Original subtitles

[Static hisses]

♪♪

-Hey, I'm Joe Bob Briggs,

and we're back again for the second half

of our "Walking Dead" tribute night.

Darcy's not here.

She went off to do a makeup stunt.

And actually our camera's not working back there.

I don't know what's going on with that.

So, can you check on that?

But we'll have Greg Nicotero back out here shortly

to discuss the meaning of life.

Because that's what "Walking Dead" nerds

wanna talk about -- the meaning of life.

"It's not about zombies." [Laughter]

That's how they always start out.

"'The Walking Dead' is not about zombies.

It's about survival."

Yeah. It's about surviving the zombies.

So, we're so shallow here, though, we focus on the zombies.

But yeah, it's really like

an extended version of "Indecent Proposal."

Put enough pressure on somebody, or, as an alternative,

put enough threat of death on somebody,

and let's see what they do.

I mean it's more complicated than that,

but I think everybody goes,

"Well, you know, if it was me, I wouldn't cave in to that.

I would do the right thing."

When maybe, in the face of the zombie apocalypse,

you might not do the right thing.

The prisons are full of people

who did the right thing for 30 years,

and then they did the selfish thing.

So, there's a lot of suicides in "The Walking Dead,"

and that's people saying, "You know what?

If I have to live like this, I don't wanna live."

Which is kind of a brave, clear-eyed decision, you know?

And then there's the whole question

of are you gonna live a long life or a good life?

And they actually did a study of this,

and you know who lives longer in normal times?

Boring nerds like myself... [Laughter]

...and like most of the people who watch "The Last Drive-In."

You know all those guys who have spent 16 jillion hours

describing every scene of every episode of "The Walking Dead"

and putting it into a database on their website?

They're gonna live forever.

They proved this scientifically.

You know, they had this big project

that they started in the early 1920s,

almost exactly 100 years ago.

And the inventor of the I.Q. test

selected 1,178 boys and girls

and checked out how cheerful and adventurous they were,

and then interviewed them regularly

over the next 80 years.

All of em are dead now, so we have the results.

But what they were looking for is they wanted to know

if there was any difference in life-span

between the smiley, optimistic ones

compared to the grouchy, negative ones.

And guess what?

If you're grumpy and you never go anywhere,

and you never do anything, you live a lot longer.

Also, the ones who are neat and orderly

and anal about everything -- they live longer, too.

You know who dies early?

People who have fun. [Laughter]

Outgoing, boisterous, friendly, active people --

mountain climbers, skydivers, greeters at Disneyland.

Remember how your parents used to say, "Be cheerful.

Be nice to other people.

Be helpful to people, and they'll be helpful to you?"

Remember your basic parental advice

about how you should always go around smiling,

no matter how bad you felt?

Well, it kills ya. [Laughter]

It destroys ya. Mom was wrong.

But I'm not that surprised,

'cause I've always been aware of this

ever since by friend Chubb Fricke,

who is the oldest living East Texas bowling champion,

gave me his advice for a long life many years ago --

"Don't give a flip."

That's what Chubb said. "That's the whole secret."

If you don't give a flip about anything --

don't give a flip about your job, your family,

politics, sex, food --

if you flat just don't give a flip,

then you'll live to be 104.

It's those people that worry about stuff all the time

that kick off at 50.

And people refuse to believe this.

People want to believe

that Thurston Howell III will die early

and Gilligan will live forever.

But it's the other way around.

Rupert Murdoch will hit 100 easy,

in the great tradition of American millionaires

like J. Paul Getty and the Rockefellers

and Armand Hammer and everybody who's ever clutched a few dimes

in their rich, capitalist fists.

You know, show me the meanest S.O.B. on Wall Street,

or the meanest lawyer in D.C.,

and I'll show you the guy who's gonna outlive everybody else.

And you know why? They don't give a flip.

They're not losing any sleep over global warming.

You know, it's people like Judy Garland

and Robin Williams who don't make it,

you know, people -- they have this disease

where they can't help worrying about other people.

So, this is one thing they're pretty clear on

in "The Walking Dead."

The person who lives the longest does not win.

That's not the way you keep score in this deal.

And that makes sense, 'cause, you know,

let's say you did live to be 120.

I'm sure people would be impressed,

but I don't think they'd actually

want to spend much time with you, you know?

All you'd do all day is field interview requests

from the third-string reporter at the public radio station

in forgotten Midwestern cities, you know?

I hate to tell these scientists

hat they just wasted 80 years of research,

but I'm afraid the information they came up with

was right there in plain sight for everybody to see already.

And speaking of situations where anybody can die at any moment,

it's time for episode 2 of "The Walking Dead,"

the phenom series of 2010

that is now in its 11th and final season.

And that's not even counting the spin-off series.

And this is a sort of "Ship of Fools" story

about people thrown together

in a downtown Atlanta department store

where zombies are attempting to fumble through

the display windows into the women's jewelry area,

forcing a ragtag band of survivors onto the roof

and down into the sewers as they hatch one bad idea after another

in an effort to spring themselves out of their fortress

and head for the hills.

Lots of important characters were introduced in this episode,

not least of which was Michael Rooker as Merle,

the first in a long line of fascinating villains

to march through the series.

I made this point before, but "The Walking Dead" is a western.

You know, it's people banding together in lawless places.

And sometimes they try to form towns,

but often they're just in a fortress

or a castle of some sort, trying to be safe

and starting to live some kind of meaningful life,

and usually failing at that.

You could also compare this to sword-and-sorcery stories,

especially the stories of Robert E. Howard.

But actually, the landscape of "Conan the Barbarian"

is a lot more civilized than the landscape of "The Walking Dead."

'Cause we're not just going back to the Dark Ages.

This is going back to caveman times here.

So, alright, let's look at those "Drive-In Totals" on episode 2

and get this party started.

We have...

"Drive-In" Academy Award nominations for...

Michael Rooker as Merle,

for holding a popularity election on a rooftop

with everyone at gunpoint. [Laughter]

Steven Yeun as Glenn,

for successfully impersonating a zombie

and driving a runaway sports car like a maniac.

Laurie Holden as Andrea,

for putting a gun to the head of the only guy who can save them.

Jon Bernthal as Shane,

for moving in on his best bud's wife just a little too soon,

thereby setting up all kinds of twisted narratives

in future seasons.

Sarah Wayne Callies as Lori,

for rocking that "women know better" attitude.

Andrew Lincoln as Rick, for saying, "We need more guts."

And Frank Darabont, the director,

for starting with a zombie dinner

and ending with a massive motor-vehicle sequence.

Four stars. Joe Bob says check it out.

♪♪

Speaking of special effects and makeup,

I was at a graveside funeral one time...

where they had a closed casket,

and the widow of the guy in the casket

threw herself down on the casket and asked the funeral director

if they would just open it up

so she could have one last glimpse of her departed.

Well, I happened to be standing next to the funeral director,

and he says under his breath to his assistant,

"No way we can open that thing up.

His face is caved in."

And I was thinking, you don't really want to see

amateur Greg Nicotero dead-body work, you know, ever.

I mean, these morticians,

they're well-paid and everything,

but it's like the difference

between being a jet fighter pilot

and flying the China route for Delta.

You know, the jet fighter pilot knows

he's only gonna be up there for an hour,

so he can just max that baby out,

and when he brings it back home,

you know, the ground crew will fuel it up and massage it

and get it ready to go again on a short-burst mission, right?

Funeral homes do short-burst makeup.

Don't make 'em fly to China. You know what I mean?

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Insects chirping]

[Pots rattling]

-Any luck?

-How do we tell if they're poison?

-Uh, there's only one sure way I know of.

-Ask Shane when he gets back?

-Yeah, you've got it.

-Thank you.

-Hey, Dale, I'm heading out.

Sweetheart, I want you to stay where Dale can see you, okay?

-Yes, mom.

-You too. Don't wander too far.

Stay within shouting distance.

And if you see anything, holler. I'll come running.

-Yes, mom.

[Leaves rustle]

[Bird wings flap]

[Branch snaps] [Gasps]

[Wings flap]

[Branches snapping, wings flapping]

[Gasps]

-Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

-You scared the hell out of me.

-I bet. That's what you get for keeping me waiting.

I was trying to be quiet.

Where you been? -Amy the mushroom queen.

I had to wait for her to get back.

-How much time do we have?

-Enough.

-[Moans]

[Both moaning]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Walkers growling]

[Radio beeping, hissing]

[Banging]

-[On radio] Hey, are you alive in there?

[Thuds, grunts]

-Hello? Hello? -There you are.

You had me wondering.

-Where are you? Outside? Can you see me right now?

-Yeah, I can see you.

You're surrounded by walkers. That's the bad news.

-There's good news?

-No. -Listen, whoever you are,

I don't mind telling you I'm a little concerned in here.

-Oh, man. You should see it from over here.

You'd be having a major freak-out.

-Got any advice for me?

-Yeah, I'd say make a run for it.

-That's it? "Make a run for it"?

-My way's not as dumb as it sounds.

You've got eyes on the outside here.

There's one geek still up on the tank, but the others

have climbed down and joined the feeding frenzy

where the horse went down.

-You with me so far? -So far.

Okay, the street on the other side

of the tank is less crowded.

If you move now while they're distracted, you stand a chance.

Got ammo?

-In that duffel bag I dropped out there.

And guns. Can I get to it?

-Forget the bag, okay? It's not an option.

What do you have on you? -Hang on.

[Gun clicks, clatters]

Yeah. Yeah.

I've got a Beretta with one clip,

15 rounds. -Make 'em count.

Jump off the right side of the tank,

keep going in that direction.

There's an alley up the street, maybe 50 yards.

Be there.

-Hey, what's your name?

-Have you been listening? You're running out of time.

-Right.

[Breathing heavily]

[Growling]

[Groans]

-Aah! [Walkers moaning]

-Whoa! Not dead!

Come on! Come on!

Back here!

Come on! Come on!

[Gunshot]

What are you doing?! Come on!

[Growling]

Come on, get in.

[Both panting]

Nice moves there, Clint Eastwood.

You the new sheriff come riding in to clean up the town?

-It wasn't my intention. -Yeah, whatever. Yee-haw.

You're still a dumbass.

-Rick. Thanks.

-Glenn. You're welcome.

Oh, no.

[Growling]

The bright side --

it'll be the fall that kills us.

I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy.

-Are you the one barricaded the alley?

-Somebody did. I guess when the city got overrun.

Whoever did it was thinking not many geeks would get through.

-Back at the tank, why'd you stick your neck out for me?

-Call it foolish, naive hope

that if I'm ever that far up shit creek,

somebody might do the same for me.

Guess I'm an even bigger dumbass than you.

I'm back. Got a guest plus four geeks in the alley.

[Walkers growling]

Let's go!

Morales, let's go!

-You son of a bitch. We ought to kill you.

-Just chill out, Andrea. Back off.

-Come on, ease up.

-Ease up? You're kidding me, right?

We're dead because of this stupid asshole.

Andrea, I said back the hell off.

Or pull the trigger.

-We're dead. All of us.

Because of you.

-I don't understand.

-Look, we came into the city to scavenge supplies.

You know what the key to scavenging is? Surviving!

You know the key to surviving? Sneaking in and out, tiptoeing.

Not shooting up the streets like it's the O.K. Corral.

-Every geek for miles around heard you popping off rounds.

-You just rang the dinner bell.

-Get the picture now?

[Growling]

-Oh, God.

What the hell were you doing out there anyway?

-Trying to flag the helicopter.

-Helicopter? Man, that's crap.

Ain't no damn helicopter.

-You were chasing a hallucination,

imagining things. It happens.

-I saw it.

-Hey, T-Dog, try that C.B. Can you contact the others?

-Others? The refugee center?

-Yeah, the refugee center.

They've got biscuits waiting at the oven for us.

-Got no signal. Maybe the roof.

[Gunshot] -Oh, no. Is that Dixon?

-What is that maniac doing? -Come on, let's go.

[Gunshots]

-Hey, Dixon, are you crazy?! -[Laughing]

[Gunshot] -Oh, geez.

-Hey! You ought to be more polite to a man with a gun!

Huh? Ah!

Only common sense.

-Man, you wasting bullets we ain't even got, man!

And you're bringing more of them down on our ass!

Man, just chill.

-Hey, bad enough I've got this taco-bender

on my ass all day.

Now I'm gonna take orders from you?

I don't think so, bro. That'll be the day.

-"That'll be the day"?

You got something you want to tell me?

-Hey, T-Dog, man, just leave it.

-No. -Alright? It ain't worth it.

Now, Merle, just relax, okay?

We got enough trouble.

-You want to know the day? -Yeah.

I tell you the day, Mr. "Yo!"

It's the day I take orders from a nigger.

-Mother... [Both grunting]

-Hey, come on, Merle, that's enough.

-Come on, come on. -[Grunting]

[Indistinct shouting]

-Stop! Come on! Get off him!

Dixon!

-Get him off! Bro, cut it out!

-[Grunting]

[Gun cocks]

[Grunts]

-No, no, no, please. Please.

[Thunder rumbling]

-[Whimpering]

-[Yells] -[Grunts]

-Yeah! Alright!

We're gonna have ourselves a little pow-wow, huh?

Talk about who's in charge.

I vote me. Anybody else?

Huh? Democracy time, y'all.

Show of hands, huh?

All in favor? Huh?

Come on. Let's see 'em.

-Oh, come on.

-All in favor?

Uh-huh. That's good.

Yeah. That means I'm the boss, right?

Yeah. Anybody else?

-Hmm? Anybody? -Yeah.

[Grunting]

-Who the hell are you, man?! -Officer Friendly.

Look here, Merle. Things are different now.

There are no niggers anymore.

No dumb-as-shit, inbred white trash fools either.

Only dark meat and white meat.

There's us and the dead.

We survive this by pulling together,

not apart.

-Screw you, man.

-I can see you make a habit of missing the point.

-Yeah? Well, screw you twice.

-Ought to be polite to a man with a gun.

Only common sense.

-You wouldn't. You're a cop.

-All I am anymore

is a man looking for his wife and son.

Anybody that gets in the way of that's gonna lose.

I'll give you a moment to think about that.

Got some on your nose there.

-What are you gonna do?

Arrest me? [Laughs]

Hey! What are you doing? Man, that's my stuff!

Hey! [Grunts]

If I get loose, you'd better pray...

Yeah, you hear me, you pig?!

You hear me?! -Yeah, your voice carries.

-Do you hear me, you filthy pig?!

-You're not Atlanta P.D.

Where you from?

-Up the road a ways. -[Chuckles]

Well, Officer Friendly from up the road a ways...

welcome to the big city.

[Thunder rumbling]

[Walkers growling]

-Have you ever thought about how many times

somebody gets a gun stuck in their face

in "The Walking Dead"?

I think it's happened to Rick twice now,

and he decides to make his own point to Merle Dixon by...

sticking his gun in Merle's face.

So now we find out

that Rick has screwed up this scavenger mission

by all these guys trying to get supplies.

But my question would be,

they're in a department store, right?

What department store was still left

in downtown Atlanta in 2010?

I mean, that's gotta be a Family Dollar

or something like that, right? [Laughter]

And actually, judging by the merchandise

you see there on the racks --

looks like a few mom sweaters and some peasant dresses --

it may not even be a Dollar Tree or a Dollar General.

It might be one of those stores called "99 Cents Only."

You know, I mean, that's the actual name of the store,

99 Cents Only.

And if you were gonna scavenge for supplies in there,

it's not like you're gonna find any crates full of power tools.

You know, they always have --

They got plenty of hair accessories,

you know, decorative bowls.

Amazing prices on dinnerware sets

and plastic food containers and picture frames,

socks, plastic buckets.

You know what you're gonna leave with?

Beanie Weenies.

You're gonna find a lot of Beanie Weenies there.

And, you know, it's the zombie apocalypse.

You can probably make use of Beanie Weenies.

And maybe some beef jerky.

But really, why did these geniuses

go to downtown Atlanta in the first place

when they could have hit the Nordstrom in Buckhead?

You know, you gotta question what the hell Glenn is thinking.

At least go to the Dillard's in Midtown.

Okay, so this is the first time we had sex

in "The Walking Dead,"

and it was pretty hot for cable TV.

See, that's one way you know people are not zombies.

Zombies don't have sex.

Although, as I mentioned before,

the very first time the word "zombie" was ever written down

was in a French sex farce --

an obscene play called "Le Zombi du Grand-Pérou"

by Pierre-Corneille de Blessebois.

[Laughter]

I think I got through all that, or almost.

And it's all about this fancy lady, the wife of a marquis,

who has sex with a sorcerer or witch-doctor type

so that he'll turn her into an invisible spirit

so she can get revenge on her husband,

or something like that.

Anyway, she was the last zombie

who ever wanted to have sex, apparently.

But they put the sex scene at the beginning of the episode

because it has all kinds of implications

for the future of the series,

especially since Shane and Rick are supposed to be best buds.

And, you know, even if they think Rick is dead,

it can't be that long since he died, right?

She still has the wedding ring on a necklace.

The actor who plays Shane, Jon Bernthal --

he actually got booed at Comic Con one year.

[Laughs] And he should be proud of that.

It indicated he did a great job with that role.

Okay, one interesting factoid, and then we'll move on.

Glen Mazzara, who was a showrunner on "Walking Dead,"

gave an interview early in the series

where he said that every writer in the writer's room

was required to read

Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning,"

which was a true-life account of the Holocaust.

They wanted to find stuff that people did during the Holocaust

and put it in the show,

both the Nazis part of the Holocaust

and the inmates part of the Holocaust,

Which is another reason why

the show is too brutal for some tastes.

Okay. So, they're trapped in the department store,

the Family Dollar in downtown Atlanta,

and they got to go to the roof or go to the basement.

So let's see what works.

Back to the movie.

You know where they should have gone?

They have this creepy place.

Back when I worked at TNT,

I would have to go to Ted Turner World Headquarters

which is in downtown Atlanta,

and they had this place called Underground Atlanta.

And it was supposed to be this wonderland

of shops and restaurants and tourist attractions

underneath the streets of downtown Atlanta.

And so you would go down there,

and there would be three junkies, and a cigar-store Indian

and you'd go, "Uh, where's Underground Atlanta?"

And somebody would say, "Well, this is it.

You know, they're fixing it up,

so you just come back in a few months."

And so two or three years later, you go down there,

and there's a roving gang of thugs,

and they'd be beating up a drug runner or something,

and you'd say,

"Well, I guess they closed down Underground Atlanta.

I'm gonna leave now."

And they would say, "No, no. You're in the right place.

It's just closed for renovations right now.

They're fixing it up." [Laughter]

I don't know, I went there, like, five years after that.

You know, I would say, "Okay, you know what?

Now it's time to party in Underground Atlanta."

And so I would go down there, and men with brass knuckles

would be roasting hookers on a spit or something.

And, I mean, you would hope

you had a few dollar bills in your pocket

just to be able to get rid of enough

of the aggressive panhandlers to make it back to street level

if you went down there.

I read an online review of Underground Atlanta one time

that started out, "If you value your life..."

So I say lure all the zombies down into Underground Atlanta

and just let the aroma take care of em.

[Laughter]

♪♪

[Thunder rumbles]

-My God, it's like Times Square down there.

-How's that signal? -Like Dixon's brain --

weak.

-[Sighs] Keep trying.

-Why? There's nothing they can do.

Not a damn thing.

-Got some people outside the city is all.

There's no refugee center. That's a pipe dream.

-I think she's right. We're on our own.

Up to us to find a way out.

-Good luck with that.

These streets ain't safe in this part of town from what I hear.

Ain't that right, sugar tits.

Hey, honeybunch,

what say you get me out of these cuffs,

we go off somewhere and bump some uglies?

Gonna die anyway.

-I'd rather.

-Carpet muncher. Figured as much.

-"The streets ain't safe --" now, there's an understatement.

-What about under the streets, the sewers?

-Oh, man.

Hey, Glenn, check the alley.

You see any manhole covers?

[Growling]

-No. Must be all out on the street where the geeks are.

-Maybe not. Old building like this built in the '20s.

Big structures often had drainage tunnels into the sewers

in case of flooding down in the sub-basements.

-How do you know that? -It's my job -- was.

I worked in the city zoning office.

-This is it? Are you sure?

-I really scoped this place out the other times I was here.

It's the only thing in the building that goes down.

But I've never gone down it.

Who'd want to, right?

Oh. Great.

-We'll be right behind you. -No, you won't. Not you.

-Why not me? Think I can't?

-I wasn't...

-Speak your mind.

-Look, until now, I always came here by myself.

In and out, grab a few things, no problem.

The first time I bring a group, everything goes to hell.

No offense.

If you want me to go down this gnarly hole, fine.

But only if we do it my way.

It's tight down there.

If I run into something and have to get out quick,

I don't want you all jammed up behind me getting me killed.

I'll take one person. Not you either.

You've got Merle's gun, and I've seen you shoot.

I'd feel better if you were out in that store

watching those doors, covering our ass.

You've got the only other gun, so you should go with him.

You be my wingman. Jacqui stays here.

Something happens, yell down to us,

get us back up here in a hurry.

-Okay. -Okay.

Everybody knows their jobs.

[Water splashing]

[Rats squeaking]

[Rat squeals] -Dah!

[Walkers banging, growling]

-Sorry for the gun in your face.

-People do things when they're afraid.

-Not that it was entirely unjustified.

You did get us into this.

-If I get us out, would that make up for it?

-No, but it'd be a start.

-Next time, though, take the safety off.

Won't shoot otherwise.

-Oh. -Is that your gun?

-It was a gift. Why?

[Gun clicks]

-Little, red dot means it's ready to fire.

You may have occasion to use it.

-Good to know.

-Anybody out there?

-Hello? Anybody read?

I'm hoping to hear somebody's voice,

'cause I'm getting sick and tired of hearing mine.

-Yeah, well, that makes two of us.

Why don't you knock that crap off?

You're giving me a headache, boy.

[Spits]

-Why don't you pull your head out your ass?

-Maybe your headache will go away.

-[Chuckles]

-Try some positivity for a change. Damn.

-I'll tell you what.

You get me out of these cuffs,

and I'll be all "Sammy Sunshine" positive for you.

Hey, see that hacksaw over there in that tool bag?

Get it for me, hmm?

Make it worth your while.

What do you say, man? Come on.

Get me out of these things.

-So you can beat my ass again,

or call me "nigger" some more?

-Come on, now. It wasn't personal.

It's just that your kind and my kind ain't meant to mix.

That's all.

It don't mean we can't... work together, parley,

as long as there's some kind of mutual gain involved.

So, about that hacksaw...

-I guess you want me to get that rifle over there, too,

so you can shoot that cop when he comes back up, huh?

-[Chuckles]

[Door clangs]

[Rats squeaking]

-Yeah, we've got ourselves a sewer tunnel.

Jacqui was right.

-Can we cut through it?

-If we had a blowtorch and half a day, sure.

Dale's hacksaw sure as hell won't do it.

[Rats squeaking]

[Crunching]

[Growling]

[Walkers banging, growling]

-Oh.

-See something you like?

-Not me, but I know someone who would.

My sister.

She's still such a kid in some ways.

Unicorns, dragons.

She's into all that stuff.

But mermaids, they rule.

She loves mermaids.

-Why not take it?

-There's a cop staring at me.

-[Chuckles]

-Would it be considered looting?

-I don't think those rules apply anymore. Do you?

[Glass shatters]

-What did you find down there?

-Not a way out.

-We need to find a way... soon.

-Well, obviously they're not

in the Underground Atlanta part of downtown,

because they go down into the sewers

and there's nothing there

except a handful of zombies eating rats.

So, that whole sequence -- that actually

is the weakest part of the episode, in my opinion.

I think the only purpose of that

was to show how brave and resourceful Glenn is.

But the glass storefront of the Family Dollar

looks really, really flimsy to me,

so I'm surprised the zombies didn't break through

while Rick and Andrea

were shopping for gift jewelry down there.

But anyway, this next sequence is a gross-out sequence.

Um...

Didn't they have at least one gross-out sequence

in every episode?

And so, of course, I need to consult my experts,

Greg Nicotero and Carey Jones.

And where's Darcy, by the way?

-Oh, she wanted to take a break. -Okay.

I guess it gets kind of boring

sitting in the makeup chair that long.

But I'm gonna ask both of you guys --

I'm gonna do a little bit of a --

a tiny spoiler here.

In the next part of this episode,

Glenn and Rick decide to walk through the zombie horde

pretending to be zombies.

And in order to do that, they need to smell like zombies.

And so to make themselves smell like zombies,

they do some butcher work on a zombie.

Now, when we see the insides of a body,

like intestines, stomach matter, whatever,

what are we actually looking at?

-In this particular instance, we ended up sculpting entrails.

-Oh, those are fake? That was totally fake?

-It's all fake, because it had to go on the actors.

But we have literally molds for liver, stomach, intestine,

heart, lungs, 'cause we've done a lot of --

-What if you're just pulling it out of a zombie?

-If you're pulling it out of a zombie, most of the time,

we use a combination of, like, silicone intestines.

Sometimes we'll wrap it up

in, like, pantyhose material and silk.

And you get it all wet and slimy

so it looks like there's a membrane

that kind of holds it all together.

-Oh, okay. So we're far beyond

the Herschell Gordon Lewis days,

where they just went down to the butcher shop

and got some animal parts. -You did that before.

-We have used -- in "Day of the Dead," of course,

we used real pig intestines.

And on "The Walking Dead," there were a few instances --

it wasn't where anybody was feasting --

that we had dressed some entrails around.

-Alright. And when you're trying to get

a feeling of revulsion in the audience,

what do you show?

What substances always make the third graders

go "Gross, gross!"?

-Well, anytime you have any pus --

like, if you have that yellowish-green pus

and you sort of mix swirls of blood into it,

it's pretty gross.

-So anything coming out of the body

that looks a weird color?

-That looks, like, yellowish,

like it's, like, adipose fat or some other --

-Okay. Specifically yellow? -Yeah.

'Cause a lot of times, when you do gags like that,

everything ends up being red because of the blood.

It just all looks red.

And one of the things that we've spent a long time perfecting

is the zombie bite -- the actual bite.

So, what we end up doing is we deconstruct it

as if it was a real arm.

So we put a little protective plate on there

that has a blood bladder balloon underneath it.

The plate is painted like muscle,

with little holes drilled in it.

Then we add strips of fabric that look like muscle,

and then we put a skin overtop of it.

So when the zombie bites and pulls,

it's not only pulling those little strips of fabric away,

but then you actually can see the layer underneath,

and the blood sort of wells up in the little holes

and flows out.

So, in all of my premed studies when I was in college,

studying biology,

that's one of the reasons why I feel like our gags work

is because I sort of deconstructed

to determine, like, "Well, what would it really look like?

What would it look like if you tore someone's face off?"

-And that really is what it would look like?

-Yeah. -Okay.

And how often do you guys maybe depart from the script?

Like, do you ever go to the director and say,

"Hey, you know, this scene is already gross,

but we could make it grosser"?

-Yeah, sometimes. -Sometimes, yeah.

-Sometimes. Yeah. -Sometimes.

-But, you know, in the particular instance

that we're talking about in the scene coming up,

it was pretty gross in itself. -Right.

-And when we shot --

-Well, the idea of it is already gross.

-The idea of it.

But even when we shot the episode,

that was the last scene.

And I think we shot it at about 3:00 in the morning.

And we have the actors heaving axes around,

and we had to secure this dummy to the ground

so that the dummy could move,

and then we had all the pieces that were precut.

-Okay. Alright.

Well, I really appreciate you both being here.

Good luck with the final season --

Is it really the final season? -It really is.

-The final season. -It's a long stretch.

-But it's gonna be how many episodes in the final season?

-24. -24.

So it's kind of a double season, right?

-Yeah. I mean, we usually shoot 16.

So, we're gonna air eight,

and then "Fear The Walking Dead" will come back on,

and then we'll air eight, and then --

So we're, you know, 365. It's all zombies all the time.

-Alright. So, anyway, good luck

with the final season of "The Walking Dead"

and season 3 of "Creepshow."

And do you ever shoot "Creepshow" in Senoia?

-We do not. We haven't shot there yet.

I keep trying to pitch them to shoot it at my restaurant,

'cause I was like, "Hey, any dinner scenes we have,

we got a restaurant right there."

-You never shot anything at your restaurant?

-Not yet. -Okay.

-I've killed about 12 people in the alley behind.

-Yeah. -But they were zombies.

They weren't peoplepeople. They were zombies.

-And good luck with "Fear the Walking Dead"

and "The Walking Dead: World Beyond"

and "Walking Dead: Cold Storage"

and "Walking Dead: Torn Apart" and --

-Those are the webisodes that we did several years ago.

-And "Walking Dead: The Next Generation"

and "Walking Dead: Dead Man Walking"

and "Walking Dead: Elderly Zombies with Walkers."

And, you know, I've heard of franchises,

but, really, you guys are ridiculous.

-[Laughs] -Well, look, "Law & Order" --

There's a lot of "Law & Order" shows.

-That's true. -There's a lot of "CSI" shows.

And, you know, I think we need

a "CSI"/"Walking Dead" crossover.

-Oh, my God.

-So while they're doing the actual autopsy,

it just gets up. [Laughter]

That would be a whole --

I would actually watch that show.

Will there by a "Creepshow" spin-off, "Fear the Creep"?

-Uh...I don't know. -[Laughs]

-Look, my fingers are crossed for a "Creepshow" movie.

-Alright, let's get back

to the second episode of "The Walking Dead,"

with our friendly scavengers trying to come up

with some way to get through the zombie horde

and find an escape vehicle.

So roll the flick.

There hasn't been a musical yet.

"Walking Grateful Dead." [Laughs]

-"Anna and the Apocalypse" is a zombie musical.

-Oh, really? Okay.

When the mail comes, Greg --

when your mail comes,

do you open the envelope and say,

"Hey, look, those syndication royalties in Tanzania

have two extra zeroes this year"?

'Cause it's everywhere. It's all over the world, right?

-It is. And I think for me,

the most fun is really that point

when we used to travel and promote the show.

So I got a chance to go to Japan with Andy and Norman,

and I went to Greece with Josh and Michael Cudlitz

and Ross McDermott.

I mean, I've been all over the world promoting the show.

And it really is bonkers,

the power that this show has over people.

-Because zombies --

for all of our disagreements around the world --

-Zombies make everything better.

-Yeah. Zombies are universal. That's our universal language.

-It's the one thing everybody believes in is zombies.

-Yeah. That's true. -Okay.

-You know, and look.

Strangely enough, people find a tremendous amount of comfort

in the characterizations on the show, you know?

I mean, and it goes back

to Sarah Callies and Jon Bernthal

and everybody in season 1,

because without Steven Yeun, without Emma Bell,

without Jeff DeMunn,

"The Walking Dead" wouldn't exist.

And, you know, Norman was the only character

that wasn't in the comic book.

Frank Darabont created Daryl Dixon.

He wasn't in the comic book.

So when you get stopped in the street and people say,

"Look, your show brought me and my family together,"

or this person was going through a really hard time

and found strength in watching

how these characters would persevere through hardship,

it really is a fascinating exercise in humanity

that people find strength in something

that others could consider so grotesque and so gory.

But people really -- like, I'm on the street with Norman,

and people will see him and start crying.

-Oh, yeah. -Or Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

-See, our fans understand that,

because, you know, they call themselves mutants.

And so we get it.

So, thank you, guys, for doing what you do so well.

-Well, thanks for having us. -Thank you.

-It's an honor.

♪♪

[Thunder rumbling]

-That construction site, those trucks.

They always keep keys on hand.

-You'll never make it past the walkers.

-You got me out of that tank.

-Yeah, but they were feeding. They were distracted.

-Can we distract them again?

-Right. Listen to him. He's on to something.

A diversion, like on "Hogan's Heroes."

-God. Give it a rest. -They're drawn by sound, right?

-Right, like dogs. They hear a sound, they come.

-What else? -Aside from they hear you?

They see you, smell you,

and if they catch you, they eat you.

-They can tell us by smell? -Can't you?

-They smell dead. We don't. It's pretty distinct.

-[Sighs]

-If bad ideas were an Olympic event,

this would take the gold.

-He's right. Just stop, okay?

Take some time to think this through.

-How much time?

They already got through one set of doors.

That glass won't hold forever.

[Walkers growling]

-[Sighs]

Wayne Dunlap.

Georgia license.

Born in 1979.

He had $28 in his pocket when he died.

And a picture of a pretty girl.

"With love, from Rachel."

He used to be like us,

worrying about bills or the rent or the Super Bowl.

If I ever find my family, I'm gonna tell them about Wayne.

-One more thing.

He was an organ donor.

-[Grunts] -Oh!

-Madre de Dios! [Chopping]

-Oh! God damn it!

[All groaning]

-Oh, God.

[All groaning]

-Oh. [Groaning]

Keep chopping.

-[Groaning]

I am so gonna hurl. -Later.

Everybody got gloves?

Don't get any on your skin or in your eyes.

[All groaning]

[Groaning]

-Oh, God!

Oh, geez. Oh, this is bad.

This is really bad.

-Think about something else --

Puppies and kittens.

-Dead puppies and kittens.

-[Vomiting]

-That is just evil. What is wrong with you?

-Next time let the cracker beat his ass.

-I'm sorry, yo. -You suck.

[Groans]

-Do we smell like them? -Oh, yeah.

Glenn.

Just in case.

-If we make it back, be ready.

-What about Merle Dixon?

-Give me the axe.

We need more guts.

-Oh, God!

[Door creaks]

♪♪

[Walkers growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-Hey, what's happening, man?

-Hey, T-Dog, try that C.B.

-Hey, come on. Talk to me, y'all.

-Base camp, this is T-Dog. Anybody hear me?

Can anybody out there hear me?

-There.

[Thunder rumbling]

-That asshole is out on the street with the handcuff keys?

-That hose isn't long for this world, is it?

-No, sir.

-Where the hell are we gonna find a replacement?

-It's late. They should've been back by now.

-Worrying won't make it better.

-Attaboy. -Yeah.

-And 3, 2, 1...pull it.

[Both laugh]

Start it over.

Make your "P." Other way. Around your finger.

Oops.

Good, just tie it like around your finger.

Attaboy.

[Radio squawks] - Hello, base camp!

Can anybody out there hear me?

Base camp, this is T-Dog. Anybody hear me?

-Hello? Hello?

Reception's bad on this end.

Repeat. Repeat. -Shane, is that you?

-Is that them? - We're...

We're trapped in the department store.

-He say they're trapped?

-There are geeks all over the place.

Hundreds of 'em. We're surrounded.

-T-Dog, repeat that last. Repeat.

[Static crackles]

[Static stops]

-He said the department store.

-I heard it, too.

-Shane? -No way.

We do not go after them.

We do not risk the rest of the group.

Y'all know that.

-So we're just gonna leave her there?

-Look, Amy, I know that this is not easy.

-She volunteered to go to help the rest of us.

-I know, and she knew the risks, right?

See, if she's trapped, she's gone.

So we just have to deal with that.

There's nothing we can do.

-She's my sister, you son of a bitch.

[Thunder rumbling]

[Thunder rumbling] -Amy.

-Come on. It's alright, buddy.

-Okay. Austin, before we go to the conclusion

of "The Walking Dead" episode,

we should probably go ahead and bring Darcy out

for the makeup reveal.

I'm gonna need her for the "Mailbag," so...

-Uh...yeah.

But it, uh, looks like we're not getting any signal.

What do you mean?

Um...hey, Kevin, uh, check that wire.

-Well, send somebody back there to tell her time's up.

You know, whatever they have makeup wise,

just bring it on out.

-Yeah, yeah. We're on it.

-A lot of you will remember

the actor who plays Glenn, Steven Yeun,

from season 2 of "The Last Drive-In,"

when we showed "Mayhem."

He was actually the star of "Mayhem."

And that may have been an even more physical role

than the stuff he was doing in "The Walking Dead."

But very versatile actor.

-Uh, yeah, here we go. We should have a signal.

Great. -[Chomping]

-Um, Darcy, can you hear me? [Walker growls]

Darcy?

[Walker moaning]

♪♪

Darcy?!

What's the deal?

[Walker growls, object clatters]

Alright. Let's go back to the movie.

I'll get this all figured out. Roll the movie.

-[Screams] -I don't think that's makeup.

-Darcy? -Get out!

Darcy! [Crashing]

Talk to me! -Yuki, get your gun.

-Yes. Got it.

-She didn't eat a guest, did she?

[Walker moaning, gun cocks]

♪♪

[Walkers growling]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

-It's gonna work. I can't believe it.

-Don't draw attention.

-[Growling]

[Thunder rumbling]

-[Growling]

[Thunder continues]

♪♪

[Rain pattering]

♪♪

-Oh, man.

[Thunder crashes]

♪♪

♪♪

-It's just a cloudburst.

We get 'em all the time. It'll pass real quick.

[Thunder rumbling]

♪♪

-[Growling]

♪♪

♪♪

-The smell's washing off. Isn't it?

Is it washing off? -No, it's not.

Well, maybe.

-[Roars]

-Run!

[Walkers roaring]

-Come on, come on. Come on, come on.

[Gunshots]

-Rick!

[Walkers growling]

[Truck door closes]

[Engine starts]

Go, go, go, go!

[Tires screech]

[Growling continues]

♪♪

♪♪

[Tires screech]

[Tires screech]

-They're leaving us. -No. No, no, no. -What? What?

Where they going? Where they going? -No, no, come back.

♪♪

-Oh, my God. Oh, my God. They're all over that place.

-You need to draw them away.

Those roll-up doors at the front of the store,

that area, that's what I need cleared.

Raise your friends.

Tell them to get down there and be ready.

-I'm drawing the geeks away how? I -- I missed that part.

-Noise.

[Car alarm blaring]

♪♪

♪♪

[Engine revs]

[Tires screech]

♪♪

[Tires screech]

[Blaring continues]

[Tires screeching]

-Those roll-up doors at the front of the store

facing the street, meet us there and be ready.

[Blaring, revving continues]

♪♪

[Tires screech]

-Come on! Let's go, let's go! -Hey, you can't leave me here!

I'm not fooling, man! Morales!

Hey, man! Don't do this! -Come on!

-Hey, that's my gun. You can't leave me.

Don't leave me here, you guys. -Morales, come on.

-I'm coming! We've got to go!

-Morales! You can't leave me like this, man!

Hey, T-Dog. No, man. You can't leave me, man.

You can't leave me here. Not like this.

You can't, man. It's not human.

Come on, don't do this.

-[Groans]

Come on, T. Come on!

Come on, yeah! Yeah!

Come on! That's it! Yes! Come on, baby!

Come on.

[Key clinking]

[Walkers banging]

Son of a bitch! You did that on purpose!

-I didn't mean to! -You lie! You did it on purpose!

-It was an accident! -Don't leave me, man!

Don't leave me! Don't leave me!

Aaah! -I'm sorry.

-You liar! -Man, I'm sorry.

-Don't leave me! -I'm sorry.

-Don't do it, man! Damn you all!

Don't leave me, man!

Don't leave! Don't leave me! -Ah!

-Hey! What are you doing, man?

You're gonna rot in hell!

You're gonna rot in hell!

Come back, man!

-Wait a minute! Here I come! Don't leave me!

Don't leave!

-Okay. Okay. I got it.

[Car alarm blaring]

-Shh.

-What is that?

[Car engine revving]

[Tires screech]

[Tires screeching]

♪♪

-Get closer. Get closer. Come on. Come on.

[Tires screech]

[Blaring continues]

[Engine revving]

[Tires screech]

♪♪

[Glass shatters]

[Walkers growling]

♪♪

[Tires screeching]

♪♪

-Hey, wait for me!

♪♪

♪♪

They're here! Let's go! Let's go! They're in here!

-[Bangs]

-Let's go! -Open the door!

-We've got to go! -Go!

♪♪

[Walkers growling]

-[Grunts] -I'm in!

[Engine revving]

[Tires screech]

♪♪

[Tires screech]

-Aah! Don't leave me!

You'll die! Go to hell! Damn you!

[Yells]

You're gonna rot in hell!

[Yelling]

-I dropped the damn key.

-Where's Glenn?

[Car alarm blaring]

[Rock music playing]

-♪ Now, when I was a little boy ♪

♪ At the age of 5 ♪

♪ I had something in my pocket ♪

♪ Keeps a lot of folks alive ♪

-Whoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah-hoo-hoo!

♪♪

-♪ You know, baby ♪

♪ We can have a lot of fun ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

[Static]

-And so all the scavengers get away.

I don't think a single normal human

was killed in that whole episode.

Not quite as thrilling as the premiere episode,

but what they were doing in that one

is they were showing all three types of storytelling

that would alternate throughout the life of the series.

Namely, horror, number one, of course,

but also action sequences that are always about escaping

or defending or somehow surviving.

And then the third part is interpersonal drama,

you know, drama that becomes as complex as a soap opera.

And it goes on for that long. And you know what?

The social media on the days after a new episode

wasn't so much focused on the action.

It was focused on the interpersonal drama.

So that's a testament to the writing, the direction,

and, of course, the zombies.

And, uh -- Oh, my God.

[Laughs] Darcy, you scared me.

That is some good makeup.

I want to thank, um, Carey for that makeup.

That is, uh -- That is awesome.

Where is Carey?

Very funny. Okay.

Alright, Darcy, good job.

Okay.

You can stop doing that now. That's fine.

Darcy, there's cosplay, and then there's insanity.

Okay? That's enough. -[Growls]

-Alright. Can you at least hand me the mail?

Just hand me the mail.

Is that the mail?

What are you -- Alright, give me this.

I think -- [Laughter]

Sit down.

[Sighs] Okay.

Um...

What the? Oh, my God. What is...

What did you just give me? You know...

Alright, there's a letter.

Um...

"Oh, I just want to preface this

and say that I promise I'm not a serial killer,

and hopefully this stupid gift doesn't freak anyone out

too much.

Now that that's out of the way" --

What are you do--

Okay.

"Now that that's out of the way,

I'm such a big fan of what you guys do,

and I hope you all keep it up for years to come.

Unfortunately, a hogzilla head would've been way too big,

so hopefully a zombie raccoon is an okay substitute."

So he says what it is. It's a zombie raccoon, so...

"Keep up the great work.

Matt -- Matthew Wilder Chandler, Arizona."

Um...

Okay, Matt, thanks for the cool zombie raccoon,

but it appears to be --

Um, this end of it is --

I almost wanna say this is a sex toy, but, um --

[Laughter]

It is, isn't it?

Okay, you know, let's not --

let's not go any further with this thing

'cause I'm not sure whether you, you know --

where you would use it or how you would use it

or why you would want a zombie raccoon on your sex toy, but...

So, yeah. When did I lose control of this whole show?

So, um, here, yeah, here, try one of these ribs.

Try one of these ribs, um, Darcy.

And you can't, like -- Alright, Darcy.

Um, I think that's enough zombie for one night.

Um, I'm gonna sign off now.

I'm Joe Bob Briggs,

reminding you that nothing is impossible...

for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

The drive-in will never die.

Darcy, that's enough, really.

I don't -- I --

I would tell a joke to see if you laugh,

but you never laugh at the joke, anyway.

-[Sighs]

-So there was this truck driver who used to amuse himself

by running over lawyers.

Whenever he would see a lawyer walking down the road,

he'd run them over, so...

You're not gonna stop me?

So every time he sees a lawyer,

the truck driver swerves to hit the lawyer.

And he hears a loud thump, then he swerves back onto the road.

So one day, the truck driver sees a priest hitchhiking.

So he thinks, uh, you know, "I'll help this guy out."

So he pulls over, and he asks the priest where he's going.

The priest says, "I'm going to the church

five miles down the road."

So the truck driver says, "No problem, Father.

Climb in. I'll give you a lift to the church."

So the priest climbs in to the truck,

and he thanks the truck driver.

Suddenly, the truck driver sees a lawyer

walking down the side of the road.

So instinctively, he swerves to hit him,

and then he remembers he has a priest with him.

So at the last minute, he swerves back onto the road,

and he misses the lawyer.

And so, even though he was certain he missed the guy,

he still hears a loud thump.

So he looks in his rearview mirror,

but he can't see anything.

He turns to the priest, and he says,

"I'm sorry, Father, I almost hit that lawyer."

And the priest says, "That's okay.

I got him with the door."

[Laughter]

-[Growls]

♪♪

-♪ We are not like other people ♪ -♪ Not like other people ♪

-♪ We are sick ♪ -♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting ♪ -♪ Disgusting ♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪