till Friday, and he's Black.
455
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,594
White mayors read as villains.
456
00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:58,905
Tommy,
where are the real mayors?
457
00:16:58,989 --> 00:17:00,428
You know that strip mall
on La Brea
458
00:17:00,512 --> 00:17:01,690
with the foot-shaped sign
that used to say "Foot Doctor"
459
00:17:01,774 --> 00:17:02,822
and now it says "Day Care"?
460
00:17:02,906 --> 00:17:04,737
Dan, get the car.
Tommy, come here.
461
00:17:04,821 --> 00:17:06,735
- Sorry.
- You knew this?
462
00:17:08,085 --> 00:17:09,089
Oh, what's up?
463
00:17:09,173 --> 00:17:10,351
You got more garbage
in your hair?
464
00:17:10,435 --> 00:17:12,614
[laughs]
Okay.
465
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:16,400
Um, yeah,
I was just... I was wondering
466
00:17:16,484 --> 00:17:20,622
if you would maybe like
to get dinner on Saturday.
467
00:17:20,706 --> 00:17:22,537
Like a date?
468
00:17:22,621 --> 00:17:24,365
Like a date.
469
00:17:24,449 --> 00:17:25,453
Right.
470
00:17:25,537 --> 00:17:29,979
Well, I would love to...
say yes,
471
00:17:30,063 --> 00:17:32,239
but I can't.
472
00:17:34,111 --> 00:17:35,593
Oh, you can't.
473
00:17:35,677 --> 00:17:36,943
Oh, cool, cool.
474
00:17:37,027 --> 00:17:38,727
Cool, cool, cool, cool,
cool, cool, cool.
475
00:17:38,811 --> 00:17:41,730
I, um... yeah, I can't either.
476
00:17:41,814 --> 00:17:46,082
I just remembered, Saturday,
that's when "SNL" is on.
477
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:48,824
It's a rerun, but Drake...
478
00:17:48,908 --> 00:17:51,392
It's always fun to see
that side of him.
479
00:17:51,476 --> 00:17:56,960
So I'm busy, but anyways,
thank you for your hospitality.
480
00:17:58,135 --> 00:17:59,876
Okay.
[laughs]
481
00:18:01,878 --> 00:18:05,011
- It's... it's...
- Okay.
482
00:18:07,021 --> 00:18:08,153
[sighs]
483
00:18:09,304 --> 00:18:10,616
What is that?
484
00:18:12,421 --> 00:18:13,954
Oh, please don't hit me.
485
00:18:14,062 --> 00:18:17,516
City Hall has access
to so many cars.
486
00:18:17,601 --> 00:18:19,911
- What is this?
- I wanted it to be special.
487
00:18:19,995 --> 00:18:21,913
And the guys
at Cars of Stars Rentals
488
00:18:21,997 --> 00:18:24,570
said that this
just screams Los Angeles,
489
00:18:24,655 --> 00:18:26,526
which it does
if you use the horn.
490
00:18:26,610 --> 00:18:27,788
I think it's
David Lee Roth's voice.
491
00:18:27,872 --> 00:18:29,398
Jayden, where are the mayors?
492
00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:31,183
They disappeared
into the mall.
493
00:18:31,267 --> 00:18:32,750
Am I gonna be executed?
494
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,665
Yeah, this is worse
than what I did, right, sir?
495
00:18:34,749 --> 00:18:36,536
I'm in less trouble
than Jayden because...
496
00:18:36,620 --> 00:18:39,844
Jayden, my friend.
[laughs]
497
00:18:39,928 --> 00:18:44,413
Gentlemen, ma'am,
I am so, so sorry.
498
00:18:44,497 --> 00:18:47,068
Oh, I see you got T-shirts.
499
00:18:47,152 --> 00:18:48,417
Oh, and so much more.
500
00:18:48,501 --> 00:18:51,551
We got pizza,
excellent omakase,
501
00:18:51,635 --> 00:18:53,553
a lunchtime face-lift.
502
00:18:53,637 --> 00:18:56,730
Then we had CBD brownies.
[laughter]
503
00:18:56,814 --> 00:18:59,037
I had copies
of all my keys made.
504
00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:02,301
And then a truck full of tacos
just appeared.
505
00:19:02,385 --> 00:19:05,260
And I got my nails, uh, did.
506
00:19:05,344 --> 00:19:06,566
Am I saying that correctly?
507
00:19:06,650 --> 00:19:07,915
- Actually, you are.
- Oh!
508
00:19:07,999 --> 00:19:10,570
And this guy,
what a tour guide.
509
00:19:10,654 --> 00:19:12,398
[laughter]
510
00:19:12,482 --> 00:19:15,488
Well, this was the plan.
511
00:19:15,572 --> 00:19:16,837
Welcome to LA.
512
00:19:16,921 --> 00:19:19,579
Hey, why don't we head back
to Getty House
513
00:19:19,663 --> 00:19:20,972
and then talk turkey?
514
00:19:21,056 --> 00:19:23,714
The Turks?
They are animals.
515
00:19:23,798 --> 00:19:25,759
- Well, you know, I didn't...
- I'm kidding.
516
00:19:25,843 --> 00:19:27,674
I know what you mean.
[laughter]
517
00:19:27,758 --> 00:19:30,416
- I'm a little high.
- It happens.
518
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,418
All right, let's take my car,
shall we?
519
00:19:32,502 --> 00:19:33,724
- Here we go.
- Thank you.
520
00:19:33,808 --> 00:19:35,726
- Welcome to LA.
- Yeah.
521
00:19:35,810 --> 00:19:36,901
- Hey, Tommy.
- Yeah?
522
00:19:36,985 --> 00:19:38,642
Jayden's gonna ride with us.
523
00:19:38,726 --> 00:19:40,774
I know you don't want
to burden me with problems,
524
00:19:40,858 --> 00:19:42,558
so why don't you solve that
525
00:19:42,642 --> 00:19:44,993
and then tell me
how you did it afterwards?
526
00:19:46,559 --> 00:19:47,865
Oh, here.
527
00:19:52,696 --> 00:19:54,829
Nice parking job, you idiot.
528
00:19:56,014 --> 00:19:58,749
"I can't"?
What does "I can't" even mean?
529
00:19:58,833 --> 00:20:00,054
"I can't because I'm busy"?
530
00:20:00,138 --> 00:20:01,447
"I can't
because I love you so much
531
00:20:01,531 --> 00:20:02,709
and I'm scared
of disappointing you"?
532
00:20:02,793 --> 00:20:04,406
Look, this was fun before,
533
00:20:04,490 --> 00:20:06,931
but someone recorded themselves
pulling it out on Zoom, so...
534
00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:08,933
But can I have
a follow-up ask, "Why not?"
535
00:20:09,017 --> 00:20:10,827
'Cause right before he said,
"I can't,"
536
00:20:10,912 --> 00:20:12,569
his eyes were like...
537
00:20:12,808 --> 00:20:16,379
and I could tell, inside,
he was kind of like...
538
00:20:16,464 --> 00:20:18,289
His words didn't match
his eyes.
539
00:20:18,374 --> 00:20:20,031
They were inviting,
540
00:20:20,115 --> 00:20:22,381
like a piping-hot stew
in a blizzard.
541
00:20:22,465 --> 00:20:25,166
Okay, Mikaela, I want you
to think about the last time
542
00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,473
someone made an unwanted
advance toward you.
543
00:20:27,557 --> 00:20:29,214
Richard Dreyfuss
at baggage claim.
544
00:20:29,298 --> 00:20:31,433
And would have appreciated
a "Why not?"
545
00:20:31,517 --> 00:20:32,783
Would that have sat well?
546
00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:34,785
[groans]
Yeah, I see your point.
547
00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:36,482
He did do that, by the way.
548
00:20:36,566 --> 00:20:37,788
I'm sorry, kid.
549
00:20:37,872 --> 00:20:40,312
If you like,
I'll help you steal
550
00:20:40,396 --> 00:20:43,228
James' cologne so you can
spray it on a body pillow.
551
00:20:43,312 --> 00:20:44,664
Please do not do that.
552
00:20:44,748 --> 00:20:45,796
Or maybe we could set you up
553
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,232
with whoever whipped it out
on Zoom.
554
00:20:47,316 --> 00:20:48,973
Actually, she's married.
555
00:20:49,057 --> 00:20:51,062
Yeah.
556
00:20:51,146 --> 00:20:53,717
[rock music]
557
00:20:53,801 --> 00:20:57,329
[♪]
558
00:20:57,414 --> 00:21:01,200
- [horn honking]
- ♪ Los Angeles
559
00:21:02,679 --> 00:21:04,899
Hey, buddy!
560
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:07,339
Guess what I did
with the money.
561
00:21:07,423 --> 00:21:09,558
- Looks like you got fillers.
- I got fillers.
562
00:21:09,642 --> 00:21:11,601
Yeah, but look,
you'd never notice.
563
00:21:12,601 --> 00:21:14,581
Thanks, buddy.
Whoo!
564
00:21:14,666 --> 00:21:18,014
- [horn honking]
- ♪ Los Angeles
565
00:21:18,243 --> 00:21:20,275
- Good night, everybody!
- Good night!
41582
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