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1
00:00:05,372 --> 00:00:07,640
- Press conference today?
- No, actually,
2
00:00:07,725 --> 00:00:09,150
I have to leave
after the morning meeting
3
00:00:09,234 --> 00:00:11,992
for a luncheon.
I'm on a 30 under 30 list.
4
00:00:12,099 --> 00:00:14,017
Wow, "Forbes" 30 under 30?
5
00:00:14,101 --> 00:00:16,280
No, it's wrong time
of year for "Forbes."
6
00:00:16,364 --> 00:00:17,977
You know, I was
"Forbes" 30 under 30.
7
00:00:18,061 --> 00:00:20,980
Okay, well this one is
for women
8
00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,156
who are making
a better Los Angeles.
9
00:00:23,240 --> 00:00:26,551
"The 'She Absolutely Did
That' 30 under 30".
10
00:00:26,635 --> 00:00:28,074
Who sponsored
this a women's magazine?
11
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:30,294
No, a brand of canned rosé
12
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,165
that used to be
a women's magazine.
13
00:00:32,249 --> 00:00:34,211
Well, this is an impressive
list of honorees.
14
00:00:34,295 --> 00:00:38,302
You've got a Goop chemist,
TikTok appropriator.
15
00:00:38,386 --> 00:00:40,043
Billie Eilish's
veterinarian.
16
00:00:40,127 --> 00:00:42,850
Her tarantula had
a fungus, James. [Scoffs]
17
00:00:42,935 --> 00:00:44,396
[bright music]
18
00:00:44,480 --> 00:00:46,480
*MR.MAYOR.
Season 02 Episode 02
19
00:00:46,564 --> 00:00:48,156
Episode Title: "Mayor Daddy"
Aired on: March 22, 2022.
20
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:51,420
[♪]
21
00:00:52,748 --> 00:00:54,592
[laughter]
22
00:00:56,412 --> 00:00:58,886
Any idea if the mayor
will be gracing us
23
00:00:58,971 --> 00:01:00,454
with his presence
today, Ms. Shaw?
24
00:01:00,538 --> 00:01:02,326
I have a proposal
to run by him.
25
00:01:02,410 --> 00:01:04,328
Oh, I also need 20 minutes
at some point.
26
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,025
And I need to show the mayor
some pants I bought.
27
00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:09,115
I'm trying something new,
and I need him to be on board.
28
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:11,683
Okay, well,
he's pretty tied up today.
29
00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,251
He asked Kathy to clear
his morning for the I-Team.
30
00:01:14,335 --> 00:01:15,697
And what are we,
chopped liver?
31
00:01:15,782 --> 00:01:17,602
You know, I never understood
that expression.
32
00:01:17,686 --> 00:01:20,431
Chopped liver is delicious.
You get a three-foot baguette,
33
00:01:20,515 --> 00:01:23,869
couple inches of chopped liver
on there, that's your morning.
34
00:01:23,953 --> 00:01:25,653
Man, I love inside jokes.
35
00:01:25,737 --> 00:01:29,527
- But I do not.
- Oh, this guy.
36
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:32,051
Sir, I don't know
if you saw my latest email.
37
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:34,184
The subject line
was "Email from Arpi."
38
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,099
No, sorry, but speaking
of the latest,
39
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:38,275
the I-Team
and I are working on something
40
00:01:38,359 --> 00:01:41,539
and we can't wait
to get it off the ground.
41
00:01:41,623 --> 00:01:44,194
[laughter]
42
00:01:44,278 --> 00:01:45,833
Stop laughing,
you're not part of it.
43
00:01:45,918 --> 00:01:47,197
I am.
You don't know everything.
44
00:01:47,281 --> 00:01:48,551
The mayor and I are working
45
00:01:48,636 --> 00:01:50,825
on a rapid transit solution
for Dodger Stadium...
46
00:01:50,910 --> 00:01:52,941
It's a gondola
from Union Station,
47
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:54,380
like at a ski resort.
48
00:01:54,465 --> 00:01:55,509
Or a theme park.
49
00:01:55,593 --> 00:01:57,120
Sometimes a gondola
is the fastest way to be
50
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,469
transported back
to the parking lot
51
00:01:58,553 --> 00:01:59,948
when your T-shirt's
inappropriate.
52
00:02:00,032 --> 00:02:01,199
Gondolas, okay.
53
00:02:01,284 --> 00:02:03,997
I look forward to seeing that
in the year 3000 and never.
54
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,896
Actually, Arpi,
we think it'll be ready
55
00:02:05,981 --> 00:02:06,824
for the Olympics.
56
00:02:06,909 --> 00:02:08,942
Tomorrow, James and I
are gonna take the helicopter
57
00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:10,458
for an exploratory trip
58
00:02:10,543 --> 00:02:12,770
with the director
of city planning.
59
00:02:12,855 --> 00:02:15,044
I should be wearing a leather
jacket for that, right?
60
00:02:15,129 --> 00:02:16,864
Oh, you could wear
a ball gown if you want.
61
00:02:16,948 --> 00:02:18,966
We're just excited to have
a mayor who will listen.
62
00:02:19,051 --> 00:02:21,782
[quirky music]
63
00:02:21,866 --> 00:02:25,674
[♪]
64
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:28,006
Do you need anything
before I take off, sir?
65
00:02:28,090 --> 00:02:30,356
Remember, Salad Works
is the place that you like.
66
00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:32,228
The Salad Mill is a dance club
for gentlemen.
67
00:02:32,312 --> 00:02:33,729
Right.
Hey, quick question.
68
00:02:33,814 --> 00:02:35,186
I'm good at reading people.
69
00:02:35,271 --> 00:02:36,744
Back at my billboard company,
70
00:02:36,829 --> 00:02:39,429
I predicted so many divorces.
71
00:02:39,514 --> 00:02:41,737
Was the morning meeting
a little tense?
72
00:02:41,946 --> 00:02:43,716
Yeah, sir.
You may not get this
73
00:02:43,801 --> 00:02:45,190
since Orly is an only child,
74
00:02:45,275 --> 00:02:47,323
but when parents
have a second kid,
75
00:02:47,414 --> 00:02:48,635
the older one can sometimes
76
00:02:48,719 --> 00:02:50,768
resent the attention
that the baby gets.
77
00:02:50,852 --> 00:02:52,596
And here at work,
there's a new baby.
78
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:53,713
Oh, for goodness sake.
79
00:02:53,855 --> 00:02:55,555
Are you talking
about the I-Team?
80
00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,165
And what,
the rest of my staff's
81
00:02:57,249 --> 00:02:59,159
a bunch of jealous toddlers?
82
00:02:59,244 --> 00:03:00,552
Arpi shops at GapKids,
83
00:03:00,654 --> 00:03:02,901
and Jayden
is pretty afraid of haircuts.
84
00:03:03,065 --> 00:03:06,409
You're doing a lot of special
things with the new kids...
85
00:03:06,494 --> 00:03:08,977
Inside jokes
and helicopter rides.
86
00:03:09,062 --> 00:03:11,005
It's so weird for me to think
of a helicopter ride
87
00:03:11,089 --> 00:03:14,357
as special, but okay,
I will block off the afternoon
88
00:03:14,441 --> 00:03:17,011
for some adult fun
with my colleagues.
89
00:03:17,095 --> 00:03:19,096
You cannot word it that way
in the public calendar,
90
00:03:19,181 --> 00:03:20,440
but thank you.
- I know.
91
00:03:20,525 --> 00:03:23,052
And just to be clear, I don't
need that kind of validation
92
00:03:23,137 --> 00:03:24,590
because I'm getting
a trophy today
93
00:03:24,675 --> 00:03:26,677
for being a really good girl.
94
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,328
[applause]
95
00:03:30,413 --> 00:03:33,201
It is such an honor to be
here with all of these
96
00:03:33,285 --> 00:03:37,031
other amazing women
chosen by Boss Betch Rose.
97
00:03:37,115 --> 00:03:38,729
[applause]
98
00:03:38,813 --> 00:03:40,774
I wanna thank all
of the girlboss hoes
99
00:03:40,858 --> 00:03:42,298
on the nominating committee
100
00:03:42,382 --> 00:03:44,735
for recognizing the epic work
that our administration
101
00:03:44,819 --> 00:03:46,674
has done
for the less privileged.
102
00:03:46,759 --> 00:03:50,244
On our watch, for the first
time in this She-llenium...
103
00:03:50,329 --> 00:03:51,551
Yeah, I said it...
104
00:03:51,636 --> 00:03:54,859
The homeless count
has not gone up.
105
00:03:54,944 --> 00:03:56,384
[applause]
106
00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:58,916
Of course, there's more work
to be done.
107
00:03:59,001 --> 00:04:00,707
But thanks to my initiative
108
00:04:00,791 --> 00:04:02,666
to turn all of the abandoned
Souplantations
109
00:04:02,750 --> 00:04:06,784
into shelters for the unhoused,
we flattened the curve.
110
00:04:06,869 --> 00:04:08,874
Curves flattening curves.
111
00:04:09,027 --> 00:04:10,771
Am I right, ladies?
112
00:04:10,856 --> 00:04:13,775
[upbeat music]
113
00:04:14,023 --> 00:04:20,943
[♪]
114
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,862
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
115
00:04:25,947 --> 00:04:26,846
It's fine.
116
00:04:26,931 --> 00:04:29,589
Usually people just keep
walking or skateboarding
117
00:04:29,798 --> 00:04:32,500
or filming their walk-and-talk
for "NCIS".
118
00:04:32,686 --> 00:04:34,821
- What's your name?
- Teri.
119
00:04:34,906 --> 00:04:37,347
That is a really
beautiful name.
120
00:04:37,485 --> 00:04:39,838
- Okay.
- You know, Teri,
121
00:04:39,923 --> 00:04:42,407
this city
offers a lot of great services
122
00:04:42,505 --> 00:04:44,423
for people
experiencing homelessness.
123
00:04:44,531 --> 00:04:47,635
And if you'd like, I can bring
you to one of our new shelters.
124
00:04:50,319 --> 00:04:52,260
- Sure.
- [gasps]
125
00:04:54,255 --> 00:04:56,627
Look at that.
Isn't this beautiful?
126
00:04:56,804 --> 00:04:59,418
Good Lord,
I thought you were joking.
127
00:04:59,502 --> 00:05:00,898
You really took us
to a golf course?
128
00:05:00,982 --> 00:05:03,857
Arpi, in my world,
this is a sign of respect.
129
00:05:03,941 --> 00:05:05,990
This club is
very special to me.
130
00:05:06,074 --> 00:05:08,732
Listen to that.
That is the sound of planes
131
00:05:08,816 --> 00:05:10,908
not being allowed
within 10 miles of this course.
132
00:05:10,992 --> 00:05:12,003
Yeah. I'll wait in the car.
133
00:05:12,087 --> 00:05:14,266
Oh, come on Arpi.
This is gonna be fun.
134
00:05:14,351 --> 00:05:15,487
Come on,
let's get you geared up.
135
00:05:15,571 --> 00:05:17,619
Right behind you, sir.
136
00:05:17,704 --> 00:05:19,872
Arpi, do you not see
the opportunity here?
137
00:05:19,957 --> 00:05:21,745
Yeah, if this is at all like
"Caddyshack,"
138
00:05:21,829 --> 00:05:22,940
we're gonna see gophers.
139
00:05:23,025 --> 00:05:24,899
Will they be dancing around
like in the movie?
140
00:05:24,984 --> 00:05:26,641
Probably not, I'm sorry.
141
00:05:26,790 --> 00:05:29,492
No, when my college roommates
didn't invite me to go golfing,
142
00:05:29,577 --> 00:05:32,278
they were gone
for five or six hours.
143
00:05:32,363 --> 00:05:35,021
We're gonna get a huge chunk
of alone time with Neil.
144
00:05:35,106 --> 00:05:36,850
No I-Team in sight.
145
00:05:36,935 --> 00:05:39,506
I promised myself I would
never pick up a golf club
146
00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:41,552
unless I was breaking
the windshield
147
00:05:41,656 --> 00:05:43,441
of an unfaithful lover.
But...
148
00:05:44,835 --> 00:05:46,230
let's do this.
149
00:05:46,315 --> 00:05:48,705
[♪]
150
00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:51,361
Make sure you tell them that
the mayor's office sent you.
151
00:05:51,446 --> 00:05:53,842
Oh, here take
this swag bag, too.
152
00:05:53,927 --> 00:05:58,544
Wow. Pop Chips,
an issue of "In Style,"
153
00:05:58,629 --> 00:06:00,783
oh, and a coupon
for a couple's massage
154
00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:02,786
at the W Hotel in Miami.
155
00:06:02,870 --> 00:06:04,619
So loved getting to know you,
Teri.
156
00:06:04,759 --> 00:06:05,978
Same.
157
00:06:08,466 --> 00:06:10,381
Have so much fun!
158
00:06:20,061 --> 00:06:23,705
Huh, so that's why
"C" is for "corpse".
159
00:06:23,790 --> 00:06:26,557
Well-played, Sue Grafton.
[laughs]
160
00:06:29,686 --> 00:06:31,744
There you go. That's better.
161
00:06:31,829 --> 00:06:34,080
My socks feel weird.
162
00:06:34,229 --> 00:06:35,760
You can't take 'em
off, Jayden.
163
00:06:35,845 --> 00:06:39,721
We're just walking and
talking, and it's so hot.
164
00:06:39,806 --> 00:06:41,580
Come on, don't do that.
165
00:06:41,665 --> 00:06:44,455
Sir, while Jayden is dying,
maybe I can show you something.
166
00:06:44,565 --> 00:06:46,525
This is a demo for an app
I've been developing
167
00:06:46,609 --> 00:06:47,570
that tells tourists
about the history
168
00:06:47,654 --> 00:06:48,832
of their parking spot.
169
00:06:48,916 --> 00:06:51,051
Wouldn't you pay extra to park
in the same spot
170
00:06:51,135 --> 00:06:53,184
where Dr. Harry Dalton...
As played by Pierce Brosnan...
171
00:06:53,268 --> 00:06:55,480
Parked before he talked to
the army men in "Dante's Peak"?
172
00:06:55,564 --> 00:06:56,569
Why can't I get internet here?
173
00:06:56,653 --> 00:06:58,397
Because we're on
a golf course.
174
00:06:58,482 --> 00:06:59,703
Jayden, get up!
175
00:06:59,788 --> 00:07:01,924
Good thing.
I'm all analog, sir.
176
00:07:02,009 --> 00:07:03,579
Do you know how
much money diarrhea
177
00:07:03,749 --> 00:07:05,299
cost the city every year?
178
00:07:05,384 --> 00:07:06,634
That's why I want
to tackle M.U.D.
179
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:08,288
Okay, stop.
For several reasons.
180
00:07:08,388 --> 00:07:10,785
It's evocative, I know. It's
gonna make a great hashtag.
181
00:07:10,870 --> 00:07:14,093
Arpi, this is a private club.
We can't discuss work here...
182
00:07:14,316 --> 00:07:15,930
What,
then why would you bring us
183
00:07:16,030 --> 00:07:17,687
to this hellhole
of white privilege?
184
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:21,299
Hey, first of all,
our treasurer is diverse.
185
00:07:21,383 --> 00:07:23,324
And I was just trying
to do something special
186
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,018
with you guys.
You know, share something
187
00:07:25,103 --> 00:07:26,216
that I haven't even shared
188
00:07:26,301 --> 00:07:27,830
with my tax guy.
189
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:31,138
And thanks to him, I made
negative $10,000 last year.
190
00:07:31,223 --> 00:07:33,578
I have a bar! Sir, sir, sir!
I can show you my thing I made!
191
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,182
I told you to put that away.
192
00:07:35,266 --> 00:07:37,401
There are no electronics
on this course.
193
00:07:37,486 --> 00:07:38,424
You looked at your phone.
194
00:07:38,509 --> 00:07:41,666
Hey do as I say, not
as I do, Orly... Arpi, I mean.
195
00:07:41,781 --> 00:07:44,151
Is there something
on my neck? Ow.
196
00:07:44,252 --> 00:07:46,432
What? You're sunburned.
197
00:07:46,517 --> 00:07:49,131
Can't you guys not even
put on sunscreen?
198
00:07:49,262 --> 00:07:51,674
I did. Don't yell at me
'cause you're mad at him.
199
00:07:51,759 --> 00:07:54,799
Arpi, Arpi!
Hey, don't ignore me!
200
00:07:54,884 --> 00:07:56,410
I learned it
from watching you.
201
00:07:56,495 --> 00:07:58,413
- Ow!
- Oh, my God.
202
00:07:58,498 --> 00:08:01,354
You guys are acting like...
203
00:08:01,763 --> 00:08:05,526
Children.
- It feels spicy!
204
00:08:06,842 --> 00:08:08,580
Well, you were right.
205
00:08:08,665 --> 00:08:11,268
The staff is jealous,
and they're regressing.
206
00:08:11,353 --> 00:08:13,916
On the ride home, Arpi gave me
the silent treatment
207
00:08:14,001 --> 00:08:16,682
and Jayden got so worked up
he threw up as Go-Gurt.
208
00:08:16,767 --> 00:08:18,855
Yeah, and now the other
kids have heard about
209
00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,880
your golf outing,
and they're acting out.
210
00:08:20,964 --> 00:08:22,183
What do you mean?
211
00:08:23,621 --> 00:08:26,975
Valerie, that's not where
that goes, young lady.
212
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:30,252
Hey, Luis!
That's not who we are!
213
00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:33,509
All right, all right.
What are we supposed to do now?
214
00:08:33,593 --> 00:08:35,690
We? Oh, yeah, sir,
I wish I could help you,
215
00:08:35,775 --> 00:08:37,520
but I've decided to play
the role of "cool auntie,"
216
00:08:37,604 --> 00:08:39,174
and just throw you
under the bus.
217
00:08:39,259 --> 00:08:41,525
- Dan, get the car.
- Where are you going?
218
00:08:41,610 --> 00:08:44,355
I'm handling this situation
the way my father would've.
219
00:08:44,440 --> 00:08:45,618
I'm going for a drive.
220
00:08:45,737 --> 00:08:47,690
And when I get back,
I will be a little drunk
221
00:08:47,774 --> 00:08:51,258
and ranting about how there are
too many TV channels now.
222
00:08:51,342 --> 00:08:53,344
It's still true, by the way.
223
00:08:54,531 --> 00:08:55,531
[knock at door]
224
00:08:55,825 --> 00:08:57,264
You know,
I took a closer look
225
00:08:57,348 --> 00:08:59,136
at the brochure.
- Oh, my God, obsessed.
226
00:08:59,220 --> 00:09:00,398
My picture is good though,
right?
227
00:09:00,482 --> 00:09:02,661
It was my idea
to lean in that doorway.
228
00:09:02,745 --> 00:09:03,967
Sure, uh, look,
229
00:09:04,051 --> 00:09:05,446
I just didn't realize
that you got the award
230
00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:08,101
for "flattening
the homelessness curve".
231
00:09:08,185 --> 00:09:10,088
Mm-hmm,
not all heroes wear capes.
232
00:09:10,173 --> 00:09:12,178
Although I did just order
a cape from ASOS.
233
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,595
Return it.
Don't even open the box.
234
00:09:14,680 --> 00:09:17,730
Look, I didn't necessarily want
to tell you this today,
235
00:09:17,815 --> 00:09:21,169
but my team has been cleaning
up data from the past year
236
00:09:21,254 --> 00:09:23,564
and the city's homeless count
was a mess...
237
00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:25,684
- What?
- Look, I'm happy to share
238
00:09:25,768 --> 00:09:27,555
the data inconsistencies
with you,
239
00:09:27,639 --> 00:09:28,774
because they definitely suggest
240
00:09:28,858 --> 00:09:31,612
that the unhoused population
went... up.
241
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,606
Wow, I can't tell if you're
just desperate to convince Neil
242
00:09:35,691 --> 00:09:37,000
that you're more useful
than me,
243
00:09:37,084 --> 00:09:38,915
or if you just can't stand
that I got an award
244
00:09:38,999 --> 00:09:40,656
that isn't just
for corporate sellouts.
245
00:09:40,740 --> 00:09:42,222
Malala was on the same
list with me.
246
00:09:42,306 --> 00:09:43,484
Well, the creative exec
who runs
247
00:09:43,568 --> 00:09:45,748
her production shingle was
on mine, okay?
248
00:09:45,832 --> 00:09:49,316
Arpi? Arpi, the I-Team
is trying to claim
249
00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,275
that our homeless count
was off.
250
00:09:51,359 --> 00:09:52,711
Is this all how you
consulting groans
251
00:09:52,795 --> 00:09:54,800
know how to do?
Regurgitate things
252
00:09:54,884 --> 00:09:56,976
other people have been
saying forever?
253
00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:58,630
Wait you agree with James?
254
00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:00,719
No, Arpi,
he's the villain here.
255
00:10:00,803 --> 00:10:02,199
Oh, come on, I am a good guy.
256
00:10:02,283 --> 00:10:03,374
I haven't said anything about
257
00:10:03,458 --> 00:10:05,245
how that award misspelled
"absolutely."
258
00:10:05,329 --> 00:10:06,682
Oh, come... [gasps]
259
00:10:06,766 --> 00:10:08,379
The homeless count
is never right.
260
00:10:08,463 --> 00:10:11,034
L.A. doesn't have the resources
to recruit, train,
261
00:10:11,118 --> 00:10:13,863
or equip enough volunteers
for a proper count.
262
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:16,126
So the city took a page
from New York...
263
00:10:16,210 --> 00:10:17,736
The "Flavor of Love"
contestant.
264
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:19,738
You mean the city.
New York City.
265
00:10:19,822 --> 00:10:22,306
Okay. I'm starting
to feel this fifth can.
266
00:10:22,390 --> 00:10:24,395
NYC conducts
its homeless count
267
00:10:24,479 --> 00:10:25,831
on the coldest night
of the year,
268
00:10:25,915 --> 00:10:27,877
when the fewest people
are actually on the street.
269
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,009
But since L.A.
is never that cold,
270
00:10:30,093 --> 00:10:33,839
DHS decided our count
would be on Oscar night.
271
00:10:33,923 --> 00:10:35,841
The day L.A.
moves all the unhoused people
272
00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:38,975
who live near the red carpet
to the city of Glendale.
273
00:10:39,059 --> 00:10:40,280
And potential volunteers
274
00:10:40,364 --> 00:10:42,021
are all stuck
at home with Oscar fever.
275
00:10:42,105 --> 00:10:44,632
Seriously, Mikaela, you
thought in the 21st century,
276
00:10:44,716 --> 00:10:47,592
in Los Angeles,
homelessness didn't go up?
277
00:10:47,676 --> 00:10:49,855
But, but I got a trophy...
278
00:10:49,939 --> 00:10:53,380
And you "absotudely"
don't deserve it.
279
00:10:53,464 --> 00:10:55,034
I'll be on the roof.
280
00:10:55,118 --> 00:10:59,296
Not feeling this ice cold rosé
through my stolen golf glove.
281
00:11:03,300 --> 00:11:06,959
[♪]
282
00:11:07,043 --> 00:11:08,831
Wait a second. Teri?
283
00:11:08,915 --> 00:11:11,181
Why... why aren't you
at the shelter?
284
00:11:11,265 --> 00:11:14,837
Um, I don't love shelters.
They're not that safe.
285
00:11:14,921 --> 00:11:18,318
And the curfew so early,
it's dehumanizing.
286
00:11:18,402 --> 00:11:20,451
But we got rid of
the Souplantation smell.
287
00:11:20,535 --> 00:11:22,018
Oh, you really didn't.
288
00:11:22,102 --> 00:11:24,194
I spent the night in one of
those shelters the other week
289
00:11:24,278 --> 00:11:27,327
and I'm still like,
"Where's the Italian wedding?"
290
00:11:27,411 --> 00:11:30,853
Around here, I know the other
people and the store owners.
291
00:11:30,937 --> 00:11:32,768
Sometimes, when I buy
a coffee from 7-Eleven,
292
00:11:32,852 --> 00:11:34,813
they throw in a bag of chips.
293
00:11:34,897 --> 00:11:38,469
You know Lay's made a special
edition tuna casserole chip?
294
00:11:38,553 --> 00:11:40,732
Who voted for that?
- Okay.
295
00:11:40,816 --> 00:11:43,822
But if you didn't want to stay,
why did you let me take you?
296
00:11:43,906 --> 00:11:46,869
I mean, it seemed important
to you to help me.
297
00:11:46,953 --> 00:11:49,567
Like maybe you needed to
"make a difference"?
298
00:11:49,651 --> 00:11:51,830
- [gasps]
- No judgment.
299
00:11:51,914 --> 00:11:54,093
No, I... I make a difference.
I got L.A. to put
300
00:11:54,177 --> 00:11:55,791
Malin+Goetz products
in the mobile showers
301
00:11:55,875 --> 00:11:57,793
on the Plaza, so...
[chuckles]
302
00:11:57,877 --> 00:11:59,795
Smelling like grapefruit
and sandalwood
303
00:11:59,879 --> 00:12:02,406
will definitely pay
for my mom's meds
304
00:12:02,490 --> 00:12:04,492
and get me my job back.
305
00:12:05,928 --> 00:12:07,759
Well, I will make
a difference.
306
00:12:07,843 --> 00:12:09,889
I'm gonna earn that award.
307
00:12:10,628 --> 00:12:12,982
You got an award?
Hey, congrats!
308
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,940
What's it for?
309
00:12:15,024 --> 00:12:16,025
Good for her.
310
00:12:18,201 --> 00:12:20,641
[phone rings]
- Hi, honey.
311
00:12:20,725 --> 00:12:23,427
Hey, Dad, do you know
why we have two Hulu accounts?
312
00:12:23,511 --> 00:12:25,995
Uh, that makes it premium,
I think.
313
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:28,258
Hey, while I got you,
how do you imagine
314
00:12:28,342 --> 00:12:31,827
you would react if you suddenly
had a baby sibling?
315
00:12:31,911 --> 00:12:33,654
What? Dad, ew! What?
316
00:12:33,738 --> 00:12:35,961
Oh, no, sorry, sorry.
I'm not having a person baby.
317
00:12:36,045 --> 00:12:37,571
I have a work baby.
318
00:12:37,655 --> 00:12:39,922
Her name
is "The Innovation Team."
319
00:12:40,006 --> 00:12:42,446
And I'm worried that
my older work children
320
00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:43,882
are feeling ignored.
321
00:12:43,966 --> 00:12:45,405
That makes sense?
- Like how Ceviche
322
00:12:45,489 --> 00:12:46,842
started pulling
her eyebrows out
323
00:12:46,926 --> 00:12:48,756
after her sister Landline
was born.
324
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,280
She's named after
her grandmother's phone.
325
00:12:50,364 --> 00:12:52,978
Oh, so what did
Ceviche's parents do to fix it?
326
00:12:53,062 --> 00:12:56,286
- She got eyebrow plugs.
- No, no, I mean, emotionally.
327
00:12:56,370 --> 00:12:59,028
Oh, well, they spent
one special day a month
328
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,856
where she gets
to decide what they do.
329
00:13:00,940 --> 00:13:02,161
They call it Yes Day.
330
00:13:02,245 --> 00:13:03,946
She usually picks something
like a piercing
331
00:13:04,030 --> 00:13:06,122
or an ironic trip
to a strip club.
332
00:13:06,206 --> 00:13:07,775
And she's much happier now.
333
00:13:07,859 --> 00:13:10,039
Let the kid
pick what they wanna do.
334
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,562
Of course. Thank you.
335
00:13:11,646 --> 00:13:13,825
Oh, I see why we have
two Hulu's.
336
00:13:13,909 --> 00:13:16,393
We were both trying to watch
"Normal People" in secret.
337
00:13:16,477 --> 00:13:17,524
No, no, I haven't...
Bye, Dad.
338
00:13:17,608 --> 00:13:20,394
I haven't watched...
Ah, who cares?
339
00:13:20,787 --> 00:13:22,877
- Whatever we want?
- Yes, I'm serious.
340
00:13:22,962 --> 00:13:24,846
Tomorrow,
we will do whatever you want.
341
00:13:24,931 --> 00:13:27,883
Seafood tower,
in-office masseuse.
342
00:13:27,967 --> 00:13:29,362
There's this married couple
343
00:13:29,446 --> 00:13:32,148
who will make up
a whole musical just about us.
344
00:13:32,232 --> 00:13:33,801
We wanna pitch
our ideas to you.
345
00:13:33,885 --> 00:13:36,326
You sure? 'Cause that music
couples sure had a lot
346
00:13:36,410 --> 00:13:38,241
of great looking wigs.
- No, she's right, sir.
347
00:13:38,325 --> 00:13:39,416
But I will take the card
348
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:40,678
for the husband and wife
make 'em ups.
349
00:13:40,762 --> 00:13:42,767
I'm planning my cousin's
bachelor party, so...
350
00:13:42,851 --> 00:13:45,291
Okay, listen up, everybody,
351
00:13:45,375 --> 00:13:48,033
Tomorrow, my door
is officially open.
352
00:13:48,117 --> 00:13:50,993
Any City Hall employee can come
pitch me
353
00:13:51,077 --> 00:13:55,084
one new idea
that will improve L.A.
354
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:58,348
Because you are all
very special to me.
355
00:13:58,432 --> 00:14:00,219
Ooh, it's like
"Big Block of Cheese Day"
356
00:14:00,303 --> 00:14:02,700
from the "West Wing."
- Yeah, or "Shark Tank."
357
00:14:02,784 --> 00:14:05,862
Ooh, that Barbara Corcoran.
Ha-chi-cha-chi, am I right?
358
00:14:09,486 --> 00:14:10,926
Oh, thanks for coming
in early.
359
00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:12,405
No sweat.
360
00:14:12,489 --> 00:14:15,017
I keep my sleep schedule
two hours ahead of time in case
361
00:14:15,101 --> 00:14:17,236
I ever take a trip to Chicago.
- Great.
362
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:21,327
Well, I spent all night
dreaming of new bold ideas
363
00:14:21,411 --> 00:14:23,199
for how to solve
the homelessness crisis.
364
00:14:23,283 --> 00:14:25,462
"Solve". Okay, hotshot.
365
00:14:25,546 --> 00:14:27,855
Well if it's all a housing
cost issue,
366
00:14:27,939 --> 00:14:29,640
we can just raise
the minimum wage...
367
00:14:29,724 --> 00:14:31,033
To keep up with inflation.
368
00:14:31,117 --> 00:14:33,426
We need to raise it
to $47 an hour.
369
00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:34,950
What else you got?
- Okay.
370
00:14:35,034 --> 00:14:38,692
Um, we could build more
single room occupancy units...
371
00:14:38,776 --> 00:14:42,392
NIMBY. Angelenos don't
want 'em in their backyards.
372
00:14:42,476 --> 00:14:45,351
Community boards block that
every time we try it. Next.
373
00:14:45,435 --> 00:14:47,049
Then declare a state
of emergency...
374
00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:48,398
Those are just for show.
375
00:14:48,482 --> 00:14:50,182
Don't give us
extra funding or power.
376
00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:52,402
Okay. Give everyone
Equinox memberships.
377
00:14:52,486 --> 00:14:55,492
And clear everybody out by
5:00 AM for "Best Butt Ever"?
378
00:14:55,576 --> 00:14:57,624
Let them live on
failed sitcom sets...
379
00:14:57,708 --> 00:14:59,017
The kitchens don't work,
380
00:14:59,101 --> 00:15:00,627
and it's hard to get rid
of Patti Heaton vibes.
381
00:15:00,711 --> 00:15:02,064
Mattresses made
out of thrown-out wigs
382
00:15:02,148 --> 00:15:03,848
from Hamburger Mary's...
383
00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:06,242
Ms. Shaw, we tried all these.
384
00:15:06,326 --> 00:15:08,331
The quick fix solutions
never get anywhere
385
00:15:08,415 --> 00:15:11,856
because the city won't admit
how bad the problem even is.
386
00:15:11,940 --> 00:15:14,946
This is just so demoralizing.
387
00:15:15,030 --> 00:15:16,382
I know it's a heavy issue,
388
00:15:16,466 --> 00:15:18,994
which is why network comedy
shouldn't even go there.
389
00:15:19,078 --> 00:15:21,257
Some problems
have an easy solution.
390
00:15:21,341 --> 00:15:22,736
I picked my haircut
40 years ago
391
00:15:22,820 --> 00:15:24,434
and never looked back.
392
00:15:24,518 --> 00:15:28,916
But others? You just got to be
in the fight for the long haul.
393
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:35,314
[♪]
394
00:15:35,398 --> 00:15:37,447
I'm gonna run for chancellor.
Yeah!
395
00:15:37,531 --> 00:15:40,624
[chatter]
396
00:15:40,708 --> 00:15:42,669
Excited for the day,
Mr. Mayor.
397
00:15:42,753 --> 00:15:44,541
To keep you from playing games
on your phone,
398
00:15:44,625 --> 00:15:47,497
I asked Orly to help me change
your lock screen.
399
00:15:49,151 --> 00:15:50,808
- Gah!
- "Gah," indeed, sir.
400
00:15:50,892 --> 00:15:55,465
Arpi, I want you to know that
I am fully committed to this.
401
00:15:55,549 --> 00:15:57,551
Well, let's start
with an easy one.
402
00:15:58,465 --> 00:15:59,904
How many work hours a year
403
00:15:59,988 --> 00:16:03,168
does the average Angelino
lose to preventable diarrhea?
404
00:16:03,252 --> 00:16:05,515
Let's take a look.
405
00:16:06,821 --> 00:16:08,173
No, no, no.
406
00:16:08,257 --> 00:16:10,132
As you can see, there's some
historical parking spots
407
00:16:10,216 --> 00:16:13,048
right here in your City Hall.
Go ahead and click on one, sir.
408
00:16:13,132 --> 00:16:16,094
"This is where Bill Hollywood
came up with the idea
409
00:16:16,178 --> 00:16:17,661
that movies should suck."
410
00:16:17,745 --> 00:16:19,271
Okay, you know what,
I asked Bryce the intern
411
00:16:19,355 --> 00:16:20,620
to help me with this,
412
00:16:20,704 --> 00:16:22,448
and I guess he had some fun
at my expense...
413
00:16:22,532 --> 00:16:25,190
"During the 1932
Los Angeles Olympics,
414
00:16:25,274 --> 00:16:28,280
this is where Tommy Tomas
farted himself to death."
415
00:16:28,364 --> 00:16:31,327
Bryce, I will be
telling Tulane about this!
416
00:16:31,411 --> 00:16:34,156
Thus, I feel it is time
for the Hollywood sign
417
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,376
to be bigger
so people can read
418
00:16:37,460 --> 00:16:39,378
what those letters say.
419
00:16:39,462 --> 00:16:40,858
Ah.
420
00:16:40,942 --> 00:16:42,294
L.A. needs an official song.
421
00:16:42,378 --> 00:16:43,861
Now, it'll have to be proceeded
by a warning
422
00:16:43,945 --> 00:16:46,777
because I sing in a register
that can trigger seizures.
423
00:16:46,861 --> 00:16:49,258
We gotta bring tourists
back into our hotels.
424
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,563
Couldn't agree more.
425
00:16:50,647 --> 00:16:53,218
So let's make it a law
that no more relatives
426
00:16:53,302 --> 00:16:54,741
can stay at my house,
okay?
427
00:16:54,825 --> 00:16:56,352
I'll consider it, Sophia.
428
00:16:56,436 --> 00:16:59,616
I think the mayor should let
the driver choose the music.
429
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:00,530
Okay.
430
00:17:00,614 --> 00:17:02,619
How's everybody doing today?
431
00:17:02,703 --> 00:17:04,708
Good? So here's an idea.
432
00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:09,191
We harness the energy of women
swiping me left on Tinder.
433
00:17:09,275 --> 00:17:11,236
Luis, is this a real idea,
434
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,195
or are you
just working on your stand up?
435
00:17:13,279 --> 00:17:14,500
Well, it's not getting
any laughs,
436
00:17:14,584 --> 00:17:17,373
so uh, real idea, I guess.
[laughs]
437
00:17:17,457 --> 00:17:19,114
What else? What else?
438
00:17:19,198 --> 00:17:21,243
Bumble? More like humble.
[laughs]
439
00:17:27,684 --> 00:17:28,688
[knocking]
440
00:17:28,772 --> 00:17:30,212
Hey, so I took a look
441
00:17:30,296 --> 00:17:32,083
over the unhoused numbers
that you sent,
442
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:34,912
and I think that they might
in fact be a mess.
443
00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:36,218
Huh.
444
00:17:36,302 --> 00:17:39,525
It's almost as if you're
saying that I was right.
445
00:17:39,609 --> 00:17:40,700
Okay, don't test me, James.
446
00:17:40,784 --> 00:17:42,049
Your mom's Facebook is public
447
00:17:42,133 --> 00:17:43,529
and I've already saved
a video of you
448
00:17:43,613 --> 00:17:44,748
as the only boy in a tap show.
449
00:17:44,832 --> 00:17:46,053
Okay, okay. Withdrawn.
450
00:17:46,137 --> 00:17:47,446
Look, I get that
the situation is worse
451
00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:48,926
than when we arrived,
452
00:17:49,010 --> 00:17:50,841
and I might not have
a quick fix for that.
453
00:17:50,925 --> 00:17:53,017
But I think if we're going
to be persistent about it,
454
00:17:53,101 --> 00:17:55,237
we first need to get
a real accurate count,
455
00:17:55,321 --> 00:17:57,888
and I need the I-Team
to help me with that.
456
00:17:58,802 --> 00:18:01,025
Oh, okay. Great.
457
00:18:01,109 --> 00:18:05,551
But you do realize that if
we get a truly accurate count,
458
00:18:05,635 --> 00:18:07,249
we're not gonna get any praise.
459
00:18:07,333 --> 00:18:09,425
You know, if anything, it's
just gonna make people more...
460
00:18:09,509 --> 00:18:10,904
More furious with us? Yeah.
461
00:18:10,988 --> 00:18:13,255
I'm familiar with how ugly
social media can be.
462
00:18:13,339 --> 00:18:15,300
I posted a picture of myself
in the cape that I bought
463
00:18:15,384 --> 00:18:17,433
and I trended briefly
as "Lady Farquaad."
464
00:18:17,517 --> 00:18:19,391
Wow, that's an old reference.
465
00:18:19,475 --> 00:18:22,394
Well, don't worry. I got you.
466
00:18:22,478 --> 00:18:25,832
Uh, I mean, we got you.
467
00:18:25,916 --> 00:18:27,312
Well, thank you,
468
00:18:27,396 --> 00:18:30,051
And I look forward
to working with you as well.
469
00:18:30,834 --> 00:18:33,275
Ooh-whoo!
470
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,451
Sorry, I was watching the
"Saved By The Bell" reboot
471
00:18:35,535 --> 00:18:37,319
on my phone.
[giggles]
472
00:18:37,841 --> 00:18:39,498
Yeah.
[clears throat]
473
00:18:39,582 --> 00:18:40,635
Thank you, Stephen.
474
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,546
I'm not sure how dating
your mom would help the city,
475
00:18:43,630 --> 00:18:45,156
but she seems like
a lovely woman
476
00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:48,151
I will certainly keep
her number on file.
477
00:18:48,236 --> 00:18:49,628
Nice work, Stephen.
478
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,814
Chopper's on the roof, boss.
479
00:18:52,921 --> 00:18:55,909
That's it! That's this
year's staff t-shirt.
480
00:18:56,033 --> 00:18:58,343
Whoa, whoa.
Where are you going, sir?
481
00:18:58,427 --> 00:19:01,128
Arpi, I've been here
for four hours.
482
00:19:01,212 --> 00:19:03,218
I can't use any of these ideas.
483
00:19:03,302 --> 00:19:05,176
It doesn't matter.
It's Yes Day,
484
00:19:05,260 --> 00:19:06,618
and you promised your children.
485
00:19:06,703 --> 00:19:09,053
Jayden's not going
to be 41 forever.
486
00:19:10,852 --> 00:19:12,991
Okay, Kwapis,
let's hear your pitch.
487
00:19:13,076 --> 00:19:14,576
Great. Actually,
I have ten pitches...
488
00:19:14,661 --> 00:19:15,969
- You can do one...
- Four?
489
00:19:16,053 --> 00:19:17,536
- One.
- 29?
490
00:19:17,620 --> 00:19:18,842
- One.
- Fine.
491
00:19:18,926 --> 00:19:20,667
I wrote it out.
492
00:19:21,581 --> 00:19:24,195
[clears throat]
"I get sad when we all fight.
493
00:19:24,279 --> 00:19:26,415
"I think siblings should be
nice to their siblings
494
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,634
and share things with them."
495
00:19:28,718 --> 00:19:30,375
Sure. Yeah.
496
00:19:30,459 --> 00:19:32,595
And that's your pitch
for the City of Los Angeles?
497
00:19:32,679 --> 00:19:36,294
Yes, I say we invite all of
L.A.'s sister cities to visit
498
00:19:36,378 --> 00:19:38,249
because then we can
all share ideas.
499
00:19:39,163 --> 00:19:42,387
Athens has dealt with smog
and hosting a recent Olympics.
500
00:19:42,471 --> 00:19:45,651
Auckland is a leader
in gun control and green tech.
501
00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,218
And Split, Croatia?
502
00:19:47,302 --> 00:19:49,351
That's where "Game of Thrones"
filmed dragon stuff.
503
00:19:49,435 --> 00:19:52,005
It is time that L.A.
got to know its 25 sisters
504
00:19:52,089 --> 00:19:53,572
and they got to know
their one brother.
505
00:19:53,656 --> 00:19:55,702
Because L.A. is a boy.
506
00:19:56,442 --> 00:19:59,274
Jayden that's actually great.
It's global,
507
00:19:59,358 --> 00:20:01,406
and it shows our commitment
to new ideas.
508
00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:03,582
And, frankly,
unlike most I-Team ideas,
509
00:20:03,666 --> 00:20:05,541
we could probably do it
by the end of the year.
510
00:20:05,625 --> 00:20:08,195
Almost makes me want to hear
your other 28 pitches.
511
00:20:08,279 --> 00:20:10,067
Idea number two, City Lizard.
512
00:20:10,151 --> 00:20:11,503
It's like City Bike
but with lizards,
513
00:20:11,587 --> 00:20:13,679
for Angelenos whose moms
are lizard-reluctant.
514
00:20:13,763 --> 00:20:15,286
Okay, thank you.
515
00:20:17,593 --> 00:20:18,902
Teri.
516
00:20:18,986 --> 00:20:21,339
Oh, how are you
the hardest part of my day?
517
00:20:21,423 --> 00:20:23,298
Teri,
I just wanted to apologize
518
00:20:23,382 --> 00:20:25,212
for overlooking the problems
in the shelter
519
00:20:25,296 --> 00:20:26,605
and to let you know
that we're gonna get
520
00:20:26,689 --> 00:20:29,782
a true, accurate count
of the unhoused population.
521
00:20:29,866 --> 00:20:31,915
It won't fix everything,
522
00:20:31,999 --> 00:20:34,396
but it's the first step
towards real solutions.
523
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:35,484
Cool.
524
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,007
So is this the part
in your movie
525
00:20:37,091 --> 00:20:39,966
where that KT Tunstall song
starts to play?
526
00:20:40,050 --> 00:20:41,316
Yeah, you know what?
I was lying before.
527
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,837
Teri isn't
that pretty of a name.
528
00:20:45,055 --> 00:20:46,535
Thank you for that.
529
00:20:47,884 --> 00:20:50,325
- For what?
- You didn't patronize me.
530
00:20:50,409 --> 00:20:52,892
I miss people feeling
comfortable to be
531
00:20:52,976 --> 00:20:54,503
low-stakes petty around me.
532
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:57,593
Oh, low-stakes petty
is where I reside.
533
00:20:57,677 --> 00:21:00,857
Can I tell you how much
I hate my sister's baby?
534
00:21:00,941 --> 00:21:02,119
If you buy me Sweetgreen.
535
00:21:02,203 --> 00:21:05,078
- Okay, deal.
- Okay.
536
00:21:05,162 --> 00:21:06,680
So the second
that I got this job,
537
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,315
she took her first steps,
and apparently
538
00:21:08,399 --> 00:21:10,083
it was
"early for her age".
539
00:21:10,167 --> 00:21:11,760
Okay, Vivian, I see you.
540
00:21:11,845 --> 00:21:14,096
Also, she stays acting like
she can't pronounce my name.
541
00:21:14,181 --> 00:21:15,306
She calls me G-boo.
542
00:21:15,390 --> 00:21:18,440
That's not even close.
G-boo? My name is Mikaela.
543
00:21:18,524 --> 00:21:20,006
Yeah,
I'm also going to be needing
544
00:21:20,090 --> 00:21:23,460
a jasmine lemonade, G-boo.
- Totally.
545
00:21:23,615 --> 00:21:25,570
- Good night, everybody.
- Good night!
41714
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