Original subtitles

[Lucifer] Mmm. This was a new one on me, Detective.

[Chloe moaning]

[Chloe] Well, there's a first time for everything.

[Lucifer] Yes, but I've heard it can take hours.

I'm not sure even I have the endurance for that.

[Trixie] Don't worry, I'll help ya!

I'll be the top hat.

I will be the race car,

because I'm gonna leave you both

-in the dust. -[chuckles] Very funny.

Uh, wheelbarrow...

Shoot. Ugh.

I guess, I'll have to be the shot glass. Cheers.

-That's a thimble. -What?

I want to conquer real estate, not mend socks.

So, then be the shoe.

Please. I am not a shoe.

Clearly, I'm a top hat. Come on, hand it over.

You want it?

It's gonna cost you.

Oh. Well, name your price, urchin.

Oh, I'm not talking fake money.

Oh, wow. She slammed ya.

[chuckles]

[upbeat music playing]

[music stops]

Imagine my disappointment when I realized there was no raging party.

It's a security thing.

Worked for that Home Alone kid. But obviously, you can't take a hint.

Wasn't I being clear the last time I kicked you out?

Oh, clearly being a jerk.

Which is exactly why I came to look in on you.

You see, we need the most love when we're being most unlovable.

No offense, brother, but I don't need love from you.

I get plenty from naked strangers.

And speaking of, I'm spent,

-so if you don't mind... -That's where you've been, then?

Having sex with the nameless masses?

Oh, you know me, brother. Wine, women, and song.

Come on, run along. I don't need a babysitter.

Your cheek says otherwise.

Turns out, Bruce Lee mid-fly kick wasn't in the artist's repertoire.

[Amenadiel laughing]

Look, I had to cut a deal with the Detective's offspring.

So, that's who you were with?

Chloe and Trixie?

Oh, so much for wine, women, and song.

Technically, all of those things were represented.

When you count the post-game karaoke.

Luci, there is absolutely nothing wrong

with enjoying a quiet night in.

I did not say that I enjoyed it.

Yeah, right. Honestly, Luci,

who cares how you spend your nights?

Um... Everyone.

My exciting lifestyle

gives regular people something to aspire to. I provide hope.

I see. And how does Linda feel about this little ruse of yours?

I'm sure that the Doctor would love to dissect me,

but she's taking some time off to deal with a death in the family, so.

I had no idea.

I should go check on her.

Yes. Excellent idea. You do that.

Luci, I'm liking this new you.

Boring suits you, brother.

-[camera clicks] -[Lucifer] Now this poor victim,

she is boring.

-We don't know anything about her. -Don't we?

Generic artwork, dull clothes, beige furniture...

I mean, even her fruit bowl is so tragically safe.

No mangoes, no papayas. Not even a measly avocado.

Her name's Kim Jones.

Twenty-nine, she's a computer engineer.

We ran a full background check, but we couldn't find anything noteworthy.

[sighs] A fellow nerd.

I'm sure you're in a better place now.

[Lucifer] Well, even if she's in the worse place, it'd be far more

interesting than this. Because this poor lady? Definitely a shoe.

Any idea what he's talking about?

Oh, the other night, we played Monopoly.

So, that's that story.

Ella, what's the cause of death?

Uh, B-A-B-F-T.

-[Chloe] Hmm? -Big Ass Blunt Force Trauma to the head.

Murder weapon's missing,

but we're looking for something small and compact,

surprisingly heavy for its size.

Kinda like my Aunt Rosalita.

I wish Amenadiel were here

so he could see what boring actually looks like.

Can you believe that he said I've become boring? It's absurd.

Oh, I don't know. Monopoly?

Doesn't really sound like the old Lucifer.

And I have to say, you have become a bit more

-normal. -How dare you!

Crazy idea, let's talk less about Lucifer and more about the murder.

Crime scene selfies? Really?

Classy move.

And that is Esther. [sighs]

Our victim's roommate.

She found the body when she came home from partying.

Now what's such a dynamic young lady

doing living with a Kim?

Well, never mind.

She looks traumatized. I'll go comfort her.

Excuse me.

-No photos at a crime scene. -Sorry.

Not even one last one with the handsome cop?

[chuckles] Don't let the boring detective spoil things.

It would be my pleasure.

Right.

Oh. [chuckles] Bless your heart.

Obviously, I'm far too well dressed to be a cop.

So, I take it that you weren't close with your roommate.

Nah. I don't spend much time here.

Obviously. Besides, me and Kim?

Totally different squads.

Kim followed more people than followed her,

if you know what I mean.

Hashtag shoe.

Can you think of anyone who'd want her dead?

I don't think anyone wanted much of anything from Kim.

Okay, well, there was no break-in, there was no struggle,

which likely means that Kim knew the killer.

So, can you think of anything?

A recent break-up, a fight?

She did get into a yelling match

-on the phone last night... -Oh.

...but I assumed that was with the Thai delivery place.

And I assume that was the poor dear's closest relationship?

What time was the argument?

Uh, I'll tell you if you hand me my phone back.

I was getting ready to go out,

and I totally remember the pic I was uploading at the time.

Mmm. There.

Kombucha martini.

10:39 p.m.

We'll trace Kim's phone call at that time.

You guys mind if I post

that I'm totes helping a police investigation?

Absolutely. Do you mind tagging me?

[Chloe] Ella traced Kim's call to this business.

TopMeet? Interesting name for a Thai restaurant.

No, it's a dating app for LA's most fabulous singles.

Super exclusive.

Seems you need to get recommended, meet a bunch of selection criteria,

even go through an interview just to create an account.

Then why would our victim be arguing with someone here?

This is clearly a place for top hats. Like us.

Please. I would never get into something like this.

You're right. What was I thinking?

It's way too exciting for you, Detective. I meant me.

And him.

Gosh. Kindred souls,

this interesting young fellow and I. Wouldn't you say?

Except that, apparently,

he's slightly more interesting than you.

-Journalistic hyperbole, clearly. -Can I help you?

Oh.

Mack Slater, I'm the CEO.

If you're here for the selection interview,

I'll spare you. I created TopMeet for people exactly like you.

Ah, well, thank you very much.

Actually, I was talking to the lady.

You're exactly my type.

I mean, the app's type.

Bit on the nose there, Big Mack.

We're actually here for a different kind of interview.

There's been a murder, and our victim's last call

was to someone in this building.

-A homicide detective, huh? -[cell phone chimes]

-[Chloe] Uh-huh. -Wow. You just got even more interesting.

Funny, so did you. Just found out

who our victim was fighting with. You.

Ah. Most interesting bachelor indeed.

[theme music playing]

If you didn't know her, then how did you fight with her?

Because she was nuts.

I'm confused. You just said you didn't know her.

I know her type.

We get them from time to time.

They want to be on TopMeet,

they can't clear our high bar, and then they get pissed about it.

The problem with her was she just wouldn't take no for an answer.

And then she hacked her way onto my app.

And then our users complained,

of course, because nobody joins TopMeet to hook up with some

random nobody. So we had to kick her off.

Okay, and is that when she got angry and called to complain?

No, it was more like she went psycho.

Ah, boring people never like to be told they're dull. Right, Detective?

What did you do after the call?

I stayed here and worked late.

We've been busy as hell these days.

Not nearly, I can assure you.

[Chloe] I'd like to talk to anyone who can

corroborate your alibi. Also, I'll need a list

of any of the users that complained about Kim.

No can do.

With so many celebrity clients, our entire business model

is based off our ironclad privacy protocols.

-Fine. I'll just get a warrant. -Good luck with that.

I mean, how long did it take the FBI to hack one cell phone?

Yup, I'll have the tech team get on it.

You got it, Chloe. Ah!

[Charlotte] Hello, Miss Lopez.

I wanted to ask you something.

You know this darkness that you say you see in me?

-Mmm-hmm? -I've been trying to address it,

and details would help. So,

where do you see it, exactly? How? When?

Like, now.

Right about there.

Oh.

[chuckles softly]

Little better, but, you know, still.

You don't exactly scream rainbows and sunshine.

Even when you're not wielding murder weapons.

Well, for the record, I wouldn't stab you.

Not here, with all these cops around.

Oh, come on. That was funny.

Oh. Yeah, ha ha, funny.

Also, dark.

Right. Fair point.

But it's cool.

You know?

Bein' dark.

To each their own, you know?

Wow. You really have this "being good" thing down. Hmm?

You know, you might be just the person to guide me.

To where?

Somewhere other than Hell.

See, I've, um...

I've learned that there are consequences

to my "darkness".

Really permanent ones, as it turns out.

And I was thinking, you could help me avoid them.

No way, Jose.

I mean, I wish I could help you. I do.

-But I'm so busy. -With what?

You know, cases. Forensic stuff.

The lieutenant won't be back from medical leave until next week,

so it's, like, cray-cray up in here.

Oh, hey, Dan!

I bet you need me to go do that thing, huh?

That super urgent forensic thingy? Yeah.

See? Cray-cray.

Well,

I'm just gonna...

-I... -Yeah.

Bye.

[Linda] You're exposing yourself to dreadful consequences.

And I'm not talking bad Yelp reviews. I'm talking "Hell."

Turns out, real!

[laughing] I know! I know, right?

Shocker to me, too.

But not as much as your dancing queen candle arrangements!

Hey, Linda.

-Is everything okay? -Amenadiel, hi.

I'm so glad you're here.

I'm trying to plan my ex-husband's memorial,

and I could really use another opinion.

Um, okay, so,

which one do you like best?

Just knee jerk reaction. Go.

-That one? -Really?

Really? You don't think it's too ornate?

-That one. -You're right.

This one's simple yet elegant.

See, you're just the insight I needed. [chuckles]

Busy tomorrow?

[Lucifer] That looks absolutely nothing like our victim.

Take note, Daniel, these filters could be the answer

-to your dating drought. -[Ella] Or not.

-Kim only got one match. -What? Really?

After all the effort our shoe went through

to make herself look like a top hat,

she only got the interest of one gentleman?

Gentleman? You mean suspect.

[Ella] Yep. User name, Forever29.

The app arranged a date for them. Based on their likes and locations,

it suggested a sushi place on Melrose.

Even made a reservation for them,

for the night of the murder.

If this guy's using the app as a hunting ground,

he could be targeting somebody right now. We gotta find him.

Yeah, but how? We can't even get an ID.

[Ella] Yeah, tech team hasn't been able to crack

TopMeet's security algo.

Which means Kim had mad hacking skills.

So, can we use Forever29's profile pic

and run it through facial recognition?

Yeah, I know. Thought about that, but...

[Lucifer] Ugh. Partial profile pics,

such a tell-tale sign of low self-esteem.

Or our guy is keeping his profile a secret because he's the killer.

[Ella] Wait a minute. There is some good news, you guys.

He used the app to RSVP for a mixer at TopMeet

that's happening tonight.

Okay, we gotta get to this party,

use what we know about Forever29 and single him out.

[Lucifer] Okay, fine, I'll go.

Seeing as I'm the only interesting single person here,

I think I'm our one shot at catching the killer.

-Lucifer, we're looking for a guy. -Your point?

Uh... He's a dude and he's straight.

That's never stopped me before, Daniel.

I'm so good at flipping men, they call me "The Skillet".

-Oh, wow. -[Chloe] Okay.

We need a woman. So, I'll go.

You, Detective? Socialize? Flirt? Come on.

Yeah, but for the investigation, I can sacrifice.

I mean, it can't be that hard being frivolous and shallow.

I'll just channel my inner Lucifer.

You want to become a female version of me?

Okay. I'll gladly train you.

Chloe does Lucifer?

I wouldn't exactly word it that way.

Get ready to go full me, Detective!

[Lucifer] The Paris shows were glorious.

Worth the jet lag alone. How was your weekend?

[Chloe] Uh, awesome. Great.

Uh, Saturday, went camping with my daughter. And Sunday,

did a big Costco run. [chuckles]

There's, like, 300 hot dogs in my freezer.

Oh, really? That is so interesting.

Oh, dear. Look what you did to poor Giancarlo. Dead.

From boredom.

You're going to this TopMeet mixer to hunt down a killer,

not to talk about your hunt for bulk-food bargains!

Okay, sorry I'm not fancy-shmancy enough for Giancarlo.

Let's get the terminology straight, not "fancy-shmancy."

-Sophisticated. -Oh, whatever.

Why don't you...

Just give me some tips on how to blend in with that crowd.

You think being as fascinating as I am can be

boiled down to a few tips?

This is not paint by numbers.

Goodness me, I need a drink.

Oh, thank you.

I have a tip, Mom. Don't talk about me.

Mmm. Mmm. Yes, definitely, no mention of the child.

And enough with the tips.

Why don't we do a little role play, hmm?

-Okay. -You be a randy single man, and I'll be...

I'll be the new you.

Okay, I have never once done that.

[Lucifer] My point exactly.

Meet Lucinda. Come on.

Gosh. This is going to be harder than I thought.

[sighs]

[inaudible]

Oh, crap.

[inaudible]

Oh!

[elevator bell dings]

Oh.

Need some help there, sir?

[sighs]

Good news, Ella!

I've been admitted to the Forensic Shadow Program.

-What is that? -A mentorship program.

Which means I will be your student.

I'm going to stick to you like glue.

So I can learn how to be good.

At forensics.

Stuff comes up constantly in court.

-That's great? -[man] Hold it, please.

I don't think so, buddy.

I mean, what am I, Mother Teresa?

My, my, Detective,

-you look... -Like a female Lucifer?

Well, that's what I was going for.

Well, close enough. You're going to need this.

Do I really need to wear an ear bug?

Absolutely. From what we know of our killer,

blue-eyed sushi snob who loves surfing

and splooshing, I'd say you're bit out of your comfort zone.

So you're going to need to bring Lucinda's A-game.

You mean your A-game.

Absolutely. Oh, and while we're at it,

do you need a refresher on splooshing?

-It is very simple-- -No, stop! I'm good.

I'm good. But, oh, except for...

You don't wanna wear it?

It's not really Lucinda's style.

-Right. -Oh.

Okay.

There. I'm ready.

Yes, you are.

-Good luck. -Thank you.

[upbeat music playing]

[laughter]

Hi, I'll get a IPA, please.

[Lucifer on mic] No, no, no! Not beer,

Prosecco.

But I hate Prosecco.

Well, tough luck. Lucinda loves it.

[scoffs] Beer. It's a good job I'm here.

Yeah, man. Close call.

[clears throat] Possible suspect, moving in.

[Lucifer] All right, whatever he says to you, just laugh.

[Chloe softly] Mmm-hmm.

Hey there. What's your name?

[forced laughter]

Lucinda.

No, no, no! Not like a demented witch on crack.

A deep, sultry laugh.

[chuckles hesitantly]

I'm sorry. I think I may have had

a little too much Prosecco

on an empty stomach.

I should have had that sushi.

Did you try the sushi? Is it good?

No, I did not.

-I'm a vegan. -Oh.

Anyway, might wanna go easy on the bubbles.

Ah.

-[sighs] -Smooth.

Beginner's bad luck.

It's hard to do justice to my captivating essence,

but she'll get the hang of it.

Don't be such a Debbie Downer, Daniel.

[indistinct chatter]

-Hey. -Hey.

Hi.

You're really tan. Are you a surfer?

Well, I'd like to surf in your eyes.

[Lucifer] Oh, dearie me, he's lucky it's not a crime to be a cheeseball.

Anyway, at least the ice is broken.

Now just make small talk.

So I drove up to this meditation retreat in Big Sur last week--

No, no, no!

PCH is closed.

-Say you helicoptered in. -Shush!

Uh, excuse me?

Sploosh. I said, sploosh.

Are you into splooshing?

Time to change tactics.

You know what?

Enjoy the Prosecco, Lucinda.

-[static on mic] -I don't believe this.

Ditching protocol mid-sting! Who does that?

Maybe she'll do better on her own.

Don't be ridiculous, Daniel.

She'll flounder without my expert guidance!

Right, I'm clearly needed on the front lines.

You just stay here and do what you do best.

Nada.

[scoffs]

-[Chloe] Oh, I love traveling. -Oh, yeah?

-Yeah. -Any fun plans coming up?

Um...

Well, I was thinking of maybe getting out of the city,

and taking my daughter camping.

Cool, I love the outdoors.

-I'm a surfer. -Really?

Goes well with camping.

I've always wanted to try surfing. But--

Oh, hi, Lucifer.

This is Benji.

He just had four pieces of sashimi,

and we just started talking about surfing.

Oh, lovely. Now, I insist you put your mic back in immediately.

We can't hear a thing in the truck.

You are being a--

[groans] Nice work.

[woman] Hey, there's a strange man...

[people clamoring]

-You have to save me from them! -[Dan] Uh, yeah,

they're with me.

Not bad for nada, huh?

-[scoffs] -Wait, she's a cop?

Detective Decker, LAPD.

We wanna talk to you about a murder.

-You're not paparazzi? -What?

Oh, thank God.

Ugh. Man, the things Dad gets credit for.

Yeah, I went on a date with her. Just the other night.

Still can't believe she's, uh,

dead.

Oh? Did you think she'd survive you murdering her?

I told you, I'm innocent.

Well, you're an overpaid DJ. So, that's up for debate.

It seems you were the last person to see Kim alive.

I couldn't have been.

When I dropped her off after our date,

her roommate was still there.

How do you know that?

Because that's the reason I didn't go upstairs

like Kim suggested.

-I was trying to avoid Esther. -What, kombucha martini girl?

You know her roommate?

To the extent that you can know someone

who's glued to her phone and talks in hashtags.

-[chuckles] -[Chloe] Yup, it's her.

-How did you two meet? -We matched on the TopMeet app,

a few weeks ago.

And went on two exhausting dates.

Then why go on the second date?

Because I wanted to see Kim again.

I met her at the apartment

when I picked up Esther for our first date.

She wasn't there the second time.

So you can imagine how stoked I was

when she popped up on the TopMeet app.

No, I can't, actually.

You're saying you that used a top hat to get to a shoe?

-He must be lying, Detective. -I'm not lying.

I really liked Kim.

She was different than all the other women on the app.

Different as in duller, more mundane and dressed for less.

No, as in she didn't make me feel like I had to be on all the time.

With her, I could...

I could just be myself.

Interesting.

Thanks.

[Chloe clears throat]

What if Esther found out about Benji and Kim?

Got jealous, lost control.

This goddess, jealous of the plain Jane?

It's ludicrous! It's like me being

jealous of that paper clip. Or Daniel.

Not to mention, Esther is far too busy

for murder, Detective. Look.

She flew to Florence last week

just 'cause she fancied eating some gelato!

She went on a plane to get ice cream?

When you say it in English, it sounds silly.

Oh, but look at that belfie.

[chuckles] Bet you could bounce a quarter off that derriere.

Oh.

Wait, uh, go back.

-There. -What?

"Something small and compact and surprisingly heavy for its size."

What's Miss Lopez's Aunt Rosalita got to do with anything?

Look.

The dumbbell, it wasn't at the crime scene.

It matches the bruises on the victim. It's a weapon of convenience,

and it fits the crime-of-passion scenario.

Doesn't mean Esther was the one to wield it, though.

No, but if my theory of jealousy is right, she was.

Trust me, Detective, there's no way Esther has ever used a weight.

I refer once again to her naturally sublime derriere.

[whispers] Oh, crap!

You're avoiding me, aren't you?

Don't be crazy.

No, I just...

You know, like my floors spotless.

An evidence lab can never be too clean.

And that is your forensic lesson of the day. More next week?

Why don't you want to mentor me?

It's not that I don't want to. Okay? I just don't have the time.

I've been watching you. You have plenty of time.

You just waste it chitchatting.

You mean socializing?

Connecting with people isn't a waste.

Okay. Let's be honest here.

You don't really care about anyone's kids, or whatever.

You're faking it, right?

Just tell me how you keep your eyes from glazing over.

There is no Forensic Shadow Program, is there?

Even if I had

been tempted to help,

and I'm not saying that I had,

now that I know that you lied,

poof!

Temptation officially gone.

Okay, so I'm thinking big band over here,

and two long buffet tables over here.

Or should we do three?

It depends. How many people are coming?

-Uh, just 350. -350?

Wow.

I didn't realize how much you still cared about Reese.

Of course I do! I'm heartbroken about his death.

Distraught, really.

Can barely function.

Okay, okay,

okay, okay, okay, I'm functioning perfectly.

I only feel terrible that I don't feel terrible about his death.

Okay, so all of this is just...

A pathetic attempt to cover up the fact that

I can't stop

thinking about me.

Me, me!

Me and my own brush with death.

-I understand, Linda-- -How could you possibly understand

what it's like to be rotisseried by the...

By the goddess of all creation?

Dealing with mortality was so much easier

when I was just another clueless idiot.

Being a celestial insider?

Really sucks.

I used to walk around thinking

maybe reincarnation was real.

Sure, it sounded bonkers,

but I could still wonder,

still hope.

What if I came back as a chameleon or something?

Chameleons are cool.

But now I know that's never happening, because I know, you know,

everything.

Including where I'm headed when this is over.

-And where is that? -Where do you think?

I wish I'd never met any of you.

[Chloe] So we wanted to, uh, ask you a few...

Would you want to put on a shirt

or anything to cover

your body?

No. Why, are you cold?

Yes, would you like my jacket, Detective?

No, I'm great. Thank you.

Right.

So, when was this photo taken?

Uh, I took that on my way to Tokyo,

I think.

Sorry, I travel so much, it's hard to keep track.

It's actually something else that we're trying to track down.

This pink dumbbell here? It went missing the night of Kim's murder.

Any idea where it went?

Nope, it's not mine. I don't work out.

-Ah. -Everything you see is God-given.

And they say that Dad doesn't give with both hands.

So, the dumbbell. You're saying that's Kim's?

Yeah. Poor thing tried so hard to be like me.

So, how did you feel when you realized that

Benji preferred Kim to you?

Nah, ah, ah. Sneaky.

Don't listen to the Detective, darling. She's trying to trick you.

You just look into my eyes so we can prove to her that she's wrong.

Now, you're too sophisticated

to care about your boring flatmate's trifles, aren't you?

Tell me. What is it you really desire?

I...

I...

I want to stop posing

and lying!

It takes so much effort to make these pics

look so effortless. It's exhausting.

What, so you're saying it's all a facade?

I don't even know what that word means.

I'm not worldly at all.

Hashtag Barbados.

More like hashtag Bogus.

The most exotic place I've ever been is the gym's sauna.

You said you didn't work out.

Of course I do.

With real equipment, at a gym,

not in my living room.

So you're still saying that the dumbbell is Kim's?

Yeah, she tried everything to be part of my "glamorous" lifestyle.

She was even planning on getting surgery

once all the money came in.

What money?

I don't know, but she made it sound life-changing.

Maybe the motive for Kim's murder was financial.

Maybe she was coming into some inheritance

and somebody wasn't happy about it.

Can't believe Esther was a fake.

I mean, how did I completely misjudge her?

Lucifer, are you listening?

We need to look into this windfall.

Detective, I think I've been spending too much time with you.

It's turned my top hat radar rusty.

-What? -No offense, but I think I need to go

and hang out with some interesting people

before you turn me into a shoe.

-I'm sorry. -Mmm.

I don't regret meeting you.

I just-- It's a lot.

But I've calmed down now. So, can we go?

Lie down with me, Linda.

On the... On the sand?

Okay.

Listen,

there was a time when I too thought that I knew everything.

This was back when I was an angel

and spent all my time looking down on the world.

But you see, I've found it takes looking up to gain perspective.

It's a good reminder of just how much there is that we don't know.

Linda.

If you really think about it,

do you have any fewer questions than you used to?

When you didn't know?

I mean, they're different questions.

But there're just as many. Maybe more.

So you're still every bit the clueless idiot that you always were?

[both chuckling]

[sighs]

That helps.

Still sucks about the chameleon, though.

[laughs]

Thank you.

I can't find any sign of that windfall.

As far as I can tell, there was no money coming Kim's way.

-But there's gotta be something. -There is.

Charlotte, what're you doing here?

I felt unsettled about lying to you,

and I thought I could make up for it by making myself useful,

so I overheard you talking about

finding a connection between the dead girl

and that exclusive dating app,

so I did a little digging and I found one.

-We're long past that. -Are you sure?

I had to pull some strings to get this.

It's an employment contract

between Kim and the owner of the app, Mack something.

Drawn up two years ago,

in total secrecy.

But Mack said that he hadn't met Kim

-until she called him that night. -Oh, he met her, all right.

Kim hired him.

She hired him?

And then hacked his app? Doesn't make sense.

Unless, she didn't hack it.

TopMeet's encryption protocol is impossible to crack.

Except to the person who built it.

Exactly.

So, if Kim created TopMeet,

then who the hell is Mack?

[Ella] Well, no computer whiz, that's for sure.

C-minus student, barely graduated high school.

Voted "Most likely to sleep his way to the top"?

And guess what he was doing before TopMeet?

Spin instructor.

Okay. Why would Kim hire him, then?

If she was this genius computer engineer,

what does he bring to the equation?

Uh, that.

Look at him and then look at her. If both came to you,

asking for funding for an elite dating app,

whose project would you invest in?

Well, yeah, if you're being all superfish and whatevs.

[Chloe] Which many people are.

Maybe Kim felt she wasn't fancy-shmancy enough,

so she hid the fact that she was the creator,

and hired pretty boy Mack here to be the facade.

In secret.

Explains why it didn't come up in the background check.

So Kim's insecurities allowed Mack to take the credit.

And the money.

Which she wanted to take back.

That's the windfall she was expecting.

-Strong motive for him to kill her. -But didn't his alibi check out?

He could have easily convinced one of his employees to lie for him.

It's a solid theory.

But still, it's just a theory. We need proof.

[sighs] I really wish we had that murderous dumbbell right about now.

If Mack did it, I think we know where to find it.

-Hmm? We do? -There's a good chance

the murder weapon is at Mack's place.

Seasoned killers know to leave it

at the scene, but first-timers, they tend to take it with them.

I can't count the times

I've allegedly helped a client unmake that mistake.

-Really? -What? I said allegedly.

We need to get a search warrant for Mack's place.

-Yeah. Good luck with that. -Excuse me?

Mack's lawyer will argue that all you have is conjecture

based on circumstantial evidence, and any judge will agree.

You're never getting that warrant.

Then it's a good thing I am exactly our killer's type.

Mack, I love the place.

Mr. Morningstar.

How about a gentlemen's weekend in Vegas?

I need to scrape the rust off my playboy ways,

and you're just the chap to help this Devil get his groove back.

-What do you say? -[laughs]

Sounds fun.

But I'm afraid I have a previous engagement.

Oh?

[clears throat]

Some alone time with the Detective.

-Not alone anymore. -Oh, Mack.

I suppose we all have our low points, but not to worry.

I have a chopper waiting. If we leave now,

we can still make the Encore pool party.

[chuckles] I'm afraid you're going to have to leave.

Detective, I'm trying

to kick-off a most interesting bachelors' Bacchanalian here.

You leave. I'm having fun.

Something going on between you two?

-Absolutely not! -Absolutely not!

I'm gonna grab a beer.

Decide for yourselves who gets the pleasure of my company.

-[chuckles] Okay. -[laughs]

Well, I didn't have him pegged for your type.

I thought you preferred them boring.

You think I'm on a date?

I am here looking for the murder weapon, Lucifer.

What, so now you think Mack's the killer. [chuckles]

You're just profiling fabulous people, aren't you?

Enough with this crusade against us already!

Mack isn't fabulous.

Kim created TopMeet. He stole it.

What?

-Another phony? -Yes.

[sighs]

I suppose that explains

-the self-aggrandizing artwork. -Would you help me find the weapon?

-Please? -[sighs]

Okay, fine, in my experience,

-it's usually in the toilet. -Oh, I checked there.

Uh, the freezer?

-Not there, either. -Well, the fire place, then.

Lucifer, there's no way

he could be dumb enough to...

Lucifer.

Ah.

Well, look who put the "dumb" into "dumbbell."

-[Mack] Decided against the beer. -[gun cocks]

Because, A, carbs and B,

two cops showing up at my house on the same day?

Uh. Figured that must not be a coincidence.

Still think I'm dumb?

Basic deduction doesn't make you a genius, Mack.

But then again, you're used to taking more credit than you deserve.

Yes, Mack. Or should I say, Hack.

[sighs] Waste of a pun. You're gonna have to spell it out for him, Detective.

We know that Kim created TopMeet.

Oh, yeah? Do you know she was also going to destroy it, too?

She sneaks on the site, goes on one good date,

and then wants to make the app more accessible.

So stupid!

What's stupid about thinking someone deserves

to be loved for who they really are?

Kim was the brains, Mack.

You were just the face.

[Mack] Just the face?

Kim was Wozniak, I'm Jobs.

No one gives a crap about Wozniak.

Ah, please, Mack. What you are is a fraud.

Which, unfortunately, makes you boring.

And predictable. Watch.

Put that down.

Or what? You're gonna blow your own face to smithereens, Mack?

It's quite heavy, isn't it?

At least they got the density right.

Oh! Heads up!

-[cocks gun] -[Chloe] Nice catch.

Today interesting enough for you?

Ah. Beats Monopoly. [chuckles]

But in the end, the shoe turned out to be interesting,

and the top hat,

-boring. -Right.

So, you're gonna embrace your boring side now?

Well, I would, but I have no boring side.

-Ah. -Even the most trivial of nights

takes a turn for the exciting when I'm involved.

I just got to throw a man's own head at him! [chuckles]

That sounds

painful.

Don't worry, he deserved it.

For pretending to be something he wasn't.

People really do waste an awful lot of time

trying to be interesting.

People. Not you, though?

Oh, no. To me, it just comes effortlessly.

All I have to do is just

be myself.

-Hmm. -Mmm.

But what I really want to know is,

how have you been doing?

Well,

I was in a really dark place.

But...

Someone helped me gain perspective.

How's that saying go?

We are all in the gutter,

but some of us are looking up at the stars.

The stars are just gas bags.

And I never would have fed Oscar that line

had I'd known how much I'd have to hear people quote it back to me.

-Oscar freaking Wilde? -Mmm-hmm.

-[chuckling] Really? -Now he was an interesting bachelor.

Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you are doing better.

This calls for a celebration.

So, Oscar, huh?

Tell me everything.

Well, he was straight when I first met him.

Oh, my God!

That one was all you.

I was about to knock.

There's something I need to tell you.

Funny,

there's actually something I need to tell you, too.

Thank you.

That contract helped put a killer behind bars.

-You did a good thing. -I stole it.

Aw, man, seriously?

You know what?

It still counts, okay?

You did a bad thing,

but it was for a good reason.

-Really? -Yes.

But only if in good faith,

you try to do it the right way first.

Being good takes practice.

Okay, so just keep at it

and you'll get better.

I guess I should take that job, then.

What job?

I've been offered a position in the DA's office

to help put criminals away for a change.

Like you'd ever take that pay cut.

Yeah, I know.

But anyway,

sometimes, there's more important things

than money.

Oh, yeah, like all the things that money can buy.

Too late. You talked me into it.

-I did? -Yes, this job is the perfect place

to practice this being

good thing. And bonus,

I'll be around here more.

[Ella chuckles hesitantly]

Yeah.

Bonus.

So how did Lucinda do, Mom?

Uh... She did okay.

Helped us catch the bad guy in the end.

-Thank you. -No, I meant,

how did meeting new people at the party go?

Oh.

Well, um, I actually

had a pretty good time.

But only once

I stopped being Lucinda and started being myself.

You know it can be scary sometimes.

But being who you really are

is never a bad idea.

Hey, there's a piece missing.

[playing piano]

Lucifer?

[scoffs]

-Are you coming? -Uh...

How about a nice round of Monopoly?

No?

Little face-painting, maybe?

[chuckles]

I didn't think so.

[upbeat music playing]

[theme music playing]