Original subtitles

[elevator dings]

Lucifer?

Lucifer!

Hello? Lucifer?

[chainsaw revving]

If it were that easy to kill me, I would've been dead a long time ago.

Very well.

But have you tried...

-Grenade down the throat? -Yes.

-Acid bath? -Mmm-hmm.

-God. Devoured by wolves? -Yes.

-Dropped into helicopter blades? -Mmm-hmm.

I've been trying kill myself since the Bronze Age.

I have tried everything.

Even jumped into a volcano once.

-What, you survived molten lava? -Yeah, it was a rough six months.

Just, whatever I do, I just regrow.

Like a blue-eyed, square-jawed tapeworm.

So, if I cut you exactly in half, would there be two Pierces?

No. Only one side would heal.

You see, I call it the master molecule theory--

Yes, yes, Wolverine rules. I get it.

But there must be some method that works.

Lucifer, why do you care so much about this?

Because my father laid a curse on you to live forever,

so killing you would be an epic loogie in the old man's eye.

[Marcus] Well, you are the Devil. You must have something

shockingly evil up your sleeve.

Hmm, you mean, uh,

something like this?

[groans]

Ouch!

-Thanks. -You're most welcome.

'Cause that little bad boy was forged in the bowels of Hell.

[grunts]

Oh, yes. Demon steel.

Can kill even me.

So time to say goodbye to Hollywood, Pierce.

Goodbye, Lucifer.

No, I don't understand. How does this not work?

I should've known

that you wouldn't be able to figure this out.

Well, I mean, the good news is,

we've got all the time in the world to do so.

For me, that's a bad thing.

[groans]

[pop music playing]

♪ We're gonna make it to the morning ♪

[police siren chirping]

♪ We're gonna make it to the morning ♪

♪ We're gonna make it to the morning ♪

-Hey, Dan. -Hey.

Thank you.

I feel like I'm having déjà vu. This street seems so familiar.

Yeah, well, it should. We took a look at that house

right around the corner, remember?

-Right after Trixie was born? -Oh, yeah.

Great public schools, really safe neighborhood.

[gasps] Oh.

Or not.

June Lee, 34. Local chemistry teacher.

She lived right down the block.

Forestry service left the wood chipper here overnight,

and someone took advantage.

[sighs]

Did you get a chance to talk to any of the lookie-loos yet?

-No. All yours. -Okay.

Hello. I'm Detective Decker.

Who would do this to poor June?

Well, I'm hoping that you all could help me with that.

Um, did any of you hear or see anything out of the ordinary this morning?

No. I mean, I heard that wood chipper going, but...

-I didn't know. -And did any of you know

anyone that would want to hurt June?

No.

Everyone really loved her.

She was very active in the community.

We just got mani-pedis together.

Sorry.

Ah.

Thank you for your help, Maze.

No worries. This actually gives me time

to brainstorm a little problem of my own.

Ah.

So, this is for anything with wings.

Ooh.

I grab him like this, and then I stab him with my blade.

-Right. -This beauty...

[chuckles]

-This is for anything with horns. -Oh, goody.

So I hook 'em like this,

and then, bam!

Blade straight to the heart.

Right. I'm just gonna stop you there.

Do these grizzly struggles

always end with you stabbing a victim with your blade?

My blades are forged in Hell.

How else am I supposed to kill a celestial being?

Damn. I already stabbed him with one of your blades.

Well, I wish you would've told me that

before I hauled all this out of the basement.

There's nothing on Earth, nothing from Hell.

I mean, there must be some way to snuff this candle.

[Maze sighs]

-Decker makes you killable, right? -Mmm.

Why don't you see what's going on there?

Rub some of that on Pierce.

Apples to oranges, Maze. What's going on there

is just a cruel joke from Dad.

[chuckles] What's going on with Pierce isn't?

Your father is all about mind games and loopholes, remember?

Yes, perhaps you're right, Maze.

Maybe I should find out what makes Pierce vulnerable,

get inside his head.

Not with a cranial saw.

Well, not yet anyway.

[upbeat pop music playing]

Why is my couch in the middle of my office?

Oh, good, you're here. Please, take a seat.

How are you feeling today?

What are you doing?

Oh, answering a question with another question.

That's called "evasion."

And your body language suggests you're quite upset.

No. I'm just not a fan of your redecorating.

That's awfully passive-aggressive of you, Pierce.

Why don't you tell me how you really feel?

Get out of my office.

Good, good. Anger. That's called "a breakthrough."

[chuckles] Oh.

Don't worry. This is a safe place.

Why are you doing this?

Well, how am I supposed to solve the mystery of how to kill you

if I don't understand you first?

Your strengths, your weaknesses,

because everyone has a kryptonite, Lieutenant.

So, in other words, you still have no idea how to kill me.

This is the idea.

I'm not a crier. I'm not a sharer.

So, unless you have something that's case-related,

we're done talking.

And turn my desk around.

Decker, please tell me

you're working on something interesting.

Pierce...

Lieutenant, you're still here.

Does that mean you've decided to stay, or...

Yeah, at least for now.

Oh, that's great.

That's really, really great.

Two "reallys?" Really?

Yeah, just 'cause...

I have a twist in my case, and I could use your help.

So, the suburban wood-chipper victim, we recovered a finger, ran a print.

And it turns out June Lee isn't June Lee.

It's a false identity?

Our vic's real name is Sandra Jang, and according to public records,

she died three years ago.

Fascinating.

You know, the lieutenant has a lot of experience in fake deaths.

You must mean because I came up through Missing Persons in Chicago.

Hmm.

Great. We could really use your experience on this, then.

Yes, I, too, would love to learn everything about your experience.

Sure.

Decker, why don't you pull the original death certificate?

-There might be something there. -You got it.

-I know what you're trying to do. -If you mean solve a mystery,

then yes.

And with you and I working on this case together,

it'll kill two mysteries with one stone.

Emphasis on the "kill," of course.

[exclaims]

[theme music playing]

So, if we can figure out why Sandra faked her death

three years ago, it might point to her killer.

In my experience, people who fake their own death

are running from something or someone.

Right. Something or someone that scares them,

makes them feel vulnerable.

Any experience of that in your own life, Lieutenant?

Sandra definitely could've been running.

Check her rap sheet.

Possession of narcotics and distribution.

Mmm-hmm, for a gang called the Korean Power.

Oh, not your typical gangbanger.

Uh, that's 'cause she's not a gangbanger.

She's some kind of a chemist.

Tech unlocked Sandra's laptop,

found recipes for synthetic chemical compounds,

all filed under the label "K-Pop."

It's a kind of a music, right?

Oh, dear. Poor Daniel. So behind the times.

K-Pop is a kind of ecstasy.

It's one of the best kinds, actually.

Uff.

Wait. So Sandra wasn't dealing for the gang,

she was cooking for them.

I wonder if K-Pop is still on the market.

Oh, well, it was, as of last Tuesday.

[laughs] It's wonderful stuff.

Yeah, it makes your skin feel like a baby chinchilla.

And as a nightclub owner, you might know where to find some?

Oh, absolutely, yes.

And I'd be happy to guide you on your roll, Detective,

though I would wait till you have a day off to recover.

I'm not--

-You want to squeeze a dealer. -Right.

And work our way up the chain to the Korean Power,

maybe find Sandra's killer.

There are dozens of homicides tied to the gang.

Okay. One ecstasy dealer coming right up.

You two, come meet me at Lux in an hour.

-Sure. -Right. Daniel?

-Yeah? -You can stay.

Look, here's one.

Some idiot named Ben Simpson,

absconded in a stolen ice-cream truck.

Six-five, aggravated assault with a blowtorch. Snore.

Don't you clowns have anything challenging?

What is that?

-Do you smell that? -Axe body spray.

Ugh.

Oh, hello.

-Do I know you? -Used to.

I'm Lucifer's friend.

Oh, so we're friends?

[chuckles]

Hell, no.

You were a monstrous bitch, and I hated you.

We were mortal enemies.

Right. I get that a lot.

Yeah, but now something's

different.

It's...

wonderful.

And Lord knows I could use a distraction.

Oh, well, I have been trying to make changes.

You know, new leaf and all.

Hasn't been easy, but I'm glad it's finally starting to

come through.

Oh, something's coming through, all right.

[sniffs]

You smell incredible.

[chuckles awkwardly]

What, um, exactly did you say our relationship was?

Shh.

Don't talk.

I've got to go hog-tie a fugitive in an ice-cream truck right now,

but I will definitely

be back.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ Go on and hide ♪

♪ Better start running ♪

Where's Pierce? He said he was coming.

Well, he's probably busy at the precinct.

And if you're worried about him being checked out, relax.

He's sticking around L.A. For a while.

I kind of convinced him to stay.

Oh, don't be foolish. The man's clearly staying for me.

Turns out we have quite a bit in common.

Right.

So, back to reality where we have a case to solve.

-Where is this dealer you promised? -Two house specials, please.

Lucifer, you know I don't drink on the job.

Here you go. Two house specials.

[Lucifer clears throat]

[whispers] Your bartender is a drug dealer?

What, you think I hired him for abs alone? [chuckles]

Where'd you get the K-Pop?

I get it from the Korean Power.

Best E in town. Or used to be.

Sad but true.

Previously, hangover-free. But now, in the morning,

your mouth's like Gandhi's flip-flop.

-What changed? -Their cook.

The gang used to have some genius lady chemist,

but I heard she got greedy.

-She stole from the Korean Power? -Yup.

Big, powerful, scary boss dude,

and she pilfered right from under his nose. [chuckles]

Pretty ballsy.

-I mean, not that I would-- -Yes, yes, get on with it.

So the boss put a hit out on her, did he?

Yeah, but her lab blew up before they could get to her.

-Freak accident. -Accident?

Do you know this boss' name or where we could find him?

Yeah. Brandon Hong.

He likes to hang out at this one karaoke spot over on Irola.

But these guys don't mess around.

Right. Well... Mmm.

Off we go, Detective.

-What? Off we go to where? -To the karaoke parlor.

Talk to a gang leader.

Maybe do a duet if you're feeling adventurous.

We have to verify this testimony with Vice.

We have to get a warrant, assemble a SWAT team.

You know, actually plan to do a gang takedown.

Right. Is that the sort of thing the Lieutenant would get involved in?

No. Pierce will not get involved until we bring him a suspect.

Which is why we should just go to the parlor and skip to that part.

Lucifer, this is a ruthless drug lord with who knows how many armed thugs?

You can't just walk in there with your three-piece suit

and say, "Hello, drug dealers."

I would never do that.

[sighs]

[speaking Korean]

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

[gun cocks]

-Who are you? -I'm Lucifer Morningstar,

but don't worry. I'm here alone.

The police raid won't happen for a few more hours.

-Police raid? -Yes.

So, as you can see I'm in a bit of a rush.

Could you point me to the bigger gun?

-Your boss. -Get rid of him.

What is it with people trying to avoid me today?

[grunts]

[K-pop music playing]

[both grunting]

[yells]

[all singing]

Whoa.

[music continues]

[shouts]

-I'm only trying to help. -"Help"?

-Who? -You!

The Lieutenant! I'm a giver, damn it!

And now, you

are gonna help me.

[laughs]

[Chloe] Mr. Hong, thank you for coming in.

So, out of curiosity,

how did you know that we wanted to speak to you?

When you're in my line of work, word gets around, you know?

And what line of work is that?

Oh.

I run the Korean Power.

Ah.

Oh, we are a criminal organization,

specializing in extortion and drug dealing.

And yes, Sandra Jang used to cook our ecstasy.

Oh.

And while you're being so forthcoming about your felony distribution,

do you care to confess to murder?

[chuckles]

I'd love to help you, but Sandra's death wasn't our doing.

What, even though she stole from you and faked her own death to escape?

Yeah, she was a smart cookie.

I totally fell for the old

"my lab exploded and I died" schtick.

But then, like a voice from beyond,

-she called me. -Sandra stole money from you

to start a new life.

Why would she get back in contact with you?

To pay the money back, with interest.

She was sick of looking over her shoulder, I guess.

The suburbs gave her a double garage and a conscience.

Yeah, I find that hard to believe.

You and your guys,

you aren't necessarily known for your kindness.

[laughs]

Thank you.

And you're right. I never forgave Sandra.

But not for stealing, for leaving.

When I found out she was still alive,

I begged her to come back, but she said no.

Best cook I ever had.

Our profits went down over 40% when we lost her formula.

So she was worth more to you alive than dead.

Oh, um,

I've instructed my guys to cooperate.

You know, alibis and stuff for the night Sandra was killed.

Whatever the police need.

Okay. You do understand

that even if you weren't involved in Sandra's death,

you have confessed to several felonies,

and we will be arresting you.

Whatever it takes to bring Sandra's killer to justice.

Right.

That was the most cooperative arch-criminal

I've ever met.

Did you go to that club on your own?

-What did you do to him? -Nothing.

Just made him a deal.

-Of course you did. -In exchange for his cooperation,

I gave him the formula we found on Sandra's computer.

A few years in prison's just a small price to pay

for doubling your profits with a superior product.

You can't just hand out random, illicit drug recipes.

Uh-uh. Not random, Detective. The best.

I mean, you don't want inferior ecstasy

out there on the streets, ruining orgies

and dubstep parties now, do you?

Rhetorical. My point is, I got us our suspect.

So can we finally involve the Lieutenant?

We are not involving Pierce until we check Hong's story,

and if what he says is true,

he's not even a suspect.

Oh.

There's one way to find out.

There is?

Well, what are we gonna find in there?

We already know about Sandra's criminal past.

Yes, but what about her criminal present?

Sandra paid cash for her house. Then, two years later,

paid back the Korean mob with interest.

Right. How'd she get that money?

Exactly. You can't do that on a chemistry teacher's salary.

So what do we think, she was hacking into banks?

Or she decided to dust off her old skill of cooking ecstasy.

-Right. -[Chloe] Okay.

Now that we know what we're looking for,

let's try to find proof that she was still making

and now selling drugs.

Huh?

That's weird. It's not connecting.

Let me have a look at that.

Oh, Lucifer, please don't mess with it.

-What does this do anyway? -Stop shaking it.

-You're going to break it! -[Lucifer sighs]

Oh!

You're right, Detective.

It does help to know what you're looking for.

Are those client lists?

Ooh.

One angry one, maybe.

"I know what you're doing. End it, or you're dead."

Mmm.

So you can take the girl out of the ecstasy biz,

but you can't take out the ecstasy biz out of the girl.

[Lucifer] Well, actually, it's not ecstasy.

It's more sort of a home-brew Adderall. It's very smooth. [sniffles]

Did your partner just admit to snorting evidence?

The only thing I admit to is being very focused on this case.

We think Sandra adjusted her product to her new environment.

Type-A moms, high-pressure dads--

And all the Ivy League-bound brats in between.

And if she was selling, these death threats suggest

that someone didn't want those drugs in the neighborhood.

We think she was trying to determine who sent them.

Then maybe looking got her killed. All right.

Get close to the neighbors. See who you can smoke out.

Right. I had the exact same idea.

And there is a house for rent on Sandra's block.

However, the owner will only rent to couples.

Great. You and Lucifer are on it.

No, I'd love to, but I canvassed the entire neighborhood.

They know I'm a cop. Dan, too.

So find another officer with knowledge of this case

to go undercover.

Oh, don't worry. We already have.

[doorbell rings]

Hey, hey. It's the welcome wagon.

Yeah, but not in the lame way. [chuckles]

We just wanted to be the first to say hi

to the new couple on the block.

-I'm Brian. This is my wife, Anya. -Hey.

Thank you. That is so thoughtful.

Honey, we have guests!

Ah!

Right. Brian and Anya.

-This is Marc. -Hi.

Oh.

[sniffs] Mmm.

Great.

Plastic plates? What are we, barbarians?

Don't you have any china in there?

You know this isn't real, right?

[Marcus scoffs]

You realize this is just for the case?

This is my chance to really get to know you.

Pierce, I'm taking it seriously, and so should you,

for our cause, and for the case, obviously.

So let's just get in there and put on a good show.

Shall we?

Just don't give them your "Resting Pierce" face.

What face?

So how did you two lovebirds meet?

We were high school sweethearts, actually.

We were biology partners.

He asked me out while we were dissecting a crayfish.

My wife, huh. The stuff she remembers.

How about you? How'd you two meet?

-At work. -Actually, um, we met through my dad.

-Oh, so sweet. -[Lucifer] Well, not really.

My dad's a right bastard.

[Brian] Oh, right, yes.

Tough, right? When parents don't approve.

It's true. True. And my father would definitely

disapprove of this. Isn't that right, Marky Marc?

Well, let's not start with that

with these nice people, Luke.

I'm sorry. Marc loathes talking about himself.

[softly] He's shy.

But don't let that put you off.

I mean, we are neighbors now...

-Yeah. Yeah, yeah. -...after all.

Feel free to ask him... I mean, us, anything you want.

Okay.

-Shall we? -Yes.

Right.

-Thank you. -[Lucifer] Smells delicious.

[Brian] Lovely.

[Dan] I get it.

You know, when Chloe and I got divorced,

I was so worried about Trixie.

What she would think, when I would see her.

But I realized it's the quality of the time,

not the quantity, you know?

I'm really glad we did this, Dan.

You're such a nice, normal guy.

[laughs]

Well, thank you, I think.

-I meant that as a compliment. -Mmm-hmm.

After the past few months,

normal is

exactly what I need in my life.

Hey, sexy.

-What's up, Dan? -Uh, hello.

-You two know each other? -[Maze] Oh, yeah.

We, uh, killed a guy together once.

[laughs]

Maze...

No, uh...

What she means is we had a killer time together once.

-Why are you here, Maze? -Isn't it obvious?

The three of us?

I'm sorry.

Did we...

Oh, no. No. No, no, no, no. We didn't.

No, of course not...

But if you wanted to...

Uh...

Now, whatever

you're into.

I have heard that it's...

Can be empowering, 'cause I've been reading this feminist social...

Well, I'm into it.

If she is.

`Oh, it's hot.

Oh, my God. Can I have another drink, please? Thanks.

[Lucifer] Milano?

Oh, there aren't nuts in there, are there?

I blow up like a balloon.

-Of course, allergies. -Yeah.

[Lucifer] I didn't think of that.

What makes us vulnerable is often right under our noses.

Shellfish, maybe.

Bees? Latex?

Oh, you know I don't have any allergies, sweetie.

Let's talk about this lovely community.

You seem so tight-knit.

Yes, yes. It must have been devastating

when that poor woman was found ground up like hamburger meat.

-Our realtor told us. -Yeah, it was horrible.

Huge loss. We're kind of one big family around here.

Well, most of us anyway.

Some of the neighbors can be a little uptight.

Ah, come on, babe. The guys don't want to hear about that, right?

We're here to welcome 'em.

Hear about what?

The neighborhood watchdog.

Someone has been writing notes and terrorizing the block.

"Trim your hedges or else."

"Stop using non-organic weed killer, or I'll make you drink it."

This watchdog seems rather preoccupied with gardening.

No. People have been getting notes for all kinds of things.

Loud music, parking, holiday decor.

It's like Martha Stewart and the Terminator had a baby.

[laughs]

Any idea who this watchdog is?

No, actually.

Well, I suppose we all have our mysteries, don't we?

Speaking of,

wouldn't you two like to know more about this little enigma?

Well, this has been nice,

but remember, we have to get up early for that thing tomorrow morning.

[Lucifer] Uh...

No idea what you're talking about, darling.

[chuckles]

[Maze inhales deeply]

[exhales]

I thought you went to the bathroom.

No. I'm sorry. I just

needed a few minutes.

The truth is, I've

been through hell, lately.

That's it.

No wonder I wanted you.

That's it. I can smell it on you.

The pain, the torment.

What, it's that obvious?

Girl, it is all over you.

I guess I thought I was doing a better job of covering it up.

You see, um,

I died recently, or...

Well, almost

died. And since then,

it's been a struggle to get my life back to some semblance of normal.

That's what you want, normal?

Yes. Please, God, yes.

Well, I am definitely not God,

or normal, so, guess I'm out.

You are? I just...

I just told you my deepest secret.

Yeah. Sorry.

I thought it was you I was attracted to,

but turns out it's just my old life.

And I'm not sure if I want to go back there.

Hey, but Dan's probably still into it, though.

[Lucifer] Thanks so much for dinner. [Anya] Bye! Have a good one!

[crickets chirping]

[indistinct chatter]

This watchdog weirdo seems promising.

And those notes sound just like the one we found in Sandra's stash.

I just can't imagine someone

so obsessed with obeying the rules of suburbia.

Where do you think you're going?

I cook. You clean. Remember?

[Chloe on radio] Domesticity can have a strange effect on people.

Question is, now,

how do we draw out this watchdog?

Well, don't you worry about that, Detective. Trust me.

No one's a worse neighbor than the Devil.

["There Goes the Neighborhood" playing]

♪ There goes the neighborhood ♪

♪ Check out my neighborhood ♪

♪ There goes the neighborhood ♪

♪ Da, Da, Da, Da, Da ♪

[music continues]

[loud whirring]

Lucifer! What, are you building something?

Yes. Our reputation

as the most annoying neighbors on the block.

[chuckles]

It's 4:00 a.m.

Maybe we can finish this in the morning.

"We"?

You're barely involved.

Do you know, I thought this was supposed to be about you and I

-spending time together. -No. No, no.

This is about catching a killer.

Guys, someone's approaching the house.

You just need to open up to me.

-[Chloe on radio] Guys? -That won't solve anything!

[Chloe] Guys, heads up! Someone's approaching.

[Lucifer] We just need to find yours.

Guys? Damn it!

We've been through this!

[Lucifer] I feel like I don't know you!

[Marcus] What are you talking about?

L.A.P.D. Don't move!

Oh!

Hello. Have you come for your casserole dish?

Hands up!

[Brian] It's not illegal to hold people up

to our community standards.

The police should be thanking me.

I'm out there every night, helping you guys.

"Helping"? Is that what you were doing when you killed June Lee?

What? I didn't hurt June.

I understand.

You're out there. You're trying to keep your neighborhood clean,

and then June's there, dealing drugs.

Wait, you think I was trying to get June to stop dealing drugs?

I was her best customer.

-You were buying her Adderall? -Uh, yeah. [chuckles]

Me and half the block.

How do you think I had the energy to be out there

every night, all night?

I mean, June changed my life.

I learned Mandarin.

I built a deck around my... I lost 40 pounds.

Okay.

So you're saying you didn't write that threatening note?

No! That's not even my handwriting...

Look at it. It's so sloppy. Of course, what do you expect

from someone clueless enough to put a whole body into a wood chipper?

I mean, saw before you mulch. Everyone knows that.

Thanks.

[sighs] Now he would know not to put onion skins

down the garbage disposal.

You know, why wouldn't I put onion skins

down the garbage disposal?

-They're garbage. -They're compost.

You know what? Thank God that this marriage is over.

Guys. Brian's not our killer.

But your cover is still intact, and I have a new plan.

You lovebirds ready to go back to suburbia?

Till death do us part, darling.

[upbeat music playing]

All right, how's this angle, Detective?

A little to the right, and make sure

you put the guest book where I can see it.

Don't worry, Decker. We'll be checking handwriting as we go along.

I just hope people show up after Lucifer's antics.

I have simply piqued their curiosity.

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, we would like everyone to sign, please.

Makes it more personal.

[exhales]

Um...

Why is that hummus so far way from the crudités?

-What? -Everyone knows you put the snacks

next to the dipping sauce.

Why do I feel like I'm the only one putting any effort into anything?

Probably because you make everything about you.

Me?

In case you've forgotten, I am doing this for you.

[Marcus] Really? [Lucifer] Yes! Really.

And if you're not committed, then there's no point

to us even being here.

The only reason I'm here is because I have to be.

Everything else is just an empty promise.

-You have no idea what you're doing. -I beg your pardon.

You say you're a man of your word,

but you're not.

[scoffs]

-Cannot believe you just said that. -[exhales]

Excuse me!

[whispering] Lucifer.

[whispering] Lucifer.

What the hell are you guys doing back there?

This is a sting. You can't just leave in the middle of it.

I just can't be around him right now.

Lucifer, sometimes when we go undercover, things get real.

People get on each other's nerves. But here's the thing.

You can't change your partner.

Tell me about it.

Okay.

As hard as it is right now,

I need you to stick it out until the job's done.

Pierce is never gonna be the guy

who cares about where the hummus is, or whatever.

But he does care about what matters.

Like solving this case.

He can't do it without you, and he knows that.

-Does he? -Yes.

He does. So, please, get back in there,

and get those signatures.

Right.

[laughter]

[sighs]

You moved the nachos.

Well, yeah, I didn't anyone to spill salsa

-into the macaroni. -Into the macaroni.

Wasn't sure you were coming back.

I made you a promise.

And I am a man of my word, no matter what you may think.

I may have overreacted.

-I'm sorry. -Thank you.

But...

You were right about one thing.

I don't have all the answers.

But I hope that

we can find them together.

I mean, after all,

you may be the only person on this planet who

truly understands me.

I'm not ready to give up on that.

[all] Aw...

[camera clicks]

[chuckles]

[crowd gasping]

Wow! Cover officially restored.

Okay. Now can we please check the book for signatures?

[girl exclaiming]

-Marcia, some words for the chef? -Oh, I've got mustard all over...

Some words for the chef!

Lovely. Would you mind working the word "pervert"

in there somewhere?

Could you address it to "scheming whore"?

Just a little private joke for Marc.

Brian said he signed for us both already.

Well, Marc and I would like everyone

to write a little message, if you don't mind.

Oh. Okay. Let's see...

Actually, I think it's time for us to go, dear.

But we just got here.

Oh, yeah, I know, but we really need to go.

-Brian, please, what are you doing? -No, just...

-Just put the book down. -Brian!

-Brian. -Brian?

-Just a little message. -No, no, no!

I know what you guys are trying to do here.

Hey, Brian, just relax, okay? Just calm down.

Take it easy.

Everybody get back!

Everyone get back. All right?

Get back!

-Brian. Brian? -We're leaving.

Thanks, it was great.

-What about hedge trimmers? -I tried, it didn't work.

Put it down, Brian.

I didn't want to hurt anybody.

I know.

And I know you don't want to hurt anyone right now.

You're not a killer. You're just protecting one.

Brian, what is she talking about?

You wrote the threatening note to June.

We accused your husband, but he must've recognized

your handwriting when we showed it to him.

It's why he didn't want you signing the guest book.

You know?

How could you do something so stupid, babe?

I'm not stupid. I know that you and June were having an affair.

No...

I saw you sneaking around with her, and then you lost all that weight.

I thought I would just write her one of those notes to scare her off.

But then you still kept sneaking out every night.

And then you went and confronted her.

Yes. But then she just kept denying it, and I got so...

So angry, I just

shoved her. And then she...

She hit her head, but...

shoved her. And then she...

I just didn't want you to leave me.

But he wasn't having an affair. June was his drug dealer.

[crowd gasping]

It's true.

I was buying pills from her to help me lose weight.

For you, so that I could go back to being the guy

you fell in love with in high school.

I didn't want you to leave me.

I'm so sorry I doubted you. I...

I just...

I don't know what I would do without you.

Neither do I.

Oh.

[both crying]

Okay. Show's over.

I suppose there's some cold comfort in them being arrested together.

At least they've got each other.

[handcuffs clicking]

Yeah. They do.

Dan?

[clears throat]

Hey.

I just wanted to come by and apologize

about the other night.

[chuckles softly]

You have nothing to apologize for.

I absolutely, completely blame Maze.

-That girl's a freak. -She is odd.

But she also made me realize some things about myself.

Maze isn't the only odd one.

I'm a mess.

All that talk about

feeling normal again?

[sighs] Wishful thinking.

I've a long road ahead.

You know, whatever this is that we have,

it has never been normal.

And I decided that I just have to own that.

I like you, Charlotte.

You are unlike anyone I've ever met.

So, if you need time to sort some things out,

I can wait.

You're worth it.

So, I heard the divorce went through.

What are you gonna do with your half of Lux?

Very funny, Decker.

-What's up? -Some of us from the precinct

are going down to The Paddock for beers after work.

And I thought you might want to join

if you don't have anything better to do.

I don't think I should.

Oh. Yeah. No big deal.

Just, like I said, a lot of people are going, so...

Listen, Chloe.

You and I, it's not a good idea.

Oh, I wasn't suggesting anything romantic at all. I just...

Listen, it's just... We deal with death every day, and...

Everybody's gonna die. Someday, you'll die, and I just--

Yeah.

Losing your brother, it's

still really affecting you, huh?

Understatement of the millennia.

I understand. I do.

And about tonight, it's not a big deal.

But,

just so I know that I'm not crazy,

um, in the surveillance van,

when I asked you to stay in L.A.,

we did have a moment there, yeah?

We did share a moment,

which is why I had to tell you that I'm not relationship material.

Mmm.

[sighs] Well, for what it's worth,

it's a really nice moment.

["John the Revelator" playing]

♪ John the Revelator ♪

♪ Tell me who's that writin'? ♪

♪ John the Revelator ♪

♪ Tell me who's that writin'? ♪

Lucifer, this better be good.

I was really looking forward to sleeping far away from you tonight.

Oh, it is good.

I finally got you figured out.

-Really? -Mmm. Yes.

You're terrified of letting someone get close to you

'cause you know they'll eventually leave you.

You'll outlive them.

You want to die

because you don't want to be alone anymore.

Yeah. Well, duh.

-What's your point? -If we're going to kill you,

then we have got to do it together.

Is that right?

Mmm.

You see, I don't think you've been spending time with me

trying to figure out how to kill me.

I think you want to spend time with someone

who's been screwed by your dad as much as you've been.

You are the one that doesn't want to be alone.

Well, I suppose one might call us friends now.

And it is nice to have a friend who can relate.

-I get you. -No, you don't.

You've been on the Earth, what, five years?

You'll see.

It's hard not to get attached.

Okay.

Okay. So we both have some issues that we need to work through.

But if we're gonna get revenge on Dad,

we've got to be committed.

I've already married you.

I'm not sure how much more committed I could be.

[laughs]

True.

True. But there are so many things that we never got to try.

Fine.

Go get the chainsaw.

Oh.

I thought you'd never ask.

[sighs heavily]

[clicks tongue, exhales]

[theme music playing]